Broadcasts – Christian Working Woman

I began this program years ago to encourage and equip Christians to live out their faith on their job. And I've been examining the importance of avoiding certain mistakes many make in getting along with their boss. I know it's not always easy and I know bosses are not perfect. But I also know you will do yourself a great favor to avoid making some of these mistakes. I mentioned small things matter, and good manners is another small thing that can make a difference in how your boss sees you. The simple everyday manners of helping others, letting others go first, thanking people, showing kindness to others—those little things create an impression. Failing to pay attention to them can cause self-inflicted harm to you. This verse sums it up perfectly: For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man (2 Corinthians 8:21). I've given you seven mistakes to avoid, but since we all make mistakes, here's what to do when you have made a mistake: Acknowledge the mistake. Take responsibility and offer to fix the problem if it’s one you can fix. That may be something as simple as a sincere apology, but your willingness to take responsibility will speak volumes to your manager. Move on and do the best possible work you can, avoiding the mistake in the future. Don't wallow in guilt; put it behind you and learn from the experience. Don’t let the mistake shake your confidence so that you lose your ability to do your work. Remember, everyone makes mistakes sooner or later. Don’t hide behind your mistakes, but don’t hide under your desk either. Show your boss it was a fluke and that will never happen again. Then, make it a matter of prayer. If you are a Christ-follower, you have power through prayer and God's Spirit to put mistakes behind you and move forward.

Having held several positions with very different managers, I look back and acknowledge some mistakes I've made in dealing with them. I want to help you in dealing with your manager. Mistake No. 6: Going Over Your Manager's Head When I worked in IBM, we had an open-door policy. This simply meant any employee was empowered to go to their boss with any complaint, suggestion, or question, because the door was always open. However, the rule was you go first to your immediate supervisor, and if for some reason that was not satisfactory, then you could go to the next level of management. But if you decided to go over your manager's head and talk first to their manager, you would be immediately advised to first talk to your manager before taking it any further, and it would not be well received if you didn't do it that way. This open-door policy is a good one, I believe, in keeping communications open and allowing for grievances to be resolved. But first talk to your immediate manager. Don't go over their head. You may feel your manager will not listen and will not do anything about your situation, but until you have tried to resolve it on that level, it will almost always be a mistake to bypass your manager and go to the next level. Mistake No. 7: Failing to Pay Attention to the “Small Stuff” Remembering that perception equals reality, if you fail to do the things that create good impressions, you will do harm to yourself and your career. For example, dressing appropriately for your position. I know casual attire is very acceptable in many work environments, but even if that is true where you work, your casual attire needs to be neat, clean, modest, and coordinated. Looking sloppy or careless won't do you any good. Go the extra mile, if necessary, to give the perception that you care how you look and you take time to make a professional appearance. Take clues from your manager. If he or she dresses very professionally, that tells you they expect and respect that kind of appearance from those who work for them. Someone has said it's smart to dress a level above your position. That might be good advice in some organizations, and it would demonstrate you are serious about moving up in the company.

Have you ever seen someone do great damage to themselves by the way they treated their manager? I'm examining being smart, recognizing managers typically have power to help you or harm you and making sure you avoid some mistakes in dealing with your boss. I've covered three mistakes already: Don't complain about your boss, don't try to show them up, and be willing to make allowances for generational differences. Here's the next mistake: Mistake No. 4: Displaying Negative Attitudes in Meetings Now, let me begin by saying negative attitudes are always harmful, but I've noticed a person who seems to always have some negative comments in meetings can really do themselves great harm. Obviously, you should feel free to express your opinions and suggestions, but often it's the way you do it that makes all the difference. Someone told me early in my career if you're going to voice a problem, always follow it with a solution. You don't want to develop a reputation of always being unhappy with what's happening. Even if it just shows on your face, it is not working to your benefit. It is not to your benefit to be put in a “I'm never happy” mold. Proverbs 17:22 gives us some good advice: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22). Keeping a generally cheerful attitude and demeanor will make you more attractive, more appealing, and someone people want to be with. Think about what kind of attitude you generally portray and make sure you come across as a person who sees the glass as half full! Your boss will appreciate that very much, I guarantee. Mistake No. 5: Not Being Able to Handle Feedback The only way any of us grow is to become aware of areas in our life that need improvement. That means we need feedback from our managers at times, even if it is a bit hard to handle. For sure, none of us enjoys being told we need to improve, but if you develop a reputation that you can't take honest criticism, you will stunt your growth as a person and in your career. Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid (Proverbs 12:1). Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:31). Life-giving correction is the perfect terminology for constructive criticism, even if you feel it was not given in a good way. Be willing to hear and then truly consider any criticism that comes your way. Don't make the mistake of not being able to handle feedback.

How well do you get along with your boss? I'm sharing some advice to help you get along with whoever is in authority over you. We already noted how important it is not to complain about your boss. Here is mistake number two. Mistake No. 2: Showing Up Your Boss It seems some people think they have to show up the boss in order to make a name for themselves, but intentionally trying to outshine your boss is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. The exception to this would be if you discover your boss is corrupt or illegal in some way, which is rare. Otherwise, it is in your best interest to make your boss look good. Think of ways to make their job easier; when you can, go the extra mile to take some workload off them. They can help you or harm you, so be sure to avoid this mistake. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time (1 Peter 5:6). Making your boss look good may indeed require some humility on your part, where you don't get the credit you think you deserve. But it is one way to humble yourself, and that is a Christian discipline we all need to practice. Mistake No. 3: Not Understanding Generational Differences No doubt you have discovered different generations see things very differently! And frequently your manager's generation is not the same as yours. Whether older or younger, you can make some serious mistakes in dealing with your manager if you don't understand and make allowances for these generational differences. For example, punctuality doesn't seem to be as important to younger generations as it is to us in the older groups. We older types put a high value on being on time for work, for meetings, meeting deadlines, etc. Younger generations seem to be more “laid back,” as we say, and have an attitude that if the job gets done, we shouldn't worry about such small things as being on time. Believe me, if your boss thinks punctuality is important, you should make it important. I have observed people who truly did great harm to their careers simply by being unwilling to conform to reasonable expectations from their boss or company. Remember what I said yesterday—it's your job to get along with your boss not your boss's job to get along with you. That may sound a little strange to you, but for the most part, it is good advice.

If you are a Christian in the working world, working for someone else, I'm sure you know already your manager or employer can have a lot of influence on your success in your job and in your career. It just makes sense you would want to avoid any mistakes in that relationship, if possible, right? How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver (Proverbs 16:16)! Wisdom is more valuable than money. Getting wisdom on your job is better than getting a raise! And Proverbs 13:10 says wisdom is found in those who take advice. I'm going to share a little wise advice that just might help you avoid some mistakes in dealing with your manager or employer—or the person in authority over you. Mistake No. 1: Complaining about Your Manager. I would say it is inevitable you won't like everything your manager does. There is bound to be something in their style or skills you don't agree with, or you feel is ineffective. I can tell you from experience, managers are easy targets for complaining and griping in most organizations. A man I worked with in my first sales job gave me a good piece of advice, which was: It's your job to get along with your manager, not your manager's job to get along with you. That probably goes against our culture today, but let me tell you, that attitude will work very well for you. I know not all managers are good at their job. I know not all managers are good communicators. And some managers or employers are pretty close to impossible. I know! But as long as you report to that person, you will do yourself a favor to remember it's your job to get along with your manager, not your manager's job to get along with you! One of the favorite past-times of many employees is to bad-mouth the boss and the company. If you're wise, you will avoid that like the plague. Ecclesiastes 10:20 says: Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say (Ecclesiastes 10:20). What wise Solomon is telling us is talking behind the back of someone in authority, saying things you wouldn't say to their face, will almost always backfire on you. Somehow those grumblings make their way back to that person, and they find out what you've said. Some little bird tells them! And that is a mistake you want to avoid.

Don’t think for yourself. I realize that sounds very backwards. How could it be right not to think for yourself? I certainly don’t mean we should allow others to think for us. That’s not what I’m saying. That’s just as dangerous or more so than thinking for ourselves. But when you and I understand the importance our thoughts play in our lives, then we start to understand how critical it is for us to think correctly. Our thought life is the place where everything else begins. Our actions begin with thoughts; our words begin with thoughts; our attitudes are formed by thoughts; our emotions are controlled by our thoughts. As we are reminded in Proverbs 23:7, what we think is what we are. Therefore, we need to be very certain we are thinking right! In order to think correctly, we’ve got to formulate our thoughts based on truth, based on someone we can trust, based on principles which are right and good. Now, I’d like to think I can trust my own self to think correctly, but the more I get to know me and the more I understand my human nature, the more I realize I am not qualified to think for myself. The Bible says in my own natural flesh there dwells nothing good of itself. I know I’m inclined to sin, inclined to be selfish, inclined to take the easy way out, etc. And besides the problem of the sinfulness of my nature, there are the limitations of my understanding and wisdom, which can cause me to think incorrectly if I think for myself. Therefore, if I try to delude myself into believing I’m capable of thinking for myself, I’ll discover it leads me into some real difficulties. Instead of “Think for yourself,” our motto should be “Think biblically!” Then and only then can we be certain our thinking is right, because the Bible is God’s truth, and the only reliable source for us. People who claim to think for themselves rarely do just that. When you see someone rebelling against their parents, or against rules and regulations or authority of some kind, or going off into some deep end, they often use the excuse “I’m thinking for myself and nobody’s going to tell me how to think anymore.” But what’s really happening is they are allowing some other person or group to tell them how to think instead of the ones who have been influencing their thinking up to that point. Rarely are they truly thinking for themselves. Don’t be misled by the attractiveness of this commonly-held belief that we should think for ourselves. It certainly appeals to our proud human nature, but it leads us to place a confidence in our ability to think correctly. The sad news is most of us don’t always think correctly on our own. We are all influenced by the world around us, the attitudes of others, the majority viewpoint, and in addition, our thought life is polluted by our own sinful nature. Add all that up, and you realize not only is it dangerous to think for ourselves, it’s also fairly impossible, for our thinking is inevitably a result of other influences. For Christians, we need to be certain our thinking is shaped by the Word of God and that we are influenced by what God has to say. There was one particular occasion in Peter’s life when he was thinking for himself, and the Lord rather sharply rebuked him for it. The story is found in Matthew 16 where Jesus is explaining it is necessary for him to be killed. Peter didn’t like that idea, so we read that Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” (Matthew 16:22-23) In Peter’s mind, it would have been a total catastrophe if Jesus were killed. That wasn’t the plan at all, as Peter saw it. So, controlled by his human way of thinking, Peter began to rebuke Jesus; we’d say he gave him a “piece of his mind.” Unfortunately, by doing that, Peter demonstrated that his mind was under the wrong control and influence. In fact, Jesus said Peter had become an instrument of Satan by even suggesting Calvary was not necessary. Satan wants to control all our thinking, because he knows we are controlled by our thought life. Therefore, keeping us from thinking biblically is one of his primary objectives. Who is influencing your thinking today? Modern humanistic philosophies? People who are not godly? Ideas and attitudes that have been passed on to you by friends or family who don’t know the Lord? Even other Christians who are not thinking biblically? Check it out. Whatever controls or influences how you think is, in reality, controlling you to some degree. Romans 12 tells us we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we read we are to bring every thought into captivity, not let our thoughts run wild and free. Learning to think biblically should be the highest priority for every Christian. An obvious question is “What is biblical thinking?” Philippians 4:8 is a good place to start. It clearly defines what we should think about, and here’s the list: Things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Now, I’d like to mention some areas of wrong thinking which don’t meet these criteria. Have you noticed how often we can start imagining what may or may not happen in the future? I can find myself playing out a whole scenario in my mind of the worst-case possibilities, and before I know it, I’m really worried and upset over what might happen to me. That is untruthful thinking; it is imagining the future and allowing those imaginations to cause me to be fearful. Many Christians have started to think very lightly of immorality because immoral lifestyles have become acceptable in our society. Someone was describing a movie to me and commented that a couple in the movie was having an affair, but this person noted it wasn’t the usual sordid kind of affair; it was a tender, more genteel kind. That’s an example of allowing the morals of our culture to invade our mind and cause us to think unbiblically. Any kind of affair should be viewed as impure and wrong by a person who is thinking biblically. Honesty is another area that has been under heavy attack in our society over the last few years. People tend to think of lying as relative; in other words, the situation determines whether it’s right or wrong to lie. And there’s the idea that little lies don’t really do any harm. I notice a great deal of our entertainment treats lying humorously. With all that around us, it’s easy for us to think about lying and honesty in unbiblical ways. How about it? Can you see some areas in your own life where your thinking has been influenced by the world around you, and you’ve lost your biblical mind? Part of the great gift of God to us when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior is the presence of God’s Holy Spirit living within us, and therefore, Paul says, we have the mind of Christ. That means we’re able to think like Jesus thinks. In order to think biblically, we must first of all have this mind of Christ within us. You can’t think biblically without the power of the Holy Spirit. Then, we must learn to carefully control what we allow into our minds, for the input determines the output. The computer world has taught us if you put garbage in, you get garbage out! Only as we feed our minds with the right things can we expect to think biblically. We will think about what we read, what we hear, and what we see, so if we are hearing, reading and seeing things that are not in conformity to biblical principles, obviously we’re going to think wrongly. You can fail miserably if you allow all kinds of immorality and impurity to be poured into your mind through television, videos, books, movies, podcasts, etc. It takes careful screening of the input into our minds in order to think biblically. It also takes what I call the Replacement Theory. When we start to think wrongly, and we know we should change, we must be able to replace the wrong thought with the right one. It’s almost impossible to just stop thinking about something, but if you start thinking about something else, then you can be successful at replacing the wrong thought with the right thought. That takes a set of your will to say: “I will not think about this any longer; I will think instead of this.” Many times, I actually talk out loud to myself and say, “Come on, Mary, you know you shouldn’t think about that. Now, stop it and think about this instead.” I can tell you the Replacement Theory works! There’s so much more to say about right thinking. In fact, I’ve written a book entitled Think About What You Think About. You'll find more information about it on our website, or you can order it from Amazon. I believe it will help you to learn how to think biblically, and if I can help you do that, I’ve done you a very big favor. Remember, thinking for yourself can get you into lots of difficulty. But thinking biblically will enable you to make good choices, right decisions, live a godly life, and know the peace and contentment that comes from right thinking. Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:5-6). Biblically thinking guarantees us life and peace. I’d say the return on your investment is very profitable, and I encourage you to join me in a daily commitment to think biblically.

No doubt you've heard the cliché, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Contrary to that little couplet, words can indeed hurt and they can hurt deeply. And you know, once words are spoken, they can never be unspoken. One of the most Christ-like things we can do is to think before we speak so our words don't hurt others. I've been encouraging all of us to make it a habit to think before we speak, and to help us remember to do that, we're offering you a bracelet which simply says think. By wearing it, it is my hope we will all get better at thinking about what we're going to say before we say it. Using the acronym of think, we've seen our words should be T – true, H – helpful, I – inspiring, N – necessary, and finally: K stands for kind: We need to think about how we can say what we have to say in a kind way. How many times have words been spoken to you in an unkind manner, and while the message itself was not necessarily a problem, the words or the tone of voice used to send the message were very hurtful. Oh, how important it is for us to think before we speak. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone said that to me?” Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up (Proverbs 12:25). When you're getting ready to speak, ask yourself if the words you will speak will cheer someone up, encourage an anxious heart. In Proverbs 15, we read a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. It is amazing to see the difference it makes when you think before you speak, and you choose words that are gentle and kind. Those words become words of life, and they are pleasing to the Lord Jesus. What do you think? Can we get serious about thinking before we speak? It will make us more like the Lord Jesus, and we'll be a much more effective witness for him. If our think wristband will help you to think before you speak, then please contact us and we'll send it to you.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body (Proverbs 16:24). If we all made it a daily practice to think before we speak, our words would be more gracious, and gracious words have power to bring peace in stressful situations and healing to our bodies, because stress is reduced by gracious words. To help us prevent words coming out before we think about them, we are offering a simple wristband that says think. My hope is by wearing this wristband, you will be reminded to pay attention to what you are getting ready to say and make sure it is appropriate. And we're using an acronym of the word think to help us evaluate our words. T is for true; speak only what is true. H is for helpful; make sure your words will benefit those you speak to. I means speak inspiring words that will encourage others. And now: N is for necessary: Speak only what is necessary. In other words, don't talk too much. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues (Proverbs 10:19). But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Matthew 12:36-37). Talking too much can be a real problem. They tell us that women talk more than men, and if that is true, we women need to be doubly careful about how much we say. We don't need to fill empty spaces with empty words. Silence can indeed be golden, and for those of us who are talkers, we need to take seriously this exhortation to speak only what is necessary. I think we're all aware that a person who talks too much is not a person we particularly enjoy being with. Listening to others is the skill we want to develop, so we give others the respect of listening to them instead of inflicting our unnecessary words on anyone who happens to be near. Before you speak, think “Is it necessary?” You'll probably say fewer words!

Have you inspired anyone lately? You may not think about it in those terms, but each day we have opportunities to inspire people. To inspire them to be kind, to inspire them to be encouraged—and on and on. And usually that inspiration comes through the words we speak. We're talking about how to think before we speak, so when we speak, we say the right things in the right way. And to help you think before you speak, we have some wristbands that say, “Think.” We'll be glad to send you one of these to help you remember to think before you speak. The Bible has lots to say about guarding our words carefully, and this wristband reminder may help you do that. We're looking at an acrostic of the word think, which can help us determine whether we should say what we're just getting ready to say. T means true, make sure it's true. H means helpful, make sure it will benefit those who listen. And now: I is for inspiring: Will your words inspire the person who hears them in some way, even if it's very small? If not, maybe you don't need to say them. Now I need to make it clear I'm talking about inspiring someone for good purposes, because it's possible to inspire someone to do something wrong. But how wonderful it is when someone speaks inspiring words to us. I remember a day when I particularly needed some encouragement, out of the clear blue a friend simply said something that inspired me. It gave me the encouragement I needed at that moment to keep on keepin' on, as we say. I often try to remember to say anything nice I think, whether it's a compliment on someone's outfit or a word of appreciation for their help. If you're thinking something nice about someone, then why not express it in words and then you speak words of inspiration. If we think before we speak, we will not only be careful not to say things we should not say, but it will remind us to say those inspiring things that we often think but don't say. Remember, your words have power; use that power wisely to inspire others. They will come back to you in a wonderful way.

The Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death. When we speak before we think, we often use our tongue as a death weapon. I'm encouraging you to think before you speak, and we've even made some bracelets for you to wear which say think. It's a good reminder to carry with you all day, so before you speak you make certain what you say needs to be said and is said in the best possible way. This acrostic for think will help you think before you speak. We already saw T stands for true. Speak only what you know to be true. H stands for helpful: Are the words you're just getting ready to say going to help anyone? If not, don't say them. Ephesians 4:29 is one of the most powerful verses in the Bible, in my opinion, and if we practiced it, we would think before we speak. It says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Some time ago I began praying this verse into my life, and I encourage you to do the same. Then I noticed when I would start to say something, I would often hear that inaudible voice of God's Spirit saying, “Is this going to help anyone else; will it benefit those who listen?” That has caused me to stop in the middle of lots of sentences, as I realized I didn't need to say what I was planning to say because it wasn't helpful to anyone else. Can you even imagine the wonderful changes that would take place on our jobs, in our churches, and in our homes if we determined not to speak any words that were unwholesome, that did not benefit others? That would eliminate griping and complaining; it would keep us from nagging people; it would cause us to stop passing on gossip. My goodness, it would make a difference in the way we live. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. It's so much easier to swallow those unhelpful words than it is to try to recover from them once they are said. If it's not helpful, just don't say it.

My professional career began with IBM, and they had a motto then which was conspicuously displayed all around the offices. It was one simple word: “Think.” Just “Think.” I remember wondering why they would choose such a motto for the company. Doesn't everybody think, I thought. Now I understand the importance of that simple one-word motto, because often we just don't think enough. For example, how frequently are we engaging our mouths, saying things without thinking? And that usually ends up causing all kinds of trouble. A friend once told me her teenage daughter and she had agreed to each wear a bracelet that says think, as a way to remind them to think before they speak. I got to thinking about that and decided it was a good idea. We have some bracelets for you, our listeners, that say think, to remind you to think about what you're going to say before you say it. This could have dramatic positive results for all your relationships. Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3). Perhaps wearing a bracelet that says think will help us to set guards over our mouths, so we think about what we say before we say it. I want to give you an acrostic of the word think, to help you determine whether you should say what you are starting to say or not. We start with: T stands for true: Is it true? Do you know for certain what you are just about to say is true? If not, don't say it. If we think before we speak and determine we're not sure what we're about to say is true, this will eliminate most gossip. Gossip is usually something we've heard but don't really know for sure, but we freely pass it on. After all, it's juicy and we just want to tell somebody that juicy tidbit. But if we start to think before we speak, and ask ourselves, “Is this true?” we'll go a long way to eliminating gossipy talk, and that's a very good thing.

For quite a few years I have been telling this on-going fictional story of Fran and how she learns to turn to Jesus for wisdom and guidance in every area of her life. Fran is a young widow, a single mom with two children, and a demanding job. Through the struggles of her everyday life, she is learning to practice the presence of Jesus and look to him for guidance in every area of her life. Today is not such a good day for Fran. In fact, she is at the point of tears as she comes back to her office from a business meeting with her most important client. Closing her door, she plops in her chair and brushes away a tear that tries to escape. “Why did he say that to me?” she says out loud to herself. “Why would he be so cruel to me? I worked so hard on that promotion, and he shot it down without even listening to my idea!” “Feelings hurt today?” Jesus softly asks, though of course he has no need to know since he knows everything. Fran is again reminded of his abiding presence in her life. “Well, I don’t know if it’s my feelings that were hurt…” she stammers; “I think it was the crass insensitivity and unprofessionalism of Mr. Andrews. He was unnecessarily brutal.” “Your feelings are hurt, Fran,” Jesus states. “Might as well admit it; nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone gets their feelings hurt from time to time.” “Well, yeah, I guess he hurt my feelings. I mean, I've worked so hard for that account, and before this, he liked everything I did,” Fran explains. “Now out of the blue he hits me with this response—so unfair, you know.” “What exactly did he say?” Jesus asks. “You were there, Lord,” Fran replies, with a bit of frustrated sarcasm. Jesus laughs. “Yes, but it would be good for you to repeat what has upset you so much.” Fran feels ashamed of her inappropriate reaction. “I’m sorry. He said I had not researched this promotion adequately, and he was not comfortable going with my idea until I did my homework.” “And what was wrong with that comment?” Jesus asked. “What was wrong? I had an entire report backing up my idea. I did my homework. I always do my homework. That’s what’s gotten me where I am; everybody knows Fran does the job right,” Fran responds. “A bit defensive, are we?” Jesus quietly asks. Fran doesn’t like where this conversation is heading, so she suddenly gets busy with her work. “Nobody understands me,” she mumbles to herself, all the time knowing it’s not true. She's not yet ready to give up her pity party! As she’s leaving the office that afternoon, her friend, Alice, pops in. “Hi, want to grab some pizza tonight with the kids?” “Oh, Alice, I’m so glad you came by,” Fran lights up. “I was going to call you and see if you could come over tonight. I need to talk with you.” “What about?” she asks. “Oh, I had a rough meeting with Mr. Andrews. I need some advice,” she replies. They make plans for Alice to get the pizza while Fran picks up her children. After a time with the kids, some homework assignments, and a Bible story, Fran gets Drew and Alice to bed. Then the two of them settle down for their long talk. “Okay, let me have it,” Alice says. Tears start to come to her eyes again and Fran says, “Oh, it’s probably no big deal but Mr. Andrews really let me have it today in front of everybody. You know that big promotion I’ve been working on? Well, he said I didn’t have sufficient research to proceed. He told me to ‘take it back to the drawing board,’ to use his words. He said there were too many unanswered questions.” Fran pauses and looks at Alice, waiting for her response, still fighting to hold back her tears. Alice nods and says, “And…” “And what?” Fran raises her voice. “Isn’t that enough?” “Well, I mean, is that all he said?” Alice asks. “Don’t you think it was very rude and unprofessional of him? I mean, in front of everybody,” Fran says in frustration. “Who was there?” Alice asks. “His assistant, Bernie, and Jim from the Art Department,” Fran says. “Uh, huh,” Alice cautiously responds. “That’s not exactly ‘everybody’, Fran,” she says. “Oh, you just don’t understand, Alice!” Fran is angry. “I guess you’re thinking it was just an overreaction.” “Come on, Fran, give me a break,” Alice says. “How about giving me a break and trying to be understanding?” she says. “Okay, I want to be understanding, but I’m just not sure what Mr. Andrews said that upset you so much. Maybe you just had to be there or something.” Tears start down Fran’s face. “Alice, don’t you understand, he said I didn’t do a thorough job and…and…” “And you always do a thorough job,” Alice says quietly. “Yeah, I’m beginning to get it.” She quietly says, “Do you want me to pray about this with you?” Fran knows prayer is long overdue, but on the other hand, she doesn’t want to give up her pity party! However, she hesitatingly says, “Yeah, please pray.” As she listens to Alice’s prayer, Fran’s defenses start to break down. “Fran,” she hears the voice of Jesus, “truth sometimes hurts, but remember, truth sets you free.” Jesus has told her that before, but once again she needs to be reminded that facing the truth, painful as it may be, is always the best way to go. After Alice finishes, Fran prays, “Dear Jesus, I hate to admit it, but I’m wrong. I overreacted again. It’s one of my worst weaknesses, and I don’t think I’ll ever get control of it. Please forgive me. Mr. Andrews had every right to say what he did, and I just blew it out of proportion.” She finds it difficult to continue; Jesus whispers in her ear, “I understand; you don’t have to say any more.” “Thank you for understanding me even when I don’t understand myself,” she says as she finishes her prayer. Fran looks at Alice. “Do you think I’ll ever learn not to overreact?” she asks. “I mean, I seem to do it all the time. In retrospect I can see how silly it was of me to read so much into Mr. Andrew's comments.” “Well, I think you delight the Lord because you’re always honest and real with him, Fran, and you come around fast,” she says. “I’ve never known anyone as honest with herself as you are.” “Really?” Fran is surprised. “I never thought about it that way.” “You're such a good friend, Alice. I really appreciate your honesty with me and helping me see what I need to see about myself. You know, I was trying to tell my dad about it this afternoon on the phone, and he really didn't get it. But I just attributed that to the difference in the way men and women handle things like this.” “What do you mean?” Alice asks. “Well,” Fran answers, “we women tend to be more subtle and careful about the words we choose because we know how easily our feelings can be hurt. I think men tend to simply state facts and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. Therefore, what Mr. Andrews said about me not doing a complete job really hurt my feelings, but a man would see that as a simple directive—something to be expected. Don't you think that's true, Alice?” Alice thinks about it a minute. “Well, it sure makes men sound terribly insensitive, which they can be sometimes, I'm sure. But it's also part of our personality and how much we are personally affected. I have to admit, I couldn’t see why you were that upset over it. But then again, it wasn't me there having to listen to what he said, so I could just be more objective at that moment.” Fran starts to laugh. “Isn’t it crazy how differently we see things,” she comments. “His comment hurt my feelings so badly; I took it very personally, but you heard it as just a simple business decision. You're right. When our toes are stepped on, it tends to feel much more personal!” Some good lessons learned. Proverbs 16:20 tells us, whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. You can see why Fran overreacted to her client’s remarks. He challenged her in the one area where Fran felt she excelled—her attention to details and her competence at doing her job. Fran has done very well in her company because of these good qualities, and subtly, without realizing it, she had started to take some pride in herself for her achievements. Pride is such a deceitful snare. It sneaks up on you while you’re not looking. The very gifts God gives us can become points of pride in our lives, when we begin to think we’ve done something ourselves. And so, this somewhat painful meeting Fran had with her client punctured that pride and the poison came oozing out. But, as humbling as it was, it was a very good lesson because Fran was able to see it for herself and recognize her pride before it got too far out of hand. Maybe you too need to learn to control your reactions. If you find yourself speaking hastily when you’re upset, getting your feelings hurt too easily or exaggerating incidents to be much larger than they are, start praying that God will help you not to overreact. Frankly, I’ve been praying that for myself for years and though I’m not there yet, I’ve made some progress in the right direction.

When it's time to say “no,” how can you say it without offending anyone? I've examined the difficulty many of us have with saying “no.” As we close this topic today, I want to talk about the best way to say “no.” None of us like to disappoint people; we want to be cooperative and helpful. Saying “no” is not easy because we know it is not what the other person wants to hear. But when you know it is the right thing to do, you must be assertive and courageous enough to look them in the eye and in a kind way say “no.” I think you need to give some explanation, but not too much. When you keep defending your “no” response, it shows a lack of confidence in your decision. Remember, it is not likely your “no” will be happily received, so don't have unrealistic expectations. But soften the blow as much as possible, empathize where you can, offer alternative suggestions if available, but make your “no” a true and understandable “no,” not a wishy-washy response. Be sure you've prayed about it, that you have your own emotions under control, that your reasons for saying “no” are pure, not selfish. Think in advance of what words you will use—words that make it as palatable as possible. Proverbs 16:21 says sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness, so choose your words carefully. In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling says, “Men and women who are humble enough not to take themselves too seriously are free to say no as well as to say yes.” That's a good word for us all. Don't take yourself too seriously and be humble enough to say “no” when you know it's the right thing to do.  

Why is it hard for us to say “no”? In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling points out “We get instant affirmation from saying yes. We get personal stimulation from the idea of meeting a challenge, using our gifts or tapping into our creativity, and we avoid the unpleasantness of having to say no.” This hits the nail on the head for me. I learned some years ago one reason I was trying to do so much was to hear the accolades and affirmation I received from others. Those comments feIt good; I liked them and I wanted more. I wanted the affirmation of people; it fed my ego and made me feel good about myself. But for years I was deceived and didn't realize what was behind much of my activity—good activity, ministry activity. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatians, am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10). You must decide who you are trying to please. If pleasing people is your goal, if you need the affirmation of others to feel good about yourself, you will always be in bondage to those people, whoever they are, and you will never fully succeed. It's impossible to please people all the time, no matter how hard you try. But the good news is, it is possible to please God. And I've discovered that when my priority is to please God, I typically please more people that way than when I try to please people! Search your heart today if you are plagued by this difficulty of saying “no,” and ask God to reveal to you why it is so hard for you to say “no.” You may discover some unlovely motivations there, but in so doing, you will uncover truth that can set you free!

I'm digging into a topic: how to learn to say “no.” Many of us have a lot of trouble knowing how and when to set boundaries, and we end up trying to be super-people and find ourselves exhausted, discouraged, depressed, and ready to quit! Ephesians 2:10 says we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God ordained in advance for us to do. We are here to work; we are created to bring glory to God through completing the good works he has planned for us to do. Laziness or indifference is never acceptable for a disciple of Jesus Christ. But by the same token, we are in human bodies which have limitations and when we start trying to do things that are not on God's to-do list for us, that's when we get in trouble. In a very helpful booklet entitled “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt,” Alice Fryling makes some important observations: “Jesus does not intend for us to carry the heavy burden of ill-fitting good works. If we were to join him at the dinner table, where he did much of his teaching during his life on earth, he might remind us that we do not need to do everything, that burnout is not his idea of obedience and that by God's grace even a little bit goes a long way.” I like her term “ill-fitting good works.” I find I am often self-deceived into taking on too much because what I'm taking on is good. Someone needs to do it; it is not a trivial pursuit. But is it an “ill-fitting good work,” meaning it doesn't fit me? Ms. Fryling goes on to say, “In fact, as we take on Jesus' yoke, we find that the work we are yoked to do has been custom-made for us.” When you are doing those good work, you may get tired, but you won't be overwhelmed. Jesus does not call you to do more than he will equip you to do under an easy yoke. When your “doing” gets to the stage of being a burden, no matter how good it may be, then you have to stop and ask, “Where and when should I say ‘no'?” I would encourage you to think about areas in your life where you have not yet learned to say “no.” Perhaps it is on your job or with your family or friends. If you've allowed yourself to come under a heavy yoke, I urge you to begin the process of saying “no” where you need to.

Do you feel as though you are always carrying a load of responsibilities and work that keep you exhausted and frustrated? If that describes you, it could be because you've never learned how to say “no.” I often think about the difference between my lifestyle and that of my grandmother's. She worked physically harder than I do, I'm sure, but her lifestyle was much simpler. Not easier but simpler. She never drove a car, was never a soccer mom, and had no time for much outside of her home except church. While I wouldn't want to go back to that time, there are things I envy about her lifestyle. Our society has placed a yoke upon us through remote controls, computers, microwave ovens, smart phones, and now AI—to mention a few. As Alice Fryling puts it in her booklet “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt”: “Laptops, iPads and cell phones promise an easier life, but in reality they deliver increased stress and pressure. Physicians and psychologists tell us that our bodies are not designed for the constant input of our technological age, for being always ‘on.' We need ‘down' times when our adrenaline can subside, when we can muse and dream and be restored. But the God-given rhythms of day and night, work and rest, have been usurped by technological potential.”[1] Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Ask yourself: “Whose yoke am I under: My own self-inflicted yoke of busyness, trying to please people, trying to multi-task and meet all my deadlines, or the yoke of Jesus, which is easy?” That doesn't mean you're never busy or tired; Jesus was often weary from the pressure of people and preaching and healing. But he knew when to say no and when to get away for rest. Learning to say “no” appropriately means learning when you must shut down for some time of restoration—a few hours, a day, a week. And yet, if you're like me, you tend to feel guilty for taking down time when you still have things to do! This is false guilt; we need to recognize it and refuse to be in bondage to it. — [1] Fryling, A. (2002). Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt [Review of Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt]. IVP.

Do you have difficulty saying no? Many of us feel obligated to be everything everyone thinks we should be and do everything everyone thinks we should do! For years I thought I was supposed to do whatever anyone asked me to do—period! I can assure you if you think like that, you'll end up in burnout territory, desperately trying to jump through everyone's hoops, and discovering, as you pick yourself up off the floor, you really are not superwoman, and you have to learn to say no. But how—and when? I recently came across a small booklet by Alice Fryling entitled “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt.” The title caught my attention, and the content really spoke to me. I want to share some of her insights, as well as my own, if you struggle with how and when to say no. The first lesson to learn is it is okay to say “no.” Jesus said, All you need to say is simply ‘Yes' or ‘No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one (Matthew 5:37). There are times to say “yes” and times to say “no,” and our challenge is to learn the difference. In fact, Jesus told people “no” on several occasions, disappointing some no doubt, perhaps even angering some, and leaving his disciples wondering why. For example, in Luke 12, when a man asked him to settle an argument he was having with his brother, Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Jesus said “no,” not because he couldn't do it, but because it wasn't what he was called by God to do. We begin with knowing what is our responsibility legitimately and what is not. For example, on your job there are times when you necessarily do things that are not within that job description, but if you are continually doing the work of others or getting side-tracked into projects not your own, you may discover you have difficulty doing what is rightfully expected of you. If this is the case, you need to determine the best way to say “no.” Your approach and choice of words would be critical, but until you learn to say “no,” you'll never bring that job under control.

The studies and articles aren't new. In fact, the first workplace gender research started in the 1960s and 1970s. Men and Women in the Corporation by Rosabeth Moss Kanter was considered one of the first academic studies on gender differences in work behavior and opportunity, and this was in 1977. This conversation is as old as me, but I would like to remind you that women at work is not a construct of the early world wars and industrial revolutions as you may have been taught. Women and men working together started with creation in Genesis 1. Men and women were created to work together. In Genesis 1:26-27, we see the beautiful work of unity in creation. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and every other creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. When we read the verses about creating man, he created both male and female in his own image. Not men exalted above women or women above men, but creation in his image, in unity. If we don't look to the beginning, it is easy to look at the ways that culture and society have created norms about work. The reality is these are not God's norms for men and women. The next verses in Genesis 1: 28-29 further frame God's plans for man and woman: And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.' God gave man and woman an equal command to work in unity. You already know that once sin crept in, this unity was forever broken. Sin impacts this sacred creation in every way, and our cultural norms which have been forming since the 70s continue to impact how men and women work together. What does this sin look like within the context of work? What is causing the continued gender bias issues for women? The answer doesn't start with work; it really begins outside of the office and is part of the cultural and societal brokenness between men and women that has systematically and year after year found its way into our work. With my aim being unity between men and women as advocates to solve this issue, I wondered, who were the leading male voices for gender equality at work. One name that came up was Tony Porter. Tony is the founder and CEO of A Call to Men. He seeks to teach systemic change for between men and women in society. In an article published on his website, “Is your Organization Unintentionally Reinforcing Gender Bias at Work,” Tony states this, “…the workplace is a microcosm of society—a society where men and boys are collectively socialized to view women as objects, as property and as having less value than men.”[1] This blanket statement is not felt by all women, of course, but as a whole, it sums up that sin and the brokenness of not seeing men and women created equally in the image of God is at the root of the issues still facing women today. Fortunately and unfortunately, the Bible is full of cultural examples of both unity and brokenness between men and women. If we look at the Word of God, we will all struggle to understand some of the terrible injustices women faced including being taken by force into marriage, raped, and being cast out of society. Again, at the moment of the fall, the unity and sacred relationship between men and women fell, and it fell hard. But, for every hard-to-read passage of Scripture about injustices for women, there are beautiful examples of how God used women and work for the glory of his kingdom. Women played an important role in the formation of the early church where they not only served the disciples with hospitality but also provided money for the ministry and teaching of the good news to their families. The grandmother and mother of the disciple, Timothy, are mentioned by Paul. 2 Timothy 1:5 reads, I am reminded of your sincere faith which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also. Today we live in a culture not so different than biblical times. Women around the world still face terrible injustices, not only at work, but in society. Harassment, gender pay gaps, interviews and promotion biases all still exist, but there are people trying to drive change. Another name that came up as an advocate for women at work is the former CEO of Unilever, Paul Polman. He spoke about visiting a tea plantation where female workers were being abused or sexually harassed. When policies failed, he put female supervisors in place so that the women no longer needed to go to an unsafe work environment. This was within the last 5 years. What are some of the more nuanced impacts women face at work? In a Forbes Women article from May 15, 2025, by Eva Epker the continued gaps between men and women at work are highlighted. With parenting and caregiving still being a primary responsibility of the mother, a study found that three years after childbirth, 90% of fathers were in full-time work, versus only 27.8% of new moms. Another study noted 41% of female participants experience discrimination in a hiring process including gender-biased and inappropriate questions. Mental health and the lack of mentorship opportunities for women, continue to be part of this conversation.[2] These examples remind me of some data from the 2023 McKinsey study on “Women in the Workplace” that discussed the large impact microaggressions can have on women at work.[3] Microaggressions are defined as demeaning or dismissing comments or actions rooted in bias, directed at a person because of their gender, race, or other aspects of their identity. Women experience these more than men. For example, a woman is two times more likely to be interrupted in a meeting and spoken over than a male counterpart. We keep having the same conversations, and the results of the studies improve but not in a significant enough way to truly make change. One of my observations is that both secular and faith-based organizations often take a one-gender approach to gender biases. More specifically, women are talking to women about the lasting issues and implications about gender bias at work, and men are rarely part of this conversation. Working women, and more narrowly, Christian working women aren't having the conversations needed to redeem this sacred unity at work, and they aren't having them at church either. I have been to women's leadership conferences, both secular and faith based, and at only one was there a focus on women in the workplace where men were part of the discussion and workshops. This was a faith-based conference. I was able to find one opinion article in Time from July 18, 2023, titled “Modern Gender Equality Must Include Men.” The lead heading “Gender equality can only happen when women and men are advancing toward that goal together.”[4] Shelley Zalis conducted online research about men's attitudes and the results showed that 53% of men believe that workplaces in the US should be doing more to eliminate bias in the workplace. I agree that we need unity between men and women that lead to solutions. As Christian leaders, how do we work on this unity while at the same time navigate the current brokenness in the workplace for women, Christian or not? First, we need to remember we are called to address the issues of the poor and oppressed; we should not turn a blind eye to this matter. Isaiah 58:6-7 exhorts: Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Are you hiding yourself by simply being unaware? We are called to care. What are some of the ways we can continue this conversation? Perhaps shining a light on the benefits of women at work can be a start. Companies with gender-diverse leadership show an increase in average revenue. The McKinsey study notes that companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on their executive teams are 25 percent more likely to have above average profitability. Women have always been wise, and, as Christian leaders, we should tell these Bible stories about the working women God used for his kingdom. Perhaps these examples can inspire and show God's plans for women and work to others. And we can see how women and men worked together through their examples. Deborah was a judge and a leader. She worked in unity with Barak to go into war for Israel (Judges 4 & 5). Miriam was a leader of worship and worked in unity with Moses and Aaron to lead the people of Israel during the Exodus (Exodus 15). The Proverbs 31 woman embodies a long list of attributes that benefit her husband including: rising while it is still night to provide for her family, investing wisely, dressing well, being confident in her merchandise, caring for the poor, and being strong and wise. Mary was the first to see the resurrected Jesus and bring word to the male disciples (John 20). Lydia, in Acts chapter 16, was a seller of purple cloth and worked in unity with Paul to help the early church. This is not an exhaustive list! Women have always worked, and they have done so alongside men. I know most of you may not be in a place to share these examples of Bible stories as inspiration at work, but you can start this change within Christian spaces. Men and women can lead by sharing these examples of unity in God's plan with other Christians. We need to start having more conversations about how God used men and women in our faith-based spaces. We can explore these issues together to find ways to lean into and lead the change in our workplaces. Even if we cannot share the stories, we can share facts, and choose to engage: First, pay attention to the data and actually care about the data! All these studies include a what can we do about it section, and the advice centers around providing women resources to engage with including development, mentoring, counseling for stress, benefits that support caregiving, and more. Next, think about how you may be contributing to this issue as a man or a woman. Are you engaging in behavior that may be considered microaggression? Did you know that simply commenting on what another woman is wearing to work can impact her? Or assuming a female colleague's mental state or home situation? If we are honest, as women, we have absolutely contributed to our own issues with gender equality at work simply by tearing each other down. Most importantly, lead with love! As a believer in Jesus Christ, we are called to love our neighbors, and an easy love checklist is found in the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Both women and men can act on this! For the women, engage in a conversation with men about this topic. For men, engage in a conversation with a woman on this topic. Let's lead by the biblical examples of unity! — [1] Kay, M. (2020, August 17). Is Your Organization Unintentionally Reinforcing Gender Bias at Work? A Call to Men. https://www.acalltomen.org/is-your-organization-unintentionally-reinforcing-gender-bias-at-work/ [2] Epker, E. (2025, May 14). What's Holding Back Working Women In 2025? Same Obstacles, More Anxiety. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/evaepker/2025/05/14/whats-holding-back-working-women-same-obstacles-more-anxiety/ [3] Mckinsey & Company. (2024). Women in the Workplace. McKinsey; McKinsey & Company. https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace [4] Zalis, S. (2023, July 18). Modern Gender Equality Must Include Men. Time. https://time.com/6295453/modern-gender-equality-must-include-men/

There are so many studies about the Proverbs 31 woman and aspirations to be like her. She is a powerful example of a working woman from the Old Testament, and she is an important example of male/female unity between mothers and sons and husbands and wives. Maybe you aren't a mom or son or wife or husband, but the foundations of unity between men and women are found in this chapter and show us God's heart for male/female unity in his kingdom. This proverb was taught by a mother to her son, the King Lamuel. I think it is important to note the unity between the mother and son—the importance of this male/female relationship. She's imparting on him rich wisdom and outlines for him the importance of unity with a woman who fears the Lord. The unity between this man and woman—husband and wife—shows trust, gain, and good. The Proverbs 31 woman is a smart worker. She provides for her home. She invests and burns the proverbial candle at both ends. She gives to the poor and makes sure those working for her are provided for. She even dresses well! This woman is so well known that the man she is in unity with is “known” at the gates. In addition to her work, she shares her wisdom and teaching. Her husband and children praise her! This is a long and exhaustive list. And it is a very good example of many of the Christian working women I know. There are many lessons we can take from this chapter, but let's consider the unity the Proverbs 31 woman has: unity with the Lord, her husband, her workers, her community, and her children. In all these relationships, unity is part of her success. God wants us to be in unity with our closest male and female relationships. He wants his daughters to teach and his sons to listen to their wisdom. He wants his daughters to fear him and seek trust and unity with others. He wants his daughters to work, serve the poor, and provide for their families. He wants us to be kind and not be idle. God created us in his image. Male and female, he created us. And, just like the unity of the trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, he wants us to live in unity with others. How can you create more unity with the closest men or women in your life?

Are you under the impression that the women in the Bible weren't working women? Many of the Christian women I encounter haven't heard this important truth. Women have always worked! In fact, we examined this when we discussed the creation story of Genesis, the prophetesses Miriam and Deborah, and the women who worked in unity with Jesus! God needs us working in unity with men for his glory! Women played an important role in the early church. I think about Mary being the first to see the resurrected Jesus. Scripture could have skipped ahead to meeting the disciples in Galilee, but it doesn't! God wants us to see how his story includes the men and women he created in his image. The Old Testament prophet Joel states, I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and daughters shall prophesy. This verse can be found in Joel 28 and in summary in Acts 2. The Spirit is for sons and daughters—both to prophesy! One of the first accounts of healing in the book of Acts is of Tabitha (also known as Dorcas) in Acts 9:36-43. We learn she had died, and she was considered a woman full of good works and charity. She was apparently a very good seamstress as the scripture speaks of the tunics and garments she had made. We learn it was men urging them to come to the bedside of Tabitha. She was clearly respected. And she was raised to life by Peter. Lydia is described in Acts 16 as a seller of purple goods and a worshiper of God. Paul came to find a group of women who had come together in prayer. He sought them out—to be in unity with them in prayer. His seeking and the Lord's opening of Lydia's heart to hear the good news of Jesus, opened new unity and provision for Paul when Lydia invite him to stay in her home. We also see that Paul returned to Lydia when he was released from prison. Lydia needed unity with Jesus, and Paul needed unity with Lydia for his work! We also learn those in Lydia's household encouraged Paul. Lydia was a seller. She worked. God used her work and leadership to help grow the early church! God is still doing this today. Are you a creator like Tabitha or a seller like Lydia? Not only does your influence with others serve as an important way for the gospel to be shared, but your financial provision also can help ministries lay groundwork to encourage others to spread the good news and cause an increase in the Church of Jesus Christ! This is why your work and the unity between men and women is important to the Lord. Working together will ultimately create a much greater impact for the glory of the kingdom.

When you think of your work, do you think about the most important work God has called us to? That work is to share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and this work is a shared work for all of us who are brothers and sisters in Christ. Men and women share a critical, unified role in sharing the beautiful gift of mercy and eternity we have in Jesus! Although we see the twelve disciples Jesus calls in the New Testament are all men, we cannot choose to miss all the ways women were used by Jesus for the great work of sharing the good news! Jesus's first revelation of himself being the Messiah is to the woman at the well. This account in John 4 is significant first because Jesus is alone accepting water from a Samaritan woman. The Samaritans were the outcasts of the time, and this woman was a woman with many husbands. He breaks barriers to bring her into unity in his revelation. The best part is her response. This woman runs all the way back to town, not caring about who she is in this community but who she is in Christ, and begins to share the good news of the living water. We see Jesus with Mary and Martha and their brother Lazarus in the scriptures. Mary and Martha provided hospitality to Jesus and the disciples with meals and a place to teach. We know Jesus deeply loved Lazarus and deeply cared for Mary and Martha, which was matched by their devotion and trust for him. Not only were women part of the ministry of Jesus in his living but also in his death and resurrection. At the crucifixion in Matthew 27:55-56 we learn there were many women there, looking from a distance. These women had followed Jesus from Galilee and ministered to him, among whom were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph, and the mother of the sons of Zebedee. Again, this ministering could have been for physical needs like food and shelter or emotional and spiritual support during his ministry. Either way, these women, worked in unity with the men alongside Jesus. The women at the cross displayed great loyalty to the end, and they were also first to learn of the resurrection. After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb (Matthew 28:1). Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me” (Matthew 28:10). We may not see a lot about the unity between the 12 disciples and these women, but we see a more important unity—the unity between Jesus Christ and them. How are you in unity with Jesus at work today?

We hear a lot about the prophets, but what about prophetesses? Women worked alongside men in the Old Testament, even as prophetesses of the Lord. Although the Old Testament text has a lot less to say about these women, we read that they were respected and sought after for their specific wisdom. The history in the Bible would surely not be the same without unity between these women and the men they served with and for. Why don't we see these stories as powerful movements for the kingdom of God? We have examined the unity God created men and women in and the unity of work he created us for. And we also examined how sin broke this sacred unity. This is the underlying why. Culture and sin both play an unintentional and sometimes intentional role in us not hearing more about these female prophets. You could probably tell me a lot about Moses and Aaron, but what about their sister? Her name was Miriam, and she was also a prophet of the Lord. If I think about this trio more, I wish I could have heard more about their unity and the dynamics of their work together! Miriam is one of the earliest leaders of worship! In Exodus 15:20-21 we see her leading other women in song and dance after they crossed the Red Sea. The timing of the text suggests she may have been the first to lead a victory celebration of the exodus from Egypt! Miriam was noted as one of God's chosen leaders of the exodus in Micah 6:4. I brought you up out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. I sent Moses to lead you, also Aaron and Miriam (Micah 6:4). She was “joined as a whole” in unity with her brothers in this work. Deborah, too, was a powerful prophetess. She is described in Scripture as a judge, military strategist, warrior, and mother in Israel. No, she was not an actual mom, but rather she was a leader of Israel. In Judges, we see Deborah working, first as a judge and then as the one who leads Israel to war. Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided (Judges 4:4-5). Men and women sought her counsel. In the next verse we see Deborah sends for and summons Barak. Barak said to her, “If you go with me, I will go; but if you don't go with me, I won't go” (Judges 4:8). You can read more about this in Judges chapters 4 and 5, but again we see God using men and women—in unity— to complete work. How do you see examples of Miriam and Deborah and their unity with the men around them in your work today?

I have been in the workplace for longer than I want to admit and one thing I can say is I hear more about the differences between men and women at work than what unifies us. Although I don't want to overlook the different realities men and women face in the workforce, I also don't think we talk enough about God's point of view on men and women when it comes to work. So, let's examine some of the women in the Bible and the true definition of unity, or the state of being united or joined as a whole, when it comes to men and women at work. In Genesis 1:26-27 we see the beautiful work of unity in creation. Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:26-27). We first see unity in the trinity before God even created man and woman. Our image and our likeness—not my image and my likeness—our. God embodies the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This is the image of God, working together to form creation. And, when we read the verse about creating man, he created both male and female in his own image. Not men exalted above women or women above men but creation in his image, in unity. If we don't look to the beginning, it is easy to look at the ways culture and society have created norms about work. The reality is, these are not God's norms for men and women. The next verses in Genesis 1:28-29 further frame God's plans for man and woman. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food” (Genesis 1:28-29). God gave man and woman an equal command to work—in unity. So, why do we have so much trouble with unity of men and women at work today? Sin. Your sin and mine. Men sin and women sin. We break unity. But awareness of how it should be—this is the best start. And we can look at how God used men and women together in scripture to accomplish his plans.

Let me begin by describing what a toxic person is. Toxic means poisonous, dangerous, harmful, and persistent. So, a toxic person is one who can poison an atmosphere, and their actions and words are harmful and repetitive. Not just a once-in-awhile bad day, but a recurring unhealthy and hurtful behavior. Here are some signs that a person is toxic: They talk more than they listen. They are always right—never admit to being wrong. They are drama queens or kings—drama seems to follow them everywhere. They lack tact and general courtesy. They often lie to make themselves look good or to get what they want. They exhibit controlling behaviors. They love to talk about other people—to gossip. They are in general very negative people. Here's the first thing I want to remind you, as we talk about dealing with toxic people. They are people that God loves, just as much as he loves you. I remember long ago when I worked for a boss who was anything but pleasant; I just found it hard to even be around him. But I remember clearly one day when the thought came to me, no doubt from the Holy Spirit, that God loved him just as much as he loved me. I had to sit down and think about it. How could God love someone so unlovable? But it's true, because God is love, that he loves that toxic person in your life just as much as he loves you. And secondly, that person is not in your life by accident. God is allowing it—not approving of their behavior, mind you—but allowing that person in your life for some good reason. It could be to help you grow in grace, as you learn to deal with them. It could be for the good influence you could have on that toxic person—it could be both. But trust me, God has some good reason for this person being in your life. We are told in Scripture: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). That's our assignment for dealing with toxic people. Others may live by more commonly accepted relationship principles, such as, Look out for number one! Don't take any guff! Stand up for your rights! They may have no motivation to live at peace with everyone, but we are called to this Christ-like objective. It is a lofty one; it is often out of step with the world's wisdom; it is often not appreciated or valued by others. But as disciples of Jesus Christ, it is our guiding principle. And for sure, when we can respond to toxic people with more patience, more kindness, and less anger than others, we are demonstrating the love of Jesus, and it won't be missed. Your coworkers may not believe in God. They may never go to church. They may even think you are some kind of religious fanatic, but they cannot escape the difference in the way you respond to toxic people when you allow God's Spirit to empower you to respond like Jesus would. I think your first challenge is to get your own attitude and reactions to toxic people under control. Learn to do some things that will keep you from—as we say—going crazy. Here are four practical things you can do to protect yourself when you're dealing with a truly toxic person. Don't let your thoughts and mind dwell on them all the time. When dealing with such a disruptive and irritating person—on a regular basis, no less—it's very natural to let their behavior occupy your mind and your thoughts way too much. So, if you find you're dwelling on their behavior and you're giving them too much thought time, you need to firmly and swiftly boot the person out of your head. Refuse to let them take over your mind. Philippians 4 tells us to think about things that are lovely, pure, noble—and that pretty much excludes that toxic person. So, stop giving them time in your mind. And how do you do that? You do it by replacing thoughts of them with good thoughts, thankfulness, reciting your blessings, and focusing on God's goodness. That's what it means to bring every thought into captivity and make it obedient to Christ, as we read in 2 Corinthians 10:5. This is a spiritual discipline that will make a huge difference in your life. If you have not already discovered this truth and learned how to take wrong thoughts captive, I recommend a book I've written on it, entitled Think About What You Think About. So, as you head out to work each day, ask the Holy Spirit to remind you to boot those wrong thoughts out of your mind, to help you refuse to allow this toxic person to occupy your thoughts. That is a very important first step. Distance yourself from them as much as possible. You've heard a lot about setting boundaries, I'm sure. The Bible teaches us to set boundaries. For example, these two passages from Proverbs: Proverbs 4:14 – 15: Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way. Proverbs 16:17: The highway of the upright avoids evil; those who guard their ways preserve their lives. And Philippians 4:7 tells us the peace of God will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. So, we have to be wise about distancing ourselves from people who would fill our minds with evil and try to bring us down emotionally. You may not be able to distance yourself from a toxic person physically, if they are a coworker, but if that is not possible, learn to distance yourself mentally and emotionally. Pray each day that God will protect your mind and teach you how to literally tune them out when you can. You know, if you can wear headphones where you work, you could use that as a buffer between you and that toxic person. Even if you don't listen to anything on your earphones, just wearing them creates some distance. Seek relationships at work with uplifting people. Hopefully, there are constructive people in your workplace. Spend time with them, not talking about the toxic person, but talking about fun things, happy things. Uplifting people are a great counterbalance to toxic people. I remember when one of our pastors answered one of my emails with one of his funny quips. It was on a day when I felt like the world was closing in on me—you've had those days, I'm sure. When I read his funny email, I just laughed heartily and thanked God for a friend like him who can always lift my spirits. I've known him more than 25 years, and he has this wonderful gift of finding what I call the “happy spot.” I hope you have people you work with who can always lift your spirit. Look for them and spend time with them as an antidote for the toxic people around you. Watch your self-talk. Don't be your own worst enemy by talking to yourself in discouraging ways. You know, we all talk to ourselves, and typically we believe what we tell ourselves, don't we? So, watch out for your self-talk and use it for good in your life. Talk to yourself on a regular basis with good news. Don't allow your thoughts to linger in negative territory. You can control what you say to yourself! Listen to how the Psalmist talks to himself: Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God (Psalm 42:11). Well, there are four practical things you can do to protect yourself from the toxicity of coworkers who may be causing discord and disharmony where you work. This attitude change toward toxic people has to be a God-thing or it will never be a reality. The good news is as Christ-followers, we have the power to put these into practice, because we have been given God's Spirit, indwelling us and empowering us. And it begins, as so much does, by prayer. Daily praying something like this: “Lord, whoever I deal with today, help me to see them the way you see them. Remind me that you love them and their real need is to know you.” In his book, Reaching for the Invisible God, Philip Yancey advises that it is easier to act your way into feelings than to feel your way into actions.[1] In other words, do what you know is right to do and let the feelings follow, if they will. If you wait on your feelings to kick in before you do what you know you should do, you'll be in waiting mode many days, if you're like me! John wrote: God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him (1 John 4:16b). Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth (1 John 3:18). This kind of love is an action, not a feeling. It is a decision not a desire. Sometimes the feelings and desires are present; sometimes they are not. Either way, if we live in God, we must live in love. One of the greatest indications that we truly “live in God” and are new creations in Christ Jesus is our willingness to extend this God-love to people who would have no claim on our love otherwise. After all, these toxic coworkers can't expect you to love them, can they? It's not in your job description, and no one can demand it from you. Therefore, when you choose to love in actions and truth, you show a loveless world a little sample of what Jesus is like. You become the love of God reaching out to them, unconditional love, which cannot be explained or ignored. It is powerful in its implications and effects on the relationships of our lives. One small verse in 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that Love never fails. When nothing else works, try love. When there seems to be no way to improve a relationship, try love. Love never fails. Just as a reminder, tell yourself frequently that workplaces will be workplaces. In most cases, you have a lot of different personalities thrown into one cauldron during working hours. Drama, power struggles, and office politics are often inevitable, at least to some extent. Try to keep yourself as far removed from all this as possible. Concentrate on your own work and excellence and let people be people. — [1] Yancey, P. (2000). Reaching for the invisible God : what can we expect to find? Zondervan.

Let me present a hypothetical situation to you: Suppose you’re a married woman, and you take a new job which puts you in a close working relationship with a single man. Your husband is not happy about this, but you don’t want to give up the new job. How should a Christian woman handle this situation? If I were talking with you, I would say first and foremost, don’t lose sight of your priorities. A marriage is eternally significant; a job is not. Even if you feel your husband is overreacting because of a jealous nature, you may have to be willing to go that extra mile for the sake of your marriage. If you are truly convinced your husband’s fears are totally unfounded and you see no signs of trouble in your relationship with this new coworker, then you need to find ways to show your husband there is no threat to your marriage. You might invite the single man to have dinner with you and your husband, in your home if possible. That says a lot. It tells your husband and your coworker that your marriage is the most important thing to you, and it gives your husband an opportunity to get to know this man. I would advise you be very open with your husband. Explain you really would like to keep the job, but if he is not comfortable with your working relationship with this man, you would be willing to give it up for the sake of your marriage. Make sure he understands you are first concerned about him and his feelings. But ask him to at least get to know this man before coming to a conclusion. Ask him to pray with you about the decision. Make certain you are willing to put your marriage first, even if you feel your husband is over-reacting and unfair. Do it for the Lord and do it because of your marriage vows, which are sacred. Hopefully you’ll be able to have a good dialogue with your husband and show him he has no need to worry. But if not, God will honor you for your commitment to your marriage, even if it means giving up the job. Working relationships with those of the opposite sex can present us with some unique challenges. As believers, our strongest weapon is prayer. We can have some wonderful camaraderie with the men in our work worlds, but we must always be alert to the dangers that lurk.

It's not unusual for an attraction to develop between a man and a woman who work together. Spending hours side by side can naturally create a connection. I want to examine some of the pitfalls that can show up in those situations. Most of us have seen relationships develop between coworkers—or maybe experienced that spark ourselves. What should a Christian woman do if she begins to feel attracted to a male coworker or senses he's attracted to her? The first thing is to ask a very simple question: Are either of you married? If the answer is yes, then the path forward is actually very clear. That attraction is something you simply cannot encourage. No private conversations, lingering looks, or emotional sharing that crosses a line. You don't even have to pray about the decision—just pray you will obey God. That's it. Full stop. The wisest step is to create distance; marriages should always be protected. Female attention from a man can feel flattering—especially if you're single or going through a lonely season. But many inappropriate relationships start in a very ordinary and innocent way: someone is a good listener. I've heard women say, “He didn't have anyone else to talk to. I was the only friend he had.” But that kind of emotional closeness can quietly move into dangerous territory. You can find yourself in an emotional affair. Now, if both of you are single, a relationship might be worth considering. But as a Christian woman, you'll want to look carefully at the bigger picture. It's important he share your faith in Jesus Christ—and your level of commitment to living it out. Even then, relationships between coworkers can complicate the workplace. It's wise to move slowly and keep good boundaries. And if the relationship becomes serious, it may be best to find a way to separate your working lives. In situations like this, the wisest choice is usually the one that protects hearts—yours and everyone else's. And it can save you from much hurt and regret later as you honor God through obedience.

I want to examine a situation you may face, and that is managing or working with men who resent having a female manager or coworker. They may feel threatened by having a woman manager or peer, or their background could have prejudiced them against women in business. I was one of the first women in IBM sales; this goes back many years. There was an older salesman in my office who was totally against women in sales. He thought this was the worst move IBM had ever made. The first year I was in that office, he hardly spoke to me. He figured I wasn’t going to last; women couldn’t make it in sales, he thought, so why bother with me. For one year he observed and noticed I was having pretty good success at selling, making my quotas, winning some awards, etc. Then one day he watched me make a presentation to a prospect, and he was impressed. He began to ask me to make sales calls with him, and we became a very effective sales team. We became good friends and laughed about those early days. But it took time for him to change his attitude toward women in sales. Often time is the key word, and many women don’t want to give the men time to change. After all, we have our rights, don’t we? After all, we deserve our opportunity! After all, we have lots of lost time to make up and the business world owes us something, right?! That’s the world’s attitude. But as a Christian woman that is a totally anti-biblical attitude. We don’t have rights because we’ve given our rights over to our Creator and our Savior. We are his servants. That doesn’t mean we allow people to walk all over us, but it does mean our attitude is one of servanthood, not trying to get what’s coming to us. It means we have patience and compassion toward those men who are prejudiced toward women, even the ones who will never change. And that takes lots of prayer on our part. I encourage you to use these situations as opportunities to demonstrate what God’s love is all about. Go out of your way to understand them; ask God to help you see them through his eyes. Pray for their benefit and let God take care of the rest. That’s the most important and effective way to deal with men who have the wrong attitude toward women in the workplace.

I’m examining the various complications Christian working women can face in dealing with men on their jobs. With more women now holding management positions, it is no longer uncommon to find women managers with men reporting to them. These female management positions can be difficult at times. In trying to “get it right,” I've known women in management who overreacted by trying to be too assertive and working too hard at establishing their authority. Don't let that feeling of insecurity cause you to overcompensate by being too rigid and demanding. On the other hand, I've also seen women who bend over too far backward to keep from intimidating male subordinates and to avoid coming on too strong, and this can cause weak managers who lack proper control. We need to find that natural, happy medium that allows us to be ourselves, to manage effectively in our own style, without being overly aware of the fact that we are female and they are male. Remember, you don’t have to manage like a man in order to be an effective manager. You need to have a good basic understanding of effective management techniques and incorporate those into your style. I’ve seen many women in the business world try to change their behavior to a tougher style, more like the men around them. It was obvious and frankly ineffective. As women, we should take advantage of our natural leadership and management abilities, instead of trying to manage like a man. The important thing is: Are you getting the job done well, using your people productively, and is the morale in good condition? If so, you’re a good manager, even if your style is different from men. Look at the women in Scripture who managed men: Deborah, Lydia, Priscilla, the Proverbs 31 woman, to mention a few. There was nothing tentative about their management style, but they managed as women. All were quite different from each other and different from male managers, as well.

I’m examining a subject that is of interest to most women—men. In particular, the men in our working worlds. I think I speak for most women when I say life without men would be pretty dull. We’re more than glad to have them around, but when we enter the working world, we face some new challenges in our relationships with men. Frequently we're engaged with men as peers, as managers, as subordinates. I can still see large sales offices where I began my career, jammed with desks to accommodate about 40 sales people, and there I was the only female sales rep surrounded by men on every side. I discovered quite quickly relating to men on the job was a new ball game, for which I was not particularly well prepared. I want to talk about the issues we face when we work closely with men on our jobs. For instance, is it alright to develop friendships with male co-workers? I think the answer is yes, with precautions! I worked with several nice men whom I considered good friends. They were married, so I was also friends with their wives. I’m often asked if it looks improper to have a business luncheon alone with a man. The business luncheon has become a way of life, and it can be helpful. I don’t believe it is improper, but I think the rule of thumb is, if in doubt, don’t. If you have any doubts, bring a third party along. I remember a young man telling me it seemed to bother his new wife when he had a business luncheon alone with a woman. My advice was if it bothered her, regardless of how innocent it might be, he should do everything possible to allay her fears. He might schedule those meetings in the office rather than at lunch. I’m reminded of the Scripture that says we should avoid even the appearance of evil. That's a high standard, but we need to adhere to it particularly in our relationships with men on the job. People are watching us, and we represent Jesus Christ, so we must be ever aware of that responsibility.

It's true that because of our natural tendency to be attracted to the opposite sex and because of the amount of time spent with coworkers on a daily basis, an attraction may very well occur on our jobs. Most of us have seen this happen or have experienced it ourselves. What does a Christian do when she or he feels an attraction to a coworker or senses a coworker is attracted to her or him? The very first moment you have any inkling this may be happening, ask yourself one critical question: Is either of you married? If the answer to that question is “yes,” your course of action is very simple and clear. It may not be easy, but it certainly is simple and uncomplicated. Biblical principles leave no room for debate or discussion on this issue: The marriage vows are sacred and in no circumstance is there ever a justification for a married person to have a relationship with someone else. That means you cannot allow any intimate words or feelings or looks or innuendoes to be exchanged between you and this other person. That is it! Final! If it means changing jobs or asking to be transferred, do it. There is no middle ground for a true Christ-follower. The answer is the same even if one of the people involved is experiencing a difficult marriage. Many times, people tend to justify illegitimate relationships by rationalizing that one or both of them is in a very unhappy marriage. The condition of the marriage in no way changes the principle by which Christians should abide. As Christians we should do everything possible to help hurting marriages find healing. Allowing a relationship to develop with a person whose marriage is shaky will do just the opposite. And let me warn you these attractions can happen even to people who have good marriages, even to singles who aren’t looking for a relationship. We all are vulnerable to the chemistry of male/female relationships, and we must be on our guard at all times. In today’s society I'm certain such a position appears to be very drastic, legalistic, eccentric, and inflexible. But that’s because we have become so infiltrated with the world’s philosophy, that basic Christian principles now appear archaic, even to some Christians. Remember, God’s principles work. While they are ageless, they are not outdated; they are there for our benefit. All of us could tell of people we know or perhaps our own experience where many lives have been harmed and ruined by disobeying this Christian principle. The thing we should remember is these sinful relationships are rarely planned. They just happen when the people involved fail to see the warning signs and stop it in the early stages. If you’re attracted to someone with whom you work, or he or she is attracted to you, and either of you is married, you don’t even need to pray about what you should do. When God’s Word gives a clear answer, there is no need to ask for special guidance. He will never lead us individually in a direction that is contrary to his written Word. You need to pray for wisdom and strength to do the right thing. Let me also advise you to take drastic and definite action. Don’t play “around the edges;” if you do, you’re truly playing with fire. If you think you can have long talks, quiet lunches, or innocent encounters without ever allowing it out of bounds, you don’t understand chemistry too well or you have too much confidence in yourself. Don’t be fooled by rationalizing you are just being a good friend. Many times, illegitimate relationships begin because one of those involved is a good listener. How many times have I heard a woman say, “He didn’t have anyone else he could talk with. I was the only friend he had, and I just couldn’t be unkind to him.” If he needs help and counseling, you are the wrong person to give it. That excuse just will not hold water. There is no good reason for you to ever allow a wrong relationship to develop. And keep this in mind: Even if the relationship does not become a physical one, it still can be harmful and wrong if it causes an emotional closeness that robs a marriage of intimacy. Some people find their needs met for companionship and understanding in a coworker and then exert no effort and find no need to develop that kind of closeness with their marriage partner. It’s another form of an affair. Jesus said: If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than having two hands or two feet, to be cast into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out, and throw it from you. It is better for you to enter life with one eye, than having two eyes, to be cast into the fiery hell (Matthew 18:8-9). As Christians we should be very fearful of allowing ourselves to get into a tempting situation when we know the risks and dangers involved. Therefore, be prepared to take drastic action if necessary. God will honor you for that and will be able to bless you. But suppose you are single and so is he or she. Then what do you do when you’re attracted to someone with whom you work? Assuming he or she is a Christian, because you would not ever want to be seriously interested in someone who was not, you need to think through very carefully the potential dangers of having a relationship with a coworker. Common sense tells us such a relationship can cause complications. It tends to distract you from your job, and other coworkers may resent it if they feel it is affecting your work or their workload. It is almost impossible to keep these relationships quiet; usually everyone is aware. You may think no one knows, but that is rarely the case. Certainly, if one of you is in management and the other is not, you will be exposing yourself to widespread criticism. If it appears this relationship may be going somewhere, it might be good for one of you to change jobs or departments. You’ll be able to work in a more relaxed fashion, do a better job, and enjoy your relationship with more freedom. Now, let me examine a topic that is still an issue: sexual harassment on the job. I remember when someone told me how she and her female coworkers endured many years of sexual harassment from the top man in their organization. He continually made sexual remarks to them, asked them for sexual favors, threatened their jobs or promotions or raises if they did not cooperate, or if they reported him. And he was such a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, that others found it difficult to believe he could be that way. He chose the women he harassed carefully, making sure he had plenty of leverage and power over them, while at the same time never harassing others, so they would always deny the allegations against him. Finally, they were able to take action when their organization formed a committee for grievances. These women, after years of enduring his harassment, sought some legal advice and threatened a class action against the company. As a result, he was quietly urged to resign, which he did. She shared with me the pain and stress of those years she worked for him and the turmoil she went through in deciding whether to be a part of the action against him. She wondered if that was the thing a Christian should do; it went against her nature to take such legal action against another person. But I assured her she had done exactly the right thing. I truly believe it is not only our right but our responsibility to expose real sexual harassment, so other women can be spared the horror. Otherwise, by doing nothing, we can allow it to perpetuate. When we confront and accuse for the good of others, as well as ourselves, we are usually on good scriptural ground. Jesus certainly took strong action and had strong words of condemnation for those who were doing wrong in his day, but never out of strictly self-interest or revenge. I know this is not easy for women to do, because you can risk your career and your reputation. You need counsel and great wisdom. But you also need courage to do the right thing. Now, I also have some compassion for men who feel the climate is so sensitive, that anything they say or do could be misinterpreted by a woman who is looking for something to jump on. These pendulums do tend to swing in violent directions; balance is a rare commodity. But you know, if our conversations are circumspect, if we say and do only things that we would say and do if Jesus were right there with us, we won’t have to worry about false accusations. I would say to the men who have that concern, “Just treat the women you work with the way Jesus would treat them, and you can put your mind at rest.” Jesus many times made it a point to break traditional laws concerning how women should be treated in his day. By his actions we can be assured he did not approve of prejudicial attitudes toward women. He talked to women in public, he allowed them to be a part of his traveling entourage and to support his ministry, and he showed them great respect, all of which broke the Jewish traditions. If you’re in the secular workplace on a regular basis, you’re bound to run into some of these predicaments that arise from male/female relationships. But if we approach this part of our business lives with a commitment to uphold the name of Jesus Christ, and to make certain nothing in our lives brings dishonor to him, we will have the appropriate attitude, and he will give us guidance as we work our way through what can often be “touchy” situations. Remember, avoid that first step, that first look, that first thought that can lead to an inappropriate relationship. As Proverbs 4 tells us, Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil (Proverbs 4:25-27).

The Joy Gap exists between what you expect, what you need or want, and what you're feeling. We've seen this gap can be caused by expecting too much of circumstances, successes and people, comparing yourself to others, and simply neglecting to do the things that close the Joy Gap, like increasing time with Jesus, who never disappoints. But what about those times when the gap doesn't seem to close? When life is hard, when circumstances are heavy, when joy feels distant? It's important to remember this: joy is not the same as happiness. Happiness is based on what's happening. Joy runs deeper. Even in difficult seasons—even in grief, uncertainty, or waiting—joy can still be present. Not as a loud emotion, not like throwing a party, but as a quiet confidence; a steady assurance that God is with you and he's going to be with you all the way through that tough time. You can be confident he is at work and he hasn't forgotten you. Sometimes the Joy Gap remains for a while because God is doing something deeper than you can see. He's strengthening your faith. He's drawing you closer. He's teaching you to depend on him in a way you never have before. And in those seasons, joy may not feel obvious—but it's still there. If you're in that place today, don't be discouraged. Keep trusting. Keep walking. Keep turning your heart toward the Lord. Remember that small steps can still walk miles. Take small steps toward the Lord, because even when you don't feel it, he is still your source of joy. The precepts of the Lord are right, giving joy to the heart (Psalm 19:8). You’ll find joy in the Word of God. Start your day focusing on the unfailing love of Jesus, and you will be much more joyful all day long, I promise. Reinforce some simple disciplines like this in your life and, in time, the Joy Gap will close. Not because everything around you changed, but because something within you did.

How can you close the Joy Gap? The Joy Gap is the distance between what you expect from life or from your job or your relationships, and what you are experiencing. It's the reality that even when things are good, when circumstances are favorable—even then they don't bring the joy and satisfaction you expected. There's a Joy Gap. But we're not hopeless, we who are Christ-followers. We have the answer, but we have to put into practice what we know. Let me give you a few simple, practical ways to do that each day. First, practice gratitude. Joy and gratitude are closely connected. When you intentionally thank God for what he's doing—even the small things—you shift your focus from what's missing to what's already been given. So often we just focus on the negatives, don't we? It's our sinful human nature that drives us that way, but we don't have to be victims of that any longer. Be thankful. Speak words of thanksgiving all through the day, even if you don't necessarily feel them. And refuse words of negativity. Be careful what you say to yourself. Second, guard your thoughts. If your mind is constantly filled with worry, comparison, or negative “what ifs,” your joy doesn't stand much of a chance. The Bible teaches us to bring every thought into captivity and make it obey Christ. Dear friend, I encourage you to take that literally. When your thoughts start down negative territory, grab them and refuse to allow them to remain. Third, stay connected to God all day long. Just take time—every day—to talk with him, read his word, and listen. And all day long send up one-minute prayers for his joy to fill you. Focus on it all day. You'll find the Joy Gap closes the more you are aware of and practice the presence of Jesus. And finally, live with purpose. When you're doing what God has called you to do—encouraging others, serving, loving well—there's a deep sense of joy that comes from knowing you're right where you're supposed to be. And over time, you'll notice something beautiful. Joy becomes less dependent on what's happening around you and more rooted in what God is doing within you.

The Joy Gap is that space between the joy we expect and what we actually feel. This term—Joy Gap—is becoming a noticeable phenomenon in our culture—not just in Christian circles. The world needs joy—the people you know at work, in your family, next door, they all want joy and most likely many are experiencing this Joy Gap, even if they don't recognize it. But the wonderful good news is that as followers of Jesus Christ, we have what is needed to close the Joy Gap. Real, lasting joy is not found in circumstances—it's found in your relationship with Jesus Christ. That may sound simple, but it's profoundly important and totally true. If your joy depends on things going well, then your joy will always be fragile. One disappointment, one change, one difficult situation—and it's gone. But when your joy is rooted in Christ, it becomes steady. It doesn't mean life is easy. It doesn't mean you're always smiling. But there's a deep sense of peace, confidence, and assurance that isn't shaken by what's happening around you. The Bible calls joy a fruit of the Spirit. That means it's not something you manufacture—it's something God produces in you as you stay connected to him. C.S. Lewis’ said: “Joy is the flag that is flown from the castle of the heart when the King is in residence there.” Is the flag of joy flying from your heart, your face, your life, your words? Or is there a Joy Gap in your own life? If you're feeling that Joy Gap, don't try harder to fix your circumstances. Instead, draw closer to the One who is your joy. Spend time with Jesus—just you and Jesus. Talk to him. Read his truth in the Bible. Refocus your heart. Because the closer you are to him, the smaller that Joy Gap becomes.

We are examining the Joy Gap—the difference between the joy we expect and the joy we actually experience. This Joy Gap has taken an identity of its own; people are noticing it and naming it and studying it. What is this Joy Gap and why does it happen? You might be in a Joy Gap if you find yourself thinking: “I thought I'd feel happier when I got here,” or “Why am I still restless?” or “I have so much to be thankful for—so why don't I feel joyful?” The reason most often given for this Joy Gap is because of misplaced expectations. We tend to assign too much power to things, people, and circumstances. We think, “If this works out, I'll be happy.” But no circumstance, no achievement—no matter how good—can carry that kind of weight. It's an unrealistic expectation. Another reason is comparison. It's so easy to look at someone else's life and assume they're happier, more fulfilled, more satisfied. But comparison quietly steals joy. It shifts your focus from what God is doing in your life to what you think he's doing in someone else's. Comparing yourself and your situation to others is a sure way to increase your Joy Gap. And then there's fear—those “what if” thoughts. What if this doesn't last? What if something goes wrong? What if I lose what I have? You can't enjoy what you have for fear that you could lose it. That kind of fearful thinking can drain joy right out of the good things that are happening right now. And sometimes, the Joy Gap comes from simple neglect. When you're too busy to stay connected to the Lord, your joy begins to fade—not because he moved, but because you did. But here's the encouraging part: once you understand why the gap exists, you can begin to do something about it. I encourage you to think about what is stealing your joy. Satan loves to steal our joy. Ask yourself if you're allowing unrealistic expectations or comparisons or fear to create a Joy Gap in your life.

Have you ever reached something you really wanted—an achievement, a milestone, even a season of life—and then thought, “I expected to feel happier than this”? I want to examine what I call the Joy Gap. Actually, Joy Gap is a term used today to define the space between what you think will bring you joy and what actually does. For example, you may be experiencing a Joy Gap at work. That would be the gap between what you expect from your work or career, and what you actually feel. I was amazed to learn a recent study shows 61% of workers reported less joy at work than expected, which is a significant increase in the last few years. Furthermore, this Joy Gap at work is not limited to one type of job or career, but affects all industries, all company sizes, and all levels of organizations. Then there's the Joy Gap in relationships. That's the length of time between moments of joy in a relationship. That could be a marriage, a family relationship, a friendship—those important relationships in your life you expect to bring you happiness, but those moments are fewer and fewer and further apart. That's a Joy Gap. We all have expectations. We think, “When this happens, I'll finally feel content.” But then we arrive there—and the joy doesn't quite match what we imagined—that gap can be confusing and discouraging. You might start to wonder, “What's wrong with me? Why am I not happier?” But the truth is nothing is wrong with you. You're just discovering something very important. You're learning the things you often depend on for joy were never designed to fully satisfy you—and that includes even the good things. That's why this Joy Gap matters. It's not a failure. It's a signal that maybe you've been looking for lasting joy in temporary places. The good news is there is a source of joy that doesn't disappoint. A joy that isn't based on everything going right.

The book of Genesis explains to us that it was God’s plan to create two sexes, male and female, both created equally in his image, both finding the other attractive, both needing each other, and different in many ways from each other. It was a good plan, and it is still good today, one that has brought a great deal of joy, happiness, and fulfillment into our lives, for both women and men. True, the plan has been misused and abused through the ages, and relationships between men and women certainly have caused many problems and heartaches. But that results from our lack of understanding of each other and our unwillingness to allow these relationships to be controlled by God’s principles. Often, we have close working relationships with the opposite sex, spending many hours each day working together, physically near each other, and communicating frequently. And sometimes we are not aware of the dynamics of these male/female relationships; many of us are in unfamiliar territory. I remember when I began my career as a sales representative for IBM. I was the only female sales rep in my office at first, and I can still see that large office, jammed with desks to accommodate about 40 salespeople, and there I was in the middle, surrounded by men on every side. Sounds like a dream come true for a single woman. While I certainly enjoyed the attention that my unique situation afforded me, I discovered quite quickly that I was not prepared to deal with the many diverse complications that arose from the male/female aspect of it. Having made some mistakes in this area of my business life, I think it is important to address this subject very directly and candidly, because many of you are struggling with male/female relationships on the job. Let me begin by talking about the friendships that can develop between male and female coworkers. It’s inevitable we will find some coworkers of the opposite sex with whom we share many experiences, whom we respect and enjoy, and a friendship develops. I can think of several men I’ve worked with whom I consider good friends, even years later. Friendships are good things, and I’m always grateful for a friend, wherever I find them. However, we must put up the caution flag and beware of the pitfalls that we can fall into with any friend of the opposite sex. I was a single woman and most of my male coworker friends were married. That's probably pretty common. That should send up a flag that says it is our responsibility as single women to make certain their wives are comfortable with our friendship with their husbands and understand the nature of our relationships. I made it a practice, as these friendships developed, to become very good friends with their wives and families. They were invited to my home and I to theirs. I made certain they were not concerned in any way about my working relationship with their husbands. Had I sensed it bothered them in any way, I would have backed away from that relationship, even though their concerns would have been totally unfounded. A young man once asked my opinion about having a business luncheon with a woman alone, and he went on to explain that this seemed to bother his new wife. My advice was if it bothered her, regardless of how innocent or how convenient that business lunch might be, he should do everything possible to schedule those meetings in the office rather than at lunch. I think he should do everything he can to allay his wife’s concern, even though they may be unfounded. Some might say we should never have a business lunch alone with someone of the opposite sex, but I honestly don’t see this as a black and white situation. The business lunch has become a way of life, and it can be a convenient way to conduct business. There is nothing immoral or questionable about it. But each situation is different and requires wisdom and insight on our part. I think the rule of thumb should be, if in doubt, don’t. Or if it bothers your conscience, don’t. We know from Romans 14 there are some disputable matters where sincere Christians will have differing convictions; the important thing for us is not to condemn others, but to be certain we follow what we believe is right for us to do. A suggestion is to bring a third party along. That’s usually possible to do, and that solves the question of how it might look to others. Most of my peers while working in corporate America were men, which meant if I went to lunch with my friends, I usually went to lunch with men. But rarely was it alone. Now, let me address another issue with male/female relationships in the workplace, and that is women in management with men reporting to them. This is fairly common now. But it still can present problems for these women managers in knowing just how to relate to their subordinates and for the men who often have to adjust their mindsets and attitudes toward women in authority. I’ve encountered many who are struggling with a very basic question in this regard, and that is: Should a Christian woman hold a position of leadership over men? As I look at Scripture, I can find no directive that would prohibit women from holding management positions in business. To the contrary, I can think of many women within Scripture who did hold leadership positions over men. Deborah was a judge over her nation, and she led an army of men into battle (Judges 3 and 4). The Proverbs Woman (Proverbs 31) had both a manufacturing and a real estate business, which easily could have put her in a position of directing male subordinates. We know she managed her household of many servants, and presumably that would include male servants. Lydia was a seller of purple (Acts 16), which was a most prestigious position. She must have interacted with men and directed them at times. We know she had a large household under her management, and this household would most likely have included men. And Priscilla was one of the two instructors at the first Bible school, as she and her husband taught Apollos about Jesus Christ. I believe a Christian woman is free to hold management positions with male subordinates, if she has the desire and the opportunity. However, we need to be aware of some common pitfalls. In wanting to make it clear that they are qualified for their positions, many female managers overreact by trying to be too assertive and working too hard at establishing their authority. Some women are a little insecure in these roles, and it is easy to overcompensate by being too rigid and demanding. On the other hand, some women bend over too far backward to keep from intimidating male subordinates and to avoid coming on too strong, and this can cause a weak manager who lacks proper control. Our challenge is to find that natural, happy medium that allows us to manage effectively in our own style, treat everyone fairly and equally, and not allow ourselves to be intimidated by the male/female aspects of management. It is true there are sometimes double standards concerning acceptable behavior for women and men in leadership roles. A woman manager who does her job well may be viewed by some as being a “pushy broad,” whereas male managers who demonstrate the same style of leadership and assertiveness are considered “up and coming” and admired. I know how irritating that is, but I want to encourage you, if you’re in that kind of situation, not to react to people’s prejudices. I think the smartest thing we can do, as well as the kindest thing, is to rise above their attitudes, and focus on doing our job well, managing effectively, and trusting the consequences to the Lord. It’s a fine line we walk between not being intimidated by the prejudices of others and not becoming militant or vindictive, but I believe, with God’s help, we can do it. As a female manager, you may encounter male subordinates who resent you. This is certainly an appropriate time to ask for special wisdom from God, as he has promised us in James 1:5. In fact, this is a situation that should cause you to pray a lot more. That’s where you’ll find answers. Any kind of management or leadership position comes with its own set of mine fields, and as Christians, it is only in prayer and seeking God’s wisdom that we can walk through those mine fields without harm. A verse God has again and again brought to my attention in these difficult situations is Proverbs 16:21: sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness. Find ways to make your directions and your ideas easy to handle. It won’t diminish your stature, as a female manager, to do your best to ease the tension for the men you manage. And it will increase your persuasiveness. I have found praying specifically for the people who are giving me the most trouble is the smartest thing I can do. Asking God to help me understand them; praying daily that I’ll be able to care about them and do the right thing for them. When I do that, without fail my attitude changes and I find the relationships start to improve. Instead of getting angry at them or vindictive, ask God to give you compassion and tolerance. It is a wonderful opportunity to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit in your life. Difficult relationships are often God’s way of helping us to grow in faith and learn to trust Jesus more. If you will pray daily about those sensitive male/female relationships on your job, I can assure you God will give you guidance and wisdom. And when they see that you do not behave in a defensive, aggressive manner, but rather with patience and gentleness, they will be at a loss to explain it. It may well give you an opportunity to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence, as we read in 1 Peter 3:15.

I've been looking at the book of Daniel and focusing on how he and his friends lived and worked in a foreign and often hostile environment—maybe similar to your workplace. Daniel and his friends were taken captive when they were young, probably late teens or early twenties. They were chosen to be part of the king of Babylon's workforce because they were deemed to be the best of the best. In each scenario that is found in the early chapters of Daniel, it's evident these men worshipped God. They knew their history, the stories and promises. They continued to trust God even though they were not at home and able to worship in the temple. And instead of getting sour or depressed or turning against God, their faith increased with each trial that they faced. And it's possible they spent the rest of their lives in a foreign land, in the waiting and in the place that they did not belong. And still they didn't turn from God. They faced trials most of us will never face like being tossed into a fiery furnace or a lion's den, to name a few. What an example they are. What an encouragement their faith and trust is to me. It was also encouraging to the writer of Hebrews where they are mentioned in a list of other faithful prophets. Who through their faith were saved from the mouths of lions and were kept from harm in the fiery furnace. I also wonder if they were familiar with this Psalm of David. It certainly applies to them and to us. The Lord is my light and my salvation—     whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—     of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me     to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes     who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me,     my heart will not fear; though war break out against me,     even then I will be confident (Psalm 27:1-2). I remain confident of this:     I will see the goodness of the Lord     in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord;     be strong and take heart     and wait for the Lord (Psalm 27:13-14). I hope this encourages you when you are in a hard place at work or with relationships, that you will be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord no matter what. Because he is trustworthy and faithful.

Do you work with people who seem jealous of your success? How do you live as a Christ-follower in that environment without becoming defensive on one hand or a doormat on the other? Daniel, once again, gives us a powerful example. By this point, Daniel has likely been in Babylon for around 60 years, and he's serving under a new leader King Darius. His work ethic, integrity, and excellence set him apart so clearly that the king plans to promote him and set him over the whole kingdom (Daniel 6:3). Daniel's coworkers grow jealous and begin looking for a way to bring him down. Scripture tells us, they could find no corruption in him, because he was trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent (Daniel 6:4). When they can't find any fault in his work, they shift their strategy. They convince the king to issue a decree: for 30 days, anyone who prays to any god or person other than the king will be thrown into the lion's den. Daniel now faces another test. Will he compromise? Will he adjust quietly to protect himself? I wonder what I would have done. I might have been tempted to find a middle ground. “I'll still pray, just not publicly. Just for a little while.” But not Daniel. He remains steady. He continues his established rhythm of prayer, openly and consistently. He doesn't become loud or combative; he simply refuses to compromise his devotion to God. His enemies “catch” him, report him, and the consequence is severe: Daniel is thrown into the lion's den. And God intervenes. Daniel is not harmed. God shuts the mouths of the lions. What's striking is Daniel wasn't spared from the trial. He still went into the den with those lions. But God protected him. Through Daniel's quiet faithfulness and unwavering trust, God's power and glory were put on display for all to see even to the most powerful ruler of that time. Remember, no matter who your boss is, no matter how leadership shifts around you, God is still sovereign. He does not change. As followers of Christ, we are called to serve him first with integrity, consistency, and courage. And when workplace dynamics feel unfair, when others undermine you, when it seems like doing the right thing is costing you, don't lose heart. Daniel didn't avoid the pit, and you may not either. But in those very places where you feel most vulnerable God is able to show up in powerful ways. Your faithfulness becomes a platform for his glory. Stand firm. Not harshly. Not passively. But faithfully. And trust God with the outcome.

Do you find it difficult to be honest when you have to deliver bad news? It can feel risky especially when the outcome might affect your job or your relationships. The Prophet Daniel's life gives us a picture of what it means to be an authentic follower of Christ in tough moments. In Daniel chapter 5, Daniel serves under a different leader, yet he continues faithfully in his role. By this point, he has years of experience and a strong reputation, but his ultimate allegiance remains with God. The king hosts a lavish feast, openly displaying his power and wealth. In his arrogance, he orders the sacred vessels taken from God's temple in Jerusalem to be used at the party. Not only are they misused, but the king and his guests praise false gods of gold, silver, bronze, iron, wood, and stone instead of honoring the living God. Suddenly, the mood shifts. A hand appears and writes a message on the wall. The once-confident king is filled with fear. After exhausting all other options to determine what the message says, someone suggests calling Daniel to interpret the message. It's interesting that Daniel wasn't the king's first choice. Perhaps, deep down, the king already knew he had crossed a line and didn't want to face the truth. When Daniel arrives, he speaks with respect but also with courage and clarity. He refuses the king's rewards, making it clear his message is not influenced by personal gain. As an authentic follower of God, Daniel is not driven by approval or advancement but by obedience to God. He reminds the king of how God dealt with Nebuchadnezzar and then confronts Belshazzar directly. He tells him plainly he has not humbled himself, he has dishonored God, and his kingdom will be taken from him. It is a hard message and a dangerous one to deliver. Yet, Daniel speaks the truth and leaves the outcome in God's hands. The outcome was King Belshazzar was slain that same evening and his kingdom was conquered by Darius the Mede. Daniel's example challenges us. Where are you being called to speak truth right now? Maybe it's in your workplace or in a relationship, and you're afraid of the consequences. Being an authentic follower of Christ doesn't mean being harsh or defensive. It means speaking truth with humility and respect, without compromising. It means trusting God enough to obey him, even when the outcome feels uncertain. Like Daniel, we can choose faithfulness over fear and trust God with whatever comes next.

Do you work in a hostile or competitive environment where your coworkers are contentious and will do anything to get ahead? That's a difficult place to be day in and day out, but with God's help, and lessons we learn from his Word, you can be a light in that place. For example, look at Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. We read in the Bible about how they were targeted for their faith. Nebuchadnezzar, the king decrees that as soon as anyone hears the music they are to bow down and worship his golden image, which is the very definition of an idol. Anyone who doesn't obey will be thrown into a blazing furnace. Of course, these young Israelite men are God worshippers, and so they do not follow this order. And the other Chaldeans, or maybe we could call them coworkers, observe their behavior and call them out—basically tell on them to the king. Nebuchadnezzar confronts them himself and kind of gives them one more chance to worship him. Listen to their reply: King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty's hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up (Daniel 3:16b-18). Did you hear that? They are so confident God would rescue them. They know he can do it. They have heard the stories of how God rescued the Israelites from Pharoah, how God parted the Red Sea and led them in the wilderness, how God went before Joshua and the walls of Jericho came down from the trumpeting of the horns. They know God can save them. Then this phrase—But even if he does not— they will still not worship any other God. They have faith in an everlasting God, even if he doesn't save them from the immediate fiery furnace. And the end of the story is they do get thrown into the blaze—so hot the men who threw them in died. But they are not there alone. When king Nebuchadnezzar looks in, he sees four men walking around. God was there with them in it. And when they came out, not a hair was singed. God not only miraculously saves them as no one else could do, but because of their beliefs and behavior it is an example to everyone how great and mighty God is. I hope this encourages you to be your authentic, genuine self at work. May you find your identity in Christ and know you can trust him for anything! Even if you can't see how it could possibly resolve itself, you and I serve and worship a God who can do mighty and miraculous things, even in a contentious and hostile workplace. Trust him to guide and help you. You just might be an example to others and glorifying to God.

Is your workplace a difficult environment? Are you being asked to participate in things that don't align with your biblical convictions? Many of us find ourselves in situations like that. Maybe it's a new HR requirement or a training course you're expected to attend. How do you authentically respond in a way that is both respectful to your employer and doesn't go against your faith? The Old Testament prophet Daniel gives us a powerful example. Let's look at Daniel's life and the lives of his friends to see how they navigated challenging circumstances and how you and I can apply those same principles in our workplaces today. Here's some background: Israel had been conquered by the king of Babylon, who took many of the most capable young people into his service. In Daniel 1:3-5, we read these young men were chosen for their intelligence, appearance, and ability to learn. They were brought into the king's palace, trained in Babylonian language and culture, and given food and wine from the king's table. Daniel and his friends, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, were among those taken. They were uprooted from their homes and everything familiar, placed in a foreign culture, and immersed in new beliefs and practices. Even their names were changed, as if their identity and heritage were being erased. They were also to eat the king's food, which on the surface sounds like a perk. But Daniel resolved not to defile himself by eating it. Some suggest the food may have been sacrificed to idols or considered unclean, though the text doesn't clearly say that. What I do see is Daniel chose to honor God in the one area he could control. In a place where so much had been taken from him, he remained faithful in what was still within his power. Daniel respectfully asked for permission for himself and his friends to abstain. He proposed a ten-day test to eat only vegetables and drink water, and in the end, he and his friends were healthier and better nourished than those who ate the king's food. Daniel was in a situation where nearly every aspect of his worship and culture had been stripped away. He couldn't go to the temple. He couldn't observe the usual practices of his faith. Yet he held onto what he could—his devotion to God. He chose to honor him in a small but significant way. What about you? Are there aspects of your workplace that feel outside your control? Where the environment seems hostile to your faith? Is the language inappropriate? Are the practices unethical? Do the expectations feel compromising? Where might God be inviting you, like Daniel, to take a respectful but firm stand? How can you authentically and respectfully respond in a tough situation and trust God will be with you and provide a way.

When you look in Scripture, you can find some very stunning examples of people who had pockets of fear—and I'm talking about some great saints of old. For example, Abraham had a pocket of fear about being killed. Here is a man described in Hebrews 11 as a man of great faith. God called him from a prosperous and comfortable life and said, Go to a land I will show you, and Abraham simply obeyed. He packed up and went to a place he had never been before, leaving his family and familiar surroundings behind. Even though he did not know where he was going, he went. That took great faith. Would you be able to do what he did? He also was able to believe God could give him a son even though his wife was barren and they both were past the age of childbearing. That took tremendous faith. What really marks Abraham as a great man of faith was his willingness to offer that miracle son as a sacrifice because he believed God could raise the dead if necessary. Every time I read that story, I shake my head at this man of incredible faith. Yet, when he was traveling in Egypt, on his journey to the Promised Land, he revealed a pocket of fear. Abraham was afraid the Egyptians would kill him because of his beautiful wife, Sarah, whom they would want for their own. In fear, he told Sarah to tell less than the truth—to say she was his sister—to keep them from killing him. You’ll find this story in Genesis 12, and as I read it recently, I thought, “Abraham, what in the world was your problem? You believed God in all these huge areas, but you didn’t believe God could keep you and Sarah alive in Egypt? Where was your great faith?” Abraham had a pocket of fear, and it led him into sin. It began to dawn on me we all have these pockets of fear. We can have great faith in some areas, at some times, and then our faith falls apart the next day or the next hour or when we round the next corner. Paul wrote to the Romans: For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry. ‘Abba, Father' (Romans 8:15). Whatever you are fearful about, it’s not coming from the Lord. Of course, we have an enemy who loves to scare us to death about anything he can, because when we are fearful, it means we’re not trusting God. What is your pocket of fear? Let’s look at some of the more common ones. Is money your pocket of fear? Are you fearful of not having enough money, of losing your job, of losing your house, of going bankrupt, or of not being able to afford what you need or want? Frankly, this was a pocket of fear for me. Satan would try to get me thinking, “What if something happens? How will you pay your bills? You could lose your house, all your assets, your retirement money, and everything you own. You could go through all that in no time flat. What in the world will you do then?” That was a pocket of fear for me. Here's what I learned to do with this pocket of fear, when it started to possess me. I would say to myself, “Okay, suppose all those things happen. Imagine the worst: No money, no income, no house, no savings, no retirement. You’d survive; somebody in the family or some close friend would take you in until you could get on your feet again. It would not destroy you.” Then I would make myself claim a promise from the Bible. This was an act of my will, not my emotions. Pretty soon I began to laugh at myself for allowing my thoughts to go to this pocket of fear. It was a stronghold that held me for far too long. I'm so glad by God's grace I emptied that pocket of fear. Some good promises to claim for this pocket of fear are: Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear… Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they (Matthew 6:25-26)? And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). By exposing that pocket of fear to the light, by bringing it out in the open and forcing yourself to face the fear, it loses its teeth. It can’t bite you, because you’ve accepted the worst may and could happen, and if it does, God’s Word is still steadfast. He will deliver you. A good first principle in dealing with pockets of fear is to bring them out in the open and talk to God about them. Then find a verse of scripture to counteract them. Are you afraid of being alone? This fear can really take you down the wrong path, and some people are so possessed by it they’ve come to believe nothing is worse than being alone. I know; l used to be that way. I know many single people who are intelligent, have good jobs, and are very successful in many areas of their lives. But they are so fearful of being single forever that very often this pocket of fear causes them to stay in relationships far too long or allow relationships to develop which were obviously wrong from the beginning. Are you struggling with that pocket of fear—the fear of being alone or being single or not having someone to live your life with? If you allow this fear to continue, it will grow stronger and start to control your life. It could cause you to make very bad choices, and that could lead to misery. Will you bring this pocket of fear into the light? Think about it: What is so terrible about being by yourself? You can do what you want to do, spend your money the way you want to, eat when you want and what you want. Imagine what it would be like to be with the wrong person; aloneness is highly preferable to being with someone who is not right for you. Face the fact that you might be alone or single for the rest of your life. Get it out in the open and expose it to the light. Does it mean you cannot have a meaningful life? Of course not! This fear of being alone is an unreasonable fear. And here's the thing, the more you reach out to others and start helping others, the more your life will become so full of love and meaningful relationships, you’ll covet some time alone. Then, find some Scripture to remind you of God’s eternal presence in your life. Jesus promised he will never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). Nothing you can name will ever separate you from the love of God that you have in Christ (Romans 8:38-39). Concentrate on God’s promises to you, and defeat that pocket of fear of being, alone. It’s a monkey on your back, and you don’t need it. Are you fearful of rejection? For some people, being accepted, liked, and having the approval of others is more important than anything else, so that can easily lead to this fear of rejection. When we are fearful of being rejected, we allow that person or group who might reject us to have a lot of control over us. If I live in fear that you may reject me, you have a great deal of leverage in my life. I will do and say things to try to please you, to avoid upsetting you, and to gain your approval. Usually, the fear of rejection looks anemic when we bring it into the light. Are you willing to do that? Just expose it—admit you are fearful of being rejected and then ask yourself, “Why? Why is it so important for me to have the approval of this person? Why am I allowing them to have such power over me?” Probably the truthful answers to those questions will surprise you and you’ll see how foolish it is to live with that pocket of fear. Are you afraid of failing? When failing is fearful to you, it keeps you from doing very much because the road to success is filled with failures. Anything worth doing is worth doing wrong until you get it right! Fear of failure will rob you of many achievements. Or it will drive you to perfectionism and workaholism. Are you afraid of facing the reality that you can and will fail, just like everybody else? Is it difficult for you to believe you’re not as good as you think you are? Fear of failure may have a lot of pride wrapped up in it. It will be a great help if you’ll bring this fear into the open and expose it. Ask yourself, “So, what will happen if I fail? If I try and it doesn’t work out, will the world stop revolving?” The sooner you expose that fear to the light, the sooner you can find victory over it through God’s Word and prayer. Why is it important for us to deal with these pockets of fear? Because any area of fear is an area we are not trusting God, and without faith it is impossible to please God. When I have a pocket of fear, I know God is very displeased since it shows I don’t have faith in that area. You’ll remember Abraham had a pocket of fear that led to a very disgraceful episode in his life. How could such a man of faith have such a pocket of fear? Abraham found himself in this predicament because he was not totally obedient. God never intended for him to go to Egypt: that was Abraham’s idea to avoid a famine. Again, Abraham couldn’t trust God to feed them in a famine, so he came up with his own plan and did it his way by going to Egypt. One fear led to another, and that caused Abraham to sin. Disobedience will get us into these places of fear, and fear will cause us to disobey. John wrote there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear… The one who fears is not made perfect in love (1 John 4:18). Back to Jesus—loving him supremely, making him Lord in every area of our lives, focusing our thoughts on him, spending time in his presence, knowing his Word better and better. This will drive out those pockets of fear. What is your pocket of fear today? Will you bring it out in the open, confess it, find Scripture to counteract it, and then focus on loving Jesus more perfectly in that area? If so, that fear will have to go, and you’ll be free from the control it has over you now. Truth sets you free, and Jesus is Truth. I urge you to pursue his victory over the pockets of fear in your life. You will please him when you do.

Extravagance is generally considered an undesirable trait. It’s defined as excessive, wasteful, exorbitant. Yet, when I look at God, I see extravagance as one of his attributes. I ask you to consider with me how excessive God is in his dealings with you. Think about his mercy, which keeps you from having to pay the due penalty for your sins. The Bible tells us his mercies are new every day, and they last forever. He is just piling up mercy upon mercy each day, extravagant mercy, given to you without charge. Then there’s his grace, which goes beyond mercy to give you undeserved blessings, and Scripture tells us he makes all grace abound to us in all things at all times, giving us all we need, so that we will abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 9:8). Abundant, rich, extravagant grace. As for God’s forgiveness, he goes beyond forgiving and separates your sins from you as far as the east is from the west, then proceeds to forget. Can you forgive and forget? No, that’s God’s kind of forgiveness—excessive, extravagant. And think of this, not only do we have a God who allows us to come to him, we have a God who seeks for us. Can you imagine that? Then there’s the extravagance of his creation. The unending blend of colors, the profuse variety and quantity of flowers, the breathtaking sunsets, the fragrant and delicious smells, the lush beauty of nature. God is absolutely lavish in his creation. And then, not only are we allowed to worship him, we can call him Abba Father and come boldly to his throne. Not only can we accept him as our Savior, but he also comes to abide in us. The abundance of God’s love toward us is beyond our mental comprehension. When we consider God’s extravagance toward us, as an old song says, how can we do less than live for him completely—after all he's done for us.

I want to talk about Ichabod. How would you like to be named Ichabod? It’s not a lovely name, is it, but what it means is even worse. Ichabod means “The glory is departed.” In 1 Samuel 4 we read Phinehas’ wife named their son Ichabod, because the glory of God had departed from Israel. As I thought about that, I wondered if my name is ever Ichabod. In our vernacular today, we might say, “Are you a has-been?” Could it ever be said of me that the glory God has given to me through Jesus Christ is no longer present in my life? When Phinehas’ wife named her son Ichabod, it was because of the sin of Israel. They had disobeyed the Lord, and the ark of God had been captured. The ark was where God met them, where they talked to him, and where they received guidance. And their enemies had captured it because of their sin and disobedience. We can be spiritual “has-beens” when our lives are full of disobedience. I can think of so many Christians I know who used to be mightily used of God. It could be said of them that they have been this or that for God, but now the glory has departed. Through sin and disobedience, Ichabod is now their name. Could it ever be said of us that we have been in the past a person of love and compassion, but it’s no longer true? Have we lost the zeal we once had for Jesus? As I thought about this, I stopped and asked God if any of his glory has departed from me because of my lack of love or zeal? Have I become a “has-been,” an Ichabod? In Christ we are given the right to be called the sons of God. That is glorious. We become the righteousness of Christ and are partakers of his holiness. That’s really incredible. And yet, we can lose the glory of all we have received from God if our lives are not continually in close contact with the Lord. It takes a daily commitment, a disciplined life of time in God’s Word, an absolute set of our will to obey God and live by his principles, regardless. Without that, we can expect the glory to depart. No, for sure none of us would want to be called Ichabod—the glory has departed. Is God’s glory still evident in your life to all who know you? If not, you can be restored to that original glory. Don’t let your name be Ichabod.

Stop and think: Where in Scripture do you find the term self-esteem? How about self-love? I’ll save you some trouble; you won’t find those terms in Scripture. They, along with self-actualization and a few others, are buzzwords of our contemporary society. Of course, there are many words and phrases we use today which are not used in Scripture, and vice-versa, so the issue is the meaning and philosophy that has grown up around those terms. Scripture gives a different perspective of these self issues. The only mention of self-love in the Bible is that we should love our neighbor as ourselves, which simply assumes we will naturally love ourselves. It is not a directive to love ourselves. There aren’t too many people who don’t truly love themselves quite well. Self-esteem is the idea of having a high regard for one’s self. While we should know clearly that we are important to God, we are valuable, and we are special and worthwhile because God has declared that to be true, we cannot lose sight of the truth that our value is not found in ourselves. I think we tend to attribute too much to poor self-esteem, and thereby believe if we can think better of ourselves, our problems will go away. Trying to feel good about something that by nature is not good, is a losing battle. That’s a different mindset than having respect for who we are in Christ and therefore appreciating your “self.” Maybe self-appreciation is a better term for us than self-esteem. The subtleties between the two are important. Scripture teaches us our best self-efforts are like filthy rags to God. I think of Philippians 2, which says we should esteem or consider others more important than ourselves. Paul wrote to the Romans that our old self was crucified with Christ. Jesus taught us to deny ourselves and take up our cross. That’s the biblical view of self we’ve somehow lost in our humanistic society where self has been elevated to the highest place of importance. As Christians, we need to have our minds re-shaped into biblical molds. The Christian’s identity search should end forever with the incredible realization that we are, through his grace, now called the children of God. Amazing, absolutely overwhelming. That self-identity will carry us until we see him face to face.

It has almost become a cliche to hear people say they’re seeking to know “who they are.” This lack of identity and purpose is real when we do not have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. If you don’t know God has created you, you are important to him, and your life has significance in his sight, then it’s easy to see why you would be searching for a meaningful identity. However, I see that same search in the lives of many Christians. Indeed, there were some years in my life that were consumed with a desire to find myself and know myself. If it is true that our union with Christ brings meaning and purpose into our lives, why are so many Christians still looking for meaning? Here are my thoughts. I believe the humanistic philosophy of self-focus has penetrated our Christian teaching and caused us to look at ourselves and to ourselves for answers; caused us to leave biblical principles and follow human psychological theories to find this meaning and purpose; caused us to place far too much emphasis on the self-issues of the day. You can see how this could happen, because certainly the gospel is the good news that each individual is important to God; therefore, teachings which magnify the individual can easily be mistaken to have some biblical basis. There is a distinct line between the value of individuals and the magnification of self. The “self” issues of today’s philosophy are very alluring. But when we are consumed with self, camouflaged as it might be by words which sound good to our ears, we are trapped into a self-focus, which can be very confusing as well as damaging. Friends, you won’t find a self-focus taught in Scripture. The only hyphenated self-word I’ve found in any Bible translation is self-control, which is quite different from self-love, self-confidence, self-actualization, etc. Our identity is not found in making ourselves feel better about ourselves. The knowledge and esteem we need for ourselves come as by-products of the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives. There is abundant evidence all around us that self-magnification hasn’t worked.

It is very common to hear people say they’re trying to “find themselves,” to discover their identity. As I’ve attempted to understand exactly what that means, it seems to be a result of the self-focus, which is indicative of today’s humanistic, post-modern society. And it also seems to be a way of expressing our innermost need to know our individual lives do have some meaning, that we have a purpose in being here. We’re not some gigantic coincidence of nature. That the joy and pain and happiness and suffering and peace and turmoil we experience are all part of some understandable plan. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 1 that every person is born with a God-consciousness: For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse (Romans 1:20). Everyone knows instinctively there has to be a Master Planner, and our existence has to have more meaning than a haphazard coincidence. However, until we know God through Jesus Christ, that master plan remains a mystery. What else is there for a person who doesn’t know Christ except to try anything they can to discover who they are, why they are, and what their existence means. The great news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is we all belong here. No Christ-follower needs to go around looking for an identity. God’s Word gives us clear answers. Once you’ve been born from above, you know you are a child of God, created by him in an orderly, planned process. He knows and cares for you individually. You are important to him; therefore, your life has meaning. As you go out into the world each day, be aware of the people around you who are trying to find who they are because they don’t know Jesus. Be ready to share with them this great and glorious truth, that our lives have meaning when we are rightly related to God through Jesus.

Galatians tells us exactly what the fruit of the Spirit is. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law (Galatians 5:22-23). To answer the question of what it means to “be the fruit,” I want to look at each of them and offer some suggestions of how you implement this fruit in your life. It is the fruit of the Spirit, so obviously it must be a Spirit-empowered endeavor. But it won't just happen unless we as disciples of Jesus Christ determine to “be the fruit” each day. Let's start with that first one: Love. Here's what someone wrote, and I think it is a great way to be the fruit of love: True love needs a personal touch. Here’s a way to show people you love them in an unexpected way. Get a package of blank greeting cards and make a list of friends and family—especially the ones you don’t see often. Write them a short note that shares how much you appreciate them. Send your cards out at random far away from any holidays or birthday. Let the little love note surprise them! Now, that is a practical way to be the fruit of love. And cards have a greater impact than email, so spend a little money, buy a few stamps, and surprise some people with words of love. Next is joy. Joy should be the trademark of a Christian. When you are joyful, your strength increases, because the joy of the Lord is your strength. There is so much negativity and bad news in our world today that if you're not careful, you can let the enemy steal your joy. That's one of his favorite tactics. What's been stealing your joy? Or I might ask, who has been stealing your joy? Whatever or whoever it is, realize it is a satanic flaming arrow coming your way from the enemy, so put on your full armor and refuse to lose your joy. How? Sing good songs all day long. Find the humor in your day. Laugh a lot; laughter is incredibly good for you. Look for reasons to be happy, to be joyful. Now we come to peace. Jesus said he would give us his peace, his unique peace that is strong enough for the toughest circumstances. Have you ever gone to Jesus in prayer and said, “Please give me the peace you promised. I need peace.” I heard a statistic 40% of all people in our country today are in some kind of depression or despair. Have you noticed how many people are searching for some kind of peace? Remember, Jesus' peace is not like the peace the world offers. That peace is a band aid; it seeks to make you feel better with a temporary pain killer, but it just makes things worse. Peter wrote we should seek peace and pursue it. Maybe you need to learn to take peace breaks when your day is going south. Just stop, find an alone spot, refocus your mind on Jesus, quote a verse to yourself and pray for the peace Jesus promised to give you. Pursue peace; go for it. Be the fruit—be peaceful! Forbearance is next in this list of the fruit of the Spirit. We call it patience, and it can be one of the most difficult fruits for us to practice, at least it is for me. But there are so many opportunities in your day to practice patience, and patience takes practice. Pick one situation where you find it particularly difficult to be patient, and start working on it. When you go to the store, stand in the longest line to check out and make yourself wait. Talk to yourself, like: “Just cool it. This is not a big deal. You can wait a few minutes—it doesn't change your life.” Something like that. That is bringing your thoughts into captivity and learning to re-direct your thought patterns. And it is a good way to discipline yourself; to be the fruit—to be patient. Maybe you could use driving as a way for you to practice patience. Be kind to bad or slow drivers. Don’t yell or call other drivers names when you can’t get into the lane you need to. Keep at it until you see a difference in the way you drive and how you feel when you step out of the car. Go, be the fruit! Kindness is next, and we all know what that means, right? No doubt, like me, you're generally pretty kind to people you don't live with, strangers, or people in places of authority. Your words are likely kind and pleasant, but what about the people closest to you? I remember how, before my husband passed, if my words or the tone of my voice were not kind, he wouldn't let me get away with it. He would nicely confront me, and that was good! And you know, that's one way to be more kind—to be the fruit. Ask someone to hold you accountable and not allow you to get by with unkind words or actions. I discovered I simply was unaware that my words or actions sounded unkind. I never intended it but once it was brought to my attention, then I started to notice how quickly I can speak or respond, and how I can come across as unkind. Now that I'm aware, I am much more intentional about making sure my words are kind and sound kind. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Ephesians 4:32). I would guess Paul wrote this to the believers in Ephesus because they needed to learn to “be the fruit”—to practice kindness toward each other. Goodness is next. How do you practice goodness? Peter wrote, for this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge (2 Peter 1:5). Make every effort, he says. Isn't he saying, “Be the fruit”? How many times did you tell your children, “Be good!”? And somehow instinctively they knew what you meant, even at very young ages. Being good is directly connected to behavior, right? You do what is good. Here's an idea of how you can add to your faith goodness. Determine to be a better listener. Who needs a listening ear? I'm not talking about giving counsel or solving problems. Just listening. That is so good and it is so helpful to someone going through a difficult time. And of course, once you listen, you can always offer to pray for that person. That would be very good. Faithfulness is a requirement for all Christ-followers. Paul wrote to the believers in Corinth: Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful (1 Corinthians 4:2). Faithful to God—first and foremost—faithful to reading the Bible and prayer, faithful to church attendance and involvement. Faithful to your mate and friends. Keeping promises and being dependable. Would people who know you describe you as faithful or dependable? This is one fruit we can all be, regardless of how smart you are or how educated or experienced you may or may not be. Being faithful is a daily decision you make. Don't promise carelessly. Under promise and over deliver is a very good motto to live by. Then keep a record of all you're responsible to do, every place you're supposed to be, etc., etc. Don't trust your memory. Faithfulness is required—not optional. If this is an area of challenge for you, pray much about it and determine each day to be the fruit—be faithful! Gentleness is next in this list of the fruit of the Spirit. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (Proverbs 15:1). And you'll remember our Lord Jesus described himself as gentle and lowly of heart. Frankly, the gentleness of Jesus is one thing about him I truly treasure because when he deals with me—and happens often—he always does so with such gentleness. Do you think of yourself as a gentle person? I don't mean wimpy or timid, but gentle; gentle in your words, reactions, facial expressions, tone of your voice? It is a very lovely fruit, and people will greatly appreciate it when you show gentleness to them. There's not a lot of it in our harsh world today, so be the fruit—be gentle. Self-control is putting discipline and restraints in your life to keep you from harm. Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control (Proverbs 25:28). Self-control is not allowing yourself to indulge in things that are not good for you—such as certain food, what you watch on television, what kind of conversations you engage in, etc. I remember a friend of mine, many years ago, was addicted to watching a trashy soap opera every day. She taped it while she was at work and the first thing she did each evening was watch it. God began to convict her of this, and she began to practice self-control. She stopped recording the program. She said it was really hard the first day to walk out of her apartment without turning on the recording, but she exercised self-control and kept it up. That was the beginning of a new vibrant relationship with the Lord, and she has gone on to serve Christ in amazing ways. But it took self-control to turn her back on what she knew was not good for her—for her thinking and her mind—and once she did, it was a marvelous breakthrough for her. By God's grace she broke that bad habit and through self-control, started growing into the outstanding woman she is today. She learned self-control. Is there something in your life that has you in bondage—something not good for you? If there is, I'm certain you can identify it right away. It could be something you watch or read, a place you go, or some eating habits. You can't imagine how freeing it will be for you when you can be the fruit—exercise self-control by God's grace and put that bad habit out of your life. That's my challenge for all of us today: Be the fruit! Memorize this passage from Galatians 5, pray it into your life, put reminders around you, and work on the areas that are the most challenging for you. But don't just talk about it or give verbal consent to the importance of bearing the fruit of the Spirit. Do it! Be the fruit! Paul wrote that against such, there is no law! Nobody can stop you from being the fruit and there is no greater testimony for your faith in Jesus Christ.

I'm examining, “Can this job be saved?” Here's the last situation to consider. Your manager doesn’t know the job, the company, the product, or the customers as well as you do. He is a young man recently promoted to the position, but with little experience or skills to do the job right. He makes a great many mistakes in dealing with customers, violates some company policies (through ignorance), and irritates other departments because of his lack of knowledge and expertise. Frequently he asks you to bail him out, but he never seems to learn and makes the same mistakes over and over. You realize the department morale is rapidly deteriorating, and you’ve lost some good customers because of his ineptness. You feel strongly something needs to be done for the good of the company. What should you do? This is not an easy question, because you're not in authority in this situation, right? And for you to do anything to correct it, it seems you would have to go over your boss's head to higher management. Is that the right thing to do? It's a risky thing to do, to say the least. But on the other hand, for the good of the company and its customers, don't you have a responsibility to do whatever you can to correct this situation? Jesus told his disciples, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves (Matthew 10:16). In this situation I believe that means trying to find ways to make things better without overstepping your boundaries or making the boss look bad. I would begin by having a private conversation with the boss, carefully noting some issues have arisen, and offering your help. Perhaps you can even suggest taking some of the workload off his desk, as long as you don't seem threatening. He might really appreciate some behind-the-scenes help because he probably knows he's not doing a good job. A time could come when all else has failed and you believe others need to know what's happening. But that should be a last resort and should be done with great caution, not with a vindictive and critical attitude.

Can this job be saved? For example, take this situation. You are the human resources director for a company that does a lot of business with the government. As a result, you have to complete government forms and abide by government rules in order to secure and keep your contract. Currently, you are required to complete a form which asks if you're in compliance with some of their rules—and in fact, you are not. Policies and procedures need to be changed in order to comply. You turn the forms into the president without your signature, noting the lack of compliance. Instead of agreeing to the needed changes which take time and cost money, the president insists you complete the forms, making up numbers and facts to satisfy the government requirements and sign and submit them. After all, he tells you, nobody will know the difference! You explain you can't do that as a matter of integrity. He is furious, grabs the forms, and says he will complete and sign them himself. What do you do now? The question is, do you have further responsibility to alert anyone that the forms are not correct, or have you done all you can and should do? Certainly, taking this kind of stand could put your job in jeopardy. So, do you make matters worse by any further action on your part? Every situation would have to be carefully considered. In most cases, I think simply refusing to be a part of any deceptive action is where your duty ends. But there could be situations where safety or other bad consequences might cause you to speak up against this illegal action. And it may be true this job cannot be saved. You could lose your job as a result. Peter wrote about unjust suffering, and he said, but if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps (1 Peter 2:19-21). Suffering unjustly for the sake of what is right gets God's attention. It's the same kind of suffering Jesus endured, and he will give you the grace to endure as well. None of us asks for suffering, but if it is unjust, believe me, God will have the last word, and you will receive his favor.

Did you ever work in a situation that seemed like mission impossible? I'm asking the question: Can this job be saved? When you do find yourself working in a very stressful environment, as a Christ-follower, what can you do? What should you do to make the best of a bad situation? Here's another situation to consider. Your departmental manager is not liked by any of the employees. She is very unfair, discourteous to everyone, and in addition, doesn’t perform her own duties well. Everyone in the department talks about her in derogatory ways all the time. Nobody can figure out how she keeps her job. You’ve been part of that malicious talk at times. As a Christian, you’ve now decided you don’t want to be a part of that character assassination toward your manager (even though she deserves it!). How will you keep from getting caught up in this office gossip? What could you do to change the climate? Gossip is a vicious and deadly disease, and once it gets started, it is not easy to stop. There's no question a Christ-follower should never be a part of this kind of malicious talk. In Romans 1, malice is described as wickedness, along with envy, murder, strife, and God-haters. God doesn't take malicious talk lightly; it is sin. Step one is to remove yourself from these conversations. Make it clear you won't participate in malicious talk about anyone, including the boss. You probably won't have to make a statement to that effect; the fact you don't do it any longer will speak for itself. Then use every opportunity you can to change the conversation. Sometimes one person can have a good influence on the corporate climate. Ask God to help you see your manager through his eyes, and reach out to her in some way, with encouragement and support. That kind of action on your part will not go unnoticed by your coworkers. Will it change their behavior? Who knows—it might, but it will certainly make a statement about your integrity and your testimony for Jesus.