Podcasts about we should get together the secret

In the latest episode of the Marli Williams Podcast, we explore how to build meaningful friendships as adults, what gets in the way and provide a roadmap to create lasting friends with author and community builder, Kat Vellos. Despite living in an hyper-connected world, many of us still struggle with loneliness and having meaningful friendships with others. Kat shares insights from her book, "We Should Get Together," highlighting why creating friendships can be challenging as we age and offering actionable strategies to overcome these hurdles. If you are ready to build authentic friendships, get ready for the blueprint that is going to help you do just that!Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on cultivating meaningful friendships. She's the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's also the creator of the Better Conversations Calendar and the BFF Builder. In her former career as a UX designer and researcher, she made software more user-friendly at large companies you've heard of, but she's a lot happier now, helping people bring more friendship to their lives and workplaces. Kat's writing is read in 100+ countries and she's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more.Connect with Kat: Website: weshouldgettogether.comInstagram: @katvellos_authorLinkedIn: Kat VellosPlatonic Action Lab: https://weshouldgettogether.com/platonic-action-lab 1-on-1 Coaching: https://weshouldgettogether.com/coaching Marli Williams is an international keynote speaker, master facilitator, and joy instigator who has worked with organizations such as Nike, United Way, Doordash, along with many colleges and schools across the United States. She first fell in love with transformational leadership as a camp counselor when she was 19 years old. After getting two degrees and 15 years of leadership training, Marli decided to give herself permission to be the “Professional Camp Counselor” she knew she was born to be. Now she helps incredible people and organizations stop waiting for permission and start taking bold action to be the leaders and changemakers they've always wanted to be through the power of play and cultivating joy everyday. She loves helping people go from stuck to STOKED and actually created her own deck of inspirational messages called StokeQuotes™ which was then followed by The Connect Deck™ to inspire more meaningful conversations. Her ultimate mission in the world is to help others say YES to themselves and their big crazy dreams (while having fun doing it!) To learn more about Marli's work go to

If making friends feels hard, then this episode is for you. You will learn... - why making friends as an adult feels hard - exactly WHERE you'll find your people - how to make friends who live close to you - actionable tips to help you find, keep, and strengthen your friendships Our guest, Kat Vellos, is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She's a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. Her work helps people transform disconnection and platonic longing into authentic connection and belonging. In her former career as a user experience designer at Slack and Pandora, she helped millions of people find music they love and enjoy work a lot more. While working full-time at both of those iconic companies, Kat spent her free time researching and writing her debut book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She couldn't stop herself from writing this book because the thirty-something friendship desert is real and she refused to take “how about we meet up in six weeks?” for an answer. So she used her UX research-n-design superpowers to explore the question “how might we design a better experience of adult friendship and simultaneously put a sizable dent in the loneliness epidemic?” Thousands of readers use her book to improve their friendships every day and her writing is read in over 100 countries. She's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. Sign up for Kat's newsletter here and check out her course, Platonic Action Lab. And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast Mentioned In This Episode... How Long Til' Black Future Month? by N.K. JemisinEp. 195 on Mary's Cup of Tea: The Most Underrated EmotionWhat if friendship is easier than you think?

How can we turn that person we barely know - but like - into a real friend? And how can we deepen the friendships we already have? Jolenta and Kristen get tips from Kat Vellos, author of “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships."  We want to hear from you! Share your own experiences with friendship and loneliness on our private facebook community: facebook.com/groups/kristenandjolenta or write to us at kristenandjolenta@gmail.com    And join our Patreon Community to get access to live monthly book clubs with Kristen and Jolenta, ad-free exclusive episodes of By The Book, minisodes of us talking about what we're reading, the written rules of every self-help book we've ever lived by, tips from our experts, advice, and more: patreon.com/listentobythebook  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Loneliness: It's often cited as an “epidemic” and can have a health impact comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This hour, we talk about what loneliness looks like in the brain and how public policy could affect our loneliness epidemic. Plus: a conversation with an expert on making friends as an adult! GUESTS: Elisa Baek: Assistant professor of psychology at USC Dornsife Chris Murphy: U.S. Senator from Connecticut Kat Vellos: A speaker, connection coach, and the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships The Colin McEnroe Show is available as a podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, TuneIn, Listen Notes, or wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe and never miss an episode! Subscribe to The Noseletter, an email compendium of merriment, secrets, and ancient wisdom brought to you by The Colin McEnroe Show. Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. Colin McEnroe, Jonathan McNicol, and Cat Pastor contributed to this show, which originally aired July 12, 2023.Support the show: http://www.wnpr.org/donateSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A new year is always a good time to reflect on the state of your current relationships. As I considered which past guests could bring the most value to you as you kick off 2024, I immediately thought of Kat Vellos, who specializes in helping people develop meaningful friendships in adulthood. Sometimes it can feel like a dirty little secret in adulthood, “I don't have many friends.” So, we keep it to ourselves. This Best Of conversation is an invitation to openly and proudly pursue the friendships you have long been craving in 2024.  Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating healthy teams and meaningful friendships in adulthood. Formerly a UX designer at Slack, Pandora, and multiple startups, her work today focuses on helping people design belonging into their lives and workplaces. She is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, TED Talks, Forbes, Real Simple, Communication Arts, SF Design Week, Lesbians Who Tech, and many more. Listen in to hear Kat share: The difference between meeting people and actually making friends The 4 reasons it gets harder to make friends as we age The specific challenges for moms in making friends How our relationships evolve (for better or worse) as our various identities evolve The significance of reciprocity in healthy adult friendships The important role of curiosity in friendship How to maintain strong friendships even when you're on separate life paths Steps to take to invest in a new friendship Specific steps we can take to invest in the relationships we want to grow and preserve Links mentioned: Connect with Kat: weshouldgettogether.com Get Kat's Book: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships Kat on IG Kat on Twitter We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://shamelessmom.com/sponsor Interested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've spent a lot of time talking to guests about our relationships at work. For example, we've discussed how to listen better, how to navigate conflict, and how to influence others, just to name a few. What I've spent less time talking about are the relationships that go beyond work. That's why I invited Kat Vellos on the show this week to talk about her amazing book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.  Kat's book is more than a callout to the power of friendship. It's a roadmap for making new friends, and, equally valuable, it's an owner's manual for deepening existing friendships. It's an episode that really resonated with listeners. With the holidays approaching - and opportunities for more time with friends and family - I wanted to rebroadcast it for you. Enjoy! Episode Links How Many Hours Does It Take to Make a Friend by Jeffrey A. Hall Better Than Small Talk The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker Donald Horton and Richard Wohl and Para-Social Communication Loneliness and Social Connections Choke by Sian Beilock Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg Kat Vellos TED Talk Happy City by Charles Montgomery Having and Being Had by Eula Biss The Team Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here. Support the Podcast If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show. Subscribe Click here and then scroll down to see a sample of sites where you can subscribe.

If you're a childfree person who's been told "You'll die alone!" buckle up because Kat Vellos and I are about to reveal the secret to living a life surrounded by people who love and care about you -- friends!I had an amazing conversation with Kat, a friendship expert and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.You can read Kat's writing in over 100 countries and she's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. Sign up for my Substack Newsletter to get new Spinster Life Podcast episodes, including my full conversation with Kat, delivered directly to your inboxHere's how to connect with Kat: Here to Make FriendsKat's NewsletterGet Kat's book! We Should Get Together is the handbook for anyone (childfree or not) who's ready for better friendships, yesterday. It's the perfect book for anyone who wants to have dedicated, life-enriching friends, and who wants to be that kind of friend, too.More Spinster Life:InstagramYouTubeSubstack This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thespinsterlife.substack.com

In this week's episode, I discuss the often overlooked topic of work friendships with my special guest, Kat Vellos.Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She's a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. Kat's writing is read in over 100 countries and she's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more.In exploring adult friendships, you will .....Learn strategies for creating long-lasting friendships at workUnderstand the fragility of work friendships Discover the importance of balancing work and personal boundariesExplore the impact of time and proximity on friendshipsIf you're interested in creating stronger connections at work and navigating the nuances of friendships, this episode is a must-listen. Find more about Kat's book, newsletter, coaching and events: on her website. https://weshouldgettogether.com/Connection Club: https://weshouldgettogether.com/connection-club                                          Instagram: @katvellos_authorTwitter: @katvellosWeekly newsletter | Ask Catherine | Work with me | LinkedIn | Instagram Big shout out to my podcast magician, Marc at iRonickMedia for making this real. Thanks for listening!

Listen in to this great conversation about adult friendship with expert Kat Vellos! The Friendship Course starts Friday, May 26th. You can find out more details and register here.   Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She's a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. 

Episode 56:  I'm revisiting the problems and potential of group texts (but mostly the problems) because there are still some group text shenanigans I'd love to see go away. I want us to love our group chats with friends! We CAN improve! In this episode you will get some easy ways to make the group texting experience better.I'm SO excited for even more listeners to hear Kat Vellos, who helped me navigate the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them.Show notes are here. Meet Kat Vellos:Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She's a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She's also the creator of the Better than Small Talk conversation cards and the Better Conversations Calendar. In her former career as a UX designer and researcher, she made software more user-friendly at large companies you've heard of, but she's a lot happier now making life more friendly for the thousands of people and work teams who use her guidance to cultivate fulfilling friendships and colleagueships. Kat's writing is read in over 100 countries and she's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. When she's not thinking about friendship, she loves tacos, puns, and puns involving tacos.If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares her fantastic illustrations that go along with her work. However, Kat saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!Let's connect over all things friendship! Here's my Substack newsletter about friendship & more Instagram Twitter JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question Next Virtual Book Club Meetings

Kat Vellos is a certified connections coach and the author (plus illustrator!) of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She and David sit down to discuss why platonic relationships between adults are so important, why they've become difficult to maintain in the modern social landscape, and how to buck that trend through intentionality. Their conversation includes everything from the growing fear of awkwardness and online parasocial relationships to original ideas for replacing the old small talk and overlaying friend time with your other commitments.Ranked as one of the top 25 CEO podcasts on Feedspot, Keep Connected with Meetup CEO David Siegel is a podcast about the power of community. For more details on other episodes, visit Keep Connected on the Meetup Community Matters blog.We hope you'll keep connected with us. Drop us a line at podcast@meetup.com. If you like the podcast, be sure to subscribe and leave us a rating on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!Learn more about Keep Connected host David Siegel's experience as a leader and decision maker in his book, Decide & Conquer. Order your copy today!

Connection is at the very heart of storytelling… and our lives.  What does it really look like to create meaningful connections with other people—including friends, teammates, colleagues, employees, community members, and the audience you want to reach? If there's a go-to expert on this subject, it's Kat Vellos.  Kat is a trusted name on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships.  In her former career, Kat made software more user-friendly at large companies you've heard of, but these days she makes life more friendly for the thousands of people and work teams who use her guidance to cultivate fulfilling friendships and colleagueships. Kat's a speaker, facilitator, and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. Her writing is read in over 100 countries and she's been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more.  I met Kat years ago at a conference (UX Week) when she attended my workshop on storytelling for designers, and in 2022 she presented as an expert guest at my Storytelling Mastery Summit. When I started this podcast I *knew* I had to have her on as a guest.  In our discussion, we cover… The three little words you should probably use WAY less often. How to carve out a niche or specialty for yourself simply by asking questions… and why it's better to follow your curiosity rather than “follow your passion”. Why friendship matters, both in and out of the workplace. What healthy teams and “colleagueships” look like, and how to cultivate healthy relationships in the workplace. Why bonds among people and healthy colleagueships are essential for teams and businesses to thrive. Why it really is “lonely at the top”, why leaders often suffer loneliness in silence, and how to get support.  What to do if you feel lonely or disconnected at work. How to walk the line of connecting authentically, while still remaining professional and reserved "enough" in a leadership role.   For introverts: How to connect with other people — and even market yourself! — AND protect your energy and battery life.  All that and more! If you want to connect with other people authentically and effectively, be sure to listen to this episode.  And, be sure to find Kat at www.Katvellos.com or at www.weshouldgettogether.com

Kat Vellos shares with us why we need meaningful friendship, what we can do to design better ones, and how to safely navigate uncharted conversational waters. Highlights include: How did a conversation with a stranger change your life? How do you ‘crack open the door' to a more meaningful friendship? What role does company culture play in enabling meaningful connection? Should we have clear boundaries between our work life and home life? Why are we getting lonelier when we have so many tools to connect? ====== Who is Kat Vellos? Kat is the Principal of Studio KV, the vehicle through which she speaks, coaches and facilitates experiences that help people to create better workplace cultures and to cultivate more meaningful connections with each other. As the author and illustrator of "We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships", a book that builds on Kat's extensive experience as a community organiser and workshop facilitator - she certainly knows a thing or two about cultivating connection! Before starting Studio KV in early 2020, Kat was a Senior Product Designer at Slack, where she worked in a fast-moving experiment-driven growth team that was making it easier for customers to convert from free to paid plans. Kat has been profiled in Forbes and quoted in Fast Company for her work as the Founder and previous Community Leader of Bay Area Black Designers, a professional development community for Black digital designers and UX researchers. ====== Find Kat here: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katvellos/ Website: https://www.katvellos.com/ Blog, Community & Resource:  https://weshouldgettogether.com/ Kat's book: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships - https://geni.us/A8zyt1 ====== Liked what you heard and want to hear more? Subscribe and support the show by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts (or wherever you listen). Follow us on our other social channels for more great Brave UX content! YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/TheSpaceInBetween/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-space-in-between/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespaceinbetw__n/ ====== Hosted by Brendan Jarvis: LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brendanjarvis/ Website: https://thespaceinbetween.co.nz/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/brendanjarvis/

Why is it hard to make new friends? Do you long for a deeper connection with the friends you have? Want to be a better friend? This episode is for you. Kat Vellos (she/her) is a speaker, experience designer, and connection coach who helps others tap into the meaningful connection they crave in their personal and professional lives. She's the author of "We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships". We talk all things confidence, connection and togetherness. This conversation has totally changed how I'm thinking about making friends in Sweden. I hope you love it. Kat's TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/kat_vellos_the_transformative_power_of_a_single_invitationKat's websites: https://www.katvellos.com/ https://weshouldgettogether.com/Kat's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katvellos_author/?hl=enGet tickets for our very first conference, UPFRONT and Centre taking place on March 11th 2023 in Glasgow, Scotland at https://www.upfrontandcentre.com/Sign up for UPFRONT's email newsletter hereClick here to sign up for Bond 7Follow Lauren and UPFRONT:Twitter: twitter.com/_laurencurrie_Instagram: instagram.com/_laurencurrie_ and instagram.com/upfrontglobalLinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/laurencurrie/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unlike family, we get to pick our friends. These relationships of choice are vital to our overall wellbeing and resilience. But as we become adults, there are many challenges to keeping those friendships and making new ones.  So, how do we overcome the challenges? That's what podcast guest, Kat Vellos, is here to discuss. Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships. She's a speaker and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.  For show notes and links mentioned, visit: https://bit.ly/GTIPodcastNotes To sign up for 2 Tip Tuesday, visit: https://bit.ly/2TipTuesday 2 Tip Tuesday is a weekly email that break down podcast episodes into practical resilience tips you can put into action straight away.  

In our most listened-to episode of 2022, author Kat Vellos (KatVellos.com) told us she is tired of hearing people on social media tell this one story: "I'm out of f**ks to give!"While the declaration started out as good-humored—a way to jest and say, "I'm just so over it!"—today, she says, the story behind the saying now reeks of toxic individuality. In a world that needs more caring—and, in which people who care about bad outcomes are doing a lot of harm—Kat encourages us to take pride in caring, even more. But how do we care even more when it feels so hard to keep caring?Kat Vellos is an author, speaker, facilitator, researcher, and former user experience designer who is on a mission to help people to experience greater authentic connections with each other, and healthy friendships in their personal lives. She is the author of two books, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships and Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away. Her words and work have been seen across TEDx, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other outlets.Please rate and review our show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify to help other listeners find our work!Visit us at TheNewStory.is to learn about The New Story Company, or to listen to our full catalog of interviews.Support our partners and affiliates for exclusive discounts:Acorns: Easily save money and invest in your future, starting with a free $5 investmentBookshop.org: Buy cheap books at this Amazon competitor that supports local and independent bookstores with every purchaseFathom Analytics: Get beautiful, secure website data without trading your customers' private browsing data to Google and FacebookFlywheel: Seamless, secure WordPress website hostingHover: Safe, secure domain registration. Save $2 on your first purchase.MailerLite: Make the switch to a lite, powerful, affordable email marketing platform, with premium plans starting at just $9/mo.Sanebox: Make your inbox a sane place again with an invisible, machine-learning tool that learns how to organize your emails. Save $5 when you join.Trint: An innovative transcription service that uses AI technology to improve transcription quality with 99% accuracy.Affiliate Disclosure: Our show is listener supported, including through affiliate and partner links. By clicking one of the above links and registering or making a purchase, we may earn a small commission, which helps pay for the costs of our show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating healthy teams and meaningful friendships in adulthood. Formerly a UX designer at Slack, Pandora, and multiple startups, her work today focuses on helping people design belonging into their lives and workplaces. She is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, TED Talks, Forbes, Real Simple, Communication Arts, SF Design Week, Lesbians Who Tech, and many more. The hard truth is that it's hard to make new friends as an adult. Sometimes it's even hard keeping the friends we have. Friendship is just not as easy as it was when we had time to play with each other at recess everyday in our school days. But hope is not lost. Friendships are essential for our health and well being and there are some simple things you can do to establish and grow incredible friendships right now!   Listen in to hear Kat share: The difference between meeting people and actually making friends The 4 reasons it gets harder to make friends as we age The specific challenges for moms in making friends How our relationships evolve (for better or worse) as our various identities evolve The significance of reciprocity in healthy adult friendships The important role of curiosity in friendship How to maintain strong friendships even when you're on separate life paths Steps to take to invest in a new friendship Specific steps we can take to invest in the relationships we want to grow and preserve Links mentioned: Connect with Kat: weshouldgettogether.com Get Kat's Book: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships Kat on IG Kat on Twitter Sponsor info and promo codes: Please find our sponsor information here: shamelessmom.com/sponsor/ Interested in becoming a sponsor of the Shameless Mom Academy? Email our sales team at sales@adalystmedia.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love them or hate them, you're probably in a group chat once in a while or even very regularly. In episode 25--with Kat Vellos!--we're navigating the world of group texts and all the friendship issues and potential that come along with them. Kat and I discuss the ideal uses for group chats, the less than ideal uses, and all the potential etiquette opportunities that could make our group chats more effective and enjoyable. I say opportunities because sometimes etiquette has a bad rap, but when done well, it can make communication better. Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.  She's a sought after speaker and facilitator who helps people experience authentic connections and develop healthier friendships. If you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me posting about Kat's book and sharing her posts. And everyone should follow Kat at Instagram, where she shares fantastic illustrations that go along with her work that she has created herself. However, she saves her best gems for her fantastic newsletter!You can find the show notes HERE.GET MY MONTHLY FRIENDSHIP-THEMED NEWSLETTER!Twitter @NinaBadzinInstagram @dear.nina.bAsk an anonymous question any time at ninabadzin.com/dearnina.JOIN THE Dear Nina Facebook group.Leave a voicemail at speakpipe.com/dearnina.Show notes for ALL episodes at ninabadzin.com

Everyone's favorite expletive features prominently in two popular, recent episodes on caring and radical rest, featuring author Kat Vellos and author Caroline Dooner.Kat's and Caroline's clever usage of the once-taboo "F- word" in their own unique ways have sparked really poignant, insightful social observations and meaningful conversations about topics like caring about outcomes (in a time that feels so exhausting that giving up feels like a relief), developing friends and community in adulthood, rejecting self-punishment culture, and the idea of radical permission to rest in an age of anxiety.Kat Vellos is tired of hearing people on social media tell this one story: "I'm out of f**ks to give!" While the declaration started out as good-humored—a way to jest and say, "I'm just so over it!"—today, she says, the story behind the saying now reeks of toxic individuality. Kat is the author of two books, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships and Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away.Caroline Dooner is tired as f*ck of the pressures of self-help, diet culture, and trying to fix her supposed imperfections. A humorist and storyteller, Caroline blends humor with vulnerable memoir-style storytelling to share her history as a chronic dieter, her experience with undiagnosed eating disorders since childhood, and some really blistering social observations about modern burn-out culture. Caroline is the author of two books, The F*ck It Diet: Eating Should Be Easy (Spanish version), and Tired as F*ck: Burnout at the Hands of Diet, Self-Help, and Hustle Culture.This 'Best Of' episode highlights excerpts from these two popular, recent episodes. To hear the full interviews, make sure you go back and listen to each author's interview in this podcast feed or by visiting TheNewStory.Is/Podcast.If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review our show wherever you listen—it helps others find and enjoy our show.Support our authors, our show, and local/independent bookstores at our Bookshop.org Affiliate BookstoreSend us questions, comments, and concerns, or nominate a guest at TheNewStory.Is/PodcastOur theme song is by Coma MediaLearn more about The New Story Company at TheNewStory.is Affiliate Disclosure: Our show is supported by listeners, including small commissions that we may earn through affiliate links. If you make a purchase after clicking an affiliate link, we may earn a small commission. This helps support the costs of our show's production and hosting. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kat Vellos (KatVellos.com) is tired of hearing people on social media tell this one story: "I'm out of f**ks to give!"While the declaration started out as good-humored—a way to jest and say, "I'm just so over it!", today, she says, the story behind the saying now reeks of toxic individuality. In a world that needs more caring—and, in which people who care about bad outcomes are doing a lot of harm—Kat encourages us to take pride in caring, even more. But how do we care even more in a time when it feels so hard to keep caring?Kat Vellos is an author, speaker, facilitator, researcher, and former user experience designer who is on a mission to help people to experience greater authentic connections with each other, and healthy friendships in their personal lives. She is the author of two books, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships and Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away. Her words and work have been seen across TEDx, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fast Company, and dozens of other outlets.In this interview with host Dave Ursillo, Kat shares wisdom and inspiration including...Why the saying, "I'm out of f**ks to give!" has come to grate her as someone who caresWhat her extensive research on the modern pandemic of loneliness reveals about the importance of relationshipsHow her experience as a UX designer taught her to be outcome-focused and solution-orientedWhat we can all learn about caring, including how to care even more, in a time that needs more of us to care about outcomesThank you to Kat for joining us on The New Story Is!If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review our show wherever you listen—it helps others find and enjoy our show.Send your feedback or nominate a guest for a future episode at TheNewStory.Is/Podcast.Want to become a sponsor of our show? Contact us today.This episode was produced and mixed by host Dave Ursillo (DaveUrsillo.com).Our theme song is by Yrii Semchyshyn of Coma Media.Learn more about The New Story Company at TheNewStory.is.Affiliate Disclosure: Our show is supported in part by our users, including small commissions that we may earn through the use of affiliate links. If you purchase after clicking an affiliate link to our guest's books, we may earn a small commission. This helps support the costs of our show's production and hosting. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How is it possible to find ourselves lonely in the midst of crazy-busy lives? Why does adulthood mean you only see people you really like twice a year? How did friendship get so complicated? Kat Vellos is a trusted expert on the power of cultivating meaningful friendships in adulthood. She's the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, a book which has beenn helping adults around the world heal from disconnection and loneliness. Her follow-up book, Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away, is filled with connection-boosting exercises to help us cultivate closeness and belonging no matter how far away we are from the ones we love. In this episode, Kat and Amy discuss the paradox of our increasingly busy lives, with more opportunities to meet people, and our decreasing feelings of connection how to overcome our decreased "social stamina" as we come out of the pandemic our main challenges to connection– and how to get intentional about getting the amount of connection that is just right for each one of us Check out weshouldgettogether.com for all of Kat's books and calendars, plus tons of resources to help you cultivate better friendships. Find out more about Kat's talks and coaching at katvellos.com. Special thanks to this month's sponsors: Athletic Greens supports your sleep quality, energy, immune system, and more with just one scoop per day. Get a 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs at athleticgreens.com/laughing. Bedtime Stories with Netflix Jr. is a new podcast that will lull your kids to sleep with 15-minute stories featuring their favorite Netflix Jr. characters! Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Betterhelp Start taking charge of your mental health– no matter where you live! Go to betterhelp.com/fresh to get 10% off your first month of counseling. Daily Harvest delivers delicious harvest bowls, flatbreads, smoothies, and more built on organic fruits and vegetables. Go to dailyharvest.com/laughing to get up to $40 off your first box! flowkey lets you learn piano at your own pace. Go to flowkey.com/whatfreshhell to receive 7 days of Flowkey Premium for free and 20% off the first year of an annual subscription.  Indeed guarantees you'll find quality applicants that meet your must-have requirements-- or else you don't pay! Upgrade your job post with a $75 sponsored job credit through March 31st at indeed.com/laughing. KiwiCo projects make science, technology, engineering, art, and math super fun. Get 50% off your first month at kiwico.com with the code MOTHERHOOD. Membrasin is the totally natural, estrogen-free, clinically-proven feminine moisture formula. Go to membrasinlife.com to find out more and use the code FRESH10 to get 10% off. Peloton has a workout for every goal, day, and mood: everything from boxing and dance cardio to yoga and meditation. Visit onepeloton.com to learn more. Prose now makes supplements personally tailored to address your specific cause of hair shedding. Get your free in-depth consultation and 15% off your custom hair supplements at prose.com/laughing.  School Toolbox makes shopping for school supplies for your kids easier– and also creates fundraising opportunities for your school! Find out more at schooltoolbox.com/whatfreshhell. StrollerCoaster is a podcast for parents of kids of all ages created by Munchkin, the most loved baby brand in the world. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Thrive Causemetics are high-performing beauty and skin-care products made with clean, skin-loving ingredients. Get 15% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/whatfreshhell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've spent a lot of time talking to guests about our relationships at work. For example, we've discussed how to listen better, how to navigate conflict, and how to influence others, just to name a few. What I've spent less time talking about are the relationships that go beyond work. That's why I invited Kat Vellos on the show this week to talk about her amazing book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. Kat's book is more than a callout to the power of friendship. It's a roadmap for making new friends, and, equally valuable, it's an owner's manual for deepening existing friendships. Episode Links How Many Hours Does It Take to Make a Friend by Jeffrey A. Hall Better Than Small Talk The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker Donald Horton and Richard Wohl and Para-Social Communication Loneliness and Social Connections Choke by Sian Beilock Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg Kat Vellos TED Talk Happy City by Charles Montgomery Having and Being Had by Eula Biss The Team Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here. Support the Podcast If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show. Subscribe Click here and then scroll down to see a sample of sites where you can subscribe.

Even before the pandemic, Americans were experiencing a devastating loneliness epidemic. We talk to UX designer-turned-connection coach Kat Vellos about the longing for deep and meaningful friendships that so many of us experience, and how we can  build deeper, more substantial connections in our adult lives.   Kat Vellos is a connection coach, speaker, facilitator, and author on a mission to transform loneliness and “platonic longing” into authentic human connection. She is the author of two books: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, and Connected From Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away. When we think about connection, we often turn our lens outward, and it's really important first to look inside and say, what is it that you really need right now? And what is missing? If you can wave a magic wand and have the kind of connection you want, what would that look like, and how would it be integrated into your life? And the way you answer that question helps you determine what to do and where to go when you then turn your lens outward and seek to cultivate that connection externally with other people.—Kat Vellos, author of We Should Get TogetherWe talk about:The loneliness epidemic and how COVID changed connectionThe idea of “platonic longing” and the importance of identifying and talking about lonelinessHaving passion for your job versus following your curiosityHow organizations can invite and facilitate connection within the workplaceWhat we can do to focus on reconnection in our personal livesPlus: in this week’s You’ve Got This, Sara offers tips for how to foster joy. Where have you told yourself you shouldn't feel joyful? What is that costing you? What would be different in your life if you were operating from a place of joy? What would shift, what would change? For all this and more, check out https://www.activevoicehq.com/podcast.Links:Kat VellosWe Should Get Together & Connected from AfarActive Voice

Kat Vellos on Friendship Kat Vellos uses her background in experience design to empower people to learn, grow, and thrive. She's written two books on adult friendship, We Should Get Together and Connected from Afar. In this conversation, we discuss the importance and challenges of making friends, especially during this time of ‘social distancing.' Listen to the show Download episode 60 Show notes Kat Vellos We Should Get Together (website) We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos Connected from Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away by Kat Vellos Hydroponics Connection Club Read the transcript Jorge: Kat, welcome to the show. Kat: Hi, Jorge! Thanks for having me on the show. Jorge: I'm very excited to have you here with us. For folks who might not know you, would you mind please, introducing yourself? About Kat Kat: Yes. So, hello everyone! I'm Kat. In my current day-to-day life nowadays, I am an experience designer, author and speaker, as well as a facilitator, but my background involves two paths that have blended quite seamlessly into one. The first path is my path as a designer: I got my degree in graphic design and worked in a variety of design roles, ranging from editorial, news journalism, all the way up to tech and digital devices and UX design and product design. And then the other path was the part of my career that involved working directly in communities as a facilitator, community builder, and program director of empowerment programs, particularly for marginalized youth and marginalized communities. Both of those paths blended together in a way when I found user experience design. This was back in about 2014 or so, and I've been doing a variety of experience design projects and roles at different companies. And now I work for myself and the focus of my work right now is really blending those two paths and sets of skills together around helping people cultivate more meaningful connection in their lives. Why friendship? Jorge: You've written two books, We Should Get Together and Connected from Afar, which are about friendship. And I'm wondering what brought you to the subject? Kat: Yeah, so for starters, a little bit about me is I am an introvert. I also moved quite a bit as a kid. So, I had the experience of sometimes belonging, but most of the time not quite belonging wherever I was, because I was always from someplace else. And I think that really imprinted me with a real understanding of what it feels like to not have the connection that you want. And then later on, when I found it in high school and college and got my friend groups and got that sense of belonging, I was just like, "Oh, this is beautiful. I never want to let this go." And throughout my adult life I never really had a hard time making friends. I loved being in a community. But when I moved to the Bay area, it was the first time in my life — despite multiple states, a couple different cities moving — I had a hard time forming ongoing, lasting friendships. And just dozens upon dozens upon dozens of people I met said that they had the same problem. And I got really curious about that as a user experience designer. I know there may be some UX designers listening right now; I don't know about you, but when I see that a lot of people are having a certain problem, like completing a certain task, or getting success at something, I get really curious about why that is, and I can't help but think about how we can improve a process to make it easier and more enjoyable for people. And so, just quite naturally, I got fascinated with the subject of connection in adulthood. Particularly around forming and maintaining friendships as life goes on. And I did a variety of... I can go further into depth, but I did a whole variety of experiments and explorations into that and ultimately ended up writing this book about it. I did not know at the beginning, when I started investigating the topic, that I was going to write a book. But it became quite clear that a book was urging to get out of me. Jorge: People have been making friends for a long time. And I'm wondering, why now? Why do we need a book on this subject? It's almost like an instruction manual, right? Why do we need one for friend-making now? Kat: Right. So, it's not that people, like, aren't making friends right now, or that they haven't been doing that for a long time. But one of the things that has also been happening concurrently in our society is that there is a loneliness epidemic. The first instance of that phrase that I could find in U.S. journalism at least, was around the 1980s. And since that time, it has slowly been getting worse. Or not even slowly, but kind of quickly! Around the time of my original research into this, around 2018, approximately half of people in the United States were reporting that they felt lonely on a somewhat to regular basis. And by 2020, when my book came out, that number had already climbed to around 61%. So, it's not that people don't want friends or that they don't want to make friends or that there's nobody making friends, but it's that loneliness is climbing. And my hypothesis is that the cure for that is healthy friendships and healthy communities. And for some reason there is a need for more support and more resources that will help people do that within the demands of our modern world. Types of friendships Jorge: You mentioned healthy friendships and the book offers what I think of as a taxonomy of different types of friendships. You speak of meaningful friendships as one type. And I'm just wondering if you could tell us a bit about different types of friendships. Kat: Yeah. So, part of the qualitative research that I did in researching the book was spending a lot of time interviewing people about their experiences of connection in both friendship and community, which are a bit different. And also doing a survey and asking people to define in their own words, you know, what is friendship to you? And out of that, a few different categories of friendship emerged. And so, I'll give you a few examples, and this is directly from interviewee quotes and survey respondents that I think really, really hit the nail on the head here. So, the first is our category of acquaintances. And acquaintances might be someone that you know some basic details about, you can have small talk with them, you maybe have met them in person a couple of times, but you wouldn't go out of your way to reach out to them. And there's no real deep, emotional connection. And then next would be like, a friend category, like a casual friend. And this is someone that you feel happy around. You don't have to try too hard to have a conversation with them. You probably know a bit about each other's life circumstances, but maybe you don't see each other as often as you'd like, or it just doesn't go super deep when you connect. It's just casual and friendly and li ght, but not on the deep, deep heart level. And then there's that close friend level or best friend level. And this would be someone whose wellbeing I care deeply about and who I feel confident I can depend on. Someone else said, "someone who accepts me completely for who I am, and I can tell my problems to, without feeling ashamed." It can also be someone who, let's see... someone said, "someone who knows my secrets, fears, and who tells me what I need to hear, even if I don't like it." And then last is my favorite, which is someone who is integrated into my life. That's really when they start to get into the... almost the category of chosen family, at that point. Hydroponic friendships Jorge: There's a metaphor in the book, a gardening metaphor. You speak of cultivating friendship. And I was drawn to the phrase, "hydroponic friendships." What's that about? Kat: Right. So, I am a plant person. I have been studying plants for a while. I really love spending time in the garden, and anytime I'm in nature is where I'm also sourcing a lot of metaphors about life. And as I looked at what were the challenges people were having with friendship, as well as what were the opportunities and how could we create more closeness, I was drawn to the metaphor of hydroponics and gardening because — for those who may be unfamiliar with it, although I think maybe a lot of people have heard of it — it's where you grow plants in highly nutritious water instead of soil. And at the time when, you know, the grandfather of hydroponics proposed this idea, he was laughed at by his community. They were like, "you're crazy. You can't grow plants without soil. This will never work!" But he did prove that by adding the nutrients plants need to grow to the water, they could thrive. And in fact, sometimes do better than they do in the soil. And this metaphor came to mind because one of the trends I was hearing a lot in the challenges people were having with friendship is that they felt like they didn't have enough time. They were like, "Oh, I'm so busy. Everybody's so busy." And busy-ness is one of the four main blockers or barriers to close friendship that I talk about it in the book. And as a facilitator, one thing that I've seen over and over again when I've hosted camps and retreats and workshops, and all kinds of events is that when people have the opportunity to come together in a shared intention and a space that is designed to allow them to develop closeness and to share vulnerably and to build trust, they can bond much, much more quickly than they can just out in the wild world. And so hydroponic friendship is my hypothesis that in the absence of abundant time, your friendships can grow much more quickly if they are immersed in quality connection that involves vulnerability, self-disclosure, empathetic listening, and you experience these things in some kind of concentrated form. So that is the theory of hydroponic friendship. Jorge: So, if I might reflect that back to you, it sounds like it has to do with creating the — I'm going to use the word environmental — the environmental conditions to allow friendships to blossom. Is that fair? Kat: Yes. That's a really beautiful paraphrase, reframing of it. Yeah! I like that too. Jorge: I'm wondering, as someone who... I don't think of myself as someone who has trouble making new friends, but I can relate to the framing you spoke of earlier of the challenge of moving, for example, to a new city where you don't know anyone, and everyone is so busy. I'm assuming that hydroponic friendship starts... by necessity, must start in the kind of lower rungs of the taxonomy we were talking about earlier. My expectation is that you would first start as acquaintances, and then move to... you ascend to a higher level, right? Kat: Yes, generally. Although there are some cases where people meet and there's like an instant friendship attraction. It's almost like friendship at first sight! Or like, love at first sight, but for platonic friendship. Where two people really can be quite magnetized to each other very quickly. And in that case, it's almost like they've leaped from acquaintances straight into like, "Oh my gosh, I want to be friends with you!" and then the other person's like, "I really want to be friends with you too!" And it's like right there, they've got a great spark to like really initiate a friendship that may grow into a deeper close connection as time goes, because they've got this like huge burst of momentum and mutual enthusiasm right at the get-go. Or, as you mentioned, this may also grow at a little bit of a slower pace from someone who just starts as acquaintances that you feel fond about, but maybe not quite at that friendship-at-first-sight feeling. Making friends online Jorge: When you say friendship at first sight, I can think of friendships in my life where that has happened, where I've met the other person and I thought, "this is somebody who, I feel some kind of simpatico with, and would like to get to know better." And whenever that's happened, it's been in a physical environment where I am with that person. We might be sharing a meal with other people or we might be in a social situation, or it might be a work situation, for example. But it's always been in physical environments. And I'm wondering, given that we've just celebrated a year of lockdown here due to the pandemic, the degree to which our socially distant way of being affects our ability to spark at these potential friendships as we would in physical spaces. Kat: It certainly does affect it, but it's not a complete impediment because humans are incredibly adaptable creatures. And we've seen this in the ways that people have... you know, after an initial moment at the beginning of lockdowns of like, "Oh my gosh, what are we going to do? The world is ending! The sky is falling!" Very quickly, we adapted. Because that's what we do! You know, with substitution for what we could do before we find ways to create some semblance of that in the current moment. And one of the things that has been really gratifying and exciting to see is that even though we are generally meeting virtually to do our meetings and our events and our get-togethers and everything right now, I have absolutely seen people have that sense of spark. Even in some of the workshops and talks I've given where... a direct quote from the chat one time I saw that just warmed my heart. Someone wrote in the chat, "Oh my gosh. I already want to be friends with some of the people who just shared in the main room!" Like on the big group screen, where people were obviously sharing something personal about their life, and we're all talking about friendship together and how people feel and right away, as people get a sense of who this other person is, what they value, what their personality is. There can be that same sense of spark and that same sense of not just curiosity, but a desire to get to know that person and to build something in friendship with them. Jorge: And do you know what happened? Did they follow up on that? Kat: I don't know. I usually... at that moment, I'm like, "Hey, if there is someone you want to talk to like trade contact information, don't just let the call end and let it slip away!" A lot of people hold themselves back from creating the friendships they want, because they're scared to initiate. And so, I often say if you are open to friendship, don't be ashamed to say, like, "I really loved getting to meet you all. I would love to connect again. Here's my email!" Do that because most people don't do it. And the ones who do are likely to have greater success. Because again, they, don't just... it's not ephemeral. The call doesn't just end and then everyone's back to just being alone in their apartments. They have some way to reconnect again. Jorge: I've been part of a few virtual cocktail hours during pandemic time. And the way they usually manifest is as Zoom meetings primarily, where you get this all-up view where you see everyone's thumbnails of everyone's video feed on the screen at the same time. And the quality of the conversation is very different than in a physical cocktail party or environment, right? Like, you're not able to as easily break off into little groups and catch up with folks. And it sounds to me from what you're describing here that the times you've seen it happen, this kind of serendipitous meeting of someone else, it's happening in an environment that has been consciously structured to enable that. Is that true? Kat: Absolutely. Environments for friendship Jorge: Could you describe to us what that looks like? Kat: It all comes down to intention. It all comes down to envisioning before you even begin, what is the outcome that you want for people to have and similar to what we talked about earlier, what are the environmental conditions that you can create that will allow that outcome to emerge most naturally and seamlessly. So, certainly everybody's getting tired of Zoom but there's other tools that are available and there's other ways to use these tools. One of the things I've done when I've had some small groups get together over Zoom is I simply tell people like in real life, we were in a room together, if you were in my living room, you would not be on mute. You would have the freedom to speak at will, and you don't need my permission to ask to unmute. And I understand that in say an all-hands meeting at a company with a thousand people, do you need people to be on mute, because there's going to be a lot of background noise. But if you're getting like a social gathering together or something to connect with other people? Everybody go off mute! Talk when you feel like talking! It's fine if you bump into each other and someone interrupts somebody else, because guess what? That happens in real life too! It's okay. It doesn't have to be awkward because that's what natural conversation looks like in person as well sometimes. So, I challenge people to really think about the way that you use the tool and make sure that you're defining how the tool is used and the tool is not defining how you show up. And with that, as I mentioned before, bring intention to how you want people to connect. One of the things that I do in a community that I run called Connection Club, is providing opportunities for the members to get to build more closeness with each other. And sometimes that needs to happen in a one-on-one conversation. So, I'll split people off into one-on-ones. Also, in sometimes a small group of three or four. But really keeping in mind, what does it look like when you have a set amount of time, a set prompt, or guiding conversation or guiding question and giving people the amount of space as well as the actual space in a breakout or whatnot, that will allow them to have enough time to go meaningfully into that subject and hear each other and share stories before they then rejoin the rest of the circle. Jorge: That's interesting, finding a way of adapting the tools so that it more closely mirrors the way that we're used to interacting in these social situations. One thing that I was wondering as I was reading the book — and it has to do with this issue that we're talking about here — this idea that we can be more intentional about how we make friends. And you spoke of the loneliness epidemic that is happening, and your case in particular, when you moved to the Bay area. And when one does a move like that, especially in the stage of life when one is working a lot of the time, and one's peers are also in that situation, it becomes harder to find the time, space, et cetera, for these kinds of serendipitous encounters to happen. A more intentional approach to friend-making And I'm just going to try to summarize the way that I understood it from the book, is that our transactional... kind of highly transactional way of being has somehow impaired our ability to make and maintain meaningful friendships, especially in adulthood. And the thing that I was struggling with, and which I wanted to get your perspective on, is how we might regain this ability without turning friend-making into yet another thing to check off our to-do lists, you know? It's almost like we're... it might feel like we're trying to do to friendship what we're doing to these other aspects of our lives. And I'm just wondering if that's a thing or how we might do it so that it feels more integrated with who we are as people. Kat: Yeah. I mean, the first thing I would say there is, don't treat it like a to-do list item, you know? Because if it feels like a checkbox to you, it's likely going to feel like a checkbox to the other person and nobody likes to feel like that. So, I would suggest checking in with one's intention and really clarifying for yourself, is your intention just to say like, "all right, I did my like one hour of friendship time this week, I'm done." Or is your intention to actually listen and connect and commune with another person? How do you want the other person to feel when that time is done? How can you show up as who you really are, in the open-endedness of getting together in a conversation or an activity or whatever may happen... because there is a certain open-endedness to this? You spoke to serendipity and spontaneity, and this is actually quite beneficial for friendship. One of the interesting pieces of research I include the book came from a report in the Washington Post that found that people were happier when they didn't assign their free time activities to a specific time slot in their calendar, and instead opted to do some of them spontaneously or in a non-specific window of time. One of the things they had people do was get ice cream with a friend. And some people were assigned to an exact day and time in advance. And they had that in their calendar like a lot of busy adults do. And other people didn't. They had it in this window and it was going to just happen spontaneously within that frame. And the people who had a more spontaneous ice cream with their friend reported enjoying it more and having more fun with their friend. So, things tend to feel less fun when they're scheduled. And so, adopting rough scheduling as opposed to strict scheduling is something that can lead to greater happiness in your own life and can also lead to greater feelings of spontaneity and play and enjoyment in your friendships as well. Jorge: I'm hearing two things and I love both of them. One is that there might be an inverse relation between the degree to which you structure these activities and the degree to which they add value to your life. And the other is that when you approach it, the intention matters, and it's not just about you somehow eradicating your own feelings of loneliness, but also providing the same for the other, right? So that you keep the other person's benefit front and center. Kat: And the more you immerse yourself in what is actually happening in that time that you're connecting with the other person, the more likely you are to feel the benefit. You know, when you're spending time sharing stories with a friend say, focus on their story, focus on them. Get curious. Ask follow-up questions and have that be the focus of your attention, rather than halfway listening and halfway being in your own head. Like, "do I feel less lonely right now? Do I feel less awkward right now?" Get out of that mental evaluation mode and get really immersed and real curious and interested in the other person. And that's actually when somebody feels heard. That's actually when somebody feels more connected is when you're really present and holding space with each other. Jorge: That's wonderful. Thank you for stating it like that. Kat: And two really, really small follow-up tips I want to give on that is that it's okay to tell a friend at the beginning of a conversation, like, "Ooh, I'm feeling really scrambled right now. I've had a really frazzled day, but I'm going to try to get present with you. I just want to acknowledge them feeling off right now." And let the other person know. Because if they pick up on it, they'll probably wonder why. And the other thing around scheduling too, is it doesn't require both people to agree to do something in a spontaneous way. I was going to have a phone call with a friend, and she was like, "what day and time should we do?" And I said, "I'm trying to schedule fewer things in my life, but here's some windows. And if you want to schedule it in your calendar, it's fine with me, but you can call me spontaneously within any of those windows. That's fine for me." So, I get to get the benefit I want, which is, "Hey, a spontaneous call from my friend!" And they get to get the benefits they want, which is like, "Oh, I have to put it at this time at this day." Jorge: That's great, and again, that makes me think back to your work as an experience designer in that it's trying to give the other person the experience that is ideal to them while allowing you to also get the one that is ideal to you. Kat: Yes! Closing Jorge: So that's great Kat, and that strikes me as a good place for us to wrap up the conversation. Where can folks follow up with you? Because I feel like there are the books, but there's more to it than that, no? Kat: Oh, yeah, for sure. So, the books are there. We Should Get Together obviously is about creating better friendships. Connected from Afar gives you 25 weeks of activities to do with a friend from a distance. And if people want to get more from me, I have so much more to give. So, one is subscribe to my newsletter; that's at weshouldgettogether.com. Every week I send out tips and guidance around how to show up as a better friend and a better community member in your immediate area or in our larger world. And so, advice and resources are always going out about that. I also have an ongoing events list at my website weyoushouldgettogether.com where I always have something coming up. They can join Connection Club, or they can hop into an upcoming workshop or talk that I'm doing. And I also am available if people want me to come and give a talk at their conference or their company or their community organization. That's also an option as well. Jorge: And I would advise that folks should not pass up that opportunity, because this is an important subject and one that people need to know more about, especially in these days when folks are spending so much time apart from others. Thank you so much Kat, for being with us on the show and sharing it with us. Kat: Thank you so much for having me here, Jorge, and this was really quite lovely. It was great to share this with you.

Why can it be so difficult to make new friends as an adult? How do we build connection with friends (old and new) in a time of social distancing? In this episode of In Trust, we're excited to bring you the fabulous work of Kat Vellos, a seasoned UX designer, connection coach, facilitator, community creator, illustrator, and speaker, and the author of “We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships” and “Connected From Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away.” This conversation dives deep into building connection, so listen, learn, and enjoy! Show notes: We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships - Kat's 1st book Connected From Afar: A Guide for Staying Close When You're Far Away - Kat's 2nd book Weshouldgettogether.com - Kat's hub for her Connection Club and writing workshops Katvellos.com - For those interested in booking Kat for speaking or consulting @katvellos_author on Instagram ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sponsored by: Spotlight Trust The founders of Trust-Centered Leadership have created the practical playbook for building trust at scale. Download your free copy at spotlighttrust.com/playbook --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/in-trust/message

Watch the live recording of this event here: https://manuscriptacademy.com/kat Are you tired of Zoom happy hours? Missing real, creative, spontaneous connection? Us too. Author Kat Vellos is here to help! Kat says: Welcome, friend! If you know anything about me, you know that I'd rather be greeting you with a giant bear hug… in a cozy room full of artsy conversation-provoking installations…with a table of cheese-based snacks in the corner. Instead, we meet here, in this small box made of metal, glass and touchscreens. Because COVID. If you're here because you want to build bridges of meaningful connection to others, you're in the right place. Lemme help you with that. In this talk, we'll delve into issues of community, loneliness, belonging, technology, and how to find the real connections that make the creative life satisfying and meaningful. Kat Vellos is an author, speaker, and expert community builder from the San Francisco Bay Area. Kat is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, the founder of Bay Area Black Designers and Better than Small Talk, and has two decades of experience creating powerful, positive communities where people find belonging and authentic connection. In this talk, we'll delve into issues of community, loneliness, belonging, diversity, technology, and how to find the real connections that make the creative life satisfying and meaningful. She's spoken at Design for America, LinkedIn, General Assembly, Impact Hub, Social Good Tech Week, Young Women Empowered, and many, many more. Hope you can join us! All best wishes, Jessica and Julie

An excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos. Episode 1574: An Excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She is a user experience designer, facilitator, social artist, illustrator, and community creator. Her work crosses disciplines, but is almost always focused on helping others thrive by having more creative and connected lives. Learn more about the book here: https://weshouldgettogether.com/ Visit Me Online at OLDPodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

An excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos. Episode 1574: An Excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She is a user experience designer, facilitator, social artist, illustrator, and community creator. Her work crosses disciplines, but is almost always focused on helping others thrive by having more creative and connected lives. Learn more about the book here: https://weshouldgettogether.com/ Visit Me Online at OLDPodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

An excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos. Episode 1574: An Excerpt from the book We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships by Kat Vellos Kat Vellos is the author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. She is a user experience designer, facilitator, social artist, illustrator, and community creator. Her work crosses disciplines, but is almost always focused on helping others thrive by having more creative and connected lives. Learn more about the book here:  and in  and !