Above the Law - Thinking Like a Lawyer

Quite the combination of words. ----- Lawsuit against former Texas SG alleges bizarre cosmic sex fetish. The administration made two significant changes to the judicial nomination process, firing the ABA from its neutral evaluator role and kicking the Federalist Society to the curb. The latter move came with an epic rant declaring Leonard Leo a sleazebag. Broken clocks and all. And Kash Patel lays out the FBI's priorities and child predators and terrorists are now lower on the most wanted list than, "your neighbor who posted an 8647 joke."

From the administrative state to voting rights, they're just sort of winging it trying to reverse engineer results. ----- As Supreme Court season hits fever pitch, we're joined by Professor Leah Litman, author of Lawless: How the Supreme Court Runs on Conservative Grievance, Fringe Theories, and Bad Vibes, to discuss the nightmare we're facing. Elena Kagan took the opportunity to humiliate her colleagues last week calling out an arbitrary carve out created to protect their investments. Kagan's frustration seems to be growing down the stretch, having just eviscerated the government in the birthright citizenship case. Meanwhile, Kristi Noem failed introductory constitutional law in front of the Senate, flailing as she tried to define habeas corpus.

Seashellgate meets Surrendergate. ----- Since we're cursed to act as keepers of the flame to remind the legal community that several large law firms really did willingly sell out to the Trump administration, this week we discuss our columnist Vivia Chen's exploration of the unique impact of these moves on young lawyers learning early that Biglaw is more than happy to throw them under the bus. We also discuss how James Comey's Instagram pic triggered a tragicomic meltdown of some of the most deranged people on the internet ranting about seashells as a subliminal assassination threat worthy of John Wilkes Squarepants. Unfortunately, some of those internet denizens are also running federal law enforcement. And we conduct a lightning round of quirky Am Law 100 financial facts that will make you appreciate that you took some time off last year.

What if we just act like nothing happened? ----- Biglaw firms who gave in to Trump suffered a scathing 60 Minutes piece and key talent defections, so they've decided upon a new tactic: pretending they never made a deal at all! It does not appear to be working. Meanwhile, Justice David Souter died reminding everyone of an era when the federal judiciary cared more about the right answer than appeasing political patrons. Unfortunately, Souter's nomination inadvertently triggered that change. And we have a Biglaw merging in the offing that hopes to create a new $2B firm.

It was a bad week to compromise your values. ----- Perkins Coie secured a permanent injunction against the Trump administration's retaliatory executive order. Meanwhile, firms that balked at putting up a fight against the illegal attacks have seen the White House drag them into police brutality cases and law schools start openly talking about students taking their talents elsewhere. And then the harshest cut of all -- a deep pocketed client bailed on a collaborator firm to give business to a firm standing up to Trump. Who could've predicted except anyone who ever watched Star Wars. Also we talk about California's latest bar exam debacle and the White House's threat against Amal Clooney.

The arrest of Wisconsin judge Hannah Dugan is straight outta dystopian fiction. But at least retired Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer still has faith in the system, which makes one of us. Speaking of the High Court, Justice Sam Alito's dissent would be laughable if he weren't so powerful.

And the world continues to melt. ----- We've got key financial data from the top law firms and the takeaway is that it's good to be a big firm. The Am Law 100 this year revealed that more and more firms have joined the super rich and things look bright for Biglaw. Unless someone triggers a global depression or something. We also discuss what it means to be "bipartisan" in an environment where the intellectual stars of the conservative legal movement are ALSO lining up to call out the Trump administration as a threat to the rule of law. Finally, we flag a troubling law school story about scholarships getting cut when admissions gets blindsided by applications.

US News and World Report released its most recent law school rankings with a side of chaos, but the big takeaway is the scrambling and erosion of the "T14" as an organizing concept. Is it time to dismiss the rankings as arbitrary? At least until law schools agree to cooperate again. Also, Surrendergate continues and the "we'll do some pro bono for veterans" deal has turned dramatically, with the White House now claiming the authority to "assign" Biglaw firms to work on administration projects. Sound familiar? Along the way, firms are starting to lose senior lawyers fulfilling critical firm roles while the most recent defectors alienate the overwhelming majority of their team. Finally, the Supreme Court has issued some unanimous rebukes in defense of due process and the administration does not seem to care.

And now we have a tracker for that! ----- After a few weeks of watching some law firms stand up to facially illegal demands from the Trump administration... and more law firms rapidly cave to those same demands, we put together a helpful tracker to keep clients, potential laterals, and law students fully aware of where firms currently stand. But we depend on you out there to keep us up-to-date! Meanwhile, more associates have taken a stand against their surrendering firms and some law students have already told the firm recruiting events that they aren't interested in firms that can't stand up for themselves. Also the February bar exam numbers were terrible.

A great divide is developing. ----- Following the Paul Weiss surrender we discussed last week, Skadden preemptively followed suit agreeing to commit $100M in pro bono payola to the MAGA cause. Bringing to light some embarrassing email policies in the process. But other Biglaw firms showed a little more life, with Jenner & Block and WilmerHale suing the administration over its retaliatory executive orders. And a major firm announced an end to on-campus recruiting, which seems like a bad policy for both students and the firm.  

Courage seems to be in short supply in Biglaw. ----- Paul Weiss folded immediately in the face of Trump's threat, offering the president pro bono services and a retreat from DEI. For a firm that built its reputation on litigation, the move came as a surprise. A Skadden associate called upon the industry to develop a backbone. So she's not going to be working there any more. There are a lot of dumb things about the administration's mass deportation to an El Salvadoran prison, but its unironic inversion of the burden of proof is definitely the scariest.

There's no escaping the administration's influence on the legal landscape. ----- The Trump administration continues its revenge tour against Biglaw, and Perkins Coie is fighting back. Through counsel at Williams & Connolly, Perkins delivered a scorching takedown of the administration's arbitrary retaliation against the firm, earning a partial TRO. Meanwhile, most of Biglaw remains silent. And if they aren't silent, they're silently deleting references to diversity, including a clumsy effort that autodeleted pronouns from email signatures. And "Stop the Steal" lawyer turned interim US Attorney Ed Martin has his first ethics complaint on the job he hasn't even really started.

ACB isn't having it. ----- Remember when Arrested Development made this a gag? John Roberts is living it out in real time as the president explains -- on national television -- that Roberts is a partisan hack. Amy Coney Barrett seems less excited about the prospect. Meanwhile, the administration is threatening law firms. The dean of one law school is stepping up. Also, what is this -- now former -- partner doing?

And the new USNWR rankings are dealing with some crazy data. ----- We're not saying Diddy is an unsavory client, but we are saying Osama bin Laden's lawyer just noped out of continuing to represent him. We also got some limited insight into the US News rankings and there's some potential tumult at the top. And Judge Reyes had to blow up a hapless DOJ lawyer trying to defend the indefensible and the Trump administration displayed its inner snowflake.

The new federal deficit is the government's research deficit. ----- Elon Musk's aimless cost-cutting escapades turn to the SEC where DOGE slashed their Westlaw access because no one over there is smart enough to know how legal research works. Apparently now is an opportune time to start committing securities fraud! Speaking of aimless, former judge Alex Kozinski penned a meandering opinion piece about canceling elections in case, maybe, some president might want to consider it. And a few law schools quietly reworked their websites to remove diversity language. They probably won't be the last.

'Nah, you do that' is not a response that keeps lawyers employed. ----- Imagine the audacity it takes for a rookie lawyer to refuse to do the work assigned by a midlevel or senior associate. And expect to keep their job? The story of a beleaguered midlevel asking for help with an unruly junior refusing to work has us wondering if the kids are not all right. Also the administration starts calling for impeachment when a judge imposes a TRO of less than a week and that doesn't bode well for when they start losing real injunctions. And is there any legal question simpler than "the Twenty-Second Amendment limits presidents to two terms"?

And Biglaw begins adjusting to Trump era. ------ If United Healthcare considered spending more on a cancer patient and less on lawyers to sue doctors for pointing out they didn't spend on the cancer patient they wouldn't be getting so thoroughly dragged online. While the mockery they're getting is funny, this underscores the dangerous weaponization of defamation (and also copyright) laws, allowing deep pocketed antagonists to squelch criticism by filing low merit suits. Also, a Biglaw firm quietly scrubbed its website of a lot of its "diversity" language as the government steps up threats against private companies. And the ABA thinks the Supreme Court needs ethical rules. Chapters 0:00 Small Talk 9:50 UnitedHealthcare 15:46 DEI 21:03 Top Law Firm Representing Trump 23:47 ABA's Stance on Supreme Court Ethics

Getting the band back together. ----- A jumbo sized episode this week as Thinking Like A Lawyer celebrates its 400th episode with a look back at some big changes in law firms, law schools, and the courts that have unfolded over its last 10 years of podcasting. Original co-host Elie Mystal from The Nation joins the gang to share his thoughts. He's not particularly optimistic.

Government lawyer purge creates chaos ----- Trump administration slashes jobs for young lawyers months before they officially start sparking a scramble for jobs. The Justice Department followed up that news by terminating career DOJ lawyers for the sin of having worked on Trump's criminal cases. One Biglaw firm informs its associates that they're not getting their full bonuses based on office attendance. While we're at it... should lawyers rely on law firm bonuses anyway? And a professor gets disciplined for political comments raising the debate: what exactly constitutes a violation of academic freedom?

You've got to know when to hold 'em. Know when to fold 'em. ------ Supreme Court litigator Tom Goldstein, co-founder of SCOTUSblog, is on the wrong side of the law facing a multi-count indictment related to the alleged fallout of a hard-core gambling lifestyle. All while routinely arguing multiple cases in front of the Supreme Court. Legen...wait for it...dary. Also Proskauer proves that every rose has its thorn and Yale stares down on of the most epic downgrades in law school history.

Attorneys yearn for the commute. ----- Sullivan & Cromwell are bringing attorneys back to the office five days a week. The stated reason is to mirror "normal business hours" which is a cruel joke in an abnormal business hour industry. Democratic Party superlawyer Marc Elias faces an uprising at his firm after staff proposed a mandatory arbitration agreement despite many of his top clients openly campaigning on... banning mandatory arbitration agreements. Finally, Wilson Sonsini hands out bonuses but pulls a fast one with special payments.

Statutes are hard. ----- Apparently, Clarence Thomas just didn't understand how to read the nearly 50-year-old statute requiring him to report massively expensive gifts. That's the Judicial Conference's official take in a new letter to the Senate panel looking into the ethical cesspool. The letter becomes public just as Chief Justice Roberts releases his annual report asserting that most criticism of the Court should be seen as improper intimidation and even violence. Before the holidays, we discussed Biglaw firms bucking the trend and not paying out special bonuses. Happy to report that they've reversed course.

A very jolly podcast. ----- It's a very special holiday episode of Thinking Like A Lawyer with three straight "Ho" stories. First, Hogan Lovells irks associates with a bonus announcement without matching the industry standard special bonuses. Meanwhile, law enforcement just can't help making Luigi Mangione look more like a sexy martyr and now someone claiming to be UnitedHealthcare is trying to assert ownership of his likeness. And Judge James Ho walks back his prior support for birthright citizenship now that it might cost him a job on the Supreme Court.

Bringing new meaning to the court's order. ----- Can lunch save professional civility? Almost assuredly not, but one judge is going to try. Partnership isn't what it used to be. Instead of long careers with equity ownership, partners are making lateral jumps with more frequency than ever. More out of the murder of a Kentucky judge earlier this year... "running a brothel out of that courtroom" sounds ominous. ----- (00:00)Small Talk (02:15)Mysterious Drone Sightings (07:20)Lawyer Lunch Date (12:03)Laterals Aren't Loving This Biglaw Firm (19:15)Slain Judge Accused Of 'Running A Brothel Out Of That Courtroom'

Elon's got some thoughts on the judicial system. ----- Elon Musk says his AI will be able to deliver judicial opinions as soon as he feeds it "all" the cases. It will not, but his impulse sheds some light on a disturbing lack of respect for the rule of law. A pair of judges planning to take senior status as soon as Biden confirmed their successors have withdrawn their plans after the Senate sat on their proposed openings. And law school applications are up big time... and that's not good news for a lot of students.

Get it? Combining two of the stories into one relevant title?  ----- A pregnant law student sought modest accommodations when finals came over her due date. The school rejected the request saying, "Motherhood is not for the Faint of Heart." It did not go over well with fellow students. Or alumni. Or faculty. Or pretty much anyone. Drake accused the music industry of conspiring to help Kendrick demolish him in rap battle. RICO claims? They really not like us. Finally, Jonathan Turley accused liberal rage for the disturbing swatting attack he suffered. When his theory of the case turned out to be... wildly and completely wrong, he took a swipe at Joe. And missed.

'Hey, please don't open this' is not a policy. ----- A law firm left its confidential internal documents with juicy information unprotected and was shocked, SHOCKED to find out attorneys read them. Pam Bondi is next at bat for the Attorney General job. While her decision to drop an official investigation into Trump University conveniently after he started supporting her will get a lot of attention, don't sleep on the TAIL of her fight over another family's dog. And, finally, we have an un-bear-ably wild tale of a "bear" attack on luxury cars. 00:00 Small Talk 03:10 Happy Thanksgiving 07:00 Biglaw Associates Caught Reading Private Emails 14:03 Goodbye Matt Gaetz, Hello Pam Bondi 17:26 Pam Bondi's Dog Drama 23:04 The Bear That Attacked Luxury Cars

Also... Matt Gaetz as Attorney General is something we have to contemplate? ----- The Federalist Society conference included a tour de force in rhetorical fallacy from the Fifth Circuit's Judge Edith Jones, suggesting that it's an attack on the "rule of law" to talk about court reform and that such criticism results in death threats! Very cool. Very judicial. We also have a disturbing story out of Biglaw, and discuss the instant reaction to Matt Gaetz being nominated to serve as Attorney General and the dumbest takes that nomination has inspired. 00:00 Small Talk

The race is on. ----- It's the most wonderful time of the year! Milbank continues to relish its role as the Pied Piper of Biglaw bonuses, once again jumping the traditional late November bonus announcement kickoff to set the bar for 2024 annual bonuses. We also learned that a number of firms make non-equity pay a share of the partnership expenses despite holding no equity. And one partner out there is using work email to complain about the neighbors with offensive terminology.

That Governing Document Can't Stop Me Because I Can't Read! ----- Sammy Alito openly defies the Constitution with European knighthood. Chicago Law tapes classes but isn't interested in letting students actually use those recordings. Students are, unsurprisingly, pissed. Professor Richard Epstein brags about replacing scientists with judges. Yes, the same guy who said COVID would only kill 500 people and got the first Trump administration sold on the idea. And mark your calendars for the lawyer movie from Hallmark's holiday season.

Also, Tiffany may be number 1 in his heart (she's not), but she's also not number 1 in her class. ----- Of all the iconic lines from Dr. Strangelove, maybe the best is "There's no fighting in here. This is the War Room!" Recently, Harvard began punishing students (and faculty) for silent library protests while studying almost as though maintaining a "non-disruptive atmosphere" isn't the school's real concern. Donald Trump brags about Tiffany Trump's class ranking... even though her law school doesn't rank students. And states are preparing for the Supreme Court to launch a large-scale rollback on rights.

The republican party of the 1990s must be turning over in its grave because the modern GOP is arguing teen pregnancy is a good thing. Equity partnership in Biglaw is a financial windfall, unless you're in the 10-30% of partners getting a compensation cut. And do you like messy, I mean MESSY, legal drama? The latest from the Texas bankruptcy court romantic scandal is eye popping.

From young attorneys to the Chief Justice, a lot of lawyers are dropping the ball. ----- We've got some young lawyers out there who don't understand the basics of professionalism and it runs a lot deeper than just lacking experience. That said, there are some experienced attorneys falling down on fulfilling a different set of professional obligations. Meanwhile, Chief Justice Roberts is apparently very, very sad that the public didn't appreciate his latest Constitutional rewrite.

Why not? ----- Kathryn Mizelle was rated unqualified by the ABA and it shows. The Trump appointee just took it upon herself to rewrite the law despite acknowledging that higher courts have explicitly declined to do so. But she's a very special snowflake apparently. Law school rankings are primed for a major shuffle if we're to believe the available data. And... why do we need a new Matlock?

The majority of the Supreme Court keeps diluting bribery laws and Eric Adams had best hope they aren't done yet. ----- Eric Adams got indicted last week and quickly pulled out the big litigation guns to explain that the Supreme Court already said bribery was cool. Meanwhile, Jonathan Turley rushed to the embattled mayor's defense to explain why ACTUALLY it was way worse that AOC once wore a borrowed dress to a party. Judge Pauline Newman's fight to end the pocket impeachment her colleagues on the Federal Circuit imposed upon her has added even more objective medical evidence that the other judges will continue to pretend they can't understand. And Shohei Ohtani's 50-50 home run ball reminds everyone that free stuff still has taxable value.

Why do professors think everyone has to personally experience the facts to understand the law? ----- Hardcore porn shows up in a law school lecture. You know, the rest of us managed to learn the relevant standards for obscenity laws within the context of the First Amendment without visual aides. Also, Diddy's lawyers forgot how track changes works with embarrassing results. And Judge Aileen Cannon doesn't know her Founding Fathers... how a flubbed disclosure form speaks to Originalism's cynical lie.

Is bigger better? ----- Law firms are merging like crazy with announcement after announcement after announcement. What's driving this big push and is this just going to be the way of the future? Also a judge invites us to meet the new racist, same as the old racist and we discuss the next must have for anyone taking depositions.

This week's episode of Thinking Like A Lawyer is all about the wild decisions made by federal judges. First up is a Trump judge doing Trump judge things -- but don't tell him that. There's a Ninth Circuit judge that keeps using his dissents to make political stump speeches, much to the chagrin of his colleagues. And the Second Circuit comes out against libraries, because we live in the dumbest timeline.

It's not so easy to bring everyone back. ----- Latham announced a new 4-day office work week, bucking the 3-day consensus, but attorneys are wondering where they plan to put everybody. Meanwhile Milbank is so eager to get to work that they're inviting first-years to start early. Another firm joins the non-equity partner ranks, and the DOJ files an antitrust case with some of the hottest docs ever.

Just because you can make an argument, doesn't mean you should. ----- Disney's lawyers made headlines last week, but not the good kind like you want. After lawyers argued that a free trial to Disney+ required a wrongful death suit to move to forced arbitration, we wondered how everyone from outside to inside counsel dropped the ball here. Immediately after recording, Disney backtracked. Also, is Skadden falling behind? And we talk legal technology!

Milbank is leading the associate compensation charge -- again -- with summer bonuses. The associate there must be thrilled... Unlike DLA Piper's associates. That firm changed course on office attendance and it's going over like a lead balloon. Elon Musk also changed course, because when he told advertisers to go F themselves he really meant, "if you don't do what I want you to do I'll sue you."

Talking Supreme Court term limits (they're good!), bar exams (they're bad!), and a law professor's conception of free speech (it's ugly!). ----- The bar exam is officially past, now we wait to learn passed. This year's examination included dehydrating applicants and examinees missing out on their family's Olympic success. While bar exam changes are coming -- and law students can get paid to help -- at the end of the day it's a giant boondoggle pushed by people who've never even taken the test. With Supreme Court term limits on the table, let's talk a bit about how those work. And Jonathan Turley offers a disturbing look into his bizarro view of free speech.