Podcast appearances and mentions of kristi gaultiere

Discover how faith deconstruction can be a transformative journey toward a deeper, more authentic spirituality in our latest Believe Big podcast episode featuring Kristi Gaultiere, author of Journey of the Soul. Kristi shares profound insights into the stages of spiritual growth, offering guidance for those wrestling with doubts or seeking clarity in their faith. Whether you are navigating a personal crisis, like a cancer diagnosis, or simply yearning for a closer connection to God, this episode provides a compassionate framework for exploring your beliefs. Learn how to embrace the questions that arise during life's challenges and use them as stepping stones for spiritual renewal. Kristi's wisdom will inspire you to lean into the process with hope and courage, finding peace in the journey. Don't miss this empowering conversation—it's a must-listen for anyone seeking strength and purpose in their faith journey. Tune in now to be encouraged and uplifted!Learn more about Kristi Gaultiere and Soul Shepherding:https://www.soulshepherding.org/Suggested Resources:BOOK:  Journey of the SoulPODCAST:  Believe Big (Season 2) Caring for Our Souls with Kristi GaulitierePODCAST:  Believe Big (Season 2) Emotional and Spiritual Growth with Kristi GaultierePODCAST:  Soul Talks with Bill and Kristi GaultiereSpotify Playlist:  The Wall, Journey of the SoulYour donations power our podcast's mission to support cancer patients with hope, insights, and resources. Every contribution fuels our ability to uplift and empower. Join us in making a lasting impact. Donate now!

Send me a text!Every so often, my inner peace can turn to turmoil, especially when faced with competing demands on my time, relationship struggles, and concerns about a loved one. It also doesn't help that so much is happening in the world around us—it is easy to feel overwhelmed. That is why I'm so grateful to speak with Kristi Gaultiere today. Kristi is a psychotherapist (Psy.D.; LPC4 and MFT29887 in CA) and a director for women in ministry and pastors' wives. She co-leads "Soul Shepherding with Bill." Jane Willard and Dr. Jan Stoop personally mentored her. In this episode, Kristi and I discuss tactical strategies to calm the mind and still the soul and how to surrender our need for control. We can trust in God's sovereignty to help us have a healthy relationship with our emotions. Suggested Resources:Soul Shepherding Website | InstagramHealthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually Through the EnneagramBreath Prayer GuidesHealing Prayer: For Emotional & Physical WholenessQualia Senolytic combines 9 vegan, plant-derived compounds to help your body naturally eliminate zombie (or senescent) cells, that help us age better at the cellular level so we can feel YEARS younger! Use the code WELLNSTRONG for 15% off!Join the WellnStrong mailing list for exclusive content here!Want more of The How To Be WellnStrong Podcast? Subscribe to the YouTube channel. Follow Jacqueline: Instagram Pinterest TikTok Youtube To access notes from the show & full transcripts, head over to WellnStrong's Podcast Page

Do you ever wonder how to hear from God amidst the noise of today's busy world?In today's new podcast with Kristi Gaultiere, we will discover powerful insights on how God speaks to each of us in unique ways, even when we think we're not hearing Him. Whether you're struggling to discern His voice from your own thoughts or seeking clarity through spiritual practices like fasting and Lectio Divina, this podcast will guide you on a journey of deepening your relationship with God. With real-life stories and expert guidance, we'll help you find peace, purpose, and direction. Don't miss this chance to unlock the many ways God may already be speaking to you.Learn more about Kristi Gaultiere and Soul Shepherding:https://www.soulshepherding.org/Suggested Resources:Believe Big podcast - Kristi Gaultiere, Caring for Our Souls and Our Emotional HealthBelieve Big podcast - Kristi Gaultiere, Emotional and Spiritual GrowthJourney of the Soul, a Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth by Bill and Kristi GaultiereSoul Talks podcast with Bill and Kristi GaultiereHearing God by Dallas WillardHealthy Feelings, Thriving Faith by Bill and Kristi GaultiereLectio Divina guideBelieve Big - Nourishing the Soul journalYour donations power our podcast's mission to support cancer patients with hope, insights, and resources. Every contribution fuels our ability to uplift and empower. Join us in making a lasting impact. Donate now!

Send us a textIn this episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, Karen Potter and Rob Stoddard sit down with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, founders of Soul Shepherd Ministry. Bill and Kristi share their personal experiences with burnout and compassion fatigue, offering invaluable insights for pastors and ministry leaders facing similar challenges.They jump into the importance of emotional health, spiritual renewal, and the transformative power of empathy in leadership. Discover practical strategies for overcoming burnout, including the significance of Sabbath rest, spiritual disciplines, and seeking support from trusted mentors.Soul Shepherding Website:https://www.soulshepherding.org/--------------------------------------Stay tuned for more insightful episodes and interviews right here on The Covenant Eyes Podcast!Covenant Eyes: https://covenanteyes.comFOLLOW US:Twitter: @covenanteyesInstagram: @covenant.eyesFacebook:   /covenanteyes  ------------------------------#podcast #mental #health #faith #Christianity #ministry #leadership #burnout #self-careTry Covenant Eyes for FREE today!Use Promo Code: FreePodcast

Does it feel like you are more sensitive to your environment, the subtleties of your surroundings, and the emotional climate around you more than others? It can feel confusing or disheartening when you feel different from those you love. But high sensitivity (or understanding someone who experiences this) can be a gift in your relationship with Jesus and others!Join us for this episode of Soul Talks as Kristi and Briana Gautiere share their stories of learning and embracing life as highly sensitive persons. They define the traits of high sensitivity, talk openly about the difficulties, and help reframe how you think about sensitive experiences.Resources for this Episode:Attend a Soul Shepherding Institute RetreatMeet with a Soul Shepherding Spiritual DirectorThe Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms YouDonate to Support Soul Shepherding and Soul Talks

In this 4th Summer Replay episode, Ivelisse continues her discussion with Kristi Gaultiere about the importance of caring for our souls, specifically for emotional and spiritual healing.  For anyone facing a health challenge, like cancer, this episode is not to be missed!Kristi and Ivelisse talk about the stages of griefsetting boundariescreating a rule/rhythm of lifeLectio Divinaand encouraging a healthy balance between spiritual practices and daily living.Don't miss this concluding episode with Kristi and Ivelisse, and be prepared to care for your soul with love and kindness.**If you missed Part 1 and would like to listen to that episode, click this link:66-Kristi Gaultiere - Caring for Our Souls and Our Emotional Health (part 1)Learn more about Kristi Gaultiere at Soul Shepherding:https://www.soulshepherding.org/Suggested Resource Links:BOOK -  Your Best Life in Jesus' Easy YokeBOOK -  Journey of the Soul:  A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual GrowthPODCAST - Soul Talks with Bill and Kristi GaultiereBLOG - Soul Shepherding BlogGUIDE - Lectio DivinaBOOK - Healthy Feelings, Thriving FaithWEBSITE - Elizabeth Kübler Ross Foundation Your donations power our podcast's mission to support cancer patients with hope, insights, and resources. Every contribution fuels our ability to uplift and empower. Join us in making a lasting impact. Donate now!

Kristi Gaultiere and her husband Bill are Drs of Psychology and the Founders of Soul Shepherding, a ministry to help pastors, leaders, churches and all those desiring to thrive with Jesus in emotional and relational health. In their Soul Shepherding Institute retreats and training they offer a certificate for serving as a Spiritual Director. They are also authors of a number of soul care books and resources. They have been speaking and writing about following Jesus in life and ministry since 1987.   https://www.instagram.com/soulshepherding/ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soul-talks-with-bill-kristi-gaultiere/id1087421255

Join us for our first ever HOT TOPIC FRIDAY discussion. Guests and I will debate 3 topics for 10 minutes each!! Come back Fridays for more engaging content modeling healthy debate!Discover the crucial intersection of soul care and ministry leadership as we sit down with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere. Through their expert lens as psychologists with a passion for spiritual direction, we uncover the often-neglected truth that the health of a pastor's soul is intimately tied to the vitality of their ministry. Our candid discussion not only highlights the intellectual aspects of shepherding a congregation but also emphasizes the emotional, mental, and physical facets that contribute to a pastor's holistic well-being. The Gaultieres offer profound insights into why soul care isn't a luxury for pastors but a fundamental necessity to maintain the joy and authenticity of their calling.JOIN OUR NEW ONLINE LEARNING PLATFORM!ENTER CODE - 75ULC2023 for 75% off! Support the Show.Visit uniteleadership.org

In this episode of the Let's Get Real Podcast we're joined by Bill and Kristi Gaultiere. Bill and Kristi lead an organization called Soul Shepherding and have written a new book, Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith. Check out their ministry web site by CLICKING HERE Buy their new book by CLICKING HERE

Spiritual growth is often sparked by great love or deep pain. But so much of our world conspires to keep us too busy to feel loved or to pay attention to our deep feelings. We want to grow, but we aren't always aware of the points at which God is inviting us forward. We need mentors and tools that will help slow us down to notice God with us, and to see where we may be welcoming the grace of God in our lives and where we may be resisting God's initiative and work.  One tool that has helped me immensely over the years is the Enneagram. It's become rather popular in the church in recent years. My guests today, Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, have written an important book that unpacks this tool titled Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram. I really appreciate how they make the Enneagram understandable as a tool for growth.  Bill and Kristi have been counseling and ministering to people for thirty years. Bill is a psychologist who has served in private practice, co-led a New Life psychiatric day hospital, and pastored churches. Kristi is a marriage and family therapist who has also served in private practice and church ministry. Together they are the founders of Soul Shepherding, a nonprofit ministry to help believers discover their next steps for growing in emotional health and intimacy with Jesus. __________________________________________________________ Connect with Alan on LinkedIn or learn more about Unhurried Living programs on their website. Learn more about Unhurried Leaders membership.

In this episode, we continue our discussion with Kristi Gaultiere about the importance of caring for our souls, specifically for emotional and spiritual healing.  For anyone facing a health challenge, like cancer, this episode is not to be missed!Kristi and Ivelisse talk about the stages of griefsetting boundariescreating a rule/rhythm of lifeLectio Divinaand encouraging a healthy balance between spiritual practices and daily living.Don't miss this concluding episode with Kristi and Ivelisse, and be prepared to care for your soul with love and kindness.Connect with Kristi Gaultiere at Soul Shepherding:https://www.soulshepherding.org/Suggested Resource Links:BOOK -  Your Best Life in Jesus' Easy YokeBOOK -  Journey of the Soul:  A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual GrowthPODCAST - Soul Talks with Bill and Kristi GaultiereBLOG - Soul Shepherding BlogGUIDE - Lectio DivinaBOOK - Healthy Feelings, Thriving FaithWEBSITE - Elizabeth Kübler Ross Foundation 

We're kicking off the new year with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere. They are Doctors of Psychology and founders of the Soul Shepherding Institute, a ministry dedicated to helping pastors, leaders, churches and more thrive with Jesus in emotional and relational health. Bill and Kristi have authored several soul care books and resources, such as their newest book, “Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith.” I'm so excited to have them on today to explore the relationship between our spiritual lives and mental health. Stay tuned as we talk about how embracing our feelings can lead to greater joy, peace, and spiritual growth. 4:25 – Bill and Kristi 101 A background in counseling and ministry Starting Soul Shepherding in 2009 9:21 – Psychology and Faith  Spiritual Directors vs Spiritual Counselors  All truth is God's truth Embracing emotions to deepen your relationship with others and God 19:43 – The Enneagram Using the Enneagram as a tool for spiritual growth  Unconscious sin, dysfunction, and areas of growth Dealing with distressing emotions to cultivate positive emotions 27:15 – Embracing Emotions, Empathy, and Faith Anxiety as a repressed emotion Empathy and understanding with the Enneagram  Jesus' emotions and faith 38:12 – Breaking Free into Greater Joy Taking action when dealing with anxiety and depression Finding words for your emotions + seeking support Bill and Kristi's recommended resources FEATURED QUOTES “We just realized that all the people who are helping other people are prone to neglect their own soul.  And so that's our niche, to reach in there for the people that are really committed in their relationships in their work... and to really help them care for their own soul so that their work, their ministry, can be coming out of the overflow of God's love to them.” “God doesn't want us to be hiding our emotions. He wants us to be emotionally honest with him, like the psalmist.” “Jesus shows us perfect faith in God. He shows us how to have healthy feelings and thriving faith. He shows us how feelings and faith are not necessarily enemies. Some people think that they don't get along with each other, but actually being aware of our emotions and learning to care for our emotions and other people's emotions…helps us become more like Jesus.” Soul Shepherd Website- https://www.soulshepherding.org/ “Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith” Book- https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Feelings-Thriving-Faith-Emotionally/dp/0800742818 Soul Shepherd Enneagram Resources- https://www.soulshepherding.org/enneagram/?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAhc-sBhCEARIsAOVwHuQwau6brhW2gSyD3j64zm6zbSQIfbfanPcY0jg0uitQPjGzELTh_yIaAqdeEALw_wcB Meet with a Spiritual Director- https://www.soulshepherding.org/spiritual-directors-directory/

Have you ever thought about the importance of caring for your soul?  Have you ever hit a wall and just felt you needed to shut down for a little while?It's probably something that may have entered your mind at some point and then you quickly dismissed it because of the fast-paced world we live in.  But, caring for our souls so very important!Join me today as I chat with Kristi Gaultiere author, spiritual director, counselor, coach and co-founder of Soul Shepherding.  We get to tap into the significance of caring for our soul amidst life's challenges, including cancer. Kristi shares about breath prayers; the roles of spiritual directors, counselors, and coaches in soul care; as well as the stages of emotional and spiritual development (C H R I S T). Connect with Kristi Gaultiere at Soul Shepherding:https://www.soulshepherding.org/Suggested Resource Links:BOOK -  Your Best Life in Jesus' Easy YokeBOOK -  Journey of the Soul:  A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual GrowthPODCAST - Soul Talks with Bill and Kristi GaultiereBLOG - Soul Shepherding Blog

Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. The Enneagram system is a widely accepted personality model that offers deep insight into our core driving motivations, opening up exciting possibilities in the prediction and understanding of human behavior. As a doorway to self-discovery and self-awareness, the Enneagram is also a powerful tool for spiritual transformation that can replenish our energy toward our relationship with God and others.  This week podcaster and counselor Christa Hardin shares how she's used the Enneagram as a tool to help couples communicate better and learn more about each other so that they can learn to grow together. Doctors of psychology, Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, share how we can use the Enneagram to deepen our relationship with God by learning more about emotions and personalities.    Links, Products, and Resources Mentioned: Jesus Calling Podcast Jesus Calling Jesus Always Jesus Listens Enneagram video series Upcoming interview: Jay Hewitt Enneagram    Christa Hardin Enneagram Type 7 Wheaton College  The Enneagram in Marriage: Your Guide to Thriving Together in Your Unique Pairing   Bill and Kristi Gaultiere Soul Shepherding Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith Enneagram 6   Interview Quotes: “I think that it's important that couples realize that they can shine even more beautifully as they walk through these seasons together with faithfulness and learn about one another's [Enneagram] types, learn about how one another thrives, what makes each other feel safe and secure, what makes one another feel like a bit of a basket case.” - Christa Hardin  “It's so lovely to have time and space with God every day to journal, to pray, to be in the Word, to really allow God's Word to refresh us, to trust Him that though pain lasts through the night, joy comes in the morning.” - Christa Hardin  “As we bring our emotions honestly, intimately into relationship with Jesus, it results really in us growing in our emotional intelligence and experiencing the positive emotions of the gifts He's given us, which emotions they move us, they motivate us, they enable us to thrive in our life with Jesus.” - Kristi Gaultiere “Cultivating healthy feelings is such an important key to a healthy faith, and the Enneagram is just a great tool to help us be healthy in our emotions, relationships, and spirituality, particularly when we take a Jesus-centered and a Biblical approach to the Enneagram, that's when God can really use this tool to bring transformation in our lives.” - Bill Gaultiere  “We've come to blend our personalities together, we've learned that we're better together.” - Kristi Gaultiere  ________________________ Enjoy watching these additional videos from Jesus Calling YouTube channel! Audio Episodes:     https://bit.ly/3zvjbK7  Bonus Podcasts:     https://bit.ly/3vfLlGw  Jesus Listens: Stories of Prayer:  https://bit.ly/3Sd0a6C  Peace for Everyday Life:     https://bit.ly/3zzwFoj  Peace in Uncertain Times:     https://bit.ly/3cHfB6u  What's Good?     https://bit.ly/3vc2cKj  Enneagram:     https://bit.ly/3hzRCCY  ________________________  Connect with Jesus Calling Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest YouTube Website

Bill and Kristi Gaultiere know from first-hand experience how ministry can take a toll on your life. They both realized this while serving the local church in a season of intense activity. However, they soon discovered something on the inside was wrong. The joy and fulfillment of ministry had diminished amid the fast-paced life of leading in today's culture.On this edition of the 95Podcast, you will hear the heart of their ministry to leaders through Soul Shepherding and the Sabbatical Guide. They want you to find a weekly rhythm to your life and ministry that brings comfort and peace each day.Show Notes: https://www.95network.org/the-best-of-2023-the-sabbatical-guide-w-bill-kristi-gaultiere-episode-212/Support the show

What if there was a tool that could accelerate your spiritual growth, enhance emotional health, and propel your leadership skills to new heights? Our guests for today, renowned ministry leaders Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, have unlocked this potential with the Enneagram. Throughout the episode, they enlighten us on how this transformative tool can be integrated into coaching and retreats, and how it addresses the emotional roots of our personality types. They share valuable insights into the essence of the Enneagram, rebuff common criticisms, and emphasize the importance of a Christ-centered approach to emotional and spiritual wellness.Building on their in-depth understanding of the Enneagram, Bill and Kristi guide us through the association between personality types and core emotions like anger, shame, and anxiety. They reveal how self-awareness, combined with the healing power of Christ and community, can transform these emotions and foster emotional honesty. Furthermore, our insightful guests unravel the unique struggles faced by pastors and leaders in their ministry. From maintaining a healthy church culture to navigating the overwhelming demands of their roles, they share how the Enneagram can provide clarity, promote self-awareness, and instill trust in God's plan. In the final part of our discussion, we delve deeper into the potential of the Enneagram for fostering emotional intelligence and empathy in relationships. The conversation seeks to reshape misunderstandings about empathy, underlining its role in love, compassion, and understanding others. Together, we explore the concept of an emotional alarm, a wake-up call to prevent unhealthy behaviors. This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for anyone striving for a balanced, Christ-like approach in their personal relationships and ministry. So, tune in and join us on this enlightening journey towards self-discovery and spiritual growth.Reach out! nicki@soulshepherding.orgJOIN OUR NEW ONLINE LEARNING PLATFORM!ENTER CODE - 75ULC2023 for 75% off! Support the showWatch Us On Youtube!

On this episode of the Trueface Podcast, Robby is with Bill & Kristi Gaultiere. Bill is a psychologist (PhD) and ordained pastor, specializing in ministry to pastors. Kristi is a psychotherapist (Psy.D.) and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors' wives. She co-leads Soul Shepherding with Bill. She was personally mentored by Jane Willard and Dr. Jan Stoop. He and Kristi are the authors of Journey of the Soul, which was #1 on Amazon in Christian Counseling. He was personally mentored for many years by Dallas Willard and Ray Ortlund Sr. His earlier book Your Best Life in Jesus' Easy Yoke tells the story of his spiritual renewal from anxious living and burnout and introduces the message and way of Soul Shepherding. You can listen to their weekly Soul Talks podcast or read their Soul Shepherding blog.Learn more about Bill & Kristi Gaultiere's work at Soul Shepherding and their books and resources at https://www.soulshepherding.org/Watch: https://youtu.be/BaiSRrAks9wListen: https://www.buzzsprout.com/42863/14113276Download the Trueface Life app from the Apple App Store or Google Play Store!Learn More about the trueface Journey Here: https://www.trueface.org/truefacejourney.Thanks for joining the podcast. Our goal is to help you experience and apply grace to your everyday life through sharing stories and processing these principles as we all learn to live beyond the mask.If you enjoyed this episode of the Trueface Podcast, it would help us if you would share this podcast with your friends and give us a 5-star review wherever you listen to this podcast.Support the show

Bill & Kristi Gaultiere understand what it's like to pastor people while working through your own personal problems. Their life experiences have given them a deep love for pastors and ministry leaders to experience freedom, healing and the joy that comes from having a healthy soul.Today's podcast is a great conversation about their new book Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith that details how to effectively use Enneagram to grow emotionally and spiritually. The honesty and authenticity of the Gaultiere's is a wind of fresh air for every ministry leader.Show Notes: https://www.95network.org/healthy-feelings-thriving-faith-w-bill-kristi-gaultiere-episode-208/Support the show

Is the Enneagram just another personality test trend, or is it a truly helpful tool? Is it okay for Christians to use the Enneagram? Why are so many people afraid of using the Enneagram? Whether you love the Enneagram or are skeptical, stick around, because Drs. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere are here to help us process and move towards emotional health! Bill is a psychologist, Kristi is a marriage and family therapist, and together, they have counseled and ministered to people for thirty years. In 2009, they co-founded Shepherding the Soul, a nonprofit ministry that helps people discover and take their next steps toward Jesus, emotional health, and loving relationships.  Bill and Kristi's newest book, Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram, is a roadmap to help us go from knowing our personality type to growing in wholeness, health, and love.  Lean in and listen as Bill, Kristi, and I discuss: Why people of faith are often resistant when it comes to doing emotional work How to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy selfishness Using the Enneagram as a discipleship tool  Two things that lead to change (and how one of those pulls us towards being more like Jesus) The difference between caretaking and people-pleasing Favorite quotes: “Our emotions influence our faith.” “Emotions are valuable and God given.” “The healthier we are in ourselves, the healthier our faith can be.” “Jesus is the perfection of each of the Enneagram types.” “There are two things that lead to change - pain pushers or vision pulls.” “The Enneagram is helping us get under the surface into some stuff that is broken, painful, and unhealthy that we need to look at.” Coaching this week:  The Secret to Getting Motivated (25:28) Links to great things we discussed:  Bill and Kristi Gaultiere Website Bill and Kristi Gaultiere Instagram Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram Jesus, Name Above All Names - Naida Hearn Where To Find Me - Jet Trouble A Man Called Otto Shadowlands Immune Boost My Utmost for His Highest Dumb Money Old Navy High-Waisted Pull-On Pixie Wide-Leg Pants Remaining You While Raising Them Order your copy of Remaining You While Raising Them here. Hope you loved this episode! Be sure to subscribe in iTunes and slap some stars on a review! :) xo, Alli https://www.alliworthington.com/podcast  

Our guests in today's episode are both doctors of psychology and the founders of Soul Shepherding. Together they have trained thousands of pastors, spiritual directors, leaders, missionaries, and coaches. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere have a huge heart not just for leaders, but for everyone in general to experience greater freedom and healing in their lives. We also talk about their new book, "Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually Through the Enneagram" where they explore the beautiful and powerful tool, the Enneagram, in the context of spiritual direction and Jesus-Centered psychology. Soul Shepherding Website

How can we use the Enneagram to understand and navigate our emotions? Each of us has a unique emotional wiring that has shaped our personality. But oftentimes, we undervalue the importance of our feelings. “Feelings are just as much a gift from God as thoughts,” explains Dr. Bill Gualtiere, “[...] our thoughts influence our feelings. But our feelings influence our thoughts also, and our feelings and emotions are very biological."  Drs. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere join me for an Enneagram-filled conversation about the significance of empathy for emotional and spiritual development.  They share the emotional alarms and soul care practices for each type, and offer a unique map that uncovers the core feelings associated with each Enneagram type.   To learn more about Drs. Kristi and Bill Gaultiere, visit their website here, connect with them on social media @soulshepherding, listen to their Soul Talks podcast, or grab a copy of their new book, Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram.  

Bill and Kristi Gaultiere are Drs of Psychology and the Founders of Soul Shepherding, a ministry to help pastors, leaders, churches and all those desiring to thrive with Jesus in emotional and relational health. In their Soul Shepherding Institute retreats and training they offer a certificate for serving as a Spiritual Director. They are also authors of a number of soul care books and resources. They have been speaking and writing about following Jesus in life and ministry since 1987. Their new book Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith, uses the Enneagram to help you grow in emotional health, loving relationships and intimacy with Jesus. In this conversation, Stephen and Kristi talk about all things Enneagram. Kristi provides an overview of each Enneagram type as well as their core emotions, stress and security expressions, primary defense mechanisms, soul care practices and so much more. Ultimately, Kristi is passionate about the Enneagram because she believes it is an effective tool for emotional health, empathy, and discipleship.Follow Bill and Kristi on Instagram | @soulshepherdingCheck out Bill and Kristi's website | soulshepherding.orgPurchase Healthy Feelings, Thriving FaithFollow us on InstagramAsk a Question or Suggest a Guest | goingsomewherepod.com/contactSubscribe to us on YoutubePodcast Music: Electric Ten by Broke in SummerGoing Somewhere is a resource of Northview ChurchStephen's Instagram & Blog

In this rebroadcasted episode, ServingLeaders Founder and Executive Director, Dave Wiedis, interviews Bill and Kristi Gualtiere on their brand new book on the Enneagram called, Healthy Feelings Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually Through the Enneagram, releasing on September 5, 2023. Bill and Kristi are the founders of Soul Shepherding. Both are Therapists and Spiritual Directors with decades of experience in ministering to pastors and missionaries.To learn more about Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith by Drs. Bill & Kristi Gaultiere, check out SoulShepherding.org/enneagram. You'll find their free Enneagram & Emotions Assessment, related resources, and special bonus gifts if you preorder the book before it launches on September 5, 2023.

Our thoughts influence how we feel and act, and some of the thoughts in our heads can keep us from fully embracing God's life and love for us. Allowing all of these narratives to remain unchecked can hinder our growth, but there is hope for us to quiet the noise and discern the voice of our Lord.Join us for this episode of Soul Talks as Kristi and Gem Fadling discuss Gem's newest book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads. As they share some of the important questions you can ask of the thoughts in your head, you'll learn to agree with God's grace, become aware of the work of the enemy, and embrace a new pattern of noticing, discerning, and responding so you can be a vessel who overflows God's love to others.Resources for this Episode:Hold That Thought: Sorting Through The Voices In Our HeadsSoul Shepherding Sr. Spiritual DirectorsSoul Shepherding Sr. Coaches

Bill & Kristi Gaultiere know from first hand experience how ministry can take a toll on your life. They both came to this realization while serving the local church in a season in intense activity. However, they soon discovered something on the inside was wrong. The joy and fulfillment of ministry had diminished in the midst of the fast paced life of leading in today's culture.On this edition of the 95Podcast, you will get to hear the heart of their ministry to leaders through Soul Shepherding and the Sabbatical Guide. Their desire is for you to find a weekly rhythm to your life and ministry that brings comfort and peace each day. Show Notes: https://www.95network.org/the-sabbatical-guide-w-bill-kristi-gaultiere-episode-182/Support the show

Dave interviews Bill and Kristi Gualtiere on their brand new book on the Enneagram called, "Healthy Feelings Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually Through the Enneagram." Bill and Kristi are the founders of Soul Shepherding. Both are Therapists and Spiritual Directors with decades of experience in ministering to pastors and missionaries.

This week's episode exposes the roots of legalism that contribute to the many distortions of truth we have come to believe. First, we explore the type of legalism that is found in works-based salvation. Three Roots of Legalism: First, this type of belief system constructs a preoccupation in the Christian life with obeying rules and regulations. It assumes that God's love and acceptance are based not on his love for us but on our ability to maintain his rules. Secondly, we look at a deeper level of legalism that disconnects the law from the God who made the law. This variation is no longer seeking connection or relationship but often is focused on self-acceptance, following the letter of the law without the spirit of the law. In missing the heart of God for us, this root of legalism impacts the way we view ourselves and others. We discuss the shame and judgment that comes with following rules without a reason that is built upon a loving relationship. Finally, we expose the deepest and most common form of legalism, which adds to God's word with man-made regulations and rules. We also define the distortions that come from this form of legalism such as living within a sacred and secular divide.  Word of encouragement for those deconstructing and seeking to reconstruct their faith:  1. Stay curious 2. Lean into your community 3. Be gentle with yourself  RESOURCES:John Mark Comer's Deconstruction: The Way of Jesus & The Ideologies of the World: https://bit.ly/41YtH8e Journey of the Soul by Kristi Gaultiere and Bill GaultiereEmotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete Scazzero 3 Types of Legalism by R.C Sproul Gentle and Lowly By Dane Orland  ASK CARLEY!Do you have a question or topic you want to be discussed on a future Q+A episode? Carley would love to hear from you! Record your message here, and Carley just might answer it on the next episode! https://www.speakpipe.com/therapyandtheology FOLLOW T+T on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/FOLLOW CARLEY:Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week's episode begins the final series of the season and explores the popular yet hard-to-define term of deconstruction. As many of us have had to encounter, this journey of life is often one that leaves us with complex questions. Through part one of this series we will begin to understand the Biblical approach to deconstruction, as Jesus modeled for us. We will look at the process of beliefs and how they shape the way we see the world, ourselves, and God. Additionally, we will explore the reasons for deconstruction and identity simple practices to engage our questions and concerns with the Truths of Scripture. If you have been told your questions are unwelcome, your doubts define your faith, or you need to keep silent in the name of spirituality, then this series is for you!  Your questions are valid here.  Your scares are sacred here.  Your whys are welcome here.  Your fears are felt here.  Let's explore our templates of belief by using Truth to expose religious assumptions and wounding messages that have distorted God's heart and hope for us as his beloved children.  Resources:  John Mark Comer Deconstruction: The Way of Jesus & The Ideologies of the World Journey of the Soul by  Kristi Gaultiere and Bill Gaultiere Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Pete ScazzeroSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today I'm talking with Dr. Kristi Gaultiere and we'll be discussing our journey toward emotional and spiritual growth.I've known Kristi for many years. She and her husband have a ministry called Soul Shepherding and their mission is similar to Unhurried Living. They care for and train Christian leaders with a focus on pastors and spiritual directors. Kristi and her husband are both therapists and authors and I'm delighted to share this conversation on transformation over a lifetime.

Today I'm talking with Dr. Kristi Gaultiere and we'll be discussing our journey toward emotional and spiritual growth.I've known Kristi for many years. She and her husband have a ministry called Soul Shepherding and their mission is similar to Unhurried Living. They care for and train Christian leaders with a focus on pastors and spiritual directors. Kristi and her husband are both therapists and authors and I'm delighted to share this conversation on transformation over a lifetime.

Today's episode continues the seasons of the soul series and explores the theme of joy amid what Psalm 23 depicts as disorientation. Joined by friend Dr. Lauren Gilbert, we discuss the complexity of holding space for divine joy in the reality of our soul's darkest moments. Dr. Lauren shares from her research and her heart on the challenges that our faith faces in the reality of pain, loss, and longing. Looking at both psychology and theology, we discuss how disorientation is vital to our spiritual journey and that true joy, awareness of God's grace, can be cultivated regardless of outcomes. Additionally, we engage in the practice of listening prayer to hold space for both grieve and grace to be acknowledged this holiday season. Follow Dr. Lauren on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drlaurengilbert/Resources Mentioned in This Episode:- Listening Prayer Guide: https://www.theignatianjourney.com/scripture-and-lectio-divinaFor Seasons of Disorientation:- Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth: by Bill Gaultiere and Kristi Gaultiere - https://amzn.to/3FSXBSW- To Be Told by Dan Allender: https://bit.ly/3HETpYf- It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered by Lysa Terkeurst - https://amzn.to/3HD12P6Other Resources:- Psalm 23: https://www.biblestudytools.com/psalms/23.html- Walter Brueggemann: Praying the Psalms: https://amzn.to/3VC2PIpFOLLOW T+T on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/FOLLOW CARLEY:Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Many of us would like to become more thankful, but how do we cultivate grateful emotions? Research has shown the tremendous value of gratitude for our mental health and physical well-being, but in spite of simply trying to think the right thoughts, we may have emotions that could block our ability to feel thankful.Tune in for this episode of Soul Talks as Bill and Kristi discuss the benefits and pathways to cultivating a grateful life. You will learn keys to grow in gratitude and overcome emotional roadblocks to thankfulness.Resources for this Episode:Surprising Joy: A Journey with Jesus for AdventSoul Shepherding InstituteSr. Spiritual DirectorsSr. Coaches

Host: Steve Macchia, Guests: Bill and Kristi Gaultiere “Ohh, I need to do some more inner journey work. This is an invitation.” –Kristi Gaultiere Bill and Kristi Gaultiere are Drs of Psychology and the Founders of Soul Shepherding, a ministry to help pastors, leaders, churches, and all those desiring to thrive with Jesus in emotional and relational health. They are authors of a number of soul care books and resources. They have been speaking and writing about following Jesus in life and ministry since 1987. Bill and Kristi join Steve for a rich conversation about spiritual practices, discerning together and soul care. For their book Journey of the Soul, they reflect on more than 70,000 hours of therapy and spiritual direction with people. From Journey of the Soul, Bill and Kristi share six stages of spiritual growth and different walls that we experience. These walls start as periods of disorientation but become transition times to a more Christ-centered way of being. Listen as they share personal stories of supporting one another during their own walls and offer a light and a map to help every person through their own journey of the soul. Join the conversation about spiritual discernment as a way of life at www.LeadershipTransformations.org and consider participation in our online and in-person program offerings. Additional LTI spiritual formation resources can be found at www.SpiritualFormationStore.com and www.ruleoflife.com and www.healthychurch.net.

“I don't know what's wrong with me.”“I leave church feeling shame or anger”“I don't know if I believe anymore”“I've blown it and God is mad at me.”Have you found yourself thinking these things? You're not alone. These are the kinds of confessions Kristi hears in her counseling office all the time. And what she tells her clients is what she wants to tell you today: Your questions are normal, healthy, and God will use them as we come to understand the grace available to us. Deconstruction does not necessarily mean you are leaving the faith. In fact, it's often a normal part of the Christian faith journey. Today, we'll look at what it means to deconstruct and reconstruct our faith when we hit the spiritual wall.Kristi is a psychotherapist and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors' wives. She co-leads Soul Shepherding with Bill. She was personally mentored by Jane Willard and Dr. Jan Stoop.As a pastor's wife, mother, and ministry professional, Kristi offers empathy and wisdom from her experience personally and as a therapist who has spent many thousands of hours caring for people. Kristi enjoys speaking, training, teaching, consulting, counseling, and retreat leading with Bill, as well as recording their weekly Soul Talks podcast.In this episode, Kristi and Carley talk about:1. Our need for mentorship in our spiritual journey: we need people to walk with us through our challenges and sufferings2. The Christ Stages of Faith 3. Deconstruction, “Hitting the Wall” and the benefits and temptations before and after the Wall4. Tips for rebuilding faith after deconstruction and soul care practices5. Creating a journey map of your faithFOLLOW KRISTI:https://www.soulshepherding.org/LISTEN TO THE SOUL TALKS PODCAST:https://apple.co/3Sxi8QIGET KRISTI'S BOOK:Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth: https://amzn.to/3Sdew6tFOLLOW T+T on Instagram!https://www.instagram.com/therapyandtheologypodcast/FOLLOW CARLEY:Website: https://www.carleymarcouillier.com/

The subject of pride can be confusing. What about boasting and saying “I'm proud of you”? What does the Bible say about pride? What does unhealthy pride look like for a Christian? Join guest Kristi Gaultiere with host Lyvita Brooks discuss how to recognize pride's sneaky maneuvers to get you off track. They don't stop there but share how to stay on track and what to do when you do fall.  

Patreon Membership: https://www.patreon.com/kylespears Healing from emotional pain is some of the most challenging work that we face. Jim and Lindsey have not only participated in the journey of Soul Shepherding, but also help lead others through the program. Jim and Lindsey were recently entrusted to facilitate the "Soul Shepherding Institute" in Atlanta. Topics covered: -Spiritual Direction vs Discipleship -What do Christians do when they hit the wall spiritually? -Why are spiritual disciplines essential to growth? -Christ Stages Map Soul Shepherding is a program focused on spiritual direction which was created by Bill & Kristi Gaultiere. Books: Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth Journey of the Soul: Leader Guide

*Originally aired March 5, 2021 * Whether you are a seasoned Christian or this is your first week walking with God, you are growing and journeying in faith. Drs. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere share about the stages of life with God from their book, “Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth.”

*Originally aired March 5, 2021 * Whether you are a seasoned Christian or this is your first week walking with God, you are growing and journeying in faith. Drs. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere share about the stages of life with God from their book, “Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth.”

Have you ever felt like you "hit the wall" spiritually? Jim and Lindsay Long talk about their experience with this and how God brought them through.Christ Stages MapJourney of the Soul Book pageJourney of the Soul Leader Guide (For small Groups)Journey of the Soul Small Group Videos (Free)If you are interested in being part of a Journey of the Soul small group or perhaps leading a small group through the material, please email Lindsay or Jim to get connected.Lindsay and Jim have completed the online and in-person Soul Shepherding Spiritual Direction Certification Program. They are now assisting Bill and Kristi Gaultiere with the 24 month Soul Shepherding Institute with four unique east coast retreats (2 per year). Click here if you would like more information about the Institute.If you are interested in finding out more about Spiritual Direction, click here. If you are considering finding a Spiritual Director, Spiritual Directors are listed here. Other Programs/ Resources Lindsay and Jim recommend are:Dallas Willard School of Kingdom Living ( an 18 month online and an in-person immersion in Dallas Willard's teaching on “putting on the character of Christ” through the many facets of biblical discipleship.)Renovare (24 Month Spiritual Formation Program)JanJohnson.org (Author and Spiritual Formation Teacher)DWillard.org (Dallas Willard Free Resources: Articles, Audio, Video)Jeanie Shaw's Blog: https://jeaniesjourneys.comRobert Carrillo's Way of the PilgrimYou can reach out to Lindsay and Jim via email below.LindsayLong3@gmail.comJimLong.SD@gmail.com

(00:00-8:04): Brian and Aubrey talked about the following articles:  “Poll: America growing more secular by the year” “The weird spiral of declining Christianity in America” “About Three-in-Ten U.S. Adults Are Now Religiously Unaffiliated” (8:04-24:21): Dr. Bill Gaultiere and Dr. Kristi Gaultiere, Co-founders of Soul Shepherding and Co-hosts of the podcast “Soul Talks with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere,” joined Brian and Aubrey to talk about their book, “Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth.”  Learn more about Bill & Kristi and their book at journeyofthesoul.org, learn more about Soul Shepherding at soulshepherding.org and connect with them on Twitter at @SoulShepherding (24:21-32:31): Brian and Aubrey reflected on how far we've come with medical advancements during the pandemic. They also discussed the USA Today video, “COVID-19 vaccine: A reflection on the first shot in the U.S.” (32:31-41:47): How do Christians embrace the goodness of diversity without caving to the winds of cultural change? Brian and Aubrey talked about this and shared their thoughts on Arthur Satterwhite's Churchleaders.com article, “Why Christians Should Care About Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging.”  (41:47-49:34): Brian and Aubrey discussed Emily Brown's Relevant Magazine article, “13 Unforgettably Stupid Gift Ideas for Your White Elephant Party.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You put your trust in Christ a long time ago. Since then, you've spent countless hours in prayer and reading the Bible. You've attended church and been faithful to give and serve however you can. You could tell story after story of how God met your needs and helped you along the way. Yet today, God feels distant and out of reach. It seems like your prayers hit the ceiling. Doubt, guilt, and discouragement are making a wreck of your faith. You wonder how to break down the wall and draw close to God again.   Today's guests, Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, are here to give you hope on your journey of faith. Bill and Kristi have served both in ministry and as counselors for 30 years. They have authored a powerful book titled Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Health to meet you in whatever stage of faith you're living right now.   Bill and Kristi help us to understand   The pain of feeling distant from God The “Christ stages” we experience in our Christian life Why we hit the wall and become stuck in our journey of faith The part suffering plays in our spiritual confusion How to open our soul to the Spirit in new ways How growing in God can help us cope with difficult emotions Spiritual practices that help us to connect with God when he seems far away The powerful impact of “soul talk” conversations with your spouse and kids    Bill and Kristi Gaultiere are the founders of Soul Shepherding,  helping believers move toward intimacy with Jesus, emotional health, and loving relationships. As a psychologist and Spiritual Formation Pastor, Bill has trained over 1,000 lay counselors and taught courses in Christian psychology and spirituality at the graduate school level.    Bill and Kristi, a psychotherapist, train pastors and other men and women in ministry in their Soul Shepherding Institute and Spiritual Direction certificate program. Bill has been speaking in churches and conferences since 1987 and especially enjoys speaking with Kristi. You can listen to their weekly Soul Talks podcast and read their weekly Soul Shepherding blog.  This podcast is produced and edited by Angie Elkins Media, Inc.

Every journey has three components. Most familiar are Destination and Path. What is often overlooked is Origin...where you're starting from. In our spiritual journey it's as crucial for healthy growth to know where we are - right now - as it is to know where we're going and how we'll get there. Join us as we sit down with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, whose extensive experience of journeying with pastors and ministry leaders have given them unique insights to discerning where you are in your journey, and how to find hope and vision for the road of faith ahead. Resources Mentioned in this episode: Soul Shepherding Journey of the Soul Sabbatical Guide

How are you growing spiritually? For many of us, feelings of being stagnate in our Christian life makes things unclear. It's easy to feel stuck, and to either give up or wear yourself out "trying harder". What's wrong? What next step do I need to take? Co-Author of Journey of the Soul, Kristi Gaultiere join Dr. Carol and will help you identify your current stage of faith and the next steps to take based on your unique needs and struggles. Connect with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere on their website, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram Check out their Soul Talks podcast  Find their book Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth    Check out our new online course Navigating Midlife especially for women, and discover how this can be the BEST season of your life

On this episode of the Reboot Recovery Show, Evan is joined by Bill and Kristi Gaultiere to discuss their book, Journey of the Soul.  To learn more about how you can find hope after trauma, please visit our website at www.rebootrecovery.com, on ourFacebook page or email us at show@rebootrecovery.com.”

Leadership soul care is vital. Nathan talks with Alan Fadling, Kristi Gaultiere, and Steve Macchia—who each have ministries dedicated to serving Christian leaders—about cultivating a healthy, paced, Jesus-rooted way of leading.

Mini-meeting on the topic of "Habits". Nate interviews psychologist and therapist Bill and Kristi Gaultiere about the six phases of spiritual growth and development.  You can find more information at soulshepherding.org and journeyofthesoul.org.   The music on this podcast is contributed by members of the Samson Society. For more information on this ministry, please visit samsonsociety.com.

Join Tim and Jake in the second episode of a three part series in which they talk with authors Bill and Kristi Gaultiere about their book "Journey of the Soul:  A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth.This is Lead Time.

Join Tim and Jake in the first episode of a three part series in which they talk with authors Bill and Kristi Gaultiere about their book "Journey of the Soul:  A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth.This is Lead Time.

About the Episode In the latest Craft & Character episode Steve Carter interviews Spiritual Directors Bill & Kristi Gaultiere about the soul journey every pastor and follower goes on to experience more intimacy with Christ. Bill & Kristi run www.soulshepherding.com and have a heart to help people discover the pathway towards emotional honesty, spiritual maturity and how to handle those dark nights of the soul. Bill & Kristi also work with pastors around taking a sabbath break and how to best structure that so your heart, mind and soul can experience true replenishment. Who are Bill and Kristi Gaultiere? Bill is a psychologist (PhD; PSY12036 in CA) and ordained pastor, specializing in ministry to pastors. He and Kristi are the authors of Journey of the Soul, which was #1 on Amazon in Christian Counseling. He was personally mentored for many years by Dallas Willard and Ray Ortlund Sr. His earlier book Your Best Life in Jesus' Easy Yoke tells the story of his spiritual renewal from anxious living and burnout and introduces the message and way of Soul Shepherding. As a Spiritual Formation Pastor, he has served in a mega-church and a church plant. He's also trained over 1,000 lay counselors and taught courses in Christian psychology and spirituality at the graduate school level. He and Kristi train pastors and other men and women in ministry in their Soul Shepherding Institute and Spiritual Direction certificate program. Bill has been speaking in churches and conferences since 1987 and especially enjoys speaking with Kristi. You can listen to their weekly Soul Talks podcast or read their weekly Soul Shepherding blog. Kristi is a psychotherapist (Psy.D.; LPC4 and MFT29887 in CA) and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors' wives. She co-leads Soul Shepherding with Bill. She was personally mentored by Jane Willard and Dr. Jan Stoop. As a pastor's wife, mother, and ministry professional, Kristi offers empathy and wisdom from her experience personally and as a therapist who has spent many thousands of hours caring for people. Kristi enjoys speaking, training, teaching, consulting, counseling, and retreat leading with Bill, as well as recording their weekly Soul Talks podcast.  

When we watch a baby grow, we understand that there are developmental stages, but we often expect our souls (and others') to arrive full-grown! Kristi Gaultiere, co-author of Journey of the Soul: a Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth, introduces us to the spiritual formation of our souls. It's a joy-filled concept that will allow you to enjoy your soul's steps as well as extend grace to those behind you.

Do you feel as if your soul might be hitting the proverbial wall? Dr. Kristi Gaultiere—licensed psychotherapist and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors’ wives—talks about the effects of the last year on women (yay 2020/2021). She also gives a ton of resources on how to rest and reflect in ministry regardless of your stage in ministry. Make sure you check out the show notes for all of the tools she references in this packed episode! Show Notes: https://journeyofthesoul.org  https://www.sabbaticalguide.com   https://www.soulshepherding.org   Social Media @soulshepherding

Do you feel as if your soul might be hitting the proverbial wall? Dr. Kristi Gaultiere—licensed psychotherapist and spiritual director for women in ministry and pastors' wives—talks about the effects of the last year on women (yay 2020/2021). She also gives a ton of resources on how to rest and reflect in ministry regardless of your stage in ministry. Make sure you check out the show notes for all of the tools she references in this packed episode! Show Notes: https://journeyofthesoul.org  https://www.sabbaticalguide.com   https://www.soulshepherding.org   Social Media @soulshepherding

Welcome back to the unSeminary podcast. This week I'm excited to talk with Bill and Kristi Gaultiere from the organization Soul Shepherding. Bill and Kristi felt called to study psychology for the purpose of ministry, and serve as spiritual directors and pastors to pastors. Soul Shepherding offers resources and training for pastors and leaders and […]

Bill & Kristi Gaultiere Bill & Kristi Gaultiere https://historian.ministrycloud.com/r/eyJzaXRlX2lkIjoiMTcyMjIiLCJzZXJtb25faWQiOiIyMDc1MzQzIiwibWVkaWFfaWQiOiI4NzQwMzEzIiwibWVkaWFfZm9ybWF0IjoiMSJ9/https://5fbc6b6b7b71208e9990-4453f11dd0a7c44c7f3f9feef0941ade.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com/uploaded/t/0e12219966_1618691603_t02620210417.mp3

Have you ever "hit the wall?" Not physically, but maybe spiritually or mentally? Today's guest, Dr. Kristi Gaultiere, Co-author of "The Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth," visits with us and shares the six CHRIST stages of spiritual growth. In "Stronger Every Day: 9 Tools for an Emotionally Healthy You," Janell offers TOOL 6, Soak in Living Water, which also offers help and hope for the spiritual journey. Janell and Kristi invite you to pull up a chair at the table and join this beautiful, honest conversation about the journey of the soul.

Whether you are a seasoned Christian or this is your first week walking with God, you are growing and journeying in faith. Drs. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere share about the stages of life with God from their book, "Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Emotional and Spiritual Growth."

Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics  Interior Integration for Catholics brings to you in each episode the best psychological information essential for your human formation, knowledge that is fundamental in shoring up the natural foundation for your Catholic spiritual life.   In this podcast, we confront the tough questions we Catholics have in our day-to-day lives, we confront head on our struggles in the natural realm, the psychological difficulties that keep us from fully loving our Lord and our Lady in a deep, personal, intimate way.  And we deal with these difficult, demanding issues for one primary reason: to free you to love God our Father, Jesus our Brother, the Holy Spirit and Our Mother Mary more and more over time.   This podcast helps you focus inward on your interior integration -- to help you bring together the different parts of yourself into unity and harmony with God. 'Together, we are on a journey toward deep transformation in our mindsets, our heartsets and our bodysets, a radical transformation at the core of our being so that our souls can one day enter into contemplative union with God.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski and I am here with you, to be your host and guide.   This podcast is part of Souls and Hearts, our online outreach at soulsandhearts.com, which is all about shoring up our natural foundation for the Catholic spiritual life, all about overcoming psychological obstacles to being loved and to loving God and neighbor This is episode 54, released on February 8, 2021 This is the sixth episode in our series on sexuality and the fourth one on masturbation.   And it is titled:  Masturbation Recovery Stories We're following up on our last three episodes, number 51, 52 and 53, which have all been about masturbation, the Top 10 reasons why Catholic men masturbate, the 10 common mistakes they make as they try to recover from masturbation and live chaste lives, and the 20 remedies for those 10 common mistakes.    we're getting into answers for Catholics who experience masturbation as a dead-end, as a failed promise, as an inadequate answer for their deeper needs and desires.  So today, we're pulling all the conceptual information together and we are going to do three things. First, We will briefly review the 10 common mistakes and the 20 remedies for those mistakes Second, will discuss how to make an individualized recovery plan for masturbation  Third, we will pull all the information together into the stories of Richard and Luis, who we introduced in episode 51 -- we will review their histories, look at the mistakes they made is trying to free themselves from masturbation, discuss how they made their individualized plans for recovery, and how they broke free from masturbation.   Review:   10 Common Mistakes that Catholics make in breaking free from masturbation: Considering masturbation as the primary problem. -- Gotta go deeper  Pursuing compartmentalization or fragmentation instead of interior integration  Going it alone  Using only the spiritual means  Having a Power spirituality or a macho spirituality  Passive Spirituality  The why for the change  Shaming the self for failures  The All or Nothing Trap   Failing to see the struggle with masturbation as a gift   20 Remedies for those mistakes Commit to finding the real reason, with God's help.   Bring God or Mary or a saint or your angel  into the search for the underlying causes  Committing to interior integration:   Interior acceptance of all parts, all desires, all impulses, all thoughts, all memories as real -- as part of reality.  Find a confidant with whom you can check in daily.   Daily.  Not just regularly.  Daily  Get to confession and address the spiritual dimensions.  Talk about it.  Spiritual Director, Confessor  Working toward Intimate relationship with God  Time with Friends -- being deliberate out it.  Therapists -- especially Catholic IFS-informed  therapist  Sexaholics Anonymous or other groups  Online groups -- like the Resilient Catholic Community  Embracing the parts that carry our powerlessness, smallness, neediness -- we need those things, they are essential for us to be small enough to approach God.  Those parts are precious   Focus on Humility.  Litany of humility.  Litany of Trust  Entering into relationship with God as a little child. Let the little children come to me.    St. Therese of Lisieux.  Serenity Prayer:   Pray it every day.  And listen.   Commit to doing what you can, even it seems like very little.  Remembering that as little children we can offer very little.  Exploring and discussing our motives with our trusted person.   Ask that person how he or she sees our motives.    Bringing those motives to prayer.  Lord that I may see.  Prayer of blind Bartimeus.  Domine ut vidiam.  really working with our internal critic.  Understanding the reasons for the shaming, the good that the critic seeks in that -- and helping that critic integrate with the rest of your system, under the leadership of your core self.  Perseverance.  It's normal to fall.  We are fallen human beings in a fallen world.  We need to get up.  Every time.  Seeking for how the struggle with masturbation is a gift.   Making a Plan All the above can be overwhelming-- Do I have to do it all?  First Overarching principle -- Work your plan out with someone else, someone you trust, someone that you sense is competent to help you.  This is vitally important, so you are not repeating mistake number 3, which is going it alone.  Talk it out with that person at length.  The whys and wherefores of each component of the plan.   Second Overarching principle Write out your plan.  It all becomes so much when you write it out.   Third Overarching principle --  take what is helpful for you in your plan and discard what is not.  Be flexible in your plan over time.   Fourth overarching principle -- build up your plan.  It make take time, build it up over time.  General trend over time -- general trajectory Week by week -- once you consolidate a part of your plan, add another part Fifth overarching principle -- adherence to the plan is your target.  Stay with the plan.  Much more certain than just having periods of abstinence from masturbation Review of Parts IFS by Richard Schwartz   IFS on the Self Self defined as the seat of consciousness  Self can be occluded or overwhelmed by parts  When self accepts and loves parts, those parts transform back into who they were meant to be  Self-led mind is self-righting.  self -- Active inner leader -- more than mindfulness  Parts find the relationship with the self very reassuring   Discussion of Parts Separate, seemingly independent little personalities each with its range of emotion, style of expression, abilities, desires, views of the world.  Modes of operating Orchestra model Focus is on integration.   Get forced into extreme roles -- attachment injuries and relational traumas   Three roles Exiles --  most sensitive -- become injured or outraged.  Threatens the system, external relationships Exploited, rejected, abandoned in external relationships Want care and love, rescue, redemption shame.  Need for redemption  Managers Protective, strategic, controlling environment, keep things safe  Obsessions. Compulsions, reclusiveness, passivity, numbing. Panic attacks, somatic complaints, depressive episodes, hypervigiliance.   Firefighters Stifle, anesthetize, distract from feelings of exiles  No concern for consequences  Binge eating, drug/alcohol use, dissociation, sexual risk taking, cutting   Parts can take over the person Like in Pixar Movie Inside Out -- anger taking over the control panel of the main character Riley  We call it blending.   Stories Fictional, composites.   These are simplified.  We will discuss three parts.  Usually there are 10-20 parts, sometimes up to 30.   Richard: Richard's History  Parts mapping -- this is the real story.   Church Man -- manager part, strong moral compass, who evaluates Richards' behavior.  Take off from the SNL Church Lady from the late 80s. God Image:  Demanding Drill Sergeant God, who never satisfied with Richard.  This demanding drill sergeant God demands perfection from Richard, and so Church Man is pushing Richard really hard to be good enough to earn God's love.  Prayer -- mostly rote, duty-based, not much of a relational connection with God. Assumption is that once he does enough, God might heal him from his sinful ways out of justice.  God will owe it to him.    Church Man really just wants God to not harm Richard, and be satisfied with the efforts.    Self-image -- Church Man sees Richard's other parts as undermining his self-improvement efforts, and placing Richard at risk of God's permanent rejection and disgust.   Fear:  Church Man fears that if Richard doesn't keep trying and growing, God will reject him permanently.   Good intention:  To motivate Richard to follow the rules of the Catholic Faith and become worthy of God's acceptance.  Absolutely no affairs.  No connections to other women.  Not repeating what Mom did.   Benefits:  Excellent quality control at work.  Very few mistakes.  Generally a lot of self-control   Means Used: Badgers Richard, cajoles him.  Carrot and stick.  Can be really hard on him, shames him, cuts him down Suppresses all other parts.  Doesn't trust them.  Wants to be the only part operating.   Harm done;  Unaware of how demoralizing he can be.   To Richard's other parts -- crushing burden of shame he creates.   And to others -- could be really critical to subordinates and his wife.   Seen as cold and rude to women at work -- Talk in the break room among the women was that he was chauvinistic.   Distant from daughters.   Needy Boy -- exiled part that is very insecure, burdened with unmet needs for maternal care  Developmental history Mom stressed with first child, not able to engage consistently -- some post-partum depression.  Mom not real regulated to begin with.  Unprepared for the demands of motherhood, and Mom had parts that resented both her husband and her son and the loss of her career.  Dad was a high-power attorney, dominated by a part that needed to win, needed to overpower and outmaneuver others and never be seen as weak.   God image:  Elitist Aristocrat God -- God doesn't need him, God doesn't know him, God is too good for him, too remote Not felt seen and known  Not felt safe and secure   Self Image -- I'm not good enough, lovable enough to gain God's attention.  I'm abandoned, alone in the world.  I'm not acceptable, he doesn't need me and he doesn't want me.  Yearning for redemption, someone, anyone to pay attention to him.   Need Boy's Fear -- I am starving, emotionally, relationally.  I need to connect and be cared for or I will die.   Not able to regulate affect.   Distractor -- firefighter part --  Great Fear:  Being utterly overwhelmed by the intensity of Needy Boy's pain. When Church Man isn't able to contain Needy Boy, Distractor leaps in to protect Richard's system from the intensity of Needy Boy's intense emotional pain Uses pornography as a primary way of distracting, diverting Needy Boy to a mom-like image.  Hope for redemption.  Calms things down.   Masturbates to distract from Needy Boy's pain.   Polarized with Church Man.   Doesn't think much about God, A Statue God image,  Of the top 10 reasons Catholic men Masturbate #1  Loneliness -- needing maternal and paternal care  #2  Insecurity  #6  Anger at wife   Richard's Plan  Of the 10 common mistakes #3 -- Going it alone  #4 Using only the spiritual means  #5  Power spirituality, building virtue  #8  Shaming the self  #10  Not seeing his struggle with masturbation as a gift     Richard's Recovery Luis  Luis' history Seminarian -- 2nd Theology  Deep devotion to God  Parents married, Dad distant, mom thinks he's a little autistic, not emotionally attuned   Very close enmeshed relationship with Mom Part of the reason for going to seminary -- no other men, can be mom's one and only  Experiences close relationships as fusion -- blending together.   Parts Mapping The Moral Theologian  -- intellectual part, very much concerned with right and wrong and appropriate behavior.   Deep admirer of St. Thomas Aquinas, his hero Unknowingly departs from the angelic doctor in his devaluing of the Passions Very distrustful of emotions, impulses, desires -- seeks a high-degree of self control Makes careful distinctions first and second moral acts inside him.   Strives for objectivity, rationality, intellectual understanding, finds safety and protection in that.   God image -- not one of Bill and Kristi Gaultiere's types.   God is very fair, very just.  Transactional, highly intellectualized view of relating with God.  Very suspicious of the Charismatic movement and dislikes most contemporary liturgical music and praise and worship songs.   Prays via lectio divina, appreciates the aesthetics of good liturgy, and loves to reflect on the beauty and order of Catholic teaching Uninterested in romantic relationships, finds safety in his friendships with other orthodox seminarians and faculty but hates all the heretical or perceived heretical elements he hears in class or reads about in pastoral theology classes.   Relates through a meeting of the minds and is cordial with others, but scans relationships to see if they might negatively impact his search for truth.   Very preoccupied with masturbation -- this is the one area that is disordered in Luis' life, the one thing that needs to be straightened out.  Only area of grave matter.    Self control is shattered.   Masturbation is very confusing for the Moral Theologian -- almost like altered states of consciousness, he hates the sense of losing control, and has come to hate aspects of his sexuality, with some desires to be asexual in order to simplify matters.  The Moral Theologian could understand it if Origin, as Eusebius claimed, castrated himself, but hoped that he didn't as many other historians arugued because self-mutilation is grave matter Little Husband -- exile.   Deep unmet needs for love and care from Mom. Enmeshed with Mom -- emotional incest.  Mom's unhappy marriage, seeking to get her relational needs met by Luis.  Little Husband was the part of Luis that Mom's protector parts exploited in an attempt to feel better about herself and to get her own needs met.   When Luis was a little boy, his Little husband part learned that if he listened to Mom's problems, if he reassured her, if he affirmed her, if he joined her in criticizing Dad as a poor husband and father, he would then get her attention and she would show him affection.  If he felt the way she did, if he mirrored her, if he fused with her, Mom would reward him with affirmation, and sometime she went over the top, covering his face with kisses and hugging him close and weeping, and telling him how much he meant to her, how important he was to her, how much she needed him, which was frightening to him, to see her so regressed.   But he couldn't break away from Mom or risk losing almost all his emotional connection, given that his father was distant and there were no other major relationships in his life.   Self-image:  Little husband saw himself as his mother's support, her emotional  refuge, her caregiver, her protector in a sense, her little husband.  He existed to serve her needs.  God-Image:  So Little Husband saw God as needy and kind of emotionally unbalanced, prone to rages and also to overwhelmingly intense displays of affection.  Little Husband had a Magic Genie God image.  He had to give God whatever He wanted for that affection, even if meant violations of boundaries, violations of dignity.  Doesn't want to displease Mom.  Doesn't want to be unfaithful to her, and to meeting her needs.  Recognizes the sacrifices she is making by allowing him to go to seminary.    Gladiator -- Exile Rebellious toward authority, feels he is enslaved by others parts who are subservient to Mom  Hates Mom's invasions and intrusions.  This part hates Mom, feels like identity is being stolen, hates being used.   Suppressed by the Moral Theologian from an early age -- Polarization --  because of the danger he represents in acting out  Willing to take huge risks because life as an oppressed slave is hardly worth living.   Robber God image -- God takes good things away from me Anger at God -- assumed God is like Mom.    Fear of God fusing with him.   Self-image:  I've got to grab on to any goods I can get. This part masturbates.   Of the Top 10 reasons why Catholic men masturbate #1 Loneliness, lack of relational connection  #3 Cry for help (single symptom presentation)  #4  Anger at God  #5 Regulating distance from God -- preventing enmeshment   Luis' Plan  The Common Mistakes #1  Masturbation as the primary problem  #2 Compartmentalization --> fragmentation  #7 The Why for the Change  #8 Shaming the Self  #9 The All or Nothing Trap  #10 Not Seeing the Struggle as a Gift.   Dr. Glafoderwalladan  -- recommendations  Therapy with Dr. McMartete   Luis' Recovery.   Wrap up If you are interested in more about how parts have God images and how that all works -- mark your calendars. February 19, 2021 -- 10 AM to 1:15 PM Eastern time.  I have been invited to do a live webinar for the Catholic Psychotherapy Association entitled "Why Do I Avoid God?  An Internal Family Systems-Informed Approach to Parts' Negative God Images"  Here we get into how different parts see God.  Lots of experiential work.  For information and registration go to catholicpsychotherapy.org/events  Feedback.  Let me know how these episodes are landing with you -- -- some of you already have.  Get in touch with me on my cell at 317.567.9594 or my email at crisis@soulsandhearts.com -- we're still small enough in January 2021 that I can respond to everybody.   We have the Resilient Catholic community.  That community is about transformation, about preparing the way for love in our souls. It's about being together as Catholics on a journey, on a mission to really enter into an intimate personal relationship with Jesus Christ our brother, the Holy Spirit who is Love Himself and with our spiritual parents, God the Father and Mary our Mother.  It's about sharing our experiences in that journey on that mission. Get on the waiting list  soulsandhearts.com/rccd so you will get information before the general public does.  Those on the waiting list -- thank you for your patience, hoping to reopen the community in April.   Will do a premium podcast -- RCC members and ITC members --  Those premium podcasts come out on Tuesday, one day later, so this one will release on February 9, 2021.  Listening with Parts for Parts  We have our Second Wednesday Zoom meeting coming up from 7:30 PM to 8:45 PM on Wednesday, February 10, 2021 for Resilient Catholic Community members, and it's all about We will be discussing seeing our sufferings, trials, problems -- our crosses -- as gifts, and why our parts so often reject the whole idea and that will be in the context of sexuality and how parts are sexualized.    Can start by subscribing to this podcast -- spotify, apple podcasts, google play, amazon.  Share the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast on social media -- sharing buttons are on our website at soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis  -- get your word out there, with your personal recommendation -- how these episodes have helped you.  Share them, let others know.  You can reach out to me at 317.567.9594 or at crisis@soulsandhearts.com -- don't forget about feedback, ideas, suggestions.   Next week, in Episode 55, I am excited to have Dr. Gerry join us as we discuss pornography in the first of a two-part subseries within this broader series on sexuality.    Patronness and Patron.

In this episode Gina Has a conversation with Bill & Kristi Gaultiere, doctors of psychology, spiritual directors and the founders of Soul Shepherding about their new book Journey of the Soul: A Practical Guide to Spiritual and Emotional Health.  In their book, Bill & Kristi give language to the different stages of our emotional and spiritual growth, how they integrate and the roadblocks and invitations in each.  Buy Journey of the Soul  Check out resources for churches and small groups journeyofthesoul.org Learn more about Bill & Kristi and their ministry soulshepherding.org DONATE NOW to support the production of this podcast and other projects of Stockton Ministries. Visit us at stocktonministries.com

Episode 29. Magic Genie Gods and Party-Pooper Gods, August 17, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 29, released on August 17, 2020 and the title Magic Genie Gods and Party-Pooper Gods.  Hang in there with me today through this episode and at the end, I will be walking you through an exercise to help you identify your God images.   Brief review:  let's go back and review, what are God images again?  My God image how my heart feels God to be in the moment.  My God image is who my emotions tell me that God in this present moment.  My God image is very subjective, often driven by factors that are outside of my awareness in the moment, it can be miles away from who I know God to be when the sun is shining and the birds are singing and all is well with me and the world. .  So it is critical to understand is that your God images are not necessarily who you profess God to be with your intellect and your will.  They are the subjective, unfiltered, spontaneous, passion-driven representations of God that can vary wildly, sometimes even from moment to moment. Similarly, my self-image is who I feel myself to be in the present moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am right this minute.  M self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they also vary a lot more from moment to moment.  My self image in the moment fits with my God image in the moment.  Sometimes the self-image can drive the God-image, and sometimes the God image drives the self-image.   If you want more about God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24 of this podcast where I go into the concepts in much more depth.   Jessica from Texas has been intrigued by God images – she's taking us another step with this question:  How do God images affect our relationships and reactions to others?  Repeat.  This is a great question.  We've discussed God images and self-images and how they differ from our God concept and our self-concepts.  Similarly, our God images and self-images impact how we see others in the moment.  Let's consider an example.  If I'm really struggling with an Elitist Aristocrat God image, where my passions are telling me in the moment that God doesn't need me, he's too good for me, he has other people that he prefers, others who are much more in his favor, upon whom he bestows his gifts, his graces, and his love, with little for me.  If that's how I'm seeing God in my God image, and my self-image is that I'm left out, excluded, denied, and the private of good things from God, this God image and self-image combination is going to have an impact on how I see others.  For example, I might experience jealousy toward my brother Phil whom I consider to be in God's favor.  I may resent Phil, and if I give into this image of him, I will treat Phil out of that jealousy, by holding back good things that I could give him because I feel my brother Phil is already getting so much from God.  Why should I give him anything – he already has so much and I get so little from God.  I need to keep what I have.  Let's take another example.  With his Elitist Aristocrat God image, 24-year-old Ian might feel inadequate around Tina in their Catholic Young Adult Group.  Ian sees God favoring Tina in so many ways.  Ian feels unworthy of being around Tina, and therefore he refuses to engage with her, in order to avoid an exacerbation of his sense of shame.  So even though Ian is romantically attracted to Tina, he doesn't ask her out because of the inhibiting effect of his God image and the self-image that goes with that Elitist Aristocrat God image.  God images and their corresponding self-images impact the way we see all aspects of our lives.  Our perceptions of reality are profoundly influenced by our God images and are self-images, and this extends not just to how we experience others, but it reaches to the furthest corners of our minds and impacts all our internal impressions, not only of God and self, but of everything.  Our God images and are self-images create filters that color our perceptions of everything that has happened, that is happening, and that will happen in our lives.  Many of these perceptions and impressions do not enter into our awareness, but they impact us just the same.In fact, I argue that we build an implicit religion around each of our individual God images.  Let's take this slow and easy, because this has some conceptual depth to it.  The Catholic Dictionary defines religion as the moral virtue by which a person is disposed to render to God the worship and service he deserves.  [Repeat]Each warped God image demands certain things from us and informs us about how he is to be worshipped and served.  For example, the Demanding Drill Sergeant God image always wants more and more, he wants me to always strive harder, to exhaust myself in prayer and service to others.  So in my religion to that God, I put in long hours of volunteering, I push others to do the same, and I treat both myself and others harshly.  The Vain Pharisee God image demands that I grovel before him, and humiliate myself in order to give him constant homage, and credit for all success.  Therefore, in my worship and service to the Vain Pharisee God I'm extremely stringent and down on myself, and I degrade myself in my prayer and cut myself down in my Bible study group.  The Outtogetcha Police Detective God image insist on perfection, and enjoys catching me in sins of commission.  Therefore, part of my religion is to be very conservative, to only take on what I feel I can do without any mistakes, so I avoid the messy business of relating to others in a deep way and stay on the periphery of my parish community.   Sometimes we can infer our God image from the religion we seem to be practicing.  For example, if I notice I am not praying, what might that say about my recently activated God images?  So Jessica, thank you for this question of  How do God images affect our relationships and reactions to others?  How we react to our God images and how we react to our self-images in the moment colors are perceptions of everything. In the previous four episodes of the Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!  Podcast, we have covered twelve God images from Bill and Kristi Gaultiere's 1989 book Mistaken Identities.  I'm adding much more color and background to these God imagers, to make them come even more alive for us Catholics in our present day with the challenges of the coronavirus.  With a little imagination, you can see how these God images impact everything if we let them, if we give into them.  There's no corner of our lives no detail of our lives that will escape being affected when we default to our problematic God images. So the final two God images will cover in this sequence are the Magic Genie God image and the Party-Pooper God image.  Let's go ahead and get into those God images now. Magic Genie God Image: The Magic Genie God image is really an interesting one.  In this God image, God gives me what I if I do what he what he wants me to do.  God and I make deals with each other.  If I follow the right steps, the right formula, I get what I from God.  God is like a divine vending machine.  I provide the right inputs, I insert my spiritual quarters, and I get the spiritual and material merchandise that I desire.  The implicit religion with the magic Genie God is very transactional.  I do what God wants me to do, and he bestows the blessings I want upon me.  I scratch his back, he scratches my back.  The implicit religion with the magic Genie God is reflected in the Protestant prosperity gospel movement, also known as the health and wealth gospel.  The prosperity gospel message is that financial blessings and physical health are the will of God for its followers, and that greater faith, upbeat speech, and donations to religious causes will increase one's material wealth.  In the prosperity gospel, Holy Scripture is seen primarily as a contract between God and man.  If I deepen my faith in God, he will deliver security and prosperity.  See you can see how an implicit religion such as the prosperity gospel derives from the magic Genie God image. Bible verse:  the Bible verse the Gaultieres chose was Job 4:6 when Eliphaz the Temanite, when he speaks to Job.  Eliphaz is chiding Job, and promoting a very transactional understanding of God.  Eliphaz follows what Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitsch call a “traditional doctrine of retribution, which holds that a man reaps from God whatever he sows by his actions – sin brings him suffering; righteousness brings him rewards.  In chapters 4 and 5, Eliphaz is telling Job that he must have sinned, he must have offended God because of all the misfortunes Job has suffered.   Job 4:6  Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope? 5:8  as for me, I would seek God, and to God what I commit my cause  here Eliphaz is implying that Job has not been seeking God or committing his cause to God because of the misfortunes.   5:11 he sets on high those who were lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety Self-image: For people with a Magic Genie God image, there is a strong sense of needing to be in control in the relationship with God.  If I have this God image, I feel that I'm not worth being loved by God just for me.  I have to do certain things, I have to perform in a certain way in order to get God to love and help me.  However, there is also a curious sense of entitlement.  If I do what I believe God wants me to do, then I am entitled to the blessings that I desire.  I have a right to claim those blessings because he has promised them to me in our transactional relationship. .  If things seem to be going my way, I can inflate with a sense of self-satisfaction and mastery. If I experience challenges and difficulties in life, I will look to see if I failed in any of my contractual obligations with God, following Eliphaz's recommendations.  Suffering has little redemptive value to me, and in fact, I may have a deep assumption that it could be avoided altogether if I merely do the right things in the right way at the right time.  After all, my magic Genie God wouldn't want me to suffer. Attachment history: What does the relational history of those with a Magic Genie God often look like?  Not surprisingly, children who grew up with a very transactional relationship with their parents frequently develop such assumptions about God.  Some parents are very adept at quid pro quo relationships with their children.  These parents know how to give desirable things to their children, but generally see frustrating their children as undesirable and negative.  Parents who overemphasize the importance of material possessions or who are preoccupied with health concerns at the expense of other existential concerns can give rise to the formation of Magic Genie God images and their children.  Also, children and adults who have experienced success in transactional relationships, who have thrived in a worldly sense in their environments can bring this into their spiritual lives as well, hoping in some way that God will engage with them in similar ways, ways that they have found gratifying and profitable. Coronavirus crisis:  How might the coronavirus crisis impact Magic Genie God images?  First, preoccupations with health and material possessions are running much higher these days, as both can be threatened due to the coronavirus and its effects.  This can cause those who have Magic Genie God images to believe that they are failing in their end of the transaction.  This can lead to resentment, and it can exacerbate questions and concerns about being loved by God.  Our present coronavirus moment as an opportunity to break free of Magic Genie God images.  People may also have their magic Genie God images activated when the criticize others who have suffered misfortunes that they have not suffered.  They may assume that those who have had health compromises or who have lost jobs, income or standards of living have violated their contractual agreements with God.  These critics, like Eliphaz, may also be openly critical of those like Job who have suffered.  And these critics do so without understanding the actual spiritual realities, of God's mysterious ways. Vignette:  Vivian was raised by very successful, career-oriented parents.  Her father was an lawyers, one of the best patent-law attorneys in Missouri, highly accomplished.  Her mother rose to be the charge nurse at the ICU at the Missouri Baptist Medical Center in St. Louis.  Success seemed to come easily to both of them, and they both wanted their children to be successful in the same ways as they were, achieving status and influence both in their professional communities and in the St. Louis Catholic community.  There active in the pro-life movement, and were major donors to various Catholic causes. When Vivian wanted things from her parents, she now to get them.  The terms of the transactional way that her parents worked were not hard to discern.  Because she was talented, she was willing to be molded into her parents image, more so than most children.  She readily accepted the perks that her parents' status could grant her.  Her parents were well-connected at St. Louis University and it was decided she would go there.  Vivian attributed much of her worldly success to her prayer life and her connection with God, neglecting to see how privileged her upbringing had been, how many natural gifts had been bestowed on her.  She believed that she could make good happen out of just about every situation, by her own efforts and in her relationship with God.   When she met Paul, who is studying at a local culinary Institute, she was intrigued.  He was handsome, tall, physically strong.  She liked the fact that he grew up on the quote wrong side of the tracks” and seemed a little rebellious.  Vivian wasn't fully conscious of how she saw him as a challenge, a man to be reformed, to be made over in her own image, to be rescued from his own darkness.  And when she married him at age 24, against her parents' wishes and the recommendations of some of her closest friends, she really didn't know what she was getting into.  She wasn't prepared for the rough ride that marriage would be, the ups and downs, and how focused her husband was on his career.  She railed at God from a position of entitlement demanding how he could've let her marry Paul and chafing under the responsibilities of married life and motherhood.  She racked her brain to try to figure out what she had done wrong.  She doubled her prayer time and it seemed like nothing was working. Vivian knew that her parents were disappointed in her choice of spouse, but was still surprised when they cut off financial support, expecting the young couple to make it on their own.  Now, due to her husband's financial decisions, they were in a lot of debt, relying on her income to float them through the era of the coronavirus.  Vivian was angry at God, feeling like he had defaulted on his end of their arrangement, and she was becoming more and more rebellious, which further alienated her from her parents.  Her parents, for their part, suggested in a variety of ways that had she listened to them about Paul, she would be having none of these difficulties, and that her life would have been wonderful, like their lives.  Party-Pooper God Image: The Party-Pooper God is really a downer.  He is depressing, downbeat, he is pessimistic, disapproving, and unhelpful.  He keeps giving me the message that my efforts won't work, that I won't succeed, that I won't make it, no matter how hard I try.  This God tells me that my hopes and dreams are foolish, that I am dust and ashes, but I want to mount to anything.  God seems unconcerned about the effects of these messages on me. Bible verse:  Psalm 39:  I said, “I will guard my ways that I may not sin with the tongue; I will bridle my mouth, so long as the wicked are in my presence.”  I was dumb and silent, I held my peace to no avail; my distress grew worse, my hurt became hot within me.  As I mused, the fire burned; and I spoke with my tongue: “Lord, let me know my end, what and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is!  Behold, thou hast made my days a few hand breaths, and my lifetime is as nothing in thy sight.  Surely every man stands as a mere breath!  Surely every man goes about as a shadow!  Surely for not are they in turmoil; man heaps up, and knows not who will gather! Deliver me from all my transgressions.  Make me not the scorn of fools!  I am dumb, I do not open my mouth; for it is thou who hast done it.  Remove thy stroke from me; I am spent by the blows of thy hand.  When thou dost chasten man with rebukes for sin, thou dost consume like a moth what is dear to him; surely every man is a mere breath! Self-image: the self-image of those that have a Party-Pooper God image is characterized by hopelessness.  I don't feel worthy of having a God-given purpose in life, of not having a special plan.  I don't understand why God wants to shut down good things when they seem to start happening for me and why life has to be so hard for me.  I can feel singled out for being dumped on.  I feel very disconnected from God, like he doesn't really see how his negativity affects me.  I have low motivation and low levels of hope.  I also am afraid to hope, for fear of being disappointed yet again.  Nothing works out the way I wanted to. Attachment history: So what does the attachment history of those with a Party-Pooper God image often look like?  It's not uncommon for this God image to develop when there is significant depression in the family of origin, either in the parents, or in the child himself or herself.  Those with a melancholic temperament are more prone to develop this kind of God image.  It is also not uncommon when children have struggled at different points of separation and individuation, such as at six years old in making the adjustment to the demands of school.  Retreat into this kind of God image can help them make sense of their experience of failure  --  I failed, not because I didn't give it my all, but because God didn't want me to succeed.  Those who have had difficult adjustments can externalize responsibility by blaming their Party-Pooper God image for the troubles. Coronavirus crisis:  so how does the coronavirus impact the Party-Pooper God image?  For those who felt like they were struggling and who were downcast and felt downtrodden prior to the coronavirus and its effects, the coronavirus can make things so much worse.  They can have a sense like in the lyrics from Roy Clark and Buck Owens that “If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.”  In the present era, bitterness and resentment can rise up as those with Party-God images feel like God continues to strip away the remaining good things in their lives, almost in a nonchalant way, regardless of their cries and pleas. Vignette: Paul had always considered himself a survivor.  He grew up in a home with a very depressed mother and a father who was almost never around and who spent his income profligately on himself, leaving Paul and his siblings in second-hand clothes.  Paul always felt like he had to work three times harder for one third of the benefits that others got by not even trying, he made it through he graduated from high school, and then paid his way through his training at the Culinary Institute of St. Louis, with the dream of one day owning a restaurant.  He went through life with a chip on his shoulder, leading him into unnecessary conflict with chefs and restaurant managers, which got him fired, sometimes unfairly, sometimes not.  Paul felt that he never got his big break.   He prayed to God with dogged persistence, though, for his dream of owning restaurant.  In January 2020, at the age of 32, married to Vivian for the past 8 years, and with two young children, he believed that God was finally smiling on him.  By using all his savings, cashing out his wife's 401K, and taking on a considerable debt, he bought a little restaurant on the outskirts of Jefferson City, Missouri that he intended to change from a small town, local diner to something much more upscale.  Just as he was about to open in April after extensive renovations, Missouri was locked down due to the coronavirus.  His restaurant was shut down, no revenue, no established reputation and his cuisine was not amenable to take-out orders.  Paul was devastated.  He felt that things had finally come together, and God popped the balloons, pulled the plug on the music and shut the lights off on his party.   As Paul became more desperate and preoccupied about his restaurant and his financial situation, he had more and more difficulty seeing the beautiful things that he did have in his relationship with his wife and in his children.  His spiritual field of vision narrowed to the failure of his restaurant.  He felt beaten and battered by God's careless disregard for his situation and he blamed God.   So there is the Party-Pooper God image.    Experiential Exercise  Create a space and time for this – quiet not likely to be disturbed, for at least 10 minutes.  Shut your phone off, close out email, have a pen and paper or a recording device handy. No pressing engagements, no hurry.  This is not therapy, but it is an experiential exercise to help you learn about yourself.    Break Point.   Preparation Big open heart toward yourself.  Willingness to really know yourself, the secrets of your own heart.   Willingness to accept whatever you find in your heart, in your soul, in your mind, in your body.  To hear what you might not have been willing or able to hear before.  A willingness to be surprised.   I'm going to ask you two simple questions and I want you to write down the first things that comes to mind, unfiltered, uncensored.  Stop the podcast after each one to write your responses down, as fast as they come to mind, your responses.  Or, if you prefer, record your responses as you say them out loud.  The important thing is to put your initial, uncensored, unfiltered responses into words so you can be able to work with them in an entirely different way.  You can stop at any time if this seems too uncomfortable.   Who is God?   Who am I? Note the parts of your responses that stand out to you.  Reasons for each of the responses.  Some of this may really be obvious.   Action item: Reach out to someone about what you wrote down.  Share it, discuss it in relationship with someone else in the mystical body of Christ,  your confessor, spiritual direction, a friend, your spouse, somebody. Share it with me if you want to – crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 or if you are in the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community, the RCCD community, you can private message me or you can include your responses, your reactions on our discussion of this podcast episode, episode 29.  But continue to work with your responses to the questions:  Who is God?  Who am I? The RCCD community brings together people like you, people that are really interested in growing more and more resilient, both in the natural realm and in the psychological realm, and who are seizing this day, this moment as an opportunity for great spiritual and psychological growth.  We are adding features to the RCCD community.  Today we are launching our first polls to be able to connect better with our RCCD members.  Membership in the RCCD community is free for the first 30 days, $25 per month after that, and there is a whole host of resources available to you there, including the God Image Questionnaire, which you can take to help you sort out which of the 14 God images we have just reviewed in the last five episodes are most relevant to you.  The God image questionnaire is up there.  Go to soulsandhearts.com, click on the tab that says all courses and shows and register for the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community.  So here's a sneak peek into next week's episode.   Ryan from Texas asked “how do we connect with Mary.  Why so some Catholics seem to have a really strong connection to Our Lady and others don't?  Is it related to biologic differences between men and women or is it more experiential and related to relationships with our earthly mothers?  What other psychological factors impact that relationship?"   I really like this question.   In the next episode, we will be address Mary images – how our internal representations of our spiritual mother are initially formed and what psychological factors influence change in our images of Mary over time.   You'll want to be there for that, don't miss it.  Patroness and Patron

Episode 28.   Police Detective Gods, Pushy Salesman Gods, and Heartbreaker Gods – August 10, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 28, released on August 10, 2020 and the title is Salesmen Gods, Police Detective Gods and Heartbreaker Gods. So will cover three more God images today, the Outtogetcha Police Detective God, Pushy Salesman God, and Heartbreaker God.  In the previous three episodes, numbers 25, 26, 27, we covered a total of nine God images. Brief review:  let's just spiral back and review, what are God images again?  My God image is my gut-felt sense of God -- it's how my heart feels God to be in the moment.  My God image is who my emotions insist that God is right here, right now.  My God image is very subjective, it can be miles away from who I know God to be intellectually, who I profess God to be.  So it is critical to understand is that your God images are not necessarily who you profess God to be with your intellect in your will.  They are the subjective, unfiltered, spontaneous, passion-driven representations of God that can vary wildly, sometimes even from moment to moment. Similarly, my self-image is who I feel myself to be in the present moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am right this minute.  M self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they also vary a lot more from moment to moment.  My self image in the moment complements my God image in the moment.   That's a brief review of God images and self-images, but if you want more of a conceptual background for God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24 where I much more in-depth explanation of them. So what is the connection between problematic God images and resilience?  Because remember, we are in a sequence in this podcast that is all about resilience.  Here is where we get right down to it.  We need a deep and abiding confidence in God, especially in God's Providence in order to be resilient.  That resilience is an effect – it's a consequence of the deep, abiding confidence in God, especially in God's Providential care for us, His love for us.  If you have a deep, abiding, childlike confidence in God and His providential love for you, for you specifically, you will be resilient.  Period.  Full Stop.  Let me say that again, this is absolutely critical to understand.  If you have a deep, abiding, childlike confidence in God and His providential love for you, for you specifically, you will be resilient.  Let's keep in mind how the main psychological reason why we don't have that deep abiding confidence in God is because we don't know Him as He truly is.  We have problematic God images.  We give into those problematic God images, we default to them, we let them dominate us.  And these distorted God images lie to us about who God is.  They whisper half-truths to us and they draw us away from the real God when we give in to them, when we don't resist them.  These distorted God images also lie to us about who we are, leading to distorted self-images.  Note please don't misunderstand me.  There usually are at least some elements of truth even in the most distorted God images and the most warped self-images.  The messages from these distorted God-images and these inaccurate self images aren't purely false.  The messages actually have some kernel of truth in them, which can make it confusing for us.  So here is the causal chain:We have distorted God images à we give in to those God images, we let them dominate us à our self-image deteriorates à we drift away from God or we flee from him à we lose peace, joy, well-being  à we become symptomatic – anxious, depressed, apathetic, hopeless, whatever our symptoms are.  Too often, we tried to intervene at the end of the causal chain.  We want to intervene at the symptomatic level.  For example, we may take antidepressants to try to knock out our depressive symptoms.  Or we might use progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery or grounding techniques to reduce our anxiety.  I'm not condemning these practices, they can be helpful for symptom management.  But no medication in the world is going to correct a dysfunctional, distorted God image on its own.  Have you ever heard of any psychotropic drug that in its slick advertising promises to improve your relationship with God?  Symptom-focused approaches don't get at the root causes of our psychological distress.  They can create some space with symptom relief for us to more effectively address the root causes, but symptom focused approaches don't heal those root causes on their own.It's also important to note that just because we have anxiety or sadness doesn't mean we have a distorted God image driving it.  Our Lord experienced intense grief.  He experienced anxiety in the garden of Gethsemane.  This was not a psychological disorder.  Our Lady was anxious when searching for 12-year-old Jesus in Jerusalem.  This was not because she had some kind of anxiety disorder or emotional dysfunction.  So it's important to note that not all negative emotional experiences or all psychological distress are an effect of problematic God images.  So we had a great meeting last Friday night there were 13 of us from the Resilient Catholics: Carpe Diem!  Community in that meeting for a question-and-answer session about God images.  It was an excellent discussion.  This message came through clearly: Dr. Peter, Dr. Peter, help us resolve are problematic God images help us to work through them help us to heal from these burdensome distorted God images that drag us down.  I get it.  I hear you.  I'm with you.  I am working on how to present solutions to you.  I am going ask for little patience.  I have nearly 2 decades of experience helping people one-on-one to work through their God images, and while I have a lot left to learn, I do know some things about it.  I am still very much sorting through how best to address God images in a podcast format, and how best to assist people with their problematic God images in the RCCD community.  Together, we are going to go through some trial and error with that.  Right now, we are really focused on identifying different types of God images.  Identification of God images is an essential prerequisite to actually doing the God image work.  So I'm excited that people want to work on their God images.  I've started having people sign up on the interest list for a course on God images that would focus specifically on resolving them.  If you're interested in getting on that list let me know at crisis@soulsandhearts.com or at 317.567.9594.  If you are already a member of the RCCD community, you can reach me by private messaging me on our app -- that is actually the fastest way to get in touch with me.  If you are in RCCD member already, and you are not on the app please let me know, we'd love to have you join us on that format.  We're really moving most of our interactions to the app.  If you are not yet a member of the RCCD community and you've been thinking about it – and I know some of you have been thinking about it – take the leap.  It's free for the first 30 days, $25 per month after that, and there is a whole host of resources available to you there, too many to list now.  Go to soulsandhearts.com, click on the tab that says all courses and shows and register for the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community.  If you can't find it, let me know and I will personally help you through the registration.  The RCCD community brings together people like you, people that are really interested in growing more and more resilient, both in the natural realm and in the psychological realm, and who are seizing this day, this moment as an opportunity for great spiritual and psychological growth.  And we are doing it together, we are growing together in relationship, so friendships are forming in our community, connections are being made, and there is a lot of sharing and support.  Could you use more support from like minded Catholics – could you benefit from more connection with people like you who are interested in psychology, Catholicism, resilience and breaking free from whatever is holding us back? If you've got everything you need right now in that department, I'm happy for you, that's great.  Keep doing what you're doing.  But if you are missing something, especially around relational connections, then maybe, just maybe, our community may be a good fit for you.  All right, enough with the marketing now, let's get back to content.  Today, we are diving into three new problematic God images: the Pushy Salesman God, the Outtogetcha Police Detective God, and the Heartbreaker God. Bill and Kristi Gaultiere discuss these God images in their 1989 book Mistaken Identities, and I'm adding much more color and background to them, to make them come even more alive for us Catholics in our present day with the challenges of the coronavirus.    Outtogetcha Police Detective God: this God is caught up in demanding perfection from me.  It definitely sees me, he watches me carefully, he's looking for when I make mistakes, and he holds my sins against me.  He is legalistic, and his vigilance never ceases.  He spies on me, I can feel his eyes on me, and this Outtogetcha Police Detective God loves to catch me in the exact moment moment of sinning.  He never misses my smallest error or imperfection, and he tallies all of them, great and small in his book.  He is stingy with forgiveness, my offenses are never blotted out, no erasures are ever made in his book.  He focuses on an exacting justice, carefully measured out.  He wants to put me in the dock and condemn me, but to do it in a way that is justified and ordered so that he can meet out punishment to me and be satisfied.  In his Muppet characters Statler and Waldorf, who set up in their balcony with negative running commentary about the rest of the cast, delighting in all the cast members' mistakes.   Bible verse:  Job 10:5-7 Are your days like the days of a mortal, and are your years like a human lifetime, That you seek for guilt in me and search after my sins, Even though you know that I am not wicked, and that none can deliver me out of your hand? Self-image: when my Outtogetcha Police Detective God image is activated, I get very nervous about making mistakes.  I become cautious.  I don't expect second chances.  I don't feel accepted if I am imperfect.  I am constantly monitoring myself.  I have difficulties being spontaneous.  It's easy for me to slip into scrupulosity, to consider my imperfections as sins.  I mistake my overly demanding conscience as the voice of God.  I may secretly believe that others are soft and morally lax, content with lukewarmness.  I am like a hamster on a wheel of moral perfection, striving toward faultlessness and perfect virtue, but I never make it, no matter how fast I make the wheel spin.  I'm caught up in the heresy of Pelagianism, believing that I have to earn God's love through a process of self-perfection.  I feel like God picks on me. Attachment history: Individuals who develop an  Outtogetcha Police Detective God image frequently were raised in homes where the parents were very invested in upright and proper moral behavior.  These parents often saw the children as extensions of themselves, and were preoccupied with how their children's actions reflected on them.  Parents like this and needed their children to behave well in order to feel better about themselves.  Sometimes, the opposite type of parenting can also generate an Outtogetcha Police Detective God image.  When children have parents who are absent and disengaged, they can impose their own rigid moral codes on themselves, untempered by mature reasoning, and unbuffered by compassion.   Coronavirus crisis: when things seem very difficult for me in the coronavirus era, and my Outtogetcha Police Detective God image is activated, I might initially run faster and faster on my hamster will, but then I become exhausted, and and then I can then act out in various ways.  Binging on food, alcohol, movies, video games, shopping, pornography – all of those behaviors are not uncommon with this kind of God image.  My attitude can become, “If I'm going to be bad, I'm going to be bad.  I can't please God anyway.”  The harder I try, the further I fall behind.  And God just keeps making it harder and harder for me.  Sometimes, people with this Outtogetcha Police Detective God image can become more demanding of others when they are stressed by all of the effects of the coronavirus.  Thus, you might experience an uptick in criticism from a supervisor or superior with this God image activated, who is stressed in the current environment. Vignette:  Sarah felt that you never measured up to her father's expectations.  In grade school, when she brought home a 98% on a spelling test, he would grill her about the one word she missed, having her spell it repeatedly at supper.  He always discussed how he had such high expectations for Sarah because he loved her, and wanted what was best for her.  Sarah's father saw so much potential in Sarah -- she could have the world, if she just put her mind to it.  Sarah was the oldest of five children.  Academically, intellectually, she was the most gifted of all her siblings.  Her father put together a demanding regimen, designed to “bring out the best in her.”  When she protested, when she pushed back as a child, he told her how when she was older, she would thank him for challenging her to be her best.   When she was a teenager, Sarah's father read her diary.  He snooped around and he would eavesdrop on her conversations.  He had a way of ferreting information out of her friends and their parents.  He always referred to Sarah as “my girl” and “the girl after my heart.”  He held success tantalizingly just out of Sarah's reach.  When she won her high school sectionals the 400 meters, her father didn't celebrate her success – rather, he immediately went to discussing the level of competition at regionals, and her possibilities for making it to the state.  She feared making mistakes.  She didn't expect to be accepted.  When her boyfriend Jason was also critical of her, there was some comfort in that, because it was familiar.  Her father zeroed in on the Jason's imperfections, categorizing them, and offering suggestions for how we could improve himself.  Neither Sarah nor her boyfriend Jason felt comfortable at her house. When she didn't get in to Swarthmore College, her father was furious.  He demanded to see her essays again, and nitpicked at them, even though he had reviewed them before.  He harped on how she must have underperformed during the interview with admissions staff and reviewed other ways in which she might not have measured up.   Sarah had little connection with a merciful, compassionate God.  She saw God is someone she always had to work hard to please, but she would never succeed.  Never succeed.  She was very dominated by an Outtogetcha Police Detective God image.   Having been raised Catholic, primarily by her retiring and dominated mother, she said prayers, but they seemed really flat and fruitless.  She received the sacraments and said the right things in CCD class to complete the program, but after confirmation, she left religion behind.   She just wanted God to leave her alone.  So Sarah went off to Vassar for college, not far away from where her maternal grandparents lived in upstate New York.  She heard her father's voice in her head, with his incessant demands.  She longed for relief from all this internal pressure.  She needed some kind of spirituality, but she didn't know what she was looking for.Pushy Salesman God: So the pushy salesman God, this God is ill-mannered, he's demanding, he wants to force me to do things his way.  He wants to shape me into mold he has made for me.  He doesn't really respect my boundaries or limits.  He will try to subtly trick me with his glittering, dazzling smile and a veneer of friendliness.  If that doesn't work, he is willing to force me to get what he wants from me.  There's no collaboration or cooperation with this God.  It's his way or the highway.  The demand is all for conformity.  If I want to be a good Catholic, if I want to be in relationship with him, I've got to buy what he's selling, I've got to play the role he's chosen for me.  My desires, my opinions, my preferences, my ideas, my individuality, none of this makes any difference to the Pushy Salesman God.  This is a God who takes advantage of my human weakness, he tries to manipulate me, he uses heavy-handed tactics to get what he wants from me.  If I do what the Pushy Salesman God wants, sometimes I get meager rewards, but sometimes I don't.  He's not reliable. Bible verse: The Bible verse the Gaultieres chose for the Pushy Salesman God image is again from Job, chapter 14, verses 19 to 20.  God, you destroy the hope of man.  You forever overpower him, and he departs.  You change his appearance and send him away.   So here you can see the deep power differential, how God is forcing me, overpowering me, and then sending me away, hopeless.  There's no sense of mutuality, of collaboration. Self-image:  When my Pushy Salesman God image is activated, I feel like I have no value unless I'm dancing the steps that God has laid out for me.  I feel used when I follow this Pushy Salesman God.  I feel bereft and rejected if I don't follow him.  I can't set any limits or boundaries with God.  I have to be vigilant to keep him from manipulating me.  It's not safe to be close to him, but I can't do without him.  I am distrustful and suspicious of him, I have to keep one eye on him at all times, because he's a sneak.  I wonder why he treats me this way, what's wrong with me that I deserve such maltreatment.  Maybe I am really worthless and deserving of being used and even abused.  Many years ago, a client told me about male exotic dancer who went by the moniker “Moist Towelette” -- that was his stage name, “Moist Towelette.” That self-given name captures a real sense of being used and thrown away, and it captures a sense of the self-image that goes with the Pushy Salesman God image. Attachment history:  Not surprisingly, the history of people with a frequent Pushy Salesman God image is often characterized by relationships in which more powerful others took advantage of the person, usually when the person was vulnerable because he or she was young, or in difficult circumstances.  Often, people with this God image are very ambivalent, very conflicted about whether to trust or not.  Trusting others means losing my sense of integrity.  Keeping my sense of integrity means I will be isolated, alone, rejected.   Often, people with this God image have greater than average innate needs for relationship and connection.  These are people who need people, they want to be in relationship.  Issues around trust, safety and security are most prominent.  They do feel seen by powerful others, including God, but often as objects of desire to be used and discarded.  Childhood sexual abuse can freely give rise to a Pushy Salesman God image, particularly if the abuser was frequently around, and the abuse went on over time, and there was a mix of punishments and rewards that went with the experience of abuse. Coronavirus crisis: So let's bring this into the coronavirus era.  How does the coronavirus impact the Pushy Salesman God image.  Right now, people are experiencing a sense of loss in many different areas.  It's not uncommon for this to be tied to an assumption that I have not been pleasing the Pushy Salesman God.  Or alternatively, it may mean that I haven't pleased him, and now I'm suffering is consequences.  I didn't fit into his mold.  Maybe I tried to and failed.  Or maybe I have just rejected him.  Maybe the losses I've experienced have push me over the edge, and I have had it, I am so over this Pushy Salesman God.  I'd rather go it alone. Vignette:  Let's follow up with Sarah where we left off.  She is in her freshman year at Vassar and doing well academically, but really stressed.  After a semester, Jason transferred to join her at Vassar, to be closer to her.  Jason had recently gotten into some esoteric, New Age beliefs, and was experimenting with “finding himself” and now interested in “exploring his sexual potential”.  He began to push Sarah's boundaries around physical intimacy.  Initially, he wheedled and cajoled, joked and teased, but as she continued to resist, he stepped up his pressure.  In high school, she is seen as a refuge, and as an alternative support figure to her father.  However, she was increasingly uncomfortable with the ways that he was trying to manipulate her.  Jason knew that Sarah had some dependency on him, and was trying to exploit that.  He worked to increase her vulnerability, trying to cut her off from friends she had made in her first semester that recognized some of the manipulative dynamics.  One of Sarah's friends, Aurora, a radical feminist, pointed out all the problems she saw ins Sarah's relationship with Jason.  Aurora hated Jason, and viewed him with deep suspicion, and also was jealous of him.  Sarah desperately wanted a relational connection with someone.  Jason it seemed to offer that connection in high school, but now he seems more and more focused on physical contact.   As the problems continued to mount with Jason, Sarah reconnected with some of her friends from her first semester.  One of them, Emily, was involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, and was warm and kind to her.  Sarah tried to pray with Emily.  Sarah experienced God now is still demanding, but in a different way.  He still wanted her to conform to his desires, but now he seemed more greasy, more slick, and more manipulative.  Emily encouraged Sarah to bring these impressions of God to God in prayer, and prayed with her.  Emily was really patient with her, and brought her into a Bible study where she had the support of other Christian college students. Jason sensed that his hold on Sarah was slipping away, and he upped the pressure.  One Friday night, after he had been drinking, he lashed out at her verbally, and then physically, slapping her, and tearing at her blouse.  This is the first time that he had been physically violent with her, and Sarah was stunned and speechless, freezing.  Just then, Aurora knocked at the door, and when Sarah opened it, Aurora immediately understood what was happening.  She roared at Jason, and pointed her pepper spray at him and Jason fled.  Aurora put her arm around Sarah and comforted her as Sarah spilled out the whole story of what had just happened. Sarah continued to pray with Emily and work on a relationship with Jesus, she realized how much her relationship with Jason had impacted how she saw God.  She saw how she believed that a core level that God just wanted her to conform into do whatever he wanted, to have her meet his arbitrary demands, like Jason wanted her to meet his sexual demands.  She appreciated how Aurora and Emily, both in their individual ways had supported her, and helped her limit Jason's intrusions.  She was also able to successfully break off the relationship with Jason. So there is the Pushy Salesman God.  Now we're moving on. Heartbreaker God: This God breaks promises to me.  He raises my hopes high, and then dashes them back down to the earth.  He draws me in to trust him, and then when I need him and seek him, he is nowhere to be found.  I put my fragile self in his hands, and he treats me casually, carelessly, thoughtlessly.  And I get hurt, wounded. Bible verse:  Psalm 60:10.  Have you not rejected us O God?  You do not go forth, O God, with our armies.  Can you hear the lament, in which the psalmist feels like God has abandoned him, broken his word, gone back on his promises to be with Israel always?   Self-image:  With this God image, I feel like Charlie Brown, running up to the football.  The Heartbreaker God is like Lucy, who yanks the ball away at the last second, and I wind up on my back wondering why ever trusted God again.  Why does God treat me this way?  Why does he not have mercy on me?  Why does he not care for me?  Am I not worth his consistent and unfailing care?  Why will he not let me depend on him?  Why doesn't he follow through on his promises to me?  What's wrong with me? Attachment history:  This Heartbreaker God image can develop in childhood when I have experienced a deep disappointments and intense grief with little opportunity to process through their losses.  This could happen for example to children whose parents divorce.  In this situation, children are always aware at some level of the degree of conflict between their parents.  They desperately yearn for their parents' marriage to improve, and cling to any signs of hope, any indicator that things are getting better.  So many children pray with great intensity for their quarreling parents, longing for peace and stability in their homes.  They ride the emotional roller coaster up and down up and down, with its gut-wrenching intensity.  They hear that all things are possible with God, but in the end, it feels like God just breaks their hearts too.   The Heartbreaker God image can also emerge when parents die from illnesses, or in war.  It could happen when there is financial ruin.  Heartbreaker God images are known to emerge during and after the breakup of romantic relationships, especially when my romantic partner ends the relationship unilaterally or has an affair.  The Heartbreaker God image can also develop later in life if a spouse is abandoned in her marriage, especially if the divorce seemed to come out of nowhere. Coronavirus crisis:   During the era of the coronavirus, there are no shortage of losses in people's lives.  It's the losses that are not seen through a Providential lens that can activate a Heartbreaker God image.  Losses in the present can trigger unresolved losses from the past, with all their emotional intensity.  When the churches were shuttered, and access to the sacraments was denied, many people described feeling heartbroken, and some may have wondered where God was?  Why did he allow himself to be lost to us in the Mass, in the Eucharist, in confession?  The coronavirus is also stressing marriages.  According to nolo.com which provides free legal help, the search term spiked up 32% from March to May of 2020, as the lockdowns initially took hold.  From March to May of 2019, a year ago, there was a decrease of 6% in nolo.com searches for help with divorce.   Vignette:  so now, Sarah is in the second semester of her sophomore year at Vassar.  She is continue to deepen her relationship with Emily and with Aurora.  It troubles Sarah that Emily and Aurora don't get along.  Emily is nice enough to Aurora, but Aurora seems to dislike Emily, and somehow be in competition with her.  Sarah is continuing to develop her prayer life, really working on an intimate relationship with Jesus, and now attending a nondenominational Christian church.  While she finds some of the Campus Crusade coeds a little rigid and moralistic, she feels part of a community that feels wholesome and uplifting.   Sarah also like spending time with Aurora, and she finds kind of edgy, raw, witty, and earthy.  Aurora has a take no prisoners approach to life, and Sarah is attracted to her apparent strength.  One night, as the two of them were drinking in Aurora's apartment, Aurora sat close to her, and then burst into tears, confessing to Sarah how much she loved her, how she had loved her since she first met her.  Aurora told Sarah how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her, and how she yearned to be with her as more than a friend.  Aurora reached out to touch Sarah's face and then she saw Sarah's expression.   Sarah was shocked.  It had never occurred in Sarah's wildest dreams that Aurora might be romantically interested in her.  Sarah jumped up, backed away and burst into tears.  She fled from the apartment while Aurora wailed in the foyer and begged Sarah not to go, not to leave, to stay and talk it out.  Sarah was nearly overwhelmed with a sense of betrayal and loss, and she experienced a major revivification of all the hurt and intrusion from her relationship with Jason.   Sarah realized how much she had invested emotionally in Aurora and how she had been blindsided by her.  She felt a deep sense of betrayal, and she understood Aurora's relationship with her in an entirely different light, and she felt waves of sorrow, loss, and fear wash over her.   Sarah found Emily, and laid out the whole story.  She was afraid that Emily might judge her or  think that she somehow had led Aurora on, that she might be same-sex attracted.  Emily continued to be patient, listening with a compassionate, gentle presence, not trying to fix anything or give advice.  Sarah realized in her prayer that she was now blaming God for the loss of her relationships with Jason and Aurora.  She was surprised at how emotionally entangled she had become with Aurora.   Sarah was struggling with a Heartbreaker God image.  As she had before, Emily encouraged Sarah to bring all of this anger and disappointment she had in Jesus to Jesus.  With Emily's encouragement and presence, Sarah could be more real with Jesus.  One evening, she laid it all out in great detail, recounting the stories of her experiences of Jason and Aurora in great detail, with all of her feelings.  It took most of Emily's large box of Kleenex for Sarah to get through both stories.  It was messy, but Sarah was able to tell Jesus how she really felt about him, about the betrayal and disappointment and the heartbreak and the losses.  But when she did, she felt a huge sense of relief in being able to put this all into words and share it with her Lord.  And in the midst of the pain, she felt the beginnings of peace.  Both Emily and Sarah recognized the moment as a breakthrough in her journey with God.   All right, so there we have them – three God images, the Outtogetcha Police Detective God, Pushy Salesmen God, and Heartbreaker God.  And we've seen how they can weave though the life of one person.  One final reminder to consider joining us in the RCCD community – go to Souls and Hearts.com and check it out.  Now I need your feedback.  Email me with feedback at crisis@soulsandhearts.com or text or call at 317.567.9594, or if you are already in the RCCD community, put it up on the discussion boards, I want to hear from you.  Let me have the feedback – positive, negative and everything in between.    Patron and Patronness.       ©2020, Souls & Hearts, Inc.  

Episode 27.   Robber Gods, Aristocrat Gods and Marshmallow Gods – August 3, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 27, released on August 3, 2020 and the title is Robber Gods, Aristocrat Gods and Marshmallow Gods. For those of you who are new to the podcast, first of all, a very hearty welcome to you, I'm glad you're joining us.  I want you to know that each episode can stand alone, and I will provide you with the background you need to understand each episode.  However, if you want more of a conceptual background for God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24.     Brief review:  let's just circle back around and review, what are God images again?  My God image is my experiential sense of God it's how my heart sees God, what my feelings tell me about God.  My God image is very subjective, it doesn't necessarily follow what I know about God in my head.  My God image is formed out of the relational experiences I've had.  Different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at any given time.  So what's important to remember is that your God images are not necessarily what you profess to believe with your intellect.  Rather, they are the unfiltered, spontaneous, uncensored, gut-felt sense of God in the moment. Similarly, my self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment.  My self-image is who I feel myself to be in a given moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am in the moment.  Self-images go together with God images – they impact each other.   In the last two episodes, episode 25 and 26, we looked at a total of six different negative God images originally identified by Christian psychotherapists Bill and Kristi Gaultiere in their 1989 book Mistaken Identities.  Those were the Drill Sergeant God, the Statue God, the preoccupied managing director God, Unjust Dictator God, the Vain Pharisee God, and the Critical Scrooge God.   I do want you to know that I'm going beyond their initial conceptualizations and adding much more in these podcast episodes, most of it derived from my clinical experience and also my own experience in my journey with God.  So I just want you to know that I am adding a lot of new material, but I do think their initial pioneering work really deserves to be credited. All right, so let's go to listener questions.  Ryan from Texas has this question: “After identifying problematic God images in my own life, I want to know how deterministic God images are.  Are they imprinted from childhood or do they change with time?  And what we do to make our God images align with the loving and caring God we profess to know in our God concept?” Great question, Ryan.  Let's get into that just briefly right now, and I will say much more about it in future podcast episodes.  I also very much want to do a much more in-depth course at Souls & Hearts on God images, particularly how to respond to them, and also how to bring them into greater harmony with who God really is.   That's one measure of mental health, is when our God images reflect the reality of our loving and caring God.  So if you are interested in a course like that, let me know.  Once I have 25 people that would be committed to a much more in-depth course, and would be willing to pay for it, I could begin to set aside the time to create it.  If you're interested in that, call me or text me at 317-567-9594 or email me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com and let me know, and I put you on the list.   So back to Ryan's question Initially, God images are formed in us from our first days.  Even as infants, we are learning about the world and nonverbal assumptions are being formed in us.  Imagine an infants, I will call him baby Joe, who has an attuned, psychologically healthy mother who can really enter into the baby's experience.  The mother is able to intuit what the baby needs, and meet those needs in a loving, competent way.  The baby has a sense of being seen and known, and also has safety and security, which are the first to conditions of secure attachment.  This sets the baby up to have a greater sense of safety and security, a greater sense of being seen and known by God. Contrast that baby's experience with another, who I will call baby Tom, whose father recently divorced his mother.  Baby Tom's mother is stressed out, having to reenter the workforce, feeling a deep sense of shame and abandonment, and is struggling with depression and anxiety.  Unconsciously, baby Tom's mother blames baby Tom for driving away her husband.  This is going to have a huge impact on baby Tom's sense of being seen and known, of being safe and secure. So it's clear that baby Joe and baby Tom are going to have different starting points with regard to their God images.  The impact of parents' ways of relating with children is difficult to underestimate when it comes to the generation of children's God images.  Nevertheless, and this is very important, there is another factor that has an even greater impact on what the ultimate God images are.  And that, my dear listeners is what is our experience of the actual living God.  These God images that are formed in us beyond our control will change over time, if we bring ourselves into contact with God really is.  The reason that so many God images seem to be so sticky, they seem to hang around so much, is because they have not yet been corrected by God.  Sometimes God delays correcting these God images, to draw us into deeper relationship with him.  Other times though, we refuse to allow God into our lives in a way that would help us see and know who he really is.  We default to our negative God images and we don't invite him into our lives.  And there are reasons for that, and will get into those in future episodes.  For now, Ryan, I want you and the rest of the listeners to know that the way we engage with the living God, as he is, the way we allow him into our lives into relationship with us – that is going to have much more of an impact on our God images over time than our original upbringing. So our God images can and should change over time.  As we deepen in the spiritual life, as we deepen our relationship with God, our God images will conform more to our God concept, which will conform more to who God really is. Ok, with that, let's dive into the three God images we are reviewing today, these are the Robber God, the Elite Aristocrat God, and the Marshmallow God.   Robber God:  This God robs me of good things, and prevents me from having good fortune. He seems jealous when I succeed, he is like a “wet blanket,” a God who spoils things I enjoy. God is a thief who pries cherished possessions and relationships out of my hands, deprives me even of the things I need.  All of this is under the pretext of making a better Christian and loving him more. This God feels unjust, stingy, and jealous. Bible verse:  Psalm 88: 4-8   I am reckoned among those who go down to the Pit; I am a man who has no strength, like one forsaken among the dead, like the slain that lie in the grave, like those whom thou dost remember no more, for they are cut off from thy hand. Thou hast put me in the depths of the Pit, in the regions dark and deep. Thy wrath lies heavy upon me, and thou dost overwhelm me with all thy waves.  Thou hast caused my companions to shun me; thou hast made me a thing of horror to them. You can see all the losses the psalmist is experiencing.  The loss of strength, the loss of relationship with God, feelings of imprisonment, like in a dark deep pit, the loss of companionship, friendship. The loss of my respectable, curated image to others. It's all in there. Self-image:  Because my robber God really doesn't want to have good things, things that I enjoy, I must hang onto all that I can lay my hands on. I have to sneak pleasures and enjoyment, because God doesn't believe they are good for me. I'm conflicted about whether I am worth having good things. I feel insecure, that my grasp is tenuous on the things that I treasure. I have to be very careful with this robber God, to not overstep so that he won't take any more good things from me.  This leads to a lot of spiritual frustration and hiding from God. I'm expecting losses.  I consciously or unconsciously blame God for my losses. I wonder, consciously or unconsciously if this robber God enjoys taking things away from me.  I have difficulty giving cheerfully because so much feels taken from me, without my consent.   Lent is often miserable for individuals with prominent robber God images.  Very little concept of redemptive suffering. Suffering seems meaningless, unless it is somehow satisfying to God. One client of mine many years ago described having a target on his back, a target that attracted God's attention, leaving God to take away any good things that he was able to achieve. Anger tends to be prominent, and others may experience individuals with a prominent robber God image as having a chip on their shoulder. Attachment history:  Frequently the attachment history may be characterized by grief due to losses that have never been adequately resolved. The attachment history may also feature parents who were jealous of their child's talents, possessions, relationships, or other goods, and who put themselves in competition with their child. These parents were too enmeshed with their children to be able to celebrate their children's accomplishments. Rather, their children's achievements make the parent feel inadequate or insecure.  Thus, the parents may work subtly and unconsciously to undermine their children's successes. This God image can also be present when a child loses a parent in some way, to death or divorce or to chronic health problems or mental health issues. It can be very confusing to a child why God would allow such losses to occur.  The child whose mother died could say: Since he is all-powerful and all-knowing, he must have wanted me to be robbed of my mother, he must have wanted my father to drown in his grief and his vodka.   This God image can also emerge when a child is victimized by cliques at school, or by bullies who cut them down to size, stole their money or food, or were jealous and undermining of the friendships that they formed. Coronavirus crisis: I think many of us can see how the coronavirus crisis might exacerbate a robber God image. Many good things have been taken away from us in this crisis. Losses can range from life to health to income to employment, to relationships – we could lose relationships due to death, but also relationships can be compromised by social distancing, lockdowns, and disagreements about how to respond to the coronavirus. Why did God send us this virus, anyway?  Is he just trying to strip me down again, make me survive with just the bare minimum?  Like slave owner who gives his slave just enough to survive, but not to thrive? Vignette:  David was born in 1948, into a relatively healthy, close-knit Catholic, working-class family. He grew up in the 1950s and 1960s surrounded by relatives and good relationships.  At age 19 he was about to be drafted so he decided to enlist in the Marines. He went through boot camp and in late 1967 was ordered to Vietnam. There he saw combat and was drawn into some horrible atrocities against civilians in the 1969 Tet Offensive as new infantryman.  His world was turned upside down, and he know he was changed.  During the Tet offensive, he was wounded by mortar fire, which caused extensive damage to his right leg and some disfigurement to his face.  He also lost two of his closest buddies.   David's leg never fully recovered, and he walked with a limp. The woman he loved, rejected him upon his return, having found another boyfriend. He struggled with flashbacks and night terrors. He saw God is robbing him of all the good things that he had had in his life. He found it hard to relate with his family anymore, actually, he felt like he had no home anymore, as he did not fit in with his parents and siblings. He felt that only other Vietnam vets understood his experience, so we never talked about it unless he was drinking with old comrades in arms. His reactive mission to civilian society was slow, operating in fits and starts, with many gains and losses, and he never seem to get ahead. He blamed this on God. David saw God is stealing from him his happiness, his peace, his joy, the woman he loved, his buddies on the battlefield, and his integrity.  David had a Robber God image.  This is an example of a God image that developed later in life, after his childhood.   He eventually married, but remained self-absorbed, silently struggling with internal conflicts over guilt, shame, rage, fear. Others experienced him as cool, detached, and generally very self -controlled and very proper in his demeanor.  His war buddies kidded David and told him that  when he wasn't drinking, David seemed like a 19th century English butler.   David concluded that God didn't want him to have good things that God wanted him to suffer for the sins and crimes he committed. David clung to cigarettes, bourbon, sports, and movies as a way to distract himself and cope. Emotionally, he was very closed off from his wife and his children and spent most of his time alone.   It wasn't until his children are grown and gone that he actually sought help. David benefited from some specific trauma treatments, including EMDR that broke him out of the downward spiral he had been in.  He is just now, late in life praying again, and beginning to make sense of his experiences, bring them for the first time in decades back to God.    Elitist Aristocrat God:  This God considers himself to lofty, too good, too perfect to connect with the likes of someone like me. He has a superior attitude, and he doesn't seem to need me or care about me. He operates in an entirely different plane, up in the sky, apart from mere mortals like me.  God just isn't there for me.  He has his favorites, the ones who are more like him, of higher stature, of greater importance. But I'm not one of his favorites. I get the cold shoulder from God. Bible verse: Psalm 88:9, 13-14 Every day I call upon thee, O Lord; I spread out my hands to thee. …But I, O Lord, I cry to thee; in the morning my prayer comes before thee.  O Lord, why dost thou cast me off? You can see all the psalmist is crying out to God, and feeling cast off, ignored, the prayers, seemingly disregarded. Maybe there's a part of you that can resonate with these feelings, feelings of being disregarded, or set aside by God. Self-image:  I feel like I was born under an ill-fated star, I was born on the wrong side of the tracks. God doesn't associate with low-class people like me. God just doesn't even notice me, I'm too far beneath him.  He ignores me. On the rare occasions he does notice me, he puts me down.  When I pray, my words just get lost in the void. He is not there to hear my prayers. I'm excluded from the circles of the people he favors. I get the crumbs under the table, like the dogs.  I'm not good enough to be in God's good graces. God doesn't need me for anything, he doesn't really want me in his sight. If he knows me, he knows me from afar, and he doesn't really like what he sees. Attachment history:  The Elitist Aristocrat God image can emerge when a child feels very distant from his or her parents. The child's parents may have been self-absorbed, caught up in their own social or professional images, the ways they were seen by the world.  A child may accurately or inaccurately assume that he or she is not mom or dad's favorite one.  Children like this are sometimes grown by their parents rather than raised by their parents.  An Elite Aristocrat God image can form when her daughter experiences her father or mother is all caught up in professional work, with the family always playing second fiddle to the importance the parent places on his or her occupation. Perhaps the child's parents are caught up in “keeping up with the Joneses.”  The experience is not so much of rejection by God as never being accepted by God in the first place. Coronavirus crisis: the coronavirus has caused significant distress for many Christians with this particular Elite Aristocrat God image. It is easy for many people to imagine that God is not interested in their sufferings and in their trials and miseries, that God has left them to their own devices out of a sense of superiority. He does not deign to stoop down and help me, a lowly one, in my time of need. He helps others to have access to greater resources. They can adapt and adjust with minimal inconvenience. The impact of the coronavirus on me is severe, and more evidence of God's disregard for me. Vignette: so let's discuss Michael, David's oldest son. Michael was born five years after his father returned from Vietnam, and David never really bonded with his son. Michael grew up realizing that his relationship with his father did not look like how the boys in the neighborhood played with their fathers. Their fathers came to the baseball games and the basketball games. Many of their fathers were warm and engaging. It was his friend Tim's father that taught him to throw and catch, to hit and field. David's mother was preoccupied with caring for her husband, desperately wanting his attention too.  Tim's father saw Michael, in a way that Michael's own father didn't. In the logic that youngsters use to sort these things out, Michael assumed that his father's distance, reserve, and aloofness were his fault. He desperately tried to get his father's attention, to no avail.  Dad seem like an elite aristocrat – very proper, very distant, very uninterested in him.  Michael unconsciously imported that image and transferred it to God. Michael saw himself as unworthy of his father's attention, not good enough to be noticed by his father. This wounded self-image led him to conclude that God also saw him that way. Michael struggled with a deep sense of inadequacy and shame about not being good enough. Michael vowed never to treat others that way. So even though he himself felt fairly distant from God, he tried to be warm and caring in his relationships, to be the exact opposite of his father, especially to his own children. Marshmallow God: God is nice, but he is also either weak or incompetent. God is very soft, and quite passive. When others harm me or persecute me, he doesn't safeguard me, he doesn't advocate for me, he doesn't defend me, he just wants me to take it, and “turn the other cheek.” God doesn't want conflict, he wants to be liked, and he is likely to follow those who dominate him.   Bible verse:  Psalm 13: 1-2  How long, O Lord? Wilt thou forget me for ever?  How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?  How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all the day?  How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Alternative Bible verse:  Psalm 25:1-2 To thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in thee I trust, let me not be put to shame;  let not my enemies exult over me. Self-image:  When others take advantage of me, God believes it would be wrong for me to stand up for myself. I should be passive like God is. If I set boundaries and limits on others' behaviors, that would not be good. It would be wrong for me to move away from my dependency. Since I'm helpless, I need to stay away from danger, and avoid and hide from trouble as best I can. Attachment history:  when this God image forms in children, those children often have parents who are friendly, warm, but who have not adequately protected their children. They may have resisted recognizing or intervening when their children were being harmed out of a sense of fear of offending others. For example, they may not have advocated for a child who is being unfairly singled out and harassed by a teacher or coach.  The child may have seen his parents be pushed around or dominated by more powerful others, to the detriment of the whole family. Alternatively, sometimes this God image develops when parents are overprotective, and communicate to the child that he or she is weak, hopeless, and dependent and that is how it should be. The child can then form the idea that this is how God must be as well.  We must be nice, we must be like God, so God must be nice. Coronavirus crisis: in the coronavirus era, God may seem passive, just letting things unfold without any divine intervention.  We may have parts of us that feel that God is not up to the challenge of helping us through the coronavirus.  We may have a sense that our bishops and priests have not helped us through the crisis, and may have made our lives even more difficult by unnecessarily blocking churches and restricting access to sacraments, even going beyond the restrictions that were required by government decrees  We may have gotten the message from civic and church leaders that we are naïve children that would have unnecessarily risked our own lives and the lives of others if we had been able to attend Mass, that we could not make appropriate judgments, so the these leaders needed to protect us from ourselves. We may have parts of us that feel that God is not up to the task of administering justice to those criminals who really need it.  God seems to be very nice and soft towards those who undermine the Church from within, wayward bishops and cardinals, priests, and others. The much-maligned fire and brimstone from previous centuries may seem wholly absent to us, now.  It may appear, in this coronavirus era, God does not seem to set limits on anyone-- lying, cheating, fraud, and all kinds of misbehavior go unchecked in the government and in our culture. This all can exacerbate a Marshmallow God image. Vignette:  so Michael married and had two children of his own. He worked hard to be caring and gratifying to everybody. Unconsciously, he equated firmness with coldness.   Indeed, Michael had difficulty setting boundaries and limits with others, as he was so conditioned to want others to like him.  Thus, when his oldest son Daniel went off to school, and experienced bullying on the bus, he tried to help his son understand bullies' point of view and why the bus driver did not intervene. Michael didn't advocate for little Daniel in a way that would have been helpful. When Daniel had a Little League coach that rode him mercilessly, calling him names and mocking him in front of the other boys, his father did not stand up for him. His father was more invested in maintaining a good relationship with the coach, and trying to win him over to treating Daniel better that way.  Daniel's experience of his father was that he was very nice, warm, gregarious, but powerless in the face of conflict. As a seven-year-old, Daniel generally saw his father as a good man, he assumed that God must be like his father.  This also fit his experience, because no one advocated for him when he was persecuted by authority figures. OK. So those are the three God images for today.  The Robber God, the Elite Aristocrat God, and the Marshmallow God.  This episode is already getting fairly long, so I don't have time to go into how these three God images are commonly generated in children who are sexually abused.  I see this a lot.  Abuse and neglect have really harmful effects on God images, as you may imagine.  So just for the members of the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community, I am going to do a little bonus episode, a premium episode on sexual abuse and these three particular God images.  That particular episode may be a little more intense for people, so it's also better to be done in our community.  Bonus episodes are one of the benefits of becoming a member.  Go to soulsandhearts.com, click on the all courses and shows tab and register for the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community, free for the first 30 days and then $25 per month after that.  Those memberships are what makes this podcast possible, the RCCD members offset the costs of producing this podcast and the overhead for Souls and Hearts.   Other benefits for RCCD members include the pdfs I reprinted for the God Image Questionnaire by Bill Gaultiere, who has given us permission to reformat and reprint it.  Check that out, it can help you determine your God image, it's a 28 item questionnaire that reviews these 14 God images. One more thing is that we are having an RCCD community meeting on Friday, August 7 from 7:30 PM to 8:30 PM Eastern time.  and we will be discussing any questions you have about God images and self-images.   And finally, RCCD members now have access to our Mighty Networks app, which allows us to connect much more easily.  Community members can email me at crisis@soulsandhearts.com and we'll get you set up with that, it's by invitation.  Patron and Patronness.         

Episode 26.  Dictator, Pharisee, and Scrooge God Images – July 27, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 26,  released on July 27, 2020 and it's called Dictator Gods, Pharisee Gods, and Scrooge Gods. In the last episode, episode 25, we looked at three different negative God images proposed by Christian psychotherapists Bill and Kristi Gaultiere in their book Mistaken Identities, published in 1989.  Last week, I decided to reach out to the Gaultieres and let them know that we were discussing their book on this podcast so I emailed them.  Sometimes I do that.  I just reach out to people.  Who knows what will happen?  And Sue, the representative from their ministry, their ministry is called Soul Shepherding – Sue got back to me – Sue got back to me and said “What a blessing to hear from you and to learn of the good work that you are doing for the Kingdom!  It was such an encouragement to hear that you are able to use our resources in your ministry.”  Isn't that cool?  I think that's cool.   But wait, there's more.  I made a request of the Gaultieres and their ministry for something I wanted to give to the member of the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community  – I wanted their permission to be able to pass on something special to those of you those of you who have joined the RCCD community and they said yes. At the end of this episode, I will tell you what that something special is, so stay with me until the end, OK?.  Oooh, very exciting.   In the last episode, I put the question out to you, my audience members – are you interested in this stuff?  Do you want me to cover more of these god images?  And if so, which ones?  I really want this podcast to be interactive, I want to hear from you. Jane in Indiana emailed in, “I want you to do all the God images. They are fascinating!”  Now that is enthusiasm, thank you Jane. I just love it. I really want this podcast to not just be transformative, not just to make a big difference in your life, but to be interesting, no, not just interesting, but fascinating.  Along with Jane in Indiana, I think this God image stuff is fascinating.  It's also vitally important, not only for our spiritual well-being, but also our psychological well-being.  You can't have abiding peace, a deep joy, or a solid sense of well-being if you are dominated by negative God images.  It's just not possible to give in to wretched God images and be happy.  This is so vitally important, people, this God image issue, because how we respond to God images is really going to determine our peace and joy and well-being, both in the natural realm and in the supernatural realm.  Will we approach God?  Will we flee from Him?  Will we fight him?  Will we refuse to follow Him or even believe in him?   So we have two ways we can overcome this issue.  One is to recognize our negative God images and respond to them in a positive way.  And in future episodes we will get into how to respond to negative God images.  I promise.  So the first way to handle negative God images is to recognize them and respond well.  The second way is to resolve them.  I mean it.  To actually resolve them, to heal them.  And we will discuss how to do that in future episode as well, and especially in the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community that has grown up around this podcast.   In this episode, we're going to review three more problematic God images described by Bill and Kristi Gaultiere's book Mistaken Identities Brief review:  let's just circle back around and review, what are God images again?  My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment. This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God.  My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time.  God images are always formed experientially.  God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young.  My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept.  God concept is what I profess about God, what I choose to believe about God, what I endorse about God.  Intellectual understanding.   Self-images are much more driven, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment.    Who I feel myself to be in a given moment, it is who my passions are telling me who I am.  Self-images go together with God images – they impact each other.   If you haven't already listened to episodes 22, 23, and 24 of this podcast, make sure you check them out, because they have lot more conceptual information and definitions of God images.   So I had a question from a listener Martha in Indiana who wondered if it's usual to say 'yes' to many God images?  Martha is essentially asking if we can have more than one God image, can we have different God images at different times? Now much of the God image literature seems to assume that there is one primary God image. And that makes sense, because often we are in our standard mode of operating. However, there is a greater awareness that, because we have multiple modes of operating, we also may have multiple God images. Sometimes we depart from our standard mode of operating.  Clinically, I have no doubt that each of us has several or even many God images.  So, my dear Martha, I absolutely believe that we have more than one God images.   Over the past several years, I have identified in myself 11 different modes of operating.   I have 11 distinct and identifiable ways of being. I think of models of operating as like parts of me.  Kind of like in the Pixar movie Inside Out, where the main character Riley has different parts of her, each part having its primary emotion, like the red character was angry, the blue round character was sad and so on.. Each part of me has a mode of operating each part of me has characteristic feelings, desires, impulses, attitudes, and assumptions about the world. And each of my modes of operating has its own God image and its own self-image.  So I have 11 God images and 11 self-images.   So do you see what you opened up with your question, Martha?  I wasn't going to go into all of this yet, I wasn't going to get into all this self-disclosure in this episode, but your question brought it up.   So that's important to know in and but I'm bringing that up now, because I really do want you to pay attention to God images that may not immediately resonate with you.  In this moment, you might not resonate with particular God image, but when you are in one particular dark place, perhaps a kind of dark place that you don't go very often, but you do go to once in a while, you may find a negative God image that exists in you, but just isn't activated very often.  All right, so I tallied up all the responses that you listeners texted me or emailed me about which of the remaining 11 negative God images that Bill and Kristi Gaultiere describe in their book you wanted me to cover, and three particular one stood out. These were the unjust dictator God. The Vain Pharisee God and the Critical Scrooge God. So we're going to dive into those today. Just a quick comment before we do, and that is that these particular God images, like the unjust dictator God image. These are just templates. Everybody's got images can be a little different. So were discussing three boilerplate templates of common God images, but there's nothing that says you have to have this particular God image or not have this particular God image. For example, my 11 God images do not map exactly on to the 14 that Bill and Kristi propose.  And when I worked clinically, I am trying to understand what the person's God image is, not really diagnose them with one of these 14 God images. So I just want to make sure that we are all clear about that. Unjust Dictator God. In this God image, God is a very powerful, but he is unjust, he is unfair. He seems arbitrary in the way that he blesses and punishes.  Good people suffer misfortunes, the innocent are burdened with many problems, trials, traumas and others who seem to make no effort to love God, or follow his will profit. Sometimes, he even seems to shower good things on those who acted badly. He doesn't seem to punish those who hurt me, those who persecute me.  Bible verse:   Psalm 119:81-86  My soul longs for your salvation; I put my hope in your word.  My eyes long to see your promise. When will you comfort me?  I am like a wineskin shriveled by smoke, but I have not forgotten your statutes. How long can your servant survive?  When will your judgment doom my foes?  The arrogant have dug pits for me; defying your law... Help me! I am pursued without cause.Self-image: it feels like I always get a raw deal from God, no matter how hard I try to love and obey him. It must be that I deserve to be punished by God. Maybe I don't deserve God's care and protection. I must've done something wrong or bad that I don't know about to justify the maltreatment I've had at the hands of others.  He loves others, why does he not love me? What is so bad about me?Attachment History:  This unjust dictator God image can emerge when a person has experienced others in authority as capricious, arbitrary, or random in the way he or she was rewarded or punished.  This often is expressed in feeling like I was not the favorite child, no matter what I did, my parents preferred my sister or my brother. Some of us are old enough to remember the Smothers Brothers routines, in which Tom Smothers always felt that their Mother always loved his brother Dick Smothers best.  They did this as a comedy routine, this “Mom always loved you best” but I always found it a little sad, because I suspect there was a kernel of truth in it somewhere in the Smothers' family life.  Coronavirus Crisis:  the way the virus strikes can seem arbitrary, capricious, and random. Why do some people get to keep their jobs, their incomes, their health, and I suffer consequences. Why are some people careful with masks, social distancing, and other precautions, and they catch the virus, and others seem to be totally immune, no matter what stupid things they do? Where is the justice in that?Vignette:  Brenda is the 32 year old middle child of three sisters. She always saw herself as the “not-pretty one” and the “not smart one” of the family. She always had a sense of not fitting in. Her older sister Victoria's personality was more like her mom's and her younger sister Claudia's personality was more like her dad's, and she felt like the odd one out, misunderstood. She tried to be as pretty as her older sister and as smart as her younger sister, but neither of her parents seem to understand her.  Her achievements always seem to second-best, garnering little praise from her parents.  If she couldn't be pretty and she couldn't be smart, at least she could be good. She worked hard on growing in virtue, but that didn't seem to work either.  But she has continued to try and hope.  Her theme song sometimes feels like Boney Fingers by Hoyt Axton, especially the line – work your fingers to the bone, what do you get? Boney Fingers.  Boney Fingers.  Brenda sees how her older sister Victoria has a handsome husband and two of the cutest kids on the planet, the whole family looks like models.  She married that handsome, stable guy after 10 years of promiscuity with no apparent consequences, and Victoria still looks like a model.  Brenda feels that Victoria has always looked down on her for being ugly.  Brenda's younger sister Claudia has a great academic position and has already published two books and many professional articles, and even Claudia has a bookish boyfriend who dotes on her.  Brenda sees her sisters is getting all the good things from the family. Victoria was able to travel to beauty pageants and have most of mom's attention. Claudia was valedictorian and even though she was younger than Brenda, Brenda knew that by the time she was 12 and Claudia was 10, Claudia was smarter than she was and there was no looking back.  By age 30, was highly respected in her field. And Brenda herself, well Brenda is single with no romantic prospects, in a dead-end retail job in a department store that is probably going bankrupt because the virus is forcing closures and she sees herself as an old hag, even aging out of the youth group at her parish.  She still goes to church, but with bitterness in her heart.  She feels she can't give up being good, because then what would she have left?  Why, why O Lord did you leave so little for me? If I had what my sisters had, I would be happy.  She feels her prayers are ignored.  My virtues are ignored.  I am still a virgin, and what has that gotten me?  Nothing.  No husband, not even a boyfriend.  God is powerful, but he is not just, let along merciful or kind.  Vain Pharisee God:  God is absorbed in his own might and power, his own goodness and beauty, his own knowledge and strength. He expects me to grovel in front of him, giving him constant praise. He takes the credit for everything. Only goodness comes from him. Only badness comes from me.   Bible verse: Job 10:14-17. If I should sin, you would keep a watch on me, and from my guilt, you would not absolve me. If I should be wicked, alas for me! Even if righteous, I dare not hold up my head, sated with shame, drenched in affliction!  Should it lift up, you hunt me like a lion: repeatedly you show your wondrous power against me, you renew your attack upon me, and multiply your harassment of me; in waves your troops come against me.Self-image: I am expected to humiliate myself before God, in order that his glory be magnified.  I'm not worth any esteem from God, he would not praise me. I don't have any merit or any credit in the eyes of God, I am just dust and ashes, worthless. He's not that invested in me as a person.  I am important to him in how I can give him glory and honor. My function is to praise Him, that's what he expects from me.  But, in relating with God, I always get the short end of the stick. He is always right, I am always wrong.  He must always increase, I must always decrease until I perfectly serve him in his needs.Attachment History: This god image readily forms when the parent uses the child to bolster the parent's own fragile self esteem, without consideration of the child's experience.  Some parents really look to their children for affirmation, admiration, support, and validation.  When the parent has a strong narcissistic streak, it increases the likelihood of a Vain Pharisee God image. The child is constantly trying to meet the unreasonable demands of the parent in the vain hope that child can please the parent.  The child doesn't frequently feel loved or accepted just as he or she is.Coronavirus Crisis:  in this crisis, it's easy to feel powerless and helpless in the face of the virus and its effects.  I might have prayed and prayed and those prayers may seem to be falling on deaf ears and I am deeply troubled by the problems I face because of the virus.    I may be trying and trying to admire, praise, and honor God, but He seems to just be letting me twist in the wind as my situation deteriorates with my income reduced, my anxieties unsoothed, my social connections compromised, and now I have to wear a mask everywhere, like I'm not even seen as a person, but just as a potential disease vector.   This can activate the Vain Pharisee God image.  Vignette:  the story is the 34-year-old oldest sister, and everyone said when she was growing up that she looked like her mom and she acted like her mom. That she was just a chip off of moms block.  Her mother was highly respected lady with an aristocratic air, highly self-absorbed. From a young age, Victoria was entered in child beauty pageants, winning some of them, for which her mother took the credit.  Her mother saw her as a narcissistic extension of herself, and took it personally if Victoria faltered during the pageants, berating her for minor flaws and imperfections.  Victoria, in an attempt to connect with her mother, berated herself in the same way.  When others attributed Victoria's beauty and success to her mother, her mother seemed to glow. But Victoria felt a great emptiness in the attention her mother showed her, the beautiful clothes that she bought for her, and the trips that they made together, just the two of them, for competitions – the flights, hotels, and perks all seemed empty.  Victoria has little interest in God at this time, seeing him as mighty, powerful, and heavily self-absorbed. She had made a number of men into idols in her 20s – and sacrificed herself to them in the hope of being loved by them in return.  She married the least worst of them and is now in a loveless marriage.  She feels trapped at home with her cold, arrogant Ken-Doll husband who can't go in to the office because of the lockdown.  She hates always feeling like she is in the wrong, and feels that God wants her to grovel and humiliate herself, which makes it hard for her to repent from real sins and come back to him.  She doesn't pray, sensing that there is no point in it, that God would gloat over her admission of wrongdoing, and she feels that honoring or worshipping God would violate her sense of dignity and integrity.  Her children are not baptized.   Critical Scrooge God:  this God doesn't extend himself to help me.  Instead, this  God is highly critical, and he cuts me down with disparaging remarks, and a condescending tone. He tells me that I won't make it, I won't succeed, I just won't be able to rise to the challenge or even be minimally acceptable to him. God is constantly dissatisfied with me.  God never praises me or looks for the good in me. He is cold, and stingy with his graces and his help Bible verse:  Job 19 2-11 How long will you afflict my spirit, grind me down with words? These ten times you have humiliated me, have assailed me without shame! Even if it were true that I am at fault, my fault would remain with me; If truly you exalt yourselves at my expense, and use my shame as an argument against me, Know then that it is God who has dealt unfairly with me, and compassed me round with his net. If I cry out “Violence!” I am not answered. I shout for help, but there is no justice. He has barred my way and I cannot pass; veiled my path in darkness; He has stripped me of my glory, taken the diadem from my brow.  He breaks me down on every side, and I am gone; he has uprooted my hope like a tree: He has kindled his wrath against me; he counts me one of his enemies.Self-image: I am never good enough for God, I never satisfy him. I feel like I'm no good. I struggle with shame, feeling so inadequate. I feel like God sits on my shoulder, and sometimes whispers his criticisms in my ear. Sometimes he yells them.   God gives me the minimal amount of help so that if I did things just right, I might succeed, but I'm never able to, my efforts are never enough.  It feels like he tolerates me and he's invested in me doing better, but I'm just an unprofitable servant and he never lets me forget that.   Attachment History:    Critical parents can foster a Critical Scrooge God image.  So can having hands-off parents, leaving the child to come up with his or her own standards, which may be unreasonable, not tempered by maturity and wisdom.   Coronavirus Crisis:  The coronavirus crisis is forcing us to have to make difficult decisions with limited , and changing information. Much is in flux, and he can feel very easy to make incorrect decisions, even when we try hard. Stakes also are high, with potential lethal consequences. People can also be more irritable with each other and more critical with each other.  When supervisors or other authorities are critical of me, it may activate a Critical Scrooge god image, exacerbating feelings of not being good enough, not being able to satisfy others, including God.Vignette: Claudia is 30, and extremely self-critical.  Academics was the one area in which she felt she might excel, at least where she could get close to excelling.  In grade school, she berated herself for anything less than a perfect score on tests.  She harbors a deep assumptions that she has to prove God wrong, that she can succeed in spite of his distance and lack of help. Her unconscious anger about this has undermined her relationships with teachers in the past, who experienced her as perfectionistic but also critical of them, and even condescending.  Because of her impressive academic successes, and her publishing record, she is one of the youngest assistant professors at her liberal arts college, but she derives little satisfaction from that and the college is now in a precarious financial condition because of the virus.  Because she never feels good enough for God, she never feels good enough for herself, and she also feels that others are not good enough for her.  When she conveys that others are not good enough for her, this imposes a huge burden for her co-dependent boyfriend Fred, who is trying to do everything he can to please her and she is minimally gratifying in return, just enough to keep him engaged.  He's the one that has the greatest tolerance for the chip on her shoulder, so she keeps him around, but is unlikely to marry him because of the subtle contempt she feels for him.Claudia is tired of God.  She doesn't pray much either.   So there are the three god images.   Check out the RCCD Community.  Contact information.  Crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 One of our RCCD members, Jonathan, seized the day and grabbed the initiative to begin a chart that lays out all of the different God images, their corresponding self-images, the Bible verses, the attachment histories, and the impact that the coronavirus crisis could be having with that particular God image, he took all of this and laid it out in a chart and emailed it to me. I think this is great. And Jonathan and I agreed to work on this chart together, to continue to develop that, adding the different God images as we roll them out over the course of these episodes, collaborating together. Jonathan is taking the information from the podcasts, filling in each of the sections on the chart, and I am checking them over and making minor alterations.  That chart is available for our RCCD members, it is now up in the RCCD Exclusive Content Section, and six of the 14 problematic God images are all filled in.  As we continue through the rest of the God images, we will continue to fill in the chart.   I really appreciate Jonathan's work on this, it's a gift to me and to the RCCD members and it's a great example of how we work together in the RCCD community. The Zoom meetings from July 22 and July 27 are either up by now, or soon will be and these were the open forums, we can discuss anything related to psychology and Catholicism.  Bring your questions.  Email me questions if you can't make it.  Time to hang out together and be in community.   Big news:  I mentioned at the top of the podcast about big news from Bill and Kristi Gaultiere and their Shepherding Souls ministry.  Bill Gaultiere created an instrument, called the God Image Questionnaire that is 28 items long, and helps you determine which of their 14 negative God images may burden you.  I have used this in the past and found it helpful.  Shepherding Souls has the God Image Questionnaire on their website, but they have agreed to allow me to make it available to members of our RCCD community at Souls and Hearts.   We've formatted it into an easily printable pdf.  The scoring instructions are also up on our website.  So look for that in the RCCD Exclusive Content.  Take the God Image Questionnaire and let me know what you think!  And after we finish all 14 God images in the next three episodes, we will have discussions about them in the RCCD community.   One more things for the community:  Non-recorded meeting.  Free in the moment. I'm still working on scheduling that.  As a way to his result actually result, you'll discuss the future of his well and we're going to get into that, especially as Patron and Patronness.     

Episode 25.  Drill Sergeant Gods, Statue Gods, and Preoccupied Manager Gods, Oh My…July 13, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis:  Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.   We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before.  I'm clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com.  Thank you for being here with me.  This is episode 25,  released on July 20, 2020 and it's called Drill Sergeant Gods, Statue Gods, and Preoccupied Manager Gods, Oh My… Self-concept: This what we intellectually believe about ourselves, who we profess ourselves to be, what we understand about ourselves, our mental construct of ourselves.  The self-concept of a practicing Catholic, for example, may include being a beloved child of God.  There's a link between God concepts and Self-concepts – they go together, they harmonize.  Loving Shepherd, little sheep.   Self-images on the other hand, are much more emotionally driven, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment.    These go together with God images – they impact each other  My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment.  May or may not correspond to who God really is.   Initially my God images are shaped by the relationship that I have with my parents.  This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God.  My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time.   God images are always formed experientially.  God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young.  My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept. My God concept   What I profess about God.  It is my more intellectual understanding of God, based on what one has been taught, but also based on what I have explored through reading.  I decide to believe in my God concept.  Reflected in the Creed, expanded in the Catechism, formal teaching.   So in the text exchange with a listener who I will call Beth, because that's her name, Beth told me that she was having a hard time figuring out her own God images.  So I thought I would bring in the best resource    Mistaken Identity William and Kristi Gaultiere  1989 Fleming H. Revell  -- 3 decades ago.  14 Unloving God images – drawn from I Corinthians 13, 4-7.   Preoccupied manager director GodStatue GodRobber GodVain Pharisee GodElitist aristocrat GodPushy salesman GodMagic Genie GodDemanding drill sergeant GodOuttogetcha Police Detective GodUnjust dictator God Marshmallow GodCritical Scrooge GodParty-pooper GodHeartbreaker God   Preoccupied Managing Director God:  God is busy running the world, but God doesn't take the initiative, time, or energy to really relate with me, to connect with me. God cares about me, but he is overtaxed.  He is impatient, it is hard to get His attention.  God may want to give more to everyone, but He has limited resources and has to allocate them carefully, to those who most deserve them.  Comfort and help might come if I my situation is desperate enough.   Bible verse: Psalm 13 opening:  How long, Lord? Will you utterly forget me?  How long will you hide your face from me?  How long must I carry sorrow in my soul, grief in my heart day after day? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Self-image: I am not important enough, not worthy enough for God's attention, for his care, for him to be concerned about me. The problems, cares, and concerns of my life are not significant enough to warrant his attention. God can't be disturbed with my relatively minor concerns and difficulties.  God has little bandwidth for me, doesn't need to be saddled with my petty wishes and desired.  Twisting in the wind.  I am an unprofitable servant, so God leaves me to my own devices.   Attachment History – over-parentified children of families with harried, distressed parents, often with financial concerns and time pressure. Children with a Preoccupied Managing Director God image learn that they are rewarded for being “low-maintenance” and not adding to their parents' troubles by voicing their concerns.  Praised for how independent, mature, and responsible they are.  Anxious-preoccupied attachment style – they want intimacy, connection with God, but they feel that have to go without it, because they just don't matter enough.  They generally don't feel seen and known, and they don't believe that God cherishes them – rather God sees them as a burden.   Coronavirus Crisis:  Readily activated now – some are not feel much of God's presence.  Lots more responsibilities, lots of decisions, lots of stress.  Others, such as supervisors, superiors have more responsibilities, show less patience, more irritability.  Aging parents, more self-absorbed.  Loss of connection.  Responsibilities piling on – decision fatigue – when to wear masks, what activities can we do, conflicting feedback from politicians, medical experts, government leaders.  No help in sight.  And you can see how  Vignette:  Paula – 17 year old, second oldest child of a family of 6, father was preoccupied with his business, not doing well with the coronavirus, Mom is stressed, working a part-time job and still wanting to homeschool, and her father is self-absorbed with some health issues.  Her older brother escaped the household by enlisting in the Navy and the third oldest in the family, a 15 year old son,  is rebellious, acting out by not completing his schoolwork, announcing that he is an atheist, and experimenting with alcohol.  Paula doesn't feel like she can burden her mother with any of her issues, lest she become impatient and irritable and act in the role of a martyr.  The 3 youngest children are emotionally and relationally draining for her mother who is strenuously trying to hold them to high standards.  Paula has barely enough time to complete her studies to her mother's exacting principles, essentially teaching herself from a boxed curriculum. Paula's is trying to hold her family together, and feels like she is a fish in a puddle that is evaporating.  She tries to rely on herself, but is developing and increasingly intense anger toward God and she is not aware of the anger.  Prayer – another responsibility, another thing to check off her list, based off a sense of duty.  Very dry, uncomfortable, sense of not mattering, not being cared for.  Now she has lost some activities she enjoyed (ballroom dance class) because of the coronavirus, and she longs to escape like her older brother did, but she doesn't feel safe enough to launch into the world.  Resilience Statue God:  God seen as distant, remote, unfeeling, disengaged, leaves me to my own devices, doesn't help me when I am in need.  Millions of miles away, on a distant quasar.  Is not moved by my cries and pleas.  Stony, cold indifference.  Unlike the preoccupied managing director God who has limited resources and is overtaxed, this statue God doesn't care about me and I won't get his attention no matter what happens to me and no matter what I do.   Bible Verse:  Job 30:20   I cry to you, but you do not answer me;  I stand, but you take no notice. Heresy:  Deism is the belief in God's existence, but sees God only in the role of Creator who does not intervene in the world.  Sometimes referred to as a watchmaker God, who set the universe in motion and then lets it run on its own.   Image of Self:  I won't be helped.  God doesn't help me and doesn't want to help me.  I have to manage on my own, my wants and needs are not important to him.  He just doesn't care about me, he's not engaged.  I'm not going to try to engage emotionally with God, because that would be fruitless. That would be pointless. Attachment History –children of parents who are so self-absorbed and wrapped up in their own concerns that they consistently offer little to their sons and daughters.  Young children with a Statue God image know that they need their parents, but also know at some level that they will not have their needs met by their parents.  As they grow older, they may reject their parents emotionally, and distance from them.  They often have a dismissive-avoidant attachment style – desiring not to have to depend on anyone, and not have anyone depend on them either.  They don't feel seen and known.   Coronavirus Crisis:  God is distant from all of us, and people need to pull together to create a good society.  People with Statue God images are particularly concerned about societal norms breaking down.   Seeing presumably holy people start to become unglued.    Vignette:  45 year old Daryl – Paula's Father of six kids, ruggedly independent, priding himself on his individualism, his self-sufficiency.  Wife is finding him more and more unavailable, and he is generally intolerant of the natural needs of his children, because those normal needs activate his own unmet needs for safety, security and dependency.  Being a beloved child of God is an alien concept for Daryl.  He is a man's man, and his particular creed is that God helps those who help themselves.  By which he really means you have to be your own God and help yourself.  He engages in very little meditative or personal prayer because what is the point?  God is so distant, and he doesn't expect there to be much relations or emotional engagement with a Statue God.  He prays the family Rosary daily and goes to Sunday Mass because he believes it is a good example for his children, and that they need strong moral education to become good citizens in the world.  He secretly believes those that claim deep, emotional connection with God are deceiving themselves, and he is particularly contemptuous of Charismatic Catholics.  Health issues now Crohn's disease, really dragging him down – physical limitations, worrying him and puncturing his self-sufficient image and now his business isn't making enough to support the family.  If he stays on this unbending course, he will break.  You can see how this Statue God image doesn't allow for resilience.    Demanding Drill Sergeant God:  the demanding drill sergeant God image always wants more and more from me. I never give him enough, and he is never satisfied with me. If I don't meet his expectations, he becomes frustrated and punitive. He has no tolerance for errors, weakness, or failures.  He lacks mercy, gentleness, understanding, compassion.  High standards. Heresy: Pelagianism    Belief that our will can overcome the effects of original sin and still choose good without God's help.  I can earn the love of God.  I can perfect myself, I can make myself worthy of the love of God, I can earn my salvation, if I just try hard enough.   Bible verse:  Psalm 77  Will the Lord spurn for ever, and never again be favorable?Has his steadfast love for ever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has he in anger shut up his compassion?”And I say, “It is my grief that the right hand of the Most High has changed.” Self-image:   always a sense of inadequacy, shame, a sense of being defective and unable to earn God's love and respect. I must achieve, I must always be at my best, I can't make mistakes, if I take a break, a fall behind,  I have to volunteer, I have to die to myself Attachment History – Parents who were attentive to the child, noticed the child, observe the child closely, and were invested in the child. These parents had very high standards for children's behavior.  They were exacting with discipline, usually well-intentioned. The children saw such parents as right, and tried hard to please them, believing it to be the right thing to do.  Child's attachment style was generally anxious-avoidant – working really hard to please the parent.  Sometime the parents could be pleased, but there was a sense that this was temporary.  There was little sense of being loved or valued simply because one was the parent's son or daughter. Sometimes, the parents unreasonably high expectations and standards are driven by the parents' own insecurities and sense of inadequacy.   Coronavirus Crisis:  people with this kind of God image particularly struggle when situational stresses rise. They already had a sense of struggling in failing when times were not as difficult. Their self-imposed standards don't readily yield, even when external factors make their achievement goals much more difficult, or even impossible to achieve. Thus, there likely to experience a greater sense of failure, and even despair at not measuring up to what they believe the expectations of God are. They also may look down on others who they don't believe are struggling as hard as they are to achieve. Vignette:  Paula's 42 year old mother, Virginia.   Left an accounting firm after marriage to be a model wife and mother, had six children, because she was open to life, that's what God wanted, as many children as she could have, homeschooling, volunteering because that's what God wants, if someone in the parish asks her to do something, that's God asking her to do it, can't say no, difficult with limits and boundaries, God is unreasonably demanding.  And now her husband is not feeling well, she knows it, even though he's trying to hide it.  He is so irritable and unpleasant.  And she is so tired. Now considering part time work.   She has to do it, she has to earn the love of God.  Focused parents, driven for her to succeed.   Exercise:  Think of someone close to you – spouse, child, sibling, friend, coworker.  Someone important to you.  Think of that loved one in a dark place – when that person goes to his or her dark place.  Consider – what God image is activated for your loved one then, in that dark place.  What self-image is activated in that dark place.   Put this possible God image for your loved one into words.  Put the self – image of your loved one into words.  Write it down, speak it aloud. Work with it.  So when your loved one is in that dark place you can be an example that doesn't reinforce the negative God or self images, but rather gently challenges those heretical images.  You can better be light and salt for your loved ones, if you can enter into their inner worlds and understand how they see God and see themselves when they are in their dark places.  This is great practice for loving.  Let me know how it goes:  Crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 or if you are in the RCCD community, post it in the forums.    Question for you – do you want more of these God images.  Which ones? Robber GodVain Pharisee GodElitist aristocrat GodPushy salesman GodMagic Genie GodOuttogetcha Police Detective GodUnjust dictator God Marshmallow GodCritical Scrooge GodParty-pooper GodHeartbreaker GodCrisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594  Check out the RCCD Community.  Contact information.  Crisis@soulsandhearts.com 317.567.9594 Big news:  Open Zoom meeting Wednesday, July 22 at 8:15 PM Eastern time – Wednesday Evening.  Community Members.  A second one on Monday, July 27 9:30 AM – in the morning – Eastern time.  Open forum, we can discuss anything related to psychology and Catholicism.  Bring your questions.  Email me questions if you can't make it.  Time to hang out together and be in community.   Patron and Patronness.