Gathering Gold

Today's very special guest, Michael Alcée, is author of the book The Upside of OCD: Flight the Script to Reclaim Your Life. In our conversation, Michael explains what he means and does not mean when he talks about the "upside" of OCD; why Michael thinks all people with OCD start out as mini-existentialists and poets; and the key missing ingredient in many of our contemporary treatments for OCD. How can OCD be both meaningless and meaningful at the same time? What messages might OCD be trying to deliver to us, if we only know how to listen? All of this and more in today's episode.

It is a common refrain these days: we live in a culture of scarcity mindset. We are bombarded with messages of never enough, implicitly and explicitly warned that there is not enough money, time, attention, or even love for all of us. These messages shift us into fearful perspectives, limiting our ability to see and receive all the goodness around us. In a world where so many people are lacking basic survival needs and systems of care, we wrestle with dueling feelings of fear and guilt, aware that "it could be worse," and yet, struggling to feel into the fullness that we sense is right here, if only we could reach out and touch it. So, what is true abundance? And how do we contact it? That's what we're exploring in today's episode. References: The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu Gathering Gold Bonus Episode: "What's for Dinner?" Documentary Happy (2012) The Soul of Money by Lynn Twist Gathering Gold episode "The Goodness of Ordinary Life"  

We're sharing a Patreon exclusive to our Gathering Gold feed today! In this episode, we're responding to our patron Jenny's question about how to deal with the discomfort and fear that comes along with stretching our comfort zones. We talk about values-based actions, purpose and meaning, our individual window of tolerance, and the importance of self-compassion. Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to gain access to 30+ bonus episodes, with new ones coming out each month! 

Welcome to the 100th episode of Gathering Gold! Today, we take a moment to pause and reflect on what it has meant to commit to this podcast for four years and regularly make trips together to fill up from a well of nourishing waters--waters of deep listening, conversation, reflection, and compassion. We talk about how and why we have tried to make this podcast a refuge, how it has impacted our relationship as family/friends/collaborators, and in what ways it has changed our own behavior and ways of thinking. We hope this episode inspires you to take a moment to pause, appreciate, and reflect on one of your own commitments in life, how it has changed you, and what gold you gather from showing up again and again! 

In contemporary society, we face more choices--and more decisions--than ever before. This can sometimes feel like a curse as much as it is also a blessing, especially for those of us struggle with indecisiveness.  In today's episode, we discuss mindsets around decision-making that can help us find more ease around the little decisions ("What should I order from the menu?") and the big decisions ("Should I quit my job?").  References: Dr. Russ Harris article about hard decisions Sheryl's next round of her course, "Trust Yourself," starting on May 17th The Healing Anxiety Workbook April's Gathering Gold bonus episode for the Patreon: Emotional Support for Spring Cleaning Marie Kondo Happenstance Theory of career development Past Lives (2023) The Serenity Prayer Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

In today's follow-up to the Escape Hatch Fantasies episode, Sheryl and Victoria discuss the double-edged allure of ruminating on what could be? and what could have been?  They discuss the difference between a fantasy and a dream for the future, how to work with the energy of regret, and what we can learn from the film Past Lives (2023) about making space for longing, mystery, and acceptance in the face of our many life choices and experiences.

In preparation for our next episode, we bring to you one of our most popular episodes to date: Escape Hatch Fantasies. Members of our Patreon can submit questions and reflections for our follow-up conversation about escape hatch fantasies at patreon.com/gatheringgold  * * * We all indulge in fantasizing from time to time. Maybe you find yourself scrolling through Zillow looking at houses for sale, even though most of the time you love where you live. Perhaps you have romantic dreams about your ex and wake wondering if it means you should run off into the sunset with them—even though you know you don't really want that in reality. Our imaginations and dreams are beautiful things, and yet sometimes, we find ourselves fixating on a certain escape hatch that we wish could magically deliver us to a version of life without pain, boredom, or anxiety. Certain fantasies might get sticky, causing us distress or interfering with our real lives. So what do we do with persistent escape hatch fantasies that we can't or don't really want to act out?  That's the topic of today's episode. We'll be unpacking two fantasies in particular (living alone in the woods and moving to a faraway city) to ask what longings might lie underneath them, and how we can attend to those longings while respecting our values and choices we've made for our lives.  References: Devotion, Patti Smith Carl Jung The Power of Ritual, Casper ter Kuile Ecstasy, Robert Johnson Inner Work, Robert Johnson Richard Rohr Unspoken podcast interview

"You can read and listen and learn for years, but unless you take actions that create more well-being, you will remain stuck. While accurate information is important and often transformative, it's the compassionate actions we take on our own behalf that create long-lasting, deep-rooted, sustainable change." In today's episode, we introduce a new tool for healing anxiety at the root: Sheryl's forthcoming publication, The Healing Anxiety Workbook.  Over decades of working with individuals struggling with anxiety, Sheryl has identified the pain points that most call out for our attention through the voice of anxiety: disconnection from self, from others, and from the unseen world. In today's episode, we discuss how the inception of this book reflects the very mindsets that ease anxiety; how to deal with perfectionism and anxiety about engaging with a workbook in the first place; and the most important, foundational exercise in this work/play book that Sheryl believes is the key to creating lasting change. Listen through the very end of the episode to learn how you can attend a very special event if you pre-order the book! You can also visit our Patreon to learn about joining us for a Spring Equinox virtual gathering on March 23rd and unlock 30+ bonus episodes! 

Some children and adolescents bound toward the future, excitedly proclaiming, "I can't wait to grow up!"  Others are a bit more unsure--some of us may resist growing up well into our 20s and beyond. Acts of resistance against adulthood can be big or small, noticeable or subtle. Even those who were excited to grow up in childhood may find that fears begin to dampen their enthusiasm as the reality of adult life sinks in. Where do these fears come from? What are some of the core beliefs and emotional experiences that can either hamper or promote our growth and development towards healthy adulthood? All of this in today's episode. References: Gathering Gold: The Father Wound episode with Daev Finn Author Stephen King Carol Dweck and Growth Mindsets

What does it mean to grow up? Is it about arriving at a destination at a specific time, after following the linear formula of job, marriage, house, baby? Or is it an ongoing process of development that happens both internally and externally, rippling through our inner world and shining forth in how we engage with the world? What does it mean to grow up on an emotional level? In this episode, we explore two internal pillars of adulthood that create a foundation for healthy development across the lifespan, and reflect on how building these pillars, brick by brick, can help us to live with more honesty, connection, and peace. References: Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development The Healing Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life, by Jean Baker Miller and Irene Pierce Stiver    

“Energy moves in waves. Waves move in patterns. Patterns move in rhythms. A human being is just that, energy, waves, patterns, rhythms. Nothing more. Nothing less. A dance.” --Gabrielle. Roth Our heartbeat. Our breath. Our steps along the sidewalk. Our life happens in rhythms--breath by breath, heartbeat by heartbeat, step by step. We move in and out of seasons, feel a shift in tempo as our energy levels ebb and flow, fall into connection and disconnection with those around us.  In today's episode, we are exploring what it means to "live in the rhythm" of life, why it can be so hard in our contemporary culture, and how turning towards the natural world can invite us back into a dance that is humane and enlivening.  References: Wise Child, by Monica Furlong Gabrille Roth's 5Rhythms Mark Nepo Kelsy Leonard, "Why lakes and rivers should have the same rights as humans" The Nature of Reading Bookshop Carl Jung's theory of the collective unconscious 

Sometimes, the month of January can start to feel like one long dark night.  Many of us step off the carousel of the holiday season feeling a little dizzy and off-kilter. Some of us might even feel a sense of darkness or despair as we thud back into harsh reality (and, in certain parts of the world, deep winter). We may be teetering between hope and despair; grief and gratitude; anger and acceptance. We may feel faith slipping between our fingers; we may find ourselves craving a good, long sleep. Maybe we're in a dark night of the soul. And in today's episode, we'll unpack why maybe that's okay. References: Elf (2003) St. John of the Cross American Humanist Association Vanessa Zoltan's podcasts: Harry Potter and the Sacred Text, Hot and Bothered, The Real Question, Let's Ask Taylor Swift

In the spirit of the season, we bring to you one of our most popular episodes to date: last year's episode about the Winter Solstice. We are also offering a special 15% off discount for any new Patreon sign-ups with code GOLD24 and are hosting a Winter Solstice gathering for the Meet-Up Members on Sunday, December 22, at 3 pm EST. Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to learn more.  * * * We are approaching the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere. In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark. How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness? How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world? How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty? This is what we invite you to explore with us in today's episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st.  References: Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups) "Darkness and Light" episode "Winter's Paradox" episode  Francis Weller "Effort and Ease" episode

We all know that practicing gratitude is good for us: we've read news articles about groundbreaking research on the benefits of gratitude, purchased gratitude journals, maybe started incorporating gratitude practices into family dinners or even work meetings. So why is it still sometimes so hard to really feel and and experience gratitude in an authentic and enriching way? And what are some pathways to an open heart when our gratitude "motor" is cold? That's what we're unpacking in today's episode. ...And P.S.: We are so grateful for all of you, dear listeners! References: The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World, by Robin Wall Kimmerer “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden  Brother David Steindl Rast A Man on the Inside TV show The Good Place TV show “Gratitude,” by Mary Oliver Meister Eckhart

Leaves are falling from the trees. The world is shifting into hues of gray and brown, into sparseness and clarity. Meanwhile, we are entering into the holiday season. Amidst it all--the darkness and the light, the fatigue and the excitement--how can we stay present for the gifts all around us? Not the gifts wrapped in paper and bows, but the little, everyday miracles: the maple tree still wrapped in orange and golden leaves; the comfort and safety of a heated home; the magic of sharing a meal with good friends.  In today's episode, Victoria shares reflections on receiving and honoring the gift of presence.  References: "The Power of the Pause" Gathering Gold episode Brother David Steindl-Rast Sheryl's blog post, “Holiday Pain and Gratitude”   

"There are times of heightened fear. And there are times when there is a lot of fear in the greater collective, in the culture. And I do think that one of our ultimate tasks, one of our ultimate spiritual tasks as human beings, in these bodies, is to work with fear and its opposite, which is love, but also is trust." In today's episode, Sheryl shares wisdom about grounding ourselves during uncertain and anxious times and guides us through a practice of connecting to our hearts, our minds, and our spirits.

“I can tell you the names of Taylor Swift's parents, but not my great-grandparents.” Can you relate to Victoria's admission in today's episode? Many of us have lost connection with our ancestors. Or rather, that connection was severed even before we were born, by cultural conditions that de-prioritize relationships in general, and familial bonds in particular.  And: connecting to the unseen realm of ancestors goes beyond learning about our genealogy. We can draw strength and comfort from imaginal grandmothers, mythological archetypes, and even fictional characters that have helped shape us into who we are or who we will become. In today's episode, Sheryl shares reflections on both why and how to re-connect with the branches and leaves of our family trees to find new, ancient allies in the unseen realm.  Let your ancestors hold your worry, offer you their prayers, and anchor you in this autumnal season when the veil between the living and the dead is thin. References: Coco (2017) James Martin, Jesuit priest Lalah Delia “Dancing in the Dark” Bruce Springsteen "It Had to Be You," Tony Bennett “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” B. J. Thomas "We Don't Talk About Bruno" from Encanto

Sometimes, it all feels like too much: too much responsibility, too many expectations, too much sensation, too many feelings, too much hyper-vigilance. In these moments, we can be enveloped by a feeling of overwhelm. Sometimes, things really are just too much. Some things needs to give. Systems need to change. And, sometimes we pause for a moment to scan our inner world and find that certain mindsets, storylines, and habitual patterns are exacerbating or even creating the sense of overwhelm. Perhaps there is an emotional undercurrent of turmoil related to past trauma, family patterns, or conditioning. Maybe our perfectionist is making every molehill into a mountain. Might we be resisting asking for or receiving help that could make a task more manageable? In today's episode, we explore ways to sort through the various pieces of the overwhelm puzzle to help us carve a path forward when we are feeling stumped and stranded. Bit by bit, piece by piece, you can do it. We know you can.

Meaning making. Connecting to breath. Aligning with nature. So many actions, big and small, can help us dig a little deeper into the soil of time, anchor ourselves against the buffeting winds of change and demands, especially as we shift into a new season.   We recorded this conversation in front of a live virtual audience of Patreon community members, opening up the second half of the episode for group discussion on the topic of rooting into autumn.  We are so grateful to the insightful, compassionate members who added their wisdom about steadying ourselves amidst the busy-ness of autumn. How will you send some energy to your roots today? References: Rooted, by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

We often resist doing things that we know are good for us—including inner work. We attend one therapy session and then stop showing up. We drag our heels on the way to yoga class. We let our journal grow dusty in the corner. Our resistance to change and to effort gets the best of our intention to grow. Today, we are exploring some of the voices and characters of resistance—including the inner child, inner teenager, and Wise Self—as well as the hidden benefits within resistance. How can we work with the energy of digging in our heels or pushing up against something hard, and learn to embrace its vital role in our personal journey? This is what we are unpacking in today's episode. References: Sheryl's upcoming course: Break Free from Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living (registration open now; course starts September 22, 2024) Sheryl's book The Wisdom of Anxiety A League of Their Own  (1992)

By nature or nurture, or some combination of the two, some of us are chronically risk averse–especially if we struggle with anxiety. While some cautiousness can be healthy, extreme risk aversion can keep us from engaging with the world deeply, living our values, and just plain enjoying life. By taking risks, we learn more about ourselves and the world. And by learning more about ourselves and the world, we learn how to take more intentional, skillful, and enriching risks.  In today's episode, we explore some of the inner templates that make it challenging for us to take risks, and how we can reframe healthy risk-taking as an exciting part of life and an essential part of personal growth.  References: Gathering Gold Patreon Community Recent episodes: "Why It's Hard to Receive Good Things," "Adding Good Things," and "Living IRL" Perennials Podcast episode "Lights Up with Felicia Russell"

Our relationship with screens, digital devices, and online media is complicated. On the one hand, we can gain so much valuable information and connection in a way that is more accessible to more people. On the other hand, we can get sucked in a vortex of information overload, analysis paralysis, social comparison, and doom scrolling.  In today's episode, we discuss how to ensure that we are still living IRL, in real life, using our devices as tools to help us engage more deeply with the world, not as substitutes for living. We also discuss some of the blocks and obstacles to disentangling our attention from our screens and living our values through intentional action: discomfort, awkwardness, fear, and being out of practice, to name a few. Whether planting a seed in a pot, having a courageous conversation with a loved one, or visiting a new city, there are so many ways to disentangle our attention from online media long enough to try something new and see what happens. We invite you to reflect with us on your own values and desires to engage with life IRL. 

In our last episode, we talked about why it can be hard to receive good things. Today, we are discussing the importance of actively adding good things to our lives.  It can be easy to focus on all of the problems, challenges, and hardships we are facing, and to assume that if we could just remove those, then we could experience a greater sense of wellbeing. And while there are certainly times to focus on removal of things that are hurting us, there is also great power in pouring our attention into adding goodness: adding more fruits and vegetables onto our plate, adding more visits with friends, adding encouraging thoughts into our inner dialogue. And sometimes, we find that the more good things we add, the easier it is for old painful habits to fall away.  This can, of course, bring up feelings of “easier said than done.” In today's episode, we discuss how to work with some of the obstacles to adding good things, from self-judgment to low motivation.  References: Recent Gathering Gold episodes: "Summer Solstice" and "Why it's Hard to Receive Good Things" Pema Chödrön, “No big deal” Rob Bell's podcast  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy The Many Lives of Mama Love, by Lara Love Hardin Sheryl's book, The Wisdom of Anxiety Carl Rogers' teaching on unconditional positive regard

Today's episode was requested by one of our lovely Patreon members, who asked us to talk about why it can be hard to receive good things, and how to do so with more ease. In this conversation, we discuss some of the stumbling blocks to the unfettered gratitude that we desire: blocks including guilt, shame, fear, and distrust. And, we discuss how we can orient ourselves towards more receptivity, reciprocity, courage, and openheartedness. References: It's a Wonderful Life (1946) Robin Wall Kimmerer's upcoming book, The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World Gilmore Girls Perennials Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K Evans

We continue our deep dive into themes from Sheryl's new audio collection Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, with an exploration of the terrifying undertow of panic attacks.  Sheryl shares how panic attacks have grabbed her in the ocean, in elevators, while driving, and at nightfall. She introduces the Greek mythological Pan, and gives us a sneak peek into how she befriended the god of pandemonium, which she unpacks in more depth in Thresholds.  We talk about the subtle shades of light and shadow that can evoke panic, and the roots of trauma from which panic may grow. And we discuss how both on-the-spot tools and deep therapeutic work can help us to move through fear and into life. For 10% off your purchase of Thresholds, enter code Gold10 at check out. Patrons of Gathering Gold can receive 20% off with a code that we shared on our Patreon page. References: Pan: the Greek god Dare, by Barry McDonagh "Imagine," by John Lennon "All Things Must Pass," by George Harrison

Sheryl and Victoria take a pause from exploring themes of Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, in order to honor the Summer Solstice.  Sheryl explains why it is so important to honor these season portals, and receive their goodness. Sheryl and Victoria reflect on their previous episode about Summer from three years ago, and discuss why Sheryl was so focused on loss, nostalgia, and grief at that time. Victoria unpacks how she has grown stronger in using her voice since that episode aired. Together, Sheryl and Victoria lean into the joyful, abundant, and juicy invitations of summer, while acknowledging the diversity of thematic invitations that each season holds. References: Gathering Gold episode about Summer from June 2021   Find the exact time of Summer Solstice where you are   Gathering Gold Patreon Summer Solstice Meet-Up: June 23   The Power of the Pause episode   The Hidden Gifts in Slowing Down episode   Sheryl's first book, The Conscious Bride   Patreon visualization: Practice Joy

Sheryl has entered a new era in her parenting life: an era of letting go. Today's episode continues a series exploring themes from Sheryl's new audiobook, Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, with a conversation about parenting. As Sheryl's sons have grown into teenagers, and one has flown the nest (…literally!), Sheryl has welcomed grief, gratitude, and new beginnings.  Offering personal stories about some of the hardest and most joyful moments in her midlife parenting journey, Sheryl reminds parents to turn towards trust—trust in their children, in Mother Earth, and in life's unfolding.  Thresholds is available now!  References: Sheryl's Trust Yourself course The Frugal Friends podcast, episode “How to Keep Your Garden Alive with Nicole Johnsey Burke”

Today, we're announcing an exciting new offering from Sheryl: a beautiful audiobook entitled Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, which will be available next month!  In today's episode, we share sneak peeks and talk about the seeds of inspiration for this compendium of dreams, poems, stories, and reflections. We discuss myths about midlife, a major decision that Sheryl faced about the direction of her work, and themes of visibility, vitality, self-trust, and leaning into a more feminine way.  References: The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk

Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair.  This is the rhythm of all close relationships—even the relationship between Sheryl and Victoria, as we discuss (gingerly, with care) in today's episode. In any relationship, if we get close enough, we will eventually experience a rupture. We make mistakes, we let each other down, we hurt, and then, with courage, self-awareness, and a foundation of love, we can heal.  Yet it is no small task to skillfully traverse ruptures and repairs. As Sheryl explains in today's episode, “we become de-sensitized to the experience of a guarded heart, and we skirt away from doing whatever is required to bring us back to full trust and full closeness.”  Through deeply personal stories of her own experiences in this realm, Sheryl shares some of the guiding principles that can help us to navigate our differences with honesty and love, and find our way back to each other.  References: Being Well podcast episode with Sue Johnson Dialectical Behavior Therapy Mindfulness

The wild has been banished, pushed to the edges of civilization, pushed to the edges of psyche. Wolves and coyotes, bears and bobcats, rage and sexuality and messiness and imperfection have all been relegated to the outskirts. We long for wildness. We long for freedom and aliveness, creativity and authenticity.  And yet, we might also fear wildness—the way it can control us. The way we can burn others and be burned by it. How do we get in touch with our wild parts, and integrate them with the rest of us? How do we find healthy containers in which to explore our creativity, our dreams, our true voice, our boundaries? This is what we are exploring in today's episode. References: Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant, Emily Dickinson Doubt (2008)  Everything Belongs podcast episode: "The First Half of Life" Silvy Khoucasian (Relationship Coach): Instagram handle  Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

In today's episode, we hear a very special guest's story of managing fertility anxiety while trying to conceive for many months. Sarah shares her experience of desperately wanting to get pregnant and deeply fearing it would never happen. Along the way, we discuss finding supportive healthcare providers, learning to navigate sex when trying to conceive, meeting our own or our partner's ambivalence about parenthood, and more. Sarah Koestner is a transformational life coach who was a beloved moderator on Sheryl's online forum for many years. You can learn mare about her and her coaching work at www.sarahkoestner.com/ References: Pachamama  Perennials Episode: True Love with Sarah Koestner

In today's episode, Sheryl reflects on the liminal time between winter and spring, and the way that this season emphasizes a certain truth about life: that joy and grief are intimately, irrevocably connected. That we experience not grief, then joy, not life, then death, but all of it, together, always.  "We think linearly--but maybe, that's not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it's spring that reveals these cross-sections." References: Sheryl's blog post "Fear Distorts Perception"  

The spring equinox is a moment of symmetry and balance; the sun sits exactly above the equator, and we experience an equal amount of daylight and darkness. In today's episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people. We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning.  References: Quote from Madeleine L'Engle's A Swiftly Tilting Planet. Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio The Age of Adeline (2015) Groundhog Day (1993) How Stuff Works article "Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?" by Dave Roos The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

Today's episode was inspired by a recent post that Sheryl shared on Instagram about trauma collisions in longterm relationships. In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them.  Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns.  We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy. References: Sheryl's IG post about trauma collisions Love and Awakening, John Welwood Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) Attachment theory Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson Sue Johnson's workbooks and video series Rilke quote about those in marriage being "the guardian of the other's solitude.”

You just sat down with a cup of tea and a good book. You're deeply invested in the plot and sinking into glorious alone time, when suddenly, you hear footsteps. Your partner appears in the room.  “What's for dinner?” they ask.  Your entire body is instantly flooded with one feeling: irritation.  It's a feeling that we all have from time to time, including with the people we love most in the world: our partners, family members, and friends. And yet, we can easily feel jolted by irritation or annoyance. “Oh no,” we might say to our selves. “What's wrong with me/them/our relationship that I feel this way? Aren't I supposed to always feeling loving, patient, and kindly towards them?” In today's episode, we're exploring irritation in relationships, and what it might be pointing to when our skin crawls in response to the way our partner loads the dishwasher—or, God forbid, when a parent asks, “How was your day?” And of course, we look for the gold shimmering just underneath this seemingly ungracious emotion. References: Sheryl's blog post: "When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner"

The month of January is named after the Roman god Janus: the god of the doorway. Janus was said to have two faces: one looking ahead, and one looking behind.  We are now in the liminal month of January, moving between two years and looking forward and backward just like Janus. In today's episode, Sheryl encourages us to meet this liminality with curiosity and compassion. Though we may feel off-kilter and groundless, though we may be full of questions, there is gold to gather in this month of doorways. What doorways might you meet this month? What gold might you gather? References: Sheryl's blog post "January: the Liminal Month" The Nature of Reading book shop Looking for the Hidden Folk, by Nancy Marie Brown The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore

In today's episode, we return gently to sacred ground: the ground of our sexuality.  Last January, we explored what it means to own our sexual sovereignty through reclaiming our right and ability to say no. Today, we begin uncovering our inherent yes, which was likely shamed early in our lives. Sheryl encourages us to gently orient ourselves back towards our innate curiosity, belief in our own goodness, and appreciation for our bodies and beauty. We embrace the power of sharing stories of early sexual exploration, as participants of Sheryl's Sacred Sexuality course do throughout the program. And we reflect on the importance of making room for fear, seeking out helpful educational materials, and finding our own unique relationship to sexuality, not trying to fit into an externally-prescribed template. Learn more about Sheryl's Sacred Sexuality course, which starts January 13th, on her website.  References: Last year's Gathering Gold "Sexual Sovereignty" episode Sheryl's Sacred Sexuality course Sheryl's blog post, “We Have Forgotten Who We are” https://conscious-transitions.com/we-have-forgotten-who-we-are/ The Chalice and the Blade, by Riane Eisler Barbie film (2023) Beautiful Dreamers film (1990) Walt Whitman Gathering Gold "Fairy Tales by the Fireside" episode Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, by Vanessa Marin Emily Dickinson poem, “Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant”

In this special episode, Sheryl's husband Daev Finn joins the show to continue our seasonal exploration of wintry themes. A psychotherapist who uses the metaphor of myth and fairy tales in his work, Daev offers his perspective on the Brothers Grimm telling of "Briar Rose" (otherwise known as "Sleeping Beauty"). Daev, Sheryl, and Victoria read the tale aloud, then share their reflections on themes of slumber, sexuality, growing up, and banishment. Daev offers perspective on the history of myths and fairytales and their problematic parts, Sheryl reflects on the treatment of powerful women in patriarchal narratives, and Victoria muses on how this tale cautions us to rethink banishing our inner "thirteenth fairy." Find Daev on Instagram @followyourmyth References: "Briar Rose" text Disney film Maleficent (2014) The myths of Psyche, Persephone, and Perceval  The entitled prince vs. positive prince role models: Aladdin, Luke Skywalker, Kristoff from Frozen (2013) French author Charles Perrault Moana (2016) The story of the Buddha  Protagonists with self-agency: "Hansel and Gretel", Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter A non-binary hero(ine) in literature: Orlando, by Virginia Woolf Modern myth-makers Neil Gaiman, Joseph Campbell, and George Lucas Music in this episode: Gathering Gold theme music by Jarrett Farkas "Glacier" by SalmonLikeTheFish

We are approaching the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere. In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark. How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness? How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world? How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty? This is what we invite you to explore with us in today's episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st.  References: Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups) Darkness and Light episode Winter's Paradox episode  Francis Weller Effort and Ease episode

We all know the feeling: jitters before a birthday party. Melting into the wall during a wedding reception. Obsessing over that awkward hug you gave at the potluck. Everyone has their moments of social anxiety, but some of us suffer with it more chronically, perhaps managing a mixture of avoidance and overcompensation. We might worry that we are too quiet or too loud, too boring or too obnoxious—somehow just not right. Our fear of others' judgment interweaves with our own harsh inner critic.  While humans are apt to underestimate how much people like us, we also all have had experiences of rejection that left scars. Highly sensitive people, introverted people, and people with anxiety have our own particular fear of being shunned because of our difference.  In today's episode, Sheryl shares stories of her own past social scars that have contributed to social anxiety across her life, from getting kicked out a clique in fifth grade to feeling invisible in her synagogue in recent years. In this conversation, we dig into the soil of social anxiety to find the gems hidden under layers of sediment: our genuineness and our capacity to care and love. References: Episode of Hidden Brain, “How Others See You” Matt Haig quote: “Never be cool. Never try to be cool. Never worry what the cool people think. Head for the warm people. Life is warmth. You'll be cool when you're dead.”

Highly sensitive people bring many gifts to work, and we also face unique challenges—including a persistent longing to bridge the gap between our ideals and the reality of our work life. Whether we are full-time caregivers, lawyers, teachers, baristas, artists, or project managers, we might wonder: am I on the right path? Do I belong in this field? Might the grass be greener somewhere else? We have also been conditioned to believe that our work, our career, is a reflection of our worthiness. This can keep us stuck in a myriad of ways: we might fear that we don't deserve to even try for a career that we're deeply interested in, or we might struggle to leave a role that isn't a good fit simply because it's prestigious.  In today's episode, we're exploring questions around work and career anxiety, including how to show up fully in a good enough job, and how to manage anxiety when it's time to make a career transition. 

The witching hour: a time in the middle of the night when we sometimes wake from a potent dream or nightmare, eyes wide in the darkness, heart and body filled with something--fear or grief, regret or restlessness, poems or prayers. In today's episode, we discuss this mysterious portal and how we might find gold glittering in the darkest hours before dawn. References: “Dedicated to the One I Love,” by the Mamas and the Papas Britannica definition of “Witching Hour” Wise Child, by Monica Furlong  Dreamworker Jeremy Taylor Sheryl's blog posts about "The Witching Hour," with cited comment by Kim 

In today's special episode, Sheryl shares her story of navigating a major transition over the past year: ushering her eldest son out of the nest and into college far from home.   Sheryl shares passages from her journal that detail how she rode the waves of grief, reached for support, and found relief after bringing Everest to school and adjusting to home life without him.   And, she and Victoria discuss some of the pillars that hold up highly sensitive people during the micro and momentous transitions throughout life.   References: Elizabeth Bishop's poem “One Art” Khalil Gibran's poem “Your children are not your children” 

We hope you enjoy today's "Golden Nugget" mini-episode! We're sharing a voicemail from our lovely listener Olivia, who asked the question that inspired our episode Expectations, Emotions, and Very Big Days. Listen in to hear what happened for Olivia and her partner after she submitted her question, listened to the episode, and sat with the uncertainty of how to approach her wedding day and marriage anxieties. Visit our Patreon to learn more about submitting voicemails and enjoying future Golden Nugget mini-sodes: www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

Many of us feed our shame with the very food that makes it grow: criticism and cruelty that inspires deeper disconnection and despair. We think that we can control and punish ourselves into perfection, that we can banish our exiled parts into the shadowlands and transcend hurt and vulnerability. And yet, if we take the risk to feed our shame with love, acceptance, and compassion, we will see what's underneath: a young, soft part of ourselves who is here to help us heal. How do we find that love and compassion and heal our shame? This is what we explore in today's episode. References: Feeding Your Demons Queer Eye Heartstopper Sap and Feel Good Sounds True webinar about Internal Family Systems (with Elizabeth Gilbert and Jonathan Van Ness) Harm reduction movement  Ted Lasso Never Have I Ever Dr. Kristin Neff Carl Rogers

Everyone feels shame at one time or another. For some of us, shame is an occasional or even rare experience. It's an awful feeling, but manageable. For others, shame is a state that we are particularly prone to; our shame gets activated quickly and intensely. We might even walk around in a haze of free-floating shame, inhaling it with the air we breathe.  In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria explore shame and some of its shifting forms: shame as a creature of the dark that hides out in our innermost places, that flees when we attempt to bring it into the light. Shame as a voice we hear deep inside, convincing us that we don't deserve love and belonging. Shame as a cloak, shielding us from the vulnerability of exposure and visibility. Join us in this episode to tug at the cloak and take a peek at what's underneath. References: Break Free from Anxiety 9-month course "The Good Girl and the Inner Teenager" episode Sheryl's most recent blog post: "Healing Shame is One of the Keys to Healing Anxiety" Sheryl's "You Are Loved" MP3 Shame Spiral podcast Harriet Lerner Feeding Your Demons: Ancient Wisdom for Resolving Inner Conflict, by Tsultrim Allione Andrea Gibson on double suffering Jen Campbell talking about queer coding and disability coding in Disney Sheryl's Sacred Sexuality course Untamed by Glennon Doyle

Today's episode is from the Gathering Gold Patreon Bonus Episode vault! Sheryl and Victoria address a question from Olivia, who is considering marriage with her partner. Olivia's family expects a big wedding, but she dreads being the center of attention. Also...she has some fears about making this forever commitment. Though Olivia's question is about marriage, the themes in this episode will resonate with anyone currently facing a big transition, like Sheryl and Victoria: right now, Sheryl is preparing to bring her eldest son to college for the first time, and Victoria is wrapping up her last few days at the job she has held for the past nine years. Stay tuned for reflections to come on these big milestones.  **** Click here to learn about our Patreon, and here to register for Sheryl's 9-month course: Break Free from Anxiety. 

Everything we do requires some effort. We wake up in the morning, and from that point forward, we exert effort, starting with getting out of bed and brushing our teeth. In our society, it is easy to think of effort as synonymous with drudgery, exhaustion, and an attitude of "never enough." Because of this, we also have a complicated relationship with ease: we struggle to rest, and to trust ease. We often stumble from overexertion into numbing out. Humans seem to be happiest when we find a flow between effort and ease, a satisfactory relationship with trying and allowing, practicing and surrendering. How do we come to cultivate that symbiotic relationship in our lives? How do we find that flow? This is what we explore in today's episode. References: Mindset, by Carol Dweck Taylor Swift commencement speech at NYU Taylor Swift's "Mirrorball" Tricia Hersey's The Nap Ministry Hannah Morris Bouldering YouTube channel

In today's solo episode, Victoria responds to Patreon Community questions about resistance to growing up and learning to connect to our wants, needs, and values. Sharing anecdotes from her life, she reflects on core fears and beliefs inside the aversion to responsibility and adulthood, and discusses gentle approaches to examining the invitations inside our existential anxieties. She also shares approaches to developing a stronger relationship with ourselves, even when we feel very disconnected, and to making decisions while holding space for ambivalence. References: Perennials Podcast The four givens of existential psychotherapy Section from Walt Whitman's Song of Myself: “I contain multitudes” “Make a decision, then make it right” Instagram post Window of tolerance  Being in a state of "flow" Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet  

You may be familiar with the inner child and the inner adult, but when was the last time you thought about your inner teenager? In today's episode, we're exploring what qualities this often-forgotten inner part brings to the table. And, we're exploring why those of us who grew up trying to embody the “good girl” might have struggled to fully tap into the potential of our inner teenager. The characters are seemingly at odds: as Sheryl explains, if the good girl is all about saying yes, the inner teenager is all about saying no. But with our loving adult at the helm, ready to guide both the child and the teenager to safety and freedom, what might they have to learn from each other? And what might they have to teach us now?  All this, and more, in today's conversation.    References:  Little Women Play adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank Gathering Gold Purity & Perfectionism episode Gathering Gold Sexual Sovereignty episode  Mae Martin's SAP A Midsummer Night's Dream Gathering Gold Summer episode Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher 

Studies suggest that about 85% of what we worry about never happens. And yet, for many of us, worrying is a way of life. It is our go-to response when we face uncertainty or perceive a threat to something or someone we care about deeply.  In today's episode, Sheryl shares personal reflections on her relationship to worry as her eldest son Everest embarks on the hardest challenge he has ever faced. She has a thousand reasons to worry, but an even more important reason to break the habit, and tap into another way of expressing her unshakeable love for her son, and her abiding trust in this life.  In this conversation, we spend time in the realm of spirit and sky, feeling into the mystery of trust and surrender. And, we spend time planted into the earth, focusing on the things we can control, where we place our attention, and choices we make about which thoughts and actions to water and grow.