Broadcasts – Christian Working Woman

Sometimes it seems the Bible gives us conflicting guidance. For example, in Philippians 4:4 the Apostle Paul exhorts us to rejoice in the Lord always, and in case we didn't hear him the first time, he repeats, again I say rejoice. Christ-followers should be rejoicing people. That would seem to say we should always be positive, have smiles on our faces, and never feel sad. But then in Romans, the same Apostle Paul tells us to weep with those who weep. King David in the Psalms repeatedly poured out his rawest grief and deepest questions to God. Over half of the Psalms are called Psalms of lament. Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion (Psalm 77:7-9)? That doesn't sound much like rejoicing in the Lord always. In fact, it is a lament—a prayer of pain, a raw, honest expression of grief and sorrow. Think of how Jesus lamented in the Garden of Gethsemane when he confessed My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. And on the cross, he cried out with a loud voice, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And there's an entire book in the Old Testament called Lamentations! Even a brief survey of Scripture confirms those who follow Christ will have times of lament in their lives. Somehow, we've often overlooked that biblical practice so many Christians feel guilty when they lament. But honest lament is not only permitted, it is encouraged in God's Word. Could it be you need to learn to lament? Please understand I'm not talking about throwing a pity party every time your feelings are hurt! But feeling sorrow and pain and hurt when life throws unexpected bad news or difficult dark days our way should lead us to honest and candid prayers of lament. The Bible gives us some guidance on expressing our laments—laments which lead to acceptance or deliverance or guidance and eventually to joy, whatever your need may be.

Presented by Jenn Miller Let's look at Mary and Martha. You might be most familiar with these two sisters for their opposite personalities—Martha, being type A and consumed by what needs to get done, and Mary being the one who applauded for resting and sitting at Jesus' feet. All throughout the gospel accounts, these sisters and their brother, Lazarus, offered hospitality to Jesus and became some of his dearest friends. But in John 11, word comes to Jesus that Lazarus is sick, actually very sick. The sisters contacted Jesus out of faith. They knew Jesus was able to heal the sick—they had seen his miracles, and they put their faith in him and called on him to come heal their brother. Jesus' response is quite confusing though. Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days (John 11:5-6). If someone you love is extremely sick, and you have the ability to help, wouldn't you get up and rush to their side? Isn't that what love does? The Bible reassures us of Jesus' love for each of them, and yet, he deliberately chose to stay. And he waited. And Lazarus died. When Jesus finally came to Bethany, Lazarus had been dead four days. As we think through lament, I want you to put yourself in Mary and Martha's shoes for a minute. They were trusting Jesus to heal their brother. They implored him to come. They waited and waited. Perhaps they took a break from tending Lazarus' sick bed to go outside and see if Jesus was coming around the corner. But he wasn't. And these two sisters watched their beloved brother die, wrapped his body, and placed him in a tomb. Imagine what Mary and Martha were feeling. Perhaps you know the intense pain of losing a loved one. This year I suddenly lost a family member that seemed perfectly healthy. The shock was jarring and painful. The death of a loved one is absolutely a reason to lament. And yet, as terrible as losing Lazarus was, I think there was an even greater lament for Mary and Martha. They both spoke to Jesus when he arrived separately and the first thing they said was, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Do you hear the pain of confusion? Do you hear the notes of disappointment and feelings of betrayal? I think the deeper lament is that these women put their faith and hope in Jesus and were left disappointed. That is not something good Christians like to talk about, but I have experienced those moments. Have you? Have you prayed earnestly in faith and received an entirely different outcome than you expected? Have you committed yourself to teaching your children faithfully only to watch them fall away? Have you tried to live obediently to the Lord and yet you look at your life, and it is not what you imagined it would be like at all? Do you feel like Jesus has let you down? If you feel that way, know you are not alone. Life can be confusing and disorienting. And when it doesn't make sense and you are hurting, come to Jesus. That is what Mary and Martha did, and it was the first step in their healing. They both shared their feeling of bewilderment and even possibly betrayal that Jesus waited to come, chose not to heal Lazarus, and let him die. Satan wants you to hold that hurt and confusion and let it fester into resentment, bitterness, and unbelief. But when you come to Jesus and honestly pour out your heart, however messy or honest it is, that is when Jesus meets us in the lament. And he met Martha and Mary in two very different ways that show his character. First with Martha, Jesus comforts her with the truth of his character. Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die” (John 11:25). This was one of Jesus' I am statements, and he chose to reveal himself as the resurrection and the life first to Martha in this moment of deep grief. But he doesn't stop there. Jesus follows this truth with a question. He asks her, Do you believe this? (John 11:26). Friend, in your pain, immersing yourself in the attributes of the Savior is extremely helpful. Jesus is loving. He is your shepherd. He sees and hears your misery. He is powerful to save and works all things for the good of those who love him. But it is not enough just to read these statements. In your pain, Jesus comes to you and asks, “Do you believe this?” Martha could not have possibly understood all that encompassed the truth of Jesus being the resurrection and life. And Jesus didn't expect her to. But with what faith she had in that moment, she responded, Yes, Lord. I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world (John 11:27). When everything in life is chaos and you can't make sense of your pain, hold on to what you do know about Jesus. Asking why is rarely helpful, but choosing to sit in who you know and have already experienced Jesus to be will comfort your soul. Interestingly, Jesus responds very differently to Mary. She comes to him with the exact same words as Martha, Lord…if you had been here, my brother would not have died (John 11:21). Instead of revealing truth to her, Jesus weeps with her. Friend, you have a savior who is moved by suffering and weeps. I don't know about you, but that is so comforting to me! Jesus might have been moved by seeing Mary in such pain or by his own grief or by his hatred of death as an enemy or all of it. Either way, he wept. And Jesus wept even though he knew the end of the story. He waited to let Lazarus die to reveal himself not only as healer but as the one who can resurrect. He knew Lazarus' time in the grave was almost over, but he still wept. Jesus sees your whole story and knows it will turn out for your deliverance, and yet amid your suffering, he comes along side you tenderly. He doesn't rebuke you for a lack of stoic faith or say, buck up. No, he is the almighty savior who understands our weakness and meets us with compassion. That means the world to me. Mary and Martha did receive their brother back, but in the moments of lament, they didn't know the ending. In their lament they were called to believe the truth about Jesus and experience his tender care. And you and I are called to do the same. No matter what the root of our lament is, the Lord invites us to pour out our souls to him, to believe he sees and hears, and to receive his tender care. Because of Jesus' death and resurrection, all who trust in him are promised a gloriously happy ending. But in the meantime, life is hard. May we be women who cling to truth and to the loving care of Jesus himself. Let's pray now to that end. Heavenly Father, you know the burdens and hardships each person reading right now is facing, and none of it is too heavy for you to bear. I pray you would comfort each hurting heart with your tender care. Would you remind each soul of who you truly are—that you are good, that you are working all things to make those who love you more and more into the image of your Son, that you will one day make all wrongs right, that nothing can separate those in Christ from your love. Give us greater faith to believe those truths more and more each day. I entrust each of my fellow lamenting sisters to your perfect care. In Jesus' precious name we pray. Amen.

Presented by Jenn Miller As we continue to look at glimpses of lament from women in the Bible, today we come to Mary, the mother of Jesus. Shortly after Jesus was born, Mary and Joseph presented him at the temple. While there, a man named Simeon was led by the Holy Spirit to recognize baby Jesus as the long-awaited and promised Messiah. He prophesied Jesus would cause the rise and fall of many. But then Simeon turned to Mary and told her another prophecy: that a sword would one day pierce her own soul as well. If you are a mother, you know how much feeling there is in motherhood. I remember having physical reactions to hearing my baby's cry. You feel the pain of your toddler's skinned knee. Mothers share the pain of a child's rejection on the playground, or the deep hurts adolescence can bring. Mary was no different—Jesus was her Savior, but he was also her firstborn son. Can you imagine the agony she felt at the cross as she watched her child ridiculed and tortured? It was a piercing sword to her heart. And Jesus saw her pain from the cross. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved (John) standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home (John 19:26-27). In Mary's deep lament, Jesus comforts her by sending her a person. This is a bit surprising because Mary had other sons and daughters who could care for her physical needs, but at this time, they did not believe in Jesus. Jesus gives Mary John as someone who can care for her soul. Friend, one of the ways Jesus most often cares for his people in their lament is through his church. We are called to bear one another's burdens. Will you give a fellow believer the privilege of walking with you in your pain? I pray today you and I will look for opportunities to care for others who are hurting as well as receive the care of the saints ourselves.

Presented by Jenn Miller What do the women of the Bible teach us about lament? Often when I think of lament, I think of casting the burdens of life at the Lord's feet. But the Bible also instructs Christians to lament their sin. In Luke 7, a woman does just that. We don't know much about her, not even her name. The main detail we are given is she had lived a sinful life in that town. In the verses that follow, she comes to Jesus weeping, her tears dripping onto his feet. She dries his feet with her hair and then anoints them with precious perfume. This was not only a display of worship, but a display of lament over sin. Notice the most important part though—she does not hide from Jesus when he comes to town; she does not wallow in self-condemnation and pity; she doesn't turn to other things to dull the pain of conviction. No, she comes to Jesus with her sin. That is the difference between Satan's condemnation and the Spirit's conviction. Condemnation focuses my eyes on my sin where conviction of the Spirit focuses my eyes on my great Savior's ability and willingness to forgive. Condemnation tells me to run from God and hide, but the conviction of the Spirit calls me to draw near to Christ. And Jesus graciously welcomed her saying, your sins are forgiven (Luke 7:48); your faith has saved you. Go in peace (Luke 7:50). Dear sister, what do you do with your sin? Do you ignore it or try to hide it? Do you defend it or seek to justify yourself? Does shame overwhelm you? Christ is calling you to rightly mourn your sin and agree that it is wrong. But you are called to more than that. Come lament your sin and worship the one who forgives it. Come and receive the truth of the Savior for all who come to him in faith, your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.

Presented by Jenn Miller Have you ever experienced such bitter circumstances that it feels like the Lord is against you? Naomi did. In the book of Ruth, we read Naomi and her family were forced to move to a different country and culture because of a famine in their homeland. Just imagine packing up two children with your husband and leaving everything you ever knew to start again in a new culture. But shortly after arriving, Naomi's husband died. After being there 10 years, her sons married, which probably seemed hopeful and joyous. However, any joy was short-lived as both of her sons passed away too. At this time in history, a woman with no husband, no sons, and no extended male family members had little chance of survival. Not only did Naomi face abject poverty, but all her hopes and expectations for what her life would look like fell to pieces. After coming back to Israel, she quickly tells those who once knew her to not call her Naomi (meaning pleasant) but Mara (meaning bitter). In Ruth 1:20-21 we get a glimpse into how Naomi viewed God in her suffering. She says, Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me (Ruth 1:20-21). Interestingly, Naomi's lament isn't one directed to God—she doesn't come to him with her burdens, but she does attribute her troubles to him. I think this lack of coming to God is what allowed the bitterness to grow. Have you been there? Have you experienced extreme loss and found yourself thinking, “Why would God allow such bitterness to come into my life?” If you are in this kind of suffering today, where it feels like the Lord has dealt you a lot that is more suffering than you can handle, keep reading the book of Ruth. In Naomi's suffering, all she could see was the loss, but throughout the book, God shows that he had not forgotten Naomi. He was actively working for her good. By the end of the story, the people around her are praising God because of how he redeemed Naomi's story and brought joy. Friend, in the depths of your pain, don't let bitterness grow. Bring your pain to Jesus. He will walk with you through it and is at work even now for your redemption.

Presented by Jenn Miller Do you ever wonder if God sees your pain or hears your misery? We are looking at glimpses of the laments of women in the Bible. In Genesis 16, we read the story of Hagar. We find her running away from her mistress after being mistreated. Hagar experienced the loss of her homeland, Egypt, when she was given as a servant to Abraham and Sarai. Here, she is newly pregnant, and what was first joyous, now seems treacherous as the relationship with her mistress dissolves in bitterness and jealousy. She has been mistreated and runs away into the desert. I imagine Hagar felt so alone and afraid. But in verse 7, the Angel of the Lord, a figure representing God, comes to her. In verse 11, the Lord tells her she will have a son, and his name will be Ishmael which means “the Lord hears.” What did the Lord hear? He said he had heard Hagar's misery. It is unlikely that Hagar had a relationship with the Lord before this point, but God says all the groans of misery Hagar faced, he heard. God entered into her pain and reassured her he knew, he understood, he heard. When you are mistreated or are facing circumstances that seem perilous and out of control, know God hears you. He understands the back story and all you face, and he draws near. Interestingly, after God names Hagar's child, she turns and gives God a name. She says, ‘You are the God who sees me.” She names him “The God who Sees.” Isn't that comforting? Hagar goes on to say, “I have now seen the One who sees me.” God hears our pain and he sees. He cares and enters our pain. For Hagar, knowing God was near her in her misery was the turning point in her relationship with God. The Lord sees you today too, sister. He hears and is ready to meet you in your lament. Draw near to the Living God who sees and hears you.

Presented by Jenn Miller Biblical lament is the honest and often raw expression of our pain and sorrow before God, and a striking example of this is Hannah. In 1 Samuel 1, we read that Hannah longed for a child but was barren. If that pain weren't enough, she was constantly reminded of this and ridiculed by another woman. Maybe you have also experienced the intensified suffering of being mocked in your troubles. And it wasn't just one time; verse 3 says this happened year after year. Hannah found herself in a cycle of suffering she couldn't get out of. Finally, she went in bitterness of soul to the tabernacle to weep and pray. In verse 15, she described it as pouring out her soul to the Lord. I love that phrase. Often when I am hurting, the pain wells up within me, and I can feel so heavy and burdened. But just like a glass that is full and ready to spill over, when we come to the Lord in our grief in prayer, we have the opportunity to pour out our souls to him, to bring our burdens to his feet, to share everything we are feeling and thinking. Now, this is not always a pretty process. It wasn't for Hannah. I bet we would describe this as “ugly crying,” not just a sweet dab of the eye when teary, but she held nothing back. The priest Eli was so repulsed he thought Hannah was drunk. But the Lord is not repulsed by our messy expression of need! He delighted in Hannah's prayer. Psalm 62:8 instructs us to pour out our hearts to the Lord. Friend, what are you holding today that is heavy and burdensome? Do you feel like you are about to crack or burst? The Lord bids you to cast your cares on him because he cares for you. Pour out all your pain and brokenness before the Lord today. Tell him how you feel, your fears, your disappointments. The Lord draws near to those who humbly come and seek him. He invites you to spill out your suffering and let him carry your burdens.

There is power in asking. Think about it in the business world. Selling is asking, isn't it? I remember when training for sales with IBM I was taught to ask for the order and not to be shy about it. To ask again and again. And I was carefully taught how to ask. So, there's no doubt that there is power in asking. So, why are we often shy and reticent to ask for something? Well, for one reason, asking for something is humbling, isn't it? It's admitting a need and acknowledging that you don't have total control in some area. You need something that you don't have and you have to admit it. Also, asking sets you up for rejection. The answer could be “No.” Recently I was in a position of asking for something really significant; it wasn't for myself but for an important project at my church. I knew who to ask, but for weeks I procrastinated about asking because I didn't want to get a negative response. When finally I asked, the reception I received was far more favorable and pleasant than I had imagined. But regardless of the response to my request, as long as I didn't ask there was no way I was going to get it! There was a lot of pride in my attitude toward asking. If the answer was no, I would have to tell everyone involved and I might look foolish. Or I might lose their confidence in me. So, instead of asking, I wasted time worrying about how I would look to others if the answer was no. Not only foolish of me, but prideful as well. In the book of James we read, “You do not have because you do not ask God” (James 4:2b). I wonder how many blessings we've missed for ourselves and others because we simply have not asked God. Please understand, I'm not talking about asking for frivolous things or for selfish reasons. But as Christ-followers we have a Heavenly Father who invites us to ask him for what we truly need, for blessings for ourselves and others. He expects us, as his children, to ask him for help, and yet how often we do not have what he would give us because we do not ask. A few years ago, I was stuck in an airport for two days because of weather-related cancellations, trying to get home, trying to locate my luggage, standing in long lines and hoping to get on a flight soon. As I was standing in one long line with probably fifty other people, a woman who looked like she had some authority walked by, and I just nicely stopped her and asked her a question. She said, “Come to my office,” so I followed her and for about an hour she made phone calls and arrangements, and I walked out of there with a free hotel for the night and a seat on a flight the next day. I asked and got special treatment, not because I deserved it any more than the others in that line, but because I asked. As I said earlier, studies show that women are far more reluctant to ask things for themselves than men are. For example, men are more likely to ask for a raise than women are, and when they do ask, women ask for much less than men do. Women will freely ask for the benefit of others but are reluctant to ask something for themselves. Notice how freely children ask for things. They don't hesitate to ask Mom or Dad for whatever it is they want at the moment. And they keep asking until often we parents give in just because they keep asking. Jesus told a parable about a widow who kept asking an uncaring and unkind judge for justice against her adversary. Finally the judge decides to grant her request, not because he wanted to do the right thing, but because she kept bothering him. Jesus said, “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly” (Luke 18:7-8a). In other words, we have a kind and loving God to ask, not a wicked judge, and yet often we give up asking him to meet our needs. Jesus taught us to keep on asking; don't quit. What have you given up on asking for? Jesus taught us to be persistent in asking. In all areas of our lives we have to ask for things if we're ever going to get what we need, succeed at our jobs, complete our tasks. . . whatever! But of course we don't always get what we ask for, do we? What are some of the reasons that we don't get what we ask for? In James 4 we are told: When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:3). Motives—what are our motives for asking? Receiving what we ask for depends largely on why we are asking for it. So, we have to examine our motives. Asking God—or anyone else, for that matter—for frivolous things, unnecessary things that are simply for our own selfish desires, just doesn't motivate God or people to want to grant our requests. I remember a woman asking me to pray that God would send her a husband. Well, in itself that's not a bad request, but her whole motivation was selfish: I want a husband to take care of me. I don't like being single. God owes me a husband. That was her attitude, and it wouldn't impress God or anyone else, I don't think. Secondly, we sometimes don't get what we ask for because we don't know how to ask. For example, be specific in what you ask for. If you need some money for a very good reason, not because you've been a poor steward of your money, you should be clear about why you need the money, how it will be used, and how much you really need. If you're asking someone to donate money to a good cause, be prepared to give a good explanation of how the money will be used and the good it will do. When you're asking for a change in circumstances, like a better work environment, instead of asking that the boss make the situation better for you, ask for the change because it will benefit the company or organization. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and ask yourself what would motivate that person to want to grant your request. Maybe you're job hunting right now, or looking for a raise or a promotion. If so, you really need to know how to ask, because the way you ask will in large part determine your success. And the way you ask will be controlled by the questions you ask yourself. For example, do you ask yourself, “What's wrong with me? Why am I not able to find a job?” Those kind of questions will simply discourage you. You're telling yourself negatives that affect the way you behave. Are you thinking: I'm too old, or I'm overqualified, or I'm just not aggressive enough? That kind of thinking just provides you with an excuse for why you're not getting the answers you want. Instead, ask What can I do to make a better impression on an interview? Or, How can I show that my age is an asset and not a liability? Now you're asking yourself questions that can lead to positive results. These are constructive questions, not destructive ones. If you want to ask better questions, begin by examining the questions you are asking yourself. And be ready to change the way you've been thinking. Once again I'm reminded that everything begins in our thought lives. If you think wrong, you ask wrong. If you think according to Philippians 4:8—thoughts that are true, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy—that kind of thinking will lead you to positive, constructive questions. And that certainly includes the questions you ask yourself! I find that I must be intentional about choosing good questions to ask myself—questions that will help me rather than discourage me. I have to bring those questions—those thoughts—into captivity and make them obedient to Christ, as we read in 2 Corinthians 10:5. So, today think about the questions you ask yourself. Are they constructive or destructive? Asking right questions begins with right thinking. Ask and keep on asking. That is a principle that we see in scripture. We are to be askers—and persistent askers, at that. Have you learned the power of asking? We have to ask with right motives, we have to be specific when we ask, and we can't give up easily. That is true if we're asking something from God or from our boss—or anyone else for that matter. There's an important biblical teaching when it comes to asking God for something. This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him (1 John 5:14-15). The Apostle John gives us a really startling principle—one that almost seems too good to be true. Whatever we ask, we have! Is that what he said? Yes, that's what he said, but there's a qualifier—if we ask according to his will. So, that means our motive has to be for the glory of God, not just for our pleasure. And it also means that we need to know what God's will is so that we can ask in accordance with it. You can't short-change God's Word in your life, because knowing God's will in any particular situation is a function of knowing the Word better and better. God reveals his will through his Word and through his Spirit, who usually reveals his will to us through the Word of God. So, how much time do you spend in God's Word? Romans 12:1 and 2 says that we can know what God's good, pleasing and perfect will is by offering ourselves as living sacrifices and being transformed by the renewing of our minds. That transformation happens more and more as we immerse our life in the truth of God's Word. Do you see the progression here? We need to know God's will in order to ask appropriately and therefore get what we ask for. In order to know God's will, we must know God's Word and be sensitive to the Spirit of God who resides within us, as Christ-followers. Then, as we are more and more confident of what God's will is, the requests we make to God are more and more in line with his will and he will hear and answer. I want to learn the power of asking God for great things that bring him glory and see the great and mighty things he wants to do. Will you join with me in asking God to teach us the power of asking?

Presented by Lauren Stibgen We have discovered that we were made to lament and examined the examples we have in Scripture through the life of David. What hits the most for me as I read about lament is the deep trust that God's will is always best, and he alone deserves the glory! We have heard parts of Psalm 6 this week, from David's most honest cries to God through his tears that flooded his bed. The ending of this Psalm turns to David's trust, Depart from me all you workers of evil, for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord accepts my prayer (Psalm 6:8-9). There is not an ounce of doubt coming from David. God heard me crying. He heard me pleading and he accepts my prayer. When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid (Psalm 56:3-4). In you, Lord my God, I put my trust…I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame (Psalm 25:1-2). God, I trust you. I trust you. I trust you! David's lament was never absent of his trust in God. A deep and abiding love for his Father that he knew would carry him through in battles and in loss, in highs and in lows. When was the last time you uttered the profound, but simple words, God, I trust you? God, I trust you with my work. God, I trust you with this job search. God, I trust you with this very hard conversation. God, I trust you with this difficult colleague. God, I trust you to care for my needs. God, I trust you when I am afraid I might lose my job. God, I trust you when I don't know how to complete a task. God, I trust you when I feel alone. Did you know this is prayer? Simple, short, and sweet, but it flows from your heart right to God. And it glorifies how he made you to be in a constant and dependent relationship with him! David gave us this example of the pattern of lament and deep trust that he then turned to praise. I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name O Most High (Psalm 9:1-2). Lament. Trust. Praise! How can you use this simple three-word phrase as a reminder in the week ahead?

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Sometimes God seems far away. Many women I speak with have said this very thing from time to time. Despite their prayers, reading the Bible, and going to church, God seemed distant. They feel like there are no answers coming in their distress, and some have even thrown in the towel with long time prayers. This isn't what God has planned for us. I like to remind myself about God's view on time when I feel like he hasn't answered me in a while. To the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like one day (2 Peter 3:8). In the context of my view on time, it may not feel like very long to God at all! It's likely that David ran from Saul between four and thirteen years. I am sure David's laments to God were very difficult at times. Like, “Hello, Lord? It's your anointed King David. What are we doing? How long?” I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with my weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of my foes (Psalm 6:6-7). Not only was David weary, but he was also worn down to the point of tears! God saw every one of these tears David shed. He sees yours too. And David wasn't shy about crying out to God! My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night but I find no rest (Psalm 22:1-2). Ultimately, God was with David every step of the way—even when David felt alone, chased, weary, and deep in sorrow. God wants to hear from you. Lament to God about your weariness, tears, and unanswered prayers. Lament to God when he feels distant and like he isn't answering you. Have you been in a season like this with work? Our adversary may look different than David's, but it could come in the form of being out of work for an extended period, waiting for a promotion, or feeling like you have an adversary at work challenging your every move. Jesus has promised we will have trouble in this world (John 16:33) but also gives us the hope that he has overcome the world! Turn to the Lord in lament today. Be honest. He wants to hear from you.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Who are you the most vulnerable with? This word describes a state of being easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally. Is there a person you trust the most? Maybe you are blessed to have more than one person to talk to about your most private matters. But who are you vulnerable with about your sin? Let's face the fact. Even those of us who have the beautiful gift of grace of salvation in Jesus Christ still sin. We all do. Even when we are trying to live a life holy and honorable before the Lord. The word is clear about confession. Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy (Proverbs 28:13). James tells us to confess our sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed (James 5:16). What does this have to do with lament? David's life was not all glory. He also sinned and gave us a good example of how to cry out to the Lord in lament for our sin. The story of David and Bathsheba found in 2 Samuel 11 and 12 tells of David's sins resulting from his lust for Bathsheba. In Psalm 51 we see David's vulnerability with God as he laments about his sins. Have mercy on me, O' God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin (Psalm 51:1-2). Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me (Psalm 51:11). Remember the definition of vulnerable? A state of being easily hurt physically, emotionally, or mentally. David lamented to God and did not want to be removed from all the goodness of his presence and filling of the Holy Spirit. Even David recalls I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, I will confess my transgressions to the Lord, and you forgave all my iniquity and sin (Psalm 32:5). David's lament also reminds us again of what happens when sin goes unconfessed. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long (Psalm 32:3). In his deepest sin, David turned to the Lord. God wants us to do this too. Sin can make its way into any part of our life, including at work! Take some time to examine your heart and lament to God!

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Are you afraid God doesn't want to hear your complaints? Do you ever have a feeling you are enduring things that shouldn't be happening to you? How about waiting for something good to happen? Why me or why not me? David's life was full of waiting, enemies, and strife! And he knew his direct line to God was the best way for him to cry out! If you read the books of first and second Samuel, you see the long and arduous road David endures to becoming King. Even though he is anointed as King early on by the prophet Samuel, he spends years fleeing from a jealous and hateful Saul. And David was just being himself! First, David was a skilled warrior, and he had a lot of success! He was also a skilled musician who played the harp for Saul when he was feeling mentally unwell. Saul was deeply jealous of David—jealous of his skill, jealous of the favor God showed to David, and jealous of the relationship David had with his son Jonathan. Not only did Saul throw a spear at David, but he charged his entire army to kill him. Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days (1 Samuel 18:29). Sometimes we are confronted with things, and we really don't know why. We are truly being ourselves, giving our best and our all. Are we like David, seeking feedback? In 1 Samuel 20:1, David asks Johnathan, “What have I done? What is my guilt? And what is my sin before your father that he seeks my life?” David never received a good worldly answer from his dear friend Jonathan. In the Psalms, David's laments to the Lord during this time are many, but Psalm 142:1-2 highlights his desperation. With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him (Psalm 142:1-2). David goes on to talk about how traps have been set for him and that no one cares for his soul. Have you ever felt this? You ask for help and it seems there is none in sight? Have you ever felt like no one cares for your soul? David knew God cared for him, and he poured his complaint to God when he had no one else in the world to ask: why me?! God wants to hear your complaints. He wants to be there to remind you he is for you in this deep time of lament.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen How do we lament? I guess we should start with understanding what lamenting truly is. Lament is expressing sorrow, mourning, or regret—crying out in grief. As followers of Jesus, we are called to lament! We are made in the image of God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And, throughout the Bible we see examples of the trinity lamenting. Early in the Bible, God lamented the wickedness of man. The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth and it grieved him to his heart (Genesis 6:5-6). Immediately following this regret and grief, God sent the flood. He blotted out everyone but Noah and his family. In Isaiah 63:10, the word says, but they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit. This verse is referencing Israel's rebellion after being led by Moses out of Egypt. And we see examples of Jesus lamenting. It's an often quoted and the shortest verse in the Bible found in John 11:35, Jesus wept. His dear friend Lazarus had died, and he was overcome with grief. Jesus not only expressed this sorrow, but he gave us a true picture of lament in the Garden of Gethsemane. His lament to the Father was so deep his sweat was as drops of blood falling from his body. Jesus tells his disciples his soul is very sorrowful, even to death (Matthew 26:38). He then fell on his face, and prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will” (Matthew 26:39). Taking these examples from the Father, Holy Spirit, and Jesus, how do we lament? We will look at the life of David and how he modeled lament. And we will consider why this is so important within the context of work.

Presented by Lauren Stigben As a culture we are so consumed with what is in front of us. Typically, we don't “feel” an injustice or the brokenness in this world until it really hits home. Our concerns are focused on the here and now, the me and not the us. Let's reflect. I live in a nice suburb of a large city. My grass is green, and my neighbors are friendly. I live on a street that has no outlet, meaning if you don't need to be on it to come home, visit someone, or deliver a package, you would have no reason to be here. Safe. I am not thinking about theft and brokenness here very much. Last week, our neighbor rang the bell distraught. In broad daylight, someone parked in front of his driveway and stole his children's play climber from just outside his open garage. He was seeking any camera footage. Just like that, my mind wondered who would do such a thing?! I thought about safety in my neighborhood. I lamented the brokenness of a woman in a nice white SUV stealing a plastic play climber. And while my insular suburban bubble was broken, I only thought of that: my bubble, me, and my neighbor. Let's shift to work. Reflect on this, how much do you think about unemployment or underemployment? How much are you thinking about jobless rates or layoffs? How much are you thinking about injustices at work like hiring discrimination or harassment? How much are you thinking about building relationships with younger generational workers to mentor them? Are you thinking about your supply chain? Is your workplace honorable to God? Unless you are experiencing these things or you are working very specifically in a field that addresses these issues, my guess is you are not thinking about them much at all. They may never cross your mind, or perhaps you simply make a nice donation to a charity that works for a cause. The list of brokenness spans much greater than my mentions here. As a reminder, this all started with Adam and Eve. Perfection turned to multiplied pain, dissonant desires between men and women, pain, and sweat. It moved to jealousy and murder with Cain and Abel, and on it multiplied. Adam and Eve were created in God's image, and so are we. And this sin caused our God to lament! God saw violence and corruption that really grieved God. And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart (Genesis 6:6). We are made in his image, and if lament is modeled by God himself, this should be a strong indication that this is his plan for us too. We need to care about the things God cares about and this extends beyond our immediate needs. He calls us to see things like Jesus did, through a lens of loving him and loving our neighbors. As I have shared before, this extends into our workplace. As ambassadors for Jesus at work, lament is one way we can shine the light of Christ in dark times. The simple act of engaging in and acknowledging brokenness can open the door for you to share how your lament is brought to God because you trust him even when things seem like they cannot get any worse or better. This takes both a level of micro and macro engagement and very good listening. At a micro level, perhaps you learn someone is dealing with a significant challenge in your workplace. I mean, let's face it, life is lifey! Issues can range from death of a loved one, health, marriage, prodigal children, caring for an elderly parent, and many more! Or it could be an issue of someone not feeling like they fit in at the office. Perhaps you know someone who has been out of work for a longer period. Jesus was our best model of the micro level lament for others. He saw each individual in their need. Think about the compassion he showed the woman who was so desperate in her illness that she crawled through crowds in the dirt just to touch the fringe of Jesus' garment. He stopped as he was on his way to be part of someone else's lament over a sick and dying young girl. Clearly the woman believed Jesus could heal her, but think of the years before that moment. The lament she must have cried with in her personal pain and loneliness. He met the grief and lament of his dear friends Mary and Martha when their brother and Jesus' friend Lazarus passed away. In John 11:35 we read, Jesus wept. In Romans 12:15 we are told to weep with those who weep. Sometimes we are called to lament over the sin of another person. We cannot change them, but we can cry out to God about their brokenness and trust that can redeem anything. Jesus lamented over the heart of the rich young man who was unwilling to give up his possessions to follow him. In Mark 10:21, we read Jesus looked at him and loved him. Sometimes when we see people who are stuck in patterns of sin, believers or not, it is fitting to cry out to the Lord. God, how long will so and so keep on in their sin? God, when will you call so and so to follow you? Ultimately, we need to trust God to move in a sinner's heart. What about macro engagement? In this sense I am talking more about issues facing groups of people. Perhaps it is a large issue at your workplace like fear of a layoff that is buzzing around the proverbial water cooler. But, more often, we are engaging in conversations that shape our local, national, and global communities. All this can be polarizing and choosing what to lament is simply impossible sometimes because there is so much brokenness to choose from! David's lament to God about the wicked in Psalm 10 is fitting even today. Some selected verses from this Psalm read: “Why, O' Lord do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? In arrogance the wicked hotly pursue the poor; let them be caught in the schemes that they have devised. For the wicked boasts of the desires of his soul and the one greedy for gain curses and renounces the Lord. In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him, all his thoughts are “There is no God.” (Psalm 10:1-4). His mouth is filled with cursing and deceit and oppression; under his tongue are mischief and iniquity. He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent (Psalm 10:7-8). The Psalm is further filled with words like helpless, crushed, forgotten. I encourage you to read Psalm 10 in its entirety. Jesus even lamented over the people in his day in Matthew 17:17. O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long must I put up with you… (Matthew 17:17). Nothing is new. How long will we be dealing with the evil in this world Jesus promises us in John 16:33? The short and disconcerting answer is until Jesus returns. In the meantime, how can we share grief together over some of these heavy broken issues? How you express your deep concern and grief about these macro issues can shape how people view you at work. Do you engage in the latest rhetoric on the news, or do you point out the root causes of the issue at hand, and explain that you pray for these things? Do you perhaps suggest action? For example, if your community deals with homelessness and food insecurity, are you talking about it or taking action to help your colleagues be part of the solution. Perhaps you suggest serving at a local shelter or doing a food drive. Taking action can be one of the most loving things you can do! One of our prayer leaders here at The Christian Working Woman takes time each month to pour into a community of elderly who don't have a lot of resources. They deal with loneliness and other insecurities. Just the time she spends brings them hope and love that many don't have from family. This is also something she can share with her colleagues! What about when you simply don't have the words or actions? Some of the challenges today are way too big for us and we may not know what to say, let alone what to pray or do! Take heart. Romans 8:26 reminds us, In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans (Romans 8:26). We can feel this heaviness in our body—a tightness in our chest, shoulders, and headaches. It can even be so heavy the injustice makes us angry. These feelings rise up that you may want to call righteous anger. Remember, only God can judge and provide ultimate justice! We simply are not made as superheroes, and try as we may, we can't separate from the feelings we have to address something in a loving and Christ honoring way. Sometimes lament can be fiery—a direct complaint to God. He wants to hear this too! We simply may not understand why God isn't moving like Habakkuk. In Habakkuk1:1-4 we hear the prophet lament, O Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear? Or cry to you, “Violence” and you will not save? Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence before me; strife and contention arise. So, the law is paralyzed and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so, justice goes forth perverted (Habakkuk1:1-4). In both the micro and macro situations we face at work each day, we need to humbly seek God and know he will work all things for our good and for his glory in due time. Lament allows us to unburden our hearts to God and remember we are from God and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one (1 John 5:19). Our hope needs to be set to eternity when Jesus returns to restore his Kingdom! He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away (Revelations 21:4). Until this glorious day, we can lean into lament but also trust God to move in his ways, all the while praising him for his goodness! These are practical, God-given actions that have been given to us. What does practical lament look like? Start with the Psalms. I have talked about some of them today, but others to reference are Psalms 44, 60, 123, 79, and 94. Of course, this is not exhaustive. These are some of my favorites. Read these out loud. Put them into your own circumstances or words. Some even suggest writing your own lament. Take out a pen and paper. Write what you are feeling to cry out to the Lord. Next, express your trust in the Lord. Like David, can you say, “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?” God is bigger than anything you are lamenting about. God, I trust you! And finally, praise God for his goodness! When things are heavy, I love writing down all the ways God has provided for me. God, I praise you! I hope this can be a reminder that we can lament about the small and big stuff. God is in it all, and he wants to hear from you!

Presented by Julie Busteed Growing up, for as long as I can remember, the one thing I truly dreamed about was having a family. I imagined what we would do together, what our children's names would be, what kind of house we would live in, and what life together would look like. When my husband and I got married, we planned for a family. After some time passed and I still wasn't pregnant, I began to worry. That started the long process of doctor appointments, testing, and trying to figure out what was wrong. Every month became a roller coaster of hope followed by disappointment. At one point, testing revealed what might have been an issue. Once it was resolved, I remember thinking, “That was the problem. Now that it's fixed, the Lord will bless us.” But that's not what happened. Later, there were other issues that needed to be addressed, and again I thought, “Now that this has been resolved, surely the Lord will bless us with a child.” But again, no. Many people were praying for us, and many offered advice. We explored different options, but it all felt overwhelming. I remember thinking, “This isn't the way it's supposed to happen.” Why did it seem so easy for others and not for me? Why was God blessing others and not me? Was I somehow not good enough to be a mother? There were so many tears over those years. So much loneliness. So many moments of feeling forgotten. It was a season of deep lament—the death of a long hoped-for dream. And through it all, I was trying so hard to control the outcome. Then one day, I finally sensed the Lord asking me, “Do you trust me? Do you trust me even if you don't get the life you always dreamed of? Am I still Lord of your life?” Both then and now, my answer is yes. Our story does not have the “happy ending” people might expect. We were never able to have children. And honestly, I still don't understand why. Medically, no clear explanation was ever found. We live with the unanswered questions and the not knowing. But we also live knowing that God is still good, still faithful, and still worthy of our trust. He has blessed us in countless other ways. Are you in a similar situation where the Lord is asking you to trust him no matter what? I don't have an easy answer for you—except that it is simple. Trust God. Know him more and more. Dig into his Word. Be in community with other Christ-followers. Continue to talk to him and bring all your cares to him. Let him carry them. His burden is light and his yoke is easy. Continue to praise him, even if it feels awkward or fake. Your emotions will follow the praise and worship you give to God. There is hope. Eternal hope.

Presented by Julie Busteed Have you ever read the book of Book of Job? Or is it one of those books you tend to skim through in your Bible reading plan? I understand if you do. It can be difficult to read chapter after chapter filled with anguish and suffering. But Job's life gives us a powerful example worth paying attention to. We're told Job was blameless and upright, a man who feared God and turned away from evil. He had a wife, many children, enormous wealth, servants, and great influence. Scripture even says he was the greatest man among all the people of the East. Yet, God allowed Job to be tested by Satan. In a short period of time, Job lost nearly everything—his wealth, his children, and even his health and reputation. For much of the book, we read Job's cries of sorrow and lament, along with the mostly unhelpful responses from his friends. They assumed his suffering must be punishment for some hidden sin. What they did not know was the conversation that had taken place between God and Satan at the beginning of the story. God had allowed this testing for a purpose. The apostle Peter later writes that trials test the genuineness of our faith so that it may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. There is purpose, even when we cannot see it. Eventually, God spoke to Job. And when Job demanded answers, God reminded him he alone is God. And Job finally learned when nothing else was left, he still had God. And that was enough. The deeper relationship with God is great joy. In the end, Job's wealth was restored and he was blessed again. But in our own lives, we do not always receive the kind of ending Job did. And still, we are called to trust God. Knowing God is better than knowing all the answers. Do you believe that? Do you live that way? We all want explanations for why certain things happen or why they do not happen. Yet, many times those answers never come. What do we do with unanswered questions, with hopes and expectations that seem to be slipping away? We turn toward knowing God more deeply. Job ultimately says, though he slay me, yet will I hope in him (Job 13:15). What a statement of faith. Could you say that? Could I? Could we honestly say, “Even if God does not give me this particular hope or blessing, I will still trust him”? Or “Even when life is painful, disappointing, and heartbreaking, I will continue to hope in God”? If you are in a difficult season right now, I encourage you to spend time in Psalms. They give voice to deep grief, fear, frustration, and sorrow, while continually turning our eyes back to the living God and the hope we have in him.

Presented by Julie Busteed The disciples did not expect Jesus to suffer and die on a cross. They believed he was the Messiah sent from God, and after spending three years with him, they had come to know and trust him deeply. Yet they still did not fully understand what was ahead. The prophets had spoken about the Messiah's suffering, and Jesus himself told the disciples several times that he would suffer, die, and rise again. Matthew records: From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.  Peter responded by rebuking Jesus: “Never, Lord! This shall never happen to you!”  Jesus answered him sharply: “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns” (Matthew 16:21-23). What a contrast for Peter. Earlier, Jesus had blessed him for declaring Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. Now Peter is being rebuked because he was focused on earthly expectations instead of God's greater plan. Peter envisioned a kingdom established immediately—a Messiah who would overthrow Roman rule and restore Israel's power. He likely imagined reigning alongside King Jesus. Then suddenly, Jesus spoke of suffering and death instead. And when Jesus was crucified, the disciples were devastated. Their hopes and expectations seemed completely shattered. They had dreamed of freedom, restoration, and a visible earthly kingdom. Instead, they faced grief, confusion, and despair. It wasn't until after the resurrection, when they saw Jesus alive again, that the pieces began to come together. Only then did they begin to understand the kingdom Jesus had been talking about all along—not merely an earthly kingdom, but an eternal one. I know we all experience disappointment and grief in this life, and often it doesn't seem fair. Sometimes you may even wonder if you've done something wrong for God to withhold the blessing you hoped and prayed for. It is normal to lament—to grieve when life does not turn out the way you expected. It is normal to cry out to God, ask him questions, and at times feel as though he is silent. But I urge you not to give up or turn away from him. Continue to bring your sorrow honestly before him and then remind yourself of who he is and what he has already done for you. God loved you enough to send his only Son as the perfect sacrifice for your sin so you could be reconciled to him and have eternal life. This life, with all its joys and heartbreaks, is temporary. You and I have so much to be thankful for and to look forward to when we do meet the resurrected Jesus face to face.

Presented by Julie Busteed Have you ever dreamed and planned for a future only to have it not work out? In John 4, we see Jesus encounter someone who knew that feeling well. Jesus and his disciples were traveling from Jerusalem back to Galilee. Instead of avoiding Samaria, as most Jews did because of the deep division between Jews and Samaritans, Jesus chose to go through it. Around midday, tired and thirsty, he stopped at Jacob's well while his disciples went into town for food. A Samaritan woman came to draw water at the hottest part of the day. Most women came in the cool morning hours, but she came when she expected no one else to be there. Later we learn why: she had been married five times, and the man she was living with was not her husband. Her life likely had not turned out the way she had imagined. She may have carried shame, disappointment, loneliness, or a sense that she would never escape the cycle she was in. Then she encountered Jesus. She was surprised a Jewish man would even speak to her. But Jesus breaks barriers. Their conversation began with physical water, but Jesus quickly turned it toward spiritual things, offering her living water that would become a spring of water welling up to eternal life. At first, she misunderstood him and asked for this water so she would no longer have to return to the well by herself in the heat of the day. But as the conversation continued, she realized Jesus knew everything about her life. Instead of condemning her, he revealed himself to her. When she spoke about the coming Messiah, Jesus told her plainly, I who speak to you am he. This is the first recorded time Jesus openly identified himself as the Messiah, and he did so not to religious leaders in Jerusalem, but to a Samaritan woman at a well. Her response was immediate. She returned to town and told everyone, Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ? John tells us many Samaritans believed because of her testimony, and many more believed after hearing Jesus for themselves. They declared he truly was the Savior of the world. This Samaritan woman who was living a life she probably didn't dream of or plan for, now had hope and purpose because of her meeting with Jesus. Once she realized who he was, she couldn't help but tell others who he was and what he had done for her. Whatever shame or embarrassment she previously felt, fell away. I think there must have been a visible difference in her manner and appearance, because the people listened to her and came out to meet Jesus and hear from him. An unlikely meeting between a Jewish rabbi and a Samaritan woman led many people to faith. And what first drew her to believe was not a miracle or a sign, but the realization that Jesus fully knew her and still offered her grace. Maybe just like this woman your dreams and plans are not happening as you expected. Maybe you're grieving unfulfilled dreams. You are filled with disappointment, sorrow, and loneliness. Please know God sees you. He hears your cries of lament. He has a purpose and a plan, and it's better than you can imagine. It just might not happen in your timing. Continue to trust in him, to offer him praise because of who he is, to walk daily with him. He is your only true source of peace and joy.

Presented by Julie Busteed Maybe you've dreamed of a promotion or a certain career path, but for reasons outside your control, those dreams haven't become reality. Maybe you've longed for a spouse, yet that relationship has never come. Maybe you dreamed of a strong and joyful marriage, but it hasn't turned out the way you had hoped. Or perhaps you've desired to have a family, and that longing remains unfulfilled. Maybe it's your health that has changed unexpectedly. What went wrong? There are so many expectations in life—good desires, even good gifts that our Father often gives. So why hasn't it worked out for you? With all of this comes real sorrow—grieving the life you thought God would bless you with. What do you do with that grief? How do you move forward? I think sometimes we think we should put on a brave face and not face the sorrow or grieve the pain of unrealized expectations. But the Bible has a lot to say about lamenting. Lamenting is the process of expressing sorrow, grief, and pain. About one-third of the entire book of Psalms is about lamenting. We see personal laments like David crying out to God and community laments when the people of God cry out to him. And of course, there is a book of the Bible with that title—Lamentations—written by the prophet Jeremiah. He is often called the weeping prophet. His heart was broken over things that break God's heart. He laments the sin of the Israelites and the impending destruction of Jerusalem. He laments the future, but he still has hope. In the middle of the book of Lamentations Jeremiah acknowledges this. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord (Lamentations 3:22-26). Even though Jeremiah wasn't around to see the Messiah Jesus Christ come, he had hope in the midst of sorrow. And in Hebrews chapter 11, known as the Hall of Faith, we read about the patriarchs, kings, prophets, and others who were hoping and looking forward for the promised Messiah but didn't see it happen in their lifetime. The last two verses are: These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect (Hebrews 11:39-40). They had unfulfilled hopes and expectations, and I wonder how hard that must have been. To wait on God and not see the answer. But they didn't lose hope. Because God had planned something better.

There are few days in our lives that are guilt-free, and far-too-many of our days are filled with guilt. Life under a load of guilt is not the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. Guilt steals our joy, hinders our productivity, interrupts our peace, harms our relationships, and worst of all, makes us self-focused. Think about it—when you're feeling guilty, you're thinking about yourself; and I've learned that when I think about myself very much, it always leads to discouragement and despair. Have you lived with guilt so long that it has become your daily companion and you no longer recognize its evil source and the harm that it causes? Little wonder that the enemy of our souls wields this weapon of guilt so broadly and with such effectiveness. He has long since recognized how easily we put up with guilt and how difficult it is for us to dump it. So, if he can keep us guilt-ridden, he keeps us from doing all the good things God planned in advance for us to do, as we read in Ephesians 2:10. He steals our joy, and the joy of the Lord is our strength. While he may not be able to trip us up with some addiction or impurity or disgraceful public sin, it's not that difficult to bombard our minds with guilt. Someone looks at us the wrong way and we take on guilt. One failure to jump through someone else's hoop and we're guilt-ridden. One memory of past sins and guilt moves in. But we often fail to see it as a tool of Satan because we feel like we deserve to feel guilty! What is guilt? Guilt is both a fact and a feeling. It is possible to be guilty without feeling guilty. It is possible to feel guilty without being guilty. And obviously, it is possible to be guilty and feel guilty. No doubt we have all experienced these three conditions. Being guilty without feeling guilty can be due to ignorance. I may be guilty of breaking a law because I am ignorant of the law. It is also quite possible to have a hardened heart that feels no guilt even when guilty. Hebrews 3:13 admonishes us not to be “hardened by sin's deceitfulness.” I may drive at an excessive speed even though I know I am breaking the law without feeling a tinge of guilt because I've become hardened to breaking that law and it doesn't make me feel guilty, even though I am. Feeling guilty even when we are not guilty is a more common struggle for most of us. This false guilt is caused by wrong thinking. We feel guilty because we allow ourselves to think thoughts that tell us it is our fault, whatever “it” is. In this condition, we ignore the facts, we wallow in self-recrimination, and we send ourselves into a downward spiral of despair and discouragement without justification. That's because this false guilt is a feeling, not a reality. It has been said that feelings have zero I.Q. That means they're not smart, and in dealing with my own feelings, I have found this to frequently be the case. My feelings can mislead me because they are often not based on reality. But feelings can be very strong and convincing, whether accurate or not. It is not God's will for us to live in guilt. Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free; stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Living with guilt is living with a yoke of slavery. It is allowing those feelings of guilt to choke the very life out of you. And Jesus came to set you free from this yoke. It's time we start refusing to submit to the yoke of guilt. But, you're thinking, that is easier said than done. Of course, it's easier said than done! What isn't? But that's no excuse for not doing it! It is possible to learn to live without guilt! We have power to do it because we have God's Spirit in us to empower us, providing of course, we have been born again into God's family. Dealing with True Guilt True guilt is feeling guilty because you are guilty. That is what we feel when God is convicting us of some area in our lives that needs to be changed, and we are resisting that change. Harboring true guilt for any length of time will cause you great harm. It took King David way too long to repent of his great sin with Bathsheba. In Psalm 38 he describes the pain of true guilt. David's physical health was dramatically affected. Literal physical ailments and conditions were the result of this true guilt that David experienced. And of course, he was plagued with emotional and mental pain, too. I wonder how many of our physical problems are caused by true guilt—by a reluctance to repent and turn away from sin? It is often the cause of depression and despair. David said, “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.” True guilt is too heavy for us, too. Whether you harbor some huge guilt like David's or just keep refusing to face the “little stuff” in your life that needs to be cleaned up, that true guilt will eventually take its toll on you and cause mental, emotional and physical suffering. King David describes the great relief that comes when true guilt is eliminated by confession and forgiveness: Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them and in whose spirit is no deceit. . . I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin (Psalm 32:1 – 5).  God will keep his hand heavy on you and me when there is true guilt that needs to be confessed and forgiven. Not to be cruel to us, but to restore our fellowship with him and heal us. Dealing with False Guilt False guilt is what we put on ourselves when we keep remembering what God has forgiven and forgotten! False guilt is what we feel when someone appears to be disappointed in us. False guilt comes on us when we have to say “no.” False guilt is often a result of trying to please people. False guilt comes when we live with unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and when we allow others to dictate what and who we should be. We must learn to discern the difference between true and false guilt. When you start feeling guilty, stop and ask yourself: Is this true or false guilt? Have I done something which I can specifically identify for which I deserve blame? Or is this just that nebulous feeling of guilt I seem to get whenever I feel someone is unhappy with me, or I can’t be superwoman, or it’s something totally beyond my control? One of the first signs that you are dealing with false guilt is that you just can't say exactly why you feel guilty. When you cannot pinpoint a specific reason for your guilt, it is highly likely you're dealing with false guilt. Perhaps the false guilt we suffer from the most is guilt over our past. We all tend to go back and remember the sins of the past, and even though they are forgiven and God remembers them no longer, we don’t seem to be able to purge our memory. One night I was on my way home and my foot got heavy on the gas pedal. I was going 45 in a 30 mile zone, near my home, and so, two doors from my own home, I got stopped for speeding and the nice officer wrote me a ticket. As he handed it to me, he said that because I had a clean record, I could pay a $50 fine, and the speeding ticket would not show up on my record at all. He said, “There will be no record anywhere of this offense; it will be as though it never happened.” That’s what God does for us, but we don’t have to pay $50. By simple faith and confession, he blots out our transgressions, and he keeps no record of them. If you looked on his books, it wouldn’t be there. Oh, how we need to understand this beautiful truth and learn to let go of the guilt of forgiven sin, remembering there is therefore now no more condemnation for us. Do you know what girlish guilts are? Usually, the first response to a girlish guilt is: “Oh, I'm so sorry!” Here are some examples of what I call “girlish guilts”: A coworker says that while you were on vacation last week, the place fell apart and she had to work late every night. You feel guilty for taking a vacation. Your child says she got in trouble because she left her homework at home, trying to shift the blame to you for not reminding her to take her homework. You feel like you're a bad mom, and you feel guilty. Your sister says she tried to reach you three times yesterday and kept getting your voice mail. She didn't leave a message but still seems irritated that you were not there for her when she needed you. You feel like you've failed your sister and you feel guilty. Your boss asks you when you're going to complete a job, but it is not your assignment. And when you try to explain, he/she just gives you that look, and you feel guilty. You promised to help at church and then you came down with a bad cold the night before. The tone in your friend's voice was anything but sympathetic when you called to say you couldn't make it, and you feel very guilty. Are you getting the gist of these girlish guilts? These are not major issues of guilt, but just an attitude that women often carry which says, “If I'm accused, I must be guilty.” Do you need to break your bad habit of apologizing for things for which you are not guilty and finding more appropriate responses than “I'm sorry”? Remember, you can empathize—put yourself in someone else's shoes—without apologizing. Remember, Romans 8:1 tells us, “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” so if God is not condemning you, you have no right to let anyone else condemn you, not even yourself. I would urge you to memorize Romans 8:1 and Isaiah 43:25 as well where God says: “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” I pray that you will take the steps necessary to live free from guilt. God doesn’t send us on guilt trips. He wants to relieve you of all that guilt you’ve been carrying. So, let him do that for you.

I've been urging you to think about what you think about—to become more and more aware of wrong thought patterns. Those wrong thoughts are keeping you in bondage—in bondage to fear and doubt and sin of all kinds. I've been talking about bringing your thoughts into the captivity of Philippians 4:8, thinking about what is true, noble, right pure, lovely, and admirable. I want to examine the great benefits that come when you practice this biblical mind control. For right thinking we are promised two wonderful things in Romans 8:6: The mind set on the flesh is death, but the but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:6). Life and peace. You can’t buy them, you can’t earn them, you can’t manufacture them. They come to you as a result of having a mind set on the Spirit of God, having a thought life that stays carefully within biblical boundaries. This is such an important Christian principle, that I've written a book on it entitled Think About What You Think About. I am convinced that in my own life, the pathway to freedom and joy has been greatly impacted by learning to think about what I think about and bringing my wrong thought patterns in line with Philippians 4:8. The book, which is newly updated and edited, gives you much more help in how to be set free from the wrong thought patterns of your life. Believe me, whether you realize it or not, you may be suffering greatly because you've developed some truly wrong thought patterns and they are holding you in bondage. You may have some deep ruts in your brain caused by wrong thought patterns that have caused you sadness and all kinds of problems. But you can learn to put this spiritual discipline in your life that will reverse those wrong thought patterns and set you free. I can testify to you, as one who is still learning this principle, that it has been probably the most life-changing guideline for me. It took me years to realize I needed to control my thought life, by God's grace and to his glory. I just never thought about what I thought about. But when I began, I was amazed at how making some real changes in my thought patterns changed me, for the good! I recommend it to you very highly. If you think my book, Think About What You Think About, would be helpful, you can order it on amazon.

You’ve heard the phrase that our computer age generated: garbage in, garbage out. It’s not only true of computers, it’s also true of our minds. We’re examining how we can bring our thoughts into captivity, how we can change wrong thought patterns that keep us mired in deception and lies and misery. One important element in creating a right thought life is to carefully guard what you put into your mind. If you allow garbage in, your thought life will reflect that input. What do you read? Trashy novels, junk on the internet? Do you spend more time reading God’s Word and good Christian material than you do reading the world’s literature, even if it’s not necessarily evil? You will never change your thinking if you’re reading trash or failing to read the Bible consistently with top priority over all other reading. What do you look at on television and videos? What you see with your eyes has a stronger impact on you than what you read or hear—combined! If you’re pouring visual junk into your mind and not screening what you allow yourself to watch or see, your thought life will be filled with those images, and it is very difficult to get rid of them. Believe me, what you look at is determining to a large degree what you think about. What do you listen to? Are you soaking up the world’s music? Much of the lyrics are not within the guidelines of Philippians 4:8. What kind of conversations do you listen to? Do you subject yourself to off-color conversations, gossipy conversations, critical conversations? Your thinking won’t change with that kind of input going into your mind. If you will change the input into your mind, you’ll be amazed how your thinking will change. Of course, an essential is the Word of God, poured into your mind regularly and systematically. Scripture memorization is a fantastic way to program your mind correctly. Good reading has helped me immensely. I simply can’t overemphasize the importance of guarding your mind closely. The world we live in is full of garbage, and we’ve become desensitized to it. Remember, garbage in, garbage out.

I’m examining our thought lives—the thought patterns we are often in bondage to because we have not learned to bring every thought into captivity and make our thoughts obedient to Christ. Philippians 4:8 gives us clear parameters for our thoughts. They are to be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Let's look at how to begin that process. First, you have to truly begin to think about what you are thinking about at any given moment. You must literally examine individual thoughts, one by one to make sure they fit within the Philippians boundaries. I can testify captive thinking becomes more attractive the more you practice it. I remember once starting to get into some self-pity thoughts. And as I realized it, I said to myself, “I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to feel sad. I will not think these self-pity thoughts.” I brought those specific self-pity thoughts into captivity, refusing to let them intrude my mind, and I then was free from the burden of self-pity. That was when I began to actually practice this principle of bringing individual thoughts into captivity. It was a new reality to me—that I could actually decide not to think about what I should not think about! Now, once you screen and test those individual thoughts, the question is, how do you stop thinking the wrong thoughts? You can determine they’re wrong, but you can’t stop thinking them! You have to use what I call the Replacement Theory. Replace the wrong thought with a right thought. You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you (Isaiah 26:3). We have a replacement thought as Christians that is guaranteed to work every time. And that replacement thought is Jesus Christ. When in doubt, think about Jesus! You may have to replace wrong thoughts every minute or two. But don’t let that discourage you. Just keep replacing. You’re changing habits that are ingrained; you're addressing thought patterns that have dug ruts into your brain, and you keep getting stuck in those ruts. Bringing thoughts into captivity, forcing yourself to refuse to get in those wrong thought ruts, is a battle. The enemy of your soul will continue to trap you in those ruts, but if you're a Christian, you have the power of the Holy Spirit to refuse to let him win. Don’t give up; just replace the wrong thought with the right thought, as many times as necessary.

Did you realize being open-minded can be very harmful if that means your thoughts are out of control and take you places you really don't want to go. As Christians we need to learn to bring our thoughts into captivity and think within biblically prescribed limits, because what we think is what we are. I'm encouraging you to think about what you think about. In Philippians 4:8 we are given clear boundaries—important guardrails for our thought life. The first one is true. Untrue thoughts are not allowed, and that includes the untrue speculations and imaginings that we often indulge in. For example, do you imagine the worst and worry about things that have not yet occurred? You are not thinking true thoughts when you do. The second guardrail is noble, which means honorable, dignified, excellent. It’s possible to think something that is true, but not honorable. For instance, thinking “gossipy” thoughts about others, even if the facts are true, is not honorable thinking. There’s a third limit set on our thinking, and that is right. All of us dislike unfair treatment. And yet how often do we allow ourselves to think unfair, unjust thoughts about others. Sometimes we have prejudiced thinking toward people, even toward other races and cultures. That kind of thinking is not right. Then, our thoughts must also be pure. This covers immoral thoughts and sexual fantasies. No one is immune to these thoughts, and our society certainly promotes them. It is necessary to make certain our thoughts are pure. Next comes lovely. Is your thought life full of love, inspiring love or affection? Many times, our thoughts may pass all the other tests, but they’ll fall short on this point. In addition to true, noble, right, pure and lovely, our thoughts must be admirable or worthy of praise. If we could read what you were thinking, would we admire your thoughts? The guardrails are clear. Now, our challenge is to bring our thoughts into captivity—to stay within these guardrails.

I want to examine one of the most critical areas of your life—your thought life. Our thought patterns are controlling us in ways we often do not even realize. Truly we must learn to think about what we think about. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 Paul says we are to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. Honestly, we are in a daily battle as to who will control our thoughts. And when we practice this most important principle of bringing every individual thought into captivity—making certain our thoughts stay within biblical guidelines—it is absolutely transformational. Most of your problems begin with wrong thought patterns, and so often you are unaware of it because you don't think about what you are thinking about. Philippians 4:8 gives us some clear guidelines for our thoughts. Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things (Philippians 4:8). The secret to controlling your thought life is to agree to these limits and to bring your thoughts into these parameters. These are guardrails for your thought life, and when you stay within those guardrails, you avoid lots of accidents, lots of problems. If you're driving on a mountain road that is curvy with steep drop offs, staying within those guardrails is the difference in life and death, right? In the same way, God has set boundaries for our thinking, and within those boundaries we have tremendous freedom. But when we choose to ignore the guardrails and drive wherever we wish, we lose our freedom because we become victims of our own wrong thought patterns. We find ourselves in a mental wreck of some kind, allowing wrong thoughts and thought patterns to steal our joy, ruin our peace, and cause us to say and do things that are not helpful. This is one of the most important and critical spiritual disciplines in the Christian life, and not too many of us take it seriously, to our own detriment.

You have everything you need. A good job, a house, the car that you want. Individual freedom to follow your dreams, be who you want to be, do what you want to do, go where you want, when you want, dress in the latest fashion—the god of freedom, an idol. Your desires define your path. That is your identity. And each day you strive to build on this identity because it isn't fixed. It evolves based on what you feel and think. There is no rest in this identity. It is an endless pursuit of self. The idol of self isn't like other things we can point to because the finish line is ever moving. We always want to be something or someone more than we are. How much are you thinking about these things? But when did this thinking of self begin? Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden'?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, “'You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil (Genesis 3:1-5). Eve. She desired to be something she wasn't, having knowledge of good and evil like God. It wasn't because there wasn't perfectly good fruit in the rest of the garden. Eve fell to the idol of self. Satan got her to overthink about all she could have but didn't. From that moment on, humanity began the race with itself, to run continually seeking to be something we are not. Overthinking about ourselves and forgetting to think about God. God created us in his image but not to be gods. Our present cultural norm of self-sufficiency says we don't need anyone or anything to be successful. God? Why would you need God in your everyday decisions and thinking? What we forget is this deception in thought started in the Garden of Eden. The basic definition of self-sufficient is problematic in and of itself. “Needing no help in satisfying one's basic needs, like food.” Last I checked, we are very dependent on not only others, but also on things wildly outside of our human control when it comes to food. Last I checked, we don't control the rain or sunshine required to grow crops. While we have created technologies to help supply water when there isn't any for crops or livestock during a drought, we control less than we believe. The secondary definition of self-sufficient is emotionally and intellectually independent. Eve was seeking intellectual independence when she ate the forbidden fruit. She wanted self-sufficiency. When I think about the Garden of Eden and the beauty, provision and abundance described, my mind drifts off to a place where there was peace and a oneness with the Lord. Yet Eve was tempted. In perfect communion with the Lord, she wanted intellectual independence from God! Thanks to Eve, we don't live in Eden, and ever since the fall, the volume of temptation to self-sufficiency has been dialed up to a fevered pitch with everything in our midst competing against our thoughts of God! Peace and oneness with him seem elusive, even for those of us who have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. Our days are filled with temptation to lean into idols that make us overthink about ourselves and think less about Jesus! Let's call these the idols of self. Basically, anything that prioritizes thinking of “self” above everything and everyone else, most importantly, thinking about yourself more than God. That fevered noise in our culture about how we can overthink ourselves is anything but peaceful. Appearance. How much are you thinking each day about your appearance? Has this become an idol of self? This can manifest in so many ways so let's just consider a few. Wanting to dress professionally and look nice for work is one thing, but has this become something that takes up a lot of your thinking? Do you worry about what other people are wearing? Do you comment on other people when they are dressed differently? What about your hair and makeup? Are you skipping devotional time with the Lord to make sure you look the best? Are you watching fashion reels on social media or shopping online instead of reading your Bible? Do you seek attention by what you are wearing and get an extra charge when someone compliments the way you look? On average, women spend between $1,500-$2,000 on clothing and $1,000-$3,700 on beauty products and services annually. Again, this is average, and most studies will tell you the more you make at work, the more you will spend on average. Other costs to consider are gym memberships and other cosmetic services many women are using to stay looking their best! None of this is truly “bad” but when you overthink it and it becomes an idol, anything good can quickly become a slippery slope leading you away from your identity in God and closer to what our noisy culture is demanding of you. Remember the Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). If you overthink your appearance, what does this indicate about your heart? Sovereignty. Are you someone that always thinks you are right? Is the sovereignty of self an idol for you? Even believers of Jesus can get caught in this overthinking that lives to expect others to function by their own moral compass. Even if your compass is Jesus, are you lording over people with your views and pushing them away from the true gospel with your rules instead of being loving. For there are many who are insubordinate, empty talkers and deceivers (Titus 1:10). The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth (1 Timothy 4:1-3). God's Word says these people must be rebuked! You cannot add “your rules” to God's truth! Lately, we have seen people's thoughts on full display through social media. Somehow, we have mixed culture and politics with a message about Jesus that truly does not add up. Judgements when others don't believe what we do or how we do are quick. When you spend time overthinking how other people aren't like you or doing what you want them to do instead of focusing on how God would want you to show up to those that are different from you, sovereignty of self may be an idol. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor (James 4:12)? We are not supposed to be the judge of others. This doesn't mean we should shy away from providing good feedback to others in a non-judgmental way, but we need to avoid thinking we are the end all be all! The only truth is in the Word of God! Only God can truly change things and the more we overthink about our way being the right way, the less we remember God's way! Self-Promotion/Pride. Unfortunately, many who are overthinking about their way being the right way have a significant platform for self-promotion. Even if you don't suffer with thoughts of self-sovereignty, are you thinking a lot about your next social media post or how many views, likes and follows you have? Is the idol of self-promotion taking ahold of your time? If you post something that you feel good about, are you overly disappointed if it doesn't perform well? Maybe you only receive one “like”. How does this shift your mood? Are you angry or discouraged? On the other end of the spectrum, let's say you have a following on social media—many likes and many follows. Are you spending more time thinking about these followers than you are about God? Beyond social media, how are you promoting yourself up at work? Do you think about the next meeting and how you will comment or get noticed? Do you worry when you don't get the last word or when another colleague receives accolades? If you lead a team, how do you balance taking credit or giving it? Are you an I or a we colleague? I did this or we worked together… The Bible consistently warns about self-promotion and pride and not thinking of others. Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted (Matthew 23:12). Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord. For it is not who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends (2 Corinthians 10:17-18) Remembering pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are; there is no God (Psalm 10:4). Bottom line, if you are thinking about exalting yourself and how it makes you feel, good or bad, more than you are thinking about what God tells you to do in his Word, you are overthinking about yourself! Covetousness. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about things you want or don't have? Even covetousness, a fancy word for jealousy, can be another way of overthinking about yourself. Described as a harmful spirit in 1 Samuel, jealousy can “rush upon us” when we least expect it. In 1 Samuel we learn how Saul is truly jealous of the attention David is receiving retuning from war. He is jealous of how people follow David, so much so that he seeks to harm David both directly and by sending him off to more conflict. Jealousy can create so many thoughts. I wish I had clothes like her. If only, I had the opportunities so and so had. I really like that car that he drives. How can I get these things, or how can I take the good attention away from someone else and get this spotlight on me?! Are you like Saul? Jealous and overthinking about how you wish someone wasn't as prosperous as you? Are you plotting ways to tear them down? Has a harmful spirit rushed upon your thinking? James 3:16 tells us where jealousy and selfish ambition exist there will be disorder and every vile practice. And this is not God's will for us! Remember, our God will supply every need of ours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19). God also chooses who he will exalt and when. We are just called to follow him! Overthinking about ourselves is isolating. Whether we are overconsumed thinking about our appearance, thinking we are always right, deciding how we can promote ourselves, or coveting what someone else has, we are simply overthinking about ourselves! All these ways of overthinking don't draw us closer to God or others. These patterns of overthinking can lead to isolation and even depression. We were created for unity with God and community with other believers. Now, how can we shift this overthinking? Releasing ourselves from the culture driven notions that self is the central most important part of our life is first. People and things can never provide for our central happiness! Seeking praise from others will always disappoint us! The gospel is the direct antithesis of the culture of self-idolatry. Jesus invites us to a beautiful life of thinking about him! Start with abiding. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. I am the vine and you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (John 15: 4-5). Abide in my love (John 15:9). In Jesus, you will bear much fruit! Without him, you will do nothing. Remember why you exist. It isn't to think about yourself. You were made for God. Life itself is amazing—a gift from God each day. Turning your overthinking about yourself to thinking about God will bring joy and fulfillment beyond what you can fathom!

Presented by Lauren Stibgen We cannot repair culture with politics, but this is not what the candidates for any political party want you to think. The effect your faith should have on politics should remove from politics what it can never deliver—a redeemed and perfect kingdom. When candidates or laws are up for a vote, are you filled with fear for what that change might mean? Do you catastrophize what terrible things may happen based on the outcomes of an election? In an updated article for October of 2024 from The American Psychological Association titled, “Fear: A Powerful Motivator in Elections”, it is clear fear is a primary tactic when it comes to an election.[1] Why? Because it works! The author points out this could involve factual or misleading statements about the other candidate or that a potential victory for the other party would lead to disaster. Even this article provides practical advice to check facts and, yes, turn off the news if you are feeling anxious and fearful! This is great advice, and, as a believer, you need to remember placing your hope in a temporal political candidate rather than prioritizing and trusting in God's sovereignty in all things can be an indication you are making an idol of the politics that are intentionally trying to make you fearful! Trusting in the Lord with all your heart and not leaning on your own understanding, submitting to the Lord in all ways and trusting that he will make your path straight can seem easier said than done (Proverbs 3:5-6). As believers we are promised that God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Trusting the Lord even if the earth gives way, and the mountains fall into the sea is counter to what culture tells us (Psalm 46:1-3). Politics promise to solve problems of social consequence like homelessness, hunger, poverty, human trafficking, murder, crime—and the list could go on. Like me, you have probably lived through enough election cycles to see the wash, rinse, and repeat. The promises and laws do not stop the injustice. “When the sin-sick soul stops being the central problem, then God's provision of the person and the work of Christ stops being the central solution. When the travails of the here and now become the central problem, then politics become the central means of providing solutions.”[2] This quote from the article “Christianity and Politics” by Dan Bryant summarizes what we need to remember as believers—our God saves, not man. — [1] Waldroff, K. (2020, October 13). Fear: A powerful motivator in elections. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/news/apa/2020/fear-motivator-elections [2] Christianity and Politics | Modern Reformation. (n.d.). Www.modernreformation.org. https://www.modernreformation.org/resources/articles/christianity-and-politics-2

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Do you excuse things that contradict your faith? What is important to God doesn't have a label or a party. It is not a temporary term, nor can it be solved by human hands. Being true to Christ means standing for truth and justice and being honest about the temporary parties and candidates we may be supporting. The politics of the day are quick to point out the “sins” of one candidate but excuse the actions of the other. Consider these verses in John 8. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now, in the Law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So, what do you say? This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And, as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is among you be the first to throw a stone at her. And, once more, he bent down and wrote on the ground. But, when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him (John 8:3-9). Behaving like the scribes and the Pharisees, are you excusing sin of a candidate in the name of perceived better alignment with your faith? This can be another indication that politics have become an idol. All sin and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Jesus calls us to recognize our own sins. I don't think it is a mistake the woman who committed adultery was standing one on one with Jesus when all the others had walked away. Jesus is the only judge and the only true “cure” for sin! How can you point someone toward salvation if you are excusing the sins of man in the name of winning? Instead of making excuses or comparing sins between parties, point out all sin is just that—sin in the eyes of God! There isn't one better or worse. While we know the woman in John 8 was an adulteress, we don't know the sins of the scribes and Pharisees. What we do know is they didn't challenge Jesus to make excuses for their sin being better or less than adultery! Focus on telling people how you pray for the candidate's recognition of their sin instead!

Presented by Lauren Stibgen From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers these things ought to not be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water (James 3:10-12). These verses in James 3 can apply to all the words we speak. Have you excused your words about politics and think they don't matter? Have you shared something on social media that is less than pleasant or something that incites a heated discussion? What about name calling and labeling of people? Your words can be an indication that politics have become an idol. While you may not be doing this at work, your personal life is far less hidden than it was in the past with the pervasive online presence most people have. In Matthew chapter 5, Jesus calls us to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute us. This includes candidates and members of an opposing political view. With fellow believers the conversations become even more divisive as we start to judge someone's level of justification and commitment to their faith based on who they voted for. You have heard this before. So and so cannot be saved if they voted for X. Only God can judge the intentions of someone. We cannot and should not. And God's Word reminds us not to judge, or we will be judged in return (Matthew 7:1-2). How can you self-examine first? How can you remove the log in your own eye before you look at the speck in your brother's (Matthew 7:3-5)? Believer or not, those that are on the opposing side of your views are also made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). Jesus calls us to love our enemies. This includes candidates and members of an opposing political view. Think about those around you at work who are believers in Jesus. Would your words reflect your calling as an ambassador of Christ? Remember, our ultimate goal is to make disciples—not of candidates but of Christ! What can we do instead? Remembering sometimes the most peaceful thing we can do is be silent and let God fight our battles. We can pray for those who persecute us. We can choose to see the best in others.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen Is your wellbeing impacted when a specific candidate or political party that isn't your preference has success? Are you bitter or depressed? Before we talk more about these emotions, I want you to consider what you are consuming. Specifically, if you analyze your last week, have you spent more time watching shows that talk about politically polarizing matters than you have spent in God's word? Are you listening to political podcasts, watching political reels on social media and endlessly watching replays of some event that has caused the latest uproar in your community or in the country? In 2025 a Pew Research study found that Americans reported 70% of the news consumed is related to government and politics! Overconsuming media that causes angst will most certainly impact how you feel. The weight you place on what you see on TV and social media and hear on a podcast or the radio can be an indication that politics is taking up way too much time. Colossians 3:2 reminds us we need to set our minds on things above and not on earthly things. We need to keep our identity focused on Christ and an eternal perspective to keep us balanced as we consume the mountain of political and government news on our screens both by choice and not. This doesn't mean we consume nothing, but we must pay attention to how it makes us feel. When we see perceived wins and losses in the spotlight, it is important to remember we are not to put our trust in princes or any human powers that cannot save (Psalm 146:3). Being overly obsessed with a political outcome or seeing your candidate win takes your focus away from seeing the people around you that you could be leading to a saving relationship with Jesus. And it can seem like you are breaking one of God's commandments. I am the Lord your God, thou shalt not have any God's before me (Exodus 20:3). Are you making a candidate a higher priority than God? Consider showing up for work after your preferred candidate experiences a setback or loss. How is your mood? Would your colleagues want to be around you or avoid you? Do you feel like you need to talk excessively about the results of this matter or can you let these earthly powers fade away so you can give a testimony about your faith? Talking about God more than politics and keeping our eyes focused on things above can help keep us away from politics as an idol.

Presented by Lauren Stibgen One thing we can all agree on these days is that things feel heavy. There are so many social issues breaking daily on the news, and the headlines can be polarizing. The polarization is most often political. As a believer in Jesus Christ, are you overthinking about politics? Have you made politics an idol? Let's explore some of the pervasive ways politics can become an idol and how we can turn to the Bible for wisdom. Why would I want to even touch this idol with a proverbial ten-foot pole? Because the real work we do at work matters for the Kingdom. A political candidate or a law will never save someone from sin. Only Jesus can. And living up to the greatest commandment to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves can get very clouded when politics becomes part of our identity—when they become an idol. A woman in one of my professional groups recently shared she was afraid to share her Christian faith because one of the churches in her community had been very outspoken about the local political climate. Being known as a Christian alone had raised so much angst in the community. By the numbers, over 50% of workers expressed concern over the impact of conversations about politics at work, but nearly 40% of U.S. workers have engaged in political discussions at work. Of this group, 60% report these conversations have impacts on productivity.[1] Add to this mix the other matter we care most about, sharing our faith. When these two topics blend, half of your audience will be concerned about the conversation and not in a good way. Can we keep politics in their proper place? Can we engage but still follow Paul's advice in Romans 12:2 to not conform to the pattern of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind? Have we conformed to the world so much that we have lost our salt? Do we behave too much like the culture around us? This is not about politics, but it is about how we can check in with ourselves to see if politics have become an idol in our lives. As followers of Jesus, we are called into a dual citizenship. How we represent our heavenly one matters. — [1] CivicScience. (2025, February 11). Pulse of the U.S. Workforce Report: Political Leanings Shape Workforce Experiences, Perceptions of Leadership, and More. CivicScience. https://civicscience.com/pulse-of-the-u-s-workforce-report-political-leanings-shape-workforce-experiences-perceptions-of-leadership-and-more/

How's your attitude at work? Attitudes are contagious. But the question is: Would anyone want to catch yours? I believe this is one of the areas we can have a strong witness on our jobs, if we can keep our attitudes where they should be. I'm thinking one of the toughest situations to deal with—one that can really affect your attitude—is when you work with someone who gripes and complains all the time. I mean, how do you keep from developing a bad attitude when that's what you hear all day long? It's the person who loves disasters and crises! They can turn a good day into a bad one in a minute. I’ve run into this kind of person on a job or two of mine. They gripe about everything and everybody and seem to really enjoy spreading any bad news they can dig up. Even when there’s something good happening, they’ll find something wrong and do their best to spoil it for everyone else. That person can get on your nerves after a while! Have you noticed when you see this person coming, you tend to get real busy or walk in the other direction? A complaining person is not someone you love to be with. We Christians can complain and gripe as good as the next person. I know how easily I can fall into that negative complaining mode. There’s a verse in the Bible that addresses this issue: Do everything without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14). Everything leaves no wiggle room, because it includes your unfair wages, the difficult boss, the annoying coworker, the way the company treats you, and even the weather! Complaining is such a waste of energy, and it’s stressful on you as well as everyone around you! What can a Christ-follower do if he or she works with an eternal complainer? You need to monitor yourself and not complain! If you're able to walk away or stay away from the complaining conversation that would help. Or maybe you are able to steer the conversation and brainstorm a solution, but sometimes that's not possible. Sometimes you need to set up some boundaries—especially if you've tried other tactics. A person who does her job without complaining is one of the strongest testimonies we can have for Jesus Christ. It says something about your integrity. I think complaining can easily slide into gossip, and you really don't want to go there. Studies show almost half of the people in the workplace report they really don’t like their jobs. I can just visualize those thousands and thousands of people headed out to their jobs each day dreading it. If you start your day with discouraging thoughts—telling yourself how much you don't like your job—the people you work with can see your bad attitude in your face and hear in your voice. Because you don't like your job so much, and maybe there's some good reasons for that, you probably won't do your job as well as you should and your performance will suffer. When you regularly don't do your job as well as you could, that is not only dishonest, but it's also a bad testimony. You really can't cover up a bad attitude. It keeps coming through even when you don't realize it. If someone is stuck in a job they really don't like, they probably have told themselves they have abundant reasons for not liking their job. Could be the work itself—maybe they find it boring and dull? Or could it be the environment or the people they work with? It could be there are some unhelpful or a difficult boss. We can think of lots of reasons, or excuses, that make us feel like we have a right to complain about our job! It's amazing how we can deceive ourselves—tell ourselves things that make us feel less guilty when we know we're not representing Jesus well. As our culture is prone to say, we have a right to our bad attitude. But whatever the reason, as Christians, we don’t have such a right. We are obligated by our commitment to the principles of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to work with all our might at whatever we’re doing, because ultimately, we’re working for the Lord, not for people. What would you say to the person who has been hating her job lately? First, remember God can help you with an attitude adjustment. You may not be able to change the things you don’t like about your job, but you can, by God’s grace, change your attitude. Your attitude is your choice. There's another thing I've noticed in myself and others, and that is how upset we get over the uncontrollable things that happen in our days! It’s one of our major energy leaks, and it can really ruin your attitude. I once read if you will control the controllable, you can cope with the uncontrollable. But how often do we get upset or irritated over things which are totally out of our control? Take note the next time you're irritated by someone or something. Are you losing it over an uncontrollable thing or person? I think you may be surprised to discover how often it happens. It's a total waste of time and energy. Trying to control the uncontrollable is a futile effort and all it does is put you in a bad mood. Then, while we’re fretting over things which you cannot control, you are losing control of the things you can control. For example, we can control our words and avoid saying things that upset or discourage others. But when we’re trying to control the uncontrollable, we often lose control of the words we say and end up saying things that are hurtful or discouraging. We can control how we think and bring every thought into captivity, but when we’re trying to control the uncontrollable, we lose control of our thoughts and start thinking of all kinds of negative, unkind, and untrue things. We must remember this: if we will control the controllable, we can cope with the uncontrollable. Focus on staying in control of the things that are your responsibility; when you do, you’ll have the strength to cope with those uncontrollable events in your day. How do you do that? The Apostle Paul gave us some very good advice: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7). If we really practice this principle on our jobs, we’ll have very good work attitudes, and in the process, we’ll reduce our stress, improve our productivity, and enhance our witness for the Lord. God’s Word is relevant to the uncontrollable things that will happen to you today; don’t forget it. The thing I've heard most heard from people is the problems they have with people. It reminds me of Charlie Brown's famous quote: “I love mankind. It's people I can't stand!” It just amazes me how many people don’t think like I think, don’t see things the way I see them, don’t hold the same obviously correct opinion that I hold! Scroll through social media long enough, and it's easy to think: “Why doesn't everyone see the world the way I do?” Often these conflicts can ruin our attitudes and drag us down rather quickly. We need some biblical responses to help us keep our attitudes where they should be—positive and full of grace. One thing I have learned to do when some person is bringing me down is to put them in another frame. To see them differently. This is a wonderful way to keep your attitude in good shape, and it’s right out of God’s Word: If you believe in goodness and if you value the approval of God, fix your minds on whatever is true and honorable and just and pure and lovely and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8, J. B. Phillips). Often when we must deal with unpleasant people, we focus so much on their negative qualities that we totally lose sight of their good ones. Another Bible translation says to think about the good reports. I love that phrase, because so often, I’m prone to think about the bad reports. The person who is causing you trouble right now—there is some good report about him or her if you’ll just look for it. Make yourself think about the good report, the new frame you’ve put them in. You’ll be amazed at how much easier it is to get along with them. Once you get used to this practice of re-framing people who are difficult, you’ll discover the great side benefits: Reduced stress, less anxiety, better sleep, happier days. You will benefit more than anyone else when you learn to re-frame and think about the good reports, not just the bad ones. Another thing I've noticed is the lack of gratitude—being thankful for your job, for all the good things God has given us. We can get so focused on the negative things about our jobs or other people, that we forget the good things. Gratitude is so important and will go a long way in keeping our attitudes in good shape. Lately I've become even more conscious of how important it is to simply be thankful. To thank God for all his goodness; and to thank others who contribute good to our lives. The Apostle Paul wrote: Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything… (Ephesians 5:19-20). Give thanks for everything. That's clear. Aren't you glad Paul didn’t say we are to feel thankful, because often those feelings just aren’t there? But we can still choose to be thankful by reciting words of thanks and refusing to allow our attitudes to get into the griping pits. It's good to remind ourselves we have a choice each day as to what our attitude will be for that day. It's so much more pleasant and peaceful and stress-free to keep our attitudes in good shape. Our attitudes are our choice, and we should make it a matter of daily prayer.

I began this program years ago to encourage and equip Christians to live out their faith on their job. And I've been examining the importance of avoiding certain mistakes many make in getting along with their boss. I know it's not always easy and I know bosses are not perfect. But I also know you will do yourself a great favor to avoid making some of these mistakes. I mentioned small things matter, and good manners is another small thing that can make a difference in how your boss sees you. The simple everyday manners of helping others, letting others go first, thanking people, showing kindness to others—those little things create an impression. Failing to pay attention to them can cause self-inflicted harm to you. This verse sums it up perfectly: For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man (2 Corinthians 8:21). I've given you seven mistakes to avoid, but since we all make mistakes, here's what to do when you have made a mistake: Acknowledge the mistake. Take responsibility and offer to fix the problem if it’s one you can fix. That may be something as simple as a sincere apology, but your willingness to take responsibility will speak volumes to your manager. Move on and do the best possible work you can, avoiding the mistake in the future. Don't wallow in guilt; put it behind you and learn from the experience. Don’t let the mistake shake your confidence so that you lose your ability to do your work. Remember, everyone makes mistakes sooner or later. Don’t hide behind your mistakes, but don’t hide under your desk either. Show your boss it was a fluke and that will never happen again. Then, make it a matter of prayer. If you are a Christ-follower, you have power through prayer and God's Spirit to put mistakes behind you and move forward.

Having held several positions with very different managers, I look back and acknowledge some mistakes I've made in dealing with them. I want to help you in dealing with your manager. Mistake No. 6: Going Over Your Manager's Head When I worked in IBM, we had an open-door policy. This simply meant any employee was empowered to go to their boss with any complaint, suggestion, or question, because the door was always open. However, the rule was you go first to your immediate supervisor, and if for some reason that was not satisfactory, then you could go to the next level of management. But if you decided to go over your manager's head and talk first to their manager, you would be immediately advised to first talk to your manager before taking it any further, and it would not be well received if you didn't do it that way. This open-door policy is a good one, I believe, in keeping communications open and allowing for grievances to be resolved. But first talk to your immediate manager. Don't go over their head. You may feel your manager will not listen and will not do anything about your situation, but until you have tried to resolve it on that level, it will almost always be a mistake to bypass your manager and go to the next level. Mistake No. 7: Failing to Pay Attention to the “Small Stuff” Remembering that perception equals reality, if you fail to do the things that create good impressions, you will do harm to yourself and your career. For example, dressing appropriately for your position. I know casual attire is very acceptable in many work environments, but even if that is true where you work, your casual attire needs to be neat, clean, modest, and coordinated. Looking sloppy or careless won't do you any good. Go the extra mile, if necessary, to give the perception that you care how you look and you take time to make a professional appearance. Take clues from your manager. If he or she dresses very professionally, that tells you they expect and respect that kind of appearance from those who work for them. Someone has said it's smart to dress a level above your position. That might be good advice in some organizations, and it would demonstrate you are serious about moving up in the company.

Have you ever seen someone do great damage to themselves by the way they treated their manager? I'm examining being smart, recognizing managers typically have power to help you or harm you and making sure you avoid some mistakes in dealing with your boss. I've covered three mistakes already: Don't complain about your boss, don't try to show them up, and be willing to make allowances for generational differences. Here's the next mistake: Mistake No. 4: Displaying Negative Attitudes in Meetings Now, let me begin by saying negative attitudes are always harmful, but I've noticed a person who seems to always have some negative comments in meetings can really do themselves great harm. Obviously, you should feel free to express your opinions and suggestions, but often it's the way you do it that makes all the difference. Someone told me early in my career if you're going to voice a problem, always follow it with a solution. You don't want to develop a reputation of always being unhappy with what's happening. Even if it just shows on your face, it is not working to your benefit. It is not to your benefit to be put in a “I'm never happy” mold. Proverbs 17:22 gives us some good advice: A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22). Keeping a generally cheerful attitude and demeanor will make you more attractive, more appealing, and someone people want to be with. Think about what kind of attitude you generally portray and make sure you come across as a person who sees the glass as half full! Your boss will appreciate that very much, I guarantee. Mistake No. 5: Not Being Able to Handle Feedback The only way any of us grow is to become aware of areas in our life that need improvement. That means we need feedback from our managers at times, even if it is a bit hard to handle. For sure, none of us enjoys being told we need to improve, but if you develop a reputation that you can't take honest criticism, you will stunt your growth as a person and in your career. Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid (Proverbs 12:1). Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise (Proverbs 15:31). Life-giving correction is the perfect terminology for constructive criticism, even if you feel it was not given in a good way. Be willing to hear and then truly consider any criticism that comes your way. Don't make the mistake of not being able to handle feedback.

How well do you get along with your boss? I'm sharing some advice to help you get along with whoever is in authority over you. We already noted how important it is not to complain about your boss. Here is mistake number two. Mistake No. 2: Showing Up Your Boss It seems some people think they have to show up the boss in order to make a name for themselves, but intentionally trying to outshine your boss is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. The exception to this would be if you discover your boss is corrupt or illegal in some way, which is rare. Otherwise, it is in your best interest to make your boss look good. Think of ways to make their job easier; when you can, go the extra mile to take some workload off them. They can help you or harm you, so be sure to avoid this mistake. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time (1 Peter 5:6). Making your boss look good may indeed require some humility on your part, where you don't get the credit you think you deserve. But it is one way to humble yourself, and that is a Christian discipline we all need to practice. Mistake No. 3: Not Understanding Generational Differences No doubt you have discovered different generations see things very differently! And frequently your manager's generation is not the same as yours. Whether older or younger, you can make some serious mistakes in dealing with your manager if you don't understand and make allowances for these generational differences. For example, punctuality doesn't seem to be as important to younger generations as it is to us in the older groups. We older types put a high value on being on time for work, for meetings, meeting deadlines, etc. Younger generations seem to be more “laid back,” as we say, and have an attitude that if the job gets done, we shouldn't worry about such small things as being on time. Believe me, if your boss thinks punctuality is important, you should make it important. I have observed people who truly did great harm to their careers simply by being unwilling to conform to reasonable expectations from their boss or company. Remember what I said yesterday—it's your job to get along with your boss not your boss's job to get along with you. That may sound a little strange to you, but for the most part, it is good advice.

If you are a Christian in the working world, working for someone else, I'm sure you know already your manager or employer can have a lot of influence on your success in your job and in your career. It just makes sense you would want to avoid any mistakes in that relationship, if possible, right? How much better to get wisdom than gold, to get insight rather than silver (Proverbs 16:16)! Wisdom is more valuable than money. Getting wisdom on your job is better than getting a raise! And Proverbs 13:10 says wisdom is found in those who take advice. I'm going to share a little wise advice that just might help you avoid some mistakes in dealing with your manager or employer—or the person in authority over you. Mistake No. 1: Complaining about Your Manager. I would say it is inevitable you won't like everything your manager does. There is bound to be something in their style or skills you don't agree with, or you feel is ineffective. I can tell you from experience, managers are easy targets for complaining and griping in most organizations. A man I worked with in my first sales job gave me a good piece of advice, which was: It's your job to get along with your manager, not your manager's job to get along with you. That probably goes against our culture today, but let me tell you, that attitude will work very well for you. I know not all managers are good at their job. I know not all managers are good communicators. And some managers or employers are pretty close to impossible. I know! But as long as you report to that person, you will do yourself a favor to remember it's your job to get along with your manager, not your manager's job to get along with you! One of the favorite past-times of many employees is to bad-mouth the boss and the company. If you're wise, you will avoid that like the plague. Ecclesiastes 10:20 says: Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say (Ecclesiastes 10:20). What wise Solomon is telling us is talking behind the back of someone in authority, saying things you wouldn't say to their face, will almost always backfire on you. Somehow those grumblings make their way back to that person, and they find out what you've said. Some little bird tells them! And that is a mistake you want to avoid.

Don’t think for yourself. I realize that sounds very backwards. How could it be right not to think for yourself? I certainly don’t mean we should allow others to think for us. That’s not what I’m saying. That’s just as dangerous or more so than thinking for ourselves. But when you and I understand the importance our thoughts play in our lives, then we start to understand how critical it is for us to think correctly. Our thought life is the place where everything else begins. Our actions begin with thoughts; our words begin with thoughts; our attitudes are formed by thoughts; our emotions are controlled by our thoughts. As we are reminded in Proverbs 23:7, what we think is what we are. Therefore, we need to be very certain we are thinking right! In order to think correctly, we’ve got to formulate our thoughts based on truth, based on someone we can trust, based on principles which are right and good. Now, I’d like to think I can trust my own self to think correctly, but the more I get to know me and the more I understand my human nature, the more I realize I am not qualified to think for myself. The Bible says in my own natural flesh there dwells nothing good of itself. I know I’m inclined to sin, inclined to be selfish, inclined to take the easy way out, etc. And besides the problem of the sinfulness of my nature, there are the limitations of my understanding and wisdom, which can cause me to think incorrectly if I think for myself. Therefore, if I try to delude myself into believing I’m capable of thinking for myself, I’ll discover it leads me into some real difficulties. Instead of “Think for yourself,” our motto should be “Think biblically!” Then and only then can we be certain our thinking is right, because the Bible is God’s truth, and the only reliable source for us. People who claim to think for themselves rarely do just that. When you see someone rebelling against their parents, or against rules and regulations or authority of some kind, or going off into some deep end, they often use the excuse “I’m thinking for myself and nobody’s going to tell me how to think anymore.” But what’s really happening is they are allowing some other person or group to tell them how to think instead of the ones who have been influencing their thinking up to that point. Rarely are they truly thinking for themselves. Don’t be misled by the attractiveness of this commonly-held belief that we should think for ourselves. It certainly appeals to our proud human nature, but it leads us to place a confidence in our ability to think correctly. The sad news is most of us don’t always think correctly on our own. We are all influenced by the world around us, the attitudes of others, the majority viewpoint, and in addition, our thought life is polluted by our own sinful nature. Add all that up, and you realize not only is it dangerous to think for ourselves, it’s also fairly impossible, for our thinking is inevitably a result of other influences. For Christians, we need to be certain our thinking is shaped by the Word of God and that we are influenced by what God has to say. There was one particular occasion in Peter’s life when he was thinking for himself, and the Lord rather sharply rebuked him for it. The story is found in Matthew 16 where Jesus is explaining it is necessary for him to be killed. Peter didn’t like that idea, so we read that Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!” Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.” (Matthew 16:22-23) In Peter’s mind, it would have been a total catastrophe if Jesus were killed. That wasn’t the plan at all, as Peter saw it. So, controlled by his human way of thinking, Peter began to rebuke Jesus; we’d say he gave him a “piece of his mind.” Unfortunately, by doing that, Peter demonstrated that his mind was under the wrong control and influence. In fact, Jesus said Peter had become an instrument of Satan by even suggesting Calvary was not necessary. Satan wants to control all our thinking, because he knows we are controlled by our thought life. Therefore, keeping us from thinking biblically is one of his primary objectives. Who is influencing your thinking today? Modern humanistic philosophies? People who are not godly? Ideas and attitudes that have been passed on to you by friends or family who don’t know the Lord? Even other Christians who are not thinking biblically? Check it out. Whatever controls or influences how you think is, in reality, controlling you to some degree. Romans 12 tells us we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we read we are to bring every thought into captivity, not let our thoughts run wild and free. Learning to think biblically should be the highest priority for every Christian. An obvious question is “What is biblical thinking?” Philippians 4:8 is a good place to start. It clearly defines what we should think about, and here’s the list: Things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. Now, I’d like to mention some areas of wrong thinking which don’t meet these criteria. Have you noticed how often we can start imagining what may or may not happen in the future? I can find myself playing out a whole scenario in my mind of the worst-case possibilities, and before I know it, I’m really worried and upset over what might happen to me. That is untruthful thinking; it is imagining the future and allowing those imaginations to cause me to be fearful. Many Christians have started to think very lightly of immorality because immoral lifestyles have become acceptable in our society. Someone was describing a movie to me and commented that a couple in the movie was having an affair, but this person noted it wasn’t the usual sordid kind of affair; it was a tender, more genteel kind. That’s an example of allowing the morals of our culture to invade our mind and cause us to think unbiblically. Any kind of affair should be viewed as impure and wrong by a person who is thinking biblically. Honesty is another area that has been under heavy attack in our society over the last few years. People tend to think of lying as relative; in other words, the situation determines whether it’s right or wrong to lie. And there’s the idea that little lies don’t really do any harm. I notice a great deal of our entertainment treats lying humorously. With all that around us, it’s easy for us to think about lying and honesty in unbiblical ways. How about it? Can you see some areas in your own life where your thinking has been influenced by the world around you, and you’ve lost your biblical mind? Part of the great gift of God to us when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior is the presence of God’s Holy Spirit living within us, and therefore, Paul says, we have the mind of Christ. That means we’re able to think like Jesus thinks. In order to think biblically, we must first of all have this mind of Christ within us. You can’t think biblically without the power of the Holy Spirit. Then, we must learn to carefully control what we allow into our minds, for the input determines the output. The computer world has taught us if you put garbage in, you get garbage out! Only as we feed our minds with the right things can we expect to think biblically. We will think about what we read, what we hear, and what we see, so if we are hearing, reading and seeing things that are not in conformity to biblical principles, obviously we’re going to think wrongly. You can fail miserably if you allow all kinds of immorality and impurity to be poured into your mind through television, videos, books, movies, podcasts, etc. It takes careful screening of the input into our minds in order to think biblically. It also takes what I call the Replacement Theory. When we start to think wrongly, and we know we should change, we must be able to replace the wrong thought with the right one. It’s almost impossible to just stop thinking about something, but if you start thinking about something else, then you can be successful at replacing the wrong thought with the right thought. That takes a set of your will to say: “I will not think about this any longer; I will think instead of this.” Many times, I actually talk out loud to myself and say, “Come on, Mary, you know you shouldn’t think about that. Now, stop it and think about this instead.” I can tell you the Replacement Theory works! There’s so much more to say about right thinking. In fact, I’ve written a book entitled Think About What You Think About. You'll find more information about it on our website, or you can order it from Amazon. I believe it will help you to learn how to think biblically, and if I can help you do that, I’ve done you a very big favor. Remember, thinking for yourself can get you into lots of difficulty. But thinking biblically will enable you to make good choices, right decisions, live a godly life, and know the peace and contentment that comes from right thinking. Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace (Romans 8:5-6). Biblically thinking guarantees us life and peace. I’d say the return on your investment is very profitable, and I encourage you to join me in a daily commitment to think biblically.

No doubt you've heard the cliché, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Contrary to that little couplet, words can indeed hurt and they can hurt deeply. And you know, once words are spoken, they can never be unspoken. One of the most Christ-like things we can do is to think before we speak so our words don't hurt others. I've been encouraging all of us to make it a habit to think before we speak, and to help us remember to do that, we're offering you a bracelet which simply says think. By wearing it, it is my hope we will all get better at thinking about what we're going to say before we say it. Using the acronym of think, we've seen our words should be T – true, H – helpful, I – inspiring, N – necessary, and finally: K stands for kind: We need to think about how we can say what we have to say in a kind way. How many times have words been spoken to you in an unkind manner, and while the message itself was not necessarily a problem, the words or the tone of voice used to send the message were very hurtful. Oh, how important it is for us to think before we speak. Ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone said that to me?” Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up (Proverbs 12:25). When you're getting ready to speak, ask yourself if the words you will speak will cheer someone up, encourage an anxious heart. In Proverbs 15, we read a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. It is amazing to see the difference it makes when you think before you speak, and you choose words that are gentle and kind. Those words become words of life, and they are pleasing to the Lord Jesus. What do you think? Can we get serious about thinking before we speak? It will make us more like the Lord Jesus, and we'll be a much more effective witness for him. If our think wristband will help you to think before you speak, then please contact us and we'll send it to you.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body (Proverbs 16:24). If we all made it a daily practice to think before we speak, our words would be more gracious, and gracious words have power to bring peace in stressful situations and healing to our bodies, because stress is reduced by gracious words. To help us prevent words coming out before we think about them, we are offering a simple wristband that says think. My hope is by wearing this wristband, you will be reminded to pay attention to what you are getting ready to say and make sure it is appropriate. And we're using an acronym of the word think to help us evaluate our words. T is for true; speak only what is true. H is for helpful; make sure your words will benefit those you speak to. I means speak inspiring words that will encourage others. And now: N is for necessary: Speak only what is necessary. In other words, don't talk too much. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues (Proverbs 10:19). But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned (Matthew 12:36-37). Talking too much can be a real problem. They tell us that women talk more than men, and if that is true, we women need to be doubly careful about how much we say. We don't need to fill empty spaces with empty words. Silence can indeed be golden, and for those of us who are talkers, we need to take seriously this exhortation to speak only what is necessary. I think we're all aware that a person who talks too much is not a person we particularly enjoy being with. Listening to others is the skill we want to develop, so we give others the respect of listening to them instead of inflicting our unnecessary words on anyone who happens to be near. Before you speak, think “Is it necessary?” You'll probably say fewer words!

Have you inspired anyone lately? You may not think about it in those terms, but each day we have opportunities to inspire people. To inspire them to be kind, to inspire them to be encouraged—and on and on. And usually that inspiration comes through the words we speak. We're talking about how to think before we speak, so when we speak, we say the right things in the right way. And to help you think before you speak, we have some wristbands that say, “Think.” We'll be glad to send you one of these to help you remember to think before you speak. The Bible has lots to say about guarding our words carefully, and this wristband reminder may help you do that. We're looking at an acrostic of the word think, which can help us determine whether we should say what we're just getting ready to say. T means true, make sure it's true. H means helpful, make sure it will benefit those who listen. And now: I is for inspiring: Will your words inspire the person who hears them in some way, even if it's very small? If not, maybe you don't need to say them. Now I need to make it clear I'm talking about inspiring someone for good purposes, because it's possible to inspire someone to do something wrong. But how wonderful it is when someone speaks inspiring words to us. I remember a day when I particularly needed some encouragement, out of the clear blue a friend simply said something that inspired me. It gave me the encouragement I needed at that moment to keep on keepin' on, as we say. I often try to remember to say anything nice I think, whether it's a compliment on someone's outfit or a word of appreciation for their help. If you're thinking something nice about someone, then why not express it in words and then you speak words of inspiration. If we think before we speak, we will not only be careful not to say things we should not say, but it will remind us to say those inspiring things that we often think but don't say. Remember, your words have power; use that power wisely to inspire others. They will come back to you in a wonderful way.

The Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death. When we speak before we think, we often use our tongue as a death weapon. I'm encouraging you to think before you speak, and we've even made some bracelets for you to wear which say think. It's a good reminder to carry with you all day, so before you speak you make certain what you say needs to be said and is said in the best possible way. This acrostic for think will help you think before you speak. We already saw T stands for true. Speak only what you know to be true. H stands for helpful: Are the words you're just getting ready to say going to help anyone? If not, don't say them. Ephesians 4:29 is one of the most powerful verses in the Bible, in my opinion, and if we practiced it, we would think before we speak. It says, Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Some time ago I began praying this verse into my life, and I encourage you to do the same. Then I noticed when I would start to say something, I would often hear that inaudible voice of God's Spirit saying, “Is this going to help anyone else; will it benefit those who listen?” That has caused me to stop in the middle of lots of sentences, as I realized I didn't need to say what I was planning to say because it wasn't helpful to anyone else. Can you even imagine the wonderful changes that would take place on our jobs, in our churches, and in our homes if we determined not to speak any words that were unwholesome, that did not benefit others? That would eliminate griping and complaining; it would keep us from nagging people; it would cause us to stop passing on gossip. My goodness, it would make a difference in the way we live. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. It's so much easier to swallow those unhelpful words than it is to try to recover from them once they are said. If it's not helpful, just don't say it.

My professional career began with IBM, and they had a motto then which was conspicuously displayed all around the offices. It was one simple word: “Think.” Just “Think.” I remember wondering why they would choose such a motto for the company. Doesn't everybody think, I thought. Now I understand the importance of that simple one-word motto, because often we just don't think enough. For example, how frequently are we engaging our mouths, saying things without thinking? And that usually ends up causing all kinds of trouble. A friend once told me her teenage daughter and she had agreed to each wear a bracelet that says think, as a way to remind them to think before they speak. I got to thinking about that and decided it was a good idea. We have some bracelets for you, our listeners, that say think, to remind you to think about what you're going to say before you say it. This could have dramatic positive results for all your relationships. Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3). Perhaps wearing a bracelet that says think will help us to set guards over our mouths, so we think about what we say before we say it. I want to give you an acrostic of the word think, to help you determine whether you should say what you are starting to say or not. We start with: T stands for true: Is it true? Do you know for certain what you are just about to say is true? If not, don't say it. If we think before we speak and determine we're not sure what we're about to say is true, this will eliminate most gossip. Gossip is usually something we've heard but don't really know for sure, but we freely pass it on. After all, it's juicy and we just want to tell somebody that juicy tidbit. But if we start to think before we speak, and ask ourselves, “Is this true?” we'll go a long way to eliminating gossipy talk, and that's a very good thing.

For quite a few years I have been telling this on-going fictional story of Fran and how she learns to turn to Jesus for wisdom and guidance in every area of her life. Fran is a young widow, a single mom with two children, and a demanding job. Through the struggles of her everyday life, she is learning to practice the presence of Jesus and look to him for guidance in every area of her life. Today is not such a good day for Fran. In fact, she is at the point of tears as she comes back to her office from a business meeting with her most important client. Closing her door, she plops in her chair and brushes away a tear that tries to escape. “Why did he say that to me?” she says out loud to herself. “Why would he be so cruel to me? I worked so hard on that promotion, and he shot it down without even listening to my idea!” “Feelings hurt today?” Jesus softly asks, though of course he has no need to know since he knows everything. Fran is again reminded of his abiding presence in her life. “Well, I don’t know if it’s my feelings that were hurt…” she stammers; “I think it was the crass insensitivity and unprofessionalism of Mr. Andrews. He was unnecessarily brutal.” “Your feelings are hurt, Fran,” Jesus states. “Might as well admit it; nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone gets their feelings hurt from time to time.” “Well, yeah, I guess he hurt my feelings. I mean, I've worked so hard for that account, and before this, he liked everything I did,” Fran explains. “Now out of the blue he hits me with this response—so unfair, you know.” “What exactly did he say?” Jesus asks. “You were there, Lord,” Fran replies, with a bit of frustrated sarcasm. Jesus laughs. “Yes, but it would be good for you to repeat what has upset you so much.” Fran feels ashamed of her inappropriate reaction. “I’m sorry. He said I had not researched this promotion adequately, and he was not comfortable going with my idea until I did my homework.” “And what was wrong with that comment?” Jesus asked. “What was wrong? I had an entire report backing up my idea. I did my homework. I always do my homework. That’s what’s gotten me where I am; everybody knows Fran does the job right,” Fran responds. “A bit defensive, are we?” Jesus quietly asks. Fran doesn’t like where this conversation is heading, so she suddenly gets busy with her work. “Nobody understands me,” she mumbles to herself, all the time knowing it’s not true. She's not yet ready to give up her pity party! As she’s leaving the office that afternoon, her friend, Alice, pops in. “Hi, want to grab some pizza tonight with the kids?” “Oh, Alice, I’m so glad you came by,” Fran lights up. “I was going to call you and see if you could come over tonight. I need to talk with you.” “What about?” she asks. “Oh, I had a rough meeting with Mr. Andrews. I need some advice,” she replies. They make plans for Alice to get the pizza while Fran picks up her children. After a time with the kids, some homework assignments, and a Bible story, Fran gets Drew and Alice to bed. Then the two of them settle down for their long talk. “Okay, let me have it,” Alice says. Tears start to come to her eyes again and Fran says, “Oh, it’s probably no big deal but Mr. Andrews really let me have it today in front of everybody. You know that big promotion I’ve been working on? Well, he said I didn’t have sufficient research to proceed. He told me to ‘take it back to the drawing board,’ to use his words. He said there were too many unanswered questions.” Fran pauses and looks at Alice, waiting for her response, still fighting to hold back her tears. Alice nods and says, “And…” “And what?” Fran raises her voice. “Isn’t that enough?” “Well, I mean, is that all he said?” Alice asks. “Don’t you think it was very rude and unprofessional of him? I mean, in front of everybody,” Fran says in frustration. “Who was there?” Alice asks. “His assistant, Bernie, and Jim from the Art Department,” Fran says. “Uh, huh,” Alice cautiously responds. “That’s not exactly ‘everybody’, Fran,” she says. “Oh, you just don’t understand, Alice!” Fran is angry. “I guess you’re thinking it was just an overreaction.” “Come on, Fran, give me a break,” Alice says. “How about giving me a break and trying to be understanding?” she says. “Okay, I want to be understanding, but I’m just not sure what Mr. Andrews said that upset you so much. Maybe you just had to be there or something.” Tears start down Fran’s face. “Alice, don’t you understand, he said I didn’t do a thorough job and…and…” “And you always do a thorough job,” Alice says quietly. “Yeah, I’m beginning to get it.” She quietly says, “Do you want me to pray about this with you?” Fran knows prayer is long overdue, but on the other hand, she doesn’t want to give up her pity party! However, she hesitatingly says, “Yeah, please pray.” As she listens to Alice’s prayer, Fran’s defenses start to break down. “Fran,” she hears the voice of Jesus, “truth sometimes hurts, but remember, truth sets you free.” Jesus has told her that before, but once again she needs to be reminded that facing the truth, painful as it may be, is always the best way to go. After Alice finishes, Fran prays, “Dear Jesus, I hate to admit it, but I’m wrong. I overreacted again. It’s one of my worst weaknesses, and I don’t think I’ll ever get control of it. Please forgive me. Mr. Andrews had every right to say what he did, and I just blew it out of proportion.” She finds it difficult to continue; Jesus whispers in her ear, “I understand; you don’t have to say any more.” “Thank you for understanding me even when I don’t understand myself,” she says as she finishes her prayer. Fran looks at Alice. “Do you think I’ll ever learn not to overreact?” she asks. “I mean, I seem to do it all the time. In retrospect I can see how silly it was of me to read so much into Mr. Andrew's comments.” “Well, I think you delight the Lord because you’re always honest and real with him, Fran, and you come around fast,” she says. “I’ve never known anyone as honest with herself as you are.” “Really?” Fran is surprised. “I never thought about it that way.” “You're such a good friend, Alice. I really appreciate your honesty with me and helping me see what I need to see about myself. You know, I was trying to tell my dad about it this afternoon on the phone, and he really didn't get it. But I just attributed that to the difference in the way men and women handle things like this.” “What do you mean?” Alice asks. “Well,” Fran answers, “we women tend to be more subtle and careful about the words we choose because we know how easily our feelings can be hurt. I think men tend to simply state facts and let the chips fall where they may, so to speak. Therefore, what Mr. Andrews said about me not doing a complete job really hurt my feelings, but a man would see that as a simple directive—something to be expected. Don't you think that's true, Alice?” Alice thinks about it a minute. “Well, it sure makes men sound terribly insensitive, which they can be sometimes, I'm sure. But it's also part of our personality and how much we are personally affected. I have to admit, I couldn’t see why you were that upset over it. But then again, it wasn't me there having to listen to what he said, so I could just be more objective at that moment.” Fran starts to laugh. “Isn’t it crazy how differently we see things,” she comments. “His comment hurt my feelings so badly; I took it very personally, but you heard it as just a simple business decision. You're right. When our toes are stepped on, it tends to feel much more personal!” Some good lessons learned. Proverbs 16:20 tells us, whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord. You can see why Fran overreacted to her client’s remarks. He challenged her in the one area where Fran felt she excelled—her attention to details and her competence at doing her job. Fran has done very well in her company because of these good qualities, and subtly, without realizing it, she had started to take some pride in herself for her achievements. Pride is such a deceitful snare. It sneaks up on you while you’re not looking. The very gifts God gives us can become points of pride in our lives, when we begin to think we’ve done something ourselves. And so, this somewhat painful meeting Fran had with her client punctured that pride and the poison came oozing out. But, as humbling as it was, it was a very good lesson because Fran was able to see it for herself and recognize her pride before it got too far out of hand. Maybe you too need to learn to control your reactions. If you find yourself speaking hastily when you’re upset, getting your feelings hurt too easily or exaggerating incidents to be much larger than they are, start praying that God will help you not to overreact. Frankly, I’ve been praying that for myself for years and though I’m not there yet, I’ve made some progress in the right direction.

When it's time to say “no,” how can you say it without offending anyone? I've examined the difficulty many of us have with saying “no.” As we close this topic today, I want to talk about the best way to say “no.” None of us like to disappoint people; we want to be cooperative and helpful. Saying “no” is not easy because we know it is not what the other person wants to hear. But when you know it is the right thing to do, you must be assertive and courageous enough to look them in the eye and in a kind way say “no.” I think you need to give some explanation, but not too much. When you keep defending your “no” response, it shows a lack of confidence in your decision. Remember, it is not likely your “no” will be happily received, so don't have unrealistic expectations. But soften the blow as much as possible, empathize where you can, offer alternative suggestions if available, but make your “no” a true and understandable “no,” not a wishy-washy response. Be sure you've prayed about it, that you have your own emotions under control, that your reasons for saying “no” are pure, not selfish. Think in advance of what words you will use—words that make it as palatable as possible. Proverbs 16:21 says sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness, so choose your words carefully. In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling says, “Men and women who are humble enough not to take themselves too seriously are free to say no as well as to say yes.” That's a good word for us all. Don't take yourself too seriously and be humble enough to say “no” when you know it's the right thing to do.  

Why is it hard for us to say “no”? In her booklet on saying no without guilt, Alice Fryling points out “We get instant affirmation from saying yes. We get personal stimulation from the idea of meeting a challenge, using our gifts or tapping into our creativity, and we avoid the unpleasantness of having to say no.” This hits the nail on the head for me. I learned some years ago one reason I was trying to do so much was to hear the accolades and affirmation I received from others. Those comments feIt good; I liked them and I wanted more. I wanted the affirmation of people; it fed my ego and made me feel good about myself. But for years I was deceived and didn't realize what was behind much of my activity—good activity, ministry activity. The Apostle Paul wrote to the Galatians, am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ (Galatians 1:10). You must decide who you are trying to please. If pleasing people is your goal, if you need the affirmation of others to feel good about yourself, you will always be in bondage to those people, whoever they are, and you will never fully succeed. It's impossible to please people all the time, no matter how hard you try. But the good news is, it is possible to please God. And I've discovered that when my priority is to please God, I typically please more people that way than when I try to please people! Search your heart today if you are plagued by this difficulty of saying “no,” and ask God to reveal to you why it is so hard for you to say “no.” You may discover some unlovely motivations there, but in so doing, you will uncover truth that can set you free!

I'm digging into a topic: how to learn to say “no.” Many of us have a lot of trouble knowing how and when to set boundaries, and we end up trying to be super-people and find ourselves exhausted, discouraged, depressed, and ready to quit! Ephesians 2:10 says we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God ordained in advance for us to do. We are here to work; we are created to bring glory to God through completing the good works he has planned for us to do. Laziness or indifference is never acceptable for a disciple of Jesus Christ. But by the same token, we are in human bodies which have limitations and when we start trying to do things that are not on God's to-do list for us, that's when we get in trouble. In a very helpful booklet entitled “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt,” Alice Fryling makes some important observations: “Jesus does not intend for us to carry the heavy burden of ill-fitting good works. If we were to join him at the dinner table, where he did much of his teaching during his life on earth, he might remind us that we do not need to do everything, that burnout is not his idea of obedience and that by God's grace even a little bit goes a long way.” I like her term “ill-fitting good works.” I find I am often self-deceived into taking on too much because what I'm taking on is good. Someone needs to do it; it is not a trivial pursuit. But is it an “ill-fitting good work,” meaning it doesn't fit me? Ms. Fryling goes on to say, “In fact, as we take on Jesus' yoke, we find that the work we are yoked to do has been custom-made for us.” When you are doing those good work, you may get tired, but you won't be overwhelmed. Jesus does not call you to do more than he will equip you to do under an easy yoke. When your “doing” gets to the stage of being a burden, no matter how good it may be, then you have to stop and ask, “Where and when should I say ‘no'?” I would encourage you to think about areas in your life where you have not yet learned to say “no.” Perhaps it is on your job or with your family or friends. If you've allowed yourself to come under a heavy yoke, I urge you to begin the process of saying “no” where you need to.

Do you feel as though you are always carrying a load of responsibilities and work that keep you exhausted and frustrated? If that describes you, it could be because you've never learned how to say “no.” I often think about the difference between my lifestyle and that of my grandmother's. She worked physically harder than I do, I'm sure, but her lifestyle was much simpler. Not easier but simpler. She never drove a car, was never a soccer mom, and had no time for much outside of her home except church. While I wouldn't want to go back to that time, there are things I envy about her lifestyle. Our society has placed a yoke upon us through remote controls, computers, microwave ovens, smart phones, and now AI—to mention a few. As Alice Fryling puts it in her booklet “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt”: “Laptops, iPads and cell phones promise an easier life, but in reality they deliver increased stress and pressure. Physicians and psychologists tell us that our bodies are not designed for the constant input of our technological age, for being always ‘on.' We need ‘down' times when our adrenaline can subside, when we can muse and dream and be restored. But the God-given rhythms of day and night, work and rest, have been usurped by technological potential.”[1] Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Ask yourself: “Whose yoke am I under: My own self-inflicted yoke of busyness, trying to please people, trying to multi-task and meet all my deadlines, or the yoke of Jesus, which is easy?” That doesn't mean you're never busy or tired; Jesus was often weary from the pressure of people and preaching and healing. But he knew when to say no and when to get away for rest. Learning to say “no” appropriately means learning when you must shut down for some time of restoration—a few hours, a day, a week. And yet, if you're like me, you tend to feel guilty for taking down time when you still have things to do! This is false guilt; we need to recognize it and refuse to be in bondage to it. — [1] Fryling, A. (2002). Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt [Review of Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt]. IVP.

Do you have difficulty saying no? Many of us feel obligated to be everything everyone thinks we should be and do everything everyone thinks we should do! For years I thought I was supposed to do whatever anyone asked me to do—period! I can assure you if you think like that, you'll end up in burnout territory, desperately trying to jump through everyone's hoops, and discovering, as you pick yourself up off the floor, you really are not superwoman, and you have to learn to say no. But how—and when? I recently came across a small booklet by Alice Fryling entitled “Too Busy? Saying No Without Guilt.” The title caught my attention, and the content really spoke to me. I want to share some of her insights, as well as my own, if you struggle with how and when to say no. The first lesson to learn is it is okay to say “no.” Jesus said, All you need to say is simply ‘Yes' or ‘No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one (Matthew 5:37). There are times to say “yes” and times to say “no,” and our challenge is to learn the difference. In fact, Jesus told people “no” on several occasions, disappointing some no doubt, perhaps even angering some, and leaving his disciples wondering why. For example, in Luke 12, when a man asked him to settle an argument he was having with his brother, Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Jesus said “no,” not because he couldn't do it, but because it wasn't what he was called by God to do. We begin with knowing what is our responsibility legitimately and what is not. For example, on your job there are times when you necessarily do things that are not within that job description, but if you are continually doing the work of others or getting side-tracked into projects not your own, you may discover you have difficulty doing what is rightfully expected of you. If this is the case, you need to determine the best way to say “no.” Your approach and choice of words would be critical, but until you learn to say “no,” you'll never bring that job under control.

The studies and articles aren't new. In fact, the first workplace gender research started in the 1960s and 1970s. Men and Women in the Corporation by Rosabeth Moss Kanter was considered one of the first academic studies on gender differences in work behavior and opportunity, and this was in 1977. This conversation is as old as me, but I would like to remind you that women at work is not a construct of the early world wars and industrial revolutions as you may have been taught. Women and men working together started with creation in Genesis 1. Men and women were created to work together. In Genesis 1:26-27, we see the beautiful work of unity in creation. Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and every other creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So, God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. When we read the verses about creating man, he created both male and female in his own image. Not men exalted above women or women above men, but creation in his image, in unity. If we don't look to the beginning, it is easy to look at the ways that culture and society have created norms about work. The reality is these are not God's norms for men and women. The next verses in Genesis 1: 28-29 further frame God's plans for man and woman: And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.' God gave man and woman an equal command to work in unity. You already know that once sin crept in, this unity was forever broken. Sin impacts this sacred creation in every way, and our cultural norms which have been forming since the 70s continue to impact how men and women work together. What does this sin look like within the context of work? What is causing the continued gender bias issues for women? The answer doesn't start with work; it really begins outside of the office and is part of the cultural and societal brokenness between men and women that has systematically and year after year found its way into our work. With my aim being unity between men and women as advocates to solve this issue, I wondered, who were the leading male voices for gender equality at work. One name that came up was Tony Porter. Tony is the founder and CEO of A Call to Men. He seeks to teach systemic change for between men and women in society. In an article published on his website, “Is your Organization Unintentionally Reinforcing Gender Bias at Work,” Tony states this, “…the workplace is a microcosm of society—a society where men and boys are collectively socialized to view women as objects, as property and as having less value than men.”[1] This blanket statement is not felt by all women, of course, but as a whole, it sums up that sin and the brokenness of not seeing men and women created equally in the image of God is at the root of the issues still facing women today. Fortunately and unfortunately, the Bible is full of cultural examples of both unity and brokenness between men and women. If we look at the Word of God, we will all struggle to understand some of the terrible injustices women faced including being taken by force into marriage, raped, and being cast out of society. Again, at the moment of the fall, the unity and sacred relationship between men and women fell, and it fell hard. But, for every hard-to-read passage of Scripture about injustices for women, there are beautiful examples of how God used women and work for the glory of his kingdom. Women played an important role in the formation of the early church where they not only served the disciples with hospitality but also provided money for the ministry and teaching of the good news to their families. The grandmother and mother of the disciple, Timothy, are mentioned by Paul. 2 Timothy 1:5 reads, I am reminded of your sincere faith which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also. Today we live in a culture not so different than biblical times. Women around the world still face terrible injustices, not only at work, but in society. Harassment, gender pay gaps, interviews and promotion biases all still exist, but there are people trying to drive change. Another name that came up as an advocate for women at work is the former CEO of Unilever, Paul Polman. He spoke about visiting a tea plantation where female workers were being abused or sexually harassed. When policies failed, he put female supervisors in place so that the women no longer needed to go to an unsafe work environment. This was within the last 5 years. What are some of the more nuanced impacts women face at work? In a Forbes Women article from May 15, 2025, by Eva Epker the continued gaps between men and women at work are highlighted. With parenting and caregiving still being a primary responsibility of the mother, a study found that three years after childbirth, 90% of fathers were in full-time work, versus only 27.8% of new moms. Another study noted 41% of female participants experience discrimination in a hiring process including gender-biased and inappropriate questions. Mental health and the lack of mentorship opportunities for women, continue to be part of this conversation.[2] These examples remind me of some data from the 2023 McKinsey study on “Women in the Workplace” that discussed the large impact microaggressions can have on women at work.[3] Microaggressions are defined as demeaning or dismissing comments or actions rooted in bias, directed at a person because of their gender, race, or other aspects of their identity. Women experience these more than men. For example, a woman is two times more likely to be interrupted in a meeting and spoken over than a male counterpart. We keep having the same conversations, and the results of the studies improve but not in a significant enough way to truly make change. One of my observations is that both secular and faith-based organizations often take a one-gender approach to gender biases. More specifically, women are talking to women about the lasting issues and implications about gender bias at work, and men are rarely part of this conversation. Working women, and more narrowly, Christian working women aren't having the conversations needed to redeem this sacred unity at work, and they aren't having them at church either. I have been to women's leadership conferences, both secular and faith based, and at only one was there a focus on women in the workplace where men were part of the discussion and workshops. This was a faith-based conference. I was able to find one opinion article in Time from July 18, 2023, titled “Modern Gender Equality Must Include Men.” The lead heading “Gender equality can only happen when women and men are advancing toward that goal together.”[4] Shelley Zalis conducted online research about men's attitudes and the results showed that 53% of men believe that workplaces in the US should be doing more to eliminate bias in the workplace. I agree that we need unity between men and women that lead to solutions. As Christian leaders, how do we work on this unity while at the same time navigate the current brokenness in the workplace for women, Christian or not? First, we need to remember we are called to address the issues of the poor and oppressed; we should not turn a blind eye to this matter. Isaiah 58:6-7 exhorts: Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Are you hiding yourself by simply being unaware? We are called to care. What are some of the ways we can continue this conversation? Perhaps shining a light on the benefits of women at work can be a start. Companies with gender-diverse leadership show an increase in average revenue. The McKinsey study notes that companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on their executive teams are 25 percent more likely to have above average profitability. Women have always been wise, and, as Christian leaders, we should tell these Bible stories about the working women God used for his kingdom. Perhaps these examples can inspire and show God's plans for women and work to others. And we can see how women and men worked together through their examples. Deborah was a judge and a leader. She worked in unity with Barak to go into war for Israel (Judges 4 & 5). Miriam was a leader of worship and worked in unity with Moses and Aaron to lead the people of Israel during the Exodus (Exodus 15). The Proverbs 31 woman embodies a long list of attributes that benefit her husband including: rising while it is still night to provide for her family, investing wisely, dressing well, being confident in her merchandise, caring for the poor, and being strong and wise. Mary was the first to see the resurrected Jesus and bring word to the male disciples (John 20). Lydia, in Acts chapter 16, was a seller of purple cloth and worked in unity with Paul to help the early church. This is not an exhaustive list! Women have always worked, and they have done so alongside men. I know most of you may not be in a place to share these examples of Bible stories as inspiration at work, but you can start this change within Christian spaces. Men and women can lead by sharing these examples of unity in God's plan with other Christians. We need to start having more conversations about how God used men and women in our faith-based spaces. We can explore these issues together to find ways to lean into and lead the change in our workplaces. Even if we cannot share the stories, we can share facts, and choose to engage: First, pay attention to the data and actually care about the data! All these studies include a what can we do about it section, and the advice centers around providing women resources to engage with including development, mentoring, counseling for stress, benefits that support caregiving, and more. Next, think about how you may be contributing to this issue as a man or a woman. Are you engaging in behavior that may be considered microaggression? Did you know that simply commenting on what another woman is wearing to work can impact her? Or assuming a female colleague's mental state or home situation? If we are honest, as women, we have absolutely contributed to our own issues with gender equality at work simply by tearing each other down. Most importantly, lead with love! As a believer in Jesus Christ, we are called to love our neighbors, and an easy love checklist is found in the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Both women and men can act on this! For the women, engage in a conversation with men about this topic. For men, engage in a conversation with a woman on this topic. Let's lead by the biblical examples of unity! — [1] Kay, M. (2020, August 17). Is Your Organization Unintentionally Reinforcing Gender Bias at Work? A Call to Men. https://www.acalltomen.org/is-your-organization-unintentionally-reinforcing-gender-bias-at-work/ [2] Epker, E. (2025, May 14). What's Holding Back Working Women In 2025? Same Obstacles, More Anxiety. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/evaepker/2025/05/14/whats-holding-back-working-women-same-obstacles-more-anxiety/ [3] Mckinsey & Company. (2024). Women in the Workplace. McKinsey; McKinsey & Company. https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/diversity-and-inclusion/women-in-the-workplace [4] Zalis, S. (2023, July 18). Modern Gender Equality Must Include Men. Time. https://time.com/6295453/modern-gender-equality-must-include-men/

There are so many studies about the Proverbs 31 woman and aspirations to be like her. She is a powerful example of a working woman from the Old Testament, and she is an important example of male/female unity between mothers and sons and husbands and wives. Maybe you aren't a mom or son or wife or husband, but the foundations of unity between men and women are found in this chapter and show us God's heart for male/female unity in his kingdom. This proverb was taught by a mother to her son, the King Lamuel. I think it is important to note the unity between the mother and son—the importance of this male/female relationship. She's imparting on him rich wisdom and outlines for him the importance of unity with a woman who fears the Lord. The unity between this man and woman—husband and wife—shows trust, gain, and good. The Proverbs 31 woman is a smart worker. She provides for her home. She invests and burns the proverbial candle at both ends. She gives to the poor and makes sure those working for her are provided for. She even dresses well! This woman is so well known that the man she is in unity with is “known” at the gates. In addition to her work, she shares her wisdom and teaching. Her husband and children praise her! This is a long and exhaustive list. And it is a very good example of many of the Christian working women I know. There are many lessons we can take from this chapter, but let's consider the unity the Proverbs 31 woman has: unity with the Lord, her husband, her workers, her community, and her children. In all these relationships, unity is part of her success. God wants us to be in unity with our closest male and female relationships. He wants his daughters to teach and his sons to listen to their wisdom. He wants his daughters to fear him and seek trust and unity with others. He wants his daughters to work, serve the poor, and provide for their families. He wants us to be kind and not be idle. God created us in his image. Male and female, he created us. And, just like the unity of the trinity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, he wants us to live in unity with others. How can you create more unity with the closest men or women in your life?