EXIT INTERVIEW

HaPpY HaLLoWeEn!! There's a ghost down on Earth, causing mayhem in Wilmington, Pennsylvania. Join Papa Skeletons and his in-costume comrade Leaf as they spend All Saints' Eve tearing through the Kingdom of Coal, learning about the life of former-cult-leader-turned-god-turned-ghost King Larry: a tale of intellect, a tale of love, a tale of competing podcast hosts who interview birds. Stay tuned for the premiere of Season 3 - coming in a few weeks! WILL KOLLER - Papa Skeletons & Garson HANNAH ALBERTINE - Leaf DAN KUAN PEEPLES - King Larry JOHN GOODMAN - Devil & Michael Barbaro TRICIA CRIMMINS - Malice & Ira Glass JONAH - Alice & Terry Gross theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

They're gone. Find out what happened to your favorite deities on THURSDAY OCTOBER 28th - for the premiere of EXIT INTERVIEW SEASON THREE. And thanks for listening to Season Two. We'll see you soon... TRICIA CRIMMINS as Stork HANNAH ALBERTINE as Gazorp JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Larry DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Miranda theme song by AARON SHAPIRO additional music composed by GREG BERG an ELEVATOR pod

(1991 - 2021) What a thriller this was. Marcus Chennedy, descendant of the famed Chennedy political family, was found dead last night outside of the Capitol building during a rainstorm in the city of transience. Chennedy, known for creating the "Boss B***h Campaign" that has sprung his aunt Senator Karen Chennedy headfirst into the 2024 Presidential Race, was often seen wandering the statuary hall of the Capitol, sometimes whispering sweet nothings to the cement lookalikes of his descendants. Weird, yes. But even weirder is the statue of Marcus that miraculously appeared last night on the top of the Capitol dome after his death. Welcome to Washington, D.C. Copies of the Washington Post containing encrypted messages about the Chennedy Family Secret will be distributed at his funeral. ft. TIM PLATT as Marcus Chennedy HANNAH ALBERTINE as Jessica Chennedy & Teacher TRICIA CRIMMINS as Sharon Chennedy & Lily JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Lobbyist DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Jonas theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

No comment. See you next week.

( ? - ? ) Gloopo, the magician, died and came back to life last night because of chili. Little is known about his life except for one fateful hour when he went from part-time barista to full-time magician, resurrecting dead veterans at the Fargo American Legion. We don't know if he's dead or alive, but we do know that he will be a fashion icon for years to come. Yum. ft. NATE STEPHENSON as Gloopo the Magician TRICIA CRIMMINS as Samantha the Wise JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Maurice & Samuel DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Matthius theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1980 - 2021) Ellen Schmidt, known as Director Schmidt to the kids she led in her middle school drama class, died during the premiere performance of her original show "Little Shop of Horrors x Rube Goldberg". Dedicated to the ancient art of performance, Schmidt waged a war against her mortal enemy and middle school physics teacher Mr. Crosbone before realizing that her destiny was to bring the arts and sciences together on top of one denim-and-leather-laden stage. Her funeral will be started with the launch of a cannon into a horse carrying a bundle of water down a stream, hitting a row of dominoes, dropping ten pounds of ropes onto a forklift that will drive her coffin into the grave. No mops allowed. and many thanks to NICK AUER, who provided music for this episode! ft. ABBY ZWETCHKENBAUM as Ellen Schmidt & Mop HANNAH ALBERTINE as Mr. Crosbond & Bobby JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Joey DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & The Brothers Wu theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(2000 - 2021) Purell, that mermaid tucked beneath a layer of trash in the Long Island Sound, the owner of the Michelin-star underwater restaurant "Mike's", and also the collector of human detritus, died in her restaurant last night while celebrating her success with her family. Despite enduring trans-continental commutes during her college years and mermaid-biases throughout her career, Pearl grew to become a businessmermaid and inspiration to her entire species and community. Her funeral will be held with scuba gear in the Long Island Sound, and if ya can't make it - just tune into Dolph Lundren's station. Or Jerry FishFins. Or Ricky ManArms. Or Neptune's podcast "SeaTimeTalk". WHITNEY DILLON as Pearl & Cheryl WILL KOLLER as Aquafur & Neptune & Ricky ManArms JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Dolph Lundren & Jerry FishFins DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Mike & Mark the Monkfish theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1921 - 1971) Dusted this tape cassette off the shelf for this week's episode: Grace, also known as Myra Tiana, also known as Meredith, died while drinking and smoking with her lover-pigeon at her one-person show. A performer who flocked to the spotlight of the stage in the early 1940's, Grace became the envy of a laundry list of understudies who periodically and half-heartedly tried to kill her. She will be remembered by the birds she loved, by the songs she howled, and by her representation of a classical trans-Atlantic accent. Her performances will be forgotten in probably like a year or two, but her oversized personality will long be remembered by her parents and friends. ft. HANNAH SOLOW as Grace TRICIA CRIMMINS as Grisbelda & Cholera JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Kelsey W DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Billy Bob Jones theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1994 - 2021) Mikey "Yekim" Elliot - maker of flans, party comrade of the old folks home, savior of Oahu - died last night after finally completing his lifelong odyssey for a bachelor's degree. Known for attending as many colleges as he had years in his life, Elliot was known for bringing to light the new scientific research showing the effects that flans have on octopus mating. His funeral will be hosted by the Old Folks home and held at the club, and attendants of other funerals will be able to transfer to Mikey's if they like. ft. BRENNEN MALONE as Mikey Elliot TRICIA CRIMMINS as Professor Slice & TA Jerry JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Lespinasse DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Professor 10tacles theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

Chris Crumley died months ago, but it took months for a rescue crew to retrieve his body from the bowels of the earth. Here's his story. ft. JONAH as Chris Crumley WILL KOLLER as Dave Bosnia JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Monsieur Serbia DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Margaux theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1963 - 2015) Jim S*****, former vice principal and current Interim Principal of OJ Simpson Memorial Middle School, died last night trying to sell off-brand milk to people who were not who they said they were. S*****, leader of the cultish after-school group called the S********, led OJ Simpson Memorial through multiple turbulent name changes as the school and students dealt with their namesake's confusing and polarizing history, eventually watching as a faction of his own cult splintered to create a separate educative commune. He will forever be known as the man who ran the S******, the man who discovered mooj, and the man who led the s******** in the war against the Hard-ons. Cheers and happy Thursday. ft. RODERICK o'TOOLE as Jim S***** TRICIA CRIMMINS as "Darlene" Morris "The Mask" Morris JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Officer Sanchez DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Millard theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1992 - 2021) Ariana Carbonara, Yelp Influencer and polyamorous entrepreneur, died with her lovers on top of her last night in a basement bowling alley in her hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. Known for writing scathing reviews about almost every food venue in town, Carbonara was engaged in the process of opening up her own reviewing app - Yelp for Poly People - aimed at judging the capability of different lovers when she kicked the proverbial bucket. Carbonara will be remembered by the consumers of her new app, by her six-plus lovers, and by the donut surf-and-turf shops that closed due to her negative reviews. ft. TAYLOR BLACKBURN as Ariana Carbonara JONAH as Boss & Jett JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Vincenzo from Pisa DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Reggie theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(2001 - 2026) Jean Goodie - sculptor of root vegetables, emptier of toilets, sister to a hand-walker - died while weaving a corporate food truck through a flurry of cop cars and schoolbuses last night. A rejector of the monopolistic American status quo, Jean found time to reconnect with her family at the end of her life - gaining newfound love for her corporate-libertarian mother and sister. A shrine of her sunset potatoes will be on display at the Idaho Plumbing Trade School, until they get bought up and used by the local McDonalds. ft. WHITNEY LEES as Jean Goodie WILL KOLLER as Papa Goodie JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Mama Goodie DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Sarah Cindy & Dean Borinquen theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

( 1992 - 2021 ) John Goodman, the King of Creams, died this morning in Guam after being stabbed in the back while lying down on an acupuncture table. Known for his sonorous pitch-voice and his entrepreneurial ability to sell, John Goodman - no, not the famous actor Goodman - and no, not the famous podcaster Goodman - had recently landed a major sponsorship at the Third Annual Acupuncturist Convention in Guam, premiering a film promoting his products called "Acupuncture Island". His memorial has already been held on a deserted island in the Pacific, but you can buy his creams that look an awful lot like CBD at Walgreens and Ulta Beauty. ft. CAEL SCHWARTZ as John Goodman TRICIA CRIMMINS as Grace & Mr. Denise JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Lionel DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Jen & Reggie theme song by Aaron Shapiro additional music by Greg Berg an ELEVATOR pod

No obituary today - just the story of three brothers in a bar, toying over a marbled fortune. Enjoy. TRICIA CRIMMINS as Tony Mancala HANNAH ALBERTINE as Susie Jane WILL KOLLER as George & Georgie Mancala JONAH as Tattoo Guy & Ronnie Mancala JOHN GOODMAN as Devil DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God

(1983 - 2021) Kip Pinman, local nobody, died last night alongside former Twitter C-Suite member Felix Kaplan and disgraced baseball player Barry Bonds. Known for slapping stingrays and kayaking outside baseball games in the San Francisco Bay, Kip didn't do much with his life. He will be remembered for starting a fish clothing line that seemed real close to a fish clothing line started by Mr. Gucci, and for having a starring role in the documentary film "Aquarium Hell: Bad Aquarium". His funeral will be held at Jack Ryan's Backyard Aquarium, and will be live-tweeted by Carlito Gucci (@carlito_911_otilrac). Cheers. ft. MAX KNOBLAUCH as Kip Pinman & Carlito TRICIA CRIMMINS as Felix Kaplan JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Mr. Gucci DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Barry Bonds theme song by Aaron Shapiro additional music by Greg Berg an ELEVATOR pod

( 1993 - 2021 ) Karen Von Trapp, the last trapper of the famed Von Trapp trapping family, shed her mortal soul yesterday doing the thing she loved best: trapping. Equipped with a preternatural skill for finding the most exotic animals on the planet, Von Trapp's life was a series of lustful traps: a constant search for a plethora of animals, for two-month love affairs, and for the approval of her demanding father. Her name will forever be enshrined in the hall of fame of animal trappers, and her tranquilizer gun and hunting net will be on permanent display at the Los Angeles Zoo - along with the hundreds of species of whales that she captured during her time at sea. RIP. ft. MAYA WILSON - Karen Von Trapp JONAH - Mr. Daytona & Hugh's Mom JOHN GOODMAN - Devil & Hugh & Willem DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God & D'Arnesto Von Trapp theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

( 1972 - 2021 ) Jerry Atwater, the lonesome naked bod that used to sling hot dogs on 42nd Street before going to Arizona and finding himself on a peyote trip, died last night suffocated in a pile of his own supply of dirty water dogs. Atwater, the son of a famous chestnut vendor, spent the past six years of his life on a personal journey as he walked from Arizona to New York City - meeting a string of slightly-deranged and vaguely real characters along the way. In recent days, Atwater became known as the primetime guest on world-reknowned psychiatrist Marvin Bland's tv show "Blands with Bland", where both his mind and his naked bod were examined by a live studio audience. Atwater's hot dog stall will be draped in flowers and burned in a pyre of peyote and cactus as a memorial to his life this weekend. ft. SAM JAMES as Jerry Atwater HANNAH ALBERTINE as Flam & Stillwater JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Dr. Marvin Bland DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Scout theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1984 - 2021) Sandy, well-known star of the MYAN ON WIRE trilogy, died last night while making an emotional monologue on a tightrope after eating ice cream and punching a dragon. Long respected by Hollywood for her willingness to fling her bod into reckless and unbelievably dangerous stunts, Sandy will be forever remembered as the woman who brought two-story buildings to her hometown of Myan, Ohio. A parade of cats walking down catwalks perched on Main Street is planned this Friday, as well as a twenty-four hour stream of all of her films and stunts. ft. MAX PENDERGAST as SANDY WILL KOLLER as Lily JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Jacques DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & David theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod ft. MAX PENDERGAST as Sandy WILL KOLLER as JOHN GOODMAN as DAN KUAN PEEPLES as

(1995 - 2021) Derek Darquilin, descendant of the ancient feudal family of Darquilin, died last night surrounded by both a militia of angry neighbors and his family of living and non-living relatives. Although the family currently sells banana-shaped corn and raises a stable of ancient meat-filled horses, the Darquilins were at one time known for their ongoing feud with their English rivals, the family Snatchoreikers (s-n-a-t-c-h-o-r-e-i-k-e-r-s), famous for their amateur squabble in 1383 AD at the Battle of Blood River. Derek, however, possessed none of the wartime qualities of his ancestors. He will be remembered for very little, besides forgetting his sisters name, his tendency to digress into family lore, and his ineptness as a family vegetable salesman. His ghost will be at his funeral on Friday. ft. CHRIS QUAZZO as Derek Darquilin & Dutchess Gertrude TRICIA CRIMMINS as Stathy Darquilin & Steve JOHN GOODMAN as Devil & Sir Patrick Darquilin DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God & Grandma Shathy theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

It's showtime. Season Two of EXIT INTERVIEW picks up where Season One ended: with the death of Jenny Slenderbye, the release of 20 tape cassette episodes of EXIT INTERVIEW, and the chase for more content... Welcome to Season Two. We're thrilled to have you back. WILL KOLLER as Joey Slenderbye HANNAH ALBERTINE as Francesco Bariano JONAH as Frankie Bariano TRICIA CRIMMINS as Priest Horns / Jenny Slenderbye / Spouses JOHN GOODMAN as Devil / Spouses DAN KUAN PEEPLES as God / Crendelthorn / The Wall

STARTING APRIL 22nd: the moral arc of the universe returns to tape-cassette airwaves next week for SEASON TWO of EXIT INTERVIEW: twenty episodes filled with a cast of newly-deceased guests, returning characters, and your two favorite deity co-hosts determining destinies and filling your ears with heavenly improv. New episodes every Thursday. an ELEVATOR pod Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO

(15 August 1769 - 5 May 1821) Au revoir.

Mr. Diagbone presents: some of our favorite Season One Moments. Watch out for Season TWO, premiering on APRIL 22nd. And if you missed any of these episodes, check them out in the feed below! This week's Greatest Hits features TRICIA CRIMMINS, as: an alt-masc baseball-playing chianti-guzzling ghost the inventor of the self-driving car a pair of potentially potent twin robots a poop-lover who gets a job shoveling poop a Priest who marries inter-species a promoter of the game Tycoon Tycoon™ Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

Mr. Diagbone presents: some of our favorite Season One Moments. Watch out for Season TWO, premiering on APRIL 22nd. And if you missed any of these episodes, check them out in the feed below! This week's Greatest Hits features JONAH, as: a betraying co-pilot brother a hypeman for the Sydney Airport a Chianti-serving librarian an inventor of the self-driving bike a self-promoting poop-boss a friendly Irish avocado vendor Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

Mr. Diagbone presents: some of our favorite Season One Moments. Watch out for Season TWO, premiering on APRIL 22nd. And if you missed any of these episodes, check them out in the feed below! This week's Greatest Hits features HANNAH ALBERTINE, as: a mother with a lover-filled past (TAPE 106) a vengeful first mate (TAPE 119) a hellish parent testifying (TAPE 119) a bartending Cupid (TAPE 112) a vlogging superstar (TAPE 112) Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

Mr. Diagbone presents: some of our favorite Season One moments. Watch out for Season TWO, premiering on APRIL 22nd. And if you missed any of these episodes, check them out in the feed below! This week's Greatest Hits features WILL KOLLER, as: an energetic pilot (TAPE 101) a chopped-off toe (TAPE 102) a pumpkin-headed skeleton (TAPE 103) a prophetic movie producer (TAPE 104) and an office intern stuck between gumballs and a hard place (TAPE 117) Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

It's here. The finale of Exit Interview Season One. Lean in at the deathbed of Jenny Slenderbye and listen to her story - our story - of how all of these podcast episodes made their way from God and the Devil onto tape cassettes and then landed directly into your ears. We'll be back on APRIL 22nd 2021 for the premiere of season two. Thanks for listening to season one. See you soon . . . ft. TRICIA CRIMMINS - Jenny Slenderbye JONAH - Nurse / Mr. Diagbone HANNAH ALBERTINE - Agent Francesco WILL KOLLER - Mr. Horseradish / Sarah JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Charles Brooklyn DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Ryan Poolfloat

(1987 - 2021) Baab Murphy, animal trainer for the stars, died at sea in a landlocked state yesterday. Known for his work making the pets of celebrities swim, Murphy was carving a path inland toward the love of his life at the time of his passing. He will be missed dearly by his boss Captain Steve, his numerous lovers lined up along the Bering Strait, and by his hundred moles who will sing a mournful song from now till sundown. This episode is sponsored by: NO MOLE SPRAY MASTERCLASS ft. NICK AUER - Baab Murphy / Mikey Mike HANNAH ALBERTINE - Sandra / Petunia / Samantha JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Capt. Steve DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Mapboy Steve Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1988 - 2016) Last night, lemmings around the world mourned the death of one of their own: Wind-Sir McCowen, an incubator-to-rags-to-prison story that spanned across multiple accents and a single newspaper. McCowen will best be known as the first child to live in an incubator, the first human to be adopted by lemmings, and the last person to hear acclaimed television actor Kelsey Grammar speak his lines. Her self-titled newspaper has a special issue commemorating her life, sold for two pounds or two shillings, whichever one you got. This episode is sponsored by: Donny's Avocados ft. MACKENZIE JAMIESON - Wind-Sir / Fleming JONAH - Old Crouchy / Viscount de Beaumarchais JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Capt. Harold / Elizabeth DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Lord Buckets / Lukey Theme Song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(2001 - 2029) Lumiere Blaire, the glowing-with-optimism life coach who became prez last week, died outside the White House this morning. She will be remembered as someone who chased her dreams, as someone who left behind a reasonable profession, as someone who became a guru for all of earth's creatures - regardless of the noises they made. Her funeral has been delayed, but President Chet will be reading aloud an oral history of her life this Tuesday at sunrise by the rechargeable scooter stations on Pennsylvania Avenue. This episode is sponsored by: LUMIERE BLAIRE SPENDS MONEY ON STUFF ft. HANNA ALLERTON - Lumiere Blaire WILL KOLLER - Jeffrey / sponsorship JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Bernie / Earl DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Biden / Chet Theme Song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1994 - 2023) Another day, another death. Track Trick, the individual who lived in the basement of that shack down the street, died last night in an incident one might call not reality. A level-50 Sims player, Track was part of an ostracized community of Gaymers, existing in that liminal space between Call of Duty and Sam Smith. He will be remembered as a friend to no one, as a son to two NASCAR boomers, and as a loving husband to Spouse 1 - who, in the end, was real after all. Microwave meatloaf will be short-circuited at the funeral as a goodbye snack. ft. MATT GEHRING as Track Trick (On earth, you can catch Matt on Twitter @mattryanx ) This episode is sponsored by: TYCOON TYCOON TRICIA CRIMMINS - Spouse 1 / Trip Trick / sponsor JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Dip Trick DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Microwave theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1984-2020) Faithful septic cleaner and one-time stage actor Luke Tongue passed away last night, APnews reports. You may have never seen him, scrubbing away at your poo in the bowels of the earth, but you probably follow his boss Aaron Lazer on the ‘gram - he makes lots of money, money. Tongue's monosyllabic meteoric rise as an actor was rivaled only by his reluctance to revisit his thespian past - a past he tried to forget. He is remembered by his daughter Rolf, his best friend Rosh, and the sparkling clean pipes that now pine for the touch of his broom. Maybe this time people will remember him. Maybe not. This episode is sponsored by: SOUNDPROOF AWAY ft. GUNNAR MANCHESTER - Luke Tongue JONAH - Aaron Lazer / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Rolf DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Rosh / Dmitri theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

(1980 - 2020) Addie Knickerbocker, Head Counselor at Camp *******, died last night in an accident that the CIA is still investigating. A leader at heart - unreasonable on the outside and alone on the inside - Addie abandoned her life of friendship during the early days of her extended CIT-training in order to don the bracelets of a tyrant as new Head Counselor of Camp *******. She will be remembered by the cows on her parents farm (especially the sorta smaller one and sorta larger one that seem to be friends), by her bracelets that pin down the arms of their recipients, and by her ability to write letters in cursive, italics, pig latin, backwards, and in cute hearts. Funeral will be at ******** on ****** *****. ft. ABBY ZWETCHKENBAUM - Addie Knickerbocker WILL KOLLER - Jeffrey / Janet / Listener Call-In's JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Mr. Leonards DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Bilbob / Dunkin Donuts Guy theme music by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(2020 - 2020) Mr. Larry Earthworm, while slithering his way through a dirty life, could never imagine that he'd have an obituary even in as humble a publication as this. But life is weird like that, and it sometimes provides fertile opportunities for surprise: Larry Earthworm, a worm from the earth, died last night while spinelessly striving to make it in the TikTok world. Over the period of five long days aka one short lifetime, Larry established a robust following, ate loads of dirt, and eventually fell in love with Addison Rae - until he was squashed in a physical death during the throes of some unstable lovemaking. His videos have been archived on @larryeatsdirt on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitch. Any donations can be sent to Uncle Hogan, who lives in that large dirt pile off Exit Five in Staten Island. Sponsored by: JEFF THE PRIEST ft. HOPE FRENCH - Mr. Larry TRICIA CRIMMINS - Addison Rae / Reggie JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Father DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Uncle Hogan theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

!! special holiday episode !! Midnight strikes. Revelry ensues. Confetti floats like diamonds in the night sky. Oh, the pleasures of another revolution round the ol' sun. Oh, the simplicity of celebration. Yep. That's usually how it goes on New Years Eve. But this year, when all the clocks in the world stop just before the midnight hour, things get a little bit complicated for God and the Devil... Join our incompetent banter-filled semi-powerful loser-heroes as they get forced to watch two other deities take over their show, host an episode, and potentially alter the decisions made by one very influential mortal: saving a life in the process, saving a world about to party, and saving a cache of beautiful vlogs just waitin' to be filmed - all in a New Year's Eve's work. Thanks for listening the past few weeks - we'll see your eardrums in 2021. HANNAH ALBERTINE - Betty / Cupid JONAH - Timestopper / Dean Dean / Jack the Valet TRICIA CRIMMINS - Mother Nature / PGVG / PBCG WILL KOLLER - Tooth Fairy / Father to J JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Donovan Kass DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Mothers theme song by AARON SHAPIRO an ELEVATOR pod

No death this week - just a tape cassette filled with the story of a missing Santa. Happy Holidays, all. ft. SAM MYERS - Dorothy / David Burtka JONAH - NPH / Santa Claus / Bagel Elf JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Marc Chagall DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Rudolph theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1999 - 2020) Good lord I'm sick of writing these - but this one's a doozy: Franklin Frankie, executive assistant for famed newspaper boss Rick Rickerson, was killed by the digital last night in the city that never sleeps. Known by multiple storeowners for his frantic picking-up of items, Frankie's name has been entered in Britannica's next edition as a synonym for "unpaid intern". He will be buried with his phone on Wednesday, along with his newly-minted JanitorUnion™ card and six robots - four of which shall barrage his afterlife with a series of disconnected nouns and adjectives. This episode is sponsored by: JACK ENCYCLOPEDIA ft. IAN ERICKSON - Franklin Frankie TRICIA CRIMMINS - Rick Rickerson / Jessica / Journica JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Tom / Niece Sandra / NVR1 / NVR2 DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Sister Lisa / NVR3 / NVR4 theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1973 - 2019) Jealousy did this one in. Lust. Greed. A humble obituary writer like myself would have fallen for it, too. Ebenezer Xanderstein was found dead last night next alongside American movie star Jonah Hill, leaving his wife and daughter to fend for themselves in the oddly affluent town of Long Island. Xanderstein, a well-known rabbi, will be remembered for his tear jerkin' sermons, for his reading of the WhitePages, and for his inability to make any kind of substantial living during his lifetime. Funeral procession will begin at Kishka Hut in the dead of night, with an erratic helicopter flyover and a premiere screening of Moneyball 6. Y'all be pleasant out there. This episode is sponsored by: TREEHOUSE AUCTIONEER & HELICOPTER GUY ft. ALON ELIAN - Ebenezer Xanderstein / Ms. Foxtrot WILL KOLLER - Keisha Xanderstein / Bryce / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Raul / Jonah Hill DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Daniel Elijah Foxtrot / Brad Pitt theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

( 1991 - 2020) Ashley Vanderbilt, former bank employee and famed artist, died last night pasta Exit 5 in Boise, Idaho. Crafting herself a spot in the food-based art world, Vanderbilt will no doubt go down in the history cookbooks as significant, creating a lifetime of controversial works in the likeness of various political leaders. She will be remembered by her work wife Sarah, her work wife's wife Angelina, her worker Robert, and her work which has dried out the world's pasta market. Funeral rescheduled from a Monday to a Tuesday. Safe weekend, everyone. This episode is sponsored by: MAGIC BATTERIES & TONY CASPANZA ft. NEYSA LOZANO - Ashley Vanderbilt / Putin JONAH - Sarah Martinstin / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Angelina / KremlinMan DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Robert / Mrs. Putin theme music by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

Editor's Note: obituary translated from 21st century English to 29th century English. (1985 - 2899) Kevin Gurburbaby, amateur professional eater ଏବଂ ତିନିଜଣଙ୍କ ପିତା ଗତକାଲି ରାତିରେ ତାଙ୍କ ଘରେ ମୃତ୍ୟୁ ବରଣ କରିଥିଲେ Tempe, Arizona. ସେ ତାଙ୍କ ପତ୍ନୀଙ୍କୁ ଏକ Outback, ସେମାନେ ଏକ Applebees, ସେ ହେଲା food lawyer ଯେତେବେଳେ ସେ ସମସ୍ତ ରୋଜଗାର ଖାଇଲେ - ତାଙ୍କର ଅନେକ ଛୁଟିଦିନ ଏବଂ ଏକାଧିକ ଦ daily ନିକ ଭୋଜନ ଯାତ୍ରା ପାଇଁ ଖର୍ଚ୍ଚ କଲେ. ତାଙ୍କୁ ଅଳ୍ପ ଲୋକ ମନେ ରଖିବେ - ଯେହେତୁ ସେ କେବେବି ରୋଜଗାର କରିନାହାଁନ୍ତି framed picture in a hallway - କିନ୍ତୁ ତାଙ୍କର କଙ୍କାଳଟି ଟେମ୍ପେ ପ୍ରତ୍ନତାତ୍ତ୍ୱିକ ସମାଜ ଦ୍ୱାରା ଆସୁଥିବା ଦଶନ୍ଧି ଧରି ପରୀକ୍ଷା କରାଯିବ. ପାଇଁ ଦାନ କରାଯାଇପାରିବ Arena Football League. This episode is sponsored by: THE ASTROTURF BOTOX & GOLDEN CAROL ft. SAM CLARK - Kevin Gurburbaby TRICIA CRIMMINS - Linda / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Steven / Steven 2.0 / Law Professor DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Kevin 2.0 / Lawyer / Montgomery theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1956 - 2020) Donna Kass, a real lovely just real pleasant woman from Palm Beach, flew with plumage to her death last night on the shores of the Great Salt Lake. A former stewardess for Pennsylvanstralia Airlines in her pre-marriage life, Kass in post-marriage lived vicariously through her flapping memories of the ‘70's and the frenzied activities of her flock of kids. Revelations of a past relationship with a famed-figure-skater-turned-erotic-novelist have turned Kass's death into a bit of a zeitgiest black hole, and her funeral - next Tuesday in Florida - is said to have several celebrities RSVP'ed already. Livestream is on Starz Channel @ 8pm. This episode is sponsored by: CARDINAL SIN & A LADY'S GOTTA TELL ft. HANNAH ALBERTINE - Donna Kass TRICIA CRIMMINS - Rachel / Jeffrey Damienson / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Robbie / Margaret Damienson DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Mortician Sec / Damien Damienson theme music by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1972 - 2013) Dean Marmoset, whom you definitely have never heard of, died last night alongside thirty-five others in a high school gym - but at least there was coffee. A delivery man with a penchant for spilling liquids, Marmoset was the protege of famed inventor Mr. Charles, whom you definitely have heard of, and attempted to follow in the footsteps of this vehicular pioneer: a pursuit of Elon Musk-iness that accidentally sped him to his untimely death. He will be buried on Friday with his prototypes, after a brief eulogy and pilates session led by his sister, Stacy. This episode is sponsored by: ROY'S RED HOT WARM ICE CUBES & SPYWARE EMPLOYEE ft. JONAH - Dean Marmoset TRICIA CRIMMINS - Mr. Charles / Stacy / Afternoon Buzzer / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Mr. Loge / Short Guy / Tall Guy / Evening Buzzer DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named / Kid / Morning Buzzer theme song by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1991 - 2018) Peter Sarah Thompson, infamous Orange Squeezer of Villageville, Delaware, died this morning at the ripe age of 27. Known as Peter to friends - but Sarah to others - she was prophesied at birth for this life of squeezing: a seed-y predetermination that Thompson constantly tried to buck, throwing her life into indecisive chaos. She will be missed by all of us townspeople, who will just have to laze around for the next Orange Squeezer to be prophesied - drinking cranberry in the meanwhile to stave off a sugary drought. Oh boy. This episode is sponsored by: CRUSHED MEAT of LOUISVILLE & UPCOMING FILM: THE SHAMAN GUY ft. EDEN RICKOLT - Peter Sarah Thompson WILL KOLLER - Jesus / Matthew / Matthew's Dad / Martha / sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Mark Tony / Frankfurt Frankfurtson DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Peter's Father Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

!! SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE ALERT !! There's a ghost down on Earth, haunting the living - on Halloween Night, no less. Follow along as God and the Devil leave the humble confines of their elevator podcast studio and descend in tandem-costume down to the mortal realm to put to bed an undead baseball player: uncovering the secrets of a seventy-year-old “ghost” town, a strangely regenerative brand of Chianti, and a love story spookily suppressed by the boys on the ball-field. Boo. Boo. BOO. This episode is sponsored by: THE TURTLE RESHELLER TRICIA CRIMMINS - Babe Tooth / sponsorship WILL KOLLER - Papa Skeletons / Ernie / Coach JONAH - Hot Ryan / The School Librarian JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Leonard / Marshall / Announcer DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Babe Bluth / Science Teacher / Chianti Owner Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1989 - 2019) Local Fresno podiatrist Angela Merkel Martin kicked the bucket last night. Known for setting off the now-legendary “Toehead Trial” that captivated the city in the summer of ‘19, Martin was often thought of as an authoritative second-rate foot quack - but sources have informed me that every night, she went to bed with a floor full of bunions and a cache stuffed with non-emotional patient connections to hold on to. So there's that. She will be missed by Jenny, her wife and solemate. Funeral's Tuesday, y'all. This episode is sponsored by: MIKE'S GOOD ft: TRICIA CRIMMINS - Angela Merkel Martin / Angela Merkel Martin's Toehead WILL KOLLER - Jenny / Jenny's Toehead / Sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Jimmy / Maxwell Martinson / Pepe DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Emmanuel Macron Jones / Judge Johnson Smith Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod

(1975 - 2020) Arnold Gardiner, head pilot of the Pennsylvanstralia Airline, died in mid-air this morning while making one of his patented roundtrip flights from Pittsburgh to Sydney. Remembered for his frenetic lifestyle and dedication to evasive acrobatic flight patterns, Arnold created an infrastructure of semi-talented flight attendants and loyal paper moguls that kept his airline afloat for over two decades. His death - while not a surprise at his age - threw the aeronautic world for a tragic loop-de-loop. An auction will be held on Friday to sell off his excess stash of Sprite and Cats the Musical memorabilia. RSVP for funeral at vote.org. This episode is sponsored by: STAY AWAKE: A LIFESTYLE COMPANY & THE SYDNEY AIRPORT WILL KOLLER - Arnold (guest) / 11 yr old kid / Lawyer JONAH - Timmy / Sponsorships JOHN GOODMAN - Devil / Cheryl DAN KUAN PEEPLES - God / Georgie / Richie Papers / Mother Theme Song produced by Aaron Shapiro an ELEVATOR pod