Crooked Butterfly Podcast

Some story telling and reflections that a Wolf Spider gave me regarding Resilience and Persistence.How we've let learned behaviors get transferred into areas of our lives where they don't belong...

Wrapping up a year of sobriety and processing the take-aways that I couldn't have scripted going into the journey.

I'm at no shortage of receiving conversations about what I could, should, or need to being doing; personally & professionally.Most of the time I'm required to wonder if I'm getting opinion, advice, or counsel.What I'm finding as a common theme is that the more someone offers answers vs questions, the quality ( for my best interest ) of what they are delivering goes lower and lower.

Coming out of the trough (again) after a few really hard weeks of trying to simply hold on. As I get better and better at managing/ navigating these times I somehow still keep finding myself back in them.After a recent procedure in Annapolis, I'm finding myself happier & more productive than I've been in the past few years. I'm also in a place recognizing what needs to happen to break the cycle of going back there instead of just adding more load to this new increased capacity I have.

Coming back from running a 40h marathon in TN and sharing some thoughts, observations, and where I'm focusing on personal growth.

Talking about the importance of Self Care not only for a leader but also as an example for their people. it's about creating an appropriate balance to keep operating levels for individuals at a high.We also introduce setting good boundaries for leaders and their relationships. Healthy boundaries that support growth, expectations, & professional relationships through consistency.

Connor and I exploring out loud trying to tease the subtleties & nuances that differentiate experts and masters. Not the sheer skill aspect, more of the 'soft' skills/ traits as it helps us inform our discussion on Leadership.

We what happens when we reward; whether it's through praise, recognition, opportunity, award, etc.  always results and absent effort? Same thing holds true in reverse. What are the unintended consequences on our audience that is excluded in the reward.It's not as simple as acknowledging everyone for their unique contributions. And, everyone is wired to respond differently to different types of rewards. When you really start to think about the ins and outs with all the different perspectives you can see how we end up in a mediocrity system too often.

Talking about how to listen. Truly listen with the intent to engage and understand vs respond.It's a fundamental step to earning trust & respect."Seek first to understand and not respond." ~Stephen Covey

Spending 90 min grinding aways at some more basics: Don't Lie, Cheat, or Steal; it's all Stealing, Grey Areas, Who am I circles, and a few more things and tying them into Being a Good Human Being as a core competency to Leadership.

Digging in on "Being A Good Human Being".Specifically, common courtesy, decency, & respect and how it ties into "caring" as a key component of Leadership.

Connor & I picked back up on our writing project. We are going to record our writing development sessions together; essentially the content we are discussing shaping for a leadership book. We figured we would also publish these as a podcast for a few reasons.1. Help us stay honest and on task ,2. Shape our organization & collect our content,3. Open it up for people to respond, critique, inject, and give general feedback,4. Ultimately stay authentic to our purpose & intent behind the project in the first place: share thoughts with other in hopes to add value and/ or perspective.This first recorded session is generally about the why and the what behind the theme of the book. In the end, not all the material will get published via podcast and it will all go through a pretty rigorous editing process.

Sharing a few short thoughts about what mentorship is and isn't. Not sure I'm really digging deep enough into it, but wanted to hear out loud the looping that was going on in my head while splitting some wood.

Some thoughts and reflections on this year's annual Event & Fundraiser. Looking to have a few guests to help polish out the perspectives and ideas to fully memorialize the event.

Recognizing all the good that's going on, however small or seemingly insignificant, is pretty much my first step when trying to settle the pressure in my head.Ultimately, this is just a sharing to get to the point that you just keep holding until a shiny beacon of light arrives. And if you live a few moments that don't require having to hold on, look to shine a little light onto someone's dark corner.

Largely some ramble as I sort through talking about what Optimal Conditions Only is and how it is going to lead into much of the Hard Way Project methodology.I've talked before about a Smarter Hard. Not the obstinate or ignorant 'Tommy Tuff Nutz' sort of hard. On the other end of the spectrum are those that become psychologically stressed (and even put into duress) when conditions are sub-optimal. They perform only under Optimal Conditions Only (OCO).

I hadn't seen Connor but only once since returning from the Talisker and wanted to reconnect; we always share cool conversations together when 1:1. He gets me thinking in a different way sometimes when he asks his questions.So, after some Mexican food and a few beers we decided to take our 'Winning" conversation to the recording table.It's nice to have someone to go back and forth with to help shape and evolve thoughts and how we articulate.

You don't look to go into the Pain Cave. And you don't thrive in the Pain Cave. If you think you do then you have never been in it, you've only waited in line or stood in the antechamber.Too many people pound their chests and use the Pain Cave chatter to make themselves and others think better of themselves; to get special attention and applause.if you've ever actually been in the Pain Cave, you know so much different about it.

Sharing thoughts on how I define 'Winning' and why.Defining our terms so not to arbitrarily or accidentally dilute them so that they can inform our behavior, ultimately to support our intent towards reaching goals; desired results.This is the start at scratching out words for manuscript.

Starting up Season 5 after a limited contribution last year.It's been almost 3 weeks now since finishing up our row across the Atlantic Ocean. What an incredible experience and a pretty cool accomplishment.Sharing a bit of a long (not long enough to be the full) recall of much of the race.

Just a bunch of stuff that I've had on my mind for the last 3 weeks.

I 'm pretty sure we've all heard and/or used the phrase "An empty well can fill another's cup." Or something to that effect. I never really thought of my well ever really getting that close to dangerously low or empty. And if it was I never thought I would say out loud or to others that I just needed space because I don't have anything right now to give. And the presumed guilt I would have if I did say something as such and I left someone in the wind for worse.Well, here I go...

Had an opportunity to talk to Connor to capture some thoughts on Diesel Days, Big Fish Fundraiser and a few random happenings after he processed the past few weeks with a handful of other participants on his own 'Project Warman Podcast'.I'm a fan of this young man.

The last few weeks/month I've been struggling with a lot of internal dialogue regarding whether I'm Ok: not as OK as I think I am and/or more OK than 'they' want or need  me to be.I dunno. But, I promise, I'm not not OK and fundamentally the things I'm working through are normal and natural; not requiring to be 'solved' or 'fixed'. Just better appreciated & understood.

Finally recording some thoughts regarding a podcast I listened to a few months ago.Naval Ravikant - How to Build Wealth @Jorgenson's SoundboxBoyd Varty - The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life on @ The Tim Ferris Show

I've been thinking a lot about exploring capacity, experiences, and margins. Specifically in regards to these challenges and physical events I find myself endeavoring towards. A sense of adventure that keeps getting greater and greater. Maybe my appetite is nearing full, for now, and I want to enjoy the campaigns I've already uncovered?

First podcast in a while; January. Felt good to find this again and just some ramble about tasks and being busy.Committed to digging in again and not falling into my own trap of moving goalposts.

Just a little conversation how I see things when it comes to thinking we're special.

Not sure what the New Year will bring in regards to episodes, but I guarantee they will be authentic.

A massive ramble as I am working on a couple of things still in my head.Necessity or Genuine Desire as an essential requirement for true change?Then somehow I ended up on Informed vs Influenced which is really bothering me as I navigate social media, ignorance, manipulative news sources...Hopefully I will have some stuff cleaned up over the next few weeks.

Pulling from the IG post yesterday to elaborate a little.Why feign to fit in when it creates a dissonance inside yourself, assumes a lot about what other's intentions & fancy, and over time increases in effort to upkeep?Just be You, for whoever that You is right now, endeavoring to be safe, good & happy and attract naturally those that share like common interests & values.

Back from hunting for a week up in Montana with some amazing people. It's hard not to feel recharged after spending time with a caliber/ quality group on a ranch living the good life. 

Lead, Don't Chase.It's something that a good friend and mentor said to me once and that he holds it close to when leading his business. I'm finding it strikingly relevant lately as I look into friendships, goals, business; and maybe most significantly, at myself.

People who do not truly know what Leadership is and cannot get away from their own personal interest/ ego should not be Leaders. Especially among the governing body of our Nation and responsible for the better good/ lives of citizens.Our Nation's Leadership is a joke. It is failing our country. From local &  state through Congress and upwards.

I find it increasingly hard to figure out who to trust these days. Certainly not the media. Certainly not the Government.Whatever happened to Leadership. Like, true genuine Leadership?If there was anyone to be trusted it should be ourselves - to start thinking critically for ourselves. Instead of being continually conditioned to just believe and follow what we are presented.

Coming off a two week client engagement and on the back side of coming out of the 'crud' I am finally up and sharing some thoughts again.  I'm sharing how I look at Leadership from a certain lens of driving myself to be more.

Spending a few moments talking about making sure how I'm influenced supports who I am and what drives me.

Spent some time recently thinking about my needs, wants, and ability to deliver on friendship. Relationships are less than clean and there likely isn't any single blueprint given we are all different and think and value in our own manners. It felt good to just listen to myself try to organize how I appreciate and evaluate friendship.

Just finished up our annual fundraiser for our non-profit: www.bigfishfoundation.org and trying to sort through the fuzz I'm feeling. What a great success but it's hard not to feel a little empty and sad now that it is over. It always happens like this after immensely powerful experiences. Thoughts are largely un-composed, feeling full yet fatigued and listing in drift. But, knowing all well that it had tremendous impact and value. 

Back from a two week hiatus. Simply wrestling with the concepts of being consistent vs trying to force things at the expense of the authenticity that I'm pursuing.Conversation about putting negative energy into the world and how it returns. A flip side of the coin that I talk often about - 'whatever you want most out of life, give it first."

Had a buddy of mine share an article and ask me some thoughts on this 'inner monster' Jordan Peterson and Jocko talked about on a recent podcast.Coincidentally, I had just gotten done talking to a guy I served with who was having some issues feeling like he was going into a dark place and messaging another guy about staying in control as he struggled with anger and frustration.So, on a long car trip I wrestled around with some thoughts and a few quotes from Peterson, Nietzsche, & Jung. Looking forward to reading the 'Beyond Order' book and listening into the Peterson / Jocko podcast now.

A short conversation on how I am processing "goodbye instagram" or "quitting facebook".Maybe try controlling what you can instead of not accepting that you have no self control?Try these accounts out on IG...@allthingsgoodco@tanksgoodnews@upworthy@wholesomemeettheinternet@globalpositivenews@lovewhatmatters@givingeveryday@spreadlovemovement_@worthentertaining@khaby00

If you can't listen to try to understand a position and appreciate the intent of what I'm trying to sort out - don't listen.

Sat down to record some loose ends and random thoughts from the past week and stumbled on a few themes that I processed aloud.Also,-Happy Birthday Chloe Amiya-Good luck with surgery Chriss-RIP Luis

Connor is the young man who I decided to write a book with. We jumped right into something kinda heavy when he made the comment "I'm scared to be normal" that I took exception with.Connor has his own podcast - 'Up Before You' and his own coffee company - 'Up Before You'. He's also a beautiful human being and has a rich soul.I also made a reference to a podcast episode discussing the phrasing 'widen the gap' from "The Best How of Your Day" with Jasons Fernandez & Ackerman.

Working through a few days of focusing on some small disciplines of behavior and thought.As I built an Instagram post and was preparing the last few days to discuss the thoughts on this podcast tomorrow, I found myself this evening actually working through things and decided to capture the process aloud. 

Just getting back from a long road trip and I noticed a strange pattern with my 'day dreaming' spaces.Without giving too much of the conversation away; I want to develop triggers to be able to auto correct when I start entering a confrontational or adversarial fantasy land. Why focus on that vs reinforcing the positive narrative of our own value and belief constructs.Listened to an amazing podcast also:Jordan Peterson Season 4 Ep 6 w/ Gad Saad; Infectious Ideas

Spent the last week drifting in & out of three different thought patterns and find that they are actually woven together underneath.Day One, Dollar Zero podcast with Will and Elihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXWuq14Dzhk

Been taking a few the past couple weeks to check in with myself to question if I am stuck in the cycle of self talk validation. With all the "cancel culture" things going on it's hard to know what to think or how to think it. Even using the phrase "cancel culture" is biased.

3 eggs in this one that are all intertwined for me this week...The Art of Gift GivingThe Silent ProfessionalFeedback vs OpinionThe Jordan B Peterson @jordan.b.peterson clip I was talking about and fumbling is from Feb 10 on IGTV. He did a podcast with Matt Ridley discussing The Prisoner's Dilemma.

Haven't recorded in two weeks, but have been engaged with accomplishing a lot. Walking through the discussion to have some allowances for small gaps but overall net positive momentum.Current Book: "The Coddling of the American Mind" ~ Greg Lukianoff & Jonathan Haidt