Project Relationship

Relationship structures don't have to follow a script. Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, you can intentionally design all your relationships to fit exactly who's in them. But what does that actually look like in practice?In this episode, we welcome Annie Undone, a non-binary queer writer whose journey through various relationship styles offers powerful insights into relating. Annie shares their evolution from monogamy to polyamory to relationship anarchy, demonstrating how deconstructing societal expectations can lead to more authentic relationships across all domains of life.We dive deep into what relationship anarchy truly means (spoiler: it's not just about romantic relationships!) and how this framework can benefit everyone—polyamorous or not—by challenging the assumptions we've internalized about how relationships "should" work.In this episode, we talk about:— Annie's personal journey from monogamy through polyamory to relationship anarchy— The simple yet profound definition of relationship anarchy— How to deconstruct heteronormativity and mononormativity in your relationships— Why relationship anarchy can be beneficial even for monogamous couples— The importance of asking "Do I want this, or do I think I should want this?" when examining relationship expectations— How mononormativity can sneak back in even when we think we've moved beyond it— The value of intergenerational relationships and challenging ageism in our communities— Why coming out to family members about non-monogamy might be less complicated than you fear— The challenges of perfectionism in polyamorous communities— How relationship anarchy creates space for aromantic and asexual people in non-monogamous communities— Why symmetry in relationships isn't always the goal (and can sometimes be inherently unfair)— The ongoing nature of relationship deconstruction as a lifelong processResources mentioned in this episode:— Annie's Instagram— Annie's Patreon— Annie's new e-book, On Polyamory— Book a one-to-one peer support session with AnnieJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

If you've been a PWF listener for a while, you know that we love self-agreements. Creating self-agreements based on your goals may sound like a simple process, but we find that some big questions often come up along the way.To answer this week's listener question, we're diving deep into value and accountability systems, and we're giving you practical exercises you can use to uncover your desires and create agreements that actually work for you instead of against you.In this episode, we talk about:— Why all agreements ultimately start as agreements with yourself— The importance of getting explicit about what you actually want versus what you think you "should" want— How to use desire excavation to uncover your true motivations— The power of using verbs in your agreements to make them actionable— Understanding and implementing both natural and manufactured consequences of not following through— Building in rewards and reinforcement for meeting your agreements— Creating support scaffolding through accountability partners, apps, and community— Why perfectionism sabotages agreements and how "daily-ish" can be more effective than rigid expectations— Identifying and removing friction points that get in the way of keeping agreements— Using creative problem-solving to make agreements easier to keep— How keeping agreements with yourself builds self-esteem, integrity, and resilience— The importance of aligning your agreements with your core valuesResources mentioned in this episode:— Oliver Burkeman's book Four Thousand WeeksJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Jealousy and grief are deeply intertwined emotions. When we experience jealousy, we're experiencing a form of loss—whether it's the loss of attention, time, or even an imagined future–and often grief is hiding just beneath the surface of these experiences. Understanding this connection can help us navigate the complex emotional landscape of non-monogamy with more compassion for ourselves and our partners.In this episode, we talk about:— The concept of "ambiguous grief" and how it relates to jealousy in non-monogamous relationships— Why jealousy often contains elements of grief, especially when we're experiencing changes in relationship dynamics— How anticipatory grief works when we imagine potential losses before they happen— The difference between grieving (the emotion) and mourning (the actions we take to process loss)— Why jealousy can be viewed as an opportunity for appreciation rather than just a painful emotion to endure— How jealousy can help us recognize what we truly value in our relationships— The ways our personal triggers and vulnerabilities influence which aspects of jealousy hit us hardest— Why the cultural conversation around jealousy needs to be much richer and more nuanced— The value of sitting with jealousy rather than immediately trying to eliminate it— How comparing ourselves to metamours can introduce envy into an already complex emotional mix— The importance of learning how to mourn ambiguous losses in relationshipsResources mentioned in this episode:— Joli's Recommended Reading List— The Jealousy Resource Center— The YouTube Playing With Fire Jealousy playlistJOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Hierarchy in non-monogamous relationships can be one of the most divisive topics in our community. Some people proudly claim they want a hierarchy in their relationships, while others see the word as an immediate red flag. But what's really going on beneath the surface? What are we actually trying to communicate when we talk about relationship hierarchies?In this episode, we dive deep into the nuances of hierarchy, exploring not just what the word means, but what people are truly seeking when they use it. We unpack how power dynamics inevitably enter the conversation, whether explicitly mentioned or not, and how our childhood wounds and need for safety often drive our desire for relationship structures that feel secure and predictable.This week, we're unpacking:— The split in the non-monogamy community around hierarchical relationship structures— How dictionary definitions of hierarchy often include power dynamics that many people overlook— The difference between wanting to feel important versus having power over others' decisions— Why we often default to hierarchical thinking when we're feeling confused or unsafe— How our desire for safety and predictability drives us toward simplified relationship structures— The painful reality that we can never truly know what tomorrow will bring, regardless of our agreements— Personal stories of how hierarchical dynamics played out in real-life emergency situations— How our inner child parts influence our desire for certainty and safety in relationships— The importance of examining what's actually underneath our desire for hierarchy or primacy— Why the language we choose matters, and how to be more intentional about the words we use to describe our relationships— The value of understanding our own relationship to power when designing our relationship structuresJOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we step out of one relationship paradigm, phase, or stage and into another, we often find ourselves in a strange, uncomfortable space—neither here nor there. This space has a name: liminality. From the Latin word "limen" meaning threshold, liminality describes that crucial period between what was and what will be. It's not just a moment of crossing over; it's an extended time of uncertainty, possibility, and transformation.Liminality exists in all facets of life, but for those of us exploring non-monogamy, these in-between periods can show up quite frequently and pose a number of unique challenges. We often want to rush through it, desperate to find solid ground again. But what if those uncomfortable spaces are exactly where the most important growth happens?In this episode, we talk about:— What liminality actually means and why it's such an important concept for understanding relationship transitions— Why the in-between state is so uncomfortable yet necessary for genuine paradigm shifts— How rushing through liminal periods can prevent us from truly reimagining our relationships— The common mistake of carrying old relationship paradigms into new relationship structures— Practical ways to intentionally create and navigate liminal space in your relationships— How small changes in habits and environment can help shift your perspective during transitions— The connection between differentiation practice and creating healthy liminal experiences— Why the discomfort of "not knowing" is essential for personal growth and transformation— Real examples of liminal periods we all experience, from adolescence to career transitions to relationship changes— The value of creating intentional containers for your liminal experiences, whether it's a week, month, year, or longerResources mentioned in this episode:— Episode 194: Reimagining RelationshipsJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we open our relationships, we often focus on creating boundaries and agreements around emotions, time, and sex. But there's another crucial element that frequently gets overlooked (until it becomes a problem): money. How we handle finances in our relationships can reveal deep-seated values, trigger old wounds, and create unexpected power dynamics—especially when we start dating outside our established partnerships.The financial aspects of non-monogamy touch on some of our most vulnerable places. They can bring up childhood patterns, highlight privilege differences, and force us to examine our relationship with capitalism itself. While these conversations might feel uncomfortable, they're essential for building healthy relationships with clear expectations and boundaries. Money conversations in non-monogamy can be terrifying—but avoiding them is worse!In this episode, we talk about:— Why money conversations are often avoided until they become painful problems— How our personal money histories shape our approach to finances in relationships (including childhood experiences with scarcity or abundance)— The practical questions that arise when dating: What counts as a "date expense"? Who pays? How do we handle financial disparities?— Why separate accounts can be helpful for financial differentiation in non-monogamy— The challenge of funding separate accounts when income disparities exist between partners— How dating expenses can reveal our values and trigger judgments about what's "worth" spending on— The way money intersects with other resources like time, emotional labor, and childcare responsibilities— Why regular money check-ins are crucial as relationships evolve and circumstances change— How money conversations can actually build intimacy when approached with curiosity and compassion— The importance of allowing partners to change over time and not assuming their financial values remain static— Why examining privilege and socioeconomic differences can be both challenging and a way to deeply connectResources mentioned in this episode:— Imago dialogue as a tool for difficult conversationsJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Many of us experience a relationship renaissance when we first open up. There's a delicious new energy, deeper conversations, rekindled passion, and a sense that we're seeing our partners (and ourselves) in entirely new dimensions. It feels amazing, and naturally, we want to hold onto that feeling forever!But what are we supposed to do when that initial excitement starts to fade?Maintaining this renaissance isn't about freezing that initial excitement in amber. It's about understanding what's really happening beneath the surface and learning how to nurture your relationships in new ways. In this episode, we're gonna help you gain a deeper understanding of this process, and in turn, yourself and your partners.We're breaking down:— The new non-monogamy energy phenomenon and why it creates such intense feelings of connection and discovery— Why seeing your partner relate to others gives you access to dimensions of them you've never seen before— How the shift from "exclusivity equals security" to building security through clarity and communication takes years of consistent effort— The difference between trying to maintain the initial high versus investing in ongoing relationality— Why some partners might try to use the renaissance as a reason to return to monogamy ("See? We fixed it!")— How differentiation (recognizing "I am me and you are you") contributes strongly to maintaining intimacy— Why the work of opening up is the relating – it's not just preparation for relating— The importance of self-inquiry and noticing how you actually show up in relationships, not just how you think you show up— Why maintaining unified pacing with your partner becomes impossible in non-monogamy (and why that's actually okay)— How focusing on your own individuation process can help maintain deep connection without trying to recreate that initial highJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

We've made a ton of episodes about how to work on relationships once you're in them. But we also often get asked… how do I actually find good matches while dating??It's not always as easy as making an online dating profile and seeing how it goes. We often focus so much on what we want in a partner that we forget to ask ourselves what we're actually available to offer. If you're struggling with dating, we're gonna help you get clear on your availability and bottom-line requirements, which just might totally transform the experience from an exhausting exercise to an exciting opportunity for genuine connection.In this episode, we talk about:— The critical difference between knowing what you want in a partner versus knowing what you're available to offer— Why fawning (trying to be what you think others want) leads to unsatisfying connections and wasted time— How to identify and honor your "bottom-line requirements" in relationships— Why the dating pool in non-monogamy can feel smaller, leading to scarcity mindset and compromising on what truly matters— The importance of creating dating contexts that support your authentic self (like choosing coffee shops over romantic restaurants for first dates)— Why having 2-3 specific questions you ask on every first date can help you gather crucial information— How to balance putting your best foot forward without falling into people-pleasing patterns— The value of taking breaks from dating when needed and returning with renewed clarity— Why articulating what you ARE available for is more powerful than listing what you're NOT available forJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Reaching 200 episodes of any podcast is a milestone worth celebrating. But when you're recording with your spouse while simultaneously building a business together? That's a whole different level of achievement.In this special anniversary episode, we pull back the curtain on what it's like to navigate the complex terrain of intimate partnership while also being public-facing business collaborators. Our journey hasn't always been smooth—in fact, there were times when working together nearly broke us apart—but the lessons we've learned have been invaluable for our relationship and for the work we do with others.Whether you're considering starting a venture with your partner or simply curious about how relationships evolve through professional collaboration, tune in for some candid reflections into this messy and beautiful process!In this episode, we talk about:— Our unexpected journey from recording 13 simple book-companion episodes to creating 200 episodes and building a business together— The painful lessons from our first business venture together and how those early struggles shaped our current dynamic— Why the wrong leadership structure in a partnership can create ongoing tension and resentment— How fear-based decision making led to overworking and boundary violations in our early business relationship— The importance of claiming your authentic strengths and limitations when working with a partner— Why watching your partner interact professionally with others can deepen trust in unexpected ways— The spiral nature of learning in partnership—how each "failure" can lead to greater self-awareness if you're willing to be honest about your limitations— How business collaboration can serve as a powerful individuation opportunity when you allow it to reflect your inner world— The delicate balance of supporting your partner's spotlight while managing your own feelings of envy— Why creating a podcast together can be both navel-gazing and self-indulgent and meaningful and potentially transformativeResources mentioned in this episode:— Project Relationship: The book that started our podcasting journey togetherJOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

We make verbal agreements with others every day. This can look like something simple—“I'll bring you a cup of tea”—or like bigger, more complex relationship commitments. But when these agreements live only in our (fallible!) memories, they become vulnerable to misinterpretation, forgetfulness, and even unconscious manipulation.Writing down every single agreement you make isn't practical (or necessary), but understanding when to put pen to paper can be the difference between relationship harmony and avoidable harm.In this episode, we talk about:— Why verbal agreements often lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings— The difference between everyday agreements and systemic agreements that need documentation— How writing agreements down helps extract them from the shifting context of conversations— The role of weaponized incompetence and how it can show up unconsciously in relationships— Why the mental load of tracking agreements often falls unfairly on one partner— How to perfection-proof your agreements by including what happens when you can't fulfill them— The importance of self-awareness in knowing which agreements you can actually keep— A real-life example of a couple whose weekend-long verbal agreement led to feelings of betrayal— Why writing is thinking, and how it forces us to clarify what we actually mean— How different relationship dynamics might require different approaches to agreements— The painful decade-long aftermath of a misunderstood Christmas agreement in a polyamorous relationshipJOIN The Year of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Ok, so you're working on nervous system regulation, and you're working on jealousy. But why is it that the feeling of jealousy can just totally freak out our nervous systems?? In this episode, we're answering this and other questions about jealousy, panic, and somatics.When jealousy triggers that primal panic in our bodies, it can feel like your world is ending. But we're not powerless against. There are some practical ways to navigate these intense emotions without letting them derail your relationship and your sense of self, and we're sharing them with you in this episode!We're breaking down:— Why jealousy triggers such intense nervous system responses from an attachment theory perspective— The concept of primal panic and how it relates to our sense of safety in relationships— How our attachment systems can remain wired to one person even as we try to create space for multiple relationships— The physiological experience of jealousy as a "high volume" emotion with intense bodily sensations— How neural tags from past experiences, media, and cultural stories can amplify our jealousy responses— The importance of distinguishing between the physical sensations of jealousy and the stories we tell ourselves about what's happening— Practical techniques for managing jealousy in the moment, including tracking sensations, using humor, and co-regulation— Why creating a "rescue plan" for jealousy episodes returns our sense of agency and helps prevent spiraling— The value of asking for specific reassurance that addresses your actual fears rather than generic comfort— How jealousy can reveal important information about ourselves and our deepest fears if we're willing to examine it— Why experiencing jealousy doesn't mean you're "failing" at non-monogamy—it's a normal part of the journeyResources mentioned in this episode:— The Befriending Jealousy Workshop on March 25, 2025, from 7-9pm Eastern time— Episode 170: Jealousy and Attachment Panic— Episode 118: Are there quick and easy ways to manage relationship stress?— Episode 113: How to do hard things and build exceptional love with Elisabeth KristofJOIN The Year of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Envy in relationships can be sneaky. It often hides behind other emotions like jealousy, anger, or disappointment, making it hard to recognize—even when we're actively looking for it!When we feel envious of our partners, it creates a unique kind of tension. Unlike envying a metamour or someone outside your relationship, partner envy touches on deeper questions about fairness, comparison, and what we truly want. It can be particularly challenging because admitting envy means acknowledging something we lack or desire, which isn't always comfortable. But if you face it head on, partner envy can be a great opportunity for individuation and personal growth.In this episode, we talk about:— How envy of your partner often gets hidden behind other emotions like jealousy, anger, or disappointment— The difference between wanting what someone has versus wanting to be what they are— Why "fairness" alarms often trigger us to reach for things we don't actually want— The danger of compartmentalizing when comparing ourselves to our partners— Common scenarios where partner envy emerges, especially in newly opened relationships with desire mismatches— How unaddressed envy quickly transforms into resentment that damages relationships— Why partners sometimes pull back from activities to avoid triggering their partner's envy (and why this doesn't actually solve anything)— The reality that shifting relationship paradigms typically takes 3-5 years, not the 3-5 months many people hope for— How to dig beneath surface envy to discover what you truly want when you're envious of something you don't actually desire— The different experiences people of different genders have on dating apps and how this creates unique envy dynamics— Why taking a narrow view often fuels envy, while stepping back to see the full picture can help dissolve itResources mentioned in this episode:— Joli's Jealousy Resource CenterJOIN The Year of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Let's be honest—most of us really don't want to talk about envy. It's uncomfortable, it feels icky, and it brings up all sorts of emotions we'd rather not face. You know we love to talk about jealousy, but understanding envy, especially how it differs from jealousy, can also be incredibly valuable for relational and personal growth.In this episode, we talk about:— The difference between envy and jealousy, and why we often conflate them— How envy involves comparing ourselves to others and breaking people down into parts rather than seeing them as whole humans— The underlying sense of unfairness that fuels envy and how it can become destructive— Why envy can be both a powerful motivator and a path to self-destruction— How envy shows up specifically in non-monogamous relationships, especially when it appears alongside jealousy— The way envy can point us toward our genuine wants and desires if we're willing to examine it— How envy can be valuable individuation material that helps us understand our values and what we truly want— The destructive potential of envy in relationships and communities when left unexamined— Practical ways to work with envy when it arises, including using it as information rather than letting it control our actions— The importance of considering not just what we envy in others, but whether we're willing to do what it takes to achieve similar outcomesResources mentioned in this episode:— Cinderella and Her Sisters: The Envied and the Envying by Ann and Barry Ulanov— What is Compersion? by Marie Thouin— The Drama Triangle concept by Stephen KarpmanJOIN The Year of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

New Relationship Energy (NRE) can make everything feel like a shiny object. We get it, we love that feeling too! If you're practicing non-monogamy, you might actually find yourself feeling NRE in multiple places. We made this episode in response to a listener question—what do I do with all these feelings and expectations? How do I prepare for when this chemical cocktail starts to fade?Even though it's really exciting, this noisy emotional environment requires thoughtful navigation to maintain balance and authenticity. In this episode we're helping you navigate everything from the big picture emotional questions to the practical, day-to-day questions like how to manage your schedule.We're breaking down:— The neurochemical nature of NRE— How NRE can lead us to project our desires onto new partners rather than seeing them clearly— The difference between NRE (new relationship energy) and limerence, and why understanding this distinction matters— Why NRE often causes us to mute our own boundaries and bottom-line requirements— The challenge of maintaining authenticity when we're caught up in the newness of relationships— How to recognize when you're abandoning yourself, your established partners, or your friendships during intense NRE periods— The importance of explicit conversations about expectations rather than just "going with the flow"— Strategies for pacing yourself and managing your energy when experiencing multiple NREs— The transition from NRE to ERE (established relationship energy) and how to nurture deeper connections— Why comparing your relationships is less valuable than examining how you show up differently in each oneResources mentioned in this episode:— Episode 153: Limerence vs. New Relationship EnergyJOIN The Year of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When something isn't working, even if you've been practicing non-monogamy for a long time, it's really easy to default into the monogamous paradigm, which offers only a few set options. But what if there was another way?Reimagining a relationship means creating something new. It's different from de-escalation (which implies undoing a path you've taken) or uncoupling (which implies ending). Instead, reimagining opens space to explore what your relationship could become if you moved beyond your current ideas of what it is or was supposed to be.This process requires courage, patience, and a willingness to step into the unknown together. It's challenging work, but it can lead to beautiful new forms of connection that honor both your history and your ability to grow and change.In this episode, we talk about:— Why reimagining is different from de-escalation or uncoupling, and how it implies continuity rather than ending— The importance of acknowledging that our imagination is our relationship in many ways— How mononormativity limits our options when relationships need to change (stay together, break up, or be miserable)— The necessity of creating a "liminal container" – a dedicated time and space for the reimagining process— Why grief work is essential before you can truly reimagine something new— The challenge of letting go of what was while maintaining connection— How repair work fits into reimagination (hint: you can't skip it!)— The importance of nervous system regulation during times of uncertainty— Why creating new, explicit agreements is crucial for your reimagined relationship— The value of celebrating when you successfully reimagine a relationship into something new— How the language of "reimagining" itself can be empowering and create possibilitiesResources mentioned in this episode:— The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller— Episode 152: How to Take Intentional Relationship Breaks— Episode 172: Grieving ChangeJOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

What does it really mean to live and love with integrity? How can we stay in integrity while navigating multiple relationships, agreements, needs, and wants that aren't always in alignment??The reality is that living in integrity, especially when you're in multiple non-monogamous relationships, requires awareness, honest self-reflection, and sometimes making difficult choices. That may sound overwhelming, but this episode will help you learn how to create a solid foundation of the skills and habits you need to relate with others—and yourself—with integrity.In this episode, we talk about:— What integrity actually means— Why it's so challenging to maintain integrity when different parts of ourselves want different things— How over-functioning and under-functioning in relationships can get in the way of true integrity— Why self-agreements create the groundwork for integrity in relationships— Why shame often comes up when we realize we're out of integrity— How to work with the nervous system response that arises when we notice we're out of alignment— The importance of examining whether we actually want the agreements we're making— Practical ways to rebuild integrity when we've gotten off track— Why acknowledging when we're out of integrity is the first step back towards it— How to handle situations where we keep breaking the same agreementsResources mentioned in this episode:— Episode 123: Weasel Words and Creating more Intimacy in your Relationships— Episode 149: Relationship Agreements 101JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart wayAre you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.comGet the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything hereMusic: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

What if you could get to know your power intimately, and so get to know your whole self? What if you could use your story to have the life, pleasure, and relationships you want? Check out our chat with the incomparable Mollena Williams-Haas, Kink Doula, writer, performer, and podcast host. Listen to her share some of her story of power exchange and authenticity with you. ⁠Click here for the Kink Doula⁠ - Sign up for Mollena's mailing list - there's a free class available when you sign up. ⁠Click here to listen to Mollena⁠'s podcast All That and Mo⁠ (you'll be glad you did) JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠⁠ Learn the ⁠5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions

What if you didn't have to cut yourself off from your own toxic attractions? Sounds ridiculous, right? I MUST have to go cold turkey on my romanticization of a**hole behavior. But what if exploring them took your personal growth journey to the next level? In this episode, we're diving deep into why that kinky stuff is so yummy, and what you can do to leverage your toxic romanticizations into growth + fun. We're joined by Sunny Megatron, a sex, kink, and BDSM educator and media personality, and we get into all the juicy details of how exploring taboo subjects can actually help you express yourself, explore your unconscious, form stronger boundaries, regain a sense of agency, and process past traumas. ⁠Sunny Megatron⁠ is an award-winning Sexologist, Kink & BDSM Educator, Certified Sex Educator and Relationship Coach, and media personality. If you haven't followed her socials yet, you're really missing out! JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠⁠ Learn the ⁠5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions

If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would you get to know them, and invite them in? What about sharing them with a trusted partner in a thoughtful, conscious process? Ken did, and it made him cry, right here in the podcast - tears of relief for the possibility of realizing potential. We're talking about letting in our darker parts, and how much our lives can expand when we do. Do your monsters sometimes stage a take-over, hurting you and others? It happens, and it means that it is time to get conscious and practical about shadow work. Want to take this further? Joli's ⁠Sexual Shadow Masterclass⁠ is a great next step. We mentioned a couple of songs in this episode, here are the links for Spotify: ⁠The Avett Brothers - The Perfect Space⁠ ⁠Suzanne Vega - Don't Uncork What You Can't Contain⁠ JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠⁠ Learn the ⁠5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Attachment theory has been all the rage recently, and hey, we get it - it's a super helpful tool that comes up a lot in our work! But we've also been noticing some common pitfalls that are easy to stumble into while exploring the world of attachment styles. Labels like anxious, avoidant, or disorganized can feel quite restrictive, especially when people start to assume them as an identity. Here's the thing: you are a whole, complex, multifaceted person, and every relationship you have is going to be a little (or a lot!) different when it comes to attachment. That's why, in this episode, we break down a fresh perspective on attachment, focusing on our tendencies instead of rigid labels. We discuss the importance of context and nuance within conversations about attachment, especially when it comes to non-monogamous relationships. Plus, we talk about why there's a real need for more research in this area – and nope, it's not just because I'm a total research nerd! JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠⁠ Learn the ⁠5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Some kinds of jealousy can just feel totally overwhelming. They may even make you feel rage. Justice jealousy is definitely one of them. Justice jealousy—a term that was coined by Jessica Fern (one of our favorite authors and recurring PWF guest)—can happen when your partner wasn't able to provide something for you in the past, and then you witness them providing that same thing to one of their other partners. Ouch! The feelings that come up in these situations can be strong. So we're here to give you strong frameworks, ideas, and tools that can help you understand, unpack, and work towards finding a resolution. (Spoiler alert, resolution might not look like what you had in mind when justice jealousy is in the picture!) In this episode, we talk about: — Why it's important to know the difference between jealousy and envy — What underlying issues can fuel strong feelings of justice jealousy — Why it may be more helpful to focus on empathy and understanding instead of strict ideas of fairness — The complexities of relationship repair in situations of justice jealousy — Communication, forgiveness, healing, and the tools that can help you work through justice jealousy and its related issues Resources mentioned in this episode: ⁠Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Non-Monogamy⁠ by Jessica Fern ⁠Imago Dialogue: Episode 129 of Playing With Fire⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Read the transcript of this episode ⁠here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions⁠

Conflict happens. Especially when differentiation and individuation are parts of your personal and relational journeys. And that's a good thing! Enter Imago Dialogue, a communication tool created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt. Not only can it transform your communication, using Imago Dialogue can transform conflict into more connection. Whether you're practicing Imago Dialogue with a romantic partner, family member, or friend, the core idea behind it is something a lot of us have talked about before: I want to feel understood. I want you to understand me! We walk through the steps of Imago Dialogue, but we also go deeper and talk about how you can set yourself up for success. We talk about practical tools, like emotional regulation techniques, to use before and after your conversation, and we walk through an entire real-life, real-time example of using Imago Dialogue. Learn more about Dr. Harville Hendrix's and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt's work here: ⁠www.HarvilleAndHelen.com⁠ JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠⁠ Learn the ⁠5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! ⁠Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here⁠ Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠⁠Blue Dot Sessions

For too long, conversations about polyamory have centered on younger people. But what happens to open relationships as we get older? Kathy Labriola, author of many groundbreaking titles including The Jealousy Workbook, joins us to explain why age doesn't have to mean the end of polyamory. In fact, non-monogamy can actually become more valuable as we age. It is so important for our community to have access to non-monogamous representation and stories. As someone who has been a polyamorist for 50 years, Kathy is a wealth of knowledge, inspiration, and stories. In this episode, we talk about: — Why polyamory can be an especially resilient model for aging — How having multiple partners can provide emotional and practical support in later years — The unique perspective of poly elders who've been practicing consensual non-monogamy for decades — Why some people discover and embrace polyamory later in life — Common concerns for older folks exploring non-monogamy (like family reactions and healthcare) — The evolution of resources and support for the polyam community — How relationship needs and desires naturally shift with age — Why traditional models of coupling may become less appealing in later years — The wisdom poly elders have gained from decades of experience — Ways that disability and changing abilities impact relationships — The importance of having multiple support systems as we age Resources mentioned in this episode: — Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola — Kathy Labriola's website — Kathy's other books including The Polyamory Breakup Book, Love in Abundance, and The Jealousy Workbook JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Navigating the endings of relationships doesn't have to be a disaster. When it comes to consciously uncoupling, it's about so much more than “breaking up nicely.” We want to help you reimagine what's possible, honor what was, and create space for what comes next, even when it feels incredibly challenging. In this episode, we talk about: — Why conscious uncoupling requires specific ingredients, including time, willingness to grieve, and self-awareness — The importance of creating rituals to mark relationship transitions and help process grief — How the legal system's adversarial nature can complicate conscious uncoupling efforts — The challenge of letting go of the desire for apologies or accountability from former partners — Why gentleness needs to be balanced with honesty and clear boundaries — The value of making "meta-agreements" about how you'll make future agreements, especially with co-parents — How to handle ambiguous grief when the person is still present in your life — The importance of having the right support system that won't fuel adversarial dynamics — Why creating closure might look different than you initially imagined — The balance between showing grace to yourself and your partner while maintaining healthy boundaries Resources mentioned in this episode: — Soul Broken: A Guidebook for Your Journey through Ambiguous Grief — Learn more about Imago Dialogue JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

If you're polyamorous… what's the point of getting married?? We get this question a lot. And although we are married, we also have a ton of mixed feelings about marriage. Marriage is way more complex than just saying “I do,” and we want to help you sort through those complexities so that you can decide whether or not to get (or stay) married with consciousness and integrity. In this episode, we talk about: — The different components of marriage: legal, social, spiritual, and romantic — Why the legal privileges of marriage matter (even if we wish they didn't) — How marriage can serve as a container for intentional relationship development — The importance of understanding your personal "why" for getting married — Why wedding vows are just the beginning of ongoing relationship agreements — The value of regular relationship renegotiation within marriage — How marriage intersects with non-monogamy and polyamory — Why some choose marriage for practical benefits while others seek social recognition — The role of ritual and ceremony in creating shared meaning — Why "being someone's person" is a common motivation for marriage Resources mentioned in this episode: — Heath Schechinger's work on legal protections for non-traditional relationships JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Just because something is common doesn't mean it's normal. You do NOT have to accept pain, discomfort, and limitations when it comes to sex, pregnancy, and childbirth as “just the way things are.” Dr. Ariana Cesare, a pelvic and obstetric physical therapist, is joining us on this episode of Playing With Fire to bust that myth, and many others, when it comes to pain and pleasure. This conversation is for every body, including men, trans people, and people with disabilities (pregnancy affects 100% of the population—we were all born, and some of us will give birth too!). In this episode, we talk about: — Why pelvic floor physical therapy is critically important (and criminally underutilized) during pregnancy and postpartum — The truth about pain during sex - and why it's never something you just have to accept — How to prepare your body for birth (hint: it's like training for any other athletic event!) — The role of pelvic floor muscles in everything from pleasure to incontinence — Why tampons, speculums, and medical exams should not be painful — Game-changing tools like dilators and Ohnuts thats make penetrative sex more comfortable — How to talk to partners about adjustments during sex — Why pelvic health matters for everyone - including men, trans people, and people with disabilities — The importance of addressing both physical and psychological aspects of pelvic pain Resources mentioned in this episode: — Book a FREE consultation with Dr. Cesare — Follow Dr. Caesare on Instagram @kegels_and_kettlebells — Follow her on TikTok @DrCesare — Slippery Stuff lubricant for sensitive skin JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Gender-based relationship rules might seem like an easy solution to difficult feelings that come up in non-monogamous relationships, but they often mask deeper issues that deserve our attention. Restrictions like "one penis policies" typically stem from unexamined jealousy, fears of competition, and internalized biases. The desire for these kinds of rules often comes from very real places of emotional distress. But instead of using band-aids, we want you to address the root causes of these issues, so that you can create authentic, strong connections that aren't held back by biases and societal programming. In this episode, we talk about: — Why gender-based dating rules are problematic and what they really represent — How jealousy masquerades as "preference" or "boundaries" in gender-based rules — The role of internalized biphobia and homophobia in creating these restrictions — Why competition fears feel different with different genders (and what that reveals) — The importance of examining where our feelings about gender-based rules originate — How cultural programming influences our comfort levels with different gender expressions — Why agreements based on gender restrictions rarely serve either partner — The connection between bisexual erasure and gender-based relationship rules — Practical steps for working through the jealousy beneath gender-based restrictions — How to move from rigid rules to authentic agreements that serve everyone Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Jealousy Roadmap - A free 20-page ebook for working through relationship jealousy — Joli's dissertation: "Triangular Trouble" — Playing With Fire Episode 170 Jealousy & Attachment Panic — Playing With Fire Episode 151 Justice Jealousy — Playing with Fire Episode 127 Comperstruggle: When Jealousy & Compersion Collide with Dr. Marie Thouin JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Navigating privacy and transparency in relationships can feel like walking a tightrope—especially when you and your partners have different comfort levels with information sharing. If you've ever felt frustrated by how much (or how little) your partner shares, you're not alone! The good news? There's no "right" amount of transparency or privacy. What matters is finding agreements that work for you and your partners while maintaining everyone's sense of safety. This episode dives deep into how to handle those tricky conversations with intention and integrity. In this episode, we talk about: — The crucial difference between privacy and secrecy (hint: it's about impact!) — Why safety is at the core of our transparency/privacy needs — How to identify your own comfort levels with information sharing — The role of trust-building in navigating transparency — The nervous system's safety needs and strategies — Why consistent relationship check-ins are essential for maintaining a healthy flow of information — The importance of having explicit agreements about information sharing — How to create repair plans for when agreements aren't met — Why moral judgments about privacy vs. transparency can block intimacy — Different domains of transparency (emotional, sexual, scheduling, etc.) — The value of examining patterns rather than isolated incidents — How to handle situations where partners have very different needs around disclosure — Why the timing of disclosure matters as much as content Resources mentioned in this episode: — Playing With Fire Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101 — Playing With Fire Episode 123 Weasel Words and Creating More Intimacy in Your Relationships — Playing With Fire Episode 71 Doing what you said you'd do: When accountability works and when it doesn't JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

How do you tell the difference between being selfish and practicing healthy autonomy? You probably won't be surprised to hear that it's complicated! The line between hyper-individualism and differentiation isn't just blurry; it's usually impossible to judge any action one way or the other without a loooot of context (and maybe even hindsight!). To unpack this question, we have to dig deep into the culture of American exceptionalism, principles of ecology and community, and depth psychology's lenses of duality and multiplicity. In this episode, we talk about: — The hyper-individualism and enmeshment spectrum, and the “bounce-back” phenomenon — How to answer the “Am I The Asshole” question — How America's culture of individualism and exceptionalism impacts our relationships — The challenges of balancing individual needs with community responsibilities — Why context is crucial when evaluating "selfish" behavior — How our personal histories shape our tendencies toward individualism or enmeshment — The role of imagination in creating healthier relationship dynamics — Why it's often impossible to judge a single action as selfish or autonomous — How the stories we tell ourselves impact our perceptions of others' behavior — The value of holding multiple perspectives when interpreting situations — Practical strategies for moving from victim mentality to empowered creator — The potential benefits of re-parenting work for those struggling with hyper-individualism Resources mentioned in this episode: — Playing With Fire Episode 142 Enmeshment: Are you over-functioning in your relationship? — Playing With Fire Episode 108 with Mollena Williams-Haas — Book mention: "Selfish" by Nakita Thigpen JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

One of the most common concerns we hear about non-monogamous relationships is “but what about the kids?!?” We have a lot to say in response… but in this special episode, you get to hear it from one of our kids instead! Moi offers a candid glimpse into his experience of being raised by polyamorous parents and shares his perspective on what it's like to navigate a world where polyamory is rarely represented. He also talks about his journey with queerness and transness, and how our family's values created space for that exploration. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation about the impact of family dynamics on identity, and why it's important for parents—non-monogamous or otherwise—to create spaces where kids can discover themselves without fear or shame. In this episode, we talk about: — Moi's experience growing up with non-monogamous parents and how it shaped his views — The importance of open communication about relationships and sexuality within families while maintaining appropriate boundaries — How being exposed to different relationship structures allowed Moi to better understand his own monogamous identity — The challenges of explaining non-traditional family structures to others — The lack of representation of polyamorous families in media and how that impacts children's understanding — Why Moi appreciates that we've been open about our non-monogamy rather than hiding it — The value of letting kids discover their own identities without pressure to label themselves Resources mentioned in this episode: — Joli's TED Talk on jealousy Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Are you struggling to talk to your friends and family about your non-monogamous identity? Whether you're unsure how to start the conversation or you've tried before and it didn't go so well, we're here to help. This episode is a quick and easy resource to share directly with your loved ones. It addresses some common concerns and misconceptions about non-monogamy and shares tips for having more supportive and meaningful conversations. In this episode, we talk about: — Why non-monogamy isn't "better" or "more evolved" than monogamy — Common concerns about non-monogamy and how to address them — The importance of defining what a "successful" relationship means to you and your loved ones — Why the kids are alright–research on children in non-monogamous families — The core principles of ethical non-monogamy: consent, personal responsibility, and resilience — Why non-monogamous relationship skills can benefit all types of relationships — Common misconceptions about non-monogamy (it's not all about sex!) — How to have supportive conversations with your non-monogamous loved ones Resources mentioned in this episode: — Elizabeth Sheff's longitudinal studies on polyamorous families — Emily Nagoski's work on desire and sexuality Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here: www.jolihamilton.com/ama JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

The word projection gets thrown around a lot these days, often in an accusatory way (think, “so-and-so is projecting!”). But projection is actually a normal, unconscious psychological process that shows up in all relationships! That doesn't mean we should let our projections go unchecked. They can interfere with our ability to truly see our partners as whole, autonomous beings. The good news is that when we become aware of our projections, we have a powerful opportunity to uncover and reclaim the parts of ourselves we've denied and disowned. And these aren't always deep, dark shadowy parts—they can also be positive traits like creativity or intelligence. In this episode, we explore what projection is, how it shows up in relationships, and why reclaiming these “shadow” parts is essential for personal growth. Tune in to learn how working through projections can deepen your connections and help you see yourself—and your partners—in a whole new light. We're breaking down: — What psychological projection is and how it operates in our subconscious minds — The role of projection in falling in love, limerence, and new relationship energy — How projection can interfere with seeing our partners as sacred, autonomous beings — The stages of becoming aware of and working through projections — Why reclaiming projected qualities is essential for personal growth — How projection relates to childhood wounds and unresolved issues from the past — The dangers of over-identifying with negative projections or shadow qualities — Practical strategies for recognizing and working with projections in relationships — The value of patience and compassion when addressing projections with a partner Resources mentioned in this episode: — Carl Jung's Collected Works (This is the Wikipedia page, to give you an idea of what the CW contains. If you're looking for a good place to begin reading Jung's work, Joli suggests Memories, Dreams, Reflections) — PWF Episode 164: I HATE THIS: Get Unstuck with Existential Kink (A shadow work method) JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Defensiveness feels like a good way to protect yourself from harm in relationships, but it's usually more effective at closing yourself off from personal growth, peace, connection, intimacy, multiplicity… and a lot of other wonderful parts of relating. Getting defensive is an unconscious strategy, a deeply ingrained response. Curbing it can feel like herding cats. Tomorrow, we're helping you find the roots of your defensiveness and we're sharing practical tools to help you identify and dismantle those sticky patterns so you can connect without defending and still feel safe. Letting go of the need to be right isn't just about winning fewer fights; it's about transforming how you show up in your relationships. When you allow room for multiple truths, you open the door to deeper empathy and connection in all areas of your life. In this episode, we talk about: — What defensiveness is and how it manifests in relationships — The connection between defensiveness and ego protection — How childhood experiences can shape our defensive patterns — The impact of defensiveness on creativity and personal growth — Practical techniques for recognizing and reducing defensive reactions — The importance of self-awareness in combating defensiveness — How to use questions instead of statements to foster understanding — The value of assuming goodwill in conversations with partners — Strategies for contextualizing issues and avoiding over-explanation — The role of shadow work and self-acceptance in reducing defensiveness Resources mentioned in this episode: — Luis Mojica's work on tolerating peace — Gay Hendricks' book The Big Leap — Andrew Leeds' on positive affect tolerance — Neurosomatic Intelligence (NSI) training — PWF Episode 164 on shadow work and Existential Kink JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Coming out as non-monogamous can bring its own set of challenges and concerns, especially if you also hold other marginalized identities. And maintaining the social appearance of monogamy can come at a cost. In this episode, we're exploring the risks and rewards of sharing your non-monogamous identity. And, if you do want to come out to the people in your life, we're breaking down some key steps you can take to get ready for whatever reactions may come your way. We're breaking down: — Why coming out conversations can be important for authenticity and relationship health — The different "circles" of people you might consider coming out to (family, friends, work, etc.) — How geographical location and social context can impact coming out experiences — The importance of considering and discussing your partners' comfort levels and boundaries — Practical tips for planning and executing coming out conversations — Why it's okay to not have all the answers when you're first exploring non-monogamy — How to handle potentially invasive questions — Addressing the potential turn-on of secrecy in non-monogamous relationships — The value of celebrating your authentic self when coming out Resources mentioned in this episode: — Episode 89 of Playing with Fire: Learning the taxonomy of non-monogamy — Laura Boyle's book Monogamy, in This Economy? — The work of Sunny Megatron, Midori, and Mollena Williams-Haas JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

It's totally normal and understandable to want privacy around your relationships. Especially in a culture that can be less than understanding towards non-monogamous people. And, maintaining the social appearance of monogamy (AKA social monogamy), can come at a cost. For some people, maintaining social monogamy can lead to feelings of disconnection and inauthenticity. You can also get into some messy territory around consent and secrecy with your partners, especially if you have different privacy preferences. We're not here to tell you how to live your life. We are here to help you navigate these tricky issues, and to help prepare you for the possibility of coming out as non-monogamous in the future. In this episode, we talk about: — The concept of default monogamy and how it shapes societal expectations — The differences between social monogamy, compulsory monogamy, and non-monogamy — The challenges of maintaining social monogamy while practicing non-monogamy — The potential impact of secrecy on relationships and personal well-being — Why it's important to have conversations about relationship visibility early on — How maintaining social monogamy can reinforce mono-normative structures — The complexities of coming out as non-monogamous, especially when children are involved — Why it's crucial to revisit decisions about relationship visibility periodically — The reality of discrimination against non-monogamous individuals and relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Angela Willey's academic papers on compulsory monogamy — Elizabeth Emmons' legal paper on monogamy assumptions — Emily Nagoski's work on desire and relationships JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Dating → becoming exclusive → moving in together → getting married → having kids. This is the assumed trajectory that all relationships will take. If you've already started exploring non-monogamy, you have some experience with breaking the mold. But even in non-monogamous relationships, it's common to find yourself slipping back into the relationship escalator framework. This path is so ingrained, it's easy to feel pressure, both internal and external, to fit your life into its rigid set of steps. We've been there, and we continue to work every day to question our own assumptions and tendencies. In this episode, we're helping you reimagine relationships and relationship security beyond the confines of the relationship escalator. In this episode, we talk about: — What the relationship escalator is and how it shapes our expectations — Different types of escalators beyond just romantic relationships — Why getting off the escalator can be psychologically challenging — How to question relationship norms and make space for alternatives — The importance of building security outside of traditional relationship structures — Practical ways to shift language and interactions to be more inclusive Resources mentioned in this episode: — Amy Gahran's book Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator — Dr. Bella DePaulo' book Single at Heart JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

We do so much grieving in our lifetimes. And not just about the deaths of loved ones—every time there is a change in our lives, we lose an old version of something. That loss can bring up big feelings, and channeling those feelings into an intentional, conscious process of grieving can be hugely beneficial for your life and your relationships. Grieving relational change is a skill, and we made this episode to help you start building that skill, and to explore the complex web of emotions that come up when relationships evolve. In this episode, we talk about: — Expanding our understanding of grief beyond just death and loss — The difference between grieving and mourning — Why even positive changes can bring up feelings of grief — Real, imagined, conscious, and subconscious relationship futures — How to grieve the "imagined future" when relationships shift — The importance of acknowledging and processing grief during relationship transitions — Different methods of mourning, including rituals and symbolic action — Why avoiding grief work can keep us stuck and slow personal growth — How to approach grieving as a rite of passage — The value of community support when processing relationship changes JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

If you have a hard time keeping relationship agreements, you probably also have a hard time keeping the agreements you make with yourself. If that's you, or if you've never even tried to make self-agreements, you have to listen to this episode. This process shouldn't feel like a punishment—I want you to make agreements with yourself that you actually want to uphold. And that's not always a straightforward process. If you're struggling, you're so not alone. This isn't entry-level work—it requires real skill-building, and we're breaking down that learning process so you can start fostering integrity and consent with yourself. In this episode, we talk about: — Why some people struggle to stick to the agreements they've made — How past relationship experiences and attachment styles influence our approaches to agreements — The role of unconscious factors in undermining our commitments — Why self-agreement keeping is the first step to keeping agreements with other people — The benefits that come with not naturally being good at upholding agreements — Balancing flexibility with reliability in relationships — How to create effective response plans for when agreements aren't met — The importance of written agreements and reminders — Why punitive consequences often backfire, and how to use educative repercussions instead — Practical tools for improving agreement-making and follow-through Resources mentioned in this episode: — Gretchen Rubin's 4 Tendencies Quiz — PWF Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101 — PWF Episode 150 Asymmetric Agreements JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

“Jealousy is just insecurity, so if you become more secure in yourself, you won't feel jealous anymore.” Ever heard that one before? We have, and we don't agree. One of the reasons I love thinking about, talking about, and doing academic research on jealousy is that jealousy contains multitudes. Insecurity and attachment issues are just one of its many facets. People tend to over-simplify jealousy because it can feel like a loaded word. Jealousy can get all mixed up with fear, shame, guilt, attachment challenges, and a bunch of other tricky, tender stuff. We made this episode to help you untangle those feelings and frameworks without pathologizing or boxing in your emotions and experiences. On this episode, we're talking about: — The complex and multiple nature of jealousy — How attachment and jealousy are related — Why jealousy is not a bad word, and why it's actually one of our favorite things to talk about — Strategies for dealing with jealousy — Using nervous system regulation tools to help you move through experiences of jealousy — The importance of giving yourself permission to try new strategies, even if they might not work perfectly — How to disrupt habitual patterns and reactions to jealousy to achieve different outcomes in your life and your relationships — The power of patience and self-compassion when you are struggling with jealousy — How to create a jealousy rescue plan Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Jealousy Roadmap & The Jealousy Resource Center JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Relationship agreements are awesome. They can take you from a place of ambiguity and assumptions to a place of clarity and transparency. But what happens when the hardest part of relationship agreements is… actually… fulfilling them?? It can leave you feeling defeated and sh*tty. If you relate to that feeling, this episode is for you. There might be some tender spots, shadowy patterns, or subconscious desires hiding beneath the surface, and we're going to help you unearth them. We're also going to walk you through some crucial steps in the process of accountability and repair with your partner(s). In this episode, we're talking about: — Ken's struggles with keeping relationship agreements around timing and logistics — The importance of accountability after agreements have been broken — Determining whether or not a relationship is safe and in alignment with your needs after agreements are broken — Making agreements based on your values, and the difference between aspirational values and lived values — The power of nervous system regulation during the agreement-making and repair processes — How shadow work connects to struggles with relationship agreements — Awareness vs acceptance of patterns — The subconscious narratives that can underlie weaponized incompetence — Why differentiation is vital to the agreement-making and -keeping processes — Why this predicament can be strong material for your individuation journey — The power of iterative agreements instead of fixed ones Resources mentioned in this episode: — PWF Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101 JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Eve and Andrea created a book that I wish I had 15 years ago when I was making the transition from monogamy to non-monogamy. And I don't say that lightly (if you know me, you know I have a LOT of polyamory books on my bookshelves). The new edition of More Than Two is a testament to Eve and Andrea's thoughtfulness and integrity as writers. They incorporated their evolving perspectives on ethics, relationships, and the world into their book, and the result is magical. They cover the stuff that many authors shy away from in the non-monogamy space. Power, abuse, ethics, responsibility—even though these subjects can be loaded, they deserve ample attention, and we're covering it all in this PWF episode. In this episode, we're breaking down: — Why they decided to create a new edition “More Than Two” — What's covered in Andrea's new book “Post Non-Monogamy and Beyond” — The concept of “post-non-monogamy” and the fluidity of relational experiences —Responsibility, ethics, and intersectionality in the non-monogamous community — The complexities of ethical frameworks in non-monogamous relationships — The challenges that come with negotiating attachment and boundaries — Eve and Andrea's take on abuse in the conscious-relating sphere — The importance of self-awareness in maintaining ethical relationships — The broader societal and political context of the world and how it has influenced our approaches to non-monogamy — Thorn Apple Press, Eve's publishing company, and its mission to elevate diverse voices in the non-monogamy community Resources mentioned in this episode: — More Than Two (second edition): Cultivating Nonmonogamous Relationships with Kindness and Integrity, by Eve Rickert with Andrea Zanin, out September 2024 — Post Non-Monogamy and Beyond by Andrea Zanin — Thorn Apple Press — Andrea Zanin's Twitter — Eve Rickert's website and blog JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Confession: We have not solved our mono-minds. The paradigm of monogamy runs deep in our society, so even though we've done decades of deep work to break out of those default frameworks and process our internalized polyphobia, we aren't immune to the trappings of the mono-mind. Just like many of the other life-changing processes that come with opening up intentionally and successfully (think individuation and differentiation), there is no end point to unpacking your mono-mind. It's a life-long process, and we love to talk about it! Our last episode on unf*cking your mono-mind is one of our top 10 most popular episodes, so we have a hunch that this may be coming up for you too… which is why we're going even deeper in this part 2 episode. In this episode, we're breaking down: — The concept of the mono-mind and how it influences our assumptions and perspectives on life and relationships — Internalized polyphobia and why the default beliefs of a monogamous society can run so deep in our psyches — How to recognize monogamous biases in our thoughts, language, and behaviors — The importance of questioning what defines romance and intimacy while unpacking your mono-mindset — Why looking at how you view friendships can be a powerful way to unpack your monogamous lenses — The slippery nature of monogamous norms — How the mono-mind can impact experiences of jealousy and boundaries in your relationships — Why the process of unf*cking your mono-mind never has a clear end point (and why that's not a bad thing) — The value of community support and resources for unpacking monogamous conditioning — Practical steps you can take to increase your awareness of mono-centric assumptions and tendencies Resources mentioned in this episode: — The book Polywise by Jessica Fern and David Cooley — Playing With Fire Episode 94 Romantic Friendships: Subversive & Awesome JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Scenario: your anchor partner is on a date with someone else. You know they have a super hot connection, and sex is definitely on the table. You're excited for them… but once they leave, and the time starts ticking by, all sorts of feelings are coming up. Your anxiety is building… and you don't know how to deal with it. We get asked about this scenario a lot, because it can be SO challenging. Good news—we've been there, we've learned a lot about our own do's and don'ts, and we know how to help you find strategies that will work for you. And that's exactly what we're doing in this mini-episode! We're breaking down: — How to effectively use trial and error and pattern detection in these situations —Why jealousy is often just beneath the surface of this anxiety — How to use resourcing and nervous system regulation while your partner is on a date — Why parting and reentering are important opportunities for connecting with your anchor/nesting partner(s) — Our experiences in these situations and the strategies that do and don't work for us — How to use The Jealousy Roadmap to work through your anxiety — The importance of reconnecting before debriefing — How you can actually gain wisdom from your jealousy and build intimacy with yourself and your partners Resources mentioned in this episode: — Minimum Viable Agreements, discussed in Episode 149 Relationship Agreements 101 — The Jealousy Roadmap JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Money, parenting, sharing space, schedules, rental agreements… these may not be the sexiest and most exciting aspects of non-monogamy, but they are important. In fact, they're common stumbling blocks, and can cause big relationship issues when left unaddressed for long periods of time. Here's the problem: we rarely get to hear about how other polyamorous people are handling the practical details of their lives. That's exactly what our guest today, author and coach Laura Boyle, is out to solve. Her new book, Monogamy? In this Economy? Finances, Childrearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory, is based on a survey of nearly 500 polyamorous households and is chock full of the real-life experiences of families with more than two adults. In this episode, we're talking about: — The most common size of polyamorous households (hint: it's not what you might expect!) — Creative solutions for managing space constraints in shared living situations — The importance of open communication about seemingly minor issues before they become major problems — How to navigate the complexities of blending families and introducing new partners to children — Practical considerations around finances, particularly regarding vacations and large gifts for non-nesting partners — The parallels between polyamorous family dynamics and other "non-traditional" family structures like blended families — Why it's crucial to discuss reproductive health and pregnancy scenarios early in relationships — Our own experiences with solving these issues — How relationship anarchy principles can benefit both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships — Addressing jealousy in multi-adult households without overemphasizing or ignoring it Resources mentioned in this episode: — Laura Boyle's new book: Monogamy in This Economy: Finances, Child Rearing, and Other Practical Concerns of Polyamory — Pre-order Laura's book — Laura's website: ReadyForPolyamory.com — Follow Laura on Instagram and TikTok: @ReadyforPolyamory JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

A lot of personal growth work is about recognizing and focusing on what we can change in our lives. Take responsibility and make the changes needed. But sometimes you're stuck. Stuck and bewildered by how this shit keeps happening. There are those same old cyclical situations… a heated argument with a romantic partner, a recurring issue at work, a really challenging family dynamic… where we feel like we have no control. All those tools and practices go out the window and it feels like the situation is just happening at us. These challenges are the perfect place to start practicing shadow work—the process of becoming aware of what you've suppressed, hated, and denied about yourself. Sound a little scary? Don't worry, shadow work does not mean embracing and enacting all the mean parts of yourself. In other words, doing this work doesn't mean becoming an asshole. There are many ways to do shadow work, but today we're focusing on a method created by Carolyn Lovewell called Existential Kink. Existential Kink involves loving, accepting, and owning the ‘guilty pleasure' we get from the shadowy aspects of our subconscious, and we're walking you through the whole process. In this episode, we're breaking down: — What the shadow is — What it means to do shadow work — How Jungian and depth psychology define and approach the shadow — Examples of how and why people repress and deny aspects of themselves — Why unexamined shadow aspects of ourselves often lead to projections — How embracing and recollecting repressed aspects of ourselves can be powerfully transformative for your personal growth and relationships — Why shadow work does not mean embracing and enacting evil/mean aspects of ourselves (AKA becoming an asshole) — The theory behind and process of Existential Kink — The importance of community and support while doing depth psychological work Resources mentioned in this episode: — My Individuation Alchemy program — Carolyn Lovewell's book, work, and programs — Lindsay Braman's Emotion Sensation Feelings Wheel JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Abbey and Liam approach building conscious relationships in a way that's refreshing, pragmatic, playful, and authentic, all at once. Their work focuses on creating space for open, real conversations about non-monogamy, and they're really good at it!! In this episode, Abbey and Liam share a lot about their journeys, including their gradual, relaxed approach to coming out as non-monogamous, how they prioritize parenting, and how they navigate challenges like jealousy, boundaries, commitment, and communication. In this episode, we talk about: — How Abby and Liam gradually came out as non-monogamous to friends and family — Their experiences balancing non-monogamy and parenting a young child — The importance of age-appropriate conversations about relationships with kids — How non-monogamy has enhanced their connection as a couple — Navigating jealousy, including Liam's "motorbike rule" — The role of humor and levity in addressing relationship challenges — How non-monogamy connects to mortality and living life fully — The value of open communication in relationships — Unpacking safety concerns vs. attachment fears in setting boundaries Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Evolving Love Project podcast — The Evolving Love Project Substack — Abbey's upcoming women's retreat in May 2024 JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Opening up isn't just about f*cking around and finding out. Done thoughtfully, it's an experience of opening up yourself. It winds up being a journey of learning what you truly need and want and how to collaborate to create relationships that truly fit. The Year of Opening is POWERFUL. I've seen people transform themselves and their lives in this program, over and over. In this special PWF episode, we sit down with five past participants to hear about what brought them to The Year of Opening, the challenges they faced in their opening journeys, and the transformations they underwent along the way. We created The Year of Opening to give people access to researched-backed tools, professional support, and a community of people who just get it, all in one place. Hear all about it from these amazing, brave YOO graduates, who get vulnerable in this episode to give you a peek into what it's like to join this community. If you're looking for support on your opening journey, but you have some questions about the best way to get it, this episode is for you! Our graduates share: — What inspired them to find support — What it was like being in a group and talking about vulnerable stuff — The tools and concepts that stuck with them — How the work is continuing to benefit their lives — The unexpected personal growth that came from working on their relationships — The importance of community support while exploring non-monogamy JOIN The Year of Opening community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.theyearofopening.com⁠⁠ Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When we read Entwined, Alex Alberto's genre-blending memoir, we felt seen, understood, and represented on a whole new level. We knew right away that we wanted Alex to join us on Playing With Fire—and this week's episode is even better than we could have imagined!! Alex's ground-breaking collection of essays covers beautiful and difficult parts of polyamory that are rarely discussed in story-telling formats. They show us how intense and transformative metamour relationships can be, and they bring us stories of sex and love that go beyond the romp-in-the-hay format. Whether you're polyamorous, monogamous, or somewhere in between, this conversation will expand your understanding of what's possible in relationships. In this episode, we discuss: — Alex's journey to non-monogamy — How polyamory can be a path to self-discovery and personal growth — The value of intentionality in relationships, regardless of structure — How non-monogamy can expand our capacity for joy and connection — Appreciating the day-to-day realities of non-monogamous relationships, even the challenging parts — The beauty and importance of metamour relationships in polyamorous dynamics — The power of storytelling in normalizing and validating non-traditional relationships — The need for diverse representation in polyamory media — Parenting, co-parenting, and navigating the societal pressures of raising a child in a non-monogamous family dynamic — Embracing change and transitions in long-term partnerships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Alex's book, Entwined: Essays on Polyamory and Creating Home — Alex's website — Alex's Instagram and TikTok: @thatalexalberto — The upcoming magazine Entwined Mag Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Read the transcript of this episode here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Opening up your relationship does not automatically lead to you getting more of your needs met. Monogamy or not, identifying and communicating your needs, wants, and likes can be really challenging!! It's also crucial to building fulfilling relationships, which is exactly why we created this episode. Like most aspects of relating, individuating, differentiating, and all the wonderful things we like to talk about on Playing With Fire, identifying and communicating your needs is a skill that you can practice and build. Listen on to learn about: — The difference between needs, wants, and likes in relationships — Why identifying and communicating your needs can be so challenging — The importance of developing a rich vocabulary to describe your experiences and desires — How shame and trauma can impact our ability to express ourselves in relationships — The role of negotiation and consent in getting needs met — Who is responsible for meeting whose needs — Why writing things down can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and communication — The challenges of balancing individual needs with relationship dynamics, especially in non-monogamous contexts — How to identify your own manipulative and people-pleasing tendencies, and why those strategies can be harmful for everyone in the long run Resources mentioned in this episode: — David Cooley's writing and coaching — Dan Shipper's article on developing sensory vocabulary — The "Yes, No, Maybe" list for exploring sexual preferences (kinkier version here) Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Resentment is one of those emotions that can be truly destructive in relationships. It can turn into contempt, and even acrimony… which is why we want to help you address these feelings early and thoroughly. Whether you're in the middle of a big, longstanding resentment issue, or if you're just starting to feel a little bit bubble up in your relationship, this mini-episode is a must-listen. This week, we're breaking down: — The difference between incompatible wants vs. incompatible relationship structures — How entitlement and sexual shame can fuel resentment — The importance of clearly communicating needs and desires to your partner — Why regular relationship check-ins are crucial for preventing resentment buildup — How to create a relationship culture that welcomes difficult conversations — The role of gratitude in counterbalancing resentment — When and how to find a qualified therapist or coach who is a good match for your relationship goals and values — Why compromise doesn't mean compromising your core self Resources mentioned in this episode: —AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists): www.aasect.org Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Ever been in a relationship where one of you wanted a lot more sex than the other? Us too! It can be challenging to navigate, especially when you throw in stigma, trauma, sexual shame, and all the other obstacles that can make conversations about sex and desire tricky and painful. We have good news: There's a lot you can do to address these issues! In fact, we find that when we do a little digging with our clients, many of those who struggle with desire discrepancy have barely talked about the issue… at all. This week, we're unpacking why that is and what you can do about it, and we're sharing some powerful resources to help you along the way. In this episode, we talk about: — Why conversations about desire discrepancies can be so challenging — Destigmatizing the topic of desire mismatches through open conversation — Why there is no such thing as the “normal” amount or type of sex — The importance of understanding your own desires first — Why even small differences in desire can start to feel like a problem — Why getting really clear and specific about desires and past patterns is the key to improving these conversations — The importance of consent in relationships with desire mismatches — How we often project inner conflicts about sex and pleasure onto our partners — Reimagining relationship norms and structures rather than assuming fixed rules — The complexity and ongoing nature of unpacking unconscious assumptions around sexuality within relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Emily Nagoski's books "Come As You Are" and "Come Together" — Emily Nagoski's TED talks and podcast episodes Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠ Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions