Halftime Adjustment

God's original blueprint for the family Pt 1def: blueprint, purpose, subdue, teamBlueprint: a design plan or other technical drawing.Purpose:  something set up as an object or end to be attained, INTENTIONSubdue: to bring under control Team: a number of persons associated together in work or activityDoes the organization/team/family exist to benefit the individual or does the individual exist to benefit the organization/team/family Gen 1:26-28Deut 6:4-9Deut 4:9

What is vision and why do we need it for a family?Vision: the ability of sight; the act or power of imagination“The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but no vision.”― Helen KellerProverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision people perish."Habakkuk 2:2-3

Here's what we have developed over the last 20+ years as a family: family verse, family vision, family rules, family expectations, blessing (personal/family). Family verse: “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good deeds, and glorify your Father in heaven.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:16‬ Family vision statement: “We are a passionate gospel-centered multi-generational family team with a fire, aim, ready mindset eager to serve with the love of Christ.” Family Rules-Everyone has a sign that says make me feel important; speak to that sign, God is 1st others 2nd I'm 3rd, If you want to be great, serve many Family Expectations:... Family Blessings: Proverbs 3:5-6, Numbers 6:24-26, Matt 5:13-16, Zeph 3:17, Sons' Blessing, Daughters' Blessing

Family Remodel Episode #2Culture vs ChristHappy vs BlessedCulture says do what makes you happy. The Bible says the man who follows His ways is blessed. Be a man that is planted and rooted in Christ alone. If you look for someone to make you happy, they will fail you every time. A fathers shepherds his kids.  Culture tells a man its his job to go raise the funds and it's the wife's job to raise the kids. Don't come home with a pocket full of money to a house full of strangers. Raise your kids with your wife. Psalm 1:1-6 , Jeremiah 17:7-8, James 1:12, Psalm 127

Why family remodel? Where are we, where are we going, how are we going to get there?Remodel-To make over in structure or style; reconstruct.Ever wonder if there is more to raising your kids than graduate high school, go to college, now you're on your own. I felt like I was missing something a few years ago. So I went on a journey to seek out God's original design for the family. My family was established and growing so rather than rebuild it we decided to remodel and refocus on God's design.  

The heart of the Rewired Men's Conference is the men's lives transformed by the Gospel lived out in the local Church. What's the foundation of your faith, of your marriage, of your family? Come to the conference this year to learn what it means to "Dig Deep" and lay your foundation on the rock. Learn what it means to be a man founded on the rock. This is a message I shared at the 2021 Oklahoma Baptists Rewired Men's Conference. In this message I share about Luke 6:46-49. The 2022 Rewired Men's Conference is April 29/30. Registration is open now at: https://www.oklahomabaptists.org/men/rewired-conference/

Word of the Week #30 Hope-your desire for something to happen.In a time when there is so much darkness, fear, and doubt being spread why not spread hope. Hope is like the dawn after a dark night. I tell my kids that I can smell the aroma of their heart. If they are in a bad mood then the aroma stinks. If they are in a good mood then the aroma of their heart smells sweet. Hope is similar to sowing seed and reaping. You will always harvest what you sow. If you sow corn seed then you will harvest corn. If you sow seeds of darkness and doubt then expect to harvest darkness and doubt. If you sow seeds of hope then you can expect to harvest hope. A coach, leader, father must sow seeds of hope, must be a light in the darkness. As the leader you can tell when your attitude stinks. Stop, pause, take stock of what's going well, get your mind right and sow good seed. How's the aroma of your heart? What kind of seed are you sowing?

It's OU vs TX week and I hate Texas Football! Here's a story of one of the scariest coaches I ever played for. Dick Winder was the OC at OU in the late 90's. He demanded excellence and made me nervous every day. He was always on me to "set the damn huddle", sprint to the line of scrimmage, snap the ball, and "owe me's". I greatly respected him and feared him. He demanded excellence. In my eyes he treated everybody the same from the walk-on to the all star. A great coach demands excellence, pushes his athletes past what they "think" they can do to be as good as the want to be. A father must help to set the vision for what "can be" for his kids and help build the plan to achieve their goals. 

Great teams play to the best of their ability week in and week out. Great teams don't play up or down to the level of their opponent they play on an edge no matter their opponent. Inexperienced teams don't know how to handle adversity. Great teams stay focused and stay on edge. What does a great man of God do? Colossians 3:23-"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human master." Revelations 3:15-16 "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."Great leaders bring it everyday. Great men of God live out their faith, serving all those around them. Great fathers will do whatever it takes for their family to thrive. 

Manhood Moments-Friday Night Lights. Manhood does not happen by accident. Manhood is about intentionality. "Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of choice." Edwin Louis Cole/Tony EvansIf I don't show my sons how a man acts, culture will. If I don't show my daughter how a man treats a wife in how I treat her mother, culture will. And I'm not OK with that. Be intentional men. 

The oline goes unnoticed unless they don't do their job. The oline mentality is a group of guys willing to do the things others won't so the team can succeed. No group on the team works as closely together as the oline. They work literally foot to foot, hip to hip, and shoulder to shoulder.Oline CreedI believe we need more men, husbands, and fathers with an olinemen's mentality. It's not about me. Too many men live life like a skill player, on an island. We are meant to live live as groups of men on a mission together. Working together foot to foot, hip to hip, and shoulder to shoulder. Men working together to challenge and encourage each other to impact our families. 

Masculinity is the qualities or attributes regarded as characteristics of men. Toxic or poisonous masculinity is a skewed cultural construct. Noble or higher masculinity is what we should strive for. Quotes on manhood. "Being male is a matter of birth, being a man is a matter of choice." "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."The root issue of toxic masculinity is the deconstruction of the family. If we are dealing with a masculinity issue, I believe it is a result of fathers not modeling manhood, not guiding their sons on the journey of manhood. "If you do not initiate your young men into the tribe, they will burn down the village." African ProverbEvery young male needs a guide on the lifelong journey of manhood. Rite of Passage LetterProverbs 17:6 "..the glory of sons is their father."

I played football at OU but how I got there is an interesting story. February 1996 was when I was supposed to sign my scholarship to college football but that didn't happen. I remember coming home feeling down and rejected. Little did I know my mom has gone to work calling and setting up appointments for me to walk on the OU football team. Thank you mama!!! It was a scary leap of faith but it was totally worth it. I am so grateful to my parents for the courage they instilled in me to follow through and achieve my goals. Sometimes the scary decisions are the ones that help us grow the most. In the end it worked out pretty well. The Rewired Men's Conference hosted at Falls Creek by the Oklahoma Baptists is coming up April 24/25. Go to the websites for more info:https://www.menrewired.com/https://www.oklahomabaptists.org/men/  

I played in the Orange Bowl, the BCS Championship game at the time, on Jan 3, 2001. After the game about 2AM I went to Denny's at 2AM to eat with my best friend and my brother in law. We had won the game and I was a team captain. No one really seemed to care , I was just another customer. In that moment I learned a valuable lesson, a leader shouldn't make a big deal about himself.A great leader gives praise to those he leaders and absorbs all criticism for failures. Don't let winning and losing define you as a leader/coach. Who you are is so much more than a score on the scoreboard.As a leader/coach you are the lead servant. Serving those you lead, doing whatever it takes to help the team succeed.

Initiative is the ability to take the lead, take charge when no one else will. When adversity strikes you need leaders on your team who will take the initiative to right the ship. A good leader/coach takes the initiative and refocuses the team when bad stuff is happening. Belief in the leaders initiative and vision, being a leader they trust, gets the action needed. A coach with initiative sees problems as they are developing. He makes a plan to stop them and acts. When no one else acts the leader must initiate change. 

Building a man is like building a house, you must start with the foundation, his faith. A man without faith is like a house built on a sand foundation. The storms of life will wash it away. Matthew 7:24-27 Hebrews 11:1, A man who has faith in the Lord has a moral compass, a firm foundation. A man of faith is like the man in Psalms 1:1-3. A man of faith fears the Lord and seeks God's will for his life. Proverbs 9:10A man of faith is rooted in God's Word. He seeks Godly wisdom. He surrounds himself with other men of faith on a similar mission. 

A coach is someone who helps you to see who you can be and gives you the action steps to get there.Coaching stories about Merv Johnson, My Middle School football coach, Sam Pittman, and my 2nd year as a head ball coach.5 Base Principles of coaching. There are more than 5 but this is where I would start.1-They don't care how mush you know until they know how much you care.2-Check your ego at the door.3-Its not about the W's and the L's or the X's and the O's its about the Jimmys and the Joes. Relationships>Championships.4-Fundamentals are key!5-Never forget your "why".Finally never forget a coach is a vision for manhood, marriage, fatherhood, and leadership. Be a coach worth following. Go to menrewired.com to find more info about the Rewired Men's Conference.  

I got into a fight in the 9th grade in a game vs the El Reno Indians.I was hurt and angry because we lost the game, I let my team down, I lost control of my emotions, and my parents divorce. My coaches saw that I was broken and hurt. They built me back up, refocused me, and released me at the end of my suspension.Great coaches see the individual hearts on the team and work to coach them well, showing them the little shifts to be successful. Be a student of your athletes, their home life, and their friends. Give them the coaching they need. Menrewired.com

Passion is an internal desire to achieve your goals.  I learned from Coach Venables and Spurrier JR how to coach  with passion. They ran around with their hair on fire getting stuff done.  A leader must have passion. Without passion the leader is empty. When the leader loses passion he becomes a manager. Managers are transactional. A coach must bring passionate positive infectious energy everyday.  A man must passionately pursue God’s will for his life. 

I was a HS guard and went to college a center.  At OU day one I was the 4th string center and I had never played center before and I was clueless.  My first real reps at center were a disaster and some of the coaches didn’t even know my name.  Thankfully a tough talk from my mom and the guiding instruction from a legendary coach kept me focused. 

A game plan is the plan coaches prepare to attack an opponents weaknesses and to play to the strengths of their team. Leach Story Coaching story vs Lawton Mac "If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail." Ben Franklin Every coach goes in to a game with a plan to win and must take time at halftime to adjust the plan. When I became a father I wasn't ready and I didn't have a plan. But I quickly built a plan from people I trust. "If you don't give your son a vision for manhood, the world will." Dennis Rainey Psalm 119:105 Proverbs 16:9 Trust the Lord and the path He has for you.

A paradox is a statement that contradicts itself. Dr Robert Lewis in Men's Fraternity states the paradox principle of manhood, a man must die to live. Ephesians 5:25 As a man what am I living for, my glory or His glory? I am not my wife's servant and neither is she my servant. The man's role isn't to raise the funds while the wife raises the kids. True noble manhood is one where the man is an active participant in raising his kids. Good parenting is a team effort. What defines you as a man? Your vocation? Your family? Your faith?

Week #4 of College Football and Random Manhood thoughts Men are not designed to be an island Men need teammates to do life with Men need other men on a similar mission who will push them to be their best #10 Utah @ USC #11 Mich @ #13 Wis #8 Aub @ #17 Texas A&M #7 ND @ #3 GA

In week #1 I went 4-1 in my picks only missing the ND game. -If I could imprint one thing on my sons it would be courage. "I have the courage to face and overcome my fears." -If I could imprint one thing upon my daughter it would be security in self. "Your self worth does not come from a man but from God." -Almost all cultural issues are due to the lack of men leading biblically. Male by birth, man by choice. Week #2 Games #12 A&M @ #1 Clemson #25 Neb @ CU #6 LSU @ #9 TX #23 Stan @ USC

The Team Captain isn't always the MVP. The Team Captain is the team member who makes everyone else better. 2000 OU Team Captain Story My expectations for Team Captains: -Lead by example -Build up your teammates -Be a vocal leader -Call out teammates to give better effort when needed My expectations were a progression. They had to earn it like respect. The boss isn't always the Team Captain. The MVP isn't always the team captain. The coach can't be the team captain. A good coach helps develop team captains into who they can be. Mindset and leadership development are keys to being a great coach. Never leave your team with a leadership void. Always be looking to the next leader. A good coach plants the seed of leadership early on in a young athletes development. Being a team captain requires sacrifice for the betterment of the team. As a man what are you willing to do to help your family team thrive, grow, and succeed.

My top 5 games and random manhood thoughts True character in a man stiffens the spines of those around him. Toxic masculinity vs Noble masculinity There is something great and special inside a man that must be called out. An intentional father can change the life of a child. My top 5 games: #11 Oregon @ #16 Auburn Houston @ #4 OU #9 Notre Dame @Louisville Ok State @ Oregon State #19 Wisconsin @ USF

Team-Together Everyone Achieves More Team > Me A Team is a group of people unified under a common goal. The 2000 OU Football team was a team bonded together by the shared suffering of the 96/97/98 losing seasons, the winter workouts of 99 to the 99 season to the summer workouts of 2000 which resulted in something special. The 2000 National Title. We were a group unified heading in one direction with one goal-to win a championship. The seed was planted in the winter of 99 and we began to believe who we could be. I've seen a group of average athletes overachieve because of belief in each other and a unified vision for who they can be. A leader/coach must have a vision for a team, for who they can be. A father is the leader of his family and must lead his family in one direction under a unified goal with a clear vision for what can be for his family. Great leaders lead with passion and purpose.

As a young coach I heard an experienced coach tell his players give me “Attitude and Effort” every play. It’s what he expected every play. When I became a head coach I adopted this for my team. Give me attitude and effort every play. Attitude-mentality, toughness, heart, determination, whatever it takes Effort-ALL YOU HAVE Story of two running backs Coach! Players will live up or down to your expectations. Make sure they are clearly communicated and simple to understand. Communicate your expectations often and always. I expected a good attitude, a strong mentality, an indomitable spirit every play. Why not live with that same attitude every day. As a man, husband, and father all those around you need a man of vision to set the tone. They need someone worth following. I expected great effort. It’s the one thing that would lose you your spot in a hurry. God expects the same of you, all you have. Colossians 3:23. Be a man with a vision, be a leader.

A man finishes stronger than he started. Great football players finish drills well and set an example for the younger players. "Finish" is mainly used in drills. Run through the line not to the line. Give more than what is expected of you. Be the example of great effort. The 4th point of Authentic Manhood is to "Invest Eternally". To me this means to deposit/invest into something or someone without end or return. In Genesis 3:6 Adam invested in the temporary, the flesh. In Matthew 6:19-21 Jesus taught to lay up your treasures in Heaven not here on Earth. In 1 Kings 2:2-3 David spoke vision over Solomon his son. In Deuteronomy 31:7 Moses invested into Joshua. A Man invests in those close to him without end only to be passed onto others. A husband invests into his wife expecting nothing in return. A father invests in his family with his grandchildren in mind. His investment will be passed onto the next generation. A man finishes stronger than he started.

What does it mean for an athlete to have heart? To play with heart? Heart is the internal desire for an athlete to succeed, win, compete. It is a refusal to give in in a situation. A great coach can build belief in self by speaking life into his athletes. Belief in self is tied to heart. The strengthening of the mind through mindfulness, mindset, mental toughness is very popular right now and needed. But there gets to a point when the mental and physicalshutdown and all you have left is heart. Its your desire to push when everyone else has shut down or quit. Your body and mind tell you no. Having heart is pushing and not giving in. Great leaders have heart and can will a team to victory. Great coaches recognoze players with heart and put them in a position to flourish and grow. Do you have heart as a father, as a husband? Your family needs you to be a man with "Heart".

Play Like a Champion Today is the team motto or slogan for the Oklahoma Sooner Football team. It is has been in their lockerroom since the late 40's. Every game the team hits a sign with "Play Like a Champion Today" on it. I would always hit the word Today. This sign and tradition meant a lot to me and the team. Do you lead a team? Does your team have a vision statement? Do you know where you're taking the team you lead? How are you going to get there? A father, coach, husband, the leader must be the lead scout/visionary for the team/family. The scout looks ahead of the group and finds the best direction for the team. Does your team know the expectations? Do you have a process to achieve your goals, your vision? A great coach coaches with championship level effort every single play, every rep. Fatherhood is in the little moments everyday.

Fatherhood is in the little moments everyday. Take the time to be present with your kids this weekend. Also call your Dad!

To lead courageously means to be up front leading in the face of fear. On the football field "Get Up Front!" In Genesis Ch 3 Eve lead not Adam. Adam didn't take charge. Jesus said Matthew 4:19 "Follow me and I will make you fishers of men." God to Joshua in Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” A man the leads courageously initiates the direction a group should go even in the face of fear or rejection. A husband that leads courageously leads his wife with a loving and caring heart. A father that leads courageously leads his family even when others say he cannot. A father sees what is best for his children and leads them to it.

The love for teammates is an intense care only built over a long period of time. A good coach earns the love of the team he leads by consistently pushing them and praising them at the right time. There must be a healthy balance of praise and discipline. A team builds a love through shared suffering, aka tough practice or workouts, by being there for one another. Proverbs 17:17 "...a friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 17:6 "...the glory of sons in their fathers..." This love of the father is sometimes undeserving. Neglect overtime wears that love thin to the point it can disappear. Don't neglect the title of father. By admitting you're wrong earns that love back but it takes time. Consistency over time.

What does it mean to "Drop your Hips" on the football field? Authentic Manhood Point #2 Accept Responsibility Biblical examples: Adam Gen 2:15 Gen 3:12 vs Jesus John 4:34 David and Bathsheba 2 Samuel 12. -A man accepts responsibilities for his thoughts and actions in all he does. -A husband accepts responsibility for the health of his marriage. -A husband is responsible for his actions regardless of how his wife treats him. -A father accepts responsibility for the love, care, and discipline of his family.

Responsibility is something I must do or must take care of. Something or someone under me care. 5th grade story of my responsibility failure. College football story of my failure. As a leader you must be able to answer to those you are responsible for: where are we going and how are we going to get there. A key responsibility of fatherhood is to model noble, authentic, biblical manhood. Our culture is dealing with a manhood crisis because fathers at home aren't modeling manhood. Read Ephesians 5:22-31 to see what God expects of a husband. To my athletes I coached I would tell them. Do what your coach tells you to do! Set the Tempo for your group! Be the first to the drill, be first in line! So as a man, husband, father, leader, coach: Know your responsibilities and so them with all your might. Do them better than anyone else.

Respect is like a savings account. It takes a daily drop in the bucket built overtime. Respect is consistently overtime to build. Respect is something I give to someone some deserving and some undeserving. Bob Stoops, Jerry Schmidt, and Jonathan Hayes story. A great leader works to earn the respect of those they lead. A poor leader uses their authority as a hammer, looking for someone to smash. Don't throw your weight around. Great men, great leaders, and great coaches have a long term vision for those they lead. Consistent pursuit of this vision with others in mind earns their respect. There must be a moment when you as a man, leader, coach must stand your ground. What will you stand for? A man worthy of respect stands for a noble, upright, strong vision. Joshua 24:15 Choose... Be a man worthy of respect.

The first point of Authentic Manhood is to Reject Passivity. Reject means to not accept something. Passivity means to allow things to happen. So to reject passivity means to not accept allowing things to happen. The definition of Authentic Manhood comes from Dr Robert Lewis's "Men's Fraternity". 1 Corinthians 15:45 "The first man Adam became a living being"; the last Adam became a life-giving spirit." Adam vs Jesus Adam Gen 3:6 “he was with her” vs Jesus Phil 2:8 “He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death — even to death on a cross.” David 1 Sam 17:32 “David said to Saul, “Don’t let anyone be discouraged by him; your servant will go and fight this Philistine! ” On the football field Reject Passivity me to "GET OFF THE BALL!" I am/will statements: As a man I will not allow bad things to happen, I will establish, build, set up. As a husband I will initiate, I must lead. I do not sit around letting things go I know are wrong. As a father I take action steps in raising my kids alongside my wife. I don't wait until it's too late. As a leader/coach I establish the culture of the team I lead.

Integrity is an inner strength of character or an inner sense of wholeness or completeness. Merv Johnson story. He is an honest man that I respect and made a significant difference in my life. The opposite of whole or complete is broken. A man who is broken needs help. Very few can "fix" themselves. It takes courage to admit "I am a broken man." A man full of pride and stubbornness is an incomplete broken man but he won't admit it. A leader/coach that has integrity builds a team that will fight for him. A man who walks with integrity is a man worth following. A coach with integrity will change the life of an athlete. A husband with integrity will do whatever it takes to fight for his marriage. A father with integrity passes on a legacy worth following. Proverbs 20:7 "the righteous who walks in his integrity-blessed are his children after him."

Real fatherhood is intentional not accidental. One of the key issues in what some call the manhood crisis is the lack of fathers. There is a fatherhood deficit so we need more intentional fathers. In 1 Kings 2:2 David told his son Solomon to "Be strong and show yourself a man." He challenged and initiated him into manhood. "If you don't initiate your young men into the tribe, they will burn the village down." African Proverb Take the time to 1. model manhood and 2. initiate you sons in to the tribe of manhood. Finally love out Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Humility is not thinking or speaking of yourself, it is thinking or speaking of the team you lead first. Bragging, telling anyone how great you are is the opposite of humility. EX athletes or coaches that constantly tell their old stories of greatness aren't humble they just want someone to stroke their ego that’s not you humility. We we need more leaders with humility who are willing to elevate others about them selves. A man who thinks of himself first is not a man at all. He’s a boy in a mature males body. Manhood is a state of being and ideals to hold to, none of which include arrogance.

Excellence is your ability to do the average extraordinarily. As an oline coach I believed we must be excellent at the fundamentals. So I picked a few and we drilled them daily. Overtime we became an excellent oline. A great leader/coach demands excellence in the fundamentals/basics. Have a culture of excellence. Model excellence on your staff. A leader must be able to define what their team does better than anything else and build upon that. Usually when things aren't going well as a team is when you are not operating with in your defined team culture. Three things to build a great team: 1. Be able to define your team culture. 2. Know what you do with excellence. 3. Know your highly valued fundamentals. Give those you lead your absolute best, they deserve it.

This part 2 of 3 of a keynote speech I did last year at the Rewired Men's Retreat. menrewired.com Begin to Heal 1 Peter 2:24 “ He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.” Christ doesn't want to live in pain, anger, or regret. He wants us to forgive and heal. Wounds won't heal properly until you deal with it. Confront the Father Wound: Dad answered all of my “Why” questions. I’ll never forget the day my dad sat in my apartment in college and answered all of my questions the best he could. In that moment he welcomed me into manhood by treating me differently than when I was a kid. He modeled manhood by own his mistakes. I also had to ask for forgiveness for my anger I held towards him. It would have been easy for him to leave and say I don’t have to deal with this. He gave me the first steps in healing. My spiritual and emotional growth was stunted. I was a 14 year old kid inside. He treated me like a 22 year old man and he answered my questions. In that moment I was steadied and grounded and I said I can do “this” I can grow. Both the father and the son need to recognize the Father Wound and confront it. Fathers there is power in going to your son whom you have wounded and asking for forgiveness. Sons your father may not realize he hurt you. Take the initiative and confront the Father Wound or you will stuck living stuck in the past. Proverbs 17:6 “The GLORY of sons is their father”. GLORY means high, renown, magnificent, honor or to take great pride in. In some instances it means “weight” referring to a substance that brings strength, stature, and stability. Even though I felt wounded by my father's absence I still loved my father and longed for that weight, that strength and stability that only he could give. There is a core substance that a father deposits on a son’s heart that steadies him and roots him. Dr Robert Lewis. How are you being intentional as a father to deposit the right substance in your son’s heart so he won’t be blown around in culture so he will stand fast and hold firm as he develops as a man. As a father what am I imprinting onto my sons heart? The Gospel of Jesus or of culture. How am I steadying my sons? Am I their father imprinting what culture offers, which is empty and hollow, or what Christ offers which is healing Dennis Rainey Quote: "If a father doesn’t give his son a clear definition/vision for manhood, the world will!" Dennis Rainey. I did not know what it meant to be a Godly man. I hungered for it. It was though my soul was aching for something more, like something was missing. I needed a definition. I needed a vision for biblical manhood. That is where coaches, men from church, and team chaplains challenged and discipled me. I needed to be challenged and called into manhood by a company of Godly men. It is my responsibility to give my sons a vision for manhood, it is my role as their father to call them to a higher standard than what culture gives them. I must surround them and myself with other men on the same mission. Men who pursuing Biblical Manhood. Worldly manhood is all about the flesh, porn, power, “me” vs biblical manhood honor my wife, love my kids, show my sons and daughter how a man treats a lady. Proverbs 23:24-26 “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. 25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. 26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe/delight my ways.” I am asking my son to trust me with his heart. Pr 4:23. Give me your heart, trust me and I will guide you. I must impress upon his heart love of the Lord. The love of our Savior. Also I am asking him to observe or delight in my ways. Are my ways worthy of him observing. Do I want him to observe all that I do? I have to model manhood for him. Our Heavenly Father wants our heart, he wants us to delight in and observe His ways. Do you do that? Have I given Him my heart? Do I observe His ways through the Word? How am I going to raise my sons to be righteous? By living it out. Model it.

Commitment is your emotional and spiritual tie to something, someone, or a team. My greatest commitment to anyone here on this earth is to my wife. But what is above that is my commitment to God, my Lord and Savior. To lead a team requires your utmost commitment to the betterment of the team. A noncommittal leader is a false figure head. They are only pretending to lead. A coach must be committed to the job he has not always looking at whats available. Take care of your responsibilities as a leader well and new opportunities will come to you. An athlete only committed in-season will only be disappointed. An athlete committed to improving in the off-season will be a goal achiever. A great coach helps his athletes see why commitment is so important not just as an individual but also to the team. We need men committed to improving their marriage and their family. Pour yourselves out and into your kids. They should know by both word and deed that Dad loves and cares for me.

Mental Toughness is the ability to endure tough or difficult times. Mental toughness and physical toughness are tied together. Often times coaches equate the two. Mental toughness is not JUST lasting through a tough physical workout or practice but also keeping your mental focus and intensity. Is an athlete able to look past both successes and failures and capable of finishing a competition strong? A coach can build mental toughness by putting his team in tough situations and speaking life over them. Build belief in self. As a husband and father you must be mentally tough for your family when no one notices the little things you do, you are under-appreciated, society constantly makes you out to be the joke yet you push on anyway and lead your family. Your family depends on you. They need you to lead. Great leaders are mentally tough and they lead their team through the tough times towards their goals.

This part 1 of 3 of a keynote speech I did last year at the Rewired Men's Retreat. menrewired.com This is what I needed to hear 10 years ago. I talk about raising sons. Showing them adventure and teaching them that pain is ok and natural. I share about when I first became a father and I had no idea how to raise a man because I had no idea what "being a man" meant. When I was 14 my parents divorced and I went through went a lot of pain and how it set me back as a follower of Jesus. As a young husband and father, a group of men from my church invited me to a Men's Fraternity group. That's when I first learned about the Father Wound was and how to deal with it. The Father wound is an ongoing emotional, social, or spiritual deficit that is caused by the lack of a healthy relationship with Dad and now must be overcome by other means. It was like being torn apart inside, hating my Dad at one moment and loving him another. I did not know what to do with the emotions I felt. But I had to chose to forgive. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” I was showing him no grace and holding onto all of my pain. To begin to heal I had to ask for forgiveness for all the anger and rage I held against him. To begin to heal I had to forgive myself.

Unselfishness is the ability or mindset to not think of yourself first. The ability to think of the group above yourself. The most unselfish group on a football team is the offensive line. They work on their craft only to improve the team and bring notoriety to everyone else. If they block better then the RB, QB, and WR look better. The offensive line usually gets noticed when they don't do their job. Great coaches and leaders are unselfish. They think of those they lead first. If you are a husband or father and you wish to lead biblically then you must be unselfish. You must think of your marriage and family above yourself. Thinking of yourself first in any leadership role will only lead to pain and failure. Be that a team your coaching or a group you lead at work or your family. It's not about how great your leadership is, its about how you work to improve and help the group succeed. We need more unselfish leaders.

Patience is the ability to wait through adversity to achieve your goals. I once interviewed 5 times before getting my first head coaching job. Patience on a football team is important. It is important between the offensive line and the running back on a run play, the wide receiver and the quarterback on a pass play, the defensive line and the linebackers on a blitz. A father must be patient enough to allow his kids to fail. A spouse sometimes must wait for God to work. God had to work on my heart towards being a foster and adoptive parent while my wife prayed and was patient. I am so glad she was patient.

Honesty is the ability to live out the truth or the ability to speak the truth. I asked my daughter what honesty was and she said "the truth", I then asked her whats the truth "not a lie". We went around in a circle in an attempt to define honesty. A classic line that is used in my house is "WHO DID THIS!" which is usually followed by "not me". Round and round we go again. The most difficult person to be honest with is yourself. As a member of a team am I giving my best effort? Do I really believe we can win the game? Teammates must be honest with each other to build belief in each other.

Work Ethic is your ability to work hard in all situations in all you do. In this episode I tell a couple of stories from when I was playing college football at OU. One is a story of terrible work ethic and how it cost the team and the other is a story of great work ethic. When I was coaching too many times I would spend a large amount of time focusing on players with potential who lacked good work ethic and not enough time praising the players who gave me all they had. Going hard when the lights are on doesn't make you special. Going hard every chance you get to compete makes someone special. Everyday is a chance to compete with who you were yesterday. A team full of hard workers, young athletes with great work ethic, will beat a team with superior talent every time. In college if you didn’t work hard there was always someone un next ready to go. Ready to take your spot. As a coach or leader do you live out what a good work ethic looks like? Remember hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen. Faith is tied to trust, as a coach if I can't trust you or have faith in you then I can't play you. How does a coach build faith in his team. As a father my kids deserve my best, they have faith in me. Do I deserve that faith?