Says Who?

It sure is hot out there, SaysWhovia. Especially in NYC, where Maureen has been out voting. Dan has thoughts on this, because he always has thoughts on New York and the mayor situation. This all turns out to be about sandwiches. Also, war! Maureen makes dog food!Wear sunscreen, SaysWhovia. Conditions are warming up. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan had a genuinely rough week, SaysWhovia. We're going to have a relaxing episode with some pudding and a nice parade. A big parade. Huge. And maybe an old friend will come and sing us a song.Let's take care of each other, SaysWhovia, and let's have some pudding. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Everything is going great SaysWhovia. Maureen's brain is shorting out as her deadline grows near, the recording connection keeps freezing up, and Elon's popping 20 pills a day. Oh also, he has a black eye. And is definitely not high.It's fine. Everything's fine.Wolfy's!  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's been a messy start to today, SayWhovia. Literally. But we're going to get through it together. Because this week, we have a delicious meal to serve up, straight from the best kitchens of the Trump golf courses. Or, from a kitchen of a Trump golf course. Come learn about the new grift!And if you feel like you're in too deep, Dan and Maureen will send one of the new Eric Adams lifeguard drones. It won't save you—but it will soothe you.Come sit down, SaysWhovia. It's time to eat. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia! Maureen is off to become a lobbiest (no really) and Dan is back in Chicago—home of The Pope, did you hear—and Bruce Springsteen is on tour out of the country where apparently he might want to stay because Donald Trump is Super Big Mad about things he said, which is a normal thing that happens. In fact, lots of normal things are happening, like RFK Junior swimming in sewage, Donald Trump being followed around the Middle East by a roving McDonalds, and JD Vance trying to kill the new Pople, who is from Chicago if you haven't heard.Anyway, nobody's at The Friends Expereince anymore Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan was in New York over the weekend and Maureen wanted to give him a window into authentic NYC living by taking him to The Friends Experience. Yes, the TV show that Dan has never seen. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Maureen is in Philadelphia, enjoying the greenery and the ticks. Dan is in Chicago, enjoying his basement. And tariffs. Yes, it's Tariff Talking Time! How do you put a tariff on a movie? We're about to find out maybe!Also, If you've been planning on getting into hacking, now is a great time. The US is operating on tutorial level. Now you too can read state secrets!Everything is generally smart and good and running well.Stock up on fireworks and get over here, SaysWhovia. We're going to read some texts! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan and Maureen think you need a break. They want to talk to you about some good television and games. Give your mind a rest. Renew yourself. Also, Trump and Elon are taking a break, so there's the tie in! Also, Maureen wants to take Dan to the Friends Experience and explain to him what “we were on a break!” is about! He has no idea!Also, tariffs! Canada! And beans!So much about beans.Sit down, SaysWhovia. Grab a fork. Maureen's cooking up a pot of something oblong and high in protein! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

You guys. You guys. You guys. You guys. He killed the Pope. Preorder The Creeping Hand Murder here: https://www.mysteriousbookshop.com/products/maureen-johnson-jay-cooper-you-are-the-detective-the-creeping-hand-murder-preorder-signed?_pos=2&_sid=266ae0085&_ss=r Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

This week, Dan and Maureen are joined by Akilah Hughes to talk about…something. Akilah and Dan definitely want to talk about something, but they're being so cagey about it.VOTE REBEL SPIRIT here: https://vote.webbyawards.com/PublicVoting#/2025/podcasts/limited-series-specials/diversity-equity-inclusion-belongingAnd preorder The Creeping Hand Murder here: https://www.mysteriousbookshop.com/products/maureen-johnson-jay-cooper-you-are-the-detective-the-creeping-hand-murder-preorder-signed?_pos=2&_sid=266ae0085&_ss=r  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's Tariff Time over in SaysWhovia! Let's all celebrate the return of American manufacturing, which is absolutely going to happen.Also, please help Dan. He is not okay. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

We don't know what the Day of Liberation holds for the economy, but obviously it's going to be great. Right now, Cory Booker is still talking, health services are shutting down, and it's maybe too much to take in in one bite. Small bites, SaysWhovia. Share the load. Work in shifts. Take a walk. Come to Maureen's for dinner. She can stretch a lentil.Grab a spoon, SaysWhovia. It's time to eat! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Check your phone, SaysWhovia. You're in the groupchat.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia, you have no idea how deep this one goes. Hang on. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Whoooo, there is a lot going on. It's not great! Maureen got distracted and put her phone in the wash. She is maybe not okay. Also, she has fallen in love with a puppet. Dan swings in with the news, which isn't all bad. There are a lot of Teslas on fire! But also, there is a lot of bad. But don't worry. Something truly magical happens near the end that Dan really, really loves.Let your horse get a drink out in the barn and pull up a seat here at the bar, partner. We're drinking XXX out of our boots. Come meet the Sheriff of SaysWhovia. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

This week, Teslas are burning, no one is sleeping right, everything is falling apart, and Dan is…weirdly optimistic? Well, he's invented something new, anyway. Also, Maureen loves Guy's Grocery Games.Hop in, SaysWhovia! It's only sort of on fire! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's a new week in these new times, and you know what that means: MORE BULLSHIT! But in the middle of the chaos, there is a light! People are striking back! It's time for some delicious sabotage. Everyone is welcome to participate! Or perhaps you, dear SaysWhovian, would like to run DOGE? Opportunities abound.Yes, it is bad, but people are doing the work. Take heart. Play bingo. Break their stuff.Come on, SaysWhovia. Let's go find some Teslas. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Somehow, SaysWhovia, we are still in the first month of this thing. Everything happens so much all the time now. But hark! Does Dan here clown goings-on in New York City? He does. Which means that it's time to talk to Maureen about her home, the Greatest City In The World, the one with the clown crime mayor, the magic rocks, the rats, the endless construction, and the newest invention—the trash can. Because if Dan can't clown on New York, then what CAN he do?Chicago has news too. Chicago has better news, Dan wants Maureen to know.Meanwhile…everything. But, this is about coping! Let's get together and get a big green tower! Join us! Come in from the cold!Hold hands and stay together at all times, SaysWhovia. There be dragons. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Have you ever made a list, SaysWhovia? Stuff you need from the store. Ingredients for dinner. Things you need to do. Things to pack. Ways to undo all American institutions by basically letting a bunch of fascist raccoons into the attic? Well, Dan has made a list of all the things that happened this week. No. He made a list of SOME of them, because no one has the whole list. And he has decided to read this list to Maureen. Only he knows why. IT IS A VERY BAD LIST.On the plus side—bingo! And a visit from a shoe. And apparently Dan was wiretapped once?Let's take Dan's phone away, SaysWhovia. Just for a little while.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

OK, so yeah, things could be better. Elon's little fash dipshits are running around, and it sure does seem like America is coming to an end, but Maureen has a new boyfriend!  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Apparently it's been a week?  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Sayswhovians! Yes, Trump was inaugurated again this week. Yes, Elon Musk threw up a nazi salute. Yes, everything has gone to full shitshow very quickly. And yes, Maureen is sick.But, she's hopped up on just enough of the good drugs to record an impromptu episode with Dan this afternoon after they had to cancel their regularly schedule one due to illness.So, hello, it is a new era. It sucks. We are glad you are with us. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

There's a lot going on, SaysWhovia. While Dan and Maureen will get into some of it (with appropriate content markers around one subject so you can listen safety!)—they spend a lot of time in the land of dissociation, where the main subjects are radio jingles, cigarettes, and weird birds. On this ground, we will build our city.We got this, SaysWhovia. We'll stick together. Don't get frannick. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Gather close, SaysWhovia. Dan and Maureen have built a shelter. It's made of blankets and pillows. Come in and hide with us. Oh, except Dan is back reading the news again. A lot of it is bad! But also, Rudy is in a lot of trouble, so that is nice. We can enjoy that. Also, let's play “which former Trump flunkies are the most nervous right now?"But also, let's get serious about the compound. WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A TRAIN STATION?Choo choo! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

*party blower* Welcome to 2025, SaysWhovia! Let's go into this together, the third Trump era, full of LOVE and TOGETHERNESS and BINGO.Yes. It's time to play bingo. And make space.Get your cards ready. Let's do this one together. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

2024 is coming to an end. What a year! It started with…Um…Maureen remembers something about a scorpion. Dan was in his car. Trump got shot when it was hot out? Something, something, something. And now we're here? Why can't we remember? Let's take a look back at the year our brains made us forget!Don't look back, SaysWhovia. The Doom Buggy doesn't go in reverse. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

There's a chill in the air, SaysWhovia! We've entered the holiday season! Everyone is out on the streets, bustling about in their coats and hats, carrying their bags—their holiday shopping! Their groceries for holiday meals! Their manifestos!Yes. Dan and Maureen are going to talk about our strange National Catharsis, the surreal week in which an assassin named Luigi left clues all over NYC and the NYPD took a walk in the park. And somehow, it always comes back to McDonalds.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's the week after Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. Maureen is still in Philadelphia and she is…That's the whole sentence. She is. Dan is concerned. But Maureen has a plan. She's found a great organization to join and she'd like to tell everyone about it. Dan is unconvinced.Dan wants to talk about the news, which is also not a good idea. But it's time, perhaps, to wade into these dark and fetid waters. At least we can begin with something nice—Rudy is on trial and he's having a terrible time. He's been under the bus for a while now, and he may never come out. Dan walks us through the rogues gallery of weirdo and sycophants that will make up our new government, but time and time again we must return to the question: why didn't Rudy make the cut? Have you *seen* these people? Come. We will meet them together. And we will watch the wheels on the bus go round and round over Rudy.We've put out warm blankets, SaysWhovia, and there is hot chocolate to go around. Come cope with us. And maybe you'd like to try these new supplements. And this raw milk. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Pull up a chair, SaysWhovia! The Thanksgiving feast is about to begin! It's all going well. Well, maybe Dan has too many jobs. And maybe Maureen is a bit fried. And maybe things aren't as great as they could be. But we have each other. We have Stanley tumblers. And we have the Great American Fridgescape.Gobble, gobble. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Welcome SaysWhovia. Sit down with us on the porch here. Grab a cushion or a blanket. Settle in. We're going to PROCESS.Let's do it together! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Ummmmmm.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovians, it's a different kind of Says Who episode for a different kind of day. Join Dan and Maureen for election day at Disneyland. Told in chronological order from the sunny start of the day to an end seemingly spinning into oblivion. Ride rides, go on walks, spend some time with Maureen and Dan. Nothing can stop us now.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovians! It's the THIRD Trump election we've spent together. Buckle up buttercup. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's here, SaysWhovia. Please drive through.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

The musical episode you've been waiting for (???) is finally here. Let's break down the playlist of DJ T.Get ready to dance, SaysWhovia. Very slowly. Very, very slowly. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Maureen's coming in from the Big Apple. The big, extremely wormy apple. The one where everyone who runs it has been arrested for criming. Dan is showing remarkable restraint. Also, before getting to the news, Maureen discusses the Big Grift of late stage capitalism: the subscription.But then, on to more news. Like politicians doing more criming! Donald Trump gets in with some crypto bros and enters the Bible business, which is the most sense 2024 has ever made.This devolves into WHO WILL WIN, as we are now LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY from our great national nightmare, the 2024 election. And it's a squeaker. So it's back to talking Disney and Stanley Cup accessories.Keep your hand on your wallet, SaysWhovia. It's Stanktown. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It was a long night. It is over. Maureen and Dan try and sort it out.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Sayswhovians!Longtime listeners might remember waaaaay back to 2016, back when Maureen and Dan were little babies trying to put out a podcast about an election. And they got smart people to help them understand what was going on. Reporters! People who Knew Stuff!Yeah, they don't do that anymore for waves hands in all directions reasons. But what if one of those old guests became news instead of reporting the news. What then?Also, the gubenatorial candidate for North Carolina turns out to be a grade-A creep. Who'd have guest.Hang onto your sacks.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

We're nine years old! We did it! Dan cannot believe it. He really, really can't. He also can't believe that someone ELSE tried to kill Trump. They were gonna kill that guy! But he didn't. He was just your average weirdo with an AR-15 in a bush at a Florida golf course. And no one seems to care very much? Even Trump? It's another normal day in America! Speaking of normal things and Trump, he's also gotten into crypto! Neither Dan or Maureen can believe he's taken this long to get involved. We are very close to the 2024 election and this is where we're at.But this week is about new starts as well. Will Maureen start a new planner? Will she learn to balance her life? Will she stop talking about Stanley cups? What is social media in 2024? And what happened that one time Dan tried to buy a car? YOU ARE NOT EXPECTING WHAT COMES NEXT.Blow out the candles, Says Who! Here's to nine more years! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

SaysWhovia,Dan and Maureen stayed up late to debate the debate. Then Dan stayed up later to edit it. For stupid reasons, his mic sounds like shit. Sorry.ZZZZzzzzZZzzzzZZZzzzzzzz Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's September! Dan and Maureen are back! SCHOOL IS IN SESSION.What did they do on their summer vacation? They certainly went many places. Mostly, though, they miss dangerous playgrounds. Ones with tall, metal slides and things that spin and vats of broken glass. Yay! What happened while they were traveling the world? Weird stuff! Really, really weird stuff! Trump brought NFTs back, RFK got a whale head, JD Vance tried to shake a human fist. Stuff like that!Now that it's fall, it's time to prepare for next week's debate, the last eight weeks of this weird, weird election, and a trip to Disney! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's the height of summer! Dan's on the road, coming in from a Colorado hotel room. Maureen is about to head out on the road on her (somewhat delayed) US tour and then a UK tour! It's travel season! And it's been three weeks since the 2024 Presidential race turned upside-down. And Trump is taking it maturely and well, and by that we mean that he has gone back to Twitter because no one is looking at him with the same googly-eyed stare that he used to get. And his crowd size is FINE. It's GREAT. It's the MOST THAT HAS EVER CROWDED. It's not all he cares about, but it is about 99.9% of what he cares about.He needs a coping strategy. We know of one.Meanwhile, Biden is coasting in his last semester, so Maureen and Dan have ideas about what he could be doing to have a RAD SUMMER. Speaking of RAD SUMMERS, Says Who will be off for the next two weeks while Maureen and Dan go about their travels. But don't worry. Nothing ever happens when they're gone.Nothing can go wrong now, SaysWhovia. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Look, we're going to talk about Tim Walz, but Maureen has a book out and has COVID and is writing this notes.  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Maureen is sick, Dan is tired, but there's no stopping the vibe shift that has swept the nation with Biden dropping out and Kamala Harris speed-running her new candidacy. But most importantly, Democrats are finally saying the thing that Maureen and Dan have been saying all along: Trump and his goons are all deeply, deeply weird people.Also, JD Vance f*cks a couch.Welcome to the new presidential race, jump on in the water's warm. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

It's been one week.One.Week. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Maureen is overloaded with energy. She is crackling. She just set the rug on fire. Dan Dan bring her down to earth? Yes, yes he can. With his tales of self-care, being a dad, and…uh oh! Maureen touched a piece of paper and it also caught on fire. She cannot feel her hand. Help.Luckily, it's just a week of seismic electoral shifts. The UK unsticks the right-wing underbelly. France flushes the fascists. And the US…What IS going on in the US? Is Biden running? Does anyone know?Maureen has calmed down. She is sitting on a spiky mat. Come and try it, SaysWhova. It is very sharp. It will calm you. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

This week, Dan and Maureen……are trying. Look, you guys, they're trying. Have you *seen* this week? That's what they're talking about.SaysWhovia 2024: help us carry the body! Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Hello SaysWhovia, Do you like a train wreck? Do you like your life flashing before your eyes? Do you like two octogenarians arguing about golf? Do you like to hear Maureen and Dan at the end of their ropes?You're in luck. Everyone else, sorry.   Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

This week's episode is a little shorter, because Dan and Maureen have agreed to watch and record their reactions to Thursday's debate. Dan is falling to pieces and Maureen is getting fancy for a secret party.  It's all kicking off, SaysWhoavia. So give a listen to today's 30 minute SEE YOU TOMORROW, and come back Friday more ALSO MORE SEE YOU TOMORROW. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Dan's coming in hot today. He's got a lot of jobs. Dad. Podcast producer. Guy who collects dog pee. Teacher. And number one pal to Maureen, whose clothes are inside out. Somehow, this ends up in a reasonably coherent conversation about how racism can be found in the darnedest places in American history! That stuff is everywhere! Maureen gives a short history on eugenics at state fairs. We learn about concerts Dan and Maureen have worked for various causes. And we talk about the saggy ball contest that is the upcoming debate.But seriously, SaysWhovia. Dan has got to GO. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho

Well, well, well. Dan and Maureen are running a tight ship today! Maureen knows where she's going. Dan knows what's going on. And once they get Maureen's unused planner into the act, nothing can go wrong!Dan guides Maureen on a deep dive into Rudy Giuliani's head, much like that billionaire sub guy took that cursed group of fellow billionaires into the depths to look a doomed wreck. Maureen learns way too much about the Hunter Biden trial and the contents of one man's sock drawer. And finally, flags. It's all about the flags.Plus, find out why Maureen's pilates teacher is going to hang out with a tiger!  Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho