How Am I Still Alive?!

This week is the week to end all weeks, as it is the final, formally-posted episode of this podcast. We have had such a wild run with you guys over the last 2 years and cannot thank you enough for your support. We cannot think of a better note to end it on than with the final conclusion of the drunk dive on Andrei Chika-dildo. All that being said, sit back,  pour a glass, and for FUCKS SAKE, just stay alive out there because some days, that's just good enough. 

This week, Marci is tired so it's gonna get to a weird place in the continuation of our drunk dive into the infamous Russian serial-killer, Andrei Chikatilo.  We take a reverse walk of shame into his slug-vomiting flaccid dick and heinous murders that will end up being knowledge at lives with you for the rest of your life. Sit back, pour a glass, and protect your holes on public transport because it is almost always a penis!

This week, gird your loins and eye your children's teachers suspiciously because we continue on with part 2 of our drunk dive with the Soviet Union Tommy Boy,  Andrei Chikatilo.   This serial killer's spree is riddled with pan-pedophilia, but there are no Daddy-issues here,  just Commie-issues. Sit back,  pour a glass,  and salt-bae that semen into your vajay because you're just mastitis milk. 

This week, pop the bubbly! Jess and Marci are ending this podcast on a limp-dick note by doing one final drunk dive into the most infamous, impotent serial killer in true crime, Andrei Chikatilo.  Try not to think of Robert Pattinson's splooge-face as we start off with Ukraine's version of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Sit back, pour a glass, you might be the smartest idiot in the village, but you are still just cult-candy.

This week, the meds are gone and the bitches are out in the horrific case of Dena Schlosser.  All this case proves is that husbands are dumb and Jesus may be a wine witch but he ain't any doctor. Sit back, pour a glass, and yeah... You're in a cult, call your doctor.It's important to call your doctor as soon as possible if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features:Don't fade after two weeksAre getting worseMake it hard for you to care for your babyMake it hard to complete everyday tasksInclude thoughts of harming yourself or your babyIf you have suicidal thoughtsIf at any point you have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, immediately seek help from your partner or loved ones in taking care of your baby and call 911 or your local emergency assistance number to get help.Also consider these options if you're having suicidal thoughts:Seek help from your primary care provider or other health care professional.Call a mental health professional.Call a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or use their webchat on suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat.Reach out to a close friend or loved one.Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone else in your faith community... Unless you're in a cult.

This week, we continue on our drunk dive into the Son of Sam killings and his doughy hip school girl burn books.  Jess shifts back to her "good shit" wine and Marci stresses the importance of knowing your self-worth. Sit back, pour a glass, and just know that Jesus was a wine witch and doesn't love you.

This week, it's always a Richard as Marci kicks off this 2-part drunk dive on the Son of Sam!  We be bringing up some serious abandonment issues coupled with triple daddy issues that will sure fill out your serial killer bingo card. Sit back, pour a glass, and don't cry into your cheese, just go and "polish the tub".

This week, we are keeping it suspicious and delicious with the infamous murders of spree killer, Andrew Cunanan. Marci is still hung up on murder while Jess circles this killing spree all the way to, you guessed it, FLORIDA. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a kitty cat uterus transplant because this is as about as extra as it gets.

This week, we take a short drunk dive into the failed rehabilitation attempts by the correctional system for inmate, Thomas Silverstein, a murderer who didn't start his killing spree until post conviction.  Marci stews over what could have been a 16-and-pregnant fortune while Jess channels Marci's 16-year-old emo eyeshadow vibes.  Sit back, pour a glass,  and even though we hate the watermelon wine there are sober children in China so sig it down!

This week,  there are no wrong turns when you have no clear destination in this wild case of twists and turns in the murder of Blair Adams.  Jesus is fucking Jess for Lent and Marci has concerns involving dragon dick. Sit back, pour a glass, and a fanny pack full of gold is how you know you made it in life.

This week, there is plenty of Royal gossip and rumors are spreading like Hellfire as Jess covers the infamous cold case of the Tallahassee Triple Murders. This is the case where Tallahassee lost it's blistful ingnorance and Marci loses her confidence in police investigators of the protocol-less, lawless 60s. Sit back, pour a glass,  and for fricks sake, LOCK YO DAMN DOORS!

This week the girls discuss witchcraft, cults and a serial killer with gigantic ass ears, Cayetano Santos Godino aka El Petiso Orejudo (the big -eared midget). Godino started his murder and masturbation reign of terror early in life and the girls are left with enduring question, why is it always syphilis?

This week, Marci forgets her tolerance level and Jess continues the case on the infamous Investor Murders of Craig, Alaska. We call bullshit on the most tainted of court cases and if we don't like you, we for sure will not be getting you a wedding present. Sit back, pour a glass, and just remember that your memory is shit but you will forever be haunted by awkward moments that occurred 20+ years ago.

This week, Marci can't handle names and Jess brings us back to Alaska with the Investor Murders in Craig. It is a whole new hole, kicking it off like a saucy, gay-pirate romance novel that tragically ends with a crematorium on water. Sit back, pour a glass, and gets your fill of food, fucking, and murder because people give murderers WAY too much credit.

This week, the girls are up to some chicken-vagina fuckery as Marci covers the murderous con-case of Mary Bateman. Jess cringes thinking about reverse-birth and Marci sadly cannot claim anal on her taxes. Sit back, pour a glass, and hold that antidote for life because now I want a flesh charm.

This week, the girls take a ride in the struggle bus as Marci covers the infamous "Ken and Barbie murders" commited by Killer-couple, Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka. Marci goes into detail of these digusting crimes like a Canadian version of SVU while Jess drinks her wine and cools down from being a hot, little potato. Sit back, pour a glass, and Happy Valentine's Day! This isn't a tale of love at first sight, it was a "let's bone" at first sight.

This week, IT'S EARLY. Marci struggles with basic geography while Jess covers the mysterious disappearance of Ray Gricar. Seriously, gay men make better dick-wolves and anytime before 2000 was a lawless time. Sit back, pour a glass, and try to shit on that spot a mile away because Sabine shits like a drunk man in a gas station restroom.

This week, Marci and Sabine quietly fart in the background as Jess covers the infamous Preppy Murder of Jenny Levin. Our murderer in this case might have been "80s hot" but failed to yeet his way out of this senseless crime. It is so infuriating that it is enough to get Marci to stop scrolling through etsy on her phone. Sit back, pour a glass, and please don't ask why Jess knows she can hold her breath comfortably for 49 seconds.

This week, we celebrate the 101 episode (we can't count so we forgot about 100) with the Uncut, but somehow still cut, case of John Wayne Bobbitt. Spoiler alert, we side with Lorena, and we definitely think she should've tossed that dirty D down the garbage disposal. Sit back, pour a glass, and gird your loins because this is a rough cut.

This week, it is our 100th episode and these bitches are at the same ole' shit with a casa that has been rotting away in Jess' filing cabinet. Jess has a sleepy baby in her lap as she she covers the case of the wannabe serial-killer, Miranda Barbour, and her Junior High Dumpster Babies. Marci has no interest in your Nega-dick and we porn genre jump real quick in this episode. Sit back, pour a glass, and there are a lot of dicks involved so prepare for a kink-twist!

Oops, this week, Jess did it again and adopted a convenient store parkimg lot drug deal kitten and Marci fumes over the unsolved murder of Jeannette Depalma. This case looks like Satan stuff and someone picked up some bad acid. Sit back, pour a glass, and get a witch but we do not condone underage drinking for kittens.

Happy New Year, Everyone!!! It is about FREAKING time 2020 was over and we are closing out this shit-show of a year with Part-2 of a even more atrociously handled cold case of JonBenet Ramsey's murder. Jess will blow you to be in your cat cult while Marci takes it to the floor. Sit back, pour a glass, and accept this empty white zinfandel bottle as compensation because we are too poor to get sued.

Merry Christmas you spooky Bitches! This week, we complete our season of the "John"s with a different disasterous take on the name, JonBenet Ramsey's Murder. Get drunk with us as we kick off this 2-part drunk dive in a sea of pedophilic dicks and albino raccoons. Sit back, pour a glass, and don't question what I do in my free time.

This week, Marci the strange and spooky child unravels the case of John George Haigh. We have our priorities as we tackle a 1.5 Liter bottle of wine made from the blood of basic white bitches and live in sin. Sit back, pour a glass, and get me a large one, ole' boy, because we need a new place to melt people.

In our final installment of the John Wayne Gacy Case, Marci continues on with the trial and execution of John Wayne Gacy while Jess just keep drinking because, to be honest, we are a couple of messy bitches. Sit back, pour a glass, and pay no attention to the dead man behind the curtain because we demand Lazer Titties!!!

This week, I dunno words and the girls cover part 2 of the John Wayne Gacy Drunk Dive. Drunk Marci blows through Gacy's creepy clown act while Jess is a C#$%-a-puss. Sit back, pour a glass, and for the love of god, YOU'RE NOT BISEXUAL, YOU ARE JUST FULL BLOWN GAY, SON!!!!

This week, this episode is brought to you by day drinking and heavy duty antidepressants because the girls are in another drunk dive into the notorious serial killer, John Wayne Gacy. Armed with a breakfast of champions and plenty of wine, the girls work through part 1 of this series, dealing with some serious daddy issues. Sit back, pour a glass, and just live your life and fill the wine glass!

This week, Ghost Marci suffers from an anal charley horse and Jess actually goes on a rant as they close out the case on the Long Island Serial Killer (LISK). The girls debate whether a single serial killer is adopting Pinterest trends over time or if it is a white zinfandel pissing match between 2 active serial killers. Sit back, pour a glass, and just decriminalize sex work because lonely, ugly people need to get some too.

This, week, the girls munch on "brookies" and lose their audience while they open part 1 of the Long Island Serial Killer investigation. This case starts out of nowhere with an arguably unrelated murder yet, Marci is convinced she knows he did it and has sat on the hill she will die on. Either way, we got 2 liters of wine and are good to go. So sit back, pour a glass, and no offense....but some offense.

This week, Marci got something wierd for us as she covers the Pied Piper of Tucson, Arizona. It always starts off illegitimate as we reach peak FUGLY with a face only a mother could love. Sit back, pour a glass, and proceed with caution, ya bastard, because it is the charming ones that always get away with murder... LITERALLY!

Hey guys! This month we decided to try something completely different and shame ourselves by having a drunk viewing of "The Crucible" (1996) and drooling over "Daddy" Day Lewis. Feel free to go to our website where we will post a video to watch along or feel free to watch your own version of the movie with us playing along with you. Thank you all for joining us for the Spooky Season and we hope you will let us know if you would like more drunk movie nights in the future!

Happy Halloween Everyone!! We end our spooky-season on covering one fo the most ridiculous slew of court cases of America with the notorious Salem Witch Trials. Jess and Marci read off names for over an hour and rant how the ergot poisoning theory was BS. Sit back, pour a glas, and join us for our Puritan picnic at the hanging tree.

This week, Jess needs a drink and Marci needs a light Dahmer-style bleach cleanse as they dive into all the kinks and "-isms" of Albert Fish in Part 2 of this case. Jess has to venture down the rabbit hole again which leaves Marci taking it down to the floor. Sit back, pour a glass, and we're gonna need a bigger bottle because you need to take a drink every time we cover disturbing content.

This week, Jess starts off a 2 part series on the original "Boogeyman", child-serial killer Albert Fish, as part of our Spooky Season. It's getting spicy in here as Jess fantasizes about dirty handymen and Marci endorses the piss-nipple for pedophiles. Sit back, pour a glass, grab a bucket and a mop because when there is nothing better to do, just do butt stuff.

This week, Jess, the Were-bitch, covers the lesser known mass hysteria trials of the Werewolf Trials throughout Europe from the 1500s-1800s. Jess makes the horrific realization that murder is more palatable than dick cheese and Marci has to poop. Sit back, pour a glass, and fucking France is always drunk because this is what fuels our fire.

This week, Marci, the wench that bakes bread, tells us the tale of the infamous Red Barn Murder. This tale is full of pig thievery (but no fuckery) and ends in Ole' Timey murder woodstock. Sit back, pour a glass, and dont' trust your gut, trust your uterus.

This month, Marci drags Jess and us down the rabbit hole of Haunted Etsy dolls and items as part of a Spooky, Halloween-themed Box of Shame. It takes a lot of Jazz hands to get through this list of spiritual adoption and, mind you, we are dealing with the Bud-Light of mediums. Sit back, pour a glass, and settle in for the demon rave because this house is busting at the seams with creepy dolls! Check the links to follow along shopping with us!· https://www.etsy.com/shop/MySpiritDollBoutique?ref=simple-shop-header-name&listing_id=864923850· https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.etsy.com%2Flisting%2F794934800%2Fgwendolyn-little-disturbed-haunted%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR1Z-vm3CqLfjIFyGhLs-7MxBRMBFdMb1HyISFDIRTaEkISkHOWspJT9fg0&h=AT1DWXuNctL_fAn4_F2bdqA-ZtXRLYNODsi3Ppd059isNNz1M0Q_Fydo_QkD13p9iwzkLBCRUbXLp44Zm1OuORLsWnJ1r7FBYaECr1kjh0xzG4JUwUSppCkPWV-nv0DgyrqNWTEm-upPWJ5amh0· https://www.etsy.com/listing/850807864/strange-odd-and-very-haunted?fbclid=IwAR2DUiOEj_g5cwi-ROkF7WO9k8AYhK83AxXq80E7Ombgm-Ij_PUuPaqYuJQ· https://www.etsy.com/listing/868870865/haunted-paranormal-spirit-doll-paulette?ref=landingpage_similar_listing_bot-6· https://www.etsy.com/listing/859697404/haunted-ring-demon-djinn-meresin?ref=related-2· https://www.etsy.com/listing/874489147/kela-possessed-haunted-spirit-doll?fbclid=IwAR3sJ-Zt4zMM68Z4kkbF-ZLnJ6sOdeCUnvgFaIc3ae9-HOCMignuh9WV8LQ· https://www.etsy.com/listing/807866693/lisa-7-year-old-died-in-terrible-car?fbclid=IwAR2Fv6nA6WnLKlbOsAIft_glKisUI-Vo-FZlw9E3LaOixRH-EtNRYdzfKa8· https://www.etsy.com/listing/864945560/betty-extremely-sweet-and-protective?ref=shop_home_active_3&pro=1&frs=1

This week, Jess launches a foot pornography side business and describes the case of Matthew Hoffman which is basically a Pinterest fail in home fall decorating. Marci draws the line between cute and concerning because, at some point, we need to draw the line with tree-rape. Sit back, pour a glass, and grab a squirrel-sicle because I thought the tree was named Kevin.

This week, Marci starts off our Spooky Season grungey and gruesome with the case of the Hammersmith Ghost. Jess patrols the street with her weapon of choice (a wheel of cheese) and Marci introduces us to an Ole' Timey Gay Batman. Sit back, grab a glass of wine through the glory-hole, and, for the love of all that is ghastly, LISTEN TO YOUR WIVES!!!

This week, Jess continues on with Part 2 of comically fucked up case of Katherine Knight. Marci is prepared to clockwork-orange all the psychopathic murderers while Jess ponders how a "wizard-pus" could compel these men to such fatal mistake. Sit back, pour a glass, and we can handle more mental trauma so just show us the pictures.

This week, Marci's Coot-Coot clenches in fear as Jess begins the first half of the case of Katherine Knight. Looking through the childhood memories of Knight, the girls can conclude incest is not always best and endure what would be an optimum Freudian Field Day. Sit back, pour a glass, and male-seahorse-it because knives do NOT belong in the bedroom!

This week, Marci takes a twist and goes PRE-Victorian on her poisonous rampage with teh case of Elizabeth Fenning. Jess gets Polish-chick-from-Chicago vibes as this case delivers one of the most controversal trials of the early 1800s that is enough to rile up Charles Dickens. Marci confirms that diarrhea can come from many sources, not just your household arsenic stash. Sit back, pour a glass, and be all the extra you want because no one can put a damper on your Death-Day!

This week, Jess continues on to part 2 of a white supremacist family renunion in federal court with the cases of Daniel Lewis Lee and Chevie Kehoe. Marci acts as advisor to murder while Chevie threw it to the Levy with murder and racketeering. Sit back, pour a glass, and don your BS SWAT gear because your brain goes to dark places when you're drunk.

This week, Marci puts way too much thought into innappropirate things as Jess covers criminal acts commited by Daniel Lewis Lee and Chevie Kehoe. Are you bored? You may just need some white supremacy and this episode is a loaded dumpster fire fueled by it. Sit back, pour a glass, and speculate wildly what would you eat in an independent white supremacist nation?!

This month, Box of Shame is teeming with shame as we cover various stories with questionable decision making. From the potential release of Van Houten, to discrimination in Columbia, to the sentencing of STEM school shooting, and Florida Man doing what Florida Man does, it leaves the girls shaking their heads in disgrace. Sit back, pour a glass, and buckle up because the rage is real #truecrime #comedy #podcast- ‘Criminals Do Not Retire’: Sharon Tate’s Sister Urges Governor To Reject Parole For Leslie Van Houtenhttps://www.oxygen.com/crime-news/charles-manson-debra-tate-wants-leslie-van-houten-parole-rejected- A Black Trans Sex Worker Died After Paramedics Failed To Take Her To The Hospitalhttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/otilliasteadman/alejandra-monocuco-colombia-trans-sex-worker-hiv- The Youngest Colorado STEM School Shooter Was Sentenced To Life In Prisonhttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/skbaer/stem-school-shooting-suspect-sentenced- A Man Allegedly Used Coronavirus Small Business Loans To Pay For A Lamborghini, Jewelry, And Dating Siteshttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/olivianiland/florida-david-tyler-hines-ppp-loan-lamborghini

This week, Marci goes medieval on yo' ass and we get familiar with the case of Elizabeth Bathory, AKA the Countess of Blood. Jess is digusted by the incest-y lineage while Marci much rather die by "horse". Sit back, pour a glass, and put your peen in a place of honor because we are bringing in the medieval murder squad.

This week, Jess brings us back to the lawless 90s with some good ole' Unsolved Mysteries cases (pre-Netflix). Segways galore with Marci blowing out her B-hole as Jess describing her own terrifying train ride all while trying to channel Peter Thomas. Sit back, pour a glass, and be a hostile bitch because this could be any of us.

This week, the girls finish off their drunk dive with the ULTIMATE HUMAN PINATA!!!! Childhood PTSD makes it's presence known and it is not just a little, but ALOTTA racist as Ramirez finishes his satanic, drug-driven killing spree. Sit back, pour a glass, strap in and put on a diaper because we will see you in Disneyland.

This week, we are double popping because the girls are back recording in the SAME ROOM!!! Marci celebrates with bringing us one of her drunk dives in the infamous serial killing spree of Richard Ramirez. His childhood is just a recipe for serial killer tendencies enough to make you tipsy with terror. Sit back, get a glass, and grab yourself a cool rifle from the fridge.

This week, Jess covers the epitome of wasted potential that is NOT Marci with the equally stupid and equally guilty, Leopold and Loeb. Marci gets extra Murder-y this week, dishing out mistake demerits as Jess' spirit breaks. Sit back, pour a glass, and if you can't get away with murder, stop trying to be Supermen and Be Batman!!!!

This month, the girls are doing things a lil differently and touching upon the cases that have brought the Black Lives Matter movement back to public attention with the police-involved murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd. The girls have a discussion on police brutality and regulations and we invite our listeners to join the discussion. We have some links below from various sources from today's episode as well as a link from The Strategist which we found provided the most comprehensive list of Black-community charities, funds for those lost, and other funds that you may wish to contribute to during this time. We look forward to further educating ourselves on this topics and will provide updates as they unfold. -A 26-Year-Old Woman Was Fatally Shot By Police In Her Home, And Now Kentucky’s Attorney General Is Investigatinghttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/skbaer/breonna-taylor-death-kentucky-investigation-Louisville Has Banned "No-Knock" Raids Three Months After Breonna Taylor Was Killed In Onehttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/salvadorhernandez/louisville-bans-no-knock-raids-after-breonna-taylor-death-Before Protesters Chanted Her Name On The Streets, Breonna Taylor Was "Making Things Happen" For Herselfhttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/clarissajanlim/obituary-breonna-taylor-louisville-kentucky-protests-A Louisville Police Detective Has Been Fired For His Role In The Shooting Death Of Breonna Taylorhttps://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/jasonwells/louisville-police-officer-fired-over-breonna-taylor-killing-George Floyd, From ‘I Want to Touch the World’ to ‘I Can’t Breathe’https://www.nytimes.com/article/george-floyd-who-is.html-Timeline: The impact of George Floyd's death in Minneapolis and beyondhttps://abcnews.go.com/US/timeline-impact-george-floyds-death-minneapolis/story?id=70999322-18 complaints in 19 years, and a murder charge: What we know about ex-Minneapolis police officer Derek Chauvinhttps://www.insider.com/derek-chauvin-minneapolis-police-background-life-2020-6-4 Ex-Officers Due Back in Court in George Floyd's Deathhttps://www.nbcwashington.com/news/national-international/ex-officers-due-back-in-court-in-george-floyds-death/2346953/ The Strategist: 142 Ways to Donate in Support of Black Lives and Communities of Colorhttps://nymag.com/strategist/article/where-to-donate-for-black-lives-matter.html