The Ascertainers

Send us a textOf course, we mean RUNNING races, which is what we end spending an unusal amount of time discussing.  We do talk about drummers too.Beyond middle ageBreak in routineAttitude AdjustmentGolfNewt's--What's your favorite burger???Memorial Day ToastThanks for your service, MarkSteve Tyler vs Kenny the Jet revistedChatGPT decides the winnerPompatusHigh Diving With the StarsParental AdvisoryFooled Around & Fell in LoveWe might have a Meatloaf problemThe Drummer partFoo FightersD.A.R.E.HBD Mark#Newt's#JensonCreativeTheAscertainers@gmail.comLike our theme music?  Here's some full-band Feegee:  Othernthat and  Neck Bolts

Send us a textWe were recently reminded that we are a technically a music podcast, so we set out to talk about our favorite 4 piece rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's.  In the words of Burt Reynolds (as played by the late, great Norm McDonald): Bon Apetit.How are we talking about Meatloaf again??Powered by Newt's, Apple ValleyErrors & OmissionsSteve LukatherKenny Smith vs Steven Tyler:  Who wins in a race?Wolves Fever--Catch It!RIP Joe Don BakerA boy named TitanWhich one is Kool?Retro chicken reviewFour Piece Classic Rock BandsPink Floyd, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, The Who, The Beatles, Black Sabbath, Cheap Trick, Queen, Van Halen, Foghat, REMThanks for listening--go to our Facebook page and Like and Follow if you please#NewtsAppleValley#IcebergsGive us an earful:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comIt Might Get Loud | Official Trailer (2009) - YouTubeRIP Joe Don Baker  Walking Tall (1973) Official TrailerA little light on this sort of content this week, so please take the Ron Swanson Challenge.  See how far you get without laughing:  Ron but he gets progressively more Ron | Parks and Recreation

Send us a textMad Men era slogansSelloutsShoutout sister KarenMark's epic guy moveChoose your regretWhy Jim was bad in schoolOsmosisNew Burger at Newt's is worth your attentionTouche' CoryYour Zebra (the band) leaderAmyl & the Sniffers concert reviewAnother Alice Cooper storyCheck out Sheer Mag (see below)Shoutout Troy GThe HR Dept at the Vatican#Newt's#BassSlutYell at us:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comChevrolet Trucks "Like A Rock" Commercial1988 Michelob "After Midnight" & "Nighttime Is the Right Time" TV ads - YouTubeSnatch (2000) Official Trailer 1 - Brad Pitt MovieJim Gaffigan: “I'm Too Lazy” - Full Special    Go to 18:24 mark for the Pope as a kid bit.Amyl and The Sniffers - Jerkin' (Party In The Paddock 2025) - YouTubeSheer Mag - Free at Noon (Full Performance)Michael Winslow - Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin Original HD (Senkveld med Thomas og Harald)The Prisoner - Trailer

Send us a textTonight, we're joined by Jim's wife, Kris.  She brings her cheery personality and fact-checking skills.Spring has sprungNew friend at Newt'sAttitude AdjustmentIt's still just myriadDr Hirt and Dr PayneHernia checkErrors & OmissionsBelichick's chickThe BlobChubby CheckerOscar RulesFlufferTV TalkPeter WolfPaul Revere and the RaidersBar conversation etiquette#Newt'sTell is what you think:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comExcellent David Spade bit:  Hernia - YouTubePaul Revere and the Raiders: Powder Blue Mercedes Queen

Send us a textGoing into this one we each had a bad feeling....Don't take romance advice from a duckJ Geils Band ShoutoutSoul Asylum Mark can't stand itErrors & OmissionsHull peopleB-52'sHe writes the songsElton and BerniePat K's Plaid Shirt (as seen at Newt's)Newt's--try the Peanut Butter Bacon Smash BurgerNutty BuddyContact:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt'sAppleValleyMN#TheScarletGoodbye#WillieWiselyJ. Geils Band - Must Of Got Lost - 11/5/1977 - WinterlandSoul Asylum - Just Like Anyone (Official Video) - YouTubeThe Scarlet Goodbye  "The Ballad Of Julie Ann"  Wille Wisely  I can't sleep knowing I'll never sleep beside you 

Send us a textJim's brother Jeff joins us for his 4th guest spot.  Kind of an odds n ends episode with some decent laughs.Powered by Newt's Apple ValleyThe Man's MallRobbie Robertson--good guy or dick?Billy PowellColumbia Record ClubSlap ShotWide World of SportsF-1 racingJim's fear of work finding outKirk CousinsStone FruitRadio Game update--still not fully bakedJim's Jesus Journal  Mark's Music Minute--Humble PieThe hot one from ABBATheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#HeadEastBest of Ron Swanson - Parks and Recreation | Comedy Bites - YouTubeMuscle Shoals - Official TrailerThe Russian Five Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips IndieBlind Faith - Can't Find My Way HomeMax Webster - Battle Scar

Send us a textThe post-colonoscopy episode.  Let's see if Jim sounds like he's not as full of sh1t.Procedure notesMet a legend at Newt's (shoutout Greg and Bonnie)Newt's--Legendary BurgersHow not to invite a potential guestMost strangers are probably cooler than you Mark pulls "The Dentist"Bacon denierErrors & OmissionsMore Kris Kristofferson factsWe pause on the Radio Game--stay tunedMark's Music Minute--Pink FloydSong creditsThank you / Sorry#Newt's#EchoesFeedback:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comPink Floyd (Echoes, Live at Pompei)

Send us a textAnother one where we record two in one night--this one is number two (in more ways than one?).March Madness (a little late)NamesStreet games / Improvised basesChildhood injuriesNewt's--where it all beganRIP Fountain Valley--we need a new golf courseThe Last Radio Game?Machete guyWas Hi-Fi Kenny the original MyPi11ow guy?Kris KristofersonMac DavisYet another reference to It all Begins With a Song#Newt's#HowDidThatGetInThereRefunds:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comAUSTIN POWERS Clip - "Pump" (1997) Mike MyersDid the MyPi11ow guy rip off Hi-Fi-Kenny? WIFC FM 95.5 Hi Fi Kenny Ad Dec 1982Kris Kristofferson & Johnny Cash - Sunday morning coming down (1978 Johnny Cash Christmas Show)It All Begins With A Song (Trailer)

Send us a textWith local radios station 92KQRS changing formats, we are preparing for the demise of the Radio Game.  Probably a victory for our listeners, but Mark and Jim are taking it kind of hard (pun not intended).Medical Minute:  Colonoscopy PrepMr ScienceRIP Leonard NimoyKQRS format changeJim's buddy won a car on the old KQDon't let the door hit you Howard SternThe positive side of change (it's possible)VoltairePat K's amazing email!The Final Radio GameNewt's--The Wonton Burger.  So good!!!Shoutout to our DadsMark's jogging updateBert and ErnieAnn MargaretRomper Room and tennis racketsZingers#Newts#WhatAnIncrediblyLongWriteUp#ThisEpisodeMustBeAwesome##ItsJustOKFeedback (a/k/a--Be more like Pat K):  TheAscertainers@gmail.comSwingers - Pancakes in the Age of EnlightenmentANN-MARGRET: 'Shot Gun"It's all fun and games until the guy from Saw comes out: Tootsie Roll Mintees Commercial (Kukla, Fran & Ollie, 1975)

Send us a textTypical mindless banter followed by a rare, important message to men.  We almost got to Dire Straits.Student of comedySpring has sprungA message to potential guestsRomper RoomNewt's--Smashing BurgersFish Tacos--Costanza-styleInternational SensationsErrors & OmissionsReal Genius reviewIt All Begins With a Song (Documentary)Medical Minute--Jim's PSA on the PSA testDire Straits#Newt's#MoonRiverBon Jovi on rhythm guitar!  Scandal-"Love's Got a Line On You" Version 2Who's Behind the Door? by Zebra HDMark gets a shoutout.  Lucky.  1984 Romper Room Magic Mirror ClipHow Mark eats fish tacos.  The Snickers Bar - HQI thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest. Are we not?Great Documentary.  It All Begins With A Song (Trailer)

Send us a textWe had an impromptu 5 person recording featuring Mark, Jim, Jim's wife Kris, son Alex and Daughter-in-Law Sara.  Ambitious topic of Comedy Movies meant we had to get to the topic in record time.  Fun episode--hope you enjoy.It all starts at Newt'sErrors $ Omissions (including an error in real time)Radio GameASMR definedComedy Movies   Monty Python & the Holy Grail, Best in Show, Rat Race, The Princess Bride,   Dumb & Dumber, Goldmember, Borat, Planes Trains & Automobiles,                   Zoolander, Young Frankenstein, Animal House, Stripes, Real Genius,    Napolean Dynamite, Airplane, Old School, The Goonies, Hot Rod, The In-   Laws, Wayne's World, Honey I shrunk the Kids, AnchormanHostess snack cake breakdownOreo's tooShoutout Mark KReach (around) us: TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#CostcoI thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest. Are we not?Tom Jones - (Down with the Sickness)Dobie Gray - Drift Away (Original Official Video)Hot Rod-Two of Hearts Full - HD

Send us a textYour boys took a field trip to go see Becoming Led Zeppelin at the theater and boy are our arms tired...  Jellybean strategies--a complete guideErrors & Omissions--Rock & Roll Hall of Fame editionShout out previous guest, CharlieNewt's promo--NEW BURGERPete Townsend Rough MixRadio GameBecoming Led Zeppelin--two thumbs upControversial takeContact us at:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#NewtsAppleValleyMinnesotaYouShouldTotallyGoThereForaBurgerOrMaybeJustaBeerWhateverManItsYourLifeDoAsYouPleaseNowhere to run - Pete Townsend and Ronnie LaneDown By The Seaside - Led Zeppelin

Send us a textToday we are joined by OG listener and former guest, Charlie from the neighborhood.  You can tell he's more comfortable this time around and it was a fun one to record.Mark "lost" his notesParking paddleTyrone "Ty" Chee and other martial artsIt's Take Your Kid to AC/DC DayHibbing MN factsMN State High School Hockey TournamentCharlie commands the Newt's promoWeed in MNRadio GameRIP Gene HackmanNew math and old mapsRock n Roll Hall of Fame nomineesGive us an earful at:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#CurdBurger#Hibbing2024 Minnesota State High School All Hockey Hair Team Presented by Duke CannonGrateful Dead referenced in Rush's induction speech.  Go to 7:30 timestamp (I'm sure Mark's pumped about that!)  RUSH - 2013 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. RUSH Performances, Finale and "Backstage"

Send us a textThis is one of those where it is the second episode recorded on the same night.  Traditionally these are a little loose.  This one is no exception.#1 podcast on Jim's blockThe BeltIce fish trip weekend recapMark's medical team--Dave and LucasJohn Mayer--cool guy or dick?Music Theory 101:  AC/DCMark's buddy, Eric"A combination of Conway Twitty and Ron Jeremy"Tai ChiRadio GameInstrumental Songs:  Jessica, Frankenstein, Always With Me Always With You, Black Mountainside, The Great Gig in the Sky, Eruption, Spanish Fly, Sweet Jane Intro? Sirius, YYZLet us know what you think: TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#ConwayJeremyCheck this space later for cool links referenced in the episode.

Send us a text"We've been letting people down for 99 episodes!"     --Jim"It's all ball bearings these days"     --The guy from Ajax (a/k/a Gordon Liddy, a/k/a Irwin M. "Fletch" Fletcher)International sensation.  G'day Mate!MyShirt (it took us 2 years to develop...)Our origin storyWhat you need to do your very own podcastAngel Heart sidebarYou can't go wrong with Think Drink DisneyJust Do ItBig thanks to Newt'sMichael KeatonRadio GameOld errors & omissionsShould have studiedWith apologies to Scandinavia and all of Europe#Newt's#ThinkDrinkDisneyComments or whatever: TheAscertainers@gmail.com80's Ads: Formby's Furniture Re-finisher 1986Podcasting USB Mixer with Bluetooth Review Pyle PMXU83BTAngel Heart | Official Trailer 4K Restoration | Starring Mickey Rourke and Robert De NiroThe Subterfuge Won't Last

Send us a textThis one is another where we recorded two episodes in one night.  Since this is the second of the night, the language gets a little rough (earmuffs for sure).  Sorry, Mom.  Also, thanks for listening!Post-middle ageAI proofPowered by Newt's home of the best burger in Apple Valley, MNStand-up comedy traumaDo comedian's think they're funny?SNL current cast reviewFridaysRadio GamePro Bowl blowsSoccer / Rugby / Formula 1Super Bowl predictions#Newts#SwearJarFeedback:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comMark at a stand-up show at the 2:55 mark:  Nick The Lounge Singer Sings Star Wars Theme - SNLBob Newhart Telephone Scene from the 1962 Film "Hell is for Heroes"Yes - Leave It (Official Music Video)Austin Powers SteamrollerMADtv - Stuart: Tee-Ball - YouTubeBonus: Because Will Sasso was in the Stuart sketch above and he does my favorite Jesse Ventura imitation:  The Fighter and The Kid - Will Sasso as Jesse Ventura - YouTube

Send us a textToday's effort begins with a heavily edited story about Jim's rodent exploits.  It goes downhill from there.Powered by Newt'sKayla and BobShoutout Jenson Creative for our kick ass shirtsPerfume ads and other lady stuffErrors and OmissionsRadio Game"He really grew into his looks"The world's worst guess on who sang I Can See Clearly NowMerle HaggardBad at mathWhat's on your mind? TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#SorryForTheSwearsAsk for Donny and tell him we sent you:  JENSON CREATIVEThe First Edition : Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)Hothouse Flowers, "Don't Go," on Letterman, February 28, 1989 - YouTube

Send us a textBig week for The Ascertainers.  Your boys hit the town to attend a Bee Gee's tribute show and looked fabulous!  We also got our t-shirts in, so we feel more official.Not much of an update this week, other than (for a change) we both thought this was a pretty good episode--some laughs, some good-natured ribbing (phrasing), and of course, we break down our favorite Bee Gee's songs.  They have a more impressive catalog than you might think.With the time I saved on this write up, it will allow us to get to Newt's faster.  Totally worth it in my humble opinion.  After missing out on Newt's last week, we're extra-ready to get back.Thanks for listening.  Check us out on Facebook!TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#NightsOnBroadway

Send us a textFeeling a tad overconfident from our last couple of episodes, we leave home without a map, compass, or a clue as to where we're going.  And you get to listen to it.  ENJOY!What's another word for Thesaurus?Mouse alertNewt's--Lovely Burgers!Earth Wind and Fire--Seriously??Errors & Omissions3.2 beer explainedDebbie DownerPolitical theoryR.I.P Bob UeckerRadio GameClassical influences in rockGordon's and Curt'sAscertainer's shirt updateIn case of emergency:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#GordieHoweHattrickBob Uecker Shares a Funny Story About FootballLetterman Norm MacDonald s Bob Uecker StoryBob Uecker Funny Scenes in Major League #comedy #funny #funnyvideo #funnyshorts

Send us a textRecorded on New Year's Eve.  A masterclass in distraction.Newt's--Come for the Toast PointsThe Evil Knievel of Fish TacosPitcher NightErrors and OmissionsRadio GameBeer StoriesReach us at TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's

Send us a textSo, we were planning on saving this one for Episode 100, but let's face it--there's a pretty good chance we don't make it that far....  We welcome half of big-time rock band feegee--the ones who do our theme song--Alex and Paul.  They did a great job, but somehow, Jim found the need to talk way too much.  The Ascertainers theme, live and unpluggedAwkward IntrosTop-notch Kids In The Hall ReferenceNewt's--Lovely BurgersFriendship ForensicsMusical RootsRadio GameSummerfestCa$ualOutroContact us:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#WelcomeToTheTwinCities#feegee#TVForDogs#Ca$ual#Pierre#BungtrackVOICEMAIL - FEEGEE | MUSIC VIDEO  (our guests, Alex on guitar, Paul on bassMolly's Worst Enemy- "Incubus" Live at Little Elephant (Paul on drums, Alex on bassCasual - Solidtude / Already Down / Spent / Come Around (Live From Garth's Living Room)  (Paul on drums)Pierre - "Mortified" (Alex on steering wheel)Bungtrack - Killing in the Name (RATM Cover) @ Benderz Bar (Alex on bass, Paul sharing vocals)

Send us a textWe kick off 2025's first episode with an array of sighs.  Seems about right.Daylight Savings Time: The days aren't the only thing getting longer--amiright?Pull tab bluesNewt's--It's the place to be!Pat K shoutoutSpaceX vs NASATime ZonesRadio GameYacht Rock Documentary on MAXChristopher CrossMichael McDonald / Jimmy Fallon experimentTotoSession ManThat's not Yacht Rock?Yacht Rock Web Series see link below.#Newt's #HappyNewYearLet us know what you think:  TheAscertainers@gmail.comSession Man Session Man - Showtime - 1991Check this out!  Yacht Rock Episode 1  From the 2005 web series.

Send us a textThis one comes in a little hot at the start.  Possibly the grind of 92 weeks or so of Friday night recording sessions is taking its toll?  Nah, we got back on track quickly enough.  Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah and has a Happy New Year!  Thanks for listening!Typhoid MikeDave Foley Cameo  (check out link below)Errors and OmissionsNewt's--Smash Burger Fans Unite!Mercury riffRIP Jim FixxRadio GameChristmas Movies:  Christmas Vacation, Elf, Scrooged, Home Alone, A Christmas Carol, Jingle all the Way, Bad Santa, The Christmas Chronicles, Any Hallmark Movie, The Santa ClauseTrans-Siberian Orchestra controversy?Shout out to Think Drink Disney!  Give them a listen if you like anything Disney!The Minnesota Goodbye#Newt'sA message from Mr. Dave Foley:   https://www.cameo.com/recipient/674d2d53bea47fd96e2a52bcThe original Kids in the Hall sketch, featuring Mr. Dave FoleyKids in the Hall - S03E08 - Freedom of Speech ("You use the word 'ascertain' too much.")

Send us a textThis one was recorded in a matinee session the day after Thanksgiving.  Hangovers were in play for two of the three involved.  Jim's brother, Jeff is our guest.Canned cranberryScurvyAlmost a sports podcastShoutout Bill SNewt's has a new Burger called the Power Trip Morning Show Burger--go eat it!Radio GameAfter school stuff as kidsGilligan's IslandSnacksCartoonsMN Vikings Love Boat IncidentTaco talkHigh School hi-jinxStation wagonsTell us what you think-really:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#Velma

Send us a textWe follow up the delightfully wholesome matinee episode with Jim's Mom with this s**t show of debauchery.  Right on brand and maybe a little over the line (which, by the way, is the brand) there are laughs to be enjoyed on this one.  Bon apetit.Fueled by red beerOld home week at Newt'sSweet Hot Chicken SammyErrors and Omissions--tooth talkBands that shuffled the line upDeep Purple, Pink Floyd, Journey, Whitesnake, The Who, Rush, The Beatles, Gin Blossoms, The Refreshments, The Doors., Lynyrd Skynyrd, Judas Priest, INXS#Newt's#RedBeerPlease let us know what's on your mind:  The Ascertainers@gmail.comAC/DC - Touch Too Much (Official Video)Zoolander reference:  "Asian gang".. "I'm pretty sure it was... Asian."Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers - "Banditos" LIVE (High Quality)You're welcome:  Sublime - Saw Red with Gwen Stefani (Live at the KROQ Weenie Roast 6-17-1995)

Send us a textIt's the beginning of the Holiday Season so we asked Jim's Mom, Ellie, if she'd like to join us and class up the joint a bit.  We'd like to have Mark's Mom on, but her agent is playing hardball.  Shout out Apple Valley License BureauAge gapsNewt's--Jim goes rogueMore George Washington tooth talkThe Hands StoryThanksgiving favoritesRadio GameThe ChinDrivingLife During WartimeFirst carsHeartbreakerMake a Difference!#Newt's#HappyHolidaysComments/suggestions/admonishments: TheAscertainers@gmail.com

Send us a textWe got our years a little bit out of order, but this week is 1979 albums.  The fall off between 1979 and 80 is kind of the beginning of the end, so we need a new premise.  Some decent laughs on this one.  Enjoy--and thanks for listeningYou had ONE jobMccarthur ParkNewt's Seriously Great BurgersBoat pissBootleg wineSinger transitionsPink Floyd history lesson1979 Albums--AC DC, THe B-52's, The Cars, Supertramp, Led Zep, Pink FloydGet in touch with us at TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#LakeSuperiorRichard Harris - MacArthur Park (Official Audio) | Featured in Beetlejuice BeetlejuiceAccept - Balls to the Wall - YouTubeBon Scott (The Valentines) - Build Me Up Buttercup (1969) - YouTube That's Bon Scott on backup vocalsKids in the Hall - S03E08 - Freedom of Speech ("You use the word 'ascertain' too much.")

Send us a textHere we go on a first of two recordings in one session.  We haven't done a double in a while, and next week you'll find out why.  Original plan was to talk 1979, but time got away, and we improvised.Bootleg/Pirate RadioPurple People EatersMark goes blueLet us salvage your weekUSA!Ta Daah!Newt's:  Contract discussionsRennaissance FairBack to Newt's--Pulltab winners!Radio GameWho doesn't like Loverboy?Apologies to our last guest, Jeff SIt's a Beautiful Day in the NeighborhoodGuess Who fun fact1980's Albums--Not the worst, but a big drop offTell us what you really think:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#TheyMeanBusiness#TellCoryWeSentYouXanadu--not the good one:  Olivia Newton John Xanadu Original Version Remastered HD (1980)Kyle Kinane (referenced--go to 1:00:15):  Kyle Kinane: Whiskey Icarus - Full Special 

Send us a textWe were overdue for a guest, so we invited neighbor Jeff from WI to come on and impart his wisdom on us.  We were going to talk about state stereotypes, but we wound up just shooting the breeze and learning a thing or two about MN's neighbor to the east.  We'll do music next time.  Special guest neighbor JeffNobody preparedNewt's--featuring Cory the ComedianAll the best, MJMark's civic dutyJim's chili winRadio GameRIP Quincy JonesWI/MN streerotypesJeff ate a smokeVikings/PackersNow you have a friend in the robotics businessNo bonersRIP Leinenkugels beerDairy farm factsHome, Health, Hands, Hendrix#Newt's#CampingTheAscertainers@gmail.com

Send us a textFollowing up on the smashing success of our inaugural Mount Rushmore series, we explore 1978, which happens to be a very strong year for rock music.Jim forgets his dollar--againMount Rushmore explained--againAnother thanks to feegee for our original theme musicPat K's email Eddie Money missNewt's--Apple Valley Minnesota's premiere juicy burger, ice cold beer, fresh-popped popcorn and always hot pulltab box Emporium.  Check 'em out--but leave two spots at the bar for The Ascertainers if you please.Daylight savingsRadio GameHighland, NY listener--who are you??1978--what a year for rock albums!!!  VH, Cars, Journey, Dire Straits, Boston, Al Stewart....., George Thorogood, Cheap Trick, Police, Molly Hatchet and more!Thanks to anyone who has listened!  We really do appreciate your support.TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#SockTalk#BobPizzaThe Ascertainers pick for best song from best album of 1978:  Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love (2015 Remaster) - YouTubeBecause 'Merica:  Gator Country - YouTubeAnd one for the female listeners (if we ever get one):  Journey - Patiently (Official Audio)Just for fun:  California Man

Send us a textInstead of just talking about cool albums from a great year, 1977, Jim decides that we come up with a definitive top 4 each.  Mark did not understand the assignment, which is as entertaining as it is disappointing.Mark's red beer in his giant mugVikings choke againIceland's famous Penis MuseumNewt's was HOPPING!Shoutout neighbor AmyMark feels bad about hammering Kansas and the headphone guy from the barBreadbasket shot on national TVRadio Game--ho hum, another winner!!1977 Mount Rushmore of cool albums--Skynryd, Fleetwood Mac, Steely Dan, Foreigner. Rush, Jackson Browne, Steve Miller, ClaptonBalls on his vestRamones failTheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#ThePhallologicalMuseum  The Icelandic Phallological Museum#HopeTheDickMuseumBecomesASponsor

Send us a textLook, they're not all first round picks. OK?--Allen Gamble to Terry Hoitz, The Other GuysIt's not your faultMark starts swearingRight in the breadbasketNewt's--Pull tab Winners!PUP list for curling is apparently a thingRadio Game--Newt's staff picksHeadphone guy at the barAnother Shark Tank idea1976 Rock Albums--Boston, Leftoverature, 2112, Hotel California, Frampton Comes Alive and moreTheAscertainers@gmail.comFirst Round Picks:  The Other Guys: He can't believe his work partner is married to someone that beautiful (youtube.com)Because Jim does these write ups:  Rush - 2112 - 12/10/1976 - Capitol Theatre (Official) (youtube.com)#Newt's#HePulledHisKnäsena#Gargle

Send us a textIt's Episode 82 already.  You'd think the product would be far better by now.  There are actually a few good laughs on this one, so please enjoy and thank you for listening!Venus FlytrapMark's musical frustrationsJim's airport reunionMN Vikings remain undefeated at 5-0Go Lynx?Jim's wreath kidThe Schenker brothersNewts--Apple Vally MN's Premier Burger, Beer, Popcorn and Pulltab EmporiumRadio GameBoogie Shoes1975 Classic Rock AlbumsBorn to Run, Physical Graffiti, Toys in the Attic and moreSend us your favorite rock ballad:  The Ascertainers@gmail.com

Send us a textBack at it after a week off.  Give it a listen to see if it made any difference.Visit to the Corporate OfficeNewt's Come for the Burgers, stay for Sara's new hair style!"Up North"Shoutout Jim's old friends Bruce S and Rob KHow will the Vikings blow it this year?RIP Pete Rose--they made an example out of youUpdating "the list"Heaven's GateRIP Kris KristoffersonRadio Game1970 through 1974 Classic Rock AlbumsLed Zeppelin III and IV, Black Sabbath Paranoid, Who's Next, Doors, Dark Side and moreFrank Zappa--the original Jesse Ventura#Newt's#Budgie#HawkwindTheAscertainers@gmail.comSunday Morning Coming Down Kris Kristofferson & Johnny Cash - Sunday morning coming down (1978 Johnny Cash Christmas Show) (youtube.com)Queen, It's Late Queen - Its Late (youtube.com)Neighbors, The Doors scene "Neighbors" (1981) Earl sees Captain Vic cooking spaghetti (youtube.com)

Send us a textDue to our very demanding social calendars, we couldn't record on our normal night, so we grabbed this episode off the top shelf of the pantry--next to the Cream of Tartar and coffee filters for a pot no longer owned.Mark's movie review of GoShoutout to Mark's buddy and former Ascertainers guest, SteveAre we killing off rock stars?Sorry Rachel MaddowEmphasize the knobSnoop Dogg takeoverNewt's--Also has SaladsCook it yourselfRadio GameShoutout Dillinger FourSingers who should have hung it up earlierYet another Rush monologue#Newt's#PilotKnobRoadClassic Chappelle Show skit:  Chappelle's Show - The Wayne Brady Show - Uncensored - YouTubeGordon Street: Wayne's World 2 (10/10) Movie CLIP - A Real Actor (1993) HD (youtube.com)Did Green Day rip off Dillinger Four?:  Green Day Ripped Off Dillinger Four (youtube.com)

Send us a textWe think we may have found a loophole to play music without being sued.  Stay tuned and save up bail money for us just in case.Newt's--still #1 in our hearts, livers and stomachs.  Go there!Should we go green?Mark spurs international tensionThe big watchPickpocket vs Peeping TomRadio Game*Who's better than Rob Halford?Hooked on a FeelingObscure Rock Facts/TriviaBrian JonesSpinal Tap and Grateful Dead share dark connectionTravelling WilburysMount Rushmore of Underrated bandsThanks for the text Charlie!Longest running fan club**You'll never guess what Mama Cass and Keith Moon have in commonGive us a piece of your mind at:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#Titanic*An Ascertainers exclusive**Besides The Ascertainers

Send us a textToday we are joined by multi-episode guest, Jason.  This one is the second attempt of the night as the first one got a little too real (colonoscopies were discussed).  This one is pretty fun, though.Apologies to Dr SeussJerry Garcia's nubRadio GameFirst 8oo8 witnessed in a movieNational GeographicNewt's--Jalapeno Popper Burger.  Give it a try!Yes shoutoutInfluential Albums: Kiss, Grand Funk, Paul McCartney, VH2, Motley Crue, Supertramp, Def Leppard, Black Sabbath, Rush, Grateful DeadCar StereosDrop us a line at TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newts#Kleptos#StatuteOfLimitationsBackstage with Rush:  Jason Segel & Paul Rudd Meet Rush (youtube.com)The Ripper:  The Ripper (Live) (youtube.com)

Send us a textDripping with overconfidence from the previous episode, our heroes realize that luster will soon fade, so they barely even try on this one.  They lean into the suck.  Enjoy!Another one bites the dustBest of the worst?Easily DistractedErrors and OmissionsNewt's--Legendary TotsRadio Game --the pot growsJim's non-partisan political observationsCheck out these ballsSongs with names in the titleThe Layla "discussion"BangkokSuggestions:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#ForgettingSarahMarshall The weather outside is weather - YouTube#IsHeDown? Luke Bryan's cameraman be like ....

Send us a textTaking a rare break from music (pause for laughter) to bring you a universally popular topic--Pizza.  Of course, we get to it and then distract ourselves a time or three.  During Errors and Omissions, we get very close to passing out while laughing.  Sci Fi philosophyJim's gets his podcast review from MarkJay MohrBrokeback denialNewt's promo--we again get sidetracked, but maybe it's working?Errors and omissions--Donkey talk that gets out of handRadio Game--MARK WINS*Fleet Farm explainedPizza talkA few left and right turns while talking pizza, but we tried to stay on track*Mark won with Led Zeppelin, but left the money in the pot so a guest can win it.  Also, next week Jim will be the guest.Don't reach us at: TheAscertainers@gmail.comNorm McDonald Brokeback bit (NSFW!) Bing Videos#Newt's#Pachyderm#OuchMyUvula#DoughHits

Send us a textThis one is a tad spicy and faster paced.  Makes up for when we usually mail it in.Early shot at Noah LylesConvention synopsisJim's playing hurtTodd O shoutoutMark's fashion masteryWhite socks--in or outNewt's--New bartender Beth is legitRadio GameErrors & OmissionsWord game in last write up (answers in the hashtags below)Offensive CommercialsArmour Hot DogsJohnson Outboard MotorsCamel CigarettesBall ZackFoldgers CrystalsWonder BonerCalgonHerbal EssenceSorry Mike L, but a guarantee is a guarantee#Newt's#COVIDmakesYouFaster#AndTheWinnersAre#Should'veKnownBetter#TouchAndGo#DontLookBack

Send us a Text Message.We went into this episode with the best intentions of talking about singers with average-to-bad voices that worked perfectly for their band, but then Jim made a life choice at dinner.  He ordered a big salad and somehow that decision--and its aftermath--took up a healthy portion of the episode. Should've known better.Touch and GoBert Convey referenceDoes Jim correct Mark too often?Grandpa Joe creeps Mark outNewt's--When you want a big salad tooLost ball penalty explainedSnarkyRadio Game--new and improvedRIP Greg Kihn and Jack RussellBad singers who made it workJust look old!Kool Aid.  Let's make it year-round.There are at least three song titles in this write up.  If you spot them, let us know what they are at TheAscertainers@gmail.com.  Let us know if you want a shout out or if you prefer to remain anonymous (we wish we could too).#Newts#DontLookBack#GoodDaySir

Send us a Text Message.Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee, and nobody doesn't like Little River Band.  It had to be said.  Join us as we rip on each other for a solid 45 minutes (but in a good way).Your non-political oasisRadio Game enhancement $$More on Mark's giant watchGolf controversy (and bonus Goldmember reference)Shoutout potential new listener LeeAnn (D.O.B. 1990)Noah Lyles--the Ram Jam of American sprintersNewt's--exclusive sponsors of YOUR Ascertainers!Radio Game 2.0 Brief special guest Sara!Go!Investment tipsLittle River BandAir Supply + JourneyMark's professional sign offSound off at The Ascertainers@gmail.com#Newts#@SaraLegelTattoos#LonesomeLosers

Send us a Text Message.When you hit rock bottom, you've got nowhere else to go but up!  Our daubers were down after last episode, but we rallied and this one is just about as good/bad as the average.  Some laughs, some interesting trivia, and (spoiler alert), nobody wins the radio game.DavenportSears--what happened?Newt's--New Bartender--possibly named BethA rare Audrey sightingErrors and OmissionsCombined songs revisitedThe Big Ben watchRadio GameMisheard Song LyricsIs it true that the shorter the write up, the better the episode?  You can tell us at TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newts#IsItBecky?#LikeADouche

Send us a Text Message.Due to scheduling issues and a bout with Covid, we had a 3-week hiatus from recording.  You might think we'd be rejuvenated and ready to deliver some mind-blowing stuff, but we both agreed that this episode might be one of our most low-key yet.  Maybe you like that sort of thing, but we are working on bouncing back with some more upbeat stuff for our next couple.Now you have to ask yourself--how bad could it be?  Maybe this is one of The Ascertainer's amazing head fakes where it's way better than they're advertising.  I guess you'll have to listen and find out!Feegee shoutoutDeep voice vibesShoutout Mark's neighbor for the cool plaqueNewt's--got Cory laughingMark's Covid barrierPan O Prog Car ShowJim's worried about The NewsRadio GameCanterbury Park highlightsCan't go for what??Little blue pillRock songs on commercialsNoah Lyles, the Jimmy Fallon of sprintersSnoop legendTheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newts#Funner

Send us a Text Message.Super-guest Steve (Mark's friend, not Jim's brother--who is no slouch) is on for our first ever successful 3rd recording in one session.  We really wanted to talk about 1981 music, but what do you know?  We talked mostly about cars of that era.Around the world with SteveGuest Newt's spokesmanRadio GameWater bedsAaand we're talking cars againPre cup holderEl DordoHow I met your motherHi FI KennyPulled over for being coolRadio Game part II--we have a winner!Farewell Steve.  Nice job!Topic suggestions:  The Ascertainers@gmail.com#DrunkenFins#Newt's#YourCarIsSliding Away

Send us a Text Message.This is part two of our recording session with Mark's HS buddy, Steve.  So much natural conversation that we dang near blew through without an introduction and even omitted the Radio Game.  You're welcome.Bob Dylan fadingBruce Springsteen still gives itThat time Ted Nugent babysat SteveOregon TrailNewt's:  Because we asked nicelyLife lessons from Charlie Daniels Band concertUnderage drinking hauntsShoutout Lamont CranstonDuck HuntSeeing your teacher at the barCutting classWe made the paper!Station wagonsEarly cop encountersGracious dadsNeighbor's bushMet Center storiesSuggestion Box:  TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newt's#Mannings#WhatDent?

Send us a Text Message.Today we are joined by Mark's best friend from High School, Steve (not to be confused with Jim's brother Steve).  If you judge someone's character by the company they keep, Mark must be a good dude.RIP SaxophonistsNewt's--New Burger of the Month and we're not even madEven more disorganized liveShoutout Jim's car guy, GriffinMark's hidden accomplishmentsCheck out the big brain on Steve!King MarkShoutout to all the Ruth's out there--and Dr RuthObligatory Meatloaf referenceErrors and OmissionsRIP Martin MullRadio Game1980's:  The beginning of the end of the classic rock bandShoutout Tugboat a/k/a TuggerCleanish breaksDazed and ConfusedMuscle Cars#ToBeContinued#Newt's#TheValentines

Send us a Text Message.We dial it down in terms of tone and volume from last episode with Jim's family.  Throwing another music one at you --seeing as we are supposed to be a music podcast and all.Public correctionsNewt's and Mark's baconShoutout Feegee (creators of our theme music)Mark's championship editing skillsFree Tootsie Pops, er no?UnfrostedRadio GameVery partially true The Office fun fact AC/DCRIP Bon ScottInternational releaseThe Young BrothersTop 5'sLiner notesHomemade cottage cheeseSubmit your recipes: TheAscertainers@gmail.com#DirtyDeedsDoneDirtCheap#Newts

Send us a Text Message.I know what you're thinking--are these the people Jim grew up with or was one of them bitten by a radioactive spider.  The jury is still out on that one.  We celebrate Jim's mom's birthday with some laughs and just the right amount of brotherly angst.**Because we had 5 people and only 4 microphones, Jim decided to sit between 2 mic's to be accommodating.  Only problem is that those mic's picked him up just fine, so he didn't have to raise his voice.  Lesson learned.George Washington's last tooth (yep)Mark one-ups with his historical artifactGrandma's basement storiesThe confidence of an old, naked manHow do squirrels do it?Trucker's delightMark's the leaderShoutout to Neal the music savant from ArkansasFireworksThe corner storeFreudian slipThe ferretBonus pillMark calms the inner family turmoil with his therapist skillsWorld Book vs GoogleMN goodbyeFeedback:  TheAscertainers@gamil.com#SorryNewts#WeOweYouOne

Send us a Text Message.We finally persuade Mark's wife, Dianne, to sit in on an episode.  We told her she didn't have to talk or anything--just check it out and she could chime in if she wanted to.  Basically, the podcast version of just the tip.  Well, we got more than we bargained for as she did chime in, and she was awesome!Meatloaf againNewt's--The Place to Be!Radio Game (featuring reigning champion:  Jim)The bottom of the grab bagFishFirst jobBest monthState FairCircus Peanuts revisitedFavorite camping momentsLocal business shoutoutsHate what you hear?  You're not alone.  Tell us what you think. TheAscertainers@gmail.com#Newts#LetsJustSeeHowItFeels#NocturnalEnuresis

Send us a Text Message.If you ever wanted to know how Jim would react to winning the Radio Game--this episode is for you.  What started innocently as a second episode of the night turned into some pretty good laughs and a good time overall.  Mark really liked this one.Multi-media exposureGrab bag reduxOG Newt'sKiss ArmyMark's grooming tipsThe Miracle Worker--Helen ReddyShoutout Carlos in CTRIP TimberwolvesWomen's Hockey ChampsRadio Game--We have a winner!Famous cars from TV and cinemaShoutout Apple Valley Car ClinicJan Michael VincentWe need some new topics!The MN goodbye#Newt's#LonelyIsTheNightHere's the Dimitri Martin clip about sizes.  Starts at @2:00   The Only Clothes a Dog Should Wear - Demetri Martin - YouTubeTheAscertainers@gmail.com