B4U Swipe

In the last episode of season 6 on B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about letting go of perfection when practicing relationship anarchy. Episode Highlights include: our annoyance with the expression “just friends;” bears, butterflies, oh my - meadows as a metaphor; government as invasive species; pushing against perfection; RA support networks; no gold standard, rants about insurance and other systems, mindfulness, and reflections on who you would save if they were drowning. We will be back with more episodes sometime in 2024. Happy New Year!Meanwhile, here's the Surgeon General's Report on Loneliness – we hope that you feel connected and loved. Because we bet you are. More than you know.

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about who and how they share their relationship structure with others. In our conversation, we revisit many Relationship Anarchy principles including core relationship values, customizing commitments and practices, and love is abundant (but time is limited). Episode highlights include: Who you're allowed to grieve about at work (bereavement policies), holiday parties, smooch buddies, entitlement, activism vs energy protection, reframing terminology, risk assessment, and our value in the zombie apocalypse. If you know the plural of “squish,” please let us know!

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the connection between Relationship Anarchy and asexuality (experiencing little to no sexual attraction) and/or aromanticism (experiencing little to no romantic attraction). We bust some stigma while advocating for more freedom to form the kinds of relationships we want. Episode highlights include: Dr. Kris' identity crisis, “consummating” marriage, queerplatonic relationships, “bumping uglies,” a brief foray into our critiques of the prison industrial complex, and, yet again, we return to our wish to radically transform K-12 sexuality education. We also fantasize about a conversation between Andie Nordgren and Angela Chen — SWOON.If you want to go beyond the surface we barely scratched, check out these resources:Asexual Visibility and Education Network: https://asexuality.org/ Angela Chen's book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex  https://www.angelachen.org/ace

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore what compromise looks like in relationship anarchy, and how “anarchy” and “compromise” are more aligned than it may first appear.Episode highlights include: ”Real” anarchy vs CHiPs, a brief reflection on the Punk scene, the proverbial lobster in the boiling pot, sushi vs bento boxes, John Gottman's stonewalling, noticing patterns in compromising, compromise vs. sacrifice, and letting go of partners as “matched sets.”For more on Gottman's concept of stonewalling and why it's not a great relationship characteristic, read this: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-stonewalling/

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the loneliness epidemic and consider how ditching the escalator and embracing relationship anarchy might help us feel more connected.Episode highlights include: Sweeping reflection on recent research on loneliness, societal structures, and pressure to conform to the heteronormative escalator– we went big, folks. We also talked about practical suggestions on finding and valuing friendships, awkward friend date requests, pros and cons of working from home, the culture of “busy,” and CSI (both the TV show and the Centre for Social Innovation). Of course we heard more about the magic of the karaoke community, too. We promise, we get hopeful in there.Towards the end of the episode, Dr. Kris references (incorrectly) a recent study on the number of people who will be single “in the not too distant future.” That stat is actually that Morgan Stanley Research estimates that 45% of females will be single by the year 2030. Here's the link: https://www.morganstanley.com/ideas/womens-impact-on-the-economy (Note: To the term “SHEconomy” we say “Ew.”).

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore the relationship escalator rules and ways we may already be breaking them as we unknowingly embrace some relationship anarchy principles.Episode highlights include a Relationship Escalator tutorial, cuddle puddles, “parenting is hard,” supporting each other when we're sick, annoyance at patriarchy and capitalism, the ridiculousness of striving for static relationship structures, CB radios, gestures of care and connection, “first date”-like nervousness around asking people to vacation with you, and imagining and practicing deep, rich supportive connections.Here are the Relationship Escalator steps we outline at the start of the podcast:https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/And here's that New York Times article, “We Needed More Significant Others,” Dr. Kris referenced: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/08/style/modern-love-we-needed-more-significant-others.html

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris explore infidelity and how that concept takes on a different light when exploring it through Relationship Anarchy. We talk about our past experiences with “cheating” and current practices in our new emotional connections.Episode highlights include: Emotional vs. sexual cheating, Stranger Things infidelity, societal and familial messages about cheating, conversations we need to have, heteronormativity (ugh), questioning “is there a penis in the room?” and the shitty life of academics and writing dissertations.

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about talking! In other words, we focus on several real world examples, including our own, of navigating communication in relationship anarchy.Episode highlights include: Feeling seen, dating non-relationship anarchists, coping with misalignment in communication needs and wants, defining Kitchen Table polyamory, some differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy, time pie, and compersion and jealousy

In this episode of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris talk about the process of shifting relationships from romantic and sexual to platonic and back again. Episode highlights include: breaking up vs changing dynamics, bobbing seals and whiskey, (re)negotiating time together, Kitchen Table polyamory, Comet Relationships, jealousy, “just” friends, and right-sized bites.Sorry if you get a little lost following some of these relationships we were describing! Relationships can be complicated and while that can be magical it can also be confusing whether you are living it or listening to it.

In the first episode of Season 6 of B4USwipe, Dr. Lauren and Dr. Kris build on Season 5's overanalysis of Relationship Anarchy by talking about deep friendships. They start with their own decade plus long friendship and consider other relationships as well.Episode highlights include: How Dr. Kris and Dr. Lauren became friends, believing in brain science, FOMO, check-ins, friendships and blood pressure, recognizing trusted sources of safety, constellations of support, and family modeling.Oh! And we apologize in advance for the weird sound glitch 18 minutes in. Oopsie.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris discuss the last of the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 9: “Build for the Lovely Unexpected.”Episode highlights include: contented sighs, life giving relationships, what happens when you hit the top of the relationship escalator, empty nesting, mindfulness, dirty countertop resentment, sleepovers and vacations with friends, existing in a world of shoulds, performance reviews, and unicorns and gummy bears.Overall, we think this principle is “lovely” - where the other principles help us think about how to do relationship anarchy, this one captures its essence. Exploration, spontaneity, and organizing on wishes… we love it.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 8: “Trust is Better”Episode highlights include: Kris's love of the word “penultimate” and Lauren's dislike of the phrase “quickly forgiven,” PolySecure and attachment theory, interdependence vs codependency, remembering “it's not always about you,” adopting trust “safe words,” wheel of consent, and Rubik's cubes.Overall, we recognize that trust can be hard, has to be earned, AND agree that, when it's there, it makes loving relationships better.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 7: “Customize your commitments.”Episode highlights include: Learning from COVID pods; singing, cooking, and writing as acts of intimacy; networks of care and support; revisiting the relationship escalator and breaking cultural scripts; and how to not use relationship anarchy as an excuse to be an asshole.Overall, in the words of Dr. Lauren, this principle “feels like liberation on a page.” Even for our cynical asses, this principle inspires hope and possibility for all of our safety and well-being.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 6: "Love and respect instead of entitlement."Episode highlights include: controlling behavior, fuck coercive control and abuse dynamics; cookie cutters, molds, glowing orbs and seeds of growth - basically Lauren dumping a bunch of metaphors; being socialized to put our needs last; chimeras and minotaurs; cherishing each others' pasts and passions; and celebrating our overlaps and our differences.  Overall, we think it is beautiful to honor ourselves and the other people in our lives. Let's encourage each other to be who we are and find our individual paths. There was a LOT to unpack in this principle and we had a good time just getting started.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 5: "Change through communication"Episode Highlights include: Negotiating a pizza order, how societal and internal scripts guide our behaviors, being proactive rather than reactive in communication, sexual inventory lists, the constant of change, teaching communication skills in sex ed, moving from two to three or more, and shifting from “we have to talk” to “we get to talk.”Overall, we had a great time communicating about communication. It's such an important and challenging topic.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy.Principle 4: “Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don't let fear lead you”Episode Highlights include: The Relationship Escalator; challenging the concept of “failed” relationships; fear, judgment and pressure to conform; choosing who gets to know your relationship values and goals; navigating jealousy and insecurity; and learning from queers and small towns. Overall, while we questioned using such a big word in a small title (heterosexism, really?), we think it's essential to acknowledge societal pressures and the fear they can create, and identify strategies for staying true to ourselves.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 3: Imagine it and Practice, Practice, Practice (originally “Fake it til' you make it”)Episode Highlights include: Our arguments against “faking it til you make it;” the magic of support in a Karaoke family; caterpillars and phoenixes; how resisting norms is slow and hard; making space to reflect, imagine, and stay over your center; and the importance of support, including your own self-compassion. Shout outs to Alok Vaid-Menon and adrienne maree brown's wisdom. Overall, while we aren't fans of the title, we think this principle provides a gentle invitation to think about how you will bring your values to life across your relationships. Don't mind our arrogance at changing the title of the principle. Hope you like the rewrite as much as we do!

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris continue discussing the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 2: “Find your core set of relationship values.”Episode Highlights include:Proposing a K-12 sex ed revolution; developing self-awareness of what matters inside and outside of relationships; a debate over what counts as “core;” and recognizing that while we can't always choose or control who we are tied to, we deserve to seek out the kinds of relationships we want.Overall, we think this principle is foundational to all healthy relationships. We all deserve to define our values and goals, and allow them evolve over time.

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris begin their adventure discussing each of the nine principles of relationship anarchy. Principle 1: “Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.”Episode Highlights include: Cherishing friendships as sacred relationships, navigating love as pie and relationships as check boxes, letting go of “the one,” reconsidering relationship hierarchies.Overall, we love this principle and everything it stands for. We encourage you to celebrate all the unique ways love shows up in your lives. And while we don't endorse ranking relationships. it's okay to play favorites with your pies. Kris says, “Fuck blueberry. Cooked blueberries make me sad.”

In this episode of B4U Swipe, Dr Lauren and Dr. Kris preview how they are going to change things up this season and talk about relationship anarchy!Episode highlights include: How we're switching up the podcast and why, our annoyances with how relationships beyond monogamous partnerships are addressed in the media and society, a brief introduction to relationship anarchy, and a recognition of our lenses and biases. Overall, we hope you are as excited about this switch as we are. Library Highlights informing our Conversations (Not an exhaustive list!):bell hooks (e.g., All about Love) adrienne maree brown (e.g., Emergent Strategy; Pleasure Activism)Alok Vaid-Menon, (e.g., Beyond the Gender Binary)Esther Perel, (e.g., Mating in Captivity)Angela Chen, (e.g., ACE, What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex) Jessica Fern, (e.g., Polysecure)Dean Spade, (e.g., Mutual Aid)Faith Harper, (e.g., Unf*ck your Boundaries)Kim Tallbear (e.g., The Critical Polyamorist)

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss using the app when people are just “passing through” a place as opposed to staying put. Lauren shares the story of a recent connection where they played Seattle tour guide, and Kris reflects on times she was navigating an unclear interloper, a half-time Torontonian, and a long distance relationship. We think dating apps are great for all kinds of relationships. Yet, as always, there needs to be clear transparent communication about your realities and wishes. And that concludes Season 4 of B4 U Swipe! We'll be back in a bit to kick off Season 5 with more app reviews, discussions of online dating media coverage, and, of course, over-analyzed profiles.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who hangs out with a LOT of women at work and another man who is a little too proud of his kids. Kris's profile highlights include: Impressive weightlifting skills, an actual camera, “tasty” friends, mad love, and a beautiful woman, another beautiful woman, and another, and another, and another. Overall, we felt this profile was a classic case where the words and the pictures did not align, leaving us feeling confused and swiping left.Lauren's profile highlights include: Fauxhawks, weird avatars, and a discussion of how to ethically reference children in a dating app. Overall, this profile left us feeling uncomfortable and as if we were part of his extended family rather than potential dating partners. This led us to a thoughtful discussion of when you need a picture to back up your words and when you don't. Definitely swiped left.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss another article! This time we are annoyed with “dating expert” Jana Hocking's opinion piece, picked up by The New York Post, about deceitful married men on dating apps. We counter the article's brazen assumptions and horrible bias against ethically non-monogamous people by sharing a profile of a couple looking for friends and possibly more. Kris's profile highlights include: Total transparency, playful use of rhyming, a cute cat staring off into the distance, couple selfies, hotel rooms and clubbing, and some of the clearest relationship goals we've ever encountered in online dating profiles. Overall, we felt this couple is setting the standard for married consensual non-monogamous profiles. Take that, Jana Hocking!Because we think this article is harmful and doesn't deserve your clicks, we aren't including a link.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren try something new! We first review a profile, per usual, then we discuss a related article Lauren found online. The topic? Reverse Catfishing.Lauren's profile highlights include: Beefy arms, the struggles of being too attractive on dating apps, a mysterious cup on a wooden tray, vaguely international tiles and door, the best last name, the challenge of capturing Kris's sparkle in photos, and Moscow/Kyiv mules. Overall, we felt this profile didn't humanize these overly-hot photos, Lauren swiped right but mostly out of curiosity. Will report back if a match occurs.Here's a link to the article on reverse catfishing at Well + Good: https://www.wellandgood.com/reverse-catfishing/

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a profile Lauren came across while in Ireland, while Kris shares one of a young man who may have work-life balance issues.Lauren's profile highlights include: Using filters in dating profiles, mismatched eyebrows, laughing during dark times, The Troubles, smoking culture, and practical footwear. Overall, we felt this profile did a great job portraying someone who just wasn't our type. We appreciated this person's sense of humor and loved contemplating cultural differences.Kris's profile highlights include: Sleeping on the job, Lauren's issues with hair, “best” best friends, the many types of bears, and a sweet depiction of friendship. Overall, we felt this profile was lovely except it lacked a good photo! Kris passed on this person who reached out to her, mostly because of the age difference. 

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss an income-oriented “optimistic gentleman” and a queer pansexual with an intense gothy profile.Kris's profile highlights include: The Oxford comma, Lauren's hatred of car photos and those featuring visible earbuds, an empty hotel chair, quality ice cubes, the orgasm gap, and the best smile we've seen in ages. Overall, this profile showed a lot of promise. We wish the photos appeared in a different order and were better edited. Kris swiped right to no avail.Lauren's profile highlights include: Many different hair and nail/finger colors, hand tattoos, dyed dog ears, missing eyeballs, body gore, selfies with fruit, and your own music being your anthem. Overall, this profile felt more like an art installation and/or a recipe for codependency. While Lauren didn't swipe right, they did listen to their music.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who is seeking a roommate on Tinder (?!?) and a woman who … we have no idea what she's seeking.Kris's profile highlights include: Lake Ontario, vacuuming, questionable shirtlessness, brown socks, full-sized mirrors in living spaces, and being passionate about generic beverages. Overall, we question why someone would want to find a roommate on Tinder. Also, this person is either the most boring person alive or this is the most poorly executed joke profile. Pass.Lauren's profile highlights include: A LOT! Bubble bath invitations, Escape (The Pina Colada Song), cliched quotes from Hobby Lobby signs, robot drawings, impressive yoga poses, and a call for clarity if you're in an open marriage on a dating app. Overall, this profile simultaneously overwhelmed us and left us unclear as to what they were looking for. Another pass.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman with giant eyes (and not much else) and a young man who never smiles.Lauren's profile highlights include: Large eyes, photo filters(?), another picture on the can, a pink gym, sex dolls, and that's about it. Overall, this profile left us wondering how much of these photos were real vs. doctored.Kris' profile highlights include: No smiles, being crazy for communism, celibacy vs asexuality, and Kris's first Canadian voting experience. Overall, this profile left us confused – was the person joking around or, like his photos, completely serious?

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman who has more variety in her hairstyles than her wardrobe and a man who is proud of his garden, complete with waterfall.Lauren's profile highlights include: Open fields, a challenging hike, car/bathroom/bedroom selfies, and lots of hairstyles. Overall, this profile was another example of “less is more.” Kris' profile highlights include: Dubious plastic birds, plants, more plants, debates on how much to focus a profile on a particular passion, and a question as to whether this profile might be more for a business rather than dating. Overall, this profile left us hoping this fine gentleman finds the gardening woman of his dreams. We also want to see his water feature (not a euphemism) Lauren and Kris also express their dismay over Hinge's new relationship options, finding them too grounded in monogamy and heteronormativity to fit their lives.

Welcome to Season 4! In this episode, Kris shares her experiences (and successes) with Bumble's BFF (Best Friends Forever) feature. In this episode we discuss the difficulties making friends as we age and how important platonic relationships are. In the app, we noted options for describing your current life experiences that don't exist in other apps. We were overwhelmed and annoyed by the limits on the number of interests we can choose. But overall we were excited by this feature. Lauren intends to sign up and will report back!

In this Storytime that closes out Season 3, Kris and Lauren analyze each other's profiles! Lauren chose their Tinder profile and Kris went with Hinge.Lauren's profile highlights include: Many hairstyles, a non-beach beach, a not-Moroccan French restaurant, adrienne marie brown, and the challenge of representing yourself as a genderqueer person in a dating profile. Overall, Kris suggested Lauren delete a couple of photos and wanted more music specificity (doesn't she always suggest that), but otherwise A+!Kris' profile highlights include: Kick-ass live karaoke, a laser-eyed space bunny, wearing glasses, impressive shoe identification, and selfie variation. Overall, Lauren wanted Kris to be more specific about her travel experiences and karaoke wishes, but not too shabby!

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman who invites you to join her and her boyfriend for playtime, and a self-aware woman who could probably kick anyone's ass.Lauren's profile highlights  include: An absent boyfriend, tropical drinks, vacant stares, STI stigma, curious wig choices, and a strong narrative setting expectations. Overall, the half of the couple we see looks appealing and we are comforted by the clear communication but we wish the boyfriend had at least some presence.Kris' profile highlights include: Luscious patriotic lips, big guns, big dogs, and big hogs. An inviting profile includes matching pictures and explicit reference to healthy relationship green flags. Overall, this profile shows self-awareness, openness, and interest in making connections across political and social lines. What a pleasant surprise! We wish we could all grab a drink and shut down the bar.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss an Olympic-level Cuddler and a guy who doesn't give a shit about his profile. At least we hope he doesn't..Kris' profile highlights include: Some great legs, gratuitous lakes, and fantastic cuddling-focused consent practices. We also discussed our font issues and realized we could recognize this guy by looking at his pecs, but not his face. Overall, we were left pleased with the commitment to consent and curious about the role of gladiators in this fella's life. Kris has swipe left regrets and Lauren concurred. Lauren's profile highlights  include: Seatbelts, declarations of vaccinations, a disheveled look, and outdated Bluetooth devices. Overall, this profile left us wondering why this guy even bothered putting up a profile.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a guy who buddies up with Conservative politicians and a queer femme who thinks All Cops are Bastards.Kris' profile highlights include: A discussion of the Ford politicians in Ontario, delicious tacos, cheap beer, 1980s telephones, and an awkward use of a child in a photo. We also learn about Lauren's deep dislike of birds as pets. Overall, we think this profile represents the person well, but he's not for us. It's come to this.Lauren's profile highlights  include: The challenges of under boob sweat, a debate over a harness vs backpack, a suspected fib about how old photos are, and hotdogs and pens on beanies/toques. Overall, this profiles shared clear political values and sexual interests and overwhelmed us with the volume of attractive photos (minus the boob sweat photo).

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss two couple profiles with very different approaches to finding their third. Kris' profile highlights include: Lauren's affection for sunburst photos, too many close up selfies, questions of consent, and the role of a “bf.” Overall, this profile left out more than it included. Hard pass.Lauren's profile highlights  include: An 80's air-brushed horse mural, a disembodied corset, Midwestern middle-aged kink, GGG (good, giving, game), and how to follow-up on an overly personal question. While Lauren swiped right out of curiosity, the subsequent conversation made them pause.

In this episode of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who likes tight shirts and everything else, and a femme-presenting queer who loves to dye her hair.Kris' profile highlights include: Toque vs beanie, waiting room vs dressing room, an unspecified porcelain object, and too many interests. Overall, no amount of chiseled jaw and salt and pepper beard could make up for his generic “I like everything” paired with whatever the hell that object was.Lauren's profile highlights  include: all the hair colors, art that challenges body norms, and a profile whose pictures match their description! The carpets matched the drapes! Huzzah! Overall, the profile was playful, politically savvy without going negative – we give it two thumbs way up. Dr. Kris would like to point out that she spelled “toque” incorrectly during the episode. She apologizes for not being Canadian enough yet. 

In Season 3, Episode 4 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a DTF bi femme and a consistently surprised woman. Lauren's profile highlights  include: Open mouths, chest size, the male gaze (Kris and Lauren get a little academic here – bewarned!), signaling to queer folx, T-shirt logos, and the sexualization of bisexuality. Overall, the profile left us questioning whether this woman is online for free or paid dates.Kris' profile highlights include: More open mouths, space cats, free calendars, exploring one's sexual identity, and creating a coherent narrative in your profile. Overall, the profile left us completely confused.

In Season 3, Episode 3 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a guy with an interesting definition of "active" and an attractive femme.Kris' profile highlights include: Our annoyance around sunglasses in profile pics, different hat styles, extreme close-ups, passive lifestyles, and the benefits of expressing what/who you are looking for. Overall, the profile didn't exactly inspire us, though it did have some highlights. Once again, we plead online daters to think about what each photo adds to your profile!Lauren's profile highlights include: Overly posed pictures, writers who refuse to write, questioning people's love of hiking, catfishing, and how we give people more credit when they are very attractive. We slip in a few sex ed stats, too. Overall, the profile reveals our gender biases and our wariness as to its authenticity.

In Season 3, Episode 2 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss a trans person with specific desires and a woman who managed to capture both of our hearts.Kris' profile highlights include: A T4T (trans for trans) “perv” in an inspirational porta-potty, pickles on parade and food as conversation starters (or perceived threats), and considerations about trans disclosures/vulnerability in dating and possible double-standards on nudity in profile photos. Overall, the profile was well-designed to reach a really specific trans, queer, kinky community but we questioned consent practices.Lauren's profile highlights include: Praise for dynamic short narratives, successful mirror body shots, badass hula hooping, and search bar silly academic heartbreak we relate to. Discussions of traveling/long-distance dating in profiles. Overall, the profile photos and narrative told a successful story of their openness and playfulness.  

Welcome to Season 3! Following our Season 2 opener, Lauren explored another new app - this one a sex positive couple and singles focused app named Feeld. In this episode we discussed quality inclusive community norms, compared patterns in profile content, the value of consensually linked partner profiles, and revisited our uncertainties about how much to disclose about our kinks and preferences. Also, a surprise reappearance added to Lauren's excitement about this app.

In Season 2, Episode 10, Kris and Lauren discuss two men with their stereotypical, heteronormative gender role flags flying high.Kris' profile highlights include: an arrogant, defensive dude who wants you to “be aware of your thinking before you speak” and offer him “soulful telepathy;” Venice (maybe?), a devil goat mask, fancy cars, and not a smile in sight. We get into a conversation about conservatism in Toronto and obnoxious indoctrination. Overall we imagine this person being domineering and not in a fun way.Lauren's profile highlights include: a well-rounded profile narrative that gets deflated by overt sexism, photo overkill, and icky vibes. Neither of us can let go of dating memes filled with attractive young white people and comic sans font from sources like “Success Foundation” and “Business Mindset 101.” Overall, we felt compelled to say, “We get it: you wear suits, you have a boat, you have a bike, you like to be around attractive women, and you live in Chicago. You also seem to think women should stick by you but you owe them nothing. Screw you and your sexist business dating memes.”Pop over to our website to learn more about co-dependence in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home  

In Season 2, Episode 9, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman who brags about dating royalty (whatever) and a dude who can't show his face.Kris' profile highlights include: Fabulous curly hair, beautiful scenery, alcohol-focused activities, trust issues, and the benefits of framing things in the positive. Lauren also expresses their opinion about royalty. Overall, we both found this woman physically attractive yet her negative energy turned us off.Lauren's profile highlights include: A faceless profile, discreet encounters, a well-written description, and when Lauren would swipe right without seeing a face. While we support ethical non-monogamy, we were skeptical of the sincerity of their profile. Still, we give benefit of the doubt. And we encourage everyone to be their fabulous selves.Pop over to our website to learn more about what to do if you can't post pictures of yourself in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home  

In Season 2, Episode 8, Kris and Lauren discuss Kris landing in Canada officially, the merits of poutine, and Glory Holes. Oh and there were profiles, too: a well-put together man who loves submissives and the funniest profile we've ever read. Lauren's profile highlights include: phone dicking around, soap bar emojis, funky wallpaper, beer university, successful subtle displays of money, and questioning strategies around BDSM signaling. Overall, we liked this gorgeous human, and our sub selves regret not swiping right and getting into some consent conversations. We also reference the HUD application which we discussed in Season 2, Episode 1.Kris' profile highlights include: stockyards boxing university educated sexy man beast in a ratty santa hat with the most absurd profile narrative we've ever encountered. This human would do so much more than just walk 500 miles to be with you (pepper spray? fighting a polar bear? expired milk?), but he won't make his bed or put the dustbuster away. Also, attention to our emotional availability when swiping. Overall, we were impressed with his writing and unimpressed by his dirty ass pad. Pop over to our website to learn more about connecting to the BDSM community in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

In Season 2, Episode 7, Kris and Lauren have an in-person story time on what comes up when you see someone you know on an app. Neighbors, friends you thought were married, people you have an intense connection with and aren't sure what you want, students popping up, people you work with… oh my!Lauren's story time highlights include: A story about responding to their neighbor crush and swiping into the void, and a story about an undecided connection leading them to avoid swiping all together.Kris' story time highlights include: Learning major social circle news through a dating app and being miffed when a former dating partner swiped left.Pop over to our website to learn more about respectful communication with people you know in the physical world in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

In Season 2 Episode 6, Kris and Lauren discuss a poor human who really doesn't look like he wants to be online dating and a dude that we wish had more hesitancy.Lauren's profile highlights include: The challenges of smiling, a dull-colored wardrobe, an equally dull picture of an alley, potential self-deprecation, and choosing comedy as a passion. Overall we feel badly for how uncomfortable this person seems; we're wincing just thinking about it.Kris' profile highlights include: Giant cakes on boats, classism, how to take respectful travel photos, being mindful of how your text pairs with your photos, reflecting on the brilliance of boasting about drunken hookups, and what our early 20-something profiles would have looked like. Overall, this profile left us speechless as to how wrong it is.Pop over to our website to learn more about what to do if you hate having your picture taken in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home 

In Season 2 Episode 5, episode, Kris and Lauren discuss some profiles shared by our listeners (aka our friends). Fascinatingly, these are the best and worst profiles we've reviewed so far.Lauren's profile highlights include: College crushes, Kris's knowledge of booze and glassware, naked body shot culture, and gender norms and ethical non-monogamy. Overall, our most successful profile to date.Kris' profile highlights include: So. Much. Drama. Leading Kris to say “Even a porno and has dialogue” and Lauren to say “Like a fawn in the field…” Overall, this profile left us astonished. You gotta listen to believe.Pop over to our website to learn more about how personal disclosures right in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home

In Season 2 Episode 4, Kris and Lauren discuss interest from people 20 years+ our juniors. It gets weird.Lauren's profile highlights include: Teens!, pickup lines, snappy dressing, and sending affirmations. We respect the honesty in this profile, and it allows us to make an educated decision about not matching with him. We end on a commentary on power dynamics and how young men can also be survivors of abusive relationships. Kris' profile highlights include: Out-dated sunglasses, happy endings, online dating app algorithms, and a brief peek into what we were like in our 20s. We stray away from the profile sent and talk about the realities of dating someone half our age. For sunglass reference photo, check out these https://shopatshowcaseusa.com/products/tacglasses-blue-blockerPop over to our website to learn more about difficult conversations about power in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home 

In Season 2 Episode 3, Kris and Lauren discuss a man who likes to bend over in a greenhouse and a woman who for some reason chose to take a selfie while sitting on the can.Kris' profile highlights include: Keg-looking things, bicep appreciation, a stunning woman stealing his thunder, and considering your “above the fold” content. And hay. This profile left us pondering credit scores and what they communicate -- intentionally or not.Lauren's profile highlights include: A TLC shoutout, a playful, pressure free profile narrative, cleavage shots, the challenges of fishnets, and phone hygiene tips. Overall, this profile reminded us how important it is for your profile pics to match your intentions/questioning this person's happiness.Pop over to our website to learn more about money talk on dating apps in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home Pro-Tip: Read these show notes while listening to Creep by TLC (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlZydtG3xqI).

In Season 2 Episode 2, Kris and Lauren discuss a woman in a time capsule and a dude that teases us with over-promised shirtlessness.Kris' profile highlights include: Big hair, a soft focus, and a feeling of inauthenticity. Overall, the profile left us confused about what decade the single photo was taken in.Lauren's profile highlights include: the importance of height, bare shoulders, two elephant trunks, and why people choose to post pictures of themselves with exotic animals. Overall, the profile made us hope that the guy wasn't as insensitive to animals as he might be.Pop over to our website to learn more about the relationship between FRIES and Consent and how they can be helpful in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home 

Welcome back! In Season 2, Episode 1 of B4 U Swipe, Kris and Lauren discuss Lauren's experience of trying a new app that seems SO PROMISING in the beginning and then goes downhill from there.In this episode, we discuss gender identity, survey consistency, and how much detail to share about sexual desires and pleasures in a publicly accessible dating profile.Inspired by the "what's in your bedroom" component of HUD, we wonder, what's on your yes, no, maybe list? Pop over to our website to learn more about sexual inventory lists and how they can be helpful in this week's The More You Know https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home . 

In this brief episode, Kris and Lauren share their reflections on podcasting this season and their favorite profile highlights. Pop over to website to get links to the links to those episodes https://sites.google.com/view/b4uswipe/home.