Those Damn Ross Kids

Kris and Kole talk about empathy prosthetics, the commerce of comfort, and unwise thrift. ALSO: The Full Tremaine. Elementary school art glasses. Moving travails. Don’t put the whole story in the headline. Safe alcohol consumption is a myth. The worst lap dance song. How to rig up a “Party” button. CDC warns against line-drying condoms. Period privation. A shitty terrorist ruins a 7-11. The Germans cannot be trusted with weather machines.

Kris and Kole talk about food safety, transformative spaces, and a new level of cat fishing. ALSO: Library Swords. A code red, room temperature milk problem. The problem with Papa. Kole explains “owning the libs”. Swing State of Mind. Public urinals are a scourge. Shopping his soul around.

Kris and Kole talk about cramming, restoration, and nights on the town. ALSO: It just says “Here”. Trim in the wild. How I know Dan Marino. Don’t put the whole thing in. Clock restoration. How a pump works. A shame free zone where anything goes. Just started swinging scissors in his feet. Our concert experience. A sad garage tableau. Immortal last words. Bird hormones are the boy’s problem.

Kris and Kole talk about missed opportunities, flawed hagiographies, and big dick energy. ALSO: Missing the Journey concert. The second one is always hardest. Facebook calls the Declaration of Independence racist (and it’s slightly right). Who is the Brat Pack? Fireworks of passive aggression. This man did not earn his middle name. Agnes gets the hell out. Big Dick Energy. Giving up the Saudi con.

Kris and Kole talk about repetition, corruption, and dangerous botany. ALSO: Pump Hound. Misunderstanding reincarnation. Hot time, summer in the city. Kris went to see Taylor Swift. Fact hype man. Garrett died. Reddit and MIT taught an AI to be a psychopath. Built-a-Bear giveaway goes bad. Warning: Giant Hogweed will kill you.

Kris and Kole talk about butt stuff. ALSO: Butt stuff.

Kris and Kole talk about texture, invasive dentistry, and urban tombs. ALSO: Pressed goo. A soda faux pas, and the preferred lettuce. Coming on strong. Cashew surprise. Anne Frank’s dirty jokes. A Toys R(ave) Us. Suburb-ex. ISIS didn’t do that.

Kris and Kole talk about mementos, identity icons, and outlawed words. ALSO: Turd down for what. Letters from yourself. Keep your keys. Tinker Bell, Taz, Tweety Bird, etc. The alleged tattoo. STDs on the rise. Where did this story take place? Play-Doh Scent (tm). Outlawed Masters phrases. The Next Recession.

Kris and Kole talk about antiquated search engines, parapsychological phenomena, and botched breakfasts. ALSO: Lycos will suffice. Nothing notable has happened. Cosby Crazies. The Pup Crawl. A balanced view. The Poop Train moves on. The 100th Baboon. I messed up an omelet. Fajita heist. A naked stranger eats Cheetos in your tub, what do you do?

Kris and Kole talk about assistive hygiene, intemperate vermin, and double diamond genealogy. ALSO: Kris creates a sound poem. Dilly Bars and parallelothongs. I don’t miss Law and Order. Things we regret saying. Zombie raccoons take Youngstown. Don’t hold in your sneezes. Kole goes libertarian. Condom-snorting is making comeback. A DNA test forces a reboot.

Kris and Kole talk about illumination, snack cakes, and unusual births. ALSO: It might not make a difference. Kris’ trip and the very expensive rock. Snack cake kill room. The Missouri Pickle Mystery. The Oregonian katana murder. Coffin birth. Kool Aid Man’s Sermon. Walden Pond is mostly piss now. We’ll drill in Australia since we’re all okay here.

Kris and Kole talk about externalities, escalation, and expedition. ALSO: Big enough for a callback. Worried about crass. Externalities and dominoes. Cremation problems. The Great Canoe War. Racing to get to jail. A trip to Hidden Lakes.

Kris and Kole talk about moderation, valuable fluids, and parasites. ALSO: Shirley Temple desires. The middle. Too much news. Every house comes with Encino Man. Deer semen is very valuable. Osama Bin Laden’s entertainment collection. Sources, methods, triangulation, and crazy parasites. The zone defense.

Kris and Kole talk about proximity policy, flawed geography, and hostile packaging. ALSO: We tell you what you want. Nothing better. Kris is laying down. It rained in the house. Cash me ousite ha ba da. Girlscout cookies and week depositories. Helicopter disasters. Exclusionary brands. Australia is not a country. What it’s like to learn now. Goose shit and taxes.

Kris and Kole talk about delivery logistics, awful queso, and delayed gratification. ALSO: Give ‘im the heater! Scavenger hunt for my packages. A very bad watch. The tubed food market. A comment from our racist president. A campaign against Tide Pods. A long story about getting shot. More Subway. China doesn’t want to take our garbage anymore. Dolphins are delaying gratification.

Kris and Kole talk about dank taxonomies, derogatory taxonomies, and morbid taxonomies. ALSO: Context counts. We didn’t talk. Fish excuses and sweet potato difficulties. It’s a thermal carafe. QUIZ: Canadian weed terms. A place where wolves like to fuck. Kris’ fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. A gallon of liquid in a gallon bag. What do you call the body? Grandma’s in the ornament. Laser engraved livers.

Kris and Kole talk about oils, suffocation, and materials acquisition and transport. ALSO: Trying to pronounce French words. Seltzer logistics. Lil’ Peeper. Chubby Bunny lethality. Top shelf crouts. What’s the Deal With?: Essential Oils. Shaving logistics. That’s not how prison riots work. Cameras on doorbells, and the mystery of the cul-de-sac dump. Contraband bologna. Funeral blood logistics. Medical neck tattoos.

Kris and Kole talk about consensus, prose, and myth. ALSO: A good time for pre-pro. The problem with grandma. What about Breakfast at Tiffany’s? North Central Ohio’s first bar/arcade. It’s been a while. Bad Sex in Fiction. Sex Motorcycle, by Horny Man Travis. The etymology of a terrible word. Do you have a sleigh, you fucking dickhead? They found where St. Nick was buried. Turns out people get addicted to opioids for a reason. Red Pistachios.

Kris and Kole talk about advancements in technical culture, Tom Petty's subscription services, and chastity. ALSO: The screen keeps rotating. Nobody types. Cancel Tom Petty’s Pantry subscription. Tequila and beans. Kris’ text theater. Swarms of butterflies. Let’s talk about streaming services. Don’t use words if you don’t know what they mean. Abstinence for e-sportsmen.

Kris and Kole talk about medical oddities, evidence, and amateur zookeeping. ALSO: Hard to look at. A lot of room. That kidney thing has never happened before. Feed that kid some kale. Whataburger Evidence. Grasses of the world. Equal time. Ten sharks in a swimming pool. Tongues church. Ten sharks swimming in the basement. 45 foot tall 16,000 pound naked woman. The Poo Bomber.

Kris and Kole talk about extreme sleeping, spider church, and mascot naming. ALSO: Goofy foot sleeping. Tony Hawk memories. Command strips. Look at that dead junk. Have this cup of bedbugs. Netflix is a joke. Spider cathedral. Red balloons and clown discrimination. Name our plate.

Kris and Kole talk about tourism, hooks, and escape acts. ALSO: Lotsa travel. Tales from the MLK museum. Tattoos by length or volume. It sandblasted the skin from their bones. I’m being doxed by Blue Traveler. Everything is gonna be fine. The shittiest escape act.

Kris and Kole talk about good luck, decapitation, and shifting priorities. ALSO: Milton Waddams. New shut-ins. Our people, their people, and good luck. Crawford beheaded. The prince of purp. More fucking eclipse talk. A truly depressing workplace story. Young men abandoned the tit.

Kris and Kole talk about forgery, recycling, and workplace inconvenience. ALSO: Dewy. Falltime festivals. Tiger Woods’s feel good hit of the summer. Fake Tiffany. Gutter Oil. I caught a drunk. Pooping next to a dead man. We lost a tortoise. Out of ninjas. Game rehab goes bad.

Kris and Kole talk about what happens after the end, delicate surgeries, and whiskey origins. ALSO: The magic. Frosting Train. Let them play Cake. Inflat-a-bull. Self termination. Contacts and cataracts. Crows. Gonorrhea vaccine accident. Dr. Pepper fountain. Jack Daniels Origins.

Kris and Kole talk about live music, historical reenactment, and the best way out. ALSO: Wait for the Oh Boy. Okkervil River Concert. Ducks have taken a dark turn. Stuck in ATM, send help. Colonial Williamsburg is in trouble. Fidget spinner porn. Moon hut. Euthanasia Coaster.

Kris and Kole talk about deliverance, arctic comfort, and robocops. ALSO: The anatomy of a raisin. Flashlight demo. Just the tip. The Trump family origin. Murphy beds are terrifying. Robot cops for real. A depressing cop story. We don’t understand fidget spinners.

Kris and Kole talk about doppelgangers, diplomacy, and mystery clocks. ALSO: Kole in the future. A new Ikea. You lose time. Sing the praises of the king. A new island. A Mermaid Puzzle for Kim. Make my ear more handsome. A lost clock. Wasp nest pleasure nest.

Kris and Kole talk about brand loyalty, crisis, and plagiarism. ALSO: Tentpole. How the West was fun. Pepsi shirt on Coke day. Ripple got Bluthed. Grandma prom. Sizzlin’ Beans. Laundry pods and dementia. Staggering heroin stats. Pocket full of Sparknotes.

Kris and Kole talk about the wrong kind of seasonal affective disorder, body farms, and architecture. ALSO: Whatever it takes. Spring weirdness. Take that, stepdad. Deer shouldn’t eat that. The black dog of depression. Fuck this van, fuck this table. Architecting your life.

Kris and Kole talk about branding, inebriation, and Steven Seagal. Good talk. The Brands Bracket. The trip. Spot the Drake. Alcohol and painkillers. Bombay Sapphire recall. Extract the truth. Cyrus. The Frork. The Russia-Seagall Connection.

Kris and Kole talk about the value of education, podcasting procedures, and heists. ALSO: UYD show and cops. Testing for lag. Let’s sell some chicken. Graduation and the value of education. These hash browns are well below par. Operation Vandelay Industries. North Korea’s cardboard planes. The heist to steal Enzo’s bones.

ALSO: A Year of Duckfeed. The etymology and proper usage of mfer. Holidome. R. Lee Ermy and Seinfeld. A tale of two brothers. Drive stick. Sex is good for you. Daily Toast. Channel One.

Kris and Kole spend the 200th episode talking about Mansfield geography, stain removal, and cries for help. ALSO: Shawshank’s Mile. Foam party malfunction. Dessert centrifuge. Hyper specific geography. Corporate Holy Grail: Curry Setting. The Wal*Mart Mistake. Smart dildo. We’re here to help you, Sean Spicer.

Kris and Kole talk about sensitivity, historic wars, and performance enhancing bears. ALSO: Mistaken identity. Jim Nabors. Judy Garland and the Munchkins. Swearing makes you honest. Shit pile. Fuck, Marry, Kill your students. Amphetamine bears. Alex Jones in the sauna. Chimp Saddam. Nesting hawks.

Kris and Kole talk about toys, violence, and aviation. ALSO: Loofah. The chronicle of Sgt. Slaughter. Toy followup. Superheroes and violence. Monopoly piece vote. The loneliest bird. The curse of the monkey god is real. Frontier inoculation.

Kris and Kole talk about upgrades, enhancements, and hubris. ALSO: Sans the snap and the pop. Dirt Cheap Yeti. Damp Snacks. Explain it to Roper. Age Play. Chicken Chalupa Shell. Firebox. Prehistoric cows are back.

Kris and Kole talk about getting in too deep, riding, and adventure. ALSO: Four other symptoms. Boring stuff about Trump. 1100lb Egyptian woman leaves home for the first time. Pony Up Daddy. A treasure hunter with amnesia.

Kris and Kole talk about inventive cocktails, dictators, and survival. ALSO: Ron Howard. Concession. Risky to defend Duterte. Faces of Def. A Child’s Perspective on the Revolutionary War. Explaining things is my living. Game2. The Yule Dumpster Fire. Police showdown proposal.

Kris and Kole talk about Randy Quaid, singles ads, and rogue weather forecasting. ALSO: No silence. Our incipient apocalypse. Randy Quaid again. Brian’s vanishing. Weird singles ads. None more black. Trump design.

Kris and Kole talk about the aftermath, the Lorax, and accessorization. ALSO: Complaining about Skype again. It’s so weird now. Snack fire. Wedding cock ring. Change the game. Don’t punch a police horse. Kim Jong Un.

Kris and Kole talk about improv, Cheers, and temporary recreational pools. ALSO: Wouldn’t want to miss a week. Kris’ whale song phone booth. No, but. No opinion on Ted Dansen. Budtender. A contemptible man. The Paddling Pool Slasher. No really, I’m a doctor. Pubes for Trump.

Kris and Kole talk about millennials, the future of sex, and surgery. ALSO: A PSA. How many hours. New Zealand sign is the lake now. Fuckin' millennials. Tease and Please. These clowns owe us answers. Kris' vasectomy story.

Kris and Kole talk about opiates, justice, and excess. ALSO: Improving your experience. A maker society. Toddler generals and existential fishing stories. Arrest my toddler. Solid gold toilet. Congressman Teddy Ruxpin eats his foot.

Kris and Kole talk about logistics, propaganda, and true love. Update the schematic. New phone ordeal. My cat's a bitch. I found the beef. The best health, the best. Robobabies. All Hail Shizz. Car bang. Manbang. Have this snake, this is you. Solve problems for your lunch.

Kris and Kole talk about vacation, celebrity gossip, and canine robotics. ALSO: Sorry I was late. Vacation. LePage rant. Kill Pill. Norway phone story. Keenan and Cosby. This will change the way you... Fat One's Hot Dogs and Italian Ice. Roomba makes matters worse.

Kris and Kole talk about education, self esteem, and robotics. ALSO: Kole's cultured. Water on the mind. School Story. Roomba Beer Pong. Too Street. Go Live in This Tent.

Kris and Kole talk about inadequacy, recruitment, and philanthropy. ALSO: Kole gets angry about audio. Kris gets recruited to a church. Cafe Fellatio. Cops rescue a blow up doll. IJustCame.Org. False Leg House Arrest.

Kris and Kole talk about recognition, being unstuck in time, and digging graves.

Kris and Kole talk about perspective, testimony, and plagiarism.

Kris and Kole talk about gimmicks, feuds, and off-label usage. ALSO: Climbing the charts. The end of the internet. Ted Cruz lookalike pornography. Sinead O'Connor and Arsenio Hall have a feud. A Big box of human blood. Paint can shaker plane ride. Addicted to immodium.