SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse

This podcast episode is about business. Specifically, My Business. And the fact that it’s not working. Warren Buffet is the third richest person in the world…he has owned and started businesses that have not worked.  Here is one of my favorite Warren Buffet quotes: “In a chronically leaking boat, energy devoted to changing vessels is more productive than energy devoted to patching leaks.”– Warren Buffett You know that I have changed my mind, changed my life, changed my name, changed my business and its name.  You know that my foundational belief is “If we don’t change, nothing changes.” I have hung on for several years in a chronically leaking boat. I’ve tried several stints of patching leaks to keep from sinking. Changing vessels is more productive for me now than patching leaks. I always considered the podcast, live videos, and articles to be my passion and a business.  The business part was coaching and creating paid classes and groups to support, inspire, and educate women who have escaped domestic abuse. Paid classes and groups have not been supported.  In spite of my efforts, this business is not viable. The cost to create what I offer for free is almost $1,000 a month.  I thought by this time I would generate enough income to at least break even.  That has not been the case.  The bottom line is that I can no longer justify staying in this chronically leaking boat. This is the final episode of SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse Podcast. Listen to the podcast to learn more about my decision to take the fork in the road. I do intend to continue building an online community. My focus will be on personal growth for women over 50.  Content and lessons will apply to creating our authentic lives after domestic abuse, but that will not be the primary focus. If you are a member of the open or secret SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse FB pages, or The Second 53 Years, and you’re interested in continuing to follow me, please like my personal page, Facebook Mickie Zada   I will continue posting content there. I appreciate the support I have received from this community.  As one of my coaches told me, the only thing consistent in Life is change.  It keeps us growing and moving forward.  I am open, ready, and willing to embrace whatever new venture Divine Intent is leading me into.  Choose to like my personal Facebook page and invite your friends to join that community, too. Join me in the next growth spurt…thank you for listening and for following me to Facebook Mickie Zada

My guest today is Jitka Bernardova.  Jitka grew up in the Czech Republic behind the Iron Curtain. Despite the confines of living in communism with very controlling parents, she was a very happy and active child. Her parents were very strict and she didn’t feel loved enough, so she was constantly seeking love from babies and animals. Jitka loved to play outside and take care of all the neighbors’ kids on the street.  She was so blinded by looking for love that she didn’t see the problems she was taking on when she married an alcoholic man at the age of 18. His drinking got better and then it got worse…then it got better, and then it got much worse. Jitka discovered it was not ONLY drinking that he was doing.  He was also cheating on her: Cheating with her friends!  To make matters worse, everyone knew (even her parents) and no one told her. That was emotionally devastating and it was the catalyst to motivate her to know she couldn’t live like that anymore.  Jitka divorced her husband after 24 years of marriage. Her kids were all grown up and on their own at that time. The divorce left her suddenly alone and not needed. Being the strong woman she is, Jitka didn’t look too far ahead: She chose to rebuild her life day by day.  She focused on herself, she focused on creating a life she wanted to live.  She began a well-planned program of walking on the beach, working out, adding a healthy diet, meditating, learning English, learning to drive and reading. She became a different person. she became stronger, happier and healthier than she had ever been. Reach out to Jitka at New Stronger Me

You never know the influence you have on someone’s life.  As you deal with your reality, feeling like you are drowning in emotions and responsibility, someone else’s view of you is that of inspiration, strength, and success. My cousin died last week.  She was a favorite cousin, my big sister by proxy.   She was the one I ran to when I left my abuser for the very first time. At that time, she was recently divorced, had emotional and financial responsibility for two young sons; she was a full-time Master’s Program student and worked full time.  Her life was on overload.  I’m sure she felt like she was at the end of her rope. Then I showed up. In crisis. To me, she was a savior.  A strong woman in charge of her life, moving forward on her dreams, dealing with responsibilities, and creating a safe, healthy life for herself and her sons. No matter how shattered your life may feel to you, to someone else you may be the exact inspiration another woman needs.  That’s what my cousin was for me.

People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt.  The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected.  Right? Why is that? Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing.  Even things they make up…using our words!  They convince us we are crazy.  They convince us we are the abusers!  They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire. You are not, and were not, crazy.  You were abused. Now it’s our choice to change our perspective, to accept that building our own safe, happy and authentic live is OUR responsibility.  The abuse was real.  We did not deserve it.  We did not ask for it or enjoy it.  Now it’s our choice to use that experience to grow, and to help ourselves and others heal.  

Laurel Anne Hill grew up in San Francisco, with more dreams of an adventure than good sense or money. Her close brushes with death, love of family, respect for honor and belief in a higher power influence her writing and life. Her early home life included a happy-drunk Grandfather and a mean-drunk Dad:  So mean and violent that she, her Mother, Grandmother, and brother often hid in the basement to escape his wrath. This life pattern, of course, set the stage for the first marriage to an abuser.  It also created fertile ground in her mind to create heroic female characters and alternate Universes.  At the age of 5, before she could read or write, she dictated stories to her older sister and used paper cut-outs as an illustration! Her journey through childhood violence and domestic emotional abuse led Laurel Anne to become a strong, creative, talented and honored author. Laurel Anne’s best-selling book, The Engine Woman’s Light, has won prestigious awards in the category of steampunk…which she explains is a fascinating alternative literary Universe.  Laurel Ann’s diverse life experience has inspired her creative mind in many ways, as you’ll discover in this podcast conversation. Learn more about Laurel Anne Hill at Laurel Anne Hill and on Facebook at Facebook: Laurel Hill Order her book on Amazon  Facebook: Laurel Hill

It was the lies and emotional abuse that lead my guest to research and discover that BOTH her Exs had extreme childhood trauma.  She said “This fact was something NOT taught in a triple Masters program in Psychology!” After 2 years of research, she discovered childhood trauma leads to emotional abuse and that made total sense, for her healing and the healing of her psychotherapy and coaching clients as well.   My guest is Riana Milne.  She is a certified, Global Life, Dating & Relationship Coach, a #1 best selling author, and podcast host. Because so many women want to know WHY things went so bad when they were great in the beginning, Riana has developed, and she presents for us, the TEN TRAUMAS that are experienced during childhood that affect an adult later in life and in their love relationships. Riana also offers 3 free gifts to listeners of SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse podcast. All are available on her website – www.RianaMilne.com 1) Free Life & Love Transformation Strategy Session  (a $500 value for Singles; a $1000 value for Couples); FREE when you mention this interview! 2) Free Chapter downloads of both her books; LIVE & LOVE Beyond Your Dreams. 3) Free eBook on this topic: found at – www.HavetheLoveYouDeserve.com

Her abusive marriage mirrored a made-for-TV movie.  Then she decided that God must see so much strength in her; she shifted her focus from victim to thriver. Kim Lyons describes domestic abuse as emotional terrorism and says what we all know to be true: If you haven’t lived it, you just don’t get it!  Thrivers are a sorority of sisterhood. (Not a sorority in which we want to be Members, but in a sisterhood of support, encouragement, and inspiration.) Now Kim works with people who want to harness their full power in life, with no limits!   Reach out to Kim and learn more about her on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/platinumkimmie  https://www.facebook.com/groups/hardcorebodybuildersfitnessfreaks/  or on Linked in at https://www.linkedin.com/in/strengthcoachkimmie/   "​"If you're working hard but not accomplishing your goal, you don't change the goal, you change the strategy!"​ ~Kim Lyons

Many of us can relate to Rena Romano’s statement that for many years, on the outside her life looked perfect.  She was a successful business woman, friends were envious, her Mother was proud. On the inside she was dying, a broken soul. Harboring a horrific secret since childhood, no one knew the pain she was suffering. Then she chose to become a Thriver: she created and embraced her truth that there is always an upside no matter what you’ve been through. In October 2009 Rena was a featured guest on the Oprah Winfrey Show where she shared her long-kept secret of childhood sexual abuse. She also is a TEDx speaker.  Her TEDx talk is titled “Healing Sexual Abuse can start with one word.”  You can watch her TEDx talk on YouTube. Learn more about Rena Romano and her program, The THRIVE Perspective, listen to her podcast and order her books, at www.RenaRomano.com

Raise your hand if you have you said this about your abuser: “How foolish I was.  I thought he was perfect.”?  My hand is up! Christine Cristina shares her story of shocking awareness of being undermined by a narcissist.  She sold her home and her business because he encouraged her to live the life he had created.  They decided to build a new home.  She chose to travel with him, to spend a lot of time on his boat, to give up her own life to embrace his. She was 60 years old.  She had never been married.  Her gorgeous gown was purchased and fitted.  Wedding invitations were in the mail.  Then, he called to say he was breaking up with her.  She was not the woman he thought she was.  (!!!!) Her life unraveled.  She spent four months on the floor crying.  She was suicidal.  She was Shattered. Christine is a thriver.  With support from friends and through her faith, she became Unstoppable, Unlimited, Unsinkable.  Shatterproof. Read more details about her unique experience in her book When Life Unravels.  Reach out to Christine at www.WhenLifeUnravels.com

A 90-day temporary order took two years to resolve…YEA!  I finally got 50/50 custody of my daughter! This conversation is not to discourage anyone.  It is to validate that right can eventually prevail, even in custody cases with abusive Dads. Amber went to court without an attorney and everything her abuser and his attorney told the Judge was believed.  Her abuser was given full custody of their daughter, then and there. The lies he told were that she was addicted to drugs and alcohol.  She was ordered to attend AA meetings.  He said he did not rape her; she liked rough sex.  She was ordered to seek sex therapy.  He and his lawyer convinced the court that she lived in her car.  She lived with friends.  She was encouraged to sign a 90-day temporary order, giving her abuser full custody of their daughter.  She was convinced it was the right thing to do.  Finally, after many court appearances, finally hiring an attorney who believed her, and two years of supervised visits with her daughter, Amber gained 50/50 custody.  Amazingly to me, Amber’s abuser fathered another child and he was given full-custody of that child, using the same tactics against that mother that he did with Amber.  It’s a story we hear over and over. Amber’s story gives hope that persistence and a good attorney can turn things around. Amber Elizabeth can be contacted on FaceBook and through her closed page supporting abused women, Breaking Free!  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1877914985844912/?epa=SEARCH_BOX  Ask to join her group.  

Jacqui Oh is a career teacher, student and vocalist who loves to ask questions, from dumb to inappropriate and often introspective.  Jacqui likes to have fun. She is passionate about education, diversity and culture.  All of those areas are addressed on her podcast, StartDis.  She is also a victim turned thriver of domestic abuse.  Her story in this interview is openly shared with heart-felt honesty and emotion. While Jacqui’s abusive relationship did not last many years, the trauma was tremendous.  They were young: late teens, early 20s.  They dated off and on for a couple of years. Controlling behavior led to threats of suicide and murder. Still she moved in with him, believing he would not be physically violent toward her. She was wrong. And, after living together for just 4 months, he burned their apartment to the ground!  Listen to and share this woman’s tremendous story. Learn more about Jacqui Oh on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/StartDis/

My guest just celebrated 10 years out of abuse…she created a Facebook video and titled it her “Survivor-versary”! A long hard road that began as a young child through abuse by her step-father, she was conditioned that being treated poorly was “normal”. My guest is author Melinda Kunst. At 17 Melinda moved into teen dating violence … like most of us, she ignored the red flags.   Now, she teaches teens and parents to pay attention to their daughters’ behaviors and words, to listen for control or abuse…she teaches teens not to ignore the red flags, like she did. Her teen violence boyfriend said he’d kill himself and/or her and her family if she left him…he was a bully.  She married him out of fear… When they were married, it looked good on the Outside; her friends thought she had married her ideal guy and that she was happy.  From the start, inside the marriage relationship, behind closed doors, her life was one of terror, rampant jealousy, and consistent, constant control by her husband. After she escaped, as part of her healing Journey, Melinda began writing a blog titled Hope When There Was None.  It’s now a Facebook page; check it out! https://www.facebook.com/hopewhentherewasnone/ Melinda Kunst is the author of two books Call Me Master and Awakening the Beauty of Life Without Abuse.  Both are available on Amazon.

My guest’s favorite quote is:  You can’t change where you have been, but you can change where you are GOING!! When she was in her 20′s, she thought she had met her soul mate, the love of her life. He was a very successful businessman who owned an advertising/direct mail business. They married and she soon became his right-arm partner in business. In September of 2001, The World Trade Center collapsed: their business income fell 90% that year. Her husband was able to choose retirement, she set out to work in corporate America and proudly made a name for myself. Sadly, her husband did not celebrate his wife’s success.  He displayed only jealousy, resentment, and arrogance.  His action toward her spiraled into verbal, physical and financial abuse. We all have choices!  She chose to escape, and became empowered to not only seek safe refuge and healing, she began surrounding herself with positive, outgoing and caring people. Angeline Mitchell’s favorite quote is from Michael Jordan: “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” She now inspires other survivors/thrivers by sharing her philosophy that when obstacles arise, embrace the challenge and celebrate the opportunity for change. Angeline is a firm believer that by doing so, you first empower yourself so that you can then empower others. Reach out to Angeline on her Facebook business page: Let’s Break the Silence.

Just you and your thoughts in the midnight hour:  What are you thinking about?  Can’t sleep because you worry, you’re still fearful, you’re wondering if you REALLY can make it on your own, were you really abused? Sheila Malloy-Hall talks about carrying the shame, pain and hurt of abuse, knowing these emotions are not who she is or who she was meant to be. Still the feelings kept her awake at night. Sheila is now an Empowerment Speaker, Advocate, Survivor Strategist, Best Selling Author, and she has moved from being a victim of abuse and domestic violence to the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of her life!    She shares her story of triumph and her healing journey to provoke, inform, restore and activate healing in others … from the inside out…and she encourages women to reach their highest level of internal fulfillment.   Sheila Malloy-Hall’s story shared in this podcast and her public speaking presentations encourage and empower professional women, who have been or are being exposed to abuse and domestic violence.  These include professional women who may appear to have it all together on the outside, but who may still be adversely affected on the inside by the trauma of abuse and domestic violence.  Learn more about Sheila on her Facebook page: Healing2Grace, Inc.  

Wouldn’t you love to have magic words to use when communicating with your narcissist…or any abuser?  My guest, Lindsey Ellison, tells you exactly what to say on this podcast and in her book by the same title, Magic Words.   Lindsey is an author, a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc.  She specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, navigate their divorce or break-up, and find happiness and peace. Originally stemming from her own personal experiences, Lindsey’s mission is to inspire you to make those amazing changes in your life to help you start over and find happiness. Lindsey shared much of her story of transformation after abuse as my podcast guest in March 2018. That very insightful discussion was titled “You are not the only one…you are not alone”.  Check it out. Today we are talking about her new book “Magic Words, How to get what you want from a Narcissist.” More information about Linsey, her online courses and her book can be found at https://lindseyellison.com/

How is it possible for this to be your most abundant year?  That’s what I wondered…then I thought about what “abundant” really means! Abundant is finances, of course.  And much more than that!  I discovered that this being my most abundant year included changing my perspective, releasing even more negative self-talk, recognizing and letting go of undermining beliefs tied to the Imposter Syndrome.  I spent the past few weeks changing my attitude and my energy.  This is my most abundant year.  Will it be yours, too? What does “abundant” mean to you?  Are you willing to step out of “Where you are” to move on to “Where you want to be”? This can be your most abundant year.  That is a choice, right? Listen to more podcasts, watch videos and read articles all created to inspire, encourage and empower thrivers of domestic abuse. www.SurviivngAbuseNetwrok.com

I easily and effortlessly smile!  Why?  Because smiling is the quickest way to increase positive energy. Several women in my Community have asked this week how to change their negative moods and attitudes…they were feeling sad, guilty, lonely, frustrated, angry, alone.   We all feel negative emotions now and then. Having left domestic abuse does not mean everything is good now…no more sad days, living in the past or fearful of the future.  Right?  We still carry all that negativity with us, in the recesses of our minds.  And it does surface from time to time. This podcast discusses and teaches The Smile Exercise.  It is simple and free.  Anyone can do it.  And, it will improve your attitude.  I learned this process years ago and still use it often. Test the theory…what have you got to lose (besides feeling sad, lost, alone, afraid?) For more information about thriving after domestic abuse, listen to podcasts, watch live videos and read articles on my website www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com  

There is a pervasive reality described and discussed by women who have lived in domestic abuse…it is generally only talked about after we leave.  We don’t want to accept the reality of our lives when we are still living in abuse. Here’s the one thing: You did not know you were an abused wife, significant other or girlfriend.  For months, years or decades you did not know, did not believe, did not accept that you were abused.  Your mind told you that you were the strong one, that you were Called to help your abuser live his life between the lines, that for whatever reason you were where you were supposed to be.  Right? Even after accepting that we were abused, it usually was months or years before we gained the strength, the support, the mindset, to leave.  We are used to believing our lies.  We still feel responsible for helping and supporting our misunderstood, angry-at-the-world abuser. The one thing you don’t know about living in domestic abuse is that most of us don’t allow our reality to enter our minds, our worlds.  Silence allows the epidemic of domestic abuse to grow, to thrive.  1 in 3 women in the U.S. experience domestic abuse at some time in their lives.  You were not alone.  You are not alone.  Listen to more podcasts, watch live videos and read articles at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com

As kids, we threw rocks into water to watch the ripples…I still do!  I like to see how far they will travel.  We know that ripples of light and sound travel into infinity. The same is true of what we say (sound) and the energy we release (light).  Our words and energy are felt and heard.  They affect objects they bump into…like our family members, co-workers, and friends. We are totally responsible for the ripples we send into the Universe and into our little space of life.  The question is not, will I make a difference in the world? The real question is, what kind of difference will I make? Purchase Looking Behind Closed Doors on Amazon https://amzn.to/2xmTJ9d Learn more at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com  

My guest’s Mission is to break the stigma of being abused by breaking her silence.  One of the realities that empowered her and that she teaches other victims of abuse is that your abuse was not about you.  It was about your abuser.  In our conversation, she shares that her former step father abused her physically, psychologically and sexually. He told her every single day, from the age of 2 til 12, that she was ugly, stupid, useless, worthless, and unlovable.  She believed him, not just because she heard the words for so long, but because that was what she saw unfolding all around her.  Every situation in her life seemed to be shouting, “He’s right!!!” Lisa Cybaniak is now an enthusiastic, high-energy, motivational speaker and success coach.   Now she has created a life of value and worth.  Now she has a family she adores, a home she cherishes, and a career she’s in love with.  Her life is centered around empowering survivors of abuse to find their personal purpose, to build the life they deserve. To learn more about Lisa and to join her online community, go to www.LifeLikeYouMeanIt.com On Facebook, her private group is The Life You Deserve.  You must ask to become a member of the private Facebook group.

When I decided to create my own name, I apprehensively told my grown, very conservative, son.  His response on the phone, when I invited he and his wife to dinner to talk about me choosing a new name:  “OH, this is gonna be good!” At dinner his response was “Mickie Zada?!  That sounds like a hippie name.” My answer to his concern: “Well, you know me as your Mom, as your Dad’s wife.  You don’t know “Me”… and I AM an old hippie!” Listen to this podcast to learn more about my motivation and reasoning. Go to my website to learn more about Mickie Zada, listen to other podcasts, watch live videos and read articles.  All this content is to inspire, educate, and encourage thrivers of domestic abuse to stay on their Paths, to create their own authentic lives…whether that includes changing your name, or not!  www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com Looking for your own personal coach?  I’m available and I offer various programs, from 3 months to a full year.  Contact me to schedule a complimentary 15-minute introductory session.  Messenger me on FaceBook or contact me through my website www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com

Dr. Wayne Dyer described life changing perception the best I’ve ever read:  When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change! Today you are at a milestone in your Life.  Today, choose to change the way you look at things. Doing the same things over and over, expecting different results is what? Some people say it’s insanity.  I say it’s a victim state of mind.  We can whine and cry, be angry and feel drained.  We can “wonder why” our lives are “like this” when others are happy, thriving and enjoying life.  Yet, we keep doing the same things: re-acting to stimuli in our lives, embracing the emotions of fear and re-acting in anger. Over and over and over.   Today you are at milestone in your Life.  This new thought is revolutionary:  YOU are in control of your life! You’ve come so far!  You left your abuser!!  You are a survivor, a victor not a victim.   You have the power to change your mind-set, change how you look at things, create the life you love.   No matter how long you’ve been out of abuse, these 3 steps will empower you to choose a new direction. Listen to more podcasts, watch live videos, read blog posts, and contact Mickie on her web page: www.survivingabusenetwork.com Join her online Facebook community at SHATTERPROOF Thriving After Domestic Abuse https://www.facebook.com/Shatterproof-Thriving-After-Domestic-Abuse-137284130241322/

Aimee Cabo’s life is a testament to the power of honesty, love, belief, faith and survival. At age 15, she was part of what the Miami media dubbed "The Case from Hell"—a sexual abuse case that pitted her parents against her and her sister. Beaten daily by her Mother, it’s no wonder she was attracted to abusive partners. To this day, Aimee credits her faith in God and the love of her support network for getting her through. Years later, she would need that same faith and love when her daughter was brutally beaten into a coma. Her daughter's against-the-odds recovery alone is enough to restore your faith, but set in the context of this incredible family's life, it is even more moving. Contact Aimee on Facebook at God is the Cure, which is also the name of her first book, available on Amazon and in bookstores across the Country.

Like the fact or not, each of us has a life pattern, some “program” deep in our brain that creates our attraction to abusers.  My lesson, my program, was “Anything the boys did was OK.”   Practically from the time my first brother was born (I was 15 months old), I was taught that males were granted more leigh way, were not held to the same levels of responsibility as girls and could do whatever they wanted to…while girls made excuses for their poor choices and negative behavior.  My parents did not program me and my sisters that way to cause us problems:  Our training was to protect our brothers, who had learning disabilities. Thus, the stage was set to continue my life as a co-dependent enabler of men’s damaging behavior toward me.  I stayed in domestic abuse for 34 years, always believing it was my Mission to keep my abuser between the lines. I was wrong.  It took many years and a lot of personal growth to embrace that Truth.  I was 53 and had allowed myself to be worn away. I was 53 when I embraced the fact that I didn’t know who I was, what I thought, what I wanted in life.  I did the work to change:  If we don’t change, nothing changes. Not only did I discover Me, I created my own name in which I anchored my new Being.  My Truth was finally set free, the culmination of which is this podcast and my business: Surviving Abuse Network

Traumatized by molestation when she was a youngster, raped when she was 18 and then choosing a violently abusive partner, Amber Elizabeth had a lot to overcome. But, overcome she did!  And now she is the leader of a group of women who also are dealing with the results and agony of moving forward in their lives after abuse. How has she made the transition from abused victim to thriving and vocal leader?  Self work…personal growth… and dedication to applying the lessons she learned. Contact Amber by friending her on Facebook.  Request to join her private page, Breaking Free:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1877914985844912/

Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany

After her third marriage spiraled into violence and ended in divorce, Beverly Wilkinson had an epiphany.  She realized the common denominator in her abusive relationships was herself!  She had a vision for a life of value, dignity and worth.  She also had the dogged persistence to see THAT life come to fruition. Born and raised on a cotton field in Mississippi, Beverly endured physical and emotional abuse through most of her developmental years.  In 1991 she escaped Mississippi, with 3 young children in tow.   They took a Greyhound bus to Seattle where she and her children were homeless for a while, living in a shelter until she could find permanent housing. Today Beverly is a speaker, blogger, author and storyteller!  She shares with us the challenges she faced, her 6-year process of changing her life and how she clung to and created the healthy, safe, joyful life she knew was her destiny. Beverly may be reached at: dressedupoutside@gmail.com Instagram:  dressedupoutside Facebook: dressed up on the outside, but messed up on the inside

As professional women we are strong in our careers as entrepreneurs, CEOs, attorneys and doctors; proficient, well-skilled women.  At work we live in our power. When we lived in abuse, that powerful person morphed into someone else.  The emotional, financial and physical abuse at home caused us to abandon our business power…we changed into someone else.  Someone our abuser created. Now that we are out of abuse, we have the option to create our authentic lives 24/7/365.  We have the choice to stay in that condo we created in Victimhood or ebb and flow into who we were created to be.  A strong woman in all phases of our lives. Professional women over 50 is a niche of domestic abuse that is underserved.  Much support and inspiration are available for younger women.  Those of us who are professional women, who are over 50 AND who lived in domestic abuse … we are overlooked. Mickie owned golf courses with her former husband.  She lived a privileged life.  She shares her experience and process in embracing her authentic self after leaving her abuser.  She was 53:  No longer a “spring chicken”. Her transformation and growth experiences are real and achievable. And, it continues! She is morphing her business from Surviving Abuse Network to Shatterproof Thriving After Domestic Abuse. Mickie shares ideas for you to live in your power, too…you’ve got this!

My guest is Rosie Aiello.  History is being made today on Surviving Abuse Podcast.  It’s the first time I’ve hosted two guests…and it’s the first time I’ve had the opportunity to gain the perspective of domestic abuse from a child who lived it.  Rosie is joined today by her daughter, Sunny.  Yes, she’s the daughter who plead with her Mom…”get me away from my abusive father.” Learn more at www.TheLoveisKindNetwork.com  

Abigail Manning is an Awareness Coach who speaks, writes, and conducts workshops on Authentic Health, which defines abuse as repeated mistreatment. Having experienced childhood abuse by both parents and domestic violence as an adult, she combines firs-hand experience with five years of intensive research on abuse and mental health.  With a light-hearted, empathetic approach, Abigail creates awareness and moves all forms of abuse out of the silent darkness where they start and thrive, into the colorful light of mainstream conversation. Learn more about Abigail at https://abigailgmanning.com

My guest escaped the abyss of abuse through pinpoints of light.  Her analogy is being in a pitch-black cave, when a tiny pinpoint of light is seen…and it grows…and leads us out of the darkness. It’s a perfect metaphor for our journey into, through and out of the abyss of abuse. My guest is April Tribe Giauque.  She is a Mother to nine children, an author, a teacher and a coach.  She also shares her amazing story of living in abuse, escaping with five children in tow, and creating a safe, happy, healthy life after her escape. The other person in April’s marriage was a huge surprise to me.  John was her abuser’s business partner.  He made family decisions and controlled all the money. Her husband talked with John on the phone.  He met John at work sites. “John” was her schizophrenic husband’s alter ego. Don’t miss this inspiring and insightful conversation.   Listeners may learn more about April at https://www.apriltribegiauque.com April’s book, Pinpoints of Light; Escaping the Abyss of Abuse is available on Amazon.

Feeling silly in this episode… a cute analogy of life being like popping popcorn. When we pop popcorn, we have to make decisions…timing of our decisions is important, or we’ll burn it, right? You’ve got to listen to the kernels pop, paying attention until the popping is far apart, and you have to stop the microwave before the popcorn burns. Just like life, we have to keep our eyes and ears open to the opportunities in front of us.  We have to be patient and time our decisions as best we can. Life is like a bag of popcorn…much more like life than I ever considered before!

Like many of us, Justine said a lot the early signs of abuse were just missed.  Her guy was her Russian tutor…he was exotic, charming, bright and caring. Those are the traits she chose to pay attention to.  She was a young college student, 19 and vulnerable. Justine Wentzell transformed from domestic abuser to an advocate for survivors.  Her book, Pocket Full of Dreams, is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=a+pocket+full+of+dreams .  Her You Tube Channel is called “Tea with Justine” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hJpc1GqaDk and it falls under her blog, “Love, Justine.” A busy woman, for sure.  High energy, enthusiastic about creating the life she loves, and helping inspire and encourage women on the path to healing and recovery from domestic abuse.  Meet Justine Wentzell.

  “Hello, I as Suzanna.  I’m too Emotional.  I’m also too Sensitive, too Needy.  I’m Incapable. Unqualified.  I’m Like a Sailor (if I cuss). Life a Virgin (when I play innocent). Like a Whore (when I play).  I’m often Mistaken and very often Wrong…unless I’m right, then I’m Out of Line.  Then I Have it Coming.” My guest is Suzanna Quintana.  The words above resonate with me…you, too?  We can’t do anything right…and when we do, we are out of line, aggressive, we “have it coming”. Suzanna is a writer, abuse survivor, women’s advocate, feminist and single Mother of 3 boys.  She serves as a guiding voice to those ready to escape their pain and claim their space in the Light of freedom. Want more information? suzannaquintana.com facebook.com/suzannaquintana

Who is Mickie Zada?  What is Surviving Abuse Network?   We are part of a growing wave of change…Join us in refusing to accept status quo! Women are not equal in lots of places…but especially not in many of our homes and, certainly, not in the court system.  Do you know that 70% of abusers manage to come out ahead in our court system today?!? The goal of Surviving Abuse Network is to bring the reality of domestic abuse out of the closet and on to center stage. Equally as important is making it clear to those of us attracted to abusers, if we don’t change, nothing changes. I am not victim blaming.  I lived in domestic abuse for 34 years.  I don’t blame myself for that.   Our attraction to abusers is the result of a lesson, a pattern that was programed into my brain when we were kids.  The programmed pattern controls our thought process, our emotions.  It tells us that abuse is normal. When I identified that programmed pattern in my own mind, I was able to deal with it and eliminate my attraction to abusers.  You are able to do that, too. Learn more about programed patterns, hard wired lessons that affect our lives and we don’t even know they are there.    Why I do not accept status quo and how Surviving Abuse Network challenges the current norm?  I am traveling to the beat of a different drum, just like you!  Here’s the fact:  Domestic abuse affects 1 in 3 women in the United States.  1 in 3!   Domestic abuse is real, and we don’t have to live with it!

My guest says, in person and on her website, “I want to put a stop to survivors of abuse feeling broken, unfixable and absolutely frustrated because it seems nothing they do is helping. Honestly, it really pisses me off when survivors are not able to have the lives and relationships they deserve. Whenever I hear stories of survivors giving up, falling deeper and deeper into despair, or worse, being further traumatized by people who are supposed to help, I get so upset. It also reminds me of my past and how excruciating life was for twenty plus years.” “I was definitely convinced that there was no way out of the pain, constant instability, and feeling of worthlessness. It sucked, but I found a way out and I would love to support you in doing that as well.”  Rachel Grant is the owner and founder of Rachel Grant Coaching and is a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach. She is also the author of Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse.  She brings to the table a passionate belief that her clients do not have to remain trapped or confronted daily by the thoughts or behaviors that result from abuse. Through her own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, she has gained insight and understanding about what it takes to overcome abuse. This makes it possible for her to relate to and appreciate your struggles intimately.  Learn more about Rachel and download her free checklist, “3 Stages of Recovery”, go to wwwRachelGrantCoachong.com

He swept her off her feet, even bought her a house with a big back yard for her two lovely daughters.  She believed she had fallen deeply in love with an ideal partner. On the first day of their honeymoon, he grabbed her hand, squeezed it very hard and said “Now that you are my wife, you will do as you’re told, how you’re told and when you’re told.”  The relationship deteriorated quickly.  A few months later she literally ran for her life. Susan Ball used her traumatic domestic abuse experience as the impetus for her transformation into coaching women who have experienced, or are experiencing, domestic abuse.  Her company is called Empowered Her.  She believes every woman can heal from domestic abuse. Blog posts, additional coaching information and a free ebook titled “5 Ways to Love Yourself Courageously Enough to Walk Away” are available on her website www.susan@susanball.ca

My guest, Christen Sacco, is a shining beacon of Light for women treading the darker paths of Life.  She is proof positive that we can make different choices, that we do create our realities and when we decide we deserve better, our lives will change. At 20 years old she had quit college because she was pregnant.  With a 5 month old infant, feeling like she had no marketable skills, and her abuser telling her there was no chance she could make it on her own (and that no one would want her with a young baby in tow), she struck out on her own. Christen worked full time, went back to college to earn a business degree and was an active, loving, caring Mom to her son.  It wasn’t easy.  She says, “If I can do this, anyone can!  Don’t give up!” Fifteen years later, Christen is a motivator, writing a book about domestic abuse and actively speaking out to bring the epidemic of domestic abuse from of the dark crevices of silence onto center stage. She can be followed on Instagram (Christen Sacco), through her blog at ChristenSacco.com, and on Facebook (Christen Starr Sacco).

Oh, how often I thought that, while living in abuse; “I am never going to be good enough!” Gia is open, honest, raw and descriptive of her abuser’s behavior toward her.  She is the same about her actions, doing everything she could not to incite his anger, fury, dangerous actions toward her.  Walking on eggshells.  Living in fear. She tells us how she tried so hard to love him enough, to not say things that would make him angry, to be home immediately after work, to leave work when he demanded she do so.   She describes his unreasonable accusations, how he threatened a friend with a gun, how she finally realized she could not live that way any longer. Then she encountered a judge who would not allow mention of domestic abuse.  The judge refused any evidence or police reports and gave their child’s abusive Dad equal shared custody, without supervision. Gia’s is a horrific, and not uncommon, story.  Listen to this strong woman’s description of her life in abuse, and how she is now creating a safe place to share her story…to speak her Truth! If you have questions or would like to host Gia on your podcast, she can be reached at giacontini13@gmail.com

Mother, wife, family law attorney, business owner, woman rights advocate and philanthropist are a few of the hats Rania Arwani wears. Her goal is to educate women in abusive relationships to identify the signs of abuse and motivate them to speak up for themselves and their children. Rania has domestic abuse in her past; tragic, violent abuse.  She endured a long and costly battle for custody of her children and embraced her Mission to become an attorney and help other women the way here attorneys helped her.  With her family in Dubai, Rania entered law school in Florida, a single mother of two young children. Thankfully her sister was able to come stay with Rania in the States, but those were stressful, difficult, traumatic years.  Her dedication paid off. This episode is the first time Rania has spoken her Truth publicly.  I am proud that she chose Surviving Abuse Podcast for this special occasion! After listening to this podcast, you may contact Rania Arwani through her web site, www.ArwaniLawFirm.com or call her office at 407-254-0060.  If you are looking for legal assistance in divorce or child custody issues, Rania’s website offers a free 15-minute consultation.

A Hijackal® is a person who hijacks relationships, for their own purposes, while scavenging them for power, status, and control. Hijackals® make you question your sanity and constantly second-guess yourself.  That’s their game … and they are very good at it!  They play to win … at any cost. Sound familiar?  Of course! My guest is Dr. Rhoberta Shaler and she coined the word Hijackal®.  Her Mission is helping people identify emotional abuse and learn that there is a safer, saner, better world available. Dr. Shaler discusses the fact that there are reasons we are attracted to, and are attractive to, abusers and that there is choice involved in embracing our freedom from their control. Listen to this fascinating discussion about Hijackals® ; who they are and what’s really going on in the crazy-making relationships in your life. Learn more about Dr. Rhoberta Shaler at www.forrelationshiphelp.com.  Her YouTube channel is For Relationship Help and her podcasts on iTunes and all the other popular podcast channels are Emotional Savvy and Save Your Sanity.  On her web site you can access her online television show, Emotional Savvy, and subscribe to her newsletter.  When you’re ready, Dr Shaler is available for online counseling, around the world!

People often see the victim of narcissistic abuse as “crazy” and full of fear and doubt.  The narcissist shows up cool, calm and collected.  Right? Why is that? Because the narcissist has the ability to make their victims responsible for any and every negative thing.  Even things they make up…using our words!  They convince us we are crazy.  They convince us we are the abusers!  They separate realities and stay calm, while the light us on fire. You are not, and were not, crazy.  You were abused. Now it’s our choice to change our perspective, to accept that building our own safe, happy and authentic live is OUR responsibility.  The abuse was real.  We did not deserve it.  We did not ask for it or enjoy it.  Now it’s our choice to use that experience to grow, and to help ourselves and others heal.  

There are two statements I make that some people take personally…statements that they feel are demeaning and insensitive to women who have live in domestic abuse. I disagree. The statements are:  “If we don’t change, nothing changes” and “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.”  A third one attracted the ire of a couple of my community members, too: “You don’t attract who you want.  You attract who you are.” Each of those statements addresses victims of domestic abuse.  The people who attack those statements feel that they are blaming victims, saying they are responsible for being in abusive situations, want to be abuse, or somehow deserving. Absolutely Not! I use my own experience in this podcast to explain my position and opinion.  Like most victims of domestic abuse, I was conditioned as a kid to accept negative behavior by males as acceptable, OK, my lot in life.  Not because an adult was abusive.  Because my brothers were dyslexic and were allowed to behave unacceptably.  My sisters and I were taught to accept the boy’s negative behavior.  That led to abusive marriages…for me and every one of my sisters. Sound far fetched to you?  Listen and tell me what you think. I am Mickie Zada, the CEO of Surviving Abuse Network.  Please check out my web site at www.SurvivingAbuseNetwork.com

For 22 years, Chandra Bachu knew what it was like to live in domestic abuse. She tried to escape; staying in shelters three different times, but without money saved, she returned home….to daily abuse. She said, “I was looking for my way out and didn’t get it.  I gave up and stayed because I wanted my kids to sleep on a bed, go to school, and we would not have to fear for our lives, because it would be worse if we left.” After many years volunteering with Cynthia Pinkney Ministries, she now spends her time helping to give families a new beginning through her organization: A Red Rose Foundation, Inc. Certainly a like-minded woman, she is quoted online saying “I believe nothing happens by coincidence.  Taking a mess and turning it into a message is what life is about. Giving a mom hope for a new beginning can impact the rest of her life and her children.  Environment changes people. Our goal is changing the next generation by helping mom; we are creating a new life for these kids,”  Learn more about Chandra Bachu and her organization, A Red Rose Foundation, Inc. at www.ARedRoseFoundationInc.com  

  You are creating your own reality…so am I!  How do we do that?  We gather information, embrace what resonates with us and apply that lesson to our lives. No one has your exact experience.  No one lived the exact same abuse that you did.  No one stayed for the same reasons you did…and no one left for the same reasons, either. Many, many women have lived in abuse.  Many, many women have chosen to create wonderful, safe and healthy lives after leaving abuse. Listen to them, ask questions, learn what they have to teach…and know that your Path will be different. Why?  Nobody else’s footsteps lead exactly where you’re going!

Executive Producer of the film “The Last Time”, author of Authentic Me: a Story of Strength, Perseverance and Faith, a keynote speaker, and an employment law attorney and legal advocate for increased awareness of domestic violence, my guest is Tiffany Hill.  Her company, TH Authentic LLC inspires survivors to move past the pain of domestic abuse and into their authentic purpose. Well known for teaching, “Nothing is more valuable than embracing one’s Truth”, Tiffany practices what she preaches.  Her personal mantra is, “to live authentically is the ultimate form of happiness.”  This truly is a woman who walks in the Light of her truth and authenticity. Tiffany’s husband/abuser was the President of a university.  To protect herself and his position and reputation, Tiffany hid their Private Life well, through Public Lies, convincingly pretending her life was as “normal” at home as she portrayed in public. Her story is powerful.  You will enjoy this conversation. You may contact Tiffany, and learn more about her, on her website  www.THAuthentic.com

People represent themselves as who they have been told they are…not who they really are…not who they aspire to be.  My guest, Lisa Vogt, helps people create more fulfilling careers and lives by working and living in those areas that cause their Lights to shine.  Her unique ability to expose and empower her clients to step into their strengths and joy, is evidenced in our high-energy discussion and the examples she shares. Considering changing careers, exploring job opportunities, updating your resume?  Lisa’s program “Just In Time Job Application” may be your answer. Listen to this podcast and check out more of Lisa’s fun filled wisdom.    A coach, podcast host, successful e-book author and all around enthusiastic woman, Lisa’s company, Ever Better, can be visited at www.EverBetterU.com 

It’s a common scenario.  High school sweethearts.  He treated her like she was precious, said all the right things, and she ignored the red flags. The military sent him overseas so they got married so she could go, too.  One night while dancing, he misunderstood something she said and he punched her in the mouth.  She was taken to the hospital.  The military’s resolve to his violence was to send her back stateside! Back in the States, during an especially brutal attack, Hope dialed 911.  The police response was to tell he if she couldn’t get it together their child would be removed from their home! No support, the abuser was not arrested.  Just a threat to put their child in foster care. In spite of all this, Hope remained confident that there was a better life for her and her child.  She knew from experience, improvement and change in her life was her sole responsibility. Open and honest, Hope’s story of growth and creation of her safe, healthy and authentic life will inspire others. Anyone may contact Hope for questions or comments at livingpurposedaily@gmail.com  

Her 2009 memoir about surviving domestic abuse, titled Crazy Love, is the subject of the very first TED talk by a domestic abuse survivor! Leslie Morgan Steiner has been a guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox News, MSNBC…the list goes on!  Now she’s my guest on Surviving Abuse Podcast. She was 22, a Harvard College graduate, a writer for Seventeen Magazine and living a magical life in New York City when her abuser captured her heart.  They seemed to be perfect for each other.  She is beautiful. He is handsome.  He treated her like a queen…in public.  Behind the scenes she hid a dark secret.  She had fallen in love with a deeply disturbed, mean and violent man. Learn more or contact Leslie at www.LeslieMorganSteiner.com  

Most CPAs are black and white...no gray areas, no mushy stuff, no metaphysical beliefs…certainly no thinking like me! Deborah Williams is not that kind of CPA. She speaks about accounting and money mindset the way I talk about domestic abuse;  Life patterns affect our current lives  Our old ways of doing things may not fit who we are today  Everyone else is “normal’, why am I not? Why am I stuck HERE…how do I begin living my authentic life Because of family patterns, Deb was attracted to an abuser who was also an alcoholic.  Since leaving that relationship, she has created a happy, healthy, safe and authentic life.  Listen to Deb’s interesting story of growth and transition.  She shares insights and talks about lessons she has learned to create the life she loves. For more about Deborah Williams, go to www.FinancialKarmaCoach.com.  Her podcast is Financial Karma