It's Not About the Sex

We all experience loss in one form or another throughout life. In this mindfulness meditation we will focus on grief and loss as opportunities to live with loss rather than “getting over it.” Check it out and see how grief can be your teacher.

After 6 years, 128 episodes and 60 guests, the podcast is winding down. It's a bittersweet moment to say goodbye and to express gratitude to everyone involved in this collaborative experience. Although the podcast is ending, it will be available indefinitely on most platforms as well as www.westsidetherapist.com. Andrew and Sue thank all of you from the bottom of their hearts, and don't forget, to stay connected.   Thank you Neil for the tunes! Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In Chapter 10 of Andrew's workbook he investigates sexual health through a non- pathologizing, destigmatizing lens. Themes include: defining sexual health, reviving pleasure and fantasy as an ally. This candid conversation takes a look at the intersection of 12 step recovery and sexual health as we open up a larger dialogue to exploring your authentic sexual self. Give yourself a few minutes to listen to this heart-centered and liberating exploration. Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this episode we turn the tables on our podcast producer, Sue Merlino to discuss her services called Clear Pathways. With a combination of coaching and organizing one's physical space, Sue describes the valuable benefits to all of us, including those struggling with addiction or emotional challenges. In addition to walking clients through organizational skills, Sue also provides time management and mindset coaching as well as being a guide toward self-reflection. For more details, contact Sue at www.yourclearpathways.com or merlinosusanc@gmail.com   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

If you scratch the surface of compulsive sexual behavior, you'll find intimacy avoidance. In this powerful episode, Susskind and Merlino look through the lens of attachment as they discuss the challenges and opportunities related to truly receiving love in recovery. With a focus on avoidant and anxious attachment styles they discuss the often-misunderstood term love addiction as well as the possibility of utilizing obsessive thinking to reveal deeper parts of self. By establishing emotionally reliable relationships and receiving love, the ruptures of the past will heal over time. Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this podcast we welcome Stefanie Klein, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, NARM Master Therapist, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and Consultant based in Los Angeles who shares a refreshing take on shame through the lens of the Neuro-Affective Relational Model (NARM). You will learn about shame as a verb rather than an emotion and how it functions as an adaptive process. Because shame is universal to all human beings, it can be part of a reparative and valuable key to long-term recovery.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Following the subjects from Chapter 8 in The It's Not About the Sex Workbook, Andrew and Sue explore themes of long-term recovery including purpose, spirituality and legacy—all in the context of Positive Psychology and deeper soul-searching. How do spirituality, religion and purpose intersect with one another? Or not? Asking the bigger questions and staying away from exact answers is where the internal work begins. Tune in to this practical yet existential conversation.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Tim Harrington, founder of Family Coaching Services joins the podcast as he addresses the following topics: building a meaningful life post-recovery, especially by emphasizing healthy relationships, self-discovery and aligning actions with deeper values. Based on a depth of personal and professional experience, Tim offers practical steps for creating a more satisfying and purposeful recovery as well as addressing the challenges that may interfere with pursuing purpose.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this episode we take a closer look at Chapter 7 of Andrew's workbook and examine some of the essential ingredients of contentment including gratitude, connection and unconditional love. Distinctions are made among the terms joy, happiness and contentment as we discuss core values, visioning and purposeful goals. Listen to this optimistic episode as you choose to enhance contentment in your life and recovery.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Rafael Cortina, a San Diego-based therapist joins the podcast to discuss some of his valuable and wise perspectives on healing from addictive, compulsive behaviors. He shares the following themes: the functional understanding of addiction, the interwoven nature of trauma and addiction, the necessity of curiosity from both the therapist and client as well as “relational space healing”. Check out this refreshing conversation that de-pathologizes and humanizes the healing process.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

During this conversation Andrew and Sue take a deeper dive into Chapter Six Feeling the Feelings from The It's Not About the Sex Workbook. Maybe it looks simple on the surface, but Andrew highlights the sustainable benefits of deeper emotional awareness and expression. With an emphasis on anger, hurt, fear and loneliness, we explore the feelings language that is often missed in childhood. Take a listen and see that it's never too late to become more fluent in the world of emotions and deeper contact with others.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this episode we welcome Katie Griffin, a nationally-recognized group consultant and leader in the field. She brings her passion and enthusiasm to other practitioners and believes firmly in the power of group to help individuals become more fully alive. In this candid and revealing conversation Katie takes a closer look at sexual identity development in sustainable recovery as a portal to deeper understanding of one's aliveness. For more details, visit www.katiegriffinconsulting.com   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Andrew and Sue discuss Chapter Five, Regulating the Nervous System from Andrew's recent workbook. Beginning with a memoir snapshot and ending with practical strategies and action steps, they explore the following themes: following the rhythm within, identifying regulation and dysregulation, utilizing the Window of Resilience, and naming attachment styles and how they correlate with nervous system regulation. Check out these user-friendly ways to get to know your nervous system as part of sustainable recovery.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this episode we welcome Dr. David Fawcett, a clinical social worker, sex therapist and two-time author specializing in chemsex and problematic sexualized drug use. Often a misunderstood form of suffering, David disentangles the complexities of these intertwined behaviors. With effective clinical strategies and decades of experience, David helps us understand a path to recovery based on a clear, effective approach. Visit www.david-fawcett.com and check out his recent book Sex Under the Influence for more in-depth exploration.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Today's episode focuses on Chapter Four of Andrew's workbook as we explore the healthier side of narcissism, other-centeredness, generosity of spirit as well as longing and belonging. Beneath narcissism is broken heartedness so tune in to understand the deeper healing and trajectory from this complicated survival strategy.

In this episode we welcome Arnold McCuller, interventionist and recovery coach based in Southern California. Learn about his extensive career working as a professional vocalist which has taken a later-in-life shift toward interventions for those in the entertainment industry and beyond. Arnold can be reached at www.arnoldmcculler.com.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Today we welcome Jean Campbell, the CEO of Action Institute of California to talk with us about psychodrama, sociometry, resourcing, and Somatic Experiencing—all in the context of compulsive sexual behavior, addictions in general as well as trauma. With 30 years of expertise, Jean brings together groups of people to heal from their broken-heartedness. She can be reached at www.theactioninstitute.com or actioninstitute@mac.com.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this episode we examine Chapter Three of Andrew's workbook as we encourage curiosity and non-judgment about shame. Although shame never goes away entirely, you can respond to it differently. In this discussion we explore the following: building shame resiliency, taming the inner critic and practicing mindful self-compassion. Tune in to see how shame can be normalized and diminished in your life and recovery.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

On today's episode we warmly welcome back clinical psychologist Joni Lavick, who is a seasoned expert on attachment theory and its applications. In this informative conversation we cover the following: the history of attachment theory, misconceptions, how to understand your own patterns, and the correlation between attachment strategies and addictive behaviors and more. Please tune in to this user-friendly approach to understanding attachment strategies.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com #ItsNotAbouttheSex #JoniLavick #JoniL #Attachment #ClinicalPsychologist #Psychologist #AttachmentTheory #Misconceptions #DIY #UserFriendly #Addictive #Episode111 #google #podbean #spotify #AndrewSusskind #WestsideTherapist

Grief and loss is often overlooked or avoided in our society. Andrew and Sue take this opportunity to delve into this often-misunderstood topic of grief and loss and its implications on long-term recovery from sexual compulsivity. Andrew shares a “memoir snapshot” as well as specific practices to consider using toward living more peacefully and openheartedly with the inevitable losses that come with being human.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

In this intimate conversation, Jen Davis takes us on a journey that most of us avoid. From her own transformative experiences with grief, Jen shares the curiosity, the wonder and the ultimate path to living a fuller life. Through a lens of self-compassion, honesty and forgiveness we explore the limitless possibilities and challenges that go along with grief recovery. Co-collaborating with grief and the practice of sitting with uncomfortable emotions sets the stage for this very natural and eternal part of being human. Jen Davis can be reached at www.kindregardsjenny.com.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Today's episode featuring Andrew and Sue focuses on Emotional Resilience, the lead chapter of Andrew's workbook. In the original book, the first chapter explored Emotional Sobriety, but the word resilience is more aligned with Andrew's current focus on regulating the nervous system. This episode kicks off a monthly spotlight on each workbook chapter.   Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Today's episode is Sexual Recovery: From a Nightmare to a Love Story. We welcome Steve Wolt, founder of Valor Recovery, a peer-based recovery coaching and support system to help men overcome porn abuse, sexual compulsivity and intimacy challenges. By discussing the promises of sexual recovery, Steve offers hope and inspiration to his clients and our listeners. He shares the differences among coaching, therapy and sponsorship in clear and grounded terms and concludes the episode with an emphasis on love and fellowship.  Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com

Andrew's latest release The It's Not About the Sex Workbook: Moving from Isolation to Intimacy after Sexual Compulsivity (Routledge Press, 2024) is now available for purchase on Amazon, and he and Sue wanted to take this opportunity to explore Andrew's journey with his three books from 2004 to 2024. Andrew shares the opportunities and challenges that go along with the writing process and the publishing world and ends with immense gratitude for his incredible team of supporters who have been in his corner all these years. Music credit: Neil Freebern Freebernmusic.com  

At this time of unrest in the world, it's even more important to focus our attention on lovingkindness toward self and others. Adapted from a meditation developed by the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA, this timely exercise provides an opportunity to carve out some time to cultivate the love and kindness within.

We welcome Dr. Tom Murray, author of Making Nice with Naughty which explores the intricate dynamics of self-control and its impact on sexual and intimate relationships. During this provocative conversation, issues related to the over-controlled temperament, monogamy and the wanting vs. willing dynamic in sexual relationships are explored fully. Tune into this very relevant and overlooked theme. Music credit: Neil Freebern, Freebernmusic.com

Adapted from Jack Canfield's book The Success Principles, this visioning exercise gives you an opportunity to envision the coming year without limiting yourself. By examining the seven areas he developed, this will invite you to open the aperture to the limitless possibilities ahead of you. It's not that anything has to happen, but simply what could happen –   Dr. Sam Foster Music Credit: Neil Freebern, Freebernmusic.com

Mellissa McCracken is a trauma informed substance abuse counselor working in an acute treatment setting in Los Angeles. In this episode we explore consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, and open relationships all in the context of sexual recovery and more. Mellissa brings her expertise and wisdom within the LGBTQI+ community into this valuable conversation. Please join us to learn more about these often-misunderstood terms and definitions. Music Credit: Neil Freebern, Freebernmusic.com

Andrew and Sue offer an abundance of tips to help navigate the 2023- 2024 holidays and beyond. Borrowed from Andrew's new book, The It's Not About the Sex Workbook (Routledge Press, February 2023), these tips are part of the practices outlined at the end of his workbook. Take a listen and try out a few tips that resonate for you.

Porn has inadvertently become a form of sex education in our culture, but it's actually entertainment. Diane Gleim is a psychotherapist as well as a certified sex therapist who brings her seasoned perspective and wisdom to this often-misunderstood topic. In this conversation she helps us explore the ambiguity of porn, the suspension of disbelief, moral incongruence as well as erotic conflicts. Join us for this illuminating and objective discussion of using porn as a form of sexual expression. Visit Diane's website at www.dianegleim.com for more information about her on-demand class, Porn Literacy 101.

How often do we forget to simply breathe? Listen to this guided meditation as an opportunity to take stock of your breath non-judgmentally and with curiosity. In this brief exercise you will build body and breath awareness and see where this moment of relaxation may take you. This exercise has been modified from a meditation originally developed by the Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA.

In this episode we welcome psychotherapist, sex therapist, author and trainer, Michael Vigorito as we discuss the motivation for change through a sexual health lens. He is the co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction with Douglas Braun-Harvey, a refreshing, non- pathologizing and research-based text. Take a listen to this informative sexual health conversation about how change really happens. Visit www.michaelvigorito.com for more information about Michael's clinical practice and valuable contributions to the field.

In this episode Andrew and Sue examine the differences between clinical depression, seasonal mood changes and generalized sadness. Depression sometimes shows up side-by-side with sexual compulsivity, but how do you know how to tackle these complicated issues? Listen to the many ways that depression manifests and some practical tips you can try at home.

In this episode we welcome Klifton Fehr, a counselor based in South Florida who works extensively within the corporate sector as a coach and trainer. With a focus on inspirational influences, we explore the many directions mental health and group therapy has taken him through the years. Learn about the differences between counseling and coaching as well as the avenues he continues to develop. Visit www.fehrassociates.com for more details.

Andrew and Sue take a look at the past five years since the original book It's Not About the Sex was born. In this episode Andrew reveals the big news about his companion workbook to be released in the Spring of 2024 (Routledge Press, New York City). We discuss the evolution of thinking that has accompanied this process as well as the many influences of this latest project. Listen to this lively retrospective discussion!

This episode features psychotherapist and spiritual seeker, Claudia Lewis, LMFT as we discuss her recent provocative book entitled Happy, Silly, Wise: Creating a Magical Life in Challenging Times. Themes such as “not enough-ness”, human being vs. human doing, letting go of seriousness and cultivating creativity are just some of the topics explored. Contact Claudia at www.claudialewistherapy.com.

In this meditation we focus on the possibility of holding both pleasant and unpleasant feelings/ sensations simultaneously. Borrowed from the Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARC) at UCLA, this mindfulness exercise allows you to feel your capacity to hold whatever life has to offer you. For more information and mindfulness resources, visit www.marc.ucla.edu.

As a bilingual, bicultural clinician, Dr. Carlos Canales comes to us from Des Moines, Iowa with an open heart and a clinical wisdom that transcends traditional recovery. In this stimulating conversation, he discusses the “many necessary recoveries” every person needs to engage in for well-being. With an emphasis on the vulnerability and courage it takes to seek growth in recovery, Dr. Canales offers a broader perspective on the lifelong nature of the recovery process.

In this episode Andrew and Sue explore the Window of Resilience, originally coined by Dr. Dan Siegel as the Window of Tolerance. Building somatic awareness is part of long-term, sustainable recovery, and this descriptive diagram illuminates the contrast between regulation and dysregulation. Learn simple strategies to move toward resilience and embodiment including conscious breathing, grounding, orienting, and connecting. #dysregulation

In this episode we welcome Nate Larkin, founder of a mutual aid society for Christian Men called the Samson Society and co-host of two podcasts, The Pirate Monk and the Positive Sobriety Podcast. Nate brings his salt-of-the-earth approach to 12 step recovery as we discuss the movement from isolation, loneliness, and resistance to humility, intimacy and deeper connection. Don't miss this open-hearted look at recovery from compulsive sexual behavior and beyond. Learn more at www.samsonsociety.org.

Andrew returned from his annual pilgrimage to the American Group Psychotherapy Association (AGPA) conference feeling well-fed and fortified with the love around him. AGPA has become a staple of love for both Andrew's professional and personal life so tune in to learn more about how “receiving love” is a necessary component of long-term sustainable recovery. Andrew and Sue explore the ways love is all around us and the barriers we sometimes put up against it.

In this episode Mariya Javed-Payne, LICSW visits with us from her program located in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. Not only does she share valuable and comprehensive information about healing from ritualized self-soothing activities but she also embodies a  heart-centered, relationship-focused approach.  Mariya is a Brainspotting trainer as well as owner of Awaken Consulting Services and co-owner of Institute for Integrative Therapies. Don't miss this refreshing, hopeful, cutting-edge conversation.

Susskind and Merlino explore the sacred nature of men's therapy groups and the lasting benefits such as shame resilience, self-compassion, empathy and emotional risk-taking just to name a few. Listen to this episode and learn how men's groups can be a catalyst for sustainable healing from both addiction and trauma recovery.

Practical Psychotherapist Joni Lavick, LMFT joins us today on the podcast as we discuss Assets-based Therapy and The Elusive Nature of Feeling Good About Yourself. In this episode, Joni walks us through the correlation between Attachment and Addictions and also illuminates what she calls assets-based therapy. Tune in to this refreshing, positive conversation regarding sustainable addiction recovery.

The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu visited together for five days in 2015 resulting in a book and a documentary developed from their conversations of inspiration and wisdom. Andrew and Sue discuss the profound nature of their brief visit and the depth of their spiritual leadership. In this episode we try to capture just a little bit of the joy and compassion that were exuded in this extraordinary film.

Andrew leads you through a personal favorite, a Visioning exercise adapted from Jack Canfield's book The Success Principles. It's not about getting caught in the “supposed to's” or what others think is best for you. Instead, it's an opportunity for soul-searching and expansiveness as you consider the limitless possibilities ahead of you. As you listen to this guided visioning exercise, you'll create a space to identify what you truly want and desire.   If you would like a copy of this exercise please send Andrew and email at: andrew@westsidetherapist.com

In this New Year's episode Andrew and Sue discuss the Visioning exercise originally developed by Jack Canfield. Playing with the possibilities, asking yourself what you truly want and desire and giving yourself the freedom to unlock your twelve-month vision. Often utilized by coaches, visioning allow you to take a closer look at where you are and where you want to be in the future. Join this energizing discussion and begin to envision your trajectory. For more information about Jack Canfield's exercise email Andrew for more information: andrew@westsidetherapist.com

Today we welcome Dr. Martha Koo, Board Certified in Psychiatry and Addiction Medicine, who describes the treatment of depression with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). Dr. Koo shares the history and current usage of TMS with patients who have not responded effectively with antidepressants or ECT. This cutting-edge approach is a best-kept secret in the mental health field so don't miss this informative and resourceful episode. https://neurowellnessspa.com/

In this up close and personal episode, Andrew and Sue explore the challenges associated with asking for help. Andrew reviews his 30-year journey of not only learning how to ask for help but becoming more and more comfortable seeking consultation from trusted friends, colleagues and mentors. To contact Andrew please do so through his website: https://westsidetherapist.com

As a certified life and recovery coach, Linda works extensively with couples interested in revitalizing their intimate, sexual connection. With a focus on deeper contact to self and to one another, Linda shares her respectful approach to couples in recovery including somatic tools, mindfulness and “homeplay” that she suggests for practice between sessions. With many years of personal and professional experience, this conversation will take you up close and personal toward the healing of sexual challenges.

 Andrew and Sue discuss their recent experience on Santa Monica Beach entitled “MindTravel”. In this episode, they re-visit the theme of forgiveness which was the focal point of this multi-sensory experience. Spiritual? Metaphysical? Psychological? All of the above were present during this highly-creative experiential evening.