The Therapy Spot

Released March 2, 2021 Susan Reyland returns to the show to talk about what you can expect from therapy. Susan is a clinical and developmental psychologist with an international practice, as well as a fellow Internal Family Systems practitioner and Somatic trained therapist. She’s been a guest on the show several times, discussing topics such as attachment styles, resiliency, childhood development and the autonomic nervous system and couple communication the problem is not Communication — it's Regulation Subscribe to The Therapy Spot on iTunes Or visit bethrogerson.com for more articles and podcasts. To subscribe with your regular podcast player, use the RSS feed.

This month, I am joined once more by fellow Internal Family Systems practitioner and clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Reyland. On this episode, our goal is to help you be a better communicator and connect better with your partner. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

For show notes, visit: bethrogerson.com

I know I’ve talked to you before about curiosity, and specifically about being curious towards your sad and vulnerable parts. Today, however, I want you to get curious towards the hater part, the one who resists your sadness, or tries to push it away. This part definitely won’t show up in a vulnerable way! But just like all of our parts, it is only trying to help. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Spring has come to the northern hemisphere and I’m excited to bring you a new episode of my podcast. In the spirit of new beginnings, my guest this month is Tammy Sollenberger. Tammy has just launched her new podcast, titled “The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems Podcast for Anyone Looking to Find Balance and Harmony.” Today on the show, we’ll discuss her journey into IFS, and her podcast goals. For more, visit bethrogerson.com

I have many new exciting interviews planned for the coming months, so let's have a quick refresher course on IFS! Then, I'll answer some questions about IFS and Self compassion sent in by a listener. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

As a bonus this month, I am reissuing my interview with Martha Sweezy, Ph.D., from May of 2017. Martha weighed in on important issues at the core of shame, such as: What is shame and why is it important? How do we learn to shame ourselves and others? How can criticism and blame help us, and how do they hurt? Where can we begin to relate to ourselves differently on the inside? Does shame have an antidote? For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

My guest today is Kristy Arbon, the Founder and CEO of HeartWorks Training. Her work revolves around supporting people in their practice of self-compassion, mindfulness, somatic awareness, and shame resilience. Among her many other talents, she is an excellent mindful Self compassion coach and teacher. On today’s episode, she’ll introduce us to the concept of somatic Self compassion.

I’m excited to share with you today my conversation with Dr. Susan Reyland. On this episode, we talked about the autonomic nervous system. Your autonomic nervous system plays a huge role in how we physically and mentally react to threats. Don’t worry — this isn’t a vocabulary lesson, and you won’t have a quiz at the end! You will, however, learn a few things about yourself, such as how and why you react the way you do to certain situations. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

I recently spoke about the IFS model of therapy at Google’s week of Inclusion and Diversity. While you may not think that has much to do with your daily life outside of work, the tools you use to relate with others are useful in all sorts of situations. So for this month’s episode of the Therapy Spot, I’d like to talk about how we can use IFS when we have differences with people. This can be family, friends, or a romantic partner — anyone you share an aspect of your life with. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

I want to talk about two things that go hand in hand: disappointment and acceptance. Disappointment can hit us hard and make us spin out — but for some reason, we tend to avoid talking about this difficult emotion. So today, I’d like to guide you towards a different perspective on disappointment. With this new perspective, you will have more choices, and a better understanding of yourself. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

I want to bring you some tips on what to do when your relationship feels strained. If you’ve ever had a sports injury, you know the feeling of strain! It hurts, it’s distracting, and it keeps you from doing the things you love. Strain in your relationship has a lot of the same effects. Luckily, just like with muscles, there’s a remedy for your strained, sprained, or inflamed relationship. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! On today’s episode, I spoke with Cora Forstén ND, MSOM, LAC. After practicing as a naturopathic primary care physician for 6 years in Portland, Oregon, Cora relocated to Stockholm, Sweden. Naturopathic medicine combines natural remedies — including herbs as well as diet and lifestyle changes — alongside modern medicine. Together, we discussed the importance of the mind-body connection when it comes to both physical and mental health. Self care is always important — but it’s especially important to attend to your physical body when you don’t feel your best mentally. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

For this episode, I’ve chosen to reissue a very helpful and informative past podcast. Last April, I had a wonderful conversation with Stan Tatkin about the safety and security we need in relationships. For those of you who didn’t catch this episode the first time, you’re in for a treat. This is a wonderful chance to learn more about being in a mutually satisfying, secure relationship. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! As more and more of you join me for the podcast, I like to occasionally reissue a previous podcast that newer listeners might have missed. Since this is the #YearofSelfCompassion, I think it’s important to revisit my podcast about something closely related to Self compassion: shame. Before I recorded this podcast, I had attended a retreat on the subject of shame and self compassion. When I learn more about these topics, I get so excited to share that knowledge with other people. So let’s talk about shame, how it shows up in our lives, and how to “flip the script” with Self compassion. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! Time sure has flown — we’re more than halfway through the Year of Self Compassion. Since we began this journey, I’ve found that the more I talk about it, the more I have to say. That’s why I’ve decided to reissue one of my earlier podcasts about Self Compassion. After all, Self Compassion is the antidote to feelings like self criticism, doubt, and unhappiness. Don’t feel bad if this practice doesn’t come naturally to you! Let’s focus on the practice, and how to increase our Self Compassion. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everyone, and welcome back once again to the Therapy Spot! This week, I spoke with YY Wei, LCSW, founder and director of The Relationship Center of Colorado. For over 10 years, YY has provided relationship therapy to individuals and couples of all gender identities and sexual orientations. She strives to create a safe, inclusive place where clients can reconnect with themselves, as well as their family members and partners. On this podcast, we’ll discuss what clients can expect from sex therapy. YY will also share her tips for connecting, both with yourself and your partner, as well as the benefits of conflict in a relationship. If you’re curious about sex and sexuality in your relationship, this podcast is for you. Listen in! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! On this week’s episode, I spoke with individual and relationship therapist Veronica Lax. During our time together, we discussed the challenges both partners face in a relationship where one person is Swedish and the other is not. While we focused mainly on this pairing, you can apply this lens to your own bicultural relationship. How do different cultural backgrounds affect a relationship? Listen along!

This week, I spoke with Laura Goldstein, LCSW, about the difference between curiosity, and telling. In her professional practice, Laura has been helping families, couples, and individuals since 1996. Her integrative mind-body approach incorporates the IFS model alongside yoga and mindfulness practices. We talked about how the Self quality of curiosity can enhance connection — and how telling can create distance. Listen along to our energetic and informative conversation! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Human beings are social creatures — we all long for connection. Sometimes, however, when we try to get closer, we trip over ourselves and actually create distance instead. In her work with couples, Elissa Stein helps them see that there are many different ways to have closeness. She also guides them to a place where they can recognize what creates distance. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! This week, I spoke with my friend and colleague, clinical psychologist Dr. Susan Reyland, about attachment. What are attachment styles? How did our attachment style form? How do our early attachment experiences influence some of the relationships in our adult lives? Listen along! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Welcome back to the Therapy Spot, everyone! On this week’s episode, I’d like to walk you through an exercise I did with two of my clients. The wife in this married couple had a lot of strong feelings surrounding an upcoming life change. Her husband struggled to show up with empathy, and instead tried to “problem solve” his wife’s bad feelings away. Empathy connects us with others (and ourselves!) in a way that sympathy does not. Empathy, to quote Carl Rogers, is “an accurate understanding of (another’s) world as seen from (their) inside. To Sense (another person’s) world as if it were your own.” To feel empathy for someone else is to sit with them in their emotion, and to understand. Problem solving is not empathy — it’s a response. Responding doesn’t always build connection. When you relate to someone, however, you build a connection. So join me today, and hear how this couple came to a place of natural empathy in their relationship.

This week, I interviewed Matt Pappas, Certified Life Coach, author, blogger, and podcaster. He specializes in coaching for survivors of trauma, and those dealing with anxiety. Matt’s journey began from a very personal place. A survivor himself, he started Surviving My Past as a way to navigate his own recovery. Since then, the blog has evolved into a full-blown advocacy website featuring many different voices. During our time together, we discussed how anxiety manifests itself in trauma recovery, as well as tips and strategies for overcoming anxiety. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everyone, and welcome back once more to the Therapy Spot! On this week’s episode, I spoke with Kari Joys, MS. She is the director of the Center for Creative Change in Spokane, Washington. Kari is a well sought after Counselor and Psychotherapist, a skilled group facilitator, and a powerful energy therapist. Over the years, she has helped thousands of people move on from a difficult past to achieve happy, fulfilling lives. As valedictorian of her high school graduating class, Kari spoke to her classmates about happiness. Though she spoke eloquently, and cited many philosophers and writers in her speech, she came away from the experience pondering a large question. “I wondered… is anyone really happy? Or was everyone faking it, like I was?” For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! I recently attended a professional training on working with couples, where I ran into Toni Herbine-Blank. Toni has operated a private practice for over 20 years, counseling both couples and individuals. Along with Donna M. Kerpelman and Martha Sweezy, she co-authored a book about her curriculum, Intimacy from the Inside Out: Courage and Compassion in Couple Therapy. She also appeared as a guest on my podcast back in 2015! I don’t know about you, but 2015 certainly feels like a long time ago to me! My audience has grown a lot since then. Not all of you had the opportunity to hear this podcast the first time around. That’s only one of the reasons I decided to reissue it. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

This week, to continue #theYearofSelfCompassion, I’d like to talk about something called the “inner care circuit.” Every single one of you has this circuit, even though we may not know how to use it. Our inner care circuit can eliminate emotion pain at its roots — and help us to feel better now. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

My long time friend and colleague Susan Reyland joined me once more to discuss the nature of emotions. Susan is a clinical and developmental psychologist who works in Denver, Colorado. Today, we’re going to talk about the ways we experience our emotions, and how to navigate them. Listen in! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

The beginning of the new year is always a time of reflection for me.  As I reflect, I’ve found myself asking: How can it already be 2018? The years seem to come and go almost as quickly as the days and weeks. That means it’s more important than ever to slow down — hit pause — reflect. Since 2018 is the Year of Self Compassion, I want to talk about slowing down. How do you do it, and what does it do for you? Let’s find out. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! This week, I spoke with friend and colleague Susan Mason. With over 25 years of counseling experience, Susan works as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the State of Illinois. As a certified IFS therapist, she uses these principles directly in her work with individuals and couples. I want to make 2018 the “year of Self Compassion.” I couldn’t think of a better way to get started than by sharing my conversation with Susan with all of you! Listen along as we discuss how to practice Self compassion. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Welcome back to the Therapy Spot, everyone! This week, I’m pleased to welcome back my friend and colleague, Susan Reyland. Susan is a clinical and developmental psychologist who works in Denver, Colorado. Our friendship began when we met at an IFS conference, and Susan offered me a glass of water. I have been fortunate enough to have Susan guest on my podcast three times before. This time, we discussed something a lot of us are bad at: saying no. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

On this week’s episode, I spoke with Amy Grabowski, MA, LCPC, ATR. As the Director and Founder of The Awakening Center, she helps clients suffering from eating disorders. Specifically, she uses the IFS lens as a way for her clients to understand and begin the healing process. The holidays can be an extremely difficult time for anyone currently dealing with an eating disorder. Whether that’s you, or someone you care about, I hope Amy’s insights will provide you with a sense of peace and understanding. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

I want to tell you a secret. I left this podcast on procrastination until the very last possible minute. Why do I tell you this? So you know that, when I talk about procrastination, I speak from experience! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

On today’s episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Baker. Dr. Baker is a clinical psychologist in Southern California, as well as the creator and host of the Go Friend Your Self podcast. She has experienced, personally and professionally, the impact of being your greatest critic instead of your greatest friend. The benefits include: Improved quality of life More confidence Better connection Through her practice and her podcast, Dr. Baker provides information and inspiration to help clients and listeners thrive. Needless to say, I was very excited to have her on the Therapy Spot to share her insights with all of you! If you’ve struggled with an especially vocal inner critic, or feelings of shame around Self-care, this podcast is for you. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

It should be no surprise that I’ve got Halloween on my mind. America’s take on Halloween is a lot of fun. When I was a kid, my father made Halloween even more fun than it already was. From talking pumpkins to robot costumes, we never knew what to expect. Halloween is also the perfect time of year to really pay attention to your different parts. Unlike a werewolf mask or some plastic vampire fangs, you can’t discard those parts after October 31st. Your thoughts and parts are really so much more important than that. On today’s podcast, we’ll explore how to go deeper to understand our different parts. In other words: I’d like to invite you to your party of parts! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

In today’s podcast, I spoke with Chicago based IFS practitioner Melissa Sandfort. In her own words, “This is my path in life, and I have never looked back. [...] I live, eat, sleep, and breathe IFS!” Her passion is deep and infectious — which will be crystal clear when you listen to her speak.  So join us today, and listen along as Melissa and I discuss the process, the benefits, and the just plain fun of IFS! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Those of you who have listened to my podcast for a while have heard me say something many times. “Better in yourself, and better with others.” Why do I say this? Well, when we improve our internal communication, we get better at external communication, too. I’m certainly not the only one who says so. Lead researcher Anne Böckler of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Science put it simply. “There is a close link between getting better in understanding oneself and improvement in social intelligence.” For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

This week, I interviewed psychodynamic and transpersonal counsellor Lysanne Sizoo. Lysanne currently lives on a houseboat on the Vecht River outside of Amsterdam, where she meets individually with clients and also hosts creative retreats. It was in this idyllic setting that we had our discussion about trust and transpersonal psychology. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Over the past 14 years, I have sat with many bicultural couples who struggled to connect. While they knew they felt deep love for one another, their differences loomed large in their minds. By focusing on their differences, they felt the distance between them grow larger. Why does this happen? How can you move past it? And, perhaps most importantly, how does this impact other areas of your life? For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

What happens when a therapist falls seriously ill and has to enter medical treatment? Should therapists share this information with their clients? How can that impact the relationship between therapist and client? To address those questions, I interviewed Roberta Omin, LCSW, who has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She specializes in treating clients — including couples and families as well as individuals — with chronic, acute, or life-threatening illnesses. She came on the show to share her insights on what happens when the therapist becomes a medical patient.  For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Last week, I noticed a trend with my clients: change and transition. Each and every one of them came to me with their anxious parts up, worried about change. I can’t say I blame them. When we’re in transition, it feels like a giant wave has just knocked us off our feet. We flounder in the water, sand swirling around us, desperate to regain our balance. No matter the circumstances, or how it makes you feel, change is a constant in our lives. Luckily, you can get better at navigating through change! First, let me walk you through two of my own experiences in learning about change. Then, we’ll work on stocking your “toolkit” for times of transition. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Frances used to bite her fingernails. She tried everything to stop that habit! First, she put stickers on her nails, but she always removed them without even noticing. Then, she painted her nails with a bitter substance, but even the bad taste couldn’t stop her. Naturally, Frances felt extreme frustration with herself. Why couldn’t she stop, even though she wanted to? She looked at her bitten-down fingernails and wondered, “Who’s actually in charge here?” Now, unless you’re a professional hand model, biting your fingernails doesn’t really negatively impact your life. But maybe you can relate to how Frances felt. Maybe you have a bad habit, or even an addiction, you just can’t seem to shake. Over the course of our lives, we all acquire behaviors and habits that we wish we could change. While it may seem impossible, we do have the power to change our brains. In order to do so, however, you might need to make some internal adjustments.

We don’t always see eye to eye with our partners, and sometimes we have trouble communicating in these situations. Unfortunately, that often leads to conflict between the two of you. Do you end up going “out” with feelings like sadness, anger, or frustration? Or do you go “in,” shut down, and stop talking? However this conflict shows up in your relationship, it’s time for you and your partner to try horizontal listening. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Perhaps best known for her book Eat Pray Love, prolific author Elizabeth Gilbert discussed using the IFS lens in her recent piece on Oprah.com! I love seeing IFS in the media. Elizabeth did some “deep diving” to examine the conflicting emotions she felt in reaction to a friend’s toxic behavior. Instead of lashing out or withdrawing from her friend, she named her parts and got to know them. This week, inspired by Elizabeth, I want to talk about some of the ways we can all use IFS to help ourselves. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

As summer blossoms in the northern hemisphere, I see new couples strolling hand in hand during my nature walks. The telltale signs — goofy grins, starry eyes, and constant contact — make new love obvious. Thanks to movies, TV, and Facebook, many of us think of those signs as love itself. In real life, however, that’s just the first stage of love. Do you know about the others? For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

I welcomed the opportunity to discover what my fellow IFS practitioner Martha Sweezy had to say about shame. Martha weighed in on important issues at the core of shame, such as: What is shame and why is it important? How do we learn to shame ourselves and others? How can criticism and blame help us, and how do they hurt? Where can we begin to relate to ourselves differently on the inside? Does shame have an antidote? For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

If you’ve spent most of your life focusing outward, rather than inward, you’re not alone. Luckily, you can pause, reflect, and connect with yourself. Reflection lets us get to know (and love!) ourselves from the inside out. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

This week, let’s talk about shame. If you’re like me, you might have a physical reaction just to the word itself! When I read it, I want to curl up into myself and disappear.  Since the roots of shame often go back to our childhoods, it might look like the wallpaper — you don’t even notice it anymore! If shame has taken over, you don’t need to crawl into a hole and disappear. You just need to peel back that old wallpaper and find some self compassion. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

During our daily lives we might get overwhelmed by many different emotions, such as: Sadness. Perhaps you’ve suffered a loss or an injury and you can’t seem to stop dwelling on it. Frustration. Your co-worker made an error, and now you have to fix it — as if you don’t have enough to do! Anger. You’ve asked your partner a thousand times to help out more around the house, but nothing has changed. Disappointment. Despite your best efforts, you didn’t get the promotion. When we're overwhelmed, we often say in IFS that you’ve become blended with a part. In other words, you’re not in harmony. You’re off balance! for more, visit: bethrogerson.com

We all experience periods of apathy, low mood, or low motivation. These periods can show up in different ways: “The things I need feel far away and out of reach.” “With everything on my plate, I don’t even know where to start — so I never start!” “I know all the things I’m supposed to do, but I just can’t seem to do them.” For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Hello and welcome back to the Therapy Spot! This week, let’s talk about those times when our relationships go topsy-turvy. Have you and your partner reached the point where you can’t tell up from down or left from right? Have things just stopped making sense? Chances are, you’ve stumbled into a mystery spot. For more, visit: bethrogerson.com

Young or old, male or female, we have all lived through periods of discomfort. If you’re like me, even the word might make you cringe! The feeling often comes from change, loss, or other disruption to our comfort zone. So, what is productive discomfort? Shouldn’t we avoid that feeling as much as possible? According to Susan Reyland: absolutely not! For more, visit: bethrogerson.com