Interior Integration for Catholics

You can think of St. Augustine's heart as an “open book” titled “Confessions.” In this episode, we go deep into his restless heart, sharing with you how well his clear, detailed, and nuanced descriptions of his inner experience reflect Internal Family Systems and parts work so well. As St. Augustine describes his “divided heart” and “conflicting wills” and the stages of his conversion, Dr. Gerry Crete, Dr. Chrisian Amalu, and Dr. Peter Malinoski show how this translates into IFS terms. And Dr. Christian provides an Augustinian experiential exercise. Join us to see how St. Augustine wisdom connects with and informs Catholic parts work.  If you are a Catholic who wants to jumpstart getting to know and love your own parts, check out the Resilient Catholics Community at https://members.soulsandhearts.com/rcc

What can the Early Church Fathers teach us about our inner worlds, the complexity of our psyches?  Actually, very much, if we are willing to listen.  Join Dr. Gerry Crete, Dr. Christian Amalu and me for a highlight tour of what these Early Church Fathers offer us in understanding and loving ourselves, God, and others:  St. Ignatius of Antioch, St. Irenaeus, St. Cyril of Alexandria, St. Gregory of Nyssa, and St. John of Damascus.  We particularly focused in on St. Evagrius discussing the “Christ-self” and the “legion of other selves” within each person. We explore how the Early Church Fathers bring in allegory, metaphor, symbol, and typology to capture more readily the richness, variety, complexity, and beauty of the inner life than we moderns generally do.  Dr. Gerry closes with a brief prayer reflection.   For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and for discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Internal Family Systems is extremely popular not only as a therapy model, but as a way of making sense of our inner experience.  IFS does not have specifically Catholic origins.  But can there be a way of understanding parts work and systems thinking and harmonizing them with an authentically Catholic understanding of the human person?  Dr. Christian Amalu, Dr. Peter Martin, Dr. Gerry Crete, and Dr. Peter Malinoski explore that question in these next episodes, starting with Sacred Scripture.  What evidence can be found in the Bible to support the major tenets of IFS?  How might IFS be understood through a Catholic lens?  Join us for a tour of Scripture to answer these questions, with an experiential exercise as well.  

You have got questions, we have answers – all about IFS and parts work, Catholic style. Join Marion Moreland, David Edwards, Bridget Adams, and Dr. Peter as we engage with a live audience for a discussion. David provides a brief drop-in exercise. The new discuss relating with our parts with love, legacy burdens and legacy gifts, detecting when a part is blended, displaced anger, how core beliefs drive parts, how our human formation arithmetic can help our spiritual formation algebra, Divine Providence working through our flaws, shortcomings, sins, and inadequacies, making the gifts, and the Resilient Catholics Community with the PartsFinder Pro.  For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and for discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Question: What do improvisational jazz bands, 8-man rowing shells, the Catholic Church, and a nuclear family all have in common? Answer: They are all human systems. Systems have three components: 1) elements (or parts); 2) interconnections (relationships among elements); and 3) a function or purpose. John David Edwards and Dr. Peter as we explore systems. Understanding yourself as a system, with an innermost self, parts, internal relationships among your innermost self and parts (e.g. polarizations, alignments, suppressions, etc.), and that each unintegrated part has an agenda – a purpose it desires – all that helps us understand ourselves and each other. And that understanding helps so much in being able to receive and give love as Catholics. 

Fearfully and wonderfully made – that is what you are.  And made not just as a single, homogeneous personality – but as a system.  But what is a system?  How can we understand ourselves not just as a monolithic personality, not just as a unity, and not just as a multiplicity, but in terms of our inner relationships with ourselves?  Join Dr. Gerry Crete, Bridget Adams, and Dr. Peter as we explore how each of us has a “kingdom within” – and how understanding that kingdom, understanding our multiplicity of our system allows us to better love God, our neighbor, and ourselves, the three loves in the two great commandments, firmly grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person.   For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and for discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

“The body remembers what the mind forgets,” psychiatrist Jacob Levy Moreno tells us.  And Bessel van der Kolk takes it a step further – the body not only remembers, but “the body keeps the score.”  Our parts have so much to tell us about their experiences – our “forgotten,” unconscious experiences – and so often, our parts communicate with us through our bodies.  Will we listen?  Will you listen?  In this episode, Marion Moreland, Jennifer Maher, and host Bridget Adams share with why and how our bodies remember what our minds forget, with examples from their lives.  They stress the importance of a felt sense of safety.  And they and offer you step-by-step guidance to help you to listen to your body in an experiential exercise if you'd like to listen to your body and hear what your parts want your innermost self to know about your experiences.   For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and for discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Survival.  Importance.  Agency. Goodness.  Mission.  Authentic expression.  These are the six integrity needs that Dr. Peter came up with over decades of work with Catholics.  In this episode, we define integrity and integrity needs, we discuss how so many children are forced to choose which needs will be met and which will be denied.   We cover each of the six integrity needs in depth, we explore the hierarchy of integrity needs, and we discuss what kinds of parts are especially focused on each integrity need.  Then Dr. Peter lays out how we can meet our parts integrity needs, and we have a 19-minute experiential exercise to help you connect with your parts' integrity needs.   For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Feeling safe. Feeling seen and heard. Feeling reassured, soothed. Feeling cherished and delighted in. Feeling loved. Feeling that I belong. We all have these six attachment needs. But how do our parts experience these needs? Which kinds of parts have which kinds of attachment styles? How can I recognize which attachment needs different parts of me have? Where do I start in helping a part of me who is struggling with unmet attachment needs and an insecure attachment style? Catholic IFS therapists Marion Moreland and Peter Martin join me to discuss and answer these questions in depth. And, as a bonus, I offer you an experiential exercise to help you get in touch with your parts' attachment needs and find the “next right step” in meeting them.  For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Dr. Gerry Crete helps us unravel the confusion within us, why we have such deep internal conflicts and tensions that pull us in different directions and tear at our hearts.  St. Paul tells us in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”  What's up with that?  Parts.  Parts are up with that, that's what -- or who.  And in this episode, Dr. Gerry and Bridget Adams shed so much light on our internal experience in our fallen human condition.  Join us to learn about how parts, despite their good intentions and desires to help us, can generate impulses toward addictions and other problematic and even sinful behaviors.  Learn how critical it is for parts to be integrated, to collaborate cooperatively with your inmost self, and most importantly, how parts can join in your loving God and neighbor with your whole heart in Dr. Gerry's experiential exercise.   For the full video experience with visuals, graphics, and discussion in the comments section, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Who are you, deep inside, at the core of your being?  Who lives in the inmost chamber of your personhood?  Join us on an adventure to discover your core identity.  Catholic experts Dr. Gerry Crete and Dr. Peter Martin find the convergences and synergies in Scripture, the early Church Fathers, the Eastern and Western Catholic monastic traditions, Doctors of the Church, the medieval Catholic theologians, the writings of contemplative saints, and the magisterial teachings of the Church -- supplemented by attachment theory, Internal Family Systems and other parts and systems approaches in the modern era – all in the service of answering the question – “Who is my inmost self?”  What do the words inmost self, heart, soul, “nous,” and the “eyes of the soul” mean from a Catholic perspective?  We bring together the best of the old and new, the spiritual and the secular, to help you know who you are at your core, all grounded in an authentically Catholic understanding of your human person.  With an experiential exercise from Dr. Gerry, too.   For the full experience with visuals, slides, B-roll, conversation and discussion in the comments section and so much more, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

We offer you a new and better way of understanding yourself and others – Internal Family Systems (IFS).  But what is IFS?  What are “parts”?  Who are our internal managers, firefighters, and exiles?  Who is your innermost self and what are his or her eight primary characteristics?  What are burdens and what are the extreme roles parts take on after trauma, attachment injuries, or relational wounds?  What is “blending”?  Join IFS therapists Marion Moreland, David Edwards, and me, Dr. Peter, for this overview of IFS as we begin our 2025 deep dive into IFS, grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person – not just with information for our heads, but also with an experiential exercise for our hearts. For the full experience with visuals, slides, B-roll, conversation and discussion in the comments section and so much more, check us out on our YouTube channel here:  www.youtube.com/@InteriorIntegration4Catholics

Real people, real questions.  Parts, attachment, human formation, marriage, conscience, intimacy with God, connection with your innermost self…  Dr. Peter Martin answers audience questions and leads a discussion in this episode, recorded live.  Join in as a “fly on the wall” for the most cutting edge thinking and research on attachment and parts work, applied to the practical problems and issues we face in both the natural and spiritual realms.  Join us on YouTube at InteriorIntegration4Catholics https://youtu.be/dyG_L4WyON4 to like, subscribe, ask questions, and comment -- we'll connect with you there.  

You loving you.  You bringing each of your parts closer to God, in a gentle, merciful way.  Dr. Peter Martin shares his insights on how we can love ourselves toward God, informed by attachment theory and Internal Family Systems, and grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person.  He presents on “Internal Evangelization Therapy” – bringing in safe havens, secure bases, the “Circle of Security,” spiritual intercessors, the discernment of spirits, and how to “bypass the spiritual bypass.”  This episode focuses on how to bring home to God the “lost sheep” within us – the outcast parts, the inner lepers, the blind parts, the lame, the tax collectors, the parts condemned by other parts as sinners.  

Attachment needs, problematic God images, parts, systems, love, and security – no one brings these together quite like seasoned Catholic psychologist Peter Martin in this episode.  Join us as Dr. Martin weaves together the leading edges of conceptual thinking and practical application to provide you a lifeline to grip on to and by which you can climb to a new plane of being as he integrates the four dimensions of personal formation: human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral.  Dr. Martin brings in the best of secular research and theory, firmly grounded a in a fully Catholic understanding of the human person and in Scripture, Tradition, and the Magisterium of the Church.  He also provides copies of aids he has developed, the Level of Attachment Security in Spiritual Relationships (LASSR) and the Spiritual Support Worksheet–2 in the YouTube description.  Check out our channel InteriorIntegration4Catholics on YouTube, see us in action, take in Dr. Martin's slides, and subscribe!  https://youtu.be/GCJyeakw7-w

“Lord, teach us to pray,” the apostles entreated Jesus. And He did. In this episode, we explore the integration of personal formation in prayer, with a very concrete, step-by-step demonstration of the ARRR prayer, also known as the “pirate prayer” by Fr. John Horn, S.J., one of its originators. Join us as we discuss the progression from Acknowledging to Relating to Receiving to Responding in prayer using Zephaniah 3:14-17 as a starting point; and in addition, we bring in how this way of praying impacts the four dimensions of your personal formation: Human, Spiritual, Intellectual and Pastoral. 

For another take on Catholic parts work look like in action, join Marion Moreland as she accompanies Caris in connecting, understanding, and loving Caris' parts – not just the manager parts who are usually in front, but also some of Caris' hidden exiled parts in this demonstration. Sarah is present in an observing role. This demonstration illustrates very typical ways of accompanying parts in inner work. Marion and Caris address themes of striving for productivity and perfection, control and rebellion, the pain of love rejected, among others and escape, and self-soothing. You are invited into the “observer role” with Sarah to connect with your own parts in your human formation as you experience the demo and your parts resonate with parts coming up in Caris' work. 

What does Catholic parts work look like in action? Join Dr. Peter as he accompanies David and Ian as they connect with not only their manager parts but also some of their exiled parts in these demonstrations. These demonstrations illustrates very typical ways of working with parts in an accompanied way. We address themes of safety, fears of looking weak, play, body sensations, the need for excellence, and the importance of mission, among others. You are invited into the “observer role” to connect with your own parts in your human formation as you experience the demo and your parts resonate with parts coming up in Ian and David's work. 

Jonathan Teixeira shares how 2000 years of Catholic wisdom on money can inform how you react to, respond to, and manage your financial issues. He dives into the different meaning money has for men and women, described the top three mistakes that Catholic spouses make with their money, and teaches you how to bring God into the realm of your personal finances. 

Pete Burds, vice president of mission at NET joins us to help explore and understand human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral formation of the 18-25 year-old NET missionaries and the middle schoolers and high school students they serve. What is the heart of NET formation? (Hint: it has to do with relationships). Why is it so important that these young adults have opportunities to make mistakes and to fail? What do former missionaries say were the best growth experiences in NET as a missionary? Find the answers to those questions and so much more about NET in this episode. 

Fr. Dave Pivonka TOR, president of Franciscan University joins us to discuss the integration of personal formation for college students.  We address the danger of over-spiritualizing – spiritual bypassing – and how many of the struggles in the Church in the last 50 years are due to human formation deficits.  Fr. Pivonka shares his insights about how transformation first happens interiorly, inside oneself – and then radiates outward to change the world.  We discuss the difficulties that college students frequently face, the importance of community, concerns about pietism, and embracing our true identity.  College students and their parents will not want to miss this episode. 

Join Dr. Jared Staudt, the Director of Content at Exodus 90 and guest host Dr. Gerry Crete to discuss the integration of personal formation in Exodus. Join in to learn how asceticism is part of human formation, and how both are oriented toward love. Dr. Staudt and Dr. Gerry discuss the difficulties that secularism and individualism cause in our culture and within ourselves, especially for men. What do vulnerability and authenticity look like for men? And finally, how can I be different, how can I change and grow? The Exodus website is at https://exodus90.com/ 

Joey Pontarelli joins guest host Dr. Gerry Crete to share the impact of his parents' divorce on him as a child, the ways that divorce rocked his world, and his journey of recovery. And that journey of recovery includes his founding of Restored, a ministry for teens and young adults whose parents' marriages failed, giving them a place to share their stories, help for them to find healthy responses to an unhealthy family situation, to seek “integration, rather than amputation” of their internal experiences and to correct the lies beneath their fear, anger, and shame. 

Dr. Edward Sri, Catholic theologian co-founder of FOCUS shares with us the origin story, how young Catholic adults are starving for love and truth. He lays out how FOCUS forms their missionaries to live out the four dimensions of personal formation (human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral) in a “vision for life.” He offers a pyramid model for the integration of formation with human formation as the base, and he describes how open FOCUS is to bringing in other Catholic organizations, apostolates, and professionals to help in the formation of their missionaries and those they serve. And we discuss where FOCUS missionaries can turn when they recognize they need help. 

Jason Evert of the Chastity Project joins Dr. Gerry and me to discuss the integration of personal formation and chastity. We begin this episode with a brief experiential exercise to check out your spontaneous reactions, briefly discuss What the Catechism of the Catholic Church says about chastity and interior integration, and then Jason shares with us his decades of experience in working with youth. He shares with us how the concept of chastity needs to be rehabilitated and framed in the positive light of love. He shares stories of how young people have responded to the call to chastity in their own formation. He also discusses the importance of starting formation in chastity early, not just prior to marriage. And he shares the connection between chastity and joy. 

Fr. Mike Schmitz, Sr. Josephine Garret, and Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone engage us in discussing integrated personal formation at the National Eucharistic Congress.  Fr. Mike highlights the importance of silence, which is "the great magnifier" that allows us to know ourselves and draw closer to God. In a homily, Archbishop Cordelione exhorts us to rediscover the silence that sensitizes us to the sacred. Finally, Sr. Josephine links human formation to pastoral formation and discusses how we, as Catholics, we should take what the secular sciences have to offer and claim it for our own. Sr. Josephine also defines proper integration as allowing God to work through all the places of our life.  Join in to learn what these modern Catholic thought leaders share with us about human formation, along with some thoughts from Blaise Pascal and St. Augustine.  

Dr. Peter Malinoski shares some dark moments of his story of medical trauma from when he was 11 years old in 1980 with Kathryn Wessling and Gabriel Crawford from Catholic Story Groups at CatholicStoryGroups.com. Discover the power of exploring stories. Join him for this episode to discover how essential story is to your personal formation. We first discuss what a story is, review tips for writing your story, and offer recommendations for listening to a story well. 

Tim Glemkowski and Joel Stepanek, key planners and executives for the 2024 National Eucharistic Congress, join Dr. Peter Malinoski on this episode to continue our series on integrated personal formation and discuss the kind of transformation you can expect at the NEC, as well as what you can do to prepare for it, both in the natural and spiritual realms. We explore how the four dimensions of Catholic personal formation -- human, intellectual, spiritual, and pastoral -- are incorporated into the NEC revival sessions, impact sessions, breakouts, exhibits, and all the other offerings. Finally, Joel and Tim offer you suggestions to help you get the most out of this experience whether you attend in person or virtually. 

Join Dr. Peter and our audience members to experience a guided meditation on your parts' needs for integrated formation. Guided by John Paul II's four dimensions of personal formation (human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral) you have an opportunity to see what a part of you needs. Several audience members debrief from the exercise and we all discuss with some Q&A. 

Our guest, Dr. Bob Schuchts, shares with us his decades of experience as a healer through his discussion of his four identities of love, the four dimensions of formation, the integration of personal formation in the work of the John Paul II Healing Center, the centrality of love in healing, the necessity of felt safety and trust, and the importance of distinguishing the natural from the spiritual, especially with parts and demons. 

Catholic thought leader, human formation specialist, and podcaster Jake Khym has more than 20 years of experience in a wide variety of ministry settings and he joins me in this episode to discuss integrated personal formation.  In this episode, we focus on these major themes: 1) your heart; 2) your identity as a beloved little son or daughter of God; 3) the integration of formation within the heart; 4) love as the gift of oneself; 5) change vs. growth vs. flourishing; 6) the importance of emotions; 7) how good formation requires relationship; 8) getting into the messy business of your own personal formation; and 9) Jake's top resources for personal formation.  

Fr. Boniface Hicks joins us once again as we continue our series on integrated personal formation, this time with a Q&A from our live audience. Fr. Boniface answers a wide range of questions about spiritual and pastoral formation, including: 1) What counsel can you give to those who have experienced poor spiritual formation, especially from formators who only acknowledge the spiritual realm? 2) How do you deal with St. Ignatius of Loyola's “evil spirits” from the IFS perspective? Would this involve a more compassionate approach to temptation? 3) How do you leverage parts in spiritual direction when your director has no experience with IFS? 4) In the context of Colossians 1:15-20, can you share how your inmost self holds space for an encounter with Jesus and some of your exiled parts? 5) Can spiritual direction be positive and productive if the directee has a strong hiding part or protectors that don't want to be transparent with the director? 6) Can you talk about the prophetic timing of human formation in the context of Pastores Dabo Vobis, given the cultural issues of the meltdown of the family, marriage, etc.? 7) How do different kinds of suffering relate to our parts? 8) In resisting spiritual bypassing, is there not also the risk of bypassing the spiritual, bypassing the walk with Jesus? Is there a way to navigate this?

What makes good spiritual direction?  What makes good spiritual directors?  And what gets in the way in spiritual direction?  To answers these questions, Fr. Boniface Hicks, joins us as continue our series on the integration of personal formation for Catholics. Fr. Boniface is a Benedictine monk and the Director of Spiritual Formation at St. Vincent Seminary as well as the Director of the Institute for Ministry Formation.  He is an accomplished retreat master, author of four books on the spiritual life, and a seasoned expert in what it takes to accompany others on their spiritual journeys.   We explore the formation that spiritual directors need, how you can recognize when something is lacking in your spiritual direction and the most common human formation challenges and deficits that Catholic spiritual directors are likely to encounter in themselves and in those they serve.  

What do the roots, trunk, branches, leaves, and apples of a tree have to do with your Catholic formation?  Find out how these, combined with sunlight, water, and soil, bring us an integrated understanding of personal formation grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person, drawing from Church documents and the sciences of the natural world.  By looking at an apple tree, we can understand our own formation and where we need to change and grow much better – and not just as solitary trees, but together, in community, in a forest.  Join me, Dr. Peter Malinoski, as we learn how to flourish in love and for love, as Catholics journeying together.  

In this episode, we discuss how models help us more fully understand Catholic personal formation by showing distinctions and relationships among human formation, spiritual formation, intellectual formation, and pastoral formation. Next, we examine my new model that views formation through a mathematical lens. I explain these each dimension of formation, likening it to a branch of mathematics, and draw from Pastores Dabo Vobis and other Church documents to illuminate the inter-dimensional relationships in personal formation. Finally, I tell a fictional story that illustrates how deficits in one domain of formation can negatively impact all the other dimensions of formation.  Check out the video on our Interior Integration for Catholics on YouTube at https://youtu.be/YDztbbNBBtk or on our IIC landing page at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/iic

In this episode, philosopher Matthew Walz, Ph.D. the Director of Intellectual Formation at Holy Trinity Seminary, explains the integration of the four pillars of formation laid out in Pope St. John Paul II's Pastores Dabo Vobis. We dive into why it is so important to integrate the four types of formation and whether there is a hierarchy or sequence among them. We then discuss Dr. Walz's models of integrated formation first presented in his article, “Toward a Causal Account of Priestly Formation: A Reading of Pastores Dabo Vobis”, which can be found here: https://www.hprweb.com/2021/01/toward-a-causal-account-of-priestly-formation/. Dr. Walz explains how the four pillars of formation—human formation, spiritual formation, intellectual formation, and pastoral formation—parallel Aristotle's four causes, which are the material, formal, efficient, and final causes. The types of formation also parallel the “four loves”—love of self, love of God, love of truth, and love of neighbor. Finally, these four kinds of formation parallel the dimensions of Christ—Christ in His human nature and as priest, prophet, and king. We wrap up this episode by discussing what Dr. Walz means by “dimensional trespassing" in the process of formation.  

My guest, Dr. Gerry, answers questions from our live audience about his new book, Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety Through Healing Our Parts. We begin by receiving some wonderful feedback for Dr. Gerry about his book. Then we dive into some questions our audience has for Dr. Gerry: 1) Can 58 years of rearranging my life to recycle the feelings of shame from being molested be resolved? 2) Can it be true that not all parts can know Jesus or not all parts can have a relationship with Him? 3) Are we naturally in self as children, before experiencing trauma? 4) In attachment terms, can misattunement happen pre-verbally, affecting access to your inmost self before you are able to express it? 5) How much culpability do we have for sinful behaviors driven by the unmet needs of parts who have good intentions? 6) What are the relationships among the inmost self, the intellect, and the will?

In this episode, I address a controversial clip from episode 79 of the Restore the Glory podcast, in which host Jake Khym provides an example of how he brings Jesus into his own parts work. I explain the potential issues I see with bringing God into human formation work. Then, I dive into the seven reasons why I initially focus on the natural realm: 1) Almost no one else focuses on human formation grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person; 2) Human formation is the basis of all formation, according to St. John Paul II; 3) There is a huge wealth of information from secular sources that I can and should bring to the Church; 4) So many spiritual problems are spiritual consequences of human formation deficits; 5) My training and experience are in human formation, not spiritual formation; 6) Natural means are primarily used for the early development of infants, toddlers, and preschoolers; 7) Explicitly God-centric approaches are not optimal for every part in every person, and may even be harmful in some cases. 

My guest, Dr. Gerry Crete shares with us the inside story of his brand-new book, Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety through Healing Our Parts. This book grounds IFS and parts in a Catholic understanding of the human person, showing how parts work is both Biblical and harmonizable with our Catholic faith. Because the intellectual experience doesn't fully encapsulate the human experience, Dr. Gerry uses stories and vignettes in a way that connects with everyone, not just therapists. He invites all the outcast parts into relationships, making them feel safe enough to connect on a deep level with others and God.Dr. Gerry also provides a glimpse of the writing and publishing process, the challenges and struggles he faced, as well as his moments of inspiration. We discuss a few favorite pages from the book, such as Dr. Gerry's diagram of the soul and body overlapping in the heart, where all the parts are. 

In this episode, my guest, licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gerry Crete and I discuss how best to engage with borderline dynamics within your family. People with “borderline personalities” have surprisingly intense internal experiences that are rarely handled well by the people around them. Dr. Gerry suggests avoiding both expressing too much frustration and invalidation.  Instead, he recommends trying to view situations from their perspective and looking for the kernel of truth in their reactions. Acceptance of borderline emotions and perspectives can create the opening a person needs to engage more collaboratively.   Learn how to avoid one little dangerous word and use another, much better little word in conversation with those with borderline traits.  Dr. Gerry also responds to these questions (among others) from our live audience: 1) How do you deal with blazing rage and other extreme emotions? 2) How do you navigate narcissism and borderline within a marriage and the battle between the integrity needs of both? 3) How do you learn to love people with borderline tendencies? 4) Where is the balance between sacrificial love and self-care? 5) Will people with borderline ever be capable of developing an awareness of other people's feelings and perspectives? 6) What is the healing and forgiveness process between a mother with borderline and her daughter? 7) How do you deal with the guilt, shame, and anxiety caused by borderline? 8) How do you stop the cycle of borderline tendencies from being passed from parent to child?

In this episode we explore in detail how Internal Family Systems can help with borderline dynamics.  We review the definitions of the innermost self and parts, the six attachment and six integrity needs, and we discuss the three major reasons why clients with BPD have been bruised and wounded by mental health professionals.  I review the seven tenets of Therapist-Focused Consultation (TFC) and then we walk with Tina from episode 127 as she begins IFS informed therapy, and how that therapy invites and includes all her parts, without the need for grounding exercises that suppress her exiles and firefighters.  This episode may be particularly helpful to Catholic therapists and counselors to not be afraid of or destabilized by those clients with borderline dynamics.  

In this episode, we discuss how switching among parts in charge of the internal system is a central feature of borderline personality.  These switches involve not only emotions, but nearly all internal experience, so they are not merely transient mood states.  I explain Internal Family Systems – parts, systems, and innermost self.  Next, we discuss exiles, managers, and firefighters, and how they all interact inside of Tina in a difficult interaction with her fiancé, walking through how all the DSM-5 criteria could be illustrated and explained through IFS concepts of parts and systems.  

 In this episode, my guest Dr. Greg Bottaro of the CatholicPsych Institute shares with us the most important thing he wants us to remember about borderline personality dynamics, the things that Catholics and non-Catholics most often misunderstand about borderline presentations, and his takeaways about borderline "personalities."  We then open the floor to these questions from our live audience: 1) How do you stay in relationship with someone who is threatening to harm themselves, you, or other family members?  2) Are anger and anxiety typical coping mechanisms for those with borderline characteristics? 3)  I think I may have borderline personality with a strong strain of self-hatred.  What is the role of concupiscence and wounds in borderline personality?  4) How would a Catholic parent with a spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder characteristics navigate teaching or picking up the pieces with young children who witness severe emotional dysregulation on a regular basis without undermining the spouse or triangulating?  5)  Someone brought to my awareness that they see BPD characteristics in me.  How do I approach true authentic healing so that I don't wound others, while not falling into the trap of getting a formal diagnosis to justify my actions or over-spiritualizing, trying to pray it away or just go to confession?  6) How do I help my young adult son who is married to someone I suspect has BPD characteristics who is now cutting off communication with us and who is not taking care of himself and who has said he is in turmoil when his wife, my daughter-in-law, who seems controlling and needing lots of "space"? 

This episode focuses on the internal experience of borderline personality dynamics, what it feels like.  Next, I share how “borderline” is a relatively new diagnosis, and previously indicated a range of personality development, rather than a specific disorder. I then discuss the standard diagnostic criteria from the DSM-5 and the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, 2nd Ed., summarizing the symptoms in plain English. I explore the etiology or the origin of “borderline personality” and the underlying unmet attachment needs that fuel borderline dynamics. I describe different subtypes of borderline presentations and explore the types of partners to whom those with borderline dynamics are romantically attracted. From there, I describe five major treatment approaches and briefly discuss an outcome study. In closing, I review some suggestions for living with someone who presents with borderline characteristics.

In this special edition, I invite you to an experiential exercise to connect in a loving way with your parts who are  in any distress or suffering with the armed conflict between Hamas and Israel and the humanitarian tragedies that conflict has brought.  I do this experiential exercise along with you, working with my Adventurer part who has been burdened with fear and anxiety, especially around the conflict broadening out regionally in the Middle East and beyond.  Parts also have an opportunity, with your innermost self to question and challenge God about what is happening.  

In this episode, I invited licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gerry Crete and a live audience to discuss the best ways to relate with family members with narcissistic traits while still preserving one's own limits and dignity.  Dr. Gerry addressed the following: 1) Why is it important to prepare yourself for relating with someone with dominant narcissistic parts? 2) How can we recognize our own limitations and the fact that we cannot change another person by our own efforts? 3) How can we understand the positive intentions of others' narcissistic parts? 4) What should you do if you are flooded and agitated by a family member with narcissistic tendencies? 5) How should you communicate your limits and boundaries with such family members?  6) How can you distinguish between standing up and advocating for yourself an just being "oversensitive" or prideful? 7) Are idealizing and devaluing the primary signs of narcissism or is there a deeper key feature?  8) How does narcissism often play out in a family when an aged parent dies?  9) When is it necessary to temporarily disconnect or separate from the family because of narcissism in other members?  10) How do we maintain "radical acceptance" of others and still hold boundaries and protect ourselves?  11) What kind of IFS groups are available online?  12) How does a lack of empathy present differently in narcissism vs. autism?

 In this episode, we review several definitions of gaslighting, discuss the tactics of gaslighting, explore the inner experience of both gaslighters and gaslightees, describe gaslighting in the workplace and with children, and list the four relationship dynamics of gaslighting.  Then we describe how gaslighting and being gaslighted connects to deep, unmet attachment and integrity needs.  We also address the special aspects of spiritual gaslighting with examples.  Finally, we cover how to assess whether you are being gaslighted, describe recovery from gaslighting and address gaslighting from an Internal Family Systems perspective.  

Today with our live audience, we start with 15 minutes of Q&A about narcissism addressing these questions: 1) Does acknowledging our own narcissism makes us more or less vulnerable to exploitation by another person? 2) Are children of parents with borderline personalities more likely to be attracted to narcissistic partners? 3)What is “healthy narcissism”?  Then from the 15-minute mark to the 50-minute mark, we engage in an experiential exercise together to encounter and connect with parts of ourselves with narcissistic features.  Afterward, we debrief and share our experiences addressing these topics and questions:  1) Can narcissistic approaches be helpful in certain situations or environments? 2)  Is narcissism the result of too much self-love or too little?  3) How can we get normal needs for affirmation met in non-narcissistic ways?  4) Why is it important to be gentle with narcissistic parts?  5) Why do narcissistic parts often sense themselves to be aged 2, 6, or 13?  6) Why is there such a “rush” or dopamine “high” when narcissistic parts receive the admiration and idealization that they seek?  

In this groundbreaking episode, Dr. Peter explains how to conceptualize narcissistic "personalities" and narcissistic reactions through the lens of Internal Family Systems.  Looking at narcissism through the lens of subsystems and parts is an entirely new paradigm that makes it easier to accept the reality the unmet attachment and integrity needs that fuel narcissistic positions and behaviors.  Through four case vignettes, Dr. Peter illustrates how both covert and overt narcissism look and function from a parts and systems perspective.  

In this episode, Catholic psychologist Peter Martin and I discuss narcissism with a live audience, covering the following questions: 1) What are two primary clinical approaches to treating individuals with narcissism; 2) How do we distinguish between boldness and narcissism; 3) How does one relate with a narcissistic spouse; 4) How do we work with narcissistic family members who don't believe in God; 5) The importance of feeling cherished and treasured by God; 6) The relationship between narcissism and spiritual abuse in religious communities and organizations; 7) What makes it difficult for a person with narcissism to receive the love of God; 8) what are the different attachment styles associated with overt and covert narcissism; 9) How do children's experiences of narcissism impact them in adulthood; 10) What are the effects of narcissistic parenting on children's separation and individuation; and 11) How does one manage a contentious co-parenting relationship with an ex-spouse who is narcissistic?

In this episode, we examine different definitions of narcissism, we look at the markers and diagnostic criteria for narcissism, we examine the main beliefs, emotions, assumptions, and internal experiences that fuel narcissistic defenses (especially idealization and devaluation), we focus on relational patterns that narcissists have, and we look at how narcissists subjectively experience themselves.  I show how narcissistic defenses represent maladaptive ways of trying to get deep needs met, especially integrity needs.  We explore different kinds of narcissism, especially the different between over and covert narcissism.  We then go into how to identify narcissistic behaviors and appropriate ways of responding, according to the secular experts.  Also, I issue you an invitation to a special opportunity.  Tonight, Monday, August 7, 2023, from 8:30 PM to 10:00 PM Eastern Time -- I will have Catholic Psychologist Peter Martin as a special guest and we will be discussing narcissism -- in this free Zoom meeting, for the first 30 minutes or so, Dr. Martin and I will have a conversation about narcissism, and then for the next hour, we open it up for questions.  Register by going to our Interior Integration for Catholics Landing page at soulsandhearts.com/iic.  At the top, there's a link to register for the Zoom meeting.  You can send me questions to crisis@soulsandhearts.com -- or leave me a VM at 317.567.9594 and I will play that voicemail on the air and Dr. Martin and I will answer you questions.