Sexual Addiction:Strength/Hope/Recovery

Today, Carol the Coach interviews Kimberly Litton, who is the author of I Do It for Her: A Memoir of Recovery and Redemption from Sex, Love and Substances. This book is a vulnerable, yet insightful look into the world of a Female Sex and Love Addict. This memoir delves into painful truths and healing experiences while giving the reader steps to recover. Litton guides the reader through her trauma, various forms of unhealthy coping skills, then ultimately and gracefully provides hope, healing and forgiveness. This book is about resilience, perseverance, self-love, and freedom from addictions. She has a wealth of experience. Kimberly Litton LCSW, CSAT is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist. She has a private practice, both virtual and in-person in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida. Kim is the author of “I Do it For Her”: A memoir of a Woman's Healing Journey from sex and love addiction”.  She also serves on the Women's Panel for IITAP (International Institute of Trauma and Addiction), educating professionals on Female Sex and Love Addiction. She has an extensive history of treating women with alcoholism, addiction, eating disorders and sex addiction. Along with her intuitive talent, Kim has an infectious passion for women's recovery. She's dedicated in her own journey of growing, uncovering the many layers of her personal addiction, intimacy and relational problems and codependency. She relates to women on a very human level. Her authentic approach as a clinician is vulnerable enough to be relatable to her clients while exhibiting profound knowledge and tools to integrate a powerful treatment experience.  

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Melissa Roberts and she talks about the many betrayals in her life and how she used God and Therapy to find post traumatic growth! Behind The Smile: Healing From Abuse, Trauma, and Betrayal by.John Sturnfels This  an inspiring, true story of how one woman overcame emotional and psychological damage from childhood abuse, trauma, and a sexual partner's betrayal. Melissa Roberts and John Sternfels's study on childhood abuse and its lifelong effects is a beacon of hope for those seeking to overcome trauma and to live a life with affirmation and purpose.

Carol has an upcoming HHH group and she wants sex addicts to learn empathy the right way. Listen as she shares what this group offers to men who lack empathy!

Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Taylor Chambers who has devoted his life to helping men become -resilient and to find freedom and liberation from his  addiction and live a healthy life with intimacy, integrity and intention. He explains, "My life journey and career changes led me to develop unique approaches for those who struggle to establish or maintain recovery. Individuals can get stuck in their efforts to become sober. In fact, sometimes obsessing about sobriety can backfire. But I believe a lot of growth is still available for those who have not yet dropped addictive behavior. It can be helpful to widen the focus beyond behavioral change, to larger goals including what I call "fearless sexuality." This involves becoming unafraid of sexuality through intention, integrity, and intimacy. Fearless sexuality can be developed by examining one's relationship to sexuality, developing self-compassion, engaging deeply with values (particularly in intimate relationships), and by applying mindfulness principles."

Today CSAT therapist Jonah Anderson and Carol the Coach will be discussing ADHD so that people can have a better understanding of what it is like to live with this condition. He wants to educate people about the challenges, difficulties, and pain that comes with this condition. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is probably one of the worst aspects of ADHD, which is responsible for the severe emotional dysregulation that accompanies ADHD. Like many people with ADHD, Ihe has always struggled with overwhelming emotions, but had no idea it was the result of ADHD. He wants people to understand how traumatic it is living in a world that doesn't understand you, expects you to change, and you constantly feel gaslit your entire life, by everyone. He also wants people to know they aren't their diagnosis. "I want people to realize that ADHD is the issue that needs to be addressed, the relationship with addiction, and why it is so important in treating sex addiction. I would also like to provide listeners with some useful tools and coping skills. I want people to understand that language matters when communicating with someone with ADHD and that there are things people need to be aware of, such as punishment and negative reinforcement are the worst ways to affect behavior change in someone with ADHD."

Today CaroltheCoach will be interviewing Blaze Cosko, who uses a Mindfulness Based Addiction & Trauma Therapy approach to assist clients in working throught sex addiction and partner betrayal. MBATT is an evidence-based modality that helps empower individuals to become more aware of the subliminal patterns that lead their lives. By building mindful awareness, clients can become empowered to understand the stories that they are telling themselves, and find alternative perspectives that enable them to cope in more skillful ways. This can lead to more skillful outcomes during the therapeutic process. The MBATT approach can benefit both the addict & the partner. Today's podcast will have an emphasis on the addict and discuss ways to ultimately retain accountability & reduce the likelihood of self-sabotage behavior reemerging. CaroltheCoach herself is trained in this MBATT approach and uses it daily in her practice with clients. Find out why both she and Blaze feel it is essential to recovery when sex addiction has occured!

Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing  Emellina Belle MA, LMFT, ASECT, who is going to be discussing the needs for partners to have a supportive space fto actively navigate the tumultuous journey of discovery or disclosure, dealing with complex trauma, and experiencing PTSD symptoms. She will be discussing the profound impact of partner sexual betrayal trauma on the brain, exploring the latest in neuroscience to help partners understand their reactions and responses, additionally supporting individuals who have transformed their pain into strength. We will be covering essential topics like the physiological effects of trauma, the science behind emotional triggers, and effective strategies for managing stress and anxiety. It's not just about surviving trauma. It is about thriving beyond it. She believes that therapists need to  focus on Post-Traumatic Growth, offering practical advice and tools to help you actively rebuild trust, find inner peace, and foster resilience. Learn how to create boundaries, safety, and stabilization in your environment, establish healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care. Join us for an insightful discussion as she offers valuable resources to actively support the healing journey. She would like for partners to discover how to turn their trauma into a pathway for post-traumatic growth, empowerment, and renewed hope.

We will be talking with the author of Determined for More, Shawna Meek, as she shares about her new book, an authentic memoir of a wife that was given God's grace beyond her own strength. Shawna shares how she loved, wept, pleaded and grieved, yet never stopped fighting for something she believed was possible. Her story is a real and raw account of twenty-five years of striving and remaining willing to find faith-filled hope in Christ forged by painfully compounding losses.  Coming into marriage with high hopes, Shawna faced a cascade of devastating events. Divorce, remarriage, betrayal trauma, emotional deprivation, and her husband's late in life diagnosis with autism. This often left her with few options for healing and recovery, yet she persevered and remains determined for more. Shawna truly understands the roots of attachment distress in a marriage, even after addiction sobriety. Her personal story began in 2000, and after many years of mentoring women, she knew God was calling her to an extensive coaching training program and ultimately APSATS as a certified partner coach. She is passionate about supporting women as they face specific challenges on this journey, including boundaries during separation and divorce, abuse and gaslighting, therapeutic disclosure preparation, intimacy anorexia and deprivation, and emotional and sexual reintegration

People get to choose how they respnd to trauma. Today, Carol the Coach interviews Mellissa McDaniel wh wrote Loved Just As I Am a memoir about her choices.  She explains, "We don't get to pick the traumatic events that happen in our lives, but we do get to choose how we let them write our story." In her debut release, Loved Just As I Am, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Melissa McDaniel, recounts how her idyllic life in the south was changed forever when she was sexually assaulted at age eleven. Using her deep faith, love of family, and firm belief that we are all enough, McDaniel skillfully owns her "crapola" while laying bare her feelings and actions, both good and bad. She shares her raw journey of processing her childhood wounds and her struggles as a young woman dealing with a violent ex-boyfriend, racism within her family and community, motherhood, addiction, and infidelity. Her fresh perspective and vulnerability withing the pages of this non-fiction memoir work to create a roadmap of healing for others like her to rise above pain, shame, and doubt. The result is a life guided by wisdom, freedom, and healing. This story is inspirational as is the author.

Today Carol will be interviewing Matthew Sinkovitz who is the founder of P*n to Purpose. He has a men's community on line and on FB with 1400 members who want to help each other in recovery. It is a group for men to rekindle their relationships. It is a place where they can go to redesign their life!

Today, Carol will be interviewing Stevie Hall and Lindsey Stanley who have felt that couples needed a guide to navigate reasons a therapeutic seperation could benefit the coupleship. They have a book pending release: Therapeutic Separation: A Guide for Couples Facing Addiction that will help identify the pros and cons for taking a time out. Their website for the book is: www.therapeuticseparations.com. They want to inspire couples to learn about the so that the couple can make informed decisions that acturally benefit the healing for both spouses.  They want to provide information that can provide safety for couples to explore why taking a break might just be the right thing to do.  

Today, Carol is interviewing Chayse Fayle, a Master Certified Professional Coach, APSATS trainee, and Certified Help Her Heal Group Leader. Chase is no stranger to the complexities of life's challenges, particularly in the realm of addiction and relationship dynamics. As the guiding force behind Resilient Mind's addiction and couple's coaching, Chase specializes in helping men and couples navigate the often-turbulent waters of overcoming addiction, sexual addiction, and betrayal trauma. He believes that men desiring to walk in sexual integrity and who are desiring to build intimacy with their partners cannot do this alone. A key success factor is men's small groups that center around the subject of sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. Specifically for this discussion is utilizing the Help.Her.Heal Workbook to guide, focus and build accountability for healing and recovery. The primary tools and exercises are Formal Disclosures, emotional check-ins using the Feelings Wheel, practicing AVR, regulating shame during Triggers, understanding Assertive Communication, and developing a sense of camaraderie and connection with other men. Groups benefit men with ‘shoulder-to-shoulder' sharing, accountability to be authentic, and are beneficial with open and encouraging feedback allowed. Lastly, this fosters the growth and progression of couple centered recovery as the stages of discovery, grief and restoration take place.        

Tonight's episode is about the gay culture. Jeff Aldeson is facilitating  a Sex and Intimacy Group for Gay Men and Gary Katz is a LCSW, CSAT-S, EMDR who is a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist for Center for Intimacy Recovery. Together they answer questions that Carol has about men, sex, relationships and growing up gay. Carol the Coach wanted to do the show because she realized that she might need more education about working with gay men. She knew that her experience other than with friends and family, was fairly limited, so she reached out to the specialists and asked them to enlighten both herself and the listening community as to what the specialized needs might be for the gay community. Listen as she discusses the nuances of how the heterosexual populaion may be different from the gay population or perhaps the same. As Jeff points out despite the difference in upbringing and social norms, he believes there are more similiarities than differences!

Tonight's episode is about the gay culture. Jeff Aldeson is facilitating  a Sex and Intimacy Group for Gay Men and Gary Katz is a LCSW, CSAT-S, EMDR who is a Certified Partner Trauma Therapist for Center for Intimacy Recovery. Together they answer questions that Carol has about men, sex, relationships and growing up gay. Carol the Coach wanted to do the show because she realized that she might need more education about working with gay men. She knew that her experience other than with friends and family, was fairly limited, so she reached out to the specialists and asked them to enlighten both herself and the listening community as to what the specialized needs might be for the gay community. Listen as she discusses the nuances of how the heterosexual populaion may be different from the gay population or perhaps the same. As Jeff points out despite the difference in upbringing and social norms, he believes there are more similiarities than differences!

Today, Carol the Coach interviews Kirsten D. Samuel, Coach, Author, and Speaker who wants to inspire woman to know that they can survive the devestation that has caused them. She explains that after 25 years of marriage, my husband revealed his addiction. He was caught looking at inappropriate images at work. Like most women who face this discovery, I immediately went into shock and disbelief followed quickly by anger and panic. I wondered what was wrong with me, became overwhelmed by a sense of failure, and felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't believe in divorce but didn't know how I could live with this man I no longer trusted. The journey to recovery was long, painful, and life changing. End of the story (my favorite part): I have a brand-new marriage with the same man. I want women who face a similar discovery to know that addiction doesn't have to be fatal to their marriage. However, changes must happen within the relationship and within yourself to move beyond this betrayal and build a healthy relationship. Listen as Kristen shares the keys to regaining her life again!  

Eddie Capparucci and his colleagues Heather Cronemiller and Lacy Alajna Bentley have collaborated on a book for women struggling with sex, love, and addiction. Going Deeper for Women: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Love and Sex Addiction is based on Eddie Capparuci's Inner Child Model for treating sex/ addiction. This Inner Child Model has been helpful to many men over the past 4 years and now the authors have specifically formulated it for women!

Today Carol the Coach will be talking to Josh and Charlene Lewis who are co-founders of programing for both the partner and the addict that have foundations in the works of Patrick Carnes.They have an intensive that is remote and they believe in making it easy for their clients. On this podcast they will be sharing their own hope, strength and wisdom that built their programing to get you the right tools to manage recovery and betrayal.

Today Carol the Coach is interviewing Dr. David Fawcett who has written a new book called Under the Influence about the deadly effect that substances have in combination withcompulsive problematic sexual behaviors. When sex and drugs are combined repeatedly and compulsively, there is a high risk of developing what Dr. David Fawcett calls sexualized drug use. This condition is also referred to as paired substance and sex addiction or addiction interaction disorder. Unfortunately, the response from the professional community to sexualized drug use has been far from adequate. As Dr. Fawcett writes, “I have had countless clients come to me who have gone through well-known and otherwise exceptional drug addiction treatment programs that never addressed co-occurring behavioral addictions, most notably sex and addiction. Because of that shortcoming, those clients found themselves still struggling with sobriety and life in general. This book is intended to be a guide for individuals curious about their own sexualized drug use or the sexualized drug use of someone they care about, and for professional seeking more clinical information. The information contained herein provides insight, guidance, and relief to people struggling to break free from sexualized drug use, steering them toward affirming and satisfying sex and intimacy without the need for a mood-altering substances and behaviors.   Questions:

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Amie Woolsey who has created a program for women who have experienced sexual betrayal and have decided to divorce to and move on to their next chapter. She teaches about the three pillars - Awareness, Acceptance, and Agency - when applied to a partner's healing journey, to enable empowerment and choice. She has offered a free workbook to get you thingking and to remember. that you have choices. She tells her partners, "Whether you're in the "Should I stay or go" mindset or the "What the heck do I do next?" mindset, this workbook is crafted to meet you where you are and provide clarity on the most crucial aspect of any decision-making proces. She believes, your mindset is the single most important part of any decision because you are the CHOOSER in your life. This workbook serves as your trusty guide, allowing you to explore your thoughts and feelings in the safety of your own space, at your own pace. When someone in your life has made choices that stripped away your own power to choose, reclaiming that power and becoming the CHOOSER is absolutely critical. Decisions made from a place of empowerment have the amazing ability to erase the paralyzing fear of making the wrong choice. If you go to Amie's website, you can print off as many copies of her workbook as you need to fuel your curiosity. Listen as she describes her program to support partners in any way she can.

Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Sam Louie who authored Passport to Shame From Asian Immigrant to American Addict. Sam explains that "Asian cultures are rooted in shame. They are known as shame-based societies because the lives, families, and mindsets of these cultures revolve around some aspect of avoiding shame to preserve familial and cultural honor. In Chinese culture alone, there are more than 100 different ways to describe shame. While some of them overlap with English versions of shame, such as a sense of disgrace and humiliation, many others help shed light on why and how shame is so pertinent among Asian cultures. Within the Chinese, some of the shame-related terms and references are: a nation's humiliation/shame (i.e. bringing shame to yourself also brings shame to your family, ancestors, and community and your entire ethnic background and/or family's country of origin); the old father-in-law carries the young daughter-in-law on his back to cross a river (in Chinese culture, it is considered inappropriate for a father-in-law to have physical contact with his daughter-in-law, thus equating how taboo it is to be associated with shame); and a person lives by face as much as a tree lives by bark and as much as a light bulb is covered with glass (i.e. stressing the importance of maintaining a positive and good-standing public image)." Listen as they discuss Asian culture and and how it is so deeply rooted in shame and why.

Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Janice Caudill and Dan Drake, who created his and hers, step-by-step, companion workbooks for helping couples prepare for, complete and heal after a full disclosure process. Since the books came out they are now training  professionals to navigate these difficult waters with their clients, helping them to understand the infrastructure that underlies the Restoring Truth Model so that the disclosure can become the starting point for cultivating safety, trust, vulnerability and, ultimately, authenticintimacy for individual and relationship healing.

When betrayal has occurred, it's natural for couples to seek out marriage counseling in a desperate attempt to repair the relationship, only to be frustrated because he doesn't know how to show empathy for the pain the betrayal he has caused her and she doesn't know how to feel safe with someone who violated her trust so deeply. Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Sherri Courtney and Laura Fisher who offers couples a solution that bridges the gap between the discovery of betrayal and couples counseling. Sherri and Laura have integrated the principles from Help Her Heal, Unleashing Your Power and Help Them Heal into their Help Them Heal for Couples Signature Program, which offers a comprehensive Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM) based approach to healing a relationship when trust has been shattered through sexual betrayal.  They will be offering a Help Them Heal for Couples Workshop in January that will introduce couples to the ERCEM model and help them learn how to progress together through the 3 stages of partner betrayal: Safety and Stabilization; Anger, Grief and Mourning; and Post Traumatic Growth. Sherri and Laura believe having the right help at the right time can make all the difference in relational healing and are committed to helping couples not only survive but thrive following sexual betrayal.   Website: www.helpthemhealworkshop.com Email: info@helpthemhealforcouples.com

Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Joshua Nichols who has developed 12 Types of Gaslighting and 4 Types of Vulnerability Exploitation to help you both identify these maladaptive coping skills to make healthier choices.

Today Carol the Coach interviews Lisa and Andrew Reichel from Room to Heal. Room to Heal  is a recovery residence in Charlotte, NC for men battling sex and addiction that breaks the mold of traditional sexual addiction recovery by offering men a more affordable option for immersive healing while providing intentional time apart for couples. They have a relationship-centered approach where both individuals receive coaching support while the addict is away and those coaches work as a team to keep the couple connected and safe in the relationship. Another unique aspect of the program is that the support doesn't end when the addict returns home. Room to Heal will walk beside the couple through that transition and begin using the ERCEM method to process the anger and grief left by the betrayal.  Their goal, like ERCEM is to ultimately help their couples reach deeper levels of intimacy than they ever felt possible. If you are considering a theraputic separation, feel stunted in your recovery as an individual or couple, listen up. This program might be your answer. "The programming includes support for the partner and the relationship through the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model (ERCEM). Our goal is to help the addict build a rock-solid foundation for his recovery while guiding both individuals to the safety and healing needed to begin rebuilding the relationship."

Today Carol the Coach interviews Tina Wehner President of Hope and Freedom Counseling Services and Intensives. Tina will be explaining how going to a 3 day intensive can benefit the couple as they work at restoring their relationship.She explains that Intensives provide transformational results. She explains that "While we cannot cure sex addiction or heal from it's damage in 3-days we can help you uncover the roots of the spouses  addiction, give the couple tools that include: 1. For the addict-tools for sustainable sobriety 2. For the couple-a roadmap to begin the process of rebuilding trust and healing from trauma. Our intensives allow us to do 6-months of therapy in three days and jumpstart what is needed to start rebuilding trust. She will be explaining how the intensive uncovers the roots of addiction and lays a foundation for trust and safety.

Do you ever feel like you need a guide for what to say to your children about the most important topics in their childhood? Do you want to understand why our society struggles with crucial conversations about consent, body safety, sexuality, masturbation, ography, and social media, and smart devices? Well today, Clint Davis, Counselor and Father, guides us through the how's, why's, when's and how to have these daring and pivotal conversations. Sexual trauma and overexposure to damaging content run rampant today and our children need to be protected and Clint will talk to Carol the Coach about how to do that effectively!

Today, Carol the Coach speaks with Jesse Pyles, whose niche is the underserved male partner. He believes that male hetersexual partners have a lack of resources and as a result likely deal with the fear, anger and sadness and loss alone. In this episode he shares the common myths a male may hear if his betrayal is shared. Join us for a fascinating conversation about the nuances of men who have been betrayed!                             

Today, Carol will be interviewing 2 professionals who have developed a program that speaks to the emotions that drive unwanted sexual behavior. Dr. Anthony B. Walker has a Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Science, is an APSATS candidate and works as an addiction recovery life coach and recovery group facilitator with Choose Recovery Services and Luke Gordon, is a Certified Addiction Recovery & Betrayal Trauma Coach and APSATS candidate. He is professionally certified through iPEC, trained in Brain Spotting, and is the co-founder of Choose Recovery Services. Together, they are passionate about helping men find lasting healing and transformation, overcoming unwanted sexually compulsive behaviors, and building healthy, fulfilling relationships.They visit with Carol today to discuss Choose 180, an online recovery group created to help men understand their emotions and how they affect unwanted behaviors. Find out why this program meets the recovery needs of men with compulsive sexual behaviors!

Aarti Chidambaram is Asia's sole APSATS-certified partner specialist. As a Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS), she works with Partners of Betrayal Trauma. She is also on the Board of APSATS. Her approach to working with partners from “Discovery to Recovery©” focuses on practical tools to deal with complex issues. Facilitating one of the longest-running support groups in Singapore- and maybe in Asia, she is dedicated to helping partners find their voice and strength in the aftermath of betrayal. A Certified Clinical ERCEM Specialist (CCES), Aarti also works with couples to help them navigate the murky waters of recovery after the devastation of betrayal. She is also an ERCEM Supervisor, helping other professionals with her skills and expertise. She visits with Carol  today to discuss a truly transformative partner retreat nestled amidst the breathtaking hills of South India! Open to partners at any stage of recovery, this retreat offers a chance to rejuvenate oneself through yoga, breathwork, mindfulness, trauma work, and group sessions. Embrace nature's serenity and discover your inner self while connecting with other partners, fostering strength and empowerment on this shared recovery journey. Let's heal and thrive together!    

Todday Carol the Coach is interviewing Tera Brown who is a trauma informed Coach and Speaker. As an APSATS trainee, she specializes in helping people who have endured relational trauma create personal safety, emotional awareness and peace. She woke up from a lifelong pattern she wasn't even aware of when after 16 years of marriage her husband disclosed his addiction, infidelity, and struggles. Tera saw how she learned to avoid her emotions and began her personal journey of growth and recovery that day. Since then, her personal journey has taken her on a roller coaster of learning and growing.  Her passion has become to share with others the tools she has found to live life authentically and on purpose. Tera teaches balance comes from intentional choices and trusting yourself. Together with her business partners, Tera has created several experiential intensives including La Loba: The Woman Who Knows. LA LOBA: THE WOMAN WHO KNOWS is an intensive weekend of grieving, growing, healing and hope. It's designed to help you move forward through the trauma of sexual betrayal, supported by others each step of the way: (1) You'll bravely identify some beloved things you have lost—casualties of addiction, abuse and/or abandonment. (2) You'll pick up the broken fragments of those tragic losses, letting yourself “feel the feels” that accompany such acts of remembrance and mourning. (3) You'll discover something beautiful that rises up to fill the void of what's been forsaken. (4) You'll take some newly empowered steps forward, moving yourself toward peace, resolution and self-restoration.        

As a trailblazer and thought-leader in the field of GASLIGHTING, Sarah Morales found the "traditional" definition was leaving people MORE confused about what IS and IS NOT GASLIGHTING; it was stigmatizing; it was perpetuating fear and a sense of powerlessness. SHE FOUND THAT THIS WAS NOT HELPING ANYONE! Her work in this field over the past decade has led her to create her OWN definition of GASLIGHTING - one that has helped her clients SEE THEMSELVES; one that has helped shift the power BACK IN TO THEIR HANDS. LIsten as Carol the Coach interviews Sarah about her free DeConstructing Gaslighting Webinar and the other Courses and Certifications that she has to offer!

Carol the Coach believes that couples can get through partner betrayal  and find post traumatic growth. Today, she interviews authors Joanna and Matt Raabsmith who along with Dan Drake, wrote Building True Intimacy:Creating a Connection that Stands the Test of Time. In this book they describe about how couples can navigate some of the later stages of betrayal recovery as a team. Their roadmap helps a couple tackle issues like forgiveness and grieving, sexual reintegration, and building a thriving partnership. Using the skills and framework of the Intimacy Pyramid they will share how couples can work through some of the obstacles to full healing in their recovery journey. They have lived this journey and now they want you to find restoration too!  

Today, Carol the Coach, Mary Kay Cocharo who wants to educate our listeners abou a new type of support and intervention.Encounter-Centered Couples Therapy is an integrative relational model at the intersection of philosophy, clinical theory, organizational methodology, and relational neurobiology. It aims at assisting couples to experience the most alive and joyful connection with each other while helping each other grow and develop their relational intelligence on the path to relational maturity. It inspires couples to become not just good couples but creative couples!  In the stage of Intimacy Building, EcCT will help you to learn an effective and powerful tool for better communication, to deepen emotional connection, resolve conflict, and create a shared vision for your relationship.The work is done in weekly couples counseling, in Private Intensives, and in Weekend Couples Retreats.  We know what disconnects us from our partner, EcCT will teach you what connects.

Today, Carol the Coach is talking to Hope Ray, the founder of the Betrayal Violence Institute. Hope has created new terminology and conceptionalization for professionals and couples when complex partner trauma and betrayal violence has been identified. She has created hope  for society to better understand betrayal violence starting with the experieences of women in relationship with men who betray and lie about the addiction. In this interview you will hear Hope discuss why she feels that a better understanding of betrayal violence will help protect and manage the relationship in a more clearly defined way. She hopes that it will develop an awareness of how to create more safety, boundaries and assertiveness.

Today, Carol the Coach interviews Sandra Shachar PhD, who has just released The Solution, Relationship Repair After ography Betrayal. In her book she realizes that can fracture a couples relationship. She writes, "It is likely that your relationship is in crisis following the discovery of hidden ography use. If you, as the discovering partner, accidentally learned about your mate's ography habit, you may be in a state of shock and disbelief. Perhaps you did not know they were looking at at all. An additional shock may have been seeing the kind of ography they were viewing. You may be feeling hurt, angry, disgusted, confused, devastated, or all of these emotions at the same time. These feelings and reactions (and many more!) are all normal upon the discovery that your partner betrayed your trust with this secret behavior." In The Solution, Dr Shachar, helps you navigate the crisis, learn about betrayal trauma, and walk you through the steps to healthy living again! For the person whose behavior was discovered, when you were confronted you may have “come clean” immediately—admitting your use of ography, promising it would never happen again and begging for forgiveness. On the other hand, you may have tried to explain looking at as a result of the state of your relationship or because of something your partner did or did not do. Perhaps you feel they are overreacting and that “everyone does it, so it's not a big deal.” You may have tried to reassure your partner that “it isn't what you think.” Perhaps you feel angry and defensive when they barrage you with questions, guilt and shame for having hidden this from them, or all of these emotions at different times.She wants to help guide you through these normal feelings and come up with an action plan for to help set boundries for your own mental health!  

The American Foundation for Addiction Research (AFAR) is a public non-profit that funded research into understanding and effectively treating addiction, with a special focus on sex addiction. Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Tim Stein, a colleague who wants the putblic to be aware of the research behind sex addiction and the important co-morbity that occurs when people suffer from untreated sex addiction. We will explore some of the value information we have gained from past research, some exciting research that is currently being conducted, as well what research is coming in the near future. Most importantly, we'll discuss why these research findings are helpful to addicts, partners, and the clinicians who treat them. This is important research for addicts and their loved ones!!  

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Ken Adams who has co-authored a groundbreaking book A Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts detailing the unique issues experienced by adult children who grew up with a sexually addicted parent, and offering a path to unburden their shameful legacy and embrace sexuality and intimacy without the intrusion or constraints from the past. Adult children who grew up with a parent who had a sexual addiction are left confused, ashamed, and mistrustful regarding the feelings and boundaries surrounding sex, love, and intimacy. Due to the inappropriate sexual behavior of one parent, and the subsequent impact of betrayal on the other parent, these adults carry sexual secrets, have divided loyalties, and are often caught in the middle of their parents' struggles. Having witnessed (or known of) affairs, walked in on a parent masturbating or viewing ography, received extreme or shameful messages regarding sexuality or gender, experienced sexualized remarks about their bodies, been neglected as a result of the addiction, or were modeled extreme moral values (either too permissive or shaming), these adult children of sex addicts (ACSAs) struggle with their sexuality and longings for love.  

Betrayed partners need immediate support to navigate the new terrain of their relationship. They need a clear articulation of betrayal trauma, a thorough education about their normal attachment-based reactions, and a proven path to healing.⁠ Today, Carol the Coach is interviewing Michelle Mays LPC, CSAT-S, who is an expert at helping partners work through sexual betrayal. An expert in the field, her new book clearly delineates how partners can heal and find their life again or perhaps for the very first time. ⁠ The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst offers a new exploration into an an age-old problem. In addition to sharing her own personal experience with recovery and renewal after betrayal, her new book offers a well-grounded process for healing and restoration and a clear step-by-step path for moving forward. The Betrayal Bind is a must-read for the betrayed, the betrayer, and the therapists who treat them.  

Today, Carol the Coach interviews a Male Partner who is in Post-Traumatic Growh. Listen as he tells you how he got there!

When a couple seeks therapy after discovering one of them have been living a secret and harmful life of betrayal.  The usual treatment plan will most likely focus on the betrayer becoming sober and learning to live a life of integrity, and the betrayed partner beginning a path of healing from the PTSD symptoms of betrayal trauma.  This is a well researched and proven approach. However, the addict is also traumatized by the discovery that turns their world upside down.  Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck and Carol the Coach will be discussing the trauma impact an addict experiences after discovery and some of the challenges the addicted spouse will face in the healing process. Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck who is a Relationship Expert, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and a Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist. In addition, she holds certifications in Sex Addiction and Betrayal Trauma and she helps couples on the healing journey when their lives have been devastated by the discovery of sexual betrayal.  She has offices in Orlando and Tampa, Florida and her Three Day Intensives are attended by people from the United States, Canada and Europe.  Visit her website www.CrystalHollenbeck.com or text her at 407.408.6521. We both understand how addicts get traumatized by the addiction and partner betrayal. We will be talking about how we can attend to the addicts needs while he is helping her heal!      

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing Corinna Kaufman who is a partner who is in the middle of transformation. She is speaking, writing and sharing her message of self empowerment and change.

It is so exhausting to deal with the collateral damage of being a partner. It is just so unfair!  You didn't ask for the betrayal with all of its emotional wounding and many partners wonder if they will ever be able to recover. To make matters worse, partners put themselves on the back burner. Partners have options to get intense help but they delay it because: They resent that they need to make space for this "_____." They resent that there is a need for this support and that it would take them away from their families for 3.5. or 7 days. And yet we know empiracallly that often times the brain needs to reset and being away in a supportive enviroment with others who have been through the same thing is exactly what needs to happen to recalibrate and find the safety and mindset to move forward into restoration of your own life as a couple and individually, Listen as Carol talks with Heidi Kinsella abouth the Partner Intensives that they have created together for Partners!

When a partner feels Post-Traumatic Growth, she is much more likely to want to share it with other women who need the encouragement! Listen as Carol the Coach, interviews a partner to find out how she got healthy and what she learned about herself!

Today Carol the Coach will be interviewing Floyd G. Potts who has written Why Your Man Will Not Stop Cheating Until He Does This. In his book Floyd unlocks the key to sex addiction recovery and he wants to tell you about it today. This is Floyd's life story and he wants to help others heal.

Today, Carol the Coach will be interviewing the founder of Safe Space who created it as a resource for women who needed perspective and healing due to the destructive impacts of a romantic relationship.  Having experienced an intensely destructive and confusing marriage, she knew how overwhelming, frightening, and heartbreaking it can be.  She explains in our interview, "I left that marriage terrified, disoriented, and very, very broken.  It took me a long time to put a lot of the pieces together- pieces that allowed me to not only make sense of the reality of what I had experienced, but also feel like I was healing personally.  Through my professional work and personal life, I have since come into contact with so many other courageous and beautiful women whose lives have been turned upside down by destructive relationships. And I am amazed (and saddened) by how many of us there are! Every relationship and every individual is different, and experiencing destructive and confusing patterns in a relationship covers a tremendous breadth of lived experiences.  That is why Safe Space is designed to empower women through teaching principles, providing tools, and also empowering women to see what is true—for themselves; to take back ownership of their own lives through engaging with their agency and sense of personal power. Safe Space will not tell you what to do in your relationship.  It will lay out principles and patterns to help improve your awareness.  It will help you differentiate between what healthy looks like, and destructive patterns to you and your relationship that need to be addressed."

Listen as Carol the Coach interviews Julie St Onge as she talks about how brainspotting can assist couples in their relational struggles. Brainspotting allows the emotional brain to reprocess trauma and reorganize it into the cortex or logical brain. It expedites the healing process. It is a process that involves using the optic nerve direction and bilateral music. We tap into where the trauma is and allow it to reprocess and reduce. This is not exposure therapy.  The benefit to couples spotting is that the wounding between the couple comes up immediately. This allows the couple to be more aware of the injuries and triggers that surface without any spoken words. They can be processed and even notice how one wound triggers another. Couples experience connection at a deep level as the emotional base heals. This allows more effective communication and use of tools and skills. 

Carol the Coach interviews Dr. Jill Manning, the creator of a Therapeutic Separation Planning Guide. This one-of-a-kind guide provides clinicians, coaches, and couples with a highly structured, worksheet-style resource for planning a customized therapeutic separation. Over 120 open-ended questions cover key topics for separating couples. In addition to a visually appealing layout, expert tips, research data, and quotes are included to assist couples in organizing a therapeutic separation that is as healing as possible. This digital resource is a must-have for anyone contemplating a therapeutic separation, or for professionals working with couples who are candidates for this type of intervention. A Therapeutic Separation Planning Guide is a 59-page PDF digital document that is divided into two main sections. Section one is for individual brainstorming by each partner, and section two is where the finalized therapeutic separation agreement comes together and is signed by the couple and the professionals involved. Each section includes worksheet-style pages filled with questions that are essential for creating a clear and effective therapeutic separation. Carol and Dr. Jill will be discusssing why this guide creates more safety for couples as they navigate their needs.   The open-ended questions cover topics such as: Purpose & GoalsStrengths & WeaknessesTiming & LengthExpectations for Individual WorkExpectations for Couples WorkLiving ArrangementsParenting ResponsibilitiesFamily ActivitiesCouple CommunicationDivision of Household ResponsibilitiesFinancesPhysical AffectionSexual IntimacyDatingHolidays & Special EventsWorship & Spiritual PracticesHandling Issues or Disagreements that AriseSobriety

Listen as Carol the Coach interviews Maurice Crane who is forming a new outreach for men who are struggling with sexual integrity. Grace Based Recovery is the foundation of Be Broken Ministries in San Antonio Texas. Be Broken Ministries is a ministry to men, wives, families with an emphasis on recovery from unwanted sexual behaviors, otherwise known as sex addiction.  Be Broken's flagship outreach is the Gateway to Freedom Weekend Workshops held in San Antonio, TX, Orlando FL and Mt. Bethel PA.  A new outreach is forming to help churches and faith based community leaders come together to continue to address the issue of epidemic sexual addiction:  Grace Based Recovery Groups.  In a Grace Based Recovery group you create an environment of safety for men to gather to share their deepest of sexual struggles as well as their marital/family issues and find the reception warm and inviting to help men, over time, open up to a place of vulnerability. It is an accountability group with an emphasis on growing together through an 8 week training taken from the book Grace Based Recovery by Jonathan Daugherty, founder of Be Broken. Every quarter you start fresh with an 8 week training for new people, but then also hold accountability groups weekly as the group grows.  This is in addition to other groups out there, just a different angle. There is also an emphasis on doing things together as a chance to serve your local community together instead of always living in the framework of me-centric, sex-centric addiction.

Partners who experience berayal trauma can learn how to deal with the impact it has on their health. Today, Carol the Coach, interviews 2 partner betrayal specialists who have helped with other specialists to create a workshop for women who need to reclaim their lives. In this workshop, women will be able to : 1. Learn from partner betrayal trauma and behavioral health specialists 2. Grieve the losses with other women on a similar journey 3. Claim and give voice to their Body Bears the Burden path 4. Honor their story, honor your body, honor yourself Listen as Dr. Janice Caudill and Julie StOnges talk about this healing workshop available on Jan 14th from 9-0pm EST.  They would also like for you to take their survey to gain research on how partner betrayal has impacted you!

Today, Carol the Coach interviews a listener who is confused about his status and his spouses status.There has been many types of betrayal by his partner and he wants help navigating how to keep himself safe. He has much resentment about the betrayals that she was a part of and wants some clarity from Carol the Coach.

Tony Blevins and his wife Rebecca recently started a coaching practice with a two-fold mission: to help men recover from sex addiction and provide resources to their spouses who experience betrayal trauma. Tony uses  motivational interviewing techniques to help men develop and maintain effective sobriety plans so they can lead a healthy sеxual life free of compulsive urges and unwanted behaviors. Rebecca writes her blog for two reasons. It is healing for her to share her feelings and experiences. She also wants to validate you and to let you know that you are not alone, you are not crazy, and you are going to be OK.  Listen as Carol the Coach finds out how this couple has found post traumatic growth.