Tell Me About Your Kids

Can you believe that Bonnie and Adam have created 150 episodes of “Tell Me About Your Kids” over the last 3 years?! In this episode, they reflect on the experience, as well as what they've both come to understand about Connective Parenting and the universal struggles of parenthood. From punishment to being friends with your kids, to loving but sometimes not liking them, to wondering how life would be if we'd never had them, to the effects of generational trauma, Bonnie and Adam touch on many of life's quandaries. And of course, the conversation wouldn't be complete without a BIG thank you to the MANY generous parents who have been guests on the show.  An Important Note: This summer, Bonnie and Adam are taking a well-deserved hiatus. But don't worry, you can catch up on popular episodes, ones you missed, or any you feel like it's time to revisit. Stay tuned for details about the next chapter of Tell Me About Your Kids coming later this year! Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

When little kids fight and hurt each other, it's all a parent can do not to grab, yell, blame and ultimately shame the hitter. Lee and Andre are learning how to hold their 3-year-old hitter accountable without all that. Instead, Celine learns the natural consequences of her behavior (a lost opportunity with blame) and how to develop her brain to think ahead—as long as Lee and Andre can alter their mindset and therefore their automatic reactions. The key to raising responsible, respectful people is modeling that ourselves. Lee and Andre need to reprogram old tapes that quickly assume malice and tell them yelling at Celine is the way to teach her not to do it again. Tune in to learn the No-Blame Solution to sibling fights—no matter what age your kids.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

There is nothing more urgent for parents today than what their children are or will be doing on social media. Fears run rampant and get in the way of effective communication with children. Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. author of the best seller “Screenwise”, talks with me about our children's public lives online that she explores extensively in her upcoming book, “Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World”. We cover everything from “sharenting” to sexting to surveillance apps at home and at school. Listen in to get Devorah's strategies for developing your kids' online character, teaching consent and safety as opposed to policing and forbidding.Listen to Chapter 1 of Growing Up in Public on her website Devorahheitner.comPreorder Growing Up in Public now wherever you get books for September releaseFollow her on Instagram @devorahheitnerphdBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Hannah grew as a person and a parent when she learned the hard way to payattention to her daughter's experience and not compare it to her own. What 13 yearold Josie has learned to be comfortable with is all new territory for Hannah. In hereager attempt to prove her support for her daughter, she was actually taking care ofherself instead. Listen in for first-hand evidence of the power of mutual respect andstrong boundaries from the early years on so that the inevitable hard stuff is not sohard to get through and learn from.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Even when connection is strong with her two boys, 14 and 6, screens pose problems for Anne. Her intentions are on track to support the boys' self-regulation skills but when agreements are broken and sleep is lost, worries take over and tempers rise. Two entirely different temperaments require different expectations. The expectations for her Harmony Child can easily rise and create more pressure than Anne realizes. Choices and boundaries—understanding whose problem is whose—will help the self-regulation Anne hopes for and ensure that her harmony son never silences his voice.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

When past learned behaviors pop up and derail connection with her two children, Ellie's default is to blame herself. She feels so discouraged when they won't do as she asks. Why can't I get this right is what echoes in her head until she starts stressing and yelling to get them to do it right. Just by understanding where her thinking comes from is the beginning of de-fusing that button that gets pushed so she can have the connection she wants. She is so close. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Harry, 9, is an impulsive, Integrity kid* reacting, as kids do, to how he has come to view himself—not good enough, not as loved as his sister, a problem, bad. His parents have raised him by the common myth that ordering and criticizing a child for bad behavior will cause that child to change that behavior—and that one should never give positive attention to negative behavior. Harry has developed a strong defense of clownish yet aggressive and hurtful “silliness”—a defense that protects his belief in himself. Tune in to learn where Harry's resentment and anger comes from and how his mother must first see Harry differently before he can see himself differently. Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids: Episode 12 – Oct. 6, '20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2Episode 13 - Oct. 13, '20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated ParentsEpisode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of AttentionEpisode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the FightEpisode 49 – July 1, '21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”Episode 73 – Dec. 16, '21 “This behavior has got to stop!”Episode 89 – April 7, 22 Dealing with Emotion ExplosionsEpisode 99 – June 16, '22 “Why don't I ever get to decide?” Helping an Integrity Kid Feel HeardEpisode 124 – Dec. 15, '23 When It Feels Like You've Lost Control without PunishmentBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Hallie and her now ex-husband adopted their first child, Kyle. Subsequently she got pregnant with her second son, Kayden, the subject of much resentment for Kyle. In this episode we dig into the many causes of Kyle's anger as well as his “I don't care” attitude. Adoption is complicated for a child, and in this case, Kyle feels the rejection twice over. Traditional parenting with punitive consequences has made things worse for him. Now is the time for healing deep-set wounds. Listen in for tips on how effective communication can help Kyle express his anger more productively and trust his mother so he can find his way back. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Blame is what turns sibling fights into sibling rivalry. Rivalry brings with it pretty constant anger and resentment at least from one child toward another. But it's hard not to blame the child who hits or deeply hurts another. The parents job is to help children thru their own tough times—not do it for them and not put them down for doing it wrong. Blame never teaches what you want. Learn how to use the No-Blame Solution to teach your children not only to stop resenting each other but to care for each other and be accountable for their actions.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Siblings are going to fight. They are too close to each other not to. It's tricky to allow their fights without turning them into sibling rivalry. Rivalry is the key word here. Your kids become rivals for your approval. That is unless you are always able to keep your approval neutral and stay out of their fights. That's the hard part when you see one of them treating the other unfairly. Get on board with these tools so you can keep their arguing and bickering far away from any rivalry.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

No matter what your race, do you know how to talk to your kids in a coherent, age-appropriate way about race and racism? Were you brought up ignorant about racism, thinking it was only about someone else? I talk with Emma Redden and Grace Aldrich about their work in helping people discover their own histories in order to help their children understand theirs.Grace and Emma are community educators and work with groups of teachers, parents and caregivers. If you are interested in working with them contact them through their website {thefullstoryschool.org} or by email at thefullstoryschool@gmail.com.Grace and Emma have 2 podcasts Freedom Means and Kistory. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Camille's early childhood trauma still asserts itself through her body language when she bites her lip. Because of the work Camille has done, her 9 year old daughter, Aria, can call her on it. But that lip still betrays Camille whenever she feels those old triggering emotions. Listen in to learn how to become aware of what your body, if not your words and emotions, may be telling your children and how to neutralize the effect, so you don't pass on the anxiety of your own traumatic experience. Triggers take us into the past. Awareness of the past can keep us in the moment. Our best parenting tool is our own healing.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Katherine wants her 9 year old to be able to stand up for herself and eventually save the world with her strength of spirit. But in the meantime, she unintentionally undermines that strength by not accepting it right now. Zelda perceives her parents as the enemy because she believes she must fight them to be heard. Her difficult “integrity” temperament worries her parents who get angry when they think she ignores them or says they're mean. They try to explain, but the fight comes, not when Zelda can't do what she wants, but when she feels wrong for the wanting. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

What would it mean for Erica to allow her friend to find her own way thru parenting that works for her? What does she need to give up to be the loving, compassionate friend she wants to be? These are the questions that get answered as Bonnie looks into the critical role of boundaries to determine what is Erica's business and what is her friend's. With the intention of helping her 13 year old daughter and friend get unleashed from a 5 year old's tantrums, Erica wants to impose her better way but in doing so ends up exploding from two years of holding in judgement.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

How do you reconnect with a child who has pushed you away because he believes he has failed you? How do answer an angry child who yells, “If yelling at you is the way I express my anger, why shouldn't I be allowed to do that?” Ginger has long suffered from depression and when it hit rock bottom, her life turned upside down. Her ex got custody of the kids and now she's fighting to get them back. The divorce, depression, and hospitalization understandably provoked fear and anger in her 9 and 11 year olds. Not knowing who can be trusted has led the 11 year old to see one perspective only and that means shutting his mom out to protect himself. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

We all want our kids to stop fighting. But even our best intentions usually set up the next fight because we don't understand what the bottom line really is. If we don't truly get why siblings fight with each other, what they are really after and how we can fulfill that, we'll never be able to use the necessary communication skills effectively and end the fighting once and for all. It's common sense, but it requires a very different mindset. Tune in to hear Adam and Bonnie discuss how anger and blame keeps the fighting going and how this reframe can steer you away from anger and blame. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

All children feel afraid of things they perceive out of their control. Feeling scared, nervous, upset is all perfectly normal. Jess' 7 year old daughter Lily is dealing with normal fears of a quiet, cautious child Jess worries is stuck in anxiety. Jess's childhood fears were dismissed by an inconvenienced mother with little to no empathy. It's no wonder Jess wants to rid her daughter of any of the fears that left her feeling alone, frightened and unsafe. To this day she gets triggered when she feels invalidated. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Ruthie's 14 year old daughter makes a lot of emotional noise which leaves her mother feeling bulldozed. Whenever Olivia is emotionally charged, Ruthie is triggered to backdown and block out the oncoming chaos of her daughter leaving Olivia without support. But this sensory overload is familiar to Ruthie. As a child, she learned to numb her exterior to protect her sensitive interior from the criticism and ridicule from her parents. Her hardened exterior developed to protect her scared interior. Her daughter's behavior triggers the same numbing response. Listen in to hear how Ruthie can let that protective barrier down, expose her genuine self, and give her daughter the support she needs. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Kristen is working hard to navigate her 50/50 parenting time, leaving her feeling unable to deal with her two children's aggression toward her and each other. The highly structured life her 10 and 6 year olds have with their father provokes Kristen to compensate at the other end of the spectrum putting her needs on hold. Chaos leads to daily crisis. Kristen is too tired for strategies and worn down by the judgements when she hears, They never behave that way here.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Katie has put a lot of time into her positive parenting. The problem is she can be a little too positive when trying to motivate her 5-year-old. Understanding her daughter's temperament is a must for Katie to set appropriate expectations so as not to be inconsiderate of her needs. Katie would never intend to be inconsiderate, but when we break it down what happens, that's what it is. This episode is a great lesson in what I call Connective Communication (the updated version of How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen) which is the only way to truly express empathy (not necessarily agreement). We all just want to be understood. That is the way to motivate anyone.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Is your child's behavior more than just annoying? Is it a mystery with seemingly no clues? Are you worried his development is off track? Is she having difficulty performing at the level of her peers? Do think he needs more support than you can give? Do you get angry when she “never listens”? Tune in to hear clinical psychologist Dr. Lara Kroodsma break down the various tests available to us now to learn how your child's brain works and understand his unique development. Behavior is usually the child's effort to solve a problem. Testing can help the child learn how to make that problem easier, and a diagnosis, if given, can be a guide to help children strategize their challenges using their strengths.  Questions for Dr. Lara? Go to her website - https://morningstarpsych.com A good follow-up to this podcast with Dr. Kroodsma is episode #120 aired 11/10/22 — Community Pieces # 7: How getting an evaluation for your child can boost self-esteem.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Camilla is mother to four children ranging from 18 to 25. She has raised her children with a connected approach and is here to tell the results at the stage of launching into adulthood. Here's what it means to raise kids with no punishment (that includes unnatural consequences) but only kindness, respect, firmness and focus on relationship above all else. If your fear is—How do they learn to do what you want? They'll be entitled, disrespectful people. They won't learn that real life has consequences—then this is the listen for you. Camilla has begged the question over and over: What's more important being right or being connected? You can reach Camilla at:Myparentingsolutions.comCamilla@myparentingsolutions.comBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

Kate's 2 yr. (her third child) needs to wear glasses. Ever tried to get a toddler to do what she must but what she hates? This is a problem that goes on throughout development—when you have to insure your child does something she refuses. Finding the balance between motivating and loosening up is the only way to stay out of power struggles and the only hope of gaining cooperation. Listen in to learn how to say no without saying no and to empower your child to begin to take responsibility for herself.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About It

 Anne is the mother of two tween boys 11 and 12. Being an Integrity kid, Brooks, the younger, is reacting to years of blame and punishments from parents who wish he was more like his brother. His defenses arise when he perceives that his brother James has an easier, happier life. His natural aggression has turned angry and violent. He wants to punish back. Gratitude is out of his reach. Listen in to learn what is underneath Brooks' retribution and how empathy can change everything.Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids:Episode 12 – Oct. 6, '20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2Episode 13 - Oct. 13, '20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated ParentsEpisode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of AttentionEpisode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the FightEpisode 49 – July 1, '21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”Episode 73 – Dec. 16, '21 “This behavior has got to stop!”Episode 89 – April 7, 22 Dealing with Emotion ExplosionsEpisode 99 – June 16, '22 “Why don't I ever get to decide?” Helping an Integrity Kid Feel HeardEpisode 124 – Dec. 15, '23 When It Feels Like You've Lost Control without Punishment AlsoCommunity Pieces: Episode #25, Jan. 7, 2021 – When Conflict between Parents Needs the Big ConversationBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comUse this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobook on AudibleWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About ItProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

For 5 yr. old Aiko, “everything goes in really big and comes out really big”, says his mom, Janneke. Part of that ‘really big' comes out at his 10 yr. old brother when Aiko's jealousy rears up. Calling Noa a dummy over and over has become a habit for Aiko, and sensitive Noa takes it as fact. Breaking the habit requires a new frame for Aiko—instead being told again and again that it's not ok. Listen through to hear Bonnie's Gremlin exercise which can help that reframing process—that, and no more blame.Use this link to purchase Bonnie's audiobookWhen Your Kids Push Your Buttons and What You Can Do About ItBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

We're ending 2022 with an episode from the archives. We figured it's always a good time to get a lesson on relationship. Tracy's children are not too young to begin this important process. Most parents naturally get hung up on what is important to teach and get stuck in the minutia of daily life and chaos with young kids. We forget that the main thing we want our children to learn is to be respectful and considerate. Tracy gets a reminder of this important aspect of parenting and how her issue with getting toys picked up blocks her needed focus on developing a mutually respectful relationship.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

After my interview on Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson, I decided it would make a perfect puzzle piece, because it turned out to be a great overview of connected parenting. I discuss the principles of connective parenting and how they were developed thru learning about myself. The primary focus is on the relationship between parent and child and the responsibilities of the parent. There is also a great description of the Integrity and Harmony children, terms we use a lot on this podcast and the work of Dr. Thomas Boyce on the Orchid and Dandelion children from which my terms evolved. I also define behavior, where it comes from, and the iceberg model which illustrates how one's emotions provoke the behavior.Safe Home Podcast with Beth Syverson is for struggling teens and their families finding their healing path. 18yo Joey and his moms Beth and Jan share from the heart their experiences and struggles with addiction and mental health.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

From backtalk to “drive-by hitting”, to stepping on his baby brother, four year old Pacey is trying to tell his parents, Lauren and Matt, about his very complicated feelings. Having been brought up by authoritarian parents who used physical punishment, Lauren and Matt are working hard to shift their mindset to a connective approach but still see Pacey as intentionally trying to get their negative attention. Listen in and learn how to interpret the information provided by a child's behavior and the messages parents unintentionally send with punitive tactics. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Amy and Rick have two children, 7 and 4 ½. While Rick is quite laid back, Amy is the one dealing with an often debilitating amount of stress and overwhelm when the kids are demanding. She either withdraws or gives in to avoid having to deal with the situation at hand. Her go-to is, “I don't have time for this,” which really means she can't deal with the pain that their behavior triggers from her childhood experiences.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

James and Shan have four kids from 15 to 7. Their 15 yo has gotten quite far off track and their 13 yo Harmony son is experiencing the fallout. He tries to take the reins when his parents don't stop the madness and chaos with his sister that causes him distress. They try to tell him it's not his responsibility, but he has to do something to help himself. Listen in to hear some ways they can honor his frustration and help him deal in the moment.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Betrayal, isolation, anger, and dismissal plague Carly, mother of three children, after discovering the family secret everyone else was in on but her. At 39, Carly accidentally learned that her father was not her biological father. Her mother's attempts to get Carly to get over it and move on, along with her refusal to get the help she needs, leave Carly hanging off the cliff feeling uncared for and alone.Trust has been decimated. Their relationship, once thought to be close, is in peril. How do everyone's roles readjust? How does Carly keep her children's beloved grandmother in the picture when forgiveness is not in the cards? How do you bring in a new grandfather the children never knew? How does Carly find what she needs?Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

We all want our children to be able to reach their potential. Along with a connected relationship, many, many children have neuro-diverse needs that affect their daily learning. When your child is identified with a learning difference, the question of evaluating may be raised. What then? As scary as it can be to get a diagnosis for your child, what's best for the long-haul development is awareness of strengths and weaknesses so success is assured. Educational consultant, Shannon MacNamara, helps parents understand and implement evaluations of their child's specific differences so the child finds the best fit for their capabilities. Shannon helps answer all your questions about finding an evaluator, the benefits of an evaluation, and what she can add to the process to help find ways for your child to shine alongside any challenges. Shannon can be found at: Curiouskidseducational.comAnd contacted personally at:shannon@curiouskidseducational.comBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

April has had a long and close relationship with her now 16-year-old. Yet, for the past year, since he has been in a significant relationship, he doesn't want to hear one word from his mother about it. He tells her to stop “inserting herself where she shouldn't”, that he doesn't need parenting, among other edgy remarks that have left her hurting. Listen in while Bonnie and April pull apart what is possible to understand where he might be coming from and determine the best route to follow now. Join Thrive Market and Get My Special Discounthttps://www.tkqlhce.com/click-100687948-15329496 Here's the link for Earth Mama Organics -  https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=177850&u=3330166&m=22557&urllink=&afftrack=Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Meltdowns in kids any age are tough. We think they're bad and must end and that children need to learn to control themselves, certainly after five or six, and not be subject to meltdowns. A meltdown is your signal of your child's pent-up unexpressed emotions that need to come out. Ever had a “good cry”? You feel better afterwards, right? Listen in to hear why meltdowns should be allowed at any age, how to approach them and see them as a good thing.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Kristen, mom to boys 8 and 11, gets triggered by what she considers stupid and unnecessary squabbles. Her anger erupts when the boys' bickering disrupts the harmony she expects in her family. But it's not about the bickering, it's about Kristen's fears about the bickering. Kristen takes full responsibility for the family dynamics and believes it is her responsibility to get to harmony. The family disruption she imagines is her problem, not the boys'. Roots into her past shed light on her sister's disruption to their family. Learn how Kristen finds what she needs to drop her unrealistic expectation and to defuse her button.

Rachel is in turmoil over the negative energy from her 6 year old. When he's not screaming at his sister, Ben admits he feels like nobody loves him. It all started when his sister was born four years ago. He immediately showed signs of aggression toward her. He still dumps his deep resentment on her with harsh name-calling. “Did I birth a sociopath?” Rachel feared when her reasoning with him didn't work. Listen in for lots of Bonnie's suggestions with tools to help Rachel help her son feel heard and more important in their family.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Bonnie and Adam have an in-depth discussion about the ins and outs (pun intended) of “the sex talk”—the optimal time to have it with your kids, and why honesty is always the best policy. The talk can be really tough for parents who feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. Too often parents wait until embarrassment is high on both sides, so it never happens. Enter the internet. Embarrassment gets in the way of providing good, healthy, honest information about perfectly normal things that happen to our bodies. When we normalize the whole experience, chances are children will be far more responsible when the time comes. A few books to help you initiate talking to your kids about sex:Where Did I Come From by Peter MayleA Child is Born and How Was I Born, both by Lennart NilssonHappy Birthday!, It's Perfectly Normal, and It's So Amazing by Robie Harris, Michael EmberleyMommy Laid an Egg by Babette ColeWhat's the Big Secret: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys by Laurie Krasny Brown and Mark BrownBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Frannie and her husband have four children 7 and under. Frannie is getting a handle on not pushing her food values onto her kids but sometimes she feels like she's “dying on the inside” while biting her tongue. She fears the influence from outside the bubble of her kitchen, where she can control, which leads her to feeling out of control of her children in many areas. Bonnie discusses the important difference between influencing our children as opposed to controlling them.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Kelly and Kory have been hard at work to recognize, acknowledge, and stop the trauma they experienced as children. The messages they learned about themselves dug in and led to the kneejerk, in the heat of the moment, reactions they hate with their three children. They are learning that connection is the path forward. The terms Integrity and Harmony are used often in this podcast by regular listeners. To learn more about what these terms mean, listen to some of these other episodes:Episode 12 – Oct. 6, '20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2Episode 13 - Oct. 13, '20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated ParentsEpisode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of AttentionEpisode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the FightEpisode 49 – July 1, '21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Kat has had it with her two rambunctious boys interrupting, taking charge, and monopolizing conversations. As well as many tips for interrupting kids, Bonnie shows Kat why she needs to hold onto her energy and stop expecting her boys to “give her the room”. Instead of thinking they are taking her energy, Kat can take responsibility for herself and be better able to set limits. Her childhood plays a big part in how much she deserves her energy. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

When you find yourself nagging, what do you look for, and what are next steps? After unforeseen circumstances that literally took Rachel away from her then 8-year-old daughter, not to mention the effects of Covid over the last two years, Rachel needs to take those steps to reconnect with her “feisty” strong-willed 10 y.o. We discover that an allowance will help as well as setting appropriate boundaries, so Rachel no longer depends on her daughter responding the way she expects her to. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Bonnie and Adam riff a bit introducing the coming season which will start with the Sept. 8th episode. They share how completely different their respective summers were—one with a baby and one with an angry camper.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

All parents are stressed and most kids are too. How do you help your kids navigate their stress. And how do you navigate yours? It helps to be aware of the mindset in which you perceive stress. Then change your mindset and change your experience. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Wish you had that blow-up to do over again? Well, actually you do. All you need to repair a regrettable situation is your willingness to admit making a mistake (even if your child made a worse one) and taking some time to think about what you would have done instead had you had your thinking brain online. Bonnie goes over the Do-Over with dialogue to help you understand how easy the process is. Your child will appreciate it and likely make amends as well.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

When your button has been pushed, nothing can rescue you in the heat of the moment. You feel out of control and say and do things you wish you hadn't. In this Tip episode Bonnie explains what it is that happens to you in that moment and how to put 6 easy steps into practice to change your reactions—and be the parent you always hope to be.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Your child always wants to do the right thing and please you. So, how come he does the opposite and makes you see red? When he screams obscenities, throws a block at you or his sister, or hits in anger, that means there is an obstacle in his way of doing it right. Your job is to figure out what the obstacle is. When you can see this, it will change your perspective of your child and his behavior. In this Tip, Bonnie walks you through the first and most important principle of Connective Parenting.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Do you struggle when your parenting partner—or family members—respond/react to your children in ways that drive you nuts? Do you wish you could change how your partner talks or yells at your kids (even when you do the same) and worry your children are being traumatized? When it comes down to it, most of us want the other parent to do what we do. Listen in to Bonnie and Adam as they discuss this almost universal issue. Discover that being on the same page is not necessarily the best thing for your kids. But being in the same book is.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Jen feels at war with especially one of her two screen-loving sons. Does she let go of all restrictions and live in “peace” like her friends or does she keep to her limits fearing another battle? Screentime management is hard for the calmest parents. Listen to Bonnie's adjustments that will likely help Jen find a middle ground between being a “screen dictator” and throwing up her hands in defeat.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Laura gets her buttons pushed by her three children when they behave in ways she would never have dared. When her children resist or even complain, she feels disrespected and unappreciated. Then anger and threats rise to the surface and her childhood beliefs take over her parenting. Laura has already learned a lot and changed a good deal of her parenting, but she keeps getting stuck when she believes the voices in her head that developed long ago. Listen in and learn what she can do to quell those voices.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

Jackie has teenage sons, one of who is home from college and who seems to have shut her out and disconnected from the family. Several episodes throughout his life may have led to his distrust in an otherwise very connected family. As Jackie says, she wants to have a voice in his life. Join us while we unravel possible reasons for the disconnect, rebuild trust, offer ways to let go of active parenting, and reestablish connection with her son.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com

If your child is highly emotional or sensitive, aggressive, a picky eater, reactive to loud noises, very physical, has a hard time sleeping, etc. an occupational therapist can prescribe an individualized “sensory diet”. From infancy thru high school, your child is giving you behavioral cues. Occupational therapy can be a wonderful adjunct to help you find “attunement” and with those cues to help your child. Join Bonnie and Chelsey Harrington as they discuss how occupational therapy can provide the help you didn't know you needed.Chelsey Harrington is a pediatric occupational therapy assistant. She is a holistic family health coach. You can reach her here:Instagram @chelseyharringtoncoachingEmail: chelseyverser@yahoo.comBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: bh@bonnieharris.comProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com