Podcasts about defensiveness

Welcome back to a special joint episode of The Evolved Caveman andLove Isn't Enough podcasts, where your favorite therapist power couple,Dr. John and Joree, lovingly drag your toxic relationship habits into thedaylight. This week? We're tackling the last two horsemen of your relationalapocalypse: Contempt and Stonewalling. (Because your love life wasn'talready teetering on the edge after Criticism and Defensiveness lastweek.)First up: Contempt — the "I'm better than you" flavor of loathing that turnsevery dishwasher squabble into a power play. It's got everything: eye-rolls,sneers, and the emotional subtlety of a flamethrower. According to theGottmans, contempt is basically the kiss of death. Spot it in the first 5minutes of a fight? That relationship's got the lifespan of a mayfly (that is,breakup is around the corner!).Then there's Stonewalling, the cold shoulder's evil twin. It's when onepartner shuts down, checks out, and basically becomes a decorative plantduring conflict. Spoiler: that's not sexy. Or helpful. Or sustainable. It's also aharbinger of breakup.John and Joree keep it real by admitting they used to suck at this stuff too.But they've done the work — and now they're here to help you recognizethese behaviors before your relationship flatlines.So if you're tired of feeling unheard, judged, or like you're arguing with abrick wall (or *being* one), tune in. You might cringe a little, but hey —growth isn't supposed to be comfy.Wanna Climb Higher Up The Happiness Hill ? Here's Where To Begin YourAscent:�� For info on Dr. John's Ultimate Online Anger Management Class (which hasover 20,000 graduates!), visit his High Performer Shop.�� Top tools for emotional mastery and high tech execs from the best executivecoach in the San Francisco Bay Area:�� GuideToSelf.com�� The best podcast for relationships and those who want to create a happier,safer love life:��️ Love Isn't Enough Podcast�� For the tremendous work Dr. John & Joree are doing to heal relationships,visit their top couples counseling site:��  LoveIsntEnough.net��️ Straight talk on evolution, masculinity & growth on the best podcast for men:�� TheEvolvedCaveman.com�� Joree's expert work on mindfulness, therapy & transformation from the besttherapist for women near you:�� JoreeRose.com�� For more info on the superb counseling Joree is doing with women who arestuck in their lives, visit her site at�� MindfulnessAndTherapyCenter.com�� The best podcast for women who seek to get unstuck in live and make thenext 30 years better than the last 30:��️ Journey Forward with Joree Rose Podcast

How do our brains choose what's important to us? Emily Falk, neuroscientist and author of What We Value, joins us to decode what goes on behind the scenes with our decisions - everything from what to eat for breakfast to how to respond to trolls on social media - and how emotional, rational, and social information is integrated by the brain to guide our choices. ©2025 Behavioral Grooves Topics [0:00] Intro and Speed Round with Emily Falk [8:29] Understanding Value Calculations [12:58] Research Methods and fMRI [18:01] Self-Relevance and Social Relevance Systems [28:41] Defensiveness and Social Norms [40:49] The Importance of Being "In Sync" [58:17] The Role or Music in Self/Social Relevance [1:07:45] Grooving Session: Communication, Social Norms, and Behavioral Science at Work ©2025 Behavioral Grooves Links About Emily What We Value by Emily Falk Communication Neuroscience Lab Join the Behavioral Grooves community Subscribe to Behavioral Grooves on YouTube Music Links Indigo Girls - Galileo Dar Williams - As Cool As I Am  

Step into a drama-free life with the latest episode of the DYL Podcast! In Episode 151, you will be challenged to cut the chaos and reclaim your power in how to stay out of the drama. Discover the hidden ways drama sneaks into your daily life—from subtle gossip at work to family triangulation—and learn Adam's three powerful keys to breaking free.Unlock insight into how drama holds you back from your goals, drains your energy, and distracts you from real growth. Adam shares actionable strategies that empower you to lead with confidence, set healthy boundaries, and build relationships rooted in self-respect. Whether you're tired of office drama, family conflicts, or internal turmoil, this episode offers practical tools to help you rise above the noise.Timestamps00:00 Overcoming Personal Drama04:35 Family Triangulation Dynamics09:14 Handling Unwarranted Accusations Calmly12:20 Embracing Criticism with Dignity15:13 Choose Your Battles Wisely17:12 Intuitive Decisions Over Cancel Culture20:43 Avoiding Drama in RelationshipsResourcesShatterproof Yourself Course3 Foolproof Ways To Motivate Your Team: 3 Areas to Focus on as a Leader7 Benefits of Being Courageous4 Ways You're Demotivating Your Team: And What You Can Do About Each One10 Ways to Encourage People: How to Break The Invalidation TendencyHow to Make Good Decisions: 14 Tools for Making Tough Life ChoicesReady to stop taking the bait and start living boldly? Listen now and transform how you handle conflict, protect your peace, and step into your best self. Make your legacy one of dignity, strength, and purpose—starting today!Subscribe to the DYL Podcast and join a community eager to leave drama behind and move toward lasting mental health and fulfillment.Get free content to start your legacy journeyDecide Your Legacy Corporate & Group WorkshopsThanks for listening, be sure to subscribe and leave us a review!Be sure to follow me on Instagram @adamgragg Connect with Decide Your Legacy! Adam Gragg is a Legacy Coach, Blogger, Podcaster, Speaker, & Mental Health Professional for nearly 25 years. Adam's life purpose is helping people & organizations find transformational clarity that propels them forward to face their biggest fears to LIVE & leave their chosen legacy. He's ultra-practical in his approach, convinced that engaging in self-reflective ACTION & practical tools, practiced consistently, WILL transform your life. He specializes in life transitions, career issues, and helping clients overcome anxiety, depression & trauma. Contact Adam HERE. If you're interested in getting started on deciding YOUR legacy.This show contains content, including information provided by guests, that is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The content is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional medical, counseling, therapeutic, financial, legal or other advice.  Decide Your Legacy LLC as well as its affiliates and subsidiaries (including their respective employees, agents, and representatives) make no representations or warranties concerning the content and expressly disclaim any and all liability concerning the content including any treatment or action taken by any person following the information offered or provided within or through this show. Be sure to check out Escape Artists Travel and tell them Decide Your Legacy sent you! Be sure to check out Escape Artists Travel and tell them Decide Your Legacy sent you!

Welcome back to a special joint episode of  The Evolved Caveman and Love Isn't Enough, where Joree and John lovingly drag your relationship habits into the light—so you can stop sabotaging your love life one passive-aggressive comment at a time.In this episode, we're saddling up with the Four Horsemen of the (Relationship) Apocalypse, straight from the research of the OG love nerds, Drs. John and Julie Gottman. These four bad boys—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—aren't just annoying. They're *statistically proven* to predict divorce with a freaky 92% accuracy rate.That's right. If these habits are riding around unchecked in your relationship, you're not just arguing over the dishwasher—you might be headed for Splitsville.Today, we're going deep on the first two horsemen: Criticism (AKA “Let me tell you why you suck”) and Defensiveness (AKA “Oh really? Well what about YOU?”). Joree and John keep it real with personal stories, hilarious moments of self-awareness, and insight from working with clients who, let's just say, *learned the hard way*.What You'll Learn (Besides How to Stop Arguing Like 5-Year-Olds):* Why your nervous system flips out in the middle of a fight* How criticism is NOT the same as feedback (and why one will wreck your weekend)* The sneaky ways defensiveness kills emotional safety* How to stop being a porcupine when your partner needs a hug* Simple ways to shift from reaction to curiosity (yes, even mid-argument)* The absolute magic of non-defensive listening (hint: your partner might cry happy tears)* And how to actually connect—even when you're pissedBecause the goal isn't just to stop fighting. It's to fight smarter, love deeper, and maybe—just maybe—not feel like you're stuck in a never-ending episode of *Who's the Bigger Jerk?*Bottom Line?You don't need to be perfect—you just need to show up, own your sh*t, and stop letting bad habits ride roughshod over your connection. With curiosity, compassion, and a little non-defensive magic, you can actually make your relationship feel less like a battlefield and more like, well, love.Want more tough love with tools?

If people avoid giving you feedback or seem cautious around you, they may see you as a difficult person. Dr. Gabe breaks down ten telltale signs you might be tough to work or connect with, from people avoiding giving you feedback, always finding yourself in conflict, and struggling with teamwork, to being defensive or focusing more on being right than being effective. Drawing from Shakespeare's wisdom—“to thine own self be true”—Dr. Gabe encourages self-reflection and even suggests asking trusted friends for the raw, unfiltered truth about our personalities.Need relationship advice? Text Dr. Gabe. Text bandwidth to 94000 to stay up-to-date on all things Bandwidth.Gabriel Powell MerchUse the code BAND10 for 10% off.WebsiteSupport the Bandwidth PodcastCash App $bandwidthpodcastConnect with Bandwidth Facebook | Instagram | TikTok | Twitter Connect with Dr. GabeInstagram | YouTube | WebsiteIf you are interested in advertising on this podcast or having Dr. Gabe as a guest on your Podcast, Radio Show, or TV Show, reach out to info@gabrielpowell.co

We all do it. When there's silence, ambiguity, or the absence of clear feedback, we fill in the blanks with stories. But here's the problem: our minds don't reach for generous interpretations.  They default to criticism, fear, and doubt. Whether it's giving a talk, navigating a friendship, or reflecting on ourselves, we often assume the worst, even when reality is far more kind. Evolutionary survival instincts, societal conditioning, and inner critics keep us stuck in fear-based thinking. What if there was a powerful alternative (spoiler alert, there is!) - reconnecting to the present moment, our curiosity, and embodied awareness brings us back to center so that we can really see the truth in front of us. But what happens when we let those made-up stories dictate our behavior, disconnecting us from others and ourselves? In this episode, we unpack the human tendency to assume the worst, especially in the absence of feedback. We dive into how we can stop making up stories and start living from wonder instead.   Things You'll Learn in This Episode -From defensiveness to discovery Why does your mind automatically assume the worst when you don't have all the information? How can you retrain it to lead with curiosity instead? -The power of “I'm making up a story” How does owning your internal narrative out loud open the door to deeper connection, especially in moments of tension or misunderstanding? -The loop of awareness What happens when we shift attention between ourselves and others, and how can this “loop” help us co-create instead of self-isolate? -Reconnect through the body Why does presence live in your body, not your head, and how can physical awareness stop fear from spiraling into self-doubt?   About Your Hosts Katie Hendricks, Ph.D., BC-DMT, is a pioneer in body intelligence and conscious loving with over 40 years of experience. Known internationally as a presenter and seminar leader, she focuses on authenticity, responsibility, and appreciation in conscious living. She co-authored 12 books, including best-sellers Conscious Loving and Conscious Loving Ever After and she has appeared on over 500 radio and TV programs. Sophie Chiche is a seasoned coach and consultant who has worked with thousands of individuals and teams globally. With a focus on helping people live fully expressed lives, she guides clients and facilitates group sessions to remove obstacles and design meaningful lives. Sophie has developed unique methods, mindset shifts, and healing modalities to create lasting change.   Check out this episode on our website, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify and don't forget to leave a review if you like what you heard. Your review feeds the algorithm so the show reaches more people!

The more years I experience, the more healing I do, the less I feel the need to be right or defend myself. I used to be SO defensive that any kind of criticism or loving concern came across as threatening and would shut me down or rile me up. Our spirit knows mistakes are part of life & will readily say I'm sorry but the ego gets so caught up in defending mistakes it ignores the impact it has on others. This episode I reflect on not needing to protect myself from how people perceive me. If there's nothing to defend, it feels so free and that comes from an internal sense of safety developed through healing authority trauma. And since filming this a few days ago I've had even more aha moments--more to come on this topic!Support the podcast:Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)Venmo: @bevinbCash App: $BevinBossBuy my aerobics video! ⁠fatkiddanceparty.com/video4pack⁠Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_shareTee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-partyInstagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinspartyWork one on one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/You Tube Channel:https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCarePartyBlog: queerfatfemme.comSubstack: bevinsparty.substack.comEmail list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3dbThreads, Tik Tok, bsky.app/, Twitter: @bevinspartyFacebook.com/bevinspartyLike/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!

practice refraining from explaining and ending defending. critiques are just critiques. more content and community over on Patreon

75% of entrepreneurs feel burned out—but only 2% take intentional rest longer than a week. What if your “lack of productivity” isn't a personal failure, but a signal from your body that something is broken… and not in you?In this soul-deep episode, George is joined by former therapist turned holistic business coach Maegan Megginson, who specializes in helping entrepreneurs navigate burnout by reconnecting to their intuition, their original vision, and their nervous system. Together, they dismantle the toxic conditioning around productivity, explain the hidden costs of hustle, and challenge you to radically rethink what success looks like.If you're tired, stuck, or quietly wondering “Is this really worth it?”—this is your invitation to a new way of being.What You'll Learn in This EpisodeWhy burnout isn't a personal problem—it's a system problemHow stress, burnout, and depression show up in the body (and what to do about it)The difference between hyper- and hypo-arousal in burnoutHow patriarchy and capitalism condition us to extract from ourselvesWhy sabbaticals aren't luxuries—they're necessitiesHow to reconnect to the original vision that sparked your businessWhy small business owners have the power to rewrite broken systemsKey Takeaways✔️Your body is the wisest business coach you'll ever have—listen to it.✔️Burnout is not a failure—it's a message.✔️Defensiveness and curiosity can't exist at the same time. Choose curiosity.✔️What you originally wanted when you started your business still matters.✔️If you're constantly exhausted, it's time to stop tweaking and start resting.✔️The quality of the fruit depends on how you tend the garden—not just how you plant it.✔️You have agency, sovereignty, and choice—use it to reclaim your peace. Timestamps[00:00] – What if scaling is more about resting than working harder?[03:00] – Meet Maegan: recovering therapist and burnout mentor[06:00] – Defining burnout (and how it differs from stress and depression)[10:00] – The hyper vs. hypo burnout spectrum[13:00] – How capitalism and patriarchy condition our approach to work[17:00] – Why burnout is systemic—not a personal failure[21:00] – Deconstructing “the playground” metaphor for entrepreneurship[27:00] – How we extract from ourselves without realizing it[33:00] – The illusion of constant growth and productivity[37:00] – How to spot internalized patriarchy and perfectionism[42:00] – Why we must bring awareness to the systems we operate in[46:00] – Rediscovering the original vision for your life and business[52:00] – Why purpose without alignment leads to collapse[58:00] – How sabbaticals help you hear the whispers of your soul[01:06:00] – 3-part sabbatical process: Prepare, Rest, Integrate[01:14:00] – Final message: stop asking what to do—start asking how to beChoose Your Next Steps:Carve out 30 minutes to reflect on why you started your businessAsk yourself: What was I really craving when I stepped into entrepreneurship?Write down one part of your original vision you've abandoned—and commit to bringing it backDM George @itsgeorgebryant with your reflections, or subscribe to Maegan's newsletter for moreConnect with Maegan MegginsonWebsite: deeplyrested.comNewsletter: deeplyrested.com/newsletterPodcast: Deeply Rested PodcastNo Instagram—on purposeJoin The Alliance – Relationship Beats Algorithms™ community for aligned entrepreneurs1:1 Coaching – Scale with clarity, simplicity, and peaceLive Events – Find the room that shifts everything: mindofgeorge.com/event

Send us a textYou say one thing. They hear another. And somehow, the more you try to explain, the worse it gets.Sound familiar?This is what defensiveness does. It scrambles your message, distorts your intentions, and quietly chips away at emotional safety, until even love starts to feel like a battleground.According to renowned relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, defensiveness is one of the top predictors of divorce. And not because you're broken, but because it's the armor we all reach for when emotions get big and uncomfortable.In this episode of Love Shack Live, the podcast for anyone standing at a relationship crossroads, we're breaking down the truth about defensiveness: why we all do it, what it looks like (even when it's subtle), and how to take off the armor without losing yourself.You'll hear:Real-life examples of common defensive moves (yes, we all have a favorite!)How defensiveness kills emotional safety, and how to rebuild itA simple tool you can use to recognize when you're getting defensive in real timeAnd we'll ask the question that could shift everything:What if the thing you're doing to protect your heart… is actually keeping real love out?Whether you're navigating space, dating again, or trying to save something that still matters, this one's for you. It's time to slow things down, get honest about “that thing you do,” and start building connection from the inside out.Timestamps: 03:39 Flavors of Defensiveness06:44 The Impact of Defensiveness17:14 Personal Stories and Examples25:49 Building Emotional Safety27:26 Understanding Defensiveness28:34 Common Defensive Mechanisms31:26 Personal Stories of Defensiveness34:01 Managing Emotional Capacity35:41 Practical Tips for Handling Defensiveness44:07 Defensiveness in Relationships47:31 Conclusion and Resources

Enjoy the episode? Send us a text!Research shows that four specific communication behaviors during arguments can predict divorce with 80-90% accuracy, while eliminating these behaviors can dramatically improve marriage success.• The four horsemen of relationship conflict are defensiveness, criticism, contempt, and stonewalling• Defensiveness deflects blame and responsibility, creating a downward spiral in communication• Criticism attacks a partner's character rather than addressing specific behaviors• Contempt is the most dangerous pattern, involving feelings of superiority toward your partner• Stonewalling occurs when one partner mentally or physically shuts down during conflict• The antidote to stonewalling is taking a purposeful break with the intention to resume later• Taking time to cool down and process emotions leads to more productive conflict resolution• Sometimes sleeping on an issue provides needed perspective, contrary to "don't go to bed angry" advice• Breaking these harmful communication patterns requires recognizing and interrupting them earlyGet our ultimate guide to better communication by visiting marriagehelper.com/smart to access our toolkit on how to communicate effectively, even when your spouse isn't talking to you.If you're struggling in your marriage, don't wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage

Season 3 - Episode 6On today's episode, Michele unpacks duality vs. polarity and why this causes defensiveness within the Divine Feminine. This episode invites in deep reflection of this Twin Flame Journey and our defenses. Michele's website: MicheleLynchHealing.comFollow on IG: @puttingdreamsonyourfeet

In today's episode, I delve into three powerful strategies to help you stop overreacting, especially during times of grief. We'll explore understanding defensiveness, getting to know your grief, and recognizing that it's often not about you. These insights aim to provide practical steps to manage emotional responses, particularly for those dealing with the loss of a baby and the raw emotions that come with it. I'll also share personal analogies related to allergies and defensiveness, drawing a parallel to how our bodies sometimes overreact to harmless triggers, just like our emotions. Tune in to learn how to interrupt this cycle and gain tools to manage your reactions effectively. By the end, you'll have concrete ideas and examples to start thinking about and implementing in your journey through grief. Join me and let's navigate this path together. 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:09 Springtime and Allergies 01:45 Understanding Overreactions 03:41 Watch Out for Defensiveness 07:25 Get to Know Your Grief 11:29 It's Not About You 18:59 Embracing the Full Human Experience 23:44 Conclusion and Invitation to Join the Challenge   Embrace Mother's Day starts April 12, 2025 Click HERE to join! Get support from Amy! Click HERE Follow me on Instagram! @amy.smoothstonescoaching Visit my website. Photo by Canva Music by ZingDog on Pond5  

Send us a textWhat really gets in the way of good communication in relationships? (Hint: It's not just forgetting to text back.)In this fun, flirty, and deeply informative episode, Andrea Knoche sits down with relationship coach Aly Bullock for a juicy conversation about what makes love last—and what secretly chips away at it. From decoding defensiveness and learning how to actually say “I'm sorry” (and mean it!) to the magic of love languages and staying connected in the bedroom, nothing is off-limits.They dish on why we get triggered, how mindfulness plays a role in our connections, and why rediscovering shared passions might be the spark your relationship needs. You'll also hear how the Paired app is helping couples everywhere communicate better, faster, and with a lot more clarity.Whether you're in a relationship, navigating the single life, or somewhere in between, this episode is packed with laughs, “aha” moments, and actionable tips to help you deepen your connection—with yourself and your partner.Tune in now to flirt smarter, fight better, and fall deeper in love.

In this episode, Chris continues his conversation on defensiveness but this time takes us into how to dismantle it and work through it with respect to the restorative process. 

Chances are, you’ve supported someone going through a tough time. And while the meaning sustains the sacrifice, today we want to support you ….. supporting them. A bit of support inception, if you will. To guide us through this incredibly complex and meaningful topic is our resident psychologist, Dr Emily Musgrove. Navigating relationships requires awareness. Showing up as a partner, friend, parent, or sibling while holding space for pain – without being overwhelmed – is a skill that takes practice. Reminding us that no one hates their struggle more than the person suffering, Dr Em delves into some practical strategies of support, such as walking the line between respect and care, as well as always understanding the difference between effort and capacity. To all of the supporters and carers listening, we see you. We love you. And we hope you felt held, too. To watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://bit.ly/3XILzEe To pre-order Dr. Em’s book Unstuck, click here - https://bit.ly/4bhmCp2

It isn't easy to listen to someone saying things you disagree with. It is hard to hear someone is upset with you, and even harder to not receive it as an attack and defend yourself. It takes self-restraint to focus on what is being said when your emotions are out of control.  Defensiveness and reactivity are primary reasons that conflict escalates and isn't resolved. There is an approach that can make it easier for you to listen, and that is to be curious about the other person. Watch this video to find out how to do that and why it works. #reactivity #becurious #listen    Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/tcs_PBK0vcc

This week Chris talks about the overlooked topic of "defensiveness." What does it look like for each of us to be defensive and what does it look like to submit our defensiveness to the Lord? 

Resentment and blame can quietly build in a marriage until one day you realize you're not just frustrated—you're disconnected, discouraged, and maybe even questioning whether things can ever feel good again.In this episode, we take a gentle but honest look at how resentment starts, what it looks like in everyday marriage dynamics (even the “small” stuff), and why it leaves you feeling powerless and stuck.You'll learn:

Everybody knows you have to set boundaries with your husband so he won't walk all over you. But what if boundaries aren't actually working? What if they're making things worse? That's what happened at my house. I laid down the law, demanded change, and made my expectations clear. And you know what happened? Distance. Defensiveness. Zero improvement. Then I discovered three cheat phrases that work way better than boundaries ever did to get the kind of response I really wanted, more connection, tenderness, and more help around the house. Now, I don't even think about setting boundaries—because I don't need to! In this episode, I'll share:

"Choose to be okay with who you are." "Self-acceptance is not the opposite of self-improvement; it is the opposite of self-judgment." "It's about being more at peace with the imperfection that exists in all of us." "You are never responding to the world around you, ever - you are only ever responding to the meaning that you're putting on what is happening."   Episode summary | Dr. Laura Gallaher, an organizational psychologist and author, shares her journey from working with NASA to promoting radical self-acceptance. She discusses the importance of psychological safety in organizations, the relationship between self-acceptance and self-improvement, and how stress is often a choice influenced by our self-judgment. Dr. Gallaher emphasizes that self-acceptance is crucial for personal growth and effective leadership, and she provides practical insights on how to cultivate a more accepting relationship with oneself.   R.O.G. Takeaway Tips | Radical self-acceptance involves embracing all aspects of oneself, including flaws and strengths. Self-acceptance is not the opposite of self-improvement; they can coexist. Stress is often a choice based on the meaning we assign to situations. Defensiveness often indicates a lack of self-acceptance. The stories we tell ourselves can significantly impact our emotional responses. Creating psychological safety in teams requires self-awareness and vulnerability. High achievers often fear that self-acceptance will lead to complacency. Compassion for others often reflects our level of self-acceptance. Experiential learning and reflection are key to personal growth.    Chapters |  00:00 Introduction to Dr. Laura Gallaher 06:53 Self-Awareness and Personal Growth 18:00 The Missing Links: Company Culture 29:08 The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Self-Perception 34:59 Understanding and Reframing Personal Narratives 40:38 Defensiveness and Self-Acceptance in Relationships 46:06 Rapid Fire Insights and Personal Reflections   Guest Bio | Dr. Laura is a professional speaker and organizational psychologist who inspires driven self-starters to transform their relationship with themselves to accomplish more than ever while making everything easier! While sharing revelations on radical self-acceptance she uniquely leverages humor to resonate with audiences. She is an approachable, funny, warm, alluring, optimistic, curious and delightful speaker and guest! Even as a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-selling author, Dr. Laura doesn't fit the typical "academic" personality of her PhD peers. Some of her noteworthy achievements include being hired by NASA to transform culture following the Columbia accident, working with Disney to lead radical shifts in performance management for their leaders, and inspiring Yahoo's global teams to seek transformation from the inside-out. Fun is always abounding in Dr. Laura's life; so when she's not serving a mass self-acceptance movement you can find her water skiing, floating in a sunny pool (likely on a large peacock floatie), playing with her dogs, Grace (a papillon) and Jackson (a morkie), singing while playing her beautiful grand piano, or diving deeper into her own consciousness to live life most fully.   Resources: Laura's LinkedIn Profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laura-gallaher-phd Self Acceptance Quiz URL: https://selfacceptancequiz.com/ Website URL: drlauragallaher.com Instagram: @drlauragallaher Where to find R.O.G. Podcast: R.O.G on YouTube R.O.G on Apple Podcasts R.O.G on Spotify 5 Year Gratitude Journal: Grounded in Gratitude on Etsy How diverse is your network?  N.D.I. Network Diversity Index What is your Generosity Style?  Generosity Quiz Credits: Dr. Laura Gallaher, Host Shannon Cassidy, Bridge Between, Inc. Coming Next: Please join us next week, Episode 225, Special Guest, Scott Mann.  

Purchase Relationship Renovation at HomeWhat skills are essential to break away from the cycle of blame and defensiveness in relationships?How can vulnerability and open communication transform your connection with your partner?What are practical steps for repairing and reconnecting with your partner after a conflict?In this insightful episode of "Relationship Renovation," hosts Tarah and EJ Kerwin delve deep into a topic many couples struggle with – the blame game. Understanding how criticism and defensiveness can erode trust and emotional safety in a relationship is crucial. Tarah and EJ share personal anecdotes, like their recent challenge with their children's cell phone use, to illustrate how easy it is to slip into these patterns and how damaging they can be if left unchecked. They stress the importance of identifying these patterns and offer practical, actionable advice on how to pause, reflect, and transform these negative cycles into opportunities for deeper understanding and connection.Furthermore, listeners will learn about the Gottman's "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" – criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling – and receive guidance on how to counteract these relationship-killers. Whether you're navigating trust issues rooted in past hurts or simply seeking more empathy from your partner, this episode is packed with strategies to foster mutual respect and resilience. Join Tarah and EJ on this journey to develop healthier communication skills and increase emotional intimacy in your relationship. Don't miss out on this opportunity to learn how to build a relationship where both partners feel heard, valued, and deeply connected.For more detailed support, Purchase Relationship Renovation at Home Online CourseRelationship Renovation YoutubeContact UsSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

✋PLEASE SHARE WITH OTHERS!Defensiveness is a normal human impulse. When we are blamed, we instinctually want to justify our intent. We can't stand the idea of our partner thinking we did something that we don't feel like we did. However, the more we defend, the more it makes our partner feel invalidated. In this new episode. I discuss the top steps I take in my marriage to avoid becoming defensive.Call 303-578-0618 and leave a voicemail with your questions!

In this episode of the Memoirs of an LDS Servant Teacher Podcast, host Maurice Harker delves into the intricate dynamics of marital relationships, focusing on the pervasive cycle of criticism and defensiveness. Drawing from real-life scenarios, Maurice discusses how unchecked criticism can erode trust and intimacy, leading to a defensive posture that hinders personal growth and mutual understanding. He offers insights into recognizing these patterns and provides practical strategies to foster healthier communication, ensuring both partners feel valued and heard.Want to read more about this topic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/rebuilding-trust-in-a-traumatized-relationship-a-spiritual-and-psychological-approach/Rather Watch Something? ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGqGEJbPXDc&t=6sCheck out the Marriage Repair Workshops: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.lifechangingservices.org/marriage-repair/⁠

Last week was our LIVE Marriage Webclass on effective communication, de-escalating conflicts, and repairing after an argument. If you missed registering for that FREE event, you can still access the replay link here. There was so much that we covered that we did not have time to answer any of the questions pertaining to the Before, During, and After skills that we taught.  So on today's episode we will cover the 3 most common questions we received at the end of the class, so that everyone that was on can get those answers. If you did not watch, you can use the link to still watch, even if you did not, these are very common questions that will be very meaningful for you to hear. These answers will be very practical so that you can use them in your own life immediately. These are the questions you will hear answers to:  ✅ What can I do? How do I handle when my partner is defensive/not receptive despite the timing of the conversation.  ✅ How do you communicate when expressed needs go unmet? What to do if/when agreements are broken? ✅ What do we do when our partner usually doesn't allow us to take a timeout from a conflict?   Relationship Resources:  ➡️ As you listen, make sure you watch the REPLAY of our Live + Free Marriage WebClass. We only host this ONCE a year, and this link will only be available for one more week.  ➡️ Find the links to all the guides and 30-day challenges with our resources page here. https://www.meetthefreemans.com/links

Why do we argue in bad faith? Why do we get defensive when we're wrong?

In this episode of Asking For A Friend with TalkDoc, Dr. Pamela Kreiser, Meredith Edwards Nagle, and Teighlor Polendo take a deep dive into defensiveness in relationships. They explore how defensiveness affects communication, relationships, and even children, drawing from personal experiences and research by Dr. John Gottman. The hosts break down Gottman's 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' and discuss practical strategies to reduce defensiveness, including taking responsibility, seeking clarity, and reframing interactions. Tune in for expert insights and actionable tools to strengthen your communication and relationships. Music by epidemic sound.

We look at defensive mechanisms through the lens of underdeveloped skills and a not-yet-ability to say the needs we are trying to express.

In this episode of the Modern Man Podcast, Ted discusses the complexities of relationships with licensed professional counselor EJ Kerwin. They explore the importance of communication, the challenges of defensiveness, and the necessity of mindfulness in maintaining healthy relationships. EJ shares insights from his own experiences and professional practice, emphasizing the need for couples to navigate changes together and to work on their emotional connections. In this conversation, the speakers delve into the complexities of navigating relationships, especially in the context of parenthood. They discuss the importance of emotional awareness, the need for gratitude and connection, and the evolving expectations of men in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the significance of creating emotional safety and acceptance within partnerships, as well as the impact of these dynamics on personal growth and family life.   Takeaways Relationships require ongoing work and commitment. Defensiveness can hinder effective communication. Recognizing personal triggers is key to managing defensiveness. Mindfulness can enhance relationship satisfaction. Curiosity in communication fosters understanding. Couples often struggle during major life transitions. Each partner may adapt differently to stress. Grace and understanding are essential in relationships. Practicing mindfulness takes effort but yields benefits. Effective communication involves adapting to each other's needs. Dividing responsibilities in parenting can lead to misalignment. Regularly checking in with your partner is essential for connection. Mindfulness helps in recognizing and addressing relationship misalignments. Gratitude should be vocalized specifically to be impactful. Emotional awareness is now a key expectation in relationships. Men are encouraged to express vulnerability without fear of weakness. Creating emotional safety allows partners to be their true selves. Understanding your partner's struggles can foster deeper connections. The relationship between parents influences their children's views on relationships. Continuous learning about your partner is vital for growth.  Chapters 00:00 Introduction to the Modern Man Podcast 01:00 Meet EJ Kerwin: A Journey into Relationship Counseling 04:23 The Reality of Relationship Work 05:54 Understanding Disconnection in Relationships 09:23 Defensiveness: A Barrier to Connection 12:05 Recognizing and Overcoming Defensiveness 18:46 Cultivating Receptiveness in Communication 22:10 The Importance of Mindfulness in Relationships 25:28 Navigating Major Life Changes Together 28:51 Navigating Parenthood and Relationship Dynamics 36:00 The Evolving Expectations of Emotional Awareness 41:39 Creating Emotional Safety in Relationships 46:38 The Impact of Relationships on Personal Growth   E.J.'s Links Website: https://relationshiprenovation.com/ Spotify:  Relationship Renovation Podcast Online Course: relationshiprenovation.com Instagram: @relationshiprenovation   Free eBook Here: Mastering Self-Development: Strategies of the New Masculine: https://rebrand.ly/m2ebook   ⚔️JOIN THE NOBLE KNIGHTS MASTERMIND⚔️ https://themodernmanpodcast.com/thenobleknights  

Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)If defending yourself is important for protecting your self-respect in relationships, then why is "defensiveness" so bad? In this episode, we discuss "acceptable" and "not acceptable" defensiveness and cover strategies to transform those knee-jerk defensive reactions into opportunities for growth and connection. We talk about how to navigate the tricky terrain of criticism—whether it involves character slights or behavior-focused feedback. We peel back the layers of defensiveness, from professional settings to the nuanced dynamics within friendships and romantic relationships. Societal issues like microaggressions play into our defensive behaviors, while empathy and understanding can bridge gaps in communication. We highlight the importance of avoiding character attacks and fostering a more open dialogue.We share tips for handling emotional conflicts, the impact of rejection sensitivity, and how varying defense mechanisms—from primitive to mature—can either hinder or heal our interactions. Support the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. KulaMind teaches you how to cope with difficult relationships through one-on-one expert coaching, exclusive group support, and personalized digital resources. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed tips and resources for mental health and relationships. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends

Correction is hard to bear, and we are naturally defensive. What would it look like if we could handle it gracefully? Stay up-to-date with the latest on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/uscchallenge/ Find out more about the ministry on our website: https://uscchristianchallenge.com/home

Episode 46 of the Becoming Centered Podcast focuses on the essential managerial and coaching skill of giving feedback to others.  Individual supervision and individual coaching is, by far, the most effective way to inspire and guide the professional development of direct care child care counselors.  This individual attention is much more powerful than in-service training, articles, podcasts, or other ways to train staff.  The heart of coaching is being able to give feedback to supervisees in a way that effectively influences how a staff person thinks about their work, how they feel about their efforts and experience, and how they develop their own executive skills and counseling skills.  Giving feedback to others, in a way that the other person can process and incorporate into their own professional development, is both a core leadership skill and is very difficult to do.  Defensiveness when receiving feedback is normal and natural.  In this podcast I set out to raise the listeners awareness of techniques for compensating for that normal level of defensiveness and techniques for making positive feedback more sophisticated and effective.   

The third “horseman” of the relational apocalypse is defensiveness, usually as a response to criticism. Defensiveness is a form of self-protection from a perceived attack, usually from a place of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood. The antidote to defensiveness is accepting responsibility for your role in the conflict or situation. Aaron Potratz & Nathan Hawkins are behavioral health experts, licensed counselors, and clinical supervisors with over 35 years of experience. They each own a private group therapy practice and co-own a third one together. Aaron is also a business consultant for therapists in private practice wanting to start, grow, or expand their business. *Watch this episode: *Now on YouTube: @shrink-think *Sign up for our FREE email course on overcoming fear and insecurity at: https://www.shrinkthink.com/podcast -------------- *Member of the PsychCraft Podcast Network* https://psychcraftnetwork.com/

Teach Me Something

Are you unknowingly shutting down your team's ideas? In this episode, we discuss the effects of using the word "no" and other negative language when responding to suggestions. Exploring how these communication habits can stifle creativity, create defensiveness, and hinder collaboration. Learn how to respond more constructively to ideas, foster open dialogue, and encourage innovation within your team. Takeaways   People often shut down others without realizing it. The word 'no' can deflate conversations. Curiosity is key to effective communication. Using 'yes, and' can foster collaboration. Affirming ideas encourages more participation. Leaders should recognize their own shutting down behaviors. Facilitating discussions requires open-ended questions. Context is crucial for understanding ideas. Feedback should be constructive, not dismissive. Creating a safe space is essential for idea sharing.   For more resources on developing leadership skills visit us at Revela. Where we've helped hundreds of executives lead productive teams and thriving organizations. This podcast is produced by Two Brothers Creative.

Have you ever opened up to your spouse about the mental load, only to be met with defensiveness, resistance, or invalidating responses? It can feel hopeless, lonely, and leave you questioning whether your partner truly understands or cares. This episode is for you if you've tried having these conversations but still aren't getting what you need.   Tune in to discover: Why defensive or invalidating responses to the mental load feel so painful and isolating Scripts you can use when your spouse says frustrating things like, “Well, no one asked you to do all that,” or, “I guess I'm just a bad husband” The importance of understanding your spouse's intentions and how to navigate the emotions behind their reactions How to avoid shutting down in your marriage, even when things don't go well Why the solution lies in building systems that work for both of you (and how to start that conversation today)   If you've ever felt like you're carrying everything alone or that your spouse just doesn't “get it,” this episode will help you approach these tough conversations with confidence, clarity, and love. It's not about proving who's right or wrong—it's about finding a way to tackle the mental load together.   FREE TRAINING! The Three Secrets to a Happier Marriage: https://marriedafterkids.com/3-secrets   Get your FREE EBOOK! 3 Ways To Connect More With Your Spouse (In 5 Min or Less): https://marriedafterkids.com/freebie Connect with me for a FREE Married After Kids Intervention Call:  https://marriedafterkids.satoriapp.com/offers/277730-married-after-kids-intervention-call Follow me on Instagram so you don't miss a thing! www.instagram.com/marriedafterkids

We use a recent controversial murder case as a way to reconsider recent world events--such as war in Europe and the return of Trump--from the perspective of the epistemological crisis and the decline of trust in Truth, Facts, and Reality. CHAPTERS: 0:00:20 – Intro & Disclaimers 0:11:45 – The Great Witch Hunt: overview 0:28:25 – The Great Witch Hunt: midwives & caregivers 0:45:10 – The Lucy Letby Case: narrative 1:15:55 – The Lucy Letby Case: analysis 1:44:10 – The Lucy Letby Case: reactions & aftermath 1:51:25 – Defensiveness & the epistemic house of cards 2:08:00 – The partisanization of knowledge 2:20:40 – The trials of the expert class 2:38:40 – Lessons of World War I 2:46:30 – The threat to democracy is the presidency 2:55:50 – The “economy” 2:59:10 – Conclusions: Notre Dame restored Image: 18th-century farmhouse on eroding cliff's edge, Trimingham, Norfolk, England, April 2024. Audio version of my 2022 article, "In the American Tempest: Democracy, Conspiracy, and Machine" -- https://soundcloud.com/historiansplaining/article-in-the-american-tempest-democracy-conspiracy-machine Jeffrey Friedman's 2023 article, "Post-Truth and the Epistemological Crisis" -- https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/08913811.2023.2221502 Please sign up as a patron to hear patron-only lectures, such as on the Epic of Gilgamesh -- https://www.patreon.com/c/user?u=5530632

Got a question, comment, or just want to drop some encouragement? Send us a text.Defensiveness can be a significant roadblock in relationships, particularly among parenting partners. The episode delves into how defensiveness complicates communication, using the example of Kylie and Leslie and their conflict over forgotten pasta. Stephen Mitchell, PhD and Erin Mitchell, MACP emphasize leading with accountability and following up with vulnerability as crucial steps towards breaking the cycle of defensiveness. Here's what we cover in the episode:Analysis of a scenario involving Kylie and Leslie stuck in a defensive cycle and looking for answers on how to end the cycleUnderstand why defensiveness often arises as a protective mechanismThe Two Step process for ending defensiveness in your relationship We differentiate between simple apologies and true relationship repairSample script on how to have the conversation with your partner If you're enjoying the podcast, please hit the follow button and leave us a rating. This helps our content become more visible to others who might enjoy it, and it lets us know how we can keep improving the show.

As a principal, it's easy to swing between being too nice and too strict in an attempt to avoid conflict or prove your authority. But what if there was a better way to respond to criticism and lead with confidence? Join me as we unpack the layers of defensiveness and discover how to communicate more effectively, even in challenging situations.   By the end of this episode, you'll have a new perspective on defensiveness and practical strategies for managing your emotions and interactions as a school leader. Let's dive in and learn how to turn down the volume on stress and turn up the empowerment in your leadership journey!   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://angelakellycoaching.com/368

In this episode, we tackle one of the most challenging aspects of communication: defensiveness. Whether it's a friend who dismisses others, a family member who reacts sharply, or a coworker who resists feedback, defensiveness often creates distance in relationships. But what if we could work with defensiveness instead of resisting or judging it?Drawing from real-life listener questions, I explore how to engage with others' defenses in ways that foster trust, empathy, and connection. Together, we'll uncover why defensiveness arises, how to approach it with curiosity, and the surprising ways it can become a bridge rather than a barrier. If you've ever struggled with someone's resistance—or your own—this episode is for you. We listen to three different scenarios that can be turned around with the use of really clear requests.  We discuss:1:00 My friend is so judgmental of my other friends.  How can I talk to her about this?6:00 Why clear requests are so essential.9:49 Want to experience more care?  Try this move.11:39 Leading with curiosity19:44 Working with others' defenses.20:57 How can I warm the relationship I have with my daughter?29:07 How can I request an invitation to dinner?If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends! For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Subscribe & Follow:Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Thank you for listening! Here are more ways to connect with me: Become a member of my online learning community Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness Join our calls live Set up a private session Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In Episode 262, Mark & Steve examine the pervasive issue of defensiveness in relationships, particularly in the context of porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma. They explain how defensiveness arises from fear, shame, and unresolved trauma, creating cycles of conflict that block emotional connection. The betrayed partner's reactions, often rooted in pain and self-preservation, can trigger defensive responses in the addict in recovery, escalating the divide. By shifting focus from being “right” to fostering empathy and understanding, couples can begin to dismantle these destructive patterns and move toward healing.The episode emphasizes the profound impact of betrayal on trust, illustrating how it disrupts safety and rewires the brain's survival mechanisms. Both partners must navigate their trauma responses with patience and compassion. Practical strategies such as practicing empathy, authenticity, and curiosity are highlighted as tools to transform conflict into opportunities for connection. Breaking free from defensive cycles requires intentional effort to understand each partner's perspective and address the root causes of their pain.The episode concludes by framing recovery as a collaborative effort, requiring commitment and support. Tools like therapy, support groups, and programs like Dare to Connect can help couples rebuild trust and create deeper intimacy. While the journey is challenging, it underscores the potential for relationships to thrive when defensiveness is replaced with genuine understanding and connection.For a full transcript of this podcast in article format, go to:  Defensiveness is KILLING Our Relationship—What Do We DO?Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program at—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Alisa Cohn is an executive coach who has worked with C-suite executives at startups like Venmo, Etsy, Wirecutter, and DraftKings, and Fortune 500 companies like Microsoft, Google, Pfizer, Dell, and IBM. Inc. Magazine named Alisa one of the top 100 leadership speakers, and she was named one of the Top 50 coaches in the world by Thinkers50 and the #1 startup coach for the past four years by Global Gurus. She is also the author of From Start-Up to Grown-Up, which won the 2022 Independent Press Award and the American Book Fest 2023 Best Book Award for Entrepreneurship, and is the creator and host of a podcast of the same name. In our conversation, we discuss:• The psychology behind why we avoid difficult conversations• Specific scripts for having five common difficult conversations• How to handle defensive reactions in the moment• The three questions you should end every meeting with• “The founder prenup” that every founding team should work through• Common leadership myths• Stories of failure from Alisa's career—Brought to you by:• Eppo—Run reliable, impactful experiments• Rippling—Automate HR, IT, and finance so you can scale faster• Liveblocks—Ready-made collaborative features to drop into your product—Find the transcript at: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/scripts-for-difficult-conversations-alisa-cohn—Where to find Alisa Cohn:• X: https://x.com/AlisaCohn• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisacohn• Website: https://www.alisacohn.com• Podcast: https://www.alisacohn.com/podcast—Where to find Lenny:• Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com• X: https://twitter.com/lennysan• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/—In this episode, we cover:(00:00) Alisa's background(04:48) Having difficult conversations(12:48) Scripts for performance feedback(20:20) How to respond when someone is defensive or upset(25:07) Scripts for handling promotion disappointments(31:00) Scripts for handling terminations(35:44) The importance of positive feedback(38:49) Understanding your job as a leader(44:55) Recognizing your own blind spots(49:38) Three vital questions to ask in every meeting(55:57) The founder prenup(01:08:24) Failure corner(01:13:00) Final thoughts and lightning round—Referenced:• Alisa's free PDF downloads for Lenny's listeners: https://www.alisacohn.com/Lenny/• Radical Candor: From theory to practice with author Kim Scott: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/radical-candor-from-theory-to-practice• Non-Violent Communication (NVC) Model: https://www.ucop.edu/ombuds/_files/nvc-model-requesting-change-remove.pdf• Sheryl Sandberg on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheryl-sandberg-5126652• How embracing emotions will accelerate your career | Joe Hudson (executive coach, Art of Accomplishment): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/embracing-your-emotions-joe-hudson• Joe Gebbia on X: https://x.com/jgebbia• Noam Wasserman on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/noam-wasserman-462425• Core Values List: https://jamesclear.com/core-values• How Cofounders Can Prevent Their Relationship from Derailing: https://hbr.org/2022/04/how-cofounders-can-prevent-their-relationship-from-derailing• Inside Out 2 on Disney+: https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/inside-out-2/6MeZYf9JkFii• Ninja CREAMi: https://www.amazon.com/Ninja-NC299AMZ-Milkshakes-One-Touch-Container/dp/B09QV24FFZ• Joseph Campbell quote: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/136819-if-the-path-before-you-is-clear-you-re-probably-on—Recommended books:• From Start-Up to Grown-Up: Grow Your Leadership to Grow Your Business: https://www.amazon.com/Start-Up-Grown-Up-Grow-Leadership-Business/dp/1398601403• Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity: https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Revised-Kick-Ass-Humanity/dp/1250235375• Working Backwards: Insights, Stories, and Secrets from Inside Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Working-Backwards-Insights-Stories-Secrets/dp/1250267595• Unpacking Amazon's unique ways of working | Bill Carr (author of Working Backwards): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/unpacking-amazons-unique-ways-of• Walt Disney: The Triumph of the American Imagination: https://www.amazon.com/Walt-Disney-Triumph-American-Imagination/dp/0679757473—Production and marketing by https://penname.co/. For inquiries about sponsoring the podcast, email podcast@lennyrachitsky.com.—Lenny may be an investor in the companies discussed. Get full access to Lenny's Newsletter at www.lennysnewsletter.com/subscribe

AFTERNOON DELIGHT PART 3! How can we build healthier, happier relationships that withstand the test of time? In this episode, we delve into the groundbreaking research of Dr. John Gottman, a pioneer in understanding what makes relationships thrive. We'll explore the infamous 'Four Horsemen' of relationship doom: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. These behaviors can derail even the strongest bonds, and recognizing them is the first step toward fostering a more secure and loving connection. What sets the Gottman Method apart from traditional couples therapy? Unlike many approaches that focus primarily on past traumas, Gottman's method is rooted in extensive empirical research. He has studied thousands of couples to identify specific, measurable behaviors that predict relationship success. Instead of avoiding conflict, Gottman emphasizes constructive conflict resolution, equipping couples with effective communication skills to navigate disagreements positively. We'll introduce the Sound Relationship House Theory, a structured framework that outlines essential levels for strengthening relationships, such as building love maps, nurturing fondness, and creating shared goals. This clear roadmap is unique to the Gottman Method, providing couples with actionable steps toward improvement. Did you know that according to Gottman's research, couples who regularly exhibit the Four Horsemen are 80% more likely to break up? However, couples who practice his techniques experience a 94% success rate in improving their relationship satisfaction! Join us as we share three actionable tips to help you build a stronger foundation: Practice Appreciation – Make it a habit to express gratitude for your partner. Learn to Repair – Develop skills to recognize and address conflicts before they escalate. Foster Emotional Connection – Prioritize meaningful conversations and engage in shared activities. Tune in to discover how understanding and applying Gottman's principles can transform your relationship into a thriving partnership!

Few of us make it through life without ever getting defensive.  Shields are universal and archetypal. But, at the risk of being dramatic, how defensive we get can dramatically affect our relationships and careers. Some people keep their Shield of protection up almost all the time. Others ram it into the other person's face. Both of these can severely limit not just relationships and work, but, as we'll see, your psychological growth as well. This episode explores the differences between being defensive, and appropriately defending ourselves, with examples, and suggestions for being less defensive and for handling the defensiveness of others. 

PREVIEW: CHARLES I: REGICIDE: Professor of 16th and 17th Century Jonathan Healey, author "The Blazing World," comments on the defensiveness of the regicides after the king's execution that rocks the kingdom. More later 1649 REGICIDES

In this enlightening episode, with Darren F Magee—a counsellor, psychotherapist, author, and clinical supervisor—to explore the many faces of toxic relationships and the toll they take on our well-being. From the four classic signs of unhealthy dynamics (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) to the subtle rewriting of narratives.Find more information and resources here: http://saradavison.com/Follow me on social media►Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saradavisondivorcecoach/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SaraDavisonDivorceCoachTwitter: https://twitter.com/SDDivorceCoachLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-davison-742b453/

Send us a text#164 – Being Defensive is a Losing Strategy – Most Popular Episodes of 2024It's easy to see when someone else is getting defensive, but when we get defensive, it feels justified. Being defensive, no matter where it is coming from, will often begin a trajectory of downward spiral in a relationship. The way your brain is interpreting what the other person is saying or doing will create a reaction in your body, especially when it is perceived that they are trying to hurt you. When you are aware of your own reactions, and you choose to respond with intention, you begin to have more freedom and less suffering in your life. And your relationships will be much less likely to spiral downward.  If you have difficult family members, or a difficult situation going on in your family right now, it's easy to be anxious about what might happen when you all get together. That anxiety overtakes you and your peace during the holidays. I've used this guide, and the process I walk you through and it has really helped me to feel more in charge of myself and my emotions. I feel more confident in myself and more forgiving of others and myself when I use it. This guide will be your holiday lifesaver.  The 3-Step Solution to Keeping Your Cool Around Family Holiday Drama CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD  Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She helps her clients move past contention in their homes and move into connection. It takes one person to begin changing unhealthy patterns. You can be the one. Tina is a positivity practitioner and a trauma informed coach. Visit tinagosney.com for more information

Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at: OLDPodcast.com. Episode 2411: Lisa Merlo-Booth explores two key relationship lessons: embracing self-confidence by celebrating personal achievements without shrinking to please others and fostering accountability by overcoming defensiveness in conflicts. These insights empower individuals to cultivate deeper, healthier connections by embracing authenticity and courage in both triumphs and mistakes. Read along with the original article(s) here: https://lisamerlobooth.com/moving-from-defensiveness-to-accountability/ & https://lisamerlobooth.com/are-you-throwing-yourself-under-the-bus-to-help-others-feel-better/ Quotes to ponder: "Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." "The strongest, healthiest, and most courageous human beings are those who own their mistakes and do whatever is necessary to relationally fix the hurt or fallout that resulted." "As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Someone says something that hits a nerve, and before you know it, you're on the defensive.  Defensiveness is a normal reaction. But it can quickly escalate arguments and make things worse. Good news: there's a better way to handle it. In this episode, I'm sharing 3 ways to stay calm and not get defensive—no matter how heated the conversation gets. These strategies will help you stay composed and avoid escalating the situation. So you can turn difficult conversations into productive ones.  Like what you hear? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a 5-star review.  This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Visit cozyearth.com/jefferson and use my exclusive 40% off code JEFFERSON to give the gift of luxury this holiday season. If you get a post purchase survey, say that you heard about Cozy Earth from The Jefferson Fisher Podcast! Pre-order my new book, The Next Conversation, today!  Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show!  Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter.  Watch my podcast on YouTube  Follow me on Instagram  Follow me on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, John talks about a recent experience at a coffee shop that triggered him. He explores navigating defensiveness in relationships, the importance of personal accountability, and the concept of situationships. Follow John on Instagram HERE Find out more about John HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices