Podcast appearances and mentions of colin harris

John is a thief, Alison plays games, and Liz is bullied. An uncorrected transcript of this episode is available here. Please email your letters of comment to comment@octothorpecast.uk, join our Facebook group, and tag @OctothorpeCast (on X or on Mastodon or on Bluesky) when you post about the show on social media. Content warnings this episode: None Letters of comment Andreas Davour Bella Garcia Constanze Hoffman Farah Mendlesohn Jonathan Cowie June Young Mike Scott Neil Ottenstein Raj Tammy Coxen Zoe O'Connell We also heard from Bridget Bradshaw, Colin Harris, Meg MacDonald, and Shi Lala Fan funds The 2025 TAFF race has begun Zi Graves, Mikołaj Kowalewski, Jan Vaněk jr. CUFF comes to an end Fowler Award Hugo Awards 2025 spreadsheet of doom Novels T**he Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett The Sentence by Gautam Bhatia The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley The Life Impossible by Matt Haig Jumpnauts by Hao Jingfang The Siege of Burning Grass by Premee Mohamed Alien Clay by Adrian Tchaikovsky House of Open Wounds by Adrian Tchaikovsky Absolution by Jeff Vandermeer We Are All Ghosts in the Forest by Lorraine Wilson Novellas A Mourning Coat by Alex Jeffers North Continent Ribbon by Ursula Whitcher Short Stories Grottmata by Thomas Ha Five Views of the Planet Tartarus by Rachael K Jones Related Works Track Changes: Selected Reviews **by Abigail Nussbaum Speculative Whiteness: Science Fiction and the A**lt-Right by Jordan S. Carroll Series The Horus Heresy The Southern Reach The Tyrant Philosophers Graphic Stories Warp Your Own Way by Ryan North and Chris Fenoglio Abigail Nussbaum's review at Strange Horizons Dramatic Presentations All of Us Strangers Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga I Saw the TV Glow Late Night with the Devil My Old Ass A Quiet Place: Day One The Substance Timestalker Wallace and Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl The Wild Robot Games Tabletop Arcs City of Six Moons Mothership Undaunted 2200: Callisto Video Animal Well Caves of Qud Dragon Age: The Veilguard The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdo**m Slice and Dice 3.0 Star Wars: Outlaws Tale of the Golden Idol UFO50 Other Bridge Command Poems Sandra Bond Fan categories Artists Alison Scott España Sheriff Podcasts Fanac Fan History Zooms Going Rogue Hugo, Girl! A Meal of Thorns Writers Camestros Felapton Ersatz Culture Roseanna Pendlebury Fanzines Ancillary Review of Books Banana Wings Ornithopter Unofficial Hugo Book Club Debut authors Moniquill Blackgoose [Alison did not write any of her selections into the show notes and I was sorely tempted not to go through and write them all down for her but I did it for you, listener. I did it for you—John] Picks [isn't this a whole episode of picks?—Liz] John: Earthborne Rangers Alison: The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom Liz: Horizon Zero Dawn Sorry Mark Credits Cover art: “Waffle of comment” by Bella Garcia Alt text: A picture of a Belgian waffle that looks like an octothorpe, on a white background, with the words “Octothorpe 126” above and “now with added waffle” below. Theme music: “Fanfare for Space” by Kevin MacLeod (CC BY 4.0)

Colin Harris speaks with Dr. Jenellen Good about issues like climate change, technology, and eco-spirituality. They discuss how these issues are communicated, both societally and educationally, and the role these issues play within the education system. Dr. Good is currently the Department Chair of Communication, Popular Culture and Film at Brock University in Ontario. She is also a professor at Brock University researching the role of communication in how people relate to the “natural environment.” More specifically, she explores intersections of screens and the climate crisis, materialism, eco-spirituality and media/digital literacy. She teaches classes about environmental communication, psychology of screens, audiences, environmental justice, and communication research methods. She has published widely on these topics including her book Television and the Earth: Not a Love Story as well as many journal articles and newspaper op-eds. She is currently working on her new book entitled Stories, Stuff & Spirituality. Show notes: - Dr. Good vaguely mentions one happiness alternative economic index and also mentions Bhutan's alternative economic index. Bhutan's index is actually a “Gross National Happiness Index” and other similar indices that she talks about are the Genuine Progress Indicator (GP), Human Development Index (HDI), Index of Sustainable Economic Welfare (ISEW) and the Happy Planet Index (HPI). - Ronald Wright's Massey Lecture book A Short History of Progress was published in 2004. - COP 2024 was in Baku (there was a COP in Doha – in 2012  

This is the first in a new Pender Ventures podcast series reflecting the scale-up stories of some of the great Canadian technology companies.   We kick off with the story of PMC-Sierra, a pioneering and leading semiconductor chipset supplier that specialized in the design and development of integrated circuits for networking, telecommunications and data storage.  Maria Pacella, Managing Partner of Pender Ventures sat down with three key executives and co-founders, each of whom made significant contributions to the semiconductor industry, Greg Aasen, Kevin Huscroft and Colin Harris.   They look back on the critical phases of PMC-Sierra's evolution, the strategic decisions made by leadership, its impact on the broader tech landscape, navigating 2000, and what they'd do differently if they had to do it all again.  

In this episode we interview Colin Harris of Take Me Outside. Growing up in Canada, Colin had a great appreciation for its vast landscape. He was also inspired by Terry Fox's story; the man who ran across Canada to raise awareness for cancer. This inspiration turned to a dream, and eventually a reality. But Colin wanted to raise awareness for something else - outdoor education. He founded Take Me Outside and set off across the country. Along the way, he stopped at 80 schools and engaged 20,000 students in the conversation of how to be active and connected to nature. The mission didn't stop there. Now, Take Me Outside works with organizations, school boards and individuals on initiatives that encourage thousands of youth to spend more time outside and less in front of a screen. If you've ever wondered the benefits of the outdoors and the impact it can have, then this one's for you! Life in Motion is brought to you by Actual Outdoors. They help build beautiful brands that highlight the approachable and authentic parts of outdoor recreation. Said simply - they “keep it real”. Find them online at actualoutdoors.com or on Instagram at @actualoutdoors. Tweet us and let us know what you think of this episode! @illuminecollect Find more episodes at https://illuminecollect.com/blogs/news/life-in-motion-podcast Since 2017 Illumine has donated over $29,358 to outdoor nonprofits and shared over 133 stories on the Life in Motion Podcast.

As part of the Congregation's 360th Anniversary year, we would like to extend a very warm invitation to our Mission this week entitled, 'The Jesus We Need To Meet'. Commencing on Thursday evening 24th November and continuing through to Sunday evening 27th November. Weeknight meetings will commence at 8pm and Sunday evening at 7pm. The Speaker each evening will be Rev. Colin Harris. There will be testimonies, soloists and faith stories shared.

As part of the Congregation's 360th Anniversary year, we would like to extend a very warm invitation to our Mission this week entitled, 'The Jesus We Need To Meet'. Commencing on Thursday evening 24th November and continuing through to Sunday evening 27th November. Weeknight meetings will commence at 8pm and Sunday evening at 7pm. The Speaker each evening will be Rev. Colin Harris. There will be testimonies, soloists and faith stories shared.

As part of the Congregation's 360th Anniversary year, we would like to extend a very warm invitation to our Mission this week entitled, 'The Jesus We Need To Meet'. Commencing on Thursday evening 24th November and continuing through to Sunday evening 27th November. The Speaker each evening will be Rev. Colin Harris. There will be testimonies, soloists and faith stories shared.

As part of the Congregation's 360th Anniversary year, we would like to extend a very warm invitation to our Mission this week entitled, 'The Jesus We Need To Meet'. Commencing on Thursday evening 24th November and continuing through to Sunday evening 27th November. The Speaker each evening will be Rev. Colin Harris. There will be testimonies, soloists and faith stories shared.

Episode Notes Colin Harris is the the founder and executive director of Take Me Outside, as well as a PhD candidate in educational research at the University of Calgary. In today's episdoe, you'll hear about Take Me Outside and Colin's run across Canada to promote the cause of taking kids outside to learn. Find out more at https://disconnect.pinecast.co

Take a listen to this quick Enneagram Teaching lesson given by our host, Art Wimberly.

“The Purpose Driven Life” , written by Rick Warren in 2002, quickly became and remains one of the best-selling non-fiction books of all time. Its' exploration of the triple interweaving themes of ‘Who am I?' ‘Do I matter?' And ‘Why am I here?' clearly struck a timely and universal nerve regarding the human search for significance.While finding and living out our purpose - our uniquely designed blessing for the world - is indeed a struggle we must each undergo, it seems that some of us might have personalities that are driven more early and often by that dynamic. For instance, enneagram archetype Three appears somehow more attuned in their soul to - and thus driven by - purpose. However, when living life unconsciously, their driving purpose is not always healthy and can actually cause great suffering for themselves and those around them. In this episode we get to hear how the seed of purpose keeps appearing in the life and story of Colin Harris, ennea-type Three, co-creator and partner at the Birmingham Recovery Center, husband, brand-new proud father, and recovering heroin addict. Listen in as Colin shares how his early drive for purpose almost got him killed and left him just short of prison, but also how redeemed purpose has changed/is changing the trajectory of his life AND others in his community. And if that's not enough to get you to listen we also get to take another shot at Auburn football!

This morning's service will be led and conducted by Rev. Colin Harris. During this morning's service presentations will be made to Miss Ina McCracken and Mr Christopher McCready for services to the Congregation.

Today we join together at the Lord's Table for the Sacrament of Communion. Our service will be led and conducted by Rev. Colin Harris.

People of faith sometimes hesitate at the suggestion that they are by definition “theologians.” The word tends to conjure up an image of an ordained church leader or an academic professional with formal training in the field. And, to be sure, such persons have carried the discipline of theology in a formal way through the generations, providing a structure and basis for the church's understanding of its faith. Also, the accumulated work of formal theologians is massive to the point of being overwhelming to many people who attempt to delve into it. Its complexity can easily dissuade those with casual interest and even those required to study it. But there is another level of theological thinking that goes on in the life and mind of every adherent to a faith. It usually does not lead to formal expression in a systematic way, but it becomes the working understanding of what one's faith means and how it is lived in real time. It is to this kind of theological thinking and to those who engage in it that the author offers this “set of keys.” These basic suggestions do not delve into the depths of the doctrines of the church or explore the nuances that have accompanied the Christian tradition. There are resources aplenty for anyone who wishes to explore those avenues and their many-faceted interpretations of the faith experience. This set of keys is more basic, but no less important. They provide helpful access to the rooms of theology and a perspective for dealing with what is found there, so that the encounters can be a healthy and wholesome part of the faith journey. Learn more at GoodFaithMedia.org.

Sunday Morning Worship - Sunday 27th March 2022 - Rev. Colin Harris

What is it like running across Canada in nine months? How can outdoor learning become an inherent part of K–12 education? What roles does digital technology play in outdoor learning? Here's what else we dove into in this Earthy Chat:   *insights from Colin's 7600-km run across Canada to promote outdoor learning *how Take Me Outside came to be *when digital technology enhances and hinders learning *developing resiliency from time spent outside *looking at use of tech in school with a critical lens *what we can learn from Indigenous perspectives *exciting initiatives from Take Me Outside Guest (from https://rmbooks.com/book/take-me-outside/): Colin Harris is the founder and executive director of Take Me Outside. He initiated the organization by running 7600 km across Canada over nine months, going into 80 schools across the country and engaging 20,000 students in the conversation about their time spent in front of screens compared to their time spent outside, being active and connecting to nature. Colin has been immersed in the field of outdoor and environmental education for over 15 years. He has been the director of outdoor education at an Ontario-based centre, he has instructed canoe trips for Outward Bound Canada, and he has worked with Indigenous students in the Western Arctic Leadership Program in NWT. He has taught Grades 7 and 8 and has completed a Master's of Environmental Education and Communication through Royal Roads University. He enjoys trail running, writing, and continuing to find ways to engage Canadian students in exploring this country's incredible backyard. Colin lives in Banff, Alberta. Take Me Outside teacher apparel can be purchased from the Non-profit Outdoor Learning Store.

Sunday 16th January 2022 - Speaker Rev Colin Harris (Vacancy Convenor)

Communion Sunday Service with Rev. Colin Harris - 7 Nov 2021

In this episode co-founder Matthew Caldaroni sat down with Colin Harris the founder and executive director of @take.me.outside. This organization was inspired by running 7600 km across Canada over nine months. In this time he visited 80 schools across the country and engaged with 20,000 students in the conversation about their time spent in front of screens compared to their time spent outside, being active and connecting to nature. Colin has been immersed in the field of outdoor and environmental education for over 15 years and has inspired many to get out and get active.

A special welcome to our speaker Rev. Colin Harris.

This week we are starting the celebration of one full year of our podcast! To kick off the celebration, we are bringing back one of your favourites Colin Harris! Colin in on the show today to explore unconventional ideas around anxiety and depression which takes us down a road exploring the subconscious mind, your nervous system and how that affects your day to day experience.  We share the science and our experience with a non judgemental mind and the benefits that have made to our life - and it can make it to yours no matter what stage of awareness you are at. The best part is you can heal all of that and we share simple practices that have made a big impact on the both of us!  During this episode we discuss: Colin's take on anxiety and depression (hint: has to do with the past and future) Your subconscious mind doesn't know if what you are experiencing is real or not The cells of recognition for your emotions are all over your body  What happens when your body is in fight or flight mode vs. rest and digest  What do spontaneous healings have in common? Respecting and understanding that everyone is at a different level; we can lose the judgement When you are judging others, you are really judging yourself  What brings you joy? Can you create space to hold that in your body? Colin's Bio: Colin is an automotive service technician with a different path. He is a reiki master, akashic record reader and shamanic healer. His speciality is using the akashic records to help people tap into their intuition, gain clarity and step into alignment. Through his readings he empowers you to break free of old limiting patterns that are holding you back in life, and helps you connect back to your body and soul. Connect with Colin: Social Handles: Instagram: @colin_astral Youtube: Astral Healing    Website: www.astralhealing.ca Connect with Tracy: Social Handles IG/FB: @dr.tracydebi Website: www.atelierix.co To work with Tracy, you can book a call here: https://calendly.com/drtracydebi/fit-ability-call To download the Breaking Burnout Resource Guide, click here: https://www.atelierix.co/freebie Spirit of Success is a podcast creating a platform for honest conversations sharing the real life stories behind personal transformations. If you're a fan of the podcast, don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review Spirit of Success! If you resonated with something you heard, don't forget to share with a friend! Edited by: Kattie Laur Logo/Podcast Intro: The Cultivated Group  Music: ‘Breathe out, Breathe in' (Instrumental) by Roof

“Tatties Tae Tables” is  the idea of Colin Harris. The simple idea of linking up a surplus of potatoes to people who could use them during a pandemic  is charitable brilliance. In this podcast Colin explains how he put the various elements of this initiative together. From growing tatties himself and the family connections he was able to call on, this is a fascinating story. From Penicuik to Ardrossan and beyond, this network has grown through the efforts of many different community groups. It is definitely worth checking out the “Tatties Tae Tables” page  on Facebook and they do have a Gofundme page too.

This episode is a big heart filled talk about the Akashic Records. What are they and what should you expect after a reading? What if you're nervous for one? What blocks your spiritual gifts from opening more and gets in the way for new intuitive readers stepping into their gifts? Find Colin Harris @colin_astralWork w/ Colin http://www.astralhealing.caYoutube: Astral Healing Check Us OutNeil @neildisyWork w/ Neil www.neildisy.comSoul Truth Alignment Facebook GroupZach @wokebrodocWork w/ Zach www.calendly.com/eli125Off the Record (Akashic) Facebook Group"The Akashic Records is..a vibration that is all around us. It’s a dimension outside of a dimension. When you enter you get to bring that dimension to us. It’s energy flowing all around"“When I’m in my heart close to my soul, it seems like I need to learn less lessons. And that’s the guidance”Colin Harris, the box-less limitless Akashic spiritual bundle of love aka Christmas in a man 0:46What are the Akashic Records 5:48The power of the Records beyond words-the magic is in the energy 8:03The path to Spirit through heart, trust, and intuition 11:50 Anchoring into heart to hear the message when you think you misunderstood Spirit's guidance 14:01An easy practice to get into heart 20:03Your third eye is already open, but the key to expanding your gifts is paying attention to the other chakra’s. 23:01Addressing throat chakra energy, speaking your truth, and energetic blocks in the body 24:11Dealing with triggers while triggering others as an empath 27:26How to love your insecurities and lesser sides 29:43Getting over our self judgement and doubt as we step into our intuitive gifts 38:26The sticking points of reading the Akashic Records when you first start 49:00The Records are actually THE FORCE and you are one with it 51:45What short and long term changes should you expect to see after receiving a Record reading 58:05What you should know if you’re considering your first reading but are nervous 1:02:46A final message from Colin- Love is the answer, being an empath is not a burden, the journey within is the most rewarding gift 1:08:32CreditsMusic-Max Van Soest @ max_fly5Cover Artwork-Kelsey Glass @ k.divine.glassContactWokewastedpod@gmail.com

Welcome back to another Soul Driven interview! Don't forget, all our interviews can be watched on YouTube. This week, I'm introducing you to Colin Harris, an energy healer, Akashic Record reader, and spiritual badass. Why is he a spiritual badass? Because he truly, fully lives from his heart and with his heart open, which is not an easy thing to do. Colin brings an earthy vibe to the spiritual community and continues to balance his daytime job as a master automotive service technician as he is stepping into healing full-time. In this interview, we dive deep on living from the heart, nerd out on being Akashic Record readers (him and I), and get emotional a few times - because, why not?! SHOW NOTES In this episode, we discuss: Colin's background and spiritual awakening The difference between living from the soul and living from the body Colin's enormous heart and why he loves people Colin's clairaudience and clairsentience gifts The difference between being an empath and having clairsentience What Colin experienced in meeting his guru How Colin found the Akashic Records Healing within the Akashic Records Colin's experiences with his clients The importance of connecting to your heart How Colin stays energetically clear LINKS Website www.astralhealing.ca Youtube Astral Healing Instagram @colin_astral Have comments on today's interview? Share on today's post or hit me up on social media @souldrivenpodcast - I'd love to hear from you. If you were inspired by today's message, share this episode and leave a review on iTunes. Sign up for the email list to receive podcast updates and free tools and resources only shared with that community. And don't forget, "When we invest in ourselves, the world benefits." Until next week!

Do you know what your spiritual gifts are? Most people I talk to have no idea what that is! Let me give you a clue, it's the thing you’re so good at that you forgot it’s a skill or something valuable & people love you for it! On today’s episode I brought Colin Harris on the show who shares his story of finding out what his spiritual gifts are. He has made a huge impact on my life -  he was able to reflect back to me what mine are. When I fully embraced this, my whole life transformed and I want to share this information with you! He really embodies listening to his intuition having taken a road that is very unconventional, leading him to discover his gifts and find his purpose.  If you have an open mind, you will get so much from the episode! We talk a lot about the practical side of emotional regulation, which is so important given the current circumstances. During this episode we discuss: What are the akashic records? How Colin defines an empath  How to identify what emotions are other people’s vs your emotions (& he goes over an exercise to try!)  How to deal with emotional overwhelm  What is the third space & how you can use that to your advantage The importance of being honest with yourself regarding your emotions  How to get past the racing thoughts in your mind How to cultivate self awareness Colin gives a great tip on manifesting  Colin’s Bio: Colin is an automotive service technician with a different path. He is a reiki master, akashic record reader and shamanic healer. His speciality is using the akashic records to help people tap into their intuition, gain clarity and step into alignment. Through his readings he empowers you to break free of old limiting patterns that are holding you back in life, and helps you connect back to your body and soul. Connect with Colin: Social Handles: Instagram: @colin_astral (https://www.instagram.com/colin_astral/) Youtube: Astral Healing    Website: http://www.astralhealing.ca Resources mentioned in this episode: DISCLAIMER: if you are dealing with serious mental health issues, please seek professional help. Here (https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html) are free resources in Canada (where the show is based) Third Space Definition (https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/live-long-and-prosper/201503/comforting-third-spaces) Spirit of Success is a podcast creating a platform for honest conversations sharing the real life stories behind personal transformations. If you’re a fan of the podcast, don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review Spirit of Success! If you resonated with something you heard, don’t forget to share with a friend! We are also now on Patreon! If you would like to support the production of future episodes, please find out more about that here (https://www.patreon.com/spiritofsuccessthepodcast) ! We thank you for your support and would love to give you recognition on a future episode! Follow the Host Dr. Tracy Debi on Instagram/Facebook: @dr.tracydebi Edited by: Kattie Laur (https://www.kattielaur.com/) Logo/Podcast Intro: The Cultivated Group  (https://www.thecultivatedgroup.co/) Music: ‘Breathe out, Breathe in’ (Instrumental) by Roof

It’s our 30th show! Stuart and Eamonn are joined again by Ayesha Hazarika (broadcaster, political commentator and Times Radio host) to discuss ‘Baroness’ Ruth Davidson, topical stories related to press freedom and the backlash to 'Mulan' (now streaming on Disney+). Stuart, Eamonn and Ayesha also share their personal media recommendations.  Ayesha hosts weekend drive time (4-7pm) on Times Radio: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/radio RECOMMENDATIONS: Stuart: 'Reaganland: America's Right Turn 1976-1980' - book by Rick Perlstein https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reaganland-Americas-Right-Turn-1976-1980/dp/1476793050 Ayesha: 'Selling Sunset' on Netflix https://www.netflix.com/title/80223108'Blood & Sugar' - book by Laura Shepherd-Robinson https://www.waterstones.com/book/blood-and-sugar/laura-shepherd-robinson/9781509880799 Eamonn: 'They were withering away': Why did Colin Harris and nine others die in a Skye care home?' - Guardian article by Sirin Kale https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/sep/08/they-were-withering-away-why-did-colin-harris-and-nine-others-die-in-a-skye-care-home For more information about Talk Media, visit: www.thebiglight.com/talkmedia

It’s our 30th show! Stuart and Eamonn are joined again by Ayesha Hazarika (broadcaster, political commentator and Times Radio host) to discuss ‘Baroness’ Ruth Davidson, topical stories related to press freedom and the backlash to 'Mulan' (now streaming on Disney+). Stuart, Eamonn and Ayesha also share their personal media recommendations. Use the code BIGLIGHT25 at the RHA online checkout for 25% off products across the site: https://www.rha-audio.comAyesha hosts weekend drive time (4-7pm) on Times Radio: https://www.thetimes.co.uk/radioRECOMMENDATIONS:Stuart: 'Reaganland: America's Right Turn 1976-1980' - book by Rick Perlstein https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reaganland-Americas-Right-Turn-1976-1980/dp/1476793050Ayesha:'Selling Sunset' on Netflix https://www.netflix.com/title/80223108'Blood & Sugar' - book by Laura Shepherd-Robinson https://www.waterstones.com/book/blood-and-sugar/laura-shepherd-robinson/9781509880799Eamonn: 'They were withering away': Why did Colin Harris and nine others die in a Skye care home?' - Guardian article by Sirin Kale https://www.theguardian.com/society/2020/sep/08/they-were-withering-away-why-did-colin-harris-and-nine-others-die-in-a-skye-care-homeSupport the podcast and gain access to bonus content: www.patreon.com/talkmediaKeep up to date with the show on Twitter: @TBLTalkMediaFor more information about the podcast, visit: www.thebiglight.com/talkmedia See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I’m reading from chapter five of Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term, by Michael Santos. It's the story of my prison journey. For a full copy, visit PrisonProfessors.com   Months 58-62 Since I received the divorce papers from Lisa, my interactions with women have been limited to Ms. Stephens, my work supervisor, and Susan, my friend from high school with whom I’ve had an ongoing, friendly correspondence. But those relationships don’t have any possibility for intimacy. This thing with Sarah is different.  She lives in Atlanta, and her proximity causes me to fantasize that I could seduce her, make her my woman.  Given the rules of this place, however, initiating physical intimacy will be a major challenge.  Still, forced celibacy doesn’t diminish my thirst for love or my desire for sex. Thoughts of love have been on my mind for years. Another prisoner, Eugene Fischer, fed my hopes with a story about Orianna Fallaci, a world-famous journalist who loved a man who served time in a Greek prison for an attempted assassination. I wonder whether I could find a woman who would see me as a man and love me despite my imprisonment. I’m 28, and I refuse to give up on the possibilities. Upon receiving the invitation to attend my graduation, Sarah surprises me by driving over to the penitentiary. I’m on a volunteer suicide-watch duty in the hospital, looking after a despondent prisoner, when I receive the call. While I study for final exams, the guard hollers my name from the other side of locked gates. “Santos!” he yells. “Let’s go!” I see him standing outside the gate, fumbling with the ring of keys hanging on a chain attached to his belt. “What?” I have no idea what he’s talking about. “We’ve been paging you for 30 minutes. You’re supposed to report to the visiting room.” “I didn’t hear a page.” I close my books and walk toward the guard. “Leave the books. You’re late. I’ve got to take you straight to visiting.” “Why?” “Your attorney is here and she’s been waiting. Didn’t you know she was coming?” “I didn’t have any idea.” The 15-minute walk takes me through a maze of gates and courtyards and metal detectors and corridors. With each step I’m thinking about Sarah. She’s not on my visiting list, so I wonder how she got in. If she felt this urgency to see me, perhaps it’s to tell me face-to-face that my invitation went too far and to clarify where we stand. Or maybe it’s something else. ******* Some prisoners’ families live near Atlanta and I hear the institutional loudspeaker page those men for visits regularly. Until this back and forth with Sarah began, my focus on school extinguished any longing to sit in the visiting room. Sarah’s surprise visit breaks my routine. The strip search by an inquisitive guard doesn’t even bother me. After the full inspection I pull on my boxers and socks, step back into my khakis, tuck in my shirt, and lace my sneakers tightly before walking into the visiting room. Since Sarah came as a lawyer, I’m directed past the stairs leading down into the general visiting room where hundreds of people sit beside each other under the scrutiny of guards and surveillance cameras. The guard instructs me to walk across the hall to one of the private conference rooms. “She’s in two,” he says. Through the narrow vertical window cut into the wooden door I see Sarah for the first time in three months, since that day she handed me her business card. For a second I pause to watch her. She’s seated at a small table, absorbed with a stack of papers. Black designer sunglasses hold her long, honey-colored hair away from her face while she works. She’s prettier than I remember. I knock, startling her. She looks over at me, smiles, and waves me in. As I open the door she stands and quickly straightens her navy skirt. Suddenly we’re face to face in a room half the size of my cell. “Surprise!” she greets me as I close the door. Her perfume lingers in the air and I inhale the subtle, sweet fragrance. “Wow! This is a surprise. How’d you get in without being on my list?” “Lawyer privileges. I just flash my bar card. What took you so long to get here?” I smile. “I didn’t know you were coming.” “It’s okay. I brought some work with me. How about a hug?” She opens her arms. Her arms encircle me in a friendly gesture. I’ve been deprived of a woman’s touch for almost 3 years and I load the gesture with a lot more meaning. I’m awkward, unsure if I should hold her slender waist or keep my hands high on her back. The embrace lasts a second, but in that second, through her silk blouse, I feel the warmth of her back on my hands and her breasts pressing into my chest. “It’s cozy,” she says, looking around the small room. Some designer of prisons splurged by using two shades to paint the concrete walls–dark beige to shoulder height and a lighter beige up to the matching ceiling above. Its dreariness contrasts with Sarah’s radiance. She moves the suit jacket she’s folded over the back of the extra chair and we sit. When she asks whether I’ve ever been in this part of the visiting room,
 I shake my head no, telling her that I hardly ever come to the visiting room. She nods, in empathy I think. “So you’re graduating next month.  Congratulations!”  Her eyes shine as she leans back, pushing her fingers through her hair. 
“I’m looking forward to the commencement ceremony. Did you get my letter inviting you to come?” “I did. That’s why I’m here.” “Uh-oh.” “What do you mean?” “If you went to all the trouble of driving out here just to give me an answer, it probably means you can’t come, or you won’t come.” “No, not at all. I’d love to watch you receive your degree. It’s just that you’ve expressed so much admiration for Bruce, and you wrote that they’d only allow you to have two visitors.  Maybe you should invite him and your sister. I can visit you any time.” “Well Bruce will be on vacation, but I asked you because I want you here. Will you come?” Our eyes lock as she smiles, nodding yes. “Good, I want you to meet my sister, Julie. I’ve written to her about you.” “Really? What about?” “Just that I’ve made a new friend and that we’re corresponding. My sister and I are close. She worries about me, wants me to be happy.” “I understand. Sounds like you’ve got a great sister.” “Two great sisters,” I say. “The best.”
 Sarah and I talk for three hours, discussing challenges I’ve faced, plans I’m making, and steps she’s taking to open her own practice. Without a doubt, I’m relishing the electricity between us, feeling a connection that hasn’t been a part of my existence for years. When I stand to leave we share a longer embrace, and she promises to return before my graduation. I’ll hold onto this memory of her breasts pressing into my chest.  It’s been the best day since my confinement began. ******* I return to my cell and read.  My brother-in-law, Tim, purchased a subscription to The Wall Street Journal for me last year. He’s building a career as an investment real estate broker and he advises me to familiarize myself with finance. Appreciating his advice, I make a point of carefully reading each issue. Learning more about the stock market helps me understand how to value public companies and reading the Journal broadens my business education. Rather than following sports, I devote time to commerce every day, convinced that the education will make me more capable of contributing to any business that will employ me once I’m released. I read an editorial in the Journal that upsets me. John DiIulio, a professor of politics at Princeton University, wrote a scathing article calling for society to build more prisons and urging administrators to manage them with tighter controls and fewer privileges. Wanting to provide him with a different perspective, I write him directly. In my letter I express my disagreement with his premise, explaining why we don’t need more prisons in America with tighter controls. Rather, we need strong, intelligent leadership to make better use of the prison resources we have. Instead of locking so many nonviolent people up and eradicating hope, I suggest administrators should implement policies that encourage prisoners to work toward educating themselves, reconciling with society, and earning freedom. I explain to Professor DiIulio what I’ve seen during the five years I’ve served. Most prisoners give up while they serve time. Many join gangs, hustle drugs and weapons, or incite disturbances. Oppressive policies cause negative adjustments. Instead, we need policies similar to those in business that encourage people to contribute with meaningful incentives. I explain to the Princeton scholar that I strive to live as a model for such reforms, that I’m about to graduate from Mercer University and that I’ll begin graduate school at Hofstra University in the fall. I conclude my letter by restating that by inspiring more prisoners to focus on preparing for release, prison leadership could better serve the interests of society by, among things, lowering recidivism rates. Dr. DiIulio surprises me by responding to my letter. Even though I’ve never stepped foot on a campus, universities have become a big part of my life. Holding the heavy stock of the envelope and letterhead gives me a charge. Wow! Princeton University. It’s one thing for me to write an unsolicited letter but quite another to receive a response. Through his letter he validates and honors me as a contributing citizen, as a man, not a prisoner.  It’s moments like these that inspire me to keep up the work of building my support network.  I’m on the right path. Dr. DiIulio agrees with all I expressed in my letter but says that the limitation of an op-ed piece doesn’t permit him enough space to elaborate on all his thoughts. After informing me that he has published extensively on the subject of prison management, he offers to send books I can read and comment on. It is the beginning of another fascinating correspondence. ******* To broaden my education, Bruce insists that I read classic literature, especially the plays of William Shakespeare.  He sent me a complete anthology.  Although I’m not smart enough to find much value in the poetry, I’ve read every play and I enjoyed many.  From Julius Caesar, a line stays with me: There is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in the shallows and in miseries. In Dr. DiIulio’s offer to correspond with me, I find a new opportunity to read critically and to challenge opinions with confidence. It’s as if my tide has come in and the flood is leading to fortune. I feel it. If an Ivy League professor finds me worthy of his mentoring energies I’ll have an incredible resource, another strong academic reference that will distinguish me from other prisoners. ******* May 12, 1992 is a day I’ve been working toward ever since guards processed me into USP Atlanta. I’m so excited. I feel as if I’m being released, and in a way, I am. I’m being lifted above a life of insignificance, distinguishing myself as a college graduate. It’s a credential I’ll carry for the rest of my life. A sense of liberty comes with this accomplishment, because regardless of how the prison system tries to direct me, I know where I’m going. I will leverage my degree to pry open new opportunities, and on this day, at least, I’m more than just a prisoner. I wrote and rewrote a speech for the commencement ceremony, four single-spaced pages. For the past six weeks I’ve practiced my delivery at every opportunity and after hundreds of rehearsals I’ve committed each word, sentence, and paragraph to memory. I knew this day would have significance. Now that it’s here, I’m glad I took the time to prepare. When it’s my turn to speak I think I can stand onstage with confidence that the penitentiary is powerless to repress. Immediately after the guards clear the afternoon census count I walk with a hundred other prisoners to the education building. The carefully scripted ceremony will begin at five in the chapel. Mr. Chandler and his subordinates have taken care to prepare and honor the dignitaries from Mercer University who will share the stage with Warden Stock and members of his executive staff. Although I want to impress those community leaders, mostly I’m eager for Julie and Sarah to see me. The prisoners who’ve earned their GEDs cheer. During my speech I want to inspire them to continue their education, as I plan to do myself. We have a responsibility to change this system. The best way to bring change is to develop skills and credentials to ensure we emerge into society successfully, as well-educated citizens, ready to contribute. As a prisoner, I also want the Mercer administrators to leave with a clear understanding of the need for more educational opportunities in prison. And I want my speech to inspire everyone in the auditorium, especially my sister and Sarah. Julie is 29 now, working as a young executive with an international cosmetics company. We’ve only visited a few times since I arrived in Atlanta. Her professional responsibilities, an active social life, and the geographical distance between us make traveling to Atlanta difficult. For years she has accepted my collect phone calls, sent me money to purchase goods in the commissary, and paid my educational costs. She is vested in every choice I make and I’m determined to show her that her trust and support are well placed. With Sarah, I have different motivations. I’m a man and I want a woman in my life. The music opening our graduation ceremonies begins, and I walk at the head of the procession, leading all the graduates who are now in matching black gowns and caps with tassels. In the audience I see a dozen people I presume came from Mercer; Julie and Sarah sit in the front row. Dr. Colin Harris, one of my favorite professors, is on the stage with Jean Owens, Mercer’s outreach program coordinator. Mr. Chandler sits beside them with the warden and several other staff members. I can’t quit smiling, grateful for the recognition. I walk to the front row to take my seat. As Mr. Chandler opens the ceremony with obligatory expressions of gratitude to the warden and other staff members, I exchange glances with Julie and Sarah. Then, we all bow our heads as Dr. Harris, Professor of Religion, gives the invocation. Next, Jean Owens delivers the keynote, turning me crimson as she tells the audience about my work ethic and determination. She describes the bright future that opens with education. Using the catchy slogan to promote Michael Jordan’s basketball shoes, Ms. Owens encourages those in the audience to “be like Mike,” referring not to the basketball legend but to me, and she urges those in the audience to continue their studies. I think I might have to excuse myself and find a bathroom, but when it’s my turn to speak, I walk with assurance to the stage to deliver the valedictory address, all else forgotten. I feel so tall at the lectern, like I’ve just grown six inches. I turn to my left and thank those from Mercer University, then to my right to thank the prison staff, and then out at my audience of graduates, staff, and guests in the cushioned seats, thanking them for attending. Without notes I deliver my speech that I’ve carefully rehearsed hundreds of times. Julie beams with pride in the front row, and I see Sarah grasp her hand. They’ve only just met, but in their support of me they’ve come together. Those 12 minutes on stage feel as if they’re the most positively energizing of my entire life. The audience gives a standing ovation. Even Warden Stock stands and gives me an affirmative nod when I look his way. Elated, I return to my seat, squeezing my sister’s hand as I pass in front of her. The other prisoners and I then receive our diplomas. Mr. Chandler gives closing remarks and ends the ceremony in order to maintain the schedule. We don’t have time for a reception. After all, this is a penitentiary. I’m the only prisoner with guests, and no allowance is given for further visitation. At least they were allowed to come for my memorable moment, and I’m in high spirits. “You were awesome!” “Send us a copy of your speech.” “I’m so proud of you.”
 Though it’s involuntary, a smile stretches across my face as I walk between my sister and Sarah through the corridor. I stop at the entrance to B cellblock and, under the watchful eyes of the warden, I give each of my guests a hug good-bye. ******* I’m paged to the mailroom, and when I show up, Mr. Chandler is standing at the door. “Boy, all the years you done been locked up and you still ain’t learned nothin’?” I know this routine and I stand waiting for the head of the education department to continue his reprimand, though I don’t have any idea what he’s talking about or why he paged me to the mailroom. “I done tol’ you befo’ ’bout havin’ yo folk’ send boxes to my depar’ment without axin’ me ‘forehand.” “Yes, I remember. I haven’t had anyone send me any boxes.” “If you ain’t had no one send no boxes, then why I gotta go through this mess lookin’ through books that done come from Princeton University?” A month has passed since my correspondence with Professor DiIulio, and when I wrote that I would welcome the books, I wasn’t thinking about the mailroom rules. If books come from a publisher or bookstore in an envelope, we’re allowed to receive them. For a prisoner to receive boxes, a staff member must provide advance authorization. “Don’t be standin’ there with your mouth all hangin’ open like you ain’t know these is comin’. Letter’s addressed to you.” “I thought the books would come in an envelope from the bookstore,” I say in way of an apology and explanation. “I didn’t know there would be so many.” “Who this Professa D’oolioo? You know ’im?” “Not really. I just wrote him. He teaches at Princeton and writes books. He wrote that he would send me some books but I didn’t know they would come like this.” “Boy you a real piece a work.” He handles the books one by one and squints while reading the titles and flipping through the pages. “Guv’nin’ Prisons, No ‘xcape. This professa be writin’ these books?” “I guess so.” “What business you got readin’ all these books ’bout prison. Ain’t you know ’nough ’bout prisons yet?” “I’m still learning, sir.”
 “I hope you done learnt ’nough to stay out.”
 I sense Mr. Chandler likes me. My graduation from Mercer and the speech I gave during commencement put a positive spotlight on his department. His gruff demeanor doesn’t intimidate me anymore because I know it’s just his way. “Well go ’head on then. Next time make sure you see me ’bout auth’rization.” Jubilant, I carry the box of books back to the business office where I work. Dr. DiIulio sent 17 books, two of which he authored. I sit at my desk and clear a space on the bookshelf behind me. Reading the books will help me build a relationship with him. I intend to write him about what I learn from each, and I especially look forward to reading the books that he wrote. My small personal library will provide ample research material as I begin my studies at Hofstra. ******* Since I can’t earn an accredited law degree from prison I’ve had to think about what I can study. Although reading the Wall Street Journal, and studying the stock market and finance interest me, I don’t want to pursue an MBA. Instead, after consulting with Bruce I propose to Hofstra that I study prisons and the people they hold. My Hofstra advisor is Dr. Al Cohn, Professor of Psychology and he approves of my plan. We establish an interdisciplinary curriculum, with studies in sociology, cultural anthropology, and psychology. To complete the program, Dr. Cohn and other Hofstra professors will evaluate my research reports and the lengthy thesis I must write to earn a Master of Arts degree. The books from Dr. DiIulio give me a theoretical understanding of the functions prisons should serve in society: Prisons should deter citizens from engaging in criminal behavior.   They should punish those who stand convicted of having committed crimes.   Prison terms should incapacitate those who serve them from committing additional crimes, at least during the term of confinement.   And prisons should rehabilitate offenders in an effort to help them return to society as law-abiding citizens. After reading Governing Prisons, Dr. DiIulio’s comparative study of management in three separate prison systems, I begin collecting information to write my first term paper on prisoner adjustments. The book leads me to several other books and inspires me to develop a questionnaire to conduct original, ethnographic research to be tested on my fellow prisoners. The resulting term paper, which I entitle “The Crusonian Prisoner,” is accepted for presentation at an annual conference of the Academy of Criminal Justice Sciences in Chicago, boosting my self-confidence as a student. Perhaps it’s not surprising that my research leads to findings that differ from the distinguished Princeton professor. He calls for tighter controls in American prisons while my observations and experience convince me that administrators should run prisons like leaders run business.  They should govern through the use of incentives rather than threat of further punishments. In a letter to him, I offer reasons to support my conclusions and I also send a copy of my academic paper describing the Crusonian prisoner. ******* “I want to kiss you.” Sarah has come to visit five times since my graduation ceremony last month and our letters have become much more personal. Her lawyer privileges allow her to visit whenever she chooses, making the regularly scheduled visiting hours irrelevant. Today is Tuesday, not a visiting day, and it’s early evening as I sit with her in one of the private rooms reserved for lawyers and law enforcement interviews. In these lawyer rooms, surveillance cameras do not monitor us. The guard sits at his desk, fifteen yards away on a platform and down a flight of stairs. The intensity of our gaze on each other tells us what we haven’t previously expressed in words. I lean across the table when she says it. “Kissing is something better done than said,” I say as I sit back down, still savoring the sweet taste of Sarah’s lips, the moist warmth of her tongue. “You should send me a visitor’s form so I can visit you regularly. I could have a problem alone in a room like this with you.” She closes her eyes while gripping the edge of the table. “But this is so much better to visit alone, privately.” “It’s dangerous for me, the temptation. I could get into trouble for abusing privileges. The prison could deny me access.” I stand and take two steps toward the door to peer through the narrow window. “Come here. Look at this. The guard at the desk to our right can’t come toward us without us seeing him climb the stairs, and the only other entry is from the corridor, requiring unlocking a door to the left. We’re alone. I don’t want to give up this privacy.” Sarah runs her manicured fingertips over her gray skirt as she stands and walks over. I surrender the window and move behind her. She looks down the hall to the right toward the guard’s station and to the left toward the heavy steel door leading in from the main corridor. I’m directly behind her with both of my hands on her hips. With my face I push her hair to the side and I kiss her neck. “Stop,” she whispers while her body presses back. “Watch. You can see the guard. Tell me if he moves.” I continue kissing her, touching her, feeling her, moving with her. For this moment, right now, I’m not a prisoner. I’m a man, 28 and virile, alone with a woman for the first time in five years. My prison record doesn’t matter, my goals don’t matter, and my freedom doesn’t matter. I’m not thinking about her professional standing. In the passion of this moment, neither is Sarah. The decades I must serve seem too far away. I need release, and Sarah is the woman who gives it to me. When we return to our seats perspiration has glued my shirt to my skin. Sarah is disheveled but glowing. “My God! What are we doing?” her smile belies a mixture of nervousness and exhilaration after the forbidden interlude. “Nothing. We’re not doing anything,” I protest. “You call that nothing? I could lose my license!”
 “For what? As far as anyone is concerned, we’re just a lawyer and a client in here. There isn’t anything different now from when you walked in here, nothing different from any other time you’ve visited.” “Your shirt’s wet. What are you going to say when you go back in?” “It’s hot in here. Just stay for a while longer, it’ll dry.” “How do I look? Can you tell?” Her hands shake as she pulls a compact from her purse. She looks into the tiny mirror. “You’re sexy. I can’t take my eyes off you.” She smiles and applies makeup. “You’re going to get me in trouble.”  

I’m reading from chapter 3 of my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term For more information, visit PrisonProfessors.com ******* When I call home on May 27, 1989, I hear the news from Julie that Christina has given birth to a daughter, Isabella. I’ve known of Christina’s pregnancy for some time, but I’ve been too wrapped up in dealing with the loss of Lisa and the challenges of my prison adjustment to grasp what that means. It’s surreal to think of my younger sister as a mother, and to think of myself as an uncle. Christina and I grew up very close as children. I have fond memories from our grade school years, and of bringing her fishing with me in a neighborhood stream. But I haven’t seen her since my imprisonment. Now she’s a mother, and trying to imagine her as a grown woman with a family of her own feels almost incomprehensible.  Life is changing without my being a part of it. I hang up in tears, unable to suppress my mix of emotions.  I’m happy for Christina, but also filled with sadness because I’ve missed Isabella’s birth. I need to walk around the track but that means waiting in line for a pass, then waiting in the crowd for the next scheduled movement to leave the housing unit. Instead, I head for my cell. There isn’t anywhere I can console the ache I feel inside privately. As I lie on my rack with my head pressed into the pillow I can still hear Check and his buddy playing chess at the table. Dropping into self-pity, all I can think about is the isolation from my family. I’m a stranger, isolated from the family bonds that make life worth living. How will society view me? If I were a free citizen today and encountered a man who had served more than a quarter of a century in prison, I’d have major preconceptions about him. I’d feel reluctant to accept him as a neighbor, a colleague, and certainly as a peer. Women, I expect, will think twice before dating a man who served time in prison. And if I’m not released until my late 40s, without a work history, savings, and a home, there’s a strong likelihood that I’ll never become a father and have children of my own.  How could I? It’s too much. I have to break this up in my mind, take it in smaller increments, one chunk at a time. Otherwise it overwhelms and defeats me. Where will I be in 10 years? That’s what I should think about. What is the best I can become during the first decade of my imprisonment? My studies are going well and I’ve nearly completed the manuscript for Drugs and Money. I don’t know what will happen with the Rule 35 motion once the time comes to submit the request for reconsideration of my sentence. But in 1997, after a decade in prison, if I stick to this plan I’ll be an educated man. If I keep my focus I’ll have a university degree and possibly a law degree. Those credentials will distinguish me from prisoners who thrive on hate and who rely upon weapons and gangs to empower themselves. Still, I live amidst the weapons, the gangs, and the power struggles within my community of felons. With two years behind me I understand the politics of race, geographical origin, and anarchy. On the surface it looks as if whites mix with whites, blacks with blacks, and Hispanics with Hispanics.  But that isn’t the real story, as this culture is driven by influences that are far more complex. I live in a society of deprivation, where policies extinguish hope. With years to serve, abandoned by their families, and severed of their previous identities, most prisoners give up trying to improve themselves. Instead, they ripen for rebellion. They form an anti-society culture with its own underground economy, values, and social structure. Mafia dons and gang leaders hold the top spots with snitches and child molesters at the bottom. Disruptive factions form and either scheme together or battle each other for power. In this society, where prisoners kill without remorse in an effort to increase their share of prison wealth and to protect their territory, my efforts to avoid ‘prisonization’ make me vulnerable. I can’t outrun them but, by existing under their radar, I can evade them. I’m captain of my own metaphorical submarine, gliding stealthily beneath the waves and currents. My periscope is up but my strategy is to remain invisible, deep below the turmoil.  It’s working. By waking at 5:00 a.m., when the other men in my cell are still asleep, I can use the toilet and wash in privacy. I use a small book light to read until 6:00, when a guard walks down the tier unlocking the gates. I’m first out of the cell and one of the few avoiding the chow hall to take advantage of early exercise. By 7:30 I’m at work, which is a reprieve from the tensions of the cellblock and yard. My supervisor, Ms. Stephens encourages my academic pursuits. She authorizes me to study and type my assignments once I complete my daily work.  When I leave the business office I report to the prison’s hospital as a volunteer.  Prisoners deemed at risk for harming themselves are kept under 24-hour surveillance, and I’m one of those on watch. This schedule allows me to avoid the other prisoners and to study. When I return to the cellblock at midnight the prison is quiet. I shower, climb to my rack above Check, and I sleep soundly for five hours. It’s a routine I want to keep for the incomprehensible 24 years that I’ve still got to serve. The pockets of solitude I’ve carved out give me peace, and I’ve become extremely productive. I’m on a tight schedule, always racing to exceed my expectations. I’ve completed my first quarter with Ohio University and I’ve enrolled in another full load of courses for the second quarter. Besides taking correspondence classes through Ohio University, Mercer University has begun offering courses inside USP Atlanta, and I’m now enrolled as a full-time student in its program.  One of the professors from Mercer, Colin Harris, takes time to mentor me. I’m busy, working hard to prove worthy of the trust placed in me. According to the timeline I’ve laid out, I should earn my undergraduate degree in 1992, and I intend to earn it with honors. ******* “Guess who I ran into at Safeway?” Julie, my sister, asks in a carefully measured tone. “Who?” “Judy Murphy.” She mentions the mother of one of my high school friends. “Oh, how’s Sean?” Julie hesitates and then tells me that Sean died of leukemia. It’s tough news for me to take, as I liked and admired Sean.  I ask my sister when he died. “Just a few months ago. It struck him suddenly. He was studying engineering at the University of Washington. He died during surgery.” When Julie hangs up I return to my cell and think about Sean. He was a friend of mine since junior high school. With the news of his death, I sit and think more about what I’m doing here.  I face the wall in my cell, unable to muffle the hollering, laughing, and slamming of dominos on steel cellblock tables. Bad news from beyond prison walls keeps coming, and it will keep coming, and I must learn to accept it alone. Sean and I hadn’t spoken since high school graduation. He lived responsibly, a student-athlete, disciplined and respectful of others while I was living recklessly. I remember our friendship as kids and as teammates in football and baseball.  It’s hard for me to believe that I’m now in prison and his life has ended.  Many more lives will end while I serve this sentence, maybe even my own. I rest a pad on my knee so I can write to his parents, expressing my sympathy. Then I pledge that memories of Sean will inspire me to make better use of my life, to use every day working to become a better person. I don’t know how Sean’s parents will respond to my letter but I feel compelled to write it. For some reason, news of his death piles on more guilt.  It brings feelings of nostalgia for high school, those earlier days before I thought of selling cocaine.  I regret decisions I made and feel a colossal disappointment in what I’ve made of my life. ******* I want to reach beyond these walls and my chance arrives when Julie receives the grant money for printing 2,000 copies of Drugs and Money. She makes the trip from Seattle to visit me so we can plan our strategy to distribute the books. “You’ve grown so much,” Julie cries as we hug for the first time since my arrest, almost three years before. “I told you I’ve been exercising every morning since I got here. Check this out.” I flex my arms, showing off. She admires my fitness but then looks around, disoriented with the prison experience. “What did that guy do to get in here?” “Come on, let’s not waste our time talking about anyone else. He probably sold drugs, like everyone else. I told you I’m a loner in here, I keep to myself.” “I can’t believe you don’t have any friends. How can you spend all your time alone?” “I’m okay. I talk to a few guys from class, but life is different for me. I’m so busy with school that I can’t take time for television, movies, or any of the craziness that goes on around here.” I tell my sister about the hustle of brewing alcohol with fruit, sugar, and yeast, and how some prisoners pass through the monotony of confinement in a drunken stupor. “Others are into gangs, gambling, and drugs. I feel safest and most productive by sticking to myself.” “How do prisoners get drugs in here?” Despite my efforts to talk about the book, my sister persists in asking me about prison life. “Through visits I guess, and some corrupt guards mule them in. I stay away from everything. That’s one of the reasons I keep such a busy schedule, to avoid trouble.” While sitting across the table from my sister, I don’t feel any shame at all. It isn’t the same when my mother or father visits me. With them I feel empty inside and embarrassed that they see me in a place like this. Both my mom and dad want to hold my hand, pat my head, or assure me with words that things are going to turn out fine. But they’re afraid for me. Their nervous gestures bring out my guilt from having put them through such misery. I’ve asked them to leave visits early, feigning exhaustion. In truth, sadness overwhelms me and all I want to do is disappear. With Julie, on the other hand, I grin and laugh, happy to listen as she tells me about our younger sister, Christina, our parents, our niece, and her own engagement to Tim. Life continues regardless of my ordeal. I look at the clock, conscious that the minutes move so quickly, and wish the visit wouldn’t end. With hundreds of other prisoners’ family members visiting, it’s loud in the room. We’re eating sandwiches from vending machines and drinking sodas. Life feels almost normal. Even though she periodically breaks into tears, I’m not in prison when I’m with Julie.  She’s so sweet, telling me that she’d switch places with me if she could. We talk about the many ways we’re going to leverage all of the relationships we have in Seattle to attract media attention for the book. Drugs are becoming a bigger issue in society with President Bush’s zero-tolerance programs and I feel strongly that the book I wrote could contribute to the solution. Through a story describing what happened to my friends and me, the book sends a message regarding the tragic consequences that follow drug trafficking. Although I face considerable restrictions in promoting the book, Julie is free to speak on my behalf. She returns to Seattle and begins contacting jails, schools, and other institutions where the message in Drugs and Money can add value. With books to donate, Julie contacts local talk radio programs to promote the book and to secure invitations for me to participate in telephone interviews. Conscious of the reprimand Mr. Chandler gave me for enrolling in college without first seeking his permission, I ask advice from my supervisor, Ms. Stephens. I want to know which staff member can authorize me to interact with the media. She directs me to Ms. Sheffer, the Warden’s Executive Assistant, and Ms. Sheffer tells me that if representatives of the media want to speak with me over the phone, then I’m within my rights to converse. ******* “I’m locking you up,” a lieutenant chastises me after paging me to his office. “Why? What did I do?” “Listen to this.” The lieutenant plays a tape recording of a portion from an interview I gave to a Seattle radio station over the telephone. “You can’t be giving no interviews on the radio from my institution. Where do you think you are? This is a federal prison! You’re supposed to be serving time, not writing books and talking to the media.” “But I was only talking about the reasons people shouldn’t get involved with selling drugs. I’m trying to send a positive message.” “Well I’m sending you to the hole to think about your positive message. Next time you’ll think twice about what you’re saying over my phone system and who you’re talking to.” “But I asked permission from Ms. Sheffer before I made the call. She said I could talk with the media over the phone.” The lieutenant looks at me skeptically. “What? Ms. Sheffer said that? When?” “Three weeks ago. My work supervisor told me she was the person I needed to speak to for permission, and she said it would be fine.” “Go back to your job,” the lieutenant orders. “I’ll get to the bottom of this. If you’re lying to me, you’re gonna be sorry.” I walk back to the business office, intimidated by my encounter with the lieutenant. Since I had permission, I don’t think I’m in trouble, but the lieutenant’s threat about the hole shakes me. From an isolation cell I won’t be able to attend my classes with Mercer University, and if I can’t complete my classes, the timeline I’m working toward to graduate in 1992 falls apart.  I’m frustrated that the decisions of others have so much influence on my life. Ms. Sheffer is waiting for me when I get back to my desk. With her shoulder-length blonde hair and form fitting designer clothes, she looks more like a babe than a prison official. Despite her attractiveness and the fragrance of her perfume, she talks tough, at least to me. “From now on, if you’re going to talk with the media, you coordinate it through my office.” Ms. Sheffer scolds me while pointing her finger at me, ruining fantasies I’ve had about her, the kind that keep a young man alive. My confusion quickly leads to embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I thought you said it was okay for me to talk over the phone.” “I only said that because I didn’t think a member of the media would accept your phone calls. It was my mistake, that’s why you’re not in the hole. But let’s be clear, from now on you need to coordinate all media communications through my office.” When Ms. Sheffer walks out I’m left alone in the office with my supervisor. “You’re really rocking the boat around here.” “I don’t mean to. I’m just trying to build support outside.” Ms. Stephens shakes her head in doubt. “When you started here you said you wanted to keep a low profile, to stay out of trouble. Writing books and talking on the radio puts you on the front line, not exactly low profile.” “I meant I wanted to keep a low profile in prison. I still have to try and build support outside. I can’t just give up, you know, I’ve got to try to make something more of my life than this.” “I just hope you know what you’re doing. Most inmates want to avoid attention, but you’re bringing the spotlight right to you. If you do anything wrong, all this attention is going to backfire.” Ms. Stephens makes clear that she thinks it would be best to focus on school and forget about media contacts. “Just remember,” she chills me with an admonishment, “I can’t protect you if the lieutenant decides to lock you up for an investigation.” Ms. Stephens means well. I know she cares for me, but she is a part of the system, and she knows a lieutenant can easily lock a prisoner away in a disciplinary cell for months at a time. If that should happen to me I wouldn’t have access to school, to telephone calls, to exercise. She doesn’t want me locked in a box. What Ms. Stephens doesn’t understand is that I am locked in a box. ******* When a guard passes an envelope through the bars of my cell I’m surprised to see a woman’s penmanship. The letter is from Susan, a girl I know from high school. She dated my close friend Rich, and her letter expresses support, telling me that she heard me speaking on a local radio interview. I read Susan’s letter a hundred times. The letter isn’t suggestive, or with any romantic innuendo, but it’s the only letter I’ve received from a woman since Lisa dumped me six months ago. I like holding the paper that left Susan’s hands, wanting this connection to last.  It makes me wonder how many years will pass before I kiss a woman again. I write Susan a lengthy letter, telling her all about my schoolwork, my routine in prison, and the challenges I face in promoting my book. Although a romance is probably too much to hope for, I make it clear to her that I value her correspondence. I’m lonely, longing for ties to anyone beyond prison walls, especially a woman. ******* The next letter I receive isn’t from Susan and it isn’t nearly as pleasant. It is from my attorney, Justin, who informs me that the Court of Appeals has affirmed my conviction. The court’s decision doesn’t surprise me, but I’ve been hoping that the court wouldn’t issue its ruling for another year, or better yet, not until I expected to earn my degree in 1992. Yet my hopes don’t matter. It’s 1990 and I know what this appellate decision means. The clock on the 120-day time limit for the Rule 35 has begun to tick. I write the judicial motion for the Rule 35 from my desk at work. Through the request for my judge to reconsider the sentence he imposed I express remorse for the crimes I committed and accept that I will serve several years in prison as a consequence of my convictions. Yet I implore the judge to reserve his final judgment of me, explaining that I’m working to educate myself, to contribute to society, and to build a record that will demonstrate my commitment to atone and to prepare for a law-abiding life. As an offer of proof I include copies of my university transcripts, my stellar progress reports from prison administrators, copies of Drugs and Money, press clippings, and letters of appreciation that my work has already generated. The entire package fits in a large envelope and I submit it to the court without assistance from counsel. I don’t have to wait long before I receive the government’s response to my motion. When I open the envelope my heart sinks as I read the prosecutor’s passionate argument for the judge to let my sentence stand. He closes the three-page rebuttal with a sentiment so powerful in its denunciation of me as an individual, a fellow human being, that it takes all the wind out of me. If Michael Santos served every day of his life in an all-consuming effort to repay society, and if he lived to be 300 years old, our community would still be at a significant net loss. I read the prosecutor’s response over and over. It eats at me, wakes me from sleep at night. He prepared the case against me for trial. He knows that I’ve never had a weapon and that I don’t have a history or proclivity for violence. Here, in the prison, I live in the midst of dangerous men who truly threaten society, yet they serve sentences that are a fraction in length compared to mine. I don’t understand why the prosecutor is so vehement in opposing my relief, or why his response drips with such venom. I’m sinking again, needing to tap into some type of inner strength before I sink back down into the abyss. When the guard slides the next envelope–from the district court, my judge’s chambers–through the bars of my cell, I need to lie down. It comes on Friday. Judge Tanner didn’t require much time to dismiss my motion. He agrees with the prosecutor, and with his ruling, the sentence I serve is now final.    

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In this episode, I talk to Colin Harris. Colin is an automotive service technician by trade, which gives him the unique ability to stay grounded and relatable as he presents his knowledge of the spiritual world. Colin started a company called Astral Healing. He uses his training in Akashic records, Reiki, crystal healing, meditation, and shamanic healing to guide others through their own path of healing.Find out more about Colin at www.astralhealing.caFollow us on Instagram:@colin_astral@joshua__wild@cur.e.usSupport the show:https://www.patreon.com/cur_e_us

Joining Vassos and Louise this week is Colin Harris, who has run more than 600 parkruns over the last 12 years. Colin talks us through his relationship with parkrun, how it's changed and why it is so important to him. 

Við heyrðum í Þorsteini Sæmundssyni, þingmanni Miðflokksins, en Þorsteinn hefur nú um nokkurt skeið beðið upplýsinga um það hver eða hverjir keyptu talsvert magn íbúða sem Íbúðalánasjóður hafði yfirtekið, af sjóðnum. Við spurðum hvers vegna gengur Þorsteini ekki að fá svar og hvað, ef eitthvað, telur hann að upplýsingarnar geti leitt í ljós? Ráðstefna undir heitinu Eru íþróttir vettvangur ofbeldis? fer fram á miðvikudaginn kemur í tengslum við Reykjavíkurleikana. Fræðimenn, bæði erlendir og innlendir koma fram, auk þess sem þolendur segja sögu sína, m.a. Colin Harris fyrrverandi leikmaður Chelsea þolandi kynferðisofbeldis af hálfu þjálfara síns. Þær Birta Björnsdóttir landsliðskona í blaki og verkefnisstjóri hjá ÍBR og Þorbjörg Inga Jónsdóttir hæstaréttarlögmaður og einn fyrirlesara, komu til okkar. Árneshreppur hefur verið töluvert í fréttum undanfarin misseri varðandi ýmis mál, s.s. samgöngur og þjónustu. Erfitt reynist að halda úti þjónustu á svo fámennu svæði, s.s. verslun en nú stendur fyrir dyrum stofnfundur hlutafélags um rekstur verslunar í Norðurfirði, en sem stendur er engin verslun opin á svæðinu. Skúli Gautason sem stýrir verkefninu Áfram Árneshreppur var á línunni og sagði okkur meira. Björn Teitsson, sem stundar nám í borgarfræðum í Þýskalandi og hefur lengi talað fyrir bíllausum lífstíl, segir að það væri vel hægt að loka Miiklubraut fyrir umferð einkabílsins án þess að gera aðrar ráðstafanir. Umferðin myndi finna sér annan farveg og vísar Björn til lokunar hraðbrautar í Seattle nýlega. Við heyrðum í Birni. Einar Örn Jónsson íþróttafréttamaður kom í heimsókn og við fórum yfir helstu tíðindi af íþróttum helgarinnar. Tónlist: Dagur Sigurðsson - Aldrei eitt. Prefab Sprout - Bonny. ABC - The look of love. 2Pac - California love. The 1975 - Its not living (If its not with you). Ásgeir Trausti - Heimförin. Charlotte Gainsburgh - Deadly Valentine. Jónas Sig. - Milda hjartað. Specials - Vote for me. Stuðmenn - Staldraðu við. Halsey - Without me.