Hi, This Is Heidi

✨ NEW EPISODE! ✨

✨ NEW EPISODE! ✨

Key Message: How we give and receive energy are deeply connected - our ability to do one affects our ability to do the other effectively Key Points: • If you have trouble receiving help or gifts, you may unconsciously be:   - Limiting abundance in your life   - Blocking positive connections with others   - Judging others when you give help   - Teaching your children unhealthy patterns • Tips for Gracious Giving:   - Give without expecting anything in return   - Avoid giving from a place of obligation or resentment   - Let go of keeping score in relationships   - Don't use past gifts to manipulate ("I bought you those jeans, so...")   - Remember that anonymous giving can be powerful • Tips for Gracious Receiving:   - Practice simply saying "thank you" without deflecting   - Accept compliments with a simple "I appreciate that"   - Allow yourself to be vulnerable in receiving help   - Don't feel pressured to reciprocate immediately   - Remember that accepting help models healthy behavior for your children • Practical Applications:   - Write thank you notes from a place of gratitude, not obligation   - Look people in the eye when receiving compliments   - Accept help when needed, especially during challenging times   - Let go of the need to "prove a point" by rejecting help   - Model gracious receiving for your children • Benefits of Balanced Giving and Receiving:   - Stronger connections with others   - More authentic relationships   - Increased abundance in your life   - Better role modeling for your children   - Deeper family bonds Remember: Being vulnerable enough to receive help is just as important as being strong enough to give it. This balance creates healthy connections and models positive behavior for your children. Curious about having your own, private confidence coach?  Sign up here.

Key Points: Host Heidi Benjaminsen discusses the importance of "quiet wins" - personal victories in emotional life and relationships that often go unnoticed These wins build confidence and strengthen family relationships, even when others don't explicitly acknowledge them Notable Quiet Wins Discussed: Staying calm and curious during difficult conversations, especially with children Not participating in gossip or spreading private information about others Declining invitations/opportunities that don't align with your values or energy Resisting the urge to correct or give unsolicited advice, especially to children Allowing others (particularly children) to manage their own responsibilities Speaking positively to yourself after failures or setbacks Apologizing without casting blame on others Making responsible financial decisions, even when unsexy or invisible Remaining non-defensive when facing criticism or belittling comments Maintaining a positive attitude after committing to help, even if reluctant Disengaging from negative discussions without feeling compelled to respond Being direct about important issues while maintaining professionalism Avoiding guilt trips with teens/young adults when they decline family activities Key Takeaway: While these wins may be quiet, their impact is significant - they build trust, strengthen relationships, and develop personal integrity. As Heidi emphasizes, "A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family - not a perfect mother." Sign up for a consult call here.

Uncertainty is the breeding ground for stress and anxiety.  But it is always about a future possible event, it isn't about the present. When our body feels uncertain, our nervous system works up into a tizzy to try to protect us from any future possible danger. Listen to episode 188 to hear Heidi teach you how to calm your nervous system so you can anchor back into the present.  Learn about: Belly breathing 5 senses anchoring Toe to head tensing and releasing Positive visualization Once we have regulated our nervous system, we can see we can handle the present... because we are. For private coaching, set up a consult call at https://calendly.com/heidibenjaminsen/

Have you ever felt like you're butting heads with your strong-willed kid? Well, you're not alone!  Episode 187 shares some fantastic tips for dealing with those headstrong, independent-minded teens we all know and love. First off, let's celebrate these traits! Heidi reminds us that having a strong sense of self and the ability to think independently are actually superpowers. We're not trying to squash these qualities, just guide them in a positive direction. Here are some nuggets of wisdom from the episode: Choices, choices, choices! Whenever possible, give your teen options. This could be as simple as "Do you want to ride with your brother or us to the event?" It helps them feel empowered and invested in decisions. Find the 'yes' in the 'no'. When your teen asks for something you're not keen on, try to find a small part you can agree to. For example, if they're always asking to eat out with friends, maybe you can say yes to one meal a week. This approach helps them focus on what they're getting rather than what they're not. Watch your tone! Our teens can be sensitive to authoritative tones, so try to soften your approach. It doesn't mean you're not in charge, just that you're being respectful of their growing autonomy. Invite their input. Ask for their thoughts on family decisions. It shows you value their opinion and helps them practice decision-making skills. The best part? These strategies can lead to stronger relationships with our teens. Heidi mentioned that her daughter now comes to her for advice on almost everything! Remember, we're not aiming for perfection here. It's all about finding ways to respect our teens' growing independence while still providing the guidance they need. It takes time and practice, but it's so worth it. Sign up for a free consult call to see how coaching can help you show up as the mother you want to be https://calendly.com/heidibenjaminsen/

Hey there, moms! If you're getting ready to send your kid off to college, this episode of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen is definitely for you. Heidi dives into understanding our nervous system and how it affects our emotions and reactions, especially during big life changes like your child leaving for college. She explains that our nervous system is like a background program constantly running to keep us safe, but sometimes it can be a bit overprotective – like a smoke detector going off for burnt toast! She breaks down our nervous system states into three "colors": Green: This is our happy place – calm, connected, and able to think clearly. Red: Think fight-or-flight mode – stressed, anxious, and on high alert. Grey: This is our freeze response – feeling low, hopeless, or burned out. The key takeaway? It's normal to move between these states, especially when facing something as emotionally charged as sending your kid to college. Heidi emphasizes that it's not about staying in the "green" all the time, but rather about recognizing which state you're in and having tools to get back to "green" when needed. She offers some great tips for regulating your nervous system, like breath work, exercise, and connecting with supportive people.  Oh, and heads up! Heidi's going to be releasing an inexpensive self-study course soon to help you prepare for taking your child to college. Plus, she's planning some support groups for moms who've just dropped their kids off at school – definitely worth checking out if you're interested in extra support during this transition. Remember, moms, it's totally normal to feel a mix of emotions during this time. The goal isn't to be perfect, but to be aware of your feelings and have strategies to stay grounded. You've got this!

Episode 185 of Confidence Coaching focuses on achieving freedom from drama in life. The host, Heidi Benjaminsen, starts by defining drama as exaggerated behavior or reactions, often performed for others. She then outlines six key strategies to reduce drama in our lives. The first strategy is to create space for thinking and curiosity about situations and people's motives. This involves slowing down and questioning our assumptions. The second is to distinguish between facts and the stories we create about those facts, recognizing that our perceptions are colored by our experiences and values. Heidi emphasizes the importance of staying calm when others are upset, allowing their drama to land in front of us rather than on us. This requires compassion and the understanding that we can choose how to respond to others' drama. She also advises avoiding gossip and making assumptions about people, as these behaviors often fuel unnecessary drama. Another crucial point is to mind your own business and create boundaries. Heidi suggests that by staying in our own "lane" and limiting what we allow into our personal space, we can significantly reduce drama in our lives. She also stresses the importance of being present and not letting frustrations grow bigger than necessary. Reducing drama can lead to more authentic relationships and genuine confidence.. As we reduce our drama, our children have a model to have less drama and negativity in their lives!   

A friend told me she was sad and asked if she could call me.  Episode 184 is step by step how I validated, witnessed and helped her process her sadness. We will all feel sad, it is a normal human emotion. The skill of zooming in and seeing the sad is what helps all of us get to the other side of the sadness. Listen to hear what color her sadness was and where she felt it in her body. She now knows how to love and care for the sadness when it comes back. This is a must listen for all parents, friends, spouses and humans who want to connect more with other humans. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Our life made up for billions of moments/experiences and each experience has three layers: The actual experience. Our awareness of the experience. The story or meaning we create about the experience. Listen to episode 183 as Heidi Benjaminsen shares and breaks down several experiences of her life into these three layers. You'll learn that actual experiences only last a short period of time.  Heidi teaches how having the awareness inside our body helps us feel any emotion and know it will pass in time.  Being able to handle any emotion allows us to stay in our lane and stay calm and anchored. Heidi shares how we are shaped most in life by the third layer, the stories we tell about each experience.  She teaches how to make meaning in our life that will create the life experiences we really want. Would you like to know how to calmly handle the silence when your college student doesn't reply to texts or calls?  Click here for instant help! 

It sounds like a kind desire to have towards others - wanting them to be happy and feel good. This desire works... until it doesn't and this thought becomes toxic and creates stress (in us and them). And disconnects us from the people we love most who experience human and negative experiences. When others are sad, grieving, disappointed and more, they don't need us to tell them we really want them to be happy.  (If we do this, they don't want to be around us - which is usually the opposite of what we want.) They need us to witness their negativity, they need validation and support. They don't need "fixing", which is what it feels like (unintentionally!) when we want everyone to be happy. Ironically, as we sit with others in their negativity, they naturally feel "better" because they feel seen and loved. Which is what we all want anyway. Listen to episode 182 to hear the reasons why we don't want people to be happy all the time and how to create more humanity and love in our relationships.

Humans are like magnets.  Something in our make-up attracts or repels certain people. I believe OUR VIBE or our energy attracts certain people, certain successes, and certain failures in our life. And our VIBE repels others. Our vibe includes our nervous system - how we hold our body, the words we use, our mannerisms, how we dress, act, don't act, how we talk about ourselves and others. This is the energy we put into the world. And energy follows energy. Listen to this replay of one of the most downloaded episodes to hear how to identify and change anything about your VIBE that isn't how you want your life to look. Goodness and confidence are out there. Now let's attract more of this into our lives!

Because our brains are "wired" on default to look for the negative, feeling more joy in life isn't an automatic process. It requires focus and intention and practice.  First, we have to recognize what is STEALING our joy.  And neutralize these "joy thieves". Listen to a replay of episode 11 to hear the many human ways we all let joy be stolen from us. And hear Heidi explain HOW to increase our joy - in small and big ways. A joyful mother (who also feels the negative) is the greatest gift to her family!

All moms worry if they are "good enough"; we are biologically wired to care about this. This "worry" becomes a problem when we look to our children or external factors to determine if we are good enough. It's an even bigger problem if we think we need to be "perfect". Listen to episode 179 to hear advanced certified life coach Heidi Benjaminsen discuss what makes us a good mom. When we think we are a good mom, we act in a way that reinforces this belief. Good moms are everywhere and doing things very differently. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!    

Summary In this episode, I discuss the tendency common to everying - wishing others were different from who they are. It's something I've noticed in the people I coach, and it's a struggle I've faced in my own relationships with family and friends. Throughout the episode, I explore how these wishes create barriers between us and the people we care about, hindering our ability to truly understand and appreciate them. I challenge the notion that others need to change for us to feel differently, emphasizing the power of changing our own thoughts to shape our emotions. I provide listeners with practical tools to dismantle these barriers and foster deeper connections with others. Examples: I share examples of common wishes, such as wanting a partner to be more handy around the house or wishing for more frequent communication from a parent. I discuss the challenges of accepting children for who they are, including desires for them to be more outgoing or neurotypical. And more! Lessons Learned: I encourage listeners to examine their beliefs about why certain traits are perceived as better than others. I emphasize that our emotions are shaped by our thoughts, not by the actions of others. I urge listeners to embrace discomfort and take responsibility for their own emotions rather than expecting others to change. I highlight the importance of recognizing and appreciating both strengths and weaknesses in ourselves and others. I advocate for a focus on personal growth while simultaneously accepting and loving others for who they are.

Weekly Update from Elder Matthew Benjaminsen

Weekly update from Elder Matthew Benjaminsen

We all want to be liked.  It's a human survival desire. It feels good when people like us. BUT we all encounter people who don't like us.  Our brain thinks this is a problem.  This isn't a problem!   If someone likes us, this represents their brain and their lane - not us! Listen to this "best of" episode to learn how to manage what you think, feel and do when someone doesn't like you. Let other people be wrong about you. Our job is to focus on what WE think about OURSELVES and build OUR self-esteem. This focuses our attention on our lane and helps us show up as people we WANT to be. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!  

Learning how to say no when someone requests something of us is a critical skill.  This skill anchors and steadies us as we stay in our lane and take more control of our life. Listen to episode 176 (a replay of episode 9) to learn: Importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing time Reasons why people struggle to say no Awareness of the consequences of saying yes to everything Strategies for politely declining requests Emphasis on taking responsibility for time management Importance of being honest with oneself and others The significance of clear communication and setting expectations Examples of saying no graciously and firmly Discussion on the responsibility of commitments once made Avoiding blaming others for one's own choices Importance of self-care and valuing one's time Respectfully declining requests for money or other favors Prioritizing tasks based on personal values and integrity Admiration for those who effectively manage their time and commitments Importance of self-worth and self-confidence in saying no A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family! To set up a free consultation for coaching, go to https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/

The episode delves into the idea of grace, drawing inspiration from a talk by Brad Wilcox titled "His Grace is Sufficient." Grace, as Heidi explains, is a gift given out of love, not fear or judgment, and it assumes worthiness without the need for earning it. She explores how grace applies to human relationships, emphasizing the importance of shifting our mindset towards others and ourselves. Heidi emphasizes that our relationships with others exist in our minds, shaped by our thoughts about them. She highlights the three components of a relationship: what we think about the other person, what they think about us, and what we think about ourselves. Heidi stresses the importance of focusing on filling the gaps in our relationships with grace and understanding rather than judgment and criticism. Using personal anecdotes and coaching examples, Heidi illustrates how practicing grace can transform our interactions with others and improve our self-esteem. She encourages listeners to shift their focus from judging others to understanding and accepting them, ultimately fostering deeper connections and personal growth. For more information go to heidibenjaminsen.com. Schedule a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/

Heidi Benjaminsen hosts "Confidence Coaching," a podcast aimed at supporting mothers in maintaining calmness and stability regardless of their surroundings. In Episode 174, titled "Building Core Confidence," Heidi shares a personal experience from a skiing trip in Austria to illustrate the importance of developing emotional resilience and stability. She describes how navigating challenging ski trails highlighted the role of her core muscles in maintaining balance and stability, drawing parallels to building emotional resilience in everyday life. Heidi emphasizes the significance of staying centered, taking responsibility for one's actions and emotions, and avoiding the temptation to blame external factors. Through her skiing experience and a subsequent encounter with law enforcement, Heidi demonstrates the importance of flexible thinking, self-acceptance, and embracing uncertainty in fostering core confidence and emotional well-being. Learn more at heidibenjaminsen.com Sign up for a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

The fastest way to changing our life is SLOWING DOWN and examining situations we want to change.  When we pause and reflect on what we are thinking, we're able to change emotional patterns.  Our frustration, stress, and insecurity suddenly isn't needed because we see the situation from a different perspective. In episode 173 of Confidence Coaching, Heidi gives many examples from her own life of how she slowed down to question: Why she was feeling insecure when not included with a group If things she perceives as problems with other people are REALLY problems Will getting angry and mad actually help me in this situation What will confidence look like when meeting new people Would I like it if my spouse had these same expectations and resentments What am I rushing to And more! Emotional control and calm is quickly possible after we slow down and ask WHY we are acting a certain way and rushing through life. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

When we gain life experience, learn new information and see the perspective of how other people experience life, our opinions, our beliefs, our biases change.  Confident people WANT to change their minds over their lifetime.  To do so requires a lot of self-acceptance, integrity, discomfort, humility and emotional maturity. Our lower brains will resist us changing our opinions, for fear it means we were "wrong" before and fearing what is "new" and "unknown".  Remember this brain wants us to be "right" more than anything else.  But this brain isn't confident and isn't getting us ultimately where we want to go.   Listen to hear Heidi explains why our brain resists being able to change our opinions and how to incorporate new data into new opinions and beliefs.  Both can be true - we did our best in the past and we're doing out best now - even if opinions and beliefs are different.  Changing and "upgrading" our internal software is the sign of a confident and emotionally anchored person. Confident mothers have open minds, open hearts and empathetic ears.  Confident women know change represents growth.  Learn how to do this in episode 172 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen. Learn about private coaching at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

As I end each year, I share with you important "thoughts" and beliefs that carried me through the year.  This year has been incredibly busy, and yet I've moved through the year without swirling chaos.  I've stayed anchored to what is most important and I've chosen how I want to feel and experience everything. Listen to hear how I've managed my thoughts around moving into a home and unpacking alone. I paid much more attention to my "trailing invisible thoughts" than I did the first thing that came to mind.  Learn more about this below: Episode about Trailing Invisible Thoughts - https://heidibenjaminsen.com/146-2/ This year was one with very high and very low emotions and I didn't make myself choose just one to feel - I stayed in the duality and felt both at the same time.  I allowed the energy and sensations to move through me and I was the witness to these intense emotions. To stay in my lane and keep myself focused on MY own lane, I made sure I wasn't solving problems that were not mine to solve.  It becomes harder and hard to move problems out of my lane and put them squarely in my children's lanes.  It's hard AND this is what allows them to grow into emotionally independent adults. 2023 was great!  2024 will be even better.  Glad you're here.

Tis the season to be invited to a lot of events, parties, gatherings, recitals, and more.  It feels great when we have the time and energy to say YES to as many things as we want.  There will come a time, though, when the best way to take care of our life, our lane, is to decline an invitation.  This may be uncomfortable - you and they may be disappointed you aren't able to attend.  Regardless of the discomfort, declining is still the most emotionally mature and confident thing to do. Listen to episode 170 of to hear how declining is part of creating boundaries and taking care of our lane.  Learn phrases to say and how to feel any discomfort you may feel.  If someone else is upset and we know we've been kind and considerate in how we have declined, we do not need to "fix" the discomfort.  This is a responsibility of their lane. Saying YES to anything is always saying NO to something and someone else, and that person may be ourselves.  Resentment builds when we expect other people to manage our lane.  Confidence and emotional stability builds when we learn to manage our time, needs, priorities and energy. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Overwhelm, stress, anxiety and worry are created when we're looking at a situation or person with the wrong perspective.  We may be too "zoomed out" and not seeing how to get anchored and calm, or we may be too "zoomed in" and not seeing the bigger picture with peace.   Listen to episode 169 to hear an important anchoring tool.  Learn questions to ask yourself to help your mind regain calm and control by zooming in or out.  Heidi gives many examples of when she zoomed in to the details to be present and enjoy daily moments.  Zooming in allows us to be focused, present and only worried about the task at hand. When we zoom out and see our lives and our children's lives, we stop stressing the least important details and we stay calm and in control in our lane.  This tool helps us model emotional control and calm to our children, which helps them stay in control of their lane. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Gratitude does more than increase our dopamine and increase our mood, being grateful and expressing appreciation can heal our body and nervous system.  Gratitude is a super emotion that connects us to people, regulates our body and attracts more goodness into our life. Yet... expressing gratitude is a skill and muscle we can all build. Listen to Heidi describe how our brain and body might resist giving or receiving gratitude and learn scripts to use to express appreciation for others.  Learn easy practices to use with your children to incorporate giving thanks and living in abundance,  not lack.  When we give and receive thanks with grace, our children will be comfortable giving and receiving thanks.  Which will heal both us and our family.

We've all heard that the way we hold out body sends messages to other people about our confidence or insecurities, if we are open to conversation or want to be left alone.  Did you know our nervous system ALSO knows how WE are holding our body and ALSO sends signals of confidence or insecurity, of safety or danger? Listen to episode 167 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen as she teaches about proprioception, or the science of how our nervous system is aware of how we are positioned and how it sends messages to our brain - messages to reinforce the energy of our mannerisms. Smiling sends messages of confidence and calm.  Holding our chin and head up, shoulders back sends messages that we are valuable, confident and worthy of taking up space.  Making eye contact reinforces these messages - not just to others, but more importantly - to ourselves. Watch the micro mannerisms of others and decide which you want to mirror.  Adapt new confident manners and feel your energy change! Our vibe attracts our tribe! Sign up for a consult call so your children see you as the most calm and anchored version of yourself:  https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me.

A teenager's body has wildly fluctuating hormones and moods that seem to hit the highs and lows like the world's best rollercoasters.  They can be angry, excited, anxious, nervous and happy all in a few minutes.  Just because THEY are on this ride does not mean WE need to be on the ride with them. In episode 166 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen, learn tips to stay anchored and calmly on the "platform" as your teen experiences the emotional rollercoaster.  Learn how to separate your emotions from their emotions.  Hear how to normalize and validate their experience while also validating you might need a break from their outburst. The calmer we can approach their highs and lows, the quicker they will experience the extremes and the safer they will feel with these emotions.  Our teens need us to feel ok with their big emotions so they learn these emotions are feelings they don't need to avoid or numb. Sign up for a consult call to hear about the Stay In Your Lane program with private 1:1 lessons and coaching.  https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Life incudes loss and our teens need us to show them how to feel, process and manage deep sorry and grief.  Helping them learn to process this human emotion (and not avoid it), sets them up in life to know how to process, feel and handle the inevitable grief that that will encounter. Listen as Heidi shares five tips and tools to use as our teens experience grief and loss.  Our teens need us to validate and normalize these hard emotions and sit with them so they are not alone in these experiences.  Let your teens see you be sad and let them see the strength and courage in being sad and asking for help.  Listen to hear a lot of examples of what to say and what not to say.  Do NOT try to make them feel better - this makes their nervous system think these negative emotions are something and avoid and buffer from (which makes them "stay" longer). The more comfortable we are allowing our teens to be uncomfortable and feel grief, the more maturely they will learn to process emotions.  And the quicker they will move through the harder emotions. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family! See how coaching can help you stay emotionally anchored https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/

Recently I attended a funeral where I learned about early "chapters" in the life of a dear family member, whom I've only know in the last chapters of their life.  These remarks profoundly moved me and I wished I had known this person as a mother of teenagers, like I am now.  I wish I had seen us as more alike than I did.  Our lives are all a compilation of so many small little chapters and we often only meet people in one specific chapter.  And in doing so, it's easy to think we don't have things in common with other people.  Or we judge their whole "story" based on one small chapter. Listen to episode 164 to hear several ways to gain perspective on the chapters our teens are in and how to gain hope for how the story will progress.  We need to let past chapters be finished and allow change and growth.  We get to choose what we think is going to happen in future chapters - what we think influences what we project to our children and how we show up. If you would like personalized coaching to help you find hope and calm in your current "chapter", set up a free call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

For good and bad, our teens know what we are thinking, what makes us happy and sad, what stresses and overwhelmed us, our beliefs and values and much more.  They "track" our body language, facial expressions, all of our non-verbal communication and they create mental "maps" that predict how we will act and react.  These survival skills are what humans do between each of our "lanes" - it is how we predict where we are safe. In episode 163, listen to Heidi discuss mapping and tracking with Dr. Jennifer Finalyson-Fife, an expert in marriage and family relationships.  Hear how this relates to our teens, what they are mapping about us and how we can change the map if we desire. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family.   Below are links for books and courses mentioned in the episode: The book "Brain Talk" by Dr. David Schnarch:  https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Talk-Mapping-Science-Everyone/dp/154837153X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=J3IMBWGF3O8N&keywords=brain+talk&qid=1692129045&sprefix=brain+talk%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-1 To learn more about Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com/ Room For Two private podcast with Dr. Finlayson-Fife:  https://www.finlayson-fife.com/coaching/room-for-two    

In a casual conversation recently, a friend and I were discussing how principles of thought work, emotional regulation and all things coaching have changed us.  My list continued to grow and I realized the changes are quite profound and touch every area of my life. I'm sharing with you in this episode the 17 ways coaching principles have changed my life.  A few include: My words and actions are a reflection of me, not others. I don't have to be "right" all the time and I don't get to determine what is "right" for another person. What other people think of me isn't my mental business. Worry isn't love and hurts relationships. I know where I begin and end, and where others begin and end. And more! Listen and see if any of these are changes you can identify in yourself! Leave a 5 star rating or review on iTunes at:  http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1479596645. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Confident people set their internal GPS and know what they "intend" to do in small and large daily tasks.  Confident people bring to their consciousness the purpose and desired result of time with their children, at work, relaxing, conversations.  Intensions can be to connect, to relax, anything.  Without know what we WANT, we're living on default and may, or may not, get where we want to go. Listen as Heidi shares a tool to quickly anchor ourselves in our lane.  Learn how to ask other people what their intention is when they share information with you.  Doing this helps us remain in our lane and not jump into their lane to fix potholes or offer support that actually isn't wanted or needed. If you want personalized help finding your intentions and staying anchored in your lane, sign up for a free coaching call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Our minds can easily spend time in the past and the future, two places where we have NO control.  By contrast, the present moment happening right NOW, is the only moment we can control and really experience life.   Listen as Heidi explains how she was present in her body and mind for a once-in-a-lifetime event last week with her family.  She shares how she managed her mind and allowed a lot of emotions (highs and lows) - all of which allowed her to be very present.   The more present we are, the more control we have over our lives and the more change we can direct.  The present is where we connect with our family and ourselves. To learn to be more present, set up a consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult.  

We take things personally (or are easily offended) when our brain thinks we are constantly being attacked.  We think there is danger in the words, actions and inactions of everyone around us.  Regardless of why we may take things too personally, it IS possible to become more confident, stronger emotionally. Listen to episode 159 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen to hear Heidi share very detailed examples of how to pause and pivot AWAY from being offended and taking things personally.  This requires us to feel and acknowledge how we are feeling, determine if there is intent to hurt, and determine if we agree with any part of what is being said.   In every situation we get to choose who we want to be, who we want to attract and who we want to repel in our lives. Easily offended people REPEL confident people and create disconnection in their world.  Learning not to take things personally ATTRACTS stable, anchored and calm people into our world. Confident women can see reality and their human qualities with grace, humor and awareness.  Our teens learn learn to be less defensive when they see us take things less personally. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family. Set up a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult.    

We are responsible to express and take care of our own needs and wants - this is one of the core responsibilities we have in OUR lane.   Our confidence and personal power grows when we stop, ask ourselves what we need, are able to identify this need and then can fill the need - even if it requires asking for help.  We are always insecure, disempowered and will stay stuck if we're dependent on other people to see what we need and make sure this is met.  Healthy relationships require that our self-esteem is not dependent on someone else "needing" us. Our spouses, children, everyone else in our life are primarily responsible for their needs.  When we step in and "take care of the needs" of other functioning adults, we disempower them.  We project to them that we do NOT have confidence they can handle their life.   Listen to hear many examples of how to get what you need and want in life.  Learn how to let others be responsible for their needs so they can be empowered.  Allowing others to fill their needs reduces the stress and anxiety we carry around.   Sign up for a consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Our relationships with other people are actually much simpler to define than we are led to believe.  Because we cannot control the thoughts and feelings of another person, our relationship with them is based on these three aspects: What we think about the other person The stories we tell and imagine about what this person thinks about us What we think about ourselves All of these relationship building blocks are in OUR lane and influence every part of our feelings and interactions with others. We act, speak, text different when we think others like us, or do NOT like us.  We act, speak, text different when WE like ourselves, or do NOT like ourselves. Listen as Heidi gives several examples of how separating each of these in relationships gives us confidence and strength to improve every relationship.  Learn how to release needing to know what others think about us. Focusing on what we can control strengthens our relationships and anchors us in confidence.  Focusing on what we cannot control always leaves us insecure and repelling others. To sign up for an introductory coaching call:  https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me.  

The energy and emotions we carry with us are either repelling or attracting people.  Positive emotions like love, kindness, acceptance, peace, curiosity all send energy to the people we interact with that we value and like them.  Positive emotions send energy that the other person is doing okay. Negative emotions and energy such as worry, judgment, shame, assuming, criticism and perfectionism repel people from us.  These emotions send unconscious signals that we don't think the other person is making the right choices, that they can't handle what is going on in their life or they aren't good enough.  These emotions do NOT help others feel good about themselves and create distance between ourselves and the people we do in fact love. Often we show up with negativity on default, out of habit, completely unaware of the micro-messages our energy sends to others.  Listen to Heidi explain how these emotions attract or repel and learn how to pivot to send the energy and influence we WANT to send to those we love. Sign up for an introductory call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. Learn more at https://heidibenjaminsen.com

We all see the world through different and unique "lenses" formed by our life experiences, biases, strengths, weaknesses, race, and much more.  We see the world through our literal eyes and with our brain.  This lens is formed by basic beliefs we have about the world - such as that the world is safe place or is a dangerous place.  These beliefs can be changed just like lenses to glasses can be changed. We become kinder and empathetic humans when we respect that other people (in their lanes) have reasons for seeing and reacting to the world (and us) the way they do.  They see us as THEY are, not as we are. Listen as Heidi gives several examples of uncovering less-desirable moral beliefs, media-triggered beliefs and steps to SEE others as they really are.  As we respect our differences, we gain more control over our beliefs and are calmer, more confident humans. Episode referenced:   What Others Think of Us:  https://heidibenjaminsen.com/145-2/ To schedule a free introductory coaching call:  https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!

Corinne Crabtree is a phenomenal example of changing her confidence, her identity and pursuing her dreams.  She lost over 100 pounds and has kept it off for 15+ years and has built an 8-figure business helping other women break generational curses of health and wealth. Listen as Corinne shares with Heidi her courageous story, where her belief was when starting (she says it was a -10!) and how she slowly grew her confidence.  Corinne shares how to separate our self-worth from our own behaviors, the behaviors of our teens and the scale. Corinne shares how her goals and vision changed as she started pursuing a healthier life as well as building her own business.  Listen to hear what her son thinks about her (he called her an 'expert' - a high compliment from a young adult!) and how Corinne's family has changed because she prioritized herself. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family! Learn more about Corinne and her programs: Listen and Subscribe to the Losing 100 Pounds Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/losing-100-pounds-with-corinne/ id1233384453 Link to Corinne's Free Weightloss Course & Website www.nobsfreecourse.com Link to Corinne's Advanced Weightloss Coaching Certification http://theweightlossuniversity.com/ Link to Corinne's No BS Business Women Membership https://www.nobsbusinesswomen.com/ Link to Corinne's No BS Business Bootcamp Event https://www.phit-n-phat.com/bootcamp-2023/

In the third episode in this special Stay In Our Lane series, listen as Heidi explains what happens between our lanes, between people as we communicate, behave and show up in the world.  There is more than just one person being totally responsible for their emotions and not taking accountability for their influence on others. Heidi explains the Channel of Influence that runs between us and everyone we interact with.  Hear examples of how others are affected (or influenced) by the words, behavior, tone of voice, body language, gossip, sarcasm and more of others.  The more we are aware of the influence (not control!) we have on others, the more we can get back in our lane, be more confident and create strong relationships with our family and friends. Knowing what is repelling and attracting in this channel of influence, helps us curate the people and energy we want around us.  Our teens become comfortable with the energy and vibe we project.  We want to ensure we influence them to be comfortable with confident and attracting emotions, which is all in our channel of influence. To schedule a free introductory call, https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. Learn more at https://heidibenjaminsen.com. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family.

In this special Stay In Your Lane series, Heidi explains foundational concepts that help us stay anchored and calm in our "own lane".  This happens when we understand what everyone else is responsible for in "their lane". Listen in episode 152 as Heidi discusses what everyone else in our life is responsible for and hear examples of how to get out of other people's lanes.  When we allow people to manage their emotions, to be responsible for their actions and needs, they learn CONFIDENCE.  They feel respected and learn the lessons they need to learn.  They feel EMPOWERED because they learn how to take care of their needs when we aren't swerving all over the road. A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family. To set up a free consult call, go to https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. Learn more at https://heidibenjaminsen.com.  

Confidence is rooted in taking full responsibility for our life, or "our lane".  We are responsible to understand and manage our own thinking, feeling, doing and what we are creating.  These all create a "wheel" that is constantly directing and moving us in whatever direction WE move it.   Listen as Heidi begins a "Stay In Your Lane" series that explain newly updated foundation concepts and tools.  Learn what IS in your lane, or is your responsible, and what is NOT in your lane.  Listen to hear why we need to take responsibility for meeting our needs, being considerate of others (in their lane), and much more. In life we will find ourselves swerving into others "lanes".  Heidi shares several ways to get control, re-anchor ourselves into what we have control over and get back in our lane". You will not want to miss a single episode of this series! To set up a free consult call:  https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me To learn more:  www.heidibenjaminsen.com.

Sarcasm may seem harmless, and possibly is it aimed at yourself.  But there is a reason sarcasm is rarely received well.  That is because sarcasm means "to tear flesh".  Sarcasm hurts.  Sarcasm is the least mature way to communicate and often we use sarcasm to passive-aggressively communicate we want someone to change. Listen as Heidi explains what sarcasm really is, what to do when we want to be sarcastic to others.  (Hint, it doesn't involve speaking...). Listen to hear how to handle sarcastic comments aimed at us. Set up a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. For more information go to: www.heidibenjaminsen.com.  

It's so easy to live life on auto-pilot, day in - day out, have our schedules, priorities, focuses and forget a few important facts.  Its easy to forget the mundane tasks, the daily mess, the kids hitting balls on the house is all evidence of the abundance in our life.  It's easy to forget to put our challenges in perspective, realizing someone else got really bad news today.  It's easy to forget we really aren't the center of our child's universe.  Its easy to forget the things we have now are things our past selves greatly desired and didn't have.  And more! Listen as Heidi shares many small pivots we can make in our daily lives which change our mood, change the people we can bless, change how we respond to our family. Learn more at www.heidibenjaminsen.com. Set up a consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me. 

Confidence begins with controlling our emotions and understanding what we experience is NOT dependent on other people.  This is emotional independence.  This is the freedom to feel whatever we want to feel, regardless of the people and the world around us. Emotional independence is what allows us to stay calm while others are angry, to feel peace as others feel turmoil and how to feel the negative of life AND not react in ways that create more problems! Listen as Heidi teaches specific ways to create this freedom, how to stop trying to control others, what to say to stop and anchor ourselves and how to control how we react to others. Our actions and reactions are always a reflection of us, not others. Set up a consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me Learn more at www.heidibenjaminsen.com.