Podcast appearances and mentions of dave richo

How can we continue to stretch our sense of loving-kindness to include all beings?In this talk, Dave Richo explores the practice of loving-kindness (metta) in Buddhism, emphasizing its expansive nature. Using an analogy from Romeo and Juliet, Dave explains that love is boundless, reaching beyond our immediate relationships to encompass all beings. He introduces the concept of concentric circles, where love radiates from ourselves to our close ones, those we are neutral toward, marginalized individuals, and even those we struggle with, eventually encompassing all beings. The core idea is that as we give love, it grows in abundance, benefiting both us and others.Dave encourages us to include in our loving-kindness practice:Self-love: Starting with extending kindness to ourselves, as we can't offer to others what we don't have.Expanding circles: Extending love outward from family and friends to neighbors, marginalized groups, and enemies.Compassion for all beings: Wishing well even to those who harm us, recognizing that everyone seeks happiness and is capable of transformation. By cultivating this mindset daily, we can contribute to a more just, peaceful, and loving world.______________David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is "Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay." (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is www.davericho.com. ______________ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit https://gaybuddhist.org/There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

In what ways do we engage in retaliation in our relationships? How can we let go of this urge?In this talk, Dave Richo defines retaliation as reacting equally to the harm that was initiated against us; revenge on the other hand is a magnified form of retaliation. He looks at what various spiritual traditions have to say about retaliation. From a psychological view, we often dream of revenge so that we won't have to face the grief that we are feeling. Dave holds that the urge to retaliate is a normal impulse, one that we inherited from our ancestors who survived by fighting back against those who hurt them. However many spiritual masters encourage us to work in overcoming this natural tendency. Ultimately, letting go of this urge makes room for higher qualities in us to blossom, including mercy and forgiveness that may actually transform the perpetrator. ______________ David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is "Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay." (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is www.davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Waylon and bestselling author David Richo discuss the 5 A's in relationship with parenting, our lover, and our sweet self. “I wrote this book based on my realization that the only models I had for what a relationship could look like were my parents, and movies. I wondered if there was an actual skill that one could learn, so that a relationship could work better.” ~ David Richo

How do we have a response in keeping with loving-kindness when people hate us or hurt our feelings? In this talk, Dave defines hatred as "malicious rage with ill-will and an insatiable desire to hurt you or get back at you." He shares three possible types of responses, taken from his book, "Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start Living." Find his handout here: https://gaybuddhist.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Hate-or-Hurt-Dave-Richo.pdf ______________ David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is "Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay." (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is www.davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

In this Part 2, Dave Richo talks about the sadness that can arise alongside anger, giving rise to grief and fear. -------------------------Anger itself is a healthy emotion that fits with Buddhist practice. It is the feeling of displeasure we experience at a perceived injustice, against ourselves or others. Healthy anger is a way of communicating what we feel is unjust or unfair. Rather than hold it in, it can be healthy to express that feeling. We do not lose our temper, but maintain the boundaries that prevent us from becoming aggressive. If that expression becomes hurtful to others, it contradicts our commitment to loving-kindness. It becomes abuse when it is marked by violence and retaliation - a type of theatrical display meant to intimidate. ____________ David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is "Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay." (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is www.davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Anger itself is a healthy emotion that fits with Buddhist practice. It is the feeling of displeasure we experience at a perceived injustice, against ourselves or others. It is a way of communicating what we feel is unfair. -------------------In this Part 1, Dave Richo distinguishes between healthy anger and abuse: Healthy anger gets your attention; Abuse makes you feel afraid. Rather than hold our anger in, it can be healthy to express the feeling. We do not lose our temper but maintain the boundaries that prevent us from becoming aggressive. When that expression becomes hurtful to others, it contradicts our commitment to loving-kindness. It becomes abuse when it is marked by threats, violence, and retaliation - a type of theatrical display meant to intimidate.  Then he explores practices that allow us to present our feelings of anger safely and still maintain the bond we have with another person. Finally, we learn how to become friendly toward our own anger rather than seeing it as a failing. ____________ David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is "Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay." (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is https://davericho.com/. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Hello Beautiful People! CONNECT WITH JENNAH-LOUISEWork With Me | https://www.jennahlouise.com.auInstagram | https://www.instagram.com/jennah_louiseCONNECT WITH DAVEWebsite | https://davericho.com Dave is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and author of many books including the point of focus today, ‘How to be an adult in relationships'. What I personally love about this conversation is Dave's clarity and reflection on how we can best show up in our relationships as a conscious adult in the present day, and not that in reaction to our past triggers and traumas. We explore his 5 A's that are what encompass us to meet our own needs of love in a relationship, which is really a core focus of his teachings; to always come back to yourself and look within. Dave also shares, which is really quite fascinating, the idea that many of us were brought up on this mindset that suffering and enduring are what make us successful, and it is in this conversation that he shares a different and more life fulfilling approach. Enjoy! #jennahlouise #tobehumanpodcast

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

**find the video podcast of this episode here: https://youtu.be/JllFlgpItLE!**Alisia Young interviews Dave Richo, PhD, MFT, the author of How To Be An Adult: A Handbook On Psychological And Spiritual Integration (see bio below).Resources Recommended by Dave Richo:1. Affirmations for "Letting Go of Fear" [audio/video] -  https://davericho.com/free-book/2. Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side [book] - https://davericho.com/books/ 3. Dave Richo's talk on the "Shadow" [video] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCD_6TEBQWI4. How To Be An Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration [book] - https://davericho.com/books/5. When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships [book] - https://davericho.com/books/Connect & Contact Dave Richo:Website - https://davericho.com/Connect & Contact Alisia:Congrats Superwoman: When You've Climbed the Mountain and Still Don't Feel Good Enough - https://amzn.to/3nJcATHEat 'N' Live Free Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQfB...Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.comTeach Me Freedom Contact - teachmefreedom2020@gmail.comInstagram: @teachmefreedom2020Dave Richo's Bio:David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices.Connect & Contact Alisia: hello@teachmefreedom.ca Teach Me Freedom Website - www.teachmefreedom.ca Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.com

**find the video podcast of this episode here: https://youtu.be/rd_TNN8Wbek!**Alisia Young interviews Dave Richo, PhD, MFT, the author of How To Be An Adult: A Handbook On Psychological And Spiritual Integration (see bio below).Resources Recommended by Dave Richo:1. Affirmations for "Letting Go of Fear" [audio/video] -  https://davericho.com/free-book/2. Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side [book] - https://davericho.com/books/ 3. Dave Richo's talk on the "Shadow" [video] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCD_6TEBQWI4. How To Be An Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration [book] - https://davericho.com/books/5. When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships [book] - https://davericho.com/books/6. How To Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving [book] - https://davericho.com/books/Connect & Contact Dave Richo:Website - https://davericho.com/Connect & Contact Alisia:Congrats Superwoman: When You've Climbed the Mountain and Still Don't Feel Good Enough - https://amzn.to/3nJcATHEat 'N' Live Free Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQfB...Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.comTeach Me Freedom Contact - teachmefreedom2020@gmail.comInstagram: @teachmefreedom2020Dave Richo's Bio:David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices.Connect & Contact Alisia: hello@teachmefreedom.ca Teach Me Freedom Website - www.teachmefreedom.ca Eat 'N' Live Free Website - www.eatnlivefree.com

Christine Bates, a licensed professional counselor and ordained Buddhist lay minister in the Embracing Simplicity Contemplative Order, shares the fifth of five posts on Mindful Parenting, based on the work of Dave Richo. More information about Deep South Dharma can be found at www.deepsouthdharma.org Articles about various aspects of the practice of Buddhism can be found at https://medium.com/the-fifth-posture --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/deepsouthdharma/message

Christine Bates, a licensed professional counselor and ordained Buddhist lay minister in the Embracing Simplicity Contemplative Order, shares the fourth of five posts on Mindful Parenting, based on the work of Dave Richo. More information about Deep South Dharma can be found at www.deepsouthdharma.org Articles about various aspects of the practice of Buddhism can be found at https://medium.com/the-fifth-posture --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/deepsouthdharma/message

Christine Bates, a licensed professional counselor and ordained Buddhist lay minister in the Embracing Simplicity Contemplative Order, shares the three of five posts on Mindful Parenting, based on the work of Dave Richo. More information about Deep South Dharma can be found at www.deepsouthdharma.org Articles about various aspects of the practice of Buddhism can be found at https://medium.com/the-fifth-posture --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/deepsouthdharma/message

Christine Bates, a licensed professional counselor and ordained Buddhist lay minister in the Embracing Simplicity Contemplative Order, shares the second of five posts on Mindful Parenting, based on the work of Dave Richo. More information about Deep South Dharma can be found at www.deepsouthdharma.org Articles about various aspects of the practice of Buddhism can be found at https://medium.com/the-fifth-posture --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/deepsouthdharma/message

Christine Bates, a licensed professional counselor ordained in the Embracing Simplicity Contemplative Order, shares the first of five posts on Mindful Parenting, based on the work of Dave Richo. More information about Deep South Dharma can be found at www.deepsouthdharma.org --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/deepsouthdharma/message

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Welcome to the Becoming a Sage podcast, hosted by Dr. Jann. This week’s episode features Dr. Jann’s conversation with Dave Richo, Ph.D.   David Richo, Ph.D., is psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He teaches at a variety of places including Esalen and Spirit Rock Buddhist Center. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological ... Read More

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. These five words (Richo's "Five A's") are necessary ingredients to any healthy relationship, but many of us don't start off with them in our relationship pantry. In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, co-host Yael is joined by Dr. Dave Richo, author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. Join us as Yael and Dave discuss the power of the Five A's. You'll learn how fulfilling these needs affects both our personal growth and our behavior in relationships. So grab your partner (and your ingredients!), and join Yael and Dave today to learn more about how to be an adult in your relationship.  Listen and Learn:  Yael and Debbie's real life hacks to meeting “The Five A's”What makes Dave's, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, so enduringly helpful for peopleDave's expert breakdown of the ideal goals for adults in relationshipsProfessional, evidence-based advice for how to (healthily) orient around “The Five A's” in your relationshipHow your childhood experiences may be impacting your relationship The way mindfulness applies to relationshipsDave's approach to productively reframing and working with blame and feelings of rage towards your partnerAbout avoiding landslides of grief in relationships when years-old mountains of ill will loom nearby (and why it's important to fully experience that grief instead!)Practical exercises for reframing your orientation in unhealthy relationships How Dave and Yael might apply “The Five A's” and some of Dave's tools in therapy with a couple (READ: free thought-exercise for therapists listening in!)What to do when you're feeling unloved or unlovable Resources: Dave's book, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful LovingDave's book, Triggers: How We Can Stop Reacting and Start HealingAnger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat HanhThe New York Times breakdown of Harry Potter, So You Know Nothing About ‘Harry Potter'? Let's Catch You Up    About Dave Richo: David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who works in Santa Barbara and San Francisco California. He combines Jungian, poetic, and mythic perspectives in his work with the intention of integrating the psychological and the spiritual. His books and workshops include attention to Buddhist and Christian spiritual practices. One of his best sellers, How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, is going to be coming into its 20th anniversary this fall. Find out more about Dr. Richo on his website, davericho.com.  Related Episodes: Episode 61. Becoming Our Best Relationship Selves By Identifying Core Values And Schemas With Dr. Avigail Lev    Episode 120. Use DBT Skills To Regulate Emotions And Be More Effective In Relationships With Dr. Matthew McKayEpisode 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah TannenEpisode 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dave Richo leads us on an exercise of affirmations and aspirations he uses in his own daily practice.

Pete and Dodge try to wrap their heads around what they experienced with Dave including: going soft when facing Internet rage, there are no wars that end wars, and not enough comedy.

Hey everybody, Welcome to our second big interview episode! We made it over the hump of launch and it's time to take the training wheels off this thing to see if it rolls. We appreciate you sticking with us. There's a weight to the world. I complain about how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning. Or get out of the shower. Or walk the fifteen steps into my office. I gather that's not a new thing for many of you thanks in large part to the chaos swirling around us. Our guest today is a welcome knock to the head. His name is Dave Richo and he's a psychotherapist, educator, and writer in California. You can learn more about him on his website, davericho.com. He's written 23 books, the first published in 1991, many addressing “adulting” before it was a meme. His How to Be An Adult books anchor a catalog of incredible resources on love, relationships, and psychological and spiritual integration. But Dodge landed on Dave's 2019 book, Five True Things: A Little Guide to Embracing Life's Big Challenges. It's one of those books that contains wisdom by the barrel and we're deeply grateful that Dave agreed to join us on the show this week, letting us peel away at his five true things with direct guidance. This book is about life's big challenges and as such, it's not always rosy. But what happens when we take a glass of ice water to the face? We wake up. Thanks, as always, for your commitment to the work. — Pete Links & Notes DaveRicho.com How to be Adult in Love

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Right when you thought things were bad, they get worse. Has that been your experience lately? Dr. Connie's special show discusses how acceptance of Five True Things can reduce anxiety, bring more peace, and offer understanding to our stressful lives. Her guest is Dr. Dave Richo, psychotherapist and author of many books including Five True Things: A Little Guide to Embracing Life's Big Challenges. Listen in as Dr. Connie interviews the author on how his book can lead to more peace and joy in your life.

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

David Richo, PhD, MFT, is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and writer who integrates the psychological and the spiritual. His many books include Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love and Intimacy.On this episode of Eudaemonia, Kim chats with David about the importance of trust, and learns how our lives are enhanced when we develop greater trust in others, ourselves, a higher power, and in the process of life itself.

Want to stop feeling like shit? Don't know where to start? Today we talk about some of the ways to start. Episode Highlights - Benefits of Consciousness:Acceptance of self: Dave Richo, PhD says it best in his book Human Becoming. “Look at the record: the history of what you have actually done in the course of your life tells you more about yourself than the fantasy of what you wish you had done or what you say you want.” This could mean you may have been a people pleaser, an over performer, a victim of self-sabotage, a doormat, a liar, an addict. Accepting who you are allows you to start understanding the unnecessary labels you have created for yourself. It also helps you to unify who you have been and who you really want to be.Understanding of self: Understanding why you have certain behaviors allows you to be aware of whether they are something that you want to keep. You may not even be aware of certain behaviors without healthy feedback. Once you do identify behavior you want to change you can use cue altering to change the stimulus either conscious or unconsciously perceived that elicits or signals a behavior. This can mean if you please people in order to feel worthy, try doing a contrary behavior when appropriate, that is best for you. This could mean saying no to spending time with someone when you really don’t want to but are afraid of their reaction.Neutralized emotional reaction: Becoming more conscious allows you to become a separate entity from your thoughts and emotions. You are more present to observe them as a witness and allow them to come and go like a house guest passing through town. You are also able to reflect and acknowledge what you are triggered by when you do feel an emotion, so that you can understand parts of yourself that may have not been recognized before. This leads you right back to acceptance.Healthier relationships: You may have heard (or not) much talk about conscious vs. toxic or karmic relationships. When you work on consciousness you can begin to see your relationships more objectively. As Don Miguel Ruiz simply articulates in The Four Agreements, “Don’t take anything personally.” You can also see what is being reflected to you and what is being taught to you by the relationship. Nothing is ever done to you; except for what you choose to believe you are having done to you. You will also be able to recognize relationships that are there to reinforce the way you see yourself. These tend to be more toxic and/or karmic relationships. These typically involve control, jealousy, and other unhealthy patterns. Or on the contrary, provide a continuous stroke to the ego. A conscious relationship will still have feelings arise, but they will be discussed and acknowledged in relation to what the person is feeling and where they think it is coming from rather than projection of what they are feeling onto you, or vice versa.Recognized Projection onto others: Projection is an ego defense and can be defined as a mental image viewed as reality. It is mostly unconscious. We project our fears or insecurities onto others every day. It shapes the way we show up to our jobs, friendships, romantic relationships and how we parent. In acknowledging this tendency to project you can shrink the gap between how you view yourself and how you are truly behaving. You can begin to accept that maybe your perception of reality has been centered around your ego and is not the reality of how you are showing up.To get a Consciousness Checklist dm me on Insta.https://www.instagram.com/mscheyskye/ on Instagram. https://medium.com/@cheyennetanner on Medium. Music Produced by: @mscheyskye

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

In this interview, David Richo discusses how if you’ve ever had a vague sense that something’s missing from your life, that longing for something better is a sign of being fully human, fully alive. But what’s even more wonderful, according to Dave Richo, is that when you identify and carefully examine the things you long for—like love, meaning, freedom, happiness, and growth—you not only discover deep truths about yourself, but you also find that the things you long for were never really “missing” at all. He provides enlightening advice and practices for accessing just this kind of profound self-discovery , illustrated by a wealth of examples from depth psychology, religion, and literature. Our longings in fact point to the presence of something transcendent in us, he shows. In seeking something better, we are seeking that which we already are.

Dave Richo on The Five Things We Cannot Change; Laura Gelezunas in Vallarta; & MORE David Richo, Ph.D., M.F.T., is a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and author.  He joins us from California to talk about his book, "The Five Things We Cannot Change...and The Happiness We Find By Embracing Them." Laura Gelezunas reports in from one of the top retirement paradises in the worl; Puerto Vallarta Mexico! Then Platinum Cafe will be calling from South Padre Island, Texas to let us know of their latest music! AND MORE!  

Author and psychotherapist Dave Richo talks about his latest book: You Are Not What You Think: The Egoless Guide to Self-Esteem and Generous Love.

Today’s guest is Dave Richo, a psychotherapist, teacher, workshop leader, and author of the well-known book “How To Be An Adult in Relationships- The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving”. In this conversation we explore topics found in his more recent book “How To Be an Adult In Love- Letting Love In Safely and Showing It Recklessly”, and his brand new book “You Are Not What You Think- The Egoless Path To Self-Esteem and Generous Love”. Richo’s approach, which combines Jungian, poetic, and mythical perspectives, delves deep into the Buddhist concept of loving-kindness. In today’s episode we explore the whys and the hows of egoless love in the context of romantic relationships. You will learn key questions to help you assess your own ego balance, and ways to surrender ego in order to build self-esteem, address old wounds and fears, be fully loving in all of your relationships, and to actually evolve your capacity for love. You will be reminded and awakened to the ways in which taking care of ourselves is in itself an act of love.   Here are some highlights, insights, and suggestions from my conversation with Dave Richo: Widening the range of love- The Buddhist practice of loving-kindness is really about expanding our definition of what it means to love. It is about beaming out love to yourself, those closest to you, those you feel neutral about, those you don’t even really like, and all with EQUAL force. This force of grace and power is one that comes from beyond our ego, and extends through us to all beings. We can learn how to love, which is important, but we can also work on opening ourselves to call upon this sense of unconditional grace that is omnipresent and here to help us. How to connect with this sense of spirit is incredibly personal and you must find the right wording, symbolism, rituals, and practices that make it your own. However you relate to this concept, take a moment to consider that perhaps by incorporating awareness of this wider loving spirit you might find ways to better heal during difficult times, feel connected to your partner regardless of what you think or feel about them in a given moment, and even potentially, as Dave explains, feel more fully human. Agape love: The Greek’s referred to this form of selfless, unconditional and utterly limitless way of showing love as ‘Agape love’. They saw this form of boundless love to be our own highest calling. Although the love we hold for our romantic partner(s) exists within the definitions of the Greek’s Agape love and the Buddhist’s loving-kindness paradigm, it is the erotic dimension that distinguishes our intimate partnerships from the crowd. Interestingly enough, the Greek’s also believe that erotic love exists in our creative pursuits as well. Therefore there are many ways to experience erotic love, and infinite ways to experience Agape love. Tending to the relationship through Egoless Loving: So how can this wide definition of love inform our ability to engage the challenges that may arise in our partnerships? Love is about giving of oneself without being sure exactly what we will get in return. If instead, our egos are leading the way in our relationship we may find ourselves using the partnership to assert and solidify our own ego purposes, leading to patterns of selfishness (and not the good kind!). The evolution of a relationship from Ego-ideals to Egoless led love: There are three phases a romantic relationship must pass through in order to achieve an egoless led love: 1) Ego-Ideal to Ego-Ideal Romantic Phase: In the beginning… two individuals meet, and their two ego ideals fall in love. Meaning that person you always desired is finally found! Stars, rainbows, romantic dates, until…   2) Ego to Ego Phase: The inevitable conflicts, big or small, begin, and the ego-ideals erode and you begin to see the other person as she or he really is (warts and all). You may start to see your partner as self-centered, self-promoting, self-ish, or maybe you just start getting really irritated with the way they do or don’t do the dishes, you get the idea… In this conflict stage, the goal is to confront the ego dimension of ourselves and see if we can let go of it in favor of a more loving response. There are many psychological techniques, communication tips, outlined processes, prompts and activities you can choose to engage in here to help address, process, and make it through this phase. Regardless of how you and your partner work on your conflicts, it is critical to remember that this is an act of love! When we commit to working through the tough stuff and putting in the energy when struggles arise we are showing ourselves and our partners love in action. This increases connection, and of course, trust. And it leads to the final phase. 3) Egoless Love Phase: Through successfully showing up for Phase 2 and taking responsibility for our own egos, a new dimension of love is possible. Now that our partners can trust that we are dedicated to tending to the partnership versus tending solely to our egos, true commitment is possible.  (Note to eager hearts: this is the appropriate time to choose marriage rather than during the Ego-ideal phase!). Hold up! Lets take a moment to look closer at what ego is, and what it means in love. Ego is the latin word for ‘I’. It lies on a continuum. One extreme is when the ego is inflated which can look like arrogance/swagger/narcism, and on the other extreme when the ego is deflated it can look like withdrawn/shutdown/doormat-like. In equilibrium the ego is strong yet not forceful, direct but not judging, respectful, humble, confident without arrogance, and loving. Only from a healthy ego is true love possible. You cannot be fully loved by those whose egos are stuck on either end of the spectrum. Someone with an inflated ego cannot truly love you, even if it seems she/he cares about you it is only because they are focusing on you to see what they can get from you. Someone with a deflated ego is guided by fear and appeasement, neither conducive to deep healthy love. Those with healthy egos however, have self-esteem, and so they are capable of looking into YOU. Helpful questions to uncover where you are on the ego spectrum, and consequently discover if the love you are giving and getting in your relationship is healthy: We are each born with a set of original needs, Dave categorizes them into the 5 As: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. -Attention- your caretakers focused on your needs in an engaged way -Acceptance- your family and community accepted you as you were -Appreciation- your family cherished and celebrated you -Affection- your family showed affection in physical and appropriate ways -Allowing- your family supported you without clinging or holding you back These five needs remain with us throughout our life and they create a solid definition of how love is shown. How do you know that you really love yourself? Ask! Using the same 5As you can ask yourself “Am I paying attention to my needs? Am I accepting myself as I really am? Am I holding myself as valuable? Am I taking care of my body? Am I allowing myself to make the choices that reflect who I am rather than what others insist? Notice your answers, and notice how assertive you are. Can you state your needs without aggression or demand? Are you afraid of asking for what you want or afraid of your needs themselves? Are you afraid of needing or wanting to be fully loved? Bring the 5 As into your relationship by talking through them with your partner and turning the questions around! How can I pay attention to your needs? Am I accepting you as you really are? Etc. This can be in incredibly informative and empowering process to pursue together. When you can give yourself the 5As it is called healthy self-love. When you can give your partner the 5As it is called intimacy. And don’t be fooled. Acts of self-love are in themselves a way of showing love to others. Turning attention inward helps you show up and be fully you! The 4A Process: In establishing intimacy, it is critical to address fears of intimacy- Although subconscious, hidden, or simply out of awareness, many relationship conflicts arise from two common fears originating from our childhoods: 1) fear of abandonment and 2) fear of engulfment. These fears develop into fears of intimacy and are the root causes of so many relationship struggles (both MAJOR and minor ones!). The 4A process can help you and your partner work through the fear(s). 1) Admit- admit you are afraid, share with your partner 2) Allow- allow yourself to feel the feeling 3) Act as If- feel the fear but do it anyway, don’t let the fear stop you 4) Affirmation- Tell yourself “I am letting go of this fear” An example: “When you hug me I feel scared you will smother me, but please keep hugging me so that I can work through this feeling because I know you are safe and will not overwhelm me. I don’t want the fear to stop this moment that is happening, so I am going to let go of this fear.” Work with original fears so that you can experience the other side of intimacy! There is a difference between fear management (making exceptions, working around, and placating ourselves, etc) versus taking responsibility for our fear (tracing source, acknowledging triggers, expressing awareness). It’s not you, It’s me! While our romantic relationships are indeed sources of deep happiness, they are also our best labs in which to grow into awakened, full, and healthy human beings. As so many of us have experienced, our intimate partnerships lead us to the most undeveloped parts of ourselves. Humbling! Intruiging! And experience shows that everyone, we mean everyone, has childhood scars that continue to dwell in the psyche and play out in subtle, and unsubtle ways! Taking responsibility and becoming aware of how our past carries over into the present is in itself an ACT OF LOVE. Healthy relationships give us the opportunity to heal old wounds, and therefore the ability to have healthier relationships, and so on. Welcome these opportunities to heal your past! For those of you growth-oriented partners, you can begin to ask yourself and your partner “how can I best sponsor growth and healing?” From this place of love, you can engage in what Dave calls Safe Conversations. Safe Conversations- If you want to love yourself and allow your relationship (current or future) to have more love in it, you must be willing to have conversations without judgement about how the past is informing the present. From here you can choose how you want to give and receive the 5As and how to have a relationship in which childhood wounds are no longer getting in the way. Safe Conversations help to air out and find patterns for deeper understanding. Here is short list of example questions to discuss with your partner (taking turns asking each other), but please refer to Dave’s book for more a more in depth discussion. “How were your early needs handled in childhood? How did your parents show you the 5 As?” “How can your needs be met now in this relationship?” “How were your feelings handled and expressed in your childhood? How was sadness shown? Anger? Fear? Joy?” “How were conflicts handled by your parents?” “How do you want to handle conflicts in our relationship?” “How was free speech seen ny your family?” “How can you feel safe to speak your needs in our relationship?” This is a lot! It is long, deep, unfolding, and takes an immense amount of ego-less led presence. Take breaks! And lastly, a suggestion for expanding your daily capacity for loving kindness: Daily rituals help call our awareness to attention, Dave shares his morning dedication with us: “I say yes to everything that happens to me today as an opportunity to give and receive love without reserve. I am thankful for the enduring capacity to love that has come to me from the sacred heart of the universe. May everything that happens to me today open my heart more and more. May all that I think, say, feel, and do, express loving kindness towards myself, those close to me, and all beings. May love be my life purpose, my bliss, my destiny, my calling, the richest grace I can receive or give and may I always be especially compassionate toward people who are considered least, or last, or who feel alone or lost” Resources Dave Richo's Website How to Be an Adult in Relationship on Amazon How to Be an Adult in Love on Amazon You Are Not What You Think on Amazon www.neilsattin.com/adult Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode with Dave Richo Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

Author and psychotherapist David Richo talks about maturing whole and the power of grace.

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay. (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is davericho.com. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter