Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen

Greetings upon greetings to all VH-loving speaker systems everywhere!Yes it's that time again for another issue of your _(insert number here)_st / nd / rd / th favourite Van Halen podcast that's out there on the digital broadcast cyberhighway!Now we do like sailing along in our relationship with you dear listener, but like any good relationship it's important to spice things up every now and again to keep things interesting isn't it... that's why this episode has temporarily moved away from all and any VH-related record analysising and, following a successful field trip to London's O2 Islington Academy, we've moved on to this podcast's first live gig review of... Wolfie's recent Mammoth WVH show!!EXPECT... Rig-rundowns! Accidental knife smuggling! Encore debates! Audition tales! Flammable near-misses! And soOo much more....Do enjoy the show, but before you leave please pick up any litter and take it with you.What do you mean, "Why?"You wouldn't leave your own house in a mess like that would you??No. Exactly.Thank you for your co-operation.Also! if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly.You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalenEnjoy the show, dear podpal!Thank you for being here and not over there.Fistbumps aplenty,Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

Ahoy there, dear listener!Your audio pals Steve & Ross are back casting pods around Lake Internet and reeling them in to bring you a review of their latest catch — The Collection II!And to pursue this totally random angling analogy a little further; there's nothing fishy going on when such a treasure trove of previously unreleased Sammy-era VH treasures are released into the wild and served up for us salivating fans to feast upon with a side order of corkscrew-hair-shaped Hagar fries.Thanks to Mister Drummond of course for sacrificing his future pension plan by allowing us a peek inside his own personal box set edition, after delicately cutting a tiny portion of the protective cellophane with surgical precision to reveal a glimmer of the goodies within.Expect insights and outtakes, factoids and trivia, assessments and critiques, tangents and nonsense and loads of silly voices as usual. Also, if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly. You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen Enjoy the show, dear podpal! Thank you for being here and not over there. Fistbumps aplenty, Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

Podderers!Podbods!OnlyPoddyFans!Seeeeee!! As promised, it's not been an eternity of decades since the previous episode has it! Say what you like about this poddington-pod (and if you've ever read our reviews you'll know that some people certainly do) but we are true to our word... as long as we don't have to sign anything official that legally binds us to it of course.And we're proper delighted to be devoting this latest instalment to our favourite celebrity Wolf! (With Wolf from the 1990's UK version of 'Gladiators' and that alpha wolf animal actor from Liam Neeson's 2011 action romp 'The Grey' coming in second and third.) But we're not just talkin' WVH, more specifically his recent(ish) mighty second album!So sit back and pump up the jam (or the volume if you don't care for fruit preserves) as Steve & Ross use a variety of theoretical stainless steel instruments to dissect and review 'Mammoth II'.... via all the usual tangents plus unplanned but welcome appearances from their old friend Ringo Starr and new friends Mrs. Laila the Cow, Fake Elvis and Michael 'Mister Jazz' Baskette.Also, if you are so inclined and have access to both a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. Whatever we see we'll deffo read it out.... the good, even the bad and especially the ugly.You can also message or mention us on that angry social place that has since rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen and on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen Enjoy the show, dear podpal! Thank you for being here and not over there. Fistbumps aplenty, Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.

We listened, dear Listener! Yes, after spending thousands upon thousands on expensive podcast focus groups we listened to the feedback... and after kindly giving the world's ears a deserving year and a half's rest from our nonsense – WE'RE BACK – to broadcast more flights of fancy from the Van Halen chopper!Well, a news broadcast to be precise. Since it's been so long, there sure is a heck of a load for us all to catch up on.Mainly thanks to the D to the L to the R, who has definitely not been inactive during this period and kindly given us an endless cavalcade of shocking shenanigans to dissect and discuss.No spoilers here though – all of this tantalising talk and more in a brand new(s) episode!Also, if you are so inclined with access to a keyboard and next door's Wi-Fi password, please do leave us a review inside your chosen podcast platform's review zone. We also welcome messages or mentions on that angry social place that has since been rebranded with a swanky new name that no-one ever uses: twitter.com/talkinvanhalen And on the Facebooks which nobody cool really goes on anymore: facebook.com/TalkinVanHalenEnjoy the show, dear Listener! Thank you for being here and not over there.Fistbumps aplenty,Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.PS. Here's the links that Ross mentioned during the episode:John 5 talking about working with DLR - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP8KJzTlrzA  EVH 1998 Studio Tour - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpzyxHnN7HM 

Greetings most excellent listener!Ohhh hang on, you've got your angry face on….Yes yes, you have every right to be annoyed – downright irate in fact. But if you're gonna blame anybody for the almost-a-year delay between episodes, blame nature….Steve + Ross went into hibernation last October, and one of the bears in their colony annoyingly (and rather typically) forgot to put the alarm on. And whilst they've both been snoozing and inwardly feasting upon their stored fats and blubber, what a (nearly) 12 months it's been!Your 19th favourite comedy podcast (depending on which region of the world you live in) returns with a rockyroll news bulletin covering the previous year-ish, full of Van Halen-related updates (and the usual tangent-laden nonsense) that will soar your hearts, drop your jaws and tickle your knees… as we discover:D TO THE L TO THE R…. IN UNNECESSARY RE-RECORDING SHOCKER!R TO THE I TO THE P…. TO ONE OF ROCK'S (AND THIS PODCAST'S) MOST LEGENDARY CHARACTERS!!O TO THE M TO THE G…. AS THE SECRETS OF OSCILLATING POTATOES ARE FINALLY REVEALED!!!A TO THE N TO THE D…. FOR THE BIGGEST NEWS OF ALL YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO HIT THAT PLAY BUTTON SO ROSS CAN TELL YOU HIMSELF!!!!As always, thanks galore to you and your patient ears for tuning in once again, dear listener. And we shall endeavour not to wait until the next millennium to record the next one.Hey give us a review on one of the podcast platforms or drop us a tweet on the Twitters or a message on the Facebooks, and we'll give you a shout out that will be immortalised on digitally streamed audiotape forever…. or even longer. Sound like a deal? Of course it does.Waving! We're waving at you!Steve + Ross at ATBVH HQ.P.S Here's that link to the very cool Rolling Stones Article: https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/eddie-van-halen-secret-friendship-emails-1367678/

It was probably the legendary Freddie Mercury who put it best..."One man. One goal.One mission. One global lockdown. One replica guitar. One work station. One spray can.ONE VISION."Er, it went something like that anyway….The point is, without knowing it, Lord Mercury coincidentally and unwittingly predicted the future project of Mr. Steve Reekie – talented guitarist and friend of the ATBVH podcast – who undertook the building of a totally playable and highly-detailed replica of Edward Van Halen's ultra-iconic Frankenstrat guitar during the UK's 2020 Covid lockdown.(It's at enviously impressive times like this that the rest of us wish we hadn't spent each lockdown combined attempting to bake the perfect loaf of banana bread.)In a podcast first! ATBVH's first ever guest, Steve joins Steve (the other one) and Ross to discuss the step-by-step steps of how Frankenstrat's unofficial yet just as handsome British cousin was born.PLUS! Your eyes can also watch along! By going to Steve's Instagrams @steveohhno and observing the accompanying pics and vids.But that's not all…. !EXPECT! Mind-blowing insight on how EVH created parts of the original axe!MARVEL! At Sherlock Holmes-levels of cigarette burn analysis!REJOICE! In hearing Steve (not that one) and fellow musician Ross converse in such impressive guitar vernacular that they sound like two doctors discussing complicated surgical procedures!And remember, dear listener! Keep on carrying on messaging us on the Twitters at @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. And if you leave us a sexy podcast review we'll give you the shout-out equivalent of a saucy post-date peck on the cheek. (With tongues.)Cheeeeeeeers!

SUMMON THE DEVILS!AWAKEN THE DEMONS!DILUTE THE SPIRITS!WE ARE BACK!So after reading a random article about wild bears and the benefits of annual hibernation, Steve and Ross return from a refreshingly deep January to August sleep (off-grid in a bunk bed in the woods) to bring you a brand new episode of ATBVH!And as a special reward for waiting around this long, dear listener… we've veered off the path (yet again) and parked our current mission of documenting and reviewing Samuel Roy Hagar's pre-VH solo output (er, yet again) to bring you a special topical review of the artist formerly known as Wolfgang Van Halen's brand spankingly-new debut solo album ‘Mammoth WVH.'Rumours of such a project were teased out there on the VH grapevine as we recorded our premiere episode back in 2016, so this has been a long time coming. Though not quite as long as the album, which will be an even bigger hit to those who like getting more bangers for their bucks! And how Alanis Morissettely ironic that a podcast notorious for stubbornly long episodes should arrive at one of its shortest ones. (Or ‘normal episode length' as all the other podcasts call it.) Don'tcha think?Words will be spoken!Opinions will be given!Insights will be shared!Nonsense will be uttered!Tangents will be accessed!Personnel will be impersonated!And if you fancy having yourself perfectly preserved in audio format from now until eternity ends, then drop us a review or a message and we'll give you the mother of all vocal shout-outs. The grandmother of all vocal shout-outs, more like. No! The great-great-GREAT-grandmother of all vocalised shout outs. THAT'S how big it will be.Message us on the Twitters at @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen.And a podcast review is especially appreciated – good ones are proper lovely (and bad ones are well funny), so do keep ‘em coming!Until the next time… cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeers and hand-sanitised fistpumps!

If you're in a band that exists purely because of Van Halen AND you have a longstanding podcast about the band, THEN you have your debut album coming out, what do you do?! Well, you hope the fans of the show will get stuck in and listen as Ross and Steve go through the album track by track! We're talking Ross' band Cheap Meat, and their Debut Album People Are The Worst! It's a big un! From Robert Burns history to Whitesnake guitar solos, making the old granny's in Cultercullen cry via Dave Stewart of the Eurythmics. We've got it all baby!Now dear listener, be sure to go ahead and get a copy of the album via https://cheapmeat.bandcamp.comAND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts, and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for an absolute ticker-tape parade of a mention.Stay safe out there, dear listeners! Wash your hands, scrub your toes and more importantly.... be excellent to each other. 

Season's Tidings this Christmas Eve, dear listener!On the (day before the) first day of Chrimbus, your true loves (Santa Steve & Ross Claus) bring to you another audio issue of their (semi) annual ATBVH Holiday Special – recorded remotely from the soundproofed nest of their rock n' roll pear tree!Yep that's right, the boys are dinging and donging merrily on high once again, and using a magnifying glass pulled from one of last year's Christmas crackers to analyse the Sound and Vision wonder that is 'LIVE WITHOUT A NET'!Expect multiple swoons over EVH's legendary solo!Marvel at Michael Anthony's lucrative on-stage lemonade empire!Make merry with random Christmas movie chatter!Ponder upon irrelevant favourite festive song choices!And much and loads and tons more nonsense!Tah-Tah until the New Year, dear listener.... but in the meantime.... in the words of the big man himself...."MERRRRY CHRISTMASSINGS TO ALL, AND TO ALL – MERRRRRRRRY CHRIIIIIIIIIIIISTMASSINGS!!!!!!"BY THE WAY! We like to type things and post them on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll make you immediately immortal by preserving your name in a recorded shoutout that shall be preserved forevermore. But if you wish to be catapulted straight to the top of Father Christmas's 'Good' list, type our show a review on a pod-based platform like the iTunes's! Thanks and socially distant elbowfistbumps dear listeners, socially distant elbowfistbumps!

Right Now, you're listening to our Van Halen podcast.Right Now we're all thinking about Eddie.Right Now, the world is still in shock.Right Now feels appropriate to park our usual nonsense and buffoonery.Right Now we're paying tribute to the great man's life and work instead. Right Now, you're hearing Steve and Ross trying hard to juggle paying their respects and still be kind of entertaining at the same time.Right Now, Steve is probably saying "That's really sweet" far too many times.Right Now, Ross still thinks that going to Canada in 2015 to see Van Halen live was his best decision ever.Right Now, the listeners are relieved to learn that this episode is shorter than they normally are.Right Now, some people aren't totally getting this 'Right Now' reference so here's a link to the official video: http://bit.ly/RightNowMusicVideoRight Now you can message us inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen and on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen.RiGHt nOW tHIS KeyBOARd is PLayING up AGAin.Right Now we hope you're all staying safe out there, dear listeners!

Greetings and socially distanced, fully sanitised elbow fistbumps to you dear listener! Yes, your friendly neighbourhood Van Halen podcasters are back in the digital saddle and galloping towards you with another audio issue of nonsense!Although things have been better... Steve has just tried to open a bank account at a branch that doesn't exist, and Ross is having NASA-esque levels of technical problems.... but let's not worry about any of that now!Why? Because it's the beginning of a magical (depending on your allegiance) new section of ATBVH!Move over Harry Potter... it's time for 'Sammy Hagar and the Solo Discography Section of Joy.'That's right! After completing an in-depth exploration of DLR's solo exploits, the boys are traversing a sidestep to the right (and milking the podcast for as long as they can) as they explore the Samuel 'Roy' Hagar (SRH?) post-VH body of work. Whether you like it or not!Steve and Ross begin by parting this chunky mane of corkscrew curls and climbing inside that Red Rocking mind to take the first of many future strolls down Hagar Memory Lane.Starting with – his first band – you know, the one beginning with 'M.'Hmmm.... Mongoose? Don't be silly.Monsoon? You're testing our patience now.Monterey Jack Cheese? We're warning you...MONTROSE!!!! Correct!! Yes, it's time for 'Sammy Hagar and the Montrose Rockers of Glory.'Listen in wonder as both Steve and Ross use spoken words to uncover a treasure trove of Fun Facts™ and tall tales that surround SRH's first foray into rockyroll.Expect new characters! Dilapidated scooters!Candy made from rocks!Featuring cola can-eating goats! Rancid goat milk! And other pointless goat and non-goat tangents!AND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for an absolute ticker-tape parade of a mention.Stay safe out there dear listeners! Wash your hands, scrub your toes and more importantly.... be excellent to each other. 

GREEEEEETINGS DEAR LISTENERS!Ok, ok... don't be mad that it's been EIGHT ACTUAL MONTHS since our last pod-based broadcast... The thing is, unfortunately and until very recently, we've been trapped genie-style inside a Sammy Hagar Cabo Wabo tequila bottle.We were slurring our words so badly whilst drinking that we accidentally cast a dark spell on ourselves that sucked us inside and it took so very long to smash our way out. Sounds unbelievable eh!?! BUT the good news is that we're out and WE'RE BACK! Now we may have returned to a global pandemic and subsequent international quarantine (we really REALLY didn't expect THAT) but we're determined to lift spirits higher than a classic VH harmony section. How? By reviewing David Lee Roth's solo 'DLR Band' album of course.... in a shiny new separately-together, remotely-recorded 'DIVER LOCKDOWN' edition!"Wa Wa Zat?" Yes you heard right, it's our lost DLR Band episode! Well, lost in that we thought we had recorded it last year... but turns out what actually happened is we met up and just talked nonsense about other stuff instead and didn't get around to recording anything. So here it is at last.Expect slam dunks! Expert track analysis! Album artwork despair! Umpteen song fatigue! New technology impressions! And SO much more!AND HEY, DON'T FORGET.... we use a fancy telepathy app to type with our minds on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out via spoken fireworks in our next episode. However, if you want the biggest shoutout since records began... give our podcast a review on one of the many reputable podcast outlets for aN ABSOLUTE ticker-tape parade of a mention.Take care out there dear listeners, wash your hands and behind your ears, but more importantly – STAY AWAY FROM EMPTY LIQUOR BOTTLES AND DEEP DARK MAGIC!

What do you get when you've two of the smartest minds in podcasting? Well, belated and sporadic episodes for a start (sorry again dear listener) BUT you also get hosts of a Top 60 comedy podcast in Finland (this is not a drill!) AND... um... er... um... you get an album skipped too... ! Yep we admit it, so dazzled have we been by Dave's solo offerings that we totally missed out an album! ‘DLR Band'? Where's that gone then? We've looked everywhere... inside our hard drives, under the mouse mat, Ross even turned his old house upside-down (the new residents were NOT happy) but nope, it's gone.But don't worry we'll find it! Then go back and do the DLR band album next. Look, just think of it as us approaching Mister Roth's solo output like Pulp Fiction – we're already at the end, and now it's big band time, it's funky 90s, it's well... whatever's knocking about in the studio broom cupboard, on this – the final (as it stands) solo album from ‘Diamond Dave'!We talk about the infamous Sammy & DLR Tour, Dave's penchant for a platinum blonde dye, Matthew McConaughey-inspired noodling and well... all your usual ATBVH tomfoolery, bumbling and fun!Let's Diamond Dive right into Diamond Dave! PLUUUUSSS DON'T FORGET!We are semi-active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts... type the show a review on the ol' iTunes (or other podcast outlet!) for a veritable spoken ticker-tape parade. Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

As promised standard album review services have resumed, dear listener(s)! That can mean only one thing....Good Times! These are the good times! Leave your cares behind! David Lee Roth has undoubtedly been trying to do that, after getting nicked by the rozzers in New York. Why? For not washing his mouth out with soap enough! That's right folks, it's time for 'Your Filthy Little Mouth'!Aaaaaaah... Freak out! Le Freak, C'est Chic! Oi! Who's left a Kangol cap on the mixing desk? Has Tuggle started experimenting with new hats? Is Billy trying to use some sort of mind control? Is that a disco beat? Where are they coming from? Reggae? Is that a jazz cigarette? What ON EARTH is happening? Well for a start, Tuggle returns... Brookside is discussed... we get a BAD review... ramblin' Roth's on fine form... there's a harmonica + vibrating phone mash-up... no end-Endgame spoilers via Marvel... cherry liqueur chocolate discussions... Matthew McConaughey reads some DLR lyrics... Sir Ian McKellen briefly stops by (again)... OH, and the aforementioned 1994 DLR album is discussed too... in another tangent-filled, randomly-layered episode of Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen!PLUUUUSSS DON'T FORGET!We are semi-active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Goodness us, Dear Listener! What can we say but bestow our humblest apologies... it's been an age – an ice (cream man) age! SooOoo long in fact, that actual new VH-based news has surfaced of late and is occurring “riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight NOW.” So we've veered off the usual album-review highway and stopped off at the nearest cheap motel to devote an entire episode to ‘New VH/Roth/Hagar News' – complete with impromptu jingles! Well, it had to be done... for one thing, David Lee Roth decided to make a tattoo cream (obvs) and then promote it on multiple different outlets being David Lee Roth in the only way we know he can. Does he randomly talk about Kayaking? Sure! Does he appear on stage out-of-the-blue at an electronic music festival with a Dutch fella? You bet! Do we learn anything about anything at all? Almost certainly not! But we're here, we've got a bowl of M&Ms, and we're munching deep into the world of what's currently going on with our friend and yours; Diamond Dave! And a couple of other fellas named Sammy and Eddie too.(Disclaimer for those who fear change)Normal album review service will resume next month.In the meantime, follow along with these handy links on the YouTubes that are mentioned:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaGiJ0MHvq4 - DLR on Joe Mega Cuthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkG4K8nmliQ - DLR @ Ultra MusicANNNND DON'T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

We've been making a list, checking it twice, now come and find out if you've been naughty or nice! You guessed it... it's the Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Christmas Special!Wolfgang's roasted (ie. burnt) the chestnuts by an open fire, Michael Anthony's nipping at your nose and Eddie and Alex have eaten all the Celebrations but left all the Twix's. Typical. Never fear, festive cheer is near! Christmas Specials are the podcast equivalent of end of school term/semester. So Santa Steve's brought along his jingle jangle feet, and Ross Claus has dialled his guitar virtuosity up to 11. Why? Because in this episode we're channelling our inner DLR and writing a David Lee Roth Christmas song on-air that the world didn't necessarily want OR necessarily deserve! Ho! Ho! Ho! MERRRRY CHRISTMAS!!DON'T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

"Bye Bye Vai...!Oi, Tuggle! Bissonette Brothers! Rocket! Get over here!" "Seems like it's only a few of us here, Dave..." "Ha! A Little Ain't Enough!""Sounds like a good name for an album in 1991, boss.""YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!!!"Grunge, so much grunge... all over poor DLR's spandex. So better start shooting videos in black and white to hide those pesky Seattle coffee stains, Dave. Meanwhile, Mr. Tuggle is on an Aerosmith bender and Bob Rock is getting annoyed in the booth. PLUS... Sir Ian McKellan is back from the Bard with another reciting of some of DLR's lyrics, and Matthew Mcconaughey is telling you all about the lawn uptake that you didn't know you need! All this and more in another DLR solo adventure/dream/nightmare... it's... ‘A Little Ain't Enough'!DON'T FORGET!We are active typers on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep tweeting us tweetings and faceposting us faceposts and we'll shout you out in verbal neon next time BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a veritable spoken ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Give me a surfboard! Give me a boxing ring! Give me bass turned very low in the mix and while you're at it could you make sure this album sounds as exactly like the era it was recorded as possible? Build it low? Absolutely not, it's time to talk.... Skyscraper!OU812? Don't mind if I do! It's 1988 – David has been touring the world, meeting up with ex-producers in coffee shops, taking umbrage with dexterous bass guitarists and having nightmares with the dry cleaning bill of Steve Vai's billowy shirts. We dive deep into the photoshoot that nearly killed Dave, check the medical records of a certain Dr. Funk and learn all about the boy from Burnley who set the keyboard world alight (or at least the electricity bill from all those pesky synths!) All this and more in our mammoth building of an episode... it's all things David Lee Roth and his ultra-glam Skyscraper!DON'T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we'll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Lights! Camera! Cancelled?! Troubles a foot in paradise... we're going to need spandex, a Scientologist and that fella with a handle in his guitar. We might be a while folks, it's time to Eat 'Em and Smile!It's 1985. David Lee Roth has fully found his true calling and as Pasadena's answer to Steven Spielberg. It's time to take those 3 and a half minute videos to feature length. It's like Spielberg if he had a penchant for high colour saturation and fat suits. You might want to watch yourself though, that chequebook is looking mighty elastic if you catch my drift... Just as well we've got everyone's favourite tea-chugging Yorkshireman behind the 1s and 2s! That's right Ted Templeman is 100% team DLR (for now.) So get on your favourite dance pumps and order an Uber to tobacco road. We're going to be delving into the world that is "Eat 'Em and Smile"!DON'T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we'll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

If David Lee Roth calls, is it really a conversation? Is that a Beach Boy? Is it Christopher Cross? Where's the top of my hat? It must be the weather, we're going Crazy from the Heat!It's 1984, the Van Halen brothers are back at the ranch. Ted Templeman's been called up for the England squad. DLR is wearing ski goggles indoors and starting a TV show. We're in New York, we're in California, we're wearing Spandex and jazz shoes! Take a load off dear listener, we're diving into the David Lee Roth solo era. It's the Crazy from the Heat EP!DON'T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we'll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Zilch! Zip! Nil Points!Buckle up listeners! We're off in our DeLorean and while you're at it, bring a calculator... and you know what – bring your maths homework too! 1 minus 1? Easy peasy... hold on, is this a middling analogy? That's right listeners! We're talking about the magical 1976 demo 'Zero'!Poor Mrs. Van Halen's not getting a minute's rest from the constant tongue wagging of Gene 'The Terminator' Simmons, Eddie's being asked to write more solos than you can shake an inappropriate song title at, and David Lee Roth... well... he's having a nightmare getting into the venue! All this AND MORE on this month's 'Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen'!DON'T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at Facebook.com/TalkinVanHalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we'll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

It can be difficult in these modern times...Who to turn to? Who to trust? Is this fake news? No, no, no, dear listener. This is ‘A Different Kind of Truth'!It's 2012 — the year of the London Olympics. A failed attempt to get into the US Squash Court team can mean only one thing. Time for Wolfgang to wrangle up the brothers Van Halen for their first album with David Lee Roth in... well, since Wolfie was but a twinkle in Valerie's eye!Is Ted Templeman coming back into the fold? Will the album just sound like the love child of Alanis Morissette and Westlife? Only one way to find out... TO THE PODCAST!DON'T FORGET! We're on the Twitters @TalkinVanHalen and inside the Facebooks too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen. So keep dropping us tweets and faceposts and we'll shout you out on the next episode BIG TIME. However, but if you want the megashoutout of ultrashououts, type the show a review on the ol' iTunes for a verbal ticker tape parade! Fistbumps dear listeners, fistbumps!

Lights! Camera! No.. wait! This is audio only! Press record! Press Record! Oh Cripes, it's in Japanese! What do I do?! Welcome to Tokyo Dome Live in Concert!The year is 2013, Alex, Eddie and Wolfgang Van Halen have been routing through the deepest darkest corners of their Big Yellow Storage Space, old demos fly across the room, live outtakes are deemed not good enough. But wait! We've a plan... All sparkles and jazz pants, the great David Lee Roth, now part android has been working on a short and artful film in Japanese with a view to showing it for two nights only. I guess that'll solve it? Alright, 4 tickets on the next MegaBus to Tokyo!DON'T FORGET! We're on Twitter @TalkinVanHalen and now Facebook too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen, so do drop us a tweet and a facepost. AND if you've a flight of fancy, we'd sure appreciate a review over there on the iTunes!

A Live Album! A Live Album? Who knows! Can you tell? That's right, it's Live: Right Here, Right Now!Hey! Who's that there sniffing? David Lee Roth? Can you see Sammy and the gang are busy! No we're not doing a greatest hits album! Haven't you heard of a thing called MOMENTUM?! Okay, fine, we'll do a live album. Can we re-record nearly the whole thing afterwards? Strange request.. but sure! Not a problem! That's right listeners, we're Live: Right Here, Right Now! (Well, ish)That's right listeners, we're back and we're live, just like Eddie, Alex, Michael and Sammy. Well kind of anyway. Happy New Year!DON'T FORGET! We're on Twitter @TalkinVanHalen and now Facebook too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen, so do drop us a tweet and a facepost. AND if you've a flight of fancy, we'd sure appreciate a review over there on the iTunes!

Holes in the squash court... samurai hair... capri pants strewn all over the shop... it's 2004! It's the Best of Both Worlds! Sometimes you just want to get back in a familiar saddle. Sometimes you've got to make sure your bass playing pal comes along for the ride. Does he still have a mullet? Flippin' 'eck! Is it the mid-naughties now? No matter what the reason may be, The Red Rocker isn't taking no for an answer, but he isn't saying much else to ol' EVH. Side note... is that a smoke-filled stack of scantily-clad woman in the distance? GULP! All this and SO much more in another glorious Ain't Talkin' 'Van Halen extravaganza!! DON'T FORGET! We're on Twitter @TalkinVanHalen and now Facebook too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen, so do drop us a tweet and a facepost. AND if you've a flight of fancy, we'd sure appreciate a review over there on the iTunes!

Fax Machines filled with tornado facts, Ted Templeman by the telephone, David Lee Roth taking a break from his painting and decorating! We're going over Greatest Hits, Volume 1! Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? All these singers, a slice at a time, like an... erm, yeah a lead singer in Van Halen! Sometimes you just can catch a break if you've a decent set of pipes at 5150! The ultimate in will-they-won't-they. We're swinging from Hagar to Malloy to Roth to Cherone! It's a storm! A twister! (Just don't bleeding sing about it.) All this and so much more in this episode of Ain't Talkin' Van Halen!  PS. Upgrades! We're on Twitter @TalkinVanHalen and now Facebook too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen

What do you do when it's the late 90s and you're down a singer? Well you bag yourself a friend of the A-Team... oh, and Gary Cherone! We're talking Van Halen III of course! Things are TENSE at 5150. Michael Anthony still has the mullet but his presence is scarce. So who's going to sing over these experimental and oh-so-long songs? Is that the flared pant of a Mr. DLR? And who's had their spray paint out... there's PornoGraffiti everywhere! It's got to be Extreme's Gary Cherone! But hang on, who's going to glue this all together? Why, it's TV Composer Extraordinaire Mike 'A-Team theme' Post! We love it when a plan (sort of) comes together - enjoy Van Halen 3 listeners! PS. Upgrades! We're on Twitter @TalkinVanHalen and now Facebook too at facebook.com/talkinvanhalen

Steady that egg friend! And while you're at it, watch those conjoined children on that there see-saw, that's right we're talking Van Halen's Balance! Things ever got so bad that you headed to Bryan Adams' place up in Canada? Just couldn't be bothered to write lyrics and hoped no one would notice? Smashed a piano to pieces and hoped you'd do a good cover up with some Pritt Stick? Rocked a mullet with conviction far too late into the 90s? Then you're sure to relate to the antics of Sammy, Eddie, Michael and Alex as we discuss Van Halen's Balance! Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us, dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it an acronym for a naughty word? Come on down to our Van Halen college, we're talking about For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge! Have you been taking album title recommendations from boxers who's facts don't necessarily check out? Keep recording whatever power tools are knocking about your squash court? Maybe you're trying to make your drums sound absolutely massive in that very same squash court! Well, whaddya know! The brothers Van Halen were trying to do the very same things during the recording of the Hagar classic For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us, dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

For god's sake wipe that smile off your face. I'm not interested in what that other fella has been up to, it's time for us to talk OU812! Have you got noisy neighbours writing riffs? Are they wanting to come into your house smoking a cigarette? Have you been trying to get away from it all? Are you trying to write some lyrics that will clearly be influenced by your fascination with beautiful Mexican resorts? If you can relate to any of the above, or even if you'd just like to, let's dig DEEP into OU812! Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming, Holidays are coming.. The Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen Holiday special is HERE! We're taking a quick break from all things =VH= (well there's a slice of =VH= since we couldn't resist!) to bring you a blast of Christmas cheer for this holiday season, we'll be back in 2017 with all manner of Van Hagar delights, but in the meantime, mix up a margarita or sip on a pre-mixed JD & Coke and make sure your phones are sent to vibrate whilst we deliver the finest Christmas cheer two chaps in a boxy studio can! Send us your Christmas messages on the twitters! @TalkinVanHalen

What's that coming over the hill? It's blazing red, it's maybe insane, it's wearing Capri Pants? Look out! It's 5150 time! You know what listeners, it's really time you tended to that rattling noise your Lamborghini makes when you pull out of the Wal-Mart car park! While you're getting the old boy a service, you couldn't pick us up a new front man for the greatest rock and roll band of all time could you? Templeman's out jogging with DLR, Mo Ostin is smelling with his finger and the synths are in overdrive all this and MORE in our Van Hagar 5150 extravaganza! Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

That heartfelt poem to a Calvin Klein model can wait! It's part 2 of 1984! Grab a racquet listeners, we're heading back to everyone's favourite squash court / recording studio, 5150 to finish off 1984! Eddie is having trouble with his AM radio, and The Doobie Brothers keep knocking on the door to suggest synth lines! Meanwhile, present day DLR is having trouble with OJ Simpsonesque gloves and stalkers! Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

Buy a packet of cigarettes and give them to a baby with wings - it's 1984!   Well not just yet, it's 1983... and plans to build a squash court go awry. In fact our hero Eddie Van Halen's only gone and bloody built a studio! 5150 levels of crazy, am I right listeners? Plus that old grumpybags Ted Templeman is sticking his nose in everyone's business AGAIN, big bro Alex is getting poorly wrists due to the poor construction of 80s synth drums and DLR, well, he just wants to rollerblade at 6am. Talk about a House of Pain! Stay tuned for Part 2 of the 1984 extravaganza very soon listeners! Remember, we're on Twitter! So Tweet us dear listeners, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

Strap on those oxygen canisters kids, we're going Diver Down! 1982... Eddie and the gang just got back from a tour and are about to settle down for a bit of TV, coffee and a biscuit when ol' DLR smashes through the door with visions of covers, dressing up as Napoleon and making Mike be a samurai! Queue pesky WB asking for an album, and the next thing we know the coffee's gone cold and the biscuits are stale - nightmare. Happy Trails! Remember, we're on Twitter! Tweet us folks, Tweet us! @TalkinVanHalen

Somebody said Fair Warning! Who was it? Did you? No, I'm serious, did you say Fair Warning? We're back! It's Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! 1981, Eddie is having a tough time, Ted Templeman is doing his head in! It's a dark and exciting time and some of the best Van Halen music is being made! It's Fair Warning time! We talk studio break-ins, The Flinstones and have special appearances from Jeremy Clarkson and Ringo Starr. Enjoy! Remember, we have twitter! Tweet! @TalkinVanHalen

Round 3 of Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! It's 1980, our pal Diamond Dave has put on all his finest leathers and chained himself to a fence, will he escape? Will the rest of the band join him in protest? All this and MORE in our episode discussing Women & Children First!   Remember, we have twitter! Tweet! @TalkinVanHalen

Welcome back to Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! March1979, they've toured the world and the old ball & chain that isWarner Bros wants the boys back in the studio stat! That's right,we're talking Van Halen II! We're talking ankle breaks, HotelSmashing and a bit of nonsense for good measure.  Come follow us on the twitters! @TalkinVanHalen

Welcome to Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Van Halen! It's February 1978, it's the world's first real introduction to the mighty Mammoth (see what we did there?!) that is Van Halen! We're talking David Lee Roth, Eddie's guitar technique and a bit of nonsense for good measure.