The Wicker Men

Did you do it? Did you look through the looking glass? Did you? DID YOU? DID YOU LOOK THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS DID YOU DO IT??? DID YOU DO IT? DID YOU? DID YOU DO IT? ...i know u didn't do it.

Take some drugs and join a cult, it's Mandy, folks! Grab your battleaxe, your crossbow and your favorite tiger shirt for this one! Many manners are made in Mandy's manor! That was just fun to say! It's episode 80 and we're still doing thisss, BABY!

1984? No thanks. Children of Men? PASS. Total Recall?! Get the heck outta here! It's all about the Humanity Bureau with this one, pal! I hope you're ready for the gripping tale of Blade Runner Rick Deckar- wait no, I mean Bureau Agent Noah Kross as he discovers, neigh, EXPOSES the TRUTH in this dystopian thriller! By the end of it, you'll be saying, "Oh! The Humanity (Bureau)!"

Mama? Papa? I was hoping to get some cerea-AHHHHH! YES OH YES You know who it is! The Wicker Men, baby, and we're back with Moms and Dads murdering their precious children! Settle in and build a pool table while you're at it. You know what? Just smash the pool table, it's too damn expensive to keep!

How could one say such things? Think such things? DO such things?! Have you even THOUGHT about the children? Honestly, this entire ruse, nay, this entire FARCE... is simply... INCONCEIVABLE!

How far would you go to seek Vengeance on someone for acts committed against someone completely unrelated to you? Good thing this man was around to solve everyone else's problems! This isn't just a story. It's a love story!

It's the return of the KING, BABY! That's right, Eddie King is BACK and definitly better than ever! What a movie, I mean, I don't know about you, but this film is the TOPS! There are two brothers!

Grr! Shark attack! Captain Cage is at it again with his wacky and wild platoon! Wait a minute. No no no, I'm sorry, this is a totally serious war film. Grr!

RIP AJ, but the show must go on.

Go full vegan with the delicious selection at the Tutman Cafe, Sheetar be praised!!

Trust Trust Trust it's always with the Trust!! Can't we just get along WITHOUT having to Trust each other? Can't we just live in a peaceful SOCIETY built around FRIENDSHIP instead of TRUST?! Yada yada yada Elijah Wood!

What does it cost to save a soul? Millions of dollars? Priceless jewels and gems? Or perhaps a simple cup of iced cream? One way or another, if you lose your kid at the fair, it's because you didn't Pay the Ghost. Time to find the portal!

Oooh! Que Nicolas Cage sait certainement courir ! Quel homme épicé!

YOU. HAVE. VALUES! Get out there and make your country proud! Hwoooooopaaaah!

You best start believin' in raptures, dear listener... you're in one! AHHHHHHHH!

This one outta outlast em all! No no no, I'm not talking about Outkast, I'm talking about Outcast!! Balooba-looba-doo, what a wacky and zany movie this is! It might even be the worst of the show! Excelsior!

If you haven't seen The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent yet, go see it. If you have, go see it again.

It's time. Oh yes it's time. Like a mage burning sage, he must disengage from his own age and turn the page entering a new chapter in the war he must wage. This isn't your ordinary beige, no, this is Nicolas Cage, and he is about to RAGE.

If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?He came to town like a midwinter stormHe rode through the fields so handsome and strongHis eyes was his tools and his smile was his gunBut all he had come for was having some funIf it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?He brought disaster wherever he wentThe hearts of the girls was to hell broken sentThey all ran away so nobody would knowAnd left only men cause of cotton-eyed JoeIf it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed JoeI'd been married long time agoWhere did you come from? Where did you go?Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe?

Murder! Mayhem! Winter! Boy oh jeez is it cold outside. Better grab a jacket... and a badge! Yes, Cage is back as a state trooper out for justice in this non-stop, action-packed thriller for the ages! When you're walking and slipping... it's because you're on... FROZEN GROUND!

Don't be Crude! Listen to us talk about The Croods! It's the Crude thing to do! How Crude!

Uhhh it's Moose. Moose the Movie. It's Moose the Movie buckle in and buckle up. It's Moose the Movie get with it or get over it. You know what time it is.

When a bank robber's daughter is TAKEN, the kidnapper is misTAKEN in his understanding of Cage's particular set of skills... The journey Cage has underTAKEN to retrieve his daughter back leads to a feisty-heisty action overTAKEN by the love of a father. Cage has parTAKEN in something really unique here... this is... STOLEN!

rrrrrrRRRRREEEEEV IT UP! Cage has been trying to keep his inner demons out, but they've been scratching at the DOOOOOORRR! THAT'S RIGHT! Ghost Rider has returned, and he's more ferociously fiery than ever! Don't sit around and decay! Enjoy Mr. Cage today! Featuring Christian Becker.

You walk into a house. It's not your house. Actually it IS your house. People break in! You're scared, but then THEY'RE SCARED. You're a hostage BUT SO ARE THEY. AHHH! Does anyone smell pretzels because all I'm seeing are TWISTS! Turn around - TWIST! Flip over - TWIST! Wear a robe, answer the door - TWIST! It's a TWISTER TORNADOOOOOOO!

Don't you get it? Don't you understand BY NOW what it IS Cage is DOING?! He's not searching for national treasures or love. He's not looking for money or power. He's not just escaping from the demons of hell or the witches of Landia, no. No no no. Cage is only Seeking ONE thing and ONE thing alone: JUSTICE! WAAAAAH-HOOOO!

VROOM VROOM! I'M SO ANGRY, but I have to stop this cult. How easy is it to get out of Hell? Well, just drive out, can't you tell? This movie sure is swell. Nic Cage knows how to take a bullet in this action-filled film: Ghost Rid- uhhhhHHh I mean: Drive Angry!

What season is it? What SEASON IS IT?!

Magic! Science! Alfred Molina?! Be prepared for an adventure sure to SHOCK you! Buy a Tesla! No, no, not the kind of Tesla you're probably thinking of. Buy a Tesla Coil! Zip Zap Zagoo!

BAM! POW! KA-BLAM! Gather together, all ye superheroes, for a tale of heroism and scuba suits! Nic Cage becomes the Big Daddy for this one while other characters do other things! KRAK!

To the stars! It's Astro Boy HE-YAH!

Can I get my prescription? PLEASE?! Nic Cage is putting on his lieutenant pants in this drug-fueled, igauana-heavy piece of art from famed director Big Zogs! Wickedy-woo, we talk about a moo...vie!

Buckle up because we're about to go slow! Reaaaal slow. Reaaaaaaaaal slow. Some might say we're moving in... cruise control. Willem Dafoe!

Meep Meep Pip Squeak! These tactical guinea pigs know JUST how to infiltrate your... heart?! But oh no! A mole is afoot! No no no, I'm not saying that this mole is LITERALLY a foot! I'm saying that THIS mole is Nicolas Cage! WAAAAHHH 50TH EPISODE SPECTACULAR!!!

You claim to be Knowing what comes Next, but when you Face/Off against this Kiss Of Death, you'll be Bringing Out The Dead towards the City Of Angels in 8mm. Yes, it is truly Wild At Heart. Thank you.

What an ending... I guess its true what they say... Bangkok really is... dangerous.

A mysterious book... a *second* mysterious book... the kidnapping of the President... and... a drink of WHIS-KEY! Nic Cage is back as the famed treasure hunter Benjamin Franklin Gates in a sequel that's sure to make you believe the moon landing was a hoax!

Magician. Trickster. Creep. You won't believe your earholes when you hear about what Cris Johnson uses his incredible powers for... and it's definitely *not* to hit on Jessica Biel... NOT! Ha ha!

Vroom Vroom! Nic Cage is here as Johnny Blaze pulling off the greatest stunt imaginable: this movie. Prepare for non-stop flames (and I don't just mean the film's romance!). Featuring special guest Christian Becker, this is one episode that comes at you with a... Vengeance?! Huh?!

We finally made it. The one this show got its name from. By the end of this episode you, too, will be wondering, "How'd it get BUUUuUuuuuuRRRRrrned?!"

Mustache? Check. New York City accent? Check. Maggie Gyllenhaal holding a watermelon under her blouse? Check. Three checks means its movie time! Hurray!

The Wicker Men are back from saving Santa AND Christmas! We hope you're ready for an "ant-imated" adventure like no other! What wackiness will ensue? Let's find out!

Jingle bells are ringing and trees and shining! The holidays are here, and for the Wicker Men, that means nothing but spreading Christmas tree! But what happens when they discover Santa Claus is in trouble? Well, let's just hope they can hop on the Wicker sleigh and jingle their way to Kringle Town! We're taking a break from the show. See you all in 2021!

What's the forecast for today? Oh... I don't know... windy with a chance of Cage? Yes! That's right! We're back to Cage movies with an absolute storm of an episode! Waaaahooooo!

Gord! Gordy! Did you get a job? Make your daddy proud.

He's an arms dealer with a whole lotta cocaine. That's right! It's Nic Cage back at it as the ultimate seller of weapons, but what else is he willing to sell? Let's just say Jared Leto and his inner dog is at stake. It's Lord of War, baby. Not of the Rings. War.

It's here, folks. Ultimate treasure "protector" Nic Cage will steal the Declaration of Independence in order to save it. You know the film. You love the film. We thought it was pretty good. Look at yourself. You're a National Treasure!

Can you even trust this description? It's all a con! Nic Cage learns a LOT about trust in this film! There's no fire, but there are Matchstick Men!

I'm talking to you through the episode description. How meta! Ha Ha!