You Can't Do That

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You Can’t Do That is a podcast about hockey from four women who have more opinions than information and LOTS of feelings about the Washington Capitals. These enthusiastically self-righteous idiots aren't here to win - they're here to make friends! (And talk about which hockey players are cats and wh…

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    • May 26, 2022 LATEST EPISODE
    • weekly NEW EPISODES
    • 1h 11m AVG DURATION
    • 164 EPISODES

    Listeners of You Can't Do That that love the show mention: talk about hockey, catie, benn, hockey players, washington capitals, coven, like hockey, love hockey, sports commentary, rave, pens, eva, caps, hockey podcasts, sports content, hockey fan, they've got, know anything, witches, nhl.



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    Latest episodes from You Can't Do That

    #155: Havegoodday Pretyman

    Play Episode Listen Later May 26, 2022 74:15

    "Enough of a peat." Fellas...is it gay to love your brother? Rave and Eva gear up for a Kelly-less exploration of another week of playoffs messiness, including the Panthers' untimely exit, the Rangers' appealing wifery, and Connor McDavid's robotic mole rat star quality. Plus: Some sprinkles of dreamboat-ery. This episode was recorded on May 24, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:06) Ye Olde Nate Doggs | (10:55) Panthers-Lightning | (18:42) Rangers-Hurricanes | (27:10) Avalanche-Blues, feat. Dreamboat | (48:01) Oilers-Flames | (1:01:39) Elsewhere in the NHL

    #154: Department Of Player Suffering

    Play Episode Listen Later May 19, 2022 67:33

    "Horse heist." Round 2 of the 'Loffs continues, and Eva, Kelly, and Rave's loyalties, preferences, and prejudices are evolving accordingly. Brad Marchand? Good! (For now.) Leafs? Upsetting! (For now.) Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan's true love? We're invested! (For now.) Also: Sorry to friend of the pod PJ on the death of your Wild. You were right to be wary. This episode was recorded on May 17, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:52) Funsolved Mysteries | (11:20) Caps-Panthers | (30:31) Canes-Bruins | (33:17) Wild-Blues | (36:03) Leafs-Lightning | (45:04) Pens-Rangers | (53:28) Kings-Oilers | (54:21) Flames-Stars | (01:02:15) Elsewhere in the NHL

    #153: Sex Negative

    Play Episode Listen Later May 13, 2022 84:25

    ""He's putting his whole salad into this." Can wit and charm make compelling some now-outdated playoffs observations from Kelly, Rave, and Eva? Tune in to find out, or at least to be reminded of the mood before Sid got injured, the Bruins got even, and the Wild got got. Plus: Eurovision! This episode was recorded on May 11, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:53) Eurovision! | (12:40) Caps-Panthers | (36:53) Avs-Preds | (38:42) Pens-Rangers | (44:47) Leafs-Lightning | (52:47) Canes-Bruins | (58:00) Flames-Stars | (1:02:11) Kings-Oilers | (1:11:18) Elsewhere in the NHL

    #152: A Variety Pack Of Stone-Cold Freakos

    Play Episode Listen Later May 5, 2022 76:55

    "Unfortunately, we might thrive." The game ones (games one) of the first round of the 2022 Stanley Cup playoffs are under the collective belt of Rave, Eva, and Kelly, and the mood is: pretty okay, actually! It's a little tough to figure out where our loyalties lie, but since every Cup win is a fluke, that may not matter. Plus: The return of the practical backyard games bracket challenge. This episode was recorded on May 4, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:01) Good Correct Bracket Challenge | (28:11) Caps-Panthers | (43:02) Pens-Rangers | (48:54) Hurricanes-Bruins | (49:34) Maple Leafs-Lightning | (54:37) Avalanche-Predators | (57:59) Wild-Blues | (1:01:05) Kings-Oilers | (1:04:16) Stars-Flames | (1:06:04) Elsewhere in the NHL

    #151: Shrieking Screeching Eagle

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 22, 2022 68:03

    "Do you want us to be on time, or hot?" Eva's computer tried to do a murder to this episode, so please excuse the audio quality! She and Rave and Kelly simply can't allow a week of Capitals hockey, several loffs-clinching narratives, and a thought exercise about dropping hockeys into various Hunger Games arenas go unremarked upon. This episode was recorded on April 20, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:03) Little Meow Meow | (08:06) #ALLCAPS | (26:36) Elsewhere in the NHL | (47:16) Hungry Games

    #150: Mr. Bitch

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 14, 2022 77:46

    "Take it to Tisch." Can you believe this is the 150th episode of our idiot podcast? Kelly, Rave, and Eva can't, but they CAN use the expertise gleaned from four years of...whatever this is...to determine the topics of podcasts they choose hockeys at random to host. Plus: the suddenly-good-again Washington Capitals?, the crimes of Geno, and the alleged theatrics of Tim Stutzle. This episode was recorded on April 12, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:30) #ALLCAPS | (32:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (58:38) Podcast [Derogatory]

    #149: Tough Times For Toddlers

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 8, 2022 79:41

    "A phoenix! But it's a duck. A duck on fire." Close-minded dweebs will tell you that when a team has a players-only meeting before the playoffs, it's a bad sign. Rave, Eva, and Kelly do not agree! They weigh in on this common misconception, plus the Jayvor Zeagle Hotdogging Incident, acclimating the Panthers to life outside the void, and the respect owed (or not) to Keith Yandle. Also: The return of '80s TV news chyrons. This episode was recorded on April 8, 2022.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (05:08) Breaking The News | (14:46) #ALLCAPS | (29:20) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:06) Fuck Personality

    #148: Chugging The Friendship Wine

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 31, 2022 82:09

    "Mike's Hard look in the mirror." The Washington Capitals continue to surprise and delight Eva, Rave, and Kelly with Nicke-themed celebrations, but elsewhere in the NHL the Red Wings, Flames, and Kings are getting up to various and sundry activities, which means it's time to consult the tarot deck. This episode was recorded on March 29, 2022.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:55) Be A Man | (08:54) #ALLCAPS | (33:21) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:02:04) Podnosticating

    #147: Nut Bustington

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 24, 2022 84:45

    "You gotta deprioritize the module." Other than the limits imposed by Philadelphia's gingers-only requirement, this season's trade deadline was...fine. Sure, Claude is a Panther now, and Flower's a Wild, and some other choices leave us with more questions than answers, but it's all hot gossip in the end! And y'all know Kelly, Eva, and Rave love hot goss. This episode was recorded on March 22, 2022.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:46) Keep Me, Daddy! | (14:10) #ALLCAPS | (33:19) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:18:46) Listener Q: Ravaged by time

    #146: Kuzy's Hand Tattoo Island

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 17, 2022 74:07

    "Dig? Grab?? Hoist?!" This week, topics for Rave, Eva, and Kelly to discuss come fluttering down from the sky like so much beautiful confetti: cults (again!), Nicke's big milestone, Kuzy's hatty, Dowder's new toy, J'Eichel's spite tour, Chandler Stephenson's sage advice, Josty's new adventure, and another round of casting hockeys in self-indulgent fictional narratives. This episode was recorded on March 15, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (01:56) Cults! Cults! Cults!! | (13:36) #ALLCAPS | (31:38) Elsewhere in the NHL | (58:09) Casting Couch, Part 3

    #145: Snake Caper

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 11, 2022 64:05

    "Topical like a salve." Mawwage is what bwings us together, as evidenced by this week's tribute to our mom and dad, Ovi and Nicke, on the occasion of their 1000th game together. Lotta talk about long-term relationships in this one, actually: the Caps and crafting, Eva and the Detroit Red Wings, Robin Lehner and snakes, us and the trade deadline. May as well renew our vows. This episode was recorded on March 9, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:27) One Of Us | (10:04) #ALLCAPS | (31:40) Elsewhere in the NHL | (50:38) Gone Shoppin', Girl!

    #144: What Makes A BoyMan?

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 24, 2022 83:23

    "Be sedate WITH sheer panels." The success (knock wood) of some of this season's replacement NHL coaches seems to suggest that leading teams from a place of love and respect...works? Kelly, Rave, and Eva discuss this shocking possibility, plus Joe Snively's ascendancy, Jack Eichel's return, celebratory Finns, and, of course, always: boybands. This episode was recorded on February 22, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:16) Teamstrology | (13:11) #ALLCAPS | (24:54) Elsewhere in the NHL | (46:58) Olympics update | (1:01:14) Band of Buddies

    #143: Crush You, Crumpets

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 18, 2022 68:41

    "Local short king makes good." If the recent performance of the Washington Capitals is any indication, we're fully in our clown slip era, so Rave, Eva, and Kelly are leaning in with the help of some of our greatest hits: AI-generated Valentine's greetings, a stern admonishment that we know Brad Marchand will ignore, and big questions about the Calgary Flames' trade activities. This episode was recorded on February 15, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:05) Chin Up Princess Or The Clown Slips| (13:18) #ALLCAPS | (43:25) Elsewhere in the NHL | (54:55) Love Bot

    #142: Feel'd Day

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2022 67:42

    "Over-produced yet under-interesting." What a weekend! The NHL's alleged “all stars” gathered in Vegas for embarrassing sketch comedy and some approximation of beer-league hockey and in the process gave Eva, Kelly, and Rave MUCH to discuss. This episode was recorded on February 8, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:20) 'Jaws' Theme Intensifies | (08:12) All Star Weekend | (41:15) #ALLCAPS | (45:11) Elsewhere in the NHL/Olympics | (54:00) Feel'd Day

    #141: Right-Click-Save That Ape

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 3, 2022 83:12

    "Flopping loose provolone all around." Kelly, Eva, and Rave kick off the year of the tiger with hearts full of feelings over Braden Holtby and brains full of next-level ideas to improve the All Star Game, the Arizona Coyotes organization, and the Washington Capitals' collective understanding of grade school math. Put us in charge immediately. This episode was recorded on February 3, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:42) Lunar New Year | (10:01) #ALLCAPS | (46:44) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:10:40) All Star! [Shrek]

    #140: Cryptid Internship

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 27, 2022 84:45

    "The audacity. The PAW-dacity." Which teams are at the top of the NHL right now? Seriously, we're asking, because between allegations of shapelessness and the darkness of McNugget McMinutes, lots of 'em seem to be Going Through It. Join Rave, Kelly, and Eva for their usual searing analysis, plus talk of sexy goals, puppy pals, eldritch bitches, and more. This episode was recorded on January 25, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:35) How To Say "Cat" In Russian | (16:07) #ALLCAPS | (48:47) Elsewhere in the NHL

    #139: Through A Wormhole Darkly

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 21, 2022 80:47

    "I know what you did last anytime." The Avs are trying not to laugh, the Caps are trying not to win, and Eva, Rave, and Kelly are trying to figure out if certain NHL teams can make it out of implausible life-or-death scenarios unscathed. Also for consideration: Leon the unprofessional, Prong the inspiring, and Brad the Lambo (we guess?!). This episode was recorded on January 19, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:52) Achieve! Sport! | (09:21) #ALLCAPS | (36:22) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:05:48) They Shouldn't Be Alive

    #138: The Chicago Bootleggers

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 13, 2022 68:28

    "Rachael Leigh Cook-ing it through life." The Bootleggers referred to in this episode's title have nothing to do with the hockey team currently playing in the Windy City and everything to do with this episode's prevailing theme, which we'd classify as "Luxury without effort." Other topics that Kelly, Eva, and Rave dissect: four hilarious Caps losses, J'accuse in the spotlight, dragging Andre hours, Evander Kane to Edmonton?!, and the sorry state of the NHL's "commitment" to diversity. This episode was recorded on January 11, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:41) How To... | (09:17) #ALLCAPS | (25:39) Elsewhere in the NHL | (44:38) Tape Out Hate, you dicks | (56:58) Creation Zone

    #137: Bitcoins In A Metaverse Wishing Well

    Play Episode Listen Later Jan 7, 2022 66:41

    "On the basis of 'feels like it.'" Ready to get going? Better be, because it's 2022 now, allegedly, and Rave, Eva, Kelly, and the NHL are hitting the ice at a slow glide. This week: Ovi ascendency, neck heroism, Avs horniness, Summer Olympics sadness, and both the dad AND home generator of the year. Boner. This episode was recorded on January 5, 2022. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (05:42) The Grid | (13:40) #ALLCAPS | (36:29) Elsewhere in the NHL | (53:36) Red Flag Emoji

    Bonus: Merry Happy Hockey Goopsmas

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 30, 2021 38:54

    "You're gonna lube this." While we enjoy a lil holiday break, we hope you enjoy this formerly Patreon-exclusive bonus segment. Continuing a journey we first began in Episode #131, Rave leads Kelly and Eva further into the abyss of the 2021 Goop Gift Guide, featuring bathroom soap dispenser noises, a dog named Popcorn, Ellen Pompeo's sleepytime routine, and much (too much!) more. This segment was recorded on November 23, 2021.Want more bonus content, invites to exclusive live episodes and watchalongs, and access to a Discord full of extremely cool fellow hockey fans? Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat

    #136: Bitter, Immoral, Godless

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 23, 2021 76:41

    "You could bungee jump off that DNA strand." It's that liminal period before the end of the year and Eva, Kelly, and Rave react accordingly with a grab bag of hockey topics, lightly bonkers stuffed toys, and vaguely threatening memes. (After we recorded, the NHL did indeed cancel a week's worth of games and decided our big idiots can't play at the Olympics. Just pretend you don't know that yet.) This episode was recorded on December 20, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:06) Worm Up: Jingle Jongle | (14:13) #ALLCAPS | (36:45) Elsewhere in the NHL | (57:54) Whose PP Is It Anyway?

    #135: The Spankies

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 16, 2021 73:26

    "Very Fehervary." This week, Kelly, Rave, and Eva return to activities both sacred (analyzing the Capitals' rookies' astrological charts) and profane (casting hockey players at random in trope-y seasonal made-for-TV movies). Plus: Nicke creeping, Ducks peeping, rent avoidance in Arizona, and more. This episode was recorded on December 14, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:34) Caps Babystrology | (17:05) #ALLCAPS | (35:22) Elsewhere in the NHL | (51:06) Casting Couch, Part 2

    #134: Peak Bestie

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 9, 2021 79:15

    "The yeeter got yoinked." Rave, Kelly, and Eva are pretty tired of watching the same group of coaches play musical chairs with NHL teams, but thankfully this week also served up delights like a puppy pile in Detroit, a gong show in Toronto, and a soothsaying baby in the District. Plus: Rave designed a game that, while not as explicit as Hockey or Livestock-y, may for other reasons be the worst we've ever played. This episode was recorded on December 7, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (06:34) My True Love Gave to Me | (15:20) #ALLCAPS | (30:52) Elsewhere in the NHL | (42:00) Sidebar: The NHL's coaching pool problem | (52:00) More league stuff | (1:00:54) And We Are Gagging

    #133: Who Bites?!

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 2, 2021 77:39

    "We've seen the veins a-pulsin'." The Washington Capitals are currently at the top of the Metro division and Eva, Rave, Kelly, and all our idiot boys are having a great time about it while it lasts — especially since other NHL happenings this week include such dramas as biting, glove-throwing, coach-firing, and Rod-fining. Plus: Eva went to a Hawks/Sharks game! This episode was recorded on November 30, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:12) Catch These Phrases! | (12:01) #ALLCAPS | (28:48) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:01:30) Like, Actually

    #132: Kid Rock's Little Caesars Emporium

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 25, 2021 82:25

    "Metro-spreading. Ew." Honk yr car's little gay horn: We're heading to Connor McDavid's McMansion of Sorrows for this Thanksgiving feast. Kelly, Rave, and Eva's list of conversation topics to avoid dinner table awkwardness includes an update from Kuzy's revenge tour; losing to the Kraken as praxis; Canucks-flavored despair; and the trauma of your parents refusing to get you an American Girl doll even though you reeeeeally want one. This episode was recorded on November 23, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:55) Tis The Damn Season | (18:44) #ALLCAPS | (35:51) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:26) Canadian Girl Dolls

    #131: On The Verge Of Tasteless

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 19, 2021 74:54

    "Two stubborn white wrong guys." The holidays came early to YCDT: Eva's back in the U.S., Goop's back with another absurd gift guide, and the Caps beat the Penguins 6-1 in front of god and everyone. Thanks, Santa. Also on the docket: a formal apology, the glitch in Connor McDavid's matrix, and a solution for our sad Canucklings. This episode was recorded on November 15, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:00) Thank You Santa For This Baba Yaga House | (07:43) #ALLCAPS | (20:17) Pens fans, cover your ears | (39:44) Elsewhere in the NHL | (48:13) A Very Hockey Goopsmas

    #130: Kinda Fun! Also Grim

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 11, 2021 66:17

    "They are their own MLM." Eva, Kelly, and Rave explore a real grab bag of concepts this week, including the Golden Knights' commitment to the bitchy blushy bit, the parameters of "drip," multi-level marketing schemes, the King Solomon-ing of a gifted hockey baby, Morgan Rielly's dedication to Toronto, and a frankly brilliant plot to replace one suffering NHL team with another. This episode was recorded on November 8, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:38) MLM - No, The Other Kind | (18:24) #ALLCAPS | (23:26) The Flyers' "drip" | (26:25) Back to the Caps | (29:40) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:05) Listener Q: Ask a mortician

    #129: Enemy (American)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 4, 2021 63:42

    "It's like undead Grink." Eva is week-to-week with an upper body injury (broken internet in France), but we save a seat for her at Rave and Kelly's date night dinner table as they sort our new Caps babies into bins, assess the results of Hockeyween across our favorite teams, play a rapid-fire quiz game built for two. This episode was recorded on November 2, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:00) Babies in Boxes | (11:21) #ALLCAPS | (42:05) Elsewhere in the NHL: Hockeyween! | (52:28) Who Am I?

    #128: tHe MiAsMa oF HoRRoR

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 28, 2021 75:23

    "We found a SNAKE and it's MAD." Feel that vaguely threatening vibe in the air? It's the personification of spooky season! And its howling at the moon as it crawls on its bony hands and knees toward Halloween, leaving behind it a week of unexpectedly delightful hockey and predictably frustrating off-ice developments. Eva joins Rave and Kelly from France to chat about the trappings of Christian Girl Fall, the highs of Kuzypremacy, the ongoing suffering of the Leafs, and the blood-curdling horror of mandatory workplace bonding activities. (Content warning: Discussion of sexual assault in the Blackhawks organization starts at 34:39 and ends at 40:46.) This episode was recorded on October 26, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:41) Christian Girl Fall | (13:38) #ALLCAPS | (34:39) Blackhawks update | (40:46) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:00) Corporate Bonding Exercises

    #127: Mise En Trash

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 19, 2021 65:02

    "Head Head and Bone Bone." We're off to the races, a phrase which here means "Not yet disappointed by our teams or players and fully enjoying the NHL season so far." Knock wood for us, gang. Up for discussion by Eva, Rave, and Kelly: knuckle tattoos, lil Lappy, gremlin feedback, pop-art microblading, kissing expertise, '80s news program chyrons, and more. This episode was recorded on October 18, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:30) Knuckle If You Buckle | (07:09) #ALLCAPS } (32:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (52:49) Breaking The News

    #126: Tkachuksa Nostra

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 61:29

    "He's rhythm guitar passing, for sure." Kelly, Eva, and Rave are ready to be hated if that's what the plot requires! Well, ready for the Washington Capitals to be hated, anyway. Come on down as we re-orient ourselves to a new NHL season in which the Tkachucks are wannabe mobsters, Jake Voracek is Trojan Horse-ing the Blue Jackets, and Erik Johnson's garage is the default practice space for a questionable pop punk band. This episode was recorded on October 10, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:32) Where's Waldo? | (12:13) #ALLCAPS | (15:30) Our predictions for the Caps' season | (25:35) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:55) Listener Q: 2006 NHL draft class band

    #125: The Elephant Vacuum

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 14, 2021 61:29

    "I'm uptight but I got a foible." The Capitals are converging back in Washington and Rave, Eva, and Kelly are converging back on the mics, and we're all basically loitering in the school gymnasium before the Welcome Back assembly, gossiping about who transferred schools and which of the new guys seems cool. C'mere, we saved you a seat. This episode was recorded on September 12, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:13) Sailor Moon Villainy | (10:50) The boys are back in town | (27:03) Elsewhere in the NHL | (41:57) Who's That Guy?

    #124: Assigned Meat At Birth

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 3, 2021 80:17

    “We teach Genos to shrink themselves.” While the pod is away, the NHL will lose every last one of its marbles, apparently. Eva, Kelly, and Rave are back to weigh in on the Stanley Cup Final, a silly expansion draft and even sillier trade season, and much, much more. This episode was recorded on August 1, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:22) BUGS! | (12:33) Playoffs update | (16:54) Kraken released | (34:19) Trade talk | (52:14) Yucky stuff: Eichel, DeAngelo, Mailloux | (1:05:55) OVI | (1:11:45) Weddings, birthdays, engagements

    #123: Load-Bearing Paper Dolls

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 15, 2021 80:17

    "It's the yikening." Like Nate MacKinnon in a press conference, we're trapped in the semifinals with four teams we don't super love, and as a result our pod energy is fomenting a "School's out for the summer" vibe that leads in this episode to discussions of whales, potato salad, bucket hats, crypto, and dog bosses. This episode was recorded on June 13, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:13) On whales | (07:35) #ALLCAPS | (13:08) Playoffs update | (54:30) Spice 'Er Up!

    #122: What's The Mitchuation?

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 9, 2021 75:42

    "All you need is some goddamn therapy, bitch." If there's one thing Rave, Kelly, and Eva are qualified to talk about, it's hauntings and curses in the NHL. Their qualifications to discuss the other stuff - the Mitchuation in Toronto; the Bolts/Canes matchup; the Islanders in general - are up for debate. This episode was recorded on June 6, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:57) No, YOU'RE Fired | (10:33) #ALLCAPS, we guess | (16:18) The Mitchuation | (41:15) Playoffs update | (1:05:54) The Gary Bettman Film Festival

    #121: Gatekeeping Flip Cup

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 1, 2021 89:46

    "Marc is the man. Andre is the fish." As the remaining teams head into the second round, Eva, Rave, and Kelly check in on our highly acclaimed playoffs bracket to determine who's got the speed for an egg-and-spoon relay, the grit for charades, the zen for flip cup, and the mouth for successful apple-bobbing. Plus: We all know which teams have our hearts. But which teams have our wallets? This episode was recorded on May 29, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:07) Murder: The Hockey Twitter Game | (12:30) #ALLCAPS | (31:45) YCDT's round 2 playoffs bracket | (1:09:49) Brandwagoning

    #120: O Bettman, My Bettman

    Play Episode Listen Later May 27, 2021 90:18

    "He was living life too deliciously." Ready to get pucks deep? Ready to play our game?? Kelly leads Eva and Rave in a close literary reading of the first round results, including some very scientific assigning of blame for playoffs crimes and misdemeanors, with bonus moments of celebration for the meow meow Florida cats and newly minted hockey media icon Stephen A. Smith. This episode was recorded on May 25, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:00) #ALLCAPS | (36:32) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:13:50) You-a Culpa

    #119: The Vibe's In Hell

    Play Episode Listen Later May 18, 2021 94:19

    "You can't bully a carnival worker." It's playoffs time! Again. Somehow. Rave and Kelly welcome back friend of the pod Danielle (@daniellemeowias) to check in on the Caps versus...whichever team that is, Jack Eichel's body, and Eugene Melnyk's bizarre expectations for an ocean voyage. Then we dive in to our 2021 playoffs bracket and round one predictions, which are about as rooted in reality as you'd expect. This episode was recorded on May 16, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:57) S.O.S. Save Our Season: Flyers Edition | (16:32) #ALLCAPS | (34:31) Free Jack Eichel | (40:38) Eugene Melnyk's Big Adventure | (50:19) Our Perfect Psychic Bracket

    #118: Born On The Floor

    Play Episode Listen Later May 11, 2021 76:08

    "It's for furries. And for me." As the hell season draws to a close, Eva, Kelly, and Rave engage in a few of our Things (favorite and otherwise): TJ Oshie appreciation, Evgeny Kuznetsov apologism, Tom Wilson discourse, Bruins slander, and weird but spiritually appropriate names for pets. Oh, and dicks. OH AND CREATURES. Same as it ever was! This episode was recorded on May 8, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:13) "Because He Was Born On The Floor" | (12:15) The Tom Wilson hitscourse, again | (20:14) #ALLCAPS | (47:06) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:11) Surreality Television/Couch Potato

    #117: Cinched It

    Play Episode Listen Later May 4, 2021 90:48

    "I'm sick of these guys. Dot meme." If you think Kelly, Eva, and Rave are above armchair psychologizing NHL coaches based on their astrological charts: Reconsider! Other things they're not above: hiding in the walk-in freezer, offering sincere drunken support in the DMs, and taking an absolute shot in the dark about which West and Central teams have qualified for the Stanley Cup playoffs. This episode was recorded on May 2, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:31) #ALLCAPS | (24:34) Elsewhere in the NHL | (48:32) The Uncoachables: Coaches Edition | (1:22:22) Litter Robot review

    #116: Follicle Watch 2021

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 27, 2021 79:35

    "Is there a Mrs. Mr. Crumblegoat?" This season just. Keeps on chuggin', huh? Rave leads Eva and Kelly through a week of Big Z appreciation, former-Capitals revenge tours, Pasta spilling the tea/beer, stepmoms, clown cars, and more. Question: Is anything scarier than a Virgo with an Aries moon? This episode was recorded on April 25, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:43) Jellycat Reviews | (15:02) #ALLCAPS | (44:04) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:04:35) Doing Lines, Pt. 2 | (1:14:07) Listener story: H-A-L-L

    #115: Acceptance Pod

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 20, 2021 89:03

    "Oh my god they were co-stars." Your podmoms Eva, Rave, and Kelly have had time to process their trade deadline emotions and are now ready to discuss what happened in a calm, rational way. Mostly. Plus: N1KY-pocalypse, rage! at the Staples Center, and the return of a VERY romantic segment. This episode was recorded on April 18, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:57) Syrup Commune | (12:37) Trade talk | (32:12) #ALLCAPS | (51:03) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:06:11) Romancing the Brone

    #114: Beard Benching

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 13, 2021 80:55

    "No - weird - sex stuff!" Some may say we done goofed by recording this episode before the trade deadline. But is it not enough to revisit a simpler time when Jakub Vrana was still a Washington Capital and Michael Raffl wasn't one yet? Other discussion items on Rave, Kelly, and Eva's docket include the Harry Styles' Tiny Desk Concert Appreciation Crew, a pizza promposal, the death of Yahoo! Answers, and dumb coaches continuing to be just. So dumb. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. P.S. You can get 15% off everything in our merch shop (including brand new SHORT KINGS FIGHT CLUB designs!) today, April 13, through Saturday, April 17. Timecodes: (05:46) Yahoo! Answers, RIP | (20:23) #ALLCAPS | (51:09) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:16:35) Listener Q: Panda tending

    #113: The McNugget Manscape

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 6, 2021 91:08

    "A case of the whoopsie sleepies." Do we want to kiss or slap the past week of NHL hockey? Hard to say. Eva, Rave, and Kelly chat about a string of Caps "wins," a range of player motivation "strategies," and whomst is most deserving of the label "coach's kid." Maybe we should dunk this one in a savory sauce and eat it in a single bite like a McNugget Minute instead. This episode was recorded on April 4, 2021.Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:33) Kiss Or Slap? | (10:35) #ALLCAPS | (50:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:12:23) What's Your Position?

    #112: Eau du Heterosexuál

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2021 100:23

    "I am rigging the game right now." This week, Kelly, Rave, and Eva go long on bad reffing, bad commentary, good coaching, good trades, and - with apologies to our sweet Sabres buddies - the latest miserable lows of the Buffalo beat. Hockey is a cereal aisle and we are filling our cart. This episode was recorded on March 28, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (02:59) Listener Q: Soothing video content | (11:32) #ALLCAPS | (39:01) Elsewhere in the NHL & NWHL | (01:20:58) Short Kings Fight Club

    #111: Eyes Wide Shut For Bros

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 23, 2021 88:37

    "It is the Smurfs that are wrong." Much hockey occurred in our two weeks away from the mics, some good (Ovi goals!), some alarming (...the Flyers.......y'all...). And yes, Rave and Eva and Kelly discuss those things. More important discussion items, though: Pokemon, vanity abs, potato florets, Smurf villainy, and Home Depot lesbians. This episode was recorded on March 21, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (05:35) Gotta Catch 'Em All | (18:53) #ALLCAPS | (49:49) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:22) Doing Lines

    #110: Debunk THIS

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 9, 2021 89:49

    "Love to watch a mean teen fight a sun bear." Eva, Kelly, and Rave contribute to the Tom Wilson hitscourse in this otherwise light n frivolous episode. Expect lots of birds, a trio of uninspired Scorpios, a frank assessment of the Napoleonic tactics, a tour of a gentle zoo, and - where you least expect it - a sidebar about human trafficking. Wait, sorry, that part's not light or frivolous either. (But it's not NOT.) This episode was recorded on March 7, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (03:34) Fightless Birds | (11:48) #ALLCAPS | (16:06) The Tom Wilson hitscourse | (35:25) More Caps stuff | (44:33) Rave's Enemy of the Week: Brad Marchand | (47:13) Elsewhere in the NHL | (59:25) NHL Unsolved | (01:11:47) Listener Q: Zoo stuff

    #109: Cruller Of The Month

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 2, 2021 93:29

    "Short Kings Fight Club. SKFC." Welcome to our anti-capitalist sports podcast, where this week Kelly, Rave, and Eva spend a not-insignificant amount of time picking names out of a hat to cast hockeys in the seminal motion picture Mean Girls. Other stuff: The Caps' mainstream horniness, Jeff "Scratch me one more time and see what happens" Skinner, spawn of TK, the Chicago hockey team, and so very much more.This episode was recorded on February 28, 2021. Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that. Timecodes: (04:34) #ALLCAPS | (33:31) Elsewhere in the NHL | (01:03:04) Casting Couch

    #108: Horse Girls Are Face Blind

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 23, 2021 72:15

    On the discussion docket for Rave, Eva, and Kelly this week: several questionable Caps games, art modeling, Sid's celebration, sinister moose, furries, the Yotes' yikes, Lake Tahoe 'fits, and Rave's Enemy Song. We KNEW the unabated sunshine was a problem!! (This episode was recorded on February 21, 2021.)Timecodes:02:55 Listener Q: Art modeling 12:55 Interruption: This Week In Our Cats14:37 Art Modeling, continued 18:05 #ALLCAPS and some Pens 47:23 Elsewhere in the NHL52:46 Coyotes drama1:06:02 Bruins did a fun thing :(Support us on Patreon | Check out our merch

    #107: Canuck Cuck for Tkachuk

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 16, 2021 62:09

    This week, Eva, Kelly, and Rave grab their metaphorical craft supplies to make a valentine to weird blind dates, weird commentary on the all-Canada division, and weirdly specific warm-up jerseys. They do NOT make a valentine for the NHL. (This episode was recorded on February 14, 2021.)Timecodes:01:50 Mystery Date23:15 #ALLCAPS38:55 Elsewhere in the NHL49:20 Listener Qs: Line names; warmup jerseys vs. game jerseysSupport us on Patreon | Check out our merch

    #106: S*per B*wl S*turday

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 10, 2021 78:16

    Kelly, Eva, and Rave take a brief pause from talking self-deprecatingly about the Washington Capitals to be weird as hell about topics including high school theater, the Bruins, the Tkachuck Fucker map, and the Big Game (about which we know MANY things). (This episode was recorded on February 7, 2021.)Timecodes:03:26 Sorry, Eva: The Theater Game21:23 #ALLCAPS43:12 Elsewhere in the NHL1:03:53 Listener Q: East/West pairingsSupport us on Patreon, and check out the latest designs in our merch shop!

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