Talk About Cancer

In the third and last episode of the courage micro-series, we are going to hear from a few people who talked about finding strength when dealing with cancer and grief.  Learn more about Matt's story on his website. Check out Ashley's new book Travel Lost Found. Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Thank you for listening!Music by chillmore on Pixabay

In the second episode of the courage micro-series, we are going to hear from a few people who talked about moving forward, despite being scared and having limited control over their situations.Check out Rudy's cancer rock opera on Youtube!Read about Natasha's story in her new book: Behind these sarcoma scars. Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Thank you for listening!Music by ZakharValaha on Pixabay

In this first episode of the courage micro-series, we are going to hear from a few people who about the experience of not being seen or heard while dealing with cancer.  To find out more about Savio's resources, please visit his website.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin! Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Thank you for listening!Music by Alex_MakeMusic on Pixabay

I am back from a little break and starting to work on a new season. First up is the micro-series about courage. If you want to share your words and stories of courage, please visit: https://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com/shareyourstory/ You can always submit your writings or recordings anonymously. Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin!Thank you for listening!Music by Madirfan from Pixabay

Reema shared how her cancer experience might have been similar to and different from someone who is not an oncologist, and how this experience has influenced the way she practices medicine today. Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:Before talking to Reema, I wondered how her experience with cancer might be different from people who are not doctors. The one thing that I didn't expect was the extra layer of stress she had when family and friends continued to look to her to be the expert of her own situation. She definitely was the medical expert, but I can see how wearing the “doctor” and the “patient” hats at the same time would be very confusing and exhausting. As she gently reminded me during our conversation - doctors are humans too! And there are simply no shortcuts when it comes to navigating the emotional experience of cancer. 

Charles shared how having lost so many family members to cancer shapes how he approaches caregiving for his wife today, and how leaning into art and dark humor has helped him process and cope with it all. Check out some of Charles' recent work: Short film: A History of WorryShort story collection: Slippery When MetastasizedColoring book: Pug Monster GalleryHuffPost article about air guitar workoutYou can connect with him on his website, Twitter, and Instagram.Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I was struck by the way Charles framed his caregiving experience as being "on the ride.” I never thought about my own caregiving experience this way because it sounds a bit detached or somehow not invested in what's going on. But I knew that was not what Charles meant and when I thought more about it, I realized how helpful this framing could be for caregivers - because it takes us out of the “driver seat,” which is what many of us would try to “inhabit” in a difficult situation because we feel it's what we are supposed to do to take care of our loved ones. But when we do that, our own needs can come to the forefront and the needs of the person dealing with cancer could get lost. This framing also acknowledges that we will not have complete control over the situation and it's not our fault if our loved ones have to suffer. Acceptance doesn't mean that we don't try our best to provide support, but it takes the pressure off of caregivers to keep searching for the perfect solution when often, that does not exist.

Nefa-Tari shared the devastating experience of being diagnosed with uterine cancer and ending her marriage soon after, and how she eventually found her way out of that incredibly tough period by advocating for her own needs and leaning on her faith.Check out the services SHARE offers and connect with Nefa-Tari!Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:Losing a relationship after a cancer diagnosis - whether a family member or a friend - can feel like the ultimate betrayal for cancer people. I've learned early on that some people just don't know how to deal with all the emotions and responsibilities that come with a cancer diagnosis, but it still sucks when the person you thought you could count really isn't up for the job. Like Nefa Tari and other guests on the show have mentioned, when dealing with cancer, you have to prioritize yourself, even if that means ending relationships that are so important to you. But the space that gets vacated will be filled by people who can meet you where you are. 

Sagar took us through some in-depth reflections about health, purpose, and the importance of having a creative outlet, which he discovered when his wife started to paint on his head after chemo.Check Sagar and Sheena's collaborations on Instagram @myheadisacanvas!Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:We have heard about so many different types of creative outlets from the guests this year. Many write, some create art. I love that Sagar's version of the creative outlet is a combination of both of those things AND it's done in collaboration with his wife, Sheena. We often talk about how caregivers' needs may be less prominent so this is a beautiful way for Sagar to bring her along on the healing process. 

Kandis shared how she picked herself back up one step at a time after a tough caregiving experience and how she eventually found positive ways to channel her grief. Some resources Kandis mentioned: Gilda's Club Chicago Ovarian Cancer Research AllianceTherapy for Black GirlsAlso check out Kandis' article about compound caregiving on Caregiving.com. You can follow her on Instagram @kandi_koated. Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:Thanks to Kandis for sharing what it was like to return to work after having been a full-time caregiver for a number of years. This is another layer of complexity that caregivers have to deal with on top of the emotional turmoils that could come with grieving the loss of a loved one. And Kandis was absolutely right about feeling bad about yourself when you keep getting rejected by employers. I know that feeling and can only imagine how hard it would be to have to go to interviews when you are still trying to make sense of the traumas you experienced. Kandis' experience reminds us how important and helpful working with a therapist can be when you are dealing with grief. 

Melody shared what it was like to deal with cancer during her childhood, the ways that experience has influenced different stages of her life, and the things she continues to uncover as an adult. You can follow Melody on Instagram @lunapeakfoundation, on Facebook @lunapeakfouncation, or on Twitter @lunapeakfamily. You can also find more information about the foundation at https://www.lunapeakfoundation.org/. Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I've been reflecting on Melody's experience trying to talk to her family members about their experience being her caregivers. As I've mentioned in the past, I'm a big believer in processing the challenging experiences in life. Some like me, prefer to talk about the experiences, many find creative outlets like writing, visual arts, or music. But when I heard Melody's family members' reactions, it made me wonder if processing is not good for everyone? Or maybe, for some the processing is so painful that they need an expert - like a therapist - to guide them through it. So nudging someone to process when they are not ready or have the adequate “tools” to do so is probably not going to work so well. This is another example of how my guests' experiences continue to help me understand perspectives that are different from mine. 

Akili reflected on the disruptions he faced when his son Kaine was diagnosed with leukemia more than two years ago and the growth he had to go through to survive this “good” bad diagnosis.Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I still don't know how Akili manages to do everything he has to do from being a father of six and juggling multiple jobs on top of Kaine's medical appointments! He's probably one of those people who only sleeps four hours a night. Even then, as Akili said, it takes a village to get through an experience like this, and I'm so glad he got to a place where he felt comfortable with asking for help and receiving help. I also loved Akili's point about performing random acts of kindness and how it's what makes our communities stronger. It's a really important message for us to remember at a time when we are going through so much trauma and loss across so many communities. On a more positive note, Kaine got his port removed one month early and is on track to finish chemo by early December!

Anna explained how cancer treatment “broke” her vagina and the challenges with dating when she took sexual intercourse off the table. Her experiences inspired her to create the Entwine dating app to help others like her find companionship with confidence. You can follow the app on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I know this episode probably feels different from the rest because Anna and I ended up going on a deep dive about her experience with vaginismus, but I thought it was important that we give space for this topic because even though Anna's experience is specific to having vaginismus, her underlying message is relevant to anyone dealing with sexual limitations after cancer treatment. Anna reminded us that sex and intimacy can come in many forms, and when our loved ones' sexual needs change because of serious health issues or emotional stress, expanding our definitions of sex and intimacy can give us more options for supporting each other's needs. Thanks again to Anna for sharing her own experience with such openness and a sense of humor. Go check out Entwine so you can explore dating with more confidence again! 

Lauren shared what it was like to follow her daughter Melissa's lead in having open conversations about end-of-life wishes, which gave Lauren a path forward during grief and led to the founding of 13 Thirty Cancer Connect to support thousands of AYA cancer patients in her community.Find out more about 13 Thirty Cancer Connect's programs that are now available virtually and locally in Rochester NY and Syracuse NY.  Please follow the podcast if these stories are resonating with you. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I thought a lot about what Melissa's brother said during his graduation speech to his 400 classmates 20 years ago - that Melissa's life was not taken away, but that it was just shorter than most. I'm astounded by how much is packed in that one simple sentence in the mind of a 16-year-old. There was a sense of defiance, meaning - don't pity my sister. But there was also this profound wisdom about - it's not how long you live that matters, but what you do with the time you were given. I know that losing my dad helped me better appreciate the finality of my own life and has given me focus and gratitude that I probably would not otherwise have if I didn't go through that painful experience with him. I'm also keenly aware, however, that insights like this are often luxury in a sense. It's a perspective that's easier to hold when you can put the adversity behind you. For those in the thick of things, it may not be so easy. But that's also what's really incredible about Melissa, is that she had that clarity while facing her imminent death. 

Fabian took us back to the time when his existential crisis collided with his cancer diagnosis and how he was able to pull through 900 days of chemo with a vision to support other cancer people struggling with mental health.You can download the War On Cancer app on your phone and check out the amazing Clinical Trial Finder feature. You can also connect with Fabian on Instagram @fabianbolin.  Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:What's really important about Fabian's story is that oftentimes when you get a cancer diagnosis, it doesn't mean that whatever crisis you were already facing in your personal life just gets put on hold. As we heard, crises can have a way of amplifying each other and making the experience more complex and difficult to untangle. I was really impressed with how Fabian was able to pull apart what was helping him vs not in the middle of such an intense emotional rollercoaster. It shows how much work he has put into processing his own experiences, and ultimately, channeling the learnings towards building the War on Cancer platform to support other cancer people struggling with mental health. 

Brianna talked about how isolating the caregiving and the grieving experiences can be, and how creating art in a nonverbal way can be incredibly cathartic and healing. Check out Brianna's artwork on her website and let me know what it brings up for you! Also, follow her on Instagram @briannalhb so you will get updates about her upcoming workshops and shows. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:By coincidence, Brianna and I lost our loved ones - her mom and my dad - around the same time four years ago. Our conversation uncovered so many similarities and differences between our experiences of caregiving and grief, and all of it was so interesting to hear, like what helped us put things in perspective while grieving and how we handled conflicts with family members. But the way Brianna works through her emotions in a nonverbal way was so new to me, as I've been so entrenched in verbal and written expressions as ways of organizing thoughts and healing, it made me really curious about what I would end up creating if I participated in one of Brianna's workshops. 

Laura explained how being diagnosed with cancer gave new meaning to her work as a health care advocate and that staying engaged with advocacy actually helped her push through her cancer treatment.Laura mentioned Imerman Angels, which has also been referenced by a few other guests on this podcast about the wonderful one-on-one peer support they offer. If you are interested in getting your story out for advocacy efforts, check out the resources offered by Laura's nonprofit Health Care Voices.  You can also check out Laura's video on Now This asking Trump to not take away her health insurance by repealing Obamacare. Connect with Laura on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. I would also be grateful if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:When I first heard about Laura's story, I didn't understand how she was able to continue her advocacy work in the middle of her cancer treatment. As we all know, cancer treatments can be incredibly draining physically and emotionally, so going to a public meeting to challenge my senator's voting choices would be nowhere on my to-do list. But that's exactly what Laura did.But it all made sense when she explained - which was that as challenging as our political system is and as controversial as Obamacare is, it was still something that she had a better chance of affecting than her cancer. The juxtaposition of this says everything you need to know about the cancer experience. 

Michelle and Phil shared some of the most challenging moments, thoughts, and feelings they've had in their caregiving and grief process over the last three decades, and how they were able to eventually move forward from the devastating loss of their son Gabe.You can read more about their story in an article Phil had written for the San Diego Reader. Also, check out Okizu and the amazing services they are still providing to families today.  Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I asked Phil our recording what he meant by the following (in reference to his last moments with Gabe):  "I feel like having gotten through that moment and then having gotten through his actual death... in some way was part of what enabled me to get through the last 23 years."He explained that seeing Gabe accepting his own impending death helped Phil start to accept what was happening, and while Phil at that point had spent nearly eight years trying to save his son, the most loving thing he could offer at that moment was to help Gabe leave, and "... help his spirit be freed from this life." Listening to Michelle and Phil's reflections on their caregiving and grief experience dusted off some of my own memories of the most intense moments I had with my dad's cancer experience, like how my mom and I used to argue quite often because we were both stressed and perpetually sleep-deprived or having intimate conversations with each other when my dad was dying.What I did not experience though, was the decade-long heartache Michelle described. As someone who doesn't have children, it's impossible for me to fully appreciate how devastating the experience of losing a child must be for parents. But that's also what's really reassuring about Phil and Michelle's story. While they described their experiences in different words, the underlying message was the same - that grief requires courage, honesty, and persistence, but if you genuinely put in the work, the wound will eventually become a scar. Phil also added another piece of advice after we finished recording - which is that it's okay to ask for help, and if help is offered, it's okay to accept it. I couldn't agree more, but I also know that we live in a culture where asking and accepting help is very hard for some to do. Just remember that dealing with cancer is often a marathon and not a sprint, so if there's ever a reasonable time to get help, this would be it!

Gaz shared how he's dealing with a terminal diagnosis as a young adult and why for a practical person like him, living from scan to scan takes on a different meaning. You can connect with Gaz on Instagram @Gaz_Emmerson where you will see that he's still biking to his chemo appointments and enjoy concerts with his friends. You will also find the link to his fundraiser for Sarcoma UK there, which now stands at a whopping $111K pounds!Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I really appreciate having the opportunity to talk to Gaz about his cancer experience, because it's a bit like an anti-thesis to this podcast, where I promote talking about and processing the challenging emotions we have as a way for us to move forward. Gaz showed me that that's not necessarily the right answer for everyone and that for him, taking action - like being present and making memories with loved ones and finding ways to give back to others - has been a better way for him moved forward through each setback. I thank him for that gentle reminder. Also, it was upsetting to hear that the first-line treatment for Ewing Sarcoma has not progressed in 40 years and thus leaving people living with this cancer with very few treatment options. It brought back memories of the awful countdown I used to do in my head - each time a type of therapy failed for my dad, I would panic silently in my own head about having only x number of options left. At the time, I never thought about what a luxury it was that we even had that many options to try. But again, cancer and luxury aren't two concepts that often go together. 

Julieta talked openly about grappling with not being cancer-free after her chemo treatment and the complex layers of love, fear, and hope she's balancing with her intergenerational family. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I invited Julieta on the show because I wanted to help elevate her message as a cancer advocate in the Latino community, but this intergenerational story we ended up diving into was so much more complex than I expected, such as the way Julieta and her mom try to protect one another by shielding things that may be upsetting to the other person, and how Julieta doesn't want her daughter to now feel pressured about having to do the same for Julieta. It's so representative of the kind of delicate balancing act that nobody gives us a “plan” for while dealing with cancer. 

Rachel shared some of the most intimate moments from her and her late husband's cancer experience, including how she knew when it was time to let go. You can find Rachel's book Wife, Widow, Now What? on Amazon and follow her on Facebook and Instagram. Also, check out CaringBridge as a resource for anyone who wants to blog about your health experience but doesn't want to deal with the headaches of set up a blog site. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:We covered so much ground in this conversation with Rachel, from the initial diagnosis all the way to forging a new life years after her late husband's passing. I know the topic of end-of-life can be so overwhelming for many and I totally understand why, but for those who have to face it, a resource like Rachel's book can be incredibly helpful. Over the past four years, I've thought a lot about my dad's end-of-life process and have come to the same conclusion as Rachel, that I was able to find peace when my dad died because I knew my mom and I did everything we could and respected his wishes all along the way. In my mind, that counts way more than how we say goodbye in the end. I was rooting for the Rachel from 8 years ago when she was dancing to Joy Division and telling Grayson that he had beat cancer. Unbeknownst to her at the time, she would also eventually beat cancer, although not without some twists and turns. 

Babz walked us through how he reacted when he first got his diagnosis and how he quickly realized that dealing with cancer was mostly a mental game. You can check out Babz's Community Interest Company Freshrb, which uses video production to highlight marginalized health issues. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:Babz mentioned the idea of “fast-forwarding your life” a few times during our discussion, and I thought it's a pretty succinct way to describe a critical part of people's experience with cancer because in an instant, a cancer diagnosis forces you to answer all the major life questions you haven't yet answered with nearly no time to thoughtfully understand the issue and think through all the options and potential outcomes. Too many have had to deal with lasting consequences because they were either not fully informed, or not informed at all. I also thought it was very interesting for Babz to share that it wouldn't have made a big difference if his medical team was more direct in their communication while Babz was waiting for his diagnosis. I know it would have driven me crazy to have to wait six months to get a confirmation and all the while experiencing strange symptoms. But that's also what I love about making this podcast, is that it challenges my assumption about other's experiences and perspectives!I'm embarrassed to say that I don't know anything about Nigerian culture even though I lived in NYC for 7 years and it has one of the largest Nigerian populations in the US. But it was so interesting to hear about the similarities between the Nigerian and the Chinese cultures, such as not talking about illnesses and being suspicious about non-traditional careers!

Sue gave us a glimpse into the struggles of caring for a loved one who is fully dependent on her and how in an extreme situation like this, self-care may just mean grabbing a few Oreos. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:A big “thank you” to Sue for giving me a precious hour from her day to share her caregiving experience with us. Her situation with her husband is pretty extreme but there were actually many elements I could connect with, such as having a very short horizon and only being able to focus on getting through each task at hand or having a sense of being in a “secret society” where your own life seems so far away from “normal” that you feel like an outsider. I know Sue reminded us to not try to be superwoman or superman, but I have to say, she comes pretty close to it in my book. Navigating the bureaucratic healthcare system with the ombudsman's office is not a walk in the park, let alone for someone who is dealing with the emotional, financial, and logistical challenges of becoming a full-time caregiver. She also talked about the importance of making therapy work for her and not accepting services that weren't effective. Rather than giving up, she managed to tackle each of these hurdles one at a time. It's an incredible example of how resilient we can be when we need to care for the people we love. 

Tara talked about the multiple transformations she has had to go through: from being a caretaker to survivor to thriver, and from natural ways of healing to eventually facing her fears of chemotherapy. You can find Tara's bestseller book Grace, Grit, and Gratitude on Amazon and connect with her on Instagram @taracoyote. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:Tara is the only person I've spoken with to date who has said “thank you” to chemo. It's an incredible statement, especially because she's had such a traumatic experience with her friend's chemo treatment. It's also a powerful example of her message to us - which is to find beauty in the path. Rather than focusing on the incredibly challenging parts of her cancer journey, she's grateful to be alive and appreciative of the transformations the experience has brought her. As she called it - shining the diamonds of our souls. Also, I had a light bulb moment when Tara was talking about being a caretaker for her friend Deb. Tara helped me understand something I didn't back when I spoke with Kunal in episode 22 - that it was a privilege to take care of a loved one. But Tara's explanation of her experience as her friend's caretaker made sense to me - that to show up for someone when they are so broken down is humbling and makes you understand how precious life is. Now I understand why Kunal referred to the caregiving experience as a privilege. 

Shoni gets vulnerable and candid about her mom's and her own experience with cancer and why her voice as a Black woman, matters. You can connect with Shoni on Instagram @brsuga and learn more about For the Breast of Us on their website. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:After our recording, I thought a lot about Shoni's experience with the receptionist at the oncologist's office. It's the kind of experience that is so familiar to those of us who have had to navigate the healthcare system to get care for complex medical conditions. But it is even more stressful when you know that by speaking up, you will be labeled and dismissed with a negative stereotype, like the “angry black woman.” These kinds of stressors, even if seemingly minor in isolation, add up over time, and not just in healthcare, but across all kinds of important areas in life, such as education, work, and housing. It's therefore not surprising that minority groups have less positive health outcomes - living with cancer is completely overwhelming as it is, so some days you just may not have the energy to get over the extra hurdle thrown at you. But that sometimes can make all the difference in your trajectory. A big shout out to Shoni for bringing to life what we read about in research papers and textbooks. You are not just a number, and we thank you for helping us see you. 

Jared shared what it was like to get a blood stem cell transplant in the middle of the pandemic and how he is adjusting to the identity and life of a survivor, including edible gummies, makeup experiments, and being a Be The Match ambassador. You can find Jared on Instagram at @jaredlips and listen to his fun podcast Back on Air.  Learn more about Be The Match and how to become a donor on its website. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I had a lot of fun chatting with Jared, especially the part about shitty self-care, for a couple of reasons: I was slightly amused that South Park is part of Jared's way to “check-out” because if anyone asks my husband what we do on vacation, he will tell you that South Park is the first thing I look for on TV when we check into a hotel. There's something very cathartic about crude cartoons I guess. But also when Jared mentioned nighttime being more of a struggle for his mental health, sometimes worrying about cancer coming back, it made me think about how I sometimes have this nagging thought about me or someone else close to me getting cancer in the near future. I guess there's a bit of PTSD there having had so many close family members get cancer, but it also made me realize how much harder it must be for patients and survivors to deal with that kind of anxiety on an ongoing basis. I know Jared said that he's now wrapping his head around his identity as a survivor and is therefore looking for ways to get involved with the cancer community. I love that he's an ambassador for Be The Match, because cancer and diseases can be such a heavy and sterile topic and his fun and glamorous persona can make the topic more accessible for a wider audience. 

Emily talked about the importance of listening to your body and not being afraid to question your doctor when his or her guidance is contrary to what you believe is the right answer for you. She also shared what it was like to deal with an unexpected disability after surgery.You can find Emily @wonkyarm on Instagram and at her blog. Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:You probably heard me talk more during this episode than most others because I was feeling pretty frustrated by the experiences Emily had to go through with her doctor. I know she was being very diplomatic about not discounting his professional abilities completely, but to not have changed his ways given what happened the first time tells me that he did not take ownership of the situation. This honestly is a sign that he is not very focused on improving patient care and it's so dangerous for patients who are medical outliers like Emily is. I also want to thank Emily for highlighting the experience of living with a disability after cancer. In addition to feeling isolated from her peers (because cancer can be rather foreign to people in that age range), she had to navigate an extra layer of complexity when it came to school, sexual intimacy, and work. Just thinking about how nerve-racking interviews still are for me today, I can only imagine how hard it was for Emily to have had to not only manage her own insecurities but also quickly learn to direct conversations with strangers in a way that didn't reduce her to just cancer and the disability. I hope Emily is super proud of what she has accomplished given all the barriers she has had to overcome and continues to share her experiences through her creative writing because there is so much strength in her words and it will be an inspiration to others who are dealing with similar challenges. 

Kunal shared his experience taking on the caregiver role as his wife dealt with breast cancer and how setting clear boundaries for everyone involved - including himself - ultimately helped him to walk away from the experience with no regrets.The books that Kunal found helpful for working through his grief after his wife passed away are: The Secret by Rhonda ByrneOption B by Sheryl SandbergMy Gita by Devdutt Pattanaik Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the conversation:I really admire the way Kunal was very clear-eyed about his priorities in a really complicated situation that often has no good answers. Take the way he managed communication with every person - from doctors, to friends, and family - he was unapologetic about how and how much he would engage. But those are the types of decisions you have to make when you are taking care of someone with serious health issues. You realize that many of the expectations that you once cared to fulfill no longer matter. And people have to be mature enough to know that it's time to meet you where you are.The other thing that Kunal said that really resonated with me was that money has no purpose once your loved one passes away. Before my dad passed away, I was super conservative about saving money for retirement, but after I watched my dad get diagnosed with cancer a year out from retirement and barely enjoyed the retirement life he was looking forward to, I realized that I being prudent about long term finances was important, but not at the expense of making great memories now with the people I love. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone should go out and rack up a bunch of credit card debts to go on luxury vacations, but it's so important to remind ourselves often that life is tenuous so spending every moment honoring this life you have been given, is so important. 

Rod shared his experience as a male breast cancer patient and how that experience led him to become an advocate and create a resource site to serve the needs of the male breast cancer community. You can find Rod on Twitter or at his website http://malebc.org/.Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:I'm super appreciative of Rod coming on the show to share his experience as a male breast cancer survivor and advocate. I learned so much - from how the lack of awareness about male breast cancer results in more delayed and therefore more dire diagnosis, to the differences in how men seek support online. It was also very interesting to hear about the advocacy work he has been doing with the “pink” cancer organizations. I was glad to hear that Rod did feel supported by women in online forums and that he felt well taken care of by the female experts on his medical team. Since men account for such a small percentage of the newly diagnosed population each year, I expected Rod to run into more problems, and was slightly surprised to hear otherwise. I feel like I've heard more problems for women breast cancer survivors than in his experience. I don't know if Rod was being polite or if that was really the case, but my guess is that women as a marginalized group are able to better empathize with the men when the dynamic is reversed. That's definitely my bias as a woman but I don't think my hypothesis is too far-fetched. 

Dorothy explained what it was like to be diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 26 and how being at high risk for developing ovarian cancer within the decade made major life decisions incredibly complicated for her.You can find Dorothy on Instagram or at the Atrium Foundation website. Check out her book 26 & Fu¢ked where you can get her full story.  Want to hear other stories from cancer patients, survivors, or co-survivors like this one? Want to share your story? Get in contact with me at: https://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com/Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:Before speaking with Dorothy, I didn't fully understand the unique challenges young adults face when they are diagnosed with cancer. Because my dad was already in his 60s, he didn't have to deal with how cancer could have impacted big life decisions like finding a partner or having children. Retirement was the only key decision on the horizon for him and that was really a no-brainer. So it's been really eye-opening and humbling for me to hear about how cancer has complicated Dorothy's young adult years - having to live with fear, anxiety, and guilt. It's amazing how she has moved through all of that and is now channeling her energy towards doing things she wants to do in life, like writing a book and starting the foundation to help others dealing with cancer. The other thing I really appreciated about Dorothy is how perceptive she is of the experience for her husband as a co-survivor (which BTW is a new term for me). It's very apparent that she cares deeply about how he's impacted by the experience of her cancer journey and this incredible empathy really has served as the foundation on which they continue to have tough conversations and grow together. 

Angel shared how being a nurse has affected her experience with her mom's cancer care and why it's crucial for caregivers to honor their own needs during and after the caregiving journey. Want to hear other stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, or family members like this one? Want to share your story? Get in contact with me at: https://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com/Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there.Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:I loved hearing and actually seeing the transformation Angel is experiencing in her life during our conversation. It was obvious that when we talked about her experience with her mom's cancer care, there was still a mix of sad emotions there. But when we started to talk about this new path she is on toward healing and new possibilities, everything changed. She smiled and laughed, moved around in her seat with excitement, gesturing with her hands. The enthusiasm for the future was palpable and it's truly wonderful to see. As we kept chatting after the recording, it became more clear to me that the thing that brought some of the repressed emotions to the surface was Angel's experience working in the hospital during COVID and having to witness so many families say goodbye under awful circumstances. For those of us not in the medical profession, we knew that things were awful for people working in hospitals this past year, but Angel's story made it more real for me what a struggle it has been, and how much the medical professionals have had to endure, not just the explosion in the number of patients to take care of, but the emotional trauma and triggers that came with the experience. I've been saying this elsewhere but I am going to take a moment to say thank you again to the medical professionals who have been taking care of our communities during this crisis. I hope all of you are listening to your inner voices and finding a way forward like Angel has. 

Marlene told the story of how she first heard about her cancer diagnosis not from the doctor, but in a message from her grandfather who she's never met, and why her cancer journey has ultimately transformed her life in a positive way.You can listen to more of Marlene's and others' stories about surviving trauma on her podcast called Surviving Trauma: Stories of Hope and follow her page on Facebook at My Centered Life.  Want to hear other stories from cancer patients, survivors, caregivers, or family members like this one? Want to share your story? Get in contact with me at: https://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com/ Please follow the podcast if you are enjoying the show. Would also be awesome if you can leave an honest rating and review so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or come say hi on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin!Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:Listening to Marlene talk about getting her cancer diagnosis through her spiritual medium gave me goosebumps! As someone who did not grow up in a religious or spiritual environment, it was very fascinating and a privilege to hear Marlene share her experience. The image she described stuck in my mind - that she had a loving family at the hospital with her, but she also had her family from the spirit world watching over her. I found that idea to be very comforting, because there is similarity to how we pray to our ancestors for protection from bad things in the Chinese culture.Also, her message about gratitude and what we do with our time was super important. As Marlene said, cancer is a terrible disease but Marlene recognized that she was fortunate to have had a very slow growing cancer so it actually gave her the chance to reevaluate and reset her priorities in life. That resonated with me because while I lost my dad to cancer and the last few months of his life were incredibly hard, one of the really important things I took away from that experience was to spend more of my time doing things that matter to me and propel me towards a greater purpose in life. 

Alicia described the ways in which faith has shaped her dad's outlook and experience with end-of-life and why the last six weeks of his life were both the best and the hardest. Want to share your story about your cancer journey as a survivor, caregiver, or family member? Get in touch with me!  Have topic suggestions or feedback about the show?  Email info@talkaboutcancerpodcast.com or find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or Linkedin. Please follow the podcast if you enjoy the show. I would also really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:I had thought this conversation with Alicia would be a bit teary because we both had gone through the end-of-life process with our dads relatively recently. But it didn't turn out to be that way because her dad had faith to lean on during his journey with cancer, which gave him the wisdom to let go of control and continued to find joy even when there was very little time left. It was a very powerful example of how faith can lift us up in the most challenging times. On the other hand, Alicia has such vivid memories of her dad - I loved the way she described the images in her mind for the listeners - like the way she would wake up in the morning to find her dad finishing bible studies or watching him watering plants without shoes on. Talking about those memories always brought a smile to her face and it made me realize what an incredible gift her dad had given her. Because of the way he was able to find joy even in the toughest moments, it allows Alicia to also find joy when thinking about this very challenging period of their lives. 

Ilene shared her journey as a 7-year metastatic breast cancer endurer and how picking up the pen and paper to write again has, in more ways than one, helped her continue to live beyond the statistics.Ilene's blog is called CancerbusYou can find her on Twitter @ilenealizahYou can find out more about the wonderful retreat she went to at the Commonweal Retreat Center She also mentioned the book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully by Frank Ostaseski and the podcast On Being. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer endurers, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!++++++++++++My reflections on the episode:We covered so many big and small topics during our conversation, but there were two things that really stuck with me even after the recording. First, it was so powerful to hear Ilene explain how defining herself as a writer helped her live. I myself appreciate how therapeutic writing can be - I've actually done some journaling to process my dad's death before I started this podcast - but what Ilene explained was way more profound because it wasn't just about writing being therapeutic, but that it gave her a new identity which led her to make connections, build community, and find opportunities to give back. I know Ilene prefers to be called a cancer endurer, but that to me is thriving. Second, I was so struck by what Ilene's husband referred to as the “longest goodbye.” I even said so during the recording but couldn't quite put into words on the spot what I was reacting to. So I reached out after to see if I can get Craig to share what he meant, and this is what he wrote back in an email:“I live with the uncertainty of waiting for her health to deteriorate and ultimately when she won't be with me anymore. It's hard to watch the person you love and who's your partner go through so much pain and so many treatments only to ultimately have them fail her. It's also difficult to make future plans any further out than a few weeks. It's as though she is packing for a trip without me, but may never return.” I've never met Craig, but it's as if he was explaining what it was like for me to say goodbye to my dad. 

Dori helps us understand why open communication is so important when a family member is living with an incurable diagnosis and how she's been working hard to be fully transparent and honoring the needs of her husband and children on their journey with cancer. I'm super appreciative of the personal reflections Dori shared in this conversation. At the core, her message has been so consistent, which is that open communication is so important for families navigating the cancer journey. She demonstrated this beautifully with her children by being completely transparent about what was happening, checked in on how they were feeling, and gave them a choice about how they wanted to be involved. What was even more amazing was that she had explicitly given her husband the permission to do as he wished, even if that meant not to continue living. I can't imagine what courage and love it took for her to have that conversation. She also brought so much humility by admitting that even though she did give him permission, it doesn't mean that there aren't moments of real struggle still. I was also glad that she pointed out how caregivers can sometimes get lost during the journey - not just because we often don't prioritize taking care of our own needs, but it can feel like it's our responsibility to fix everything, usually making sure that the patient is eating “right”. This unfortunately becomes an added source of stress for the patient at a time when they should be focused on relaxing and healing. Crises like cancer can amplify existing relationship dynamics in a negative way so it's important for caregivers to assess if the patterns in our relationships are really serving the patient, or if somehow, our own needs got in the way. You can find more information about Dori's work as a functional health practitioner at https://www.dorimartin.com/. She also referenced the book Radical Remission by Kelly A . Turner. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly to me by visiting http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms: Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Andy talked about the hard decisions he has had to make in taking a holistic approach to his cancer treatment and how having been grounded with the right mindset got him through one of the greatest challenges he's faced. If you are looking for someone who practices what he preaches, Andy is your guy. As a seasoned talent development coach, he walked into his cancer journey with a strong mindset for dealing with the challenges that life brings. That by no means meant that his cancer experience was somehow easy, but it was very evident that he had a foundation to lean on to navigate the many complex and difficult decisions he has had to make about this medical care. Even more important was his message about taking ownership of the decisions each of us has to make in life. When I saw his Instagram post about his decision to not pursue the third round of chemotherapy, I was intrigued, because my natural reaction was that it would be safest to follow the advice of the expert. But once Andy explained what he has learned about testicular cancer and the holistic treatment approach he has been following, I understood why. And what was even more impressive, was that Andy fully acknowledged that he could be wrong in making this decision but was also ok with the idea of dealing with the next challenge if and when it comes. In the meantime, he's bounced back to feeling pretty much like his old self but with an even more profound sense of appreciation for the opportunities that lie ahead for him and his family. If you are interested in learning more about Andy's philosophy on mindset, you can find it in part 3 of his book, called: Own Your Career, Own Your Life. I don't think Andy could have demonstrated more clearly how having the right mindset helped him navigate his cancer journey. You can find this book on his website: andystorch.com. You can connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, InstagramAndy mentioned a couple of therapies that I was not familiar with, so I did some Googling after and found these for reference:High dose vitamin C - National Cancer InstituteHow might banking soda boost cancer therapy - Ludwig Cancer ResearchAndy also recommended a few books: It's not about the bike by Lance ArmstrongChris beat cancer by Chris WarkCancer Secrets by Johnathan StegallMany alternative therapies and nutritional regimens can be controversial because they haven't been empirically studied. Neither Andy nor I am proposing that anyone should replace working with a trained oncologist with alternative therapies and nutritional modifications only. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback directly to me by visiting http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Jason reflected on his experience of losing his dad as a child and how the cultural norms of the Vietnamese culture shaped his experience of grief and mourning. We also explore what he is doing differently as an adult now that he has had some time to reflect on his earlier experience. It was so interesting to listen to Jason reflect on his experience of grief as a child and what his perspective is now as an adult. I especially admire the way he was able to reflect on his experience in a non-judgmental way. Because sometimes we can fall into the spiral of regret when it comes to losing a loved one - thinking back over the things we should have said, could have done differently - and just beat ourselves up. So I love that he is at a place where he is accepting of what has happened but also moving forward in a way that better serves his emotional needs while in grief. One thing he said that really humbled me, which was that - while it's really hard to lose someone you love to cancer, and to anything really, the emotions you feel also means that you've had a meaningful relationship with that person, and that is something beautiful to be thankful for. I also loved what he said about keeping his grandmother “near” after death by embracing all the emotions he's experiencing now from her passing. It is something that's been surfacing for me lately, which is how to continue to remember my dad and honor his life as time continues to pass. I feel grateful that in listening to Jason's reflections, it helped me realize that what I am doing with this podcast IS my way of continuing to remember and honor my dad. That's a wrap for today. Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review in Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly with me by visiting http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. As always, thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

We have our first sister duo on the show to share their story with us. You will hear about how they managed stress family members and friends had unintentionally caused and how they were always a team in getting through every situation. I had fun chatting with the sister duo Bella and Tonia. As someone who didn't grow up with a sibling under the same roof, I marveled at the close relationship they have with one another. But what was very interesting to me was that, even as close as they were, they still needed to find support and release away from each other sometimes. Like how Bella talked about feeling like she was on an island during treatment even though Tonia was at every doctor's appointments, or how Tonia would only cry when she wasn't around Bella, because Tonia knew it would have only stressed Bella out more to see her in distress. I'm glad they both then also talked about what helped them get through, like how Bella found the support groups on FB so she didn't feel so alone anymore and Tonia would take time out to do things she wanted to do and not be anybody's caregiver every once in a while. One thing Bella said that opened my eyes was to surround yourself with people who not only love you, but more importantly, people who will challenge your decision because they know you are making them based on fear or anger. I'm a big advocate for respecting a patient's decision about their own treatment, especially when it comes to the decision to not pursue treatment. But Bella helped me understand that sometimes a bit of reasoning may be warranted, especially if you can tell that the patient's decision-making process may be too clouded by negative emotions. Lastly, I loved their message about there being no shame in asking about resources that may be available to cancer patients. A bit of TLC - whether it's free massages or gift cards - isn't going to make everything better but it can help in getting through one day to the next. And as in the example they shared, unless you ask, you won't always be told what's available… which honestly boggles my mind but that's a topic for another day. Here are some of the resources Bella and Tonia shared: https://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/https://imermanangels.org/ For survivors and caregivers, website  also in Spanishhttps://www.sephorastands.com/classes_for_confidence/Please follow the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. I would really appreciate it if you can leave an honest rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser so I know if I am serving the interests and needs of you listeners out there. You can also share any feedback and suggestions directly with me by visiting http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Victoria talked about turning to alcohol to numb the anxiety and pain she experienced in the aftermath of cancer treatment and reminded us to let go of the expectations we put on ourselves and get support to develop healthier ways to cope with trauma.I so appreciated Victoria for coming on the show to share her story about the trauma she experienced with cancer and alcohol abuse. She brought so much humanity to an issue that may not be talked about very often - which is that in dealing with the mental and physical trauma of cancer, some of us might unintentionally end up coping in ways that are harmful to ourselves and those around us. The truth is, alcohol use is so common in our society, especially during this past year when almost everyone has had to cope with the disruptions brought on by the pandemic. So many of my friends and family drank just to relax from the workday so it's not hard to see why people would turn to alcohol when dealing with the trauma they are experiencing from cancer. Victoria's message about giving yourself grace in a situation like that is so important. Everyone's experience with cancer has so many dimensions so even if you've had a successful treatment outcome, for example, it doesn't mean everything else goes back to normal. Victoria and I continued to chat after we stopped recording for a bit where we talked about how many human experiences are really not an “either-or” dichotomy, but that often, seemingly contradictory things can be true at the same time. In her case, she was absolutely grateful that her cancer treatment worked, but that didn't mean that it wasn't hard to work through the trauma that came with it. You can find more information about Victoria's coaching services and her podcast at: https://www.victoriaenglishmartin.com/Victoria recommended the book This Naked Mind by Annie Grace for people who want to better understand alcohol addiction and recovery. That's a wrap for today. Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Jason spoke lovingly about his memories of his mom - who battled three types of cancer for over a decade - and the ways in which he continues to remember and honor her legacy since she died in 2019. He also shared some interesting stories about kilts and prostate cancer awareness. What a storyteller Jason was. There was literally a story to illustrate every point he made in our conversation! It was really interesting to hear how Jason's experience as an officer for more than 20 years has influenced his perspectives about life and death. One part that stuck with me was how Jason didn't make it in time to see his mom before she died, which was so crushing but I could see that Jason was able to move forward from that because he had an important job to do - which was to MC the celebration of life she planned. I mean, what a gift she had given to Jason so that he knew exactly what he needed to do to honor her life and get closure. And then there were the actual gifts for the family as well! What an amazing way to let her family continue to experience her love beyond her death. I had a mini epiphany from our conversation. If you recall, at one point I was talking to Jason about not letting what happened during the last few months of my dad's life consume my memories of him, because it was a small part and shouldn't define his life and who he was as a person. When I thought about that more after our conversation, I realized that only when I was able to move on from those imageries of suffering in my head did the unexpected moments of breakdown start to happen less. Maybe it just took time for those imageries to become more blurry and be less painful in my mind. I do often wonder at what point will the unexpected moments of intense emotions stop occurring. Is it 5 years? 10 year? Or maybe never? I don't know yet. You can find Jason at: What's Your Emergency podcast: http://wyeradio.com/Kilted to Kick Cancer: https://www.kiltedtokickcancer.org/A couple of books Jason recommended for people who want to better understand the experience of someone who is facing their own mortality. Chasing Daylight by Paul KalanithiWhen Breath Becomes Air by Eugene O'KellyPlease subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Stephanie took us through some of the toughest parts of her cancer journey, including how she had to postpone her wedding, how she got lost in the dark space, and what helped her to get through and eventually reconnect with life again. A big shout out to Stephanie for doing such a deep dive during our recording. She was so transparent in sharing some of the most vulnerable moments on her journey, and because she is such a great storyteller - which I attribute to her journalist background - I felt like I could see in my head the specific moments and conversations she described as we were chatting. One thing that really blew me away was the great communication Stephanie and her husband had with each other. As Stephanie described, getting a cancer diagnosis can trigger so many insecurities and emotions because of the physical changes and limitations you experience. In absence of a strong foundation to lean on, it's not surprising that new conflicts will often come up between family members. I also really appreciated Stephanie calling out the importance of caregivers taking care of themselves, which is something we talked about in episode 8, but the message almost has more merit when it's coming from a non-caregiver. Stephanie recognized that while it's the patient who has to endure all the trials and tribulations in a physical sense, there's nevertheless an emotional impact on the caregiver. And her message about leaning into the pain is so powerful, and something that many of us have had to do in the last year when life had to slow down during the quarantine, so the issues we managed to bury with our busy schedules and endless distractions on our phones eventually surfaced. In retrospect, it is one of the big reasons why I finally pushed this podcast through - that I finally had time and mental space to organize my thoughts - even though I had been thinking about doing this since 2018. You can find Stephanie at: Website: https://thepatientstory.comTwitter: @Patient_Story or @StephChuang I can't recommend it enough as a resource for people who are newly diagnosed. Please check it out and share it with others who can benefit from it. Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Michelle shared a lovely story about how her whole family came together to share the caregiving responsibilities when her dad's health started to decline. And how they worked as an incredible team to support their dad and stepmom in the most difficult times, as well as each other through their grieving process. Listening to Michelle's story really warmed my heart. There were similarities in our experiences with our dads' declines but I was so blown away by the way her whole family came together to support one another and made the experience better and more manageable for everyone. It was also really amazing to hear about the way they are continuing to support one another during their grieving process, and they are going about it in a way that gives each person space to work through things in their own way and on their own time. One thing that I would like to call out is that sometimes people think the grieving process only starts after your loved ones die, but it often starts way before that point. For many, we experience grief each time a change happens - whether that's weight loss, having a harder time walking, or experiencing chemo brain. Obviously, these types of changes hit the patients the hardest but caregivers experience grief in their own way as well as somewhat helpless bystanders, which in truth is one of the hardest parts of being a caregiver - is that feeling of not being able to help lessen the suffering your loved one is experiencing. The other thing that stood out was Michelle's conversation with her dad - how she told him that he didn't have to keep fighting for the family. This stood out to me because I so often hear patients say that the one thing they fear the most is what is going to happen to the family members they leave behind. So I thought it was so courageous for Michelle to have had that candid conversation with her dad because it gave him the permission to prioritize his own needs in the time he had left. I never said the same thing to my dad because I assumed he wanted to keep fighting for himself, but lately, I've been wondering if that assumption was true just based on what I have been hearing from other patients. You can find Michelle at https://breatheandbe.net/. She offers many great services and resources for people practicing faith, like meditation, yoga, and journaling. Please subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer patients, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Rudy shared his experience as a brain cancer endurer, about how he learned to embrace new ways to live his life, and identifying a greater purpose that has kept him going beyond two “expiration” dates. He also helped me understand why the term cancer “survivor” is not a universally welcomed label. I had a lot of fun talking to Rudy. His mind goes a mile a minute and we covered so many topics in this episode. I appreciated that he very gently called out the fact that he doesn't like the label cancer “survivor” and it made me wonder why I was so oblivious to the debate about all the different terminologies. But I quickly realized it was because my dad was not a native English speaker and so he didn't really think of himself in those terms. I use the term “survivor” because it seems to be the most common term used by well-known cancer organizations, but from now on, I will ask each guest what they would prefer to be called, although I still haven't figured out what to do with my website?!The other thing Rudy mentioned that stuck with me was about the normalization of death. As he becomes one of the lucky ones to survive beyond his “expiration” dates - which obviously is a positive thing - he also has to deal with the grief of surviving those who were so important to him on his cancer journey. This again is an example of how complex the emotional experience is for people living with cancer and it's so important for everyone to find ways to take care of their mental health through all the ups and downs.  You can find Rudy on: Twitter: @fschmnnBrain Cancer DiariesYoutube: https://braincancerdiaries.comInstagram: @braincancerdiariesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrainCancerDiaries/Guys with cancer podcastWebsite: https://guyswithcancer.comInstagram: @guyswithcancerTwitter: @guyswithcancerFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/guyswithcancerPlease subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Carrie shared her experiences of first being a caregiver to her brother and then becoming a cancer survivor herself. She talks about the anger she still feels about losing her brother but how she has been able to channel that anger towards serving others. As a survivor who's been in the shoes of a caregiver, she's taken on the added responsibility of stay strong for her family members because she understands the trauma they have already gone through with losing her brother. I had so many thoughts about Carrie's story, mostly because when I started recording the show, I didn't really consider the dual experience some of us have to go through as caregivers AND survivors. I was so struck by how Carrie had to comfort her mother about her own cancer diagnosis even though it was no less scary for Carrie to think about. Also, I loved how she explained that while things are not always “sunshine, unicorn, and roses” as she says, she knew she would be ok. It's a subtle difference in words but the difference in mindset is huge. This is also why I think Carrie is able to experience anger - as we vividly heard in her words and voice - but not be immobilized by it. Lastly, I couldn't agree with her more about the importance of not compare yours or your loved one's cancer journey to other's. It is a destructive mental game for most things in life, and you are certainly not going to win when it's about cancer. You can find Carrie at the following places: Website: https://www.coachcarriev.com/Email: carriev@coachcarriev.comLinkedin: Carrie VerrocchioFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/CarrieVerrocchioIntagram: @iamcarrieveeClubhouse: @carrieveePlease subscribe to the podcast if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Stacey shared her experience being a three-time cancer survivor and how the recurring adversity makes her strong and propels her to take the learnings from her own experience to help others recover. She also talks about how the phrase “cancer prevention” just doesn't sit right with her and why her cancer experience does not conform to the typical Lifetime movie plotline.I so enjoyed talking with Stacey about her cancer journey.  For someone who has had to go through the cancer experience three times already at such a young age, plus losing family members to cancer, her attitude about life is incredibly admirable. It's also very inspiring to hear about how she channels the hardships she experienced to help others, and in turn, draws strength from giving back. A few thoughts about our conversation: She explained why the term cancer “prevention” can be problematic by inadvertently placing blame on survivors. I never thought about it that way before but as soon as she mentioned it, I knew it to be true just based on my past conversations with other survivors. Her message about not beating yourself up is so important because more often than not, it is not in our control. It was also interesting to hear her call out the fact that the media's portrayal of cancer can be rather one-dimensional and the reality of how each person reacts to the treatments can vary a lot.  Cancer treatment for the most common types of cancer has improved significantly in the last few decades to become more effective and targeted, which allows patients to have a better quality of life. I know I was very grateful when we found that my dad's first targeted therapy didn't interfere with his life too much. Although that did change when he proceeded on to the second, third, and fourth lines of treatment. Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Carina and Mila, who are friends and colleagues, have supported each other on different parts of their journeys with breast cancer. We heard some common themes in their stories: One of the big ones was the importance of putting yourself first, which they both had to learn over time when they started to feel the negative impact on their mental health. They also talked about how cultural norms sometimes created challenges for them in finding the support they needed and how it was important to recognize those barriers and find support in other ways.The other that jumped out at me was trusting your instincts. They both gave examples of when they knew something was wrong before any official scans confirmed. This was important because they pushed forward in getting treatment rather than waiting, which would have meant more cancer growth. This was a big lesson for me personally because I am someone who has a tendency to defer to the experts which in this case, would not serve me well.Last but not least, they both talk about the gifts they got from cancer, whether that was a second chance to address something you neglected, as in Carina's case, or embracing vulnerability and in turn becoming fearless as Mila experienced. This rings true for me although, in my experience, the “gifts” were not apparent until a later time.Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

I shared my experience with my dad's death and dying process in this interview. A good friend who is an experienced medical social worker played guest host as she knew a bit about the journey I was on with my dad. Big thanks to her for listening and helping me get the story recorded. As two social workers, we did digress into some intellectualizing about the importance of having conversations with your loved ones and cultural impact on the experience of death and dying.I talked about “professional criers” at one point in the episode. I made up that term on the spot because I've never actually seen this practice in the United States so not sure if there was an official term in English. Upon a quick search in the trusty Google, it appears that “professional mourners” is actually a relatively common practice in many parts of the world, and can be referred to as moirologists. The practice is meant to honor the deceased, as large crowds at the funeral are interpreted as a reflection of the importance of your social status. Just sharing as I found this fascinating!I also talked about reading the book “Being Mortal” in this episode, which helped me process my own experience after my dad passed away. You can find more info about Atul Gawande and his book on his website.Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

I spoke with Jamie about her journey with breast cancer. She is truly blessed to be able to look in the rearview mirror and call the whole experience a “bump in the road.” Her story highlights how important it is to listen to your body and trust your instincts, as medical doctors can get things wrong too, and you always have to be your best advocate.There were a few things that stood out for me. First, it's surprising to hear how often breast cancer gets missed, given how common it is and how much the imaging technology has improved over time. It is something that I'd like to ask a breast cancer specialist one day to understand why that is the case.  Second, Jamie talked about feeling like she was “cheating on her doctor,” a sentiment not unfamiliar to many of us, especially if you are getting care at these world-renowned facilities. However, as we have heard from Jamie's experience, it's more important that the facility is able to provide the best care YOU need, and a second opinion is probably always a good idea. Jamie was still gushing about how amazing the local facility was after we stopped recording - such as the aromatherapy and music they offered during treatment,  the myriad of support activities from art classes to nutritional counseling. She kept saying that it must have been designed by a woman, and I agree, it really sounded amazing.  Here's the link for the Lynn Women's Health and Wellness Institute so you can check it out for yourself. Please subscribe if you would like to hear more stories from cancer survivors, caregivers, and family members. You can let me know which topics you would like to hear more about or share any feedback about the show by going to http://talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Thank you for listening!Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Hey everybody. This is Serena Hu, I'm your host for the Talk About Cancer podcast.Cancer has had quite an impact on my life, meaning, three of my close family members have had to deal with five different types of cancer in the last decade. While I have been lucky enough to have not developed cancer myself yet, the experiences I have had as a caregiver and family member have profoundly changed the way I think about many things in life. So I created this podcast to talk to others about their experiences with cancer because 1) I am genuinely curious about the wide-ranging perspectives and experiences there are, and 2) because I believe that telling and listening to stories helps us make sense of our experiences, and in turn, helps us heal over time. The guests of this show candidly talk about their triumphs, heartbreaks, fears, and much much more. Like some of the guests have said to me, this is the podcast about things our doctors won't tell us because as much as they are the experts in the diseases we must deal with, we are the experts on what it's like to live with cancer. And my hope is that the stories of this podcast can help us all better navigate the hard conversation and relationship challenges that will inevitably come up. P.S. If you are just finding this show for the first time, I suggest you start by listening to the most recent episodes. And if you find that you enjoy the show, you can support it by subscribing, sharing with others, and leaving a rating or review. You can get in touch with me by going to talkaboutcancerpodcast.com. Come say hi on your favorite social media platforms!Instagram | Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn