Blockbuster Film School

Do you like hope based on calendar dates? Do you like balloon drops on top of people running through a crowd trying to find someone before they holiday decide to choose not you? Do you like kissing Billy Crystal while champagne drunk? Well Hollywood does. The boys have a very special holiday episode about the movie magic of (and nauseating over saccharineness) New Years Movies! Play that ancient song that drunks like to not know the words to! Let's get ready to movie rumble! Let's raise a glass to new starts, old friends, and movie fails!

How would you react to finding four inch long hairs up n down your back? What if your chest grew a secreting orifice with hidden weapons inside? Let's be honest: we all want to be dude from Scanners popping coworkers' heads like pimples. Our bodies are haunted houses, and David Cronenberg is the architect holding the blueprints for the newest additions. He became the master of body horror by directing an impressive list of films where the killer isn't just calling from upstairs, it's living under our finger nails. This semester of Blockbuster Film School takes on anatomy. It's real nasty but fun as hell.

Before they actually made smart horror thriller comedies that were self aware and post modern and mind bendingly hilarious Joe Dante and Tom hanks basically created the model. It didn't really work at the box office but since it has created and entire generation of smart ass goofball movie nerds that can't get enough of tan lines, night vision, and citizen's arrests. If you haven't seen The Burbs you're a meatball. Get out of Nick, Alex, and Brian's lawns lame-o. It is the the infinitely watchable Quik Drop time for The Burbs!!!!

When you think of international powerhouses outside of Hollywood you usually think of The UK, Japan, Italy, France, Bollywood and… the Dutch? Not really. But then like a heatwave in the late seventies a madman dressed like a suburban dad exploded out of Amsterdam and for the next twenty years threw haymakers in American smart action movies which would change the game. Until, he decided to make an expensive porno movie but even that couldn't stop Paul Verhoeven from making movies about weirdos getting nuts. Maybe the most underrated auteur of the 80s and 90s. The boys discuss. Dead or alive you're coming with us.

What is best in life? Blood, swords, and James Earl Jones in charge of a snake cult. A movie that wouldn't even have shot to be made these days but looks better than most that come out. An epic score, Milius at the true top of his game, and Arnold finds a magic sword that gives him an acting career. If Crom will not help us with this podcast, then the hell with him. The boys do a Quik Drop on the coolest R rated fantasy film of all time. Do you want to live forever?

Kathleen Kennedy has sneakily taken over Hollywood. She has toyed with the idea of changing her name Movieoverlord Kennedy several times. She produced ET when she was a literal child. She convinced those Dinosaurs in Jurassic Park to be good at acting. She beat George Lucas in a real lightsaber duel and cut off his hand and got his company. Then turned the saber on Favreau and said “ invent Baby yoda or I will cut you in half like I cut Stoltz' ginger ass out of back to the future”. The boys discuss. Treat yo self

Can you have your parody film and eat it too? Many have tried, most have failed, but no one has done three times except Edgar Wright. His debut film Shaun of the Dead was the best horror comedy made since Evil Dead 2. The Blockbuster Quik Drop examines the first entry of the Cornetto Trilogy starring co-writer Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. Shaun of the Dead hits all the boxes: scary, funny, romantic, heart breaking, zombies, and naturally it is infinitely rewatchable. How's that for a slice of fried gold?

It's a simple formula: take an expertly written novel by a great author, multiply that by two with a pair of filmmaking brothers at the top of their game then add in exquisite cinematography and actors who transcend this dimension. The result is No Country for Old Men, a neo-noir crime western executed with such craft younger people with less experience would have muddled it up. Quik Drop is our series about infinitely rewatchable movies, and this Coen Bros masterpiece had to be here. Blockbuster Film School knows the math adds up, and in case you forgot, here are your notes.

Can you recall the past? Do you remember print newspapers & magazines, or when you could board a plane without an ID then smoke on board, or when it was ok to trip your face off then climb a stranger's garage in Topeka, Kansas? Neither do we; thank the rock gods for Cameron Crowe's magnum opus Almost Famous. It is funny as it is dramatic filled with wide eyed optimism from loving music. Welcome to the first Quik Drop by Blockbuster Film School, a series about films we love, and why we love film. This movie should be played LOUD.

No one thought that Dick Dale/Kool and the Gang/Dusty Springfield would be the perfect sequence on an album until two hit men discussed European fast food. Just the same Way when Q Lazzrus recorded “Goodbye Horses” they probably weren't thinking about Ted Levine tucking it back dancing in the mirror but that's all we can think about. When the song plays, we mean. Because of Silence of the Lambs. You get it. In the new Office Hours Wall of Soundtracks we discuss those perfect music in movie moments, and the film soundtracks that have lived us since we walked out of the cinema. Let Blockbuster Film School be the voice that gets that song stuck in your head.

Usually when someone is the kid of a tv actor, a child star, a pro baseball player, and in a movie about Elvis impersonators, that person tends to suck. However with the power of his luxurious hair and cowboy cadence Kurt Russell has managed to tear a whole in the Hollywood suck space continuum. Whether he's saving presidents from powerful Scientologists in Manhattan based prisons, having the weird “you're not the alien father” Maury blood scene, or gaslighting his kidnapee into being his wife Kurt manages to pull off one of the craziest, wildest, careers in the history of Hollywood. The boys discuss with their usual aplomb. You gonna skin that smoke wagon or just sit there and bleed?

Every year Hollywood gets together to decide which movie about someone with a disability will win an award. Then, they congratulate each other on how they are no longer jerks about anything and how they are saving the world then they yell at a valet in the parking lot. Here at the Blockbusties our award ceremony involves explosions, booze, hedonism, and love of the pure cinematic madness. The boys give their picks for the first ever Blockbustis awards!!! Hosted by David Caruso.

Has anyone ever really seen chestnuts roasting on an open fire? We live in the city so we do not get carolers. And the only reindeer we've ever seen escaped from a zoo then chased Super Producer Brian Tepps around a Circuit City parking lot. But luckily we have watched a lot of holiday movies so we could bring you our Christmas picks. Hastily wrapped and tossed on the Blockbuster wall next to an elf black out drunk on spiked eggnog, it's our favorite films of the fifth most magical time of the year. One, two, & three are Halloween related; four is Clint Howard's Labor Day party.

What's your favorite horror movie, bob hair cut and boob sweater Drew Barrymore? Sometimes people are great filmmakers, sometimes people are terrible filmmakers. And every so often, there comes a “master of suspense” who makes two straight up rad horror movies and then also a bunch of schlocky trash about people in the stairs or some shit. Anyways, it's spooky season so hopefully your parents didn't murder a groundskeeper who is a mythic demon. It's Wes Craven time! That was Wes' catch phrase. The boys discuss.

It's our 50th episode! To celebrate we chose one of the most iconic film stars of all time to be the subject of this special occasion. We even invited him to appear on his own episode! Ladies, gentlemen, and non binary friends, the one, the only, Harrison Ford… did not reply to our emails so Mike Hayes from B Movie Mania is here instead. From Han Solo and Indiana Jones to pointing at everyone and wearing a weird tiny earring, Harrison Ford might be the greatest movie star of all time. He isn't prolific because he doesn't have to be. Blockbuster Film School and Mike Hayes humbly invite you to listen to the first milestone we have reached. We did this so you could have…your PROVASIC! You switched the episodes! You killed Super Producer Brian Tepps so you could switch the episodes!

Life is about balance but art is another story. Sometimes two different types of mayhem create hit films. If Jerry Bruckheimer is chaos then his former producing partner Don Simpson was a riot during a coup d'état. When Simpson/Bruckheimer were in top form they couldn't be stopped, producing one blockbuster after the next. When it didn't work we wound up with a Denis Leary Xmas movie or drug induced heart failure. We'll take the crab juice. Blockbuster Film School examines the producing wildfire that gave us Axel Foley, Michael Bay, and Michelle Pfeiffer in a Coolio video. Seriously though, kids: if you or anyone you love have a serious drug addiction please contact the Producers Guild of America. You might have points on a movie you don't remember making.

Sometimes the famous lead actor surviving the apocalypse is basically the same character who killed aliens in their last film but now they have glasses. Others actors transform themselves with each role inhabiting a new soul at a level which is unrecognizable to even themselves. Philip Seymour Hoffman was that performer. Every film he graced had a unique character that was never seen again. Blockbuster Film School has never been more certain of a statement being true when we say Philip Seymour Hoffman was one of the greatest actors of all time. Listen as we gush over his impressive filmography including the Ben Stiller movie where he sharted his pants. He really could do anything.

Sometimes a movie comes out and people are so into nu metal or disco or Pokémon or whatever dumb shit they don't process just how dope it is until years later when they go “wait did I buy a Disturbed CD, with money? Did I do that shit?”. This is the formula for underrated films however sometimes films come out and every last dingus is like oh (insert oscar bait here) or (summer blockbuster there) or ( heavy handed moralistic bullshit thing) is soooo good. Then you look back after the dust settles and say those movies sucked royally . Those are overrated films.Your favorite gentlemen film scholars discuss on the another edition of Blockbuster Filmschool (sick guitar solo).

Awards season is three months of celebrities reminding each other how important and talented they are culminating with the Academy Awards, the Mount Rushmore of self fellating. In a shocking twist sometimes they get it wrong. The Office Hours crew re-examines the ‘95 Oscars, a year that crowned a simple minded running back king turd of guano mountain. The other competition included films about a dirty Jeopardy game, prison besties, Hugh Grant's charm, and Marvin getting shot in the face. Blockbuster Film School can't change the past but we could argue about it so long that Zemeckis will want to give the trophy back.

Terminator! Terminator 2: Judgement Day! Diminishing Return: Rise of the Machines! A Welsh man yells at an extra! More embarrassing than Sega Saturn! Arnold is captivating discussing drapes or blinds, no one remembers exactly and we will not rewatch. We discuss the highs and terrible, terrible lows of the Terminator franchise. That dragon lady wasn't even the worst actor in the fifth one. They have the same amount of sequels as the Tremors movies. Blockbuster Film School doesn't like to beg but please don't be back. Please.

Come with me if you want to live. (Long awkward silence) Alright, come with me if you want to listen to our Terminator 2: Judgement Day 30th anniversary special. There we go! James Cameron's sci-fi action classic was a phenomenon upon release and the majority of it still holds up today. The Office Hours crew nerd out discussing Arnold, Sarah Conner, the T-1000, and a child actor precautionary tale. There is no time machine or nostalgia blinded by memories of our youth. It's just three film fans watching an old dvd talking about all nine of Cameron's ex-wives. Spoiler alert: Gale Anne Hurd is our favorite. It's T2 time. Dun dun dun dun dun.

There are over four hundred species of berries so for all the great ones like Matt or Gwen Berry you might end up with a Marion Barry. Once in a great while you find a berry so exceptionally charismatic that three years after becoming the first woman of color to win best actress (#oscarssowhite) she accepted her Catwoman Razzie in person. Halle Berry is an icon across many mediums who can sell make up, create weather patterns telepathically, and look at John Travolta's stupid facial hair without flinching. Everything he does is wrong; everything. Join Blockbuster Film School as we stand in awe of Halle Berry and all her talents, even when they are wasted in terrible hacker movies starring L. Ron's Italian step-son.

Lon Chaney was known as the man of a thousand faces. He’ll have his own episode at some point. This one is about a man who is the polar opposite of Chaney: Clint Howard only has one face, a face so distinctive you’ll never be able to forget it. You will always remember part two of the B-Movie Mania crossover episodes as they enter our world and take a deep dive into the career of Ron Howard’s brother. Clint Howard has somehow managed to be in almost every movie made since the year 2003. You’ve seen twelve of them. It’s the podcast romance of the century: B-Movie Mania and Blockbuster Film School together again. Until liver failure do we part.

Do you like your podcasts with two scoops or one? If you said two (and let’s be clear: your answer did not matter) you are in luck today because it is our first ever crossover episode with the living legends at B-Movie Mania! We combined our humor, film knowledge, and alcoholism to tackle the 90s no budget classic Ice Cream Man. That makes Clint Howard the extra crispy drumstick on top of our chicken n waffles crossover sundae covered in wormwood liqueur sprinkles. It sounds better than it reads. B-Movie Mania & Blockbuster Film School, together at last.

If we were to be honest the scariest parts of the 90s would be oversized jeans, nu-metal concerts, and Court TV. Horror movies of that time often get overlooked because, well, they weren’t the best. The office hours crew found some of the best 90s horror films available on streaming services so you don’t have to. Now you can avoid the memory of seeing The Relic in theaters with your cousin and her weird boyfriend Derek who wore a backwards red baseball cap everywhere. He’s a cop now; shocker.

In the before time people couldn’t see colors. The heads at MGM studios said, “we need yellow bricks and green women” and films were never the same again. Regardless of how much of that is true black and white films have become an under appreciated medium. The office hours crew hand picked some of our favorite B&W streaming picks for you to enjoy. Welcome to Blockbuster Film School. *Cue Jurassic Park Music*

Before every Thursday night sitcom had people staring into the camera discussing how to put a stapler in Jell-O, a string of independent comedies perfected the faux documentary film. The common denominator for many of those movies was the 5th Baron Haden-Guest, better known as Christopher Guest. Since Guest and his collaborators respect their characters the jokes are genuine and do not rely on cringe. They are earnest people who simply can’t do a single damn right. It’s always funny, even through the heartbreak. Blockbuster Film School isn’t crying, you’re crying. So here is to Christopher Guest, the only royal who understands the absurdity of life as a commoner.

Wait, I’m sorry did you just say that BFS is doing a watch along to Wayne’s World? Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? That’s right. It is not bogus or sad it is excellent. I had never done a crazy thing in my life before BFS, why is it if you kill a man in war it is called heroic but if you kill him during a watch along it is called murder? Marriage is punishment is for shoplifting in some countries and we are giving you a no honk guarantee. So learn Cantonese to impress the lead singer of Crucial Taunt, watch along with the boys, and get ready for the mega happy ending! Zang!

Here at Blockbuster Film School we ask hard questions. Questions like where is Cher’s closet fashion software from Clueless goddamnit? How am I supposed to dress myself? As if. Or do you ever pretend that Jeff Spicoli and Sean Penn are different people because Spicoli is the fucking man and Penn seems like kind of a dick? Also, do you get aroused when you hear The Beach Boys and see sperm? Or wait, how much money did you say the telepathic baby movie made? Holy shit. The boys tackle all these dope Amy Heckerling based questions only on Blockbuster Film School!!!

To quote celebrity crazy person Eric Andre, you gotta give the Internet what it wants. The cries for equality have not been answered yet but the D.C. fan boys were gifted a four hour wet dream when Zack Snyder’s cut of Justice League landed on streaming. The sprawling epic is better than expected but also stupid as all hell. The Office Hours crew explored what scenes made us confused, angry, happy, sad, bloated, hungover, and other emotions that Zack Snyder doesn’t fully understand. Check out the episode then sign our petition for the release of the six hour cut of The Thin Red Line. Release the Brody cut!

This week the boys get a talk storm going about maybe the greatest actor ever known by one name. Eat that, Charro. It is the legendary Denzel!!!! Everybody has a Denzel movie they like, if they don’t they are aliens wearing human skin and you should tear their face off even if it gets you fired from being a co-host on Fox and Friends. Training Day is good. Denzel is handsome. Some people like Virtuosity, I guess. Jump in, the Blockbuster Film School is mighty fine!

So you’e decided to become a fancy pants movie person? Step one, listen to Blockbuster Film School tell you some sweet Criterion Collection picks which will make you cool. Step two, start ONLY WATCHING The Criterion Collection, wear a beret, and start referring to things as “ a lesser work." Step three, become the coolest kid in your screenwriting 2 class! But remember you gotta start by listening to the boys here at their Blockbustin movie schoolin!!! Cowabunga!

Oh the weather outside is weather. Locally it is winter at the Blockbuster Film School but you might be experiencing summer or stuck in a strange time dimension located behind your daughter’s bookcase. No matter where or when you are the Office Hours winter streaming picks will provide you with hours of entertainment and/or distractions while avoiding frostbite, Scarlett Fever, and Anne Hathaway. Sit back and pretend you can relax.

What’s the best way to appear completely over something while also flaunting how powerful you are? Sell it for billions of dollars then give away the loot. Being one of the most successful film producers while also one of the more divisive movie directors has garnered George Lucas uneven career highlights. He went from creating two of the most cherished cinematic worlds of all time with Star Wars and Indiana Jones to utterly destroying them *repeatedly* to being celebrated for threatening to crush someone else’s franchise like a bug. Even by the end of the recording we weren’t exactly sure to feel. There is one thing we definitely do know: Blockbuster Film School does not want to be contacted by George Lucas’ lawyers so everything heard within is a joke. Except that we hate sand; that bit’s true.

Caped Crusader. Dark Knight. Jennifer Garner’s husband. He may have lots of monikers but there is only one name that criminals fear when the sun goes down: Alfred. No, crap; we meant Batman. Listen as we run down the entire Batman catalog from comic books and groovy 60s TV show to Tim Burton & Sir Michael Keaton giving birth to modern superhero films swiftly followed by every other franchise director murdering it in the street. Oh D.C. Comics, when will you stop? No, seriously, when? Jiminy jillickers, it’s Blockbuster Film School.

There is a scene in Sonic the Hedgehog - yes, the Sonic movie is better than it ever deserved to be and we all have to deal with it- where Sonic’s entire life is shattered and he must pick the pieces. That’s how everyday in 2020 felt. Luckily, as always, there were movies. We at Office Hours picked some of our favorite films that debuted this year in cinemas, on streaming, and by hacking Christopher Nolan’s computer to see his director’s cut of Tenet. Spoilers: it’s even more confusing. You survived the longest year of your life. Relax for a moment, take a deep breath, and get ready for Blockbuster Film School...to talk at length about Sonic the Hedgehog. Don’t judge us without seeing it !

Nicole Kidman is not like the others, sure is she a super tall attractive alien from Australia? Yes. But is she also one of the best award winning actors in the world? You know it. Also, she married to a 4 foot tall king of Scientology and a country music star and was friends with Kubrick. Also, Australia sucks, not the country, just the movie. Alex ad Nick are gonna talk about it.

The best part of being a multi talented artist is that when one skill fades away the rest get stronger. Rather than going blind and hearing better as a result, John Carpenter directed John Carpenter’s Vampires and then went on tour with his band. In Carpenter part two we discuss the rapid decline of his films that lead to him making a Chevy Chase comedy. Blockbuster Film School traveled to the bottom of that sinkhole because we know you just can’t keep a good ghoul down. They just pick up a synthesizer and grow their skullet longer. Tsunami, John Carpenter, tsunami.

They said the power of the skullet could never really be harnessed, that it was too dangerous, that the synth chords it created would be too spooky and that the action horror movies it could unleash would be too amazing for mortal men. They would be half right. Young John carpenter and his spooky sexy, movies along with his killer scores, wild casting, mayhem special effects, and smart ass dialogue is still rattling around in the heads of anyone who ever encounters it. And like all great filmmakers this will last forever. Put on your eyepatch and get your blowtorch, Alex and Nick are your ancient sorcerer guides through the lands of John Carpenter

Hard to believe but there was a time when a person wearing another person’s face while wielding a chainsaw was not a normal part of cinema. Did you know that slasher movie tropes had to be invented? Are you aware Richard Dreyfus used to be both young and handsome?! Don’t worry your worried little head: Blockbuster Film School is here to teach you the blueprints of the modern age with 70s horror. Your favorite directors were young and everything was fresh but Donald Pleasance was already old. That worked for him though. Get your ears ready; you’re gonna need bigger speakers.

Does Michael Jordan become as big with out that Nike commercial? Does Hollywood have any street cred, AT ALL, if Mookie doesn’t throw that trash can through that window? Does Reggie Miller even exist if he doesn’t drain those 3s and then yell at Spike to sit his ass down and you watch Spike’s soul leave his body? The answer is no. Spike Lee isn’t the best filmmaker in Hollywood. Sometimes he is. Sometimes he makes crap. But he might be its most important and most stylish. Two white guys discuss it here at the legendary Blockbuster Film School! Must be the shoes!

Cowboy. Soldier. Astronaut. Cowboy vampire. Space soldier cowboy. We got Bill Paxton bingo! Game over, man, game over. It didn’t matter if he was larger than life or playing someone so average it reminded you of a dude you met at party once, Bill Paxton made all his roles special and undeniably his own. His gift as character actor makes the audience point at the screen, say “hey”’ then forget it’s him the moment he starts speaking. Ultimately we lost him too soon, and here at Blockbuster Film School we will spend the rest of our days catching ourselves thinking, “I wonder when Bill Paxton’s next movie is coming out.”

Talent blooms in the dark then suddenly reveals itself, much like a mysterious goat speaking to you telepathically for the first time or learning Willem Dafoe can flatulate on command. In our new segment Office Hours Contemporaries we discuses filmmakers on the rise who have all our attention. We begin with Robert Eggars, director of modern horror classics The VVitch, and The Lighthouse. Listen to Nick and Alex gush & awe over his films until their infant child Super Producer Brian Tepps vanishes into thin air and they are forced to search for him in the Blockbuster Film School woods.

Oh, what a wild year 2006 was: Al Gore had just invented the internet, the Seattle SuperSonics completed their three-peat championship run, and Jennifer Lawrence was born. Does that sound completely preposterous to you?! Well wait until you listen to this episode of Office Hours when we remind you which movie won best picture at the Academy Awards. Spoiler alert: it was Crash, Scientology’s ham-fisted version of an And1 Mixtape about racism. Hop in the Blockbuster Film School DeLorean with us as we attempt to fix the past by choosing a proper winner for the Oscar. Once we upgrade our internet from 56Gore Dialup the time machine can be used for other things as well.

Do you have a diverse group of sassy frenemies? Do you like to steal implausible things like big diamonds that are actually gateways to other dimensions or some shit? Are you a aging handsome boy actor with salt and pepper? Well you might be be in a heist movie. This week Alex and Nick go into which movies know how to pull of the twistiest, zaniest heistyiest movies of all time. Die hard is not one.

Da na na na na na na na bat nipples! Every so often an artist’s missteps become their greatest hits catalog. Joel Schumacher is one of them. With the recent passing of this director we look back on his vampire mullets and rubber cod pieces along with some of the flashiest & campiest outfits, mafia and non wiseguy alike, ever put on film. Blockbuster Film School bids farewell to Joel Schumacher, the man who hired Kiefer Sutherland the most.

It’s not often an actor can carry a dark aura in the majority of their roles as they lead mainstream hits and stay a beloved star. But whether she is hanging with ghosts, killing her classmates, or using Christmas lights to communicate with her son in another dimension Winona Ryder has remained Winona while always changing. Four decades after her career began she is still as talented and captivating as ever. Blockbuster Film School and shoplifters of the world unite to gush over Winona Ryder.

Making the jump from small screen to big screen is difficult for actors but even harder for series. Turning the winning formula behind sixty hilarious sketches or ten successful television seasons could still result in CHiPs. Dax Sheppard, you were Frito; how could you? Here at Office Hours we examine the seamless transitions that gave us comedy classics, reboot gold, and Tom Cruise duct taped to an airplane. Coming soon: Blockbuster Film School: the podcast: the movie.

Axl Foley. Prince Akeem. Donkey. Let’s cut to the chase: Eddie Murphy is a comedy icon. His popularity as a stand up made red leather suits fashionable, his films grossed a combined six billion dollars at the box office, and his laugh is one of the most recognizable sounds in Earth. No one’s career is perfect but we’ll save that for the episode. Here at Pluto Blockbuster Nash Film Vampire in Brooklyn School we refuse to highlight a person’s failures in the description. We also lie and lack subtly. Xgvfh0nRvPRWuKK5mVKS

When it comes to large egos, flamboyant lifestyles, and spending habits worse than Nic Cage no one in Hollywood compares to producer Joel Silver. He is the man behind some of the most influential action films of the last thirty years. The only thing he does better than filmmaking is piss people off. So join Blockbuster Film School as we weave a story with so many highs and lows it sounds like a movie Joel Silver might produce. You might want your lawyer to look over the episode first before you sign anything.

There have been lines of genetic art. Actors mostly, because it’s not that hard. Eat that actors! But how many masterful directors have had master director kids. Pretty much just one. Sophia Coppola stood in the shadow of not just her dad but maybe the most Hollywood royalty of the families and made some of the most unique and wild pieces of film art ever made. Also, she opens a movie on Scarlet Johannson’s butt. And it works. Alex and Nick talk about one of the great Gen X film autuers this week. Buckle up, film school it’s about to get “rob crappy celebrities and high school epic suicide” weird.