Podcasts about Diana Baumrind

Is gentle parenting just permissive parenting in disguise? This episode reveals a powerful framework for meeting both your needs and your child's, creating cooperation without sacrificing connection. Is gentle parenting the same as permissive parenting? No, gentle parenting is not the same as permissive parenting. Gentle parenting focuses on meeting both the child's and the parent's needs with respect and empathy. Permissive parenting prioritizes the child's desires without setting appropriate boundaries or considering the parent's needs. Parents can be gentle without being permissive by understanding and meeting their own needs, as well as their child's needs. Why don't logical consequences and offering limited choices always work? Logical consequences and offering limited choices don't always work because they are often strategies to control a child's behavior rather than addressing the underlying needs driving that behavior. When a child is acting out, they may be seeking connection, autonomy, or have other unmet needs. Logical consequences and choices don't meet these needs, so the behavior continues. How can I set effective limits without sliding into permissiveness? To set effective limits without becoming permissive, understand that your needs matter just as much as your child's. Identify the underlying need you're currently trying to meet with a limit, and identify strategies that honor both your needs and your child's. This prevents you from prioritizing the child's desires while neglecting your own needs, which is characteristic of permissive parenting. What's the difference between a natural consequence and a logical consequence? A natural consequence is what naturally occurs as a result of an action such as touching a hot stove and getting burned. A logical consequence is an action that a parent takes as a result of an action, such as taking away screen time because a child didn't do what they were told. How can I meet both my needs and my child's needs in challenging situations? Meeting both your needs and your child's needs starts with identifying the underlying needs driving the behavior in challenging situations. If a child is stalling at bedtime, they may need connection. A parent can meet this need by spending time with the child before bed, reading an extra book, or engaging in a quiet activity together. This could the child's need for connection, while also meeting the parent's need for the child to go to bed at a reasonable time. What's the underlying cause of my child's resistance to everyday routines? The underlying cause of a child's resistance to everyday routines is often an unmet need. For example, resistance to putting on shoes may stem from a need for autonomy (if the child wants to do it themselves), or connection (if they want you to do it for them). By recognizing the need, you can find ways to involve the child in the process, such as letting them choose which shoes to wear, giving them a sense of control and making the routine more cooperative. Is there an alternative to the four traditional parenting styles? Yes, there are alternatives to the four traditional parenting styles (neglectful, authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative). Dr. Diana Baumrind, who created the styles, also found a 'harmonious' method where parents consider the child's ideas as just as important as their own, which sounds a lot like Gentle Parenting - but she decided not to research it further! What you'll learn in this episode In this episode, we challenge the common misconception that gentle, respectful parenting is the same as permissive parenting.

There are 4 primary parenting styles out there, but they aren't all completely separate from each other. Like so many other things, they exist on a spectrum. You might fall into different parenting styles in different stages or situations. You'll Learn:The 4 main parenting styles, and how to recognize when you are using each oneThe benefits of authoritarian parentingHow to shift away from being overly strict, permissive or detached and get to a more connected and healthy space with your childIn this episode, I hope you'll become more aware of your own parenting style, be a little more understanding of where other parents are coming from and learn to shift your approach closer to where you want it to be.---------------------------------------It can be easy for us to judge parents with a different style from our own, but you'll notice as we go through them that, while we may have tendencies that match most with one style, none of us fits into just one of these categories. In this episode, I hope you'll become more aware of your own parenting style, be a little more understanding of where other parents are coming from and learn to shift your approach closer to where you want it to be. What Is Your Parenting Style?3 of these parenting styles were identified by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s. The neglectful parenting style was added later on. There will be moments in your parenting where you fall more into one of these styles than others. There will be moments when you will act controlling, permissive or unengaged. It happens to us all.These periods of time do not make you a bad parent. Our goal is to be aware of how you're showing up so that you can bring yourself back to where you want to be (the authoritative style). Authoritarian parenting is like being a dictator or a drill sergeant. This is what I think of as “traditional” parenting. This parent wants a high level of control over their children. There are rules that you must obey, and if you don't, there are consequences. It's very direct and doesn't really take the child's feelings and emotions into account. There isn't space for conversations about what is underneath the behavior. In this style of parenting, we often see yelling, screaming and spanking, which triggers a fear response in the child. This can change behavior but damage the relationship. Kids raised with this style also tend to have a lot of repressed emotion because they don't know how to process their feelings. It can show up as hostility, aggression or poor self esteem. I don't believe that any of us really want to act this way. We do it because it's what we saw when we were growing up. And often, there is some kind of worry or fear beneath it. We worry that a behavior will continue or get worse, that our kid won't change or grow, that they will somehow not be okay. Indulgent parenting is also known as permissive parenting. It's really common for parents who don't want to be in the dictator role to go a little too far in the other direction. In this style, you might have rules, but you don't really enforce them. Being liked by your kid takes higher priority than being their parent. The truth is, when you follow through on a limit or consequence, your kid is probably going to get upset. That makes it really hard for these parents to enforce consequences. In this style, your child might be really connected to you, but they aren't getting the rules and experiences they need in order to grow. Being too permissive can even impact their health and safety when it comes to things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, brushing their teeth or wearing shoes so they don't hurt their...

Katie is breaking down the four main parenting styles identified by research Diana Baumrind & which one is the most effective. If you are not a parent, this episode will invite you to reflect on the style in which you were raised with and how that may have impacted your self-development. Stay tuned for updates on all things The Be Word & Be You Women's Wellness by following Katie on social media! Visit our website  Follow us on Instagram  Follow us on Facebook  Follow us on TikTok Watch the show on YouTube  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thebeword/support

In today's episode, I'm speaking to writer and parent educator Eloise Rickman. Eloise's work focuses mainly on challenging adultism, championing children's rights, and helping parents and educators rethink how they see children. In this episode, we touch on how diet culture shows up in gentle parenting spaces and how mainstream ideas of gentle parenting don't always challenge where power comes from and how it's leveraged. We'll also talk about kids' embodied resistance and Elosie's new book, It's Not Fair.Don't forget to leave a review in your podcast player if you enjoy this episode - or let me know what you think in the comments below.Find out more about Eloise's work here.Pre-order Eloise's new book here.Follow her on Instagram here.Follow here on Substack - Follow Laura on Instagram here.Subscribe to Laura's newsletter here.Enrol in the Raising Embodied Eaters course here. Here's the transcript in full:INTRO:Laura: Hey and welcome to the Can I Have Another Snack? podcast where we talk about appetite, bodies and identity, especially through the lens of parenting. I'm Laura Thomas, I'm an anti-diet registered nutritionist and I also write the Can I Have Another Snack? Newsletter.Today we're talking to . Eloise is a writer ( ) and parent educator. Her work focuses on challenging adultism, championing children's rights, and helping parents and educators rethink how they see children. Today we're going to talk about how diet culture shows up in gentle parenting spaces and how mainstream ideas of gentle parenting don't always challenge where power comes from and how it's leveraged. We'll also talk about kids' embodied resistance and Elosie's new book, It's Not Fair.But first - just a quick reminder that Can I Have Another Snack is entirely reader and listener supported. If you get something from the newsletter or podcast, please consider a paid subscription - it's £5/month or £50/ year which helps cover the cost of the podcast,  gives you access to our weekly subscriber only discussion threads, the monthly Dear Laura column, and the entire CIHAS archive. Head to laurathomas.substack.com to subscribe now. And thank you to everyone who is already a paid subscriber.Alright team, here's this week's conversation with Eloise Rickman. MAIN EPISODE:Laura: Alright Eloise, can you start by telling us a bit about you and your work?Eloise: Yeah, of course. And whenever I do these, I'm always absolutely terrified, that I'm gonna forget something really big , like “I'm a writer” or “I work with parents”. So yeah, I'm a writer and I work with parents. I write books about children and about children's rights.And I've just finished writing my second book, which is on the idea of children's liberation. which looks at all different sorts of topics from parenting to education to children's bodies. And alongside my writing work, I also work with parents running courses on home education and on rights-based parenting and on workshops as well.I'm also – at the same time as doing this – home educating my daughter, who at the time of recording is eight, which also kind of feels like a full time job and just because life is not complicated enough, I'm also doing a Masters in children's rights at the moment, which is brilliant.Laura: Okay, I have no idea how you find the time in the day to do all of those different things, but I am in awe. And you mentioned that you just finished writing your second book, but you didn't say what it's called.Eloise: Sorry, I didn't, you're right! So it's called It's Not Fair. Which is a title we deliberated over for a really long time, but I really like it because it's something which we hear so often from our children's mouths.It's not fair, this isn't fair. So it's called It's Not Fair: Why it's Time for a Grown Up Conversation About How Adults Treat Children. And that really does sum it up. It's really looking at how we treat children in all different aspects of life. And why a lot of that treatment isn't fair and why we need to rethink it as adults who have more power than children.Laura: Yeah, and I mean, that's really what I want us..we're going to explore these ideas a little bit in a second. But yeah, I've had a little sneaky peek of the book so far. And what I read is incredible. And I'm so excited for this book to be in people's hands because – we'll talk about this a bit more as well – but unlike a lot of just, you know, gentle parenting, like, more prescriptive books, I think that just tell you how to parent, what I really appreciate about your work is that you bring in the kind of socio-political lens, which I feel often gets missed out of a lot of these conversations. So, yeah, I'm really excited about your book coming out and we'll pop a pre-order link to it in the show notes so that people can have that little happy surprise delivered to their doorstep. There's nothing better than, just like, a book showing up that you've forgotten…  Eloise: Oh, I love it. Laura: …that you ordered six months ago! Okay. A lot of your work centers on the idea of dismantling adultism. I'm not sure that people will be completely familiar with that term, so for anyone who is just coming across it, can you explain what even is that and where do we see it show up in our kids' lives?Eloise: Absolutely, and I think you're totally right that it's not a term that most of us are familiar with at all, and I think that's a huge problem actually.You know, we are now, I think, generally, as a society, getting better at spotting things like sexism or racism or ableism, and that is really important, you know, being able to name injustice when you see it is the first step to dismantling it, to tackling it. Otherwise, how do you really know what it is that you're dealing with and why it's a problem?But yet, when we think about some of the treatment which children experience at the hands of adults, whether that's the fact that in England, at the time of recording, it's still legal to hit your child, even though we would never dream of women being allowed to be hit by their partners, or the fact that, you know, it's still really normal in so many school settings for children to be publicly humiliated, to be losing their break times and so on.All of these seem to be quite disconnected from one another because we don't have the language to join them up. And I think that's why having a word like adultism is the first step in kind of joining those dots and being able to see that children as a social group are marginalised and discriminated against vis-à-vis adults.And I think that term probably feels quite uncomfortable for a lot of us, especially if our children are relatively privileged. You know, if you have a wealthy white child who is not disabled, the idea that your child is discriminated against or is somehow marginalised might feel really shocking. Like, whoa, what do you mean?You know, our child is so lucky, but again, as we've seen with times, like with racism, we talk about white supremacy. The idea isn't that if you have white privilege, you don't have any other problems. You know, you can still be poor or disabled and still have white privilege. And I think in the same way we can see that adults have it easier in a lot of different aspects of their lives.And that doesn't mean being a child is always terrible. It just means they're discriminated against because they're children. So the idea of adultism is really just a way of referencing this age based discrimination, which children face. And I think it really encapsulates this idea that in so many of our societies, adults are seen as the kind of default position, and they are seen as more competent, more capable, more rational, more sensible than children are. And there's a wonderful academic called Manfred Liebel, who talks about these four conditions of adultism. And one of them is that children are just seen as less capable, less competent, less rational, and that they're seen as sort of unfinished. So there's this idea that you're not really a proper person until you become an adult. And that justifies a lot of adult control.Laura: Yeah. Sorry. I was just going to say, there's like this sense that, okay, well, you don't really know what you're talking about. You don't really have any kind of, like, say in what's going on until you turn 18.And, and it's almost like this idea that, yeah, your life is..it doesn't matter, anything that happens to you before 18. It's kind of like a write off somehow. Yeah. Anyway, that was just what was coming to my mind. And I'm sorry for interrupting you. I'm curious to hear more about these conditions of adultism!Eloise: Yeah, but I think that absolutely is true. And that's a really big part of it or where we don't see children's lives as important or their experience as important. And I think we're getting better now as a society at noticing when things are traumatic or when things are adverse childhood experiences, but often those are described in terms of: this has an impact when they become adults.So they have poorer earning potential or it harms their future intimate relationships, but it's not…so much of it is not focused on children's lives in the here and now, and under adultism, it's very frequent, I think, whether it's in policy documents or whether it's in the language that schools use, or whether it's in parenting manuals, this idea that childhood is this sort of preparation or training ground for when you're a real person, for when you're an adult, and that parenting, education, all of these different things, thus, should be you know, optimising the child's future life without really thinking very much about children's experiences right now. So, and some other examples of adultism as well are, that tied to this, we often think that because parents know best, parents can protect their children from things that we see as harmful. And I think this probably links quite a lot also to diet culture and the way that we see that, you know, oh, I must protect my child from ultra processed food or from sweets because I know best, but actually these things can end up being quite harmful to children because they're not given the opportunity to take risks or make mistakes or to figure out their own body's needs, decide what's best for themselves. And I think there is this real assumption that adults know best and that if a child makes a decision, which is against what adults believe is best, then the child must not be capable of making that decision yet. They must be incompetent. So even if we're saying to a child, okay, you choose. And then the child says, well, I'm going to eat all of my Hallowe'en sweets in one go, or I'm going to eat all of the, you know, chocolates out of my Christmas stocking in one go. And then the adult says, well, actually that shows they can't be trusted. And next time we'll have to, you know, divvy them out or give them more slowly. And I think that sense that children cannot make good decisions if they vary from what we as adults believe are good decisions, also have a wider consequence in that children are really excluded from political decision making.And I think this is twofold, both in terms of the fact that children can't vote, which as you're listening to this, you might think, ‘well, of course children can't vote, you know, why would they be able to vote? They're only children.' But yet, this is exactly the kind of argument which used to be made for women not being able to vote.And actually, over the course of history, we've seen huge changes in which populations were seen to be considered sort of capable and sound of mind and able to take part in the very scary business of voting and putting a cross in a box. And again, there are lots of people now challenging this, but I think just the very fact that we have a whole section of society who we say ‘you don't have a voice' is really important to grapple with.I think there could be an argument made for this if our politicians were genuinely taking children's voices, views, concerns into account. But as we've seen with things like education funding, childcare funding, the complete lack of any sort of meaningful action on the climate crisis, children's priorities and futures aren't being safeguarded by those in power. And we tend to have very short termist political structures. Which again, exacerbates this sort of, you know, serving adult populations, but actually the things that children need, the things that are important to children get completely left out of the conversation.Laura: Yeah. Oh, I mean, I don't even really know where, where to kind of go from there. I think you've just…Eloise: Sorry, it's a lot!Laura: It is, it's a lot. And you summed it up. And I think, like, what I kept thinking about as you were speaking is, I think, there is this, like, notion or fantasy that we're not living in Victorian workhouse era, kind of, you know, we're not putting kids into workhouses anymore.And there's this sort of sense that, like, childhood is held in such high esteem, such high regard, like…But what you're saying is there's a real disconnect, right, between this kind of, like, fantasy of childhood versus the reality of how we're treating our children. Do you know what I mean?Eloise: Absolutely. Yeah, totally. And I think that's exactly right.And I think, again, to a lot of people, it will seem strange to talk about children being discriminated against because we're spending, you know, hundreds of pounds on Christmas presents for the children in our families or because we are seeing that children now have access to all these cool opportunities that we didn't when we were their age. And we tend to think that childhood is generally getting better. And in some ways it is, you know, in terms of things like corporal punishment, we are actually getting better as a society. Fewer children are being smacked. It's becoming less normalised, but there is still this real disconnect between the fact that children are…in some circumstances have better material goods, except we're definitely not seeing that for everyone. And actually, you know, as we know in the UK, one in three children more or less lives in poverty, which is a huge political issue in terms of adultism, actually. And it is a real…it's a political choice rather than just a side effect.And, you know, we might not need to get into it now, but there have been lots and lots of policy decisions over the last decade or so, which have pushed families deeper and deeper into poverty. But even for those of us living in very privileged households, we might see, oh yes, well, my child now has an iPad or my child has this, that or the other.But actually in terms of the things that really matter to children, having a safe, healthy environment, having the freedom to be able to go out and see their friends without being overly controlled, having privacy, having independence. We're not really doing much better on any of those sort of key indicators, really. And that power discrepancy. And I think that power is probably the main word in all of this, that adults still have the say, adults still have a final decision. Adults still have more power in our families…hasn't changed since those times. And I think that's what we're really needing to grapple with now.Laura: And I think that that is shifting a little bit in terms of kind of the explosion of gentle parenting, which I think is a concept that probably most of the listeners are familiar with. But just for anyone who isn't, do you think that you could maybe just, like, give your…because I know there's no, like, one set definition of gentle or respectful parenting, but can you tell us a bit about what that concept means to you?Eloise: Yeah, of course. So I think the way that gentle parenting, in a kind of mainstream definition of books like…well, I'm not going to name a lot, but you know, any kind of gentle parenting book you might walk into Waterstones and pick up off the shelf will tend to be much more child focused than, you know, Gina Ford type parenting books.So it will focus on, you know, how is your child feeling, validating their emotions, listening to them, not making them feel bad for crying or for having strong feelings, for trying to work together with them to fix problems rather than just doling out punishments, you know, not putting children in timeouts, really listening to them, having a very warm, nurturing relationship with children.It doesn't necessarily have to go into attachment parenting, but I think there is a sense in gentle parenting that the real aim is trying to have this loving relationship with your child, where they feel heard, they feel listened to, they feel seen. For me, that feels like such a positive move forward collectively as a society.I know that my mum for example feels that she might have parented in a different way had she had more options around at the time. I'm sure my grandparents would have also parented in a very different way if they had had access to some of these ideas. So I think as a society we're definitely moving in the right way.I think the piece for me that feels still sort of missing from gentle parenting, is a lot of it still doesn't question this fundamental aspect of child-parent relationships, which is that it is a fundamentally unequal power dynamic. So what traditional gentle parenting will do, I don't know if you or anyone listening has heard of this idea of these different sort of parenting styles from someone called Diana Baumrind, who talked about. On the one hand you have the authoritarian parenting. She's very strict, very cold, has very high expectations of children's behaviour. On the other side, she talked about permissive parenting. Which is very warm, but has very low expectations of children. So, you know, you might imagine a kind of warm chaos where the kids are kind of running around doing whatever.Laura: Right. There's no, there are very few boundaries. It's a bit more of a…Eloise: Very few boundaries.Laura: Free for all.Eloise: Free for all. It's chaos. Yeah. Kids are in charge kind of idea. Then she posited for actually the middle ground, which I think is what a lot of gentle parenting writers will refer to, is that in the middle you have what she kind of called authoritative parenting, which is both very warm, seeks to understand the child, seeks to not have too many rules, but yet still has those expectations in terms of behaviour.So, you know, you're going to step in if you see your child drawing on the walls or going to hit their sibling, you know, you're going to have expectations, for example, of how dinner times might be held or how you greet other people. And I think this is where a lot of gentle parenting books sit, in this idea that you have power as a parent, but you use it benevolently to try and do your best for your child.And I have a lot of sympathy for that. You know, I think as parents we're under so much pressure to do well, to do right, especially when we're told from so much developmental psychology, but the impact of these early years on children is so important and it's going to ruin your child's life. But I think for me, what feels like perhaps the next step, and I think we're already starting to see more and more conversations doing this, is being able to step outside of that sort of traditional view that you're either very authoritarian or permissive or you're kind of somewhere in between and remove ourselves from that entirely and say, well, what about the power dynamics?What if parents weren't the ones in charge, but actually we were in partnership with children, making decisions collectively and aiming for respectful relationships just as we would do in our romantic partnerships, in our friendships, in our work relationships of just being humans in the world, trying to figure out how to get along together in as respectful a way as possible.And obviously this is much, much easier said than done. I am absolutely not doing this all the time in my own parenting, let's be really clear. But for me, that feels like the conversation we need to be having more of. And alongside that, it needs to be not just looking at the parent child relationship.Which I think again, a lot of traditional parenting books will do, but really trying to understand that your parenting is impacted by so many things. You know, we live in a capitalist society and the fact that so much of our society is based on getting parents away from their children, separating families out, trying to put children into often very underfunded childcare systems, school systems, making it almost impossible for parents to be relaxed when they're having to work sometimes two, three jobs where they're dealing with poverty, where they're worried about the climate crisis, you know, these things don't happen in a vacuum. And I think it is completely unrealistic to be talking about having this beautiful, you know, egalitarian, no power differentiation relationship with our children, when we're not also trying to dismantle the many, many, many structural issues which are keeping us stressed and exhausted and, you know, kind of triggered by our children as well.Laura: Yeah. As I was preparing to speak to you, I was thinking about a couple of New York Times articles that came out, I think it was last year, that really pushed back on gentle parenting.And then I also saw something in Romper yesterday that was like, you know, here are 10 reasons why gentle parenting doesn't work for my family. And to me, I have a lot of, like, sympathy for parents who are trying out these tools, these ideas, these suggestions, which, you know, may or may not be helpful for them. But, you know, like maybe they buy into the idea sort of cognitively and emotionally, but then when they, when they put it into practice, like it all kind of falls apart for them. And it seems like with those NYT articles and, and with the Romper piece, it really was just missing the lens of like all the systemic and social stuff that we're kind of dealing with that makes it so much more difficult to have a kind of equal distribution of power in those relationships and and not, not sort of a certain power over but but you know giving power to our children to have some autonomy to have some say in their their day and over their bodies and what they want to do it all just feels so impossible when we have yeah like capitalism breathing down our neck, colonialism breathing down our neck, racism, ableism, anti-fat bias, like all of these systems that are, are making our lives so much more difficult.They have an impact on gentle parenting or our ability to parent, but it's not, it's not the, the gentle parenting in and of itself. That's the problem, right? It's all the other shit that we're dealing with.Eloise: Absolutely. Yeah. And like you say, I think there is a fundamental sometimes misread of gentle parenting, but it's just another tool. You know, you do this because you want your child to be more empathetic to their peers, or because you want them to learn more moderation in the long run, or because you want them to be able to self regulate their emotions. And some children absolutely will do all of those things. So there's lots of research showing that actually, if you want children who do tend to have more pro social behaviors, as they're called, that being very controlling, being authoritarian is not the way to do that. And the more we punish children, the more there are lots of different outcomes, all of which are pretty negative. But I think that still misses this wider picture that fundamentally we don't, for example, decide to not punish our daughter or not shout at her or not put her in timeout because we think that's the best way to create a good, happy person. Laura: Compliant child. Eloise: Yeah, we do it because it feels really fucking unfair. Like, I wouldn't want it if my husband was like, ‘Hey, I don't like the way you just spoke to me. So I'm going to remove your debit card for two days'. You know, that would be abuse. We would call that abuse.He, you know, I wouldn't like it if one of my friends was like, ‘Oh, you replied to my text a bit late'. Or like, ‘I didn't like that you didn't, you know, you, you missed something out. So I'm just going to ghost you for a while.' You know, that's not how we have relationships with people we care about, but yet we have completely normalised this way of treating children.And I think that, yeah, there's a missing piece, which so many of those big New York Times and so on articles seem to miss is that this is not about having another method. This is just about fundamentally treating children like fellow human beings in a respectful way.Laura: Yeah, you're so right, that oftentimes we're kind of weaponising gentle parenting as a, like as a ‘nice' way, inverted commas, a ‘kind' way, caring way to try and control and manipulate our children. Eloise: Yes, totally. Laura:  Like, again, I get that. I get why, like, you know, having some tools in your toolkit so that your kid will put their fucking socks on or brush their teeth in the morning so you can get out the door, like why that's helpful. And yeah, if we're doing it solely for the purposes of compliance, that in and of itself can become problematic because it's another way that you're kind of leveraging power, I think.It's a complicated, kind of topic to discuss. Sorry, I'm having like a few different thoughts of where to go! I think maybe I'll stick with gentle parenting just because we've kind of been on that topic. And I was saying to you off mic that I have a feeling that gentle parenting has a diet culture problem.And what sort of spurred this was a reel that I saw, I think just before Hallowe'en. So we're recording this at the beginning of November. We've just had Hallowe'en a couple of weeks ago and there was a kind of quite well known, like, I guess they're gentle parenting influencer coach? I don't know what you would, you would call them.And they basically were talking about how they only let their kid have, I think it was like a cake pop or something on special occasions, which turned out to be like three times a year. And I was like, I was just waiting for people to send me this reel and be like, what, what do you think of this? And the first person to send it to me was Molly Forbes from Body Happy Org. And she was like, gentle parenting has a diet culture problem. And I wanted to get your take on that. Is this something you've seen in, not necessarily gentle parenting, I'm sort of picking on that, but like in children's liberation spaces where there's kind of like a, we want to change the power structures so much. But when it comes to food, and policing bodies, there seems to be like a bit of a disconnect there.Eloise: So I think there are two different strands to this. And I think maybe first we can talk about the kind of more, I guess, like mainstream Instagram version of sort of gentle parenting, which I think absolutely does have a diet culture problem. And then maybe we can talk a bit about this idea of children's liberation, which I think to me feels much less…you know, a lot of the people I know who are talking about children's liberation are also talking about fat liberation, around black liberation, around disability liberation.Laura: Right. They have that intersectional lens on. Yeah. And I think that's a really important distinction. So I'm glad, I'm glad that you made that. Cause like my next question is, was going to be, could you tell us more about, you know, children's liberation. So yeah, I'm really glad that you kind of separated out those two strands.So maybe start with the, like, Instagram…which I can see, just like, I can see the despair in your face. I think it seems like how I feel a lot about, like, a lot of kids feeding stuff online is probably how you feel about a lot of parenting stuff.Eloise: Yeah. Again, I think so much of it means well, but I think there is quite a big intersection between sort of like gentle parenting influencers on the one hand and wellness culture. And I think that often goes really hand in hand. So this idea of kind of like crunchy parenting, you see it a lot as well in homeschool spaces. So obviously I home educate my daughter. I follow home ed accounts. I often get shown stuff in my, like, what is it, like, ‘Explore' section of my Instagram. And I think depending on where you hang out online, there is a really strong mix of, you know, I home educate my children and I gentle parent, and I also use essential oils. And I also don't ever buy processed food and all of these things coming together in a very aesthetically beautiful and pleasing package, which doesn't…  Laura: Ballerina Farm effect. Eloise: Totally. Yeah. I'd love to know if Ballerina Farm has a, like a secret snack cupboard with her kids. It's just like a munching on dandelions.Laura: Sourdough and yeah, dandelion butter.Eloise: Yeah, absolutely. And again, I think that is this sense from people who maybe were raised, you know, lots of us were raised in the eighties, the eighties, especially in the UK, didn't have great culinary vibes. Sure, like I get that we want to do better.Laura: I grew up in Scotland, we had battered Mars bars. I don't know what you're talking about.Eloise: That sounds great, sign me up. Yeah, I think that sometimes we can maybe go too far or not go far enough. So a great example of this for me feels like the division of responsibility approach to family meals, which I think for so many people feels like, yes, this is kind of different to how I was raised, you know, this isn't about children finishing their plates or being reserved the same meal until they finished it.You know, you really do hear some horror stories when it comes to people and their relationships with food, which started, as so many things do, when they were children. Yeah. And so I totally get that there is this searching for something better. And I think for some people, this idea of division of responsibility, which I'm sure people will be familiar with as they're listening to your podcast, but this idea that I choose what to serve and I choose when to serve it, but you choose what to eat. It looks nice on the surface, but again, it doesn't have any of that interrogation of a power again, like I'm going to sound like a broken record, but imagine if my husband was like, ‘right, I've planned out all of our meals for the week, all of the snacks, all of our meal times, but like you can choose. It's up to you, babe. You know, if you want it, you can have it. If not, have shit.' And I feel like, again, we wouldn't do this to people who were not children. You know, we might do it to people at institutions, but again, is that really what we want to be going for? And I think a lot of this is done with real love. You know, we want our children to be healthy. We want our children to be happy. We're constantly told in every aspect of our lives, if you have a fat child, they will be miserable and unhappy and unhealthy. And that's the worst possible thing you can do as a parent. And I think that unless you have really engaged with anti-diet culture, fat liberation culture, I can see the appeal of this quite like wellness, you know, Deliciously Ella style approach to feeding children, which I think goes really hand in hand with this idea of wooden toys and gentle parenting and kind of slightly alternative living, but which is packaged up in a very kind of consumerist way. Laura: Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I've talked before about not being a division of responsibility purist and kind of going back to what you were talking about before about authoritarian versus permissive, is that right? And then, yeah, I always get confused, authoritative is kind of in this, in the middle.  And I think a lot of people do position the division of responsibility as being that middle ground. And in a lot of ways, I think, especially when kids are really little, it can be like a really helpful way to kind of parse out and, and help kids kind of understand like hunger and fullness cues, for example, and things like that. But yeah, like as kids get older, they, like, want to have a bit more autonomy over what they're eating. They want to have some decision making power. Why, why wouldn't they, right? Like you say, we make decisions about what we're eating all the time. And if somebody tried to stop us from doing that, we would like, yeah, throw a conniptions. So yeah, I think this is where the, the responsive feeding piece comes in, where it can be really helpful, is that it can be containing for a child to have sort of set meal times, you know, to know like, okay, I will always provide breakfast. I will always provide lunch. I will always provide dinner and, you know, snacks are maybe sort of like somewhere in the middle there. Yeah. I think having that, like a bit of structure can. In the same way that boundaries can be helpful, that that can be helpful. But yeah, if we are then, especially as kids get older and start socialising with people outside of our families and you know, are going to like, you know, outside of primary school, going into secondary school and have more, you know, have their own money to buy things, for example, if we are then still trying to like micromanage every single aspect of what they're eating. Then, yeah, that's really, really unhelpful. And I guess I never really thought of it so much as through the sort of like lens of power dynamics, but I think that that's a really important piece that you're, you're bringing to that conversation. What do you see in terms of, like, in those same spaces around like conversations about sweets and restriction and that kind of thing? I'd love to hear, yeah, what you see around that.Eloise: Yeah, I mean, you can probably imagine, I think. And again, I think there is a real diversity. So I'm kind of caricaturing a bit here. And I think it's also important to say that, like, with all of these conversations…you know, we were just talking about division of responsibility.I think that is quite a big gulf between, say, a wealthy influencer who is talking about this stuff and someone who genuinely has no choice about just serving three meals a day because they've just been to a food bank. So I think all of these questions around, like, giving children choice and being able to be very child led still do come with quite a privileged lens.I have to say again, you know, in terms of sweets and things, I have seen people being like, here's how to make your own fruit flavoured gummies and switch these out instead. And, you know, look, I have no problem with any of this. I enjoy cooking. So that's something…like, I've never made my own gummies, but I would absolutely, you know, I sometimes make our own cakes or biscuits or bread.It's fun. It's part of, like, eating nice food. I enjoy doing it. But I think this idea that to be a kind of good parent, you have to restrict…often the discourse is around, like, refined sugars…seed oil. That's a new thing that I haven't really engaged with. Laura: Don't, don't, don't.Eloise: E numbers, red dye, all of this stuff. And again, look, I get it. I get that you want to give your child a healthy diet. And, you know, I think I would be hypocritical…like we also try and give our daughter a pretty balanced diet where she has access to lots of vegetables and fruits alongside things typically kind of coded as unhealthy, like chocolate or crisps. But for me, it just feels like it makes such a big issue out of these foods.And then…you know, I say this as someone who, as a child, had quite restricted food. So I had really bad eczema as a young child, and my parents were also on a very low income, and so we didn't just have a snack drawer with loads of like pre-packaged snacks, you know, that wouldn't have been in my parents budget, and also with terrible eczema, my mum… She was quite a young parent.She, you know, she didn't know what to do with it. And she went to lots of doctors. They couldn't help. We tried all sorts of different things. And one of the things she tried was cutting out refined sugar, for example, because people had told her this might help. So for a lot of different reasons, I had quite, like, a restricted upbringing in terms of, again, things typically coded as like ‘junk food'. And I really saw the impact that that had on me as I grew older and had access to my own money or had access to, you know, food choices at school. And I remember being absolutely mystified going to friends' houses that they could have cupboards with, like, chocolate and crisps in and not just want to sit and eat the whole thing because like, ‘Oh my God, you have chocolate and crisps. Why wouldn't you want to eat the whole thing?' And I think for me that has served as quite a powerful reminder of so many of the brilliant conversations I see, like the ones you have had around not overly restricting certain types of food. And I've really seen it in action with my daughter as well, where we're pretty chill about what she wants to eat.It's her body, you know, we might have some conversations if she was wanting to eat doughnuts for every meal. What has been really fascinating is just seeing that because this stuff has never been separated out from other foods. She isn't hugely fussed. And again, you know, sometimes she is. Hallowe'en, it's really exciting to have access to all these new different chocolates.Laura: Totally. The goal is not to take the pleasure out of food like that, right? Like, I think that's sometimes what parents…the interpretation of sort of the message that I'm trying to communicate and other people in this space are trying to communicate is that we want to, like, burn kids out on sweets so that they never eat them again.That's not it. Like, food is joyful and pleasurable and like, that's, you know, especially in the context of kids not having any, like, any autonomy or any power over anything. Like, can we just throw them a fucking bone and give them some chocolate, right? I really appreciate what you were saying Eloise about, well, there were just a couple of things that I think, are really important to highlight, you know, in these conversations that a lot of people don't have the choice, right, to offer their kids a more liberal access to sweets and chocolates and crisps and things. And, and the restriction is born out of poverty and deprivation rather than what I think we see in a lot of sort of more privileged well to do spaces where, you know, people may have, can afford plenty of, I don't know, Oreos, but they're not providing their kids access to them. And yeah, I think also the piece around having complex medical needs where you might have no choice, even if there's an allergy or something where it's also really difficult to provide kids the things that you would like to provide them all of the time.So it's not a straightforward conversation and I'm glad that you kind of brought in that complexity. Something else that you mentioned was, you know, if you separate out the kind of like Instagram aesthetic approach to gentle parenting versus kind of more of a radical approach to parenting that is rooted in children's liberation. Can you tell me more about that and yeah, how, how things feel different in that space?Eloise: Definitely. So a very potted history is that people started talking about children's liberation with that language in the 1970s with writers like John Holt, who some people will be familiar with. He writes a lot about alternative education…wrote. And people like A.S. Neill, who founded the Summerhill School, which again is like a big radical school in the UK. But the children's liberation of the time – as many of the writing in the 70s was – was very radical, so it was sort of based on this idea that children should be given the exact same rights as adults, even when it came to things like sexual relationships or information in terms of, you know, children should be allowed to watch whatever movies they wanted to.I think some of these ideas are still absolutely worth exploring and engaging with today, but obviously some of them will be very radical. And I think what he missed…this was before the UN declaration on the rights of a child. And I think what that did is for the first time brought together this idea that children have lots of different rights. They have rights to be protected as well, as well as being able to participate fully in society and to be provided with basic levels of, you know, healthcare and decent quality of living and so on. And I think children's liberation now has to be able to grapple with these things. So the idea that yes, children…we should be fundamentally trying to rethink these power differences, but they do need to be also rooted in the understanding that children's needs are a bit different from adults and that we can still assume that children are competent and still listen to children's voices and involve them in every aspect of society without having to go as far as absolute like legal equality. So we can still give them equality in their rights and equality and just dignity in how they're treated. So for me, this is what Children's Liberation is really trying to do. It's this idea that it's a way to sort of combat adultism that we talked about earlier and really trying to see children as complete people who are able to have a say in every aspect of their lives and where they're really trusted. But that goes alongside having adults around who are also willing to provide support and care too. And I think that then when you start looking at things like food from this perspective, you really see it as just a wider aspect of children's bodily autonomy of being able to choose what happens to their bodies and for children to be able to learn and make mistakes. And yes, have it within these really loving, supportive relationships, either with parents or with other people where, you know, if your child is routinely eating so much chocolate that they're making themselves sick. Then of course, you know, I'm not saying, well, you just ignore it and you think, well, this is a great learning experience. Although it might be if they did it once, you know, this is about sitting down and having a conversation just like we would do with any other thing. And saying, how are you feeling? This is what I'm noticing. Do you want to talk about different strategies? You know, we can also have these just really being in relationship with our children and trying to figure these things out as a team. I think it's fine to have conversations with children around, okay, we don't buy this food because X, Y, Z, or as a family we prioritise X, Y, Z. Does that feel cool with you? You know, is this working for you? It's not about making sure that…you know, sometimes I see the opposite position as well. Like, you know, mothers are already so stressed. Do you expect us to be short order chefs? Of course not. But it can be as much as checking in when you're doing the grocery shop and just being like, ‘Hey, are there any meals you especially want to eat over the coming week? Is there anything, this was what I was thinking, is there anything here you really don't like the sound of?'And you know, sometimes I cook stuff that my daughter doesn't like and that's fine. But I just have the assumption then that she can eat something else and I'm not going to be cross at her for doing that. Again, just as I would with my partner, I'd be like…I know the kind of foods he likes. I will sometimes prioritise those and I'll sometimes prioritise the stuff that I like. You know, it's just about being in relationship together. But I think we are getting better at highlighting where children are able to consent, for example. And I think that food is such an important part of that. And it's also such an important part of children's sort of embodied resistance when they feel that they don't have enough power.You know, we tend to see a child pushing their plate away and being like, I don't like it. I don't want it, as bad behaviour or being overtired and maybe they are overtired, but also maybe they're really fed up of having their meals controlled all the time, and that's something we should at least be exploring.Laura: Yeah, I love that in your book you have a chapter on, I forget what the title is, but it's sort of the intersection of children's liberation and body liberation. What's the title of the chapter?Eloise: It's called Body PoliticsLaura: Body Politics. There you go. And I love the way that you talk about embodied resistance and how children literally will protest with their bodies, like things that don't feel good, that things that don't feel uncomfortable.And I think like you say, so often that's written off as they're tired or they're hungry or, or something like that. But oftentimes they're like really giving us a clue as to how they're feeling. ‘No, I don't want more food, like, forced into my body. No, I don't want to eat that particular thing. I don't want to… whatever it is. Like I'm fed up. I'm feeling like I don't have any agency or autonomy in any of these situations.' And the only way that I can exert that is through, like, stiffening my body and going, like turning it into a plank so that you can't get me in the bath or whatever it is. I really love that section in that chapter where you talk about that.Is there anything else that you wanted to say? Because again, like the intersection of children's liberation and body liberation or body politics is like, it's so much more than just food, right? That's kind of my, like, bias, but you talk about a lot of other intersections. in the book, and I'm wondering if there's anything else that you wanted to say, anything that feels really pertinent right now.Eloise: Yeah, I mean, I think we're getting really good as women at noticing how things to do with our bodies are actually deeply political, whether that's diet culture, whether that's the way that we're marketed anti-ageing products too, whether that's abortion rights. There are so many different aspects to this, but we tend to see that these are political and that they can be engaged with in these political ways.But again, I think we miss the nuance of this when we're talking about children's bodies, whereas actually even from the tiniest age, the way that we manage, measure, control, discipline children's bodies are all so deeply political and are all tied into all of these different ideas. And I think what we really see with diet culture is it becomes yet another thing that adults do to children from a young age and then children inevitably will often learn to do this to themselves and we see this in other things too, you know, and not all of it is bad. For example, many of us will teach our children table manners because we know that eventually it will help them later on in life because, I don't know, people will treat them better because they'll see that oh, my child is not speaking with the mouth full or whatever.And that's part of that is just the social norms of whatever society you live in. And as we can see, table manners look radically different across the world. But sometimes, you know, and we can see, I think there are really strong parallels with diet culture and with the way that we treat neurodivergent children in terms of kind of masking.And, you know, when you talk to lots of autistic adults or adults who are neurodivergent in other ways. They talk about how as children, they really had to learn to mask. And so much of that would have been adult led, you know, telling your child, don't wriggle, don't do that. Don't make that noise or your teachers at school…don't do that.And then as adults, they've kind of internalised those things. And they don't do it and they mask so much and then, you know, so many autistic adults now will talk about this process of unmasking and de-masking and learning how to sit in yourself in a way that to me feels very much in parallel with people who as adults come to this idea of being anti-diet culture, of fat liberation, of trying to slowly unlearn these habits of how we look at our bodies and how we feed ourselves and so on.And I mean, you can see in other aspects too, but to me, they feel, like, so strongly linked. And once we start recognising this, you know, so much of it is about how – and you've written beautifully about this in the past – how as children, we are so embodied, you know, we make sense of the world through our bodies.We often…most children, unless children are very unwell, will find joy in their bodies. They'll move their bodies, they'll make noises, they'll explore things. And gradually as they get older, and sometimes from a really quite heartbreakingly young age, they will learn to start being critical around their bodies, judging their bodies, comparing their bodies to other people.And I think that, again, if we are thinking about this in terms of adultism and how we can start to dismantle it, I think thinking about this lens of what does society expect of children? In my book, I use the term, we have this sort of normative view of children or what a ‘normal' child should be, whether that's in terms of our physical development, what their body looks like, their emotional development, their intellectual development, and at every stage of children's lives, starting before children are even born, you know, we're ranking them, we're plotting their centiles.Laura: Fundal height! Yeah. Eloise: Yeah, absolutely. And we're figuring out, you know, what “abnormalities” our children might have, you know, I've put that in scare quotes. And as parents. Or educators, if you've got teachers listening, we're so used to now viewing children through this deficit lens of, ‘oh, you're too fat. You're too noisy. You're not smart enough'. Rather than just seeing children as these glorious individuals who all have differences and who all bring different stuff to the table. Laura: Yeah, I love that. And I really, really love the parallels that you drew between unmasking and kind of unlearning a lot of the things that we have internalised around diet-culture, around policing our bodies. I'd never made that connection in quite that way before. And I think it's, it's really powerful. And particularly when you think about it through the lens of adultism and, and how so much of, so much masking is learned because of adults expectations and the power that adults hold over children. Likewise, you know, so much of the healing from diet culture involves unlearning the messages that we internalise from our, you know – and again, well meaning most of the time – caregivers that in a lot of ways we're probably trying to keep us safe, but in a sort of misplaced kind of way. So yeah, I appreciate that and I love that final sentiment that you had there around just embracing the differences that children have and, and the unique qualities that they bring and, and sort of…yeah, just kind of going back to what we talked about earlier, just really like having an appreciation for who they are right now, even if they're not adults, but the things that they have to bring to the table and that, that they have to offer, like in the here and now rather than waiting until they like ripen and mature or whatever. They're kind of bad analogies people use. I really appreciate this conversation. Thank you so much Eloise. Before I let you go though I would like for you to share your snack. So at the end of every episode my guest and I share something that they've been snacking on can be anything, a literal snack, a book, a podcast, a TV show, something you're wearing, whatever.What do you have for us today?Eloise: So I've got a great book, which fits actually really nicely and kind of accidentally with the theme of this conversation today, which is called Trust Kids. And it's edited by someone called Carla Joy Bergman. And it is this wonderful collection of, she's got some essays in there, interviews. Some of the interviews are between parents and their children. They've also got young people writing some of the essays. There's poetry in there, so it's kind of something for everyone and it deals with lots of different themes, including lots of themes around bodies as well. And it is great. And because of its format, you know, no piece is more than I would say four or five pages, so it is perfect to snack on. And especially as a parent or caregiver, you know how it is. Your kid is engaged in something, so you grab a book for two minutes and it's perfect to read while the kettle is boiling, whatever else you've got going on. And it is brilliant. So I can really recommend it.Laura: Oh, I've heard of that book. It's been kind of on my, like, to read list, but I haven't got around to it yet. So thank you for the little nudge there. I'll link to it in the show notes so other people can check it out. And I really, I've been struggling to read lately. So the thought of, like, dipping in and out of something is really appealing.Okay. So my snack is, well, today is actually my husband's birthday. So I guess my snack is birthdays in general. We've got our birthday tree up, which I've talked about before. It's a big bright pink Christmas tree, basically that we decorate with like happy birthday lights. There's balloons everywhere. And this morning we had a delivery from Flavourtown.Do you know Flavourtown Bakery? Yeah, Eloise knows. So we've got chocolate sprinkle cupcakes. They look amazing. I'm very excited about them. And we're going out for dinner tonight as well. So like, yeah, just the whole like birthdays, but specifically Flavourtown cake. If you haven't had it, they do like vegan options. They do gluten free options and just like regular. And they're like American style, like loads of frosting. You can get, like, rainbow cakes. You can get ones with Biscoff. Like if you like a really saccharine, sweet, indulgent cake, then these are the ones for you. All right, Eloise, before I let you go, could you let everyone know where they can find out more about you and remember to say the name of your book one more time, uh, so that people can pre order.Eloise: So yes, my book, It's Not Fair: Why it's Time to Have a Grown Up Conversation About How Adults Treat Children. You can pre order it. It's out in June. It's very exciting. I can't wait for you all to read it. And then I'm also on Instagram @mightymother_. And I also have a Substack called Small Places, which is probably the best place to kind of find out more broadly about my work and find links to ongoing things as well. So yeah, those are the best places.Laura: We will link to all of those in the show notes so that people can find you. I really appreciate this conversation. Thanks so much for coming on. Eloise: Thank you so much for having me. It's been such a joy.OUTRO:Laura: Thanks so much for listening to the Can I Have Another Snack? podcast. You can support the show by subscribing in your podcast player and leaving a rating and review. And if you want to support the show further and get full access to the Can I Have Another Snack? universe, you can become a paid subscriber.It's just £5 a month or £50 for the year. As well as getting tons of cool perks you help make this work sustainable and we couldn't do it without the support of paying subscribers. Head to laurathomas.substack.com to learn more and sign up today. Can I Have Another Snack? is hosted by me, Laura Thomas. Our sound engineer is Lucy Dearlove. Fiona Bray formats and schedules all of our posts and makes sure that they're out on time every week. Our funky artwork is by Caitlin Preyser, and the music is by Jason Barkhouse. Thanks so much for listening. ICYMI this week: What Are You Eating Right Now?* How are you flipping gender scripts for your kids?* Nourishing Full Bodied Awareness with Hillary McBride* Let's Talk About Snacks, Baby This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit laurathomas.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of The Relationship Maze, hosts Tom and Angela delve into the topic of parenting styles. They discuss the consequences and effects of overly permissive or rigid parenting, drawing from their own experiences and the challenges faced by couples in therapy. Tom and Angela explore the importance of finding a balance and how our own childhood experiences shape our parenting approaches. They touch on the different parenting styles identified by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind and explain the potential pitfalls of being overly permissive. Tune in to gain insights into effective parenting and the impact it has on relationships. Plus, don't forget to visit the relationshipmaze.com for a free online conflict style quiz and expert advice on improving your relationships. Welcome to The Relationship Maze podcast![00:02:49] Strict parenting shapes adult and child experiences.[00:03:44] Parenting styles: historical, authoritarian vs. permissive and loving[00:08:12] Boundaries create confidence and security in life.[00:09:45] Interacting with others has rules, uncertainties breed anxiety.[00:15:39] Motivated by love, but blinded by self-interest.[00:17:29] Excessive rules limit growth, hinder decision-making.[00:20:35] Uninvolved parenting resulting from trauma and neglect.[00:24:54] Understanding consequences, teaching healthy social skills.[00:27:07] Improve relationships, take quiz, subscribe next week.Smells Like HumansLike listening to funny friends discuss curious human behavior.Listen on: Apple Podcasts Spotify

I posted this question on my Instagram story - "What's the worst advice you've ever received?" - and it sparked some serious feedback from y'all, so I decided to pick the best of the worst advice you sent me and talk about why the advice was so bad. Advice - both seeking it and requesting it - comes down to our relationship with authority, so this week we dive into Dr. Diana Baumrind's three styles of parental authority and how that shapes our relationship with authority figures in general. We go one step further and take a look at the interpersonal dynamics of power, and what kind of power we allow others to have over us.

Beginning with one of the most foundational ingredients available for this brew, Mike and Dan lean on hearty handfuls of Diana Baumrind's nominal research on parenting styles from back in the 1960s. Fresh off a healthy pour on 'Parent Education,' it makes perfect sense for the behavioral brew to examine styles of parenting. Many new flavors and 'hints' of different aromas have surfaced over the years---including terms like 'collaborative parenting', or the seemingly harsher but likely misconstrued 'commando parenting.' At the end of the day, Mike and Dan make a case for the basic four styles--authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and negligent--as first outlined by Baumrind, then renovated by Macoby and Martin in the 1980s. Research on parenting styles is robust and reliable, and a very useful tool in effective parent education on how to best employ ABA procedures and strategies. Be aware, this is a very tall pour, much more than a pint. But it's classic, cold and very refreshing--ENJOY!AND--if you are ready to enjoy the benefits of Magic Mind and boost your brain performance, please use the following link and use the discount code ABAONTAP20 to receive 20% off your purchase:https://www.magicmind.co/ABAONTAP

This episode discusses parenting styles. We'll see if I can weave in psychologist Diana Baumrind with Frank Gallagher from Shameless.  We'll also discuss grandparenting styles. 

At some point as a parent, you might start to think about your parenting style. How do you approach raising your kids - teaching them, disciplining them, playing with them, and praying with them?I start the discussion this week by covering the most popular psychology and parenting research done which explores parenting only as how you fall on two primary variables: Strictness and Responsiveness. The psychology literature says that you can be generally high or low on these two variables and based on your tendencies you fall generally into a category of  Uninvolved, Permissive, Authoritarian, or Authoritative  Parenting.Dr. Diana Baumrind, who did the early work of describing these parenting tendencies did establish that one of these categories has the best outcomes for kids. Which one?Follow Docs2Dads for more #parenting content from a #pediatrician living the #dadlife - transforming #evidencebasedmedicine into practical #parentingtips#docs2dads #fatherhood #parentinggoals #workingdads #parentingstyles #authoritativeparenting #gentleparenting #freerangeparentingConnect with Docs2Dads:Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drscottpedsInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/docs2dadspodEmail: docs2dadspod@gmail.comFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/docs2dadspod

These are the Five Parenting Styles currently used in Child Psychology today based on the work of Diana Baumrind, and Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin. The Supporting and Nurturing parent. The Authoritarian parent. The Permissive parent. The Disengaged or Uninvolved parent. The Overinvolved or “Helicopter” parent.  These are the five styles identified by child psychologists. Of course, we all think we're the supporting and nurturing parent… most of the time… If we're honest though we know we have weaknesses or weak moments. How do we detect these behaviours in ourselves and how can we make the adjustments we need to make?  In this episode Kate talks with an expert in early learning and development about the parenting styles that can be the most helpful for you.  Guest: Maryann Lomax     Maryann has a Bachelor of Teaching degree with a major in drama and music. She was the inaugural director of a private school early learning centre in Adelaide, leading that team for 26 years. For 12 years she headed up a multi-disciplinary team at Regency Park Centre in Adelaide. today she also works with children with special rights and adaptations to curriculum. Contact Kate: thepersonalitycoach@gmail.com Kate's website Kate's book on Amazon Kate on LinkedIn Kate on FacebookKate on TwitterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

These are the Five Parenting Styles currently used in Child Psychology today based on the work of Diana Baumrind, and Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin. The Supporting and Nurturing parent. The Authoritarian parent. The Permissive parent. The Disengaged or Uninvolved parent. The Overinvolved or “Helicopter” parent.  These are the five styles identified by child psychologists. Of course, we all think we're the supporting and nurturing parent… most of the time… If we're honest though we know we have weaknesses or weak moments. How do we detect these behaviours in ourselves and how can we make the adjustments we need to make?  In this episode Kate talks with an expert in early learning and development about the parenting styles that can be the most helpful for you.  Guest: Maryann Lomax     Maryann has a Bachelor of Teaching degree with a major in drama and music. She was the inaugural director of a private school early learning centre in Adelaide, leading that team for 26 years. For 12 years she headed up a multi-disciplinary team at Regency Park Centre in Adelaide. today she also works with children with special rights and adaptations to curriculum. Contact Kate: thepersonalitycoach@gmail.com Kate's website Kate's book on Amazon Kate on LinkedIn Kate on FacebookKate on TwitterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

According to Diana Baumrind, a developmental and clinical psychologist famous for her research on parenting, there are four basic parenting styles: Neglectful, Permissive, Authoritarian and Authoritative.See the graphics of this talk at https://winwinwomen.tv/show/healing-your-families

“On average, authoritative parents spanked just as much as the average of all other parents.  Undoubtedly, some parents can be authoritative without using spanking but we have no evidence that all or even most parents can achieve authoritative parenting without an occasional spank.”    I was fascinated by this statement, since authoritative parenting is the best style.     We know it's the best, right?   I mean, everyone says it is.  Including me.   And who was the co-author on this paper this statement comes from?     None other than Dr. Diana Baumrind, creator of the Parenting Styles (although they weren't called that then; they were originally called the Models of Parental Control.     Just to make sure we're on the same page here, I'm going to say that again: Dr. Diana Baumrind, who created the parenting styles/model of parental control, says you can't achieve the parenting style that has the ‘best' outcomes for children without an occasional spank.   So in this episode we dig pretty deeply into what makes up the parenting styles, and what Dr. Baumrind and others found about the effectiveness of these styles, and what impacts they had on children.  (And I have to warn you now, the samples sizes we're looking at to ‘prove' that authoritative is the best parenting style are going to make your stomach churn.)   FREE Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is getting underway The Flex Path version of the Setting Limits workshop is getting underway!     I know some folks want to be told exactly when to do things, but others want to go at their own pace and do things when THEY have time.  In our new Flex Path option, you can receive new modules as fast as you complete them.  We wouldn't advise rushing through, as then you'll likely miss the benefits - but you also don't have to wait for anyone else's schedule.   If you do want to be told exactly when to do things then our Guided Path option is for you.  The main content will be sent to you between May 9-13, with a bit of pre-work the preceding week.   At the end of the workshop you'll know how to set limits your child will respect.  And you'll also know how to set WAY fewer limits than you ever thought possible - and instead to have a collaborative, joyful, ease-filled relationship with your child.   And it's totally free!   Click the image below to learn more about the workshop and sign up.  You'll select the Flex Path or Guided Path option after you're enrolled.  See you there!   http://yourparentingmojo.com/settinglimits ()

Joining me today is my partner from our joint practice Upshur Bren Psychology Group, Dr. Emily Upshur. We're diving into Diana Baumrind's 4 parenting styles - Permissive, Authoritative, Authoritarian and Neglectful - in order to help guide one mom who wonders how she can break the cycle and raise her child differently from the authoritarian way she herself was raised.   We'll get into the characteristics of each of these styles, the middle ground where most people truly exist, the reasons why an authoritative style is considered the gold standard in child development and strategies you can use to consciously move toward this style in your day to day parenting.     Want to get more from Dr. Sarah Bren?  ✨ Follow Dr. Sarah on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsarahbren/ ✨ Subscribe to the weekly newsletter: https://drsarahbren.com/join-newsletter ✨ And check out her website for more free parenting resources: https://drsarahbren.com/resources

In this week's episode, Allen discusses a basic overview of the 4 Parenting Styles by Diana Baumrind. Maybe you'll see yourself in some or all of these styles and there can be great learning in recognising this.  We also answer your weekly questions.  #parentinginmypocket #parenting #parents #family #children #helpmetoparent #teens

Was Catherine de Medici a Wicked Queen or Wonderful Mother, or maybe just a combination of both?  Dr. Shari Valencic joins me for this round of "A Twist of Psych," as we get hash out the various types of Parenting Styles and work of Diana Baumrind.  Plus, Shari explained why I was screwing up so many words in the Catherine de Medici episode with a discussion on Broca's Area of the Brain.  Key Topics:  Parenting Styles and Psychology, Patriarchy, Stereotypes, Compliance, and the BrainSupport the show here and get access to all sorts of bonus content over on the DGMH Patreon Page:  https://www.patreon.com/user?u=34398347&fan_landing=trueBe sure to follow me on Facebook at "Drinks with Great Minds in History" & Follow the show on Instagram @drinkswithgreatminds_podcastMusic:Hall of the Mountain King by Kevin MacLeodLink: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3845-hall-of-the-mountain-kingLicense: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Artwork by @Tali Rose... Check it out!Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/user?u=34398347&fan_landing=true)

Who would have thought I needed a sleep coach with no longer having babies and toddlers?  Well, with the move and Leilani having worry/concern for me leading up to my surgery, we started a habit of bed sharing, which first started in hotel stays.  This is when I reached out to none other than Whitney Weber, a certified sleep coach, for help in getting Leilani back into her own bed.  Whitney Weber Resources:Website: When Skies Are GreyFollow Whitney Weber in IG:    @whitney.weber6815 SLUMBERPODHatch Baby Rest Sound Machine, Night Light and Time-to-Rise Sign up for the next DAC Bootcamp Follow me on Social Media:Amy on IGAmy on Facebook Resources:AmyLedin.comLean Bodies Consulting (LBC)LBC University 

“I tried to sit in different parts of the hall and not to adopt any marked spot, so as to remain more the master of my opinion,” one right-wing baron wrote, “but I was compelled absolutely to abandon the left or  else be condemned always to vote alone and thus be subjected to jeers from the galleries.”  https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-order-is-given-bomb-pearl-harbor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Eichmann Eichmann's office was responsible for collecting information on the Jews in each area, organising the seizure of their property, and arranging for and scheduling trains https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QaN7DR8Zj5o&has_verified=1 The experiment found, unexpectedly, that a very high proportion of subjects would fully obey the instructions,albeit reluctantly. Milgram first described his research in a 1963 article in the Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology[1] and later  discussed his findings in greater depth in his 1974 book, Obedience to Authority: An Experimental View.[3]   On June 10, 1964, the American Psychologist published a brief but influential article by Diana Baumrind titled "Some Thoughts on Ethics of Research:After Reading Milgram's' Behavioral Study of Obedience.'" Baumrind's criticisms of the treatment of human participants in Milgram's studies stimulateda thorough revision of the ethical standards of psychological research. She argued that even though Milgram had obtained informed consent, he was stillethically responsible to ensure their well-being. When participants displayed signs of distress such as sweating and trembling, the experimenter should  have stepped in and halted the experiment.[19] In his book published in 1974 Obedience to Authority: An Experimental View, Milgram argued that the ethical criticism provoked by his experiments was  because his findings were disturbing and revealed unwelcome truths about human nature. Others have argued that the ethical debate has diverted attention  from more serious problems with the experiment's methodology.[citation needed] Psychological Research: Crash Course Psychology #2https://youtu.be/hFV71QPvX2I 5 Psychology Experiments You Couldn't Do Todayhttps://youtu.be/zZ3l1jgmYrY  

4 PHONG CÁCH LÀM CHA MẸ PHỔ BIẾN – CÁCH NÀO ĐỂ DẠY CON HIỆU QUẢ? Nhà tâm lý học và phát triển trẻ em Diana Baumrind sau quá trình nghiên cứu, quan sát từ việc giao tiếp và mối quan hệ giữa cha mẹ - con cái, dựa trên 3 yếu tố: mức độ can thiệp và chấp nhận; mức độ kiểm soát, mức độ cho con quyền quyết định; bà đã chỉ ra 4 phong cách làm cha mẹ - nuôi dạy con phổ biến: 1. Phong cách làm cha mẹ Không quan tâm 2. Phong cách làm cha mẹ Dễ dãi 3. Phong cách làm cha mẹ Độc đoán 4. Phong cách làm cha mẹ Quyết đoán Đâu là cách hiệu quả nhất để dạy con thành công và tích cực?Cùng nghe tập podcast này nhé- - - - - Tu-Anh Nguyen HeartWise® Parent Coach Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator www.happyparenting.vn

Cast:Dr. Tara Egan, child & adolescent therapist and hostAnna, teenage co-hostMuch of the content discussed in this episode on parenting styles incorporates research originally pioneered by Diana Baumrind from the 1960s. Subsequent research has supported and expanded upon her original work. As the episode progresses, Tara and Anna define each parenting style, describe the impact of these parenting styles on children's behavior and thought patterns, and provide relatable examples from real life and media.1) Authoritarian parenting style: strict, unresponsive to emotional content, quick to yell or punish, impatient, critical, condescending, inflexibleExamples: Red Foreman from That 70s Show, Richard Spier from The Babysitter's Club2) Permissive parenting style: most commonly seen in Dr. Egan's work with families, expectations for their child are low, overprotective of their child's emotional state, over-accommodating, has low demands for child, struggles to set boundaries with kids and maintain authority, cannot tolerate their child being uncomfortable (resulting in kids becoming unable to handle experiencing discomfort)Example: kids sleeping in their parent's bed when parents really don't want them to (this is a separate issue than co-sleeping), Regina George from Mean Girls, Lily VanderWoodsen from Gossip Girl3) Uninvolved parenting style: parents are less engaged, unresponsive to emotional cues, uninvested in the nuanced aspect of parenting, non-confrontational, appease their children in a disinterested way, superficial relationship with child, poor supervision (such as with social media), low demands for child which can impair the child's motivationExample: Selina Myers from Veep, Johnny and Moira Rose from Schitt's Creek4) Authoritative parenting style: most beneficial parenting style, parents account for kid's opinion but don't put children in the position of making adult decisions, demonstrates emotional responsiveness, fair & reasonable consequences that are followed through upon, allow kids to feel discomfort and help them cope, fosters a sense of competence in kids, factors in the word count of kids, finding balance between responsiveness and structure, using humor to connect, reinforcing positive behavior, taking into account their developmental stage and maturity level, guiding and supporting versus controlling or dismissiveHelpful phrases: "Accept the No" and "Word Count"Examples: the parents from Full House and Fuller House, Greg and Katie from American Housewife, Lorelai Gilmore from Gilmore Girls (sort of) This episode is sponsored by Eaton Press. Eaton Press provides writing coaching, editing, and publishing services to help business professionals write, publish, and market their books as a tool to grow their business. Make your book happen.If you'd like to try BARK, a dashboard that monitors content on your child's technological devices, please use the code QSG7JBW to get 20% off. If you'd like to try Circle Home Plus to set guidelines around when and where your kids spend their online screen time, use THIS LINK to get $20 off. I use both of these tools to protect my children.To learn more about Dr. Tara Egan, visit HERE.To learn more about Dr. Tara Egan's therapy practice based in Charlotte, NC, visit HERE."One Day You'll Thank Me" is edited by Laura Bauder from PodcastHers.

Everyone is different in how they go about parenting, whether their approach is influenced by culture, upbringing, religion, age, or all of the above. So how do we decide how to raise our children, blended family or not? Today I will be discussing parenting styles, specifically the three different styles identified by psychologist Diana Baumrind. You can find show notes and more information by clicking here: https://summerfelix.com/47 

In this podcast I discuss Diana Baumrind's research on parenting styles, and dimensions of behavior related to parenting - and how they impact children's development. Shortcomings of the research is also mentioned. Concepts are typically found in an undergraduate level Lifespan Psychology course, or Intro to Psychology course in the Lifespan Chapter. Thanks again for listening! Visit my podcast home page! https://drjackchuang.wordpress.com/ Find me via email: PsychExplained@pm.me, or via Twitter, @JACKBTEACHING (I know, that's clever, right?) Anonymous suggestion box: https://pht4g6i9gwi.typeform.com/to/UIfqLwxP Ways to Support my podcast: Please rate and comment on Apple Podcasts or your podcast app. Use Anchor link below for monthly support, or a single donation using PayPal to my username, @JACKYAC Or via my PayPal profile page: https://paypal.me/jackyac?locale.x=en_US All support received goes towards keeping Dr. Chuang caffeinated, and the coffee purchased will be from local, small roasters and coffee shops - so your support will help local small businesses! Coffee shops I have supported:
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This week we explore the four Parenting Styles. The parenting styles commonly used in psychology today is based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist at the University of California at Berkeley. Isabelle and Ashley get to talking about the different styles; Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, Neglectful.

Dans ce deuxième épisode, nous parlons des limites.   répondons à deux grandes questions:  Qu'est-ce qu'une limite?  Pourquoi est-ce parfois difficile de poser une limite?  Nous vous proposons de décortiquer les réticences et les difficultés que nous pouvons rencontrer quand on souhaite poser une limite à son enfant.   Nous craignons que nos limites écrasent l'esprit de notre enfant.  Parfois, il nous est plus facile de céder car nous craignons la réaction de notre enfant.  Il existe, dans certaines situations, une confusion entre "bienveillance" et "laisser-faire". On observe aussi parfois une autre confusion, entre "limite" et "violence" (cris, fessées...).  Nous vous présentons les différents styles de parentalité décrits par Diana Baumrind et les conséquences qu'ils ont sur l'enfant: Parentalité autoritaire Parentalité permissive Parentalité démocratique Paula et Jessica y ajoutent des anecdotes de leur vie de maman et leur cheminement avec leurs enfants dans l'instauration d'un cadre structurant et respectueux.  Nous contacter:  Sur Instagram @onarrivepodcast Sur Facebook Par courriel: onarrivepodcast@gmail.com Notes et références de l’épisode, et quelques articles sur le sujet:   Et si on changeait de regard sur l'enfant ? - une vidéo par le Dr. Catherine Gueguen sur les émotions et leur rôle dans le développement du cerveau de l'enfant.  Parenting for Character: Five Experts, Five Practices, par Diana Baumrind.  Études scientifiques sur les effets de la violence éducative ordinaire - une liste d'études compilée par l'association Observatoire des Violences Educatives Ordinaires.  Poser des limites respectueusement en dix points - article par Catherine Dumonteil Kremer  Les 3 styles parentaux - article du blog Vers une parentalité positive. 

Hoe belangrijk is het dat ouders op één lijn zitten? Is het goed dat ouders conflicten hebben in het zicht van hun kinderen? Welke verschillende opvoedingsstijlen zijn er? Kortom: hoe werk je beter samen als ouders? Dit, en nog veel meer vragen, bespreken Thyme en Lars met elkaar en de gastdeskundige.   Gast: Yves Vennekens (systeemtherapeut, pedagoog en docent)   De eerste bijschrijving van de verschillende opvoedingsstijlen van psycholoog Diana Baumrind uit 1971: http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/h0030372   Onderzoek waaruit blijkt dat kinderen die ten minste één autoritatieve/democratische ouder hebben, het beter doen op school en meer sociale vaardigheden hebben: http://dx.doi.org/10.1007/s10802-017-0381-7   ▼ Volg ons op social media: https://www.instagram.com/pedagogischverantwoord https://www.facebook.com/pedagogischverantwoord https://twitter.com/pedaverantwoord   ▼ Website: https://www.pedagogischverantwoord.nl

It seems that nearly every month I hear of a new book or article that touts the latest trends in parenting styles.  Most recently I heard about the Lawn mower parent –one that cuts down any challenges in front of their children.  There is attachment parenting, the helicopter parent, drill sergeant parent, consultant parent and one book sings “the battle hymn of the ‘tiger mother'”. Why all this discussion about parenting styles?  It seems that we have lots of questions and concerns about if we are doing it right, and what the best way to relate, discipline, and grow our children will be. Parenting Styles: The research Last year, I had the opportunity to write my dissertation titled, “The Relationship Between Father Emotional Intelligence and Parenting Style.” So, I read a lot about parenting styles including how the categories developed and the research about which one is most effective. Diana Baumrind was the first psychologist to categorize different styles of parenting and she did it based on the amount of control that was exercised by the parents.  She asserted that parental control (or demandingness as it is now called) should be balanced with too much or too little control both ending up in less favorable outcomes for children.   In later years two other researchers named Maccoby and Martin extended the work of Baumrind and hypothesized an additional continuum of parenting called “parental warmth”.  These psychologists describe four different parenting styles that can be categorized by putting the two dimensions of “demandingness” and “warmth” into a table.  (see Below)   High Warmth Low Warmth High Demandingness Authoritative Authoritarian Low Demandingness Permissive Neglectful Parenting Styles: Authoritative The authoritative style is characterized by high levels of demandingness and high levels of warmth. This means there is a balance between demands for responsibility, following rules, meeting expectations, and empathy, compassion, and a child centered view of the world.  According to research the authoritative parenting style produces best outcomes for children including in the areas of self-regulation, academic performance, and social skills. Parenting Styles: Authoritarian The authoritarian style is characterized by high levels of demandingness with low levels of warmth. This parent tends to say, “it is my way or the highway”. There are high expectations for following rules and little compassion or willingness to be flexible depending on the child's view of the world.  Parenting Styles: Permissive The permissive style is characterized by low levels of demandingness and high levels of warmth. The permissive parent does not set guidelines or rules but focuses on the child's emotions and feelings although not in a child centered way.  According to research the permissive style can result in difficulty with self-regulation and difficulty in following school or other expectations. Parenting Styles: Neglectful The neglectful parenting style is characterized by low levels of demandingness and low levels of warmth.  This style may result in abuse depending on severity.  A neglectful parent tends to be uninvolved sets no limits and provides minimal emotional support.  The neglectful style of parenting may be considered the least preferred style of parenting.   Parenting Styles: Now what? What does one do with this information?  I challenge parents to reflect on how they believe they were parented. What parenting style was most often used in the home they grew up in?  What parenting style do they most often use themselves? In many cases the answer to those two questions is the same.  The most important thing with parenting styles, in my opinion, is to be intentional. Do not blindly do it the way your parents did it. Think through the tone, culture and experience you want to create for your family and then intentionally seek to do that.  Usually this will require some work on the part of parents. I know it has for me.  Do not give up though you can change how you are doing it and your efforts will impact the culture of your family. Join The Facebook Group Here connectionsquincy.com Connections Family Counseling on Instagram

The way that you parent will look very differently from that of your close friends and family members. Today I am answering a listener's question. We are discussing how to manage these relationships when you have very different expectations for your own children. Show Notes/Links: Cooperation: the Mini-Course (FREE) Overview of Diana Baumrind's Research on … SFP 143: Q&A - How do you handle when your parenting choices clash with others? Read More » The post SFP 143: Q&A - How do you handle when your parenting choices clash with others? appeared first on Simple Families.

Paciente ou Permissiva? O episódio de hoje vai ser um pouco de continuação do episódio 13 (sobre obediência com a Isabelita). Já conversei com várias outras mães (algumas amigas de longa data, e outras queridas que conheci por causa desse podcast!) e vejo que todas nós temos bastante dificuldade em discernir o que é realmente ser uma mãe paciente, e o que é ser permissiva. A nossa visão de "mãe paciente"  pode variar entre ser aquela que não se exalta nunca, ou aquela que fala vez após vez a mesma coisa, sem se cansar, ou aquela que não enjoa de ouvir a mesma piada mil vezes do filho. O que é ser paciente? O que é ser permissiva? Em quais circunstâncias a nossa "paciência" está na verdade tirando a nossa autoridade com os nossos filhos? Nesse episódio, eu tento decifrar um pouco da diferença entre SER PACIENTE e SER PERMISIVA com definições de cada termo, a motivação por trás de cada atitude, e alguns exemplos práticos. 4 Tipos Parentais da Baumrind A minha mãe fez uma menção rápida desta tipologia da pesquisadora Diana Baumrind, no episódio 1. Aqui está uma imagem simples para exemplificar o que eu expliquei no episódio (retirei essa imagem desse site) . Recursos Mencionados Os versículos que citei no episódio foram os seguintes: Alegrem-se na esperança, sejam pacientes na tribulação, perseverem na oração. Romanos 12:12 O homem paciente dá prova de grande entendimento, mas o precipitado revela insensatez. Provérbios 14:29 Meus amados irmãos, tenham isto em mente: Sejam todos prontos para ouvir, tardios para falar e tardios para irar-se, pois a ira do homem não produz a justiça de Deus. Tiago 1:19,20 Mas, por isso mesmo alcancei misericórdia, para que em mim, o pior dos pecadores, Cristo Jesus demonstrasse toda a grandeza da sua paciência, usando-me como um exemplo para aqueles que nele haveriam de crer para a vida eterna. 1 Timóteo 1:16 Ora, o Deus de paciência e consolação vos conceda o mesmo sentimento uns para com os outros, segundo Cristo Jesus, Romanos 15:5   Também tem o Sondando o Coração que acompanha esse episódio. Pode clicar diretamente na imagem para abrir o arquivo para impressão. Esse documento é uma espécie de guia de reflexão que tem versículos complementares, citações de livros e perguntas para refletir. Pode ser usado de maneira individual, ou como guia de discussão para um grupo de amigas ou casais! Sondando o Coração episódio 14   Agora quero escutar! Aqui está o Episódio 14! Pode clicar e escutar diretamente aqui do site, mas o que eu recomendo é que você siga as instruções para receber os episódios diretamente no seu celular. Esse episódio tem duraçao de 19 minutos, então o ideal seria você poder escutar enquanto está dirigindo, fazendo exercício, na fila do banco, fazendo compras no mercado ou guardando os mesmo brinquedos pela vigésima vez! Então se você ainda não configurou tudo no seu celular para baixar os episódios automaticamente (sem usar dados móveis) e nem sabe como fazer isso, clique aqui se você tem android, ou aqui se você tem um iPhone. Se você estiver visualizando nesse momento do seu celular, você pode clicar nas palavras roxinhas logo abaixo do player aqui. Se você tiver um iPhone, clica em “Apple Podcasts” e se tiver um Android, clica em “Android”. Ou… claro… sempre tem a opção de só clicar no botão de PLAY logo aqui abaixo

Brian Mayer discusses the different parenting styles.  This is such a hot button issue for couples and is made more complicated in a blended family.  As a result of touchy new connections made between stepparents and stepchildren, this issue can unravel the best of families if there is not considerable care.  Parental styles can also be engrained from childhood and past relationships making it more difficult to change.  We hope you enjoy today's message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com Today's Goodies In thinking about parenting styles, Brian reminds us to think about what style was exhibited by your parents and if there were differences if you grew up the child of divorce.  Also thinking about the styles that were present in previous relationship and how you prefer to parent presently.  Finally and just as important understand all of these same issues and styles of your partner's past and present.            Parenting styles were develop through research by Diana Baumrind in the 1960's.  She looked at the Responsiveness of the parent which includes setting Expectations and Discipline.  She also looked at Support that a parent provides which includes things how easy or difficult is the child able to comfortably communicate issues with the parent.     The second parenting style is Neglectful.  This parent is Low Responsiveness (Discipline) and Low Support.  This style often occurs when a parent travels extensively, when there is drug abuse by a parent, or a parent that has simply abandoned the home.  It can also occur by parents that are completely absorbed into other aspects of life.  The third parenting style is Authoritarian.  This parent is High Responsiveness (Discipline) and Low Support.  Sometimes called the Drill Seargent or the “It's My Way or the Highway” parent.  There is high regard for discipline and structure but little warmth and much emotional distance.   The fourth parenting style is Authoritative and is considered the healthiest.  This parent is High Responsiveness (Discipline) and High Support.  There are lots of boundaries, but also lots of reciprocal discussion about the issues.  The parent is Assertive but flexible.  This sets up the child for success later in life.     Do both parents have to be the same style?  The research says it is best if both are Authoritative, but as long as one is Authoritative especially in a new blended family where the stepparent may alienate a child by becoming Authoritative too soon, then it is acceptable if there is a difference. Resources Mentioned Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell Thanks For Listening! With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode.  If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. It would be extremely helpful, it you would consider leaving a rating and review on Apple devices at iTunes  or on Android devices at Google Play as it will help the podcast reach others who need help in rebuilding life and relationships The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!

We all want to be great parents—but how? Actually, science points us in the right direction! This week Dr. Karin and her husband, Dan, discuss a well-established theory of parenting from the developmental psych literature—Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles take the guesswork out of parenting. It’s simple! Not easy, but simple!

How many times when a parent is arguing with a teen has the parent either said - or wish they could say - "Do it because I said so!". As a parent myself, I've had more than a few of those times. But it just doesn't work - especially with teenagers. In this episode I explore the classic three parenting styles first described by Diana Baumrind in 1971. Then I share my reasons why "Because I Said So" won't work especially in the teen years when teens typically have a low self esteem and a strong desire to believe they are right in the way they interpret the world.

  PHRASES like “tiger mom” and “helicopter parent” . But does overparenting hurt, or help?While parents who are clearly and embarrassingly inappropriate come in for ridicule, many of us find ourselves drawn to the idea that with just a bit more parental elbow grease, we might turn out children with great talents and assured futures. Is there really anything wrong with a kind of “overparenting lite”?  Decades of studies, many of them by Diana Baumrind, a clinical and developmental psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, have found that the optimal parent is one who is involved and responsive, who sets high expectations but respects her child's autonomy. These “authoritative parents” appear to hit the sweet spot of parental involvement and generally raise children who do better academically, psychologically and socially than children whose parents are either permissive and less involved, or controlling and more involved. Why is this particular parenting style so successful, and what does it tell us about overparenting? For one thing, authoritative parents actually help cultivate motivation in their children. Carol Dweck, a social and developmental psychologist at Stanford University, has done research that indicates why authoritative parents raise more motivated, and thus more successful, children.In a typical experiment, Dr. Dweck takes young children into a room and asks them to solve a simple puzzle. Most do so with little difficulty. But then Dr. Dweck tells some, but not all, of the kids how very bright and capable they are. . They also exhibit higher levels of confidence and show greater overall progress in puzzle-solving.http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/05/opinion/sunday/raising-successful-children.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0