The Rules of Acquisition: A Star Trek Deep Space Nine Podcast

Here we talk about the TV show we've been the most excited for in a while.  Specifically, the finale. The statute of limitations is over.  So yeah, spoilers for that.  No space stuff, sorry.     NOT from the patreon! But check it out. There's plenty over there. For instance: Ever read Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy? We did. www.patreon.com/kickersofelves

What about those Rules of Acquisition?  It's back to Deep Space 9!  What you haven't watched the most recent episode? "Hear All, Trust Nothing" is more or less an episode of DS9, so we had to cover it. If you haven't caught up on Star Trek: Lower Decks don't worry, neither have James or Hugh. What is goin on post Dominion War?  Just when does this take place? How do Kira and Quark work as cartoons?  What is going on with all these new Trek shows?  It's almost an old fashioned RoA Check out more from Kickers of Elves on the patreon https://patreon.com/kickersofelves  

Know nothing about D&D or tabletop role playing games?  Hugh talks to an expert* to figure out just what the deal is.  How much is the past time growing?  What is the history of D&D?   Just how the hell do you play a game where you pretend to be an elf? Then a look at the Star Trek Adventures role playing game.     *It's Wade. He talks to Wade. Surprise surprise. No James in this one.    Yep, this one is from the patreon too. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves hit us up on twitter if you want, I guess https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

On the patreon: Hugh and James have opinions on Strange New Worlds!  Wade Hasn't even seen it yet?!   Here is a preamble to that discussion.  More can be found at the patreon. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves  

James and Hugh watched the Peter Jackson Beatles documentary on Disney + and there's a discussion on making art.  Didn't watch it? That's ok, Wade didn't either.  You like the Beatles, right? You guessed it: Patreon content! https://patreon.com/kickersofelves    

Here's more from what we talk about at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves Matrix and Tenet, compared. And Spider-Man. And convoluted metaphors about art. And The View? A little culture talk. James has a delightful conspiracy theory. Who's coming for the auteurs? Does culture need to decentralize? Can subcultures sustain us? The re-Lolapaloozing of Gen X. Spoilers I guess.

Miss the regular updates?  Yes, I'm here reminding you again we update the patreon feed regularly.  Wade has only seen one episode of Succession, so James and Hugh tread lightly to talk about what they like on the show every person seems to be talking about.   Check out the patreon where we go into a longer discussion on current tv including: Joe Pera, Misconceptions about Ronald D. Moore's apple space show For All Mankind, MORE Succession, and finally, Wade's Discovery thoughts while Star Trek Resignation lingers. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

Stick around til the end when Hugh revisits what we knew and didn't know about Terry Ferrel.   Initiate Arjin visits DS9 to whine! A baby universe. Voles! Jadzia gets an intern, or a trill up for joining who is surprised by the unorthodox Dax. Finally the "Is Jadzia Kurzon?" question is settled. Wade makes the argument this episode can serve as a meta-commentary on the character herself. OH, and there's a proto universe that gets batted around by muppet skinless cats. Are the moral implications of stepping on a universe of ants more deserving of an A plot than Jadzia's sex wrestling? Listen and decide for yourself!

It's another Remix of The ROA.  Stick around til the end when Hugh talks bout Bolians. Welcome to Space Mayberry! It's NOT a next generation rewrite? Go figure. Odo and Dax land on a planet that is NOT a TNG script. Quark is running shenanigans while Odo is gone. Will Kira get her swerve on? Yes she will. We love this writer, we... well, this ain't a bad episode.

We revisit a pretty good episode, and -because we're old now- Hugh reminds some listeners who  Ted Kaczynski was. Cool Hand Benjamin. Sisko and O'Brien crash land on a planet of space Luddites. More Space Amish? Nope. Space hippy cultists. But did this episode have a point that could have been explored more? Classic trek, where a Captain- er commander- is tortured to see what he is made of. But it's not Cardassian torture this time- for once! We discuss how other captains might have dealt with the situation. And some O'Brien backstory! RambO'Brien Jason Bour'ien?

Things aren't what they seem for O'Brien. Is this a M. Night Sham, or is it like that Rick and Morty episode? Maybe Parallax View, or a certain most famous of scifi noirs? Just how would this plot play out as an episode of The Americans? Oh it's a mystery! Or is it? We slide stealthily into a nerd corner conversation on teleporters and cloning. Can Hugh get over his dislike for Colm Meaney's furrowed brow? In the "remix" portion of the pod, Hugh looks back at the episodes of the other shows we talk about on the podcast.

Hugh revisits Armageddon Game, and also revisits A Stitch in Time, which came up in this episode. More O'Brien and Bashir bromancing. Two races with ridiculous hair are the worsts hosts ever. How do they repay a favor? Kill the guys doing you a solid. Not cool, bro. After getting rid of what we're told is the ultimate doomsday weapon -but that appears a run of the mill biological weapon, with a name that doesn't describe what it does at all- Miles and Julian hide out in a bunker. Surprisingly NOT a rehashed TNG script. We talk Seuss, Babylon 5, and some redeeming qualities of this episode.

The ROA remixed!   Yeah, we're still doing these. The Rules of Acquisition may be over, but we'll still be looking back at it from time to time. Hugh revisits The Alternate, and tries to see just what Wade was talking about here...   Odo's Dad! (kinda) Is this a horror movie? Father issues, the stuff popular filmed entertainment is made of! What happens when the DS9 crew goes to an abandoned planet, brings back an obelisk, and then tries to give every cast member a defining line while trying to recreate The Thing, or Alien? Does that screw up the third act? Wade does his damnedest to defend this episode.

We may have moved on from DS9, but Star Trek does still sometimes come up from time to time. Tired of waiting for episodes of the podcast?  We talk a variety of subjects and update regularly for patrons. Here's a short conversation we had about Worf.  Also for free on the patreon this week: you can hear some of our thoughts on the Loki Disney + show.  Patrons can hear even more.   Check it out at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves  

Two podcasts mirror each other.  One maybe died.

You don't think we can be nice? We can be nice.

Get lost in the edgy 90s.  Don't murder your wife.  

This is a special podcast! And for us it's a symbol of our individuality, and our belief... in personal freedom. 

Heineken? F- Heineken! Drink in the episode art. Don't you look at me. Listen to the podcast.  

This podcast about David Lynch's Dune [or is it Alan Smithee's?] is from our 2018 Patreon bonus series "Much A-Dune About Nothing" but it pretty well covers our thoughts on the film.

We are not an animal. We are a podcast.

We get into David Lynch's work, starting at the beginning.  We watched the 2016 documentary David Lynch: The Art Life  and Eraserhead. James has some “textured” audio in this one. 

Faces smudged with pod, your hosts explain what is going on with the future of this podcast and Kickers of Elves.

Prince Humperdink is a grifter! Wade is embarrassed to like this one. O'Brien and Bashir: Mango Habanero sauce. We do a lot of talking about Julian Bashir as an “unlikeable character” in the pre-Soprano's era There's a Bella Union to Quark's Swearengen's Saloon… cept no part of this slush pile script is exactly on par with Deadwood, sorry Star Trek Discovery writer Joe Menosky. SPACE RACQUETBALL. Stick around to the end to hear Wade talk trash at other podcasts and then just talk what may be gibberish.

Hugh looks back on this Season 2 episode with some extra research. Oatmeal faced reverse space Mormons! And that's not even meant as a pejorative. Exploration of the universal translator is appreciated, but does it clutter up the rest of this episode where a matriarchal society lands on DS9 and pulls a Battlestar Galactica on Bajor? Just what is Boner from Growing Pains doing? What could have been a great exploration of responses to a refugee crisis turns into a wonky episode of Star Trek. Some "fun" scenes, but unrelated to the central theme of the episode. Would a two parter be better? Is this description making any sense? Our computer voice is a little perplexed... https://www.patreon.com/kickersofelves https://kickersofelves.com https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts

Hugh and James talk up top on a pamphlet for the left.  Also we talk about Beavis and Butthead and class.   Trigger warning: No Star Trek content contained within! Miss us? This is the kind of thing we talk about on the patreon.  Those ROA remixes will keep trickling in, we promise.   https://patreon.com/kickersofelves  

This DS9 episode could have used a second pass... Hugh gives the podcast a second pass and has to mention Kanye, Colm with John Huston, and ... Dune? What starts with a great father/son scene about that time Picard blew up Ben Sisko's wife devolves into mooning over a woman with no personality and a penchant for disappearing. A man reignites a dead sun with science we are dubious about. But the episode is almost worth watching just for Chief O'Brien's eye rolls alone. https://www.patreon.com/kickersofelves?filters[tag]=Dune https://kickersofelves.com https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

Terok Nor? More like Terok NOIRE! How did Odo go from doing the “Cardassian Neck Trick” in parlours to being a constable on board a Bajoran space station? A flashback episode will answer that. Kira is pretty great. We spend a lot of this episode gushing over how we think Peter Allan Field is the best thing to happen to Star Trek Deep Space Nine. But is there something missing from this episode? Wade rambles about this episode and embarrasses himself again.  

Meanwhile, over at Can't Picardly Wait

Here's just a smidge from the latest content at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves Go ahead and ignore if you're mad at the lack of Trek.    Here's that WaPo Article

Another teaser where these jerks don't even talk Star Trek. James and Hugh talk about The Punisher's computer guy, America's Chernobyl, and mostly Richard Power's The Overstory.   Want more of these conversations? All the juicy personal drama is over behind the paywall. Check out the Kickers of Elves patreon at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves 

Title track!   24th Century Buttslap!  Hugh looks back on this episode and provides some Mark Singer Facts at the end. Does this Deep Space Nine episode live up to the hype? Maybe not. There are a lot of rules in this episode, and we get the first mention of the Dominion. Plus a lot of rehashed Shakespeare plot from a play two of us performed way back in our high school days. Plus some good old fashioned 90's Gay Panic!

More like "Meh, Lora", huh?  Wade Looks back on this episode and tries not to embarrass himself. DS9's resident pickup artist, Julian Bashir "falls in love" and has some zero g space sex. We really lay into Julian in this one. We debate some more alien physiology, including turkey wattles and mouth handles in addition to what a lady who grew up flying might look like. How bout that David Foster Wallace reference? Let us know if that alienated you; we love you regardless. Aw, sorry to make it weird again... https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://kickersofelves.com https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

  Whilst Julian and Garak flirt at the replimat, a Cardassian boy boards DS9, bites Garak, and sets off a story wherein we actually start to appreciate the character of Julian Bashir. Not nearly as much as we enjoy Garak or Dukat, however. Race issues! Down to a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner scene. This is perhaps the best episode that we've watched since Duet. Also: Why do we love these space nazis so much? Our racist grandpas. Trans-Racialism James has more fodder for his anti Ira Behr libel; we go against the grain of your typical DS9 fan, and praise Gene Roddenberry. Is the writer a hack?  In the remix material, Hugh reexamines a theme that we have barely gotten to yet in the podcast.  James called a shot on Discovery.  

This week Hugh has some Invasive Procedure facts we left out from the original version.    A trill episode! Deep Space Nine has been evacuated, but for completely different reasons than last episode! Jon Glover is a mediocre trill, but he wants a slug of his very own...Dax's slug! He assembles a ragtag team of Western tropes, a confederate and a hooker with a heart of gold, to run a badly planned heist aboard DS9. Stat Trek favorite Tim Russ appears as a pre-Tuvok Klingon! We talk a good deal about the ins and outs and evolution of conjoined races.

Star Trek goes Star Wars? Blasphemy! What is Wade even going on about at the end of this? But this is an action packed episode where Kira and Dax fly a small X-wing sized ship, and encounter a muppet spider - someone found it at a yard sale (really). Lots to unpack in this one. Wade thinks it's a little weak in the scene transitions; James thinks there's some filler. Oh, and Stephen Weber shows up and blows his chance to portray a bigger character on DS9 later! The grand ending of the the three part beginning of Season 2 of the third Star Trek series (not counting the animated one)!

Hugh revisits the Circle. Make Bajor Great Again! Part Two of the "Li Nalis Trilogy." But rather than figuring out his character, this episode actually focuses more on Kira being kicked off the station. On Bajor, Bareil shows her a homemade porno from the Prophets, but we prefer the sexual energy between the old people because... more Frank Langella! The sexiest of Skeletors. Sisko is a stand up guy to an actor with an interesting Star Trek history. We are yet again mostly complimentary.

Season 2! Wait for the end, where James looks back on his former liberal ways. Resetting from season one. More Bajor politics! Kira sets out to save a war hero. Because an earring. Is he a real hero or looking for a way out? Liberty Valance. Kira and O'Brien take a trip to Star Trek's favorite rock quarry. Is Li Nalas something to hang this three episode arc on or do they forget about him for most of the next episode! But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Oh, and we get into a big conversations about needing legends and symbols. and more. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

CALAMITY! In this remix Hugh addresses our first "calamity episode," Big 2016 energy, and how the world we inhabited back then was both similar and very unlike the times we find ourselves in now. That's it! We're at the end... ...of the first season; thank the Prophets. If you believe in that sort of thing. Two pretty good episodes back to back; are they realigning the show to be... good? Is it a miracle? Does that answer depend on your point of view? This episode has two issues it's good to stay away from at dinner parties: Religion and Politics. Wade, in fact, gets a little into his cups and perhaps overzealous. And definitely a bit crude with some information. We have a lot to say about Nurse Ratched herself, Louise Fletcher, who shows up as one of the big villains of the show. Apologies are made!

On the patreon you'll find extended discussion about the Corona virus situation's impact on our lives. The full talk is half an hour on the American failed state, isolation, parenting, men about to have an emotional breakdown, and how things are for James in Covid-19 ground zero California, and Wade in NYC. https://www.patreon.com/posts/what-difference-34959980 Also, we talk Devs and Alex Garland over here.  

No time for ridicule, this is A Very Special Episode! Kira duets with a Cardassian, and three white guys from the bible belt get uncomfortable talking about the Holocaust. From post Cold War relations to The Man in the Glass Booth, Adolf Eichmann, and the Banality of Evil; how can art, and specifically science fiction, best approach some of these prickly topics? Lot's to talk about, and we might not fully cover every controversial subject, including AIDS, without being interrupted by the end... Art's tricky man, I dunno. Wade reflects on then and now and what we think about now with the world the way it is. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves  

How does an Adult Swim show hit the same notes that James wants from Star Trek?  Kickers of Elves patrons can hear the full audio: https://www.patreon.com/posts/34423144 and check out Joe Pera Talks to You over here: http://www.adultswim.com/videos/joe-pera-talks-with-you

Another space day. Another space possession. Or not. Another space virus; this one turns people into paranoid jerks. We dissect this episode it and try to fix it as best we can. Some may like it more than we do... James has things to say about Ira Behr. Wade can't remember Rudy Ray Moore's name, but this episode is not about that. Sadly. Looking back, James talks about the podcast as a romantic relationship, and the problems and irritations that arise therein.

Don't you hate it when Star Trek gets political? Oh wait, we're not even talking Star Trek here.  Don't worry, it'll be over in three minutes. Not even long enough to hit skip on your podcast player. If you want more, there's a lot more of this discussion to hear.  Check out the Kickers of Elves Patreon where we have all sorts of additional content covering movies, TV, politics and all the other things Wade, James, and Hugh talk about when they're not talking about Deep Space Nine.   https://www.patreon.com/posts/34226761

Wade waxes on about romance and looking back on this episode. In the interest of checking off all the obligatory characters from ST: TNG, Lwaxana Troi shows up in this episode! But wait! It's actually pretty good! She gets more intimate with a gooey Odo than she ever did with Picard. Is she more interesting without her daughter? Bashir is Pete Campbell. Technobabble. Obrien gets a puppy. Can't Picardly Wait?  https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

Hugh talks Colm Meaney on leprechauns and nerds out on some baseball statistics. More like "If Wishes Were Horses#!t." Yes, after last week's praise, we're back into the gutter! Obrien meets WHATISCERTAINLYNOTALEPRECHAUN. Nope, it's just another Alien of the Week. As Peter Dinklage said in Living in Oblivion: "Want to make it weird? Oh, put a dwarf in it." So we get "the Man from Another Place" himself, Michael J Anderson as a guest star. We talk about that, some other things, the Julian Problem, and the one good thing to stick around from this episode: Sisko's baseball. Not mentioned, but for new Star Trek commentary, check out Can't Picardly Wait

Check out the first episode of the newest pod from Kickers of Elves. Except with Replacements for James and Hugh. Is Star Trek Picard a good show? Hack trope garbage built to mine IP?  Some sort of quantum form existing in both states at once?   Check out new episodes as Picard airs in its own feed alongside A Discovery Home Companion. http://discoveryhomecompanion.libsyn.com https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cant-picardly-wait-a-star-trek-picard-podcast/id1275425963 https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/bogmad-media-2/a-discovery-home-companion-a-star-trek-discovery-podcast  

Just as we've progressed on Kira throughout the podcast, James has progressed his ideas on "Progress" Listen, and be amazed as we praise Kira's performance. Niners, be confounded by how little we actually talk about self sealing stembolts! Bajoran politics: Kira has to evict an old man from the Shire. Jake and Nog do a red paperclip story; the Ferengi hate land? We go on a tangent about what Marina Sirtis has had to put up with in her career (more than she should have had to). We disagree a bit, but agree this is a pretty good episode of Deep Space Nine, if not your standard Star Trek. https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://kickersofelves.com https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts    

One episode. Two stories. That. Don't. Interact. At. All. One podcast, two versions. Recorded. Years. Apart. Wade feels rusty. Is he? Nobody likes Julian, even O'brien, but things get set up for later. They yell at a smoke monster. Missourians know river politics. Wade is maybe puerile in what he notices in the set dressing. Jake and Nog hit on a girl. James talks libertarians. Hugh introduces a new segment, where we perhaps insult any listeners who are responsible for the IMDB episode ratings. Hope you're not offended. We love you... Speaking of... Rate us! https://patreon.com/kickersofelves https://twitter.com/kickerspodcasts  

Miss us?  The ROA Remix episodes will keep coming, but regular listeners might like to hear new discussion from the three of us?  And we're not even arguing in this one.   Before watching the new Witcher show on Netflix that everyone else is talking about we talk about the book series by Polish writer Andrzej Sapkowski.   Patrons can hear us on the regular, talking about a variety of subjects at https://patreon.com/kickersofelves.  Dropped this week are two other conversations, about Rick and Morty and TV, plus video games. Is Death Stranding gaming's Gravity's Rainbow?

Stick around to the end when Hugh goes all in on Opaka, IMDB scores,  and more. Jonathan Banks! Plays a pissed off alien. Which he can pull off pretty well as you might imagine. Kai Alpaca, the Space Pope from the premiere comes back and sets things into motion... But mostly we're excited to see Jonathan Banks. That's Mike from Breaking Bad if you don't know who that is. Why don't you know who Jonathan Banks is?