We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez

The court system is a whole culture unto itself! It has its own language and customs and procedures, and if you do not understand how the system works, that could hurt you in your divorce case. Kris breaks down what questions to ask when hiring an attorney all the way to what to do when in court. In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the family court system and what questions to ask when you go to hire an attorney. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.    

Have you ever had your parent's voice come flying out of your mouth? Nine times out of ten that happened when you were stressed out, and it was a knee-jerk reaction. What can you do when that happens? Are you aware of all of the bad parenting that your dysfunctional family of origin gave you and how that plays out in your own parenting? In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses bad parenting that we experienced from our dysfunctional families of origin and the possible fleas that we picked up. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

For many of us that came out of families of origin that were toxic, we truly do not know what healthy looks like. So what behaviors are healthy? What should we be looking for in family, friends, partners, or even co-workers? What does healthy actually look like? In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses what healthy family, friends, partners etc. look like.  The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. Resource/link mentioned in this episode: Six Characteristics of a Healthy Family

When a person comes out of an abusive relationship, they almost inevitably have anxiety. When a person is stressed out and at survival the amygdala enlarges and the anxiety increases. The good news is that with mindfulness, the amygdala shrinks.  In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses anxiety and why almost every single survivor of abuse has anxiety. She also discusses what you can do to help mitigate it.  Link mentioned in this episode: Signs of Anxiety, PsychologyToday.com The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Have you ever wondered why the other parent did not protect you? Have you wondered why people just allow abuse to occur? What gets in the way of people acting to protect? These and many more questions will be answered in this weeks episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez discussing When People Do Nothing! In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses why the other parent did not protect us and what might get in the way of by standers actually jumping in to help. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. Links to resources mentioned in this episode: When Good People Do Nothing Supreme Court Overturns Stalker's Conviction In First Amendment Case Over ‘True Threats' Child Abuse and the Role of Parental Denial

Have you ever wondered why some people just cannot make a decision without asking everyone and anyone? What causes a person not to trust their own judgment? Have you ever met someone who just wanted to be taken care of to the point of clinginess? That would be someone with a dependent personality. In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses people with dependent personality. What it is, why it is, and what to do about it! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the smear campaign, why they do it, how it “benefits” them, and who believes it. When a breakup with an abuser happens, have you ever wondered why they suddenly go on a rampage trying to discredit their former target of abuse? What does an abuser get out of such egregious behavior? Why do people believe them? What is a flying monkey anyway? These and many more questions will be answered in this week's episode! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Did you know that most survivors of abuse, either by the family of origin or by a significant other, have eating disorders or issues with food? Yeah! Yet another lovely side effect of abuse. Survivors of abuse are more likely to have anorexia, bulimia, binge/purge, or overeating issues. How to help yourself is to get with a damn good trauma therapist that understands eating disorders. Write and burn letters to the people who made food/weight/looks, etc., an issue. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. Links mentioned in this podcast:  Your teen wants to get in shape this summer? What to say and when to worry, CNN.com 

Have you ever had someone either pooh, poo, or dismiss or actively destroy your dreams? Have you ever wondered what would possess someone to do such a heinous thing? What drives an abuser to stop their target of abuse from reaching their potential or from doing what they love? Well, wonder no more! Kris will break down what the payoff is for abusers who crush dreams!   The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

This week on We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about the trauma response of dissociation and unreality and pretty much normalizes that response for survivors of trauma. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez Kris talks about standing up for your self to your narcissistic boss, disrespectful doctors and standing up to anyone else who is being a jackwagon! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

When we have been unjustly accused of doing things we didn't do, the desire to clear the air is strong. Now, if you were dealing with healthy people, clearing the air would be the right thing to do. You aren't dealing with healthy people. Narcissists, Dark Triads, and the like LOVE to accuse the target of abuse of all sorts of things that THEY are themselves doing and then argue with or ignore the target of abuse when they try to defend themselves. It is a game where the rules are constantly changing and one in which you will never win! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.  --- Articles mentioned in this episode: How to Set Boundaries in an Age of Oversharing. It's on Psychology Today. It's by Andrea Brandt, PhD. Mom and Dad and TMI, and that was on Psychology Today by Peggy Drexler, PhD Attachment in the Search for the Inner Child by Hal Shorey, PhD on Psychology Today

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the difference between Dependent Personality Disorder and Codependency. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

So many of us have read romance novels or watched tv shows and movies, especially rom-coms, that send the wrong message. Messages like “You CAN change them!” “Stockholm syndrome is okay and will end well!” “Treat the partner like crap; they will love you more!” “Lose who you are in order to become what the partner wants!”  Many of those novels, tv shows, and movies have normalized abuse in some form or another. Fairy tales are read to children, and they are particularly dysfunctional and have many themes of unrealistic relationships and abuse. Little ones grow up having those “But it should be this way because of this book, tv, or show I saw in their heads. When our inner child is running the show, those thoughts become prevalent. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

CBT works with mistaken thoughts and mistaken beliefs. One way to process said mistaken thoughts and beliefs is to JOURNAL! You probably didn't like that suggestion and you are probably wondering why I and so many therapists recommend it. Well, it all has to do with the amygdala. Journaling, writing and burning letters, and making poetry out of our pain all take the trauma out of our heads and puts it in black and white on to paper. Some people resist journaling because they feel that it then makes the trauma “real”. Others are afraid of their journal being found. The funny thing is when the client finally gives themselves permission to journal, they start being able to put things in perspective and really begin the healing process! That and you need to be able to document abuse, especially if you are taking your abuser to court! Link mentioned in the episode: 10 Good Reasons to Keep a Journal The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Have you ever wondered why abusers seem to lie all the time, about, well, everything? I'm sure you've heard the term “pathological” liar. Did you know that personality-disordered abusers lie upwards of 20 plus times a day, compared to non-personality-disordered people? Did you know that they KNOW they are lying and that it is done on purpose to create confusion and cognitive dissonance in the mind of their target of abuse?  Abusers use gaslighting, rewriting history, and denial all to create cognitive dissonance in which in coming information does not match what the victim of abuse had been told by the abuser and because the cognitive dissonance is uncomfortable the target of abuse will ignore the seemingly glaring red flags and stay with the abuser. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.  Links to articles mentioned on the show: Deepfake porn could be a growing problem amid AI race Some Lie a Lot Why Liars Tell Pointless Lies How Cognitive Dissonance Relates to Relationships

Do abusers use the “self-harm” card to control and manipulate? How do you tell the difference between a real self-harm threat and one that is about manipulation? Do you have a working knowledge of the way abusers use verbal abuse and derail discussions about their behavior?   Did you know that abusers often need a “harem” of supply and will often intentionally not introduce a target to family and friends so they don't get caught two-timing? If you've ever been on the receiving end of a disrespectful eye roll and a dismissive “We've already talked about this!” then you have been an unwilling game participant of an abuser. Listen to this podcast on games they play so you can choose to opt out of their nonsense! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

What is coercive control? How do abusers make their targets do what they want them to do? Did you know that trauma bonding using intermittent positive reward is coercive control? Gaslighting and hoovering, isolating the target, and controlling what the target wears or eats are all examples of coercive control.  Coercive control starts early, as in you can see it in abusive relationships in middle school and high school. Abusers push the envelope slowly, they don't come out of the gate being abusive. If you recognize any of these in your relationship or in a relationship that someone you love is in, get to a good therapist to help you either get out of the relationship or help you deal with the pain of seeing a loved one in an abusive relationship. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.  

Have you ever noticed some people either create chaos and drama or chaos and drama seems to follow them where ever they go? Have you also noticed that as much as they claim not to like chaos and drama, they still seem to be at the center of said chaos and drama? Red flag alert! You are dealing with someone who is disordered. You may ask yourself, “Why? Why does this person blow up every relationship? Why does this person seem to enjoy the chaos and the drama? Why and who would want that in their lives?” Rest assured, the chaos and the drama are absolutely intentional on the part of an abuser. It serves many purposes, such as distraction so people are not focused on their wrongdoings and excitement, as many dark triads need adrenaline the way the rest of us need oxygen! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

What is the definition of a toxic mother? What causes women to turn on their own children? What does that kind of physical/verbal/emotional abuse do to a child, and how does that affect adult children of toxic mothers? Toxic mothers can present one way to the “public” and completely different behind closed family doors.  Growing up with a toxic mother is a roller coaster. Sometimes the abuse is obvious, and sometimes, the toxic mother is subtle but deadly. Any parent who uses fear, obligation, or guilt to manipulate and control their adult children or any child, is toxic. Either overt or covert, realizing your mother is not a “mom” can be heartbreaking. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Dysfunctional family members are hard to deal with, and it is especially hard if that or those family members are your siblings. Siblings in healthy families are our first friends. In toxic families, dysfunctional families, they are often our first bullies or our worst enemies. Dysfunctional families encourage sibling rivalry and bullying, and they certainly do not teach the children how to draw boundaries or protect themselves from bullies whether they are siblings or not family. How do you deal with siblings who are abusive? I'll give you a hint. If you were not related to these people…would you have anything to do with them? If the answer is no, act accordingly. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.  

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about disordered corporations, office bullies, cliques, backstabbers, screamers, and schemers and how you can either avoid working for a corporation like that altogether or have coping skills to deal with them. We've all been there, and done that, dealing with a disordered corporation that has the office bully, cliques, screamers, and schemers. No one ever teaches us what to look out for when we go to interview for a job or why it is important to read not just employee reviews like glassdoor.com but customer reviews of any place you are interviewing for a job. How do you deal with a backstabbing, idea-stealing coworker? Or, even recognize that the coworker is even doing that? More and more people are saying that HR does nothing but protect the corporation. That the corporations are only as healthy as the people at the top as doo-doo runs downhill. What are some things you can do to protect yourself should you have the misfortune of having a coworker or worse, boss who is a bully? These and many more questions will be answered in this week's episode Office Shenanigans. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

Why are dark triads so damn dangerous, vindictive, and violent? What is psychopathy? What makes them decide to kill themselves or others? In the first half of the show, Kris talks about what is a dark triad which is narcissism, psychopathy, and control, and what motivates them to the acts of stalking and or violence. In the second half of the show, Kris answers any questions that come up about the topic of dark triads or abuse. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. 

In this week's episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses ageism in abuse, why they dump their partners for younger and younger models, and why they are so terrified of aging. Have you ever wondered why disordered people delight in telling you that you CAN'T do the very thing you want to do? Have you ever wondered why age is such a big deal? Why abusers tend to discard their partners as they age and replace them with younger and younger partners? And what the heck is up with their fear of aging? The first half of the show will discuss all of the above topics. In the second half of the show, Kris answers your questions about the above, and many more questions will be answered in this week's episode. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris addresses the pain of betrayal trauma and how to effectively cope with the pain and the desire for revenge.  Kris also discusses how the trauma may be affecting current and future relationships. In the second half of the show, Kris answers questions from listeners. Narcissistic abuse is all about betrayal. What exactly is betrayal trauma? How does betrayal trauma affect our current and future relationships? How do we cope with having been betrayed? Did you know that trusting others is actually deeply embedded in our brains, so what do we do when we don't trust? In the first half of this episode, Kris dives deep into the above questions pulling from journals like psychology today among other studies and psychology journals. In the second half of the show, Kris will answer questions from listeners in the live chat. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.  

Today on We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez, Kris talks with special guest Marcia Diane about spirituality, karma and answers listener questions! Have you ever wondered about the role of spirituality in your recovery from abuse? Marcia Diane, and Kris discuss spirituality, karma, and energy in the recovery from abuse. We discuss the nature of karma, what it is, what it isn't, and why waiting for someone to “Get theirs!” is a complete waste of time and energy. Marcia also discusses the 21 books she has written, the blogs she posts, and talks about her mastery program offered through her website, marciadiane.com. We also discuss art, creativity, and how to use those talents to heal from abuse. At the end, we answer listener questions on all of the above! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez, Kris talks about how we get pulled back into an abusive relationship, what a hoover is, and how not to fall for one! Have you ever wondered why a person who dumped you so brutally would ever try to contact you again? Or what type of abuser would try to pull you back into an abusive relationship? This episode explains what a Hoover is, who is likely to hoover and what you can do to make yourself bulletproof to said hoover. The second half of this and every episode is answering your questions. Questions on abuse, how to stay safe and anything you are curious about regarding narcissistic intimate partner violence. Questions range from the seemingly personal to what ends up being universally asked questions. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. 

On this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris Discusses situational vs. clinical depression, what to expect when leaving abuse and how to help mitigate the blues. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.   

In This episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the role gratitude takes in healing from abuse. Kris also discusses the murders in Idaho. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses why it is dangerous to go to couples counseling with an abuser and what to look for if you feel your counselor is bad. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. 

In this episode of “We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez” Kris discusses parental alienation, the hows and why's of parental alienation and how that effects the kids, both the little kids and grown adult children. Why would a parent do such a thing? More importantly, how can you help your child if the ex starts trying to smear you and alienate you from your child's affections. What therapies work with younger children? Kris answers the question of what kids of all ages really need from their parent.  At around the half hour mark Kris answers listeners questions on abusive/toxic relationships and questions on mental health in general. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. 

In This Throwback Thursday episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses how to deal with the hoover season, guilt-tripping, and in-laws, ex-laws, and siblings oh my!! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website. 

In this week's episode of We Need to Talk with Kris Godinez, Kris talks about the similarities and differences between addiction and personality disorders. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk with Kris Godinez, Kris talks about healing from attachment wounds, and how the parents either actively abused or neglected you as an infant and child. And yes, you CAN heal attachments! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses medical trauma and how to cope with that, along with how to handle arrogant and/or narcissistic medical staff. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In This episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about how there is no one outside of YOU that is truly going to save you. You are, in fact, your own hero, and things you can do to help yourself! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses strategies for dealing with toxic family during the holidays. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In This Episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses the communal Narcissist. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of “We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez” Kris talks about grief and PTSD. Why one is complicated, and the other is complex! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses how “Peace Keeping” is not only a co-dependent response, it is, in fact, a trauma response! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need to Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about why survivors of abuse overshare and why oversharing can be detrimental. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Tall With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about being mindful of what you say and what you think and not believing everything you think! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website here.

On this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about time management and why survivors of abuse universally struggle with time. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

It's throwback Thursday, and we've got an episode from the archives for you from November 2021. In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about when a parent is the enabler to the abuser, why they do it, what to do and how to heal after getting away. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

It's throwback Thursday, and we've got an episode from the archives for you from November 2021. In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses what true friends are and how they behave, how frienemies behave and how foes behave and how to let them go! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses why we procrastinate, what purpose it serves and how to break the habit of putting things off. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about what to do if the adult child is the one causing drama in the family, what narcissistic collapse looks like, and why not to fall for it! The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses how to help your adult kids navigate family drama. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this week's episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris discusses how abusers are all about power and control and how to take back your own power!!  The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris talks about why a breakup with an abuser lingers, how we get through complicated grief and how to help yourself heal. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.

In this episode of We Need To Talk With Kris Godinez, Kris Discusses the Vagus nerve and how to help heal this very important nerve in your journey of recovery from CPTSD. The full transcript of this episode can be read on our website.