Surrendering Average

I think we've all heard someone say "the relationship didn't work because my partner was crazy".  There is a reason why we think someone is "crazy" or has changed and is different than when we started dating them.  This episode breaks down why this is, and tells us why using this language is a cop-out. If you've ever found yourself saying this, this episode will bring some insights and awareness to help you see your partner from a new perspective.    I hope you enjoy the episode!   I'd love to hear from you if you'd like to connect, have questions, or would like to work with me, feel free to reach out to me any time : -Send an email to: coachaing@joelmahe.ca  Or send me a DM on socials: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe    

I share a personal story of how the environment surrounding you can affect your life and your relationship. Many dynamics go into your personal ecosystem... AKA your environment. The people the places, the work, the energy, the mindsets, the habits, and the perception of the closest people in your life will all create your environment.  We often need to remind ourselves whom we want to become and why it will be worth it. This goes for creating a fantastic relationship because otherwise, we will revert to our familiar patterns that align with our old environment. We will need to continually and intentionally step into new environments that support the version of whom we want to become. This will be necessary if we want a chance of changing our current life/ relational circumstances.   Enjoy the episode!   Feel free to send me any questions, or if you want to connect. Send an email to: coaching@joelmahe.ca Or send me a message on Facebook to Joel Mahe Or on Instagram: @joelmahe   Take care, Joel

This episode is for the high achievers who desire more in life, and who are unwilling to settle for an average relationship. I discuss the problems that are associated with these desires. I want you to know that these problems are normal. It's also important to know that these problems can prevent your success, or they can unlock a higher version of yourself if you are capable to work through them. It boils down to a choice- take the easy way or the fulfilling way. I also discuss how we need to become the person we "want" to be, before actually achieving the external success we desire. (Hint- our external desires will always expand and we will always desire more). This is why it's critical to become the best version of ourselves BEFORE we achieve that next big goal. It truly is the only way to have it all.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or are interested in taking action and improving your life/relationship by working with a coach contact me anytime: email- coaching@joelmahe.ca DM on Instagram @joelmahe   Enjoy the show!   Joel

This is a tactical episode filled with a step-by-step guide on navigating conflict. If we don't properly resolve conflict we will end up compounding that conflict into something that is unbearable.  These steps are universal for any type of conflict. If you can put these insights into action you will be able to repair, save, or improve your relationship.   If you are having issues repairing conflict, and getting your relationship back on track then working with a coach could be extremely beneficial. If you have any questions or would like to connect with me, send me an email at: coaching@joelmahe.ca I will personally answer each email and question that you might have. Enjoy the episode!  Joel

We typically get triggered by our partners because we experienced situations in the past that affected our psychology and the way we interpret the world. Many times we experienced situations when we were children (or from past relationships) that left a negative imprint in our memory. When our partner says/acts a certain way that sparks that memory of that undesired past experience we are triggered.  To gain control of this we need to improve our awareness/consciousness: It's imperative that we become aware of our triggers and relate them to our past. (Usually from our childhood). Our partner won't understand our past the way we understand it. It is our responsibility to be aware of what happened in the past and relate it to how it is currently affecting our relationship. Our triggers are almost always ignited from past trauma. We need to help our partner understand this trauma so you can navigate through the triggers together. This takes work! Triggers do not magically dissipate.    How do you change your emotions/reactions once you have a deeper awareness?  We will have more control (self-control and discipline) to not react in ways we might have reacted as a child (or as we did in a past relationship). This control acts like a muscle. The more you practice self-control and hold back a reaction, the more you will be able to do this unconsciously (without thinking about it). Keep in mind, that it will take a lot of effort to change the course of your natural tendency to be triggered.  Going through this process you will experience a large “change/shift” You will begin to think feel and act in different ways creating new experiences and different results. This ultimately is the change.  You don't lose yourself when you change, you simply improve unwanted emotional behaviors. You are shedding the unnecessary trauma and emotions that aren't serving you.  Don't fear change, rather, seek the change that will improve your relationship and ultimately your life.    Contact me via email if you would like to discuss improving your relationship and emotional habits. Relationships weren't created to inflict suffering. They are meant to amplify our life.   Email: coaching@joelmahe.ca   OR reach out on socials: Instagram @joelmahe Facebook: Joel Mahe   Enjoy the episode:) Joel

Do you have a burning desire to achieve more in life? I know I certainly do.   Does that same desire distract you from one of the most essential and important aspects of your life -  AKA your relationship? For me, there was a direct impact on my relationship when my desire to ‘create more' went unchecked. My natural tendencies are to gravitate to my masculine energy which usually results in less time/energy tapping into my emotions and my relationship. The amount of focus I put towards achieving other endeavors/goals in my life was significantly more than my relationship goals/desires. These other areas included: *Fitness *Holistic health *Financial freedom *Starting an online business *Real Estate training/investing *Crypto investments -Even when these other aspects were flowing nicely, I would still feel a void in my overall happiness. (One that we try to fill with accomplishing or attaining more).   -Once I found that sweet spot (which takes consistent effort to sustain)...I'm also always working on finding the sweet spot, where my focus and desires began to incorporate my relationship needs as much as my other desires, it improved my overall happiness (and my relationship). We tend to bypass the importance of continuously prioritizing our relationship (especially after years of being in the same relationship). Life gets busy and for us ‘high achievers' it's easy to get carried away with goals/aspirations. I am guilty of this as well but what I know to be true is that balancing my energy between the other endeavors AND deepening the connection within my relationship has accelerated my fundamental and overall happiness. As men or someone with more masculine energy, we tend to forget about this and our focus may gravitate to fulfillment/purpose or to providing for our family (nothing wrong with that, just something to be aware of). Here are three universal laws to help us get back on track with our relationship: Law of desire: You only fully get what you want if you deeply desire it… Previously, I only desired the other areas in my life (because I didn't have them or have enough of them). I desired it more than I desired the work I'd have to put in (getting in touch with my emotions) to create a successful relationship. Simple as that. If you don't want something enough your actions will be inconsistent or non-existent. What do you TRULY desire?   Law of attraction: If we focus on something enough, we will eventually attract it into our life. This isn't thinking about something once and you attract it. This is a consistent, progressive focus, while simultaneously matching the vibration of having already achieved what you desire. Your focus, energy, and emotions will be essential to this equation. Law of action: You must take aligned, inspired, and CONSISTENT action. Every action will create a result. Thinking/hoping will not get you the results you desire. You can set intentions all you want, but without action, there will be no results. These three laws will help you attain what you want in life AND it's also important to remember to apply these concepts to your relationship(s).   *** If you are ready to upgrade your relationship, and want to change your current habits that are not benefiting you or your relationship then it might be time to look into coaching. Coaching is a process that will facilitate the change and growth you are desiring but are unable to achieve on your own.** Reach out to me anytime to discuss the next steps in improving your life and your relationship: Send me an email at: coaching@joelmahe.ca Or reach out on my social platforms: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe   Enjoy the episode! Joel:)  

This podcast episode is packed with information on why it's important to be aware and in tune with our emotions. Below are some topics covered in today's informative episode. **Practicing the concepts in this episode can drastically minimize major problems in your relationship.**   1) -Our body is like a storage closet. If we don't process the events and circumstances of the past, our body will store the emotions we experienced at the time. Unfortunately, the brain works by repetition/association, therefore it doesn't take a major trauma to produce the effect of the body becoming the mind. Our body stores emotion and our mind will release the associated chemicals with the memory.  Mood: Short-term chemical state (few hours or days), expression of prolonged emotional reaction. The chemicals aren't used up right away, they linger = A refractory period. Temperament: a tendency toward a habitual expression of emotion through certain behaviors. (weeks-months) Personality trait: Where the refractory period of emotion lasts months-years. Personality (how we think/act/feel) is usually anchored in the past.   2) -The word emotion comes from the Latin phrase “Energy in motion”. Researchers like Mira Kirshenbaum claim that we source more energy from our emotions than we do from the physical parts of our bodies. When you are emotionally drained you will not have energy. Mental peak states aren't only for external success, but also necessary for relationship success. If you have no energy all of the time with your partner, that will lead to a destructive relationship. Mood- Temperament- Personality trait. Mira's emotional energy framework: *High energy drain= Grief, shock, Rage, hysteria *Medium energy drain= worry, distrust, sadness, guilt, frustration, anger, fear, dwelling, insecurity *Medium energy boost= Inspiration, trust, recognition, hope, joy, interest, appreciation *High Energy boost= Love, passion, happiness, enthusiasm, amazement   How do you move your emotions to avoid them being stored in your body?  Notice it. Expose it and understand where it is coming from Allow yourself to feel it and be fully aware of it Identify the lesson taught by the emotion Develop and follow a new course of action **This will need space, and for you to be removed from a familiar environment that often creates this type of emotion** I either go to the gym, to move my physical body, WHILE unpacking all of this... Or go to my meditation room/chair. There are many ways to remove yourself from a familiar environment, find the best way that works for you! **   If you are looking to improve your inner-being, in order to equip yourself for the life and relationship you desire and you could use some help/guidance along the way then I would love to work with you. Going through any transformation can be extremely difficult. Don't go through this process alone. Instead, use a proven process to help you achieve the results you desire. Stop going through pain and wasting time. Reach out to me anytime, send me an email to connect: coaching@joelmahe.ca Or reach out on my socials: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe   Enjoy the episode!  Joel   

Are you questioning a relationship or marriage?    *I find one of the most common reasons for cold feet, or fear of the commitment that comes with marriage is because it challenges our unconscious values. *One of the most significant values for men is Freedom. We might view marriage as a challenge to our freedom. We naturally will frame it as Commitment VS. Freedom.   As men, we naturally associate commitment with the meaning of sacrifice. Sacrificing the freedom of time, values, beliefs, to move around, etc.. whatever freedom means to you.   Commitment doesn't need to be a negative thing! You can commit to working through differences in values, beliefs, and time. You can re-frame what commitment means to you. Rather than viewing it as a SACRIFICE, it can mean being committed to figuring it out. Meaning you get what you want, and your partner gets what they want. *Is your core essence masculine or feminine? Masculine= Freedom/ a mission/purpose Feminine= Connection /love / relationships Understanding this can help you work together with your partner in order to ensure both core desires are met.  *An important note to digest: You will need to figure out who you are BEFORE getting into a relationship for the rest of your life. Although this can be very frightening it is necessary.  Don't operate from a place of masking your true essence. It's important to express your true masculine/feminine qualities. Authenticity will save your relationship and it is NECESSARY before getting married.   *You can't authentically commit without knowing who and what you are committing to.  A ring won't change this, a house won't change this, a dog won't change this, and kids certainly won't change this. They will only exacerbate unresolved issues. These items can act as a very fun band-aid solution, but eventually, the truth will surface.    *One thing you SHOULD know how to do is to understand the process of resolving conflict and understand the process to initiate change.  This can be a challenging process if you are not experienced in it. Many times it's necessary to seek help and advice to navigate these territories. Eventually, your life circumstances will change, and you should know how to navigate these changes together.  *I will share my personal story on what changed for Jess and I to be prepared for marriage… We had a lot to resolve and unpack before we were prepared to commit to marriage.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Enjoy the episode!   Joel

Today I talk about the blockages that commonly get in the way of reconnection after a conflict, disagreement, or misunderstanding. *I'm talking about this subject because recently, I've failed to do a good job at reconnecting. I'll be honest, I've been insanely busy lately, and I've put other aspects as a higher priority than reconnecting with Jess… And I've seen the impact. *The importance of reconnecting: If it doesn't happen occasionally there won't be a drastic impact. However, if you consistently fail to reconnect it will have a compounded effect and you will start to feel more and more disconnected from your partner each day. For me, I feel: Distant/removed from my partner,  I get more frustrated with her (as I'm sure they are frustrated with me) Have a lack of emotional and physical intimacy  Lack of joy, or fun Feelings of guilt Feel cold and closed off Self-righteous  All of my old patterns start to creep in… Not to mention how my partner is feeling on the other end of it.   That's why it's so important to reconnect, otherwise, it can spiral quickly. *I'd like to highlight some roadblocks (meaning things we often do to try to reconnect that don't work well) After or during conflict when trying to reconnect try to avoid the following (I got most of these concepts from a relationship expert named Jason Gaddis). These are the ones that ring true for me: 1)-Avoid blaming. ( A trick to know when you are blaming is when you use the words (you always). Get specific and work through the current conflict first.  2)-Don't rush an apology simply to move on. 3)- Rely on time. (Don't rely on time, although time can allow someone to forget about something, that doesn't mean it will be resolved). Try to reconnect within 24 hrs of conflict. 4)-Compartmentalize: Don't put it off to the side and pretend everything is okay. You shouldn't just suck it up forever. 5)-Avoid trying to fix or give advice… LISTEN. Seek to understand before being understood. 6)-Hope/pray things will get better 7)-Defensiveness- rigid, stonewalling, providing excuses 8)-Gaslighting- lying, denying reality, turning conflict onto the other person. Creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality. (If you do this enough, you might believe a false narrative because your emotions can override the truth. It's so important to reflect and seek the truth. Rather than satisfy your selfish desires. I'm positive we can all do a better job at reconnecting. This might need to be a skill that is practiced over and over again. We aren't taught this stuff in school, but it is your responsibility to master it if you are wanting to shorten your conflicts and move towards the relationship you desire.  Put your ego down, and seek the truth after conflict, and you will begin to drastically improve your relationship.   Enjoy the episode!   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Joel

We can grow together or grow apart. If we aren't prepared for each different season in our life we are setting ourselves up for disruption and potential failure. “Failing to prepare is preparing to fail” John Wooden  A successful relationship deserves a lot of intention to function properly. I think it's important to foresee what kind of season of life is coming. Obviously, there will be surprises and aspects we can't prepare for. On the other side, we can usually predict if our life has a busy period, a relaxing period, or will be stressful in the coming days. Just like the weather changes when the seasons change, our relationship and personal dynamics will go through a change during each new season. In this episode, I will also share the 4 seasons a relationship goes through at the begging of each partnership. The awareness of these seasons can help you set intentions for how you can show up, enabling you to take aligned actions to those intentions.  Without the awareness, a new season can cripple your relationship. Or, if you prepare, it can be a beautiful place to grow, learn, and connect on a deeper level through adversity and change.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Enjoy the episode! Joel

Emotional intelligence will lead to connection. We will not know how to have emotional intimacy without emotional intelligence. Both are fundamental pieces to ensuring the success of your relationship. One of the main fundamental human needs is belonging. Intellectual intelligence alone can not provide this. If you are a driven man, who strives for goals, and wants to pursue fulfilment, then chances are you haven't spent as much time developing your emotional intelligence as you should. It's a common pattern that driven men fall into. That doesn't make you a bad person. That simply means you need to develop emotional intelligence. This episode will help you do that.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Truly hope this helps,   Joel

I was a bachelor for many years, only living for myself. I think (external success is a much easier game when you are going at it solo)… You can put your head down and eliminate all "distractions". What we forget to think about is that sometimes what we consider a distraction is actually the most important piece of our life. That was my story at the start of my relationship, and I will share how I changed that narrative.  In this podcast, we will talk about why it is necessary to get clear and declare what you truly need as an individual. So many men and couples will not articulate what they need to their partner because they don't want to create friction or conflict. This can lead to codependency, and the next thing you know 5 years into your relationship you have become resentful and don't feel yourself. Often, that will lead to overcompensating actions and/or defence mechanisms that lead to poor behaviour.  This episode is filled with strategies and concepts that will enable you to create a life vision that inspires you and that embodies you and your partner's individual needs and desires. There doesn't need to be a sacrifice. You and your partner can have it all!   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Enjoy!   Joel  

Identity-  Is not a fixed concept. It is a set of qualities and beliefs that make one person or group different from others…. We can change our qualities/ characteristics/interests and beliefs. We base our identity on what we've done in the past when we really should be basing it on who we want to become. In today's show, I will talk about the ability to change your identity. One of the best ways of doing this is getting extremely clear on the type of person we want to become. There is a great exercise for this that I will share. Supplementary to this exercise we will explore: -A discussion on the pain vs pleasure scale to determine why it is necessary to live as a new version of ourselves?  -Different reminders/triggers to keep you in line with this new version. -Catching yourself being the old version. (Reflection, redirection, compassion). -Why we do the thing we do. Most times this is unconscious.    How can you begin to shift your identity today? Who do you want to become, what is the next version of yourself in your relationship? Becoming that version NOW, living from that place will begin to improve your relationship. This isn't only for our partner, this is for you! Your happiness, health, and lifestyle depend on it.  This episode will help you to begin your identity shift today. Sometimes, we need a slight course correction in our identity to create a successful relationship. Enjoy the listen and take the aligned action to change your relationship and your life.   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Joel

When I reverse engineered the process that I went through to transform myself and my relationship the first step was believing I could.  I know, I know... This sounds like a bunch of B.S. and fluff. It might, but ultimately who cares if it works! Unfortunately changing a belief isn't necessarily easy. Fortunately, there is a process for it and is fundamentally possible for any person.  If you are struggling right now in your relationship and you are frustrated that you keep running up against the same problems, then changing certain beliefs about yourself and your relationship is probably the first step to receiving new results. This is the first step in my program "Emotional Evolution Process" because I am convinced that this is the initiating step to becoming a better man to cultivate a better relationship. In this episode, I will break down the process of how to replace unwanted beliefs.  P.S. I always want to add a disclaimer that information is great... However, it is the implementation and integration that is the hard part, and probably the most important.  I'm here for you if you ever need any assistance.   Check out my program The Emotional Evolution Process for men in relationships:

Are you losing connection and desire in your relationship? Would you define your relationship as healthy or stagnant?  We are supposed to be in an incredible relationship, it's what all the movies and society tell us, right? But do you ever take the time to understand WHY it is important for YOU to be in a relationship? Do you comprehend or even reflect on these reasons? I believe it is crucial to reflect and understand all of the reasons we want to have a healthy relationship. Not a relationship where you just get by, where you settle, where there is no connection, where there is no conflict simply to avoid the pain... rather an incredible expansive growing relationship. Relationships are a continual evolution, they are not a maintenance-free dynamic. We must continually work on our relationships to create and maintain a soul mates. It is our responsibility to cultivate a healthy relationship, and without understanding why we need to do this we will most likely not put in the effort since it's more work.  In this episode I will share my perspective on this topic, providing some principles and foundations for a healthy relationship. Men, if you are starting to lose connection with your partner then this episode is a must listen to gain awareness of what might need to happen to turn things around.   I'd love to connect. Reach out to me if you are looking to make changes in your relationship!   If you have any questions, want to connect, or want to work with me, I'd love to hear from you. Send me an email to,  coaching@joelmahe.ca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.mahe.5 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joelmahe/?hl=en   Enjoy the episode!  Joel:)    

When we don't fully understand where our emotions stem from, our natural tendency will be to react to them, rather than explore and redirect them. This can have a negative impact on your relationship. In this episode, I will talk about: -How to spot limiting beliefs in your relationship -Share stories of my limiting beliefs -The reasons we have limiting beliefs/their origins (They don't make us bad people)! -How to overcome limiting beliefs.   I'm so happy to be back in the podcast seat, and I hope you enjoy this episode! P.S. If you have any questions or want to connect please reach out to me, I'd love to chat! Socials: Facebook: Joel Mahe Instagram: @joelmahe Email: coaching@joelmahe.ca P.P.S. I've created an amazing 4 pillar program to help men evolve their emotional habits, in order to create a successful relationship. ( I created this because it is something I wish I had when I was struggling in my relationship). If this is something that interests you, send me a message! :)

I have re-branded the podcast!! I am extremely passionate about helping men in relationships, so I will be revolving my message around that. I think it's so important for a man to continually work on his inner and outer relationships. Doing this in my life has completely transformed who I am (In a much better way). Not only has it saved/ improved my own romantic relationship, but it has improved my entire quality of life.  I hope you will join me in this journey, and I look forward to interacting with you all!

This is the final episode of Surrendering Average!  Along our journey we usually need to make pivots, in order to course correct to ensure we are staying aligned to our life's mission and vision. I will fill you in with where I am heading and what the next chapter looks like for me. Don't worry I will be creating a new podcast in the near future!   Take care everybody, and I hope you will follow along with my next podcast, and future work.:)    Joel

Long drawn out arguments that would stay unsettled for a long period of time was something that Jess and I used to struggle with a lot. There would be a disagreement and the energy in the air didn't seem to settle for a long period of time. I can proudly say we have come a loooong way since those days. We certainly aren't perfect, but we have made massive progress in this area.  In today's show I wanted to share how we have made these improvements, and how you can implement these strategies in your relationships.   Enjoy,   Joel

Do you find yourself reading countless books, listening to multiple podcasts, and yet still haven't seen any tangible results?? This episode will break down all the reasons why this might be happening to you.  It is absolutely incredible how much information is available in the world today! We are living during an amazing time where we can basically learn anything we want at a very low cost. Unfortunately, information is not enough to experience change or attain new results. As much as we'd like it to (trust me, I was there) there is simply no way around going through the process, and it is necessary to integrate and implement newly learned information to actually experience the results we are seeking. Albert Einstein once said, "Information is not knowledge. The only source of knowledge is experience. You need experience to gain wisdom". Today I will break down 4 concepts that might be holding you back from gaining wisdom and actually implementing and integrating all of that information you've been acquiring.  I will also lay out the first 3 necessary steps that helped me to implement new information. This episode can be the first step to experiencing the results you are seeking, but you must be willing to implement the information;)   Joel 

Thinking the same way day after day will produce the same results we've got in the past. Familiar and recurring thoughts will populate unconsciously unless we can consciously inject new thoughts into our minds. Over time I personally noticed a massive difference in the results I was achieving. I credit a large portion of that to the thoughts I would consciously inject into my awareness. I want to share why this works, and how it worked for me since it had such a major impact in my life.  Obviously there needs to be intentionally aligned action with our new thoughts to manifest results. Although having new, powerful, and optimistic thoughts directed at what we want to achieve is the powerful foundation needed for any change and new results.   I hope you enjoy this episode!   Joel:)

This is a topic that many people face when first entering a relationship, or if they've been together for a while and may be questioning their future existence together. In today's episode we will explore how love and compatibility are built and IF it's possible to generate one or the other. You will get clear on if you need both of them to have a successful long lasting relationship.  We will explore how intention, desire and the proper frame of reference will all have an impact on the amount of love and compatibility you share with your partner.  If you are questioning if you are in the right relationship, or if you should even commit to a potential one, than this is a must listen!  I'll leave you with a powerful quote by Sam Keen, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly".    Enjoy the episode!   Joel

Who you hang out with and the daily activities you perform will impact the quality of your thinking, your inspiration, your capability to dream, and of course your ENERGY. All of which will have a direct impact on the results you will create. We've all heard the saying, "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with". But why is this? We will explore this concept in depth.  I will share a simple, yet profound exercise to implement in order to become more aware of how your energy is getting affected by the people you hang around with and the activities/habits you participate in, on a consistent basis. We will talk about the 'Energy Vampires' and what to do if any exist in your life.  Many times we don't like to make changes because what we're currently doing is comfortable, easy and familiar. One thing is certain, if we want to experience new results we need to make uncomfortable changes. This episode will highlight some of those changes.   Enjoy!:) Joel

Lately, it's evident that there is more and more separation in the world. Most people take a firm stand towards their viewpoints, and typically aren't willing to see the other side. In today's show I want to shine a light on why I think this issue keeps getting worse. I believe there is always some sort of validity to every side, no matter what the viewpoint is. We often fail to realize this, and with the powerful force of social media, click bait headlines, and algorithms to keep showing us the same types of information we get deeper into our perspective and only see an issue through a very rigid lens. Most people naturally gravitate to some sort of confirmation bias when they are navigating through a world matter. That is to interpret, favour, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports one's prior beliefs or values. Unfortunately, this tends to lead to more divisiveness, simply for the reason that most people don't want their values or beliefs challenged.   I wanted to highlight what is going on in this very unique time in our life. My intensions are to provide a different perspective, so we can begin to coincide more harmoniously even if we have different viewpoints and beliefs.    I hope you enjoy this episode, Joel:)

In this episode I discuss how we all have thorns living in our subconscious. The thorns are a metaphor for unwanted automatic behavior response, bad habits, beliefs, traits, and neurological hardwiring that may not be serving us.  We may never get rid of our thorns but once we are aware what they are, we can consciously take new actions and work to override them with the true beauty that is within us all. For many years I would repress and pretend that I didn't have any thorns. Unfortunately that actually caused them to compound and grow stronger over the years. These thorns usually grow for the purpose of being defence mechanisms. I will explain how this happened in my life, based on my past life experiences.  We will also cover the top 10 most common defence mechanisms and how they might be affecting your life. They include: Denial, repression, projection, displacement, regression, rationalization, sublimation, reaction formation, compartmentalization, and intellectualization. As always, this episode is to shine a light of awareness on how your thorns might be affecting your life, and how you might be able to override them to improve relationships, and your life as a whole.    Enjoy, Joel:)

This episode is a great reminder that the truth is usually different than what we perceive it to be.  Often times we don't fully process what it takes to bring a vision or a goal to life. We think that we are at a disadvantage, because we tend to compare our selves to somebody else's finished product.  This episode will show you how to stay focused on your journey, and I will reveal the behind the scenes journey to prove that attaining a goal usually isn't as seamless as you think. There are many valuable lessons in today's show. If you are someone wanting to progress your relationship, finances or life in general, then this is a must listen.    I hope you enjoy! Joel:)

We always hear that it's important to have goals, and that everyone should have big goals. We don't often hear WHY we need to do this, or even how to set a goal never mind a meaningful goal. I thought today I would unpack all the fine details around meaningful goals.   Some key points of today's episode include: -S.M.A.R.T. goals- Why this acronym is so powerful and how it actually works. -How to identify what a meaningful goal is, and how to avoid 'comparison' goals. -I talk about how goals are a place to come from, not a place to get to. This means we will have to change our current behaviours, patterns, and habits so we can achieve new results. Start to embody the type of person that you need to be at the end of you goal right now. Not once you've accomplished the goal.  -What the major cause is for people quitting on their goals and how to overcome it.    I hope you enjoy this episode!   Joel:)

If you are listening to this podcast then chances are you want to better yourself or evolve a certain area in your life. It's always fun to talk about all the amazing benefits that will appear once you do so. All of those benefits are great, but we often forget to talk about some of the 'not so great' side effects that come along with them. When your relationship, finances, habits, mindset or any area in your life starts to change/evolve there will usually be a new level of challenges and difficulties that emerge. Many times these can be even more complex than our old ones.  In today's episode I discuss a new challenge that has emerged in my life as a result of my evolution and growth. I share the awareness, strategies and tools I am using to overcome this difficulty in my life. I hope you enjoy this episode and that you may take away some insights in order to take new action today:)   Joel

One of my main values is to be a committed partner in my relationship. I wasn't always someone who valued commitment. In the past, I framed commitment quite differently then I do now.  Even the dictionary has two completely different ways to frame commitment. One way describes it as being dedicated, devoted, loyal, having a bond, and being attentive. The other way is quite the opposite. It is described as an obligation, restricts freedom, responsibility, is an obligation, and a liability.  I thought that was crazy that the same word can have two complete different meanings!  After reflecting on this I realized that I used to see a relationship and commitment as the latter meaning. I saw it as an obligation and a restriction to my freedom. I explain how and why I now frame commitment as one of my main values. In this episode I will share all the benefits that commitment can provide, and what might be holding you back from being committed in a relationship. I also share my PERSONAL vows from our wedding, I break them down and explain why I chose these words and explain the meaning they have to me and our marriage.    I hope you enjoy this vulnerable episode!   Joel

In today's episode I share some very memorable and challenging stories that transpired during the month leading up to our wedding. I also share many interesting stories about our wedding weekend.  As always, I incorporate the life lesson I learnt from these unique circumstances. The main topic of today is how to tackle challenging circumstances, even when your goal/vision is on the line. The main pillars I discuss to help with this include commitment, mindset, and having conviction in your vision. Some key points that get shared through my stories are: -Being conscious of my thoughts, and being very intentional with what my recurring thought patterns were, in order for my emotions and actions to align with them. (Have your thoughts work for you, not against you). -I discuss how Jess and I needed to have a vision so strong and clear that no matter what life circumstance got thrown our way we still believed in the vision. This was a friendly reminder that your journey will not likely unfold the way you think it should. -The importance of SURRENDERING to the unfortunate circumstances that will inevitably show up along your journey.  -Stay optimistic even when it seems like there's no way out. A major contributing factor to your vision fading away will be sinking into the negativity, and negative thoughts. -Don't get caught up on small details -Choose a life partner that you are willing to face negative circumstances, adversity, and challenges with. There should be a mutual understanding that life is partially a struggle...and that's okay. I believe that having the right partner who will never give up on your shared vision is what matters the most.   I hope you enjoy:) Joel

Life is not stagnant. It's always in motion, no matter how hard we try to keep it the same and familiar it will always be changing. The four different seasons bring drastic climatic changes (Especially in Canada). The same goes for different seasons in our personal life. In today's episode I describe how I had to mentally prepare myself to be present and take in a new season in my life. The season I was entering was the preparation for my wedding, and how I needed to show up differently to make this time of my life a success. I will lay out many tools and tactics on how to accomplish this, as well as the necessary mindset I needed to adapt to make this season an enjoyable priority. Some of the tools and strategies that get covered include: -How to put focus and awareness on something outside of our normal routine. -Q-cards and the power of putting meaning behind your words. -Finding pleasure in tasks that aren't normally enjoyable. -How to inject new thoughts into your mind by asking better questions. The difference between judger questions and powerful questions. -How to self-coach yourself. -How to be fully present and take in new experiences. -How to practice acceptance, and how to have faith that things will work out. -The power of disconnecting. -Gratitude practices. You will learn how to implement these tools by the way I share my story. I'm sure you will be able to relate to this episode in some way or another.    Please enjoy:) Joel  

In today's episode I give my perspective on marriage. I recorded this episode just weeks before I got married. I was a man who had to go through many internal transformations to get me to a point where I was ready for marriage. I believe I have some powerful insights that will be helpful for any person preparing for marriage or who wants to improve their marriage or relationship. In todays show I cover the following topics: -Commitment: To grow as an individual and succeed as a team. Marriage is not a guarantee, and there will need to be a lifetime full of commitment to make it work. -Changing paradigms and beliefs around marriage. Many times our beliefs or perspectives around marriage are not exactly the same as our partners. It is essential to communicate them, to be able to meld your beliefs together. -I explain why it is so important to implement self work, personal development, and understand the process of change. Having the formula to self improvement will be an important factor for a successful relationship. -The importance of not becoming complacent. I explain why the phrase "you should accept me for who I am" is controversial and how it can lead to complacency.  -I talk about why I believe couples should be beyond the 'honeymoon' phase before getting married. I hope you enjoy my insights, and this episode!   Joel:)

I decided to do today's show based on my recent trip to a secluded cabin. Every time I leave that place I always feel more energized and alive. I wanted to break this topic down, in hopes that anyone who might be struggling, feeling in a slump, or simply wants to feel alive can benefit from my insights. The 3 categories discussed are: 1)Curiosity: Many times we find ourselves resisting fear, and not pushing ourselves to experience growth or simply achieve a new goal. I believe curiosity plays a pivotal role with helping us lean into fear, rather than resist it. 2)The power of isolation and solitude: It is only when we are isolated, quiet and calm that we can begin to uncover our inner truths. I also discovered that physically being separated from loved ones can amplify our deep emotions and connection we have for the people we cherish in our life. 3)Not being surrounded by materialistic objects: When we don't have 'things' to distract our mind we can be present with life. It is only in that present moment that we can truly feel alive, because we are fully engaged (mind, body, spirit). It's also extremely powerful to be surrounded by nature, a living entity that doesn't need material objects to survive. I hope you enjoy my isights, and that they serve you in some way:) Joel

In today's show I break down why we frequently get caught focusing on the things in life we don't have, rather than what is already amazing in our life. I use a personal example of how this happens to me, in particular with my relationship. This episode includes three main topics to explain why this happens, and  strategies to change this behaviour.  1)Life is controlled by what we focus on. I will explain what this means and the science behind it. 2)Gratitude. I break down what gratitude actually is in a very practical way. 3) Negativity bias. What this is, and how it might be contributing to what you are focusing on in life.   I hope you enjoy this episode! Joel:)  

There are many great benefits that can come from winning. Unfortunately we often overlook some of the downfalls associated with winning, especially in relationships.  As a young kid growing up I developed a winning mindset, and slowly turned into a 'must win' type of person. Due to this must win mentality losing was considered a bad thing, and over the years I subconsciously developed mannerisms and habits that were harming my relationship. The most frequently occurring issue was the need to win ever argument or confrontation. In this episode I will describe all the characteristics of a must win person, and explain how extensive damage can emerge from conflicts if this is not properly dealt with. I will also share 10 key points on how to transform from a 'must win' person into a holistic winner, and how to win with your partner in a relationship.  Enjoy, Joel

Humility can be seen as 'knowing what we don't know'. Meaning not to pretend we know things when truthfully we don't know. Having humility to say we don't know, and to be curious about learning the things we don't know.  This concept has truly transformed my life. I was locked into a period of stagnation prior to implementing a humble and curious mindset. Once I realized I only knew a small fraction about life and started to get curious to learn more my life drastically changed. In this episode I will describe all of the benefits of humility and how being curious can open new doors in your life. If you are looking for changes and to make progress then this is a must listen!   Enjoy, Joel 

As a young man this is a topic I thought I would never be discussing with anyone, never mind with the open public. I used to hold in every emotion, burry it, and push it to the side. This led to MANY compounding internal issues that would lead to problems in my relationships. Since discovering the power of feeling my emotions and properly processing them I can proudly say my life is changed for the better. I am also not a perfect man, as this past week I found myself falling into old patterns. I share this story openly, and then provide multiple reasons why we need to fully feel our emotions. As always, I will break down a process how to properly feel your feelings. Trust me, if I am able to do this and see the benefits, I am confident this will be useful for any man or individual.   Enjoy:) Joel

In today's episode I discuss what coaching is, why I am so passionate about it, and why it works. I did not want to pursue another profession until I found something that I truly believed in and that would help and serve others. This episode will provide an explanation on what coaching can do in your life.   Please enjoy, Joel:)

Previously I was someone who frequently felt self-doubt. In fact, I still do at times but I can proudly say I've learned how to deal with it so it doesn't hold me back. *In today's podcast episode I describe situations in my life where I was faced with self-doubt.  *I discuss the unhealthy coping strategies, that most people use when facing self-doubt.  *I will also elaborate on the three emotional systems in the brain. Once we can enforce the appropriate response to self-doubt then we can program our brain to respond in the most beneficial way. *Finally, I will share 9 tips on how to activate the proper emotional system to help you deal with, and conquer self-doubt.  I hope you enjoy this episode! Joel:)  

Our mind can either be our strongest ally or our biggest enemy. That's why it's crucial to learn how to get it to work for us rather than against us. One of the most powerful ways of doing this is by successfully negotiating with our own internal thoughts.  This is a skill that can be learned, developed, and mastered through the repetition of a series of techniques, and this episode will explain them in detail. Negotiating is a very useful skill to have, negotiating with our own thoughts is a skill that is necessary if we are wanting to level up in life.  Please enjoy! Joel  

In this week's episode, we talk about how fear will never fully be removed from our life. Once we can accept this we can learn how to become brave, in order to face the inevitable fear that will confront us when trying to level up in life.  I will meticulously break down the 10 tips/strategies that have helped me become more courageous and brave throughout my journey. 1)Be willing to fail 2)Excitement is a very similar emotion to fear. Most people have very similar physiological responses to both emotions. Fear will be much less intimidating once we can wrap our minds around this. 3)Find role models or mentors who have walked the path you are wanting to walk. 4)Challenge and embrace discomfort 5)Be able to envision yourself on the other side of your fear 6)Implementing daily affirmations and self-talk that will help  7)Experiment with and implement relaxation techniques 8)Personal development- equip yourself with a better mindset and tools to tackle fear 9)Exercise your courage muscle 10)Have awareness of how fear is currently impacting our life so we can manage our fear triggers    This episode is filled with practical advice and tips, that if implemented will help you to surrender your average life. Enjoy!:)

I spent many years looking for the easiest way to achieve financial freedom. At that time, I thought there was a way to reach this without hardship or struggle. Once I realized this was wishful thinking, I decided to pursue real estate investing. Over the past few years, that decision has taught us several life lessons. In this week's episode, I share these lessons. You don't need to be involved in real estate for these insights to benefit your life. My hope in sharing these stories with you is to provide you with the insights that we learned at the beginning of our journey so that you can avoid some of the hardships in your own journey. It's always beneficial to learn from other people's lessons, but I strongly believe that you won't learn the lessons YOU need to learn until you take action for yourself. Don't let the fear of the unknown or potential struggles stop you from pursuing your desires. They are a necessary part of the process!    I hope you enjoy, Joel

In today's episode we go in a different direction. Part of my journey to surrendering my average life is to become financially free. Jess and I chose to pursue real estate investing to help us create long term wealth. In this episode I talk about why we chose real estate, our strategy, and some of the struggles that came along with that decision. Part 2 will be released next week where I will discuss all the life lessons we've learnt through real estate investing.    Enjoy!  Joel:)

I believe most people are good at their core. If someone has developed selfish tendencies it might due to the fact they've developed bad selfish habits over the years. That doesn't make someone a bad person, it simply means they have some work to do to get back on track. This is what happened to me, as I was single for many years and only really had to consider my own needs and desires. Entering a relationship I was faced with the challenge of being less selfish, and more altruistic. This was not an easy task, but I explain how I began to work on this, and break down this topic in-depth in the latest episode of Surrendering Average. Here are a few other items covered in the episode:        - Discuss the times a partner might have to be selfish.        - Signs to help you see if you are a selfish partner.        - Discuss studies done on selfish tendencies in relationships.        - Why we should change our selfish behaviors.        - The benefits of being altruistic.        - How to be less selfish. As I always mention, I am not a perfect man. I still struggle with being selfish at times. This is something I continually work on. Perfection will never be achieved, but I believe it is our responsibility to continually work on ourselves and our relationship if we want to make it last. The most rewarding things in life are not always easy, my relationship with Jess is not always easy but it is certainly rewarding. I hope you've enjoyed the mini-series on relationships!   Joel:)

We are surrounded by opposites in life. Good and bad, happy and sad, hot and cold, night and day. We only experience one because its counterpart exists. You wouldn't know how good it feels when you are happy if you never experienced feeling sad. We also embody two main types of energies that seem to oppose one another. The masculine and feminine energy.  It's common to think that men should embody masculine energy and that women should express feminine energy. Although there are many benefits that accompany this belief, for anything to be harmonious there needs to be a balance. I was someone who grew up believing I should only show my masculine qualities. As a kid growing up I observed the media and all of the male figures in my life. I absorbed what I saw and built my perception of what it meant to be a man. I thought I should only portray confidence, focus, pride, power, firmness, strength, reason, logic, and action (all ‘masculine' traits). Again, these are very useful traits, but I had absolutely no balance. Unfortunately, when we don't balance our energies they can become wounded. This can lead to unhealthy actions of overcompensation. In my case, I would become over-controlling, more aggressive, be unsupportive, or competitive to avoid showing my more feminine qualities.  Over the past few years, I had to redefine what it means to be a man (for my unique life experience). This involved learning how to put my masculine shield down and re-training my subconscious mind to not always react in an overcompensating masculine manner.  If it's time for a change, you might just have to redefine what it means to be a man (or woman) in your life. This might involve balancing your masculine and feminine qualities/energy. That to me is taking ownership and responsibility to seek harmony. And that is something powerful and inspiring for any gender.    I hope you enjoy this episode! Joel:)

A relationship comprises two different individuals who had different upbringings. There will most likely be a difference of opinion and both people might perceive life slightly differently.  I like to remind myself that a relationship does not complete you, rather there are two complete individuals sharing a bond. It's extremely important to maintain your individuality- but also collaborate to share a life vision (the direction you both want to go). If this vision doesn't get discussed there will certainly be turbulence. Otherwise, you will be wondering why you aren't getting what you want as an individual, and as a couple…. If you don't envision the life you want, you are leaving your life/relationship up to chance. I'm a very driven individual, who likes to spend time progressing towards my fitness, finance, adventure, and personal development goals. I also discovered that I really enjoy time alone, where I can look introspectively to ensure I am living congruent to my internal deep desires and needs. For me, maintaining my individuality is extremely important, and I frequently desire time to focus on all of these aspects. It is also important that I don't spend ALL of my time on my individual desires (this is a problem I still struggle with). It is equally important to align the other parts of my life to the life vision Jess and I share. We are very clear on what is important in our relationship and to each of us as individuals. We work at living within the parameters of this vision in the current moment while still taking action to bring us closer to our shared goals and vision of our future.  If you want to level up your relationship and want to work at becoming a power couple then this episode is a must-listen. You'll learn how to set goals and create a life vision, that embodies each other's individuality as well as a collaborative effort to manifest the life of your dreams. (Side note, Jess and I are nowhere near perfect. That being said, these strategies as well as what I discuss in episodes about relationships drastically help me to be a better man and partner).   I hope you enjoy this episode! Joel:)

Cultivating Trust within yourself and with your partner.  What transpired in the past, frequently affects trust in a relationship. That might mean a past circumstance or experience left an imprint in your mind, affecting your perception of how you view your current partner. Or it might be the lack of communication that is necessary to uncover what happened to your partner in the past. Whatever it is, one thing is certain. There needs to be a deep level of trust for a relationship to thrive. This can be a complex topic, with a lot to unpack for each and every unique relationship. I try to unpack it the best way I can by using personal examples in the latest episode of the podcast. Here are a couple of the topics discussed in this episode: -Before we can trust our partner, we should fully trust ourselves. -Understand that the past does not equal the future. -We will probably need to undergo some self-work to have a conscious awareness of what happened to you in the past, and how it might be affecting your current relationship. -Have courageous conversations that might be difficult, but are necessary to understand your partner's perception. -Be able to communicate with empathy rather than judgment. -Lead with vulnerability. -6 tips to cultivate trust in your relationship I am proud to say that Jess and I have a very deep level of trust in our relationship. Although this did not come without a cost. There were many difficult conversations, and it was a journey and process to get to the level we are at today. I share all of my insights in this week's show.    Enjoy:)   Joel

This episode is part 1 of a mini-series about men in relationships.  I found that I was living with a distorted vision of what it meant to be a man. Particularly in a romantic relationship. In the 5-episode mini-series, I vulnerably share my process of how I changed my perception of what it meant to be a man in a relationship.  Jess and I are thriving in comparison to how we started our journey together. We are not perfect by any means, and we continually work very hard to improve and grow together every single day. Although it can be extremely challenging some days, we are both committed to bringing our dreams to life. A major part of our dream is to have an incredible relationship. The next 5 episodes cover my journey to resolving some of my deeper issues that were getting in the way of a great relationship. The first episode of the mini-series is about men exploring and articulating their emotions. This was a huge barrier in our relationship and something I had to (and still) work very hard to improve on. In this episode, I will explain why men should open up emotionally and I offer my 7 tips to help men explore, express, and articulate their emotions. If you are a man in a relationship, a single man looking to get into a relationship, or a woman who wants to gain more insight on this topic, I promise this episode will provide some value.   Please enjoy!:) Joel

Sometimes we all just need to check in with ourselves. Especially when setting big goals or a life vision. Our foundation is the base of our life. Essentially everything that is deeply important and necessary for us to live a fulfilled life. The ‘walls' of our foundation are built  by the amalgamation of our values, beliefs, and morals.  Last year I caught myself beginning to formulate a vision that didn't quite align with my foundation. Thankfully I caught myself early enough in the process to avoid any serious damage. I believe it's so important to continually check in with what is foundationally important to us. This can help us avoid spending unnecessary time and energy on something that isn't a necessary part of our journey. I hope my message can provide some sort of value in your life.   Enjoy:)

In short, being able to change our mental state is what is necessary to break free from our undesirable auto programmed reactions and emotions.  Learning to change our state can drastically improve our: -Energy levels -Regulating and controlling our emotions, especially when triggered. This includes anxiety and other states of mind that can affect our physiological state. -The types of thoughts that populate our mind -Our actions which will lead to progress or new results. In this episode I cover some action steps, processes, hacks and practices to help experience a state change in the moment, as well as cultivating long term lasting effects to evolve your currently programmed mental state. I use to experience many undesirable emotions that I believed were out of my control. Implementing these strategies has truly helped me and I hope they will serve you as well! Please Enjoy:) Joel    

Listen to this if you are very goal-oriented! We should not put the good parts of our lives in jeopardy to achieve a goal.  I have two sides to me (I believe most of us do). I have a very driven/goal-oriented side and a very kind, loving, and empathetic side. When I catch myself only living within the parameters of one side, I experience turbulence in other areas of my life. For myself, I tend to gravitate to the driven/goal side more frequently. This brings many great benefits to my life, although it also comes with side effects. The largest one is not always being able to be present and enjoying the aspects of my life that are already great.  When I need to reframe out of these driven states of mind to focus on the big picture, I ask myself “what if the journey is the goal?” This phrase reminds me that:  -I should implement trust, belief, faith, and patience. -Focus on my inputs rather than the outputs. -All we have is right now. (Don't only focus on what you don't have). -Happiness and our mood can be altered at any given moment. This can be done right now. -If the journey becomes too serious, and not enjoyable then what's the point? -It's more important to live holistically healthy to evolve all aspects of my life, instead of being fixated on the future. When we ignore what is important to us right now, we can give rise to issues that will impact our holistic focus. When our focus becomes blurry and we need to incorporate more balance, we might need to reframe and ask ourself “what if the journey is the goal?” In this episode I also discuss a coaching session I had where I came up with this reminder phrase and share the impact it has on my life. If you are goal oriented, driven, or a high achiever than this is a must listen!    Enjoy, Joel