Choosing Love: Cultivating self-compassion in relationships with unwanted pornography use

We had a wonderful conversation about how to help a marriage last the test of time. Some of the things we talked about are having specific things designed to strengthen yourself, and other specific things designed to strengthen your marriage. We also talked a lot about how creating a vision board can have a huge positive impact on your marriage. You can find her books on Amazon.com. Simply search NaTasha Richburg and it will take you right there! Also, feel free to contact me via email: camillescow17@gmail.com Instagram or Facebook. Also, huge shoutout to the podcast. It's ranked in the top 15 betrayal trauma podcasts out there!!! Here's the link to check it out! https://podcast.feedspot.com/betrayal_trauma_podcasts/ Chat soon!

I didn't really know what to expect when I scheduled a time to meet with John Ford. I am so grateful I took the chance, because our conversation was exactly what I needed, and more! We talk about where conflict starts, getting our needs met, emotional literacy, effects of trauma and what to do, emotional flooding, and so much more. I hope this conversation blesses your life at least as much as it did mine! Talk soon! John's resources www.johnford.com www.empathyset.com www.empathysetapp.com Want to connect with me? email me at camillescow17@gmail.com You are doing better than you think you are!

Kristin Neff's Self-Compassion components are kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. We need these things to help us feel safe. They are the real deal. This episode describes what having a safety net of self-compassion can look like. Do the work of identifying if your safety net is actually constructed of self-criticism. Calendly: https://calendly.com/cbradford9/work-with-me Website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/ Linktree: linktr.ee/camillescow FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn Free Betrayal Trauma Resources:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share Top Ten Episodes: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GTk_oaJkkwXCBdL_hNCZGH06kICr04SV/view?usp=drive_link Free Boundaries Made Simple PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/100854240655705433/share Free Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share Free 100 Ideas how to have more self-compassion:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/91523205249893382/share Journal Prompts: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/104939829100283261/share Want to receive emails with quick, helpful tips to get through the week? https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/90175700938524371/share Top Ten Episodes: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1GTk_oaJkkwXCBdL_hNCZGH06kICr04SV/view?usp=drive_link Healing Triangle: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RwekQoayU-wmZs-LF5fykG3L6FYlkS4j/view?usp=drive_link

On this episode, Katelyn shares her story of when she found out about her husband's porn use. The way that Katelyn shares her story is so relatable, and is filled with so much hope. As you listen, I hope you will feel like you are not alone in during your hard days.

In my conversation with Josh Drago, he talks about his journey of infidelity and how their marriage survived. We discuss biblical references, how shame impacts our behavior, how to handle lying, what recovery can look like and so much more. Website: thefieldguidetofreedom.com IG: instagram.com/joshthedrago Facebook: Josh Drago | Facebook Amazon book link: Amazon.com Ready to tell your story? Schedule a call with Camille

Brene Brown describe perfectionism in a pretty harsh way. It's harsh, because it's true. This episode takes you through a transformation to loosen up your grip on feeling like you need to be perfect. After you listen, your perspective of perfectionism will be different.

I cried while recording this, and I cried while editing this. Apparently I still have a lot of emotions around this story. Listen to find out why. Calendly: https://calendly.com/cbradford9/work-with-me Website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/ FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn Free Betrayal Trauma Resources:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share Free Boundaries Made Simple PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/100854240655705433/share Free Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share Free 100 Ideas how to have more self-compassion:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/91523205249893382/share Journal Prompts: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/104939829100283261/share Want weekly emails? https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/90175700938524371/share

This episode provides a simple, easily applicable tool that will help you when you are overwhelmed. It can help you prevent overwhelm, and recover from the intensity. You'll hear a story written by Brene Brown from Atlas of the Heart and then hear how SHE describes overwhelm. After listening, you will leave better equipped to handle the difficult emotion of overwhelm. Calendly: https://calendly.com/cbradford9/work-with-me Website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/ FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn Free Betrayal Trauma Resources:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share Free Boundaries Made Simple PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/100854240655705433/share Free Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share Free 100 Ideas how to have more self-compassion:https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/91523205249893382/share Journal Prompts: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/104939829100283261/shareWant weekly emails? https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/90175700938524371/share

There are 5 pillars that can help you support your husband in overcoming porn addiction. They are increasing self-awareness, setting unbreakable boundaries, honest communication, steadfast accountability and rebuilding trust. Listen to this episode to hear about what problems arise if these things are not in place. What's possible for YOU? Calendly: https://calendly.com/cbradford9/work-with-me Get Free stuff from my website! https://camillescowcoaching.com/

One way to find healing while helping your husband overcome pornography is to find a balance between resilience, knowing what you want, and understanding how trauma effects you. I give descriptions and examples that make it so easy to describe this process. Schedule a 15 minute conversation with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min Get the Healing Triangle PDF: subscribepage.io/zc1Qc9 Healing Trauma Podcast link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/healing-trauma/id1735762848

On this episode I talk about two different kinds of boundaries. Internal and external. I give examples of each, and describe how each of them help build self-compassion. Book: Real Self-Care by Pooja Lakshmin Schedule your "Rethink Self-care" call: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

It is possible to live life feeling like we deserve to be in pain so it can be a reminder of our weaknesses. We "want" this reminder because we think it will help us have the strength and courage to become better. Unfortunately that isn't what pain is meant to do. The pain is an indicator that something might be broken and to do what it takes to fix it as soon as possible. This episode describes the similarities and differences of unseen physical pain and unseen emotional pain, and what healing can look like for both. Healing from a broken bone usually requires an X-Ray, while healing from an emotional injury requires a different perspective of what our expectations are. Free Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share My website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/ My facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn

This Episode has Brene Brown's definition of flooding, then Camille provides 5 steps you can take if emotional flooding is creating problems in your life. Free Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share My website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/ My facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn

On this episode Catherine Perri from Ripple Ranch Recovery Center and I discuss many topics: -What recovery from addictions such as substance abuse can look like. -Different types of self-care -What boundaries can look like, and not look like. -EMDR - The difference between big 'T' Trauma, and little 't' trauma. Ripple Ranch Recovery website: https://rippleranch.com/ Schedule a call with me to discover a limiting belief that has been holding you back from the life you want. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min Join my fb group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn/member-requests Check out my website: https://camillescowcoaching.com/about

This episode gives a snapshot of what went on in my brain recently. You'll hear how all the self-sabotaging thoughts I was having were making me feel. Then You'll hear about WHY I was having all of those thoughts, and what I chose to do with them. It was transformational for me, and it might be for you too.

When I feel like I'm not making progress, I often feel like I'm going to be discouraged forever. Like I'm not even capable of making progress. This episode starts with Brene Brown's description of very similar emotions. Then, there are examples of what it can look like to understand that it could be possible that maybe you just can't see the progress you are making because of where you are standing. Join my facebook group!

Unfortunately I have spent a lot of my life pretending. I've pretended I thought something was funny when I had no idea what was SUPPOSED to be funny. I've pretended to know stuff I don't. I did all of this in the name of wanting to appear different than I am, and appear "confident" and not self-conscious. This episode talks about the potential harm of pretending, and what true confidence is. Join my NEW fb group!!! its called: Already Enough. www.facebook.com/groups/alreadyenoughempoweringwomenhealingfromspousalporn/ Grab your 15 min Discovery call: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

I love games! So much about games is our mindset. I would HATE it whenever someone told me "It's just a game". The truth is, it isn't just a game. There are so many wonderful life lessons we can learn from our mindset around games. In this episode I also talk about how we think about games, can guide us to think differently about unwanted porn use so we can feel true ourselves and not feel terrible all the time. Becoming Enough Masterclass: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share Chat with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

I share a section from Brene Brown's Book "The Gifts of Imperfection" about Compassion. I then share a moment I had where I gained a very important awareness. There was one behavior I was doing because of expectations I thought others had of me. Once I switched that to doing things because I want to do them, I felt FREE. Listen to the full story here. Want my Free Masterclass called Becoming Enough? https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/112470840364238205/share Feeling Brave enough to tell me your story? Lets Chat. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

This episode is the topic of the summit I presented to the Marriage Support Facebook group. Identifying some of my beliefs, and identifying them as lies has helped me find lasting healing. If you are still believing any of the lies that I talk about, I'd love to hear YOUR story. Got a spare 15 min? https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min Join the facebook group called Marriage Support Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/HappyRelationship

I almost gave advice to someone to not ever blame. Then I stopped myself. I started questioning if I really thought that. In this episode, I share wisdom from both Brene Brown and Kristin Neff to try to explain my complex thoughts. Blaming someone may not always be a bad thing. Listen to this episode to find out what I mean.

This episode starts out with defining what is considered a pornography addiction. Then Camille reads from Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart book from the section about connection. There is some pretty deep concepts discussed in this episode, so Camille asks that you listen with an open mind and an open heart. What does true connection look like for you? Can you assess how connected you feel to yourself? What would your life look like if you chose love because it felt true to you rather than having blame in your relationship. If there are concepts in this episode that you don't agree with, or would like to discuss further, Camille would love to clarify anything. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

Camille starts the episode by talking about shame and grief from Atlas of the heart by Brene Brown. These concepts fit in perfectly with the idea of feeling shame because we wanted something. There are 4 examples that Camille shares where she has wanted and not received in her life, and the shame that came from that. You can likely relate to at least one of the examples, and also what its like to experience the disappointment of not getting what you want. She then talks about how difficult it is to feel the shame around wanting the thing in the first place. How do you overcome this shame? Listen to this episode to find out. It is transformational. Wanna chance to heal with Camille? Schedule your FREE shame breakthrough call: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min Want to watch Camille's free masterclass Becoming Enough, click HERE.

In this episode Camille shares WHY telling yourself you are enough over and over and over again doesn't really work. She talks about the brain and mind connection that needs to happen in order for the belief to match the words. Camille gives the example of loving her body, and how to expand that love, and it isn't by telling herself repeatedly that she loves her body. Listen this week for HOW to increase belief in ourselves. Wanna talk to Camille about an area where you don't feel enough? Schedule a 15 min. call. No strings attached. She will help you learn how to feel enough in whatever area you are struggling in your life. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

In this episode I stress the importance of how self-compassion plays a vital role in healing from shame. When we achieve that healing, we can then better connect with ourselves and with our loved ones. Visit Taylor Chamber's website: https://www.taylorchambers.com/ Book a time to chat with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

Taylor Chambers is a Marriage and Family Therapist which amazing wisdom. We talk about the term unwanted pornography and how calling that can be a catalyst for change. We talk about what it looks like to behave in ways that are genuinely aligned with who we are. There is so much in this episode that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed by all the awesomeness, so I decided to break it up into two episodes so you could have more time to process. Visit Taylors website: https://fortestrong.com/taylor-chambers/ Wanna tell me your story? Lets chat in my zoom room. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching/30min

Not only do I give an example of how I practiced self-compassion recently, but I also describe how important self-compassion is when wanting to support a loved one. Without self-compassion, we will burn out. With self-compassion we are taking care of ourselves, which then gives us the energy we need to support others if that is what we want. Book: Fierce Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff

In this episode I describe the beautiful process to go from crisis to connection when there is so much hurt because of pornography in your relationship. The skills are: Create Clarity, Ensure Safety, Communicate Honestly, Rebuild Trust, and Inspire Change. Listen to hear some juicy details about how to heal, and what your life could look like once you find lasting healing. Message me on IG https://www.instagram.com/camillescowcoaching?igsh=MXJzaTJsMnE5a2M2bA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

I read parts of Kristin Neff's Fierce Self-Compassion book as well as Brene Brown's Atlas of the Heart to describe how Self-Compassion is more powerful than fear. It is true when we deal with weight loss, and when we think about mistakes we've made. Compassion allows us to move forward with love, rather than staying stuck in shame. Books: Fierce Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown Id love to hear what's going on in your life. Schedule a 15 min time to chat.

Remember that your brain can't tell the difference between emotional pain and physical pain. Here is a definition of safety that works for both emotional pain and physical pain. Safety is being in a place where no one can hurt you. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. If you are struggling because your husband is viewing porn, fill out this questionnaire. https://forms.gle/GnXSX9DLy4TvT6ry6 Also, take a look at my website: camillescowcoaching.com

Dr. Don St. John has an amazing story of love, loss and trauma. He willingly shares some of the struggles he has had in his life and his mission to help people heal. Check out his website: https://pathsofconnection.com/?page_id=102(opens%20in%20a%20new%20tab His book is called Healing the Wounds of Childhood and CultureAn Adventure of a Lifetime Check it out! Check out my website: camillescowcoaching.com Also, please take this survey if you are struggling because you have a husband who views porn. You deserve to be seen. https://forms.gle/GnXSX9DLy4TvT6ry6

I was a different person after recording this episode. In a good way. We talk about porn, sex, masturbation, religious values, types of connection, and so much more. I challenge you to be open to the things we talk about and invite you to explore the possibility that we could be right. With that said, I give you full permission, to believe we are wrong. :) Amanda Louder's website: https://amandalouder.com/ Amanda Louder's resources page: https://amandalouder.com/resources/ Boundaries worksheet: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/100854240655705433/share Camille Scow's Website: camillescowcoaching.com

I share an experience in this episode where I lived a freeze trauma response. I didn't recognize it at the time, but through a series of events I realized I experienced a moment of dissociation. I then relate that to not judging my healing from surgery and talk about how I can focus on where I am RIGHT NOW in my healing journey. Knowing that gives me more power to move forward in my healing. Books: Atlas of the Heart By Brene Brown Fierce Self-Compassion By Kristin Neff Other Resources Survey Link: https://forms.gle/ny8HA1hxEgSQmhDB8 My website: camillescowcoaching.com

I'm reading from Kristin Neff's Fierce Self-Compassion, and discuss how important it is to understand that the human experience is to live through all human emotions. I also talk about how to replace shame with Self-Compassion. Coach who talks about brain filters: https://www.thebrainbs.com/brainbscommunity Kristen Neff's Book: Fierce self-compassion; How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive.

In this episode I compare healing from betrayal trauma to healing from surgery. I do this by talking about 4 different things. The pain of surgery, the pain of betrayal trauma, then healing from surgery and finally, healing from betrayal trauma. Its incredible how many similarities there are to healing from the unseen pain of surgery and healing from the unseen pain of betrayal trauma. If you have some emotions and thoughts you want to work through, here a page of free journal prompts Here! https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/104939829100283261/share

The Utah Coalition Against Pornography (UCAP) had their 4th annual Rally for Hope and Healing on Sat Nov 11, 2023, and I had the privilege of attending virtually. This week I share my thoughts about I learned from Brad Wilcox and other speakers, such as why pornography is so harmful, and what we can do to heal from the harmful effects. Here is the link to my list of Healing from Betrayal Trauma Resources PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share Here is the link to Brad Wilcox's BYU Devotional about Grace: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLXr9it_pbY Here is the link for more information about UCAP: https://utahcoalition.org/

This week I'm talking about recurring thoughts that might come up for you your entire life. I talk about what they might be, and how to handle them. I read from Brene Brown, and from a book called "I Believe" By Bruce R. McConkie. Information about brain filters: https://www.thebrainbs.com/

When people truly see you, it benefits THEM. What is also true is when you see others it benefits you. It benefits you especially when it comes to unwanted porn use. This episode explains a moment of fierce self-compassion where I so badly wanted my husband to see me. This then led me to more clearly seeing HIM. I recognized the importance of seeing him BEYOND the porn use. Get My Healing From Betrayal Trauma Resources HERE: subscribepage.io/99hgKY M website: camillescowcoaching.com

When people say no to me when I ask them to do something, I know that when they say yes, chances are much less that they will secretly build resentment. Brene Brown provides a great definition for resentment and how it relates to envy. Sometimes I get envious of people who say no easily. Now I see how saying no can build trust, not destroy it like I once thought. Get my Healing From Betrayal Trauma PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share

What if you stopped waiting to feel like you can trust yourself? Noticing your progress is great, but when will you know if you've arrived? What if you believed you could trust yourself exactly as you are now? In this episode I describe the importance of feeling calm, and how that relates to trusting yourself. Being able to fully trust yourself now will help you expand your life in ways you could never imagine. Let yourself explore what is possible! Get Some FREE betrayal Trauma resources Here: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share

In this episode we give examples of what a trauma response looks like, what to do once we have awareness of it in our lives, how to heal from it, and how to recognize progress. If you have gone through anything difficult in your life, you probably have experienced trauma. Some traumatic experiences in my life are dealing with infertility, my husband's porn use, unexpectedly being replaced in my job, and constantly feeling like I shouldn't get what I want. If you are experiencing trauma, you are not alone. It may look different than you think, so take the time to recognize it so you can heal from it. Find ways to love yourself.

So may times in my life I stopped myself from wanting something because I was afraid of disappointment. In this episode I talk about the difference between self-vulnerability and vulnerability and what that has to do with wanting. If you listen to this episode, you will know how to better connect with yourself and you will gain freedom to want things in life. Schedule your FREE Clarify a boundary call here: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching Get your Boundaries Hierarcy PDF Here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UomYsHFfIyaxtEw5__G4orYrtcnomtqz/view?usp=drive_link

Have you heard of the term self-gaslighting? I became aware only recently, and was intrigued. In this episode I describe how I understand self-gaslighting and how it is different from self-doubt. I also provide hope if self-gaslighting is present in your life. Websites: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/self-gaslighting/#:~:text=It%20is%20normal%20to%20second,that%20was%20not%20your%20fault. https://www.scienceofpeople.com/gaslighting/#:~:text=In%20summary%2C%20take%20note%20of,%2C%20narcissism%2C%20and%20love%20bombing. Connect with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching

Helen Keller changed the world because she was able to do the impossible. She was blind and deaf, and she learned to read, write, do math, and even speak! Sometimes processing emotions seems impossible and improbable. The story of Helen Keller helps us see the importance of naming things in our lives. And, of course, none of it would have been possible without the strength of Anne Sullivan. Source: https://www.softschools.com/timelines/anne_sullivan_timeline/209/ Connect with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching Get 3 videos about how messing up on purpose could be the best thing you ever do.

There are likely moments of self-betrayal in our daily lives. The good news is that there are also daily opportunities for self-compassion. It might be difficult to gain awareness of how harmful we might be treating ourselves and the potential lasting effects of those actions. However, self-compassion has just as much power, if not more, to help us experience joy and love. Connect with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching My Website: camillescowcoaching.com

I've made a few changes that I know you will love. This episode explains it all. It talks about being able to access God's love can help us stop believing the thoughts that make us believe that we aren't good enough. It helps explain how beating ourselves up doesn't actually get us the results we hope it will. It's God's love that will help us get the results in life that we want. EVERY TIME. You deserve to feel God's love! Chat with me about what is stopping you from feeling God's Love. https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching

With July being so busy my sister Andelin and I decided not to do a workshop. Here is our August workshop and it is a doozy! We discuss a hierarchy for boundaries, which inspired me to make a diagram to help clarify things. Check it out here: There is always so much to learn about boundaries, and how they can be the greatest from of love. Free coaching call with Camille: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching Free coaching call with Andelin: https://calendly.com/andelinpricecoaching/life-coaching-session

It could be possible to stop waiting for someone's behavior to change in order for you to trust them. Maybe what you need to do is to intentionally mistrust them first. Doing that helps you get closer to the truth, which is your level of trust is only determined by how you choose to think about someone. Confused? Listen to this week's episode.

My six pillars of self-compassion are: curiosity, forgiveness, grace, empathy, trust and love. These are foundational in being able to cultivate self-compassion that creates lasting healing. Come chat with me if you have ANY questions! Schedule an appointment: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching Get my Healing From Betrayal Trauma Resources: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share

Shame will always be a part of your life, but it doesn't always have to drive your behavior. Did you know this? The reason for this is because shame is optional. Shame does not do what we often think it will, which is to drive us to be better. In fact, it does the opposite. Listen in to learn how to interrupt that shame so you can behave more in ways that you want. Love you! Healing from betrayal Trauma PDF: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/426134/89083265042876210/share Schedule a meeting with me: https://calendly.com/camillescowcoaching

Did you know that feeling lonely has nothing to do with whether you are around people or not? The reason is because feeling lonely does not come from our circumstances. It comes from our THOUGHTS! In this episode I describe a situation where I created some loneliness for myself, and I tell you how I was able to work through it. I used the tool of self-connection. Want to learn how to use that tool in YOUR life? Come meet with me in my zoom room. See you soon! David Whyte's website: https://davidwhyte.com/ My website: camillescowcoaching.com or camillescow.com Free: Heal from Betrayal Trauma Resources: here