Mindset Academy

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m planning the wedding of my dreams with the man of my dreams.  Our visions are very different. I want a big wedding and he wants a small one. It’s CHAOS. What should we do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Vivienne on how to compromise when it comes to Wedding Planning.  Key Takeaways: [0:48] First of all lose the word “Chaos.” If that’s how you’re describing it, then guess what it’s going to be? Chaotic. You are creating a new family with the man of your dreams, look at it as a beautiful opportunity to find a way to find a common ground.  [1:35] Use this as a chance to talk things out. Getting through this ‘Chaotic’ time can set you up powerfully for the rest of your lives.  [3:15] Shift your chaos into opportunity, into loving and growing and learning.  Learn new things about your partner. Have compassion for yourself and your partner so you can learn to navigate things now and have the tools when other issues come up later.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I keep taking everything that everyone around me is saying personally. What in the world do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Deborah on how she can stop taking everything personally.    Key Takeaways: [1:07] Often when people take things personally they take things that are neutral and add so much meaning to it and make it all about themselves. Whatever it is that you are feeling if it's ‘not worthy’ or ‘not enough’--then that’s what you are going to hear in whatever anyone else says to you.  [2:15] People’s opinions can reflect judgments we have placed on ourselves. Read the “Four Agreements” “Your Opinion of Me is None of My Business,” and really start to put these new tools into effect.  [3:45] Practice Compassionate Self-Forgiveness. We are so quick to forgive others and we often have trouble forgiving ourselves.  Forgive yourself for judging yourself and for taking other’s judgments personally.  You are doing your very best and you should give yourself credit for embarking on this personal development journey.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “Can I Venmo the guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months a few bucks while he is on vacation, to buy himself a drink, to show him that I’m thinking of him...or is that really creepy?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jill on if she should surprise her new beau? Key Takeaways: [1:00] Nice is what causes people to feel important, connected and valued. Go ahead and do it! -Monika [2:07] The reason you got the idea to do this, is probably because you would love it if someone did that for you. It’s probably your love language. If your heart tells you that you are just being nice, then go with your gut and trust your instincts! [3:00] If it isn’t received well, then maybe it’s a sign that he just isn’t a good fit for you or maybe you just need to figure out what his love language is.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend who I have known since middle school. I always thought he was the one, but I am developing feelings for someone new. What should I do?” In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Jenny on what to do about her Long Distance Relationship and newfound feelings for another guy.  Key Takeaways: [1:00] Sounds like you are being very smart about assessing the situation.  We are attracted to qualities within people and it makes sense that you might be attracted to different things.  [2:15] Your 20’s are a time to develop your values, and take time to explore what you want and what you need out of a relationship. So do just that!  [3:00] The outerwork is to have conversations with your boyfriend and potentially this new guy to really be honest in every area of your life.  Evaluate what lesson you may be able to learn from this. When you take that perspective it can really shift your mindset to see the gift and the silver lining in what is happening in your life.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My new girlfriend and I have been together for a few months. She’s already talking marriage and kids and I want more time to focus on my career before settling down. We have reached an impasse. She asked if I would be interested in an open relationship. I said yes and now she’s sad. What do I do?”  In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Freddy on his relationship issue.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Timeline is such a personal thing. I would never want to be influenced by someone else’s timeline. They are allowed to have their own views but they shouldn’t push their agenda on you.  [2:00] Relationships are all about choice. If you aren’t choosing powerfully and just trying to please your partner then it could lead to resentment down the road. [3:15] Figure out if your hearts and desires are in alignment. Have a conversation and try to find a middle ground--or decide to end the relationship for now. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I was having lunch the other day with a potential employer and my Boyfriend saw me, thought I was cheating, and blocked me on all social media and text messaging.” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Margo on what to do about her suspicious boyfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Consider the inner work.  Ask yourself, “Why am I attracting a person who responds in this way?” and what is the inner work you need to do to heal this. [2:15] The outer work is to connect with your Boyfriend. Ask him questions like “What made you assume I was cheating on you?” Uncover issues in the past that may have contributed to this. [3:15] What is this situation trying to teach you?  Outer realities are reflections of our inner experiences. So see if this situation is reflecting something within yourself that you need to come to terms with.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I just reconnected with my ex-girlfriend and we decided to be friends again. I still have feelings for her but I don’t want to ruin the new friendship. What should I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Greg about how to navigate his new friendship with his ex-girlfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Let your friendship strengthen before sharing your thoughts and feelings.  [1:30] There may be inner work you need to do to complete the old relationship. Forgive yourself, love yourself and come to terms with things from the past and see how the friendship grows and evolves naturally.  [3:30] Why did the relationship end in the first place?  It will be helpful to review this in a loving neutral way together. When you clean up the past and close one chapter, you allow for a whole new chapter to open.  [4:15] Get clear on what’s in your heart. Get comfortable in the friend one and see where things go.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My boyfriend has a new habit of talking dirty in bed. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. Thoughts?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Shelley on what to do about her boyfriend’s new habit in the bedroom. Key Takeaways: [0:30] Try reading some books about dirty talk.  Explore from a safe and logical perspective [1:30] Take some time to discover what exactly is making you uncomfortable in the first place.  [1:45] Have a conversation from a place of love where you discuss how you would prefer to be talked to in bed. [2:10] Do your research, take some time to discover the source of upset, and come to new agreements with your partner.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend is still wearing her old wedding ring. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Elijah on what to do about his girlfriend wearing a wedding ring from her past. Key Takeaways: [1:00] In the physical sense, it’s just a ring.  We can attach whatever significance we want to it.  You can make it to mean that she still loves him. Or she loves big diamonds.  You are the one who attaches the meaning. [1:30] You can pay attention to how she is responding to your discomfort.  It would be loving if she acknowledged the fact it was upsetting you and in a loving relationship it always helps to talk things out and get to the bottom of why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  [4:00] Ask yourself, why is this upsetting and triggering me?  Then have a conversation that allows the two of you to come to some new agreements that put both of you at ease. [3:10] Practice having a loving conversation where you are sharing feelings and having them heard and acknowledged.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend wants all my social media passwords, do I give them to her?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Marvin on whether or not to share his passwords with his Girlfriend.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] Why don’t you want to share them? Do you have something to hide? If you are in a loving relationship you shouldn’t have anything to hide.  You may wish to have a conversation with yourself and figure out why you are hiding something from your girlfriend in the first place. [1:20] Why is she asking you? If it’s because she is fear based and doesn’t trust you, then that isn’t good. You are allowed to have your own life.  The other person doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING about you.  [2:10] Don’t lose your autonomy and individuality. Every relationship is made of YOU, THEM and the RELATIONSHIP. You are still you no matter what and if you do lose yourself in the relationship, it will become very hard for you to show up as yourself.  [3:40] Is her request coming from a loving place or is it revealing bigger issues within the relationship? This is a beautiful opportunity for an open and loving conversation.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Wife is 7 months pregnant and doesn’t want to have any sexual activity with me.  What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Steve on how to deal with his sexual urges during his wive's pregnancy.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] As a pregnant woman, there are times when you will be really horny and times where you don’t want them to get near you! So be patient. Don’t pressure or force anything.  [1:00] Be complimentary, loving and just know that each month the hormones shift, so you never know when the hormones may shift in your favor! [2:50] This time is about her and not you.  Connect on an emotional and intimate level with your wife and find ways to be intimate through your communication. Try taking care of you while she takes take of her. [4:10] There will be times in you relationship where there are ups and downs, not just in the bedroom but in all areas of life. Put love into it, honor it, accept it.  Find temporary solutions and do whatever you can to work through it together in a loving way. [4:30] Don’t take anything personally!

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’ve been single for 5 years and I’m ready to find the one.  How do I go about doing that?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Rachel on how to get ready to put herself out there and find “The One.” Key Takeaways: [0:30] Make a list of everything that you want in a partner. What are you really looking for? What do you want to attract?  What does an ideal relationship look like for you?  Get SUPER clear on this. Make a list of all the qualities you want them to have.  [1:30] Start at the surface level, and then go deeper.  The deeper you go into this assignment will be the degree to which you attract what you are looking for, because you will be super CLEAR on what you want. [2:00] Are you being the person who will attract the person you’d like?  Do you smoke and would like to quit? Do you work too much? Are you living a healthy life?  If you become the person you want to be, you will be healthier, happier and therefore more likely to attract an ideal partner into your life.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Fiance and I were talking about our Wedding and our Honeymoon and we can’t figure out where to go. What do we do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Wesley on how to navigate their disagreement about their honeymoon destination. Key Takeaways: [1:30] Acknowledge the other person for their wonderful opinion. If you are going back and forth, it can create a big conflict, so it’s really important to talk about the parameters of what you are deciding.  [2:30] Each person should share everything they are thinking and why they are thinking that and make sure you are validating the other person.  In each person’s mind their own opinion will make perfect sense to them, so it will be helpful to hear exactly why they are thinking what they are thinking. [3:00] The opportunity to consider new things and be flexible is SO important in a relationship and especially a marriage. [3:10] Figure out how important it is to your partner and if it’s a 10 to them and an 8 to you, maybe let them their way this time.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m newly married with a child from my previous marriage. I don’t love the way my new wife parents my child. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer Teddy on how to navigate his new marriage and parental duties at the same time.  Key Takeaways: [0:20] Get really clear on the rules and regulations that you have around your child and your parenting style. Be careful not to crush her involvement. You want her to feel included, it might be tough if it’s her first time being a parent so try to have love and compassion for her. [1:30] Ease her into the conversations. Recognize what she is doing right and tell her so! Try showing her how you like things done with your child rather than just telling her how she needs to do things differently.  [2:00] When you enter a marriage. There are so many new things that you need to make new agreements around. You want it to be a loving environment for the child. Try to bring loving, compassionate communication to this relationship.  Be open and understanding and maybe she can share a few new things with you as well.  [3:10] Look at it as a beautiful opportunity to create the new rules and ways to live together, in a way that works for everybody.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “How do I tell my partner I have an STI?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise their viewer on how to tell their partner that they have an STI. Key Takeaways: [1:10] Take out the stigma. This is something from the past that you need to bring up and you just have to find the appropriate time and own up to the responsibility of telling your partner.   [1:45] It’s about shame.  Figure out where the shame is coming from inside. Once you are able to move past the shame and once you have healed that part of you, there will be no fear and shame in talking about it anymore. [3:30] To deal with shame you have to practice A LOT of self forgiveness. Come to terms with the negative voice in your head and figure out solutions and find the opportunity in it.  [4:15] Practice Compassionate Self forgiveness. Tell yourself “I was just doing the best that I could, I’m only human,” and learn to truly forgive yourself.  Once you come to terms with it, you will more longer feel the stigma and judgment towards yourself.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m a stay at home mom, and up until recently my husband worked all day long and we had a great relationship. Now he has a new job and he’s working from home. And we’re getting into way more arguments. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Becky on how to navigate being home together all day. Key Takeaways: [1:00] Have a conversation with your husband. Communicate how you are feeling. Bring it to the surface and work through it together as a team.  [1:45] Don’t spend every waking hour together. Create a routine and schedule that works for you. If you are comfortable with it, have him find an alternate space to work from home for a couple days a week.  [2:15] It’s all about communication.  Tell him how you would like it to be, ask him how he would like it to be,  and create new agreements. Make sure that you are not saying Yes just to appease, because that can cause resentment later.  [2:45] Do something spontaneous that maybe you didn’t have the chance to do together before. [3:00] Look at it as an opportunity rather than a problem! How can you turn this into a win for you?

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I love watching Netflix with my Girlfriend, but she keeps falling asleep and getting mad at me for getting ahead in the show. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Bob on how to navigate an issue around Netflix and his girlfriend. Key Takeaways: [0:40] This happens to us too and it can be really frustrating!  [1:24] You should have the freedom to watch what you want when you want, but also maybe there are certain shows you don’t like as much that you can put off watching so that you can watch with your girlfriend as well.  [2:15 ] The key is to talk to your partner about what is important to you and validate them. Let them know how much you appreciate that they want to spend time with you watching Netflix. Also let them know what your needs are and maybe you can compromise.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I have some difficult things that I want to share with my partner, but when we have difficult conversations it never seems to go well. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Jermone on how to have difficult conversations with his partner. Key Takeaways: [0:20] First off try not to label things as “Difficult”.  Once you label it that way, it will not go well. They will either defend or attack and it will not be a constructive conversation.   [0:55] The most effective conversations come from being vulnerable and transparent. No matter what you are talking about whether it be money or sex or family...it doesnt have to be “difficult”...these talks could be easy, light and fun, who knows!   [2:00 ] When you place a judgment, all of a sudden:  assumptions happen, you take things personally, you try to get to the bottom of things, you blame and shame.  We recommend you practice compassionate self-forgiveness. Before you even have the conversation,  go inside yourself and forgive yourself for the judgments you are placing.  Forgive yourself for judging them or yourself.  When you do this, you enter the conversation a little more open minded and will hopefully make the conversation go smoother.  [3:40] Forgiving yourself will let you get to the truth inside. As you say these things, you may realize you are doing the best you can.  If you come into the conversation bringing potential solutions, it can be light, you can brainstorm together, instead of the heaviness of “You’re wrong and I’m right.” Look at things in a new way and look at it as a co-creative expression where you can find compromise and solutions together.  [4:43] Be transparent. Be honest about all of the fears and judgments you are having about the conversation. The more honest and vulnerable you are with your partner, the more loving they will be, because they just want you to feel better--and it will invite them to open up and be vulnerable as well.   

In today's Episode we answer one of our very own questions! “My teenager is constantly on the internet, how can I get him to give social media a break?” In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise themselves on how to navigate their teen's obsession with Social Media! Key Takeaways: [0:20] Try to find things that you can bond over.  Get them out of the house, and try and do something interesting together that can be a bonding experience as well as giving them a break from their screens. [1:15] It is a tricky one, because our kids are online chatting with their friends, so it’s a weird mix of being social and antisocial at the same time. “Socially Alone” is a thing. It’s hard because we as parents are also on our phones so it can feel hypocritical to tell them to get off their devices. [2:25 ] Clear communication and agreements are key. It’s all about meeting in the middle. You can come to them and say “This is what we want, and this what we suggest” and they might very well counter something completely different and opposite of that, so ultimately it’s about working together to find a middle ground that works for all parties involved.  [3:00] Teenagers are often exploring new things and finding where their interests lie, so give them a break and let them spend time online as long you can put boundaries in place about internet safety and screen time allotment.  

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend constantly complains about her body and doesn’t do anything about it. What should I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Shane on what to do to stop his frustration, help his girlfriend and be a supportive partner.  Key Takeaways: [0:25] Consider that there may be pain underneath what she is saying. Try being patient, compassionate and understanding.  Women are VERY harsh on themselves.  It really can help if a partner practices kindness.  [1:35] A tool that can help those who are judging themselves is this:  First identify what specifically am I judging about myself? Don’t hide from it, dive into it!  By doing that, you can peel the layers away, like an onion and see what is at the core of your judgments. Am I feeling inadequate, scared, overwhelmed?  [2:20 ] Practice compassionate self forgiveness. While we often apologize to others that we may have hurt...we often forget to say sorry to ourselves. Take a moment to apologize to yourself for your judgments. Accept yourself. Give yourself a big hug and say “I’m Sorry.”  Ask yourself, is this really the truth? Or is it just a story that you have created in your head? [3:00] Outer perspective is a reflection of inner reality.  1. Just love your girlfriend.  Do your best. Be nice. 2. Look inside yourself.  What are things that you’re not happy with about yourself and your life?  Is there something you want to change and maybe  aren't doing anything about, that could be causing your frustration? Any time we get upset it’s a get opportunity to look deeper inside.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “Easter is a big Holiday for my family, we all get together and celebrate. My partner does the same thing with his family. How do we choose where to go on Easter morning?” In this Episode, Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Liza on how to decide where to spend the Holidays with her family or her boyfriend’s.  Key Takeaways: [0:25] Most couples have a trade on-and trade off system. You can do Easter morning with one family and Easter afternoon with another.  However if there is travel involved then you can attend one family’s one year and the other family’s the next year.  [0:46] It’s a big opportunity for communication!  Each partner can state what they want. Which partner’s family is the holiday most important to? Who will be the most offended if you don’t attend their gathering? This is a great opportunity for you as a couple to deal with family and compromise, which are two huge hurdles that you get to overcome together! [1:55 ] In The Four Agreements, it talks about “Not taking things personally and not making assumptions”  Instead of making an assumption, try calling the family members involved, let them know about the conflict and see if it would be okay if you were a few hours late to the gathering or what concession you could make in order to please all parties.  

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Boyfriend is always trying to fix all my problems and I don’t want him to. What do I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Heather on her frustration with her boyfriend who is always trying to “Fix” her. Key Takeaways: [0:30] Is there a way that you can hear that everytime he gives you advice that all he is trying to do is love you?  Try to imagine that every time he tries to help or fix you that he is saying “I love you!”  [1:32] If you are sensitive to criticism and take it personally every time someone tries to help or ‘fix’ you, it’s likely that when you were growing up you were used to hearing a similar voice from your parents or loved ones. They may have always been trying to tell you how to live your life or control you. So pay attention to the fact that you are listening from a certain lens, and try to realize that all he is trying to do is love you.  [2:20 ] Let him know how you are feeling. Tell him that when he is always trying to fix things for you that you appreciate it, but that it’s not what you’re asking for.  Then go ahead and let him know what it is you are asking for.  It’s likely that you just want to be heard, understood or comforted--so try to explain this to him.  [3:25] It’s also important to look at assumptions. We don’t want to make assumptions that people are broken.  Just because someone presented you with a problem they are having, doesn't mean they want help fixing it.  They may just want to be heard and feel understood. Take it as a compliment that they thought you were a safe space to share this and try to respond as a mirror and with empathy.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “My Girlfriend and I just moved in together. I am a night owl and she is an early bird and  it’s just not working. Help!” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Brian on what to do about him and his girlfriend’s differing morning and nightly routines.  Spoiler Alert: DO NOT try to change the other person’s schedule.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] At the very beginning of our relationship, we went through the same thing as well! Monika is an early riser and Jan is a night owl. So at the beginning Monika would try to MAKE him into an early riser or shame him for being a night owl.  This will not work! [1:02] Forcing someone to be someone they are not in a relationship simply does not work at all and will only end up putting a strain on the relationship.  [1:30 ] Ask yourself, where am I putting my energy and focus? Why am I choosing to let this upset me? And Start to look for the things that make your differences beneficial.  Does waking up early allow her to get more things done in the day so that she is more present and available later in the day with you? Whatever it is, try to find the silver lining. [1:45] I don’t like using the labels Night Owl and Early Bird. Labels are like tattoos, they are permanent. If you come into a relationship saying “I am this way and I will never change and she is that way and she will never change”  This doesn’t allow the relationship for growth. [2:30] Look at the situation and ask yourself what can we do to find harmony in our relationship?  You can have a clarifying conversation and both of you can share what you would like to have happen and what you can do differently so make the relationship work. Can she go to bed a little later, can you wake up a little earlier? It’s all about compromise! 

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “I’m in a relationship with my dream guy in Los Angeles but I just got a  dream job offer in New York. He doesn’t want to go. What should I do?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise viewer Julie on how to choose between her dream guy or dream job. Key Takeaways: [0:10] Monika thinks Julie should stay with the dream guy. To her a dream job comes and goes, our skills and interests shift and change, but true love lasts. So if you think you found the one, stay for it and go all in! [1:04] If he really is your DREAM guy, maybe there are some more conversations you can have about New York in the future and who knows maybe he will change his mind after all! [1:30 ] If you do choose the dream guy and turn down your dream job, you could be opening yourself up for resentment later.  You don’t want to be kicking yourself down the line and end up blaming him because you wish you had taken that dream opportunity but you stayed in LA just for him. Make sure you choose powerfully. [1:45] Own your decision either way. Follow your heart and do what feels right to you.  [1:55] A lot of times these scenarios come into our life as a “test”, this could be a test to see how serious you are about this relationship and about this guy. What would the dream job say about you being bi-coastal, maybe you could work something out so you could find the best of both worlds.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: “As a couple who has been together 10+ years, how do you navigate arguments?” In this Episode,  Relationship Experts Jan and Monika advise our viewers on how they themselves navigate arguments with some real life examples! Key Takeaways: [1:00] One of the best things to do is to acknowledge and have awareness that you are in a disagreement. So many of our arguments are just us trying to get our partner to see our point of view and be heard and validated.  [1:40] STOP. Acknowledge that you are in a disagreement by stating it out loud and try your best to resolve it so you can go back to discussing whatever it was before the disagreement disrupted you.  [2:00 ] Take inventory of where you are right now,  if you can, try to jump into their space and see their point of view as well. It can be helpful to take a step back, be the bigger person and see where they are coming from.  [3:00] Stop the argument and hear your partner out. Reflect back to your partner, their thoughts and feelings.  When you reflect back it allows them to breathe and they are able to move easier through their emotional upset.  [4:00] The ability to pause, will allow you to each share your thoughts and feelings, reflect them back to each other and find the space to take the next steps towards resolving it.  [5:20] Know that you both have a desire to work it out. You both want to win, but you both want the other person to win as well. Being in a loving relationship means you always want the other person to win.  If you are in alignment it's more likely that you will be able to create the outcome you want in love and life.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: "I participated in a threesome with my boyfriend. When I woke up they were continuing last night’s activities.  What do I do?” In this Episode, Relationship experts, Jan and Monika advise our viewer Missy on a dilemma regarding a threesome gone wrong and boundaries within the relationship.  Key Takeaways: [0:30] When you enter into a Threesome, all of a sudden the boundaries are different  than a twosome...the monogamy, the commitment and the structure of the relationship changes.  [0:40] Talk to you boyfriend, is he fulfilled in the relationship? Was a threesome just an excuse for wanting to be with another woman? Does he want an open relationship?  Then you can make a powerful choice inside yourself, what are you values and will you stand for. Clear communication is everything.  [1:30 ] Anything in relationships can be navigated as long as you communicate clearly.  When you open up the door to the extra person in your bed, you open the door to a lot of other potential problems. Since you probably didn’t make an agreement beforehand about whether activities could be continued in the morning--it may have just been a miscommunication. This all can be solved with a clarifying communication where you state where you stand on things and listen to their side as well.  [3:10] Make sure to take care of yourself, love yourself and forgive yourself for any of the choices you have made. Don’t beat yourself up over it.  These are all learning experiences.

Have you ever had feelings of unworthiness? Has it ever held you back on some aspects of your life like your job and your relationships with other people? On this episode of Shift Your Perspective, Life Coaches Jan and Monika help Matt get through his feelings of unworthiness, and help him realize his worth by identifying situations when he hears the voice that's telling him he is not enough. Jump into this beautiful podcast as we dive into Matt's childhood where he first encountered feelings of unworthiness from none other than his mother. Listen as to how Jan and Monika shift Matt's perspective on his coping mechanisms and help him discover how strong and valuable he is from within through compassionate self-forgiveness. By shifting his perspective, Matt can now go through his life with positive thoughts and self-affirmation.

Is it possible for you to improve the quality of your work and life by changing the way you see past experiences? On this episode of Shift Your Perspective, Jan and Monika help a hardworking businesswoman, Jenny, identify the thoughts and limiting beliefs that have been getting in her way of a promotion or increased income. Listen as to how the conversation digs deep into Jenny's childhood and how it has affected her way of thinking. By helping Jenny shift her perspective, she realizes that everything that happens in your life does not have to define the way you are for the rest of your life. And by shifting your perspective, it can make all the difference.

In this Episode of Shift Your Perspective, Jessi tries to find a way to co-parent with her Ex in a loving way...even though she still feels so much hurt and anger towards him from their past relationship. 

The intention of this meditation is to acknowledge that you are lovable and that life loves you. Open your eyes and your heart to see all the ways that life is loving you, keeping you safe, supporting your growth, and guiding your journey.  

The intention of this meditation is to bring a new access point to what is possible for you, by having an expanded perspective, and to recognize where you may have a limiting belief. To do this, I welcome you to shift your view of the world into “I Can”.

The intention of this meditation is to arrive into a higher ground, to elevate your consciousness into a state of knowing, into a state of calm, into a state of tranquility and into a state of presence. What does it take to leave behind everything in your life to simply be exactly where you are right now.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: "My Girlfriend and I just broke up. I don’t believe the relationship is really over, but I’m not sure. Help!" Monika and Jan Zands bring their Relationship expertise and degrees in Spiritual psychology to answer viewers' pressing relationship questions!   In this Episode, Jan and Monika advise our viewer Steve on what to do when you’ve just broken up, but you’re not quite ready to say goodbye to the relationship.  Key Takeaways: [1:34] A lot of times, during breakups, people need to truly be apart and mourn everything about it, for them to really learn, grow and develop whatever it takes to finally make it work (if and) when they get back together with their partner.   [2:00] I have a philosophy that ALL relationships can work. From the BEST, to the WORST, they can all work. If you choose to WORK the relationship, the relationship overtime will work.   [3:00 ] If you do decide to leave the relationship, make sure to learn, grow, cultivate yourself, travel and then when you come back together again you will have so much more to bring to the table. [4:00] Breakups can be hard and emotional so make sure you have a lot of compassion for yourself at this time. Whether the relationship is over for good--or not, it's vital that you continue to grow, expand and do the things that are going to help you live the life you want to live whether they are in your life or not.

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: "Is it okay for my boyfriend to be best friends with his Ex Girlfriend?" Monika and Jan Zands bring their Relationship expertise and degrees in Spiritual psychology to answer viewers' pressing relationship questions!   In this Episode, Jan and Monika advise Cassie on her unease with her boyfriend's close friendship with his Ex-Girlfriend and answer the age old question: Can Exes ever be friends? Key Takeaways: [0:23] Often in relationships what makes someone jealous is the possibility of their partner being emotionally involved with someone else, so it is very tricky! [0:50] is it possible? Yes. If you are super evolved, confident, and a great communicator, open and authentic. It is ALSO a potential Pandora's box. [1:25] In relationships we need friends to talk and vent to, it can become sticky if that person you are venting to, is your Ex. [1:50] If you think you can handle it, you may need checkpoints boundaries and parameters that allow you to speak your mind in case anything comes up that makes you uncomfortable, and you can then re-evaluate.  [2:00] When Harry Met Sally -- The whole premise of the movie is that Men and Women can't be friends! [2:15] It is possible, if you communicate well about it. Go into it with eyes wide open if this is what you have decided. [2:27] You can't provide all your significant other's needs, they will need friends and to have other platonic friends outside the relationship.  [3:22] Relationships work, because people choose to make their relationships work. If this is important to him, listen to your heart, communicate clearly, make compromises and find the common ground that works for both of you.  

In today's Episode we answer one of our viewer's questions: "My boyfriend just proposed, which is great. However we've been having some problems...I think he may have proposed to fix those problems. What now?" Monika and Jan Zands bring their Relationship expertise and degrees in Spiritual psychology to answer viewers' pressing relationship questions!   In this Episode, Jan and Monika advise Louise on her fiancé's proposal, what to do if you don't feel ready and how to repair communication in your relationship. Key Takeaways: [0:40] Weddings often bring forward issues that need to be addressed. [1:00] What is the trigger underneath? What is causing my upset and/or my partner's upset? [1:44] Getting married is not the solution if you have deeper unsolved issues. [2:40] Share your concerns with your Partner, don't be afraid to be honest! [3:10] Why do you feel like you're not seeing eye to eye? [4:22] Before going into a serious conversation, make sure they feel loved, celebrated and received FIRST and then explain what you are feeling. [4:50] Address the thing thats creating upset, And you will be able to move forward with more LOVE into your future together.  

John Welwood developed a concept called Spiritual Bypass, it is defined as a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” Some features can be: exaggerated numbing from things, repression, overemphasis on the positive, anger phobia, overly tolerant compassion, poor boundaries, debilitating judgment of one’s own negative sides, and delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being. In previous sessions, there has been an exploration between a Fixed and an Open Mindset, and how having an open mindset can help you try different tools and perspectives to approach daily situations in a variety of ways. People often tend to escape from feeling how they feel, minimizing and over-rationalizing situations. If you don’t process the anger or frustration about your current situation, it would be very hard to attract a different outcome. Whatever your process is, it is your process; you have to walk through it and see what it is that you need afterwards. You thought until now that there was a reason to be afraid of negativity, but you can switch your mindset and every time you hear yourself saying “should,” take it as a sign to take a deeper look into yourself. You don’t have to pour your frustration on others, you get your chance to yell, scream, kick and experience your frustration but not pass that to others. Get the feelings that are bothering you out and feel the relief afterwards. Give yourself permission not to be perfect, not to be happy all the time; feel your feelings; walk the process. Release your spiritual bypass!   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: - Have you ever experience spiritual bypass?   Key Insights and Ahas: - In order to experience great love you also have to be able to feel great sadness and rage. - A good sign is when you hear in your head the word “should,” “should” only exists in logic but emotionally it is not that way. - Feelings want to be felt, not denied.   Action Steps: 1. What are you frustrated about? Share all the experience (write it, speak it). 2. Find a couple of things that you can acknowledge — what have you done right? 3. Share with someone that will cheer for you until you can cheer for yourself. 4. Set an intention. 5. Fill the empty will love, fill the pain with love.

Monika and Jan Zands welcome you to Mindset Academy, a place to have a conversation, enhance your mindset, step into the essence of who you are in the world, and to prevent that the circumstances around you stop you in any way. The Four Agreements is a very powerful book, it helps us make agreements with the world around us. The agreements explored in earlier sessions were: First: Be impeccable with your word. Second: Don't take things personally. Third: Don't make assumptions about anything. Today´s session is about the fourth and last agreement: Always do your best. Sometimes the best version of ourselves is not what we expect to be. We have ideals about what “our best” should look like, but that changes every day, and our best today can simply be learning a lesson or recognizing a mistake. The previous three agreements will help us realize what our best is. Sometimes we tend to think that things are “not good enough yet” and this way we create an environment of never enough, separating ourselves from others and from the experience we want to feel. Bring to awareness what you have already achieved, attracting more of the positive you already have. Doing our best is taking what is our best out of unconscious and putting it into conscious, owning it and using it to pay it forward. Always doing your best is appreciating where you are in this moment. You are OK! Awareness is your access to you right now. You will always grow, you can't help it, it´s in human nature, but you are OK just as you are.   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: - What dictates if you are doing your best or not? What are you comparing yourself to? - What does it take to always do your best? - Where in your life are you currently doing your best?   Key Insights and Ahas: Expectation vs recognizing what is really your best. Always do your best is being nice and loving to yourself. Freedom comes when you are surrendering and accepting what is going on now. YOU ARE OK.   Action Steps: Begin to define what you have achieved until now. What is great now? Focus on what exists now, attracting achievement and arrivement. Receive and give away to others. Accept who you are now. Give access to a better version of yourself. Pay it forward.

Jan and Monika Zands open today’s session of Mindset Academy following the theme of this month, which is exploring the agreements set by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements. Today, the third agreement will be discussed which is “Don’t make assumptions.” But let’s start from the beginning: “What even is an assumption?” It is information we use to fill a gap. We are trained to do this and we often believe that the assumptions we made on the missing information are the reality. When we receive feedback from others, we can also assume it is our reality, but what others see really belongs to their own belief system and experiences. We have to question our perspectives and realities in order to recognize the assumptions that we are making. There is a set of action steps: 1. Become aware, 2. learn how to make fewer assumptions, and 3. realize where are those assumptions are coming from. Assumptions can get us into trouble, but we can make agreements with others, explaining what we mean, clarifying our intentions, and listening to other´s intentions as well. We often make assumptions: - That people understand what we want and how we feel, - About what we believe is possible, - About what we can and can’t do. On one side there is what really happened, and then an interpretation of what happened. The way to resolve is to ask questions and to clarify. Forgive yourself for judging yourself, and move forward trying to become aware of the assumptions you have made about yourself and others. There will be times where we never know the truth, and we can fill those gaps with the information we choose, make an assumption where you are winning; you get to create your reality from a positive and loving perspective. See your greatness, be your greatness, and pay it forward!   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: - Become aware of assumptions and the cost they have in your life. - Realize when you and others make assumptions. - Where are the assumptions coming from? - How have assumptions been running your life?   Resources: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book), by Don Miguel Ruiz

Monika and Jan Zands welcome you to Mindset Academy, a space thought to help you have the best possible mind, soul, spirit, and body relationship in order to live the life of your dreams. This month, the book The Four Agreements is being discussed. Today, the second agreement is where the focus is: “Do Not Take Things Personally.” We usually take things personally because somewhat we think we are special and what’s happening around us is directly related to us. We carry this “backpack” of beliefs and thoughts that we assumed belong to us. Jan divides this concept in two: Taking personally what people do or taking personally what people say. We usually make assumptions, giving reasons why people are saying or doing what they do and how that has to do with us personally. How can we change this? We can create alternate perspectives, we can dive into why we felt touched and affected by this situation by discovering our own view about ourselves. You know that you are taking things personally when there is a discomfort involved. Reflect into what hurts to find out what are your beliefs about yourself that are rising. Ask yourself: What if I am not the way I show myself to be? If you can really see what you are hiding from yourself, then you can really be free and stop taking things personally. See your greatness, be your greatness, and pay it forward!   Consider/Ask Yourself: Practice: Think about one time you have taken things personally and that created upset — where the hurt comes from; how that talks about you and what you think about yourself.   Resources: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book), by Don Miguel Ruiz

Mindset Academy is led by Monika and Jan Zands. This month we will dive into how do you limit your life in a way that does not allow you to become fully who you really are? There are several books that are basic for personal development, one of them is The Four Agreements, written by Don Miguel Ruiz. Jan set examples when we label ourselves as “liars.” Yes, that is a big word, but many times we promise to ourselves we are going to do something and we fail to do it. We are also  “thieves” stealing time from others when not showing up on time, we are “murderers” when killing other people’s dreams. Strong, isn’t it?  The Four Agreements book brings us the First Agreement which is: “Be Impeccable with your word.” When you fail to be impeccable with your word, the biggest injury is not upon others but upon yourself. When you make a promise you first make it with yourself and by breaking it, you are affecting you first and then others.  Impeccable means without sin. What makes us unique as human beings is language. When you use your language to hurt, then you are sinning. We need to take responsibility of our words and manage how what we say has to do with ourselves more than with others. The emotional baggage that we carry around makes us sick, physically sick, but is not our body but our emotions that we are carrying unsolved. Awareness and Repetition of our behaviors and words is needed. Sometimes “Upset” is the way of realizing that we have not being impeccable with our words. Follow this process of healing when you have the access that upset is showing: Think in a time when you were not impeccable with your word. You labeled yourself after that situation, you carry the memory of that moment, blaming and judging yourself. Free yourself by practicing forgiveness. Forgive yourself for judging yourself. What is the truth? Summarizing the work of today’s session: Elevate your impeccability by: Awareness. Matter shifts when it’s observed. If you find upset, that is an opportunity to heal. Ask yourself,  what is the emotion? Then track that emotion in time. (Find the pattern and heal them all by starting with one.) What happened? What was the judgment? Now, practice compassion and self forgiveness. Fill the space with LOVE, YOU ARE WORTHY!   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: How often are you practicing compassion and self-forgiveness? Practice: “I forgive myself for judging myself as…”   Key Insights and Ahas: Emotional Upsets are the access to a place inside that hurts. Awareness and repetition leads to shift and healing.

Monika and Jan welcome you to Mindset Academy! Today the session is all about “working,” starting with a guided visualization and then a discussion. Guided visualization is to go inside yourself, where all the answers are, find your inner voice, and trust the process. Follow Monika’s directions to this guided visualization. You will find your inner voices: the ones that judge you and are critical; the ones that are loving and supporting. You will  discover what makes you unique. Ask yourself: What do you want to accomplish? What is your goal? What would be the outcome of achieving this goal? What are three action steps that you could take towards achieving that goal? The critical voices in your head are the ones that STOP you, in many aspects of your life. The loving voices are the ones that INSPIRE and MOTIVATE you, this represents the connection to your authentic self. You are great and unique; discover your strength and potential to really unfold your “super-power,” and share it with the world.   Resources: Get the guided visualization at Monika Zands Facebook live.

Monika and Jan Zands lead Mindset Academy, a weekly meeting where you can raise your awareness, experience more joy, and spread more love on the planet. This episode was recorded on Mother’s Day; Monika talks about how every holiday is an opportunity to celebrate a spiritual cycle, the energy level in these special days allows to give back the love and share this energy with the ones you can reach. To express to people around us who they are, under our perspective, is a great gift that can change a life. It costs nothing and gives the greatest feeling of appreciation and acknowledgement. We often don’t know how other people see us, and hearing this is a transforming experience. Practice: Tell someone today how you see them; take this as a task to spread love. There is also a powerful way to do this to yourself; using affirmations and self-acknowledgement is a way to achieve this, celebrating where you are right now! Affirmations can be called different ways; the goal is to reach what you say to yourself on a daily basis, that calls you forward into being. We are all connected, we relate to others with what we bring with us… can we leave our “backpacks of bricks,” to connect with others and with our reality now? There is a lot of self-judgment and admission of guilt, this is something we pass along to others around us. To be here now is a series of un-doings, letting go of things, opening to receive things, and being willing to be aware. There is a difference between what you are and what you see you are; what you are is changing all the time, you experiencing the lesson, is what you are now. What we are is how we defined ourselves; we are not our past, our frustrations, or anything we are carrying around in our backpack. Design your own affirmation, the one that represents you and helps you transit difficult moments to go back to your true essence. Start by asking yourself, “How do I serve people the best?” From that place, design your affirmation, first, by serving you, and then bringing that out into others. Practice: Make a list of 25 “I am...” statements, after this statement is where you start to create. Choose three of each every day, and start to see which you resonate more with. Once you realize which represent you the most, write your affirmation, taking those under consideration. Love yourself, love the opportunity to learn, and know that you are doing the best that you can.   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: -        How many times have you taken others’ “Luggage of problems,” and made them your own? -        Have you ever wondered how to let go of your own “backpack of bricks”? -        What is your “backpack” made of? -        How do you develop willingness?   Key Insights and Ahas: -        Distinguishing between what I am and what I see I am.   Action Steps: Who am I? Who am I witnessing myself to be? The “I” that I define myself as, what lesson is it learning? What am I doing with the lesson? Create your own affirmation, “I am…” and create your reality, based in how you perceive yourself. This is the powerful way to be here now.   Resources: Check iTunes for Mindset Academy or Monika Zands to hear podcasts or try meditations.

Monika and Jan Zands lead you to a journey of self-help and awareness to set your mindset the right way, to get ready for what life will present to you. This month it is all about being here now, connected with the present situation. Moment by moment we have an opportunity to create a new reality. Ask yourself: Who am I right now and what does that “me” need? Create the experience of the presence for you now, by not being in the present moment but looking into the moments of presence. Anytime you declare that something is a certain way, you are creating in a fixed mindset. Leveling people, or even yourself, comes from a fixed mindset. Having a growth mindset creates a space to consider each moment an opportunity to make different choices. As a species, we have a mentality where we are constantly wanting to progress. We have this need of growing, but the upset comes when we look at the present, wishing that it was different. Where do we get the idea that the present’s supposed to be different than the way that it is? Culture, family, past experiences or even future projections, lead us to compare our “now,” to another situation that is perceived as a better or more desirable one. If you are present, then you are not imagining it could be better. We get to chose how we frame things. Usually the opportunity to reframe happens when we feel an upset. We can chose the words and how we want to define what we are experiencing. We can get to level ourselves everyday differently; this way we can create a different reality! Everything is changing all the time, and that includes you!   In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: Do I operate in my mind from a fixed mindset, or from a growth or flexible mindset? Can I be permanently gentle with myself? Where do I get the idea that the present’s supposed to be different than the way that it is? As a child, you were shown the world through someone else’s perspective, then you had to figure out what is your value, and what is important to you.   Key Insights and Ahas: You walk into Mindset Academy with one perspective, and you walk out with a new perspective that can create an entirely new reality. Step into the present moment, looking at what it’s giving to you. Practice reframing — ask yourself: Is there a gift in what has been presented to me? Create a reality around the new perspective. If it doesn’t serve you, you can change. You can’t just help but change!    Action Steps: Who has defined your reality? What do they sound like? How can you reframe yourself in order to create a completely new reality? Chose the work you want to do, and who will go with you along the journey.

Lesson of the episode: Choose your present!   Jan and Monika Zands introduce this month’s topic, which is: You are here now! That  brings the question of Who are you? Which “You” is the one here today? We usually get comfortable being whoever we have been being, and as everybody knows us, but we can get to create whoever we want to be every single time. What if everytime you start and do something you have the choice to decide who you want to be?             The main source of human suffering is wishing things were different than what they actually are. Right now there is nothing you can do to change it, you can either chose it or suffer.  But how can you chose it? Often the reality we get is not what we are expecting, the upset comes when we suppose our reality should be different.             Practice with Jan and Monika: Write down 10 things that you wish were different in your life. Pick the one that impacts you the most. Close your eyes and look at your life. Imagine the movie theater of your life. You are in the movie, your feelings, your circumstances. Now roll the movie back, and go to a time before you felt that way. How was your life then? Now imagine yourself before this upset existed, how do you feel? Now give yourself a little care to prepare yourself for what was going to happen, and play it forward and get back, but tapping into the love you have given to yourself. Create a new ending, chose a different end for the future, free yourself and perceive how do you feel when things turn out the exact way you wanted. Ask yourself: How did this transform you?   Be present, be first, and then invite the world to who you are. The expectations have been made up by us, but things are already the way they should be. Own your present! Choose it! This way we remove suffering and add love!   Key Insights and Ahas: Ask the Universe what you are looking for, so it can be provided to you. The biggest source of human suffering is wishing that something was different than the way that it is. Most of the time upsets are the results of misunderstandings.   Resources: MonikaZands.com

Monika and Jan Zands present today’s session at Mindset Academy. How you perceive your reality is creating it for you, your Mindset is everything! We usually make assumptions after others’ behaviors, that cause feelings and thoughts, and afterwards we make choices in response to those assumptions. Become aware of the distance between what really happened to the assumptions we made. Our way is not the only way! Probably people’s behavior do not match with our assumptions. Why don't you start with love? People usually show up the way we need them to appear, in order to learn something from them. People change because you change; it depends on how you present yourself that others will come at you. People change! We are continuously changing from a physical aspect to our perspective, the circumstances that we are in modify how we act. Monika’s signature phrase is: “See your greatness, be your greatness, and pay it forward.” Pay something forward from your life experiences and help others from what you learn. It might happen that what worked for your life can also work for the ones around you. Paying it forward its exponential — when you give to someone, that act reflects in every other person that connects to the person you helped. Sometimes you stop yourself in the middle, judging that you might not be good enough to give, or thinking you are giving too much. Giving and receiving go hand in hand, they are the same thing, you are giving what you have received, so there is no way you are just a “giver,” because you have to get first, in order to give. You can only pay it forward unconditionally, when you see and be your greatness. When you are trying to avoid being something that you are, you are not being great; be your authentic loving self! Be your truth!   In This Episode You Will Learn: Ask Yourself: Are you making assumptions? What defines your truth? Which path are you navigating? It is yours, or did you adopt somebody else’s path in order to make this other significant person happy? Maybe you feel you are giving too much and not receiving, but, ask yourself: Are you numb to receiving? Are you rejecting what is being giving to you?

Monika and Jan Zands invite you to explore different perspectives over the experiences you are living, through Mindset Academy. Sometimes you think you are not great yet. Feeling that you are almost there, but it feels like not enough. You are great! You don't need a reason to be great, the miracle of life is already stating that your essence is greatness. Undo whatever you believed you need to achieve in order to be great, since the fact that you exist on this planet is the proof of your greatness. Feeling great does not mean you are perfect, or that you don’t need to learn anything, but that you are already ready. In our world, we tend to think that we are either great or not great; realize that whether you have a good or a bad day you are still great, since your “not so good” days are necessary for you to become aware of what makes your “great days” what they are. Then “No Great” becomes a solution finder instead of a reason for procrastination. We exist in different realms: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, sometimes you can feel great in one realm and not the others but, you are great all the time. Let’s practice: When you are feeling you are not great you can explore why you are feeling that way, are you comparing/judging yourself? First have the awareness of these thoughts and then get back to the affirmation that you are already great! See your greatness, be your greatness and pay it forward.   In This Episode: Ask Yourself: What would happen in a world that everyone knows they are great and they help others feel that greatness in them too? Which is the best day of your week? The day when you feel you shine?    Key Insights and Ahas: Practice as a silent mantra “I am great… I am great… I am great… ”   Action steps: When you are not feeling great, stop and explore why. Become aware of the thought/criticism/comparison that is creating this feeling. What is the conversation in your brain that is creating it? Realize this is an irrational belief that has proven itself not to be true in the past. Go back to realizing that you are great!

Monika and Jan Zands talk about what is stopping us from meeting our greatness. There are many thoughts that are “slaving” us, they prevent us from being our greater selves. We are slaves of our own ideas, when something goes wrong, or just different from what we were expecting, we tend to sabotage our plans and wishes. We can’t carry on if we do not question our “slavement,” questioning the conceptions and beliefs that are behind this slavement. It is our internal dialogue that is stopping us from finding the solutions. The very first step is awareness. Only by becoming aware something shifts. First become aware of the thought that is stopping you, and which feeling comes with that thought, going from mental plane to an emotional one. When were times in the past that you had those feelings? Can you find the pattern? These feelings will repeat over and over again until they are released. Practice with Monika, Jan, and the audience; go through the journey to discover what is preventing you from reaching your greater self. When you are not judging yourself you dare doing things you would not attempt in the past, regardless the result, your value and greatness are still intact. Give yourself permission to surrender, just letting feel and be yourself. In This Episode You Will Learn: Ask Yourself: ⦁ What is stopping us along the way? How can we let those things go? ⦁ How am I slaved? To what I am slaved? And What does slavement mean to me? Key Insights and Ahas: ⦁ Many people fear being successful. When you fail no one has an expectation on you but when you are successful the world now counts on you! This is the reason why fear of success is so relevant. Fear of letting people down. Action Steps: 1. You are great! 2. First step is awareness: What is the thought in my head that is preventing myself for being my greatest version? 3. What is the feeling? When did I have that feeling in the past? 4. How does this feeling show up in my life repeatedly? 5. What is the truth? 6. How can I anchor that truth? Bring the truth back every time those feelings come back. 7. Make it happen! Resources: Itunes - Mindset Academy

Monika and Jan Zands bring the topic of this month which is “You Are Great!” Connect with your own unique greatness! Sometimes you can think and perceive yourself as not that likable, motivated, or you are just not loving yourself that much. How can you connect back to your greatness? Explore in this session the meaning of greatness itself. The system we live in, tends to pay attention to weakness instead of greatness, and here in Mindset Academy the highlight is on GREATNESS. Practice with Monika and Jan: Let’s follow a process to learn how to connect with your greatness: 1. What do people say is great about you? 2. Come up with a recent example. 3. Find that example throughout your life. Find AWARENESS of what it is you are GREAT at. If you create the intention of connecting with your greatness and connecting with people, the rest of your day will be purpose-filled! Comparing yourself with someone else won’t help you find your greatness, it will make you busy finding what you don’t have, instead of seeing what you really are! Connect with your greatness everyday! In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: How can you connect with your greatness? Become aware of your greatness throughout your life. How are you bringing your greatness to the world, to others? Key Insights and Ahas: We live in a system that pays more attention to people’s weakness than to their strengths, trying to fix failures, and to make everyone reach the minimum acceptable common denominator — A system that doesn’t pay attention to your greatness. Resources: - Itunes store: research for Monika Zands, check Podcasts, Meditations and Mindset Academy. Leave your positive review! - Youtube Monika Zands with Brendon Burchard.

This episode Jan Zands guides us into the Topic of the month, which is “You are not alone,” analyzing our perspectives and realizing that our way is not the only way. Jan’s purpose is to help us bust the myth of thinking that at the end of the day everything is on our shoulders, and we are all by ourselves. In reality, every breath we take is proof that we cannot do it all by ourselves — air is there, helping us survive each breath at a time. There is a strange relationship that we have with “Asking for help” — prejudgements about considering it as a negative thing, “I should know,” or “I am weak” — all this criticism comes to our minds. What is stopping you from asking for help is the same thought that is stopping you in other areas in your life. Where is that thought coming from? Practice with Jan: 1. Think of an area in your life that is not giving you the result you expect. 2. Who would you ask for help? Is there any pattern in your behavior? 3. Ask for information, even when you fear the content is not what expect. 4. When we embrace our conditions as humans, a vulnerable being that needs help, we can feel free to just be ourselves, it is liberating! The Universe wants to help you. You need to frame specifically what you want, because that is what you will get. What you seek is what you see. If you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it! Life loves you! Ask Yourself: Do you often feel that you are all alone? How do you feel about asking for help? Where do you look for new perspectives when you want to shift your life Key Insights and Ahas: The spots that hurt are opportunities to learn, grow and heal. We go to life thinking that we are communicating, when in reality we tend to take the hardest struggles to ourselves. Action Steps: 1. You are free to ask for help. 2. What is stopping you from asking for help? 3. Where is that preventing thought coming from? 4. Allow yourself to feel vulnerable as a result feeling free and authentic. You are not alone.

Jan and Monika Zands talk this month in Mindset Academy about the topic “You are not alone.” Often in life we feel that we have all the weight on our shoulders and everything depends on us; but it is not true — you are not alone! Walk outside your door; you are surrounded by people, and our context is there with us all the time. We often get into ourselves, we don’t communicate, we don’t connect because there is so much in our minds, that we cannot see the others existing. We need to redefine the word “alone” like equal to abandoned, away, separated… that is not the truth! Are you doing anything not to do everything by yourself? ARE YOU ASKING FOR HELP? We usually have prejudgements about asking for help, we think we should know, as if being adult means not to need anybody to assist us. Jan and Monika are sharing their current purpose: How do Mindset Academy get their content in the world? How do they spread their word in the planet? Look into your own purpose and follow these steps: 1. Write down what is your primary request: I need help! 2. The secondary request is: What do you really want? Show the universe you are ready to receive! Be as specific as you can asking for what you need. Action must be taken! 3. Then decide Who or What can help you. Make a list of people or organizations. 4. Usually we talk down to ourselves, thinking that we would be ashamed, or not good enough to reach out to these people. Whatever it is that is stopping you, is what is in the way of your getting what you need. “No,” could be an answer, but what is next, what other doors can open? In This Episode You Will Learn: Consider/Ask Yourself: Are we being our greater selves? How do we let go of what is holding us back? Are you doing anything not to do everything by yourself? “I need help!” opens the door to receive.   Key Insights and Ahas: Are you ready to be vulnerable? Are you ready to receive the help you need?

Monika and Jan Zands focus on creating new perspectives to create the results you are seeking. How can we be happier? Have you been feeling that you have to do it all by yourself? You are not alone. You are not alone in any of the four different realms: Physical, Emotional, Mental or Spiritual. Jan exposes how there are two ways of starting to consider that you are not alone: 1. Connecting the parts inside. Various aspects of your personality that show up in different moments and contexts. 2. How do you serve you? Connect to the part of you to get in touch with the inner you that chooses the life you are living. 3. Listen to one of the participants sharing an experience of trying to “save” and “fix” one of her nephews from making poor choices and instead understanding that he needs to live his own experiences, and what those experiences will mean in his own life; her intervention being only to give unconditional love: JUST LOVE. 4. Another participant shares the pain he feels from the rejection of his mother who does not accept the fact he is gay and is in an interracial relationship. Love, compassion and acceptance, will help him go through the difficult moment of welcoming his partner into his home town. 5. Sometimes we create the illusion that in the future, things will happen as we project they will, shaped by our previous experiences, when in reality these events have not taken place yet. 6. Pause and breath, connect to the part of you that is giving you company and support. 7. New perspectives create new results and new realities! Ask your self: ⦁ Do you often feel you have to do it all by yourself? ⦁ Can you identify the various aspects of your personality that take the center of the scene in different contexts? ⦁ How do you serve you? ⦁ Are you giving unconditional love? (Towards yourself and others) Key Insights and Ahas: Your story is specific to you but at the same time is a Universal Story! You are not alone!