Big Picture Relationships

Threads of connection can transform your relationships. When you regularly watch for them, you will be amazed at how often they show up. Show notes at www.alainajo.coSponsor: bit.ly/mixbookdealsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Alternate Title: "What to do when thoughts or beliefs no longer work for you."Everyone needs these ideas and this language in mind for the growth that life brings.Show notes at www.alainajo.coSponsored by Mixbook! bit.ly/mixbookdealsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"There is so much power in understanding the bigger picture and feeling a little more personal connection the things we are expected to do."show notes at www.alainajo.coSponsored by bit.ly/mixbookdealsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"The power of your ability to connect to each other is paradoxically based upon how full each of you are. You have more to give your partner, and you’re also more ready to receive their efforts when you’re already at a healthy baseline."show notes at www.alainajo.coSponsor: bit.ly/mixbookdealsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Which version should I remember? The one full of discomforts and disappointments, or the one full of highlights and amazing things? Show notes at www.alainajo.coSponsor: bit.ly/mixbookdealsSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

If you were all alone on a deserted island, who would you be? 'Cuz the secret to genuine confidence and happiness is to be that person NOW. Quit hustling for approval, and let's figure out how to show up today.Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Alaina explains 3-and-a-half important points to know about boundaries and a magical way to set boundaries that preserves - and maybe even enhances - relationships. Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

How big is the universe, and how big is your heart, for granting exemptions or extending kindness toward things you don't understand or agree with? Is it possible there are solutions to moral or ethical dilemmas that you can't even comprehend?Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Body boundaries can be tricky. It takes practice to a) recognize physical boundary crossing when it's actually happening, and b) push back on others and risk embarrassment or "getting in trouble." But the ability to do both of these things is critical.Full notes on www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Trauma isn't limited to the things that first come to mind when you hear the word. We all have smaller events or patterns that trigger us into a response pattern; let's use an EMDR story today to explore an option for healing from trauma."Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Your admissions of weakness, humorous stories of awkwardness, and showing up as an imperfect human allows others to do the same. Is there any better gift you can give?"Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Parental guilt is out of control these days. Today I'm going to call out 3 places that trigger mega-doses of mom guilt so you can recognize it, name it for what it is, and remember that it's optional. You don't have to pick it up."Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

“Your job as a committed partner is to ride the waves with the person you love, regardless of where they go. Because ultimately, none of these waves last. And you simply end up with each other.”Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"It should be said...that the idea that parents can control the destiny of their children by doing all the right things - by providing children with every lesson and every experience, by buying them the right toys and saying the right words and never spanking or publicly scolding them - is... self serving." - Judith Harris.Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"I'm not going to pep talk you into thinking that very real struggles are a 'piece of cake' if you'd only shift your perspective. But it's our messy reality as humans that connects us; let's talk about that."Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Even in your busy life I bet that there are higher, holier, more meaningful motivations behind a lot of the things you do and why you do them. Take the time to notice them, to ponder them. Think about the meaning of your routines and let that meaning fill you up." Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"What if it's super easy to enjoy these school-aged kids for a REASON? What if their sweetness it gives you a leg up on your future parenting *if* you use this time to your advantage?"Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Why does depression actually occur?What’s happening at a brain level?What does therapy do?What does medication do?Do I have to take medication depression?How long would I need medication? Dr. Kelly Wosnik has 15 years as a psychiatric prescriber and lays out in simple, clear terms what's happening in depression and the hope available for climbing out of this exhausting struggle.Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

A new way to think about boundaries that just might change everything. Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Maybe we *need* to dip down into that valley of apathy or sadness or melancholy in order to appreciate what it feels like when we have our magic. So appreciate those days when you're not all you should be. Lean into them - they can actually boost you to greater heights."Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"I *could* crack open that box and see reality a little better, and be a little less brainwashed - but why would I want to? This is the person I am choosing to love, and the more positive bias I have, the better."Full show notes at www.alainajo.co Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"We all do it - we subconsciously live small because of scarcity mentality, or that nagging Puritan view that something can't be too good. We live small because we're insecure or self conscious, or because we're waiting for a better time to fully show up in our lives. STOP IT. Live Large by soaking in the greatness of your life and letting it fill you so much that you overflow and give back to the world and the people around you." Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"I no longer pour myself into my children in the hopes that they will one day be grateful; I pour myself into my children so that they can carry on the torch of nurturing and life sacrifice that raises all of humanity." Show notes at https://alainajo.co/2018/05/12/motherhood-paying-it-forward/Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Imperfect circumstances and imperfect people are a reality and the goal is not to rid ourselves of all imperfection. If we do that, we miss out.If you walk into your LIFE the way I walked into Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen, you will likely feel the way I did - unhappy and dissatisfied - simply because it looked different; it wasn't neat and clean and pretty. Neither is life."Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"If we get hung up on the small picture of something (that's not in our control anyway) we miss out on relationships, we miss out on connecting over our loved one's new interests & passion & light, we miss out on being a part of the positive things unfolding for them. "As you face the painful situation of loved ones wandering from your tribe, I urge you with my whole heart to find real-life happiness not only here in your relationship but also in the big picture by remembering and living by these 4 things: Not all who wander are lostLook for the biggest, highest goalLet go of what you can't controlRelationships are all you have. Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"In that null space we call 'boredom' we have the rare option to decide on something to do - and that could actually be considered a gift." Boredom gives us space to do/try something meaningful.Boredom teaches us creativity.Boredom increases our patience.Full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Let me validate you: You deserve to be listened to. You shouldn't even have to think this hard about how to get people to listen to you. However, I also deal in *reality*, and the reality of the fact is you need to work hard to get people to actually listen to you in many instances. "When you talk less and you don't lecture, you are better listened to and your relationship improves. Not only do you earn their ear... you maybe even earn their heart a little bit."Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Just because you've talked about something one time - even if it was a 'big serious talk' does not mean that they 'get it.' In fact, infrequent talks or 1-2 big talks or even the 'annual sit-down drug talk' gives way too much spicy attention to substances. Yeah that's right, I said spicy." Full show notes at www.alainajo.coDownloadable PDF of drug points at https://alainajo.co/drug-lesson-download/Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Drugs are awesome. There's a reason people love them. If we keep that a secret from kids, we lose credibility when they figure it out. Let's help them have a healthy respect for the danger of this enemy."Join teen therapist Alaina Jo as she explains what she teaches her own children about drugs. After 15 years of experience with substance-using teens, her approach is unique. Show notes at www.alainajo.coDownloadable PDF lesson "The Drug Talk you Need to Have" is filled with practical talking points and approaches for kids. Find the link at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If you get caught up arguing about which is literally true, you're missing out on something far more important - the chance to enjoy scrambled eggs and fried chicken with a person you could connect with and learn from." Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

“There are 2 ways to view other people - and that comes across as something deeper than our behaviors toward them. (And they can pick up on that.)”“It doesn’t matter how polished your manners are around somebody you don’t like, it doesn’t matter how deep your self control in a situation where you’re struggling to see somebody as equal to yourself. It doesn’t matter if you go to therapy for years and you learn skills and the correct way to speak and act - It doesn’t matter your skill level, this will not cover up if you see someone as an object, if you see someone as “less than” yourself." Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

“You who are parents know – your kids are fine and occupied until you need to go to the bathroom, or until you’re hiding in the pantry eating that hidden box of girl scout cookies, you can’t escape them – they will find you."“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: My favorite way to love my children is when I am away from them, thinking about them.”See full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

“The big picture perspective is a flexible thing – it gives you the power to have it both ways. To zoom way out and see a trial or a pattern for what it is, to name it, to say “I’m going to choose not to let this define me, or define my life satisfaction right now; I can’t control it anyway.”“The big picture perspective gives you the flexibility to dive deep into savoring what you have, and the option to accept what you can’t control and do the opposite – try to zoom past it without wallowing in it.”See full show notes and worksheet offered at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Explaining through stories & a handful of takeaway points the many ways a Big Picture Perspective improves our relationships and our quality of life.Full Show notes: https://alainajo.co/2019/03/26/big-picture-is-the-best-picture-episode-02/Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Did you know that “Happy” can mean SO MUCH MORE than that top-of-the-world feeling? By expanding the view of what Happy is and where to find it, we open up to a more realistic-yet-enjoyable sort of existence. The sort that brings joy to real life, right now. See full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)

Welcome to Big Picture Relationships, where we talk about finding a real-life kind of Happy. There’s something about keeping the Big Picture in mind that lessens anxiety, increases peace, and makes hard things easier. This introductory episode gives an overview of what Big Picture Relationships is all about and what to expect in future episodes.Big picture perspectives bring you peace, help you know where you can improve if you want, and they might leave you downright cheery about the fact there are somethings you can’t change. There’s a peaceful kind of freedom that comes from accepting and learning to roll with things that are out of our control, instead of wasting our energy wishing they were different. See full show notes at www.alainajo.coSupport the show (https://www.patreon.com/alainajo)