SexTok with Zibby and Tracey

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm intrigued to know what happens at a chem sex party. I've got a few adventurous girlfriends and we're all quite keen to give it a try. Would you advise it?2) I know it's normal to go through periods when you don't find your partner attractive. But when should you worry that it's more than a passing phase?3) I'm struggling with premature ejaculation. After 30 seconds of penetration, I struggle to hold back and constantly have to pull out. I think it's psychological. We tried a penis sleeve, which worked at first, but we both enjoy it so much it backfired. I tried pelvic floor exercises as well, but to no avail. My wife loves the vibrator/penetration combination, but it's such a fight for me it ruins the mood.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I've just started seeing a guy who is really into giving ‘facials.' I've done it before, and don't honestly mind, but what's the psychology behind it? Why do so many guys like doing it, and is it degrading to agree?2) I've only ever had an orgasm once without a vibrator, and that was after a long sex session with me on top. I'd like to start masturbating without vibration, but I can orgasm within seconds using my bullet vibe, and it feels like it's going to take hours using my fingers. After a bit, I give in and reach for the vibrator. Any hints on how to stick with it?3) Is it normal to have never felt sexual desire? I am a 23-year-old man and have never had a girlfriend and never masturbated. I watched porn once out of curiosity, but it didn't make me aroused in any way. I don't have any issue with sex and am not aware of any trauma in my childhood. I like women as friends, but just don't have any desire to have sex with them. I'm not attracted to men, either. I've read about asexuality, and I'm guessing that's me, though am wondering if there's any research on whether this might change as I get older.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I love my husband and I'm very attracted to him. But for some reason, I have to picture a scene from porn to reach orgasm with him. I'm very much in my head when having sex in general, and find myself thinking about a million things that aren't related to sex during it. How can I change this pattern of having to play these images to climax? Is it something you've heard of before?2) I have been seeing an amazing man for two years. He's chivalrous, loving, we have sex often, and it's good. But, he seems to be permanently horny and comments constantly about my bum and boobs and how much he loves my body. Then he gropes me and gets turned on. I don't want that attention when I'm doing the washing up or reading a book or watching telly. I've tried laughing it off or being flattered or just moving his hands away, but when I don't respond the way he wants, he gets moody.After much prodding on my part, he admitted he feels rejected and hurt when I don't react favorably to his advances. I love how attentive he is, but I feel stifled by it when I'm trying to have time by myself. How can I politely decline the attention without him feeling rejected and getting in another mood that lasts for days?3) My daughter is 12 years old and we've been pretty open with her about sex, body parts, and how things work. I grew up in a house where there was zero sex talk, which resulted in lots of sexual issues I had to deal with later in my life in a therapist's office. So, I'm determined to raise my daughter without the shame I was brought up with. When she hit puberty, I mentioned masturbation to her. I told her that this is a normal thing lots of women do and enjoy, and I mentioned that there is a spot on a women's body which feels intensely pleasurable. I told her we could talk about it more if she wanted, thinking this would probably be in a couple of years. But, a few days later she asked me to show her the spot and explain what to do to get pleasure. The question blindsided me. We were driving, so I told her we could talk about it later. She's forgotten about it momentarily, but now I'm at a loss of what to do. I want to be honest and open, but she's only 12! Is it too early to show/talk about that stuff? If not, what's the best way to go about it? Any advice will be much appreciated!To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Kelsey recently said she faked many orgasms while married. What is the general feeling about faking it now? How do most people react when they find out their partner's faked it? Surely men think it's a betrayal in the relationship?2) Help! The inevitable has happened: sex with my husband of six years now feels like I'm having sex with my best friend. We've both been married before and vowed this wouldn't happen to us—but it has. I know you've talked about this before and, conceptually, I understand why it happens. Can you skip straight to the how-to-fix-it part with some practical tips that make a difference?3) I am a 35-year-old guy and I recently moved to Europe. I'm currently working in a restaurant as a server. Recently, I was serving a couple—a man and a woman. We had a short conversation during their meal about all the usual things. But after I brought them the bill, the man asked me outright if I would be interested in meeting his wife later and having sex with her. I know that people in Europe tend to be more open about their sex lives, and I'm aware that there are many swinger clubs. But what does this mean about their relationship? Is this kind of thing normal? What would be your thoughts on this situation, and how should I respond?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My wife and I communicate well about sex, but lately I've become extremely turned on by the thought of watching her have sex with a stranger. I think it's called ‘hotwifing.' It's just a fantasy, and I'm not sure how I'd feel if we acted on it. Usually, anytime we have a ‘kink' we tell each other, but I worry she'll think I'm a pervert with this one! Should I tell her or keep it bottled up? I know it's quite common, but it's also weird. I guess my question is: is it normal, and should I tell her or keep it to myself? I doubt she'd be game to do it anyway, and I don't want to freak her out after 15 years together.2) I'm a 60-year-old man who has been happily married for over 30 years. Sadly, my wife is increasingly less interested in sex. Not only has her libido plummeted, but penetrative sex is painful and non-penetrative sex just doesn't do it for her. She doesn't want to give up totally on sex with me, but says it is best if we just do it occasionally. Very occasionally. I struggle with this. I need more than just masturbation, and she understands that. After a lot of talking, she's suggested we practice non-monogamy. (But just me, since she doesn't want to have sex with anyone else). We have agreed on some rules: I can't have sex with someone we know (I wouldn't anyway), I can't pay for it, and I must practice safe sex. But that's as far as we've got. Please can you help us, as I don't know what to do next. And just to clarify: we still love each other, we still want to spend the rest of our lives together, we get on really well, and I am not interested in a romantic relationship—just a ‘play partner.'3) I loved the question asking you both what are three things you wouldn't do in bed. Can I be cheeky and ask what three things you WOULD like to both do, but have never done!To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a 24-year-old woman and have never enjoyed sex because it hurts. I've been checked out by my doctor and there doesn't seem to be anything anatomically wrong, but sex is never pleasant for me. Can you help?2) I'm a 36-year-old man and have been secretly wearing women's panties under my clothes for years. It's nothing sinister. I just like the feel of the fabric on my skin and that I'm doing something 'naughty.' I have never told anyone about this and have never been found out. For the first time, I am now in a relationship with a woman I think might understand and even indulge me. Do you think I should chance it and tell her? We've been together ten months and I want to marry her.3) Can you suggest a way to speed up sex with my husband? He lasts forever and thinks it's something to be proud of. I find it boring and I get sore. All I think about is how to make it end. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I like having sex with my partner, but get so easily distracted. One minute I'm into it, the next I'm worrying about something or spend the whole session thinking, 'Don't forget to do this or that' afterwards. It interferes with my enjoyment. How do I turn off my busy brain?2) My partner has been hassling me to have anal sex for years. I finally gave in, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. But it's never going to be something I look forward to doing. Problem is, he now wants it all the time and sulks when I say no. He says it feels better because it feels tighter.3) I'm a 46-year-old woman who has fallen in love with a 68-year-old man. My friends and family are horrified that I am considering a future with this man even though he doesn't look or act his age. I'm intelligent enough to guess the emotional issues we might confront and know that while the age difference doesn't matter now, it will later. But what will happen sexually as time goes on? He has no erection problems now, but is there an age when men can no longer get erect? His appetite for sex is very strong but how long will that last? Is there an age when you stop desiring sex?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm 38, have been single for a long time, and haven't had sex in ages. I've now met someone and I'm panicking about having sex with him. I enjoyed sex when I was younger, but now feel like a sexual novice. It's affecting my confidence and stopping me from enjoying the experience of having someone in my life again.2) We have never tried sex toys and are also on a budget. What do you recommend we start with? We're straight and in our late 40s. It's a new relationship and both of us have been with conservative partners in the past, so are keen to make up for all we've missed out on.3) For years I tried to change my husband into a better man. I failed and we divorced, and I'm still single. He remarried quickly and, according to our daughter, is now the perfect husband. I feel like I did all the work and his new wife is getting all the rewards. I don't want to be bitter and twisted about it, but I am. What I don't understand is this: why could he change with her, and not me?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Is it wrong to fantasize about another person when you are in bed with your partner? I've been married for a very long time and—as you both talk about often—we feel more like friends than lovers. To make sex more arousing, I often fantasize about a woman at work who I mildly flirt with. I sometimes feel a little guilty. Should I? Is this something everyone does?2) For years, I was in a sexless marriage with a husband who didn't see me. I got friendly with a man I work with and ended up having an affair. It had more to do with loneliness than lust, even though I did care for him. My husband found out and all hell broke loose. We nearly split up, but therapy saved us. The thing is, I see the affair as something that saved our marriage. He sees it as a humiliating betrayal, even though he understands why I did it. I think it's because he's the big boss at work and isn't used to not getting his way. He wants to pretend it never happened, whereas I would like to talk more about it because I see it as a positive thing.3) Does every couple look each other in the eyes when having sex? Or does that just happen in the movies? I can look at my husband for a moment, but usually I want to focus on all the other senses. Plus, I worry my face looks weird. We have great sex, and although my husband looks at me a lot, it doesn't bother him if I keep my eyes closed. Any tips on how to have longer eye contact and enjoy it? Is there any science related to eye contact during sex?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I get on well with my boss, but don't find him attractive in any way. The other night, I had an extremely hot explicit dream about him, and it's made me feel uncomfortable. Does it mean I secretly want to sleep with him? I often have odd sex dreams. Can you stop yourself from having them?2) I've just started a new relationship and I'm nervous he's not that into me sexually. We've only been together three months, and he sometimes struggles to get an erection—and often loses it when he goes down on me. We're both young—early 20s. Shouldn't he be up for it and hard as a rock at this age and stage? I've asked him about it, and he swears he finds me really attractive and says he's always like that at the start.3) I'm about to leave my boyfriend for a month to spend time with my family and am worried about how to keep each other sexually satisfied in the meantime. We're quite good having phone and video sex (we both travel quite a bit), but a month is a long time. Do you have any tips or tricks to keep it all interesting for such a long period?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I am a straight man and have had a few long-term relationships in my life. Although I enjoy sex, I never ejaculate during intercourse. I am now 50. I can orgasm with intense fantasy and oral sex, but never during penetration. I have read about sensate focus, but are there other options? I am fit and healthy and have no problems ejaculating while masturbating.2) My wife has put on a lot of weight and I'm simply not attracted to her anymore. I'm struggling to get an erection when she initiates sex, and rarely initiate myself. I still love her very much, but this is clearly a problem. How do I deal with this? She keeps asking me if I think she is fat and I keep saying no, but she's probably twice the size she was when we first met.3) I always thought my oral sex skills were second to none, but it's clear my new partner isn't impressed. I know I'm being childish, but I feel hurt. Why did it work on everyone but him? And what do I do now? I only know one way.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend and I seem to be going through a ‘dry spell.' We haven't had sex for about three months, and we used to have it weekly. Neither of us have talked about it and I feel like it's becoming the elephant in the room. Life has been busy lately and I guess we just got out of the habit. How do we get back on track?2) What's your view on sharing sex fantasies with your partner? I would like to tell my boyfriend of three months some of mine, but is it a bit too early in the relationship? I've never shared a fantasy before, but think he could be open to it.3) I'd like to spank my partner but how do I suggest it and what do I do? Any tips would be much appreciated. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I have some questions for each of you, rather than one of my own. Tracey, you're always talking about the right things to do in bed but what about the wrong things? What are the top three things both of you would never do In bed? 2) What do penis sleeves feel like for women during sex? Do they feel realistic? We have been using them for years, mainly to help with my premature ejaculation during penetration. I would happily wear one every time for sex, but not sure if that's something she would enjoy. Also, are they meant to be used to delay orgasm or to increase penis size?3) I asked my wife to say mean things to me in bed – ridicule me about my exes, my penis size, my stamina. Now I struggle to get turned on without her doing it. If she's nice to me or shows that I am satisfying her, my orgasm isn't half as satisfying. What is it about humiliation that makes men like me enjoy it so much?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a 50-year-old woman and new to sex toys. I've tried a few Rabbit vibrators and find them all much too powerful and rough. Can you recommend something with a smaller, more gentle style? They all seem to advertise power as a plus, but for me it's awful! 2) I'm a 37 and have never had an orgasm (by myself or with a partner). My sex drive is low, but my husband is great at oral and he's gotten me closer to an orgasm than anyone ever has. But I don't want to spend 40 minutes with him going down on me—even though he's happy to—so I encourage him to switch to penetration and once he orgasms, I'm done. He'd like to go straight on to round two and continue having sex for ages. I know it's about the journey, and not the destination. But if you don't use an orgasm as a marker, how do you know when to end sex? How do I stop never-ending foreplay or extensive penetrative sessions without saying something hurtful like, ‘I'm bored' or ‘This isn't interesting enough to keep me from wanting to go to sleep'?3) I'm a 38-year-old straight man and nervous about dating after leaving a long-term relationship. I wouldn't say I've let myself go, but my body isn't what it was. And it's certainly not what I see on Instagram or mens' profiles in dating apps. I haven't slept with anyone other than my girlfriend in 15 years and am worried I won't measure up to this new body ideal. Am I being paranoid, or have the rules changed? To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Why do women need different things to orgasm each time? Just when I think I've got it all figured out and found the spot that makes my wife orgasm, she moves the goalposts. It seems to change every time. Is this true, or am I imagining it? 2) Which feels better for women: a short, fat penis or a long, thin one? I am tall and have a long, thin one but I'm never sure whether to feel smug when people talk about big penises. Mine is long in length, but not impressive in width. I haven't had any complaints, but most of my exes are too polite to say anything. 3) Why do most men stay silent during sex? Very few of the men I have been with talk dirty or moan. Is it to do with confidence? Do they feel silly making noise? Is this a ‘thing' or just the men I've slept with?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My question is about ‘face sitting'. My husband has asked me to try this with him, which I'm more than happy to do. But would like to know a bit more about it—especially because I'm a bigger girl and don't want to hurt him. 2) My girlfriend doesn't love giving BJs, but will do so on occasion. If she doesn't enjoy them, it's not fun for either of us, and if that's the case, that's just the way it is. But do you have any tips on getting her to enjoy them that might make a difference?3) My husband loves positions where he can penetrate deep inside me, but sometimes that's painful for me. Is there anything we can do to stop it from hurting, but still make it fun for him?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I didn't start having good sex until my early 30s, and within a few months of dating I started squirting. Now, it's a ridiculous amount. I can't have sex anywhere except on a waterproof mattress cover or blanket. Sometimes just kissing my partner makes me gush slightly which can be uncomfortable if I can't immediately change underwear. We were hooking up in the kitchen the other day and I made a decent size puddle on the floor. Is there a way to lessen the amount of gushing or turn it off? 2) On Valentine's Day, I gave my wife a gift—a clitoral suction toy. She enjoyed it so much that every time we have sex, she uses it. At first, I enjoyed it too (and my hands didn't get as tired), but now I'm starting to worry. Will I become less attractive to her? Will we ever have sex without toys? Is sex with me boring or not as pleasurable? How should I deal with this?3) I'm a married man in a loving relationship and enjoying great sex with my wife. Over time, I've realized that I'm also attracted to men, though I've never fallen in love with one. I've been exploring my sexuality privately, but I'm unsure how to navigate this while being committed to my marriage. I'm still very attracted to my wife and don't want to lie to her, but I also want to keep our marriage alive. Do you know anyone else who has been in a similar situation? How did they approach it, and what advice do you have for exploring bisexuality in a way that respects your partner and relationship?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My wife and I, both in our late 30s, have always enjoyed an adventurous sex life. She's always watched porn, which leaves me cold but never bothered me. But now she wants to watch it together. I really don't want to, and it's causing arguments. She thinks I'm ‘weird' and says I'm probably the only man in the world who would say no to this request.2) I'm really into having my nipples bitten HARD, but find men are nervous about doing this. How can I convince them it doesn't hurt me? It's the one sure way to push myself into orgasm if I'm having problems getting there. 3) I want to ask my new girlfriend to give me an orgasm via prostate massage using a sex toy or her finger. A previous partner did this, and it was the most intense, deep orgasm I have ever experienced. I'm nervous to suggest it in case she thinks it's dirty. When should I bring it up and how?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I've been listening to your podcast since the beginning and my question is similar to other male listeners: I'm 51, my wife is 55, and we've been married for 20 years. We have four kids in their older teens. Our sex life has been virtually non-existent for at least six years, and we have had no sex at all in the last year. We don't even sleep in same bed anymore. We tried therapy and that didn't work. My wife suffers from migraines and insomnia. I try to be empathetic, but I'm getting frustrated. Time is running out for us and I don't want to be in a sexless marriage for the rest of our lives. I love my wife and our family, but I'm a virile man. What can I do?2) What's the etiquette when you surprise your partner as they are masturbating? This happened to me last week. Do you creep out hoping they didn't see you (sadly they did)? Do you apologize briefly and leave them to it? If you do, what do you say when you see them next? Acknowledge the act or simply make no comment at all? Do you offer a hand or join in? I was utterly lost for words. We both masturbate on our own every now and then, but have never come across the other in the act itself. I'd be so interested to get your take.3) What do you do if you're on the verge on an orgasm but can't seem to get over the hump? I'm a 26-year-old straight woman.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend's idea of perfect sex is both of us having orgasms as quickly as possible. Skip the foreplay, get naked, apply the lube, and get straight into intercourse. My idea of perfect sex is a bit of flirting, undressing each other, making her climax a few times during foreplay, then penetration in as many different positions as we can manage until we're both fully satisfied. Any suggestions for some sort of compromise?2) My friend is Indian and had an arranged marriage. She was a virgin at 34 when she got married, even though she's sexually educated and masturbates. I was dreading the worst, but her marriage is happier—sexually and relationship-wise—than any other marriage in our friend group. Is there any evidence that having lots of casual sex doesn't necessarily make you happier long-term?3) My husband and I are in our 40s and have been married 20 years. We're madly in love and still have sex at least three times a week. My husband has a VERY high sex drive and this is the compromise we have settled on because more than three times is too much for me and less for him is unthinkable. We have three kids, I work a high-pressure job, and I do the kids' and home responsibilities. I think he should look after himself by masturbating, but he can't masturbate to completion. He says it's a psychological thing: it makes him feel unloved, unwanted, and unattractive. I'm so tired of this being a strain on our marriage. I've suggested therapy, but he says he can't talk about such sensitive stuff with a stranger.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) After years of having really good sex, my partner is now avoiding it. He's 48. You always say if a man over 40 suddenly goes off sex, he's having erection problems. I think you're right because the last few times we did attempt sex, he couldn't get hard. The thing is, we're good at having sex, but not so good at talking about it. I have no idea of how to address the issue. Can you help?2) Our sex life is good, but we only ever do it doggy style or missionary. To be honest, we were quite happy with just doing those positions because the relationship was new. Now, we're two years in and we're thinking we should try something new. We're not interested in difficult, show-off positions like up against a wall, so keep it simple please!3) I'm a 34-year-old straight guy and in a relationship that I'd describe as 'okay.' I've been with my girlfriend for three years. Sometimes, we have a great time together and I think how much I love her. But when we argue—which is often—it feels very much like I should end it. I've been wrestling with this stay or leave decision for about a year now. Any clues to help me decide?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner of four years is quite strange sexually. He seems to quite enjoy sex when I make the first move, but never initiates otherwise. He performs oral sex, but only if I insist and I can tell he doesn't really like it. I thought he might be struggling with his sexuality and trying to force himself to be straight when he's really gay, but he assures me that's not the case. He tells me detailed stories about the great sex he's had with women in the past—I think to convince me he isn't gay—but that just makes me feel worse. Why isn't he interested in having fun, adventurous sex with me? My self-esteem is being eroded and I'm not sure what to do.2) My wife has very large breasts and I'm not ashamed to say, they were the main reason why I was so attracted to her. She's always found them a problem and has booked to get a breast reduction. She's 40. I understand that they hurt her back and she's tired of men looking at them, but I'm nervous. What if I don't find her attractive with normal size breasts? I know this sounds selfish, but I have always been a breast man and I've never been out with a woman who doesn't have big breasts.3) I'm a 43-year-old woman and I have two young children (aged two and four). I've always loved sex and made resuming sex after childbirth a priority. My problem is my orgasms aren't as strong as they used to be. I used to orgasm hard—and loud! But now all I feel is a much weaker contraction. Will they ever return to normal? To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a 50-year-old man from Amsterdam and a loyal listener to your podcast. I'm married to a wonderful 48-year-old woman, and our love and sex life is good. However, my wife has recently started worrying a lot about menopause and its effects on her body and sex drive. Could you discuss this topic?2) My boyfriend and I became polyamorous six months ago. He said he loves me and wants to be with me, but hadn't had his share of casual sex. I've had more sexual partners than he has, and he feels he missed out. We're in our early 30s and plan on having kids soon. He's had four casual sexual relationships since we opened up our relationship which has made him happy, but me miserable. I thought I could handle non-monogamy, but I hate it. What should I do now?3) I'm a 21-year-old straight man and terrified of sexual situations and not being able to perform. How do I fix this before I have sex so I can do a decent job?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm recently back in the dating game and wondering if there are generally accepted definitions of vanilla/non-vanilla? So far, I've ducked all the likes from guys who describe themselves as 'non-vanilla' in case I disappoint. I'm late 50s cis female heterosexual, I love sex, and have a very healthy libido. I'm very comfortable about my body, love having sex outside, and enjoy oral and anal (including anal sex and pegging if it excites a partner). I'm into lots of toy play, sharing porn, or making home porn. I'm comfortable masturbating with or in front of a partner and occasionally enjoy light bondage. But I'm monogamous and have never had any interest in bringing other people into play. I've also never felt any urge to explore anything more BDSM than the light bondage. Am I vanilla or non-vanilla?2) I found some flirty messages on my wife's phone and think she is having an emotional affair. I challenged her about it and she said she'd stop. But how do I keep calm and bring back trust, knowing she meets the same person daily? Is messaging a red flag that a real affair is about to happen? Shall I wait and see, ignore her, or do the same so she becomes jealous?3) I have found a great guy. He's kind, caring, fun, adores me, and would be a great partner and father if we had kids. He's creative in the bedroom which is important to me and everything I've been looking for…but I don't feel satisfied after sex. We've been going out for 18 months. At the beginning, the sex wasn't great, but now he's learned what works. He gets really turned on by me, which turns me on. I enjoy the sex, but I don't get a sense of deep satisfaction. Does this mean the relationship is doomed if the spark isn't there?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner is very shy when it comes to talking about sex. He found a sex compatibility quiz which we took as a way to open communication between us and the results showed we're very in sync. In the quiz, he expressed interest in using a penis ring. But how do I know which one to buy, and what is the best way to use it? We're a hetero couple, both 30, healthy, and have sex twice a week. He doesn't have issues with stamina—sometimes quite the opposite (which makes him self-conscious). I'm worried if I get the wrong one, it will exacerbate that for him.2) My wife of 30 years says she'd like more romance when I initiate sex. But she's not a flower type of person. I know everyone's definition of romance is different, but do you have any suggestions for me?3) Can women have premature orgasms? I sometimes feel like I orgasm way too fast, and sex is over before I want it to be. I know I could aim for another, but I'm generally done after one orgasm. I have my orgasms through my girlfriend using her fingers on me or through oral sex. There's a lot of information about men having orgasms before they're ready, but I can't find anything on women. I'm 26 and lesbian.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I split with my husband of 14 years and my divorce has just come through. I'm a combination of nervous and excited. The marriage wasn't bad, it was just boring and the sex was never good or satisfying. I'm now ready to get out there and start dating again, but I'm nervous about sex. Any tips on how to ease back into it? I'm 46.2) I love my wife but I have just finished a work affair that lasted two months. I didn't finish it, she did. The affair was just sex—she chased me, rather than me making the moves—so I guess you would call it an opportunistic affair. I'll miss the sex, but I'm glad it's over and I am praying my wife will never find out. What concerns me though is how easy I found it to cheat. Is this a male thing? It meant nothing to me, but I know my wife sure as hell wouldn't view it that way. I feel ashamed now that it's over, but I didn't while I was having it. Does this mean I will do it again?3) How do I stay in the moment during sex? I am so easily distracted, half the time I forget I'm actually having sex. I drift off into my own world, thinking about things I have to do or things I want to buy.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Even when I've had plenty of foreplay and I'm certain I'm turned on, when my partner first enters me it's like he's stuck for a moment. It's like my vagina won't let him in. He's able to ease in after a few seconds and intercourse is great after that. It doesn't hurt, but I find it a bit awkward and confusing because I'm not sure what's going on. It's like he's hitting a wall. Do you have any thoughts? This has happened with multiple people, so the problem is clearly me. I'm 30.2) I've been with my partner for 12 years and our sex life is pretty good, but we don't do it that frequently. Twice a month is all we manage. A friend passed on an old book called 365 Nights where a couple has sex every single day to revamp their sex life. They had sex no matter what. It's a very interesting read, and I'm tempted to give it a go. Maybe not every day, but every second day. Good or bad idea?3) My partner won't have sex unless she has a shower first. I'm all for hygiene, but I like the smell of her before she's showered, not after. Then I can smell when she's aroused—she gives off a scent that really turns me on. Post-shower she smells of nothing. I've told her this, but she still insists on doing it. How can I change her mind?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My girlfriend and I went through a period of not having sex—we were so busy it got forgotten about. We made a point of having sex every Friday night—and now it's stuck. We now ONLY have sex on Friday nights. She really likes this arrangement, but I hate having sex on a schedule. How can I make her more spontaneous?2) I am way more adventurous than my wife of many years and sex has become difficult for her lately (mostly due to painful sex). She knows my needs aren't being met and told me she'd be OK if I had ‘mindless sex' with someone else, provided there was no emotional attachment. She said there would be ground rules—it can't be with anyone we know, she doesn't want to hear or know about it, and I must practice safe sex. So, what should I do? Accept what is a genuine and, I believe, truly loving offer, or turn it down? At my age (I'm in my 60s) I feel it's now or never. That sexually adventurous side of me has never been explored before, which I think is a bit sad. Any thoughts would be appreciated greatly.3) I'm a 37-year-old straight man and I've always loved sex, but find I'm losing my appetite. During lockdown, my wife and I worked from home. I still work from home—and it's killed my sex drive. I'm bored and I masturbate too much to porn to relieve the boredom. I know that's part of the problem, but I've lost all motivation to shake myself out of this. I can't be the only person feeling like this.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I've lost a lot of weight using Ozempic and am delighted with how my body looks. I feel brand new and—at last—sexy and desirable. After years of complaining that I never initiate sex and accusing me of not even liking sex, I thought my husband would be pleased with my newfound confidence. I'm now super keen to try new things and have sex more often. I thought he would be happy with all these changes, but he just seems nervous about it all. He says he finds it "weird" that I'm the one now wanting sex. I'm confused and hurt.2) I'm a 27-year-old man and very much in love with my girlfriend of five years. Even though I'm essentially straight, I've always wanted to experiment sexually with another man. I have no desire to live as a gay man—I'm just curious what it would be like to sleep with one. I find it unfair that bi-curiosity is encouraged with women but not with men. My girlfriend has no idea I feel this way. I want to tell her and ask if we could explore this somehow, but I don't want to lose her.3) I'm 46 and it's finally dawned on me that, as much as I love sex, I don't love sex in long-term relationships. I enjoy the power sex gives me over men. I love the game you both play at the start, and the moment when you first, finally, consummate all that pent-up lust. The first two months are fantastic but then, quickly, I lose interest in sex with that person completely. I kept searching for that magic person or relationship when the switch wouldn't go off, but it's never happened and never will happen. My question now is: what are my options? I can't be the only one who feels like this. What do other people do?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner makes strange noises during sex and it really puts me off. It's like a whimpering noise—it sounds exactly like the noise my dog makes when I've locked her outside. I nearly burst out laughing the first time I heard it, now it's just a turnoff. We're four months into the relationship. How do I bring this up?2) I have (finally) met a great guy and the sex is good—he definitely gets me hot and bothered—but I can't feel him inside of me. It's the ‘Is it in yet?' thing. His penis is on the small side, but I don't think it's that small. Any ideas on why this might be happening and how to improve things?3) I'm newly divorced and hopeful I will meet someone new. My issue is my kids. They love their father and didn't want us to divorce (we have a boy aged nine and a girl aged 12). My question is what do I tell my kids when I meet someone? When should they meet him? Can he ever stay over? What if it's just a fling and I don't want them to meet him? Do I still let them know something is happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I think my partner is faking orgasm because when he ejaculates, no semen comes out. The first time it happened, I asked him why there wasn't much stuff. He said he didn't know why and walked off. Since then, it happens now and then. I don't say anything because I don't want to embarrass him. Why would he fake it? Do men fake it? Is there another reason why this is happening?2) I recently discovered my husband of 22 years has a fake vagina sex toy and it's freaked me out. We're both open and adventurous with sex, so why would he need such a thing? It's shaped like a woman's bottom and has a hole for the anus and vagina. It's ribbed inside, so he obviously puts his penis inside and masturbates into it. I'm not against sex toys—he used to own a Fleshlight—but I find this disturbing and somehow degrading to women. He's hidden it from me, so obviously feels embarrassed as well. Should I tell him I've found it?3) I'm a 27-year-old female who is interested in exploring with the same sex. The issue I have is that I only seem to be able to orgasm using a vibrator, and the thought of giving oral sex/hand sex to another woman makes me anxious. If I can't pleasure myself this way, how can I expect to pleasure someone else? Men seem so much easier to please, and there's an obvious end point because they ejaculate. Any tips or advice to calm the nerves would be much appreciated.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I love watching BDSM porn and have a masochistic kink. My wife enjoys sex, but is pretty conservative in what she likes. I've told her I'd quite enjoy being tied up or spanked and she looked shocked, so I didn't pursue it. How do I let her know I'd really like her to indulge me a little during sex without her thinking I'm perverted?2) My husband and I have been together since college, married 37 years—and I absolutely adore him. A few years ago, he went through what appeared to be a mid-life crisis. He spent a lot of time in bars chatting up the cute, young bartenders and waitresses and looking them up online. He also went to strip clubs and lied to me about what he was doing. I was crushed, but we went to couples therapy and things are so much better. The problem is me. How do I trust again, move on, and stop obsessing? He says he was drinking too much, hanging out with the wrong people, and is very ashamed, embarrassed, and sorry. But when I ask him more probing questions about it, he completely shuts down. He will go to his grave with what happened, and I worry it was bad. But does it even matter? We are in such a good place now and we have a wonderful life. I need to forgive, forget, and move on, but I can't. I've seen a therapist on my own and feel it isn't really helping.3) Sometimes, when I'm having sex, I'm really up for it and aroused, but then lose arousal just before an orgasm can happen. I miss the moment. It's frustrating. Why does this happen, and how can I stop it happening?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner of four years has a friend who has opened up their relationship after having been married for nine years. Apparently, it's working well. They have ‘sex only' relationships, stick to some rules, and say it's made them love each other more and enjoy sex more. My partner is intrigued by the idea and asked if I would be open to trying it. I can see the appeal, but it's not something I am interested in at all. I was devastated when he suggested it, but not surprised. I handled it well and simply told him I needed time, even though inside I felt like I was dying. I don't want to do this, but I don't want to lose him either. How do I handle it?2) I'm a 35-year-old straight man and actively sexual with multiple partners. Giving my partner oral sex is something I do without thinking. I can't imagine having sex without it because the pleasure goes both ways. But I have recently been made aware that there is a link between oral sex and throat or mouth cancer for men with lots of partners. Is this media hype? Should I stop having oral sex just in case?3) A friend of mine can't orgasm no matter what she tries. I orgasm very easily and have told her all the things that help me, like using a vibrator, reading a book with a hot sex scene in it, and getting my boyfriend to give me oral sex. No matter what she tries nothing happens, and this has been going on for years. I feel so sorry for her. Can every woman orgasm? Could it be that she's never going to have one? I don't know else to suggest.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My partner's favorite position is doggy-style in front of a mirror. I hate sex from behind—I like face-to-face positions so we can kiss. I also hate watching myself naked because I focus on all that's wrong with my body and can't enjoy myself. My partner knows this, but I also know it's his favorite thing and don't want to deny him. Any tips on how to keep both of us happy?2) I am in my 50s and have completely lost my libido. I thought when I started HRT this would resolve, but it hasn't. I've tried several different types, but to no avail. I have a stressful life working shifts and I'm also doing a demanding academic course part-time. My husband of seven years equates sex with love and is really fed up as I never initiate sex and we don't kiss much. I have contacted my doctor, but they have done nothing to help. Please help, as I'm scared my husband will walk away.3) My new boyfriend is uncircumcised and this is totally new for me. Any tips on how to give a hand-job and oral sex to a man who has a foreskin? Because it's early days, we're using condoms and practicing safe sex. I'm also struggling to get the condom on—and for it to stay on. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) When I first got together with my partner of four years, we had lots of fun tying each other up. That stopped about a year ago and I really miss it, so I asked if we could incorporate it back into our lovemaking. The very same night, I walked into the bedroom ready for bed—not even slightly in the mood for sex—and there was a tie on the bed. I asked him what it was for, and he said to tie me up. I was in my dressing gown, listening to a podcast, slippers on—how could he not see that was not the time? I told him his timing was off and felt annoyed that he didn't get that. I don't want this to be a box that he's ticked—I want it to happen naturally, when we're both really turned on and in the mood. It's now been two months and he hasn't initiated any tie-up sessions since. I don't understand why, when I was very clear in what I wanted. Why doesn't he want to please me?2) My husband and I have sex once every two months. We have two young kids, so that seemed about right to me. Recently, I used his computer and looked at his history and was quite shocked to see he'd been watching porn earlier that day while I was out. I'd be happy to have sex more often and feel insulted he'd prefer to masturbate to porn than have sex with me. Why didn't he ask? Should I confront him about this? I feel quite hurt.3) I'm a 29-year-old female and I have a hard time orgasming. I've done a lot of research and listened to many of your podcasts. I've bought the toys, my partner is patient and generous—there is no good reason I shouldn't be successful! When I am able to orgasm, I have to tighten the muscles in my legs and lower abdomen. I also hold my breath. I read online that this is called a ‘tension orgasm' and that the best fix is to relearn the way I orgasm. I've tried, but the sensation won't even begin to build unless my legs are flexed. I can vibrate, stroke for an hour or more and never feel an ounce of arousal. What gives?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I feel like your inbox for this podcast is full of questions like mine. I've been married for 26 years, and our sex life quietly died about 10 years ago. I've been listening to you both and I know this is normal. What I want to find out is if my wife misses our sex, or if she is happy with not having it? We're best friends and still sleep naked, we just never initiate sex. We've never talked about sex before, even though we both enjoyed it in the past. How do I start the conversation after all this time?2) I'm a 36-year-old man and have just gone through a particularly nasty breakup with my girlfriend of 10 years. I'm not interested in having another relationship for a LONG time, if ever, but I do miss sex. I have a group of close friends, and one of them has intimated she'd be up for a friends-with-benefits arrangement. Seems like a good idea to me. What do you think?3) I hope you can help me because I think I must be a terrible lover. My long-term boyfriend just broke-up with me, and the main reason why was that he didn't enjoy having sex with me. He said I never once initiated sex and didn't ever seem to enjoy it. He knows I don't have much experience and am naturally shy, but said there was ‘lots of other stuff' as well (which he didn't elaborate on). It's stripped me of what little confidence I did have. How do you tell if you're good in bed? What do I have to do to become good in bed?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My husband and I are each other's first loves. We're now twenty years on, 10 years married with a child and I feel at a loss. Our sex life is robotic and boring, once or twice a month. Same foreplay, same position. I have repeatedly suggested trying new things, but it's always met with resistance, no willingness to talk or try anything. Frankly, he has no clue how to make me orgasm. I can count on one hand how many times that's happened. I have shown and guided him, he's just not interested. He expects oral sex, but has never and is not willing to give it. He's a great dad. I love him, but that is reducing all the time. Sometimes I dread it when he kisses me. Our child is growing up and less dependent. I'm entering mid-life in a loveless, sexless marriage. The appeal of meeting someone who would want to have more meaningful sex and experiment is huge. How on earth do we get a sex life and nearer to where I want it to be?2) I am a 28-year-old straight man and I orgasm so fast, it's humiliating. It's barely a minute between when I penetrate and orgasm. I'm so embarrassed I haven't had sex for six months. What can I do to overcome this? I've tried a delay spray and it did nothing.3) I love your podcast and you've encouraged me to try new things with my partner of four years. But it backfired on me. I thought he'd be impressed by my new trick (it was an oral sex technique) but it had the opposite effect to what I intended: he lost his erection! He seemed annoyed that I'd done something different than the norm rather than impressed. Why? I'm completely demoralized and annoyed with him, and now don't feel like making an effort at all.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I love sex and I love the feeling of orgasm, but I've never been able to have more than one. Are all women capable of multiple orgasms, and how can I increase my chances of having one?2) I'm a straight guy wanting to suggest a threesome with my wife of four years. She's really into sex and very adventurous, but I've never suggested anything like this or even asked if she's had one in the past. I have. I would love to see her with another woman, so it would be a male/female/female combination. Any suggestions on how to suggest this without causing issues? I feel very nervous about it.3) Love the podcast and am guessing you will both tell me to mind my own business, but I'm worried about my 24-year-old son. He doesn't seem to have any interest in getting a girlfriend or having casual sex. He knows I've had a colorful past (nice way of saying a lot of partners before I met his dad) and I've asked him why he isn't out there exploring. His answer was that he's not that intrigued by sex. After a bit of digging, he said he's scared by what's expected of him and not sure he wants the sex he sees on porn. I didn't ask outright, but I'm guessing he's a virgin. Is this normal? I can't imagine why a 24-year-old good-looking boy isn't interested in sex.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm wondering if I'm a little full on too early on when I go on dates. I love having deep, intense conversations and hate small talk. Some men seem to love it, but one guy recently told me I was a ‘bit heavy' and to ‘lighten up a bit.' What's your view on this?2) I was diagnosed with depression in my early 20s and have been on and off anti-depressants all my life. When I take the pills, I have no desire to have sex at all. When I do, it's not enjoyable: stimulation feels stunted and it's hard to reach a climax. My mood is better when I'm on them, but I feel I have to stop them for the sake of my relationship. My partner is very understanding, but it's not fair: we're only in our late 30s. I've been off them for three months this time and not noticed any return of my libido. Will it eventually come back?3) We're a straight couple in our early 40s. We'd both rate our sex life as good, but we are a bit lazy and don't try new things very often. Maybe we aren't terribly imaginative. Any suggestions on what to try? Also, how often should you try something new?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I have my best orgasms using my wand vibrator. My old boyfriend didn't have an issue with using it in bed with us (though he was the first man I've ever used it with). Now, I'm with someone new—about two months in—and want to bring it up. Any hints on what to say? My previous boyfriend was the one to suggest it last time.2) I've been to hell and back in my marriage. My partner confessed to having a three-month affair with a woman at his work. We've been to therapy and have decided to work through it, but we haven't had sex since I found out about her. Anytime I get a sexual thought, an image of him with her squashes it. That's all I see: him with someone else. How do I get past this and enjoy sex again?3) I love 69ers but I often end up unsatisfied. Seems to me like one person always misses out—usually me! My partner is more interested with what I'm doing to him and loses interest in stimulating me. It can also be uncomfortable. Any suggestions on how to make 69ers a bit more satisfying?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I want to stop taking the Pill because it doesn't agree with me. I've tried taking different types and I'm not suitable for a coil, so the obvious alternative is for my partner to wear condoms. I don't mind condoms, but he can't stand them and is making a huge deal of it. He says he'd rather not have sex than have sex using one. We now haven't had sex for two months and neither of us are budging. I've been responsible for our contraception for the last 15 years, why can't he see how selfish he's being?2) Since nursing my first baby, I haven't been able to experience my breasts as sexual. I'm now divorced and have a second child who is two years old. I'm seeing someone and want to get sexual, but I still have this block with my breasts. I really used to enjoy having breast play, now they feel like they have a different (utilitarian) job. I associate them with feeding my babies, and I don't know how to switch back. How do I get past this? How do I feel sexual again?3) Tracey, I know you are porn-positive but I wanted to check if my porn viewing habits are normal. I'm a straight women and while I have nothing against women having sex with women, I have no desire to do it in real life. Yet, I almost exclusively watch lesbian porn. I asked one other female friend and she said that's what she watches as well. Is this usual?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm 40 and out here dating men again after an amicable divorce. I've been using dating apps and hooked up with two guys using them. I ended up having sex with both men, even though I didn't really want to. I'm not quite sure how the dating apps work: are you obliged to have sex if you meet up with someone through them? Should I tell the guy beforehand that I might not be up for sex and just want to hang out? In both cases, it felt like sex was what we were both meeting up for and I went through with it because I didn't want to look stupid—like I didn't know the score. It felt kind of rude not to. I didn't feel great afterward, and I don't want a repeat but I do know I probably need to use the apps to meet someone. Help! What are the rules?2) I have a weird, disturbing sexual fantasy that I play in my head to make me orgasm when I masturbate. It never fails to get me going—but I hate that it does. Is it possible to reset your sexual fantasies? I don't understand why something that repulses me when I'm not turned on, arouses me sexually?3) For the last few weeks, I've been having dreams about my husband being unfaithful. They're so powerful and real, I wake up feeling hurt and furious with him. Even when I realize it's just a dream, the anger and resentment stays. It hovers for days at a time. He's never been unfaithful in real life, but these dreams persist. I wonder if it's my subconscious telling me something. Should I be worried he really is about to cheat? I haven't mentioned anything to him yet because it seems silly, but he's noticed that I'm a bit off with him. To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm a recovering alcoholic and up until 49, had never had sex sober. I'm now in a relationship (been together three years) and overall, we are both happy. The problem is we are very different types when it comes to sex. He is adventurous, I'm not (since I've been sober). He's talked before about how good sex was with his ex-partners (they did anal play and more). I now dread having sex because I think he is bored. I was open to role-play but after several attempts (which I thought went well), it seems to have died a quick death. I don't mind giving him a BJ, but he says I don't get it right. Last night, we were chatting about life's ups and downs, and I asked him if I disappointed him and he reluctantly said, yes, in bed. I don't want us to split up over this as I can't see life without him, but I don't know how to handle it anymore.2) My partner uses Viagra to make his erections stronger and I'm keen to try it. I've read some online stories of women who claim it makes sex feel better—as in they felt like it more. Is it safe, and what should I expect if I do try it?3) I'm a 33-year-old straight woman and in a new relationship. I'm loving this guy out of bed, but not in it. There's nothing wrong with his lovemaking skills, but he is obsessed with my orgasms. When he's giving me oral sex or using his fingers on me, he spends the whole time asking if he's doing it right and whether I'm going to come yet. Needless to say, I often don't with all this interruption. When I don't orgasm (I gave up faking years ago), he gets paranoid. Questions me about what he did wrong and how can he make sure he gets it right next time. I suppose in one sense I should be pleased he cares, but it doesn't feel like this is about my pleasure, more his ego. How can I get him to stop?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years. Now that our children aren't babies anymore our sex life is being resurrected from the dead and better than ever. My husband has expressed an interest in me pegging him. I'll try anything once, especially since it's his hole and not mine. I'm writing to ask for pointers. What do I need to know? How can I make this more enjoyable for him? Tracey, do you have a book chapter on this? I'm so grateful this is anonymous!! I'm not willing to bring this up with my girlfriends.2) We've moved houses and made friends with our neighbors who are the same age as us (early 40s). Their bedroom is near ours and we can hear them having sex. We were quite happy with our sex life, but now feel boring. They have sex for ages and make a lot of noise. They haven't been together as long as us (15 years compared to their 2 years) but it's still making us feel uncomfortable.3) My husband of 20 years handed me his phone recently to look up information online while he was busy making dinner. While I was at it, I noticed that he's got the same period calendar installed as I have. Later, I took a closer look and saw that it had information about my cycle. That's fine, but he also has been putting notes on the calendar about our sex life and his masturbation habits. He writes comments like if I had an orgasm or if I finished by masturbating and who initiated, and—rightly noted by him—it's almost always me. It's like he's bookkeeping our intimacy. This also revealed to me that he masturbates way more than I knew: about 15 times a month in addition to the days we have sex together (which is about once a week). I feel like I want to confront him with this, but I'm reluctant to do it because I'm not sure how I feel about it. This didn't strike me well, but now I'm not so sure. Isn't this creepy?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) Why can't my husband change the way he approaches me for sex? He gives me this look that makes me want to run away…it's primal, and it doesn't feel good. I want him to start by just holding me and listening to me, but he says that isn't what he wants at that time. Please help us with our communication!2) I'd love to know what you think of my situation. I've been with my partner for five years. We're a straight couple and in our late 30s. It took me a long time to find a partner, and I worry that I compromised too much in the end. We get on okay, but I don't feel passionate about him and I worry I am with him because it's lonely being single. Our relationship seems based more on friendship than love.3) You've talked a lot about women going off sex on this podcast, but I have the opposite issue. My long-term partner has completely lost interest in me sexually and we haven't had sex for three years. When I try to talk about it, he looks embarrassed and fobs me off and says he doesn't want to talk about it. I am in my late 40s and keep myself looking good. I feel humiliated that he doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore. All my other friends have husbands who hassle them for sex and I can't get mine to look at me naked.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I am having an emotional affair with one of my coworkers. I've been married for almost 10 years and although I know this isn't right, it's making me feel alive again. Every part of me wants to sleep with this man but I don't want to hurt my husband's feelings, and I don't want it to ruin my marriage. But I have a deep desire to have this experience. What is your advice? It seems like both choices will hurt.2) I'm dating a man with a small penis. It's not a problem for me because intercourse is my least favorite thing about sex, and I orgasm easily through oral sex. But I can tell he's paranoid about it and it's making me feel uncomfortable. It's the elephant in the room. I think he's desperate to talk about it but I'm not sure how to broach the topic. I can't just say, ‘Hey, so your penis is really small. Do you want to talk about that?'3) I enjoy having sex but not without having a glass of wine or cocktail before. I used to be able to get in the mood, but now I need to be a bit tipsy? Is this okay?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) You talk a lot about how most women have their orgasms through oral sex, but I've had more than one girlfriend push me away when I try to go down on her. They say they just aren't into it. Is this true, or are there other reasons they aren't telling me?2) I'm a 48-year-old woman and have been happily married for 12 years, but am feeling destabilized. I've made a new female friend, and I am more than a little obsessed with her husband. He is everything my husband isn't: good-looking, successful, sporty. My husband is a lovely man, but he doesn't tick any of these boxes. I'm now having sexual fantasies about this guy. It's making me feel miserable and I'm starting to avoid having sex with my husband.3) Can you tell me the difference between anal play and anal sex? I wish they would call it by something else because then I would be more interested in it. I hear about it all the time now, but I'm not even sure what anal play means.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A brand-new season of SexTok will return on February 14. In the meantime, enjoy some popular episodes from the archives.In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) After a few relationships in my twenties, I have enjoyed ten years of being (voluntarily) single, but am now looking to meet someone new. I'm keen for my next relationship to have open, honest communication around sex. I know it's easier to start as you mean to go on, so I'd like to ask when and how I can start to set this precedent?2) I'm a 42 year-old female and it has always taken me ages to orgasm; but, once I've had an orgasm I'm so sensitized I can't be touched...anywhere. As a result, I generally just fake it for my partner so he orgasms, and always feel unsatisfied. Is this normal, or is there something I can do to desensitize myself?3) I'm 46 and back dating after a messy divorce. I was married for 20 years and feeling a bit nervous about it all. My main concern is safe sex. I'm on the Pill so protected against pregnancy, but should I be using a condom? I didn't like using them in my 20s, but maybe they've changed now. What's the etiquette? Do I bring some with me? Should I suggest it, or wait for him to? How likely is it to catch anything later in life?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://sextokpod.com/anonymous-questionsWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I'm 36 and just started a relationship with a man I really like. He's more experienced than me—he's had lots of relationships, and I've only had two long-term relationships. Because of that, I tend to leave it up to him to initiate sex and take the lead in bed. He mentioned recently that it would be great if I was the one to suggest sex now and then. I want to do it, but I've never initiated sex before. Can you give me some practical suggestions?2) My partner and I love your show! You talk a lot about power games and how they can add excitement. We get the concept that one person is dominant and one submissive, but what do we actually do? Can you give us some scenarios of what we might try?3) My boyfriend is slim and I'm a generous size 16. I'm confident with my curves, though I have the odd day where I worry about being bigger than my boyfriend. He constantly tells me I am his ultimate fantasy and is always commenting on my curves and saying how sexy my body is. I just have to touch him and he gets hard. Should I be worried that I'm being fetishized for being bigger? My boyfriend has asked if I would stand in front of him while he pleasures himself. It feels strange not to be actively participating in his pleasure and just to stand in front naked. Is this normal?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) How do you have a cervical orgasm? I've heard Kelsey talk about it and I'm intrigued. How do you do it? It sounds quite full on and intense and I want to have one!2) I'm a 36-year-old straight woman and feel like I'm a boring lover. How can I be wilder in bed? I've done all the usual things—oral sex, different intercourse positions, hand jobs, BJs—but nothing beyond that. I don't even know what else there is to do! I'm so vanilla! Can you give me some ideas of what to try and how to get over the embarrassment I feel when trying out new things?3) I enjoy sex with my girlfriend but I don't like to lie and cuddle afterwards. It's not that I don't love her, I just feel irritable and anxious after I've had an orgasm. I'm not sure why. I've asked my male friends and it doesn't happen to them.To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:1) I thought I'd never have to stare at a strange ceiling again, but here I am: newly separated and back out there again. I had a healthy amount of sexual experience before my marriage, but I've slept with no one but my husband for 25 years (I'm 52). I'm a confident person, but the thought of sleeping with someone new terrifies me. Can you give me some dos and don'ts of first-time sex with a new lover to help me through? 2) I'm a 29-year-old straight man and I need your help Tracey! I don't think I am very good at giving women hand jobs. There's a distinct lack of enthusiasm, and they seem too eager to move onto other things. What could I be doing wrong? Do I go there too soon? Am I too rough? I ask if she's enjoying it, and most women say 'yes' even though I can tell they're lying.3) I'm sure you get this question every day: how do I make myself want sex more? Every guy I've been with wants sex more than me. I want to have a high libido, but, apart from at the beginning I don't think I do. Can I change that?To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelUWant a copy of Tracey's book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.