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GROW. Greatness Reached over Oppression through Wisdom I can give you Step by Step instructions on how I took what “They” said was Nothing and Turned it into Something! Step >  GBy   >    OStep  > D.   I hope it's spaced right to you Sow Love y'all see                      the BreaK Through I'm trying to doABC easy as 123. In God I am Something, in the Spiritual Warfare, no I am Nothing.  Evil counts us up for Slaughter, and Your Skin color, doesn't matter.Sow Love, GROW

The Pathfinders were ordinary men and women who transformed the efficiency of the Allies' air campaign over mainland Europe and helped deliver victory over Nazi Germany. Journalist and bestselling author Will Iredale joins Dan on the podcast to tell the incredible story of the team who transformed RAF Bomber Command. Find out how the air force was created, how bombing accuracy was improved, and how Pathfinders put their lives at risk to carry out the raids.Will's book, The Pathfinders: The Elite RAF Force that Turned the Tide of WWII, is out now and includes exclusive interviews with remaining survivors, personal diaries, previously classified records and never-before seen photographs. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The Pathfinders were ordinary men and women who transformed the efficiency of the Allies' air campaign over mainland Europe and helped deliver victory over Nazi Germany. Journalist and bestselling author Will Iredale joins Dan on the podcast to tell the incredible story of the team who transformed RAF Bomber Command. Find out how the air force was created, how bombing accuracy was improved, and how Pathfinders put their lives at risk to carry out the raids.Will's book, The Pathfinders: The Elite RAF Force that Turned the Tide of WWII, is out now and includes exclusive interviews with remaining survivors, personal diaries, previously classified records and never-before seen photographs. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How Could Facebook Do a Better Job at Controlling Disinformation? Hello, everybody. Great discussion this morning about Facebook and what is going on with their monitoring and controlling some of the topics. Should they have something in place that really stops false information? How could they do that? And what's their real motivation behind all of this. With Mr. Christopher Ryan, we also got into how the general services administration has completely messed up. Again, it's authorization, this FedRAMP authorization. Why are our federal agencies using some tools like zoom that have been proven to be very insecure, and they're using them with the blessing of GSA, who says they're secure. [00:00:50] So here we go. [00:00:52] Chris Ryan: Craig Peterson is the host of tech talk on news radio 610, 96.7. You can check him out Saturdays and Sundays at 1130. Craig, how are you?. Hey, good morning. Doing great. Appreciate being with us. So one of the topics we did we've delved into today is social media giants and censorship of quote-unquote misinformation is. The white house weighed in on this last week and criticized Facebook as a purveyor of misinformation based upon allowing individuals platforms to push forward their opinions. [00:01:27] From a media standpoint, we have gatekeepers available and able to squelch misinformation and provide a great environment that can provide the most accurate information possible. Is there any way, shape, or form that a Facebook or a Twitter can? Have any sort of an algorithm or staffing or personnel; this is not even whether you should do it or shouldn't do it. [00:01:55] Is any way feasible or possible for them to strike down misinformation? [00:02:03] Craig Peterson: [00:02:03] Yeah. This is a tough one. It's easy enough. You've got, of course, Justin sitting there with the big button, and the Eaton cut us off at any point. But when it comes to Facebook or Twitter or any of these other big places you have, what is it now? [00:02:20] Billion active users per month, just on Facebook. So what you were asking about is there some algorithm. Obviously, people can't do this, and the answer is I have, yeah, a fascinating article. I'll be talking about it next Saturday. How about IBM's Watson? You probably remember Watson pretty well. [00:02:39] It was going to rule the world. It won jeopardy. It was absolutely amazing. And it really hasn't done much since then. One of the most advanced AIS we've had, and Microsoft and Google both have them; China's working on artificial intelligence to try and figure it out. But the biggest problem that we have is. [00:02:59] What is the sentiment there. How can you tell an article is criticizing something legitimately, or if they are endorsing something that might be a bad idea, then who gets to choose? What's a good idea. What's a bad idea. This isn't easy to do [00:03:16] Chris Ryan: [00:03:16] Chris. And there are no rules either. I said before; I don't think it was appropriate for social media to ban Trump. [00:03:24] I don't; I think that many individuals push forward misinformation and tr and lack truth and their intent is not good. And they're still allowed to do whatever they wish. So I think that you have to create a. A platform and an infrastructure to determine what the role should be. [00:03:45]And what, how many times do you get to push things forward that aren't true or et cetera? There are no rules. [00:03:51] Craig Peterson: [00:03:51] Yeah. I look at this and a profit motive on the part of Facebook, certainly in these others. And that is, they want your watch. The Facebook channel. They want you on that feed all day long. [00:04:05] So the more that you aren't interested in a topic or position, maybe a position is totally false. Maybe you are flat earth, or the more information they're going to feed you—the how the earth is flat and less about anything else. So what we've ended up with now with these social media sites is something that really polarizes us even more than we were polarized before because we see more and more information that confirms our suspicions and where we're at. [00:04:36] So I see that as an even bigger problem because we're frankly, Getting isolated. We don't have the editorial in the newspaper that might be left, might be right. It might be the center. As time goes on by these submitted authors, it's showing you what you want to see. And that's a big, [00:04:56] Chris Ryan: [00:04:56] right. And the Facebook feed has also changed over the years where initially it was just your friends, basically, and their information more and more, the feed has gotten filled. [00:05:07]Topics that they have determined that you're interested in and sources that may or may not be accurate that present that information. And this has happened to me, and I'm sure it happens to everybody else. Know, You may click on the art, one of those articles, and be interested in it. [00:05:22] And then the next thing 50% of your feed is similar articles or ads that are associated with things that you have looked up. So the Facebook feed has changed dramatically. Over the years to the point where it was initially, there weren't many ads, and you wonder how they made their money to the point of which now, where there are a lot of ads. [00:05:43] And they're also continually feeding you information on topics that you're interested in. [00:05:49] Craig Peterson: [00:05:49] Yeah. And topics that, again, might be correct, might be false. And what Facebook [00:05:54] Chris Ryan: [00:05:54] is doing you, in fact, giving you information that may not be accurate. So not just your friends, Facebook itself is providing you with information that may be false. [00:06:04] Craig Peterson: [00:06:04] Remember the days in Facebook, or again earlier on where if you followed someone, if you liked someone, you would see their posts, they would show up in your stream. Now Facebook realizes, oh my goodness, you've got hundreds of friends out there. They're all posting stuff. And Facebook decides what you want to see. [00:06:26] Many of the celebrities dropped off of Facebook because people that wanted to see their posts were no longer seeing them because. Facebook was moderating it. So we've come full circle under discussion. Facebook is doing moderation, and the moderation they're doing is, again, isolating us and dividing us even more. [00:06:46] That's a huge problem. What's the solution. I w was this day and age. I'm not exactly sure because they, the algorithms. They could be doing more moderation. Should they be doing it? And, of course, that's the whole discussion around section 320. [00:07:02] Chris Ryan: Exactly. So let's talk a little bit about zoom; an article has come out about zoom and its cybersecurity issues, and the GSA is blocked. [00:07:12] Senator Ron Wyden reviewed documents used to approve zoom for government use in government meetings. And that this is not just the federal level. It happens all the time at the local level as well. And there were initial concerns about cybersecurity and zoom, but a lot of those concerns and the topic of conversation about them seem to go away during the course of the pandemic; how safe is zoom, and obviously, you haven't. [00:07:39] Individuals, whether it's from a non-profit private sector or government perspective, who are discussing compassionate things on zoom. And they assume that no one is listening, but are they? [00:07:52] Craig Peterson: Yeah, that's a terrible assumption, particularly when it comes to zoom. The big concern here in this particular article that appeared in the tech crunch has to do with the investigation that's done by the fed. [00:08:06] So we know there's obviously information that needs to be kept secret other classified information, and then there's information that might be damaging. And what's happened here is the general services administration gave zoom their authorizations. FedRAMP authorization saying, yeah, go ahead and use it. [00:08:25] It's going to be fine. Everything's great. Turned out. Zoom was not encrypting these sessions from end to end. In fact, routing some of our conversations live through Chinese. They're using Chinese programmers to write this stuff. They installed back doors on Macs, just all kinds of incredible, terrible stuff that zoom hadn't been doing. [00:08:50] And some of it is alleged continuing to do. And yet, somehow, it received this authorization from the GSA. How that. Did that happen? Now, there are some secure ways to speak online. Really WebEx is the only one that is fully authorized, and then you have to have the right version of it. Microsoft teams have some stuff that is also authorized and. [00:09:19] Truly end to end. Zoom is not to be trusted, but what really concerns me is it looked like the federal government delving into any of these tools to verify whether or not they appear to be safe was terribly flawed. And that's exactly what the Senator has been trying to do and why and how, and they're just not providing the information. [00:09:43] Chris Ryan: [00:09:43] I have a basic theory. Applies, I think to tech and social media; if something is free, ask why and figure out why is this free? Why are you able to do it for free? What is in it for the company, and then decide whether or not you want to use it? But I think that people are all in, on giving their information, using. [00:10:06] These things and they don't really understand what the business platform is? How is this being used? And I think that is something that individuals should be cognizant of. Craig has always thanked you so much. Take care. That was Craig Peterson. He is the host of tech talk.

It all started on a dreary Friday afternoon. It had been over a month since my last case, and twice as long since I'd heard from Magnus. They say idle hands are the devil's workshop; if that's true, my devil was either on vacation or one lazy son of a bitch. I must have looked a sorry sight–a lone, courageous dribble of saliva fought its way through five days worth of stubble on its way down my chin as I leaned back in my chair, feet up on the desk, with a fat stogie in one hand and a bottle of Johnnie Walker in the other. The rain crashed in hypnotic waves against the rickety window at my back. I'd been drifting in and out of sleep all afternoon–dreaming that I was on the deck of some ancient wooden barge, swaying back and forth on its creaky deck, staring out at an endless dark ocean. The clock on the wall was broken, but the dimness of the sun fighting its way through the rain clouds told me it was about time to quit drinking at the office and pick it back up at my apartment. I deposited my long-since expired cigar into my ash tray and placed the bottle of scotch next to it. The scattered envelopes, unpaid bills, and old case files that littered my desk were marred by stains. Magnus used to joke that my desk aged like a tree–you could tell how long it'd been since our last case by counting the overlapping rings of spilt booze and coffee. I glanced sidelong at his abandoned desk next to mine, glistening and pristine as always. The only thing on it was the plastic tray at its corner where he kept active case files–it was empty except for the handful of envelopes that had arrived for him in the weeks since his disappearance. I'd wrestled with the idea of opening them, curious if any bore some clue to his whereabouts, but thought better of it. His last words to me, spoken in hushed tones over the phone, were that he needed to lay low for a while and I should make no attempt to find or contact him. I had reluctantly agreed, and though I may not be much else, I am at least a man of my word. As I stood, bracing myself against the desk while grasping at booze-hazy memories of how my legs worked, I heard the front door in the lobby burst open. The wild hissing sound of the rainstorm flooded my office for a moment before the door slammed shut, drowning it out again. I collapsed back in my chair, leaning forward with my eyes fixed on the frosted glass window that looked out on the hallway from the lobby. Magnus always boasted that he could predict everything he needed to know about a case from the client's silhouette as they passed by that window. He made a game of it–whispering his prognosis for each new client as they walked past. “Bad luck,” he'd say; “Memory loss;” Or, one of his favorites, “unwanted impure thoughts.” He was wrong more often than right, but every now and then he'd get lucky–the client would finish explaining and Magnus would catch my eye and give a self-satisfied nod. It usually irritated me, but now that he was gone it surprised me how much I missed that little ritual. In Magnus's absence I was left to formulate my own preconceptions about this new potential client. From the shape of the silhouette and the sound of the heeled footsteps clicking across the hallway, the best I could come up with was “probably female.” As to the nature of her visit, I didn't venture a guess. Nothing I could have imagined, naive as I was at the time, could have landed even remotely near the mark. The silhouette rounded the corner, confirming my initial impressions. The woman stood tall in the office doorway, wearing a dark blue trench coat with the collar pulled up and a matching wide-brimmed hat. Remnants of the storm dripped steadily onto the hardwood floor at her feet. The woman's face was pale and gaunt, looking almost skeletal in the dim light. She glanced around the room and spotted the coat rack in the corner, then walked to it and hung her hat, revealing her shoulder-length black hair. After she hung her coat, I could tell her body was as lean as her face. The white buttoned shirt and blue jeans she wore should have been form-fitting on a woman as tall as she was, but on her they hung loose, like a deflated parachute. She turned toward me, continuing to look around the room as she approached. The woman paused when she saw the bottle on my desk. She looked at me with an expression of distaste. “Are you Magnus Vitale?” she asked. I shook my head. “Magnus is… indisposed, presently. I'm his partner, Sylvester Bullet.” I gestured toward one of the uncomfortable wooden chairs pushed up against my desk. “How can I help you, Mrs…” The woman remained silent for a moment. She looked down at the battered chair I had offered, then back at me. She let out a resigned sigh as she pulled the chair out and sat down delicately, placing a small black purse on her lap. “Miss Tanaka,” the woman said. “Chinami Tanaka. I need help tracking someone down.” “This someone, you suspect they hexed you?” I asked. Miss Tanaka nodded. “I assure you it's more than a suspicion, Mr. Bullet.” My brain kicked into autopilot and I launched into the spiel that I regurgitated every time someone new walked in off the street. “These things aren't always clear cut,” I explained. “You'd be surprised at how often people come to us, swearing up and down that they've been hexed, only to discover…” “May I?” Miss. Tanaka interrupted. She pointed at the bottle of Johnnie Walker between us. Her interjection startled me, despite the politeness with which she delivered it. I shrugged and slid the bottle toward her, wondering why she suddenly desired the thing that had clearly repulsed her when she first noticed it. She tossed her head back and, without touching her lips to the bottle, poured its contents into her mouth. She shook out the last few drops before delicately placing the empty bottle back on the desk. A scowl crossed her face, and her eyes met mine as she forcefully swallowed. We stared at each other in silence for a moment, then Miss Tanaka slid the bottle back toward me. I looked down at it. It wasn't empty. In fact it still contained the exact amount of scotch it had before Miss Tanaka drank it. I furrowed my brow in confusion and glanced back up at her. Was she playing a joke on me? Some kind of illusion, or parlor trick? “I didn't always look like this,” said Miss Tanaka. “Less than a year ago you might even have considered me overweight–an unkind observation, perhaps, but not an inaccurate one.” It was hard to picture the slender woman across from me as anything but severely underweight, but I didn't comment. My eyes wandered back down to the perplexing bottle. I concentrated, trying to determine exactly how drunk I was. I had a nice buzz going on, sure, but not near enough that I had any doubts about what I'd just seen. She had emptied the bottle–I watched her choke it down. And yet somehow she hadn't. “I am not completely starved,” Miss Tanaka continued. “The hex seems to prevent excess. If I eat more than the bare minimum required to keep my body alive, I find it returned to my plate as though I had never eaten it at all. Foods I once derived great pleasure from now have no taste, or, worse, present an altogether offensive palate. I am losing weight rapidly, Mr. Bullet. If it keeps pace, I fear that my life may be in grave danger very soon.” At that point in my life, I had believed myself to be something of an expert on magic. Magnus and I had been in the business of tracking down totems and dispelling hexes for over twenty years. In all that time I thought I had seen everything magic was capable of, and I had never seen anything to indicate that it could do what Miss Tanaka had just demonstrated. Hexes simply didn't work like that–they acted subtly, influencing the victim's life and thoughts in almost imperceptible ways. Sure, they could be life-threatening, but they killed you through the manipulation of circumstance. Maybe you get distracted and miss a stop sign; maybe you get the surgeon who, having just found out his wife is cheating on him, distractedly botches your operation; maybe you absentmindedly store the leaky box of rat poison above your open box of cereal in the pantry. The idea that magic could “un-eat” a person's food–could actually manipulate physical objects in any way–was preposterous. I became convinced that I was being deceived. That Miss Tanaka's demonstration was the lead-in to some kind of scam or practical joke. But I was intrigued–enough to continue playing along despite my suspicions. I nodded at Miss Tanaka gravely, trying my best to hide my incredulity. “You know who the caster is?” I asked. “Yes,” replied Miss Tanaka. “Harold and I were… We were…” She hesitated, averting her eyes from mine. “Lovers?” She shook her head. “No. Friends. At least I thought we were friends. Harold, he wanted more.” “I see,” I said. This part of the story, at least, was credible. I'd seen it shake out a thousand times. “So Harold professed his love, you turned him down, and shortly thereafter your food stops being so cooperative about being eaten.” Miss Tanaka nodded. “After I rejected him, Harold told me that I would soon know what it was to be deprived of something so essential to me as I was to him. After I realized what was happening to me, I attempted my own means of locating him. Finding people is a task for which I normally have a…” she paused, apparently searching for the right word. “A penchant. My attempts have been in vain. I suspect my inability to find Harold may be somehow related to the hex, but that is pure conjecture on my part. It is why I am here, Mr. Bullet. I was told that when it came to hexes, Mr. Vitale was the man to seek for help. But seeing as how he is not here and you are, and I am nearing my wit's end, I shall ask you instead. Can you help me?” I studied Miss Tanaka where she sat across from me. She stared back at me with an intensity and fire in her eyes that belied her frail countenance. But her expression betrayed a quiet desperation. She looked so thin and vulnerable and pathetic in the dim light. The office was quiet except for the rain and the gentle squeaking of the ceiling fan rocking back and forth as it spun above our heads. My eyes wandered to Magnus's vacant desk. I'd bet he would have jumped all over that case, unfazed by its apparent absurdity. I could picture him, sitting on the edge of his desk, holding Miss Tanaka's hands in his and reassuring her that everything would be okay. He was a sucker for the romantic cases. Scorned lovers, jealous exes, cheating spouses–he drank them up like I drank Johnnie Walker. But Magnus wasn't there, and I had no idea when he was coming back. My emotional state at the time ranged somewhere between fascinated and horrified. Maybe it was the booze, or maybe it was Miss Tanaka's gently pleading eyes, but I found myself considering the notion that the starvation hex could be real. The implications chilled me to my bones. If all my preconceptions about magic were wrong and a hex like this was possible, what kind of monster would actually cast it? And what else was that person capable of? Taking this case on, especially without Magnus, seemed unthinkably dangerous. “Miss Tanaka,” I started. My mind raced, trying to formulate a diplomatic way to make her understand. “My last case,” I said, “was a girl who thought her father put a hex on her love life–a boy she liked, who had previously been hot to trot, suddenly lost interest.” Miss Tanaka looked at me, unblinking. “Turned out it wasn't the father, but another girl. Did it out of jealousy. She used a few of my client's hairs to construct the totem. It was the first time she had ever cast a hex.” Miss Tanaka opened her mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to stop her. “Bear with me,” I said. “I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. The case prior to that was a shop owner who found his clientele suddenly lacking compared to that of a rival shop in a less desirable location. The other shop's owner used a coffee cup from my client's trash for his totem. It was also his first hex.” “Mr. Bullet I've already said I want to hire you,” Miss Tanaka interjected. “You needn't continue this ill-conceived attempt to impress me with your work history.” “Prior to that,” I continued, ignoring the interruption, “there was a man hexed by a scorned lover to lose all sexual desire for any woman but her. Before that was a competitive swimmer hexed with a fear of water. A mother hexed by her son to stop preparing vegetables for dinner. A farmer whose cows…” “Your point, please, Mr. Bullet!” Miss Tanaka said, more forcefully this time. “The point is, I've only ever dealt with normal, run-of-the-mill magic. The casters are inexperienced and the hexes are inconvenient and annoying to their victims at worst–like tiny buzzing gnats that you know are there but can't see. Your hex isn't a gnat, Miss Tanaka. It's an army of fucking steamrollers. It's so far above anything I've ever heard of or even knew was possible that I can't begin to fathom what kind of power your Harold wields, or how dangerous he might be.” Miss Tanaka nodded. I could tell she wasn't grasping my intention to turn her away. She reached into the purse on her lap and pulled out a rolled up wad of cash. It was thicker around than my arm. She placed it on my desk, next to an old coffee-stained bill with the words “Final Notice” stamped across it in red. I could sense she had looked up at me, but I couldn't tear my eyes from the money. “I am perfectly capable and willing to compensate you to a level commensurate with the challenge I may present,” said Miss Tanaka. “As I said, I am nearing my wit's end. I was told Mr. Vitale was the best. I would hope that–despite appearances to the contrary–his partner would be competent at least, if not one of the best himself. I am desperate, and afraid for my life. I need to find Harold so that I may entreat him to undo what he has done.” Leaning back, but not taking my eyes off the money, I considered how nice it might be to buy groceries and restock the liquor cabinet without having to count nickels for once. With that much cash I could probably pay off all my bills, maybe even buy new chairs for the office to boot. How surprised would Magnus be if he got back to discover I'd redecorated the place? “You understand that there are no refunds,” I explained slowly to Miss Tanaka. “The totem he used must be incredibly powerful–if I'm unable to destroy it, and if he doesn't revoke the hex willingly, there's not much else I can do. The only other way to break the hex would be to…” “Don't worry, Mr. Bullet. I did not come here to enlist a hired assassin,” Miss Tanaka reassured me. “If you can locate Howard I have no doubt that, if the feelings he confessed to me were true, he will see what his hex has done to me and perform the revocation. He has his share of negative qualities, but being overly vindictive and cold-hearted is not among them. I suspect he cast the hex in anger and frustration, then secluded himself somewhere away from me, unaware of just how powerful his spell had been or how much it has cost me.” I took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly as I glared at the comically large roll of green paper shining like beacon among the trash on my desk. I looked up at Miss Tanaka. The fire in her eyes still shone brightly. She exuded the energy of an impassioned, headstrong young woman; but her body was that of a frail, old lady. Her face and hands looked like bones with thin tissue paper wrapped around them for skin, and her mouth quivered at the edges, probably from the exertion it required to mask her weariness. If I were a less honest man, I'd probably say some part of me recognized at that moment what a remarkable woman she was, and that realization is what made up my mind. In reality, it was the money. I sighed heavily and shook my head. Miss Tanaka sucked in a short breath. “Miss Tanaka, I accept your case,” I said. Though she did her best to hide it, I saw the relief flood over her. Her shoulders loosened and the grimace on her face relaxed into what almost looked like a smile… Almost. She nodded curtly at me. “Very well, Mr. Bullet. Now if you'll excuse me, I've had a tiring day. I must rest and take what sustenance the hex will allow. I shall return early tomorrow to discuss the particulars.” I nodded slowly and watched Miss Tanaka rise. At that point, if Magnus were there he would have leapt to her aid–helping her on with her coat, taking her elbow, walking her through the lobby. That wasn't my style, and I think if I had tried anything like that–lumbering toward her on my drunk legs, smelling of booze, cigars, and sweat and groping at her clothes on the coat rack–she probably would have decked me with her purse and called the cops. Instead, I watched her gather her belongings and leave the way she had come without another word. After she'd gone, leaving me alone with my conflicted thoughts, I felt my resolve begin to crumble. What had I just gotten myself into? I tentatively reached out, intending to touch the roll of bills Miss Tanaka left on my desk, but at the last second my hand swerved to the Johnnie Walker instead. I grasped the bottle and held it up, close to my eyes. The amber liquid sloshed hypnotically from side to side, much like the surface of the dark ocean I had been dreaming of all day. I put the bottle to my lips and drained it, then tossed it in the trash behind me. The empty bottle clinked against its likewise discarded brethren and remained there, empty, as I gathered my things and stepped out into the cold, wet streets that would take me home.

In today’s first Patreon-fueled shout-out:With the summer heat in full swing, your local energy nonprofit, LEAP, wants you and yours to keep cool. LEAP offers FREE home weatherization to income- and age-qualifying residents. If you’re age 60 or older, or have an annual household income of less than $74,950, you may qualify for a free energy assessment and home energy improvements such as insulation and air sealing. Sign up today to lower your energy bills, increase comfort, and reduce energy waste at home!On today’s show:The executive director of the Lewis and Clark Exploratory Center talks about the sudden acquisition of a statue A look at upcoming county fairs in the areaAnd a look at upcoming meetings to talk about transit in Albemarle and CharlottesvilleVirginia posts a record surplus for FY2021When the pandemic forced the shutdown of many sectors of the economy in the spring of 2020, many predicted tough times for government budgets. However, the Commonwealth of Virginia closed fiscal year 2021 with a $2.6 billion surplus, the highest in history. Even with the slowdown, budget officials expected revenues to be about 2.7 percent over fiscal year 2020,  but total revenue collections were 14.5 percent over that year. The details will be released on August 18 at a meeting of the General Assembly’s Joint Money Committee, but preliminary information is available in this release. Though slightly outside of our area, the Fauquier County Fair began yesterday in Warrenton. The event is being held for the first time since 2018, having been canceled by the pandemic last year and by construction in 2019. The fair takes place through Sunday on grounds off of Old Auburn Road in Warrenton. There’s a rodeo on Friday night! Learn more in an article on Fauquier Now or take a look at the Fauquier County Fair website. The Madison County Fair also kicked off yesterday through Sunday. We’ve missed the donkey races but the LumberJack show of Champions is on Friday night. The Louisa County Agricultural Fair begins on July 29. The Augusta County Fair begins on July 27.  The Albemarle County Fair is a stripped-down event this year that begins on July 30 at James Monroe’s Highland. “This year the 2021 Albemarle County Fair will focus solely on the exhibition and sale of livestock,” reads a notice on the fair’s website. A group of medical professionals at the University of Virginia’s hospital for youth is opening a food pantry this month at the Battle Building on West Main Street. According to a release from what’s now known as UVA Children’s, the pantry builds on a partnership last November with the Local Food Hub’s Fresh Farmacy program that provided produce to pediatric patients and their families. An internal team put together a program to start the pantry and secured a three-year grant from Molina Healthcare as well as donations from Kroger. Here’s a link to the fundraising site if you want to contribute. The Battle Building will now have a food pantry for qualifying participants. Donate to the cause if you would like to do so. This Friday, riders of Charlottesville Area Transit will get the first of two chances to weigh in on proposed route changes that are intended to help boost ridership. A community meeting begins at noon to hear from representatives of CAT and the consultants Kimley-Horn and the Connectics Group to give public feedback on the new routes, which will extend bus service to Mill Creek. A second meeting will be held next Wednesday (Friday meeting info)But what about people in parts of Albemarle that don’t have bus service? The Thomas Jefferson Planning District Commission has hired consultants to study ways to expand routes into urban sections of Albemarle, particularly on U.S. 29 north of Charlottesville, Pantops, and to Monticello. Two virtual meetings are scheduled later this month to get feedback from people with a focus on U.S. 29 north on July 26 and a focus on Pantops on July 28. These are being held through Microsoft Teams. (July 26 meeting) (July 28 meeting) (Read a StoryMap on the concept)Technically, click here for the above information. On Saturday, July 10, 2021, crews hired by the city of Charlottesville swiftly removed two statues honoring two Confederate generals from two City Parks. A few days before, Council had authorized spending up to $1 million for their removal, but a provision in the resolution cleared the way for some of that money to be used for the removal of the Lewis, Clark and Sacagawea statue that stood at the intersection of West Main Street and Ridge Street since 1919. The expedition west began in 1803 shortly after the Louisiana Purchase by President Thomas Jefferson. Just after 11:30 a.m. on Saturday, the city’s communications office put out a notice that Council would meet in an emergency session at noon. Here’s Charlottesville Mayor Nikuyah Walker.“Thank you all for coming on short notice,” Walker said. “We are trying to just maximize the opportunity that we have with the crew being in town and taking care of just the legal issue of being able to move the statue on Main Street.”To do so, Council had to adopt a motion waiving a requirement that at least five hours notice has to be given before an emergency meeting. (read the applicable City Code provision)City Manager Chip Boyles said there had been no plan to remove the Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea statue, but there was “an unforeseen opportunity” to proceed because the Confederate sculptures were removed quicker than anticipated.“The tremendous work by the city staff, the construction crews, and by our community support, has given the city an opportunity to finalize the interest that was provided by Council on November 15 of 2019 and then funded on Council on July 7, 2021,” Boyles said. “Council has been clear in their interest to relocate the Sacagawea, Lewis, and Clark statue to another location that’s either owned or co-owned by the city.”Such a location is at Darden-Towe Park, which is co-owned by Albemarle and Charlottesville. Along the banks of the Rivanna River is the Lewis and Clark Exploratory Center, which is run by executive director Alexandria Searls, who was contacted shortly before the emergency meeting. The item on the agenda was simply to relocate the statue, and not to transfer ownership. That will have to happen at a later date. Searls said the center would not take the statue without provisions. “It would be my hope that to eventually if you decided to give us ownership of the statue to actually have provisions agreed to first about the type of interpretation because under my leadership, interpretation agreed with the Native Americans of Virginia and the Shoshone is highly important and I would want to ensure that for the future regardless of whether I’m there or not,” Searls said. Searls said she would want to work with the Native American Student Union at the University of Virginia on interpretation efforts, as well as interpretations from others, particularly from Sacagawea’s own tribe. “The Shoshone, the way that they would like the statue to be interpreted is of paramount importance,” Searls said. “Indigenous women are going missing to an alarming extent. Faces and people are disappearing. So one of the things that the statue in a way interprets is moving beyond sort of the white person fixation on Sacagawea and the way they contextualize her to a larger view of people who are living today and how they are represented.”Rose Abrahamson is the great, great, great-niece of Sacagawea and she offered to Council her support to the statue’s transition to the Lewis and Clark Exploratory Center. She had the chance to speak before the vote.“Mayor, Councilors, city, I would like to say that we have come a long way,” Abrahamson said. “We have come a long way to become the human tribe that we should be and come together in unity and come together to educate our young and our future generations.”Abrahamson said the statue’s new location at the Lewis and Clark Center would not be offensive, and a depiction of her ancestor that she personally finds offensive can be used to address a contemporary crisis.“It can educate the public to the missing, murdered Indigenous Women, the plight of women in our society, the Native women,” Abrahamson said. Crews lift bronze representations of Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea into the air with the Lewis and Clark building in the backgroundWithin two hours of the vote, the city shut down the intersection of West Main, Ridge and McIntire by driving public works trucks into strategic positions. That allowed the same crew to come in to remove the bronze sculpture from its granite plinth.At 2:31 p.m. a crane lifted the sculpture into the air eliciting cheers from the assembled crowd. The sculpture was placed on a flatbed trucks and taken straight to Darden Towe Park where Alexandria Searls was waiting to let them the crew in to drop off the sculpture. It has been placed temporarily on a square of wooden beams behind a orange mesh fence. In February, the city had sent out a request for information for groups interested in receiving the statue, and the Lewis and Clark was just one of groups that fulfilled that request. I spoke to Searls inside the Lewis and Clark Center on Monday about the process that got the statue there, and what comes next. Searls:We were founded right before the Bicentennial and we teach the skills of exploration as well as the local and national history of the Lewis and Clark expedition.Tubbs:Can you just describe where we’re sitting?Searls:We are sitting along the banks of the Rivanna River and we are right underneath the Southwest Mountains as well as near the birthplace of George Rogers Clark. The land that we’re on was once very important to the Monacan nation as part of a whole interconnected group of villages along the Rivanna, or what we call the Rivanna. We don’t know their name for the river. Later this was owned by Jonathan Clark who was the grandfather of William Clark. Tubbs: Now it’s been almost a year and a half since the City Council decided to vote to remove the statue. At that time, was there any interest of it coming over here?Searls:There was interest in it coming over but we didn’t want to lobby for a certain outcome because we felt that it was owned by the community and we wanted to value what the community decision was. So we made it clear that we were open to receiving it if that ended up being the decision. I sent a letter to Council at that point saying that if you move it, we are open to receiving it. Tubbs:Well, let’s go back to that because it seems a bit intractable. I think it was last year when the Council said yet again ‘we’d like to see proposals.’ Can you just talk a little about… obviously it’s here now but before it was here, can you give a sense of what are some of the planning things you need to just to anticipate the possibility of it coming here? Searls:That’s an interesting question because it wouldn’t be here right now if I had not done more work than the [Request for Information] asked for. The county of Albemarle has been a wonderful partner to us. And the park people here are amazing. This park is run so well. And when we answered the call for the RFI, I was taking it very seriously. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t promising something that the county wasn’t going to like and I wanted to research and do everything from how we were going to afford somebody to move it to what the site plan requirements are and I got started on this and I was writing a proposal. I talked to the engineer who prepared At the Ready to be moved. I had the figures. Turned out they didn’t even want to know the figures. So when I said I’m getting the permission of the Board of Supervisors to do this, I was told ‘this RFI is not supposed to be detailed. You’re supposed to write a one page proposal and if we like it we’ll ask you to make a long one. I’m really glad I didn’t listen to that because I basically said ‘Albemarle County is my partner and I’m not going to put in an idea for a proposal without them.’ I had before the day of the emergency meeting approached City Hall, not the Councilors, but the City Hall, to be an option for that because with so little money that we have, I knew that this might be the only opportunity to have it here at least for a while. And we used it today in an educational program for the first time so that was exciting.On the other hand, I also started researching the statue and through a genealogist I located the grandchildren of the sculptor.Tubbs:Who was the sculptor?Searls:The sculptor was Charles Keck. He also did the Jackson that was removed. He did both of those. And I was preparing if we were to receive the statue to do a complete evaluation of what the interpretation would be. So I also consulted art historians, I talked to Indigenous historians, I have begun to read books written about Lewis and Clark in the early 1900’s to get an idea of the mindsets of the time when it was created.Tubbs:And when was it created? Was it created for a specific purpose?Searls:That’s an interesting story because it was created as a commission but they only commissioned Lewis and Clark. They did not commission Sacagawea so basically the sculptor decided to add her and that is significant from what I found out from the family because he was a sculptor that took any commission that went his way because he had lost an amazing amount of money in one of the crashes. He owed his best friend who bailed him out about $100,000 and that’s a lot now but it was even more then. So he wasn’t in a position to be discriminate and could no longer do the sculptures that he wanted to do. So basically she was the only sculpture that he did that he wanted to do. And I haven’t sorted that through completely but it was just one aspect of what I wanted to know about the situation.Tubbs:So one of the critiques of the statue for many years has been that Sacagawea is cowering. Others say that she’s searching. I don’t know the statue that well, but isn’t that part of the interpretation process?Searls:Yes, and I’ve got to say here that I’m not finished coming up with my own reactions to this statue. But let me back up by saying that there’s an interesting phenomenon going on and that’s the phenomenon that when something is up, that means its endorsed. And that is not part of my belief at all. I think a statue whose original intent — and I’m not really talking about specifically about Lewis and Clark, I’m talking all statues —  was one thing, like to glorify a hero that might not be deserving of glory or to reveal the power of the ruler, ruling class. Just because you leave it up doesn’t mean you agree with it. For example, when I look at that Lewis and Clark statue, even though its meant to glorify them as heroes, I do not think that they were flawless heroes. In fact, a lot of what we do here is examine their failings actually. What do you think?Tubbs:Well, I’m still just trying to figure it out because its interesting. If you look at the three statues that were taken down on Saturday, two of them are in an undisclosed location and may never ever see the light of day. We don’t know yet. But at least with this one, it will have a new life, potentially here, especially if you can get some funding to do the proper interpretation and to install it in some way that maybe you haven’t figured out yet. But at least there’s a sense of ‘well, at we’re going to melt it down as one of the descendants said on Saturday.Searls: One phrase that I think of a lot, not just on these issues but in general is that: In war, treat your victories like a funeral. And to me that means if you’re in a war, someone is dying and even if you win you shouldn’t rejoice because it’s better not to demonize your opponent. It’s better to look at them with some empathy of their dead or of their situation. It’s better not to immediately assume that someone who wants to melt down a statue resembles the Taliban. Maybe they don’t. Or it’s better not to think that someone who wants the statues to stay in place is a racist because maybe they aren’t. I get reasons and viewpoints. I receive emails, calls. I’ve listened. And I think that it’s dangerous on so many levels to rejoice in the face of the people who are crying, because any victory anybody somebody is crying. So my effort here is to find a way of compromising even if that might not be possible but at least a way to respect different viewpoints and to let people come to new viewpoints.It’s important to realize that when you have your dead that other people have theirs. For example, if somebody looks at that statue and only sees a heroic Lewis and Clark and doesn’t see the Trail of Tears that followed soon afterwards, that’s celebrating something without crying for the other side. You’re reading to Charlottesville Community Engagement and an interview with Alexandria Searls of the Lewis and Clark Exploratory Center. We’ll be back to that in just a moment. In today’s second Patreon-fueled shout-out: The Rivanna Conservation Alliance is looking for a few good volunteers to help out on Clean Stream Tuesdays, a mile and a half paddle and clean-up to remove trash and debris from popular stretches of the Rivanna River. Trash bags, trash pickers, gloves, and hand sanitizer/wipes will be provided, though volunteers will need to transport themselves to and from the end points. Kayaks for the purpose can be rented from the Rivanna River Company. Visit the Rivanna Conservation Alliance's volunteer page to learn more about upcoming dates.The two male figures continue to look west from their temporary locationThe Lewis, Clark and Sacagawea statue is now on the grounds of the Center inside of Darden Towe Park, which is jointly owned by Albemarle and Charlottesville. Searls said the statue is very different close-up than from where it stood for 102 years and there’s a bit of a mystery. Searls:You know, I still haven’t decided if it’s three people or four people in the statue. I can see the fourth person perhaps now that I can get close to it. When the Shoshone were here, we talked about the terrible plight of missing Indigenous women and since Sacagawea is somewhat missing in terms of when you look at that composition, she’s like down there, and there’s taking up space with their guns. The ultimate sort of disappearing is actually disappearing and never being seen again. And that’s what’s happening to young women today.In terms of white Americans revering Sacagawea at different points because she helped them or she was seen as friendly to white explorers, but really what I would like to see in terms of Indigenous people is really seeing the people of today. And one of the women who came, Dustina Abrahamson, had suggested the statue could be used as some sort of a starting point for people making new art and making people see the people who are disappearing. And I’ve been following her Facebook page since they visited in 2019 and I’ve seen a relative of hers go missing and I’ve seen other challenges that happen in Indigenous communities so I think we need to move beyond these handful of icons that we’ve put up and move into the thousands of native people who are actually here.Tubbs:What can this Center do? Obviously, the whole point is to draw awareness of this past but yet not to say ‘it was this way’ or ‘it was that way.’ People who visit here, what do you want them to takeaway? Do you need the statue to do this?Searls:My staff and I were talking about this today. I don’t think we need anything except the woods, the river, and a place to rest in between. Our programs are very oral. We get all this knowledge and we study and we interpret it and we talk to people basically. You don’t see any signs here telling you what to think about anything. I arrived in Charlottesville on the Greyhound bus or Trailways or whatever it was back then with my duffel bag to be a first year at UVA. I came out of that door with my duffel and there were taxis and there was that statue. I went to high school in New York City and I wasn’t impressed with the statue. All I saw were a bunch of guns and it’s hard for me to imagine that it would become part of my life. And I didn’t even see her. I just saw two men. I didn’t know what it was whatsoever. Let’s go back to what I said about are there three people or four in that sculpture? At first I only thought there were only two when I first arrived in Charlottesville so one of the preeminent art historians, Malcolm Bell from UVA, said that there four people in that sculpture and that she was holding a baby and there’s a cradle-board and the baby’s in there. I didn’t see it. And even though he’s famous with books, I was willing to think he wasn’t right. Then when I encountered the sculpture over there, I saw that he’s very possibly right. And it puts a new spin on it because when you get close you can see that William Clark’s hand and hers are touching along a piece of wood. And they’re both holding it up. You can see a sack in there and you can see more of an extension of something in there in the back. She’s sitting on some rocks and he’s helping her carry that as she’s leaning forward and they’re meant to be on the cliffs looking at the Pacific and so she’s looking down at the ocean and William Clark is looking just ahead and then Meriwether Lewis on top is looking at the far distance and that’s definitely a hierarchy. I mean, it’s Lewis preeminent, William Clark, and then the woman in the way that she is.But it does matter to me whether she’s holding a baby or not and he’s helping her hold whatever it is. So, I haven’t asked Professor Bell what the documentation of this is because I know the sculptor did not take notes of any extent. Now, he did have a collection of books so I think the answer is in what he would have read about Lewis and Clark back then and I read a book written in 1905 about Sacagawea and she never let her baby out of her sight. She was always carrying that baby. So I’m of the opinion now that there are four people in that statue. I’m not 100 percent sure, but I say this to say I’m not exactly sure what’s going on with that statue. I know he wanted to honor her. I know he wasn’t trying to degrade her.And that is important to me. If I felt like he had tried, I would not have wanted that here. And there are people I’m sure who do think that was his goal.Tubbs:So it’s only been here for two days as we’re talking. Now it’s here. You still have the interpretive work. You’re not finished with the work that you thought you were going to have to do to get it here. Suddenly it’s here. How do you feel?Searls: I feel excited. I mean, it is pretty amazing to see these huge faces being pulled up the hill. I was waiting at the gate. I let them in at the gate. It took hours. They told me it would be 20 minutes but I was there for hours. So I opened up the gate and then the cortege comes through.  A flatbed. A trailer. A crane. And about 30 cars with lights. To see them all go up the hill and to see those faces going towards the Center was pretty amazing. I wasn’t at the removal of the Confederate statues but they seemed to be moving backwards with their rears so it was sort of more like they were riding out of town whereas this felt like they were arriving and it was pretty amazing.A close-up of the base of the statueTubbs:You said you were excited about this. What are some of the possibilities now?Searls: I think that some of the possibilities [are] that if you’re showing something that is painful to some other people, it requires some work together. And I do think that out of this will come more partnerships with Native Americans about Indigenous representation and I think that we’ll all be more aware. And the park guy said that a woman this morning came and put up a sign up by the statue briefly that this is Native land and she took a picture of the statue with it and then left. But we teach that this is Native land. We teach about the Monacans. We regularly every two years are invited by to different tribes out west as part of being in a Lewis and Clark group. I think that the focus will be even more on that and I am certainly learning much more. I’m reading Jeff Hantmann’s book Monacan Millennium right now, and I’m reading more about Sacagawea and the attitudes that have been about her throughout the decades. So I think it will make those realities more of the story. Not less. Tubbs:You said that you used it today in the camp. How so?Searls:So, when the kids came, they’re 8 to 11, we all walked over there. And actually I invited their parents too because it is a camp that’s about history and it is about exploration and it is actually historic when a 100-year-old monument moves so I wanted them to be part of that history and the first group.And I basically said: Is there a baby there? This is a public episode. Get access to private episodes at communityengagement.substack.com/subscribe

Intro Background (1:40) Rogue created by Chris Claremont and Michael Golden in Avengers Annual #10 (August 1981) Born Anna Marie in Mississippi, her parents disappeared when she was young, and she was raised by her strict aunt - she rebelled as a teen, earning the nickname Rogue After kissing a boy named Cody, her latent mutant abilities manifested, sending Cody into a coma - she discovered any skin-to-skin contact with a person would cause her to absorb their life force, and in some cases their memories - she covered herself up to avoid touching anyone ever again Mystique found Rogue and began mentoring her, eventually bringing her into the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants - she was sent to attack Carol Danvers - during the fight, prolonged contact caused Rogue to permanently absorb Carol's powers, and gave Carol amnesia - the Danvers identity would remain with Rogue for many years, eventually causing Rogue to seek out Professor Xavier for assistance She eventually joined the X-Men, slowly earning their trust and becoming a valuable teammate, even as Danvers continued to control her in periods of stress or unconsciousness - after losing her powers in a battle with Master Mold, she discovered the Danvers identity was also gone As her powers returned, she also began an on-again/off-again relationship with Gambit, but her lack of physical intimacy and his dishonesty caused friction for a long time - after a battle with Destiny robbed them both of their powers, they left the X-Men and moved in together to explore their relationship After another battle with Mystique where her foster mother tried to kill her, she absorbed Mystique's powers and left her for dead - went to the Australian outback to figure out how to control her powers - with the help of Xavier, she was able to control her absorption for the first time in her life Eventually started a relationship with Magneto, although it was largely long-distance, as they both had other commitments Originally stayed neutral during AvX, but joined the staff at the Xavier Institute after a fight broke out on campus and She-Hulk inadvertently injured some children Turned down a marriage proposal from Magneto, and ended their relationship Joined the Avengers Unity Division as a mutant representative, eventually becoming field leader Restarted her relationship with Gambit, and after Kitty Pryde broke off her engagement to Colossus at the altar, Gambit proposed to Rogue on the spot, and they were married instead - got transported to the Mojoverse for their honeymoon, since Mojo wanted a famous couple for his new show Issues (6:15) Authoritarian upbringing caused her to rebel Inability to touch anyone caused problems in her relationships, both romantic and platonic (18:26) Broken relationship with Mystique, where they alternate between trying to kill each other and trying to work together (27:06) Break (34:36) Plugs for BetterHelp, Grief Burrito, and Chris Claremont Treatment (36:11) In-universe - Use other mutants to help transmute the energy flow as a result of contact and help her move past that Out of universe - (40:06) Skit (49:22) Hello Rogue, I'm Dr. Issues. - Hey there, sugah. So, what can I do for you? -I don't know, what can you do? *sarcasm* Hardee har har. I have the ability to listen to what you have to say, synthesize that dialogue in a way that may have some benefit to you and your relationships, while monitoring for any signs of a formal diagnosis that needs more focused treatment. -Shoot, I thought you were gonna get all flustered like most guys do when someone like me talks coy with them. I got over that a long time ago. -Must be nice Meh. -*pause* Well, I guess that's my way of saying I'm stuck. I either push people away too quickly, or I dive in and get myself into stuff I can't just walk out of. Why not? -That's a really easy one. Do you know about my powers? I do my homework, sure. -Well, imagine if your first chance at a physical connection, you destroy their life...I mean, REALLY destroy it. You don't get over that. There's no amount of talking that can fix that. *pause* I'm terribly sorry. From the tone in your voice I can tell it wasn't intentional. -But it doesn't stop there. I was led to do some horrible things to people and I didn't know the consequences. That's the type of thing that some people can't ever live with themselves over. Do you get what I'm saying? Hmm...has it ever gotten to that point for you, where life wasn't worth it anymore? -No! Well, not like that, but to disappear, to not hurt anybody, that's the type of thing I wish for sometimes.  This next question is meant to get to something deep here, so please don't think I'm trying to lead you...why haven't you disappeared? -That's like trying to hide the Juggernaut in a kiddie pool. That dog won't hunt. Besides, every time I did walk away, my past came back to bite me. So I gave up on tryna run. So anonymity doesn't work, but your powers are a huge factor in any basic intimacy...wow, I have to say, I'm impressed you've continued to persevere as well as you have. -Thank you...not many people see it that way besides you. I'm glad to hear that there's more than just me. -Are you always trying to see the glass half full? I try to see the glass with whatever amount is inside, the contents, the condition of the glass, the -I get the point. No stone unturned. Does that mean you want to know who sees the good in me? -Of course! -Let's start with Remy number one. That man...there's something about that man, it's hard to describe. He just...lights me up inside.  Aww, that's sweet! -Hold on, ah don't want it to sound all peaches and cream. Ah mean, when it's good, it's finer than frog hair. But he's got a real stubborn streak. When he doesn't get his way, he doubles down on how he feels. Shucks, I think sometimes he argues with me just to watch me burn up! Maybe; I don't want to speculate on him since I don't' know him as well as you do. But you're the one who says he makes you feel that way. That type of bond doesn't happen overnight. -Damn right it doesn't! How many people get told they have to wait for the right time, and that time might be never? Well, he was there for all of it. Even when I went my own way, he came right back to me no matter what.  As with most relationships, that sounds like a two-way street. However you got to the point that you are on a similar wavelength, I'm genuinely happy for you. To be honest, if you're doing okay with that aspect of things, maybe there's another part of your life that is challenging you. -Everything.  I see that's your style of response, but can we please drill down a bit? -Can we not and say we did? Rogue, I'm really not a hardass. You don't have to be scared of a psychiatrist. -*laughs* Oh sugah, I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of what I'll say to you. You probably lock up half the people you see just for speaking their mind. I only look out for the safety of my patients and the rest of society. Having emotions is not a risk. It's what you do with those emotions that counts. As long as you are not a danger to yourself or others, this is completely confidential. And if it's in the past, then I would never put you through “double jeopardy.” -So if I told you that my second mama wanted to kill me after I had made up with the women she had me nearly kill and take her life, you're not gonna arrest me? *dramatic gulp* Well, I didn't quite expect that, but...no. My main concern is how that -*sarcasm* How did it make me feel? HOW DO YOU THINK?  A lot of people have that reaction...which is why I was going to ask HOW DID THAT AFFECT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED. -*pause* Son of a gun, nobody really asks that. I suppose Carol was really pissed off...wait...I KNOW she was pissed off ***that bitch tried to control me! Do you know what it's like to have your own head telling you all sorts of history that you shouldn't know or even came close to giving a shit about?*** and Mystique was mean, but she always said it was because she cared. I think that's true, she really cared about me in her own sorta way. She should really talk to you, if you'll have her. I'm always an open mind and ear for anyone within reason -The “reason” part might be a problem.  So what's your goal with those relationships? -I'm not a goals kinda gal.Where the wind blows, I'll be there, good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise. Unless I don't wanna go, that is. Aaaaaand hence the name. There's nothing wrong with riding the tide and going where nature follows, and there's nothing inherently wrong with bucking a trend, either. But the balance of those two can get out of whack. It's obvious to me that you have the ability to go wherever you please, but so many times, you've been the center of attention for others because of your talent. Why not take the impulsive energy and combine it with a modest bit of forethought and live the more comfortable, less stressful life that you deserve? - Believe it or not, Doc, I actually did have some good come out of all of that we were just talking about. Carol doesn't hate me...not anymore. And when things are good with Mystique, we work well together. I'm not as dumb as you think I am just because my nature is to fight with whatever everybody says. *insulted* I NEVER thought that -Ah, there's the flustered part that I always look for when I meet someone new. *pause* Touche. Now that you've made it clear you can create any social outcome you want, how much are you willing to focus on making them enjoyable for everyone involved?. -One thing at a time Shug, one thing at a time. We good here? -That we are. - Thanks for the chat, then. See ya ‘round. And if you ever do talk to mah mama, tell her I said hi. Well, maybe see how she reacts before bringin' me up… could be a bad time for you... Ending (57:08) Recommended reading: Mr. & Mrs. X, Uncanny Avengers Next episodes: Dr. Doom, Jocasta, 5 from Umbrella Academy Review read - Justalittlepodcast - I just started listening, but I am hooked. Completely blown away. Such a great podcast that portrays mental health in a revolutionary way. The exploration and deep dive in comic book characters is fantastic. The conversations between these to gentlemen is refreshing, honest, and genuine.  Keep up the great work! Also I really enjoy the skits. Plugs for social References: Carol Danvers episode - Anthony (2:48) Mojo episode - Anthony (5:40) Severe combined immunodeficiency - Doc (20:40) Apple Podcasts: here Google Play: here Stitcher: here TuneIn: here iHeartRadio: here Spotify: here Twitter Facebook Patreon TeePublic Discord

Brushy Four On 1 July 1972 I was number 4 in Brushy Flight, attacking a target in Kep, North Vietnam. As we exited the target area, our flight was targeted by a Surface-to-Air Missile (SAM) from our left 7 o'clock position. This SAM was tracking differently than a typical SA-2. The typical SA-2 traveled in a lead-pursuit flight path, not too difficult to defeat if you can see it. this SAM was different. It was traveling in a lag-pursuit flight path, aiming directly at out flight. We separated into two sections of two aircraft, about 1000 feet apart, with each wingman flying in close formation with his lead aircraft. As number 4, I flew in formation on the left wing with Brushy 3, the deputy flight lead. I watched the missile track toward our section in my left rear-view mirror. It was heading directly for me. As it was about to hit me, I flinched to the left and was immediately rocked by the sound of the explosion as it hit Brushy 3. Fortunately, Brushy 3 did not go down. The missile detonated as a proximity burst. His aircraft was leaking fluids, but continued to fly. Because he had lost his utility hydraulic system Brushy 3 could not refuel, so he would have to land at DaNang, South Vietnam, if his fuel supply lasted. I was assigned to escort him to DaNang. Miraculously, his fuel supply lasted, and he landed with an approach-end engagement on runway 17 left while I landed on runway 17 right. After refueling, I led another F-4 in formation back to Ubon. The reason I led the flight, at low altitude, was because the other aircraft could not pressurize. It had taken a small arms round through the rear canopy, right through the back-seater's heart. Walnut Four The Vietnam Veterans Memorial – The Wall – has panels that list the KIA (Killed In Action) casualties in chronological order of their loss. Panel W1, the last panel, encompasses the date July 30, 1972. My name is not on that panel, because my military Brothers, Sid Fulgham, J.D. Allen and the crew of Purple 28, saved my life. I was Number Four in Walnut Flight, four F-4s on a strike deep into enemy territory north of Hanoi. The flight was being led by our new squadron commander, Sid Fugham, on his first mission leading a strike over Hanoi, and J.D. was the deputy flight lead, Walnut Three. Enroute to the target, we faced heavy reactions. SAMs (surface-to-air missiles), AAA (anti-aircraft artillery) and MiG calls (enemy aircraft). As we egressed the target area over the Gulf of Tonkin, Lead called for a fuel check, and that was when we all realized that my fuel was significantly below the other airplanes in the flight. In fact, I wouldn't have enough fuel to make it to the post-strike refueling point. Sid was out of ideas, and that's when J.D. went into action. With Sid's concurrence, J.D. took command of the flight, sent us over to the emergency GUARD frequency, and made contact with the refueling tankers. One of them, Purple 28, volunteered to fly up into enemy territory to meet us. That crew put their airplane, their lives, and their careers on the line to save me. Back in 1972, navigation was not the GPS precision it is today. The INS (inertial navigation system) position on the F-4 could be off by as much as 10 miles for every hour of operation. The only way to roughly determine our position was radial/DME from a TACAN located on a Navy ship, far away. J.D. asked the tanker for his position from the TACAN, then gave the tanker a heading to meet up with us. Picking the tanker up on radar, J.D. told him when to begin his turn to a heading to match ours, and told him to start a descent. In the meantime, he directed me to start a half-nozzle descent. My WSO and I were running through the Preparation For Ejection checklist, and I was periodically reporting my fuel state. The last reading I recall seeing was 0 on the tape and 0030 on the counter. About two minutes fuel. With fuel gauge tolerance, perhaps a bit more, perhaps less. Up until this time I had simply been flying the headings, speeds and altitudes J.D. had assigned. I was pretty much operating on mental autopilot. The next thing I knew, I looked up and saw the refueling boom of the tanker directly above me, flying a "toboggan maneuver". I opened up my refueling door and immediately heard the rush of JP-4 entering my aircraft. And I knew I wouldn't need to step over the side on this mission. I think of J.D. and the tanker crew, and silently thank them, every time I hold my wife, my kids, my grandkids. If they hadn't stepped up to the plate when they did, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't have made it home. When you pull the ejection handle over shark-infested enemy-controlled water, there are a thousand things that can happen to prevent a happy outcome. So on this coming July 30th, I want to once again thank my Brothers, the brave tanker crew, Sid Fulgham, and J.D. Allen. My Last F-4 Flight In 1973 I was assigned to the 44th Tactical Fighter Squadron, at Kadena Air Base, in Okinawa. The squadron was on long-term TDY to CCK Air Base, in Taiwan. I was going through squadron check-out in the F-4C, and had flown a gunnery mission to Ie Shima bombing range in Okinawa.  For several weeks before July 5th I had been feeling unusually tired. I still ran five miles every day, and put in a lot of hours at the squadron on my additional duties as Life Support Officer, as well as filling in for the Admin Officer, who was TDY. But, naturally, as a self-designated Iron Man, I didn't check in with a flight surgeon. On this flight, I was feeling really, really weak. During the pitch-out during our arrival back at the base, I was blacking out from two Gs! After we taxied in to park, I couldn't climb out of the airplane by myself, and an ambulance crew took me to the hospital. Turned out I had Mononucleosis. After I was released from the hospital, I was placed on non-flying duties for several months, and during that time I was reassigned to Wing Headquarters in a desk job. Although I continued to fly after I recovered, it was in the T-39 Sabreliner, not the F-4. So I never had the closure of a "champagne flight" in the F-4.  

  A down on his luck PI finds himself on the hunt for a crazed killer, in this noir-styled thriller.   Starring: Heath Harper - JJ Flask Lindsey Bean - Queen Adelaide Santana Maynard - Casey Dwight Taylor - Vincent   A WORD FROM CHRIS Please forgive the audio quality. This was one of my first radio plays. JJ FLASK : PRIVATE EYE is my first foray into the classic black and white, hard boiled noir detective genre, but with a fun twist that will satisfy any gumshoe fan.   I had the idea whilst stuck in quarantine last year. I wanted to put out a new graphic novel, but I really wanted to do it in black and white, so I decided to try my hand at the noir genre. I felt that setting the book in the vampire world I created in my TURNED short was a great way to spice things up, and to my knowledge, there are no vampire detectives out there, so it seemed like the right way to go. The book is available in the link below, and I highly suggest reading it. It's very fun and helps round out this radio play accompaniment.   Read the full comic book for free with Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/JJ-FLASK-PRIVA...   CHECK OUT OUR MERCH: https://www.redbubble.com/people/blin... For more of his shows, check out his youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6QBNwm94MzoZFlUWuxMwZQ or find him on RedBubble: https://www.redbubble.com/people/blinky500/shop?fbclid=IwAR0my8CRnnYJRQokVRin5_0kGGtVByptiSv94RJkfuWRoLcZwwMhxxn-BRs

High-ranking Chinese defector has turned over terabytes of information to the DIA, which has been kept from general knowledge.

Morning Sermon: The News that Turned the World Upside Down Text: Acts 17:1-15; 1 Thess. 1:1 Point: Live under the gospel of God's grace and peace.

In this episode of “Best of Best Ever” we talk to three ex-pro athletes from the NFL and the NBA. Carl Banks  talks about his biggest business flop, what he took away from that, and his best advice for entrepreneurs. Marvin Washington  gives us practical tips for planning ahead, forming successful habits, and self-reflecting for constant improvement. Lastly, Jay Williams tells us the benefits of creating your own group of board members for accountability and feedback, as well as the importance of reinventing ourselves consistently. Carl Banks NFL Founded G-III over two decades ago, and responsible for bringing back the iconic starter satin jacket The Carl Banks Foundation - raises money for a variety of causes, most notably autism research Episode #1206 Marvin Washington NFL Crusader for the healing power of cannabis and getting the league to consider the benefits Involved in a hemp-derived CBD product company, Isodiol, where he leads the promotion of their IsoSport line. Episode #1196 Jay Williams NBA Multi-talented ESPN college basketball analyst and motivational speaker Turned a life-altering motorcycle accident into an opportunity to reinvent himself Episode #1169   Click here to know more about our sponsors RealEstateAccounting.co & ThinkMultifamily.com/coaching

June 19. Stuart Epperson. Stu grew up on a tobacco farm. When he was about sixteen, he and a buddy were hoeing corn on a mountainside in Virginia when they saw smoke rising and ran to check it out. Turned out to be one of Stu's relatives and the buddy's brother operating a corn-liquor still. Stu's first shot at being an entrepreneur!   […] The post Stuart W. Epperson, US, Media Mogul first appeared on 365 Christian Men.

Nobody ever has to worry about not getting what's coming to him. People don't have any control, only Hashem does. We should never be fooled by the way things seem to be, because Hashem is always the only One who decides who gets what. Rabbi Elimelech Biderman told a story about a man from Bet Shemesh who needed financial help to marry off his daughter. He traveled abroad and went around collecting with a driver who was taking other collectors as well. One of the other collectors in that car was a bully who demanded to go around first at every stop and only after were the other collectors allowed to leave the car. At one of the shuls they stopped at, this bully got out, went around collecting and then when he came back the others went in. The man from Bet Shemesh came back to the car with a check for $1800 from one of the congregants. That was totally out of the ordinary, as people in the shul usually gave out singles. The donor explained that he made a nice business deal that day and decided to give the ma'aser to the first person who asked him with a legitimate need. The driver was wondering why the first collector who went in didn't get that check. Wasn't he the first with a legitimate need? Turned out, the donor went to the bathroom during the time that the first collector went in. People could try to push their way forward all they want, but their efforts will never prevail if it is not the will of Hashem. Our job is to recognize everything we get comes only from Hashem, and our hishtadlut is just us going through the motions to get it, but not what actually brings results. Rabbi Biderman told another story about a rabbi whose first name is Shlomo. This rabbi leads a chesed organization in Israel which gives out three meals worth of food every Friday to 2000 families. On one of his latest visits to New York to raise money for this cause, he stayed at someone's house in Borough Park. A friend of his from the neighborhood told him about a very wealthy man he knows who is a six-hour drive from where they were. The friend said this wealthy man gives very big checks for these types of organizations that give out food, and it would be worth the rabbi's efforts to make the trip there. Rav Shlomo said a 12-hour round trip was too much for him to handle, but the friend kept pushing and eventually he offered to drive the rabbi himself. The friend called for an appointment with the wealthy man and was told they could come. When they arrived, they saw a table filled with food for them to enjoy after their long journey. While they were waiting and eating, the gabai told them when they would be called to go in to speak with the wealthy man, there were two rules they had to keep. Number one, they were not allowed to talk until he spoke first. And number two, they would not be allowed to tell anybody how much he gives them. They were eventually called in and after their presentation, they were given a check which turned out to be less than the price of the gas which they used to travel that day. The friend felt so bad that he dragged Rav Shlomo all the way there, but Rav Shlomo was not upset. He was actually happy. He began praising Hashem saying, “Thank You Hashem for showing me that my hishtadlut means nothing.” They drove back and arrived in Borough Park shortly before 2:00 am. They went to the Shomrei Shabbat Bet Midrash to catch a minyan for Arbit . After the minyan finished, somebody came over to Rav Shlomo and patted him on the back, giving him a warm hello and introducing himself. This was a man whom Rav Shlomo had been trying to get an appointment with for 6 years and was never able to. The man said he never prays this late but that night he had a wedding that just ended. Rav Shlomo spoke to him about his organization and, on the spot, the man gave him a check for $18,000. Rav Shlomo then saw even more how much his success depended only on Hashem. Turned out, Hashem used that long journey just to get Rav Shlomo to pray at that 2:00 am minyan that night to get his money from the other man. Hashem controls everything. Nobody can take what's ours, and we don't necessarily get what's coming to us from the hishtadlut we make to get it. הרבה שלוחים למקום – Hashem has many ways of sending. We put in the effort and Hashem decides where to send the blessing from.

Nobody ever has to worry about not getting what's coming to him. People don't have any control, only Hashem does. We should never be fooled by the way things seem to be, because Hashem is always the only One who decides who gets what. Rabbi Elimelech Biderman told a story about a man from Bet Shemesh who needed financial help to marry off his daughter. He traveled abroad and went around collecting with a driver who was taking other collectors as well. One of the other collectors in that car was a bully who demanded to go around first at every stop and only after were the other collectors allowed to leave the car. At one of the shuls they stopped at, this bully got out, went around collecting and then when he came back the others went in. The man from Bet Shemesh came back to the car with a check for $1800 from one of the congregants. That was totally out of the ordinary, as people in the shul usually gave out singles. The donor explained that he made a nice business deal that day and decided to give the ma'aser to the first person who asked him with a legitimate need. The driver was wondering why the first collector who went in didn't get that check. Wasn't he the first with a legitimate need? Turned out, the donor went to the bathroom during the time that the first collector went in. People could try to push their way forward all they want, but their efforts will never prevail if it is not the will of Hashem. Our job is to recognize everything we get comes only from Hashem, and our hishtadlut is just us going through the motions to get it, but not what actually brings results. Rabbi Biderman told another story about a rabbi whose first name is Shlomo. This rabbi leads a chesed organization in Israel which gives out three meals worth of food every Friday to 2000 families. On one of his latest visits to New York to raise money for this cause, he stayed at someone's house in Borough Park. A friend of his from the neighborhood told him about a very wealthy man he knows who is a six-hour drive from where they were. The friend said this wealthy man gives very big checks for these types of organizations that give out food, and it would be worth the rabbi's efforts to make the trip there. Rav Shlomo said a 12-hour round trip was too much for him to handle, but the friend kept pushing and eventually he offered to drive the rabbi himself. The friend called for an appointment with the wealthy man and was told they could come. When they arrived, they saw a table filled with food for them to enjoy after their long journey. While they were waiting and eating, the gabai told them when they would be called to go in to speak with the wealthy man, there were two rules they had to keep. Number one, they were not allowed to talk until he spoke first. And number two, they would not be allowed to tell anybody how much he gives them. They were eventually called in and after their presentation, they were given a check which turned out to be less than the price of the gas which they used to travel that day. The friend felt so bad that he dragged Rav Shlomo all the way there, but Rav Shlomo was not upset. He was actually happy. He began praising Hashem saying, “Thank You Hashem for showing me that my hishtadlut means nothing.” They drove back and arrived in Borough Park shortly before 2:00 am. They went to the Shomrei Shabbat Bet Midrash to catch a minyan for Arbit . After the minyan finished, somebody came over to Rav Shlomo and patted him on the back, giving him a warm hello and introducing himself. This was a man whom Rav Shlomo had been trying to get an appointment with for 6 years and was never able to. The man said he never prays this late but that night he had a wedding that just ended. Rav Shlomo spoke to him about his organization and, on the spot, the man gave him a check for $18,000. Rav Shlomo then saw even more how much his success depended only on Hashem. Turned out, Hashem used that long journey just to get Rav Shlomo to pray at that 2:00 am minyan that night to get his money from the other man. Hashem controls everything. Nobody can take what's ours, and we don't necessarily get what's coming to us from the hishtadlut we make to get it. הרבה שלוחים למקום – Hashem has many ways of sending. We put in the effort and Hashem decides where to send the blessing from.

I'm celebrating the 5 Year Anniversary of Side Hustle Pro all this month with video interviews with some of my favorite guests of all time! (So you can listen to this episode on your favorite podcast app or watch on the Side Hustle Pro YouTube Channel) Today in the guest chair, we have Kim Lewis, the CEO and co-founder of CurlMix, a clean beauty brand for curly hair. After a strong showing on Season 10 of ABC's Emmy Award-winning Shark Tank with her husband and co-founder, Tim, Kim made the daring decision to bet on herself, and turned down a $400,000 Shark deal.  Less than six months later, Kim's talent for logistics and marketing secured a seed investment of $1.2M. CurlMix's sales catapulted to $6M in annual revenue and they have earned over $13M in lifetime sales – all online.  On this episode, hear how CurlMix: Went from a DIY box for curly hair to launching their own products Empowers, educates, and grows their community and customers with weekly Facebook lives Turned down an offer on Shark Tank Started their Equity Crowdfunding campaign How they juggled raising two kids while building a huge business Check out this episode and others on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Soundcloud, and YouTube  This episode is brought to you by: AWeber Many thanks to our awesome sponsor AWeber. Side Hustle Pro listeners can try AWeber's PRO plan right now, no risk, no credit card. Visit AWeber.com and enter code HUSTLEPRO for a free 30-day trial of AWeber's PRO plan.  Links mentioned in this episode CurlMix Backstage Capital Traffic Sales Profit Building A Story Brand Book (*affiliate link*) Google Trends SEM Rush Ezra Firestone Click here to subscribe via RSS feed (non-iTunes feed): http://sidehustlepro.libsyn.com/rss Announcements Join our Facebook Community If you're looking for a community of supportive side hustlers who are all working to take our businesses to the next level, join us here: http://sidehustlepro.co/facebook Guest Social Media Info Side Hustle Pro – @sidehustlepro CurlMix - @CurlMix #SideHustlePro

“…What I want is to help my kids be as fully human as they can, and to be open to the full breadth of the human experience. That includes happiness and it includes a whole bunch of other things in between, and the more capable I can let my kid be themselves and experience and understand the resilience of moving through the breath of that human experience, that's a lot more important than me trying to keep them happy all the time.' I was like, ‘Dang that was good!'” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer In today's episode, Jill talks with Parenting Coach Margaret Webb. “Whether you are parenting a child that you didn't expect when you were expecting or you're just finding parenting in general really challenging especially with the pressurized life of a physician, today we have some ideas. Margaret is going to share a specific process that she's found to be wildly successful both in her own life as a parent and as a parenting coach and that seems to work really well with physicians.” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer Excerpts from the show:   “So Margaret, give us just a thumbnail sketch for those of us who don't know your story about your life and what you know about physicians when it comes to parenting the child that they didn't expect.” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer “Yes, I'm excited to be here. I am married to a neurosurgeon and we have been married for 25 years. We were married at 23, so I've been through the whole medical school, residency, fellowship, practice starting process with him. While we were doing that, I was teaching as an elementary school teacher and then became the mother of our now almost 18-year-old son who is autistic and is like Jill said, ‘Our best teacher ever,' and really challenges us to look at things differently, which at first was really frustrating and kind of challenging, but it's actually been one of the best gifts ever. It's taught us so much about ourselves and how we approach things. I'm really excited to share the process that we use all of the time that helps us every single day.” -Margaret Webb   “So walk us through it a little bit if you would.” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer   “Yes, so it's TIANT. Kind of like giant but with a T... So the letters stand for T for Tension, I for Intention, A for Attention and then the NT stands for No Tension. However, I like to clarify that with it (sometimes) being Less Tension. When I first learned about the importance of setting intentions I thought, ‘Ok, this is great. Setting an intention is wonderful. So I'm just going to start with setting intentions for how I want parenting to be or how I want the day to go or how I want this trip to be.' Then I realized that there's a step before that. Because usually in life, at least in my life, there's usually something that causes tension that leads me to want to set an intention. So that's why the T is very important. When my husband and I would talk about this he's like, ‘Yes, people come to me and they've got tension in their life. They've got something that's wrong. Like they're not feeling well, they've got pain, they've got symptoms and so that is what is causing them tension. Then we figure out what is the intention. They want to not have pain, they want to feel better. Then the attention is what are all the different approaches that can help us to address this. Then at some point there are things that we can't control, which is the no tension or less tension.' When I apply that in parenting it's the same thing. It's realizing, ‘Ok, this particular situation is causing me tension.' It might be, ‘Oh my child is having a tantrum or a meltdown,' or, ‘They are having certain behaviors or there's problems at school.' So that causes tension. Then to take a pause and think about what is our intention? What do we want? Why do we want this? And I find this so fascinating because oftentimes people will recommend certain therapies or certain activities and they'll recommend them to their friends. They'll say, ‘Oh you need to do this. You need to go see this person or you need to try this therapy. You need to do this particular activity, sign them up.' And parents are like, ‘Okay.' It's kind of like they end up playing a game of whack-a-mole where it's, ‘Ok we'll just do this, do that.' But if you press pause and think, what is the intention behind why we want to do this, why we want to try this, what is it going to give us? Then that helps to bring clarity whether or not that actually feels good. Whether it fits in the family plan, whether it's in alignment with what you're wanting. If so, then awesome. Then you go to the next step which is the attention. Ok, well then, what does this look like and what questions need to be asked? What information, especially if you have a child who has special needs or learns differently or just has information that you know could help those who are working with your child, bringing that to the conversation to kind of get the big picture of what is the attention I can give to this? That's so empowering before you even get into something. Now if you check in with your intention and it's not something that you feel ok with, then the attention shifts to, ‘Ok, that's good information. It's not a good fit for us right now.' That's another thing, sometimes people don't know what to say when other people are giving recommendations. So having something like, ‘Well, that's very interesting and I'm so excited that that worked for you,' or that you love that, but ‘That's not a good fit for us, for our family, right now and I'll just tuck it away.' Having things like that can be really helpful just to help you feel more comfortable in challenging conversations like that. And then the No Tension (or the less tension) is releasing the need for things to go in a specific way because we're not in control. We can't control everything and if we feel like we can control things then that brings a kind of needy, graspy energy to the situation which doesn't leave room for learning and growth. It's, ‘It has to go this way and it has to go right the first time,' which, as a physician you know that you're not in control of everything and of how things go. Sometimes things work great and sometimes they don't work great and you have to go back to the beginning of the process of ‘Ok, now here's the tension and what do we do, and how do we proceed from that?'” -Margaret Webb “I love the last part. TIANT is Tension, Intention, Attention. (Tension) That's the sign post. The intention is how I want to feel and who do I want to be in this process, not just letting yourself get drug by it. Attention is the good old fashioned steps that you're taking. Then the No Tension (less tension), I think that's something that can be so helpful for physicians, too. Because I know in working with my physician clients, that like a lot of humans and particularly humans who are a little bit prone to perfectionism, there can be a lot of attachment to the outcome. Another thing that is very common in physicians is curiosity, a love of learning. So if you can set aside a bit of the perfectionism and the white knuckling, gripping of the outcome in this situation, whether it's a challenge with a child, whether it's a tough conversation you're having with your vision head, this process works for that as well. Getting curious and being open, as you said, for some growth or possibility after you've taken the action is something that also comes naturally to physicians and it's going to be better serving you than that tightness or attachment to the outcome. Is that how you see it too or am I seeing it in the same way the process was intended?” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer “Absolutely. Yeah, I always look at it like before I would play with the process, it was like a horse with the blinders on. Only a very limited view of what was possible. With this process, it's like the blinders are off and I can be curious and I can be open to brainstorming and to looking at things happening in different ways. In ways that might require some mental wiggling and shifting because it might be a little uncomfortable to venture into different ways of being. But the more I do it, then the easier it becomes and I see I don't take things as personally. Because it's like, ‘Oh, ok, all right let's try this. How about this?' You know, it just opens things up.” -Margaret Webb “I know a lot of my clients in academic medicine, when we can reframe those situations like, ‘Wait. Ok, yeah.' Sometimes results of research that are different than the hypothesis can have even more powerful findings than what it was when things lined up with the hypothesis. I think that taking some curiosity, some willingness to be an experimenter in this process called life, and in this process called parenting, even if you're on your second, third, fourth, fifth kid, each kid provides its own laboratory for learning new things, as I can attest to as the parent of more than one. I know your husband, the neurosurgeon, has said that he thinks this process works particularly well for physicians because they get it, because it's kind of similar to the work they do. Why do you think that is?” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer “Well because when we were talking about it, he's like, ‘This is what we do.' Patients come to us and this is what we do. We listen to their stories and the listening of the stories then reveals often where the tension lies. Listening to the story then can also help with what they're actually wanting, which then helps him to be able to decide. But having that process also he's like, ‘It helps to do something else that is really important in parenting that's part of this is to not get tangled up in the stories. Like you're listening to the stories but not jumping into the stories of your patients. Just like you don't want to jump into the stories of your kids, which really can be very challenging. Because it's like, ‘Oh we want them to be happy, our intention is for them to be happy!' But sometimes we can't control that. So being able to stay separate from that and being the observer and being curious about what's actually going on here that isn't necessarily on the surface, and I think physicians are brilliant at that. They have the brain patterning and they have the experience of hearing the stories that they can be like, ‘Oh wait. Hold on, ok, this person is saying this, but this is probably what's actually going on.' I think the more that you can do that as a parent, then you start seeing patterns of, ‘Ok what's actually going on is maybe they're embarrassed.' So this kind of bizarre behavior or their little snarky comments or whatever different things show up on the surface, the behavior looks one way but if you can tap into that curiosity and seeing what's actually underneath this embarrassment. I mean there's so many different things. A lot of times with kids who have learning differences or who have a diagnosis of a variety of things, it can be emotional regulation, sensory overload, chronological age is different from the developmental age that they're behaving at in that moment, which can be really tricky because they can shift within seconds. So navigating that can be a challenge. Power struggles, needing to close loops, so those are some things. But you have to have kind of a checklist of, ‘Oh yeah. Ok, these are the typical underlying causes, but when they show up they look like this.' So that's the story but what's the understory? I think physicians are really good at that.” -Margaret Webb “ I love that. I think you bring up a really good point. We can get really attached as parents whether our kids have challenges. I mean, every kid has challenges. But as parents we get really attached sometimes to needing our kids to, ‘Be happy.' Which really means, ‘I want my kid to kind of be perfect so I can feel good about myself as a parent and I can feel safe and know I'm doing a good job.' I got some really good advice from a wise person when my kids were in those younger years of transitioning into early elementary. I was like, ‘I'm trying to do all I can to make sure that they're happy and well-adjusted.' She said, ‘You know, I really think if I could say something to my young parent self (this was somebody who was older than me by a few decades), I would say what I want is to help my kids be as fully human as they can, and to be open to the full breadth of the human experience. That includes happiness, and it includes a whole bunch of other things in between, and the more capable I can let my kid be themselves and experience and understand the resilience of moving through the breath of that human experience, that's a lot more important than me trying to keep them happy all the time.' I was like, ‘Dang that was good!' Margaret Webb is a parenting coach who specializes in supporting parents with children who are on their own developmental timeline or who simply march to the beat of their own drum (ie. Autism, Anxiety, ADHD, ADD, SPD, Apraxic, Dyslexic, Learning Differences, etc.). She and her neurosurgeon husband of 25 years thought that they knew what to expect while they were expecting their now 17 year old son but quickly learned he had other things in store for them. Turned out that the most powerful and helpful lessons for them involved shifting their own expectations and internal rules rather than placing all of the focus on him.    You can find Margaret Webb on her website, MargaretWebbLifeCoach, you can email her at margaretwebblifecoach@gmail.com or you can find her on Facebook and Instagram.   Related episode: Episode 49: Parenting the Child You Weren't Expecting Get One-on-One Coaching with Coach Gabriella Dennery MD Get One-on-One Coaching with Master-Certified Coach Jill Farmer   DocWorking believes the time has come to prioritize the health and wellness of physicians. Professional coaching is transformational. Elite athletes, award-winning actors and top-performing executives all know this, which is why they embrace coaching to achieve such extraordinary success. Leading corporations also know this, which is why they encourage coaching for employees at every level. Smart leaders leverage the power of coaching to achieve outcomes that are meaningful, measurable, and attainable. Our Coaches Will Show You How!   Our New Virtual Courses ‘STAT: Quick Wins to Get Your Life Back' and ‘A New Era of Leadership' are Almost Here!  Learn More Now    To learn more about DocWorking, visit us here!   Are you a physician who would like to tell your story? Please email Amanda, our producer at Amanda@docworking.com to apply.   And if you like our podcast and would like to subscribe and leave us a 5 star review, we would be extremely grateful!   We're everywhere you like to get your podcasts! Apple iTunes, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Google, Pandora, PlayerFM, ListenNotes, Amazon, YouTube, Podbean   Some links in our blogs and show notes are affiliate links, and purchases made via those links may result in small payments to DW. These help toward our production costs. Thank you for supporting DocWorking: The Whole Physician Podcast!   Occasionally, we discuss financial and legal topics. We are not financial or legal professionals. Please consult a licensed professional for financial or legal advice regarding your specific situation.   Podcast produced by: Amanda Taran

Jessica Butterfield and Kelly Thompson are two delightful, committed, intelligent Latter-day Saints who grew up in Utah. Both Jessica and Kelly are also recovering addicts with a compelling story that needs to be heard—a story of struggle, redemption, and a fervent desire to help the addicted and their families, friends, and church leaders. Kelly has authored the book Between Monsters and Mercy and has been a facilitator for the Church's Addiction Recovery Program. Together they have begun a new podcast, "The Hope Addiction", as an extension of a podcast Jessica previously initiated. Highlights 04:15: Kelly's story: Turned to drugs as a teen to deal with physical ailments. Her siblings were on the BYU/temple marriage path. Time on the streets doing whatever it took (e.g., prostitution) to support her addiction. Testimony struggles in a less-active family. God became a punching bag and later her best friend during her time in a deep abyss. D&C 121 took on added meaning. Has been sober 4 ½ years, following 28 years of addiction. Sister missionaries showed up miraculously at a critical time. Began to realize that she was not inherently all the bad labels she had taken upon herself. Wants other to know the Savior can change lives and hearts. Gratitude for other recovering addicts whose stories inspired her to change. 10:48: Jessica's story: Raised in a small Utah town in an LDS home. Family became inactive when she was 12. Introduced to drugs/alcohol at 12. Had anxiety and depression she was not aware of. Addicted to heroin at 16. Addicted for four years. Hated the person she had become. At 20, went through heroin withdrawal. Did not wish to believe in the “Mormon God.” Attended an LDS 12-step meeting and experienced grace, hope and a priesthood blessing that changed her life. What could it hurt to try a different approach to life? Faith grew. Sealed in temple 3 years shy of being clean. Experienced a transformation through the Atonement. Has not relapsed since that change ten years ago. 15:45: What leads people to try drugs? Alcohol originally offered relief and seemed like a solution to anxiety/depression/trauma/family dysfunction/family history of addiction. Substance abuse worked fast and came with fun partying. Seeking out associates with similar adulterated values. Wired for anxiety? Drugs provided an escape “needed” to cope. God's love supplanted the need for harmful substances. 21:40: Rationalizing the foray into drugs? Escape 23:20: Common misconceptions about the disease. Where does choice end and addiction/disease begin? Lying and manipulation comes with the territory. Abuse affects the brain and takes over the survival instincts. If you are on fire you jump into a water to save yourself. Addicted people begin viewing drugs as a survival tool. Addicts are not bad people who need to be good; they are sick people who want to be better. As an addict your behavior affects others adversely. Mental health issues require compassion. 27:30: What can a church leader or family member do when someone is in the middle of their addiction? No easy answers. Allow someone to suffer the consequences of their choices--landing in jail isn't always a bad thing. Addicts need to be humbled. Pray for addicted loved ones to hit bottom and confess to being an addict so they can turn to the real source of strength. Heavenly Father knows our hearts and can provide healing circumstances. Be willing to plant seeds that can help an addict even if you don't see immediate results. When Jessica was ready to change, she remembered the good people in the church who had been very kind (e.g., non-judgmental home teachers, sister missionaries, etc.) 33:40: What about relapse? It is a one-day-at-a-time deal. Need Christ. Don't become overly confident. 36:45: Pushing the addictive experiences into the background vs being open about prior struggles. What about involving recovering addicts to help wards?

“He has been the best teacher because it’s just a matter of noticing and playing around with, what is the feedback that I'm getting from this other human being? And it’s just been absolutely amazing.” -Margaret Webb In today’s episode, Coach Jill Farmer sits down with Margaret Webb. Margaret is a Life Coach who specializes in coaching parents on ‘Parenting the child they didn’t expect while they were expecting.’ Margaret and her neurosurgeon husband of 25 years have their own story of the unexpected. Tune in to hear this story and find out what led Margaret down the path of Coaching and how she has been helping others to find the freedom in shifting expectations.   Margaret Webb is a parenting coach who specializes in supporting parents with children who are on their own developmental timeline or who simply march to the beat of their own drum. (ie. Autism, Anxiety, ADHD, ADD, SPD, Apraxic, Dyslexic, Learning Differences, etc.) She and her neurosurgeon husband of 25 years thought that they knew what to expect while they were expecting their now 17 year old son but quickly learned he had other things in store for them. Turned out that the most powerful and helpful lessons for them involved shifting their own expectations and internal rules rather than placing all of the focus on him.  You can find Margaret Webb on her website, MargaretWebbLifeCoach, you can email her at margaretwebblifecoach@gmail.com or you can find her on Facebook and Instagram. Excerpts from the show:   “So let's talk a little bit about your specific journey. You were working full-time as a busy teacher helping to support your husband. He was on the very long and arduous path of medical training to become a neurosurgeon. So then you guys decided it's getting to be time where you might want to become parents yourselves. Pick up the story there, if you would.” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer “Yeah. We got married when we were 23. So we're about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. But he was in his research year of his residency and we thought, ‘Ok, this will be an ideal time, because he'll be home more and we're almost at the end stretch of his neurosurgery residency.’ So we decided, ‘Ok, we're almost 30, this will be a great time to get pregnant.’ So we did and from there things got really interesting because things did not go as we expected. We got pregnant and then spent a year in Auckland, New Zealand ...before his chief residency year. He actually had to go to Auckland before I gave birth. I had the choice to either leave my teaching job when I was 30 weeks pregnant so that I could go with him and be over there in time to give birth or I could stay back in the states. So I chose to stay in the states to finish out my teaching year and then have our son at the hospital with the doctors that I knew. So he was not there when I gave birth, which was a very interesting thing because we ended up needing to have an emergency C-section and me not having medical knowledge didn't realize, ‘Like oh, maybe we should just demand to have this sooner than later.’ It ended up that our son had the cord wrapped around his neck, so he was losing oxygen and all sorts of things happened as a result of that. So he was born and things progressed. We went to New Zealand and everything was hunky-dory. Then towards the end of our one year there, it started to become apparent around his one year birthday that things weren't going as planned. He wasn't babbling, he wasn't responding to his name, he wasn't waving bye-bye and so that kind of set up some red flags for us. After the year was up we came back to the states. Then he did his chief residency year and I went back to teaching. Andrew went to daycare and things got even more challenging. He did not want to sit at the table, he didn't want to do certain things that the other kids his chronological age were able to do. So that was the start of our journey.’ -Margaret Webb “So at that point, obviously, chief residency is not a laid-back year and you're trying to juggle parenting and your own career as a teacher. And feeling like, I know from previous conversations we've had, ‘I am a teacher. I should be able to handle this. We've got this. We've got a teacher and a brain surgeon, we can do this with this kid.’ So what was your behavior like at that time and what were you trying to achieve during that early time of knowing that maybe Andrew was on a different path from at least the other kids in daycare at that point?” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer  “So we definitely had been high-fiving each other beforehand thinking, ‘All right, we got this thing in the bag. We are going to be the best parents possible for this child based on our experience.’ At that time I went into full-blown warrior mode where I was just like, ‘Ok I've got to fix it. I've got to take care of everything.’ We had visited a pediatrician who happened to be one of the parents of the kids that I was teaching and she started asking questions and I got very defensive around anything regarding differences showing up with my child because you know it was like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is my baby, why are you saying this about my child? Like he's just a late talker, he's just like Einstein. You know, he's brilliant, clearly.’ So there was a lot of defensive warrior energy where I just really wasn't willing to accept that there might be something different. Now I did accept help in the form of a speech pathologist and play therapist who came to our house. We did evaluations, we did the hearing screening, we did all sorts of stuff but at that point in time because he was doing his chief residency year, I felt like I needed to take on everything and make sure that everything was done so that when he came home he got to be ‘park man’. You know, he'd come in and our son would grab him by the hand and take him down to the neighborhood park and they would goof around and swing. So it was very important for me to make sure that they had their relationship and that they maintained that. Looking back now, I realize that it was at the expense of not really bringing him in and allowing his input and support. Like we would go and do MRIs and I would do it by myself. They always ended up being a horrible horrible experience. You know, looking back, I'm like, ‘Ok, he would've been the perfect person to bring. Which I eventually did because I'm like, ‘He would know the language, he would know how to communicate certain things.’ But at that point it was like, ‘Ok I just need to do this all myself,’ which was not good.” -Margaret Webb “So the final question in this part of the conversation, update us now on how hilarious and funny 17 year old Andrew is doing today.” -Master Certified Coach Jill Farmer “Yes, he is doing absolutely amazing. He's almost 18, which just blows my mind and he's super excited to become an adult. He thinks something magical is going to happen at 18 to make him suddenly independent, which cracks me up. But he's just kind of like Buddy the Elf. He's just joy and he loves being with other people and doing different things. He went to a social hour the other night with my mother-in-law and there was somebody in the parking lot. As I opened the door, she came over and she said, ‘I just have to say, ‘Do you realize what a joy your child is?’ He's just unapologetic of who he is and will compliment anybody. You know like, ‘Wow you look so beautiful’ or ‘I love your shirt.’ He doesn't have an ego and he doesn't have a social self filter which makes it so fun to be around. Now granted, he's also a teenager for the most part he is who he is and he continues to encourage me to be me unapologetically. I think these kids have a lot to teach us.” -Margaret Webb   Get One-on-One Coaching with Coach Gabriella Dennery MD Get One-on-One Coaching with Master-Certified Coach Jill Farmer   DocWorking believes the time has come to prioritize the health and wellness of physicians. Professional coaching is transformational. Elite athletes, award-winning actors and top-performing executives all know this, which is why they embrace coaching to achieve such extraordinary success. Leading corporations also know this, which is why they encourage coaching for employees at every level. Smart leaders leverage the power of coaching to achieve outcomes that are meaningful, measurable, and attainable. Our Coaches Will Show You How!   Our New Virtual Courses ‘STAT: Quick Wins to Get Your Life Back’ and ‘A New Era of Leadership’ are Almost Here!  Learn More Now        To learn more about DocWorking, visit us here!   Are you a physician who would like to tell your story? Please email Amanda, our producer at Amanda@docworking.com to apply.   And if you like our podcast and would like to subscribe and leave us a 5 star review, we would be extremely grateful!   We’re everywhere you like to get your podcasts! Apple iTunes, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Google, Pandora, PlayerFM, ListenNotes, Amazon, YouTube, Podbean   Some links in our blogs and show notes are affiliate links, and purchases made via those links may result in small payments to DW. These help toward our production costs. Thank you for supporting DocWorking: The Whole Physician Podcast!   Occasionally, we discuss financial and legal topics. We are not financial or legal professionals. Please consult a licensed professional for financial or legal advice regarding your specific situation.   Podcast produced by: Amanda Taran

Meet Melinda Melinda is a sales coach who specializes in helping female entrepreneurs sell to corporations. Not only does she coach how to sell, she still practices her own sales. Melinda works as a sales executive and holds an impressive track record of over $40 million. With 20 plus years of b2b sales experience, she is determined to help other women expand their impact by selling to big companies. She also leads a Facebook community of amazing women trailblazers called B2B Women Making Big Sales. How do small business owners sell to big clients? Yeah, I think this is usually the first question people have. When we are small entrepreneurs, and we look at other people going after or working with more established businesses and corporations, and a lot of times they look at fellow entrepreneurs that are able to have an impressive client list. A lot of people often ask me, how can I sell to corporations, and I personally think in today's world, the world has gone through so many changes and companies are actually becoming more flexible in terms of looking for consultants or companies or business owners to work with me. So I've worked with a lot of women that told me the same thing. Sometimes companies are looking for employees, but because of different reasons, they started looking for consultants to help them with different services or different solutions. But the first thing that when people are thinking about starting to go after corporations, the first thing they often have is that, "How do I get started? Is it even possible?" I like to say the first step when it comes to going after corporate clients is all about the target. If you want to stand out and compete with other people, especially more established competitors, the first thing you need to ask yourself is, can I be more specific or targeted in terms of my marketing? Can I find an industry that is highly specialized, and in terms of what I do, can I be considered as a specialist in terms of my service offering. Your positioning statements should be the first thing you stand out for because business prospects or business clients are super busy, they often do not have a lot of time to listen to a long speech or long elevator speech. So to have a very clear understanding of how you stand out how you can be a specialist should really be the first thing that you want to focus on. But if you are able to stand out within a very specialized industry or something you offer, I personally think that there is a great opportunity for you out there to go after corporate clients because you are going to tell them, "Hey, I'm going to stand out from my more established competitors because working with me, you get to have direct access to me, you are able to work with me rather than some other teams or other companies where they have a lot of turnovers." I think that for small entrepreneurs when it comes to going after corporate clients, our customer service and personalized approach is definitely a way to that will appeal to a lot of corporate clients. How do small business owners stand out when they're selling to these big clients? Yeah, definitely niching down. I often tell people that in terms of sales perspective, the first thing, industry can be a really great way for you to stand out from your competitors. It's one thing to say, "Hey, I'm a marketing consultant," or you can say, "I'm a marketing consultant that really specializes in sporting industries," and that instantly helps you stand out from your competitors. So to really find an industry that you're passionate about, and one thing you can look at is to look at your past experience. A lot of women when they start out probably already have years of experience, either in the corporate world or from their education, or where they're located. So you can also always look back to your professional experience, and try to ask yourself, in terms of experience I have, what industry can I specialize in, and that is a great way to really stay focused, to stand out. Similar to a lot of marketing conversations people might have with you, it's niching down. But I think by niching down for corporate clients, when you're having a sales conversation, it becomes really easy for you to understand and it also allows you to have a better impact in terms of your sales activities. Think about this, if you want to go after companies in the sports industry, it's one thing to go after one or two prospects in the industry, but if you decide to niche down and focus on this industry, then you can easily go after all the companies within that industry, and continue to have a sales conversation that's very industry-specific, rather than going after a broad range of market. If you have a sales communication style message that is more broad-based, by niching down to a specific industry, then you can go after one industry at a time. Every time you go after one industry, you're more likely to stand out because you're focusing and you're being the specialist of the specific industry. So that's definitely the first thing that you need to think about and a lot of women I support within our Executive Lounge Program, I also ask them to really have a very clear understanding of their competitors. By knowing the bigger competitors, you can also understand how you're going to be different from those competitors and that should be the next step in terms of helping you stand out from the competitors. How do you manage your sales process as a busy entrepreneur? That's led to a little bit of that industry-specific sales strategy. The way I help female entrepreneurs sell, the way we design it, it all happens for a reason. First of all, by niching down, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed. By focusing on one industry you are going to start to connect with people that tend to know each other. I've been selling for 20 years, I've sold in different industries around the world, but every time I get into one industry here's what I noticed: I noticed that everybody tends to know each other. So if you are able to niche down and focus on specific industries, a small number of industries, and the more you network with people, you're going to notice that people tend to know each other. A lot of people in the marketing positions within the sports industry, I bet you that most people know each other, and people tend to go from one business to the other. So the more you network, and the more you connect with people, you are going to become the insider of that industry and that is how you stop being overwhelmed. If you try to go after a lot of people, one of the biggest mistakes I hear entrepreneurs face is that they will go after a broad range of industries, and then they end up having hundreds of prospects on their CRM client management systems and they will have hundreds of prospects and not knowing how to follow up, or people will be telling me, "Oh, my God, LinkedIn, I'm getting so many messages, and I'm having trouble managing them," but if you're able to really prioritize and know who you want to go after and make sure that you connect with people that are really going to give you those 5-6 figure sales, that is the first step to avoid feeling overwhelmed, and you've definitely got to have a very clear sales system. I teach a five-step sales system, and we focus on one step at a time. Always asking yourself, where am I in this step within this sales success plan, where am I, and what should I do to just simply move forward? So that's definitely the second one, and once you have that system down, I encourage you to probably outsource part of your sales success plan to somebody else and that is when you can start thriving and start to feel less overwhelmed. But definitely, it's a step-by-step process. It's about niching down because the more you can know, within one specific industry, you are going to be known and people are going to start talking about you and refer your clients. That is the reason why I'm able to do what I do while still being a director of sales for another company. I had to start building my relationship and connect with a lot of people, but now I am known and while I'm known, I'm able to offer time to female entrepreneurs as support to go in after big clients. So it is possible to do that. Can you share with our listeners one of your most successful or favorite networking experiences that you've had? I'm just looking at the most recent thing. I am in sporting goods, I represent another company and we go after large sports brand. So one thing that came to mind is that these days I'm going after the boxing industry. I've been attending trade shows for a long time and every year I will be going to trade shows. A lot of times when you go in after trade shows you meet different kinds of people and recently, I was just going after this boxing industry and I remember two years ago somebody briefly introduced me to the top r&d person, within a boxing company a really important brand. That is really something that really resonated with me in terms of networking stories you were talking about is that you really don't know the kind of people you're going to connect with. But two years ago, when I bumped into the person, and we had a common connection, I call it super connectors and the person introduced me to this top r&d person of this boxing brand. This just reminded me that whenever we do networking, we always got to think long-term. Two years ago I met this person, and today this person would be my ideal client and I'm super grateful. If I were to try to reach out to this person on LinkedIn, and try to connect with this person, first of all, this person doesn't even have a LinkedIn profile. It would have taken me so much longer to try to track down this person and let alone getting a meeting or a face-to-face meeting with this person. But just by two years ago, being able to network with people, especially industry insiders, people that are hanging out in the industry within the industries, I was able to get a business card of my ideal client. Two years later I'm super grateful to be able to have his business card, and I've kept it and that would have saved me so much trouble tried to reach out to or figure out what that person is. Again, back to if you have a good right target, and if your target is specific enough, you really are going to notice that the more you network, the more you meet people, everybody knows each other. That also goes to your reputation because you've got to have a great reputation to make sure that people are going to talk about you positively. But that turned out to be a great opportunity for me to meet my ideal clients two years later. You just never know where your business is going to take you out who might end up benefiting, or what networking event might end up being super beneficial. As you've met people from all over how do you best stay in front of our best nurture these relationships that you're creating? I think, first of all, you've got to have a very simple to implement client relationship system. It doesn't have to be fancy, a lot of people like to use HubSpot, I like to keep my sales on a client management system. Also making sure that you prioritize those people that are important to your target industry. I talked within my group, I talk to the women I support a lot about the super connectors to really recognize that a small group of people could provide the most impact on your sales. So when you're networking with people, I think the first thing to really keep in mind and avoid feeling overwhelmed is to prioritize the most important connections you want to keep in touch with and have a simple system. Some ladies in my group use something as simple as Excel but have simple systems so that you stay focused when it's time to do your sales s you don't have hundreds of prospects that you need to follow up. Focus on your most important prospects and focus on nurturing relationships with them. I think staying focused is also another very important thing for busy entrepreneurs. Let's face it, we have so many things to do, I support mostly female entrepreneurs and I always tell the ladies, we don't just have to sell, we have to manage our clients, manage our people, some of us are moms, daughters, friends, we have so many things to manage. So keep your system as simple as possible. Don't overcomplicate it and stay focused. What advice would you offer to the business professional who is really looking to grow their network? I often talk about the super connectors. Super connectors are specifically designed for people who are going after 5-6 figure decision-makers like businesses and corporations. A lot of times, when you try to reach out to decision-makers, many of them don't hang out on LinkedIn. I think that is a lot of challenges entrepreneurs or professionals face is that they'll be posting a lot on LinkedIn, but their content is only consumed by smaller professionals, but most decision-makers often are not consuming content on LinkedIn, or sometimes they don't even have LinkedIn messages. So reaching out to super connectors, and try to develop opportunities for business referrals is another opportunity or another sales strategy I often share with my fellow entrepreneurs or women I support. But basically, super connectors are the people that would be connected to your decision-makers, but that is also open to networking opportunities. One thing when it comes to superconductors that you want to keep in mind is there are a lot of different people that might be able to give you business referral opportunities, look for those super connectors because these people could potentially get your foot in the door with your business decision-makers, and be conscious and spend time to nurture those relationships. I often joke about this, but sometimes I'm nicer to my super connectors than my actual prospective clients. But these are the people that first of all, have a huge amount of industry knowledge that you probably couldn't get by googling or by talking to other people. So these people, have been in the industry for a long time, and they could probably share a lot of information and knowledge with you. These are the people you're able to create win-win relationships with, these are the people that could refer you clients and give you that business introduction. Oftentimes, a lot of professionals and entrepreneurs, all know that business introduction is the most powerful way to get the attention of decision-makers or corporate clients. So yes, when you're building your network, look for those that are able to introduce you to your ideal clients. If you could go back to your 20-year-old self, what would you tell yourself to do more or less of or differently with regards to your professional career? I would say focus on the next best step. So I often talked about how I've got a success plan and these are the five steps to getting more corporate clients. But in terms of day-to-day, I would encourage myself to focus on the next best step and really just focus on making that progress. I am a very impatient person, I'm going to be very frank about it. I'm always trying to do better go after different things over the years, I've gone to different markets. But looking back, I would tell myself don't be so impatient, but just focus on the next best step, what is the next best step I should focus on, and enjoy the process. I am proud to say that even though I've been selling for 20 years, and I've done 1000s of cold calls, and I also like to joke about this, frankly, I probably been rejected more than most people I know. But I have to say, I've really enjoyed this process and I continue to love being an entrepreneur. There have been ups and downs, but if I were to talk to myself, 20 years ago, I'd say enjoy the ride, focus on your next best step and just focus on doing it with more joy and more purpose, and enjoy the ride because I always thought I'd be so happy if I made it or if I closed this deal. Turned out that I did close those deals, but I continued to want to grow and I continued to want to go after the next big plan. So it doesn't stop, this whole process never stops and it's more about the journey. Seriously, your journey is your destination, the more I've been in sales and as an entrepreneur, the more I appreciate what they're saying. So just have fun and enjoy whatever you're doing every single day and stay focused on your next best job and continue to grow and appreciate people we know every single day. I know we've talked so much about sports, and I love the fact that I've got somebody to talk about hockey with so enjoy the people you know and have fun. What final word of advice you have to offer our listeners with regards to growing and supporting your network? I think the most important thing that I would like to share with everybody listening when is when somebody is in front of you, I would say listen, pay close attention and just focus on listening. So many people come to me and say, "Hey, what is the step-by-step script to closing sales?" While I do have lots of sales scripts and sales templates, I always like to remind people when it comes to sales or even any relationship you're trying to build in your business world, it's about the person in front of you. While there are still those templates, those scripts, we will often consume different content about the strategies and a step-by-step process when you are in front of anybody, just listen closely and ask yourself, how do I create a win-win relationship with this person? How can I support the person? How can I help the person? Always be helpful, and being helpful is the best way to build a relationship because a lot of times, we don't know what might happen. As I said, two years ago I had a simple networking opportunity, and boom, two years later, this person now is my ideal client. I would say focus on the person in front of you, always be helpful, and create win-win situations. The more creativity you've got, the better you are at creating win-win relationships, and the more likely you're going to build that powerful network. The essence of a powerful network, or even closing sales is all about having a win-win relationship where the person knows that if he or she works with you, there is going to be a win-win relationship. That, in essence, is the foundation of any successful sales relationship or business relationship. So yeah, I would say just focus on listening to the person and then genuinely create a win-win relationship, and be creative in terms of how can I support this person and if you're able to help this person, then this person is going to be very happy to refer your clients to give you a business or share knowledge with you. So always be helpful. I think Dale Carnegie once said, "If you're able to help that person, the person in front of you, then you can achieve anything." I'm paraphrasing it, but I really believe that for me, I think that's part of the reason why every time I do networking events or when I'm in front of prospective clients, I'm able to have a pretty good closing rate because of that sincere desire to really want to help people and I'm always trying to find ways to support and help people.   Connect with Melinda   LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melinda-chen-women-making-big-sales/  Search “B2B Women Making Big Sales” on Facebook and LinkedIn to join the group!  Download Your Free Sales Script Here!

When mine enemies are turned back, they shall be feeble and perish at thy presence.

While Cal has interviewed many of the icons of the last 75 years, there are a few people he always wanted to meet. One of them is the author of his favorite book, One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez. The Colombian won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1982 and passed away in 2014. Cal was recently introduced to Marquez’s son, Rodrigo Garcia, the award-winning filmmaker. Turned out the two had been living a few blocks away from each other, and the conversation between them made Cal feel like he’d been a friend of the family for more than half a century.

Turned heads become budding romances at Casa Amor while the action has fizzled at the main villa. Priscilla decides that blondes have more fun and Jess tries to prove her right. We do a deep dive into tartans, plaids, and kilts (oh, my!) after Biggs declares that he might wear one when he gets married. We talk fashion and rank couples. This episode features additional music by Audionautix.com.   Support Little Bit Leave It on Patreon and get a bonus mini-episode with every regular episode for as little as $2 per month! http://www.patreon.com/littlebitleaveit

Nick found a new album he's excited to share this week. Legendary bassist Pino Palladino & producer, multi-instrumentalist Blake Mills released “Notes With Attachments” earlier this year. It's both very easy to listen to and a 13 piece band performing complicated jazz arrangements of West African & Cuban inspired funk melodies. It's also worth checking out!Songs:Pino Palladino & Blake Mills - “Djurkel”Pino Palladino & Blake Mills - “Ekuté”Greg joins us from the road on his way up to Seattle & he thought it was a perfect opportunity for another “State of the Art”. Greg sticks with Seattle this time, Jay shares his favorite bands & artists from his home state of Pennsylvania & Nick tosses in some Maryland bands as well. Song: Bill Frisell, David Holland, Elvin Jones - “Moon River”For our ninety-second episode, Jay brings us the music of 1992. We start off with Tom Waits “Bone Machine”, swing by the pop charts for a bit, move along to Dr. Dre's “Chronic”, stop at Pavement's debut “Slanted & Enchanted” & Rage Against The Machine's self-titled first album, en route to Aphex Twin's “Selected Ambient Works 85-92” and rendezvous at September 29, which gave us Alice In Chains “Dirt” & Stone Temple Pilot's debut “Core”. Turned out to be a pretty solid year!Songs:Tom Waits - “Dirt in the Ground”Alice in Chains - “Them Bones”

My Indigenous friend, Ryan Bellerose called and I couldn't say no. Turned out we had a good old chat.

Turned off to church, religion, or God altogether due to hypocrisy? Or know someone who is? Take a listen to today's podcast! Music: Summer Days by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031 Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0 Free Download / Stream: http://bit.ly/-summer-days Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/3wiksi3J_KI

Jimmy Carter may be the only American president to have used the White House as a stepping stone. Turned out of office after one term, Carter went on to global esteem as a champion of public health, a geopolitical negotiator, and an advocate for democratic representation. Georgia-born brothers and filmmakers Will and Jim Pattiz, revive the debate over Carter’s White House legacy in their new film “Carterland.”

Meditation Brings Back a Flood of Memories   My fiancee, Howie Baskin and I were on a flight from our home in Tampa, Florida to Los Angeles, California and I was taking advantage of the rare opportunity to indulge in the pleasure of reading a book.  This one was called “Corporate Nirvana” by Judith Anderson.  We were somewhere over the desert and I was getting tired.  The author was detailing her intuitive encounter with a group of business people in which she suggested that they close their eyes and imagine that they were all alone, on a deserted island.  There was no work to do.  No deadlines.  No responsibilities.  No demand on their time.  There was only the island, the sand crunching between their toes and the birds over head.  Their attention was diverted to a beautifully ornate, bejeweled treasure chest in the sand.  As they approach they can see that it is unlocked and they know that inside is their gift.  This gift will be the answer to the question that is plaguing them now.  They will know when they see this gift exactly what it means to them and therein is their answer.   I haven't meditated in the deep relaxed manner that I had been practicing in over a year.  I have been too busy.  Things have been going too well for me to value the need for it.  This seemed like a perfect opportunity to shut the book and try her visualization.  I asked myself, “Why am I always taking on tougher and tougher problems?  Why can't I just say, “enough is enough” and be happy with what I've done?”  Holding that thought, in my sleepy half conscious state, I began the walk down the beach in the deserted island in my head.   Seagulls overhead, palm trees swaying in the tropic breeze, the warmth of the sun on my face and the sand crunching between my toes.  So far, so good.  Ah, there is the treasure chest…going over to admire it…it really is beautiful…I wonder what is inside, but I hesitate.  Do I want to know?  What if I don't find an answer?  What if I do and don't like it?  I stall and ponder the gravity of the moment.  In this box that I made up, in a place that I made up, lays the answer to the one problem that has driven me since childhood.  Here at 30,000 feet, while I look to all the world that I am asleep, I am about to discover the meaning of life…the meaning of my life anyway.   I begin to slowly lift the lid.  There is an aura of purple light escaping from the treasure chest.  “Nice special effects” I compliment to my imaginative self. “I wasn't expecting that.”  I am opening the lid so slowly as if I am expecting some dragon to consume me with its fire breathing anger.  Come on Carole…open the box…its just a box…go on now open it!   Leaping backward from the box as the top swings open I can only see what looks like a purple, fuzzy blanket in the bottom of the box.  Tentatively, I lean forward thinking there must be something under the cloth.  It isn't moving and there doesn't appear to be any real shape to it.  I am disappointed with myself.   “That's it!  That's the best you could do?  You have the opportunity to solve all of your life's struggles in one vision and all you can think of is a blanket!  I must be cold.  That must be what is behind this first thought and my REAL revelation must still be in the box.”  I try hard to see something else in the chest and after a while I resign myself to just being totally unimaginative.   OK then, let's have a look at the fuzzy purple blanket and what ever that could possibly mean to me.  As I am muttering, “purple blanket” to myself I lift it up out of the dark box and hold it full length.  “Well, how about that?” I say to myself as the living material, with a light that gave it the fuzzy appearance, unfolds to the sand.  “It's not a blanket at all.  It's a cloak, shimmering with a life all its own.  It is breathtakingly beautiful!  It is too precious to wear.  No king ever wore a cape as magnificent as this!  I wonder briefly if I am worthy to wear this aura of lavender light?   “Of course I am,” I chide. “I made the thing up.  I can wear it.”  I put it on.  Wow!  I am cloaked in spirituality.  What does that mean to me?  It means that I have remembered who I really am.   I am safe.  I am at peace.  I am at one with God.   Everything I have ever done was leading to this moment.  Every challenge that I ever set myself up for has culminated in this moment of awakening.  All I have ever been trying to do was to reach this moment of spiritual enlightenment.   My driven self said, “OK.  Nice lesson.  Now get back to reading and learn something.”  My spiritual self said, “I am learning now.  I am learning that my drive has come from the need to prove myself worthy, but my spirit has always known that I am and that every lesson in life is about reaching a higher level of Nirvana.”   As if the flood gates had been instantly opened every challenge that had beset me along the way raced through my mind.  I was seeing what was common in every situation:  Every time a challenge presented itself, it was a much more difficult one than the one before.  Every time I succeeded in reaching the goal there were people who I felt were betraying me.  In each case, as the stakes were higher, those people were stronger or greater in numbers than the time before.  It wasn't the tasks or the challenges themselves that were my lessons to learn, but rather, how I would deal with the people who would disappoint me so profoundly.   How I would deal with having betrayed myself.  Nothing on this earthly plane; wealth, fame or fortune means anything.  It is all about reconnecting with God and that is done by reconnecting with ALL of His creation.  Yes, Carole, the people too.  Perhaps the people especially.  It is about remembering who you are and how we are all One.   The author, Judith Anderson  suggests the Piper Principle:   1. What troubles a person most about a situation actually reveals an aspect of themselves (an underlying fear or concern) they don't yet see;  a blind spot. 2. Underlying fears and concerns of leaders, and the unconscious way in which they protect themselves from them, show up in parable form as organizational barriers or blocks to achieving whatever goals are set. 3. When aggravation or blocks show up, a person can pay the piper, investigate the blind spot, and resolve the fear and concern or blame others.  Unproductive patterns reappear until you pay the piper.   I don't think I have ever considered a more truthful thought than that.   Some lessons I just go through over and over and over until I get it.  Once I get it then the next lesson is harder and will keep repeating over and over until I finally get that one too.  Until yesterday I didn't see this pattern of escalation.  I wonder, if I had, would I have had the courage to take on each new challenge, knowing that success ultimately meant a tougher lesson to follow?   Ignorance is bliss, but it is highly ineffective when we know our days are numbered and we have so much to learn in this lifetime.  I am increasingly convinced that we live forever and are doomed to repeat lives of frustration and striving until we each experience our own moment of looking into the treasure chest and discover ourselves and our connection to All that Is.   The rest of this is not meant to read like a resume of accomplishments, but rather as an example of how each of us is presented with unique challenges that we meet to the very best of our ability each time.  Many times challenges have been presented to me that I was incapable of overcoming.  Connecting with people has been the hardest for me.  Sometimes we may look back and think we could have done better, but I don't think so.  I think we are all doing the best we can for the skills we have now and that the only way we will ever “do better” is by learning from each lesson.   My family were fundamental Christians and raised me to believe that we are to strive for perfection, but being human, will always fall short.  The only good news in that was that  God is Love and is capable of loving us even though we are never really good enough or deserving.  This belief was the canvas on which I would paint my life.   I was five years old, naked as a jaybird, cleaning my canary's cage in the front yard with a hose and wondering how a caged bird could sing?  Free birds had something to sing about, but why do caged birds sing?  Caught up in my own reverie and enjoying the summer sun on my skin and the sand between my toes I was quite taken aback by my mother throwing a blanket over me and dragging me into the house, all the while telling me that “little girls don't go out side naked.”  I wondered, “why not?”  I felt so connected to the earth, the sky, the water from the hose, the soft summer breeze in my hair...  “What is this obsession people have with hiding who they are? Cloaking who they are?”   I was a big kid; always head and shoulders taller than my peers, with a shock of short white hair and big blue eyes.  Butterflies would light on me in the playground and every stray followed me home.  I had the same entourage of broken down, unwanted people throughout my life.  All of the kids that were disabled or slow or who just didn't fit in with the “in” crowd flocked around me.  I always tried to help them see what was special about them that no one else had to offer.  It wasn't that I was so understanding and wonderful.  It was because if I could heal them enough to feel that they belonged they would start to fit in with others and would leave me alone.   I preferred the company of the animals and my spirit guides, the two leopard size, glowing white cats who were with me always, but who I wasn't supposed to talk about unless I wanted to merely call them my “imaginary” friends.  It's one of those things that a kid just keeps to themselves when they realize that adults are too scared to talk about invisible, panther like creatures who sound like God when they speak in that still small voice, that carries all of the majesty and power of thunder.   Three years later I am eight and my father is the personal pilot to the governor of West Virginia, Arch Moore.  We live in a trailer park, in a single wide tin can that is always freezing inside.  Our lot looks like the terrain from a hostile planet with its caked, dry and broken clay surface.   Until I was six I was raised by my mother's mother during the day while my parents worked.  At night my parents would pick me up and take me home to sleep and then the next morning I'd wake up back at my grandparent's home.  My grandparents have stayed in Florida and I am still hating this separation from my other parents and the warmth of Florida.  Both of my parents work full time and I have become responsible for taking care of my brother who is six years younger.  There is a seething anger at my situation that seems impossible to me to resolve, and the only respite from it comes from the animals that I rescue.  Taking care of them, takes my mind off what I cannot change.   One day a cat with a couple of bullet holes in her finds her way to my door.  I discover that the man across the street had shot the cat because it was near his trash can.  This man is big (compared to me), has a history of beating his wife and children (Ada), and is ugly to boot.  His face is deeply scarred with pockmarks that indicate a hormonally challenged youth, and maybe one bar brawl too many,  and he is now in his late twenties or early thirties.  He drinks, he swears and he is just about as vile a human as any I have ever encountered.  Until this moment, I have made a point to stay clear of him, even though his daughter and his younger son, have found me to be a safe haven in a life that heretofore was unbearable to them.  It is his children who have come to me and told me that their father shot the cat and was threatening to kill any cat he saw come near his trailer.   Trembling, but fully resolved to make myself clear, I march up to this man and tell him that if he decides to take another shot at a cat, or if I hear a shot being fired and even think it is him, then that gun shot will be the last sound he ever hears.  He just stands there looking down at me, but as scared as I am, I feel like I am in charge of this moment.  I am offering up a challenge, that I have no idea how I will be able to carry out, but I can't let him know that.  After what seems an eternity of staring down this man, through my tear streaming eyes, he turns and goes inside his trailer.  He blinked.  He turned.  He ran from me.  I won!   I never heard another shot being fired.  The word of that confrontation, spread by his own children, earned me a tremendous following in that poor little back woods trailer park.  Now the kids who gathered around me were high school age and I felt like I had the moral support of every kid in the neighborhood.  I used to lead them in money making schemes from selling popcorn and Kool-Aid, to mowing lawns, washing trailers, and making pot holders and such to sell door to door.  Rock bands were making it big and I tried to assemble one, but I couldn't sing and we just didn't have what it took.  I felt like learning to make a living was important and learning to manage others was going to be a crucial part of that.  It felt necessary although I didn't know where it was leading.   I felt like I was in some sort of intensive training for something important.  I didn't know what it was about, but as a child you trust your instincts more.  At school I was quiet and respectful but felt like the public school system was not meeting my educational needs.  There was something important to learn about this thing called life and it wasn't in memorizing multiplication tables.  There were machines that could do that far better than I ever could, so what was the purpose in all of this useless knowledge?  Teach me how to succeed.  Teach me why the caged bird sings…   I wouldn't wear shoes.  You can't be connected to the earth and all of the glorious power that is available to you with shoes on.  It was fortunate for me that we lived in a West Virginian “holler” where going to school barefoot wasn't considered too weird.  After school I went into the forests.  It wasn't your typical kid-playing-in-the-woods so much as going to learn what it was like to be the woods, to be the brook, to be the animals and the wind.  I would climb up as high as I could get in the trees to get a better vantage point on observing everything around me.  I wanted to know how everything worked, how it was all connected.   The teachers would send home piles of homework.  My attitude was that it was a ploy designed to keep bad kids off the street.  If they had to turn in a lot of work the next day they didn't have time to be in trouble.  I wasn't being bad.  I was learning something that I thought was a lot more important and I wasn't going to do class room “busy” work outside of the classroom.  This got me into a considerable amount of trouble with my teachers, but I aced every test and my grades were still As and Bs despite all of the bad marks for refusing to turn in homework.   By the time I was 12 we were back in Florida and I was attending a little private school called Florida College Academy.  There were grades 1 thru 9 there, with one class for each grade level that had 12-24 students.  My great aunt, Mari, was the principal which as her son, my cousin Scott, and I knew was the worst set up possible for a kid.  You were perceived as having special privileges by your peers, and yet the reality was that you were held to a much higher standard because of the fact that relatives see you as a reflection on themselves and they want to be seen as perfect.   It was 1971 and women were burning their bras in the streets a decade before, but our school had held to very antiquated beliefs, that said little girls were to be modest and wear long dresses and never speak out against authority.  I actually bought into most of that but a lot of the girls were not from religious homes and even those that were frequently dressed in pants at home.  They wanted to be able to wear pants to school so that they could play more freely on the playground.  Even though I didn't even own a pair of pants, everyone turned to me to do something about it.  I thought their reasons were sound.  Wearing a dress on the playground was certainly less modest than wearing long pants and so I decided to take the suggestion to the principal.   Not only was my Aunt Mari an authority figure within the family and the school, but she was someone I had observed carefully since I was a toddler in the way in which she dealt with my cousin.  Scott and I were born the same year and day and look like twins.  We have often wondered if we were and just were separated at birth to be raised by two different families because neither one could afford both of us.  My cousin has grown up to be a maintenance man in an apartment building.  I watched his mother tell him he was stupid and that he would never amount to anything his whole life.  By contrast I was always told I could do anything I set my mind to do.  Both of us lived up to our parents' expectations.   I went to my aunt and presented our case and was promptly dismissed as being “un-Christian like”.  I went back to my classmates and suggested that the only way to effect a change in the dress code was to lead an organized uprising against the status quo.  I busily engaged both sexes in my plan and drew up posters and hung them in the halls, held rallies and basically just wouldn't shut up until I got what I was asking for.  I fully expected to be burned at the stake.  Much to my amazement we won.   I went out and bought my first  pair of pants.  (They were plaid and hideous.  It was the 70's after all.)   I kept them for twenty years as a reminder of that success.   Two years later, at the age of 14 I was trapped and raped by three men (Steve & Jim? Crabtree and George Minogue).  They cut my throat and for years I carried a scar that I hid with scarves.  I didn't tell anyone because I fully believed that I was to blame.  If I had not been in a place where I shouldn't have been this would not have happened to me and thus I felt that not only was it my fault, but that it proved I was not worthy as a human being.  I was no longer a virgin and could no longer expect that I would grow up and marry a decent man and live happily ever after.  Within a year I had let this event colour every aspect of my self esteem.  The deeper emotional scarring of this event however came from the betrayal of my best friend.   Cindy Clark Brown and I had been friends since we were nine or ten years old.  I was the innocent; the perfect daughter, cooking and cleaning for my family and joining in working the landscaping business after school.  Cindy was about as wild as they came.  She was a year older than I and was smoking, drinking and experimenting with drugs.  She was always in trouble and would often come stay with me until her family could brace themselves to deal with her again.  She made fun of me for being a goody two shoes and was jealous of my beauty and sense of grace.  People always commented on my air of confidence.  The fact was that my grandmother had always made me walk around the house with books on my head and the result was a walk that had an unintentional  haughtiness to it.   Cindy and I had been out for a walk earlier and she was flirting with three men from the race track.  We went to their house and played cards, while they had both the radio and the T.V. on full blast.  They were all stoned and I watched the scene in amazement.  I had never been exposed to this sort of activity, and although the only part I participated in was the card playing, I was very curious about this sort of approach to life. Cindy was sitting in their laps, giggling and whispering in their ears.  I wondered if they knew how stupid they looked and sounded?   That night, when Cindy and I were supposed to be in bed, she wanted to slip out my bedroom window and go back to their house.  I reluctantly agreed and as we cleared the yard, Cindy said she needed to go back to my room to make a call, and that I should go on ahead of her.  I did as instructed.   They were waiting for me.  What I didn't know, until many years later when Cindy felt compelled to clear her conscience, was that she had told them I was a virgin and had sold me to them for drugs.  The call she made was to let them know I was on the way.   A year later, back in W.Va. I had turned 15.  My mother, who had always been my most trusted friend, and I got into the first fight we had ever had.  She had accused me of having sex with a nice boy I knew and I had not.  I was defending his honour more than my own, because I was so convinced of my own guilt from the rape.  As she was storming off to work she said, “When I get home, I don't want to see your face!”     This was the last family photo before I left home, and yes, I am only 14 in that photo, which explains how I was able to wait tables in bars without being discovered.   I thought she meant that she never wanted to see me again and as fate would have it, I was ready for the next challenge.  A young man named Jim Jones, who I barely knew from Florida, was in boot camp near Washington, D.C.  He had gone AWOL from the army and was driving back to Florida and asked if he could drop by.  I told him I couldn't live here any more and asked if he would take me with him back to Florida.  I packed my cat, my radio and two paper grocery bags of clothes and waited for his arrival.  As we drove away I watched my 9 year old brother playing in the yard and wondered if I would ever see him again?  Taking care of him had always been my responsibility and as much as I hated being saddled with that, I felt guilty leaving him there.   I had known Jim from the skating rink where kids from my church were all taken to be with others of “our own kind”, but Jim worked there and intrigued me.  He was 6 ‘ 4 “ weighed 230 pounds of solid muscle and had long golden hair down to his waist.  He was a genius on skates, if not intellectually.  Running from the U.S. army should have been my first clue that he was never going to be a brain surgeon.  I only knew Jim from the rink and had invited him to one church picnic.  Now I was on the run with him.   I worked bars and restaurants and sometimes held three jobs at once because Jim wouldn't work.   Turned out he couldn't even pass a driver's license test.  He had a bad drug habit and a nasty temper and whenever the two mixed I was caught in the cross fire.  I was always on guard to dodge a swing from a punch that would knock the wind out of me.  He beat me with a bed rail one time so severely that I couldn't go back to work for weeks because I was so badly bruised.  As he swung the rail and hit the concrete walls of the garage we lived in he had knocked huge gaping holes in the concrete as a constant reminder to me of how much it hurt to be on his bad side.  As scary as it was to be with him I believed it was better than the alternative.  I had seen the brutality men could use to crush someone as innocent as I had been and at least there was only one of Jim to deal with.  Jim was the constant validation of my belief that I was unworthy.   Jim decided he wanted to go home and I was driving us there through San Antonio, Florida.  He was drunk and was all over the steering wheel and blocking my vision.  With one arm I was trying to push him back into his seat so that I could see, as I ran a stop sign and was hit broadside in the little Toyota we were driving.  The Mercury Cougar that hit us was later reported to have been traveling in excess of 60 miles per hour.  Drunks seem to never be the victims in auto accidents and Jim was no exception. He walked away without a scratch, once he woke up from the stupor.  I went through the windshield and broke my neck.  I remember getting up and dragging the front bumper of the Cougar out of the road as I went around first to the passenger side and made sure the little old lady was okay and then around to the driver's side to check on the little old man.  He had hit the steering wheel pretty hard, but was able to speak.   What happened next was like the opening scene from the movie, The Gladiator.  When I saw that movie I was awestruck at how it looked exactly as I had seen it all those years ago.  I walked out into a field of tall grass.  The sun was shining.  The wind was blowing softly through my hair, as I reached out with both hands to lightly touch the tops of the waving strands of grass.  Everything was silent and then it went white.   I woke up in a hospital, unable to move.  I was paralyzed and Jim was telling me that he didn't want the doctors to know who I was because he was still on the run from the army.  I remember two doctors standing over me, x-rays in hand, telling me I would never walk again because my neck was broken in three places.  The only hope I would have of even sitting up in a wheel chair was if they fused a steel rod up through my spine.  They obviously didn't know that I was just a child.  I had gotten my first marriage proposal at the age of 12 and had always looked a lot older.   I laid there thinking, “This cannot be my life.  I can't be paralyzed.  This can't be happening to me.”  I suspect most people go through that denial, but I just wouldn't give in to the “reality”.  I had learned from previous efforts that you can't give up.  No matter how big and bad the odds are stacked against you, you just absolutely cannot give up.  Being young and ignorant, I didn't know what these doctors could legally do to me, but I wasn't going to take my chances of waking up and finding that some surgery had left me incapable of ever getting past this paralysis.  I believed I could heal myself, but not if I had a metal rod installed through my spine.   Jim and his friends from the band (Jim said the band's name was Credence Clearwater Revival, but I find that hard to believe in retrospect) came and whisked me out in a wheel chair without telling anyone.  I spent what seemed an eternity at his parent's home unable to walk and only able to drag myself across the room, but I dragged myself a lot.  I wouldn't call my family.  I didn't think I was welcome there anymore.  Jim's parents didn't want to be held responsible for what their son's actions had caused and didn't want the army to find their son, so they were happy to hide me and my affliction.  My grandfather, Floyd Norris, through a miraculous chain of events, somehow found out where I was and got me to a chiropractor who soon had me walking again.   Because I wasn't even old enough to be in a bar, I couldn't work anywhere for very long because I couldn't show the management my driver's license for the employment forms.  After the paralysis I often collapsed and doing that just once with a tray of flaming cherries jubilee was enough for me to think that I needed to find some other sort of work.  I didn't have a high school diploma and was underage but had heard you could get a worker's permit.  Arch Moore was replaced by Governor Rockefeller who decided to replace all of the state's planes with helicopters, but none of the state's pilots, including my father could fly helicopters so my father was without a job.   More as an effort to avenge my father's dismissal from the aviation team I applied for an opening in the state's Department of Business and Economic Community Development and got it.  I quickly advanced through the ranks and became Governor Rockefeller's secretary's secretary.  My job was to investigate officials that Jay would be dealing with and put together photos and bios so that he would look good.  What didn't look good, when the word got out in the press, was the fact that a 15 year old high school drop out had risen through the ranks of the W.Va. government to governor's aide when there were far more “qualified” men and women vying for the position.   1977 was the first time I was in the newspaper as an adult.  Being born the fifth living generation had gotten the family into the newspaper in 1961.     The press made a big fuss of the fact that I moonlighted at a Greek restaurant and insinuated that I might be the veiled belly dancer, Little Egypt.  My boss told me to dress as frumpy as possible that day and wear glasses so that people wouldn't think I was hired for my looks.   Had I known that I was on this learning quest to deal with people issues I think I might have stuck it out and played that hand to the end, but at the time, I thought these challenges were about accomplishments and proving worthiness.  I had proven that I could step out of a wheel chair, out of the smoke filled bars and into the governor's office (and not just any governor, but a Rockefeller) and rise to the top.  I wasn't old enough to run for election.  That would have to wait.   Riding high on this wave of worthiness I drove Jim to his mother's home in Tampa and dropped him and his trailer full of belongings off in the front yard.  I didn't have enough money to get back to my job in W.Va. so I looked through the want ads to find waitress work that would get me enough gas to get back to the job that I was told would still be mine upon my return, despite the media craze that had erupted.   What happened next was one of those near misses.  It is a juncture in your life that is probably meant to happen, but gets thwarted.  I walked into “Our Place” bar on Ben T. Davis beach and was hired on the spot.  20 years later I would discover that my daughter's fiancée (Daniel Capiro) was being raised by the waitresses in that bar and I would have been raising him had I shown up for work, but I didn't.   I had come so far and I just wasn't willing to go back to even a short term job where my ass was constantly being patted and pinched.  Instead, I drove across town to a luncheon spot and was, again, hired on the spot, but I had to have frumpy shoes for the job.  All my feet could ever stand were sandals if I had to wear shoes at all.  I walked across the street to the Zayre's store and overheard a man saying that he needed to hire a clerk to run the automotive department.  That sounded like a new challenge and didn't require stifling shoes, so I asked for and was given the job.  I would work for a couple of weeks, collect my checks and then head back to West Virginia to see where that road would take me.  I never went back to West Virginia.   I was living in a Datsun Pickup truck with a camper on the back.  My cat, Pearlie Mae, who I had had since I was 8, lived with me so I had to park where it was cool for her during the day, but the days were getting hotter and she was going to die in that truck if I didn't find somewhere for her to live.  My manager's name was Michael Eugene Murdock and I spent more time dodging his advances than I did stocking shelves.  He was leaving his wife and moving into an apartment.  I asked if my cat could stay there during the day and I would pick her up at night.  He was happy to trade sexual favours for the cat's room and board.  I hated him.  At night I would pick up my cat, do what I had to do to cover her “rent” and then she and I would back the truck up against a building somewhere so that no one could surprise us by opening the back hatch.   I would wash my hair in the bathroom of the nearest gas station at night after they had closed for the evening.  I tried to maintain my independence for as long as possible, but finally gave in to the pressures of needing a roof over my head as well as the cat's  and moved in with him.   Despite hating Mike, I married him at the age of 17 and gave birth to our daughter at the age of 19.   My mother knew that I was living with a man who was not my husband.  She had just enough psychology in college to believe that if she suggested I marry the man, I would rebel and leave him, which was the result she was really hoping to get.     I thought it was really what she wanted me to do.   I had felt such a loss in the trust that our former friendship had enjoyed and I believed that if I married him, as she suggested I should, then I could be worthy of her love again.  I would do this to please her.  She had no idea how I felt about him.  I stayed with him for eight years, because I was raised to believe that marriage is for life.  When I couldn't take it any more and divorced him, my mother finally revealed that she never liked him and never wanted me to marry him, but had thought that by suggesting it I would run.   Mike was very physically abusive, but clever enough to hurt me in ways that were not visible to the casual observer.  It was again, my sick way of validating my belief that I was not worthy.  Meanwhile my growing and learning self decided to apply for a job at the Tampa Boat Mart in 1984.  The job paid better money than I had made elsewhere and required an interview and an IQ test.  I was fascinated by the opportunity to have my intelligence measured and probably applied based on that aspect more than any other.   The owner's wife did the interview and test and said that I had registered as a genius.  Bolstered by this, I told her I would take the job, but wanted 50% more than the job had offered.  She balked but I could tell that she wanted me for the position, so I made a deal with her.  I would work for the first 6 months at the price in the paper, but at the end of six months she would advance me to the salary that I requested, because I explained that I would be so irreplaceable to her, or else let me go.  She agreed.   I asked her to lay out everything that she could possibly think of as my job description.  When she did, since I was salaried, I asked if it mattered how long I worked to get it all done.  She said if I could do it in four hours that was fine and if it took me ten, that was fine too, but I wasn't getting overtime.  In no time I had automated the process so that I could do it in just a couple hours a day.  This freed up my time to work on a business that I believed was going to be my key to financial freedom.  I left the Tampa Boat Mart in 1985.     This was me working at the Neptune and S. Dale Mabry Hwy Radiant Oil gas station owned by Joe Capitano in 1982.  He had offered me my own station out on Gunn Hwy, but I got the Boat Mart job instead.           At the age of 19 I met and began dating Jack Donald Lewis.  Everyone said he had made his money in illegal drugs, but he told me it was from cutting the axels off trailers for re use by the company and selling the boxes.  While at the bank one day a loan officer told him she had a $20,000.00 mortgage that was in default that she would sell for $2000.00 if someone would just take it off her hands.  Don couldn't read or write above a first grade level, but he could understand getting something for ten cents on the dollar.  He asked her to make a copy of the documents and he brought them to me with the story.  Thinking there must be a catch, he asked me to find out what it was.  I couldn't find one.  If we bought the mortgage for 2000.00 and the people started paying us on the 20,000.00 balance we would be getting a great return on our money.  If they didn't pay and we foreclosed, we would get 20,000.00 at the foreclosure sale or we might even get the house and be able to sell it for more.   We did it and we made more than 20,000.00.  I knew that this was my next big challenge and even then knew that it was just a stepping stone to allowing me to do something far more important than make money, but I didn't know what that was and didn't waste much time thinking about it.  Instead I was calling every bank and loan office in a 5 county area asked to see their bad loans.  They thought I was crazy and I got a lot of resistance at first, but they soon learned that I wouldn't betray their confidence and I would quickly and easily turn their bad loans back into cash for reinvestment.  The Boat Mart gave me the regular paycheck I needed to grow the real estate business so that I never had to take money out of this exponentially growing pot of gold.   I worked crazy hours.  I worked every waking hour.  I divorced the man I hated and lived in a huge house on Lemon Street with lots of rooms that I rented out so that I didn't have to touch my investments for living expenses.  The business had grown to well over a one million dollar value.   I drove an old Impala that I had paid 100.00 for, bought all my clothes at Goodwill and had taken on some investors who were happy to get 12% return on their cash and let me make the difference for growing my portfolio.  It was a man's world but I knew how to play the game.  I started a business called C.Stairs, Investments and told people that I was Mr. Stairs' secretary.  They wanted to deal with a man.  I made one up for them.  I was so convincing that for years after Don Lewis and I married people called him Mr. Stairs because they just assumed I had married my boss.  I had bought into the belief that as a woman I was unworthy of being treated the same as a man.   I am a little hazy on the year, but I was about 27 (1988) when I was driving a drunk, named Bill Benjamin, home from a bar.  My car had stalled and he got out to push it out of the road as I steered.  It was in the early morning hours and a woman who had fallen asleep at the wheel careened into the back of my 1983 Blood Red Volkswagen Rabbit and pinned the drunk to my bumper, while hitting with enough force to give me a concussion and to bend the door frame where my head hit it.   I woke up in the hospital again, but this time with a Viet Nam vet suffering from post traumatic stress who was screaming bloody murder if I tried to leave the room.  I stayed by his side constantly, even though I only knew him as someone I had bought a rug from a few days before.  Both of his legs had been crushed and he was in a lot of pain.  I felt guilty because it was my car he was pushing out of the road.  I had to do something to feel guilty.  It wasn't in my paradigm to go without that cloud of unworthiness hanging over my head.  I was so caught up in Bill Benjamin's drama, that I didn't realize that I didn't know who or where I was.   My secretary (Anne McQueen) found me in the hospital.  I had been missing for days so she had done the obvious and called everywhere until she located a Jane Doe.  Was my name Jane?  When she gets me on the phone she asks where my daughter is.  I have a daughter?  A baby?  “Oh my God, where's the baby?” my mind screams.  Sensing my fear she tells me that maybe my daughter had been living with my husband.  I have a husband?  Then who is this man?  All of a sudden I am aware that I don't know anything about whom or where I am.  I just can't describe that.  I have seen some films since then that try to address what amnesia is like, and nothing really conveys what that fear is like.   She takes me home and there are people living there who say that I own the house.  I walk into an office full of file cabinets, papers and ringing phones and I do not recognize any of it.  I answer the phone and people are asking me questions and giving me information that means absolutely nothing to me.  I spend hours reading every file, looking at photos, meeting my daughter, for what seems like the first time, talking to my secretary and one of the women who lives in my house (Mary Young) to try and reconstruct my life.   Over the next weeks and months I get a handle on it and things start coming back to me, but I never know that something is forgotten until I try to fill in a blank spot or until some revelation comes to me as a memory and I sit there wondering, “Was that in this life?”  At the time I thought it was a very unfortunate setback, but in retrospect it just seems to be another challenge that I posed to myself to see if I could rise to above it.   This time I was betrayed by my own memory.   I discover that when I touch people I see their lives, or what I imagine to be their lives.  I am always confused, still, when I get a rush of feeling, if it is theirs, or if it was mine from long ago, just now surfacing.  One of the most dramatic instances of this happened years later when a volunteer (Crazy Gary) introduced me to his room mate.  I shook the smiling man's hand and immediately fell to my knees sobbing.  The despair was overwhelming.  I was embarrassed by the incident and brushed it off to both of them as just being over worked, but the next day the room mate put the barrel of a shotgun in his mouth and blew his brains all over the ceiling.  Crazy Gary told me he knew that his room mate was sad, but had no idea of the depth of his despair.  I knew.   Don and I married on October 10, 1991 at ten minutes after 10 am.  We lost one million dollars in our assets to settling with his wife and one and a half million in assets to settle with his girlfriend, Pam, who was trying to have him brought down on Racketeering charges so that she could keep our 3 million that was in her name.  I had always allowed Don to hold our money because I believed he would give me what was owed if I were ever to ask for it.  There were a lot of real estate transactions for Pam and her trust in 1991-1996, but they began to taper off and 2004 was the last entry I found for her doing business in Hillsborough County.  She had satisfied a mortgage made by our ex secretary Luba Myck.  I knew Richard Dery was in Camp Pam, but didn't know Luba was.  1995 appears to be her last actions in Pasco County, with one suspicious document between her and Jack Martin.     Since Don could barely read or write he didn't know that she had put the properties in her name, or so he said.  What had been 5 million dollars worth of my work was now reduced to half that, but I could rebuild it and did.  I had learned how to negotiate the best deals and had learned how to do all of our foreclosures, tenant evictions and get people out of the bankruptcy courts when they ran there for protection.   I learned by going to the court house and reading every file I could lay my hands on, copying the language and forms the attorney's used and then setting up charts that showed me what the appropriate times between filings were.  I spent  hours in the law library reading cases and making copies of those that were particularly pertinent to my cases.  I sat in on every hearing that the judges would let me sit in on.  I befriended several of the judges who would afterwards give me their summary of what had just happened.  A lot of the judges did not like that I represented myself pro se and would  hold me to a much tougher standard than the attorney's were being held to, but none could make me give up.   When attorneys were hired to combat me they usually fell into the trap of underestimating my preparedness.  In all these years I only ever lost one case, and I won it on appeal.  Even the judges who had initially tried to run me off ended up being very supportive and would often compliment my ability over that of my licensed peers, which didn't make me very popular among members of that profession.   I was a 30 year old multi millionaire real estate tycoon by anyone's definition, and undefeated in the legal arena.  Everything I touched turned to gold, but I still felt unworthy.  What was next, a billionaire?  Would that make me feel better?   This wasn't working.  Maybe if I could change the world.  Maybe then I would be worthy.  Maybe then I would say, I'm OK.  I belong.  I can be at peace.   Consciously I began looking for a way to give back to God all that He had given to me.  Unconsciously I was setting myself up to fail and validate that long held belief that I was unworthy... or win and prove once and for all that I was worthy.   All you have to do is wave the wand of intention to bring it into your life.  Before I knew what happened we were rescuing cats from fur farms, drug lords, circuses and unprepared pet owners.  I was writing books on exotic cat care and my articles were being published in magazines and newsletters all over the country.  There were more than 200 animals depending on me for support and the IRS said I couldn't call it an expense, despite the fact that it was costing me about 300,000.00 a year, so I called it a non profit in 1995.   Two years later, my husband has disappeared off the face of the earth leaving me as the accused of an unknown crime, and all of my assets are seized by the courts upon a petition by the children of his former wife, and my secretary, my only girlfriend for the past 17 years, who I discover has put nearly 600,000.00 worth of my assets in her maiden name and changed my husband's insurance policy to make her the owner of a one million dollar life insurance policy, just four months before his disappearance.  She tells his children that Don and I were having marital trouble and suggests that they appoint her as conservator of his estate.     His estate!  I don't think anyone knew better than Anne that Don spent all of his time in dumpsters and cruising neighborhoods after yard sales to bring home van load after van load of trash.  I had been trying to get him to an Alzheimer's specialist but Don said Anne was telling him that I was trying to have him committed.  This can't be happening.  This can't be my life.  Sound familiar?   The courts only allow me to use 125,000.00 of my income each year, for the next 5 years, to support the cats, because the courts are “preserving the estate” in case my husband wanders back into town.  In the first years after his disappearance I discover, through the private detective I hire to find him, that my husband, the man I have adored since I was 19 has had a string of girlfriends, mistresses and even prostitutes.  Women come out of the wood work claiming that Don told them he would leave everything to them or their illegitimate children by him.  I discover that the love we shared was a lie.  I was betrayed.   Our expenses are far more than double what the courts will allow me to touch and there is no where for the animals to go.  I get to learn a whole new set of skills in running a non profit, but I haven't chosen just any charity.  No.  I chose the one type of charity that sees less than 1% of all donated dollars.  I had to pick an animal charity.  People give more money to art than to animals.  In retrospect, this would only be a good test of my worthiness if I could overcome insurmountable odds, right?   The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PeTA, brought me a video clip of a lion being beaten senseless with a baseball bat while restrained within the confines of a small transport cage.  They explained that this abuse had been video taped undercover and sent as evidence to USDA, but that when the perpetrator had told his USDA inspector that this was considered a standard training method for big cats nothing had been done to stop him.  The question was posed to me asking if this was, in fact, a routinely accepted practice.  In front of all three major television stations I said that the sad fact is that this sort of brutality is frequently visited upon these innocent animals by people who have USDA's stamp of approval, but that it was inhumane and USDA was negligent in their unwillingness to enforce the animal welfare act that my tax dollars were paying them to implement.   A few weeks later I was served with a summons.  In disbelief I read the case style:   The United States of America versus Carole Lewis.  Being bludgeoned into unconsciousness with a bed rail all those years ago did not take my breath away like reading these few words.  My country.  The one I had pledged allegiance to along with Captain Kangaroo each morning of my earliest remembered years.  The country I sang songs about, even when I wasn't in school.  The one that bore the flag; the mere sight of which could raise goose flesh on my skin with pride and adoration.  My country had not only abandoned me, it was attacking me, and it was doing so because I spoke out against cruelty.   Some pencil pushing bureaucrat was going to show me to keep my opinions about her doing her job to myself and she was in a position to levy the entire nation against me…or so it seemed.  Maybe America did have tanks and jet fighters and nuclear weapons, but I had the truth on my side and was not going to take this lying down.  Our supporter list had grown to about 3000 people and I sent out a newsletter detailing what the charges against me were and why I felt the USDA had taken this action.  More than 2000 people wrote in on my behalf and for a long time I didn't hear from the USDA.   Then I found out how they work.  If they don't have a legitimate claim then they make an accusation and never follow through on it.  This way they can always point to the accusation and say that they cannot comment on pending litigation.  They never have to prove their case.  I would never be able to clear my name of the ridiculous and unfounded charges unless I took control.  So I did.  I learned all I could about how to represent myself in a Federal lawsuit and I called for a final hearing.  I was stalled several times and when the day my “day in court” arrived, I got a call from the Federal judge who said that the USDA had decided to dismiss their suit against me.  Then he asked if I would please let my supporters know to quit sending him mail and calling his office.  With such a victory you would have thought I would have felt vindicated, but all I felt was betrayed.   Over the next five years the court appointed co conservator and attorneys ate away at my estate, in the name of preserving it, until there was only a fraction of it left.  Then they declare my husband dead, when there is nothing left under the court's control to take, and tell me to have a nice life.  Meanwhile the cats are costing nearly half a million dollars a year to care for and the nation is in a recession following the stock market crash that sends everyone scrambling into real estate as the only safe investment.  Having that much money diverted into real estate by people who know nothing of the business drives the price of property through the ceiling.  The government steps in to try and pull the economy back up onto its feet by lowering the interest rates and giving loans to anyone who will take them at rates lower than they have been in my lifetime, makes my niche a little difficult.  I loan at 18% and buy distressed properties at a fraction of the cost and then resell them.  With all of the stock money now in real estate there are no deals and almost no one has to borrow at 18%.   Stress has made me fat and irritable and I drive to the Keys every two years to spend the weekend crying in a hammock on suicide watch until it's time to get back to business Monday morning.  I learn how to raise money by begging; something I wouldn't do when I was living out of garbage cans as a 15 year old run away, but I have to do it now for the cats.  I learn how to manage people and put together a team of volunteers that become world renown for their ability to work together.  I run through a string of low life boyfriends that continue to validate my belief that I am not worthy of the love of a good man.  I lose 70 pounds so that I can be more effective at getting out the message that exotic cats don't make good pets.   The last 20 of those pounds were the hardest and after exhausting every diet known to man, I tried hypnotherapy.  I was just starting to read about spirituality, healing, past lives and was willing to try anything.  I remember that first session like it was yesterday.  In the meditation the therapist asks me to walk down the beach and notice a little girl sitting by the shore.  He tells me to go up to her.  I don't want to.  He urges me on.  I don't want to.  I finally give in and of course, she is me, about 5 years old, full of innocence, big blue eyes and white hair.  He tells me to hold her and to tell her that I will never betray her again.  I will protect her from anything and anyone else who tries to hurt her.  I made a pact.   My life changed again.  Suddenly I find myself asking, “Is this my life? Can this really be my life?  I didn't think I deserved a life this good.”  Enter, Howie Baskin.  He's a brilliant 52 year old bachelor who makes my heart skip a beat.  He is the kindest, most loving, genuinely wonderful spirit I have ever encountered on the planet.  He personifies integrity.  He is way out of my league which, of course, just adds to my desire to have his love.  To Bask-In his love.  (I just couldn't have made this up!) But he is more than just the next level higher of a challenge.  He is both my reward for reaching this level of understanding and my partner in learning to love mankind.  Becoming one with him is my first step in becoming One with all humanity.   I am reminded of a Bible principle that says man's greatest love for God is expressed in being a living sacrifice.  Nothing defines a living sacrifice better than Howie.  His friends all tell me that he is the most wonderful, loving person in their life.  He lives for others.  Watching him, marveling in who he is and how he is, causes me to look inwardly and challenges me daily to be more understanding and more loving.  He says his goal in life is to help me love people the way I love animals.  I thought I took on big scary goals, but this man knows no fear!   Now things are looking better than they ever have before.  I have finally paid the piper in this lesson of betrayal.  I had betrayed myself when I accepted the notion that I was not worthy and the even more erroneous notion that I could achieve worthiness if I overcame the obstacles that I invited into my own path.  I was going to deal with being betrayed by the people I trusted, and loved the most, until I understood. My fortune cookie tonight even confirmed the presence of God in the statement, “You never hesitate to take on the toughest challenges.”  It was as if He said, “I am here with you and this is just my humorous way of letting you know that I am as real as the piece of paper in your hand.”   The real estate business is recovering.  The sanctuary managed to break even on operating expenses, if not capital expenses, for the first time ever last year (2003).  I have been elected as the Vice President of the Association of Sanctuaries and am serving on its Board of Directors.  (From the future: I don't remember I have the opportunity to influence legislation that will protect wild animals and the physical and moral support of a team of family, volunteers and the man I admire most in the world to help me achieve those goals.   What I notice about each of these hurdles is that I was focused on the subject matter. While I may have been successful in dealing with that aspect, what I failed, almost universally, to do was to learn from the interaction with the people.  In most cases I saw the people as the problem and bulldozing them aside was my methodology.  It seems abundantly clear that I will continue being presented with challenges that are stressful and painful until I pay the piper on this issue of loving people other than those in my innermost circle.   I wonder how I could go about this learning in a less painful and ineffective manner?  Maybe it's time to put on the fuzzy purple blanket (to give myself the warm fuzzy I have longed for), the cloak of spirituality, and take a look at reality from a different, non judgmental, perspective.   I've been writing my story since I was able to write, but when the media goes to share it, they only choose the parts that fit their idea of what will generate views.  If I'm going to share my story, it should be the whole story.  The titles are the dates things happened. If you have any interest in who I really am please start at the beginning of this playlist: http://savethecats.org/   I know there will be people who take things out of context and try to use them to validate their own misconception, but you have access to the whole story.  My hope is that others will recognize themselves in my words and have the strength to do what is right for themselves and our shared planet.     You can help feed the cats at no cost to you using Amazon Smile! Visit BigCatRescue.org/Amazon-smile   You can see photos, videos and more, updated daily at BigCatRescue.org   Check out our main channel at YouTube.com/BigCatRescue   Music (if any) from Epidemic Sound (http://www.epidemicsound.com) This video is for entertainment purposes only and is my opinion.

Turned whistleblower & reporter after a lifetime in the financial world, then set up by a rigged trial, our guest now share his insight into the crime syndicate of banksters, high finance, & econ hitmen. Some topics in pt. 1: Did the economy crash right before the pandemic? Is crypto liberating ppl or seized for centralized control? Why do City of London tie it to UBI, microchips, & vaccines? Who owns the debt? Is big government used by oligarchs to control plebs & protect cartels? Who's behind the surveillance state? Has monopoly & oligopoly replaced free marked? Who's executing bank directors & why? What of the Black Economy? + Hear how we're due for total system collapse!   :: :: :: ::   All programs are gratis & listener funded. Please consider supporting our work and help cover costs by donating, subscribing to our channel, liking & sharing our posts. Subscribing to our website (https://www.forumborealis.net/contribute) gives you direct access to all shows before public release + various bonus & backstage clips. Our shows are chronologically arranged in different series collected in separate playlists.   :: :: :: ::   * Financial World Coup (Pt. 1 of 2: Our Economy is a Pyramid Scam) A conversation with Hans Olav.   * © Forum Borealis. May not be reproduced in any commercial way.   * Guest: Journalist Hans Eirik Olav (https://www.forumborealis.net/guests).   * Recorded: Recorded: 17 October 2020.   * Bumper music used with cordial permission from © Loopus.net.  

Place order via DM ► https://instagram.com/thehealinghustlas My Heroic Dose ► https://bit.ly/AtlasHeroicDoseYT Support MAPS ► https://maps.org I don’t think Stoned Ape is a hypothesis I think it’s clearly what caused The fusion of chromosomes 2A + 2B And development of FOXP2 protein Enabling evolution of humans from chimps

“Cosmic Reality Chronicles - Replays from the Cosmic Reality Archives with Nancy Hopkins and Walt Silva. May 31, 2016 Guest Dr. Richard Alan Miller confounded us so in the first hour, we let him leave and spent the second hour discussing what had happened. Turned out to be very interesting and informative show. https://www.cosmicreality.net/cosmic-reality-blog/comic-reality-radio-show-may-31-2016 Archives: https://www.cosmicreality.com/archives.html Cosmic Reality Radio https://www.cosmicreality.com/radio.html

When the Ojai's 2,300 public school students were sent home last March, we had no idea how long until those students would be back in their classrooms. Turned out it would take more than a year before the schools could safely reopen. One of our earliest guests on the Ojai: Talk of the Town podcast was Tiffany Morse, superintendent of the Ojai Unified School District, to talk about the extraordinary measures the district was taking to make sure that the students (and parents) could meet the terrific challenge of remote learning. Not to mention the hundreds of meals each day being served by the district as many families struggled to get enough to eat. We talked about the entire cohort of student athletes, dramatists and musicians who lost these important rituals of passage, including their graduation ceremonies. This time, the news was a little better. The schools reopened, with safety measures including outdoor classrooms, earlier this month. Among the good news was that Dr. Morse had been recently selected as the Superintendent of the Year for the tri-county region, in large part because of public-private initiatives during the pandemic, as seen in the overwhelming support for a $45 million bond measure, which is already being put to use building public spaces like a community pool and a massive solar project. Morse talked about the measured responses to the tremendous pressures exerted on one side by parents who worried about how far their kids would get behind in their education, and teachers, who worried about losing their lives. It has been a time of great challenge and uncertainty, and now it's time for reflection and taking what lessons we can from this lost year. This deep and wide conversation explores the role of teachers, students and key insights into what makes a community work. We did not talk about taimen fishing on the headwaters of the Amur River, the 16-inning pitching duel in 1963 between Warren Spahn and Juan Marichal, or the novels of Sybille Bedford.

We all thought it would be the strains they claimed. Turned out, it was the BRAINS. With so many major players involved in the legal cannabis space, everyone is out to protect their innovations. whether it be with their drug formulations or methods of preparation, everyone wants to stake their claim to cannabis IP. We saw the first patent on cannabis formulations with GW Pharmaceuticals and Epidiolex, the first scientifically tested medicine derived from cannabis. And as the space develops, we can only anticipate more to follow. Join @elijah__avery the digital budtender, @_n_x_t_j_e_n_, and @meyyerv as they discuss Cannabis and Intellectual Property on Outsmoken, the world's most potent podcast. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/outsmoken/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/outsmoken/support

Tyrone Johnson filling in for Mike Missanelli today and Ty started off with the word of the day – panic. There is no need to panic with regards to the Phillies and the 2nd Unit of the Sixers last evening.  (00:00-14:05) Nat’s News brings us the official announcement that Jennifer Lopez and Aaron Rodriguez are NOW getting a divorce. A lost hiker in California was found by sending his picture to a friend and the internet located him. Finally, Animal Welfare officers were called in Krakow, Poland for an unknown beast in a tree. Turned out to be a Croissant.  (1:06:15-1:26:25) Jayson Stark from The Athletic joins the show to talk all things Phillies. (1:26:42-1:41:52) Back to the phones for your comments and memories of the Worst Hit Song all the way to Sound Off (2:44:44) then wrapped up the show. (2:49:20) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Nat’s News brings us the official announcement that Jennifer Lopez and Aaron Rodriguez are NOW getting a divorce. A lost hiker in California was found by sending his picture to a friend and the internet located him. Finally, Animal Welfare officers were called in Krakow, Poland for an unknown beast in a tree. Turned out to be a Croissant. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Technically PVP Show Notes Episode 127 - Boomkins 9.0 9:45 - Need-Greed-Pass Which of these mythologies would you like to see in the next expansion? 1.) First nations  2.) Polynesian  3.) African Sub-Saharan 17:13 - Upcoming WoW PVP Events Dalaran Gaming hosts 5v5 1v1 duels.  So teams of 5 that 1v1 duel (pokemon style).  Keep an eye out - https://twitter.com/dalaran_arogueDiabolus 3v3 Death Bowl returns April 15th (NA this time) - https://diabolus-esports.com/deathbowlFlark’s 3v3 Tournaments are back!  Sunday 18 April, with a starting prize pool of $150.Oasis Discord Non-Gladiator Tournament 30 Apr (non-glads only; random teams) - https://twitter.com/oasis_w0w/status/1380207352444375041?s=20Blizzard Tournaments (https://gamebattles.majorleaguegaming.com/pc/world-of-warcraft/tournament)AWC Circuit runs 20 Mar to 18 Apr (four weeks) - https://worldofwarcraft.com/en-us/esports/scheduleMDI Global finals 23-25 Apr - https://twitter.com/WoWEsports/status/1371238256138883083?s=20The Great Push (M+ Key push tournament) - 28-30 May - https://twitter.com/WoWEsports/status/1379826458193928192?s=20 23:24 - Subject of Analysis Today we will discuss Balance Druids 1:54:08 - WOW PVP NEWS Oasis Discord Community hosted the first ever “Meet Your Partner” event.  Turned out really well helping people find arena partners! They continued with a form filler on the discord -  https://twitter.com/Cherry_pvp/status/1375138804768546818?s=20Hotfixes - https://worldofwarcraft.com/en-us/news/23646890/hotfixes-april-7-2021Something interesting happening with Matcherino.  Possible RBG tournament? - https://twitter.com/matcherino_/status/1381323030241013761?s=20Our friend DesMephisto is hosting his month-long Warriors for Autism charity again.  Go show him some support and give a few bucks if you can spare it. Find him here - https://twitter.com/DesMephistoRunning of the Corgis Charity Event - https://us.forums.blizzard.com/en/wow/t/running-of-the-corgis-charity-event-aprilmay/9251979.1 PTR datamining started this afternoon.  Check your new site of choice for info on the changes Finding Us Guest Rudar - https://twitter.com/RudarRule https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcdEEO7nwOvjpu5vep0Lijw https://www.twitch.tv/rudarz Podcast Cohosts Technically - https://twitter.com/Technically_PvP  https://www.twitch.tv/warcraftradio https://discord.gg/qAvRtbP Technicallypvp@gmail.com https://warcraftradio.com/ Andallyn - https://twitter.com/Andallyn1 https://www.twitch.tv/andallyn

I heard a story which took place about 25 years ago in Israel. A was already engaged to be married and the chatan’s grandmother who was very wealthy told him that she wanted to purchase the engagement ring. She bought something magnificent for 50,000 shekel and told her grandson to tell the bride that it was a special gift from her. The chatan himself was learning in yeshiva and planned to live a kollel lifestyle, but he didn’t want to be disrespectful to his grandmother so he accepted the extravagant gift. He gave it to his kallah a few days before the wedding. She was awestruck at the size of the diamond. The ring itself was a little loose on her finger and she told her husband about it. He told his parents and they said to him, “Grandma spent a lot of money on this, just tell her to say thank you and keep it the way it is.” So she put it on her finger and planned to eventually adjust the size. During the sheva berachot , a friend of the bride’s asked to see the ring and when she stuck out her hand, she noticed the ring was gone. When the family of the chatan found out that she lost the ring, they began heaping shame upon her. They called her names, asking how she could be so careless, and she was totally humiliated from that episode. This took place in the beginning of the month of Sivan when they got married. About four months later, at the end of Elul, the chatan put on a suit of his that he wore during sheva berachot . He was showing his wife that he gained weight and the jacket no longer fit him so well, but as he was putting his hands on the jacket, he felt something in the pocket. He stuck his hand in the pocket and he pulled out his wife’s engagement ring. Turned out, she never lost it. He had it with him the whole time and it was he who didn’t realize it. He told her how sorry he was that she had to go through all the embarrassment she suffered. He immediately called his family members to tell them about it. They all apologized profusely to her, but the damage was done. It was hard for her to forgive and for the next 15 years, she said she had negative feelings towards her husband for indirectly causing her all that embarrassment. She kept it hidden inside and tried not to show it. Then, 15 years later, they had seven children, were happily married on the outside, but deep down she still had a grudge. The man’s grandmother passed away and his wife told him she no longer wanted the ring which caused her so much anguish. She asked if she could sell it and get a new one. “Sure,” her husband replied, “if that’s what will make you happy, it’s fine with me.” They all knew about the jewelry store that grandma used to frequent, so she went there and asked the jeweler how much he would give her for that ring. He studied it and said it’s worth 53,000 shekel. She then told him that it was he who originally sold that ring to her husband’s grandmother. He looked at the ring again and said, “Nope, this ring’s not from me. I have a way to tell my merchandise and I know for a fact I did not sell this ring to her.” The woman was determined to prove him wrong. She went back to her house to look for the certificate of sale so she could show it to him. She turned over the house until she finally found it. And she saw, just like her husband said, it was a 50,000 shekel ring. But then, as she studied it closer, she saw something on that certificate which made her begin to cry. She called her husband and said, “Yossi, when are you coming home?” “What’s wrong?” he asked. She said she needed to speak to him face to face, it was very important. Right away, he left his office and came home. When he arrived he said, “What is it?” She told him, “I can’t believe it. For 15 years you hid this from me.” “What?” he asked. “The ring. This ring was not purchased by your grandmother. It was purchased by you.” “What are you talking about?” he replied. She showed him the certificate. It said the ring was 50,000 shekel. But it also had a date of purchase on the bottom. It said 14 Elul. They got married three and a half months prior to that when she received the first ring. She told him, “You felt so bad for me, you must have borrowed money and spent years trying to pay it back to get me a new ring. And you made believe that you had it in your jacket the whole time because you wanted to save me from the shame from your family. And you never told me about it. All these years I thought you were the cause of my shame but you are an angel. I’m so sorry for holding a grudge against you. There are people walking around, lo alenu , with a grudge against Hashem. They may feel that Hashem hurt them or humiliated them or held back goodness from them and they can’t look past it. They have become less enthusiastic to follow Torah and mitzvot as a result. One day, we’re all going to see what we thought was Hashem hurting us was in actuality Hashem turning over the world to help us in the best way possible. He does everything for our benefit. We’re then going to say, “I can’t believe it, I totally misjudged Hashem.” But now, before Hashem reveals this to us, we have a chance to show our emunah and say to him, “I trust You. I know what You are doing is exactly what I need and I know you are doing it to help me. I’m going to love you no matter what and continue serving You to the best of my ability.” If we can do that, then when Hashem finally reveals His plans to us, we’ll be in a state of jubilation, reaping the rewards for believing in Him the entire time.

The pasuk says in Tehillim להודיע לבני אדם גבורותיו– “to tell other people about His strengths.” Besides our personal avodah of thanking and praising Hashem for everything His gives us and does for us, we’re also supposed to tell others about the strengths of Hashem and His goodness. Every time we say that pasuk in Ashrei , we should have in mind that we’re asking Hashem to give us the merit to be able to teach other people about the glory of His Kingship. Rabbenu Yonah writes in Shaarei Teshuva perek daled, there is one aveira that cannot be atoned for in this world until the day of a person’s death. Even if he took all the conventional steps of teshuva , it will not be enough. And that is for the sin of chilul Hashem, desecrating the Name of Hashem. However, Rabbenu Yonah writes further, there is one way that a person can receive atonement. In his words, if Hashem will help the person to sanctify His Torah in front of other people and teach others about His strengths and the glory of His Kingship, that will undo the negative effects of the chilul Hashem and remove it from his record. Teaching people about Hashem and getting them to believe in Him more is a great avodah , but we need Siyata d’Shamaya to be able to make an impression on others and truly get them to believe in His greatness. Each time we talk to people, it’s a potential opportunity to sanctify Hashem’s Name. When we tell others a story about ourselves, if we will insert how it was Hashem who orchestrated the events and how grateful we are to Hashem for doing it, that will hopefully teach others to do the same. A woman who is growing in religion recently sent me an email with seven different stories about how she so clearly saw Hashem helping her in so many different ways. One of those stories was about when she wanted to become more religious and make her home completely kosher. She wanted her husband to put on tefillin and pray every day as well as learn Torah, but where would she begin? She tried contacting a couple of Rabbis but they were very busy and didn’t really know her. She decided she would send a message to an organization that helps kosher homes. In minutes, a Rabbi responded. Turned out, that was a Rabbi that she knew from a couple of years ago and he was so happy to find out that she wanted to grow in religion now. He said that he would personally volunteer to help her every step of the way. He answered all of her kashrut questions, he dipped all of her dishes. She mentioned to him that she wanted her husband to learn, maybe he knew of someone who wanted to help. He said, “No problem, I’m going to teach him.” Not only did he teach her husband how to put on tefillin , but now he learns with him twice a week. The Siyata d’Shamaya that she got was amazing and at the end of her story, she added the most beautiful words. She said she loves doing chesed with people who are down and out and when they offer to repay her she tells them, “I want you to know, Hashem sent me here as His messenger to help you. He loves you and wants the best for you. You can repay me by smiling and realizing how much Hashem does for you. She loves to spread the glory of Hashem to people. This is such a precious avodah and everybody could do it. Sharing stories of emunah, giving people chizuk that Hashem could help them, it makes a kiddush Hashem and has the awesome power to undo the negative effects of chilul Hashem.

Let’s get your breakthrough! Working with clients in the Home Service Industry, sometimes I have to help clients break through their roof. It’s a moment of sacrifice that leads them to build stronger long-term structures. In this episode, I want to help you break through your proverbial roof. You’re not alone in your journey; everyone hits a lid at some point, but what you do with the information could propel you through it.   Jump into the episode and let’s begin breaking through the roof of resistance.   [00:01 - 02:45] Opening Segment Welcome back! I introduce today’s topic Today’s topic  Relating to home service  Thinking of your own roof of resistance Leadership lids As you scale you tend to hit new lids Helping you get better   [02:46 - 13:33] Breaking Through the Roof of Resistance I talk about an experience with a client Scaling and losing 6 people in a week Not failure, but information Turned out that it was the best thing that could have happened The roof of resistance  Developing new capabilities along the way Another level up  How it relates to you Where is your resistance?  The importance of offloading  4 step process Identify your internal resistance Identify your external resistance Schedule a strategy session for yourself Get on an action item list   [13:34 - 14:25] Closing Segment Summary  Please write us a review and share this with someone Email the review to me and get a FREE BOOK kenny@kennychapman.com  Final Words Tweetable Quotes: “The quality of what you get done on a daily basis is the quality of the team that you have.” - Kenny Chapman “When I’m doing all things for all people, there’s a roof of resistance. As soon as I break through that roof… I learn some new things.” - Kenny Chapman “Internal resistance, external resistance, self-strategy session, action item list and - BOOM! You are breaking through the roof of resistance.” - Kenny Chapman Resources Mentioned: The Law of the Lid - John Maxwell The Road Less Stupid The Six Dimensions of Change kenny@kennychapman.com  You can connect with me, Kenny Chapman on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Email me at kenny@kennychapman.com. Be sure to check out my website https://www.kennychapman.com and find the solutions to your in-service education needs. First month of training FREE!!  LEAVE A REVIEW + help someone who wants to explode their leadership capacity by sharing this episode.

Therapist and host of the Mindful Recovery podcast, Robert Cox, shares his grieving process after the tragic loss of his son, Tristn Jevon, to an overdose in February of this year.   Support the Tristn Jevon Recovery Foundation Mindful Recovery Podcast   Support the LAT Podcast LAT listed in the Top 30 Trauma Podcasts   Transcript: Alyssa Scolari [00:03]: [Music 00:00:03] Alyssa Scolari [00:23]: Hi everybody. If you are new here, welcome, and if you are not new, then welcome back. I'm going to dive right into it today. We have special guest Robert Cox, who is an LPC, a therapist, in Missouri, specializing in trauma, addictions and autism. He is the creator and founder of Life Recovery Consulting, which will soon be turning into a nonprofit organization called The Tristn Jevon Center for Recovery. Robert is also the host of The Mindful Recovery Podcast, which I had the honor of being a guest on. It is a fantastic podcast that covers all things addiction, trauma and mental health related. Welcome, Robert. Thank you for being here. Robert Cox [01:14]: Thanks for having me here. I appreciate it. Alyssa Scolari [01:17]: Now you do a lot of incredible things. I feel like there are so many different conversations that I would love to have with you. First, let's just talk a little bit about your podcast. The Mindful Recovery, when did you start that up? Robert Cox [01:39]: I started it probably five or six years ago but I took two years off because life got very complicated for me and building this group practice, The Life Recovery Consulting, was taking up all of my time, but I continued to get downloads and I continued to get emails from people saying, "When are you going to get a new episode out? This really helps me." And so just last January I started it back up and we're currently at like 380,000 downloads or so in like 90 countries, so it's ringing a bell with some people because I've only got about 35 or 36 episodes out total, right, so we're averaging about 5,000 a week hits so it's doing pretty well right now. Alyssa Scolari [02:22]: Wow. Robert Cox [02:23]: It just came out of the fact that I had been an addict with a lot of trauma myself and in my recovery when I thought mindfulness saved my butt to a large extent. I was a practicing Buddhist for 15 years and that really helped me, so I thought I might as well share this space and some of the information that I've accrued not just as a professional with a Master's degree but as someone who's been there and done that and made really stupid choices. Alyssa Scolari [02:53]: Right, and in listening to your podcast that's something that, one of the many things that makes your podcast really great is the vulnerability that you add in again coming to this as a human who has been through some shit, made some mistakes. Just so the listeners out there know, I first found Robert on a platform that we are both a part of as podcasters and he had posted in the Facebook group that he was starting up his podcast again after taking a break for a couple of years. Then we touched base and we planned to record together and after doing some more research on Robert and listening to his podcasts I had realized that he had been through a great, great loss recently and today we are here to talk about that. If you wouldn't mind Robert, I will turn it over to you, if you wouldn't mind sharing what life has been like for you for the last several months. Robert Cox [04:07]: Wow. It's been a lot of loss. I talk a lot on my podcast about holding space for the pain and not trying to numb it out and trying to learn from it or make something of it instead of just allowing it to eat you alive. I have struggled with every avenue of addiction. My own addiction and then my wife relapsed while we were married and she has bravely overcome that. Then we dealt with my oldest child, my stepchild, he came to me when he was about five or six years old and the first five or six years of his life were pretty horrible. There was a lot of abuse involved and so those issues left him, all adolescents go through the experimental phase with drugs and alcohol, that's pretty normal actually, the problem is that when there's a lot of trauma there that they haven't dealt with, much like I did, they realize hey, when I'm doing this I don't hate myself so much. I can actually talk to people without feeling like a piece of crap. Robert Cox [05:15]: That's what he discovered, and he went down that rabbit hole and we talked about it honestly, his mom and I set healthy boundaries, and I really do believe, and I've talked to our family therapist about it and she believed too, all of us believed that he had a really, really good heart and eventually he was going to overcome this like I did when I was his age. But he didn't have time. He had dental surgery and didn't feel like he had enough painkiller so he went to his dealer and got what he thought were Percocets but they were actually laced with fentanyl and that one or two week period he and seven other people died from those pills. Robert Cox [05:59]: On February 4th we got a knock on the door and he'd been in jail before so the police are there and I'm like, oh crap. What's going on with Tristn? Alyssa Scolari [06:09]: Right. Robert Cox [06:10]: That was not what we expected to hear. I don't know, it's changed my whole world. I always thought about him, I always worried about him, but like every minute of every day now is pretty much me thinking about him in one way or another. Part of understanding that is being able to hold space again and practice what I preach and not retreat from that pain. Robert Cox [06:42]: I did an episode on the stages of grief and talked about that a little bit on those two episodes, but truthfully the stage I was in for weeks was just being pissed at him for not listening to what I was telling him. For not taking seriously what I was saying and just being really pissed. Then there was the phase of being pissed at myself because, pardon my French, but I'm a fucking addictions therapist and I can't help my son? Are you kidding me? Alyssa Scolari [07:09]: Yeah. Robert Cox [07:12]: Understanding those spaces and not retreating from them was, is, really important. I would say honestly I agreed to do this podcast, when you asked me about this topic and you were very polite about saying, "If that's too much I totally get it," and I'm like, I kind of see this as an opportunity to embrace that space again knowing full well that what it's going to do is probably lay me out for a day or two. The last time I dealt with this pretty much at this level was when my daughter and my wife, we got these little kind of amulet things that you can put ashes in, they could not bring themselves to sit down and do that. I'm Dad, I'm supposed to hold the pain for my family, so I said I'll do it. But it knocked me down for a couple of days. Alyssa Scolari [08:03]: Yeah. Robert Cox [08:04]: Understanding that that's going to happen, knowing that doing this podcast with you, it's going to leave me in a funk for a couple days, but also knowing that I'm going to survive that and that that's a space I need to enter into sometimes in order to heal, is really, really important. Part of that healing for me has been sharing with the listeners and stuff and getting feedback from them about that it's helped them and part of the healing for me was starting the foundation in his name, The Tristn Jevon Center for Recovery, which if you go on GoFundMe you can find it there, The Tristn Jevon Center for Recovery. Alyssa Scolari [08:41]: Yep, and I will absolutely make sure to link that in the show notes. Robert Cox [08:44]: And we've raised enough money on there that I could at least pay for the attorney and get that started and get the nonprofit going so that we can provide services for people who can't afford them and free coaching seminars and public things and this kind of stuff, educating the public about these things and hopefully helping other people to not have to go through this because quite frankly he didn't get as lucky as I got. When I was only two years older than him my heart stopped but I lived, and that was the last time I used. Alyssa Scolari [09:17]: Wow. You were two years older than Tristn was and your heart stopped as a result of your substance abuse? Robert Cox [09:26]: Yeah, putting too much cocaine and methamphetamine and whatever else in my system and your body just says you know what? I quit. That's too much. Alyssa Scolari [09:34]: Yeah. Robert Cox [09:36]: I lived through that event and there's a little voice in my head that said, is that really the way you want to go out? The answer was no, and so I've been clean 33 years since that. Robert Cox [09:48]: My hope was he will be smarter than I was and come out of this before something like that happens. We talked about it frequently but denial is a powerful part of addiction. All we could do is keep the boundaries there and hope for the best and it did not come out for the best. Alyssa Scolari [10:06]: No. Robert Cox [10:08]: But this being able to hold space, being able to maintain that vulnerable space where you're hurting and not numb that out is so important. The night after the memorial service, wife and daughter and I and my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, we all went out to a nice Italian restaurant to eat together. Kind of something some people do. My daughter leaned over to me and said, "Dad, it's okay if you have a glass of wine today. I understand." Alcohol was never my problem, so she wasn't worrying about me relapsing or anything. Alyssa Scolari [10:38]: Right. Robert Cox [10:39]: She's seen me have a drink before at dinner and it was fine and she just said, "If you need a drink, I get it." I said to her, "The problem, kiddo, is that I really do need a drink and so I'm not going to have one." Alyssa Scolari [10:53]: What a powerful statement. Robert Cox [10:55]: Back to what my sponsor said years ago, he said, "If you can take it or leave it, then you can have it. But if you feel like you got to have it, then you better leave it." Alyssa Scolari [11:07]: Wow. Robert Cox [11:08]: That is exactly what goes through my mind in every one of those situations and I said, "The problem is, kiddo, I really want one right now but I want it to stop the hurt. I want it to numb me out, and that's not a good reason." Alyssa Scolari [11:20]: Yep. Robert Cox [11:23]: Part of what gets me through this is being able to inhabit a teaching space at the same time I'm going through it. That was a moment where I could explain to her that yes there are times in our lives we're going to want to numb out really bad. Those are the times we shouldn't. Alyssa Scolari [11:40]: Yeah, and I can think of no more difficult time than this to want to numb out, especially as you ... There's so much that you touched on, from the stages of grief to even just the pressure that you feel kind of as the man to kind of absorb the family pain. It is just so much and I also want to point out to the listeners that this was less than two months ago that Tristn passed. Robert Cox [12:12]: February 4th. Alyssa Scolari [12:13]: Yep, so today that we are recording is March 25th, so this is so fresh. Robert Cox [12:20]: Six weeks, yeah. Alyssa Scolari [12:23]: I guess one of my questions for you is was there a sense of, because in one of your podcast episodes you talk about this concept of anticipatory grief. Can you talk a little bit about what that is and was that an experience for you? Robert Cox [12:43]: Sure. Not with Tristn, no. Denial was not something the addict goes through. Denial is also something we go through and I kept telling myself, "He'll come around. He'll come around." The truth is there's nothing I could have done in that space. Alyssa Scolari [12:57]: Yeah. Robert Cox [12:58]: But no, as a parent ... When I talked about anticipatory grief it was because my father had Lewy Body dementia as a result of his Parkinson's, was going in a nursing home and that was a very real space at one point that we thought he wasn't going to live beyond a week and I knew this was coming because I could see the fade and suddenly we moved him to a better nursing home and he's doing a lot better but that was what started that anticipatory grief was understanding that this is coming and hopefully with parents and stuff we have time, but it's not something that any parent's going to ever be able to anticipate or prepare for. Robert Cox [13:36]: One of the things I point out in the episode is even if you prepare for it, you're still going to feel completely unprepared for it. What did help was educating myself beforehand about grief and because of my field I understood the stages and so instead of, when I got really pissed at Tristn for OD'ing I didn't think I was a bad person, I just thought yeah, that's the stage I'm in with this right now and I could allow myself a little grace and space without feeling shame over being angry with him. You know what I mean? Just understand that's a normal part of the healing process. That is really one way that we can prepare for grief when it comes, because it's going to come. No matter how much we prepare, there are times that it's going to come and we're completely unprepared for it and no matter how much we prepare for it, even the times that we were planning on, are going to hit us in a way that we weren't prepared for. Robert Cox [14:30]: When I talk about anticipatory grief I'm talking about really moving into the idea that loss is a part of life and it's going to be painful and if you try and numb out that pain you're going to create ... I tell my grad students, I tell my patients all the time, if there's one thing I could get across to people in recovery, whether from mental illness or from addictions or whatever, it's that pain is a guarantee in life. Suffering is something we choose when we try and avoid it. Alyssa Scolari [15:03]: Yeah. Robert Cox [15:05]: I'm not saying go looking for pain. I'm not saying create pain. I'm saying don't numb it out when it comes to you. Use it. Alyssa Scolari [15:13]: Right, it's when we try to numb our pain with things like drugs or food or sex or what have you, that's when the pain turns into suffering. Robert Cox [15:26]: Absolutely. I have been very, very conscientious about trying to inhabit that space in the opportunities presented to me. Alyssa Scolari [15:37]: Let me ask you this. As you're inhabiting that space, when you say like after I talk about this, or after I do this podcast interview I'll be laid out for a day, are there some parts where you truly feel like this is suffering? Because I also can imagine that the loss of a child regardless has to make you feel some type of suffering. Robert Cox [16:04]: I think it's pain. For me suffering is like what happens when I ignore the pain. Alyssa Scolari [16:09]: Okay. Robert Cox [16:11]: I guess if you were to put it in terms of the Buddhist perspective, they would say both of them were suffering but the cycle of suffering doesn't have to continue if you stop trying to avoid the suffering that is inevitable, right? Alyssa Scolari [16:24]: Right. Right. Robert Cox [16:26]: I think that's the way that I kind of keep the division in my mind, is this is pain and I expect it to hurt and I expect it to lay me out for awhile, and by lay me out I mean make me not real happy and chipper for a day or two and I'm going to have to push myself through functioning in certain places for a day or two and giving myself grace in that space, but not numbing that out is so important. Not avoiding it. I don't have to live in it all the time. Robert Cox [16:59]: Over the weekend I went out in my wood shop. Before I knew it I had lost track and it had been three, four hours had gone by. That's my self care space. In that time I was not in the middle of all this grief. Allowing yourself that time, I'm not saying that we should feel pressure to experience that pain all the time, but I'm saying when it comes observe it, understand it's there, and know that you can survive it. Alyssa Scolari [17:26]: Yeah. Robert Cox [17:27]: My sister called a couple days after it had happened when really it was at its peak. Took a couple days to sink in. Initially it's numbness that hits you and you just kind of, I mean there's a lot of pain and crying and upset the first day but then you exhaust yourself and you go into this numb phase. Alyssa Scolari [17:48]: Yeah. Robert Cox [17:49]: Then coming out of that numb phase is really hard and my sister called. She had been incredibly supportive through this for me. She said, "If I could take this pain from you, you know I would." My response to her was, "Even if you could, I wouldn't let you, because this longing that I have for him, this pain that I have, this is what's left of our connection." Alyssa Scolari [18:19]: Yeah. Robert Cox [18:20]: To give that up means I'd begin forgetting him and I'm not going to do that. Alyssa Scolari [18:27]: Right, like the pain that you feel is the reminder of the love. Robert Cox [18:33]: Is the reminder that the connection was real, right? Alyssa Scolari [18:36]: Yes. Robert Cox [18:36]: That it was real. Alyssa Scolari [18:38]: Yes. Robert Cox [18:39]: I remember, one of my favorite poets is Rumi. Alyssa Scolari [18:43]: Oh I love Rumi. Robert Cox [18:44]: If you ever get to read or listen to Rumi, go on YouTube and look up Coleman Barks and he reads Rumi and he's this South Carolina, Southern drawl big bear of a man reading Rumi to this jazz music in the background and it's just this amazing experience. But one of my favorite poems is called Love Dogs and it's about this guy who everyday prays to Allah. Every day he's on his knees praying to Allah and as people pass him by every day on the beach they see him praying to Allah and then one day he stops praying. Rumi talked a lot about the spirit guide Shams and he said Shams comes by and says to this man, "Every day I see you praying and suddenly you're not praying anymore. What's the problem?" The guy, "You know, in response to my prayer all I got was an increased sense of longing." The prophet said to him, "Are you a fool?" He said, "Like a dog whining for his master, that longing is your connection." He said, "There are love dogs in the world no one knows the names of. Give your life to be one of them." Alyssa Scolari [20:00]: Wow. Robert Cox [20:01]: That has always spoken to me about the pain of loss and the fact that you don't want to go away from it. That longing is the connection. That's what's left. Alyssa Scolari [20:12]: Right, and almost I would imagine, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that you don't want the pain to completely go away because the thought of not being in pain just also must be kind of like an intolerable thought. Robert Cox [20:28]: I don't seek it out. Again, it's not like I'm a masochist. Alyssa Scolari [20:34]: Right. Right, right. Robert Cox [20:35]: But I do understand that if I think about him and there's not a little hurt, then I've lost some of that connection also. Alyssa Scolari [20:42]: Yeah. Robert Cox [20:44]: I don't want it to hurt the way it has in the past six weeks the rest of my life. I'm hoping that will subside. But I would like to be able to remember him. I would like to be able to sit and have a picture of him pop up on Facebook and not have it hit me in the gut so hard at some point. Alyssa Scolari [21:02]: Right, in a way that it just knocks you off your feet. Robert Cox [21:06]: Yeah, absolutely. Alyssa Scolari [21:08]: Now I want to ask you about the stages of grief. I know Kubler-Ross is, for the listeners out there, she developed the five stages of grief and then she worked with David Kessler to add the sixth stage of grief. Robert Cox [21:28]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [21:29]: Could you talk for a little bit about the five stages of grief and just the way in which they're so not linear? Robert Cox [21:39]: Well and you know the thing is that they really, so like back in the '70s or '80s two individuals were looking at smoking cessation and stopping that addiction and they came up with the six stages of change and if you look at the six stages of change and you look at the stages of grief, there are a lot of similarities there. Alyssa Scolari [22:02]: You know what, you are right. You are right because isn't the first stage like, the first stage I think is almost denial that you need to change, right? Robert Cox [22:12]: It's called pre-contemplation. Alyssa Scolari [22:14]: Yep. Robert Cox [22:14]: It's about denial. It's about I don't have a problem. Everybody says I have a problem. Alyssa Scolari [22:19]: Yeah. Robert Cox [22:20]: Then there's contemplation. That's like okay, maybe I do have a problem. I need to weigh the pros and cons. Then there's like, we've got a whole two episodes the past couple weeks on the six stages. Actually it was a three episode series on the six stages of grief, but they really mirror that and especially in the fact that it is non-linear. That unfortunately relapse can be a part of that cycle and then you're stuck with oh, I got to kind of get back on track here, and we're back to pre-contemplation. Oh, is this a problem that I used? Oh it probably is. Okay, what do I do? Robert Cox [22:59]: Then preparation is the next step and then action and then, and so they're not exactly the same but the reason they are so closely related is that grief comes from change. Alyssa Scolari [23:13]: Yeah. Any kind of change. Robert Cox [23:17]: When we grieve we are facing a change. That's grief of anything, we are facing a change. We had to adapt our life to the new normal. That is exactly why they fall in that pattern I think. Understanding the non-linearity of those things, like anger and denial, denial pretty much when you're facing the death of a kid, is not a thing anymore. What I have to face is, the denial that I face is often like oh well, I'm fine. I'll be fine. I'm fine. Right? Alyssa Scolari [23:53]: Right, it's more denial of how much pain you're in. Robert Cox [23:56]: Denial I'm not big on, and part of that was my own recovery from addiction and understanding that denying shit is not going to make it any better and that I just have to walk into that space. Alyssa Scolari [24:09]: Yes. Robert Cox [24:11]: The understanding that I can go from acceptance to then being pissed off, to then denying that I'm really mad at him, and I can go back and forth. Bargaining, it's like in these situations of death there's really no bargaining to be done. What's done is done, right? Unless I think take this pain away from me and I'll follow you forever kind of thing, which is not going to do any good anyway. Alyssa Scolari [24:38]: Right. Robert Cox [24:40]: Bargaining is something that happens more in the addiction recovery kind of phase. Pull me out of this hell and I will become a priest. That kind of thing. Alyssa Scolari [24:51]: Right. Exactly. Robert Cox [24:54]: The stages change. They change not only based on where you're at in the process but on what that process looks like for you. You may not experience all of the stages. Alyssa Scolari [25:06]: Right, you might only experience a few and they could change not even just day to day but sometimes hour to hour, minute to minute I'm sure. Robert Cox [25:17]: Yep. Been there. Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [25:19]: Just sounds like you have been so much, right, it's like okay, with the death of a kid, denial, not really there. Bargaining, who am I bargaining with? Not really viable. Robert Cox [25:29]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [25:29]: You have spent a lot of your time maybe going back and forth between acceptance and just anger. Robert Cox [25:40]: Yeah, that's true. I think there's been some, I don't know, there's been some denial on my part but I've tried to stay out of that space. A lot of staying out of that space has been me repeating to myself, "I need to be present for my wife and my daughter." But there is denial at times in that you see an ad or TV for a show coming out and you're like, "Oh, Tristn would really like that," and then it hits you like, shit, Tristn's not here anymore. Alyssa Scolari [26:09]: Like a ton of bricks. Robert Cox [26:11]: Yeah. That's kind of what happened when I sat down and filled those memorial things with ashes for my wife and daughter, was that it took me out of that temporary I can forget about it denial space and put me right back in. I remember mumbling to myself, "This is all that's left of my son," and made it very, very real again. Alyssa Scolari [26:33]: Yeah. Robert Cox [26:34]: That's a quick way to get out of it, for sure. I think it's important though that people learn to grieve as a family and grieve together. Honestly I don't think my family's been doing that very well. Alyssa Scolari [26:48]: Yeah, how is your family? Robert Cox [26:50]: Everybody's responding out of their own pain. I don't want to talk too much about what their process is because I don't want to step on their rights to grieve without me sharing that with the world, but I can say that pretty much any time a family member dies of something like this everyone in the family says, "How was I responsible for part of this?" Alyssa Scolari [27:16]: Yeah. Robert Cox [27:19]: One of the first things I did was set them down and say, "You are not responsible for this. He made his own decision to do this." Some of that sinks in and some of it doesn't, but the thing I have to be careful of is having an agenda with their healing process. In other words, I am going to swoop in and help you heal from this so you don't have to hurt. Uh uh. I can't take the pain from them anymore than my sister could've taken it from me. If I do, I'm robbing them in the same way of that healing experience that they will be able to find on their own in their own time. Alyssa Scolari [28:00]: Exactly. I imagine it even requires more restraint to do so as a therapist because you probably do have that urge to kind of swoop in. Robert Cox [28:10]: Well as a father I have that urge. As a therapist I know that I should not be therapizing my family because there's too much emotional crap in me connected to them. My daughter has wounded spaces from me and I can't separate that from what we're talking about. I have to be able to inhabit that space. You see what I'm saying? Alyssa Scolari [28:38]: Yes. Robert Cox [28:39]: If I go into therapy space with her, there is the great danger that I am minimizing what she has experienced. Look, I am broken too. I didn't do fatherhood perfectly. Absolutely not. Nobody does. Alyssa Scolari [28:52]: Right, who does? Robert Cox [28:54]: Yeah, if anybody out there has I'd like to have them on my podcast if for no other reason than to call them a liar. Alyssa Scolari [28:59]: I was just going to say, we would like to have them on the show to tell me that they are liars. Robert Cox [29:05]: Right. There's this great Christian author out there named John Ortberg and he talks about the perfect church, the idea of a perfect church. He said, "Even if I knew of a perfect church, I would never go there because I would just screw it up." Because there's no such thing as a perfect human being. Alyssa Scolari [29:21]: Exactly. Robert Cox [29:22]: We're all broken, but the wonderful thing is, the wonderful thing is that in that brokenness, in the things that I do wrong, and I know this from being a therapist, I can move in for repair and make that relationship stronger. Alyssa Scolari [29:38]: Yeah. Robert Cox [29:39]: That is the important thing to realize. I can't do that if I avoid the pain of that space. A really good quick example here is that a lot of years ago my daughter and my son got together and they were both in their teen years and they were pretty tight at times and they decided to do some stupid shit together. Then they lied to me about it. When I found out about it I lost it. Yelling, hollering, grounding for life, slamming the door, being angry, and none of that is any good. None of that does anything for two kids that experienced very real physical trauma when they were younger and their brains are still reacting that way. That didn't help them. Robert Cox [30:27]: When I calmed down later, about three hours later, I set them down and I said, "That was ugly. I really don't like who I was in that space. I got that way because I don't like feeling hurt and I was hurt by the fact that you lied to me and I don't like being scared and what you did scared the hell out of me and instead of feeling those things I decided I would just rage and be angry." I said, "That was not cool. That guy won't be back." Then I worked to make changes in that space so I didn't ever do that again. Robert Cox [31:03]: The benefit of that is later that night my daughter comes in, crawls in bed with me and my wife and says, "I need snuggle time with you, Dad." That doesn't happen if I don't make repair. Alyssa Scolari [31:18]: Exactly. Exactly. That is such a pivotal moment for them. Robert Cox [31:23]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [31:24]: And for you. Robert Cox [31:25]: Well not just that but what I'm showing them in that space is that you don't have to be perfect. You just need to be accountable. Alyssa Scolari [31:37]: Yeah, you just have to own it. You don't have to be perfect, you do have to own it and be accountable. Robert Cox [31:44]: I had a client one time who told me, and it was a brilliant thing he said, he said, "Nothing my father did to me was ever my fault but it has all become my responsibility." I think that's brilliant. Alyssa Scolari [31:58]: Yes. Robert Cox [31:58]: It's his responsibility not to pass that brokenness on. It's his responsibility to sit with the pain that it brings and deal with that. Alyssa Scolari [32:07]: Yes. I think it's so powerful and it's an unfortunate statement but it's a statement that packs a punch, which is just this idea that what happened to us is not our fault. The hurt that we endured is not our fault but the healing is our responsibility. Robert Cox [32:24]: Absolutely, because if I don't take that responsibility then I numb out to avoid it and if I numb out I create suffering in the lives of people around me. I repeat those broken spaces with my children. I repeat the same kind of damage over because I haven't learned from it. Alyssa Scolari [32:44]: Yeah. Yeah. Robert Cox [32:47]: That's the responsibility part. Now I remember my son, when he was first driving and he had a car, we had given him one of our old cars for graduation kind of thing, and he hit a raccoon so hard he took the radiator out. Alyssa Scolari [33:04]: Oh man. Robert Cox [33:05]: You got to be going pretty fast to do that. Alyssa Scolari [33:08]: Yeah. Oh yeah. Robert Cox [33:09]: His thing was I don't have the $300 to repair the radiator and part of being boundaried is saying, "I'm sorry about that," and I'm kind of a smart alec so I said, "You're right. It's not your fault that you hit the raccoon and it's not my fault that you hit the raccoon but if you can get the raccoon to pay for it, I would encourage you to do that. Otherwise your car is your responsibility." Alyssa Scolari [33:34]: Yeah. Robert Cox [33:36]: That's kind of where it's at. Sometimes things aren't my fault. Sometimes they're nobody's fault. But it becomes my responsibility to cope with what they're doing in my life. Alyssa Scolari [33:46]: Exactly. Exactly. Now I certainly don't want to leave out this other part of grief and this other stage of grief that you're in, which is finding meaning. Robert Cox [34:01]: Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [34:03]: Can you talk a little bit about was it after Tristn's death that you decided okay, this is what I'm doing. Robert Cox [34:12]: I had been moving towards a nonprofit structure for a long time, but honestly I had a lot of fear around doing that because I feel like I'm called to this field for specific reasons and I didn't want to turn anything over to a board who could tell me that well, we're not going to go that way, when I felt the calling to go that direction. You know what I mean? Alyssa Scolari [34:35]: Yeah. Robert Cox [34:35]: When this happened it just removed all those excuses for me. Then we had already picked out a name and started the paperwork for the nonprofit but I changed the name within just a few days. I thought this is how I'm going to honor him. This is how I'm going to make meaning out of it. He didn't get the chance to make a life that was impactful and so I'm going to give him that opportunity. Alyssa Scolari [34:57]: Yeah. Robert Cox [34:58]: That was how I made meaning. Alyssa Scolari [35:04]: This is how you make meaning and it's not, and I just want to point out, meaning doesn't mean you don't feel pain. Robert Cox [35:11]: No. Alyssa Scolari [35:11]: It doesn't mean ... It just means that you are taking the pain and transforming it and doing something with it. Robert Cox [35:20]: Right. It gives me a place to channel that energy into. Look, the worst part of trauma, you listen to Bessel Van Der Kolk or anybody else, the worst part of trauma is the energy that gets trapped in the body. Alyssa Scolari [35:32]: Yeah. Robert Cox [35:34]: Grief is traumatizing. Alyssa Scolari [35:36]: It is. Robert Cox [35:37]: Making meaning out of grief with something like this is a way of externalizing that energy so it doesn't get trapped in my body. Alyssa Scolari [35:46]: Yes. It allows for movement so that it does not stay stuck in whatever form. Sometimes it's stuck in the form of catatonia, can't get out of bed. Sometimes it's stuck in the form of rage and being able to take your pain and find some kind of meaning in it and start this foundation, this nonprofit, is your way of effectively channeling all of those feelings. It keeps life moving for you, but it also maintains the connection that you have with your son. Robert Cox [36:21]: Yeah. Yeah. That's what I find. It helps me follow through. I mean he had a heart for helping people and had talked before about doing firefighter training and paramedic training and I'm like, "Dude, you'd be great at that. Your pulse doesn't go up in emergency situations so you'd be fantastic at that." Alyssa Scolari [36:42]: He'd be great at it, yeah. Robert Cox [36:43]: Yeah, and so he never got that chance so this is my way of kind of making that happen. Alyssa Scolari [36:50]: Right, he didn't get the chance but you have the chance. Robert Cox [36:53]: Right. Alyssa Scolari [36:55]: What do you see for this foundation? Ultimately the goal is to turn this into a nonprofit where you can help people with addiction? Robert Cox [37:08]: Yeah. What eventually I would like to do is apply for grants and take donations and get all the money we can. It's a nonprofit. Our salaries are set. It's not going to go into that. I take as little salary as I think I can get by on, and the rest of the money then, once we've paid the overhead, goes straight into helping people with recovery by providing free workshops, or let's say we had a hefty amount in our account that we could use for this, we might have someone who's been hardcore IV heroin addict for 10 years come to us and say, "I really need to quit," maybe we could pay for their longterm six month intensive inpatient program. Alyssa Scolari [37:48]: Yeah. Yeah. Robert Cox [37:51]: This is the idea, and it's not just addictions, it's also trauma. I've had this vision ever since I started my Master's program of being able to create a holistic center that would be a campus that would treat trauma. I would love to have the money to buy, and this is my dream down the line, I would love to have the money to be able to buy 30 or 40 acres down in the Ozarks Woods and set up a campus where we have one dorm for people with development disabilities and one dorm for people with trauma and one dorm for people recovering from addictions and make this whole community where we have psychiatrists on staff, nurse practitioners on staff, medical staff available, we have massage therapists, yoga teachers, all these things that we know work for trauma, to really begin this holistic kind of program of healing. That has always been my dream. This is the first time I've been able to release the fear involved in what if it doesn't work and just say, "You know what? F it. It can't get any worse than this." Alyssa Scolari [38:54]: Right. Like what do I have to lose at this point? I'm going for it. Robert Cox [38:58]: Absolutely. It does not get any worse than this. Alyssa Scolari [39:02]: Yeah. Robert Cox [39:03]: I'm going to for it. Alyssa Scolari [39:05]: Yeah. That is, just to make sure that I have it correct, right now it's a GoFundMe and it's the Tristn Jevon, or Jevan? Robert Cox [39:17]: Yeah, Tristn Jevon Recovery Foundation is what it's called on GoFundMe. I decided not to leave it a foundation because of some of the legal limitations in where you could use money and how that foundation would have to be used for not just ... So I just decided to make it the Center for Recovery instead. Alyssa Scolari [39:36]: Okay. Robert Cox [39:37]: Turned out the word foundation meant there were certain things we could do and certain things we couldn't do and I just don't want those limitations up front. Those might end up being self imposed limitations but we really have to get off the ground and build this thing first. Alyssa Scolari [39:51]: Exactly. Exactly. I don't know, the whole idea is amazing. In building it it's like as you're talking about it I'm just like, ooh. I feel like I want to go there. Robert Cox [40:01]: Yeah. Yeah. Alyssa Scolari [40:03]: As a trauma survivor it's just, that holistic healing is so helpful. Robert Cox [40:08]: Yeah I think the reason I wanted to build in the Ozarks Woods was because that was my healing place. Alyssa Scolari [40:12]: Oh. Robert Cox [40:14]: I grew up down there. I was always safest when I was out in the woods. Alyssa Scolari [40:18]: Yep. Robert Cox [40:19]: From the minute I was able to drive I was not in my home. I was gone. If I wasn't working somewhere I was swimming in the river from literally sun up to sun down. That was my healing space. That's why I see that as such, I see nature as such a great healing space. Alyssa Scolari [40:41]: It truly is and now you have the opportunity to potentially allow it to be a healing space for so many others. Robert Cox [40:49]: Yeah. That is the hope. Alyssa Scolari [40:50]: That is the hope. Robert Cox [40:52]: But you know the thing is, part of the serenity prayer is I have to let go of things I can't control. Alyssa Scolari [40:59]: Easier said than done. Man. Robert Cox [41:02]: Do the footwork and hope for the best. Recovery at its foundation is a bicycle built for two. My job is to sit in the back seat and pedal like hell and let my higher power steer. Alyssa Scolari [41:15]: Yeah. That's a tough one. That is a tough one. Robert Cox [41:18]: Yep. Alyssa Scolari [41:21]: I just want to thank you for your vulnerability and- Robert Cox [41:23]: I really appreciate you having me on, Alyssa. It was a good interview. Alyssa Scolari [41:27]: I can't thank you enough for coming on. I know how difficult this is and I feel like with every word that you speak, I am hoping and praying you are reaching more people and touching more people and- Robert Cox [41:44]: That would absolutely be what I'm hoping for. That's how we make meaning. Alyssa Scolari [41:50]: It's how we make meaning and I will be sure to link the GoFundMe in the show notes and as well as the link to the Mindful Recovery podcast. If the listeners out there, if you have not heard of this podcast please go check it out. It's a really good podcast. It had me very much in my feelings and was very, very introspective and it's phenomenal work that you're doing. Robert Cox [42:22]: I'm glad to hear it put you there. I'm shooting for the feels. Alyssa Scolari [42:24]: It really put me in my feels. My husband went out to walk the dogs and I was listening and he came in and I was sitting on the couch and tears are just pouring from my eyes and he was like, "What's the matter?" I was like, "This podcast is so good." Robert Cox [42:41]: Good, I'm glad to hear that. Alyssa Scolari [42:43]: Thank you for all you do and I am- Robert Cox [42:45]: Thank you for having me on. Alyssa Scolari [42:50]: Holding you in the light. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate you. Robert Cox [42:56]: I appreciate the support. Alyssa Scolari [42:59]: Thanks for listening everyone. For more information, please head over to LightAfterTrauma.com or you can also follow us on social media. On Instagram we are @LightAfterTrauma and on Twitter it is @LightAfterPod. If you're on Facebook, please be sure to join our Facebook group. It is a private community where trauma survivors are able to connect and chat with one another. That Facebook group is called Light After Trauma, so just look us up on Facebook and be sure to join. Alyssa Scolari [43:30]: Lastly, please head over to Patreon.com/LightAfterTrauma to support our show. We are asking for $5 a month which is the equivalent to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. Please head on over, again that Patreon.com/LightAfterTrauma. Thank you and we appreciate your support. Alyssa Scolari [43:54]: [Music 00:43:54]

Steven Eugene Kuhn is a guy unlike anyone I've ever met.  He has1. Lead soldiers on the battlefield2. Turned around $500M dollar businesses3. Lived as a mountain top shaman4. Been Mic Jagger's bodyguard5. Written a couple of best selling booksThis walking paradox calls himself the Humble Alpha, and he's an INCREDIBLE dude.Make sure you connect with Steven!https://humblealphabook.com/https://linkedin.com/in/stevenekuhn/https://facebook.com/stevenkuhnofficialConnect with ME!  Also, I'd love it if you connected with me on LinkedIn or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at youshould@connectwithpablo.com with the "Heard CEC's Charod" in subject. This that's a genius email address?  Me too, but I didn't come up with it.  It was the idea of my good friend, and super talented web designer, Nathan Ruff. If you want your website redone, updated, and managed with unlimited updates for just $250/month (CRAZY GOOD DEAL RIGHT??), go to Manage My Website and hookup with one of the smartest, most talented guys I've ever met- THE Nathan Ruff.Support the show (https://connectwithpablo.com)

Text LEARNERS to 44222 for more... Full show notes at www.LearningLeader.com Twitter/IG: @RyanHawk12  https://twitter.com/RyanHawk12 Brook Cupps is a leadership teacher and the coach of the Centerville High School basketball team. In 2021, he led his team to the first state championship in school history. He is best known as a leader who truly lives his core values. They are: Tough, Passionate, Unified, & Thankful. Notes: Brook's personal mantras: Wolf - Wolves travel in packs. They are not good by themselves. They need the pack. BC needs people around him. Loves teams. "Wolves are more badass than lions or tigers. You don't see a wolf in a circus." Chop Wood - "I've never viewed myself as talented, but I'm willing to work. We say chop chop. When things are going well, get to work. When things are bad, get to work. The connection is always back to work." The Man In The Arena - "I had to develop this over time. The critics used to bother me and I would listen to them. It affected my confidence. I learned that the most important opinions are the people in the arena with me." Brene Brown - “A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.” Purpose - "My purpose is to inspire others to strive for excellence over success." Self awareness leads to self confidence - Know who you are. Be comfortable with who you are. "You can't be tough alone. You need others." Foxhole Friends - It takes time to build foxhole friend relationships. "With my foxhole friends, I can be completely open. They tell me the truth. They have the freedom to criticize me." Coach Z -- Dave Zeller. “He never won a District. He’s the best coach I’ve ever been around. A state championship isn’t success. It’s the impact you have on the kids because nobody’s going to tell me that those guys that won state championships are better coaches than Z was.” Core Values: Values become real when you define the behaviors that exemplify the value... Tough - Positive body language leads you to be fight ready Passionate - Choosing extra work leads you to steal inches Unified - Speaking and acting with urgency leads you to not flinching in big moments Thankful - Showing love for one another through touches (help someone off the floor, give them a five after they make a mistake) Unified --  You must speak and act with urgency. "If you choose to remain silent when someone has done something wrong, then that is selfish." Choosing the easier path of not saying anything is selfish. The selfless act is having the guts to speak up when it's needed. Patch Adams - "Indifference is the greatest disease of all." You need to stand for something or you stand for nothing... "Your behaviors are the crux to your values." Do your behaviors match the values you claim to be yours? Gabe Cupps (Brook's son) entered the conversation for a few minutes... Gabe sent a text to each player on the team before tournament games that simply said, "We're gonna win." Where does that confidence come from? "It's the work put in leading up to the big moments." Gabe originally tried out for the North Coast Blue Chips AAU team... The same team that Bronny James (LeBron James Jr) played on... During a break in the action, he asked Bronny to play 1 on 1... "I didn't know how good I was. I wanted to see." Gabe earned their respect and made the team... Later LeBron noticed Brook's coaching ability when he was helping out at practice and determined he was the best coach to lead the team moving forward. LeBron's superpower as a leader is "gassing up his guys." He has the ability to create more belief in others through his belief in them. A critical leadership action where LeBron excels... What did Brook and Gabe say to each other during their long embrace after winning the state championship? "I just told him how much I loved him." Goal setting process -- Brook does not set results oriented goals. He sets process oriented goals. They had no goals to win their conference, or regionals, or the state championship (they won all of those this year). Their goal for this season was: Attack every opportunity with purpose Process based versus Results based? In the world of coaching basketball, there is a clear scoreboard. You have a record. If you lose too many games, you get fired. How does Brook manage that? "If I have a group of guys that are tough, passionate, unified, and thankful... And they attack every opportunity with purpose, we'll probably be pretty good and win a lot. The results usually take care of themselves." Honoring those who have come before you: "Drink the water, but remember who dug the well." Will you take a charge? This is what he looks for in a teammate. Someone who looks for opportunities to sacrifice for the team. There is a physical sacrifice. "It's gonna hurt. It's an unselfish act to take a charge." "To be all in, you need to take charges." High Standards - There was a moment in a game earlier in the season when Centerville was winning 60-24 in the third quarter. Brook's team started playing a little sloppy. Turned the ball over a few times. It was uncharacteristic of their usual play. Brook called a time out and yelled at his team. It was obvious they were going to win (by a lot), but that moment showed me that Brook holds his team to higher standards and won’t allow them to lower even when the opponent isn’t posing a challenge... "You get what you accept. That's my standard. If I ignore that, then I'm not living to my values, and that's not ok with me." Creating your values -- "I think as the leader, they need to be your values." "If you go to work for someone else, you need to be bought into their values. If you're not, then you probably shouldn't work there." When interviewing for a job to work for a leader, ask them: "What are your values and how do you live them? I noticed after big wins that Brook doesn't join in the pictures with his players... Why? "That's their moment. It's about them. I love watching them enjoy those moments." Common traits of foxhole friends: "They may not communicate them the same way I do, but we have a shared appreciation for our values." “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” -- Teddy Roosevelt

Episode 8241 - Turned over to hell Bryan Melvin afterhoursministries.com Recorded 3-26-2020 on OMEGAMAN omegamanradio.com

Episode 8241 - Turned over to hell Bryan Melvin afterhoursministries.com Recorded 3-26-2020 on OMEGAMAN omegamanradio.com

For a while Tim thought that the best follow-up to JC Superstar would be a musical based on Jeeves and Bertie Wooster. Turned out not to be a good idea.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I got STOOD UP. Turned the entire situation RIGHT AROUND. I talk about how to have boss babe energy even when being stood up, daily affirmations, and the DARE OF THE DAY.I also talk about the amazing people I ended up meeting because of this random guy not showing up for sushi- ENJOY YOU MAIN CHARACTERS YOU.

Our search for meaning dates back to the beginning of our existence. We've looked to the planets through astrology, and numbers through numerology. Searched the world for wisdom through psychics and sages, Turned to shamans, and spirits, and angels too, Anything to get back to the meaning of you. Some believe science has the answers we seek, Some believe that those without faith are weak, From gurus to yogis to the stars and the moon, We've looked to Gods and goddesses and anything that's new. Human design, the enneagram, Akashic records, and tarot cards, New age thinkers, guides, and masters, Priests, and Rabbis, and Religious Pastors Surely there is someone who has all the answers? The more you seek, the more you find, and yet, Has any of it given you peace of mind? The prophets gave people hope and to this day still do, Yet, the answers you seek have always been within you. The love that you are, you will always be, This is the truth of life, don't you see? Something that unites us in magical ways, Something that can bring us closer to happier days, Something powerful that lets us work together, A world of beauty that defines forever. So, it doesn't really matter what you believe. Your truth is what lets you be. Yet sadly, your own beliefs are not enough, Your faith makes you think you need to be tough, On others who don't see what you see. You must change their minds too for you to be. Why judge others for their path? Perhaps they aren't into science or math? Maybe they believe something foreign to you? Does that make them worthy of rejecting too? You think “their faith and reality must be flawed,” My mission then must be to guide them along. I'll debate and judge my sisters and brothers, Not realizing that we are actually each other. The illusion of separation is a myth that presides, Division and hate, unfortunately, resides. A world that is divided can never be whole, Perhaps the path is to see the humanity in all? To let love prevail and respectfully disagree, Perhaps this is the way to harmony? Maybe you see purple where I see blue, Does this make me so different from you? On the surface, it seems that this is the case, But what if you allowed your heart to make space? I'm tired of the division and all of the hate, I believe we have more control of our fate, In love, we find the link that binds us all, In love, we find that our hearts want us to head the call. I know you think we are so different from one another, From race to religion to having a different mother, Yet the truth of the meaning of life, Binds us beyond all of the superficial labels and strife. Are you willing to see me as a soul and as whole? With my personal search for meaning and truth, Even if it is different from you?  We don't have to see eye to eye to be aligned. You see, what makes us different is also what binds, Like the myriad of living things that co-exists, in a cycle of nature that doesn't question or doubt its existence. Would you be willing to meet me in the middle? With love, Michele

Derrick Kosinski & Scott Yager are joined by NAM VO.NAM VO (@Nam.Vo.Official) came into his rookie season of The Challenge on Double Agents looking like a million bucks. The man is an adonis. Let's be honest. He got partnered with an Olympian and they looked like a match made in heaven. Turned out to not be the case. Sadly, a week after his partner Lolo Jones elected to leave the game, Nam followed by way of a lingering back injury. Nam joins Derrick (@DerrickMTV) and Scott (@SHOTOFYAGER) to discuss growing up in Germany, his family history, what his parents think of his fitness and TV career, why him and Lolo had such chemistry issues, what his back injury was exactly, when it happened, and what it was like having a front row seat to everything that went down between CT and Big T last week.For MORE Challenge Mania, including our weekly Bonus Podcast Series DOUBLE TROUBLE every Wednesday, head to www.Patreon.com/ChallengeMania -Last week our guest was DEVYN SIMONE!-This week our guest is JASMINE! www.ChallengeMania.Shop is always open.Regular & Heavyweight Ts are currently only $20www.JoinHoney.com/MANIA will save you money on any purchase where there is a coupon available. Honey finds the best coupons available and adds it to your cart at checkout. It's 100% FREE. JUST GET IT!Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to UPSTART.com/CHALLENGE​

We took Saturday School onto Clubhouse this week and although we had a little bit of a plan for the episode, we let the app and listeners mold the show. Turned out to be a phenomenal episode talking to a few friends of the podcast who have struggled with weight gain but give you great tips and motivation to help you on your weight loss journey. Subscribe to the NEW Power Project Newsletter! ➢ https://bit.ly/2JvmXMb Subscribe to the Podcast on on Platforms! ➢ https://lnk.to/PowerProjectPodcast Special perks for our listeners below! ➢LMNT Electrolytes: http://drinklmnt.com/powerproject ➢Piedmontese Beef: https://www.piedmontese.com/ Use Code "POWERPROJECT" at checkout for 25% off your order plus FREE 2-Day Shipping on orders of $99 ➢Sling Shot: https://markbellslingshot.com/ Enter Discount code, "POWERPROJECT" at checkout and receive 15% off all Sling Shots Follow Mark Bell's Power Project Podcast ➢ Insta: https://www.instagram.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ https://www.facebook.com/markbellspowerproject ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/mbpowerproject ➢ LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/powerproject/ ➢ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/markbellspowerproject ➢TikTok: http://bit.ly/pptiktok FOLLOW Mark Bell ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marksmellybell ➢ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkBellSuperTraining ➢ Twitter: https://twitter.com/marksmellybell ➢ Snapchat: marksmellybell ➢Mark Bell's Daily Workouts, Nutrition and More: https://www.markbell.com/ Follow Nsima Inyang ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nsimainyang/ Podcast Produced by Andrew Zaragoza ➢ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamandrewz #PowerProject #Podcast #MarkBell