If I Speak

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Ash Sarkar and Moya Lothian-McLean sort the personal from the political, tackle listener dilemmas and air their opinions on the frustrations of modern life.

Novara Media

London, England

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    • Apr 29, 2025 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 57m AVG DURATION
    • 64 EPISODES


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    Latest episodes from If I Speak

    62: I'm not sure I want to call myself a feminist anymore…

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 29, 2025 56:40


    Ash and Moya confront their feelings after a bad fortnight for feminism, from Katy Perry in space to the Supreme Court's anti-trans ruling. Plus: advice on divorcing parents and compulsive exercising. PSA: We're going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Special guest TBA! Tickets are available from Dice. Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com […]

    61: Can friendships cross class lines? w/ Natasha Brown

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 22, 2025 56:02


    Ash speaks to author Natasha Brown about the big questions raised by her acclaimed second novel Universality, a ‘whydunnit' mystery about identity, class and how we (re)invent ourselves. Plus: a dilemma about selling your soul. PSA: We're going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Tickets are available from Dice. Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com […]

    60: Are we too addicted to convenience?

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 15, 2025 51:43


    Ash and Moya answer a mystery question and wonder if our quest for a life of convenience was a mistake. Plus: advice for a listener dating a much, much older man. PSA: We're going live at EartH in London on 21st May! Stay tuned for tickets next week. Music by Matt Huxley.

    59: Does my ex owe me money for the house we renovated?

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2025 61:16


    Moya and Ash offer advice to a special one who's lost everything after renovating a house with their ex. Plus: what if some of us are ‘relationship people' while the rest are better off alone? We're now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod. Send your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    58: I want to be fun again. Help!

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 1, 2025 57:01


    Ash has an intrusive thought that she thinks Moya can help with: make me fun again! Plus advice for a listener navigating the identity politics of the student council. We're now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    57: Do you really want to know about your partner’s past mistakes?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 25, 2025 69:39


    Nicola Dinan returns to the show to talk about her second novel, Disappoint Me, and respond to Moya's question about how to deal with a partner's past mistakes. Plus, dilemmas about lip filler and bottom surgery. We're now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    56: The one where Moya grills Ash on her new book

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 18, 2025 62:28


    Moya has a bone to pick with Ash about Minority Rule and the conversations sparked by her book tour, while posing the big question: why is it so hard to form your own opinions? Plus: what to do when a newly sober friend starts drifting away. We're now yapping on TikTok! Follow us @ifispeakpod Send […]

    55: Joy is an act of resistance… right?

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 11, 2025 62:54


    Moya and Ash discuss the uses and abuses of self-care culture and its roots in Black feminism. Plus: how to get over homesickness. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    54: Forget the boycott, gimme that brand deal

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 4, 2025 53:37


    Why did Stormzy delete his pro-Palestine posts just before unveiling a Happy Meal tie-in with McDonald's? Ash asks Moya if big artists are all just businesses in the end. Plus: how to deal with a delusional friend. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    53: Getting ‘the ick’

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 25, 2025 47:04


    When did we all start ‘getting the ick'? And why does it mainly seem to be women who get it? Ash and Moya unpack the gender politics behind the ‘ick-course'. Plus: when is the right time to have the big money chat with your partner? Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    52: Happy birthday IIS! Now ask us anything…

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2025 66:25


    One whole year of If I Speak! Moya and Ash celebrate with an #AMA, tackling your questions on career growth, love songs, role models, Irish politics and whether they're friends in real life. Plus: listener feedback on last week's “return of the slur”. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    51: Am I feminine enough for you?

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 11, 2025 60:22


    Ash and Moya respond to a mystery question about femininity with a conversation about desire, agency and sexual politics. Plus: advice for a listener tangled up in their in-laws' finances. Send us your dilemmas: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    50: The return of the slur

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 4, 2025 63:58


    After hearing the R-word on a comedy podcast, Moya offers an intrusive thought about the limits of language policing. Plus: what to do about a horrible housemate. Send in your questions for If I Speak's birthday AMA episode on 18th February! ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    49: We need to see more wrinkles on screen!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 28, 2025 60:37


    Ash and Moya discuss women's changing faces on screen and the intensifying obsession with ageing. Plus: tough love for a Special One who's getting in their own way. Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    48: Is it time to cut off my lying dad?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2025 61:28


    Ash and Moya tackle a mailbag full of dilemmas, including a committed couple arguing over money, a daughter considering cutting off her dad, and a student struggling to overcome the trauma of rape. Plus: Ash blushes her way through your emails about gay porn. CW: suicide, rape. Resources: https://thesurvivorstrust.org/support-in-your-area Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music […]

    47: Is the era of public shaming over? w/ Yomi Adegoke at London Podcast Festival

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 14, 2025 82:29


    Recorded live at London Podcast Festival last September, Ash and Moya are joined by Yomi Adegoke – author of The List and Slay In Your Lane – to talk about public shaming. Is the era of the online pile-on over? Plus, our audience of special ones help to solve some listener dilemmas. Email your dilemmas […]

    46: Porn is everywhere. How damaging is it really?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2025 75:41


    What happens when sex becomes an online stunt? Ash and Moya discuss OnlyFans creator Lily Phillips, who challenged herself to have sex with 100 men in one day, and wonder if the radical feminists were right about porn. Plus: advice for a listener struggling to build deeper friendships. Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by […]

    45: Surviving end-of-year burnout

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 31, 2024 67:00


    What has 2024 taught us? Ash and Moya reflect on a year of discomfort and grief, from personal challenges to political setbacks. Plus: what classic dance track does Ash have stuck in her head? Email your dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    44. How to deal with people who can't deal with you

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 24, 2024 60:53


    Moya and Ash swerve the fuzzy festive feelings in order to get some things off their chest. Plus, advice for a listener who feels trapped in their happy relationship. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    43: How far would you go to be yourself? w/ Amrou Al-Kadhi

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 17, 2024 61:00


    Moya and Ash talk to writer and director Amrou Al-Kadhi about their brilliant debut film, Layla, which follows a young drag queen in chaotic pursuit of self-expression. Plus, advice on how to handle a partner with a porn addiction. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    42: Why won’t they just break up?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2024 53:41


    [Updated file!] Moya has a theory for Ash about unhappy couples who will do anything except break up. Why are we sometimes so hesitant to pull the plug? Plus, advice for a special one dealing with guilt after the end of a relationship. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    41: When do good habits become dark obsessions?

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 3, 2024 61:48


    Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about breaking bad habits, with a frank discussion about open relationships, exercise and disordered eating (content warning). Plus, a listener with a question about cross-racial dating, and verdicts on Gladiator II and GNX. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    40: Do aesthetic trends offer clues to political shifts?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 26, 2024 63:36


    Moya has a big theory for Ash about aesthetic trends as a harbinger of the US election results, which prompts a very adult discussion (read: argument) about the purpose of the podcast. Plus a bundle of your Missed Connections, including hotties spotted in Glasgow, Manchester, at the Palestine protest and – where else! – an […]

    39: I’m in big trouble! Your dilemmas answered

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 19, 2024 57:48


    Ash and Moya tackle another bumper crop of your dilemmas, including a special one who wants to stop mothering her friends, a burned-out student struggling to get back on track, a self-confessed slacker looking for a meaningful career, and an expat looking for laughs. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt […]

    38: Why is Andrew Tate's manosphere so seductive? w/ Matt Shea and Jamie Tahsin

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 12, 2024 71:59


    Moya and Ash are joined by the authors of Clown World, a new book exposing Andrew Tate's grip on his followers around the world, to talk about why patriarchy is so seductive. Plus, advice for a special one who is drowning under their workload. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt […]

    37: Do you believe in ghosts?

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 5, 2024 56:21


    The veil is thin this time of year, so Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about the spirit realm. Plus, neighbourhood cat panics and advice for a listener who can't stand that her friend is a police officer. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    36: Should being a girlboss earn me a break from cleaning?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 29, 2024 54:19


    Ash and Moya wonder why women still shoulder the burden of housework, even when they're #leaningin to their careers. Plus, a listener who doesn't know how to deal with his cheating ex-partner. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    35: Help! My scatty friends can’t meet my standards

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 22, 2024 60:20


    Are you a Black Cat? Or a #cleangirl? Do you have Main Character Energy? Moya has a big theory about the urge to give ourselves new labels. Plus, a listener who feels like her friends and family can't meet her standards. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    34: How mean can you be to other people’s kids?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 15, 2024 64:39


    Ash and Moya channel their inner Clint Eastwoods to lament the rise of trick or treating, and consider how to interact with other people's children. Plus, a listener dealing with confusing feelings after a difficult abortion. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    33: What makes you embarrassed to be leftwing?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2024 51:12


    Moya and Ash turn the weapon on themselves with a Mystery Question about the lows of being on the left – haters and losers, pyrrhic victories, strategic balls-ups and the rest. Plus, a listener who's falling out of love just as their partner needs support. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by […]

    32: What makes a house a home?

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 1, 2024 49:32


    Inspired by Moya's big move, Ash wonders what the necessary ingredients are to turn a house share into a home. Plus, advice for a listener whose friend is infatuated with her lecturer. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley. Help us build people-powered media: https://novara.media/support

    31: Why isn’t my best friend excited about my wedding?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 24, 2024 58:53


    Moya and Ash argue over a big theory about our need for surprise. Has modern life killed off spontaneity in everything from dating to holidays? Plus: advice for a listener who's wondering why an old friend isn't more excited to be his best man. We're sorry about the uneven audio quality for part of the […]

    30: Unbothered, moisturised, happy – and ready for a relationship?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 17, 2024 67:21


    Are you sitting comfortably? Because Moya has come to a big realisation – and some new rules on dating etiquette. Plus, a whole a new batch of your Missed Connections! Get in touch if you recognise any of these objects of our affection. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    A message from Moya…

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 10, 2024 1:14


    Moya and Ash are absent this week – but in the meantime, they're preparing for a LIVE recording of the show this Sunday, 15th September, as part of the London Podcast Festival. They'll be joined wise guest Yomi Adegoke, author of The List, to help solve your dilemmas and sort the personal from the political. […]

    29. Has therapyspeak improved our lives?

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 3, 2024 60:27


    Does knowing your attachment style make life any easier? Moya and Ash tackle a mystery question about our newfound fluency in the language of therapy. Plus: advice for a listener who's becoming estranged from his sister. ONLY TWO WEEKS until our live show at the London Podcast Festival! Join Moya, Ash and special guest Yomi […]

    28: What the hell is a gut feeling, anyway?

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 27, 2024 58:00


    Moya is on the brink of change – but can she trust her gut on the biggest decision of her adult life? Plus, advice for a listener confused about their lifelong lack of sex. You've only got a few weeks to grab your ticket for our live show at the London Podcast Festival on 15th September, […]

    27: I’m in big trouble! Your dilemmas answered

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 19, 2024 64:24


    Ash and Moya dedicate a whole show to answering your dilemmas! Featuring a woman questioning her age-gap relationship, an infuriating parent who won't budge on politics, a ghosted lover plotting her revenge, a loner who wants to start socialising, and a low-earner who resents her rich friends. You've only got a few weeks to grab […]

    26: I’m so sorry, I’m English

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 13, 2024 71:46


    Moya has a big theory for Ash – but the script goes out the window when they start talking about the far-right violence engulfing the UK and unpacking their own emotional reactions to English racism. After that: playing matchmaker with the first batch of Missed Connections. Content note: This episode includes discussion of racist language and […]

    25: I hate the way that you walk, I hate the way that you talk

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 6, 2024 74:24


    Prompted by Kendrick's anthemic Drake diss, Ash claims we're living through the summer of the hater. But what does it mean to hate so hard? Plus: a listener who feels rejected by her English in-laws. Email your missed connections and dilemmas to ifispeak@novaramedia.com Got your tickets for the If I Speak live show yet? We're […]

    24: Help! What’s my purpose in life?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 30, 2024 70:05


    Moya and Ash butt heads over the lure of individualism and living a political life. Plus: Moya enters her busy-body era with a new segment, Missed Connections! Tell us about the brief encounters you just can't shake, and we will hunt them down and make them bae. Email us your missed connections with as much […]

    23: Surviving your Saturn return

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 23, 2024 65:17


    Moya and Ash debate the power of astrology and explain how they survived their ‘Saturn return' era. Plus: Ash's best anti-procrastination techniques. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from Kings Place now. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com Music by Matt Huxley.

    22: How will I know if I really want kids?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 16, 2024 81:50


    Ash and Moya are joined by podcast entrepreneur and single mum Renay Richardson to talk about the realities of solo parenting, from being blocked from adopting to the shortage of Black sperm donors. Plus: a harrowing faux pas. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available […]

    21: What does it take to be effortlessly cool?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 9, 2024 54:02


    Ash has a theory of cool that involves nonchalance, style and timing – but Moya's not so sure. Plus, advice for one listener who wants respect in their situationship, and someone dealing with a newcomer to the family. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from […]

    20: Skinny Is Back In Fashion. FFS!

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 2, 2024 56:24


    The return of low rise jeans was a harbinger of something worse: being seriously thin is back in fashion. But why now? Moya and Ash have a Big Theory. Plus: the brown girl moisturising protocol. CW: weight, dieting, eating disorders, cosmetic procedures. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on […]

    19: We’re boiling with rage

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 25, 2024 62:29


    Moya has a big theory about why everyone's on such a short fuse these days and Ash responds to a listener with a debilitating crush. Plus: science or magic? We're going to Glastonbury! Moya will be joined by Shon Faye and a LEGENDARY special guest a live recording of the show, and will host two […]

    18: Why does everything feel so disposable?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 18, 2024 58:09


    Ash presents a big theory about disposability and social shame prompted by a wardrobe clearout, and Moya responds to a dilemma about dating while living with parents. Plus: spot remedies. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from kingsplace.co.uk now. Got a problem? Tell us: […]

    17: Feeling seen w/ Nicola Dinan

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 11, 2024 54:17


    Moya and Ash talk to Nicola Dinan, author of Bellies, about why we crave external validation yet hate to be perceived. Plus: advice for a listener who got engaged while drunk. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available from kingsplace.co.uk now. Got a problem? Tell […]

    16: How do you recover after betrayal? w/ Chimene Suleyman

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 4, 2024 59:52


    Moya and Ash talk to Chimene Suleyman, author of The Chain, about uncovering her ex-boyfriend's secrets and why society lets abusive men get away with it again and again. Plus: a listener needs help with their sexless relationship. Come and see If I Speak live at the London Podcast Festival on 15 September! Tickets available […]

    15. Dissociation is my superpower

    Play Episode Listen Later May 28, 2024 64:32


    Does the body keep the score? Ash and Moya explore the border between grief and trauma and how to embrace being emotionally messy when disaster strikes. Plus: an “accidental incel” writes in. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

    14. What does it mean to live authentically? w/ Oisín McKenna

    Play Episode Listen Later May 21, 2024 71:57


    Ash and Moya talk to Evenings And Weekends author Oisín McKenna about living authentically, intense female friendships, and how financial precarity limits our self-exploration. Plus: compulsory heterosexuality and suspicious new boyfriends. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

    13: I’m the problem, it’s me

    Play Episode Listen Later May 14, 2024 53:09


    What's the difference between tactics and standards? Ash explains with a Big Theory about how we behave in relationships. Moya brings a dilemma from an anxious people-pleaser. Plus, Myers-Briggs. Got a problem? Tell us: ifispeak@novaramedia.com *Gossip, elevated.* Music by Matt Huxley

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