Poorly Summarized

A twenty-something Reddit user discovers not every household is equipped with a poop knife, former Facebook VP apologizes for initializing the downfall of civilization, and a Thai cosmetic surgery shop makes headlines for its penis bleaching.

Trump reassures the nation of his mental stability through a series of unhinged tweets, the New York Times throws shade at deceased Mormon president, and Mike and Justin discuss media bias and echo chambers.

Russian immigrants “ruin” grits, Justin corrects his philosophy on tipping, Mike introduces a new pornographic genre to a crowd, and Donald Trump eats like a poor person’s idea of a rich person.

Mike and Justin discuss the ethics of onanism, patriotism and various other isms.

Mike visits a gay bar and learns exactly how hot (or not) he is, Roy Moore almost becomes a senator, woman claims she’s had sex with 20 ghosts, and John learns to use food to assert his control over a Boy Scout.

Trumped Up returns.

Mike and Justin discuss birth, death and hypothetical gay sex.

Roy Moore, Louis C.K., Boy Scout miscellany and 280-character tweets.

Mike describes a faith discussion cut short with an estranged friend and the Boy Scouts of America’s new policy allowing girls to participate.

The guys take a week off and fill the void with an episode from our Patrons-only podcast, Mike’s Mission Journal.

Mike and Justin explore the line between honesty and provocation.

Trump offers his thoughts on the Las Vegas massacre, Mike defends politicizing a tragedy, California school flutes get contaminated with semen given to California students, and an historic grain silo is converted into cylindrical art galleries. Special Guest: Joshua Leigh Wolfe.

BYU students get caffeinated soda, NFL players’ protests are contrasted with Tim Tebow’s prayerful touchdown celebrations, and ‘hepeating’ is the new mansplaining.

Trump calls out racists on Twitter, the Mad Pooper terrorizes Colorado Springs, 12 ways to know you’re brainwashed, sign language interpreter falls back on gibberish, and subversive MTA ads make a point. Special Guest: Kael Alden.

Ted Cruz’s Twitter account likes a porn video, Florida sheriff warns against shooting into the hurricane, alt-right violence is compared to “communist flag wavers”, a date goes south after a bathroom mishap, and Katerina Kamprani creates utterly useless art objects. Special Guest: Konrad Vernor.

Bo shares his dogspotting philosophy, Trump makes a repeat visit to Houston, Mayor Elijah Daniel outlaws heterosexuality in Hell, Mike argues about ghosts with an old acquaintance, poorly delivered package traps couple in apartment, Bored Panda finds art in worn-out everyday things. Special Guest: Bo Quintana.

President Trump gives a jaw-dropping speech in Houston, non-religious people are more likely to drop f-bombs on Facebook, Ann Coulter blames Hurricane Harvey on Houston's lesbian mayor, Justin Bieber unfollows Floyd Mayweather in the name of Christ, and Michelangelo sketches in a secret chamber. Special Guests: Cecil and Tom.

Trump gives an unhinged speech in Arizona; llama jumps fence to chase bear away from farm ducks, then goes to golf course; flat Earthers resolutely stare directly into the sun; New York cops keep corpses in MTA break rooms; and Fernando Abellanas builds a secret work studio. Special Guest: Mark.

Trump blames “many sides” for the nation’s racial turmoil, YouTube becomes overrun with fake Peppa Pig videos, the Egyptian pyramids are compared to confederate statues as symbols of slavery, crown shyness is explained, and Mike reveals his Achilles’ heel. Special Guest: Michael Stemle.

Mariani chastises Mike for the texting in a theater of it all, President Trump visits the Boy Scouts of America, Utah man kills his wife on cruise after she laughed at him, nuclear warfare is compared to “big government” policies, and the Ottomans build ornate birdhouses. Special Guest: E. Nicholas Mariani.

Mike discusses techniques for getting high on the cheap, inanimate object arousal, his recent family reunion, how he felt when he learned he had a son on the way, and whether Scaramucci is a great thing that happened to this country or the greatest thing to have ever happened to this country.

Trump empathizes about health insurance costs, a free wi-fi provider stipulates ridiculously onerous terms and conditions, Kate Upton’s good looks “prove” the divinity of Jesus, Walmart begins selling fruit punch pickles, and Louis Kahn builds a floating concert hall. Special Guest: Joshua Leigh Wolfe.

Donald Trump Jr. and Chipotle are on the ropes, R. Kelly starts a sex cult, Mike contemplates the origins of the universe, slime-filled eel truck overturns on U.S. 101 in Oregon, and Marta Minujín builds a replica of the Parthenon out of banned books. Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Trump Jr.’s emails hint at light treason, a fox has been pissing on the bureau of meteorology’s rain gauge, Nazism is wrongly compared to Islam, fish are becoming transgender, and SFMOMA gets a chat bot. Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.

David Beckham is outed as a familial lip kisser, a religious group thinks silent reading parties are a sign of the Apocalypse, “our” ancestors “adopted” the country’s “culture”, Zillow sues McMansion Hell, and Blake Fall-Conroy builds a minimum wage machine. Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen, Liam O’Donnell, and Simon Tonev.

The New York Times catalogues all of Trump’s lies, a deluded “breatharian” couple claims to survive without food, Mark Whelan posts an All Lives Matter meme (some conditions apply), 7 percent of Americans think brown cows make chocolate milk, and Mexico City combats sexual violence on the metro with an artisanal “penis seat”. Special Guests: Sarah Rice and Susie Meister.

Facebook launches support for GIF comments, Justin encounters a greater pedant, the wall is getting solar panels, Mike playacts in a diner, The Activist Mommy encourages back-door emoji self-exploration, and Brett Foxwell animates the decomposition of wood.

Mike brings a baby to the movies, Trump’s cabinet members take turns praising their Dear Leader, Facebook users troll Roy Moore with the Pride reaction, The Joker can’t understand why school children are “allowed” to “curse like sailors”, umbilical cord art is a thing, Royal de Luxe builds gigantic marionettes. Special Guest: Jeff Mac.

Spicer defends ‘covfefe’ tweet, Portland burrito cart closes after owners are accused of cultural appropriation, Joshua Feuerstein is triggered by rainbow fries, Arizona man wears colander on head for driver’s license photo, and Mike contemplates getting an Everett Ruess tattoo. Special Guest: Adam Bates.

Richard Spencer has a rough time at the gym, Trump's alleged ties to Russia are compared and contrasted against Obama's purported ties to the Muslim Brotherhood, a demolition crew accidentally tears down the wrong building, Mike pushes his friend off a ledge, and Edoardo Tresoldi builds a pavillion out of wire. Special Guest: Cory Johnston.

Trump pays tribute to the Almighty Glowing Orb, real Finnish girls “ride” fake horses, David French bemoans the feminization of all things, Texas man sues his date for texting during a movie, spite houses annoy neighbors around the world, and an obedient missionary threatens to enforce the rules at knifepoint. Special Guest: Steve Blizin.

The Donald leaks ‘code word’ information to the Russians, unbalanced brits have an avocado mishap, conservatives defend confederate monuments, Ikea tote bags are put to myriad uses, Hamburg gets a new cultural center, and Justin’s account gets cloned. Special Guest: Kody Frederick.

Sean Spicer hides in the bushes, a Heineken beer ad goes viral, a ‘conservative’ meme offers anti-rape tips to victims, KFC publishes a romance novel, Chybik Kristof builds a plastic chair–clad showroom, and Mike manages his Tourette’s with this one weird trick. Special Guest: Teresa Sheffield.

Steve Bannon writes a musical, Mike’s buddies beat up Vanilla Ice, showing your butt in beautiful landscapes is now a thing, Al Gore's mansion lacks solar panels, someone in Virginia is shaving other people’s cats, and the Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library has no windows. Special Guests: Benjamin R. Cohen and Simon Tonev.

Trump touts his progress made against his 100-day plan, a hopeful teen is 15 million tweets short of a lifetime supply of Wendy’s chicken nuggets, Brickl Bros. are hiring construction workers (‘snowflakes’ need not apply), bewildered beaver becomes accidental leader of 150 curious cows, a Japanese Pufferfish uses ‘art’ to attract a mate, and Marcel Duchamp signs a toilet. Special Guest: Dan Hill.

Oregon man dies peacefully after being lied to about Donald Trump's impeachment, Alabama Senate says church can start its own police force, John Burk shares his selfies and his regressive ideology, Facebook streams a murder, and Doug Wheeler builds a semi-anechoic chamber in a ‘hidden’ room at the Guggenheim. Special Guest: David the Producer.

Sean Spicer explores Godwin’s law, United Airlines unveils its new ‘Hunger Games’ fare class, a missing Oxford comma may cost Oakhurst Dairy $10M, Cleveland releases ‘asteroid field’ of 1.5M helium balloons, and a German computer repair technician pushes the boundaries of consent. Special Guest: Adam Christopher.

Mike experiences a zipper malfunction at a baptism, Phone Romeos in India look for love via wrong numbers, Pat Robertson resents at-will employment, Spiders could theoretically eat every human on Earth in one year, and David Neevel creates a Trump tweet-burning robot. Special Guest: Josh Wade.

Carrie recounts her various religious conversions, Paul Ryan has a healthcare Freudian slip, Facebook cracks down on fake news, male lawmakers contemplate women's health legislation, the Ten Commandments may be coming back to an Oklahoma courthouse, and Arinze Stanley draws insanely realistic portraits. Special Guest: Carrie Poppy.

Trump takes credit for Kaepernick's shaky employment situation, your beard (probably) doesn't contain poop after all, Palin shares a meme articulating the differences between liberals and conservatives, Josh Chubbs performs cut-rate circumcisions in his cabin in the woods, and Jennifer Bolande restores mountain vistas one billboard at a time. Special Guest: Matthew Van Dyke.

Team Trump issues a flawed St. Patrick's Day hat, a new Texas bill seeks to curb men's superfluous emissions, the US Army doesn't work for the 'brother of ISIS' anymore, the Jawzrsize promises to strengthen your jawline, and Rachel Sussman takes kintsugi to the streets of New York. Special Guest: Joe Sondow.

Sean Spicer fails at Twitter, porn star gives up adult filmmaking to become a pastor, flag desecration laws are unconstitutional, theater refuses to show 'Beauty and the Beast' over alleged 'gay moment', and Jimenez Lai draws cartoon buildings in section.

Pence gets in trouble for conducting publics business with his personal AOL account, PwC botches the Oscars finale, an image depicting 'the future that liberals want' goes viral, a disgruntled Texas family writes an honest obituary, Mike eulogizes his father, and a fastidious sculptor carves the growth rings out of trees. Special Guest: Ahmad Philips.

Thousands protest Trump's immigration policy on 'A Day without Immigrants', an enterprising chiropractor patents labia glue as tampon alternative, Norman Rockwell paintings might be subliminal erotica, frozen hair selfies are sweeping the Yukon, a photographer captures New York Times covers, and Mike picks up a new habit. Special Guest: Margaret Dodge.

Mike discovers cappuccino, Donald Trump surveys the public about the media's credibility, Wolf Blitzer makes un-funny jokes about tragic murder, Utah Republican enumerates the unintended consequences of equal pay laws, 74-year-old man gets entire church high on weed cookies, website tracks space junk. Special Guest: Seán McGuire.

The TSA tries to catch obvious terrorists, science identifies the serial killer pattern, a meme depicts the bible's teachings about immigration, MIT explores the morality of murderous self-driving cars, and Russian garbage becomes art. Special Guest: Jonathan Nadel.

The crew takes a moment of silence for the Bowling Green massacre, an elderly woman licks eyeballs for money, UC Berkeley students protest a troll, scientists create a human-pig hybrid, and a Dutch artist creates a new "species". SHOW NOTES Trumped up “Forget about religion” Bowling Green massacre “Pray for Arnold” “Fear of Muslims is RATIONAL” Stupid Shit UC Berkeley and Nazis Weekly Stories Elderly woman licks eyeballs Human-pig hybrid Eye Candy Wind powered machines   Special Guests: Sarah Rice and Susie Meister.

Sean Spicer goes ham on Dippin‘ Dots, Richard Spencer takes one in the jaw, Mike explains the inherent sexism of chivalry, inventors streamline bacon cooking, and Joey considers in-skull mechanical locusts! SHOW NOTES Follow-up 65 foot Snow Corridor in Japan Trumped up Sean Spicer Tweets passwords Sean Spicer hates Dippin’ Dots Trump uses private gmail account ‘Ungrateful traitor’ Stupid Shit Stop male oppression! Weekly Stories Richard Spencer gets punched in the face Richard Spencer debate Bacon toaster Eye Candy Anatomical wire sculptures Special Guest: Joey Alison Sayers.

Maryland public school social media coordinator gets fired for an educational tweet gone viral, Mike explains the “contradiction” between climate change and a snowball, and Steve presents 2016’s most offensive British advertisements. SHOW NOTES   Trumped up Trump quotes Bane Trump in a 1950s western QVC on the White House website Trump uses Obama inauguration photo on Twitter Stupid Shit A slight misunderstanding of global warming Public school worker gets fired for funny tweet The UK’s most complained about ads of 2016 Eye Candy Humurous street art  Special Guest: Steve O'Neill.

Trump vociferously denies his alleged ties to Russia, TV anchor tells Alexa to buy thousands of doll houses, a badly designed meme equates teen sex and soda, a middle-aged man with an RV seeks a youthful companion, and Walead Beshty is probably laundering money.     SHOW NOTES Trumped up “NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA” “UTTER NONSENSE” “Are we living in Nazi Germany?” “I would do very, very well in Nazi Germany.” Stupid Shit Sex and soda “Alexa, order me a dollhouse” VIP weekend Eye Candy Shattered sculptures  Special Guest: Jeremy McLellan.

A stoner prankster changes the Hollywood sign, teenage Justin visits a psychiatrist, thousands move to Edmonton to stare into a philanderer’s steely blue eyes, Jeff considers the Cult of Crossfit, Mike brags about his hypothetical pranks, artists design a non-billboard.     SHOW NOTES Introduction @mtrushmorepod on Twitter mtrushmorepodcast.com Trumped up Office of Government Ethics tweets at Trump John Bolton mustache snub Ratings diss Trump makes a rare Twitter mistake Stupid Shit Therapy is for the weak Hollyweed Staring Cult Eye Candy Non sign   Special Guest: Jeff Hopkins.