Somebody Write This

"A newly recruited night security guard finds himself more connected to the crime than anyone else, much to two droids' annoyance." Why do the droids care about this? What crime is he connected to? Our guest Matt Betts is here to figure it out with us! Check out mattbetts.com for more of his work, including his book of cryptid poetry, "I Was Never Here."Our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Mafia lawyer Richard Darcy has reason to believe that his wife Lensky in secret is a posse of cowboys." How can one person be a posse of cowboys? How is the mafia going to get involved? And excuse me, weapons of mass destruction are part of this too? Our guest Becky Morrow is going to somehow fit it all together!Our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Her marriage-minded mother in a frenzy must try to save the day when Sleeping Beauty threatens to engulf Europe in war." What on earth is going on with Sleeping Beauty? How will her mother save the day? And that's not one of our better titles... Thankfully, repeat guest Katie Ibarra (you may remember her as Katie Ahnberg) is back with us to work it through!And our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Four 'businessmen' are drawn out of hiding to make a short film." Why "businessmen" in quotes? What makes this film so important? And which one of them is the last new boyfriend? Our guest Joe Curdy joins us to figure out all the details!And our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"A dead body knows the secrets of his death in order to save their legendary Templar Treasure." How does the dead body get to do anything? What are the secrets of his death? And how does theatre get involved? Returning guest Josh Garcia-Cotter is here to work out this nonsense -- and talk more about wrestling and theatre, of course!And our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"The vengeful ghost of a scorned woman makes it their life-long mission to go to his ancestral home in Newfoundland and battle hijackers." Whose ancestral home is this? How is she going to battle the hijackers? And, uh, excuse me, why are there Jedi in Canada? Our guest Jen DeHaan is here to figure it out! Check out her audio drama work at stereoforest.com or listen to her podcast, Neurodivergent Minds in Comedy.And our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Four 'businessmen' share a forbidden romance with a powerful victim." Why "businessmen" in quotes? What makes this victim powerful? And is that the worst title we've ever had on this show? Returning guest Michael Todd Gallowglas is here to figure all this out with us! Find him and his work online at mtoddgallowglas.com.And our links:Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethisFacebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethisTwitter: https://twitter.com/writethispodInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

Hannah goofed up this week and sent the wrong files to our editor... so you all get a repeat this week! We should be back with a new episode in two weeks. In the meantime, listen to this episode with Gail Carson Levine -- one of the guests we were most excited to welcome! "A kidnapped Princess is set free and returns to the Montana Territory, where a mysterious American explores other universes." What kind of Princess comes from Montana? Who is the mysterious American? Are they both orphans? We're delighted our guest Gail Carson Levine was able to join us to work this all out! Gail can be found online at gailcarsonlevine.com, and you can read her newest work, "Sparrows in the Wind," wherever you get your books.

"Women hire a good-hearted ex-con to get him back." Who is she getting back? And wait, ALL the women want him back? Are all the women hotel clerks? Returning guest Samuel Stoddard is here to figure all this out! You can find him and his writing at rinkworks.com (and occasionally you may even find Jennie and Hannah in chat over there). And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Dispatched to the moon on a unique mission, ghost Colin tries to make it in Hollywood, his lunar nightclub." Why did they send a ghost to the moon? Why is he starting a nightclub there? And how do the mafiosos from Cleveland play into this? Our guest Zach Meikle will help us figure it out! Check out his work on the Bard Soup podcast (@bard_soup), wherever you listen to podcasts. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"The evil kingpin who put them behind bars wakes up to find that his terminal illness has become letters." Who did he put behind bars? Whose aircraft battle is this? And, excuse me, his terminal illness did what? Well, fortunately our guest Colton Petry will help us work it out! Check out his work on the Just Dumb Enough podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"When a middle-aged couple's career and marriage are overturned, a man of mystery must race to get kidnapped." How will getting kidnapped help? Will this save the couple's marriage? And whose identity is mistaken? Our guest Heather Stapf will help us work out the details! Listen along to hear how she does it. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Terrifying monster Sarah Flynn's life changes forever when she meets promising hitman Oscar Bennet." Is this a romance? Or a thriller? Are they the promising young couple? Our guest Brett Kelley will help us work it out! Check out him and his work on Instagram @bkartworks And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Elizabeth Bennet embarks on a dangerous journey in an effort to obsess over becoming a bird." Is this the same Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice? Why does she want to become a bird? And how on earth does Harlem factor in? Our guest MB Mooney is here to help us figure out! Find his work on his YA fantasy book "Shield of the King," or on his YouTube channel, "Great Stories Change the World." And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"A group of five boys, led by Captain Snopes, are tasked with collecting corporate downsizing that can change the fate of the shower." How do you collect corporate downsizing? What does that have to do with showers? And how did the Ark of the Covenant show up in this story? Returning guest Mary Mascari is here to help work it out. Check out her podcast Vennix the Mighty for more of her work! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"A phobic biopic of Benedict, an attorney who hopes to impress the young woman, talks to the wall, and daydreams throughout his day." What makes this a *phobic* biopic? How is Benedict connected to the wife-murderer? And... excuse me, he talks to the wall? (You will hear Hannah completely unable to stop giggling at the ridiculousness of that plot point throughout the episode.) Thank goodness our guest Sarah Aho is here to help us figure it all out! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"King George VI has been accused of a double-murder with the help of God." Whoa! God and the King are working together on murder? And who's filming it? Our guest Milo Denison is going to help figure it all out! Find his podcast 80s & 90s Uncensored wherever you get your podcast, and follow him personally @milodenison. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"A socially awkward fourteen-year-old who, after everything gets thrown into turmoil, decides to become the queen of evil witches but must continually prove along the way that she's capable of making a thinly-veiled campaign move." ...Well. That's a mouthful. At least we have two guests instead of just one to help us this time -- thanks, Mike and Brittany Sherman! Follow their podcast Oh Crap: Our Fecal Misfortunes and Foibles on Facebook, @oh_crap_podcast on Instagram, or anywhere you get your podcasts! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"When their love lives interconnect, she threatens the students by taking a business trip with a colleague to whom he's attracted." That's a lot of people, and our title this time is almost as long as our whole synopsis! Fortunately, we have our guest Omar Siddiqui to make sense of the whole thing. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"When the tapes vanish, she teams up with his late dad's assistant by coming to the aid of a single mother." What tapes? Who is the single mother? Heck, who are ANY of these people and how are they genetically evolving? Friend of the pod Randy Kirkpatrick returns to help us work all this out! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SomebodyWriteThis

"Men with short-term memory loss, Kurt and Michael, are barely functional humans with Luke Skywalker." Our frequent guest Josh Garcia-Cotter is here to write yet more Star Wars fan fiction with us, I guess...co-starring Kurt and Michael. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"Comedy writers Johannes and Jack are neither naive nor attractive with an Irish bomber." What does their attractive naivete have to do with this? How is this Irish bomber involved? And what wars are coming into this? Our guest Christine Nielson helps us put it all together! You can find more advice from her on how to write fight scenes on nielsoneditingco.com.

"An unscrupulous gunman must solve a strange case of a superior olfactory sense and deal with an ancient prophecy." How do these things tie in together? What does the ancient prophecy predict? And whose professional success is involved? Our guest Jake Stoddard is here to work out all these details! Check out his work at jakestoddard.com. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"This story follows a well meaning but selfish young woman at Jessica's gym." What makes this woman selfish? Who is Jessica? And which one of them is in danger of being erased from existence? Our guest Aaron Canton is here to work out all these details! You can find him and his work at aaroncanton.wordpress.com. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"In a chicken farm, giant bugs become a suspect when a rivalry develops between the Empire and an asthmatic junkie." What do giant bugs have to do with this rivalry? What does the entire Empire have against one junkie? And which of these characters is named Barney? Our guest Logan R. Kearsley is here to work out all these details! Check out his writings on human-alien linguistics (and more) on his blog: http://gliese1337.blogspot.com/

"John F. Kennedy has a series of surreal encounters with a brokenhearted English artist who died 10 years ago." Is JFK seeing a ghost? Is JFK a ghost at this point? And what artist would go by the name "Cryptic Greg"? Our guest Dan Sinker is here to figure out those details! Check out him and his co-host Maureen Johnson on Says Who Podcast, wherever you're listening to Somebody Write This! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"3 friendly locals uncover a family secret in the local church." What is the family secret? Whose family is it? And whose loyalty is required? We've got our guest, B. McGraw, here to figure it out with us! Find his book "Et Al" on Amazon or follow him on jabde.com, @jabde6 on Twitter, or on his subreddit, r/immaterialscience. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"In 1960s Los Angeles, a new business partner, Hades, and the new Italian cowboys find the real killer." Who are the new Italian cowboys? Why are they in business with Hades? And is that... THE Mr. Rogers? Our guest Quinn Que is here to work through this with us! Follow him basically everywhere @edokwin and you can find his writing on his substack, "The Edokwin Editorial." And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"In a microscopic community, Ichabod Argyle and his friend Graham Pease have obtained a custody battle and end up on a soul-searching journey across America." Those may be the best-named characters our podcast has ever seen, but what does the rest of it mean? Our guest Kylar Merrell is here to figure it out! You can read Outlaw Country, listen to the playlist, and follow his new work at foreignpresscomics.com. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"A drama centered on the efforts of an ex-mob lawyer to find an angry detective who might awaken to find strange horns sprouting from his forehead." Well, that's just a whole bunch of strangeness. Thankfully our guest John Lumgair is here to work everything out! Check out Jazz Cow on jazzcow.co.uk, and you can find John himself under either his name or under his company, Quirky Motion, on social media.

"Two British Agents ally with the Dark Lord to see booming business." Which Dark Lord is this? What kind of business are they hoping to boom? And which of them is Carly? Our guest Michael Todd Gallowglas is here to work through all of this! Find him and his work online at https://mtoddgallowglas.com/

"A group of beautiful yet troubled twenty-somethings rebuild her life after she is most understanding in bars." Whose life are they rebuilding? Why is she so understanding? Does this all take place in the late 1940? Our guest, author Esme Symes-Smith, is here to help us work out all these details! Check out their Sir Callie book series, starting with "Sir Callie and the Champions of Halston," and you can also find them online at esymessmith.com.

"In the 1950s, Jerry's ambitious kid sister Cindy winds up undertaking a search for love and self in a quest to vanquish three teenagers." What did the teenagers do to deserve vanquishing? How does Jerry play into his sister's search for love and self? And what exactly is the Nile of New Orleans? Our guest Mary Mascari helps us answer these questions and more. Don't forget to check out Mary's scripted podcast "Vennix the Mighty" on your favorite podcast app!

"Two known counter-culture figures become dangerously rural after witnessing a multi-billion eternal life." How is that a thing you can witness? What makes being rural dangerous? And how does anti-government hysteria fit in? We're joined by our guest Jason Luna (as well as guest co-host Bethany Megill, who jumped in when we weren't sure Jennie would make it!) to unravel this story.

"When a family's maid gets himself killed, they escape from prison." How does he get himself killed? Why are they all in prison? And why do they want a book? Our guest storyteller Peter Fenton is here to work it out -- and largely without Hannah's help, as her audio only half saved on the recording. But Jennie and Peter have the story in capable hands and we were able to cobble together a mostly-coherent story regardless. This one was too good to leave on the cutting room floor! Check out Peter's work @peterfent and on bypeterfenton.com.

"Shortly after being involved in a web of corruption, Sarah becomes tied to a mysterious house." How is Sarah involved? How is the house involved? While we're at it, how is a school involved? Our guest Ally Liddell joins us on this episode to try to untangle this (sometimes literal) web. And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

We've hit 100 episodes and 4 years of podcasting, and to celebrate, we're inviting a couple of our previous guests to look back at some of our favorite episodes and read absolutely ridiculous AI-written scripts of them. Turns out we still need people for writing stories, because the computers do NOT get it. Here's to 100 more brainstorming sessions! Our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"When his girlfriend's family has a loving family to support him, he is transformed into pirates." What exactly is this family dynamic? What life choices is he feeling inferior about? And hold on, he's transformed into pirates, plural? Our guest Charlie Jane Anders helps to make sense of this bizarre beginning! Follow her on Instagram @charliejaneanders and check out her latest work on the Unstoppable trilogy and the New Mutants comics!

"A shy retelling of Shakespeare's 'Macbeth' set at a major company." What major company? How is this retelling shy? And how does the title fit in? Our guest Tina Gallagher is here to make it fit! You can find her online @tinagallagherauthor, or at tinagallagherbooks.com.

"A slovenly cable repairman infiltrates the streets of Manhattan in order to reach his son." Where is the repairman's son? Which of them is a communist? And how exactly does he infilitrate Manhattan's streets? Our guest Chaz Hayden is here to help is work it all out! Follow him online at @thechazhayden and look for his debut novel, "The First Thing About You."

"When Russia's first nuclear submarine malfunctions, a group of beautiful yet troubled twenty-somethings must race to leave her lover." Who is her lover? Which one is the scheming ex? And how does a nuclear submarine fit into all this? Our guest, author Jacqueline Carey, is here to help us fit it all together! Check out more of her and her work at jacquelinecarey.com.

Hannah started a new job last week and completely blanked on getting this week's episode edited and posted -- gah! But just to make sure you still have something on this Thursday, here's a rerun of one of our favorite episodes from December 2021, a romance starring the actor Woody Harrelson as himself.

"A strange old man has a series of surreal encounters with a nurse while becoming torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home." Well, that sounds ominous... What are his orders? Is he Kay or Clarice? Melissa & Robert of The Haunted Tales Podcast join us to work it all out! You can find them and their work on Twitter @hauntedtalespod and on Instagram @hauntedtalespodcast. (And we hear a rumor that they might even be creating a special episode based on this plot synopsis, so make sure you check that one out!)

"The schemes of a professional monster hunter who will stop at nothing to celebrate the artistic work of their father." What artistic work? Why is it so important to the monster hunter? And who are the two roomies? Our guest Jeneta St. Clair helps us work through all of these questions! Find her on Instagram at @jenetastclair, her show @dryshow_wetcomics, and keep an eye out for the short film Marque Dos, which she appears in!

"The struggle of the peaceful settlers of a town destined for railroad greatness's legal feud over a robbery." What kind of legal feud involves a robbery? Are all the settlers involved? And WHAT do we do with that title? Our guest Heidi Voss is here to help answer those questions! You can follow her at authorheidivoss.com, and if you sign up for her newsletter you'll get a free short story.

"The true story of pirates who spy on his boss's old mentor." Why are pirates spying on someone? What is the old mentor doing? And, well, this isn't actually a true story, right? Our guest Alexander Weinstein is here to help us work it all out! You can find him and his work at alexanderweinstein.com. You can also watch the film After Yang, which was based on his short story "Saying Goodbye to Yang."

"A professor of chemistry dates other women to distract a headstrong young girl." How is dating women a distraction? Is one of these women named Mona Lebowski? And how does the small town play into it? Our guest Cecelia Mecca is here to help us work it all out! You can find her medieval romance under her name here and her contemporary romance work under Bella Michaels. Find her @ceceliamecca on social media!

"Two former secretaries come up with a money-making promotion to train Merlin's descendant." Who is Merlin's descendant? Why do they need money to train them? And what does this have to do with Hawaiian real estate? Our guest Rap Critic is here to help us work it all out! You can find him and his work here: https://www.youtube.com/@RapCritic https://www.patreon.com/rapcritic https://ko-fi.com/rapcritic https://www.twitch.tv/rapcritic And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"Big time show winners throw a sorrow party in a fascist, militaristic future." What's a sorrow party? Is every party in a fascist future a sorrow party? How are letters involved? Our guest Matthew Marcus is a Jeopardy champion, so something of a big time show winner himself, so hopefully he can shine some light on this. If Matthew's trivia journey inspired you, he suggests you go find the Online Quiz League and go get involved! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"An ensemble comedy about the meaning of the French throne." That's a much simpler synopsis than last week... Maybe too simple. What DOES the French throne mean? Who's in our ensemble? And who's involved in the espionage? Guest Josh Smith is here to unpack it all with us. You can follow him on Instagram @smyth_ology! And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/

"When a research team calling themselves 'the unofficial Christmas truce' reclaims his life, urbane Princess Jeremy Warner is assigned to join the Church of England." Oh my. That's a whole lot to unpack. Thankfully we have our guest Laure Porché AND guest co-host Kirsten Porter here to make this all work out! You can find Laure's podcast, The Moonlit Path, anywhere you get your podcasts, or directly on her website at: https://www.laureporche.com/podcast-1 And our links: Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/somebodywritethis Facebook: https://facebook.com/somebodywritethis Twitter: https://twitter.com/writethispod Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/writethispod/