Football Cliches - A show about the unique language of football

After three years and 262 glorious episodes for The Athletic, the Football Clichés podcast is moving to a new home. The back catalogue will stay right here for you to revisit but Adam, Charlie and David's exploration of the language of football (and beyond) will continue here: https://lnk.to/kdWOMyTA Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and - in his final appearance - David Walker for the closing Adjudication Panel of the season. On the agenda: the Premier League's "Pure Referee's Name XI", a deep data dive on footballers' appearances on celebrity TV shows, the criteria for "waltzing through" a defence, a textbook end-of-season rallying cry from Sean Dyche and Richard Keys' Premier League predictions revisited. Meanwhile, the panel decide who is and isn't allowed to be included in the "spine" of a team and enjoy David's best bits from his three years of the Clichés pod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Football Clichés Quiz returns for its eighth edition, and the stakes have been raised for defending champion Michael Cox as his challenger this time is none other than Adam Hurrey himself, with past-winner Charlie Eccleshare stepping into the quizmaster's chair. Cox and Hurrey duke it out over another five rounds of niche footballing knowledge, including the Keys & Gray round, guessing the price of video calls with retired footballers on Cameo, mid-00s world cup squad battles and much more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: What type of goal is the most "still had work to do" goal possible, the No 1 religious reference to deploy during a live TV commentary, the greatest recorded example of something other than a goal being "cheered like a goal", ambient household noise and the "Phantom Drury Effect", and the lowest-profile footballer who could end up on a celebrity reality TV show. Meanwhile, the panel examine a US term for a goalkeeper spilling a low cross in their own six-yard box, while Charlie's Premier League Years memory skills go beyond parody. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek edition of the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: some tense Serie A small talk with an Italian, the Russian football equivalent of being “on the beach”, the concept of being "the first name on the teamsheet", whether a goalkeeper can ever be "on fire" and some football-inspired language from the wider world. Meanwhile, the panel ponder why some footballing acts are said to be out of the “top drawer” and look back at Howard Webb's bid for VAR transparency on Sky's Monday Night Football. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: stress-testing a “knows the club” coefficient model, the threshold for a club “going down with a whimper”, an exhaustive list of football's “promised lands” and whether Michael Olise's latest assist was the epitome of a "ping". Meanwhile, the panel discuss Arsenal vs Brighton in the Premier League's "day out" derby and a retiring referee giving his cards to a fan in the crowd. *** • This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp dot com slash FC today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker welcome the listeners' May entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, with the Clichés faithful nominating their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are the futility of fans trying to put off penalty-takers, the dying art of commentators just listing players' names as they pass the ball, some niche observations on the wearing of base layers, the non-committal language for champions-elect and the precise parameters for shouting "WELL IN!" Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel hear of the most forward-thinking under-5s football team in the world and admire the inevitable end game for Erling Haaland vs Dixie Dean. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: The managerial disciplinary tightrope, when old-fashioned No 9s first became “old-fashioned”, the subtle difference between "score" and "scoreline", the language of Erling Haaland not scoring a goal, an entirely understandable misconception of “at sixes and sevens” and tenuous football curses. Meanwhile, the panel help a listener with his spice-rack league table and decide where and when it's most appropriate for a player to do the “geeing up the crowd” gesture. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek edition of the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: the spiralling language of Chelsea's meltdown, ChatGPT selects its Mesut Haaland Dicks, reducing Sam Allardyce's Leeds unveiling to its purest essence, how far into added time counts as "deep into added time" and what constitutes a title-race "twist". Meanwhile, the panel try and pin down when football's "modern era" began and Charlie wrestles with a encyclopaedia-level definition of "The Barclays". *** • Find more balance with BetterHelp by heading to BetterHelp.com/FC today to get 10% off your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest edition of the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: Kasper Schmeichel's Monday Night Football punditry debut, Roy Keane spotted at the snooker, Rishi Sunak's Northern Premier League Division One East play-off final rallying cry, podcaster Sam Allardyce returning to top-flight management and a 27-year wait for the final piece of a football-culture jigsaw is finally, sensationally ended. Meanwhile, the panel decide if a listener should name their child after the Championship top scorer and if a new signing could ever be described as "like a player returning from a long injury". *** • Find more balance with BetterHelp by heading to BetterHelp.com/FC today to get 10% off your first month Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for a midweek edition of the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: More surname-based goal celebrations, football punditry's equivalent of a solar eclipse, Erling Haaland and the most “he's got his goal” goal ever scored, destiny brings together two Clichés listeners on a dating app and ChatGPT attempts to compile a "Streets Won't Forget" XI. Meanwhile, the panel decide what constitutes a "family club" and assess the worst fictional footballer in the history of American straight-to-TV love films. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the latest edition of the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: a handball-appeal hat-trick at Ipswich, the most “left on the halfway line to defend when your team has a corner” player ever, a brand new option for shot-velocity metaphors, the quickest turnaround for a topical chant in Premier League history and the BBC take on Sky in a "Sting spotted in the stands at Newcastle" pun-off. Meanwhile, the panel debate why the word "delivery" is exclusive to set pieces or crosses and what the threshold should be for away fans demanding a refund. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and Michael Cox to compile a lineup of players whose myths, auras and internet legacies have eclipsed their mortal footballing existences. The selection process takes in cartoon goalkeepers of the 1900s, defenders who played on one leg for half their career, "Scholes, of Manchester", a midfielder who defined both an entire role AND sparked the most boring football debate of all time, the token striker who was good on a computer game when you were 15, an 8,000-word Wikipedia page and the big question: Zlatan or Eric? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker on the Adjudication Panel for the 250th episode of the pod. The agenda includes: the new world record for keepy-uppies, Rolls Royces at the snooker, horses finding pockets of space at the Grand National, the least textbook knee-slide celebration in Premier League history, a Match of the Day viewer uncovers some bizarre audio that nobody had ever noticed. Meanwhile, the panel appraise the traditional vantage point of watching football from a nearby tree and try to define the classic footballing "departments". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With 249 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 69 to identify exactly what elements a stadium needs to make it a cauldron, and from episode 84 we provide the boffins at EA Sports with a raft of suggestions as to how they could improve FIFA by including the most mundane footballing animations possible. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain the listeners' April entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, with the Clichés faithful nominating their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are being the self-appointed "shouter" at 5-a-side, the quaint radio practice of commentators telling you which team is playing "from right to left", the intricate game within a game of winning a corner off a defender's shins, the out-of-possession whistling of Continental home crowds and a comprehensive cataloguing of every possible naming convention for second-tier leagues in world football. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoys "the most Neil Warnock thing ever heard in a Hollywood action film". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. The agenda includes: Whose hands the Premier League title race is actually in now, the threshold for a young starlet having “the world at their feet”, a listener's Sunday League instincts kick in at an office meeting and a quickfire Keys & Gray Corner. Meanwhile, the panel ponder whether "the streets will forget" Teemu Pukki and if a wrestling match can ever be "end to end". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: a potential new career option for Frank Lampard, "the most 5-a-side goal the Premier League has ever seen", stadiums that have their own famous "roar", and Keys & Gray tell (again) the story of the birth of the Premier League. Meanwhile, the panel decide what makes a team "too good to go down" and what might make a side think their "name is on the cup". *** This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp, Visit betterhelp.com/fc today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: the need for a collective noun for manager sackings, some deluxe-level Peter Drury commentary, the mid-weekend shorthand language of title races and the most ‘on in the background during a pub lunch' fixture of all. Meanwhile, the panel ponder the footballing verb "to stun" in a modern context and begin the search for the most unthreateningly-named hooligan firm in the UK *** This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp, Visit betterhelp.com/fc today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 216 to discuss the threshold for describing whether Player X has Player Y 'on toast', and from episode 77 we uncover the origins of the famous Alan Hansen and Jimmy Hill clips from the start of Three Lions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey and Nick Miller are joined by comedian and YouTube star Max Fosh for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks. Among Max's selections are the precise thought process behind a switch of international footballing allegiance, the late-1990s Premier League obsession with Vicks VapoRub, the very modern power struggle between trained stewards and elite players when someone invades the pitch for a selfie and players with a museum to themselves in their own house. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel bemoan the collapse of all standards when it comes to publishing the simple information that is group tables. Produced by Mike Stavrou. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: the Window Cleaning World Cup, whether Harry Kane really has "smashed" the England goalscoring record, a very footbally reason why the second Persian invasion of Greece in 479 BC ended in defeat, the English football kit-manufacturer pyramid and the definitive hierarchy of silly football Wikipedia editing. Meanwhile, the panel ponder the requirements to make a game "The {Player X} Show", and take a philosophical approach to the concept of "tap-ins". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 109 for an extraordinarily detailed look at what constitutes 'unfinished business', and from episode 94 we rejoice in hearing all about Kevin Keegan's appearance at the 2021 Meat Management Industry Awards. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: Marking the demise of Soccer AM by selecting its ultimate guest lineup, "The Messi of Maths" and his equivalent of the cold, wet Tuesday night in Stoke, some very alternative goal commentary from the archives and an unexpected footballing name pops up in Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Meanwhile, the panel dissect the art of the Wacky Friday Press Conference Question and try to statistically crown the "tidiest" player in the Premier League. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: The most punworthy FA Cup quarter-final in living memory, Nike vs Warner Bros in a Ted Lasso kit saga, the player eligible to play for the most different countries, tracking down the goalkeeper cited in an unfortunate dictionary definition and, once again, checking in with good old Richard Keys. Meanwhile, the panel debate whether it's better to be a "handy" side or a "useful" one and which Premier League fixtures just belong in a certain year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast. This week we head back to episode 61 to examine the true meaning of the phrase 'Basement Boys', and from episode 95 we bring you the midfield selections & deliberations of the Pure Europa League XI Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, James Maw and Jack Lang field March's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, where the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are childish (and borderline pathetic) nicknames fans give for local rivals' home grounds, the precise rhythm and intonation of a perfect full-time whistle, the catharsis of complimenting opposition players at Sunday League, teams being guilty of trying to score the perfect goal, goalkeepers who rush out with the ball from a corner only to find nobody to distribute it to and the eternal and unexplained flaw of Wikipedia football career summaries *** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/EPL Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: surveying the wreckage of the weekend's Match of the Day saga, an unexpected Indian summer for one English manager's career, a Premier League referee texting into a music radio station and yet another example of a thing being dubbed the Rolls-Royce of Item X. Meanwhile, the panel wonder who - if anyone - can lay claim to being "the voice of football" in 2023. ** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/EPL Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast, this week we head back to episode 154 for the definitive discussion on what constitutes the concept of 'Dreamland', from episode 78 we attempt to define what makes a goal a 'solo effort', and finally one of the most ridiculous clips in Football Cliches history as Pierre Emile Hoijberg shows "no disrespect to egg" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: some professional musicians wade into the Sheffield Wednesday/ABBA saga, a thorough fact-check of Dion Dublin's goalscoring boasts on Homes under the Hammer, the parameters for a "slaloming" dribble, the most versatile generic football fan outburst of all and arguably the best parody-metal song about the 1994 World Cup final you have ever heard. Meanwhile, the panel pin down the most "Mickey Mouse cup" in football and identify the most Premier League club never to have played in the Premier League. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: Some more joyous local radio co-commentary, the least expected product in the world to be described as a "Rolls-Royce", Martin Tyler and Peter Drury on proverbial cake-topping scorelines and an unprecedented way of saying a game is still goalless. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Football Clichés Quiz returns for a seventh edition. Reigning champion Michael Cox looks to retain his title once more as the takes on ex-Opta information ace Duncan Alexander across another five rounds of niche footballing knowledge, including Things In Football That Somehow Have Never Happened, the Premier League's foreign influx, top-flight managers with moustaches and much more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: Using the word "champions" for cup winners, Jurgen Klinsmann's perfect new job, a brief history of Steve McManaman measuring space in ounces, a Sheffield Wednesday fan's ABBA dilemma and the looming prospect of a "Big Seven" in English football. Meanwhile, the panel decide what constitutes a defender "doing just enough" and ponder whether "upfield" and "downfield" really do mean the exact same thing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast, this week we head back to episode 61 to bring you an unprecedented pronunciation of an area of the pitch that made the Clichés panel reassess everything they thought they knew, and even further back in episode 46 Elis James blew our minds by helping us discover the most recognisable piece of generic football crowd noise you'll ever hear Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field February's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, where the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations. Among the selections are watching football through a pub window, the five specific scenarios that allow you to chant "SIGN HIM UP!", players being photoshopped into the kit of the team trying to sign them and substitutes who creep onto the pitch while they're warming up. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel look ahead to Graeme Le Saux's stand-up comedy debut, enjoy the sons of two Barclays-era names going head to head in the National League and assess an AI-generated vision of the footballing loves and hates of Richard Keys. *** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/EPL • Take advantage of MANSCAPED®'s best valued bundle and save 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code EPL23 at Manscaped.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: a Premier League centre-back namechecked on Frasier 29 years ago, what scorelines qualify as "a rout", a Match of the Day commentator responds to our scepticism over his description of a header, North Korean football journalism and a scandalous football-related question on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Meanwhile, the panel check in on an April 2022 prediction from Richard Keys about Erik ten Hag. *** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/EPL • Take advantage of MANSCAPED®'s best valued bundle and save 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code EPL23 at Manscaped.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With well over 200 episodes in our archive we thought we'd raid our back catalogue to bring you some examples of the purest essence of the Football Cliches podcast, this week we bring you a snippet of the Sam Allardyce XI and relive the now infamous Cometh The Hour-gate Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey and Charlie Eccleshare are joined by comedian and writer Josh Pugh for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks. Among Josh's selections are players who go to World Cups because they're "good to have around", the phrase "bringing the ball under their spell", Sunday League pre-season regimes and the complex philosophy of "playing football the right way". Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy some more quintessential Glenn Hoddle co-commentary and an ex-player very politely editing their own Wikipedia page. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and Charlie Eccleshare for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: whether Carlo Ancelotti is the most international team-y manager who's never managed a national team, the difference between the midfield jobs of "sniffing out danger" and "putting out fires", some exquisitely-timed Match of the Day crowd noise and at what point a gap at the top of a league turns into a "procession". Meanwhile, the panel decide if a team can ever call themselves "the visitors", and what leads can be "raced into" . *** • Visit babbel.com/play and use code ATHLETIC at checkout to receive 6 months for free with purchase of a 6-month subscription • Building a bet just got easier! Visit livescorebet.com to find out more about how to make your selections today! 18+ only Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey and Charlie Eccleshare are joined by broadcaster and 90s football video legend Nick Hancock for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks. Among Nick's selections for his footballing fascinations and irritations are the mundane details of timewasting, our evolving expectations of footballers' intellect, the curious mind games behind the late fitness test, manufactured matchday atmosphere, the vagaries of the football disciplinary process and lazy football merchandising. Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel discuss whether football shorts really need pockets, Dayot Upamecano's voice coaching from an opera singer and a new level in weird goalnet sounds. Produced by Mike Stavrou. *** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/epl • Get 6 months of Babbel language learning for free when you purchase a 6 month subscription by entering the code ATHLETIC at babbel.com/play Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller for the Adjudication Panel. On the agenda: every recorded Jack Grealish reaction being fouled, the intensely disturbing vibe of Nathan Jones, the commentary turning point of Harry Kane's 267-goal Spurs compilation and an astonishing moment of radio-reporter synchronicity. Meanwhile, the panel decide when a team can be described as "high-flying" and discuss the nuanced meaning of the word "benched." Produced by Abi Paterson *** • Get a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/epl Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Athletic's Adam Hurrey is joined by James Horncastle and Michael Cox to compile the most representative lineup of players from the last 30 years of Italian football's technical quirks, huge egos and curious career paths. Their journey takes them from an early goalkeeping dilemma to an ancient but granite-reinforced back three, the inevitable Thomas Helveg, a textbook selection at left wing-back, an imported No 10 who stayed so long he essentially became Italian, a late-blooming domestic goal machine, an impish strike partner from the Gazetta golden era...and one fabled taskmaster to drill them all into a winning unit. *** Get 20% Off and FREE shipping with the code EPL23 at manscaped.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices