Fitz In The Morning: What Are You Kidding Me?! Stories of the Day

A nurse who brags on TikTok that she doesn't wear a mask while traveling and having playdates with her kids gets fired, a post-Thanksgiving dinner turns deadly after someone digs into the leftovers with their bare hands, a contestant named Kovid competed on “Project Runway” in 2019 and his outfit included a mask, the mysterious monolith in Romania has now disappeared as well as the one in Utah, and the McDonald's McRib is back and they're offering a free one men who post pictures of newly clean-shaven faces.

The mysterious metallic monolith found in Utah has vanished, scented candle makers are reporting a drop in average review rankings due to Covid loss of smell, a woman filming a TikTok video is interrupted by an intruder, a man is arrested for repeatedly calling 911 to belch into the phone, a stolen ukulele is recovered when the thief is spotted playing it in a park, and a tequila bar is dodging pandemic restrictions by registering as a church.

A thief steals a wheel from someone's car and leaves a frozen turkey in its place, some doctors are reporting Covid-19 may cause unexpected tooth loss, Florida Man thaws his Thanksgiving turkey in his swimming pool every year, a flight attendant is in big trouble for running a side-hustle with her “Only Fans” offerings while in-flight, a really high couple calls police several times to report possums jumping out of their fridge and microwave, and Snoop Dogg does an amazing job commentating on the Tyson-Jones and Paul-Robinson Fights, including singing a hymn for Nate Robinson after he hits the deck.

Fitz has advice on how NOT to prepare your Turkey and how to handle leftovers, a new TikTok trend is kids fooling their parents into thinking the TV is smashed, two Yoga teachers beat the crap out of each other over a heater, a Canadian council meeting stalls when someone's mic is on in the bathroom, a Oregon man is caught stealing 108 rolls of TP in Walla Walla, and a guy who stole a Coors Light truck from outside a store tries to jump out of the moving truck and runs himself over. (You won't believe how many P1s call in to say they've run themselves over.)

The popular 12-foot-tall Halloween skeleton from Home Depot is now a popular Christmas decoration with people adding Santa stuff to it, a babysitter is being sued for getting Chicken McNuggets for the kids of a vegan family, the Oxford Dictionary Word of the Year is “Covid-19”, a squirrel staggers around drunk after eating a fermented backyard pear, Dr. Fauci's announcement that Santa is immune to Coronavirus has internet freaks wanting to drain Santa's plasma for his antibodies, and a guy who went to the doctor to get treatment for depression over his cheating wife finds out she was cheating with the doctor.

An award-winning new kit being designed England lets you grow your own steaks from human tissue (eeww!!), a 62-year-old woman is carrying her daughter's child while is daughter is busy being pregnant with another kid, a fight at the opening for a Colorado In-N-Out Burger results in a man losing his pants, a man is arrested for spitting on hikers that aren't wearing masks, a lab worker is arrested for forging drug test results that lost families their custody rights and Instant Karma meets a meth dealer who crashes his motorcycle and has his waistband-gun go off into his hip, and…gets hit by a car.

A Burger King worker steals $30K by creating fake employees and while discussing that we learn Claire is somehow connected, a website is offering $2500 to watch 25 holiday movies in 25 days, a new study indicates the smaller a man's junk is the more money he makes, there is special new Christmas music just for dogs (so have your dog here when you listen), a 17-year-old takes his Dad's $3.4 million car for a joy ride and wrecks it, and a woman ticketed for using her cell phone while driving claims she was really eating an ice cream sandwich and has the wrapper and chocolate stains to prove it.

A guy leads police on a high-speed chase that includes ditching his car and diving under Lake Shasta in a mini submarine, a new study shows men who have a beard in dating profile pics are 3x more likely to get a match, a new dating term called “Hat Fishing” has men trying to hide their baldness under hats on dating apps, a new phone hotline helps people get through bad psychedelic trips, a Connecticut man is arrested for getting freaky with his neighbor's tree, and America is having another TP crisis so Ryder and Fitz think we all just need to install bidets.

A teenager in China wanted an iPhone so badly he sold a kidney to get it, a British man is arrested for driving in circles yelling “Wakey Wakey!”, a university Zoom class is interrupted by the professor's butt-sniffing cats, a UFO is spotted flying over the UAE, Jimmy Dean is offering glass sausage Christmas Ornaments, and two college kids are arrested for stealing the Exits signs from a bunch of dorms.

Women named Karen say their name is ruining their chances on dating sites, police in Italy use a Lamborghini to deliver a heart to a transplant patient, a home invasion ends when a 16-year-old takes out the robber with a Louisville Slugger, an Alaska Airlines plane hits a bear on a runway while landing, a Florida couple is arrested after pulling over on the highway for a quickie, and the original figures of Santa and Rudolph from the 1964 “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” are auctioned for $300K.

40% of Americans say they are still going to Thanksgiving with 10 or more people in spite of rising Covid numbers, someone tries to remove the Times Square Naked Cowboy's tighty-whities off of him, a city council meeting in Whatcom County is interrupted by one of the council members' cows when he Zooms from his barn, a 200-person underground fight club is broken up in New York City, the newly-circulating Secret Sister gift scam is officially classified as a pyramid scheme, and Florida Man is arrested while taking his 8-year-old son on a robbery spree

25% of US women admit they don't know where their own “equipment” is located or how it all really works, a bride-to-be angry at an online store that her wedding dress is ugly turns out to have it on inside-out, police in Santa Cruz are looking for a stolen Bigfoot statue, the nicest Taco Bell in the world is on a beach in California and we hear a video review, radiologists x-raying a man after a car crash find a phone up his butt, and the new tattoo craze is doing it with black-light ink so you can be Business in the Day and Party in the Night.

A woman standing in front of the ocean filming a holistic video about its cleansing power gets swallowed by a rogue wave, an Amazon engineer who worked on Alexa builds an app to communicate with your cat, a French elementary school bans parents from throwing their kids over the 6-foot-fence when late for school, and a Russian woman goes viral with video of her man proposing by shoving the ring into a Big Mac.

Florida Man steals a stole a cop car for a joy ride on a Vision Quest, a man stabbed during an intense Chess match (!) refuses to narc on the stabber, a Boston man protesting an unfixed pot hole plants a Christmas tree in it, a Texas Turkey plant loses thousands of smoked turkeys in a fire, a city councilman who fought to get the Ten Commandments installed outside city hall is arrested for breaking one of the commandments, and you can now get a cookbook containing only recipes using Mountain Dew.

A human heart on the way to a transplant operation survives two mishaps including a helicopter crash and being drop-kicked, teenage girls at a drive-thru zoo freak out when a cow sticks it's head in the window, Arby's now has a turkey-shaped pillow you can wear on your head to nap in any position, a guy sends a hotter and more successful guy to his high school reunion as a stand-in, a woman named Corona says she's getting harassed a lot, and a California man has spent quarantine creating a scaled-down model of Disney's Matterhorn for his kids to ride

Most Americans polled in a recent survey say their couch has been their best friend during the pandemic, a guy is arrested for using the products while still inside an adult store, a Rhode Island group is building “Hobbit Houses” to rent, you can now visit the actual Titanic wreckage on the bottom of the Atlantic for just $125K per person, when you see Santa to Cabella/Bass Pro this year he will be behind a magic shield, and Florida Man goes nuts when his Checker's Burger runs out of lettuce.

A woman is arrested outside Disney World after stashing a handgun in the bushes and blaming it on her 6-year-old, Florida Man pulls a gun on another driver who insults his manhood based on the size of his truck, a guy who sued Canada Dry for deceptive practices about the health benefits of their Ginger Ale gets $200K, “Election Disorder” is recognized as an actual stress condition by doctors, a new 2020 candle smells like a bunch of weird things including Joe Exotic, and a guy wearing a t-shirt saying “BBQ, Beer and Freedom” crashes a Nevada Election briefing.

Scientists in Thailand have solved the problem of stinky feet with a zinc-oxide nano-solution for your socks, we nearly had Caitlyn Jenner running as Kanye's VP, Colonel Sanders is shaving his moustache and goatee for “Movember”, a 5-year old breaks the Guinness World Record for recognizing cartoon characters in a minute, a distillery in New Hampshire has a new deer-flavored whiskey, and an Oregon man robs a store but gets caught because he has a couch strapped to the top of his getaway car.

“Baby Shark” is now officially the most watched video in YouTube history with over 7 billion views, two guys are kicked off an American Airlines flight when one of them tries to hide under the other's first class seat for a YouTube stunt, a man shoots someone who called his baby ugly, two kayakers are nearly swallowed alive by a humpback whale and get it all on video, a guy caught with heroin hidden in his butt cheeks and digital scales says it's all for personal use, and a study finds the average American asks for advice 6000 times in their life from 31 people.

A Highway Patrol Officer makes a DUI stop dressed as a Storm Trooper, a man who posts details about giving his girlfriend a kidney gets his house robbed while they are at the hospital, a little town in Kentucky only ever has animals running for mayor, a new App lets you enter into a legally binding contract before sexting, a newly-married woman is suing her husband for fraud after it turns out he's bald, and a crook who should have gotten away with a high speed chase on Halloween when cops stopped chasing him gets caught after falling asleep in a McDonald's.

A skunk leads to the evacuation of a Walmart, a woman passing out “Get Out the Vote” flyers steals someone's cat off their porch, more than half of people polled say Election Day will be the most stressful day of their lives, a doctor in India is conned into buying Aladdin's Lamp from a guy dressed as Genie, 1 in 3 people admit to lying about the number of their previous “laundry” partners to their spouse, and a woman climbs a tree for some day drinking and refuses to come down when a guy in a bucket lift comes for her.

An iPhone repairman exposes a cheating husband who tried to bribe him to hide the cheating from his wife, a man asks his friend to hide drugs in his butt crack during a traffic stop, a woman nearly dies from a thong-induced butt abscess (!), a woman in labor insists on voting first, a guy on meth climbs to the top of his apartment building and throws money, and a man is super proud of his Halloween display that's so gory the police keep being called to his home.

A woman is under fire from her HOA for her Halloween Pole Dancing Skeletons, a theater is raising money by auctioning off the rights to haunt the theater after you die, a dad breaks the world record for the fastest mile while pushing a baby in a stroller, a drive-through farm has a zebra that screams just like Marty the Zebra from “Madagascar”, police tell a man swimming nude in his own backyard that he's indecent because there are little kids next door, and a man falls into a sink hole full of so many rats he is afraid to open his mouth to scream.

A man protesting a store carrying only “essential items” that deems clothing unessential comes in wearing nothing but a thong, the newest stupid TikTok trend is super-gluing your Halloween vampire teeth in, get ready for Fitz to play the next “Baby Shark” called “The Flip Flap Song”, Play-Doh has new adult-themed scents like “spa day”, and “latte”, scientists are working on a pill cocktail to prevent snoring, and police discover the skull of a missing a man has been some guy's mantle decoration for many years.

A guy in a ritzy Southern California neighborhood is blasting the “Gilligan's Island” theme in a war with his neighbor who installed a sculpture that blocked his view, a man covers himself with 140lbs of bees to break a World Record, two robbers are caught in a restaurant after one passes out drunk eating cheese cake, Florida Man steals a backhoe to dig up Biden signs, a guy prank calls his mom saying he's from jail but she just says “Call Your Daddy”, and a Hayride turns tragic when the wagon overturns.

A minister surprises a bride and groom by breaking into (bad) song during their vows, a man declares the scariest Halloween yard decoration he could find is a simply a sign saying “2020”, a guy is arrested for calling 911 to report tiny little flying aliens, two men are arrested for doing a home-version sex change operation on a volunteer, a TikTok trend dares you to say “Coca Cola” without your lips touching (which wouldn't happen anyway), and cops bust a 600-person foot fetish party for violating covid-19 protocols.

New website www.MulletChamp.com is holding its first “Best Kids Mullet” competition, a LA car chase goes through a gas station with the perp stopping to fill up and getting away, a man on a Tinder date leads cops on a high speed chase with his date in the car, a couple names their daughter “Twifea” after an internet start-up to get free WiFi for 18 years, a researcher gains access to Trump's Twitter by guessing his password which believe it or not was “Maga2020”, and a man gets his junk amputated after he gets busy with a bottle.

A man goes crazy at a school board meeting over masks forcing him “to breathe carbon dioxide”, a woman tells Dr. Phil she has been married 10 times and is ready to move on from her current husband, a man caught playing with himself in his van claims he was just playing air drums, a man breaks into a closed McDonalds when he has a craving for McNuggets, the shortest length of time is now called a “zepto-second' which scientists use to measure light, and a bird upstages it's owner by whistling and singing while he plays guitar and it's super cute!

A girl is totally freaked by her sleepwalking sister and screams for her mom, Florida Man steals thousands of dollars in groceries by sneakily scanning a 24-cent Kool Aid pack at the self-check, a scam targeting grandparents threatens them with jail over missed Jury Duty, a woman who took in a little baby fawn as a pet now has a big dangerous buck terrorizing her neighbors, a dad tracks his daughter to a Motel 6 with her boyfriend and shoots off the guy's pork and beans, and a Dominatrix is kicked out of a grocery store for bringing in a slave on a leash, even they were both wearing masks.

A high school phoned the police because a teacher saw what they thought was a student being abducted on zoom. It was just a prank. A woman was arrested after losing it on an Irish flight when she was told to wear a mask An illegal Flying squirrel trafficking ring worth more than $1million was just broken up after a 19 month investigation by Florida fish and wildlife officials. A man in Tennessee calls a local sports show to tell them how his wife left him after he threw a beer bottle through the window because Tennessee football lost. A Blockbuster video in Ontario, Canada that shut down in 2011 is still completely intact, so the community has a petition to preserve it. Police responding to a break in at a deli found a wasted and naked 17-year old covered in ranch dressing trashing the place.

Rapper "Nuke Bizzy" is arrested for $1.2 million in unemployment fraud after recording a song about doing it, a woman buys a home with both her boyfriend and her ex-husband, a drunk guy with no arms and legs crashes his car into police car and a building, a senior living facility resident is suing the operators for running what he calls a "senior fight club", a new TikTok trend has parents dissing their kids' on the kids' accounts, and a sweet little doggie howls along with the theme to "Star Trek".

1 in 4 Americans claim they'd rather live in a van (down by the river?) than in an actual home, a yodeling competition in Switzerland is declared a "super-spreader" event after several people test positive for Covid-10, Myrtle Beach is apparently the best city to live in if you're a UFO enthusiasts, Hormel is offering bacon-scented face masks, Taco Bell's "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" free taco promotion is back for the World Series, Fitz asks for 1000 texts to encourage him to get a Mullet (and gets them!), and the Jet Pack guy is back at LAX and we hear from Air Traffic Control.

The Presidential Candidate Town Halls tonight are basically competing TV shows on two different networks at the same time, a woman adorably argues with her parrot like an old married couple, a man is arrested for serially robbing Taco Bells in different states, Kraft cancels its Mac' n' Cheese "Send Noods" campaign after parents complain it was sexualizing kids' food, a mailman saves the life of a man on his route who'd just cut off his arm with a chainsaw, a man goes to jail after fighting with an Uber driver who'd kicked him out of the car for farting, and in a WAYKM Follow-Up, an English woman who was going to marry a ghost has called off the wedding because she says the ghost was a real jerk when they went on vacation together.

An Anchorage TV Anchor falsely accuses the mayor of posting dirty pictures after their affair falls apart, a mom puts her kid through an online taste test of weird and gross food, an 11-year-old boy steals a school bus and leads police on a 13-mile chase, an English company has a "Bump" necklace that alerts you when you get within 6 feet of another person wearing the "Bump" necklace, the driver of a $400k Rolls Royce that rear ends a $200k Lamborghini runs away, and a woman is getting trolled for her video of putting her wedding ring on her dog's nose like a treat and then he eats it.

A man stalked by a Mountain Lion during a jog manages to video the big cat while eluding it, two teachers are put on leave after a parent records them talking trash about students, the CDC says 1 in 4 people still don't wash their hands after using the bathroom, a man dressed as Superman assaults someone and his Wonder Woman girlfriend gets him caught, a guy does donuts behind a live news report from Hurricane Delta, and a woman says ever since she took artifacts from the City of Pompeii she's been cursed. But wait until you hear what Fitz's Dad did-or-did-not steal.

A woman shows up in a wedding dress to her fiancé's job at Target demanding that he marry her on the spot or lose her forever, an angry mask refuser calls 911 on a business that won't let her in and the 911 operator tells her the store is right, a jewelry store worker puts a customer on video blast after he buys gifts for both his wife and his girlfriend, "Cow Hugging" is now a thing, a news anchor can't stop laughing after reporting on a bomb scare at a Home Depot that turned out to be a guy saying he was going to "blow up the bathroom", and Dollar General is going upscale with a new pricier kind of store.

A mask-hating customer stiffs a waitress who had asked to him follow the rules and wear one and writes "Mask" on the tip line, a dance battle ends with a stabbing, Baltimore Police are investigating a dead body originally thought to be a Halloween decoration, a mom films her kids asking Google Home Assistant to make a fart sounds, Covid hits Thanksgiving as stores stocking up on smaller turkeys, and Police in Maine are investigating a grocery store after someone put razor blades in their fresh pizza dough.

Scammers going door-to-door collecting money for a local high school football team get busted when they knock on the actual coach's door, a White House TV reporter goes crazy on a raccoon interfering with his shot, a man is arrested for trying to set up a personal "meetup" with a horse, 1 in 8 women say they've cried in a dressing room trying on clothes, malls are making Covid plans for Santa including no lap-sitting and adding Plexiglass shields, and an Oregon County has an epidemic of human waste in shopping bags on the side of the road.

A Texas girl holds two Guinness World records for being tall and having long legs, a new study shows men with really deep voices are more likely to cheat on their partners, some prison guards are facing torture charges for blasting "Baby Shark" on repeat to inmates, Kraft has a hilarious new promo suggesting people send their friends "Noods" like their Mac n' Cheese, an Austin Public Libraries worker stole over $1.3 million in printer toner to sell online, and a man who escaped custody on his way to arraignment is caught after posting about it on social media.

A man having trouble finding love on dating apps takes out a billboard and it works, a woman threatens her neighbor's dog if she doesn't give up her WiFi password, a man convinced he saw a semi hauling a UFO crashes while into a pole while filming it, a man is killed laying on the ground at a fast-food drive-thru, a 68-year-old woman and her son team up for a road rage shoot-out, and a woman will professionally decorate your Christmas Tree for $600.

A man is warning stores not to sell Ouija boards to children due to the danger of demonic possession, China stops producing Halloween masks of the actual Coronavirus sphere, an Amazon Driver has the crap scared out of him by an animated Halloween decoration, a Washington man is arrested for helping to smuggle people into Canada from his border hotel which is called "The Smugglers Inn", a man is arrested after offering to buy a woman's child, and a British college girl gets stuck inside a dryer in a drunk TikTok stunt.

A 67-year-old woman with a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu beats up an intruder at her senior living facility, a pizza place offers a menu of "kind words" from the delivery guy for an extra fee, a woman claims the pandemic has been hard on cats because people are home too much, a man tries to break into a TV news station with a hammer, it takes several people to stop a woman "self-serving" out in front of a 7-11, and a mom warns parents about toddlers playing with iPhones that have PayPal after an exotic tortoise arrives at her home.

A 36-year old man is arrested after a month of hiding in the closet of a 15-year-old girl he met online, a man shoots through his own windshield during road rage, a guy freaks out at a Subway restaurant over wearing a mask, a little girl goes viral for calling her Mom's bra her “booby holders”, and Luke Combs says he learned to sing by listening to Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and other boy bands.

A Florida Woman raises $12,000 in a Go Fund Me for the family of a murder victim but keeps the money and gets arrested at Wal-Mart, a news anchor is arrested for smashing a beer bottle over a guy's head in a political argument, a college girl doesn't realize her microphone is hot on a college Zoom class and talks about her Hot Prof, a zoo has to get rid of its parrots because they swear too much, a man breaks the Guinness record for breaking walnuts on his head, and a study shows men are as likely to be excited about pumpkin spice returning as football.

A guy converts a potato gun into a candy cannon for Social Distance Halloween, a woman goes Exorcist-style crazy on a plane, Home Depot has an epic 12-foot-tall outdoor skeleton for Halloween, an American man is facing prison in Thailand for giving bad Yelp reviews to a resort, a guy filming his friend (named Ryder!) swimming with a Basking Shark realizes it's actually a Great White, and a man breaks into his neighbor's house wearing nothing but boxers and a gold cross and waving a bible.

Here in the Northwest, 1 of 8 people claim to have seen Bigfoot at one time or another, a Japanese man finds what he thinks is a very strange mushroom that turns out to be an adult toy, an 80-year-old man slashes the tires of an old woman who took his favorite seat at Bingo, a man picks up his car from a repair shop garage to find 1000 extra miles on it and women's underwear in the car, and a man sets his hospital bed on fire when the nurses refuse to listen to him.

Here in the Northwest, 1 of 8 people claim to have seen Bigfoot at one time or another, a Japanese man finds what he thinks is a very strange mushroom that turns out to be an adult toy, an 80-year-old man slashes the tires of an old woman who took his favorite seat at Bingo, a man picks up his car from a repair shop garage to find 1000 extra miles on it and women's underwear in the car, and a man sets his hospital bed on fire when the nurses refuse to listen to him.

A 78-year-old Puyallup woman holds an intruder with her shotgun until cops arrive, a couple filming their proposal on the Brooklyn Bridge watches their photographer get hit by a bicycle but is more concerned over whether he got the shot, an Alabama woman sleeping during Hurricane Sally has a tree fall on her bed and the tree had a bee's nest in it, Michael Jackson's cousin is selling the IV that was in his arm when he died, and the CDC recommends cancelling Halloween and we predict how that will go down here in Washington State with Governor Inslee.

A parrot squeaks like a dog's chew toy when it's head is petted, the average American is caught somewhere on a camera 34 times per day, the Journal of Science feels the need to warn people not to make their own DIY Covid Vaccine, the strippers of Atlanta have united for a campaign from their poles to get you to the voting polls, the new Zoom school trend is pretending to be kidnapped on screen, and is McDonalds' all-day breakfast gone for good?

A couple has their dog stolen at gunpoint by a carful of teenagers, Sizzler has filed for bankruptcy so we are all heading to Southcenter after the show, statistics show the pandemic has caused a lot of breakups, Scotland is facing another toilet paper shortage, an Idaho woman who was the surrogate for a couple in China has been now raising the baby for 4 months because they can't come to the US to get him, and the CDC issues a recommendation to cancel not just Halloween parties but even trick-or-treating altogether.

A guy who takes a used car salesman on a test drive at 123 mph and won't let him out of the car is arrested for kidnapping, a Hawaiian surfer who lost his surfboard in 2018 finds out it washed up in the Philippines, Gucci is selling $1400 overalls that come pre-grass-stained, a prisoner escapes through a sewer ala "Shawshank Redemption", a guy who tries to give a fake name on a DUI arrest gets busted when the cop remembers him from high school 20 years ago, and a man is arrested for repeatedly threatening the renters at a neighboring Airbnb with a shotgun.