Hashtag Single

Got the February blahs? This time of year you may feel yourself especially triggered by the abundance of roses at Whole Foods around February 14th or simply depleted by the lack of sunshine and daylight hours. Whereever you're coming from, dating can be a downright slog in February, and if you're experiences negative feelings around your sense of self, resentment, or loss of hope, it may be signs that it's time to take a break. But, can we take a break?? We've been exploring this topic in the last few episodes of #single.  If you've been dating as long as I have, you might be feeling addicted to the idea of hope, knowing that you can't get off the hamster wheel of dating because the longer we invest time and energy into something, the stakes of having all your time and energy justified become way higher. This is the gambler's mentality. Join me as I chat through this concept and more with Dr. Kathrine Beyanyan, a dating and relationship consultant with a background in matchmaking.  If you're interested in working with Dr. Kathrine you can learn more about her and her work here.  

Have you ever considered neuroplasticity when it comes to dating? No?!?  Okay, me neither.  Why is it that we rarely consider and barely talk about how happiness, overall well being, and dating are interrelated?  What if I told you there was not just a science to our well being, but a scientific way to rewire the neuropathways in our brains towards happiness so that we can not only become better daters but actually enjoy the process??  Sounds to good to be true, right? Dr. Rick Hanson, psychologist and New York Times Bestselling Author (of seven books!) has spent his life passionately pursuing the science of lasting happiness through positive neuroplasticity and if you think #single has gone off the deep end, I hope you'll stick with me to experience a new and different way to approach dating with Rick, a truly kind and beautiful person who is full of curiosity and joy.  If you wanna know more about Rick's work you can buy his books, take his online courses, or listen to his podcast, "Being Well." Or just learn more about Rick here! *** Wanna chat more? DM us on Instagram @hashtagsinglepod Text or call 929-278-5574

It's December. Holiday breaks and family time approaches. We look back and think about the year and all it brought us.  Check in with yourself: how are you feeling about this year? As you may know, 2023 was a difficult year for me all-around. I faced my father's death, getting dumped by a person who disrespected and possibly/ probably lied to me, and creativity blocks around my passion projects. Disconnect, lonelieness, and lack of purpose hounded me. With the death of my dad, I questioned the meaning of absolutely everything. Whether you too experienced these things or not, maybe some of this resonates. I wanted to address and tackle some of these issues for the single community with a beloved creativity coach and mentor of mine, Liz Kimball.  Liz Kimball is a creative guru to women creators like myself, helping strong multi-hyphenate leaders that sometimes struggle to get out of their own way come to a place of grace and acceptance within themselves.  Liz's words of confidence, strength in womanhood, and tapping into one's own creativity helped me connect with my inner self during some dark times this year.  For anyone else that's going through a transitional time in their life, I hope our conversation brings you some clarity and light. Learn more about Liz Kimball here.   

WE'RE BACK!!  Well... kinda. You might have noticed (or you might have not, depending on the kind of year you have been having) that we've been absent for quite a while. Episode 79 was published in October 2022 - over a year ago. What's happened? Quite alot, as it were. I got busy with work. I started dating someone. And then my dad got sick.  My dad died in May of this year. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. It's still hard to feel like it does. It took me a long time to decide to come back to dating, and to come back to #single. The simple truth is that I had recorded episodes earlier this year that I never published and that was weighing on me. They're wonderful conversations about taking a break, about the science of well-being, and how to hold on to happiness while struggling with dating. So I thought I would do the very thing I've always asked my single guests to do: be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with where I'm at. Perhaps you too are struggling with loss. Perhaps you're also trying to date while grieving. No one ever really talks about this stuff, so I decided I would. I hope it resonates with you. (But there's also a juicy and ridiculous dating story in there too, we can't neglect those entirely lol). If any of this resonates, reach out. I'd love to hear from you.  Comment here or DM us on IG @hashtagsinglepod or text/ leave a voice message at (929) 278-5574. 

Sonali is a radiant single woman who, at the blushing age of 35, is proudly still a virgin.  Raised in a conservative Indian household, her family restricted her interactions socially, not just with boys her own age but girls as well, which meant she had limited social development until she went to college.  Once there however, she wasn't allowed to stay on campus and commuted back-and-forth the entire time.  This upbringing, in addition to her own strong beliefs about sex and one-night stands, has led her to become the 35-year-old virgin she is today. There are a lot of cultures and religions that forbid sex before marriage, but how does that fit into modern day dating?  If and when do you tell the person that you're dating that not only are you not sexually active, but the person you intend to lose your virginity to will be your husband?  Will that scare potential suitors away or weed out the ones who aren't the right match? Sonali and I trade thoughts on this very hot topic, and we include thoughts from Dr. Phil who gave Sonali his opinion on this question in 2020.  VOP Jason joins the convo to debate why the institution of marriage is falling out of favor, as well as his perspective growing up in a family that was not as sexually conservative as Sonali's but just as intentional about maintaining their family's cultural roots, traditions, and belief systems. We'd love to hear what you think!  Watch Sonali on Dr. Phil here    

It all started with a story of getting picked up on while walking down the street, leading to the innocuous question by Josh (our VOP): "How do I approach a woman in public without scaring her or offending her?" If you listened to our last episode, you'll learn that I went on a solo group trip with Flash Pack to Peru in July, and there I met singles Elizabeth and Josh, who I got to have a lively conversation with over dinner one night in Urubamba.  It's totally scary to approach a stranger in public and ask them out on a date, but Elizabeth and I believe that half the time we have to give men the permission, letting them know that it's okay to approach us and ask us out - if done respectfully.  Thus: societal chicken. Along the way we discuss the difficulties of being a career-driven women who has spent a good portion of her life in training or in school and hasn't prioritized dating, and the wins and losses that come with that choice, as well as the shortened timeline all adults in their late 30's and 40s experience whilst trying to date. Lots to chew on in this reprieved Peruvian dinner convo!  We love to hear your thoughts - drop us a DM or comment & let us know your thoughts!

This summer we've featured some ways to get off the awful dating apps and meet people back in the real world, aka IRL dating.  While City Swoon and We Met IRL are fantastic speed dating companies you should definitely be checking out (see Episodes 74 & 75), this episode is still in keeping with IRL dating experiences, but it's also a bit more. In July I traveled to Peru with a company called Flack Pack, a boutique adventure travel company offering excursions for solo group travel for people in the 30's and 40's.  Co-founder Lee Thompson found that in his 30's he wanted to see the world, but friends were often unavailable, and because he and his co-founder Radha Vyas (now wife!) couldn't find any cool companies that catered to their age group, they decided to create their own. You could meet someone on a solo group trip to Peru or elsewhere, but their mission is broader: to create one million friendships.  It's extremely difficult to create and maintain a friend group, especially as we get older and especially as a single person.  It's simultaneously so essential to our well-being and in a post-pandemic time, it couldn't be more crucial.  So while Flash Pack is about joining like-minded people for the trip of a lifetime, it's even more so about human connection and community.   I'm so excited to sit down with Lee to learn about how he went from a viral "selfie with Jesus" to one of the leading travel group companies.  We also talk about Flash Pack's new blog series SOLO and why it's so important to be having honest conversations about loneliness right now.  I hope this episode inspires you - if you're itching to travel you don't need to wait for anyone to show up in your life to do so.  Say yes to yourself and go out and see the world!  Learn more about Flash Pack here!

Have you ever asked other single women just how many times they've been asked that dreaded question "Why are you single?" It's pervasive in our culture.  But what happens when your date says it to you?? Or what if - as in the case of our guest Tara - your date actually has the balls to ask WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Honestly... what is wrong with PEOPLE. For some reason it's unsettling to meet a woman in her 40's with no kids and who's single.  Why? Because if you don't fit in a box, people don't really know what to do with you.  And that's terrifying. Joining Tara as our VOP is my now very infamous friend Greg who, once upon a time, convinced me to start this podcast in the first place.  He's now single and he actually met Tara on Hinge, but they decided they're better off friends. Last month, Greg introduced me to Tara and we hit it off on so many levels. Curious how people meet on dating apps but maneuver the transition to friends?  Listen in to hear from Greg and his approach to friendship and women in general, and you'll understand how we've been friends for thirteen years :).     

If you're still feeling like you need to shake things up a bit with your IRL dating game, enter Maxine Waters, an incredible entrepreneur and visionary whose BRAND NEW - as in, they literally hosted their very first event six months ago - speed dating company We Met IRL is completely changing the game. Frustrated after attending a speed dating event that she felt wasn't very diverse, Maxine decided to do the thing that many of us talk about and never execute: if she couldn't find speed dating events that were specifically for women of color, she would make one.  We Met IRL is a safe space specifically and intentionally made for people of color to meet, get to know one another in a post-pandemic world, and possibly even fall in love. Join us to learn how Maxine took her idea to a company that is fielding partnership requests, going on tour around the USA, and being featured in the NY Times - all in under a year.  We love a badass female entrepreneur and we love anyone who's making change for good in the dating game!   Curious and want to attend? Sign up here.

If you like ahem, all of us, are tired of the dusty dating apps that lead to nowhere and are chomping at the bit for a Hot Girl Summer 2022, we got you!  We're about to introduce you to companies that are shaking things up on the dating scene IRL - that's right, in real life.  Just like 2005 all over again. Benjamin Goodman is the Marketing and Events Consultant of international speed dating company City Swoon.  City Swoon is different than your average speed dating service because it pairs the original structure of speed dating with an app-like algorithm to ensure you actually meet people you'd be interested in dating!  *mind blown*  This company is so successful they boast events in 8 cities across America, 6 cities in Australia, 2 in Canada, and the UK coming soon. If you're IRL-curious, Ben breaks City Swoon down for you.  I've done two City Swoon experiences and I've really enjoyed it!  And heres a very special #single offer - the first 10 listeners that write in to admincontact@gmail.com will receive a special offer from CitySwoon!  You literally have no excuse.  Get dating, pals! I'm in!  Where do I learn more? Speed Dating near me with Amazing Singles +Virtual +Local Events | Cityswoon

Are you stumbling around in the dark blindly, looking for love or a relationship?  Certainly sometimes online dating can feel that way, especially in NYC.  Enter Amber Lee, CEO, Founder, and matchmaker at Select Date Society, a luxury matchmaking service working with high income earners and high caliber singles, that she started in the pandemic after a life-threatening and unexpected cardiac arrest while driving made her realize how life is short and there's no time like the present to go after one's dreams.  Now if you're like me you're thinking: I may be high caliber, but I'm not high income! -- no problem!  You can still become part of Select Date Society's network of singles looking for love.  This episode title is a bit tongue-in-cheek, as Amber's husband is actually visually impaired.  After telling me the story of how they met, she challenged me to watch the Netflix show "Love is Blind" and you guys... I have some THOUGHTS on this show!!!! Before I get carried away with more bad puns about... ahem... visualizing your future relationship, I'll sum it up by announcing that for the summer of 2022 I've been issued a dating challenge by Amber to see if I can't change my First Date Dropoff problem - and you all are gonna hold me accountable!!! Learn more about Amber here. Join the Select Date Society network here.

My single guest this month is Annie, a wine enthusiast and educator, and we agree on two things:  first, dating apps suck, and second, the 1984 classic adventure-comedy film "Romancing the Stone" is one of the best rom-coms of all time.    The problem of course is the set up: like a lot of unwitting screen heroines of her time, Kathleen Turner plays a woman who was guaranteed a drab existence until her life is suddenly transformed by the entrance of a stubborn and lonely man who also happens to be handsome and adventurous.  They hate each other and they endure each other's company until one day they realize they're mad about each other and they can't live without one another.   Listen. In 2022, each of them would have thrown in the towel and gone back to swiping before the first day of silent treatment was even over.  Adding to this, as we get older, dating gets harder because we are simultaneously becoming more specific about what we want our own lives to look life and we're less open to say, going on crazy adventures in Columbia.  But also our barrier for what is "okay" - that is, decent and acceptable behavior - becomes a lot stronger and tougher to ignore.    So what's a complex (and a bit nutty) single badass female gonna do?  We discuss aging, app dating and more.  Pour yourself a glass of vine and be sure to stay to the end where we dish out some tough feminist advice to our VOP!

So what exactly has changed in society around gender and sexuality in the last four years?  Maybe it feels like we've made progress by gaining certain freedoms while at the same time things have also become way more complicated? If that resonates with you, you're in good company.     Fortunately for all of us I have THE most incredibly savvy, smart, sharp-witted human, Arielle Isaac Norman, a self-proclaimed "gender-flexing, five-star lesbian" who is creator and co-host of Gender Fluids podcast joining me to excavate and examine the culture of questioning and what it means to redefine partnership in a post- gender normative world.    We also cover the transition from Mormonism to gender queerness, living in a poly commune, and best of all, using comedy to address topics surrounding sexuality and gender queerness in an open, vulnerable way that invites conversation.  Believe me, I support your crushing on this fabulous multi-hyphenate creative as much as I am!   Want more Arielle? Listen to Gender Fluids on Apple Podcasts here Learn more about Arielle's comedy here

Hey. How are u ?   Yup, we're tired of it too.  If you're starting to feel as if the world no longer knows how to hold an actual conversation, you'll enjoy this talk I have with gender and communications professor Dr. Cassandra LeClair about accountability on dating apps, post-pandemic overwhelm, and the overall breakdown of boundaries in our dating experience and expectations.   Cassandra's journey to pursuing an understanding in communicating interpersonal needs and boundaries has always been clear, even if understanding why she felt the need to address unspoken fears, guilt, and shame was hidden beneath years of her own trauma.  It took a dramatic accident for her to suddenly come to terms with the stories she had been telling herself, cloaked under the mantra, "I'm fine." If you yourself have used "I'm fine" to muscle your way through hurt or pain, you're not alone.  Women often internalize shameful experiences as a normal part of growing up or "just the way things are" until they're able to heal themselves.     Wait till the end when I finally get to ask the question I've always wanted to know the answer to:  Do women and men just have totally different expectations with communication?   Learn more about Cassandra here Buy her book on Amazon here Listen to her podcast

There's a superstition amongst creative people - especially amongst stand-up comedians - that if you're happy and in a successful, fulfilled relationship, that you'll lose your hunger for the art, or worse, the edge to your comedy.  It comes out of the ancient idea that in order to be an artists, one needs to suffer for their art.  So I sat down with two single comedians to find out if there's any truth to that old belief.  Can comedians and creatives actually have successful traditional relationships, or do they just end up self-sabotaging because their passion always comes first?   Along the way, we also discuss the bizarre landscape that is being a woman who is always a little in fear of meeting strangers for a date, outsourcing your dating apps to your mom, and the value of a phone number.  Especially when someone sends you an unsolicited hairy belly button.   Join me as I chat all things single and happiness with two funny people who take the time to get real with me and give me the skinny on dating while working in comedy.   Want more of Abby & Paul? Abby's upcoming shows Paul's upcoming shows

If you're a badass feminist *obsessed* with Wordle (raises hand), let me introduce you to the goddess of words, Lizzie Skurnick, whose recent book "Pretty Bitches: On Being Called Crazy, Angry, Bossy, Frumpy, Feisty, and All the Other Words That Are Used to Undermine Women" is part memoir, part dramaturgical examination, and part exorcism of the words that have pained, broken, and oppressed women for decades of their lives. If you've ever felt restricted by a word, shamed by a word, or called something you thought about for a week afterwards, you are not alone.  It's time to throw off the shame of language.  You will feel stronger after reading the essays in this book, and you will realize -single or no - that none of us are truly alone. Happy Women's History Month. Buy the book on Amazon here. Buy the book at an NYC independent bookstore owned by WOC here. Learn more about Lizzie here.

I don't know if this makes us "good girls" or not but we looooove talking about sex on #single!    So this month I've invited transformational workshop leader, author, speaker, life coach and sex educator - and of course, podcast creator and host - Leah Carey to join me to talk about her life, journey and all the things that go into her podcast Good Girls Talk About Sex.  We cover some spicy hot topics like sexual agency, informed consent, sexual coercion, and where sex actually fits into singlehood (and no, we're not just talking masturbation).   Join us on this juicy ride into exploring our sexualities as part of discovering who we are by naming what we actually need.   Learn more about Leah here. Work with Leah here. Listen to Good Girls Talk About Sex here Leah's favorite episode - Part 1 and Part 2

A lone girl sits on a busy New York City subway. She is huddled in a warm, burgendy down coat and pink hat, in sharp contrast to the fluorescent lights and cold metal that's around her. She is intently reading something on her phone and as she scrolls a flush comes to her cheeks and her eyes widen in interest. The small rosebud "O" of her mouth is hidden beneath her KN95 mask.  A burly man in construction books sits down with a thud next to her, startling her focus.  She can't help but notice his thick thighs tightly stretched against the denim of his jeans, manspreading his way towards her.... .... What do you think?  Not bad for a first try? This month I can't wait to introduce you to Rachel Kramer Bussel, wonderwoman of a million literary things but this month, editor of the newly released anthology of erotica, "The Big Book of Orgasms, Volume 2."  I was lucky enough to be sent an early copy of this book to read as well as an earlier book she edited that was released in July 2021 entitled "Coming Soon: Women's Orgasm Erotica" and read both in tandem, switching back and forth between the two (often on the subway!).  In this episode, Rachel and I chat about what got her started in writing and editing erotica, how erotica can help us discover what turns us on without fear of shame or judgement, and why fantasy is such a necessary part of a healthy sex life, whether you're single or partnered. The Big Book of Orgasms released February 8th, 2022 for all of you looking to spice up your solo sex lives this V-Day and I highly recommend both books to treat yourself right! :) Buy the The Big Book on Amazon here. Buy Coming Soon at an independent retailer here. Learn more about Rachel here. Submit your own erotica for consideration of publication here!

#Newyearnewidea  We all could use a little change right now, and I thought it'd be fun to do something a little different.  This year I'm kicking off a Podcast Exchange, where I interview the host of another podcast that's also talking about relationships and dating to see what their hot topics are, what inspires them, and whcih episodes really resonate with other single women in their audience.   This month I'm honored to have dating coach, speaker, former matchmaker and CEO of Date Brazen Lily Womble, whose podcast - aptly named Date Brazen the Podcast - addresses weekly hot topics that come up in her coaching sessions as well as key strategies to work through them.  We chat through some of my favorite episodes, which cover topics such as dating as self-care, protecting your heart-time, and redefining dating ROI.     If you're finding you need a little swipecation to learn how to redefine your personal ROI so that you don't become disheartened when you don't reach a specific goal, don't miss this episode with encouraging support and insight from one of today's hottest dating coaches.   Learn more about Lily here. Download Lily's free guide to dating as self care here Work with Lily Listen to The Date Brazen Podcast

We begin 2022's new author series with Alisson Wood, whose first book "Being Lolita" is a memoir of the forbidden romance she had with her high school English teacher.    For the women who have been victims of a sexual predator, of sexual assault, of sexual trauma, especially as a teenager, Alisson wants you to know: You are not alone. You are seen. You are validated. You are understood.   And while this may initially seem like a bit of a left turn for #single, there are universal themes that emerge in Alisson's book that are not new territory for this podcast, including blame for bad or broken relationships as our fault or failure, society's virgin/ whore dichotomy, as well as talking about how the over-sexualization of teenage girls in early 2000s culture helped undermine our power & authority as young women.   If this sounds intense - it IS, culturally speaking - but this episode is not.  Because Alisson (and to an extent, myself) got the F out of these relationships and emerged stronger on the other side.   I hope you are inspired and encouraged by this beautiful warrior's truth and by our conversation that reclaims her story.   Learn more about Alisson here. Buy her book here on Amazon and here from The Lit Bar, a WOC-owned independent bookstore in the Bronx

Y'all!  What a year it's been!!  Most years when we hit December everyone says "wow this year flew by!" but dear god why did this one feel soooo loooong?  In lieu of a 1:1 episode for December, I decided to do something new.  I created a little mashup of the choicest nuggets from all of this year's guest expert episodes.  I had such incredible conversations with inspiring women on a range of topics, from female empowerment to financial behavior to dating with children to being child-free and beyond.  If you didn't get the chance to listen to all twelve episodes this year in full or if you're just the kind of person that likes a nice sum-up, I hope this episode inspires and fuels you to a better 2022.  Enjoy! Featuring (in order): Acamea Deadwiler (author) - episode 41 Teresa Thomas, MS (therapist/ coach) - episode 43 Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell (psychologist) - episode 45 Dr. Megan Stubbs (sexologist) - episode 47 Leisse Wilcox (mindset coach) - episode 49 Sandra Hatton (matchmaker) - episode 51 Julie Griggs & Danielle Dietzek (dating app founders) - episode 53 Olivia Summerhill (financial consultant) - episode 55 Eirinn Disbrow & Anna Jaller (filmmakers) - episode 57 Alexandra Laplante (solo show artist) - episode 59 Katie Von Till & Julie Wittner (content creators) - episode 61 Lily Walford (dating coach) - episode 62

Yeah you know me!  Who's down with NLP?  Every last homieeeee....   ..... Sorry, couldn''t help myself.  If you're not familiar with NLP, those letters stand for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which comes down to how one communicates with the subconscious.  We all know that our brain is receiving thousands of signals in every moment that we're not even consciously aware of; NLP practitioners believe there is a connection between neurological processes (neuro-), language (linguistic) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (programming), and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.  By knowing how to tap into this information, the goal is to find a true connection with a compatible partner.   That's where Lily Walford comes in.  Behavioral profiler, hypnotherapist, coach, and NLP trainer, Lily founded her company Love with Intelligence, to help people figure out why they are chasing love in a certain kind of way and also use body language analytics to see if someone is showing you their true selves vs just their public-facing persona.   We also chat about whether or not the me era creates singles who are too individualistic to realistically commit to a partnership and wrap things up with Lily's tips on maintaining your mental health during the holidays and through the end of 2021.   If this sounds juicy and you're NLP-curious, join us!  You can learn more about Lily and her company here.

For my lady friends who do not have kids.... what does your friend group look like?  Do you also have friends who are child-free?  Or do you maybe have a lot of girlfriends you just plain haven't seen in a while, where your friendship has petered out a bit after they decided to have kids?   For a lot of single people who are of child-bearing age, especially women, the dropoff of your friend group can be particularly devastating.  Comedians Julie Whittner and Katie Von Till are two such women who met in an acting class but inevitably bonded over not just their child-free status but their determination to not ever become mothers.  Leaning into this idea, Katie and Julie decided to create a series pilot called "Not Moms" that highlights the trials, tribulations, highs and lows of losing your social group to parenthood.   If anyone has ever fed you a line of "hot having anyone to take care of you when you're old" or "not knowing the meaning of life" or "never experiencing true love," or if you've ever wondered if you made the wrong choice, no matter what that choice is, then you'll relate to this conversation I have with the Not Moms about how bullshit the whole gd system is.   "Not Moms" is currently on the festival circuit and therefore not available to the public, but we are rooting for its future life so we can improve the visibility and representation of child-free women on tv!

Rachel is a fabulous single woman with a fascinating story that starts with finding her husband at a Mormon college that has traditional gender roles, going to China as newlyweds, leaving him, returning to China, experimenting with dating both sexes there, and ultimately returning stateside to Colorado.     Now... you don't have to necessarily move across the world to another country post-divorce, but In the process of trying to bend over backwards to make her marriage work, she ultimately lost so much of her true self that she found being in a strange city helped her process her emotions and reconnect with who she was at her core.   Similarly, our VOP Andrew picked up his life from conservative Christian Mississippi, where he married at a young age and moved to Utah as his divorce was finalizing.  And while both of these beautiful people suffered traumatic, tough experiences, they also found divorce to be a profound experience that they both needed to truly emerge as a stronger person more connected with their inner truth.   We're not saying you have to go to China or Utah to find yourself, but hey, if you have the opportunity to move cross country or across the world post-divorce, maybe try it.  #EatPrayLove, ya know?

Next up in our creativity series is Alexandra Laplante, a queer writer/ performer who talks about her journey from monogamy to cheating to polyamory in a solo storytelling piece called "Unconventionally Intimate" which in pre-pandemic times was staged and performed in people's apartments around NYC! Alex shares her incredible story with us of how she used writing and ultimately performing to help her become honest and open with her sexuality and her core truths, and ultimately find peace with how she wanted to live her life.   She created this show because she believes there needs to be more representation of shame-free female sexuality, non-monogamy and bisexuality/ pansexuality in performances (and let's be honest, the world) and by crafting an intimate, private experience she invited people to let down their walls, be curious, and ask questions ... both to her and to themselves. She's a fierce advocate for better depictions of non-traditional relationships in theater and we can't wait to see what she's cooking up next! Learn more about Unconventionally Intimate here.

The online daters' dilemma: do I give this bad texter the benefit of the doubt and double down on my effort to coax them out of their shell?  Or do I take their lack of communication as a clue that they're really not all that interested and move on? Related: in this day and age, do women still expect to be pursued a bit harder (courted, if you will?).... or does the "me culture" of 2021 prevent all of us from pursuing more than we're being pursued? Spoiler:  we don't have answers in this episode.  But Shea and I, along with our VOP Daryl, debate who we feel should be putting in more effort (or in my case, any effort) to get to the date, in planning the date, and even on our beloved hot topic: paying for the date.  If you're like one of us, who tend to approach dating with an arms-folded approach, join our convo as we discuss the obstacle no one ever talks about in dating: EFFORT.

Ever catch yourself thinking:  "My dating life is so epic, it would make a great movie or tv series!!" followed by "that's ridiculous, movies take thousands of dollars?!" or even "that's ridiculous!  It's the pandemic, I can't even GO to the movies!!" ? Well friends, I have not one but TWO incredible filmmaking teams that beat both odds and managed to create gorgeous, hilarious, heartwarming content, pandemic be damned, about modern dating. Eirinn Disbrow (Director) and Anna Jaller (Producer, Actor) created Love in 2020, an all-too-familiar tale of managing dating while quarantined inside your home, that ultimately becomes a love story about falling in love with yourself. Jonan Feingold (Writer, Director) created Dating & New York, about two hopeless millennials cursed by the paradox of love, dealing with tackling technology and communication in a modern day rom-com with a twist. I chat with them both about whether these stories will be interesting to future generations, why modern dating stories are still needed, and how their projects fit into the overall narrative of female desire.  Watch Love in 2020 Watch Dating & New York

Let's acknowledge some assumptions about older age that have been programmed into us. People of an older age naturally feel a need to settle down.   They get comfortable in their ways.  They're afraid to take risks.  They're happy the way things are.  They're inflexible. They don't take care of themselves and they "let themselves go", because they stop caring. All older men want to date much younger women. They give zero fucks. Okay, the last one is 100% true.  But the rest aren't always.  Why do we have certain preconceptions of certain age groups?  Who put them there?  Why do we let ourselves define people by age anyway?  My guest Kim, who is 59 and struggles with meeting men her age who match her at her enthusiasm for living, chats with me about when we decided what age meant what exactly, and what would happen if we all did away with that filter... who might you fall in love with if age wasn't an issue? VOP Ron, also 59, shares his side of the story on why men his age act a certain way and broadens to scope to consider culture and location.  Who would you fall in love with if you could unprogram yourself? Join us for this interesting convo and feel free to share your thoughts here or over on instagram @hashtagsinglepod!! 

August is National Financial Awareness month (it's okay, we didn't know either), so in honor of always trying to become more aware and educated, this month's guest is the very badass Olivia Summerhill of Summerhill Wealth Management, an asset management firm that specifically works with high net worth women before, during, and after divorce. If the words "wealth" and "high net worth" have you about to skip this episode, hear me out: this conversation is way more than talking about what house billionaires get to keep after they find their husband boinking the nanny.  It's true in America that there's a huge void when it comes to empowering women in terms of money and specifically in divorce, where it's more likely that the husband has been managing the finances of the family.  Women need to know what our options are and what our rights are, and as the financial advisor sector is very male-dominant, Olivia has created a firm that ONLY works with women in order to be an ally and a champion and to provide a safe space for women who may not have had the same financial education that their spouses have had. So we're not just talking wealthy divorce, we're talking approaching money from a place of financial literacy, empowerment, and even if you're single, understanding the psychology, emotions, and behaviors behind your own personal approach to finances. Okay so maybe all those words still have you running for the hills, but I promise you you'll become as big a fan of Olivia Summerhill as I am after this episode.  She even shares some free resources for those of us not lucky enough to be able to hire her! Learn more about Olivia here!

Everyone has a "my mom told me" story when it comes to sex and dating.  Sometimes they're funny, oftentimes they're weird, and every once in a blue moon there's that best friend who brags about how she got the cool mom who gave her the deets like the older sister we all craved.  My guest Tati was homeschooled until college, which means she lacked the requisite sex ed we had to suffer in school and also missed out on all the secret information that was whispered in the girls locker room.  Not to mention - her mother told her she was a virgin until marriage... which turns out (spoiler!) was not true. Our VOP Jeff on the other hand was brought up by a mother who taught him about condoms before he hit puberty.   So how exactly did our moms input influence our expectations and information around dating?  And what about our mom's mom, what kind of info did she get (if any?). Join us as we talk about the legacies that trickled down maternally, as well as dating powerful men, and why men don't respond to women who message first.  

If you're ready for a different type of dating app experience, I can't wait to introduce you to the badass ladies behind new group dating app FourPlay.  Julie Griggs and Danielle Dietzek were working full time as medical professionals when they decided to develop a dating app with a difference, one that took the pressure off the one-on-one connection and focused on getting single people connecting in the world in real life. How's it work?  Simple.  You join with a pal, called a "teammate" and you make a team dating profile. Then both of you can swipe individually on other teams. If you like a pair, your teammate will get a notification to check them out.  If both teams swipe right, a group chat is then opened. Dating strangers on the internet is terrifying for a lot of women and Danielle and Julie had this at the forefront of their mind in creating the antithesis of a dating app, one that's not only like a casual group hangout, but one that provides a layer of safety as well.   Hope listening to these two inspiring entrepreneurs and besties encourages you to text your single pal "hey... have you heard of FourPlay?" today :) 

What are the three things you're not supposed to bring up in polite conversation? Sex, politics, religion?  Right, well, we're breaking all the rules on this one - cause not only do we talk about all three, but we dive deep into how religion, specifically, hyper-conservative Christian religions, can influence our value systems and our approach to dating and love in general.  What are the challenges of navigating being a single independent woman when you were raised to just be a wife and a mom?  My guest Stephanie comes from a fundamentalist Christian upbringing, which is particularly strict about modesty/ purity culture (ie, no sex before marriage) as well as the patriarchal family structure of the man's role being first and foremost.  And while many conservative Christians can and do find love and happiness at a young age, what happens if you're 41, single, and childless and finding it hard to relate?   Our VOP Kyle on the other hand was born outside of a marriage to parents who wanted him to choose a religion on his own, and shares with us his unique perspective on the freedom of choice and what finding love and dating means to him. We've never done a deep dive on the intersection of dating and religious backgrounds before, and while this can be a dicey subject for some, I was honored to have this super insightful and respectful conversation with two people from two different experiences and points of view.  I hope you find it as illuminating as I did.   ***editor's note: I mention in this episode that women didn't have access to birth control in the 70's unless they were married, but in 1972 the Supreme Court legalized birth control for unmarried people.  That still does not mean that all women had access to it, especially women of color and those without access to healthcare.  Additionally, to this day, some states still require a husband or father's signed consent for abortion procedures, so as we all know the conversation about birth control and women's rights over reproduction is ongoing.

YOU GO GIRLFRIEND!!!  We're throwin' it back to the 90's in honor of my birthday this month and the 30th anniversary of It's Just Lunch, a multi-national matchmaking agency founded in 1991 by a busy, professional woman who wanted to make it easier for professionals to date. So, what was working with a matchmaking agency even like in 1991 when the internet was a baby?  I talk with VP of Sales Sandra Hatton to discuss the biggest thing that has shifted in our culture of dating in thirty years:  verification.  Dating has gone from someone you know (or who knows the person you want to know) to a field of strangers.  And alllll the behaviors that now come with that reality. Stay tuned till the end where Sandra and I play a game called Dating in 2020 or 2000? .... and Sandra fails epically. Learn more about It's Just Lunch here!

You know that cliche Hallmark fairy tale story where the big, successful city girl goes home to her parents house in small town America for a short time and she falls in love with the unexpectedly hot single guy that runs the bike or handyman shop and she has to decide between returning to her (lonely) big city life or return to her roots in this small suburban town?  Know anyone that happened to in the pandemic?   Yeah, neither do we.  Our guest Zofia (and many others) went home and simply took a break from dating altogether.  Why bother dating when you know you're gonna be leaving soon?  Why date in a country (or town) that you don't want to ultimately settle or live in?   Taking that a step further - if you don't want to date in the place that you're currently in, why not set your filters to only show you people from the place you want to live in the future? Zofia and I discuss whether or not that would actually work (on both sides) and the ethical consequences of that.  But what about the world where people are matching with people in other countries that they then have no intention of ever meeting?  And is there a difference in how men respond to this and where women stand on this?  We ask our VOP Renard to chime in, and his answer may (or may not) surprise you. :)

How do you process being single?  Do you feel frustrated, doubtful, even shamed?  In this episode with transformational mindset and relational coach Leisse Wilcox, we take a deep dive into where that shame comes from, whether it's internal or external, and what you can "do" (and not do) about it.   And since we celebrate Mother's Day this month and Leisse is a mother of three herself who also happens to be single, we approach the topic of "otherhood".... what happens to us when we fill or don't fill society's expectations of us to be mothers?   Listen in to Leisse's gorgeous guidance and words of encouragement as we navigate these tricky feelings... we promise you'll feel better on the other side.   Learn more about Leisse here! Buy here book here! Listen to her podcast here

Have you been wanting #single to chat with a pansexual polyamorous/ ethical non-monogamist sober stand-up comedian?  Well, your prayers have been answered!!   Listen in as I chat with Lisa, a delightful gem of person, on all of the unique dynamics of polyamorous dating... on apps.... in a pandemic....including what exactly it takes to be in a healthy multiple partnership (spoiler: it's all about communication).   We also talk orgies and Lisa's genius new idea for a bi/ poly dating app... wait for it... it's called PANCE.. and we're here for it.  :)

There's a lot of books for single people about dating.  And a lot of sex books that are written for couples.  Sooo..... why aren't there any sex books specifically written for single people? Enter Dr. Megan Stubbs, aka the "single sexologist," whose soon-to-be released book, "Playing Without a Partner," was written just for us on the topics of confidence, contentedness, fulfillment, and yes, sex in singledom. What's it really mean to be alone?  How can this time be beneficial instead of detrimental?  How can we live whole, full lives, experiencing all life has to offer as single people? These answers PLUS fun sex facts you never knew you wanted to know about, like things that don't mix well with semen, and cum that tastes like... bleach??? Uhhhh.... All this and more, hope you enjoy! :) Learn more about Dr. Megan here. Buy Megan's book!  

You've dated a douchebag.  Right? We all have.  There's no avoiding it.  There seems to be a plethora of dbs out there in the single world, especially in this crazy time of Covid.     if y'all thought dating in New York is bad.... we clearly had no idea what we weren't missing until I started talking to Mona, a badass comedian living and dating in LA who has got dating stories that will blow your mind.  It's one thing to try and date people in the entertainment industry who are just trying to use you to grow their following or ask you for a referral.. but it's another thing altogether if you're a female comic.  Cause if there's one thing that intimidates guys, we've learned it's a woman who unapologetically speaks her mind.  And if she can make people laugh?  Forget about it.  She's unstoppable.     Shout out to Who Haha for connecting me with Mona and her friend Jonathan.  We had the best time laughing and educating ourselves about all sorts of sex terminology.  Plus, Mona has got a dating story for the ages guaranteed to give you goosebumps...you don't want to miss this episode!

Let's talk about single shaming.  Chances are, you're been victim to it at least once in your life.  You've been told, directly or indirectly, that since you're clearly so fabulous and still single, that you simply must be doing something wrong!  You're too picky.  Or you're too thin.  Or too loud.  Or too desperate.  The list goes on and on. And who are the people most likely to be using this disparaging language on us?  Our friends.  Our family.  Even our own mothers.   To be fair, it's not really their fault.  They have been indoctrinated for decades with society's belief that a woman's worth is determined by her relationship status.  But Dr. Karin and I are not havin that, and we take a super deep dive discussing all this and more from her acclaimed book, "Single is the New Black: Don't Wear White 'Til It's Right," as well as her experiences from her background as a psychology professor for ten years in Chicago, as well as from her time being an accomplished (yet single) woman in her late 30's.  It's a super juicy episode so buckle up and put on your women's empowerment body armor for this excellent episode helping us celebrate International Women's History Month! Learn more about Dr. Karin here. Work with Dr. Karin here. Follow Dr. Karin @dr.karin on IG for all sorts of love, fabulous conversation, and advice!

Ever had that thing where you're chatting with someone on a dating app and it all starts to feel a little.... familiar??  I'll be the first to admit that I've started conversations with people I unmatched previously without fully realizing it at first, but unlike my guest Robin I'll eventually let the guy know what's up.  Robin however, likes to see "how far she can take it" lol before a guy will figure it out and sometimes.... spoiler!... they never do!! This has led her to have some seriously weird dating situations.   Do men have dating match amnesia when it comes to swiping?  Our VOP Jason weighs in on this and more, as we trade perspectives on what women look for in a dating app versus what men look for, and we FINALLY get answers as to why dudes send  dick pics.     I leave Robin and Jason with a challenge: they have to take the other person's suggestions for changes to their profile and keep them in place for thirty days.  Can't wait to see what happens!

Have you ever struggled with reconciling the equality you want in a relationship and the empowerment you have in your life with dating online?  .... Okay - that sentence might have just blown your mind a little bit.  But in this episode I'm joined by life & relationship coach Teresa Thomas, M.S, who's here to tell us that the way we identify ourselves and the things we want don't have to be mutually exclusive.  As a person who identifies as a Black feminist, she understands that society can often make you choose between your identities and your desires, but dating can be inclusionary and can uphold your individuality... if you make space for it and know how to look for what you want. This episode is chock full of such beautiful inspirational wisdom and it's our honor to have Theresa as our guest for Black History Month... yeah that's right, we chose to celebrate Black History Month over Valentine's Day on #single and we couldn't be happier about it.  Put on your big girl panties, it's time to get your feminism on! Learn more about Teresa here. Work with Teresa here.

Be honest:  what's your age on your dating profile?  Now, be even more honest: what's the age range you're looking for?  Is it your own age, plus or minus five years, or are you consistently looking for people younger than you?   My 1:1 guest this month, Grace, has an amazing range she's open to - guys ten years younger AND guys ten years older... which means she can potentially match with guys in their late 20's or even in their 50's, and you'd be surprised how much the kinds of dates differ between the two.     If Grace's voice sounds familiar to you, it's because she's been on #single before - last January Grace joined us as a Guest Expert!  Grace is a fantastic online dating specialist and coach at agoodfirstdate.com, and she's also single, so as a coach she really gets what it's like to be out there swiping in COVID and she shares some of her own insights from dating virtually in 2020 in this episode     Aaaaannddd... drumroll please!  Grace has very kindly created a super special offer for #single listeners!  If you feel like you could benefit from some of Grace's wisdom you're in luck.  She's offering a FREE 30 min coaching session with her to the first five listeners - yes, you read that right, so hurry up and respond ASAP using this link: bit.ly/singlepodcastGrace   We can't wait for you guys to connect - let us know how it goes!!

BONUS EPISODE!!  With this month's inauguration and allllll the intense politics of this month and the past year (woof), we wanted to bring you a bonus mash-up episode with two very awesome ladies who host innovative political podcast Girl and The Gov, who just so happen to be single :).  Sammy and Maddie created Girl and The Gov podcast to provide a platform for young women to engage with the evolving political sphere in an approachable, digestible, and accessible way.  We're super on board with highlighting women in the political space and all for establishing a place to amplify female voices.   And since these badasses are single, we thought it'd be cool to exchange ideas about the intersection of dating and politics - like, when is it okay to introduce politics on a date (or better yet, how it possible not to, given everything?).  How do you screen for values that might not align with your own... and can you even match with someone with opposing views in today's culture, or is it just too divisive?     If you're politics-curious and want to dip your toe in, Sammy and Maddie's podcast is such a great resource for those who want transparency and facts given to you in your own language.  Can't wait for these women to take over the world... and maybe even go on a decent date or two :).     Find out more about them here. Follow them here. Listen here on apple podcasts

Prepare to be showered by the goddess wisdom of Acamea Deadwiler, accomplished writer and author of "Single. That: Dispelling the Top Ten Myths of the Single Woman" which we're officially claiming as the #single podcast manifesto!!     Ever been called lonely, desperate, sexually frustrated, bitter?  Chances are you've been labelled or accused of at least one of these things one time or another - just because you're single.  What's up with that?  Why does our culture make such negative assumptions about us because we're not partnered up?  Acamea and I get deep into our introspection and analysis of the things in our society that have allowed single stereotypes to perpetuate and dismantle them one by one.  If you need 45 minutes with a strong, intelligent, inspiring female author to set you up right for 2021, this episode is for you.   Learn more about Acamea here. Buy SINGLE. THAT on Amazon here:  Or support female, black-owned NYC indie bookstore The Lit. Bar by buying it here.

If you've ever felt frustrated or out-of-sync with the speed which your matches want to move, you're SO not alone.  The timing of everything - from when to move off the app, when to trust someone with your phone number, when to meet up, and when you're ready to send sexy texts/ pics doesn't just vary from person to person, it seems like it varies greatly between men and women.  My guest Jessica and I discuss why is it that men seem to want to talk to you like you're their girlfriend when they haven't yet put in the time or effort to even meet you.  We also check in with our VOP Karl who's over in England to talk about his experience with different speeds on both sides, and how long distance relationships come into play in this whole equation.  If you've ever been called "sweetheart" before you're someone's actual sweetheart, this episode's for you... and be sure to stay tuned to our thirty-minute mark, where Jeanette shares an audio surprise you won't want to miss! :) 

When it comes to dating apps, are you winging it?  Swiping right with abandon or whenever someone seems cute or sane enough to have a conversation with?  That might be a good starting point but you may find that ultimately there's not enough to sustain you, and that's because you're not dating strategically. April Davis is the founder/ president of Luma, a privately-owned matchmaking firm with 40 locations across the US.  A certified life coach as well, she coaches her clients on the one thing she sees that's missing in today's dating culture: value and goal-based dating. Plus, she shares with us her tips on how to negotiate the emotional minefield of being single during the holidays!!  Don't miss this final guest expert episode in our matchmaking series.  We've had a blast getting to know all these incredible women and we hope it's illuminated the process and made you curious about working with a matchmaker in 2021.  Let us know how it goes! Learn more about April here.  To join the Luma database, click here.

Picture this:  it's a bright, warm, Hallmark-movie day... you're out running errands (with your mask on, natch), popping in to the post office and dashing off to Trader Joe's when you decide on a quick coffee stop... where you spot a cutie waiting for his oat milk latte.  Your eyes meet across the room.  He smiles (or at least... his eyes kinda crinkle above his mask)... you smile... and then... and then what?   Not exactly sure what comes next cause that just doesn't happen to you?  We're in the same boat.  How many times has anyone actually ever had a "meet-cute"?  Certainly it's been harder to do in Covid.   Our guest Sarah is a master at the meet-cute, but is struggling on the apps cause guys just don't seem to be seeking the thing she's looking for, which is: brains.  In this time of isolation and virtual connection is it easier or harder to connect intellectually?  We ask our VOP Michael to weigh in on whether men fantasize about being a power couple as much as smart women do.     If you're a woman bored of being called "Gorgeous" (capitalizaton intentional) and asked about your weekend instead of what you're reading, you'll love this episode where we discuss relationships that leave a mark and why you should never go out with a guy who picks you up at a gas station.  

What's your "baggage"?  Divorced, STIs, single mom of three kids, intimacy issues?  Our two experts - Michael Naisteter and Jaime Bernstein - are pro matchmakers from company Three Day Rule with backgrounds in sex positivity/ education and coaching the transition from co-parenting to single parenting.  They share their wisdom & insight with us on how to hurdle the barrier of facing your scary perceived baggage with someone new by knowing your value and doing the prep work needed to have these kinds of conversations.  As Jaime says, "Part of being an adult and being able to grow and move forward and have successful interactions and relationships is having difficult conversations that are awkward and are uncomfortable, so I think you have to stop hiding behind the excuse that it's too scary.  Your life will be better on the other side once you face that fear." If you agree that these positive ladies are just the bees knees and want them in your life, sign up for a profile at https://www.threedayrule.com/work_with_us. Learn more about Michal here Learn more about Jaime here

Did you ever get to that point in a relationship where your higher, smarter, grown self just sorta knew that you had to walk away cause it wasn't working out?  Not because you didn't love the person, but because a part of you could see that they weren't willing to work on their shit (while you've been working on yours all this time) and you knew that without that link, the problem wouldn't fix itself.    It takes a GROWN-ASS WOMAN to truly know her whole self, and know her full value to walk away from what's not working.  Cause this dating stuff isn't for the birds.  It challenges you in ways you never thought possible.  And it teaches you too, about what you like and don't like, about what's important to you and what's a dealbreaker.  My guest Lindsey will inspire the heck out of you to take a deeper look at what you need, what triggers you, and what you ultimately deserve so that you approach dating from the happiest, healthiest place possible. :) 

Excited to bring you our third episode in our Meet a Matchmaker Series!  Meet Tammi Pickle, VP and Partner of Elite Connections Matchmaking Agency which has been a female-founded, family-based (we're talking Tammi's mom!) company matchmaking singles since allllll the way back in 1994!!!  That's right - from matching by snail mail into the digital age, Elite has now grown up to thirteen (!) offices nationwide and internationally.  If that isn't a success story of female vision, leadership and badassery, I don't know what is.  Tammi shares with us her insider knowledge from working with and around her mom since 2000, including whether dating in the US is harder than in other countries, how to become a priority and not an option, and leaves us with her top three "Don'ts" for dating in 2020.  If you're thinking about working with a matchmaker or even if you just wanna join their massive database, you can check them out at www.eliteconnections.com to speak to Tammi or one of her associates.  Tell them #single sent you and for goddsakes tell us what happens!!!

#single is going international y'all!!  It's our very first episode featuring a single guest from another country and we're so excited to get down and dirty about dating in other cultures.  Jeane, originally from Singapore, is a New Yorker celebrating her 10th anniversary here (woohoo!), and invited her friend Govin from Malaysia to join us virtually - and there is *such shade* thrown between a Singaporean and Malaysian it's a good thing everyone is sheltering in place in their homes!! haha Jeane brings a unique perspective of dating, from her upbringing in Singapore to six years in Australia, back to Singapore and now residing in the US, but of course a lot of universals remain, like... oh, getting set up by your mom on dates and wondering why the hell guys who like you criticize you for your looks???  LOL.  We also talk about how our parents' relationship influences our dating fears and expectations as adults.  If your parents have a rocky relationship, does that shake your core belief in finding happiness for yourself? We hope you dig this cross-Atlantic episode and we WANT MORE, so if you're living in another country and single, hit us up!!!!!