Faith & Feelings

The stories we tell ourselves have an enormous impact on our feelings, and so often – especially in our relationships – we can tell ourselves stories that aren't true. Assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling can quickly become hidden landmines in our relationships. In today's episode, my clinical supervisor Carley Marcouillier and I unpack our second relational skill for emotionally healthy relationships. This skill has two parts to it: first, how to stop mind reading. And second, how to clarify expectations. I think you're going to find this conversation both thought-provoking and really practical. Listen in. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

If you've ever found yourself longing for deeper connection in your relationship but unsure how to get there, this episode is for you. Today, my clinical supervisor, licensed therapist Carley Marcouillier, and I kick off our Emotionally Healthy Relationships summer series by introducing a simple, practical communication skill built around five prompts: appreciations, worries & concerns, complaints & possible solutions, new information, and hopes & wishes. These prompts create space for safety, honesty, and emotional closeness within relationships. Whether this is your first time hearing about this skill or you're looking for a fresh way to grow, we hope this conversation encourages you to take small, meaningful steps toward deeper connection. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Is Grandpa really in my bones? We're starting a new series on emotionally healthy relationships, and over the next eight weeks, I'll be joined by my clinical supervisor and licensed therapist Carley Marcouillier to walk through 8 core relational skills that are essential for developing mature, loving relationships with others. But this week, I wanted to spend a few minutes talking about why. Why are these skills are so important for us to learn? I talk about how we carry our family dynamics into all our relationships and the impact that community can have in fostering our awareness and healing. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

In our next podcast series, I'll be joined by my clinical supervisor, Carley Marcouillier, who is a licensed therapist, podcast host, and ministry leader. Together, we're going to walk through 8 core relational skills that are essential for cultivating emotionally healthy relationships. Over the course of eight episodes, we're going to explore each skill, why it matters, and how to begin practicing it in everyday life. These are skills that we believe can transform the way you relate to those around you. I hope you'll join us next week, as we talk about what it looks like to grow into people of love, together. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

To wrap up our current series, I wanted to offer something a little different today: A guided time of prayer— called Imaginative Prayer—that can help us enter into a deeper experience of God. This form of contemplative prayer dates back the early fathers and mothers of the Christian faith. When we engage in this kind of prayer, we use our imaginations to place ourselves within a scene from Scripture, particularly in the life of Jesus. I hope you'll join me as we walk onto the scene of Matthew 6:30-42 and ask the Spirit to speak to us through this story. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Did you know that the neural pathways for relationship are developed in the first three years of a person's life? This is the heart of what's called attachment theory and affects our relationship with ourselves, others, and even our relationships with God. I'm so honored to welcome today's guest, Summer Joy Gross. Summer is a spiritual director, Anglican priest, and writer who weaves neuroscience, attachment theory, and spiritual practices to help us root ourselves in God's presence and nearness. In this conversation, Summer walks us through each of the 4 attachment styles, showing us how our earliest experiences of love shape the way that we've come to experience God. We talk about the attachment wounds of each style, and how the Spirit actively pursues our healing in these places. Summer also guides us through a beautiful attachment practice in real-time to help to reconnect to God in a more secure way. The music used in this podcast is titled Soaking in His Presence by William Augusto. Check out Summer's book The Emmanuel Promise Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Have you ever struggled to name the pain you're experiencing inside? When we don't have language for the pain we carry, we can create other names for it — names like “not good enough,” “unworthy,” “broken,” or “wrong.” Many of us often avoid naming and validating our pain out of fear of being overwhelmed or feeling stuck in it. But what if the opposite is actually true? What if this is actually the first step towards healing? This is what author and therapist Monica DiCristina and I talk about today. Monica beautifully shows us that, while not every wound may fully heal, each one can be understood. And that understanding starts by naming and honoring our pain. This is such a powerful conversation on ways that trauma can impact our view of God, how to tell the difference between shame & conviction, and what it looks like to sit well with others…and ourselves…in pain. Check out Monica's book Your Pain Has a Name Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

So many of us long for transformation, but we feel discouraged and defeated by the issues that keep coming up... over and over again. We pray, read our Bibles, go to church, worship, and yet still feel stuck. Why is this? Often the tools we're given within the church leave us wondering if we're missing something or if something is wrong with us. Is it us? Is it them? Is it God? Why is lasting change so elusive? This is what author, speaker, and founder of Healing Care Ministries Terry Wardle and I talk about today. Beautifully blending stories from his own life with modern discoveries in neuroscience, Terry gently dismantles the common saying, “the past is in the past.” Demonstrating how past experiences impact the wiring of our brains in profound ways, Terry shows us why we need healing experiences with God's presence in our unresolved emotional wounds. Check out Terry's book Broken to Beloved Learn more about Healing Care Ministries Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

As we practice receiving and remaining in God's love, the question becomes this: how are we responding and loving Him back? And not necessarily in the big moments, but in the small and ordinary moments of every day life. We all move in patterns that we have set up over time, day by day. These habits and practices shape our loves, our desires, and ultimately, who and what we worship. So what habits and practices can we take up that are aiming our love and desires towards God? In this episode, I share 7 spiritual practices I'm engaging in right now that are increasing my capacity to receive, remain, and respond to God's love. My hope is that they spark prayerful creativity and imagination in you around God's invitations into deeper intimacy within the rhythms of your everyday life. Read Liturgy of the Ordinary by Tish Harrison Warren Listen to Daily Lectio Divina Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

What if you could walk into every room knowing—deep in your bones—that you are safe, seen, soothed, and secure? Not because of the what's happening around you, but because the face of Jesus is always turned toward you? Always attentive. Always connected. This is what writer, artist, and soul care provider Stephanie Stewart and I talk about today. Stephanie invites us into her own journey of discovering a relationship with God that heals and grounds us. A kind of interactive relationship that is conversational, requiring reciprocity – and just like any other relationship – a turning towards one another. Stephanie also teaches us daily practices to strengthen our awareness and attunement to God's constant connection and care. Read Surrender to Love by David Benner Read Inexpressible by Michael Card Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

We all have these complicated tangles of belief, identity, and narrative, and one of the early stories many of us often begin telling ourselves is a one of our own scarcity. “Maybe I don't matter.” "Maybe I'm not good enough.” “Maybe I'm not worthy of love, belonging, and joy.” When we bring these stories of scarcity with us into our relationships with God, we may ache for nourishment and grace, but we find ourselves living out of a place of exhaustion and starvation. We come to God's table with a deep sense of unworthiness, scraps feeling like all we can hope for. Anything more seems selfish or presumptuous. When scarcity has become familiar, goodness and abundance can start to feel suspicious. This is what Chesed Dent and I talk about today. Chesed beautifully brings her experiences of growing up as a missionary kid – as well as her current work in higher education – into this conversation, inviting us into her own journey towards deeper rest and trust in God's care. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Even though you've heard God described as full of compassion and always present, do you sometimes feel confused as to why you experience him as distant, disapproving, or absent? Our experiences, from childhood to adulthood, shape the internal pictures we hold about God—sometimes in ways we don't even realize. In this episode, I share stories of 4 different women, and how they each came to experience God differently based on their life experiences. These stories are taken and adapted from a chapter in Sensible Shoes, a bestselling novel written by last week's guest Sharon Garlough Brown. The first time I read these stories, I couldn't put them down. I found myself in these women, in their stories, and how they came to perceive God… and I think you will as well. Check out Sharon's novel Sensible Shoes Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

So many of us long to rest in God's love, but we feel at war with actually receiving it. Why do we resist the very thing that we claim we want? This is what author and spiritual director Sharon Garlough Brown and I talk about today. Sharon graciously invites into her own story of exhaustion and striving to meet her perceptions of God's expectations for faithfulness, to learning what it looks like to live out of the abundance and generosity of His heart. She shares such beautiful moments along her journey where God has invited her into prayer, presence, and an enlarging capacity to receive his love. I hope you'll listen in. Check out Sharon's novel Sensible Shoes Listen to Sharon's podcast Daily Lectio Divina Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Just like any other relationship, intimacy with God isn't something that can be forced or manufactured. It's the byproduct of a genuine desire to know God and be known by Him. But before we can really desire God, we must have a clearer understanding of who God is and what he is like. Our experiences shape our experiences of God, often forming and informing a flawed or incomplete vision of who God is that isn't just intellectual or cognitive, but that is enstoried and deeply embedded in our hearts and bodies. In this episode, I talk about God's invitation to transformational friendship. A kind of relationship that involves our learning to open up the very foundation of us — where we feel most uncertain, exposed, and vulnerable — experiencing the kind presence of God coming to commune with us here. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Have you ever felt like you know about God—but you don't really know Him? Like you're going through the motions of faith but longing for something deeper, something real? In this next podcast series, we'll explore what it means to move beyond conceptual knowledge about God and into personal encounter — to truly experience God's presence, hear His voice, and be transformed by His love. We'll hear from guests who will share their stories towards deeper intimacy with God, and I'm also going to be introducing us to spiritual rhythms that I've found to be transformative in my own journey. If you've ever longed for more, I hope you'll join me for this next series. Because God isn't just someone to believe in. He's someone to experience. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

What messages did you receive about self-awareness as a child? Many of us grew up in environments that did not nurture self-awareness. Over the years, we've practiced disconnecting from our tears, grief, desires, or sensitivity. And not only disconnect, but we've learned to reject or criticize these feelings or experiences within ourselves. In this episode, I talk about how these ruptures that exist within us can cause the ruptures that happen between us. I also share some reflections on why relationships are the primary place where we can learn and practice self-awareness, as well and few practical ways to begin. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

At the heart of the spiritual journey is relationship. Growing in self-awareness is not an end in itself, but the heart and the means to deeper intimacy with God. As author and ministry leader T.J. MacLeslie and I talk about today, Christian spirituality involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and self are both deeply known. In this episode, T.J. generously invites us into his story as he shows us why the spiritual journey is so much more than conceptually knowing God, but experiencing encountering Him. He shares how he began to untangle who God is from wounding experiences within the church, and what it looks like to pursue a real relationship with God — one that goes far beyond religious activity. Check out T.J.'s books Pursuit of a Thirsty Fool and Designed for Relationship Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

"You're not good enough.” "You need to try harder." "You'll never keep up.” “There isn't enough time.” These are the sorts of voices that can hum just beneath the surface of our minds, pushing us to act in unsustainable and frantic ways. So many of us long for the peace that comes with a life marked my internal calm and groundedness, but we feel gripped by anxiety. We don't know what to do with these unhelpful thoughts circling within. How do we make sense of this inner chatter? And how do we settle enough to hear God's voice? An important part of growing in self-awareness is learning how to make sense of these competing voices. That's what author and spiritual director Gem Fadling and I talk about today. Gem brings decades of wisdom and personal experience to this conversation as she teaches us how to identify these voices, slow our internal pace, and move towards greater wholeness. Check out Gem's book Hold That Thought Learn more about Unhurried Living Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

God designed our bodies to tell us incredibly important things when it comes to growing and healing. In fact, I believe that one of the primary places we can grow in self-awareness is not books or podcasts or personality tests...but learning to listen to our own bodies. Why is this? Our bodies know more than our minds often do. And they are constantly speaking, revealing truth about what's happening in the present or what happened to us in the past. In this week's episode, I explain why it's so important to listen to your body, and I offer one practical way to begin. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

While the work of self-awareness begins with pursuing a better understanding of our lives and stories, so many of us can stop there. As licensed therapist, author, and professor Chuck DeGroat and I talk about today, we often keep this awareness in past-tense, not understanding how our bodies are still holding these stories. We can ignore symptoms and bodily sensations like hypervigilance, sleeplessness, or exhaustion telling us the story of where we really are. And our bodies never lie. They often give us the best data about what's happening within. Chuck brings such beautiful storytelling and teaching to this conversation as he shows us what it looks like to practice awareness and attunement to our inner experience, and how to pay attention to what our bodies are telling us. Check out Chuck's book Healing What's Within Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Learn more about writing coaching Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

For most of us, feelings are messy. Oftentimes, we don't have words for what we're feeling, and we get stuck in a dark and painful place. Because emotions can be complicated, we have so many strategies to not feel what we feel. But this often leaves us with a sense of numbness. We feel confused and chopped up inside. Giving our feelings language is like turning on the lights. It's how we begin to wake up to wholeness, to beauty, and to our own hearts again. Learning to notice, name, and process what we're feeling is also a key vehicle for growing in self-awareness. That's what author and spiritual director Anjuli Paschall and I talk about today. Anjuli brings such profound depth, vulnerability, and wisdom to this conversation as we talk about how to name our emotions, process them, and find God's presence in them. Check out Anjuli's books Stay and Feel Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Learn more about writing coaching Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

While Josh and his family was doing ministry in China, he was detained and interrogated by authorities and had no idea if or when he would be released. In this week's episode, Josh graciously shares some of his journey with self-awareness, and how this unexpected crisis led him to a deeper encounter with with himself. While few of us will share the particularities of his experience, I think Josh beautifully puts words to the inner disorientation that all kinds of crises bring: feelings of shock and shame and a deep disrupting of identity. He transparently shares what it was like for him to begin processing this crisis. He talks about how he initially tried to distance himself from the pain, and also, what he began to discover – about himself and God – as he leaned in. Check out Josh's podcast Memorize What Matters Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

One of the things that I've learned about self-awareness over the last few years is that self-awareness is something we can choose, but it's also something that happens to us. It comes at certain points in our lives without our consent, experiences of pain and crisis often becoming the catalyst for this deeper awakening. While I don't hold to the idea that God causes crisis and suffering, I do know that these things come along, and God uses them. He often uses them to facilitate our own encounter with some of the deepest parts of ourselves. In this episode, I talk about 3 kinds of crises that our journeys hold: developmental transitions, intrusive events, and internal uprisings. I also talk about why our responses to self-awareness are so important. How we respond can either increase shame or motivate change…and this makes all the difference. *Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from “Regerts” by Jennifer Hunt. Learn more about writing coaching Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

When I reflect on my own journey over the last 7 or 8 years, I can't think of something that has changed my life, my relationship with God, others, or even myself more than self-awareness. I truly believe that pursuing a deeper understanding of our own hearts and stories is one of the most spiritually formative and transformative things we could ever do. That's why I'm so excited to invite you to join me in this new series on the podcast called “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?” In this episode, I talk about what specifically makes self-awareness so important and highlight 3 different kinds of self-awareness that we're invited into. I also offer some reflective questions that will help you get a sense of how well you know yourself right now. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

How well do you know yourself? Growing in self-awareness is probably one of the hardest, but most important things we could ever do. Why? The short answer is this: you can't change what you don't know. But one of the trickiest things about self-awareness is that most of us are on autopilot and don't even know it. So many of us are moving through life and not paying attention. We're living by default... numb and disconnected from our hearts. I know what it's like to feel like you're going through the motions, but you're not really living. You're not present to yourself or your relationships. You long to be more awake to joy, to hope, and to passion, but there's this sense inside of you that you're missing your life. In this next Faith and Feelings series “How Can I Be More Self-Aware?”, we're going to be talking about what it practically looks like to grow in self-awareness. We'll also be hearing from some amazing guests who will be sharing their journey with self-awareness and what they've learned along the way. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

I think that everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives. If you're like me, you've often felt a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn't seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands. In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

So many of us have experienced a before and after. A “before” you knew that life was fragile… and an “after.” When you can't go back. You can't un-know. You are changed. In this episode, my friend Jess joins me to share about her recent miscarriage journey. Although Jess shares about the loss of a child, she speaks to the emotional undercurrent of loss in a way that I think will deeply resonate with many different experiences of sorrow. In a week full of holiday celebration, the complexity of holding both grief and joy together can often times feel overwhelming. What Jess does so beautifully is put words and phrases to the experience of loss in a way that feels anchoring, truthful, and sacred. As you'll hear in our conversation, she does this through the wise and painful work of staying present to herself, God, and to her own heart. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

One of the hardest questions to answer in life is not “Does God exist?” but “Is God kind?” Sometimes, unspeakable things happen at the hands of others. Trauma of any kind often shatters are capacity to trust ourselves, God others, and the world around us. When we feel left in our pain, holding more questions than answers, it can feel like we've been given the raw data that God is not good. In this conversation, my Jennifer joins me to share her story of spiritual and sexual abuse from a church leader. Through her lived experience, she puts words and phrases to the disorientation that comes when life doesn't make sense, and how to begin a healing journey when you doubt if you'll ever be able to trust again. This conversation is beautiful, honest, and also one of Faith & Feeling's most downloaded episodes yet. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

How we walk into room will always carry evidence of our formation. The way we act, if we get big or small, whether our voices soften or louden, if our shoulders hunch or straighten, whether we anticipate acceptance or brace for unbelonging...it all tells a story. A story about something we've lived. In those moments when it feels like you don't fit in and that shame-filled question wells up inside... “why can't I just be normal like everyone else?” ....there's always a deeper question: what is your definition of “normal”? Where did it come from, and when did you learn that you did not meet that standard? This conversation with my friend Amina is one of Faith & Feeling's most downloaded episodes. Through her story, she shows us that when we read rejection into a room, it's roots can often be traced to pivotal moments of self-rejection in our childhoods that are still living inside of us today. Together, Amina and I process what it really looks like to belong, when to trust the invitation of others, and how to walk into a room as your own friend. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Have you ever wondered why you get dysregulated? Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It's those moments when everything seems out of sorts. All of us experience emotional dysregulation. But, so often, we can get dysregulated without even realizing it. So, how do we begin to notice & listen to what are bodies are trying to tell us? In this episode with licensed therapist David Floge, we talk about what emotional dysregulation is, what it can feel like in our bodies, and practical ways to self-regulate. This conversation is such a fun combination of clinical insight and personal experience. My hope is that you'll find it practical (and you'll also laugh, because some of the stories that David and I share are really funny!). Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

With 2024 coming to a close, I've been reflecting on this first year of Faith & Feelings. What a year. I just want to say how grateful I am for this community. Thank you for sharing this podcast and inviting others to be a part of it. Because of this, we are ending the year with tens of thousands of downloads and an actively growing community of listeners. And I just want to say thank you. In this brief update, you'll hear some personal reflections on the year, as well as what's coming up next on Faith & Feelings in December (hint: I'm re-releasing 5 of your most favorite episodes!). My hope is that these listener's favorites will encourage you, reinforce some of what we've learned together, and create space for deeper reflection as you go from one year into the next. *I'd love to hear your suggestions for episode/series topics for 2025! Email your ideas to me at taylor@taylorjoymurray.co or DM me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__.

What is the ultimate goal of interacting with an emotionally immature person? To stay in control of our own mind and feelings. While we can't change the person, we can learn ways of interacting with emotionally immature people without sacrificing or losing parts of ourselves. When we learn how to keep an observational perspective, we can stay centered, no matter how the other person behaves. This also helps to keep us in our thinking brain instead of falling into our emotions or a fight-or-flight reaction. In this episode, I talk about 3 three practical steps for interacting with an emotionally immature person: (1) detached observation, (2) accurate assessment, (3) and re-entering the relationship in a different way. I also explore how grace is often misused today, and I emphasize what it truly looks like to extend real grace — the kind of grace that Jesus died for — in our relationships. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Hitting a wall is not an if, but when. We all have this experience, typically several times throughout our lives. Suddenly, the ways that we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs begin begin to fail us in adulthood. Unhealthy coping patterns catch up with us. Our souls often begin summoning us to a deeper, inner change through emotional or physical symptoms like panic, anxiety, depression, anger, a continual sense of low-grade agitation, addictions, or other dysfunctional attempts to numb our pain. We feel stuck. We want to change, but we don't know how. It's here, where God longs to meet us, opening our eyes to see the truth of ourselves, our stories, and who he's created us to be. In this episode, I offer common signs that you might be hitting the wall, and I also talk about how to begin opening ourselves to God to bring transformation into the deepest parts of ourselves. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Are patterns from your past impacting how you show up to your life and relationships today? How we learned to cope with childhood wounds and unmet needs often become the dysfunctional patterns that we live out in adulthood. This is one way that the impact of emotionally immature parenting can leak into our adult lives. Healing starts with noticing and naming these patterns. When we invite God's spirit into this process, change begins. I talk about 2 ways that we may have reacted to emotionally immature parenting as children (internalizing or externalizing our pain), and how these childhood coping styles might be showing up in our adult lives today. In her research, psychologist Lindsey Gibson found that most children of emotionally immature parents are internalizers. I also highlight 8 common patterns of internalizers in adulthood and offer practical steps for change. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

From the time we entered the world, we all began crafting a story that helped us make sense and give meaning to the painful things that happened to us. As we absorbed explicit and implicit messages from family members, authority figures, and peers about who we were and what the world expected of us, we gradually began forming a narrative that explained our lives to us… a narrative that grooved itself deeply into our hearts. This story helped us, as children, to know what we needed to be and what we needed to do to stay safe in the world. However, this story becomes a broken story when lived out in adulthood. I talk about why it's so important to get to know your childhood story, and I also offer some practical steps for exhuming the hurtful events, unchallenged, taken-for-granted beliefs, and unhelpful internalized messages from our childhoods that may still be ruling our lives today. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

We all need someone who reads us well and believes in us. This is the essence of what security feels like in a relationship: knowing that the other person sees you, understands you, and celebrates who you are. But what happens if you didn't receive this kind of nurturing love as a child? There is essentially one way to provide this kind nurturing love that we all need to develop and thrive, but there are many ways to frustrate a child's need for love. I talk about 3 things every child needs from their parents, and I also unpack 4 types of emotionally immature parents by psychologist Lindsey Gibson. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Many of us have a confusing relationship with anger. Anger is a complex emotion that can create significant internal conflict, fueling both guilt and fear. Similar to anxiety, it's a powerful force that can do great harm and also has great value. It's such a physical emotion, and we can feel anger in our bodies with incredibly intensity. In this episode, I talk about 4 ways that that we tend to avoid anger, how we learned these strategies (and why they actually make sense), and practical ways that we can start to befriend and create space for a healthy expression of anger. I also talk about some common theological misconceptions about anger, and I highlight examples of Jesus expressing anger in the gospels and modeling how to speak on behalf of anger rather than from it. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

If emotional immaturity could be summed up in a sentence, it might be this: “it's not me, it's you.” People who are emotionally immature often engage in inappropriate or harmful behavior, and then revert to altering their perceptions of reality to fit what makes sense to them. They lack emotional sensitivity, are self-preoccupied, and often cause others to question reality instead of taking responsibility for their actions. In other words: “It's your fault for what I did, not mine.” Personality patterns of emotional immaturity can be devastating to families and relationships. So how does emotional immaturity show up interpersonally? And how do we recognize signs of emotional immaturity? To continue our series on Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, I highlight 15 personality traits associated with emotional immaturity. I also talk about how to know the difference between a pattern of emotional immaturity and a temporary emotional regression. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Emotional loneliness is the kind of loneliness that you can feel even in the presence of others. It results from a lack of emotional connection, and it can sometimes be even more painful than being physically alone. It's that feeling of being unseen… a vague and private experience, not easy to recognize or find words for. While just as wounding as a physical injury, emotional loneliness is less obvious because doesn't show on the outside. So many of us experience emotional loneliness. But what exactly is it? And where does it come from? To continue our series on “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotional loneliness is, how emotional loneliness is the result of unmet emotional needs during childhood, and some specific ways that emotionally immature parents can affect their adult children's lives. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Have you ever longed to be seen and known as the person you truly are? To share anything with someone and know that you'll be understood, accepted, and validated? Emotional responsiveness is the single most essential ingredient of human relationships. Our relationships are built and sustained through emotional intimacy, and the feeling that someone is interested in taking time to listen and truly understand our experiences. But what happens if your parents were distant or emotionally unavailable? How did this impact you as a child? And how do these experiences continue to impact you as an adult? To start off our new series “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” I talk about what emotionally maturity is (before talking about what it isn't). This episodes highlights 15 characteristics of an emotionally mature person. I also talk about one possible reason why so many parents today are emotionally immature, and why emotional and spiritual maturity cannot be separated. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Although we're used to thinking of adults as more mature than their children, what if some children come into the world, and within a few years, are more emotionally mature than their parents? In this next Faith & Feeling's podcast series called “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” we're going to talk about the ways that emotionally immature parents impact their children's lives. Through these episodes, you'll discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion that come from having a parent who refuses emotional intimacy. You'll also gain some insight into possible reasons why your parent's emotional development stopped early. My hope is that these episodes will bring clarity and relief as you see that what you've been though has caused you to have these feelings. That you're not the only one. And that it makes sense. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Why does God sometimes feel so far away? The reason for this could be your attachment style. We all experience moments when God's love and presence are tangible. But we can also experience feeling utterly abandoned by God. Why? In this episode, I talk about how your early childhood experiences and attachment (or emotional bond) that you developed with your primary caregivers can influence your relationship with God. Some of us have parents that make imagining a loving Father more difficult, and some of us have parents that make it easier. I describe each of the 4 attachment styles and explore how each style — developed from a pattern that we learned as children to maintain closeness with our primary caregivers — often translates to how we seek to maintain closeness with God. I also talk about 4 kinds of spiritually (secure, anxious, shutdown, and shame-filled) that can result from each of these 4 attachment styles. In other words, how might someone with a secure attachment experience God? How might someone with an anxious attachment experience God? Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email When Your Spiritual Growth Feelings Frustratingly Slow with Chip Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Do you get easily dysregulated? Or struggle to get back to a regulated state when you are dysregulated? There's a reason for that. In this episode, I connect your present experiences of dysregulation to your relationship — or attachment — with your primary caregivers when you were growing up. You'll see how the emotional environment that you were raised in, and the ways that your parents interacted with and responded to you, shaped the way your brain learned to regulate emotions. I also talk about what secure attachment is, how to know if you developed a secure attachment bond as a child, how the presence or absence of this bond is directly linked to to your ability to self-regulate (and reach out for help) today. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email When Everything Seems Out of Sorts with David Floge, LPC Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

We all have deep and inherent need for love and acceptance. But, as children, what happens when unconditional love and acceptance were not freely given? In small ways, many of us learn that a “packaging of self” is what is necessary to find approval and affirmation in the eyes of others. As we begin to develop and experience life in the context of our closest relationships and social circles, we learn that we are liked and accepted by constructing a version of ourselves that puts us in the most flattering light. Maybe if we help enough. Self-sacrifice enough. Do all the right things. Maybe then we will be loved. In this conversation with a family friend, Ellen, she shares a recent story of dysregulation, triggered by a childhood belief that equated being perfect with being loved. She shares her own journey of growing in self-awareness, untangling this belief from her story, and learning to rest in the unmerited favor of God. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

I think everyone could testify to how imperceptibly incremental our spiritual growth can feel in some areas of our lives. If you're like me, you often feel a disconnect between the theology that that you believe and the reactions that leak out of you in everyday life. Even though you know something is true in your head, it doesn't seem to be shaping your heart or steering your hands. Sometimes you feel defeated because you don't like how you're acting, what your response was, or the way you sounded. But you don't know how to change. You wonder if you're doing something wrong. You wonder why God is working transformation into your life so frustratingly slowly. In this conversation with a family friend, Chip, he shares a recent story of dysregulation that puts words to all of these tensions so beautifully. We talk about what initiated a deep inner change in his life five years ago (after decades of following Jesus and years in full-time ministry), and he models how true spiritual growth and emotional maturity often begin with getting to know your story and learning to tell it more truly. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

“We all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us, and we remain in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives.” - Curt Thompson, MD But we all have those experiences of being unseen. Un-chosen. When care was not given. When no one came. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to stop listening to our gut instincts. We learned to grit it out and turn off the messages of our healthy needs. We stopped crying out. We no longer asked for help because we didn't want to be a burden on others, or we didn't expect anyone to respond. This conversation with my friend Kylie is just so beautiful. Through her story, she names a deep-seated belief running throughout many of our stories: asking for help doesn't change anything. You have to do it on your own anyway. We process the ways that not asking for help can become a learned trait, and when carried into adulthood, fuel patterns of striving, exhaustion, and inadequacy. We also talk about the ways that Kylie is learning to trust in God's rest, responsiveness, and delight. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

What happens when the circumstances of life force you to grow up too quickly & shoulder a weight of responsibility or caretaking far beyond your developmental age? When our bodies carry the story of an interrupted adolescence into adulthood, how can this kind of trauma impact us? And how do we begin to heal? In this conversation, my friend Jonathan shares a recent experience of dysregulation: a chest-tightening, drowning sensation when too many people around him needed too many things. Together, Jonathan and I process how this everyday moment with his family strikingly paralleled some of his childhood experiences, and he names the longing inside so many of us with similar stories: “Can someone just take care of me?” We talk about what he wishes he could tell his younger self, and how the way we are in our bodies tells the story of who we've been up to this point in our lives. Check out Jonathan's book: Digging in the Dirt Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

How we walk into a room will always carry evidence of our formation. The way we act, if we get big or small, whether our voices soften or louden, if our shoulders hunch or straighten, whether we anticipate acceptance or brace for unbelonging...it all tells a story. A story about something we've lived. In those moments when it feels like you don't fit in and that shame-filled question wells up inside, “why can't I just be normal like everyone else?”, there's always a deeper question: what is your definition of “normal”? Where did it come from, and when did you learn that you did not meet that standard? This conversation with my friend Amina is just so beautiful. Through her story, she shows us that when we read rejection into a room, it's roots can often be traced to pivotal moments of self-rejection in our childhoods that are still living inside of us today. Together, Amina and I process what it really looks like to belong, when to trust the invitation of others, and how to walk into a room as your own friend. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

We are in a series on Faith & Feeling's all about emotional dysregulation. Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It's those moments when everything seems out of sorts. All of us experience emotional dysregulation, but so many of us can get dysregulated without even realizing it. Whether it looks like exploding or imploding, whether it feels like getting really angry or shutting down, dysregulating moments always point to something deeper. Something that needs to be noticed, named, and processed inside of us. How do we begin to notice & listen to what are bodies are trying to tell us? In this conversation with licensed therapist David Floge, we talk about what emotional dysregulation is, what it can feel like in our bodies, and practical ways to self-regulate. This conversation is such a fun combination of clinical insight and personal experience. My hope is that you'll find it practical (and you'll also laugh, because some of the stories that David and I share are really funny!). Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Few things impact your minute-to-minute—life more than emotional dysregulation. Another way to describe this term is the inability to control your insides. It's that unexpected spiral into anger, anxiety, or insecurity. It's what happening inside of you during that unsettling relational interaction. It's what's going on when you burst into tears over losing your keys, or emotionally shut down when you feel like an outsider at a social gathering. A huge misconception about emotional dysregulation is that these overblown or shut-down reactions happen out of nowhere. When we mistake them for isolated events, we may feel embarrassed or perhaps a little perplexed, so we just keep going. We rush past them without a second thought, or we try to move on as fast as possible. However, when big and seemingly illogical emotions, reactions, or behaviors come up in response to something, I'm learning that wisdom looks like slowing down and getting really curious about why we responded that way. There is always a reason why. In this episode, I highlight two key reasons why processing our own moments of dysregulation, and understanding the deeper story, is essential for our spiritual growth and emotional health. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__

Have you ever walked away from a conversation or situation, feeling bewildered or embarrassed, and thought to yourself, “Why on earth did I do (or say) that?” We all have those disproportionate emotional responses to situations that typically wouldn't affect us in such dramatic ways. You know in your head that your reaction was not rational, but your body was living out a different story. The counseling world has a term for these responses: emotional dysregulation. Many of us don't realize that these revved-up reactions tell a story—a story about something we've lived. They point to a deep-seated something that has gone unaddressed in our hearts. In our next podcast series called “Why On Earth Did I Do (Or Say) That?”, I'll be inviting several guests to share a recent story of dysregulation…and together, we trace the deeper story. My hope is that these conversations will create a greater awareness, compassion, and curiosity about your own moments of dysregulation, and what might be underneath. Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTube Grab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm Fine Connect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__