The Nice Guy Show

In this episode of The Nice Guy Show, hosts Chuck Chapman, Faisal Khokhar, and Ari Graff dive deep into what it means to be a confident husband and how to achieve an integrated marriage. Chuck Chapman, the focus of this episode, shares insights into his "Confident Husband Solution" program, designed to help men navigate the complexities of marriage and overcome the Nice Guy Syndrome. Chuck discusses the evolution of his program, explaining how he identified a need to specifically support married men struggling with their relationships, often due to their "nice guy" tendencies.  He introduces his unique concept of the "stages of marriage" and how understanding these stages can help prevent common pitfalls, including divorce. Learn about:

SummaryIn this episode of the Nice Guy Show, hosts Chuck Chapman, Faisal Coker, and Ari Graf reflect on their recent experiences at a men's conference in Cancun, Mexico. They discuss the importance of in-person connections, the courage displayed by participants, and the nuances of leadership. The conversation highlights the journey of personal growth, the significance of experiential learning, and the transformations that occur when men engage authentically with one another. They also touch on the importance of presentation and connection in relationships, and the value of being immersed in a supportive environment for growth.

We celebrate our 100th Episode!

Is love toxic?  For Nice Guys, understanding love can be a struggle.

You've done the work—you've read the books, gone to therapy, embraced your own growth, and finally stepped out of that old Nice Guy pattern. You're more confident, more assertive, and you've started living with purpose and integrity. But here's the thing: even though you've changed, she hasn't. The relationship still feels like it's stuck in the same cycle, the same dead end. For Nice Guys, this is the hardest part

There is one major red flag many of us ignore at the initial stages because it's the norm. Everyone does it, but those who do it all the time and do it with intensity are dangerous and you MUST in all circusmtances not take them. Never! Because if you do, they will eventually make your life a living hell and even ruin your professional world.

If you've been around the Manosphere, there's no doubt you've heard of the term pickup artist. These are gurus who will tell you how to pick up women like you're picking up samples at Costco. But there's a few problems with this. And today I want to talk about the pickup artist industry and why nice guys tend to follow their advice and maybe a little bit of like, what's wrong with this?

Never ever, ever start a sentence with this word. It's all too commonly used by nice guys and it makes you look weak, you lose respect and it's very uncharismatic.

We are given so many conflicting ideas about how to do sex or have sex. You've got to be dominant and lead. You've got to make sure you talk about and get consent for everything you do. You gotta make sure you please your partner.  You gotta focus on pleasing yourself. You've gotta schedule sex.  You've gotta be spontaneous. You should tap into your fantasies. You shouldn't be so lost in fantasy. You should be focused solely on your partner and not think about other people. You should have sex a lot if you're healthy. You shouldn't be so focused on having sex all the time. You should only have sex in the context of a loving monogamous relationship. You should be free to have more than one partner. It goes on and on. How can we ever feel like we're doing sex right?

In this episode of the Nice Guys Show, host Ari Graff opens up about his personal struggles as a life coach.  He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and seeking support, highlighting that even coaches face difficulties and uncertainties. The conversation delves into the emotional toll of change, the burden of expectations, and the need for connection and understanding among men.

In this episode of the Nice Guys Show, host Faisal Khokhar opens up about his personal struggles as a life coach, particularly focusing on the challenges of parenting and navigating a business transition. He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and seeking support, highlighting that even coaches face difficulties and uncertainties. The conversation delves into the emotional toll of change, the burden of expectations, and the need for connection and understanding among men.

In this episode of the Nice Guys Show, host Chuck Chapman opens up about his personal struggles as a life coach, particularly focusing on the challenges of parenting and navigating a business transition. He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability and seeking support, highlighting that even coaches face difficulties and uncertainties. The conversation delves into the emotional toll of change, the burden of expectations, and the need for connection and understanding among men.

Nice Guys aren't being nice—they're being manipulative, using approval-seeking and people-pleasing as a way to control how women see them, all because they're too afraid to be rejected for who they really are.When it comes to women and men, I've come to the realization that it's insecurity that drives us to seek approval from women. It's subtle, often invisible, but it's there—this craving for validation, for someone to tell us we're enough. But here's the thing: no matter how much approval we chase, it's never going to fill the gap. It's a hollow pursuit. Real maturity, real grounding, happens when we let go of that need, when we realize that our worth isn't something that can be handed to us by someone else. It's already inside, waiting to be claimed. The moment a man stops seeking validation from women, he becomes a mature integrated man.

Got a guy with a situation involving his mother and wife.He's newly married, and they all live together—him, his wife, and his mother.It all started well. Everyone got along, and they were one happy family.But after a few months, fractures start to appear.The mother starts interfering, picking faults with his wife, and that's when the tension starts building.Now, this guy's caught in the middle.He's trying to please his mum and his wife, but no matter what he does, things just keep getting worse.Now they can't stand each other anymore and they've both turned on him to man up.Both of them are using guilt and shame to manipulate him.His mum says, ‘Your wife's taking you for a ride,' while his wife says, ‘You never stand up to your mum.' So no matter what, he can't win.

What is the first thing you do when you wake up? Do you hit the snooze bar? Do you hate the world, hate your life, hate your job? Do you feel like the day is another day to get through? Do you scroll through instagram? Do you rush to get ready? Do you struggle with what to prioritize that day? Well good news, today we are going to explain what you must have in your morning routine to change your life.  

If you've been into relationship development, you would have heard about Masculine & Feminine Energies and how important they are to relationships. Men are grounded, stable, like a lighthouse. The feminine is ever-changing emotions and she is the storm.Men need to weather the storm.Really? Now, I don't know about you, but this statement or something like this keeps men in harmful relationshipsIn this episode, let's lookThe Dark Side Of Masculine & Feminine Energy That Enables Toxic Relationship Patterns

Have you ever wanted to get your partner to be nicer? To help out more around the house? To get in shape and lose weight? To like sex or even like sex with you? To like your parents? To earn some money?  How much can you get your partner to change?

If you want to create polarity, attraction, and connection in a relationship, it's up to you to lead. I know, it's not fair!A lot of the men I work with ask, "What about her? When is it her turn to lead?" And women often say, "I want to lead too."Why is this?Nice Guys tend to avoid leading in their relationships because they fear rejection or upsetting their partners. So they hand over the reins.But here's the thing. When a man won't lead, the woman feels she can't trust him. She starts to resent him. At first, she might appreciate his attentiveness, but soon enough, she sees him as having no backbone, making no decisions, always leaving the pressure to her.It's not about control. It's about presence. Strength. The courage to lead with love. And when you do, you'll find that the connection, the attraction, the polarity you crave, it all falls into place.

Have you ever felt so stuck on getting women to meet your needs that it occupied nearly every free moment? Well that was me a couple years ago.  I was a few years out from my divorce.  When I wasn't working or parenting, I was thinking about dating or sex.  I felt a chronic hunger for women that had been there since forever.  So I decided it was time to get off that hamster wheel.  I hit the ultimate reset button, the nuclear option, I quit women for 9 months!

Before I even knew what a Nice Guy was in terms of the Nice Guy syndrome, I thought of myself as just that—a Nice Guy. And I truly believed I was. When I first read *No More Mr. Nice Guy* about 15 years ago, it was like looking into a mirror. Every page felt like it was written about me. But there was one thing in that book that hit me hard, like a punch to the gut: as a Nice Guy, I was actually really manipulative.I had these covert contracts, these unspoken deals where I'd give just to get. I'd pretend to be whatever someone wanted me to be, but in reality, I was just trying to get my needs met. My life was a lie. I was packaging nice as a way of manipulating others. My kind and accommodating nature was often a cover for a hidden agenda—to get what I wanted without feeling shameful or risking rejection or making someone mad at me.

Do you think small? Do you poo poo any big idea you have as far fetched? Do you feel like big ideas and big things are for other people? Is it hopeless or is there a cure for thinking small?

So you've heard of the nice-guy syndrome and why nice-guys finish last.So what's the female equivalent nice-guy syndrome and is she as nasty and manipulating as nice-guys or is she a helpless damsel in distress?Let's find out…

Fear. If there is one thing that holds Nice Guys back from getting the life they want it's fear. Fear is the filter every decision is made or not made because Nice Guys anticipate and imagine failure, rationalize being comfortable and avoid pressure and tension. They are scared fo being exposed as frauds, not meeting expectations and losing control. It is the number one thing that every Nice Guy needs to learn to manage or they will always come in last place. 

Do you find that women don't respect you?Or maybe if you have kids, they fail to speak in a respectful way?Maybe your colleagues at work, your customers, or even your friends don't treat you with the respect you deserve.In this podcast, we will explore why women, children, and even men don't respect nice guys.

In No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover talks about how some radical feminists claimed that men were the cause of all of the problems in the world. Or that men were merely an unnecessary nuisance.  This contributed to a climate that convinced many men that it was not OK to be just who they were.  

Let's say you're dating someone or in a relationship, and the infamous topic of body count comes up. What's the magic number that would make you question if you should stay with her? Does body count really matter when you're in a relationship? How do you get over your partner's past, especially if her count is higher than yours? Should you even bother talking about body count at all?These are some of the juicy questions I want to dive into today. Let's be real, folks. We're not living in a Disney fairytale where everyone is a chaste prince or princess waiting for "the one." People have pasts, and sometimes those pasts can include some pretty steamy and provocative things. 

Have you ever fallen for a woman you knew was bad for you? You know something is off but the combination of hotness, excitement, and possibility of a love connection keep you hooked. 

In this podcast, we're going to look at the crisis behind why so many men are struggling to get into relationships?Are men the problem? Or maybe women are the reason why men are single or is it society or maybe dating apps? Who's fault is it and can we rescue relationships? Should we rescue relationships and you are probably thinking, what's wrong with being single? 

Back in January, my son and I were testing for our next tae kwon do belt. I had just started tae kwon do 2 months earlier after quitting 30 years ago, so I was excited to do it with my son. Long story short, my ex, who had picked him up from school, texted me and said he didn't want to go to my testing because he was tired and had a long day.  I was incensed by this.  I told her she wasn't teaching him the right thing about how to support a family member, that we were making memories together.  I insisted that he come with me. She said she was surprised how selfish and narcissistic I was being. She later said to me, do you know how much he is in engaged in tae kwon do to make you happy? 

If you're anything like I was early in my Nice Guy recovery, you have a hard time setting boundaries. Especially with women. We tend to let a pretty woman walk all over us, afraid if we set boundaries she will walk away.Over the years, working with hundreds of Nice Guys, I've noticed they struggle with boundaries too. I used to think boundaries were negative, that they made you rigid, and that people with boundaries were just selfish. Then one day, I heard Dr. Glover say, “Boundaries are an act of love.” This threw me because I couldn't see how love could be rigid. But he explained that boundaries show others what you will accept and what you won't. Without boundaries, there's no love, especially for yourself. And if you can't respect yourself enough to have limits, how can you truly love others?

In this podcast, we're going to explore Is Being Vulnerable Unattractive To Women? Now, there are a lot of messages fed to men that being vulnerable is key in relationships, but this is also confusing as some men as they report that when they are vulnerable, she pull away, look disgusted or become upset.So, should you be vulnerable in a relationship or not? If not, then why not? If yes, how can men be vulnerable without killing attraction?

Why do so many men struggle with social skills? Why do so many men struggle to understand women? Why are so many men isolated and lonely? Why are so many men hypersensitive?  These questions come up regularly with nice guys I work with.  Some then ask me, does this mean I'm on the autism spectrum? Am I just wired this way? 

In this podcast, you will learn how you can still date successfully even if you have kids. I will share my experience, mid 40s I date women in their early 30s and how they treated me and my kids.

In today's episode, we'll explore the self-limiting beliefs that Nice Guys carry, beliefs that keep them stuck in life. We'll uncover the origins of these beliefs, how they take hold, and most importantly, how we can break free from them. We'll delve into the steps to transform these beliefs, empowering you to live with integrity, confidence, and passion.

Ever found yourself saying, 'Of course I'll take care of the dishes,' to your spouse, only to conveniently 'forget' later? Or maybe you've caught yourself saying, 'Sure babe, I'd be happy to weed the entire yard while you go take a bath! Whatever you want,' then ruminating and secretly planning their demise in a revenge fantasy straight out of the Show Dexter? Welcome to the realm of passive aggression, where 'Nice Guys' have turned being incredibly agreeable into an art form—while seething like a pressure cooker on the inside. It's like being the world's most polite volcano—on the surface, we're all “sure, you bet, anytime” smiling and being calm, but beneath, there's a molten core of frustration just waiting to blow."

Have you ever seen two people in a relationship that you know is dead but somehow they didn't get the memo?  You probably know on a gut level what I'm talking about - you see two people who do nothing but argue, complain about each other, or completely ignore each other. I believe that a relationship is a living thing with its own life force that can die.  The two partners may still be officially a couple and they may still be attached to each other but the love and care and energy have evaporated. Yet the thing just keeps going, staggering around from day to day, draining those who come in contact with it. This is what I call the nightmare scenario: a zombie relationship.  How do you know if you're in a zombie relationship and how do you prevent it? 

In this podcast, you will discover How To Be More Social & Create a Social Circle even if you are shy, an introvert or an nerd… andIf you find yourself spending too much time isolatedworking from home anddon't have many guy friends to hang out withnothing to do over the weekend and feel LONELY a lotthis podcast is for you.And for the guys who get into a relationship and start neglecting their guy mates and their hobbies and know you want know how to make friends and where to go to make friends.

Today we're going to delve into a polarizing topic. No, not which direction should the toilet paper hang. Not does pineapple belong on pizza. I'm talking about friends of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship. Gasp! What do you do if you're in a relationship and she has a lot of male friends? Are you okay with that? Or are you just insecure if you don't want her to have these types of relationships? Is it okay that you have friendships with members of the opposite sex if you're in a committed relationship? 

A lot of men want to know, will I be a nice guy forever? The conventional wisdom in nice guy coaching is that you will always be recovering from vestiges of the syndrome, that you are always susceptible to falling back into nice guy patterns.  But can some or all nice guy patterns be fully resolved or eliminated? Just how much can someone change?

Have you ever had a woman say to you:You are not listening to me.You are not empathic.You don't get it or understand me.Wait a minute, what about you guys?Let's hear it for the men.Do you find women listen to you?Do you feel understood and respected?Well, let's find out if only men are bad listeners. In my book, that may not always be the case.

Why are men's groups so critical for a man? When I  started my journey of becoming a conscious man, I did it through books and 1 on 1 coaching. And I made a lot of progress.  I learned more about how to lead in my relationships, set boundaries, and get out of my comfort zone. But I didn't realize that I had actually hit a wall in my growth. If you want to understand what this wall is, then keep listening.

Have you ever had a woman who's constantly nagged, complained about you all the time and criticized everything you did, and no matter what you did, it never resolved the complains. Then this podcast is for you  and I we will share why women complain and what you can do to stop the complaining.

Welcome to the Nice Guy Show. With Faisal Khokhar, Ari Graff and Chuck Chapman.The three of us are coaches dedicated to helping nice guys because we are recovering nice guys ourselves. Together, we have decades of experience helping men level up. Our mission is to help men develop the confidence and the skills to get the love, sex, and success they desire. Today's guest is Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, who discusses cheating.

An anxiety I've often had in the past when it came to my relationships was that my partner might leave me. This only contributed to my Nice Guy Behavior in, well just about every area of the relationship. This fear that “she may leave you” is fuel to the Nice Guy Syndrome. I've seen this pattern over and over again with the men that I work with in my coaching Nice Guys who are trying to recover and become integrated men. It seems that this fear is so deeply entrenched that it's almost written into the Nice Guys DNA. That's because it is.

What is it about bad boys women can't get enough of?Why do women keep going back to bad boys they know they are trouble?What type of men are they?What type of women bad boys?Why do nice-guys finish last?Do nice-guys need to become bad boys?

There is one stereotype about the nice guy that he is needy and clingy and stays in a bad relationship no matter what.  And yes, I've been guilty of that. But what about the nice guy that can't commit? Can't commit to a woman or a job or a hobby or even meeting your friend for dinner?

Recently I was complaining to my personal men's group about being tired, about being disappointed in the ambivalence in some of the men I work with and men in general aren't interested in self-development, and just uninterested in anything other than sex, sports and video games. I've been doing men's work for almost 20 years both as a participant and a leader. Quite frankly, I was tired, burnt out, and not seeing the fruits of my labor, at least in my expectations. I was contemplating giving it all up and retiring to become an artist. One of my brothers brought out what we refer to in our group as the sacred dick and slapped me in the face with it.

Are you hard on yourself and others?Do you tend to criticize and judge harshly?Do you always see life as half empty instead of half full?

Are you a nice guy who has been diagnosed with ADHD? Or do you suspect you have ADHD? Why does it seem like every man with nice guy syndrome has ADHD too?  In this episode we are going to break down just what is happening here and what are the differences between ADHD and nice guy syndrome. 

Want to know the best and easiest places to meet attractive great women without dating apps or loitering around nights club? And especially if you are shy.Stick around for this episode Where To Meet Attractive Women If You Are Shy And Without Coming Across Creepy EP and I will reveal where you'll find abundance of single women and hardly any competition, and you can do all of this wihtout breaking your bank or coming across creepy.