The Transatlantic Times

Joseph and Benjamin are tired of the news; a good vibe is in order. Also, Channing Tatum is a dog or something.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jonathan the tortoise is simultaneously the oldest and horniest chelonian in existence; build-a-bitch is a way of the past, it's time to build your personal preference pizza.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Big Sperm only cares about the bottom line, but this one man is in it for the people; Even the Taliban has to wait in line at the amusement park; The 2022 Winter Olympics promotes social distancing by encouraging safe-sex.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our nation's most dangerous stockpile of nuclear armaments is being guarded by an elite force of Dolphins, China schedules official foreplay preceding the 2022 Winter Olympics, Tucker Carlson wants M&Ms he can have a drink with.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mars Candy Company changes the social climate by changing their beloved characters; FedEx wants laser planes; the Royal Family wants to pay you minimum wage.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A young entrepreneur uses her body for profit; fish are closer to street-legal than they've ever been; cows are manipulated - I mean, encouraged to make more milk.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sometimes, one must ask of our leaders: who gave that man a microphone?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Illegal pistachio peddling ring is cracked wide open; This school gave 10th grade boys the opportunity to "Build a B*tch"; A relationship goes awry - are Dippin' Dots to blame?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Santa's got a new ride.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

An American icon's flavor is almost extracted; camels are no better than the Kardashians; global supply chain issues peak in Canada.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A weed brownie outweighs a baby elephant; China wants its citizens nude and in the mood; the color of the year isn't purple.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

MMA goes soft in the new PFC; USA seizes 4,000 Chinese Bongs; Adele has taken up a residency... in hell; Reparation payment from an accidentally amputated leg might cover your 2007 Toyota Camry.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today, Benjamin Brown reports live from holiday traffic to give listeners a run-down on driver safety and the dangers of road rage.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, Benjamin Brown and Joseph Bransworth get festive. A Holocaust-themed pageant leaves Joseph Bransworth speechless. Joe Biden doesn't have the authority to pardon two turkeys. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Kids don't know what chicken nuggets are made of; a U.S. traitor is seeing the world in style; a classic prank turns a baggage claim carousel into a fishy display.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Benjamin Brown joins the Red and the Q Army; Jay-Z finally creates his very own... wait, who cares; A cheesy champion is crowned.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Alec Baldwin; A spooky sperm whale loogie is seized by the Indian Police; Joseph Bransworth is a menace to his neighborhood.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A wizard is controversially fired from his state-appointed position; L.A. stinks.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What better way to celebrate the week of October 15th than by celebrating Benjamin Brown? He's tall, handsome, smart, and well spoken. He loves the news, and he loves you. These are his very best moments!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Taliban hasn't paid the electric bill in 2 months; Nick Cannon vows to be celibate for the next 3 months; Arby's is getting into athletic wear.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Don't wear Crocs to the haunted house this year; Snus + Foreskin = A less than ideal evening; Someone tell Greta Thunburg to step her activism game up.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bean bandits wreak havoc on the doorsteps of Britain; America is always shattering records; a vice president/rebel leader/drug smuggler/bank robber/father takes up soccer.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Over 40% of people would have sexual intercourse with a robot; You too can have a wooly mammoth for the fair price of $15 million dollars; Mars will be paved with the literal blood and piss of astronauts; Taco Bell expedites the clogging of your arteries with a new subscription plan.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A Catholic Bishop finds love in all the wrong places; Jeff Bezos will pay you one million dollars a year to keep him young; The Taliban have everything under control, don't worry about it.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jeff Bezos is cool with weed now; China has ruined every kid's summer; San Francisco to provide income for those willing to not murder people; China is terrified of a little feminine energy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Just when you thought America couldn't get any sicker: Pepsi releases Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew; Joey Chestnut's fate has been sealed; Krispy Kreme fights the coronavirus with obesity; The Kingdom of God is paved by miracle blankets.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Taliban have a grand old time in a strangely abandoned amusement park; the Pope receives an unexpected gift; a Florida sheriff pulls a Florida man.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A seemingly innocent children's movie forces authoritarian propaganda down the throats of our nation's youth; OJ is afraid he might murder himself.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sometimes, one must ask of our leaders: who gave that man a microphone?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Joseph Bransworth is live from the 2020 Tokyo Olympics this week. There's lots of action, cardboard, and condoms to be seen, so strap in for a wild ride!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Joseph's reporting is on point this week, especially on the topic of Blue Origin; Ford wants you to drive clean, but smell dirty; The 2014 Audi Q7 does wonders for destroying historical monuments.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

An ice cream parlor in New York and Kraft Foods collaborated to make something no one asked for; Michael B. Jordan stuffs a turtle in a romantic Valentines Day getaway; Jackie Chan hates freedom.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Nick Cannon physically can't stop having children; Can Big Weiner and Big Bun unite to bring about equilibrium?; A young Belgian must be eradicated before it's too late.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A UK Health Minister breaks COVID Protocol in the most reasonable way possible; Drake Bell celebrates post-sentencing by visiting Disneyland and becoming a Mexican; Kim Jong Un betrays his country by losing weight; some British drummer wants nothing to do with the sex toy industry.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Illegal pistachio peddling ring is cracked wide open; This school gave 10th grade boys the opportunity to "Build a B*tch"; A relationship goes awry - are Dippin' Dots to blame?See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jeff Bezos is trending on Change.org; NBC is giving people explosive diarrhea; An Indian man has the second largest family in the world.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jeff Bezos big blue rocket-ship has a rather large shaft; Ohio man doo-doo's on Democrat's front yard in the name of Donald Trump; Roblox and Gucci have teamed up to attack the wallets of families everywhere.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A tactical dildo infiltration goes awry; Florida man challenges reptile to the death; Get ready for Sam's Club's immersive sampling experiences; Evil woman steals $41,000 from kids with cancer.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Don't cut the cheese, or you'll get the slammer; Prince Harry is a lying scumbag who DID ride bikes with his daddy; Early 00's hip hop star, Aliaune Damala Badara Akon Thiam had his car stolen at a QuikTrip; North Korea only allows 15 hairstyles, a number far fewer than Nintendo's Mii-creator tool.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Gwyneth Paltrow's "Smells Like My Vagina" is too hot to handle, causing a lawsuit; Joe Biden is back behind the wheel, baby; Bees extend their Proboscis's for your well bee-ing; Governor Kristi Noem hates the environment...and Native Americans.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Covid vaccine + medieval torture devices = good times in Romania; It's like West Side Story... but Cats; If Donald Trump were still president, we'd have sauce; Bezos' new yacht comes with an extra yacht.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A copious amount of babies is delivered by a woman in Mali; a Japanese town funds its priorities; the cicadas are coming, and they're ready for a good time.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Joe Biden doesn't actually want to take away your hamburger; Justin Bieber appropriates black culture with the approval of black culture; An Arkansas man affiliated with the Capitol Insurrection can't spell; Rick Santorum needs a history lesson.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Demi Lovato, froyo activist, takes a stand for what really matters; Chilean vets try some unorthodox vaccination methods; NASA are cowards and made a wimpy helicopter; a Grizzlies fan throats tacos at his own risk.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Alien sightings sweep the U.S.; Prince Philip is a god; an Alabama government official gets kinky.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mitch McConnell likes Coca-Cola and he can fly; if it wasn't already, Florida is about to be a radioactive wasteland; Vladmir Putin continues his human rights campaign; a Tennessee woman tries new tactics to speed up the drive-thru.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Benjamin Brown has an alarming new fashion statement, and an even more alarming religious awakening; The Arab authorities are cracking down on adult drinkware; Both Benjamin and the Suez Canal are backed up this week; The Earth should be in the clear for the next 100 years.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Surprise! The chemicals in plastic are bad for you; It started with a simple picture on Twitter, and now General Mills, Topanga from "Boy Meets World", and the scientific community are all at odds; The President of Poland and his party have fragile egos... and are all morons.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Seven sharks find freedom after being held captive in New York basement; The Taliban sees 12 year old girls singing as a threat; Benjamin Brown and Joseph Bransworth have big plans for the stimmy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Obese Baptist pastor tells women to stop being fat; Elon Musk colonizes Texas; Papa John can't stop saying the 'N-word.'See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Justice League Snyder Cut will be longer than the Battle of Lexington and Concord; A horned man will soon stand trial for his actions; a horny man may not stand trial for his.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.