Podcast appearances and mentions of barbara steffens

When porn use is disclosed (or found out)  in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash.  In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks through the impact this can have on a woman and steps that both men and women can take in their navigating a path forward.What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners.  The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform below...If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the circle app) - (white circle on a blue background)https://bandofbrothers-care.circle.so/join?invitation_token=84c412c67f81c7a9fa2da045d969987b45464bf0-f9c81a7a-030e-4efe-b164-86d10b099404If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your first name and last initial (like Vern T.) Your email will remain hidden from other users.  If you want to reach out to Vern with recovery questions, to have a free zoom call with him or find out how you can move towards your porn recovery goals then reach out to him at bandofbrothers.care@gmail.com

Are we doing enough to educate professionals on betrayal trauma and sex addiction? Many therapists graduate without proper training in these areas, leaving people struggling to find the right support. If you're seeking help, it's crucial to find a specialist who truly understands your experience—not just someone who checked a box. #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #BetrayalTrauma #BarbaraSteffens #Podcast #Sexaddiction #Addiction

Mental health awareness has come a long way, but we still need more understanding about trauma, addiction, and healing. Betrayal trauma, in particular, is widely not understood by addicts, therapists and the general public. #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #BetrayalTrauma #BarbaraSteffens #Podcast #Sexaddiction #Addiction

According to Beyond the Porn Phenomenon, women are 3x more likely to say porn use of a partner makes them feel that their spouse doesn't care about them. Dr. Barbara Steffens helps break down why porn use connects so acutely to the relationship for women, shares advice you would give to create change, and why pornography use by one spouse is not a marriage issue but rather an issue that impacts and wounds the marriage. Dr. Barbara Steffens, the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists.Resources:Order ‘Beyond The Porn Phenomenon Now!'Barna WebsiteGet Dr. Barb's BookDr. Barb's WebsiteAPSATS Website GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

This is the conclusion to a two part conversation Coach Andrea had with Dr. Barbara Steffens. In this episode, Dr. Steffen's shares what she's learned, if she would do anything differently, and the message she wants to leave with the world. **Don't forget to like, rate and share!** --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fullyalivecoaching/support

Coach Andrea is sharing an intimate conversation with Dr. Barbara Steffens. Dr. Steffens if the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, APSATS founder, and a pioneer in the field of betrayal trauma. Dr. Steffens shares her journey from church counselor to world changer. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/fullyalivecoaching/support

Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Support HFW through a donation Listen now: Today, Lyschel and Kathy Reynolds are talking about the shame a wife experiences, whether she stays or goes. Kathy is our special guest today! Her training under renowned professionals such as Dr. Barbara Steffens and Dr. Jake Porter has equipped her with expertise in the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model and the Couple-Centered Recovery Model. She also holds certification as a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional (PSAP) through the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP). Her work includes facilitating therapeutic disclosure intensives, grief work intensives for couples, individual coaching for betrayed partners, and couples coaching with her husband, Conrad. Kathy is also the lead facilitator of ‘Returning to You,' an innovative and intensive week-long program for betrayed partners hosted at Daring Ventures' beautiful retreat center, The Magnolia House. Kathy is passionate about empowering and equipping betrayed partners with the tools to heal, grow, and reclaim their shattered lives with grit and grace. We Will be Discussing: What is “stay shame” and “go shame” and how will a woman know she's experiencing one of these? What was Kathy's defining moment where she let go of that shame? Join us next week for part 2! Resources mentioned in this show: Recalibrate Coaching Services with Kathy and Conrad Reynolds

What are the 3 phases of healing from sexual betrayal? In part 2 of our series with Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket, you'll get a helpful overview of the Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). You'll also learn the difference between forgiveness vs. reconciliation vs. trust and how to avoid "good boy syndrome" while working on rebuilding trust.Dr. Barbara Steffens is the founding president of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She has specialized in providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Dr. Steffens is a recognized expert in the field, and is now accepting speaking engagements for churches and professional organizations. Learn more and connect with Barb at drbarbarasteffens.comBuy Barb's book (this is a paid link):Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and HealLyschel Burket is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She is also a current APSATS Board Member and the committee lead for BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Lyschel has been working with women since 2008 by helping them navigate the road of betrayal by sexual infidelity. She knows all too well the isolation, shame, fear, and trauma that betrayal causes. More than anything, Lyschel wants women to know that they don't have to walk this road alone, so she provides a safe community where each one can find healing and hope.Learn more about Lyschel and Hope Redefined at hoperedefined.orgMore resources for women from Hope Redefined:private online communityonline support groupsintensive retreats1:1 coachingListen to the Hope For Wives podcast at hopeforwives.com!Get trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket through BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Learn more here.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

What happens to the brain and body of a wife who discovers her husband's relationship with porn? This is part 1 of our 2 part series on the trauma of sexual infidelity taught by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket. You'll learn why wives react the way they do, how to tell the difference between wives expressing anger vs. engaging in abusive behavior, how to set appropriate boundaries while practicing empathy, and what wives really want from their husbands in the healing process (VOWS). This teaching is absolutely brilliant. Take notes!Dr. Barbara Steffens is the founding president of APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. She has specialized in providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Dr. Steffens is a recognized expert in the field, and is now accepting speaking engagements for churches and professional organizations. Learn more and connect with Barb at drbarbarasteffens.comBuy Barb's book (this is a paid link):Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and HealLyschel Burket is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She is also a current APSATS Board Member and the committee lead for BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Lyschel has been working with women since 2008 by helping them navigate the road of betrayal by sexual infidelity. She knows all too well the isolation, shame, fear, and trauma that betrayal causes. More than anything, Lyschel wants women to know that they don't have to walk this road alone, so she provides a safe community where each one can find healing and hope.Learn more about Lyschel and Hope Redefined at hoperedefined.orgMore resources for women from Hope Redefined:private online communityonline support groupsintensive retreats1:1 coachingListen to the Hope For Wives podcast at hopeforwives.com!Get trained by Dr. Barbara Steffens and Lyschel Burket through BTRL (Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training). Learn more here.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

Today, we are thrilled to host Barbara Steffens, a trailblazer in betrayal trauma research. Barbara shares her groundbreaking PhD study, which revealed that nearly 70% of betrayed partners met the criteria for PTSD. Discover how her work has reshaped the understanding of betrayal trauma and the treatment of affected partners. Don't miss this insightful discussion with a true pioneer in the field.

God has the ability to redeem even the darkest times.Dr. Steffens takes a deep dive into the healing and recovery process following betrayal—focused mostly on the betrayed partner but also on how the betrayer can help the process. You will be encouraged and gain hope for the future! There is a proven path and essential tools for healing and growth, when we invite God to do what only He can do: REDEEM.RESOURCESFull Episode Video (YouTube) GET STARTEDFree eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal TraumaFree eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From PornSchedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling ConsultationJoin A Pure Desire Online Group SOCIALSFollow us on FacebookFollow us on InstagramFollow us on X (Twitter)

In this video, we explore the early days of recognizing trauma in betrayed partners, particularly focusing on the impact of infidelity. Dr. Barbara Steffens shares her journey, highlighting the anxiety and determination she felt while presenting their groundbreaking work around 2006-2008. Stay tuned for our upcoming full-length video soon.

In our latest episode, we speak on the groundbreaking PhD study that explores whether partners who were betrayed experienced trauma and to what degree. With a background in trauma and crisis intervention, we discuss with Dr. Barbara Steffens, PhD, BCC, CCPS, CPC, a researcher set out to understand this dynamic beyond the traditional labels of co-addiction and codependency. Stay tuned for our full episode.

 In the previous episode, we delved into the delicate topic of how to address disclosing sexual sins to your spouse when fear and relational brokenness come into play. We discussed the importance of working through your own fears and the impact of relational brokenness on your perception. Today, we'll explore the trauma experienced by the spouse on the receiving end of such revelations. We'll address the concept of betrayal trauma and its profound impact on a spouse's sense of reality and trust. We'll also touch on the process of disclosure and the vital role of being an ally in each other's healing journeys. Join us as we navigate the complexities of honesty, trust, and healing within marriages affected by sexual brokenness. Want us to talk about a specific topic? Change up the format, or just tell us the podcast rocks! We want your feedback on Becoming Whole. You can leave your feedback here

In this podcast episode, we explore the Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training (BTRL), a customized program designed for professionals within religious and faith-based communities. Our interview with Aviva Kohl and Barbara Steffens uncovers the core of BTRL, focusing on the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). Attendees learn to provide response, assessment, and support to those experiencing betrayal trauma, incorporating faith into their approach. The four-day training, supplemented with mentorship groups, equips participants with the skills needed to serve their religious community, emphasizing empathy and understanding, and enabling various religious organizations, non-profits, and clinicians to address betrayal trauma within their specific faith setting. Links: https://www.apsats.org/BetrayalTraumaReligiousLeader http://www.apsats.org http://drjakeporter.com

In this podcast episode, we explore the Betrayal Trauma Religious Leader Training (BTRL), a customized program designed for professionals within religious and faith-based communities. Our interview with Aviva Kohl and Barbara Steffens uncovers the core of BTRL, focusing on the APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (MPTM). Attendees learn to provide response, assessment, and support to those experiencing betrayal trauma, incorporating faith into their approach. The four-day training, supplemented with mentorship groups, equips participants with the skills needed to serve their religious community, emphasizing empathy and understanding, and enabling various religious organizations, non-profits, and clinicians to address betrayal trauma within their specific faith setting. Links: https://www.apsats.org/BetrayalTraumaReligiousLeader http://www.apsats.org http://drjakeporter.com

Dannah gets radically vulnerable in episode #4 of the Happily Even After podcast with Bob and Dannah Gresh. You'll hear a Spirit-empowered story of one couple's disclosure day as you explore Truth #4: forgiveness is a supernatural act that produces freedom. It's one of seven beliefs every marriage needs to experience God's redemption. Buy the Happily Even After Book by Dannah GreshLISTEN:Dannah talks about forgiveness on Revive Our Hearts. WATCH:Ashley Jameson talks to Dr. Barbara Steffens for Pure Desire.Voddie Baucham preaches on forgiveness on Truth Endures.RECOMMENDED INTENSIVES FOR COUPLES & INDIVIDUALS:CrossRoads Counseling of the Rockies (Colorado)River Tree Center (Tennessee) Faithful&True (Minnesota)Alongsides Care (Michigan)Be Free with Jonathan Daughtery (Various Locations)

In this pilot episode of the Happily Even After, Bob and Dannah Gresh explain how they got here—on a podcast for marriages impacted by lust and pornography. They explain the clinical complexities of addiction and how they got the right kind of help. (Dannah might confess to throwing things!) This is your invitation to explore seven beliefs every marriage needs to experience God's redemption. And to begin to live “happily even after” porn, addiction, trauma, and pain.LISTEN:Bob and Dannah share their story for the first time on Revive Our Hearts. (Audio only)Victoria Gutbrod and Dr. Juli Slattery talk about trauma-informed care on Java with Juli.WATCH:Bob and Dannah share their story for the first time on Revive Our Hearts.(Video) Josh McDowell talks to Pure Desire about the effects of pornography.Preston and Jackie Hill Perry talk about pornography on With the Perry's.Ashley Jameson talks to Dr. Barbara Steffens for Pure Desire.Dr. Juli Slattery rethinks sexuality on Focus on the Family.

Healing from sexual betrayal is an incredibly important journey. In order to best help partners heal from the trauma experienced through sexual betrayal, we must understand what the partner needs. On today's episode, we interview the founding president of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS), Dr. Barbara Steffens. Dr. Steffens helps us understand what a partner-sensitive approach looks like (featured in our NEW Betrayal & Beyond resource), how this approach differs from other historical approaches, how the church can better serve betrayed partners, and why healing from betrayal trauma is so important. RESOURCES Full Episode Video (YouTube) APSATS APSATS Training Your Sexually Addicted Spouse (Dr. Steffens' Book) Betrayal & Beyond Preorder (Women's Betrayal Resource) Pure Desire Online Groups

Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency and commitment in their relationships. This often includes participating in a facilitated disclosure and emotional restitution process. Join APSATS trained coach Kathy Reynolds and APSATS founding president, Dr. Barbara Steffens, for this powerful conversation. Links for this episode: http://apsats.org http://drbarbarasteffens.com https://www.daringventures.com/kathy-reynolds/ http://drjakeporter.com

Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency and commitment in their relationships. This often includes participating in a facilitated disclosure and emotional restitution process. Join APSATS trained coach Kathy Reynolds and APSATS founding president, Dr. Barbara Steffens, for this powerful conversation. Links for this episode: http://apsats.org http://drbarbarasteffens.com https://www.daringventures.com/kathy-reynolds/ http://drjakeporter.com

Welcome to another episode of Hope For Wives. With your co-hostesses: Pam Blizzard from RecoveredPeace.com Lyschel Burket from HopeRedefined.org Bonny Burns from StrongWives.com Today, we will be discussing, Trauma Triggers. A trigger is an event that rings an alarm bell that sends our body into fight, flight, or, freeze response. sense of safety to evaporate. You may experience the consequence of a trigger as a flashback, panic attack, intense of emotions, feelings of anxiety and/or grief.  These are common to the betrayal trauma experience. How have triggers shown up for you personally? What are some things we want our listeners to know about causes triggers? What are some practical tools we can offer our listeners to navigate triggers? What hope can we leave our listeners with about triggers. Episode 6: Boundaries for Partners in Marriages with Sex Addiction or Unwanted Problematic Sexual Behavior Episode 8: Self-Care with Practical Ideas to Care for Yourself after Discovery Book: Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal Paperback by Barbara Steffens 15 Simple Tips for Conquering Your Betrayal Trauma Triggers - free tip sheet download A trigger-log so you can track your triggers, times, etc.

On this week's episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with Dr. Barbara Steffens about breaking the stigma and shame that partners often experience when going through betrayal trauma with their spouse's sexual addiction. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Dr. Steffens talks about what trauma truly looks like in a relationship, what steps women can take, and how communities provide understanding for sexual addicts and their partners.  Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not co-addicts but post-traumatic stress victims. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Steffens' book, coaching and more by visiting www.drbarbarasteffens.com. Another resource she highly recommends is www.apsats.org.   Who is Dr. Barbara Steffens? Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, CCPS, CPC specializes in helping women recover from sexual betrayal and is a sought-after speaker and presenter on special issues related to partners of sexual addicts. She was the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, an organization that provides training and certification of Clinical Partner Specialists and Partner Trauma Coaches.  She has counseled and coached betrayed spouses/partners for over twenty years and her research on trauma after betrayal has changed the field. Barbara also consults with other professionals and provides training for those who want to help partners heal. Things We Talk About in this Episode The dangers of the codependency model and calling women co-addicts when they discover their husband has an addiction to sex or pornography. What trauma looks like for spouses that are in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict How to determine if an addict is in a good place after recovering from the original trauma of betrayal and why it can often take a while to figure that out. What to do if your spouse doesn't begin to exhibit those signs of reform or doesn't respect your requests for boundaries and safety. How Dr. Steffens wrote Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and how she began rewriting the way people recognize betrayal trauma. Where do women go next after experiencing betrayal trauma and how can counselors be better informed to treat sex addicts and the trauma their spouses experience.

When we experience betrayal, it seems as though our world has been turned upside down. This type of trauma can leave us feeling paralyzed and alone, unsure of what's happening to us and if healing is even possible. On today's episode, we are honored to have Dr. Barbara Steffens as our guest. She is the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and the founding President of APSATS: The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. Dr. Steffens walks us through what it looks like to find healing from betrayal trauma. 

In this week's episode, we are thrilled to have a special guest with us - our new puppy, Pluto!  He was a great assistant throughout our recording.  We are happy to update you on our dryer as well as Shelley's continued choices to wear clothing from two decades ago.  Moving onto more important things - we talk this week about dealing with intrusive thoughts during the recovery process, in particular for her. Here are some of the things we cover: - Know that this is "normal" and apart of the impact of the trauma.  It's not where we want women to stay long-term but it does serve a purpose short term in helping us move through the grief.   - There are also plenty of times when we need to contain the thoughts in order to be present and revisit the thoughts later.  We give three strategies to help with this containment:  brain stop, prayer and vaulting it.   - Suggesting she just STOP thinking about the past, looking at evidence of the past, etc. - is harmful.  Let this be HER process, not yours.   - It can be important to ask the question - is there a gap in safety somewhere causing her to ruminate / obsess during certain situations (when he is at work, goes to the grocery store, etc.)?  And instead of asking her to stop ruminating - figure out what she needs to feel safer.   We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us!    There are several books we mention during this episode - Your Sexually Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk and the Brain STOP can be found on page 22 of the Rescued workbook. Jason announced the Worthy of Her Trust workshop happening this March in TX.  Applications are live and you can get all the details for that here. There is also a women's retreat happening the beginning of April - details are here. We have several new groups starting in February.  Click here for all the details. Info on the Empowered Boundaries MasterClass for women is here.  Would love for you to consider taking this with me, please add your name to the wait list so that you are the first to know when registration for the next round opens.  (The wait list just serves as a place for those with interest to get the first email.) Would love to connect with you on Instagram - @shelley_martinkus.  We offer 1:1 coaching, couples recovery coaching, support groups, MasterClasses and on-line courses - check out our websites: redemptiveliving.com and rlforwomen.com for the full scoop!  Click here to subscribe to Shelley's {almost} monthly letter + announcements. Click here to subscribe to Jason's list.  Questions for the Podcast? Email us with the subject line: Podcast.

I am fangirling so hard this week because I had the honor of interviewing one of my personal heroes for this one.Dr. Barbara Steffens literally wrote the book on how to work with partners of sex addicts.Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, has dramatically changed the lives of survivors of betrayal trauma, not to mention the professionals who are trained to serve them (like myself)!She has specialized in sex addiction and helping partners of sex addicts for more than two decades.She was one of the founders of APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists), a non-profit organization dedicated to the training, certification, education, research and advocacy for treatment of relational and betrayal trauma.Dr. Steffens is a hero for anyone healing from betrayal trauma.In this episode, we talk about what led her to the front lines of inspiring such massive change in this field.  Like many of us, her journey started with her own betrayal trauma.When seeking guidance, she kept finding professionals and material that emphasized victim blaming and used terminology such as "co-addict" and "co-dependent". Dr. Steffens quickly recognized that there was an enormous opportunity for growth in both the understanding of, and the treatment of, betrayal trauma.She went back to school and earned her PhD so she could lean into this work on a much deeper level, and she ended up helping revolutionize the way that we talk about betrayal trauma, and how we help those going through it.Join us for this thought-provoking and inspirational conversation with the one and only Dr. Barbara Steffens, as she offers us professional support, guidance and understanding of how we look at betrayal trauma today.xoxo, Jenni--------Connect with Dr. SteffensLearn more about Dr. Barbara Steffens and the work she does. Purchase Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal.Learn more about APSATS. Connect with JenniJenni's Facebook community is a private group for women reclaiming their lives after experiencing betrayal trauma.Connect with Jenni on Instagram.

We are thrilled to bring you another weekly edition of the Bare Marriage podcast, with a special guest appearance by friend of the show Andrew Bauman for a short segment today.  Please remember to read the blog post that accompanies this podcast for more context into the topics we discussed.Links to things mentioned:The Blog: http://tolovehonorandvacuum.comThe Great Sex Rescue and 31 Days to Great SexSupport our Patreon for as little as $5 a month! Help fund our peer reviewed research and new social media channels to spread our research.Join our email list!Andrew Bauman's website, his article on the pornographic style of relating, and his book The Psychology of PornYour Sexually Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens--has information about betrayal traumaGary Thomas' article "My spouse can't cure me, but can help me"2 Hour Facebook Live with betrayal trauma experts talking about the problems with the idea that more sex can help his porn addiction

Infidelity can feel as crushing and disorienting as an earthquake. Sexual Betrayal is trauma. To help us navigate the aftershocks of discovery and pain; we’ve invited Dr. Barbara Steffens to the podcast. The Earthquake of Sexual Betrayal.As the founder of the APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, Dr. Steffens points out this is more than relationship counseling. She walks us through sexual betrayal with both the expertise of a trained clinician and the heart of a woman who has been betrayed. The earthquake of infidelity is unexpected. In the midst of your disorientation; we hope you’ll take this unique and deep offering as a first step to understanding your pain in a new way.  And then, use it as a launching point to move you in your next steps to “Becoming Whole.”If you want to read more on this topic, you can at Why You’re Still Angry at Your Recovering Spouse.Highlights:If we don’t understand it as trauma, what had been happening is that the focus goes onto the betrayed partner that says, “What was wrong with you that you would choose someone who would do this to you?”If Christians begin to practice thinking and talking about sex as a form of self-giving love, that’s what sex is designed to be.Once we understand that this is trauma it provides hope because we know how to heal. This is my body given for you - given is the operative wordThe aftershocks are usually finding out more information and the partner will ask questions. What does it lookIf Sex is an act of self-giving love, then tonight we didn’t reach climax but I’m going to love you where you are tonight. I’m going to love you in this space.Homework:Here are some professional options to explore: “Therapeutic Disclosure “ – a process facilitated by a trained professional for your spouse (if willing) to offer a planned, intentional way to disclose the truth.Couples Crisis InterventionGroup TherapyResources:“Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal” by Dr Barbara Steffens, Ph.D., LPCChttps://www.drbarbarasteffens.comOther resources we recommended for Marriage Recovery.Transcription:Full Transcription Available hereOriginal music by Shannon Smith. Audio engineering by Gabriel @ DelMar Sound Recording.Support Becoming Whole

Are you ready to finally find freedom in your choices after betrayal? Dr. Barbara Steffens has specialized in the area of sexual addiction and providing help for the partners of sexual addicts since 1999. Her book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal (Steffens & Means, 2009), co-authored with Marsha Means, MA, is dramatically affecting change in the lives of those who are victims and the professionals who are trained to serve them.  Dr. Steffens has been instrumental in shaping an alternative model for helping partners - one which views the partner as someone who has experienced a life-altering traumatic event and not as a co-addict or “part of the problem.” Speaking at international and national conferences on sexual addiction, and educating her peers on the traumatic effects disclosure of this addiction has on the partner, she is a recognized expert in this field. Dr. Barbara's experiences and what she brings to this field have literally changed my life. In this episode, we dive into relational and betrayal trauma. Relational and betrayal trauma occurs within the context of a relationship where there's an expectation of safety. Both parties agree, and promises are there; however, those expectations become broken. It's like walking around life believing one thing to be true and then finding out someone has been hiding something and deceiving you. Tune in as we talk about sex addiction, recovery, and the freedom of choice after betrayal + trauma. In This Episode: About Dr. Barbara Steffens [ 1:30 ] The definition of relational and betrayal trauma [ 7:55 ] All about sex addiction [ 14:30 ] What sex addiction recovery can look like [ 17:15 ] We talk about choice + consent [ 24:30 ] What creates a healthy relationship [ 29:30 ] The benefits of growing resilience [ 38:10 ] About discovery + disclosure [ 40:25 ] Quotes: “We have to feel safe; we have to feel heard, and we have to feel validated.” “You can change your mind. If you choose one thing today, you can choose something different tomorrow.” “A healthy relationship is where there's a oneness.” “The choice of resilience and growth is the choice for life.” “If your life decision is not to grow, then you're really going to miss out on an awful lot.” “I think it's really hard to build a relationship after betrayal without a foundation of honesty.” Links Mentioned:  Sara’s Facebook Live Boldly Walk Through This Join My Retreats Visit Dr. Barbara’s Website Read the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse

Program originally aired: February 4, 2020 When a wife has faced the painful trauma of sexual betrayal, what can her husband do to help her heal? In this episode, Barbara Steffens helps us navigate this delicate question. She has many years of experience in helping wives heal, and this experience offers lots of wisdom for husbands who want to change. May this program offer you hope and insight for taking positive next steps toward healing. For resources to help wives heal, visit WivesCare.Bebroken.com ( http://WivesCare.Bebroken.com ). Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/pure-sex-radio/donations

Why is having a partner addicted to porn so traumatic? How does trauma affect the body? Why is getting to the truth so important? Is your behavior controlling or are you just seeking safety? What can you do if your partner won't tell you the whole truth, or if they refuse to get into recovery? What can you do if you get triggered when you are with your partner? And why is it so important to deal with present betrayal trauma first before diving into past trauma work.

Carol the Coach will be interviewing Judee Alvarado and Julie StOnge, about the faith conference that represents a collaboration of organizations coming together to support women who have experienced betrayal and abuse in their intimate relationships. Partners, counselors, coaches, and those in ministry are encouraged to come. All are APSATS trained in the The Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model.  One of the main issues addressed will be the deconstruction and reconstruction of faith. Faith can be broken down due to incorrect clergy advice and handlings, unanswered prayers, the acting out partner unwilling to enter sobriety and recovery, an incorrect victim theology, and years lost with a person mishandling emotions and staying in addiction. Barbara Steffens, Laurie Hall, Catherine Etherington, Lyschel Burket, Kristin Carey and Karen Rellos will address how faith can be rebuilt and we can find our true selves again. There will be a powerful time of reflection, prayer, and connection led by Barbara Steffens at the end.

Carol the Coach will be interviewing Judee Alvarado and Julie StOnge, about the faith conference that represents a collaboration of organizations coming together to support women who have experienced betrayal and abuse in their intimate relationships. Partners, counselors, coaches, and those in ministry are encouraged to come. All are APSATS trained in the The Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model.  One of the main issues addressed will be the deconstruction and reconstruction of faith. Faith can be broken down due to incorrect clergy advice and handlings, unanswered prayers, the acting out partner unwilling to enter sobriety and recovery, an incorrect victim theology, and years lost with a person mishandling emotions and staying in addiction. Barbara Steffens, Laurie Hall, Catherine Etherington, Lyschel Burket, Kristin Carey and Karen Rellos will address how faith can be rebuilt and we can find our true selves again. There will be a powerful time of reflection, prayer, and connection led by Barbara Steffens at the end.

Michelle Mays is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Relational Recovery with offices both in Leesburg, VA, and Washington, DC., where she and her team deliver treatment to addicts and betrayed partners. Today’s topic covers how couples can overcome betrayal after infidelity and why it’s perfectly normal to have an attachment ambivalence pattern towards the person who has hurt you. Michelle dives in on some of the challenges couples face as they build the trust back up again and underlines why the hurt partner needs a support group to help them through this chaotic time in their life.    TAKEAWAYS: [3:35] If a partner cheats on you, how do you define love after that?  [8:00] Dealing with cheating is difficult because it presents itself as a unique type of trauma. You begin to experience an ‘I love you today’ and ‘I hate you tomorrow’ attitude.  [9:35] Our brains give us two contradicting messages at the same time. One is to repair the damage so you can find safety again in your partner and the other is to run away.  [16:55] Things might seem like everything is back on track in therapy, but it takes time for the hurt partner to not be reminded by the pain. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.  [19:15] Love becomes a big question mark after infidelity. It is not a given.  [20:25] If you’re going to cheat, tell your partner first. Do it in real-time, not after the fact.  [23:20] Michelle explains the benefits of getting the betrayed partner into a support group.  [29:20] The partner recovering from betrayal is left with a massive hole for which they can get their support. You need a safe base in this chaotic time in your life.    RESOURCES:  The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’? Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101  Seeking Integrity Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men  Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Partner Hope  Center for Relational Recovery  michellemays@relationalrecovery.com Dr. Barbara Steffens   QUOTES: “The person you usually turn to for safety is now the person that has hurt you.” “People who have been cheated on experience attachment ambivalence. The word ambivalence means to feel two opposing things at exactly the same time.” “It starts to feel like when I’m in a safe space, I get hurt. Betrayal really takes the safety out of that.” “Cheat all you want, but ask your partner first. It’s the lying, it’s the disconnection in the relationship. This will kill a relationship.”

Ever heard of codependency?  Today Dr. Barbara Stephes shed some new light on the subject as she explores the topic with Nate and Aaron.  Also, Aaron apologizes to the city of Tustin.  As a more specific aspect of his apology, here are some words from a fellow Pirate Monk on the Subject. And thanks to Josh Manifold for picking some of the tunes the today's broadcast. "On the Nov 8 edition of the PM podcast, you made some pretty strong statements about the beautiful town of Tustin, CA (as it relates to the planned SoCal Winter 2020 mini-retreat). I quote you from the episode: "Tustin is nowhere" "Tustin is in the middle of ugly LA" "Tustin is not cool" I believe you may have Tustin confused with a more sketchy burg here in the greater LA area.  So, as to not scare potential SoCal Pirate Monks away from potentially attending the mini-retreat out here in February 2020, allow me to correct some of your misguided Tustin comments: "Tustin is nowhere"  Located just 11 miles up the 55 Freeway from Newport Beach, CA, neighboring the populous cities of Irvine and Costa Mesa, and situated in the heart of Orange County (population 3.1 million), we'd hardly agree that it's a "nowhere" town.... "Tustin is in the middle of ugly LA" It's in Orange County, not in LA.  There's a difference.  Also see point 1 above, and final point which is: "Tustin is not cool" Besides being 15 mins from Newport Beach, 9 miles from Disneyland, and having countless dining and entertainment options....the city was chosen in 2009 by Forbes as one of the top 25 towns to live well in America.  Would you call that "not cool"?  I think not. Apologies to the good city and people of Tustin indeed are in order!   OK, I apologize!  I do love the areas mentioned that surround the beautiful city of Tustin.  I repent!

Carol the Coach will be interviewing President Barb Steffens as she steps down from APSATS. Barbara Steffens was the recepienct of the Carnes Award in 2018 for poutstanding contributions in the field. She will be talking about the vision that APSATS continues to hold as the premier Partner Sensitive Training Program in the world. APSATS trains clinicans and coaches internationally to provide services to partners who have been impacted by loving/living with someone with sexual addiction. During the interview, we will talk about the history of APSATS, the Multidimentsonal Partner Trauma Model and the advances that have been made in the field as well as the hopes and vision for the future of APSATS.

Carol the Coach will be interviewing President Barb Steffens as she steps down from APSATS. Barbara Steffens was the recepienct of the Carnes Award in 2018 for poutstanding contributions in the field. She will be talking about the vision that APSATS continues to hold as the premier Partner Sensitive Training Program in the world. APSATS trains clinicans and coaches internationally to provide services to partners who have been impacted by loving/living with someone with sexual addiction. During the interview, we will talk about the history of APSATS, the Multidimentsonal Partner Trauma Model and the advances that have been made in the field as well as the hopes and vision for the future of APSATS.

Today, Carol will be interviewing Barbara Steffens, APSATS President, who will be sharing the history of why she started APSATS and how partners of sexual addiction can seek the safety they deserve. Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman discovers that the man she loves has been compulsively visiting adult websites,chatting on line or having multiple affairs must deal with the devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she loved and thought that she knew has lied and deceived her. Where does she go for help? Carol the Coach will be hosting this show to help you find the strength and the resources to get you through this crisis. She is an APSATS trained therapist who understands partner betrayal. She knows that you can get through this and wants APSATS to be your source for healing! Carol and APSATS have made it their mission to provide support as you navigate through the betrayal and as APSATS President Barbara Steffens says, "Find safety in an unsafe situation."

Today, Carol will be interviewing Barbara Steffens, APSATS President, who will be sharing the history of why she started APSATS and how partners of sexual addiction can seek the safety they deserve. Nothing destroys trust like sexual betrayal. Beyond broken vows, a woman discovers that the man she loves has been compulsively visiting adult websites,chatting on line or having multiple affairs must deal with the devastating blows to her self-image and self-worth. She must grapple with the fact that the man she loved and thought that she knew has lied and deceived her. Where does she go for help? Carol the Coach will be hosting this show to help you find the strength and the resources to get you through this crisis. She is an APSATS trained therapist who understands partner betrayal. She knows that you can get through this and wants APSATS to be your source for healing! Carol and APSATS have made it their mission to provide support as you navigate through the betrayal and as APSATS President Barbara Steffens says, "Find safety in an unsafe situation."

Dr. Barbara Steffens joins Rob to talk about betrayal trauma and her many extensive years of work within the field. She looks at addiction and infidelity through both the lens of the addict and the partner and works to normalize all parts of what occurs in the addiction and healing process. She and Rob discuss what betrayal trauma is, why some partners may decide to stay, and how they can eventually begin to possibly trust again.   Dr. Steffens founded and is President of The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, and helps clients and also therapists work with people experiencing profound trauma and betrayal. She is also the author of Your Sexually Addicted Spouse.   TAKEAWAYS: [0:49] Dr. Barbara Steffens has been a specialist in sex addiction and partners of sex addiction since 1999. Her book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse is a lifeline to help partners cope and heal after betrayal trauma. [2:22] Often times people first associate a trauma with abuse, either physical or mental, but there is also a trauma that goes along with a betrayal within a relationship. When there is an expectation of trust, safety, and security that is violated, it can have a profound effect. [10:43] The partner acting out still can have love, attachment and a connection, but the quality of how deep their intimacy can actually be changes over time as they must compartmentalize in order to not feel too much guilt over their behavior. It’s an internal split for the addict, and hard for the partner to understand how the addict can say they love them and yet still betray their trust. [16:15] It is another betrayal when partners are not heard for what has just happened to them, and the addict may even blame some of their behavior on the spouse. [18:12] Dr. Steffens had to first go to the infidelity field to learn about betrayal trauma from the partner’s point of view, as the addict field just focused primarily on the needs of the addict. [19:32] While partners may not be able to trust the way they once did, they can develop an ability to trust the heart, intent and the behaviors they observe along with their own ability to detect lies and deceit. [23:01] Dr. Steffens tells partners that they did not make their partner cheat, and they don’t have the power over how someone else responds. She encourages them to work with their own emotions and speak their truth rather than prescribing a one size fits all protocol. [32:36] Partners sometimes stay with an addict when there is a relapse due to not wanting to ruin the stability and course of what they have built in their life. Dr. Steffens knows every partner has the choice to decide what is right for them, and takes the judgement away from those no matter what they deem tolerable.   RESOURCES Sex and Relationship Healing @RobWeissMSW Sex Addiction 101 Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Dr. Barbara Steffens Your Sexually Addicted Spouse Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists https://twitter.com/APSATSOrg   QUOTES: “The best thing that the field can do is really listen to the partner as an individual.” “Over time that ability to attach and connect when somebody is engaging in other behaviors has to loosen because so much of the attachment and attention goes to the addiction.” “There’s no intimacy when there are secrets.” “Traumatized people look messy because they are - their life has just exploded.” “Addicts can look very slick and together, even when they are not.” “The greatest gift we can give to partners when we are helping them is the ability for them to trust themselves again.” “There is no pain-free way to deal with this situation. It’s just what kind of pain and how true to yourself are you going to be.”

Dr. Barbara Steffens shares how to avoid treatment induced trauma.

Catherine Etherington is an empathetic and articulate mother-of-two from England who has helped hundreds of women come to terms with the news that they have been sleeping with a sex addict. Here's a taste of her wisdom: Nate: Some Christian women are told that their responsibility towards a repentant spouse (or even an unrepentant one) is to forgive and forget. Is that true? Is it even possible? Are there healthier alternatives that produce healing?   Cat: That is such an important issue and one that we in the church don’t really talk about enough. This whole forgiveness thing puts women under a lot of pressure in the midst of their trauma and confusion and in my opinion it creates a lot of unnecessary guilt on their part.   Music Used on this Episode: Discover Sam Levine on Spotify   Resources Recommended on this Episode: Find out more about being coached by Cat here. A great organization to contact: APSATS, the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists Your Sexually-Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means Beyond Betrayal: How God is Healing Women (and Couples) from Infidelity by Lisa Taylor Cat's blog on Huffington Post. The Naked Truth Project (UK only) Note: We apologize for the long delay in the posting of this episode.

Peggy* wrote in to ask about sexual addiction and its effects on marriage. She writes, "Verlynda, First, I think your plans for traveling for a year sounds awesome!  What an exciting adventure to undertake.  Your family will be in my prayers that you will only experience slight bumps in the road and have a wonderful family bonding time! I love the podcasts and feel so lucky to have found you.  I think the first one I listened to was something on infidelity.   I'm wondering if you might consider doing a podcast on sexual addiction. While the effects on a marriage are similar to infidelity there's a deeper undercurrent with it.  I knew there was something off in our relationship and questioned if my husband was having an affair,  he always answered "no,"  so I just thought he was a workaholic along with the impact of binge drinking.  Finally, in the depths of his addiction he began receiving texts messages and phone calls that tipped me off.   Sexual addiction has a broad range of activities from porn and beyond.  My husband's issue started with pornographic magazines back in the 70's and escalated to going to bars for lap dances.  It basically followed the invasive changes that sexual addictions has taken in our society and how accepted it has become.  The attitude of" boys will be boys" doesn't help but speaks to the maturity level of some men in the American culture.  He was taken with being desired by other women and became infatuated with several but insists he never loved them only me.  I still deal with the hurt and pain that he could break our marriage vows and the years of deceit and lying.  I really don't feel I was acting co-dependently in this because I was asking if something was wrong and we consulted several marriage counselors over the years.  He admits he wasn't honest with them also.   I have listened to many podcasts and YouTube's on this topic.  I feel that Marsha Means and Barbara Steffens approach to looking at the PTSD or PISD (post infidelity stress disorder) it causes for the spouse has truly helped me.  Plus I accept that this addiction is rooted in an intimacy disorder.  Many "experts" support divorce but I chose not to take that path because of my religious beliefs.  So I was wondering if you might look at the issues of sexual addictions from a perspective of staying in the marriage.  Thanks so much, Peggy* PS  I have to admit I love both of your laughs!  Keep up the great work! Listen to the podcast episode for Caleb's answer! *name changed for confidentiality reasons

Clinicians who work with sexual addiction know that the partner of a sex addicted is deeply wounded and often times goes untreated while the addict works diligently towards recovery. Barbara Steffen PhD is the co author of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, How Partners Can Cope and Heal. This book has been revolutionary in changing how we work with partners and is seen as visionary in its approach. Listen as Barbara talks about the new training that therapists will be given to assist partners in their own recovery from treatment. Sexual Addiction can be managed if you utilize a variety of resources. This radio show teaches you the recovery tasks needed to work through the shame that accompanies this compulsion. Carol the Coach has worked with 1000's of clients who have fought this disorder and learned how to manage it and live fully optimal lives. Listen to her as she shares her wisdom and interviews the experts in her field. Carol Juergensen Sheets is a certified sexual addictions counselor and was trained by Dr. Patrick Carnes who has been instrumental in developing programs and clinical skill sets that promote recovery,

Diesmal mit dem Arschlochbiker von nebenan, Käffchen, Barbara Steffens, Modems, Wilhelmsburg, Klang und mehr Ohne Toby ginge es nicht. Sein Klingelbeutel geht hier herum. Shownotes von @Abkueko, @kaeffchen_heinz und @vale

Program originally aired: February 4, 2020 When a wife has faced the painful trauma of sexual betrayal, what can her husband do to help her heal? In this episode, Barbara Steffens helps us navigate this delicate question. She has many years of experience in helping wives heal, and this experience offers lots of wisdom for husbands who want to change. May this program offer you hope and insight for taking positive next steps toward healing. For resources to help wives heal, visit WivesCare.Bebroken.com ( http://WivesCare.Bebroken.com ). Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/pure-sex-radio/donations

When a wife has faced the painful trauma of sexual betrayal, what can her husband do to help her heal? In this episode, Barbara Steffens helps us navigate this delicate question. She has many years of experience in helping wives heal, and this experience offers lots of wisdom for husbands who want to change. May this program offer you hope and insight for taking positive next steps toward healing.Learn more about Barbara and her resources at DrBarbaraSteffens.com. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/pure-sex-radio/donations

When a wife has faced the painful trauma of sexual betrayal, what can her husband do to help her heal? In this episode, Barbara Steffens helps us navigate this delicate question. She has many years of experience in helping wives heal, and this experience offers lots of wisdom for husbands who want to change. May this program offer you hope and insight for taking positive next steps toward healing.Learn more about Barbara and her resources at DrBarbaraSteffens.com. Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/pure-sex-radio/donations