The Vanessa Londino Podcast

This week, we welcome David Lea to Substance, Not Psychobabble. He is a relationship coach, a trauma specialist, and an expert on masculine and feminine energy. He explores the healthy and unhealthy masculine and feminine in us all, and teaches us how to bring our polarized parts into harmony within us and our relationships. David's message resonates with strength and clarity: your relationship issues aren't about the relationship, they're about YOU. And the good news is: you can do something about it. When we do our inner healing work, the masculine and feminine energies within us heal, and our relationships are on their way to harmony.David's contact info:Website: https://www.daring-deeply.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/david_leacoaching/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DaringdeeplyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@daringdeeplycoachingTo contact Vanessa: www.vanessabentley.co

Last Saturday, I spent a good amount of time in my yard, weeding. My thoughts turned to mental health, and I thought a lot about how to get down to the root of a problem to eradicate it rather than just grasping at the surface issue and leaving the roots intact. Why? Because weeds which are not pulled up from the root grow back, just like our problems and struggles when we don't address the root cause, they seem to crop back up. This week we take a brief but deep dive into what needs to happen to change on a fundamental level. If you'd like to be in touch with feedback or suggestions for a podcast topic, message me here: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com

This week we delve into the real issue... past the emotions, the mental distress, the "diagnosis" your psychiatrist uses to categorize you. We look at the REAL root cause of ALL mental and emotional distress. Hint: it's not a brain malfunction or a chemical imbalance. It's far simpler than that: it's what you believe about yourself and the world. Yes, your belief systems are shaping your entire life. But what if they're false? What if we've built our entire life on a belief system that can't stand the test of scrutiny? This week, we dive into what shapes our belief systems that literally lie at the root of who we believe we are and every decision we make, and we address how to shift them if we discover that they aren't congruent with reality, that is to say... if they're not true. Belief systems are the root of mental health and mental distress. It's time we start really understanding this.

I interviewed one of my heroes! Dr. Chip Dodd, author of the seminal and bestselling book "The Voice of the Heart," is our guest on this week's podcast. Get ready to understand your feelings and how you're made to function. Get ready to feel restored to YOURSELF. Get ready for truth bomb after truth bomb. And get ready to take copious notes. If a podcast has the ability to heal you, this is the one. (Sorry for the audio quality on my end. My mic wasn't properly attached. But don't listen to me anyways. Listen to Chip!)https://www.chipdodd.com The song Chip talked about: https://youtu.be/x8aEVJQhyOg?si=zUldWdzkOYGhDUhr

This week we take a closer look at why some people grow and change, and some don't. We'll unpack what is necessary for inner transformation to occur. Hint: it's simple but not easy. Most people will NOT do the work and simply live their lives blaming others and making excuses, but for those who brave themselves, transformation is inevitable. For more information about online groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact To contact me about the podcast: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com

Human beings have a unique relationship with the past that sets us apart from any other animal: we can meaningfully reflect on the past and learn from it. Unfortunately, this also means that we get stuck in it sometimes. This week, we tackle what a healthy relationship with the past looks like. Why should we talk about and reflect on the past, and when? And how do we shut the door and move on? Send me an email about the podcast! I'd love to hear from you: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com For information about Online groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact If you'd like to cry with me while listening to “The Time Machine:” https://youtu.be/c0UfOH21ptE?si=BMUEKsuCGWVmIA2g

Pain is inevitable. It's an unavoidable truth. Yet, we all want to avoid it and end it as quickly as possible. Without being wise about what kind of pain is good and healthy and what kind of pain is unhealthy, we risk trying to rid ourselves of ALL pain, and we won't grow as a result. This week, we analyze healthy and unhealthy pain and what to do about both. If life is pain (and it is), we need to consider our pain carefully and purposefully. ** If you like this podcast, please subscribe and share! ** To join the online group and learn how to develop an unconditional and irrevocable Self-Love: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact To send me an email about the podcast: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com If you'd like a good cry, listen to "The Time Machine" by Colin Ray: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0UfOH21ptE

Welcome to a new year, Everyone! This week we examine the motivation and mechanics of change. What makes changes really stick? And role does excuse making have in our attempts at growth? for more information on groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact To send me info or questions about the podcast : thepodcast@vanessalondino.com

As we wind down a year, let's plan to start 2025 with our best foot forward. This week, we explore the four books you should read at the start of every year. They're refreshers and reminders of what a sound, mentally healthy life looks like. (No, my book isn't in the top four, but it did receive an honorable mention. ;-)) For more information on the online group: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact To order the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=S4J2K5DQ2R3B&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XjU3lr1rKkpRsHzhBrV93g.jAb0HCS-FOvks5ilx8hTuv_8Rum80u81ny3elCdAp8E&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+toolbox+vanessa+londino&qid=1734320455&sprefix=the+toolbox+vane%2Caps%2C172&sr=8-1

You might remember our previous interview with Dr. David Thornton called "You Are Holy." He's a therapist in the Nashville, TN area who specializes in spiritual abuse, and because we simply can't get enough of David, he's back to point us on another path toward our true selves, toward healing. So sit back, get yourself a cup of tea, and let David's voice guide you into the places you fear, only to realize that the only thing there is Love. For more information on David: https://davidthorntontherapy.com

We've all heard the phrase: "get a thicker skin." It means to toughen up, not let things affect you, don't be so sensitive, or don't take it personally. This week we look at this common phrase and the harm it causes. It's part of family dysfunction, and it's actually a reaction to unnecessary cruelty. What kind of boundaries can we set with aggressive people? Or should we all try to just get a thicker skin? For more info on the online group: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

This week, Valentina Bain - an epigenetic coach - walks us through how our genes affect our mental and physical health. Yes, our genes! The genetic blueprint of our entire life from the moment of conception to death. Are we fighting nature? Are we aligned with what our bodies actually want and need? Valentina breaks it down and makes it possible to approach your own personal health with precision. Website- www.ValentinaBain.com Instagram- @valentina.bain

This week we have the distinct pleasure of having spiritual teacher, coach, and healer, Erika Enriquez, on the show. Her clarity and understanding of the Inner Child can advance us all on the road of healing. Her life wasn't easy and these lessons were hard won, but the grace and *appreciation* she has for everything that formed her will give you a new perspective on the hardship in your life.Request a topic on the podcast: thepodcast@vanessalondino.comClick here to follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Get in touch with Erika: https://erikaenriquez.comFollow Erika: https://www.instagram.com/erikaenriquez_/TikTok: @erikaenriquez

A client asked me a question two weeks ago that got me thinking... I haven't told you the whole story. This week, I tell you what the turning point was in my own life. To learn more about groups, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

The final installment of our series on the Drama Triangle brings us to the "Persecutor," aka the "bad guy" or the villain. This is the most aggressive role and often the most damaging. Tune in this week to learn how the Persecutor operates, why, and how you can stop shifting into this role. For information on groups or the Toolbox workshop, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Last time we took a deep dive into the Victim Mindset, this time it's the second leg in Karpman's Triangle: The Rescuer. This is the person who gets the most praise and has the "best" reputation. They'll give you the shirt off their back, but is it really about helping? Today we explore how to actually help someone in need, when to help, when to let them figure it out, and how to STOP rescuing others from their own consequences. To learn more about the Toolbox Workshop, Online Groups, or to be featured on the "Ask V" segment, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

What is a victim? What is the difference between being victimized and having a victim mindset? This week and for the next two weeks in July, we're going to take a deep dive into each role in the famous "Drama Triangle." From Victim, to Rescuer, to Persecutor, we all need to develop some awareness about how these roles inhabit us in conflict and what we can do to get out of them and out of the dreaded drama triangle. Don't we all play the victim sometimes? Why do we do it? Listen today to find out! (For more info, listen to the episode released on March 23, 2023 called "The Triangle of Madness.") Here's a helpful video of Steven Karpman on YouTube: https://youtu.be/3P3kZ8BW_pI?si=4Z1o8wy0B91TrPAN

Some of my favorite work is when adult clients bring in their parents. Brave souls enter my office in their 70s and 80s, willing to do whatever it takes to break dysfunction and free their children and grandchildren from the chains of trauma that hold generations captive. But what does it take to heal a family system? A lot. It's not easy. But it's possible. Share this podcast with members of your family with whom you seek healing. To learn more about online groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

We talk a lot about healing on this podcast. Healing from depression... anxiety... trauma. What if I told you that healing from schizophrenia was possible? Naturally? Without drugs? From inner work? Today's guest will prove me right. Tracey has walked one of the bravest roads and come out of it healed and helping others to heal. She tells her story of how healing is possible for everyone who's willing to dig in deep. WARNING: Extremely graphic stories of abuse. Please listen with caution. To request a podcast topic or learn more about online groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact Tracey's website: https://www.fullrecoveryfromschizophrenia.ca

"It's a chemical imbalance!" "It's hereditary." "I'm predisposed to it..." We've been told so many complicated, unhelpful reasons for why we suffer in life. Our mental and emotional distress leads us to therapist after therapist, and it can feel hopeless. Their diagnoses give us no information about what went wrong in our lives, just the shameful insinuation that something is wrong with us. We believe the best we can do is manage our symptoms. I'm here to tell you... you can heal. For more information on the online group starting up, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

This week I have the honor of interviewing one of my earliest inspirations in this field. I met Virgil Stucker, then the Executive Director of Cooper-Riis healing community in Asheville, NC, when I was just an intern. The impact of that meeting and the subsequent visit to Cooper-Riis changed me forever and set my feet on a path of helping others in the most humane and effective way possible. Simply put, this interview will make you a better person. To be part of an online group, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

The current moment is telling us: "You don't need a relationship. You don't need anyone. You need to be perfectly fine alone." But is that realistic? For a species that is as socially complex and needy as human beings, is the idea that we can thrive without intimacy reality or fantasy? This week we take a look at what it takes for a relationship to truly be a healing presence in our lives and the work it takes to build that. For online groups, click here: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

This interview is one I've been chomping at the bit to bring to you! Erin Watt, a masterfully skilled and highly sought after relationship coach, is our guest this week, and believe me when I say: she brings it! Get ready to learn concepts that are going to change and better how you see yourself in relationships. Get ready to feel empowered and encouraged to pursue your relationships with the skill you need to help them thrive. Erin breaks down our highest potential and our most frequent pitfalls in a friendly, approachable, and intelligent way. (And yours truly owns the mistakes I'm making in my own relationship!!) Here's where you can find Erin: https://www.innerrae.com/ Follow her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/innerrae To get more information on our healing group online: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

The old saying goes, "You can't really love someone until you can love yourself." This week we unpack this and ask ourselves, "Is this really true?" Can we only love someone if we've learned how to love ourselves? Are we capable of love if we've never formed it within? Let me know what you think! thepodcast@vanessalondino.com And write to me here if you want to be featured on “Ask V!” Link to purchase the Toolbox for Valentine's Day: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3831V3QHDOZ5C&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1707711857&sprefix=vanessa+lon%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

This week I address a question a listener sent me on Instagram. Heather is facing a dilemma with a friend who's really changed. She feels distant and even mistreated. So the question arose: how long do we stick in there with someone and when is it okay to say, “Enough is enough?” We look at dramatic changes in personality from a psychological lens, and we also examine what it means to be a friend and who do we really need in our lives? Click here to schedule a time to call in and "Ask V!” thepodcast@vanesssalondino.com Click here to order the Toolbox for Valentine's Day! https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2ZRPWC75U8T0K&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1707105261&sprefix=vanessa+londin%2Caps%2C160&sr=8-1

This week we have the distinct honor of having Michael Giles as our guest. He's a therapist, a coach, an Army Captain, and he's a dog-lover, so we know he's good people! We dive into the experience of working with men in therapy and what the specific needs of men are. We agree about most things! Michael is skilled, experienced, thoughtful, and fair. You're going to learn a lot and love this interview. To read the article we reference in the podcast, click here:  https://www.mg-counseling.com/blog/an-apology-to-men-on-behalf-of-therapists-counseling-texas Here's his website: https://www.mg-counseling.com/ Here's the link to purchase his book: https://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Repair-Men-Counterintuitive-relationships/dp/B0C4MJ5D89/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1TDWZ1FWH248Q&keywords=michael+giles&qid=1706496782&sprefix=michael+giles%2Caps%2C167&sr=8-1 *** There is still space available in the Naturopathic Psychotherapy group! We are starting February 3rd. Send me an email if you want more information: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Unfortunately, the field of mental health is susceptible to gimmicks, just like any other industry. Today we focus on the basic, time-tested pillars of mental health versus the quick fixes that get you nowhere. Mental health is not a birthright. It's not inherited. It's not easy. Like physical health, mental health takes work and commitment. Frankly, it's hard work. It's much easier to make excuses for ourselves than it is to confront ourselves and truly grow, just like it's a lot easier to sit on the couch and not work our bodies. But mental health is accessible to all who are willing to put in the time, patience, and commitment to living a mentally healthy lifestyle. For information on NP groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Happy New Year to all! This week, we take a thorough look at what we're carrying with us into 2024 and what we need to let go of. Carrying extra weight will slow us down, causing us to lose focus on our dreams and goals. We talk about what "baggage" means and how to live light and free. So many of us carry the burden of others' choices as well as the untenable weight of the past. Today we talk about how to let it all go. To learn more about the Naturopathic Psychotherapy group, starting this year: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact The study I referenced: https://annals-general-psychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12991-022-00406-1

This week we have a special guest: Dr. David Thornton. David is a licensed clinical pastoral therapist and an expert in spiritual abuse. At a time of year when so many are observing religious traditions and searching for God, it's also a time of year when many get in touch with their own emptiness and longing for something beyond us. This week, we take a deep look at what it means to be safe on a spiritual level. This interview will have you laughing, crying, and searching your own soul. It's an episode that can't be missed! Please share it with anyone who needs a reason to hope. David's website: https://davidthorntontherapy.com/ Contact me for information on the group starting in February: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact If you'd like to request a podcast on a particular topic: thepodcast@vanessalondino.com

The medical industry has completely taken over mental health. That means, instead of looking at root causes of mental distress and treating the whole person, mental health professionals are taught to do what doctors do: diagnose based on symptoms and focus their efforts on lessening the symptoms. I don't work that way, and I don't believe people heal that way. Your symptoms are telling your story and point out the path of healing. They're important. In February 2024, I'm starting an online group because I want you to have the tools you need to get mentally healthy and stay mentally healthy. This episode is about how healing the mind, heart, and soul naturally IS possible for those who are willing to do the work. Here's the link to contact me and learn more: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Chances are, we're going to be spending some time around family this time of year. Some of those old triggers come back, and before we know it, we're acting like we did before we ever stepped foot in therapy. Don't despair! The chains of family dysfunction are thick and strong, but you can break them. This week we take a look at how they develop and how to break free. The article I referenced: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-parents-rsquo-trauma-leaves-biological-traces-in-children/ Purchase the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3CKW24Y6T3ZDY&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1701657648&sprefix=vanessa+londino%2Caps%2C408&sr=8-1 Get info about Naturopathic Psychotherapy groups: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

The nature of human beings is: we internalize the voices we surround ourselves with. As we start winding down this year and enter into the holiday season, it's a good time to consider: whose voices are allowed in your life? Whose messages have you internalized to be your own? This has a remarkable impact on our mental health. To order the Toolbox: https://www.amazon.com/Toolbox-Tools-Build-Relationships-Repair/dp/1736381318/ref=sr_1_1?crid=KQW80JOB4TXC&keywords=vanessa+londino&qid=1700455403&sprefix=vanessa+londino%2Caps%2C168&sr=8-1 To learn more about the online group starting in 2024: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Growing up in a bilingual family taught me something: if you don't speak the language, you miss out on practically everything. This week we take a deep dive into the anatomy of the brain - how men's and women's brains are naturally and beautifully different - and how that affects our communication styles. We take an honest look at the expected "norm" in our society where communication is concerned and how to become... bilingual. Hint: it means using more of your brain. (You're gonna want to share this one with a member of the opposite sex.)

The global state of mental health is in decline as more people than ever before report living with chronic mental distress, more people are on psychotropic medications, and more are dying by suicide, not less. Effective therapists are in high demand, yet graduate programs are churning out new therapists who are trained to diagnose and treat the diagnosis rather than the human being. The model and approach clearly aren't working, but the train keeps barreling down the tracks. What are new therapists being taught? This week, I sit down with Hannah and Kate, two women who are in the process of becoming therapists. One in grad school, one just out, they share their reasons for entering the field and what, they are learning, it's going to take to be effective. I'll confess: their compassion and intuition gave me hope that the human being is still the most essential requirement, not the degree.

In this episode, we take a deep dive into what makes dysfunctional families dysfunctional and when it's time to cut things off. We examine the responsibilities of parents and the rights of children and what happens in role reversals, when children become responsible for the emotional wellbeing of their parents. Not all family situations require a full cut off, but are families wholly unaccountable because of their status as "family"? You decide.

This week, Jared finally caved and accepted my invitation to interview him on the podcast. Yes: Jared, the editor, who is also my beloved husband. His story is compelling, and his voice is real and genuine. Our relationship started with all the usual joy and happy anticipation, but Jared had developed a habit that was holding him back and keeping us outside of the intimacy we both wanted. In this episode, Jared walks us through his decision to seek therapy and how the ripple effect of this work has changed every part of his life and transformed our relationship.

When someone says, "I don't really get angry," this should be a red flag. Anger is a vital, functional human emotion, but it is vastly and consistently misunderstood. This week, we take a deep dive into the healthy purpose of anger and an even deeper dive into the dysfunctional expressions of anger: the explosive type and the suppressed type. So whether you can get aggressive or passive aggressive, this episode is for you!

Have you ever said, "I'm okay" when what you were really saying was "I'm not even close to okay"? This week, we pull back the layers of denial, fear, and shame that keep us from getting the help we desperately need. Then we look at the growth process... what does it really mean to be okay? And can we ever get okay with that?

Most of the time, when people say they want to work on communication, they mean they want to improve on how they express themselves. This is worthwhile work! But the other side of communication, the "silent partner," is how we listen. Today we dive into the relational dynamics and some light neurobiology on the practice and skill of listening. This has the power to change our relationships and our lives. And the good news is: it's totally within our control.

You're doing your work. You're coming out of denial. You're starting to see your patterns and coping mechanisms. AND... you're starting to realize your family of origin ain't changing all that much. What to do? This week we tackle the delicate and confusing moments that arise when we're trying to do things differently, but at home it's the same old song and dance. Never fear! There are many pathways forward.

This week I explain the devastating loss Jared and I just endured and some of the lessons learned from pain. We seek joy in our lives, understandably, and we avoid pain. What we are actually avoiding is a cave of tears and treasure. Learning how to grieve, receive, process pain, and be gentle with ourselves is part of coming back into emotional balance in the wake of hardship.

This week, we take a look at the human propensity for self-deception and how the field of mental health is colluding with delusional thought. Our sanity depends on the commitment each and every one of us makes to REALITY, regardless of who the "experts" are. For information on the Toolbox Workshop: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Here we are at the midway point of the year. How's it going? This week, we tackle one of the most overlooked but essential elements of a mentally stable life: your support system. No, it's not necessarily your brunch pals. It may not be your childhood friends. You support system is comprised of the people in your life who help you carry the weight. Everyone needs a support system, but most of us weren't taught how to build one. After listening to this episode, you'll know how. Toolbox Workshop info: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

Going to therapy isn't the magic bullet some would believe it to be. Successful therapy doesn't just identify mental and emotional distress, it seeks to resolve it through two distinct processes: insight and effort. This week, we unpack the two most important tasks of psychotherapy. We dive into what makes therapy a worthwhile investment and what makes it a waste of time. Most importantly, we look at the mechanics of transformation. It's not magical. There's a logic to it. Learn more about the Toolbox workshop: https://www.vanessalondino.com/contact

This week, we examine the most difficult layer of inner work and the powerful "domino effect" that doing this work has on our lives. Most will never do it. Most are content to live their lives on the surface of things. But for those who who are brave enough to face their shadow, the greatest freedom and clarity awaits.

I posted this question on my Instagram story - "What's the worst advice you've ever received?" - and it sparked some serious feedback from y'all, so I decided to pick the best of the worst advice you sent me and talk about why the advice was so bad. Advice - both seeking it and requesting it - comes down to our relationship with authority, so this week we dive into Dr. Diana Baumrind's three styles of parental authority and how that shapes our relationship with authority figures in general. We go one step further and take a look at the interpersonal dynamics of power, and what kind of power we allow others to have over us.

In the annals of bad advice, this might be up there with the worst of the worst. Like telling an emotionally dysregulated person to "calm down," the words "get over it" have been said millions of times. You have to wonder... how many times have they worked? I'd bank on zero. If something is signficant enough to cause long term emotional distress, chances are it's not something we can just "get over." This week we unpack this bad advice - what it really means and, more importantly, how to actually process our wounded places. Instead of expecting us to propel our hearts OVER a wound, let's talking about getting THROUGH it. (Please bear with my frog voice! I'm still getting over laryngitis!)

Communication forms the basis for connection. The more skilled we are as communicators, the better our chances are at forming meaningful, lasting, and deepening connections. This week, we take a look at one major reason why communication breaks down: we don't know the difference between our thoughts and our feelings. Confusing these two important flows of information confounds our communication and makes emotional connection almost impossible. While we journey toward mental and emotional strength, we need to grasp this all-important concept and decide, starting now, we're going to be more precise and accurate as we communicate the contents of our inner world.

This week it's more personal. Rather than a deep dive into theory or the latest waste of time in the world of pop-psychology, I share an intimate lesson I've learned in the past year or so that solidified in my mind during a recent session. So many of us acclimated to harsh life conditions and we live our lives as if we're still fighting those battles. This week I introduce a different way of living. Away from our engrained trauma responses and survival skill sets and into a more peaceful, trusting, connected way of life. This is one I'm learning with you in real time.

This week, we take a deep look at the choice each and every one of us has if we want to grow more mentally and emotionally healthy: whether or not we choose to LEARN. We may want quick steps, a fast track toward feeling better, but I believe it's safe to say that anyone who's selling you quick and easy is making a buck off of your pain. The reality is: it takes a lifetime to become who we are. It takes a commitment to living and LEARNING to reach our potential as human beings and transcend the things that have weighed us down. There are no short cuts. This week, we face what it really takes.

It's not a subject we touch on frequently, but it's one we need to look at: the deep and lasting imprint of our family of origin, namely our parents. We lovingly and protectively resist attacking or blaming our parents for weaknesses and wounds, but in the effort to keep our family narrative unsullied, we fail to process our own experiences - good and bad - and our healing falters. This week, we address the very real and lasting impact and responsibility parents have with their children and why we need to keep talking about it.