Podcasts about TDD

Rebecca A. Wheeler Walston, J.D., Master of Arts in CounselingEmail: asolidfoundationcoaching@gmail.comPhone:  +1.5104686137Website: Rebuildingmyfoundation.comI have been doing story work for nearly a decade. I earned a Master of Arts in Counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and trained in story work at The Allender Center at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. I have served as a story facilitator and trainer at both The Allender Center and the Art of Living Counseling Center. I currently see clients for one-on-one story coaching and work as a speaker and facilitator with Hope & Anchor, an initiative of The Impact Movement, Inc., bringing the power of story work to college students.By all accounts, I should not be the person that I am today. I should not have survived the difficulties and the struggles that I have faced. At best, I should be beaten down by life‘s struggles, perhaps bitter. I should have given in and given up long ago. But I was invited to do the good work of (re)building a solid foundation. More than once in my life, I have witnessed God send someone my way at just the right moment to help me understand my own story, and to find the strength to step away from the seemingly inevitable ending of living life in defeat. More than once I have been invited and challenged to find the resilience that lies within me to overcome the difficult moment. To trust in the goodness and the power of a kind gesture. What follows is a snapshot of a pivotal invitation to trust the kindness of another in my own story. May it invite you to receive to the pivotal invitation of kindness in your own story. Listen with me… Rebecca (01:12):Say, oh, this is for black women, and then what? Because I quoted a couple of black people that count. I don't want to do that. And also I'm still trying to process. When you run a group like that for, and it's not embedded in something like a story workshop or a larger kind of thing, the balance of how do you give people the information and still leave room to process all of that. I'm still trying to figure out what does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it sound like? And I won't be able to figure, it's not like I can figure it out before the group and you know what I mean? You just have to roll with it. So yeah,Danielle (02:01):All those things. That's so hard, man. Man, dude, that's so hard. It's so hard to categorize it. Even What's the right time of day to hold this? What are the right words to say to tell people, this is how you can show up. And even when you say all those things and you think you've created some clarity or safety or space, they still show up in their own way, of course. And they may not have read your email. They may have signed all this stuff and it may not be what they want. Or maybe it changes and it becomes something even more beautiful. I don't know. That's how I've experienced it.Rebecca (02:39):It's all those things, and I think, and this is what I want to do, this is taking this work into a community and a space that is never going to show up in Seattle for all a thousand reasons. And soDanielle (02:56):Thousands of dollar reasons,Rebecca (02:58):Right? Thousands of dollar reasons. And so this is what I want to do. And so the million dollar question, how do you actually do that with some integrity? How do you do it in a way that actually, I don't even know if I could say I know that I want it to produce a particular result is just when I started doing this on my own, I had a lot of people reach out to me and go like, this is amazing. This is a brilliant, this is something I've been looking for without knowing that's what I've been looking for. Do you know what I mean? I think that that's true, sort of that evangelical refugee space. That's true right now. I think it's appealing on those levels. I think for people who would not necessarily go to therapy for the hundred of reasons why that's an uncomfortable thing. Culturally, this feels like it has a little more oxygen in the room,Danielle  (04:20):And I'll turn my screen off. I'll make the call and then yeah, then I want to hear a little bit about your business, more about your group, and I, I'd love to just, I want to focus this whole season on what is reality in the realm of faith, culture, life therapy, religion, if you're in a religion versus a faith. Yeah. Just those what is our reality? Because I think even as you talk about group, it's like what is the reality for that group of people for accessing care? So that's the overall season theme.Speaker 2 (05:00):Okay.Speaker 1 (05:02):How does that sound for you?Speaker 2 (05:03):That sounds great.Speaker 1 (05:04):Yeah. I know you have a lot of thoughts,Speaker 2 (05:07):But we do good bouncing off each other's thoughts. Me and you were good.Speaker 1 (05:13):So tell me how you started your own business.Speaker 2 (05:16):That's a good question. There's probably a long answer and a short answer. The long one is that I went and got a master's in marriage and family from a seminary 20 plus years ago, and by the time I finished my degree, I chose to go back to being a full-time attorney. And there's a story there, as there always is, that has to do with me almost being kicked out of theSpeaker 3 (05:55):ProgramSpeaker 2 (05:56):Because someone lodged a complaint against me as a person. The stated reason behind the claim was that my disability was a distraction to clients,(06:09):And I was absolutely undone and totally shredded, all just completely undone by the entire ordeal experience, all of it. It just really undid me in a way that I don't know if I could have put the pieces together then, but I think that played a huge part in me going, I'm going to go back to my original career, which was being an attorney, and I will put this down and I don't know. And so it's 20 plus years later, I still have that whatever was the inclination inside of me that made me say, this work is the kind of work I want to do is still there. And so I think this time around I felt empowered, I felt supported. I felt like I had people and community around me, people like you and lots of people that was like, I can actually do this, and I don't necessarily need the permission of an institution or the rubber stamp of another person to actually take what I have learned about living life and offer it to someone else. So I find myself now the owner and practitioner of solid foundation story Coaching, and we're going to see where the Lord leads and we're going to see where we end up.Speaker 1 (07:38):Okay. When in any moment, I might have to hop off here, you said nine 10 to nine 15, but what do you imagine then for your first offerings? I know you jumped in a little bit at the beginning and we kind of touched on it, but what are your first, what's your desire? What are you trying to offer?Speaker 2 (08:00):That's a good confusion too. I think a couple of things. I come from a very conservative evangelical Christian background that is also, there's these parallel roots in my background that are rooted in the black church. And every once in a while I can feel my evangelical why and what and why, and what I think the short answer is just care. You asked me what do you want to offer? And that I think my answer is care for a lot of reasons. When I look at my own story and my own life and my own path, there are lots of ways and places where I can identify. I didn't have the care that I needed. I didn't have the support that I needed to get where I wanted to go, sort of maybe unscathed, maybe in the shortest path possible with the least amount of obstacles as a woman, as a person of color, as a black American woman in the church, in as a person with a disability, all kinds of ways in which there were places in ways that I needed care that I didn't get. And even with all that being said, once, twice, maybe three times the exact right care at the exact right moment from the person who was capable and willing to give it, and it only takes one person at just the right time to offer just a few minutes of care and what is impossible becomes possible,(10:01):And what is too painful to breathe through becomes something that you can now face head on. So I think in some way, maybe it's paying forward what those people who offered me care gave to me, and now it's my chance to give it back.Rebecca (10:37):Right? Yeah. I mean, if I were going to go for the obvious, the things that we are most comfortable talking about at this moment in our country's history, to women who have faced misogyny in its most simplistic and its most complex and twisted ways to black folks and all that we have faced and struggled through to people of color. There are all kinds of ways in which out of my own story, there are corners that I recognize. And what do I mean by that, right? I have lived my life as an African-American woman, and so there are corners in life that I have come to recognize. That moment when you recognize that somehow this moment, which should be simple and just human has become racialized, and you catch it by a glance, a look, a silence that lasts too long, and you go like, oh, I know exactly where I am.(11:53):I may not know the person in front of me, but I know people like them, and this experience begins to feel familiar, and I know what this corner looks like, and I know what it sounds like, and I know where the dip in the sidewalk is, and I know where there's this pothole that if you step in it the wrong way, you're going to twist your ankle. I know exactly how long you have to cross the street before that flashing red hand comes up. The ways in which, because you've been here before because you've struggled in a familiar moment, you know what it looks like and sounds like and feels like,(12:33):And because it is familiar, then perhaps you can offer something of wisdom or kindness to someone who's new to that corner who doesn't quite know how to navigate it. So I can say that about being black, about being a woman. There are all kinds of things in my own story that have made these corners familiar to me. So yes to all of those things, all of those kinds of people, that there's something I have in common with the parallels of their story that I can say, Hey, I know this corner and I have a flashlight and I can shine my light in front of your path so you can take another step.Danielle (13:17):How do you feel in your body as you say that?Rebecca (13:22):I feel good. It feels like me. You say, how do you feel in your body? Why would you ask that question? What do we mean by that? Which is part of this work, which is being able to recognize when I'm comfortable in my own skin and when I'm not, and being able to recognize why that might be true in any given moment. And so this part feels good to me. It feels like steps I was trying to take 20 years ago that got hijacked and sidetracked by what happened to me in grad school. And it feels like work that I was meant to do because of the corners that I know. So I feel good. I can breathe deep.Danielle (14:12):How do you know when you feel good? What tells you you're feeling goodRebecca (14:16):For me? That I can take a full deep breath. I have come to recognize that shallow breathing means I am not comfortable, so I can take a deep breath and it doesn't feel restricted to me that that's probably, for me, the most notable thing is to say that. And because I am not doing a lot of self editing, I feel okay saying what I have say. I don't have a lot of self-talk of like, Ooh, don't say that or don't say that. Yeah,Danielle (14:57):Which feels like something you can give your participants. I think I mentioned to you, I really wanted to hear about what you're up to business, but it really feels to me like a special kind of work in this season. And I know I mentioned, I was like, well, what's the reality of this season? Could you speak about the intersection of your work and what you see as the reality of our current climate?Rebecca (15:29):So when you first said that to me, my first reaction is go like, oh, I know what my reality is as a black woman, as a mother of two kids, as somebody that lives a mile from where the first enslaved Africans set foot on us soil. I have a very clear sense of my reality, but I'm also going like, and I'm sitting across from you, Danielle, who I know in this moment is living a very different reality as a Latino woman. And so the one thing, or sort of the second thought that comes to my mind after my first reaction, I know what my reality is, is something that I learned recently. I did a webinar and I moderated a panel, and one of the individuals on the panel is a Latino pastor. I'll call him Pastor Carlos. And one of the things that he said to me is that if my truth in any given moment is crafted at the expense of another human, my truth cannot be the absolute truth.Yeah. Now I'm paraphrasing a little bit. So Pastor Carlos, if you hear this, and please forgive me for the paraphrase, but what settled in me from his remarks is that if my truth in any given moment comes at the expense of another person, my truth cannot stand as the absolute truth. And he went on to say something of truth must always be defined in the context of community that we cannot discern what is reality, if you will, in a given moment without having that discussion and framing those contours in the context of community and connectedness to other people. So I could tell you my truth as a black American woman in 2025, and I already know, I know my sense of what is true in my world is going to look and sound and feel different than what is true for you in this moment. Right?Danielle (18:03):Talking about reality, I feel that even despite our different truths, you and I find ourselves touching ground like physical ground, touching energy, spirituality in the same way, not thinking the same. I don't mean that, but living in a space where you and I can connect and affirm one another's actual experiences in the world, actual day to day. I can tell you about a neighbor, you could tell me about work or one of your kids, and there's a sense that you haven't lived that exact, you're not with me in my house, I'm not with your kid in their school, but there's a sense that we can touch into a reality. We're in the ground somewhere together. So I'm wondering, what do you think makes that possible for us to share that space?Rebecca (18:57):I mean, it might be I part the willingness to share, and I don't mean, well, maybe I mean that in both senses of the word, the willingness to be shared in terms of vulnerable, I'm willing to tell you. And so when you ask me, Hey, how are you? When I say, Hey, Danielle, what's up with you? It's more than just the flippant, oh, I'm good. I'm cool. Right? It is this intentional move to slow down for 60 seconds or 60 minutes and go like, here's really happening with me.(19:38):And the other sort of piece of that, when I say the word share, I mean the willingness for there to be a little wiggle room in what I understand to be true. And that's not to say that I will take your truth and replace it with mine and obliterate my experience, not suggesting that I'm saying that my truth and your truth are going to butt up against each other and in the place where they touch, what do we do with that friction? Does that friction become a point of contention, a point of disagreement, a point of anger, of judgment where I villainize you and demonize you and other you? Or does that place where my truth and your truth rub up against each other? Does that become a place of learning? Does that become a place of flexibility of saying like, huh, I never thought about it the way you thought about it. Say more. And my experience between you and I is that there has been a willingness for years to go. What do you know about the world that I don't know? What do you see that I don't see? And how does your perspective actually alter if even just a little bit what I believe or know to be true of the world?Danielle (21:04):Yes, I agree with you. I think we find ourselves in a time though where the sharing of our reality feels unique, where groups, even groups, we would call them bipoc or black, indigenous people of color. You even see skirmishes between groups. And so I think it's laid in one with so much fear. Number two, with so much hypervigilance. And again, I'm not saying none of those things aren't warranted, but I think a group like yours or therapy or somatic work hopefully opens us up to be able to see the humanity of another person.That make sense or what do you thinking when I sayRebecca (21:49):No, it does. When you were talking about in this moment, it feels unique for groups to kind of share their experience. It caused me to kind of think about why is that right? And I don't think that's an accident. I don't think it is a coincidence. I think that there are powers that are crafting these sort of larger narratives that suggest that we have to be at odds with each other, that there isn't a way for us to see each other and recognize one another's humanity without there being this catastrophic threat to my own humanity. And I think part of why it feels so unique in this moment is because I think we're having to do some pretty significant work to fight against that larger narrative that would suggest that we can't be friends, that we must be enemies.Danielle(22:49):Yeah. What do you feel as you say that? I mean, when you say that I feel like I want to cry, I want to be angry, I want to be choked up, and those are all familiar for me. They're familiar for me.Rebecca (23:08):Well, mostly I feel a kind of loss. And what do I mean by that? I saw this clip on Instagram recently where it's a family. They're probably white, Caucasian American family sitting down to dinner at a table, the table's full of food,(23:33):And there's a bowl of strawberries on the table, which in my house during this time of year, there's forever. There's always strawberries in my house anyway. And so somebody says the blessing over the food, dear God, thank you for the food and the hands that prepared it, this sort of common blessing that is also an everyday occurrence at my house. Literally the words, God bless the food and the hands that prepared it. And then it cuts, the video cuts from the scene of this family, it tucked away safely in their kitchen to a migrant worker in a strawberry field who is being pursued by ice agents. And he says, you're welcome very much for the strawberries. And then the video ends that makes me want to cry, and it makes me think of you. And because that's not a thought I ever thought about when my kids pray, thank you for the hands that prepared it. The thought that went through my mind is like they're praying for me as the mom who cooked the food, who washed the strawberries and sliced them and put them in a bowl and set them on the table, never occurred to me until I saw that video I about the person who picked the strawberries and placed them in the container that found its way to my grocery store that found its way to my kitchen table.(25:08):And so now I wonder, what else do I not know? What else have I missed my entire life? What else did I not catch? And what does that mean for this moment in history when there are literally ice checkpoints in the city where I live?Danielle (25:39):I think to survive this moment and what I hear from my people, we have to take ourselves out of the reality of the moment somehow. You still had to get up and you had to make yourself some scrambled eggs. You have to eat your strawberry, you get to eat your strawberry. We're both at work today, et cetera. And whenever we touch into that other space, we have to let the energy process through us or we won't make it. And I think that process allows us to share a reality, the movement of energy allowing it. It's not like we can live in that state all the time, but I think there's certain segments of the population that don't allow anything in. They can't because otherwise it would contradict their view of faith or what's happened.Rebecca (26:31):Yes. Which I think is why I would do something like offer a group a story group, because it is the opportunity to intentionally take a few minutes to create the space to allow that to process through us.Danielle (26:49):So how do people then, Rebecca, find you? They're enjoying this conversation. I want to hear more from her. I,Rebecca (27:01):So I have a website. It's called Rebuilding my foundation.com. I have Instagram solid foundation Coach is my Instagram site. So two me an email, check out the website, join a group,Danielle (27:26):Join a group. What about people like, Hey, I want to hang out with Danielle and Rebecca. What does that look like? Oh,Rebecca (27:35):Yeah. I mean, we're good for at least once a year doing something together. So it sounds like maybe we need to pull a conversation together, maybe a group together, maybe like a two hour seminar workshop space, which we did last year. We did one with a few other of our friends and colleagues called Defiant Resilience. Again, to create this space where people could process what was happening in this moment in history with people who are safe ish, right? We can't ever really promise safety, but we create some sense of parameters that allow you to take a step or two.Danielle (28:25):Rebecca, what do you say to that person? I get these calls all the time. Well, I can't go to therapy. It's too much money. Or I don't know about group. I don't trust people. If people get stuck, what is one way you even got yourself unstuck to even start?Rebecca  (28:40):Oh, yeah, true. First thing I'd say is if group sounds too risky and not going to lie, you and I both know it's risky.(28:55):You're taking some risk. So if that feels too big of a step, guess what? You get to be where you are. And then I'd say try it one-on-one session. Try it once, see how it feels. It is definitely something that I do. I know it's something you do too, where before you would recommend even that somebody step into a group that you might meet with them 2, 3, 4 times one-on-one once or twice to kind of see, this is what it would feel like to talk to another person about things that we have been taught you're not supposed to talk about. And slowly give a person the opportunity to decide for themselves what good care.You're allowed to say, this doesn't feel like good care to me, so I'm not going to do it today or tomorrow. And how amazing it can be to have somebody go, I love that you advocated for yourself, and I absolutely intend to respect that boundary because for so many of us, we either were taught not to set boundaries or when they were set, we have the common experience of them just being obliterated on a regular basis. So even that opportunity to reach out once, try and decide it's not for you, can actually be a moment of empowerment.Danielle (30:25):Yeah, I guess I think when I'm stuck, it's usually like we call some of those sticky points, like trauma points even. So I wouldn't say it doesn't always have to be major, some huge event, but I think there's often been, for me, there's a fear of getting help, whether it's a medical doctor or a therapist or a group or whatever it may be. Or if I have to call the county for something, I'm like, are they going to listen me? Are they going to believe me in all these kinds of situations and will they care what I have to say?Rebecca (30:58):Yeah. I think too, when you say fear of getting help, I go like, oh yeah, ding, ding. Right? I mean, some of that, at least for me, the narrative that can be around black women is that we have it all together at all times. We got it under control. And so the notion that I wouldn't have it under control all by myself, like 24 hours a day, seven days a week, the notion that I would have to request that someone else step in and assist means admitting something about myself that I don't feel comfortable admitting that I've been taught is not where I'm allowed to live. And so that also I think can be part of this fear. I don't know if that's true for you. Tell me how does that land?Danielle (31:49):Yeah, absolutely true. But it goes across so many realms where sometimes advocating for yourself, whether it's getting a question answered at a shoe store, to buying paint, to getting, I don't know, going to the er, the common themes I had my gallbladder recently removed, and two nurses told me that if I had been a man, I would've been seen faster. Because men, they believe men more about abdominal pain, and I think it's because there's maybe more expression by men of what pain is. And I don't know this for sure. I don't have a scientific research behind it, but part of me wondered, is it because my pain was indicated by my blood pressure, not by me telling them that's how they knew it. So I think that's one reason we have to really pay attention to our bodies, and I think wherever we are, we're not used to being believed, or even if someone knows, if they care, again, whether it's from going to pay a parking ticket, so going to the doctor, I just think across the board, people that are female are generally not as welcome to express how they're feeling and what's going on. Just some thoughts.Rebecca (33:11):Yeah. Again, right. It is that part where there's this larger story at play that impacts how we move individually and what we feel like we're permitted to do or not do, say or not say. You and I have talked about this before, that question of will they believe me is a kind of anticipatory intelligenceYou're trying to anticipate how you will be received, how your words will be believed, how your story will be read in any given context, and who has time, your gallbladder. And so I would imagine you're in this excruciating pain and you're having to not only tend to that, but are you going to believe me? Right? And what if the blood pressure indicator had not been there, right?Danielle (34:07):Yeah. Yeah. All of us are different. Okay. Rebecca, I'm going to put all your info in the notes. People are going to light up your phone. They're going to light up your email, and I do believe we'll be doing something collaborative in the future. Absolutely. Yeah. With other co-conspirators.Thank you for joining us today. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for listening to the raw conversations we're having, and I just encourage you to get in conversations with your friends, your family, people around you, people you really disagree with, maybe even people you don't like. Try to hold yourself there. Try to have those conversations. Try to be able to receive the difficult comments. Try to be able to say the difficult things. Let's keep working on moving towards one another.   Kitsap County & Washington State Crisis and Mental Health ResourcesIf you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call 911.This resource list provides crisis and mental health contacts for Kitsap County and across Washington State.Kitsap County / Local ResourcesResourceContact InfoWhat They OfferSalish Regional Crisis Line / Kitsap Mental Health 24/7 Crisis Call LinePhone: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/24/7 emotional support for suicide or mental health crises; mobile crisis outreach; connection to services.KMHS Youth Mobile Crisis Outreach TeamEmergencies via Salish Crisis Line: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://sync.salishbehavioralhealth.org/youth-mobile-crisis-outreach-team/Crisis outreach for minors and youth experiencing behavioral health emergencies.Kitsap Mental Health Services (KMHS)Main: 360‑373‑5031; Toll‑free: 888‑816‑0488; TDD: 360‑478‑2715Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/Outpatient, inpatient, crisis triage, substance use treatment, stabilization, behavioral health services.Kitsap County Suicide Prevention / “Need Help Now”Call the Salish Regional Crisis Line at 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/Suicide-Prevention-Website.aspx24/7/365 emotional support; connects people to resources; suicide prevention assistance.Crisis Clinic of the PeninsulasPhone: 360‑479‑3033 or 1‑800‑843‑4793Website: https://www.bainbridgewa.gov/607/Mental-Health-ResourcesLocal crisis intervention services, referrals, and emotional support.NAMI Kitsap CountyWebsite: https://namikitsap.org/Peer support groups, education, and resources for individuals and families affected by mental illness.Statewide & National Crisis ResourcesResourceContact InfoWhat They Offer988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (WA‑988)Call or text 988; Website: https://wa988.org/Free, 24/7 support for suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, relationship problems, and substance concerns.Washington Recovery Help Line1‑866‑789‑1511Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resourcesHelp for mental health, substance use, and problem gambling; 24/7 statewide support.WA Warm Line877‑500‑9276Website: https://www.crisisconnections.org/wa-warm-line/Peer-support line for emotional or mental health distress; support outside of crisis moments.Native & Strong Crisis LifelineDial 988 then press 4Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resourcesCulturally relevant crisis counseling by Indigenous counselors.Additional Helpful Tools & Tips• Behavioral Health Services Access: Request assessments and access to outpatient, residential, or inpatient care through the Salish Behavioral Health Organization. Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/SBHO-Get-Behaviroal-Health-Services.aspx• Deaf / Hard of Hearing: Use your preferred relay service (for example dial 711 then the appropriate number) to access crisis services.• Warning Signs & Risk Factors: If someone is talking about harming themselves, giving away possessions, expressing hopelessness, or showing extreme behavior changes, contact crisis resources immediately.Well, first I guess I would have to believe that there was or is an actual political dialogue taking place that I could potentially be a part of. And honestly, I'm not sure that I believe that. Well, first I guess I would have to believe that there was or is an actual political dialogue taking place that I could potentially be a part of. And honestly, I'm not sure that I believe that.

This week the Dating Detectives welcome Dominique, whose “movie-perfect” meet-cute with a quiet coworker spirals into a chilling case study in coercive control. After love-bombing, and a whirlwind Halloween wedding, a dream Smoky Mountains honeymoon gives way to explosive rage, religiously justified domination, isolation from friends, terrifying reckless driving, stalking, and paranoid delusions. Dominique walks us through the pink flags she ignored, the gaslighting that made her second-guess reality, and the careful plan she used to reclaim her home after his arrest. Content warnings: domestic abuse, religious trauma, stalking, mental health crisis. If you're in an unsafe situation, you'll find support resources below.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Wayfair. Refresh your home for less. Shop back-to-routine deals by visiting Wayfair.com.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode is sponsored by Suvie. Get the smart countertop kitchen robot that refrigerates, cooks, and meal-preps dinner while you're away. Go to Suvie.com/DatingDetectives to start your 100-day risk-free trial and get 16 FREE meals with your order.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Reality and Faith Prompts1. What are the formations or structures for how you know you are in reality in regards to your faith? Do you have indicators? Internal senses? External resources? 2. Who are you in active dialogue with in regards to your faith? Who that is living and who that is passed on? 3. When you encounter dissonance with your reality of faith, how do you stay grounded in your experience?TranscriptsDanielle (00:00):To my computer. So thank you Starlet. Thank you Tamis for being with me. I've given already full introductions. I've recorded those separately. So the theme of the conversation and kind of what we're getting into on this podcast this season is I had this vision for talking about the themes have been race, faith, culture, church in the past on my podcast. But what I really think the question is, where is our reality and where are our touchpoints in those different realms? And so today there's going to be more info on this in the future, but where do we find reality and how do we form our reality when we integrate faith? So one of the questions I was asking Tamis and Starlet was what are the formations or structures for how you know are in reality in regards to your faith? Do you have indicators? Do you have internal senses? Do you have external resources? And so that's where I want to jump off from and it's free flow. I don't do a whole lot of editing, but yeah, just curious where your mind goes when you hear that, what comes to mind and we'll jump from there.Starlette (01:12):I immediately thought of baptism, baptismal waters. My baptismal identity forms and shapes me. It keeps me in touch with my body. It keeps me from being disembodied. Also, it keeps me from being swindled out of authority over my body due to the dangerous irrationalism of white body supremacy. So that's one thing. Protest also keeps me grounded. I have found that acts of defiance, minor personal rebellions, they do well for me. They keep me spiritually that I feel like it keeps me in step with Jesus. And I always feel like I'm catching up that I'm almost stepping on his feet. So for me, baptismal identity and protesting, those are the two things come to me immediately.Tamice (02:04):Whoa, that's so deep. Wow, I never thought about that. But I never thought about protests being a thing that groundsBecause I mean I've just been, for me I would say I've been working on the right so, and y'all know me, so I got acronyms for days. But I mean I think that the radical ethical spirituality that's tethered to my tradition, that's a rule of life, but it's also a litmus test. So for me, if you can't tell the truth, we don't have conversations about non-violence and loving enemies. I don't get to ethical spirituality unless you come through the front door of truth telling and truth telling in that sense of the r. And the rest arrest mix tape is radical. Angela Davis says radical and that's grasping stuff at the root. So before we have conversations about forgiveness for instance, or Jesus or scripture or what is right and what is moral, it's very important that we first tell the truth about the foundations of those realities and what we even mean by those terms and whose those terms serve and where they come from. I talk about it asking to see the manager. We need see the manager(03:24):Me that grounds me is now if something comes in and it calls me to move in a different way or corrects me or checks me in a certain way, I say yes to it if it comes through the door of truth telling because it means I also got to be true and tell the truth to myself. So that keeps me grounded. That kind of acronym is kind of how I move, but it's also how I keep toxic ways of doing religion out. And I also have come back into relationship with trees and grass and the waters and that's been really powerful for moving down into different types of intelligence. For me, the earth has been pulling me into a different way of knowing and being in that part brings me to ancestors. Just like you starlet my ancestors, I keep finding them in the trees and in the water and in the wind. So it's like, well I need them real bad right now. So that's where I'm kind of grounding myself these days.But to your point about grounding and protest, I feel most compelled to show up in spaces where the ground is crying out screaming. I feel like it beckons me there. And we talked about the most recent news of Trey being found and you talked about truth telling and what resonated immediately. And it didn't sit right with me that African-American people, people of African descent know not to take their lives in that way because of the traumatic history that when you say things like you don't suspect any foul play, it sounds like what has historically been named as at the hands of persons unknown where that no one is held responsible for the death of African-American people. That's what ties it in for me. And I feel like it's an ancestral pool that they didn't leave this way, they didn't leave in the way that they were supposed to, that something stinks and that they're crying out to say, can you hear me? Come over here Terry a while here. Don't leave him here. Don't let up on it because we didn't call him here somebody. So I love that you said that you are, feel yourself being grounded in and call back to the earth because I do feel like it speaks to us,But there are telltale signs in it and that the trees will tell us too. And so I didn't have a hand in this. It was forced on me and I saw it all come and talk to me. Put your hand here, put your head here and you can hear me scream and then you can hear me scream, you can hear him scream. He was calling out the whole time. That's what I believe in. That's how I test reality. I tested against what the earth is saying like you said, but I think we have to walk the ground a bit. We have to pace the ground a bit. We can't just go off of what people are saying. Back to your point about truth telling, don't trust nobody I don't trust. I don't trust anybody that's going to stop because you can't fix a lie. So if you're going to come in with deception, there's not much else I can do with you. There's not much I can say to you. And I find that white body supremacy is a supreme deception. So if we can't start there in a conversation, there's nothing that I can say to youTamice (06:46):That's facts. It's interesting that you talked about baptism, you talked about grounding and I had this story pop up and while you were talking again it popped up again. So I'm going to tell it. So we are not going to talk about who and all the things that happened recently, but I had made some comments online around that and around just the choice to be blind. So I've been talking a lot about John nine and this passage where it is very clear to everyone else what's happening, but the people who refuse to see, refuse to see.So in that, I was kind of pulled into that. I was in Mississippi, I was doing some stuff for the book and this lady, a chaplain, her name is Sally Bevin, actually Sally Bevel, she walked up to me, she kept calling me, she was like, Tam me, she want to come. I have my whole family there. We were at the Mississippi Book Fair and she kept saying, Tam me, she want to come join, dah, dah, dah. Then my family walked off and they started to peruse and then she asked me again and I was like, no, I'm good. And I was screaming. I mean I'm looking in the screen and the third time she did it, it pulled me out and I was like, this woman is trying to pull me into being present. And she said to me, this is funny, starlet. I said, I feel like I need to be washed and I need a baptism because this phone feels like so on right now and the wickedness is pulling me. So she poured, she got some ice, cold water, it was 95 degrees, poured cold water on my hands, had me wash my hands and she took the cold water. She put a cross on my forehead. And you know what she said to me? She said, remember your baptism?She said, remember your baptism? And when I was baptized, even though it was by a man who will not also be named, when I was baptized the wind, there was a whirlwind at my baptism. It was in 2004, that same wind hit in Mississippi and then I felt like I was supposed to take my shoes off. So I walked around the Mississippi Festival with no shoes on, not knowing that the earth was about to receive two people who did not deserve to be hung from trees. And there's something very, I feel real talk, I feel afraid for white supremacy right now in the name of my ancestors and I feel like I'm calling on everything right now. And that's also grounding me.Starlette (09:36):I was with Mother Moses last week. I went to Dorchester County just to be with her because the people were here. Take me. I said, I'll leave them all here. I know you said there are a few here, but give me the names, give me the last names of the people because I don't have time for this. I see why she left people. I see why she was packing. So to your point, I think it's important that we talk to the ancestors faithfully, religiously. We sit down at their feet and listen for a bit about how they got over and how they got through it and let them bear witness to us. And she does it for me every time, every single time she grounds, she grounds meDanielle (10:23):Listening to you all. I was like, oh wait. It is like Luke 19 where Jesus is coming in on the show and he didn't ride in on the fanciest plane on a donkey. And if you're familiar with that culture that is not the most elevated animal, not the elevated animal to ride, it's not the elevated animal. You don't eat it. Not saying that it isn't eaten at times, but it's not right. So he rides in on that and then people are saying glory to God in the highest and they're praising him and the Pharisees are like, don't do that because it's shameful and I don't remember the exact words, but he's basically be quiet. The rocks are going to tell the story of what happened here. He's walking his way. It kind of reminds me to me. So what you're saying, he's walking away, he's going to walk and he's going to walk that way and he's going to walk to his death. He's walking it in two scenarios that Jesus goes in to talk about. Your eyes are going to be blind to peace, to the real way to peace. It's going to be a wall put around you and you're going to miss out. People are going to destroy you because you missed your chance.Starlette (11:50):Point again creation. And if you're going to be a rock headed people, then I'll recruit this rock choir. They get ready to rock out on you. If there's nothing you're going to say. So even then he says that creation will bear witness against you. You ain't got to do it. You ain't got to do it. I can call these rock. You can be rock headed if you want to. You can be stony hearted if you want to. I can recruit choir members from the ground,Tamice (12:16):But not even that because y'all know I'm into the quantum and metaphysics. Not even that they actually do speak of course, like words are frequencies. So when you hold a certain type of element in your hand, that thing has a frequency to it. That's alright that they said whatever, I don't need it from you. Everything else is tapped into this.Starlette (12:39):Right. In fact, it's the rocks are tapped into a reality. The same reality that me and this donkey and these people throwing stuff at my feet are tapped into.You are not tapped into reality. And so that's why he makes the left and not the right because typically when a person is coming to Saka city, they head towards the temple. He went the other direction because he is like it was a big fuck. I don't use power like this. And actually what I'm about to do is raise you on power. This is a whole different type of power. And that's what I feel like our ancestors, the realities that the alternative intelligence in the world you're talking about ai, the alternative intelligence in the world is what gives me every bit of confidence to look this beast in the face and call it what it is. This isTamice (13:52):And not going to bow to it. And I will go down proclaiming it what it is. I will not call wickedness good.And Jesus said, Jesus was so when he talks about the kingdom of heaven suffering violence and the violence taken it by force, it's that it's like there's something so much more violent about being right and righteous. Y'all have to use violence because you can't tell the truth.Danielle (14:29):Do you see the split two? There's two entirely different realities happening. Two different kingdoms, two entirely different ways of living in this era and they're using quote J, but it's not the same person. It can't be, you cannot mix white Jesus and brown Jesus. They don't go together. TheyStarlette (15:00):Don't, what is it? Michael O. Emerson and Glenn e Bracy. The second they have this new book called The Religion of Whiteness, and they talk about the fact that European Americans who are racialized as white Tahi says those who believe they are white. He says that there's a group of people, the European Americans who are racialized as white, who turn to scripture to enforce their supremacy. And then there's another group of people who turn to scripture to support and affirm our sibling.It is two different kingdoms. It's funny, it came to me the other day because we talk about, I've talked about how for whiteness, the perception of goodness is more important than the possession of it.You know what I mean? So mostly what they do is seek to be absolved. Right? So it's just, and usually with the being absolved means I'm less bad than that, so make that thing more bad than me and it's a really terrible way to live a life, but it is how whiteness functions, and I'm thinking about this in the context of all that is happening in the world because it's like you cannot be good and racist period. And that's as clear as you cannot love God and mammon you will end up hating one and loving the other. You cannot love God. You cannotStarlette (16:29):Love God and hate your next of kin your sibling. Dr. Angela Parker says something really important During the Wild Goose Festival, she asked the participants there predominantly European American people, those racialized as white. She said, do you all Terry, do you Terry, do you wait for the Holy Spirit? Do you sit with yourself and wait for God to move? And it talked, it spoke to me about power dynamic. Do you feel like God is doing the moving and you wait for the spirit to anoint you, to fill you, to inspire you, to baptize you with fire? You Terry, do you wait a while or do you just the other end of that that she doesn't say, do you just get up? I gave my life to Jesus and it's done right handed fellowship, give me my certificate and walk out the door. You have to sit with yourself and I don't know what your tradition is.I was raised Pentecostal holiness and I had to tear all night long. I was on my knees calling on the name of Jesus and I swear that Baba couldn't hear me. Which octave do you want me to go in? I lost my voice. You know them people, them mothers circled me with a sheet and told me I didn't get it that night that I had to come back the next day after I sweat out my down, I sweat out my press. Okay. I pressed my way trying to get to that man and they told me he didn't hear me. He not coming to get you today. I don't hear a change. They were looking for an evidence of tongues. They didn't hear an evidence, a change speech. You still sound the way that you did when you came in here. And I think that white body supremacy, that's where the problem lies with me. There's no difference. I don't hear a change in speech. You're still talking to people as if you can look down your nose with them. You have not been submerged in the water. You did not go down in the water. White supremacy, white body supremacy has not been drowned out.Terry, you need to Terry A. Little while longer. I'll let you know when you've gotten free. When you've been lifted, there's a cloud of witnesses. Those mothers rubbing your back, snapping your back and saying, call on him. Call him like you want him. Call him like you need him and they'll tell you when they see evidence, they'll let you, you know when you've been tied up, tangled up. That's what we would say. Wrapped up in Jesus and I had to come back a second night and call on the Lord and then they waited a while. They looked, they said, don't touch her, leave her alone. He got her now, leave her alone. But there was an affirmation, there was a process. You couldn't just get up there and confess these ABCs and salvation, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Why do you think they'll let you know when you got it?Danielle (18:56):Why do you think that happened? Why? I have a question for You'all. Why do you think that became the reality of the prayer in that moment? And we're talking about Africans that have been brought here and enslaved. Why do you think that happened on our soil that way? Why question?Tamice (19:12):I mean I'm wondering about it because when stylists talk and I keep thinking the Terry in and of itself is a refusal. It says what I see is not real. What's in front of me is not right. I'm going to wait for something else.I'm saying, the slave Bible, them taking stuff out of the Bible and it's like, but I feel like the ground, there was something about the ground that indigenous people, that indigenous people were able to help them tap into over here. It was waiting on that.Starlette (19:49):We didn't have punishment. We had a percussion session. So they ring shouted me. I didn't know what it was at the time. We didn't have all the fancy stuff. Everybody had put me in key. We didn't have, we had this and feet them people circled around me. We don't do that no more.Danielle (20:06):We don't do that no more. But don't you think if you're a person that is, and I believe Africans came here with faith already. Oh yes, there's evidence of that. So put that aside, but don't you think then even if you have that faith and it's not so different than our time and you're confronted with slave owners and plantation owners also preaching quote the same faith that you're going to have to test it out on your neighbor when they're getting saved. You're going to have to make sure they didn't catch that bug.Don't you think there's something in there? Block it. Don't you think if you know faith internally already like we do and run into someone that's white that's preaching the same thing, we have to wait it out with them. Don't you think our ancestors knew that when they were here they were waiting it out. I just noticed my spirit match that spirit. We have to wait it out. Yes, because and let's say they didn't know Jesus. Some people didn't know Jesus and they met Jesus here for whatever reason, and your example is still the white man. You have to wait it out to make sure you're not reflecting that evilness. I mean that's what I'm thinking. That's it's the absolutelyStarlette (21:20):Truth. There's a book titled Slave Testimony, and I know this because I just read about it. There's a testimony of an enslaved African-American, he's unnamed. It was written on June 26th, 1821. He's talking to Master John. He said, I want permission to speak to you if you please. He talked about, he said, where is it? Where is it? A few words. I hope that you will not think Me too bull. Sir, I make my wants known to you because you are, I believe the oldest and most experienced that I know of. He says in the first place, I want you to tell me the reason why you always preach to the white folks and keep your back to us is because they sit up on the hill. We have no chance among them there. We must be forgotten because we are near enough. We are not near enough without getting in the edge of the swamp behind you. He was calling him to account. He said, when you sell me, do you make sure that I'm sold to a Christian or heathen?He said, we are charged with inattention because of where their position. He said it's impossible for us to pay good attention with this chance. In fact, some of us scarce think that we are preached to it all. He says, money appears to be the object. We are carried to market and sold to the highest bidder. Never once inquired whether you sold to a heathen or a Christian. If the question was put, did you sell to a Christian, what would the answer be? I can tell you, I can tell what he was, gave me my price. That's all I was interested in. So I don't want people to believe that Africans who were enslaved did not talk back, did not speak back. They took him to task. He said, everybody's not literate. There's about one in 50 people who are, and I'm one of them and I may not be able to speak very well, but this is what I want to tell you. I can tell the difference. I know that you're not preaching to me the same. I know that when you talk about salvation, you're not extending it to me.Yikes. You need to know that our people, these ancestors, not only were they having come to Jesus meetings, but they were having come to your senses, meeting with their oppressor and they wrote it down. They wrote it down. I get sick of the narratives that we are not our answer. Yes we are. Yes I am. I'm here because of them. I think they called me. I think they call me here. I think the fussing that I make, the anger that I possess this need to resist every damn thing. I think they make me do thatTamice (23:35):Indeed, I think. But I didn't get my voice until they took the MLE off, had an honor with my ancestors and they came and they told me it's time. Take that mle off, MLE off. Shoot. Why Jesus ain't tell me to take no muzzle off. I'm going to tell you that now.Danielle (23:52):That's why I mean many indigenous people said, Jesus didn't come back for me because if that guy's bringing me Jesus, then now Jesus didn't come back for me.Starlette (24:07):Come on.Make it plain. Danielle, go ahead. Go ahead. Walk heavy today. Yeah, I meanDanielle (24:17):I like this conversation. Why Jesus, why Jesus didn't come back for us, the three of us. He didn't come back for us. It didn't come back from kids. He didn't come back for my husband. Nope. And so then therefore that we're not going to find a freedom through that. No, that's no desire to be in that.Tamice (24:33):None. And that's what I mean and making it very, very plain to people like, listen, I actually don't want to be in heaven with your Jesus heaven. With your Jesus would be hell. I actually have one,Starlette (24:47):The one that they had for us, they had an N word heaven for us where they would continue to be served and they wrote it down. It's bad for people who are blio foes who like to read those testimonies. It is bad for people who like to read white body supremacy For Phil. Yeah, they had one for us. They had separate creation narratives known as polygenetic, but they also had separate alon whereby they thought that there was a white heaven and an inward heaven.I didn't even know that. Starla, I didn't even know that because they said they want to make sure their favorite slave was there to serve them. Oh yes, the delusion. People tell me that they're white. I really do push back for a reason. What do you mean by that? I disagree with all of it. What part of it do you find agreeable? The relationship of ruling that you maintain over me? The privilege. White power. Which part of it? Which part of it is good for you and for me? How does it help us maintain relationship as Christians?Danielle (25:47):I think that's the reality and the dissonance we live in. Right?Starlette (25:51):That's it. But I think there needs to be a separation.Are you a white supremacist or not?Tamice (26:03):That's what I'm saying. That's why I keep saying, listen, at this point, you can't be good and racist. Let me just say that. Oh no, you got to pickStarlette (26:12):And I need to hear itTamice (26:13):Both. Yeah. I need you to public confession of it.Starlette (26:19):Someone sent me a dm. I just want to thank you for your work and I completely agree. I quickly turned back around. I said, say it publicly. Get out of my dms. Say it publicly. Put it on your page. Don't congratulate me. Within two minutes or so. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. You are right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Did he post anything? No. Say it publicly. Denounce them. Come out from among them.Very, very plain. As a white supremacist or na, as a kid, as children. HowDanielle (26:56):Hard is it? I think that's what made this moment so real and it's a kind of a reality. Fresher actually for everybody to be honest, because it's a reality. All certain things have been said. All manner of things have been said by people. This is just one example of many people that have said these things. Not the only person that's lived and died and said these things. And then when you say, Hey, this was said, someone's like, they didn't say that. You're like, no, some people put all their content on the internet receipts. They did it themselves. That's not true. And I went to a prayer vigil. I didn't go. I sat outside a prayer vigil this weekend and I listened in and they were praying for the resurrection like Jesus of certain people that have passed on. I kid you, I sat there in the car with a friend of mine and then my youngest daughter had come with me just to hang out. She's like, what are they praying for? I was like, they're like, they were praying for a certain person to be resurrected from the dead just like Jesus. And I was so confused. I'm so confused how we got that far, honestly. But I told my kid, I said, this is a moment of reality for you. This is a moment to know. People think like this.Starlette (28:13):Also, white bodyDanielle (28:14):Supremacy is heresy. Yes. It's not even related to the Bible. Not at all.Why I steal away. This is why even the mistranslated Bible, even the Bible that you could take,Starlette (28:33):ThisThe version Danielle started. If you wouldn't have said that, I wouldn't have said that. This is exactly why I steal away. This is exactly why I leave. Because you can't argue with people like that. Now we're resurrected. IAll I need, it's like away. This is exactly why, because I can't hear what Howard Thurman calls the sound of the genuine in that. It's just not going to happen.Danielle (29:01):Can you imagine what would've happened if we would've prayed for George Floyd to be resurrected? Listen, what would've happenedStarlette (29:08):That he called the scumbag.Danielle (29:10):Yeah, but what would've happened if we would've played for their resurrection? Adam, Adam Polito. ThatStarlette (29:19):Was foundTamice (29:19):Psychosis.Starlette (29:21):Yeah. What would've happened? See, don't push me now. I feel like I need to pack. As soon as I said fill away, it's like people keep saying, what are you going to do if gets worse? I'm going to leave my, I'll sell all this crapAbout this stuff. This booby trap of capitalism. I'll it all don't about none of it. What matters most to me is my sense of ness. And when you get to talking, I almost said talking out the side of your neck. Jesus God, today, lemme God Jesus of your neck. You just need to know that's a cultural thing. That's going to have to be reevaluated. God. It just came right on out. Oh Lord. When you start saying things that go against my sense of ness that you think that I have to defend my personhood, that you want to tell me that I don't exist as a person. I don't exist as a human. Back to your reality testament. It's time for me to leave. I'm not staying here and fighting a race war or a civil war. You mamas are just violent. It's what you've always been.Tamice (30:28):Why would I stand in the middle? Why would I stand in the middle of what I know is a confrontation with yourself?Starlette (30:36):Oh, okay. Alright. I'm going to justTamice (30:38):You all. What happened last week is it, it is a confrontation with a really disturbed self and they're trying to flip it. Oh yes. They're trying to make it. Yes. But this is like, I'm trying to tell people out here, this is beyond you, Jack, that was a prophetic witness against you because now you see that what you're fighting is the mirror. Keep me out of it. I won't fight your wars. Keep me out of it. Look, James Baldwin said, y'all have to decide and figure out why you needed a nigger in the first place.I'm not a nigger. I'm a man. But you, the white people need to figure out why you created the nigger in the first place. Fuck, this is not my problem. This is a y'all and I don't have anything invested in this. All I'm trying to do is raise my kids, man. Come on. Get out of here with that. I'm sorry.Danielle (31:48):No, you keep going and then go back to starlet. Why do you think then they made her Terry? They had to make sure she doesn't buy into that. That's my opinion.Tamice (32:00):It's funny too because I see, I mean, I wasn't Pentecostal. I feel like who's coming to mind as soon as you said that de y'all know I'm hip hop. Right? So KRS one.Starlette (32:12):Yes. Consciousness.Tamice (32:14):The mind. Oh yes, the mind, the imagination. He was, I mean from day one, trying to embed that in the youth. Like, Hey, the battlefield is the mind. Are you going to internalize this bullshit?Are you going to let them name you?Starlette (32:34):This is the word.Tamice (32:34):Are you going to let them tell you what is real for the people of God? That's That's what I'm saying, man. Hip hop, hip hop's, refusal has been refusal from day one. That's why I trust it.Because in seen it, it came from the bottom of this place. It's from the bottom of your shoe. It tells the truth about all of this. So when I listen to hip hop, I know I'm getting the truth.Starlette (32:57):Yeah. EnemyObjection. What did public enemy say? Can't trust it. Can't trust it. No, no, no, no. You got to play it back. We got to run all that back.Danielle (33:11):I just think how it's so weaponized, the dirt, the bottom of the shoe, all of that stuff. But that's where we actually, that's what got it. Our bodies hitting the road, hitting the pavement, hitting the grass, hitting the dirt. That's how we know we're in reality because we've been forced to in many ways and have a mindset that we are familiar with despite socioeconomic changes. We're familiar with that bottom place.Tamice (33:38):Yeah. I mean, bottom place is where God is at. That's what y'all don't understand. God comes from black, dark dirt, like God is coming from darkness and hiddenness and mystery. You don't love darkness. You don't love GodStarlette (33:56):Talk. Now this bottom place is not to be confused with the sunken place that some of y'all are in. I just want to be clear. I just want to be clear and I'm not coming to get you. Fall was the wrong day. TodayI think it's good though because there's so much intimidation in other communities at times. I'm not saying there's not through the lynchings, ongoing lynchings and violence too and the threats against colleges. But it's good for us to be reminded of our different cultural perspectives and hear people talk with power. Why do you think Martin Luther King and Cesar Chavez wrote letters to each other? They knew something about that and knew something about it. They knew something about it. They knew something about why it's important to maintain the bonds. Why we're different, why we're similar. They knew something about it. So I see it as a benefit and a growth in our reality. That is actually what threatens that, that relationship, that bond, that connection, that speaking life into one another. That's what threatens that kingdom that you're talking about. Yeah.You just can't fake an encounter either.When I was tear, no matter what I've decolonized and divested from and decentered, I cannot deny that experience. I know that God was present. I know that God touched me. So when mother even made sister, even made, my grandmother would call me when I was in college, first person to go to college. In our family, she would say before she asked about classes or anything else, and she really didn't know what to ask. She only had a sixth grade education. But her first question was always you yet holding on?Right. She holding on. And I said, yes ma'am. Yes ma'am. Then she would, because it didn't matter if you couldn't keep the faith. There really wasn't nothing else for her to talk to you about. She was going to get ready to evangelize and get you back because you backslid. But that was her first thing. But what I've learned since then is that I can let go.The amazing thing is that the spirit is guiding me. I didn't let go all together. You got it. You got it. If it's real, if you're real, prove it. Demonstrate it. I'm getting chills now talk to me without me saying anything, touch me. I shouldn't have to do anything. Eugene Peterson says that prayer is answering speech. In fact, the only reason why I'm praying is because you said something to me first. It's not really on me to do anything. Even with the tear. I was already touched. I was already called. The reason why I was on my knees and pleading is because I'd already been compelled. Something had had already touched me. FirstThey called Holy Spirit. The hound of heaven. Damn right was already on my heels. I was already filled before I could even refuse. I was like, I don't want this. I'm going to always be star Jonah, get your people. I prefer fish guts. Throw me overboard. I don't like these people. Certified prophet because I don't want to do it. I never want to do it. I'm not interested at all. I have no too much history. I've had to deal with too much white body supremacy and prejudice and racism to want anything to do with the church. I see it for what? It's I'll never join one. By the way, are we recording? Is it on? I'm never joining a church ever. Until you all desegregate.You desegregate. Then we can talk about your ministry of reconciliation. Until then, you don't have one. Don't talk to me about a community day or a pulpit swap. I don't want to hear it. All Your praise. What did he say? A clinging, stumble, put away from me. Your conferences, all your multiracial. I don't want to hear none of it. Desegregate that part desegregate you, hypocrites, woe unto all of you white supremacists. If nobody ever told you that's not God. It's not of God. So I don't, for me, my reality is so above me, I know that Paul, because when I don't want to say anything, somebody is in my ear. Somebody was talking to me this morning. Somebody was writing a note in my ear. I had to get up. I said, please. I'm like, now I'm not even awake all the way. Stop talking to me. You can't fake that as much as I push against the Holy Spirit. You can't fake that. I don't want to do it. I don't want to say it. I'm of saying it. And yet I get up in the morning and it's like, say this, that post that. Write that. Somebody else is doing that. That's not me.As the mothers say, my flesh is weak. My flesh is not willing at all. I want to, all of y'all can go on. I'll pack this up and move somewhere else. Let them fight it to the death. I'm not going to, this is just my flesh speaking. Forgive me. Okay. This Raceless gospel is a calling friends. It's a calling. It's a calling, which means you coming into it. I'm an itinerant prophet. I'm heavy into the Hebrew scriptures. I come up with every excuse. My throat hurts. I got a speech impediment. The people don't like me. I'm not educated. It don't work. You need to know when people come to you and say, y'all need to get together, God speaking to you, the Pendo is coming. That's not like an invitation. That's kind of like a threat whether you want it or not. You're getting together.Everybody up. There's a meal ready, there's a banquet that is set and the food is getting cold and you are the reason why the drinks are watered down. That's go. You don't hear me calling you. ComeWhat I keep hearing. You have to know that God is speaking to people and saying that there's an invitation coming and you better get right. You better get washed up. Tam me said, you better let somebody pour that water over your hands. You better get washed up and get ready for dinner. I'm calling you. Come on in this house. Come on in this house. And this house is for everybody. Martin Luther King called it the world house. Everybody's coming in and you ain't got to like it doesn't matter. Get somewhere and sit down. That's that old church mother coming out of me and lemme just confess. I didn't even want to be on here this morning. I told God I didn't feel like talking. I told the Lord and you see what happened.Promise you. I'm a child. I'm full of disobedience.I was not in the mood. I said, I don't want to talk to nobody. I'm an introvert. I don't want to deal with none of this. Get somebody else to do it and look at it.Tamice (40:39):Yeah. It's funny because I woke up this morning, I was like, I'm not, I forgot. And then after all of the news today, I was like, I just don't have it in you, but this is, wait a minute. And it was three minutes past the time. Come on. And I was like, oh, well shoot. The house is empty. Nobody's here right now. I was like, well, lemme just log on. So this is definitely, it feels like definitely our calling do feel. I feel that way. I don't have time to bullshitSo I can't get out of it. I can't go to bed. I might as well say something. It won't let me go. I cannot do deceit. I can't do it. I can't sit idly by while people lie on God. I can't do that. I can't do it. It won't let up. And I'm trying to get in my body, get in this grass and get a little space. But I'm telling you, it won't let me go. And I feel it's important, Dee, you can't stop doing what you're doing. That's right. I mean is this thing of it is beyond me. It is living out of me. It's coming through me. And there has to be a reason for this. There's got to be a reason for this. And I don't know what it is because I know my eschatology is different, but I feel like, buddy, we got to manifest this kingdom. We have to manifest it until it pushes all that shit back. Come on. I'm telling you. Till it scurries it away or renders it and null and void, I'm talking. I mean, I want the type of light and glory on my being. That wicked logic disintegrate, wicked people drop dead. I mean that just in the Bible. In the Bible where Hert falls, headlong and worms eat em. Y'all celebrate that. Why can't I think about that? It's in your scriptures or daykin and the thing breaks and the legs of this false God break. I want that. I'm here for that. I'm going after that.Danielle (43:14):You think that this is what the definition of Terry is? That we're all Terry serious. I'm rocking the whole time. I'm serious. Right. That's what I told my kids. I said, in one sense, this is a one person of many that thinks this way. So we can't devote all our conversation in our house to this man. And I said in the other sense, because Starlet was asking me before he got here, how you doing? I said, we got up and I took calls from this person and that person and I told my kids, we're still advocating and doing what we can for the neighbors that need papers. And so we're going to continue doing that. That is the right thing to do. No matter what anybody else is doing in the world, we can do this.Tamice (43:56):Yeah, that's a good call. I mean, I'm headed to, I ain't going to say where I'm going no more, but I'm headed somewhere and going to be with people who are doing some innovation, right. Thinking how do we build a different world? How do our skillsets and passions coalesce and become something other than this? So I'm excited about that. And it's like that fire, it doesn't just drive me to want to rebuke. It does drive me to want to rebuild and rethink how we do everything. And I'm willing, I mean, I know that I don't know about y'all, but I feel like this, I'm getting out of dodge, but also I'm seeking the piece of the city. I feel both. I feel like I'm not holding hands with ridiculousness and I'm not moving in foolishness. But also I'm finna seek the piece of the city. My G I'm not running from delusion. Why would I? I'm in the truth. So I don't know how that maps onto a practical life, but we're finna figure it out. Out in it. I mean, the response of leadership to what has happened is a very clear sign where we are in terms of fascism. That's a very clear sign.What else y'all are looking for To tell you what it is.Danielle (45:36):But also we're the leaders. We are, we're the leaders. They're a leader of something, but they're not the leader of us. We're the leaders. We're the leaders. So no matter what they say, no matter what hate they spew, I really love Cesar Chavez. He's like, I still go out and feed the farm worker and I don't make them get on the boycott line because if they're pushed under the dirt, then they can't see hope. So people that have more economic power, a little more privilege than the other guy, we're the leaders. We're the ones that keep showing up in love. And love is a dangerous thing for these folks. They can't understand it. They can't grasp it. It is violent for them to feel love. Bodies actually reject it. And the more we show up, you're innovating. You're speaking Starla, you're preaching. We're the leaders. They're leaders of something. They're not leaders of us. We're leaders of freedom.Tamice (46:31):Come on now. D, we're leaders of give us thisStarlette (46:34):Bomb. We're leaders of compassion. You coming in here with the Holy Ghosts, acting like one of them church mothers. We were in the room together. She put our hand on us. YouDanielle (46:43):We're the ones that can remember Trey. We're the ones that can call for justice. We don't need them to do it. They've never done it. Right. Anyway. They have never showed up for a Mexican kid. They've never showed up for a black kid. They've never done it. Right. Anyway, we're the ones that can do it now. We have access to technology. We have access to our neighbors. We can bring a meal to a friend. We can give dollars to someone that needs gas. We're the the one doing it. We're the one that doing itTamice (47:11):Fill usDanielle (47:12):Up. They cannot take away our love.Starlette (47:15):Receive the benediction.Danielle: Yeah. They can't take it away. I'm telling you, if I saw someone shooting someone I hate, I would try to save that person. I don't own guns. I don't believe in guns, period. My family, that's my personal family's belief.And I would do that. I've thought about it many times. I thought would I do it? And I think I would because I actually believe that. I believe that people should not be shot dead. I believe that for the white kid. I believe that for the Mexican kid. I believe that for the black kid, we're the people that can show up. They're not going to come out here. They're inviting us to different kind of war. We're not in that war. That's right. We have love on our side and you cannot defeat love, kill love. You can'tTamice (48:04):Kill love and you can't kill life. That's the only reason somebody would ask you to be nonviolent. That's the only way somebody would've the audacity to ask that of you. Especially if you're oppressed. If the true is truth is that you can't kill love or life, damn man. It's hard out here for a pimp.Starlette (48:38):Really. Really? Yeah. Because what I really want to say isTamice (49:27):I can't. Your testimony a lie. No. Your testimony. That would be a lie. And like I said, truth telling is important. But there are days where I could be that I could go there, but I witnessed what happened that day. I watched the video. It's just not normal to watch that happen to anybody. And I don't care who you are. And the fact that we're there is just objectively just wow. And the fact that all of the spin and do y'all not realize what just happened? Just as a actual event. Right. What? You know, I'm saying how has this turned into diatribes? Right? We need reform. I, whichDanielle (50:29):Which, okay, so I have to cut us off. I have a client coming, but I want to hear from you, given all the nuance and complexity, how are you going to take care of your body this week or even just today? It doesn't have to be genius. Just one or two things you're going to do. Oh, I'm going toTamice (50:51):Take a nap. Yeah, you taking a nap? Y'all be so proud of me. I literally just said no to five things. I was like, I'm not coming to this. I'm not doing that. I won't be at this. I'm grieving. I'm go sit in the grass. Yeah, that's what I'm doing today. And I have stuff coming up. I'm like, Nope, I'm not available.Starlette (51:14):What about you Danielle? What are you going to do?Danielle (51:16):I'm going to eat scrambled eggs with no salt. I love that. I've grown my liver back so I have to have no salt. But I do love scrambled eggs. Scrambled eggs. That's the truth. Four. Four scrambled eggs.Starlette (51:31):And we thank you for your truth. BIO:The Reverend Dr. Starlette Thomas is a poet, practical theologian, and itinerant prophet for a coming undivided “kin-dom.” She is the director of The Raceless Gospel Initiative, named for her work and witness and an associate editor at Good Faith Media. Starlette regularly writes on the sociopolitical construct of race and its longstanding membership in the North American church. Her writings have been featured in Sojourners, Red Letter Christians, Free Black Thought, Word & Way, Plough, Baptist News Global and Nurturing Faith Journal among others. She is a frequent guest on podcasts and has her own. The Raceless Gospel podcast takes her listeners to a virtual church service where she and her guests tackle that taboo trinity— race, religion, and politics. Starlette is also an activist who bears witness against police brutality and most recently the cultural erasure of the Black Lives Matter Plaza in Washington, D.C. It was erected in memory of the 2020 protests that brought the world together through this shared declaration of somebodiness after the gruesome murder of George Perry Floyd, Jr. Her act of resistance caught the attention of the Associated Press. An image of her reclaiming the rubble went viral and in May, she was featured in a CNN article.Starlette has spoken before the World Council of Churches North America and the United Methodist Church's Council of Bishops on the color- coded caste system of race and its abolition. She has also authored and presented papers to the members of the Baptist World Alliance in Zurich, Switzerland and Nassau, Bahamas to this end. She has cast a vision for the future of religion at the National Museum of African American History and Culture's “Forward Conference: Religions Envisioning Change.” Her paper was titled “Press Forward: A Raceless Gospel for Ex- Colored People Who Have Lost Faith in White Supremacy.” She has lectured at The Queen's Foundation in Birmingham, U.K. on a baptismal pedagogy for antiracist theological education, leadership and ministries. Starlette's research interests have been supported by the Louisville Institute and the Lilly Foundation. Examining the work of the Reverend Dr. Clarence Jordan, whose farm turned “demonstration plot” in Americus, Georgia refused to agree to the social arrangements of segregation because of his Christian convictions, Starlette now takes this dirt to the church. Her thesis is titled, “Afraid of Koinonia: How life on this farm reveals the fear of Christian community.” A full circle moment, she was recently invited to write the introduction to Jordan's newest collection of writings, The Inconvenient Gospel: A Southern Prophet Tackles War, Wealth, Race and Religion.Starlette is a member of the Christian Community Development Association, the Peace & Justice Studies Association, and the Koinonia Advisory Council. A womanist in ministry, she has served as a pastor as well as a denominational leader. An unrepentant academician and bibliophile, Starlette holds degrees from Buffalo State College, Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School and Wesley Theological Seminary. Last year, she was awarded an honorary doctorate in Sacred Theology for her work and witness as a public theologian from Wayland Baptist Theological Seminary. She is the author of "Take Me to the Water": The Raceless Gospel as Baptismal Pedagogy for a Desegregated Church and a contributing author of the book Faith Forward: A Dialogue on Children, Youth & a New Kind of Christianity. Dr. Tamice Spencer - HelmsGod is not a weapon.  Authenticity is not a phase.Meet  Tamice Spencer-Helms (they/she). Tamice is a nonprofit leader, scholar-practitioner, pastor, and theoactivist based in Richmond, Virginia. For decades, Tamice has been guided by a singular purpose: to confront and heal what they call “diseased imagination”—the spiritual and social dis-ease that stifles agency, creativity, and collective flourishing. As a pastor for spiritual fugitives,  Tamice grounds their work at the intersection of social transformation, soulful leadership, womanist and queer liberation theologies, and cultural critique.A recognized voice in theoactivism, Tamice's work bridges the intellectual and the embodied, infusing rigorous scholarship with lived experience and spiritual practice. They hold two master's degrees (theology and leadership) and a doctorate in Social Transformation. Their frameworks, such as R.E.S.T. Mixtape and Soulful Leadership, which are research and evidence-based interventions that invite others into courageous truth-telling, radical belonging, and the kind of liberating leadership our times demand.​Whether facilitating retreats, speaking from the stage, consulting for organizations, or curating digital sanctuaries, Tamice's presence is both refuge and revolution. Their commitment is to help individuals and communities heal, reimagine, and build spaces where every person is seen, known, and liberated—where diseased imagination gives way to new possibilities. Kitsap County & Washington State Crisis and Mental Health ResourcesIf you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call 911.This resource list provides crisis and mental health contacts for Kitsap County and across Washington State.Kitsap County / Local ResourcesResourceContact InfoWhat They OfferSalish Regional Crisis Line / Kitsap Mental Health 24/7 Crisis Call LinePhone: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/24/7 emotional support for suicide or mental health crises; mobile crisis outreach; connection to services.KMHS Youth Mobile Crisis Outreach TeamEmergencies via Salish Crisis Line: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://sync.salishbehavioralhealth.org/youth-mobile-crisis-outreach-team/Crisis outreach for minors and youth experiencing behavioral health emergencies.Kitsap Mental Health Services (KMHS)Main: 360‑373‑5031; Toll‑free: 888‑816‑0488; TDD: 360‑478‑2715Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/Outpatient, inpatient, crisis triage, substance use treatment, stabilization, behavioral health services.Kitsap County Suicide Prevention / “Need Help Now”Call the Salish Regional Crisis Line at 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/Suicide-Prevention-Website.aspx24/7/365 emotional support; connects people to resources; suicide prevention assistance.Crisis Clinic of the PeninsulasPhone: 360‑479‑3033 or 1‑800‑843‑4793Website: https://www.bainbridgewa.gov/607/Mental-Health-ResourcesLocal crisis intervention services, referrals, and emotional support.NAMI Kitsap CountyWebsite: https://namikitsap.org/Peer support groups, education, and resources for individuals and families affected by mental illness.Statewide & National Crisis ResourcesResourceContact InfoWhat They Offer988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (WA‑988)Call or text 988; Website: https://wa988.org/Free, 24/7 support for suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, relationship problems, and substance concerns.Washington Recovery Help Line1‑866‑789‑1511Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resourcesHelp for mental health, substance use, and problem gambling; 24/7 statewide support.WA Warm Line877‑500‑9276Website: https://www.crisisconnections.org/wa-warm-line/Peer-support line for emotional or mental health distress; support outside of crisis moments.Native & Strong Crisis LifelineDial 988 then press 4Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resourcesCulturally relevant crisis counseling by Indigenous counselors.Additional Helpful Tools & Tips• Behavioral Health Services Access: Request assessments and access to outpatient, residential, or inpatient care through the Salish Behavioral Health Organization. Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/SBHO-Get-Behaviroal-Health-Services.aspx• Deaf / Hard of Hearing: Use your preferred relay service (for example dial 711 then the appropriate number) to access crisis services.• Warning Signs & Risk Factors: If someone is talking about harming themselves, giving away possessions, expressing hopelessness, or showing extreme behavior changes, contact crisis resources immediately. Well, first I guess I would have to believe that there was or is an actual political dialogue taking place that I could potentially be a part of. And honestly, I'm not sure that I believe that.

The Arise Podcast – Edited TranscriptSpeaker 1 (00:29):Welcome to the Rise Podcast. As part of this process, we're going to talk about what reality is—how to find it, and how to ground yourself in it. I'll have some regular co-hosts with me, as I mentioned earlier, and we'll continue to explore faith, gender, race, sex, the church—all in the context of discovering reality.Today is September 10, 2025. As I pushed to get this episode out, plans shifted and things got canceled. I was busy with the kids, checking the news, scrolling Instagram, running errands, picking up sandwiches—just an ordinary day. Then I saw the headline: Charlie Kirk had been shot.Interestingly, Charlie Kirk and I disagree on almost everything, but I've occasionally listened to his podcast. I also listen to the Midas Touch podcast and others across the spectrum to understand what people are thinking and believing.(01:47)I ask myself: what reality am I living in, and whose voices am I letting in? When I have the capacity, I listen to people like Charlie Kirk, sometimes tune in to Fox News, check X/Twitter, or look at Truth Social—just to gauge different perspectives.I live on Squamish land—land of cedar and clear salt water—here in Poulsbo, Washington. Kitsap County is an interesting rural mix. We're near Seattle, often labeled “ultra-liberal,” but that doesn't exempt us from racism, elitism, or entrenched power structures. And our rural neighbors may identify as fiscally or socially conservative. You might meet someone who voted very differently from you—someone who will happily bring you cookies, or someone who might actually despise you.(02:48)This mix, I think, is closer to reality than living in silos. We may choose echo chambers for news, but we still rub shoulders at coffee shops, restaurants, gyms, and schools with people who think differently.I keep asking: how do we find a shared space to even talk? How do we locate common reality?Back in 2020, when George Floyd was murdered, I saw deep fractures emerge. I was just starting therapy groups on race and whiteness. Our diverse group gathered to talk about racism at a time when the country seemed ready for those conversations.(04:54)But quickly I noticed what I call splitting—fracturing when someone said something others couldn't accept or even register in their bodies. It sometimes caused silence or confusion, and often led to sharp, even violent words meant to wound. And often the person speaking didn't realize the harm.This fascinated me as a therapist. From a psychological perspective, I began to wonder: which part of ourselves shows up in everyday interactions? At a store, maybe just a polite hello. With a friend, maybe a brief check-in that still doesn't touch the day's deeper feelings.(07:07)Sometimes those layers of relationship reveal unspoken emotions—feelings inside that remain hidden. Healthy boundaries are normal, but there's no guarantee that with those we love we suddenly share every vulnerable part of ourselves.Now add politics, faith, love, gender, culture: more layers. Many of these parts trace back to childhood—traumas, arguments, experiences at school or with caregivers.(08:15)So when I see splitting—what some call polarization, black-and-white or binary thinking, or even “boundaries as weapons”—I see people wrestling with what it means to be a neighbor and to engage someone who thinks radically differently.I feel the temptation myself to label everything all good or all bad. Children need that kind of distinction to learn what's safe and unsafe, but adults must grow beyond it. Two things can be true at the same time: you hurt me, and I still love you and will show up. Yet our world increasingly tells us that can't be true.(11:05)This pressure to split is intense—internally, from media, from social circles, from family. Sometimes I want to run away into the woods, start a farm, keep my kids home, just stay safe. Today, after news of a school shooting and Charlie Kirk's murder, that desire feels even stronger.There are days I simply cannot engage with people who think differently. Other days, I have more capacity.So where is reality? For me, it's grounding in faith—literally planting my feet on the earth, hugging a tree, touching grass.(13:30)I ask: who is God? Who is Jesus? And who have I been told God and Jesus are? I grew up in a rigid evangelical structure—shaped by purity culture and fear of punishment. I remember hearing, “If God calls you and you don't act, He'll move on and you'll be left behind.” Even now, at 47, that idea haunts me.When I meet people from that tradition, I feel the urge to split—making my perspective all right and theirs all wrong. I have to remind myself of their humanity and of God's love for them.Earlier this year, I chose to resist those splits. I called people where relationships felt scratchy or unresolved, inviting conversation. Not everyone responded, but the practice helped loosen old binds.(16:55)I also keep listening to multiple viewpoints. I never “followed” Charlie Kirk, but I'd check his posts and sometimes feel genuine tenderness when he shared about his family. That's part of loving your enemies—remembering their humanity, even when you feel anger or rage.I grew up surrounded by conservative media. I even remember the early days of Fox News. As a teen reading Time magazine, I once told my parents that Michael Dukakis's policies aligned more with my faith than his opponent's. Over time I drifted toward trickle-down economics, but that early instinct still stands out.(21:22)All of us are socialized into certain beliefs. I went from conservative evangelical spaces to a conservative liberal-arts college. People warned I might “lose my faith,” yet those history classes deepened it. Today many claim that consuming certain media will “distort your reality.” Political violence is rising. I listen to both progressive and conservative podcasts to understand different lives. Yet when I cite something I've heard, I'm often told it's “AI-generated” or “fake,” even when it's a direct quote. Liberals do this too, around issues like Palestine, policing, or healthcare.(24:47)It's painful to be around people who think differently. The question is: how do we converse without devolving into hate or shouting?Today is September 11. Between Charlie Kirk's assassination, yesterday's school shooting, and attempted political killings, it's clear our nation is split into competing realities that shape everything—from how we see safety to how we practice faith and empathy.This podcast is about examining those realities and how we process them.(26:44)Sometimes we retreat inward to cope with trauma—what psychology might call dissociation or a psychic retreat. I understand the instinct to step back for safety.Maybe these divisions always existed, and I just see them more clearly now while raising my children. That responsibility feels heavy.(29:12)I often turn to elders and their words—Cesar Chavez, Dolores Huerta, Martin Luther King Jr.'s “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” They remind me others have endured violence and hatred and still held onto hope and faith.I fight for that same hope now.(30:04)To ground ourselves we can:- Connect with the earth: literally touch the ground, trees, water.- Stay in community: share meals, exchange help, build fences together.- Nourish faith: draw on spiritual wisdom.- Cherish family: use loved ones as emotional barometers.- Engage work and service: notice how they shape and sustain us.- Face issues of race and justice: ask if we contribute to harm or to healing.Your grounding pillars may differ, but these guide me.(32:40)I invite you to this journey. You may agree or disagree—that's okay. We need space to coexist when it feels like only one side can survive.Violence won't change hearts. Bullets cannot replace ballots. Money cannot buy joy or transformation. Only sustained dialogue and care can.(34:05)I'll share some quotes from Dolores Huerta and Cesar Chavez in the show notes. Please stay curious and seek the mental-health support you need. Don't be alone in your grief or fear. If you feel triggered or overwhelmed, reach out—to a therapist, pastor, trusted friend, or crisis helpline.A special guest and new co-host will join me next week. I look forward to continuing the conversation.   Crisis Resources:Kitsap County & Washington State Crisis and Mental Health ResourcesIf you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call 911.This resource list provides crisis and mental health contacts for Kitsap County and across Washington State.Kitsap County / Local ResourcesResource Contact Info What They OfferSalish Regional Crisis Line / Kitsap Mental Health 24/7 Crisis Call Line Phone: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/ 24/7 emotional support for suicide or mental health crises; mobile crisis outreach; connection to services.KMHS Youth Mobile Crisis Outreach Team Emergencies via Salish Crisis Line: 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://sync.salishbehavioralhealth.org/youth-mobile-crisis-outreach-team/ Crisis outreach for minors and youth experiencing behavioral health emergencies.Kitsap Mental Health Services (KMHS) Main: 360‑373‑5031; Toll‑free: 888‑816‑0488; TDD: 360‑478‑2715Website: https://www.kitsapmentalhealth.org/crisis-24-7-services/ Outpatient, inpatient, crisis triage, substance use treatment, stabilization, behavioral health services.Kitsap County Suicide Prevention / “Need Help Now” Call the Salish Regional Crisis Line at 1‑888‑910‑0416Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/Suicide-Prevention-Website.aspx 24/7/365 emotional support; connects people to resources; suicide prevention assistance.Crisis Clinic of the Peninsulas Phone: 360‑479‑3033 or 1‑800‑843‑4793Website: https://www.bainbridgewa.gov/607/Mental-Health-Resources Local crisis intervention services, referrals, and emotional support.NAMI Kitsap County Website: https://namikitsap.org/ Peer support groups, education, and resources for individuals and families affected by mental illness.Statewide & National Crisis ResourcesResource Contact Info What They Offer988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (WA‑988) Call or text 988; Website: https://wa988.org/ Free, 24/7 support for suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, relationship problems, and substance concerns.Washington Recovery Help Line 1‑866‑789‑1511Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resources Help for mental health, substance use, and problem gambling; 24/7 statewide support.WA Warm Line 877‑500‑9276Website: https://www.crisisconnections.org/wa-warm-line/ Peer-support line for emotional or mental health distress; support outside of crisis moments.Native & Strong Crisis Lifeline Dial 988 then press 4Website: https://doh.wa.gov/you-and-your-family/injury-and-violence-prevention/suicide-prevention/hotline-text-and-chat-resources Culturally relevant crisis counseling by Indigenous counselors.Additional Helpful Tools & Tips• Behavioral Health Services Access: Request assessments and access to outpatient, residential, or inpatient care through the Salish Behavioral Health Organization. Website: https://www.kitsap.gov/hs/Pages/SBHO-Get-Behaviroal-Health-Services.aspx• Deaf / Hard of Hearing: Use your preferred relay service (for example dial 711 then the appropriate number) to access crisis services.• Warning Signs & Risk Factors: If someone is talking about harming themselves, giving away possessions, expressing hopelessness, or showing extreme behavior changes, contact crisis resources immediately.  Well, first I guess I would have to believe that there was or is an actual political dialogue taking place that I could potentially be a part of. And honestly, I'm not sure that I believe that.

Veteran LA private investigator Ken Childs joins us for a jaw-dropping, celeb-adjacent case file. A manager quietly hires Ken to verify whether a very famous man's girlfriend is stepping out, and we ride along as he threads canyon roads, outsmarts “Private Drive” signs, and navigates a neighborhood of $90M estates and movie-set security to capture the evidence. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Wayfair. Refresh your home for less. Shop back-to-routine deals by visiting Wayfair.com.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode is sponsored by Suvie. Get the smart countertop kitchen robot that refrigerates, cooks, and meal-preps dinner while you're away. Go to Suvie.com/DatingDetectives to start your 100-day risk-free trial and get 16 FREE meals with your order.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, I chat with Paul Hammond about effective testing strategies, the joy of working with well-designed TDD systems, and how synchronous collaboration improves code quality. We examine what true agility means and how technical excellence enables fearless releases and sustainable development.Feedback-Driven DevelopmentPaul Hammond on LinkedInNonsense Monthly

Christophe a vécu l'enfer du développeur dans un legacy de 30 ans en C. Puis il a découvert le TDD... et sa vie a basculé.Ce que vous allez découvrir dans cet épisode :✅ Comment Christophe a divisé par 3 ses délais de développement (6 mois → 2 mois)✅ Pourquoi ses utilisateurs lui disent maintenant : "On n'a jamais vu une vélocité pareille"✅ Les vraies raisons pour lesquelles les équipes résistent au changement✅ Sa stratégie pour convaincre (ou pas) ses collègues récalcitrantsHébergé par Ausha. Visitez ausha.co/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Whitney didn't go looking for love. All she wanted was peace, but what she found was a slow-burn masterclass in love-bombing, disappearing acts, and financial manipulation that preyed on old wounds and present-day loneliness. As the red flags pile up (and the cash and car keys vanish), Whitney's femmetuition starts connecting dots that lead to a jaw-dropping, headline-level reveal about who he really is. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code DATING.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/tdd find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.This episode is sponsored by Wayfair. Refresh your home for less. Shop back-to-routine deals by visiting Wayfair.com.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Layla returns, and she's not alone. As our Porsche & Penthouse Scam saga, Layla connects with Allison, another target of the same smooth-talking Brit. Together they compare receipts, unravel overlapping lies and money games, and take the fight from group chats to law enforcement. Equal parts scam autopsy and friendship origin story, this episode proves that when women compare notes, Dogfish don't swim for long. (Content Warning: financial abuse/manipulation.)Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Suvie. Get the smart countertop kitchen robot that refrigerates, cooks, and meal-preps dinner while you're away. Go to Suvie.com/DatingDetectives to start your 100-day risk-free trial and get 16 FREE meals with your order.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. Get control of your finances with Monarch Money. Use code DATING at MonarchMoney.com in your browser (not app) for half off your first year!***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this sequel/prequel to April's episode titled Dressed to Deceive: The Push and Penthouse Scam, Mackenzie and Hanna pick up Allison's saga where it left off, and introduce Layla, another woman targeted by the same charming British real-estate developer. Her story, and how she found her way to Allison and our show, is a wild ride unlike anything we've heard on The Dating Detectives before! Tune in next week for the final chapter of this epic Dogfish saga. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.Make this spring your most delicious yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50datingdetectives and use code 50datingdetectives to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this high-energy episode, returning guests Gilbert Sanchez and Jake Hildreth join Andrew for a deep dive into: Module templating with PSStucco Building for accessibility in PowerShell Creating open source GitHub orgs like PSInclusive How PowerShell can lead to learning modern dev workflows like GitHub Actions and CI/CD What begins with a conversation about a live demo gone hilariously sideways turns into an insightful exploration of how PowerShell acts as a launchpad into bigger ecosystems like GitHub, YAML, JSON, and continuous integration pipelines.Bios &   Bios: Gilbert Sanchez is a Staff Software Development Engineer at Tesla, specifically working on PowerShell. Formerly known as "Señor Systems Engineer" at Meta. A loud advocate for DEI, DevEx, DevOps, and TDD.   Jake Hildreth is a Principal Security Consultant at Semperis, Microsoft MVP, and longtime builder of tools that make identity security suck a little less. With nearly 25 years in IT (and the battle scars to prove it), he specializes in helping orgs secure Active Directory and survive the baroque disaster that is Active Directory Certificate Services. He's the creator of Locksmith, BlueTuxedo, and PowerPUG!, open-source tools built to make life easier for overworked identity admins. When he's not untangling Kerberos or wrangling DNS, he's usually hanging out with his favorite people and most grounding reality check: his wife and daughter.   Links https://gilbertsanchez.com/posts/stucco-create-powershell-module/ https://jakehildreth.github.io/blog/2025/07/02/PowerShell-Module-Scaffolding-with-PSStucco.html https://github.com/PSInclusive https://jakehildreth.com/ https://andrewpla.tech/links https://discord.gg/pdq https://pdq.com/podcast https://youtu.be/w-z2-0ii96Y  

Asgaut Mjølne Söderbom and Ola Hast, two developers with Sparebank1 speak about their journey towards continuous deployment and pair programming. During the conversation, they share how they use the "waste clock" to identify areas of improvement or how TDD helps them deliver high-quality code. Read a transcript of this interview: https://bit.ly/4lNvYgI Subscribe to the Software Architects' Newsletter for your monthly guide to the essential news and experience from industry peers on emerging patterns and technologies: https://www.infoq.com/software-architects-newsletter Upcoming Events: InfoQ Dev Summit Munich (October 15-16, 2025) Essential insights on critical software development priorities. https://devsummit.infoq.com/conference/munich2025 QCon San Francisco 2025 (November 17-21, 2025) Get practical inspiration and best practices on emerging software trends directly from senior software developers at early adopter companies. https://qconsf.com/ QCon AI New York 2025 (December 16-17, 2025) https://ai.qconferences.com/ QCon London 2026 (March 16-19, 2026) https://qconlondon.com/ The InfoQ Podcasts: Weekly inspiration to drive innovation and build great teams from senior software leaders. Listen to all our podcasts and read interview transcripts: - The InfoQ Podcast https://www.infoq.com/podcasts/ - Engineering Culture Podcast by InfoQ https://www.infoq.com/podcasts/#engineering_culture - Generally AI: https://www.infoq.com/generally-ai-podcast/ Follow InfoQ: - Mastodon: https://techhub.social/@infoq - X: https://x.com/InfoQ?from=@ - LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/infoq/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InfoQdotcom# - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/infoqdotcom/?hl=en - Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/infoq - Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/infoq.com Write for InfoQ: Learn and share the changes and innovations in professional software development. - Join a community of experts. - Increase your visibility. - Grow your career. https://www.infoq.com/write-for-infoq

How do you build a high-performing engineering team in the AI era? And will AI make fundamental engineering skills obsolete?In this episode, Mohan Krishnan, Head of Engineering at Grab, shares lessons from leading multiple transformational engineering teams. Drawing from his experience at Grab, Bukalapak, BBM Emtek, and Pivotal Labs, Mohan explains why core engineering fundamentals still matter, even in the age of AI, and will become even more valuable than ever. He discusses building disciplined, high-performing engineering teams and the importance of hands-on leadership. We also explore the unique challenges and vast potential of the tech landscape in Southeast Asia.Key topics discussed:Why foundational skills like TDD and system design are becoming more critical in the age of generative AIHow to effectively use AI as a pair programmer for upskilling and idea generation, while avoiding the pitfalls of “vibe coding”Mohan's “sports team” analogy for building successful engineering teams with discipline, a mix of seniority, and a culture of deep learningThe importance of hands-on technical leadership, and why even CTOs should “dive deep” to set the right engineering barThe state of engineering talent in Southeast Asia and what's needed to bridge the gap in deep tech and AI developmentActionable career advice for junior and mid-career professionals navigating the AI-infused software industryTimestamps:(00:00:00) Trailer & Intro(00:02:08) Career Turning Points(00:06:03) Things We Should Learn in the AI Era(00:09:53) AI as a Pair Programmer(00:13:58) The Danger of Outsourcing Our Thinking to AI(00:17:29) The Dopamine Hit of Using AI(00:20:36) Building a Successful Transformational Engineering Team(00:25:33) The Discipline Rigor in An Engineering Team(00:29:14) Understanding & Delivering Outcomes for the Business(00:32:21) Having a Tough Approach as an Engineering Leader(00:39:07) Going Back as an IC at Google(00:45:40) The Importance of Being Hands-On with Recent Technologies for Leaders(00:52:40) Hands-on vs Micromanagement(00:55:11) Engineering Talents in Southeast Asia(00:58:06) Building Tech Talents in Southeast Asia(01:01:17) Bridging the AI Gap in Southeast Asia(01:04:03) Should We Still Pursue a Tech Career in the AI Era?(01:07:24) 2 Tech Lead Wisdom_____Mohan Krishnan's BioMohan Krishnan, based in Singapore, is currently a Head of Engineering at Grab. Mohan Krishnan brings experience from previous roles at Google, Bukalapak, BBM and Pt. Kreatif Media Karya. Mohan Krishnan holds a 1998 - 2002 Bachelor of Engineering in Multimedia, Electronics at Multimedia University. With a robust skill set that includes Ruby on Rails, Multithreading, Web Services, HTML, Services and more.Follow Mohan:LinkedIn – linkedin.com/in/mohangkLike this episode?Show notes & transcript: techleadjournal.dev/episodes/228.Follow @techleadjournal on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram.Buy me a coffee or become a patron.

In this jaw-dropping episode of The Dating Detectives, we meet Jade, a 30-year-old single mom whose world was upended when her wife began an affair with someone no one ever expects. What starts as a postpartum support system turns into a shocking betrayal involving romantic manipulation, medical ethics violations, and a devastating unraveling of Jade's family. As Jade bravely shares her story, we explore the power dynamics between patients and doctors, the red flags of love bombing, and how postpartum vulnerability can be exploited. This episode is a raw, emotional, and ultimately empowering look at what happens when the people you rely on most turn out to be the ones you need to heal from.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Suvie. Get the smart countertop kitchen robot that refrigerates, cooks, and meal-preps dinner while you're away. Go to Suvie.com/DatingDetectives to start your 100-day risk-free trial and get 16 FREE meals with your order.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code DATING.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of Building Better Developers, Rob Broadhead and Michael Meloche revisit their earlier topic from “User Stories Unveiled – A Developer's Guide to Capturing the Full Narrative.” They add structure and talking points—some suggested by ChatGPT—but the real focus remains on how to effectively use user stories in software development. At their core, user stories help teams communicate purpose and intent. They turn generic requirements into actionable, testable narratives that align with real-world needs. The Power of Story: A Proven Format for Software Success User stories follow a simple but powerful structure: As a [user], I want [feature], so that [benefit]. This format helps everyone—from developers to stakeholders—understand what's needed and why. For instance: As a customer, I want to check my account balance so I can make smart spending decisions. Even that brief statement can imply multiple technical requirements. Rob explains how this format helps uncover both functional and non-functional needs—making user stories in software development a critical tool for better results. Turning User Stories Into Requirements That Work Michael takes the discussion deeper by showing how user stories translate into system requirements. Each story triggers important “what if” scenarios: What if there's no balance data? How should errors be handled? What's the next logical user action? These questions drive refinement. The more complete the story, the fewer assumptions developers have to make. When applied well, user stories in software development help identify edge cases and clarify expectations early. Using User Stories in Software Development to Drive Testing Another benefit of user stories? They support test-driven development (TDD). Michael points out that frameworks like Cucumber allow you to write test cases in plain, user-focused language. These tests validate features against the original intent of the story. User stories help developers think from the user's perspective. Instead of focusing on implementation first, they focus on proof. What needs to work—and how do we confirm that it does? What Makes a Great User Story in Software Development? Rob introduces the INVEST model, a proven framework for evaluating user stories: Independent Negotiable Valuable Estimable Small Testable These qualities ensure that stories are manageable, relevant, and easy to test. The team emphasizes avoiding overly technical stories that don't reflect user value. The goal is always to create stories that can guide discussion, development, and testing without confusion. Pitfalls to Avoid When Writing User Stories One major mistake? Saying “Just tell me what to build.” Rob warns this is a dangerous mindset that reduces developers to order-takers. Instead, good developers ask why, challenge assumptions, and uncover the real goals behind each feature. Michael notes that in smaller teams, developers often take on the role of product owner or analyst. That means refining and sometimes even writing the user stories themselves. In those cases, clarity and curiosity become essential to avoid rework or misalignment. Prioritizing and Revisiting User Stories in Software Development Not every story belongs in version 1.0. The hosts advise teams to revisit their backlog and separate must-haves from nice-to-haves. Many projects waste time building features that never get used—often because they weren't properly vetted. Use user stories to define your MVP (Minimum Viable Product). Anything outside of that can go into a backlog for future releases. This helps teams stay focused and deliver real value quickly. Final Thoughts: Better Stories, Better Software This episode reinforces a simple truth: user stories in software development are a gateway to better communication, clearer requirements, and stronger software outcomes. When teams understand the who, what, and why of every feature, they build smarter solutions faster. Callout: Don't Code Without a Story Before you build anything, ask: Who is this for? What do they want? Why does it matter? Let purpose drive your process—and let the user lead the story. Stay Connected: Join the Developreneur Community We invite you to join our community and share your coding journey with us. Whether you're a seasoned developer or just starting, there's always room to learn and grow together. Contact us at info@develpreneur.com with your questions, feedback, or suggestions for future episodes. Together, let's continue exploring the exciting world of software development. Additional Resources How to write effective user stories in agile development? The Importance of Properly Defining Requirements Changing Requirements – Welcome Them For Competitive Advantage Creating Your Product Requirements Creating Use Cases and Gathering Requirements The Developer Journey Videos – With Bonus Content Building Better Developers With AI Podcast Videos – With Bonus Content

In this episode of Dating Detectives, Mackenzie and Hanna are joined by Mackenzie's long-time friend and fellow private investigator, Brandy, for a jaw-dropping undercover story. What begins as a routine insurance surveillance case quickly unravels into something far messier, as Brandy tails a seemingly average family man who, while his wife is out of town, juggles not one, not two, but three different women, sometimes even on the same day.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simply Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode is sponsored by Suvie. Get the smart countertop kitchen robot that refrigerates, cooks, and meal-preps dinner while you're away. Go to Suvie.com/DatingDetectives to start your 100-day risk-free trial and get 16 FREE meals with your order.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you've ever wondered how to make test-driven development more than a coding technique, this episode is for you. Ashok Sivanand and producer Doug Branson answer listener and Reddit-sourced questions about building better product teams—covering everything from mindset shifts to hard truths about performance reviews and strategic alignment. Ashok connects TDD to the principles of Essentialism by Greg McKeown, revealing how teams can define success before they begin and cut through the noise of Slack and OKRs. Hear practical advice for first-time founders struggling to articulate value without a 20-minute demo, plus techniques to scale beyond early adopter customers using real-world interviews and Jobs to Be Done. Later, they explore how to recover from a tough performance review, especially in remote roles, and why communication—not effort—is often the missing ingredient. The episode wraps with a conversation about the dangers of leadership ambiguity when a company isn't sure whether it's selling a service or a product. ASK YOUR QUESTION: convergence.fm/contact Unlock the full potential of your product team with Integral's player coaches, experts in lean, human-centered design. Visit integral.io/convergence for a free Product Success Lab workshop to gain clarity and confidence in tackling any product design or engineering challenge. Episodes referenced in this episode... From Code to Culture: How Shopify Thrives Under Farhan Thawar's Thought Leadership - https://youtu.be/tKEKfjACv3k The POWER of Small Data With High Signal - A Jobs To Be Done masterclass with Andrew Glaser - https://youtu.be/0X1RKZWJgOU Building Customer-Centric Teams: Josh Seiden on OKRs and Agile - https://youtu.be/0dPoDNCQmyc Best of 2024 - Derisking and Evolving on your OKR (Objectives and Key Results) Implementation - https://youtu.be/6HcRd6qUq1A Inside the episode... TDD as a mindset beyond code, inspired by Essentialism How to recover from a tough performance review in a remote org Tips for first-time founders explaining product value without demos Jobs to Be Done and using customer language in sales Diagnosing product vs service strategy confusion in your org Mentioned in this episode... Essentialism by Greg McKeown The Mom Test by Rob Fitzpatrick Jobs to Be Done framework Calendly Integral Unlock the full potential of your product team with Integral's player coaches, experts in lean, human-centered design. Visit integral.io/convergence for a free Product Success Lab workshop to gain clarity and confidence in tackling any product design or engineering challenge. Subscribe to the Convergence podcast wherever you get podcasts including video episodes to get updated on the other crucial conversations that we'll post on YouTube at youtube.com/@convergencefmpodcast Learn something? Give us a 5 star review and like the podcast on YouTube. It's how we grow.   Follow the Pod Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/convergence-podcast/ X: https://twitter.com/podconvergence Instagram: @podconvergence

This interview was recorded for GOTO Unscripted.https://gotopia.techRead the full transcription of this interview hereNat Pryce - Co-Author of "Growing Object­-Oriented Software Guided by Tests" & "Java to Kotlin"Duncan McGregor - Co-Author of "Java to Kotlin" & Independent ConsultantRESOURCESNathttps://mastodon.social/@natprycehttps://github.com/nprycehttps://x.com/natprycehttps://www.linkedin.com/in/natprycehttp://www.natpryce.comDuncanhttps://twitter.com/duncanmcghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/duncan-mcgregor-a3038b6https://github.com/dmcghttp://www.oneeyedmen.comhttps://java-to-kotlin.devLinkshttps://www.meetup.com/extreme-tuesday-club-xtchttps://guava.dev/releases/21.0/api/docs/com/google/common/base/Function.htmlDESCRIPTIONThis conversation between Duncan McGregor and Nat Pryce explores the legacy of Nat's co-authored book "Growing Object-Oriented Software, Guided by Tests" (GOOS) and how software development practices have evolved in the past 15 years.They discuss the origins of test-driven development (TDD) within London's Extreme Tuesday Club, the shift from object-oriented to functional programming paradigms, and how changing technology has influenced development approaches.Key topics include outside-in vs bottom-up testing strategies, mock objects, the rise of microservices, and whether modern development practices have actually improved productivity.The conversation provides valuable historicaDigital Disruption with Geoff Nielson Discover how technology is reshaping our lives and livelihoods.Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify Inspiring Tech Leaders - The Technology PodcastInterviews with Tech Leaders and insights on the latest emerging technology trends.Listen on: Apple Podcasts SpotifyBlueskyTwitterInstagramLinkedInFacebookCHANNEL MEMBERSHIP BONUSJoin this channel to get early access to videos & other perks:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs_tLP3AiwYKwdUHpltJPuA/joinLooking for a unique learning experience?Attend the next GOTO conference near you! Get your ticket: gotopia.techSUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL - new videos posted daily!

In this gripping two-part episode, Mackenzie and Hanna welcome siblings Rob and Laura, who reveal how their kind-hearted father was quietly robbed blind by their stepmother for nearly three decades. From phony bank statements and forged checks to embezzled retirement payouts and a sham foreclosure's, you'll hear the shocking twists and red flags that went unnoticed for 27 years. As Rob and Laura piece together rumors of embezzlement, payday-loan scams, and daily ATM withdrawals you'll be left wondering how something so outrageous could stay hidden in plain sight. If you or someone you love has ever weathered financial betrayal, this story will resonate on a deeply personal level. Buckle up for part one of this jaw-dropping family saga.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkStop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/tdd find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Make this spring your most delicious yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50datingdetectives and use code 50datingdetectives to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. Get control of your finances with Monarch Money. Use code DATING at MonarchMoney.com in your browser (not app) for half off your first year! ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this eye-opening episode of the Mob Mentality Show, we sit down with software engineer and consultant William Bernting to explore a radical approach to hiring, teamwork, and technical leadership. William walks us through his real-world experience with mob programming interviews—a collaborative hiring process where candidates join the team in an ensemble coding session, not a contrived solo coder test. He shares the surprising benefits of evaluating candidates through communication, alignment, and problem-solving over individual technical trivia. We dive into: Why mob programming is a great way to assess team fit and long-term success How to structure collaborative interviews that reduce anxiety and reveal true strengths What happens when you ditch traditional project-led methods and focus on predictability through steady flow How the Cynefin framework helps make sense of complex team dynamics and guides leadership decisions What freelance engineering looks like when trust, autonomy, and collaboration lead the way William also discusses how he's made his work more stable and sustainable—for both clients and team members—without relying on estimates or rigid plans. Instead, he uses continuous delivery, test-driven development (TDD), and mobbing to achieve results that are both reliable and adaptable. Whether you're a hiring manager rethinking your interview process, an engineer looking to join better teams, or a leader trying to move beyond chaotic delivery cycles, this conversation offers practical takeaways and fresh perspective.

In this gripping two-part episode, Mackenzie and Hanna welcome siblings Rob and Laura, who reveal how their kind-hearted father was quietly robbed blind by their stepmother for nearly three decades. From phony bank statements and forged checks to embezzled retirement payouts and a sham foreclosure's, you'll hear the shocking twists and red flags that went unnoticed for 27 years. As Rob and Laura piece together rumors of embezzlement, payday-loan scams, and daily ATM withdrawals you'll be left wondering how something so outrageous could stay hidden in plain sight. If you or someone you love has ever weathered financial betrayal, this story will resonate on a deeply personal level. Buckle up for part one of this jaw-dropping family saga.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code DATING. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simply Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.This episode is sponsored by SKIMS. Shop the SKIMS Fits Everybody Collection at SKIMS.com. After you place your order be sure to let them know we sent you by filling out the survey! ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trigger Warning: This episode contains discussions of physical violence and assault, stalking and harassment, arson, threatening letters, abortion, drug use, and a graphic murder. We will give a warning before the murder details so you can skip through that section if you would prefer!Gear up for a harrowing ride with this week's Dating Detectives as we sit down with Megan to unravel an almost unbelievable tale of deceit, danger, and survival. Megan thought she'd found the perfect guy, only to discover Randy lied about everything from his name and age to his criminal past. Megan's life unravels: she ends the relationship while pregnant, survives a brutal push that leaves her injured, watches her home and cars set aflame, and endures relentless stalking and threatening letters. Years later, she learns that her experience with Randy could have ended far far worse. Throughout, we explore the ethical responsibilities of true-crime storytelling, the perfect-victim myth, the chilling power of “dogfish” deception, and why trusting your “femmetuition” can be the difference between life and death.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simply Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trigger Warnings: miscarriage, suicidal ideation, eating disorders (OCD, anorexia), animal cruelty, religious trauma, infidelity, emotional abuseJoin us on this week's episode of The Dating Detectives as we sit down with Cassie, whose “perfect” Utah marriage unravels into a year-long nightmare of betrayal, manipulation, and mental‐health crises. You'll hear how a childhood shaped by poverty and strict religious culture set the stage for a whirlwind teenage engagement, a devastating miscarriage, and months of emotional abandonment. When her husband leans on Cassie's best friend, Cassie uncovers a web of online deception, secret affairs, and shocking cruelty that forces her to choose between self-preservation and the life she thought she wanted. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Luca and Jeff dive into how AI tools can supercharge embedded development workflows. Luca shares his extensive hands-on experience, while Jeff brings a fresh perspective as someone just starting to incorporate these tools. They explore how AI can help with coding, testing, and debugging - while emphasizing that good software engineering judgment remains crucial. The conversation is particularly timely since AI tools are evolving rapidly, unlike their usually more "evergreen" podcast topics.A key insight they discuss is that while AI tools offer amazing productivity boosts (much like IDEs did), they're not replacing experienced developers anytime soon. However, they raise interesting questions about the future job market for junior developers. Their take? Modern developers should absolutely embrace AI tools, but use them thoughtfully - especially when learning.Key Timestamps and Topics:00:00:00 - Welcome and episode overview00:00:43 - Why this topic won't age well (but that's okay!)00:02:20 - Breaking down different AI coding tools00:08:00 - Deep dive into aider and workflow integration00:20:02 - Using AI for testing and test-driven development00:27:00 - AI-assisted architecture work and its limitations00:30:40 - How AI helps explore unfamiliar codebases00:33:30 - Debugging with AI - pros and cons00:38:50 - What this means for development jobs00:43:59 - Using AI to learn new frameworks/languages00:46:15 - Embedded Online Conference preview You can find Jeff at https://jeffgable.com.You can find Luca at https://luca.engineer.Want to join the agile Embedded Slack? Click here

In this special two-part episode of The Dating Detectives, producer Mollie steps into the hosting chair alongside Hannah while Mackenzie is away, and they're diving into a jaw-dropping story you won't forget. Our guest, Andrea, shares the first chapter of her surreal journey: a whirlwind college romance and marriage, and a seemingly perfect life built on success, trust, and family... until one day, her husband drops a bombshell that shatters it all.Follow Andrea on Tik Tok @andrea.merrimanClick here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simply Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/tdd find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Make this spring your most delicious yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50datingdetectives and use code 50datingdetectives to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this special two-part episode of The Dating Detectives, producer Mollie steps into the hosting chair alongside Hannah while Mackenzie is away, and they're diving into a jaw-dropping story you won't forget. Our guest, Andrea, shares the first chapter of her surreal journey: a whirlwind college romance and marriage, and a seemingly perfect life built on success, trust, and family... until one day, her husband drops a bombshell that shatters it all. Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. Enjoy 30 days free of spicy, female-focused audio stories at DipseaStories.com/TDD.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week Mackenzie and Hanna invite the first PI guest on the show to share one of their own stories! The first PI guest is Austin, a nine-year veteran whose toolkit spans family-law digs, criminal-defense surveillance, insurance-fraud exposés and cutting-edge open-source sleuthing. He pulls back the curtain on what it really takes to trail a suspect—long hours in a lobby, split-second decisions on whether to dash inside or stay hidden, and even the pros and cons of facial-recognition software like PIMeyes. You'll get Austin's top safety hacks for vetting dates (free and low-cost background-check resources you can use tonight) and discover why a seemingly innocent Memorial Day beach trip ended with an all-too-public, trunk-wide rendezvous in a cherry-red Porsche.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simpli Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

"Une entreprise de notre secteur a fait faillite en 20 minutes après avoir déployé un bug. Tester, c'est important" Le D.E.V. de la semaine est Arnaud Lemaire, Deputy CTO chez LGO. Arnaud vient nous parler de son expérience chez LGO où les tests sont indispensable, un bug pouvant réellement causer la faillite de l'entreprise (#TrueStory). Il nous parle bien sûr des différents type de test, de leur rôle mais surtout de leur place dans la chaîne de création de valeurs par le code. Et bien sûr il nous raconte pourquoi le TDD (et les conceptions qui en découlent aussi) est la meilleur solution pour un code maintenable et pérenne. Liens évoqués pendant l'émission Conférence d'Arnaud, "les micro services, c'est pas automatique" Toutes les conférences d'Arnaud : Lilobase.me 🎙️ Soutenez le podcast If This Then Dev ! 🎙️ Chaque contribution aide à maintenir et améliorer nos épisodes. Cliquez ici pour nous soutenir sur Tipeee 🙏Archives | Site | Boutique | TikTok | Discord | Twitter | LinkedIn | Instagram | Youtube | Twitch | Job Board |Distribué par Audiomeans. Visitez audiomeans.fr/politique-de-confidentialite pour plus d'informations.

Fredrik och Kristoffer rapporterar från konferenserna Myconf och Open infra forum, diskuterar skisser, och när idéer springer ifrån sin upphovsperson och får sitt eget liv. På Myconf fanns tydliga teman av att hantera komplexitet - Fredrik ser som vanligt kopplingar till Barry O'Reilly - och boken Thinking, fast and slow. På Open infra forum diskuterades digital självständighet och trenden att gå från åtminstone amerikanska molntjänster. Har molntanken kanske lite spelat ut sin roll, och finns det en vinst utöver självständigheten att se över om man faktiskt behöver molnet? En förändringsfast som är av godo på sikt? Fler meetups och mer hobprogrammering i världen! Ett stort tack till Cloudnet som sponsrar vår VPS! Har du kommentarer, frågor eller tips? Vi är @kodsnack, @thieta, @krig, och @bjoreman på Mastodon, har en sida på Facebook och epostas på info@kodsnack.se om du vill skriva längre. Vi läser allt som skickas. Gillar du Kodsnack får du hemskt gärna recensera oss i iTunes! Du kan också stödja podden genom att ge oss en kaffe (eller två!) på Ko-fi, eller handla något i vår butik. Länkar Kafferävens koffeinfria bönor Den schweiziska vattenmetoden för att få bort koffein ur kaffe Kafferosteriet Koppar Råttfångaren från Hamelin Kristoffers Spreadshop Leonardo da Vincis skisser Skissernas museum John Siracusas blogg Inläggen Apple turnover och Apple turnaround Raniz var med i avsnitt 639 Umedev Fredriks tal på Umedev Myconf Varbergs stadshotell Barry O'Reilly Sarah Freiesleben Komplexitetsforskning Thinking, fast and slow Aslam Khan Kognitiva fördomar TDD Beth Andres-Beck Kent Beck Øredevsnacket om skogen och öknen Conways lag Mjukvarupatterns Christopher Alexander-videon A pattern language Kent Becks och Ward Cunninghams första paper om patterns i mjukvara Ian Cooper om hur TDD i praktiken inte har så mycket med originaltanken att göra Agila manifestet Scrum SAFe Stöd oss på Ko-fi Bio Skandia i Stockholm Stockholms filmfestival Open infra forum Daniel Byström pratade Open infra forum i avsnitt 633 Daniel Stenberg Emiel Brok från Nederländerna och Suse som pratade på Open infra forum Daniel Stenbergs krig mot AI-genererade buggrapporter Tove Janssons illustrationer av Bilbo Titlar Sommarfest på förskolan “Choklad” är väldigt generöst Dryck med chokladkaraktär Cargokulta toscansk solnedgång Stöter i mina begränsningar Där berikar de varandra Mellan andra och tredje rutan Songs of guilt Det personliga Vad pratar jag om egentligen? Från öknen till skogen Conways lag säger att det är dödsdömt Kapa Conways lag Hammarens metod Kämpa för sin idé En skarp idé En fladdrig, generell abstraktion En blöt svamp Gustav III står på balkongen Själv är bäste dräng Vår egen äggakorg Mer som en dans För mig och mina kompisar Kul med mikrokonferens Pubkväll för programmerare Brittisk pubkultur Hobbit software Lokalodlad programmering Mer hobprogrammering Tove Janssons hober Nintendos långa tentakler

This week on The Dating Detectives, we meet Sandra, an accomplished counselor whose relationship began with friendship, trust, and late-night heart-to-hearts during the pandemic. But what started as a slow-burn romance with a charming EMT quickly spiraled into a web of lies, emotional manipulation, financial devastation, and ultimately, physical violence. In Part 2 of this two-part series, Sandra bravely walks us through the gradual erosion of reality that left her questioning everything, including her own sanity. It's a textbook case of how abusers groom, isolate, and control, layer by layer, and a powerful reminder that trusting your instincts isn't just important, it can be life-saving.⚠️ Content Warning: This episode includes descriptions of emotional, financial, and physical abuseClick here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simply Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. Enjoy 30 days free of spicy, female-focused audio stories at DipseaStories.com/TDD.Looking for a new mattress? We cannot recommend Helix enough! Get 25% off sitewide during Sleep Awareness Month at helixsleep.com/datingdetectivesStop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/tdd find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Make this spring your most delicious yet with Green Chef. Head to greenchef.com/50datingdetectives and use code 50datingdetectives to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off for two months with free shipping.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This interview was recorded for GOTO Unscripted.https://gotopia.techRead the full transcription of this interview hereKent Beck - Software Engineer & Creator of Extreme ProgrammingDaniel Terhorst-North - Originator of Behavior Driven Development (BDD) & Principal at Dan North & AssociatesRESOURCESKenthttps://bsky.app/profile/kentbeck.bsky.socialhttps://www.kentbeck.comhttps://github.com/KentBeckhttps://twitter.com/KentBeckhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/kentbeckDanielhttps://bsky.app/profile/tastapod.comhttps://twitter.com/tastapodhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/tastapodhttps://github.com/tastapodhttps://mastodon.social/@tastapodhttp://dannorth.net/blogDESCRIPTIONKent Beck and Daniel Terhorst-North reflect on the evolution of Extreme Programming (XP) and its lasting impact on agile software development. They explore the importance of short feedback loops, iterative learning, and adaptability in different phases of product development, as outlined in Beck's 3X model (Exploration, Expansion, Extraction).Kent introduces radical techniques like Test && Commit || Revert (TCR) and Limbo, which challenge traditional coding and collaboration practices by emphasizing tiny, safe iterations. The conversation ties in psychological safety, a key factor in high-performing teams, as outlined by Amy C. Edmondson.Kent envisions a future where software development scales in real-time, pushing teams to embrace faster experimentation, responsibility, and continuous learning in a rapidly evolving tech landscape.RECOMMENDED BOOKSKent Beck • Tidy First?Kent Beck & Cynthia Andres • Extreme Programming ExplainedAmy C. Edmondson • The Fearless OrganizationAmy C. Edmondson • Right Kind of WrongJez Humble & David Farley • Continuous DeliveryBlueskyTwitterInstagramLinkedInFacebookCHANNEL MEMBERSHIP BONUSJoin this channel to get early access to videos & other perks:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs_tLP3AiwYKwdUHpltJPuA/joinLooking for a unique learning experience?Attend the next GOTO conference near you! Get your ticket: gotopia.techSUBSCRIBE TO OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL - new videos posted daily!

This week we take a break from the norm- Matt G has been working with practical effects experts on an upcoming film and so we have a special episode for you.  Lance and Matt G break down a Pop Tournaments-style bracket tournament for the most evil animated Disney villain (that we've covered in TDD)!  We hope you enjoy our banter and our discussion of each of the 16 villains we seeded in this tournament of sorts.  Follow us on the Think Drink Disney Community Facebook page and make your voices heard!#disney #waltdisney #waltdisneyanimation #movie #disneyclassic #moviefacts #funfacts #trivia #movietrivia #thinkdrinkdisney #waltdisneyworld #disneyland #intermission #disneyvacation #vacation #unscripted #improv #twodrunkguys #past #present #future #thinkdrinkdisney #podcast #disneypodcast #disneydrinkers #intermission #villains #disneyvillains #madamemim #edgarbalthazar #ladytremaine #captainhook #chernabog #ursula #madamemedusa #stromboli #coachman #evilqueen #hornedking #princejohn #cruella #cruelladeville #queenofhearts #maleficent #sherekhan #gaston #podcastseries

This week on The Dating Detectives, we meet Sandra, an accomplished counselor whose relationship began with friendship, trust, and late-night heart-to-hearts during the pandemic. But what started as a slow-burn romance with a charming EMT quickly spiraled into a web of lies, emotional manipulation, financial devastation, and ultimately, physical violence. In Part 1 of this two-part series, Sandra bravely walks us through the gradual erosion of reality that left her questioning everything, including her own sanity. It's a textbook case of how abusers groom, isolate, and control, layer by layer, and a powerful reminder that trusting your instincts isn't just important, it can be life-saving.⚠️ Content Warning: This episode includes descriptions of emotional, financial, and physical abuseClick here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simpli Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. ***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on Dating Detectives, we dive into a jaw-dropping Dogfish case: Kayla met “Captain Charming” on Bumble, fell head over heels for his adventurous pilot lifestyle…only to discover his shocking secret. Four years of stolen birthdays, radio-silence excuses, and covert layovers lead to one of our sleuthiest investigations yet, complete with Facebook tip-offs, frantic hospital calls, and a blow-by-blow digital dossier that finally blows this Mile-High Liar's cover. Tune in for the ultimate lesson in trust, intuition, and protecting your heart.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mackenzie takes us back nearly twenty years to one of her very first PI cases: a bitter ex‑wife who escalates tire‑slashing and car‐keying into a downright surreal bologna‑vandalism spree—plastering her rival's vehicle with Oscar Mayer slices in full daylight—and, most shockingly, snorting cocaine off her child's Lisa Frank lunchbox in an elementary school parking lot. Through careful, real‑time surveillance and crystal‑clear video evidence, Mackenzie helps secure drug charges and an emergency custody injunction, protecting the kids and teaching her the hard‑won balance between caution and guts in the field. It's a jaw‑dropping, true‑crime palette‑cleanser that proves: when it comes to family drama, you never know just how wild things can get.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page. And now for $9 a month you can get all of that, plus ad free episodes!It's our two-year anniversary, and we're celebrating by reopening the merch store! We've got sweat suits, key chain alarms, hats, mugs and more. Click here to shop now!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. Enjoy 30 days free of spicy, female-focused audio stories at DipseaStories.com/TDD.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Ava. Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check, with AVA. Download the AVA app and use promo code.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Simpli Pop. Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Is topgrading a controversial topic? It seems so. In this episode, Jeffrey and Squirrel revisit the theme of topgrading in recruitment, featured just two episodes ago. Join as they discuss a listener's experience, the necessity for some structure in interviews and the benefits of learning from candidates' past experiences through stories. SHOW LINKS: - Topgrading: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topgrading - Topgrading episode link: https://soundcloud.com/troubleshootingagile/threats-and-topgrading-in-executive-hiring - Shu ha ri: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shuhari - Squirrel's interviewing event: https://squirrelsquadron.com/events/2025/04-10-interviews - TDD for People: https://itrevolution.com/articles/test-driven-development-for-people/ -------------------------------------------------- You'll find free videos and practice material, plus our book Agile Conversations, at agileconversations.com And we'd love to hear any thoughts, ideas, or feedback you have about the show: email us at info@agileconversations.com -------------------------------------------------- About Your Hosts Douglas Squirrel and Jeffrey Fredrick joined forces at TIM Group in 2013, where they studied and practised the art of management through difficult conversations. Over a decade later, they remain united in their passion for growing profitable organisations through better communication. Squirrel is an advisor, author, keynote speaker, coach, and consultant, and he's helped over 300 companies of all sizes make huge, profitable improvements in their culture, skills, and processes. You can find out more about his work here: douglassquirrel.com/index.html Jeffrey is Vice President of Engineering at ION Analytics, Organiser at CITCON, the Continuous Integration and Testing Conference, and is an accomplished author and speaker. You can connect with him here: www.linkedin.com/in/jfredrick/

It's our two-year anniversary, and we're celebrating by reopening the merch store! We've got sweat suits, key chain alarms, hats, mugs and more. Click here to shop now!In this weeks episode you will meet Gabby, who believed she'd found stability with a respected therapist and community leader, until hidden debts, late-night projects, and odd excuses began to erode her trust. When one explosive event turns her world upside-down, she must protect her two young children, lean on unexpected allies, and learn to trust herself again.Content Warning: This episode touches on addiction, mental health struggles, financial secrets, and a life-shattering betrayal. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkSPONSORED BY:Miracle Made: Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set.Simply Pop by Coca-Cola: Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop.Helix: Looking for a new mattress? We cannot recommend Helix enough! Get 25% off sitewide during Sleep Awareness Month at helixsleep.com/datingdetectivesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this week's Dating Detectives Monday, we welcome back matrimonial attorney Leslie Barbara, and her client Allison, who share one of the most jaw‑dropping “Dogfish” scams we've ever seen. Allison thought she'd met a charming Scottish real‑estate developer on Hinge, only to be drawn into a web of hotel double‑charges, “escrowed” millions, vanished luggage (and credit cards), even a suspicious bout of illness, all while he convinced everyone from gym staff to Porsche dealers that he was the real deal. Together, Leslie and Allison dissect the red flags, legal pitfalls (power of attorney, anyone?), and the surprising AI sleuthing that finally unmasked him. Tune in for hard‑won lessons on spotting, stopping, and surviving romance scams—and why locking your credit (and trusting your fem‑tuition) could make all the difference.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When Maya stumbled across a sweaty cowboy thirst trap on TikTok during lockdown, she had no idea it would spiral into a years-long relationship built on lies, manipulation, and financial abuse. From dry begging to full-blown gaslighting, Maya shares how a charming "rancher" turned out to be a serial scammer juggling multiple partners, draining their finances, and faking entire life stories. But this isn't just a cautionary tale—it's a story of survival, sisterhood, and fighting back.Maya not only survived cancer during this emotional warzone, but found unexpected healing and lifelong friendships in the other women he conned. Together, they formed their own investigative coven to expose the truth and protect future victims.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkSPONSORED BY: Miracle Made: Get silver-infused, bacteria-fighting, temperature-regulating sheets and towels at TryMiracle.com/TDD and use code TDD to save over 40% and claim a FREE 3-piece towel set. – Simply Pop by Coca-Cola: Find your favorite new prebiotic soda at CokeURL.com/SimplyPop. – Dipsea: Enjoy 30 days free of spicy, female-focused audio stories at DipseaStories.com/TDD. – AVA: Rebuild your credit fast with no interest, no credit check. Download the AVA app and use promo code DATING for your first month free.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This week on The Dating Detectives, we're joined by Nick, a rare male guest with a story that starts like a romance novel and ends in shocking betrayal. What began as a fun, flirty college friendship slowly evolved into a deep, long-distance love that spanned 15 years. From inside jokes and late-night calls to emotional support and shared dreams, Nick and Jen's friends-to-lovers arc felt like fate, until one innocent scroll on Facebook revealed the devastating truth. Merch is on sale until this Wednesday 4/9! Make sure to order before then to secure your goodie. Click here to shop now!Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThank you to Netflix and their new show, Pulse, for sponsoring this episode! Premiering April 3 – A new hospital drama with mystery, romance, and high-stakes chaos. If you love Dating Detectives and Medical Detectives, you will love Pulse!Take control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com/tdd today to get 10% off your first month.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this gripping two-part episode, our hosts dive into Laura's shocking and emotional journey of love, deception, and heartbreak. Laura shares her whirlwind romance with a charming resort worker that spiraled into a tangled web of manipulation, financial exploitation, and emotional abuse.Trigger Warnings: This episode includes discussions about financial abuse, emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, and revenge porn. Listener discretion is advised.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkInterested in checking out Laura's podcast? Listen hereTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. Upgrade your sleep today. Go to trymiracle.com/tdd to try Miracle Made Sheets and get over 40% off. Plus, use our promo code TDD at checkout to get a free 3-piece towel set and save an extra 20%. With their 30-day money-back guarantee, there's zero risk to try.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ TDDThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The promise of Test Driven Development (or TDD) remains unfulfilled. Like many other forms of aspirational development, the practice has fallen victim to countless buzzword cycles. What if the answer is already in our toolbox?This week, host Andrew Zigler sits down with Animesh Mishra, Senior Solutions Engineer at Diffblue, to unpack the gap between TDD's theoretical appeal and its practical challenges. Animesh draws from his extensive experience to explain how deterministic AI can address the key challenges of building trust in AI for testing. These aren't LLMs of today, but foundational machine learning models that can evaluate all possible branches of a piece of code to write test coverage for it. Imagine writing two years worth of tests for a legacy codebase… in two hours… with no errors!If you enjoyed this conversation about the gaps between theory and execution in engineering culture, be sure to check out last week's chat with David Mytton about shift left adoption by engineering teams.Check out:Translating DevEx to the Board Beyond the DORA FrameworksIntroducing AI-Powered Code Review with gitStreamFollow the hosts:Follow BenFollow AndrewFollow today's guest(s):www.diffblue.comX: diffbluehqLinkedIn: DiffblueAnimesh MishraSupport the show: Subscribe to our Substack Leave us a review Subscribe on YouTube Follow us on Twitter or LinkedIn Offers: Learn about Continuous Merge with gitStream Get your DORA Metrics free forever

In this wild episode of The Dating Detectives, Mackenzie goes full undercover PI to investigate a mysterious series of toll violations that lead to an unexpected discovery—a Dogfish caught in the act! When a devoted wife suspects her husband's car is being used fraudulently, Mackenzie uncovers a shocking story of deception and betrayal.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkTake control of your data today. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan by visiting joindeleteme.com/datingdetectives and using the promo code TDD at checkout. Upgrade your sleep today. Go to trymiracle.com/tdd to try Miracle Made Sheets and get over 40% off. Plus, use our promo code TDD at checkout to get a free 3-piece towel set and save an extra 20%. With their 30-day money-back guarantee, there's zero risk to try.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In Part One of this gripping two-part series, we sit down with Talia to unravel a story that starts with an innocent friendship but quickly spirals into obsession, manipulation, and eerie control. What begins as a lighthearted Coachella connection with Finn—a quirky, seemingly harmless guy—slowly morphs into something much darker.As Talia navigates young adulthood, heartbreak, and personal trauma, Finn is always there—offering support, but with strings attached. With every twist and turn, he becomes more entrenched in her life, crossing boundaries, planting seeds of doubt, and isolating her under the guise of protection. But just when she starts to recognize the patterns, Finn's behavior escalates in ways she never saw coming.This is only the beginning—Part Two will take an even darker turn. Stay tuned, and don't forget to take notes. You're going to need them.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan when you go to join joindeleteme.com/tdd and use promo code TDD at checkout!This episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for 40% off, PLUS a free three piece towel set, by going to trymiracle.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy Monday, Sleuthies! It's a Mackenzie Undercover day, and trust us, you need this one. Today, Mackenzie takes us deep into one of her wildest surveillance cases—except the real story wasn't even about her original subject. Instead, it led her straight into the drama-filled world of Maxine and Magoo, an elderly couple airing out their decades-long feud on Facebook for the world (and us) to see.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ TDDThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for 40% off, PLUS a free three piece towel set, by going to trymiracle.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout.This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Prose. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 50% off your first subscription order by going to prose.com/tddThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan when you go to join joindeleteme.com/tdd and use promo code TDD at checkout!***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Happy Monday, Sleuthies! In this two part episode, Mackenzie and Hanna delve into a harrowing story that left them both shaken—and they're pretty sure you'll feel the same. January is Stalking Awareness Month, and today's guest, Carrie, shares the terrifying reality of her experience with a dogfish who wouldn't take no for an answer.After meeting Jack on a dating app, what started as mild interest turned into a nightmare of manipulation, harassment, and stalking. Carrie's raw, emotional journey reveals the lengths some people will go to exert control and the gaps in the legal system that fail to protect victims of stalking.From unsettling red flags on a first date to technology hacks, home intrusions, and relentless harassment, this episode explores the chilling escalation of Jack's behavior. Carrie's story highlights the need for more awareness, education, and legal reform to protect stalking victims before it's too late.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ TDDThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for 40% off, PLUS a free three piece towel set, by going to trymiracle.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this emotional episode of The Dating Detectives, Mackenzie and Hanna welcome Liv, a guest whose story is as heartbreaking as it is harrowing. Liv opens up about the devastating loss of her partner Andrew, navigating grief while raising their daughter, and how her vulnerability made her a target for Caleb—a man who seemed supportive but turned out to be a master manipulator.Trigger Warnings: This episode discusses grief, financial and emotional abuse, infidelity, and manipulation.Book Club Reminder: Join our Patreon book club to discuss Little Secrets by Jennifer Hillier on January 26th. Don't forget—the book is a page-turner, so set aside time to binge-read before our live discussion!Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Dipsea. For listeners of the show, Dipsea is offering an extended 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/ TDDThis episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by DeleteMe. Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan when you go to join joindeleteme.com/tdd and use promo code TDD at checkout!This episode of The Dating Detectives is sponsored by Paired. Head to PAIRED.COM/DATINGDETECTIVES to get a 7-day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this jaw-dropping two-part series, a former reality tv star steps into the spotlight to share his personal story that's as shocking as anything you've seen on reality TV.Click here to join our Patreon! For only $5 a month you will get 2 extra episodes a month, monthly virtual live events, and access to our community page!If you've been dogfished and want to share your story on the show, email investigate@thedatingdetectivespodcast.com or contact us through our website using this linkThis episode is sponsored by Miracle Made. Get your incredible, temperature maintaining, silver infused sheets for 40% off, PLUS a free three piece towel set, by going to trymiracle.com/TDD and using code TDD at checkout.***The following Program contains names, places and events that have been anonymized or fictionalized for the purposes of protection and safety. The following Program is provided for entertainment purposes only and any commentary from the hosts are strictly conjecture and should not be held as making any definitive statements about the truth or identity of any particular individuals or circumstances.If you or a loved one are involved in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for support.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.